Sex With Emily - Make Room for a Sex Room

Episode Date: August 9, 2024

If you build a sex room, they will come. That’s the idea behind the Netflix show “How to Build a Sex Room,” and on today’s episode I’ve got designer Melanie Rose here with me to discuss her real-life erotic renovations. From a rock n’ roll dungeon to a high-end sex spa, Melanie has all kinds of decor ideas you can steal: spanking benches, wall-mounted handcuffs, soundproofing wall art. All of these are client-approved sex innovations, but the show has a touching side too. You get to see all kinds of clients, from suburbanites to polycules, parents to long-distance couples, discuss their fantasies and sexual desires – some of them for the very first time. And you know I’m all about that. In this episode, you’ll learn: Insights into how Melanie Rose creates sex rooms that are both functional and sensual Practical advice on managing bodily fluids during sex How designing a personalized sex room can empower individuals and couples to explore their sexuality more freely Show Notes: More Melanie Rose: Netflix show | Instagram | Website | Pinterest Yes! No! Maybe? Guide SHOP WITH EMILY! (free shipping on orders over $99) The only sex book you’ll ever need: Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure Want more? Sex With Emily: Home Let’s get social: Instagram | X | Facebook | TikTok  Let’s text: Sign Up Here Want me to slide into your inbox? Sign Up Here for sex tips on the regular. See the full show notes at sexwithemily.com.

I thought was just what was really wonderful. I didn't work so hard until I was doing some pickups. When I went to meet Hannah and Wesley again, Wesley had lost 30 pounds because of the room that I designed for them, because it brought them so much closer together. And he was like, okay, I need to get into some shape here. And he looked fabulous.

To me, that was really beautiful. And I'm used to getting people saying, thank you for changing my life and so forth. But I just thought, Wesley, bless him, he'd lost 30 pounds because the room did that for him. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex.

If you build a sex room, they will come. Well, that's the idea behind the Netflix show, how to build a sex room. And on today's episode, I've got designer Melanie Rose here with me to discuss her real life erotic renovations. From a rock and roll dungeon to a high end sex spa, Melanie has all kinds of decor ideas you could steal, like spanking benches, wall-mounted handcuffs,

soundproofing wall art. All of these are client approved sex innovations. But the show has a touching side too. You get to see all kinds of clients from suburbanites to polyamorous couples, parents to long distance relationships. They discuss their fantasies and sexual desires, some of them for the very first time. And you know I'm all about that. Please rate and

review Sex with Emily wherever you listen to the show. Just do it right now. It takes you two seconds and it really helps get the show out to more people and more sex positive people like you. You want to have better sex. You can also find me on all social media at Sex with Emily. If you're there, I'm there. My new article, Everything You Need to Know About Your Stress and Sex Type is up at SexWithEmily.com. Also don't forget to sign up for my emails. You can find the link in the show notes. Alright everyone, enjoy this episode. By now, you've probably heard my magic wand story. It's a brand that's been part of my personal

journey for more than 20 years. But no matter how many times I sing Magic One's praises, I'll never be able to fully capture the story of this incredible brand. Well, now, journalist and author Kate Sloan just completed a limited audio series documenting the history and impact that Magic One has created over the last 56 years. It's called Making Magic. And the series chronicles Magic One's incredible brand story through interviews with nearly 40 experts, performers, business owners, educators, and fans.

So I got a sneak preview of the series, and what I loved is that Kate weaves together snippets from all their interviews into this amazing story arc. She covers Magic One's journey from a client store massager to its legendary influence on culture and sexual independence and it's all just fascinating. The first episodes of Making Magic are available now at makingmagicseries.com or on all popular podcast platforms. Just search for Making Magic or visit makingmagicseries.com today.

Melanie Rose is the host, designer, and consulting producer of the reality show How to Build a Sex Room, available now on Netflix. A London-based actress for over a decade, she now lives in Los Angeles where she specializes in creating sacred spaces, rooms, suites, and areas dedicated to the sensual and erotic. Learn more at MelanieRuthRose.com. It's such an important show you're doing because I think that it makes sex fun, right? You help people figure out how to be intentional about their sex life, which is such an important mission. Yeah. I mean, it's incredible how it's sort of like grown and is growing. And I think really it's really putting across that point

of sex positivity. It's creating that conversation. That's what we really wanted from the show, how to build a sex room. I wanna know that moment when you had a couple that was like, hey, like we wanna do the living room, the dining room, and we wanna build a sex room. It was interesting.

It was, I was actually with some clients that I'd been with for like four or five years, you know, once a client and you as a designer have hit off, then you tend to sort of like stay connected for a very long time. And of course there's that area of trust that you have with each other and openness. Straight enough, I actually happened to be in the bedroom at the time, just because we were talking about putting on doors to stop children from coming in. And they actually said to me, have you ever designed a sex room?

I was like, no. And they said, well, would you? And I was like, you know what? I'm not gonna say yes straight away because I needed to go and do some research. I mean, I'm not gonna go, yeah, absolutely. So I did, I went off and just did lots and lots and lots of research and I thought, why not?

I'm wondering where you go research a sex room. Do you just, cause there hasn't, is it common? I mean, I think of dungeons. That's what most people think of. What did that first sex room look like? Actually I was really pleased with it. I unfortunately I've signed NDAs with all of my clients just because of the nature and the misnomer of people

like, oh, they have a sex room. There are people that still to this day, a little bit judgmental about that. And there's that area of shame. So to protect everybody, we did NDAs and things like that. But it was really, really thrilling. It was exciting. And I can't tell you how excited I was

when how to build a sex room, the show was coming to reality, because I was like, now I can't tell you how excited I was when How to Build a Sex Room, the show was, you know, coming to reality because I was like, now I can show people that having a sex room doesn't mean that it has to be dirty or disgusting. It can actually be a thing of luxury and beauty. That's what you do so well. Well, let's talk more about that. So when people think of sex room, they think, I don't know, maybe they think of 50 Shades of Grey, they think of a dungeon, you know, with like whips and chains, or they think of, I don't know what they think, I don't know, maybe they think of 50 shades of gray, they think of a dungeon, you know, with like whips and chains, or they think of, I don't know what they think, they probably have a lot of different thoughts, but it's not the beauty that you are able to create for these people.

Walk us through the process of when you meet someone, people haven't seen your Netflix show right now, like what does that look like designing the sex room? Oh, so when I first meet my clients, obviously, I like to put them at ease because I'm just about to ask them some really, really intimate questions. And those intimate questions are going to be evolved around sex. I really need that level of trust. I feel that I'm very open about it. So I'm hoping just being able to talk about it so openly and so matter of factly, people will think, oh, okay, this woman isn't here to judge. No, I'm not, I'm there to help them. I don't profess to be a sex therapist,

a sex psychologist or anything like that. I am a sex designer, but I need to ask sort of like intimate questions so I can get, the clients can reveal to me their sort of like innermost desires and their fantasies of what they want out of the room. And then you sort of like go to the design aspect. You know, what colors would you like?

What do you want this to be? Do you want it to be a fantasy room? Do you want to experience more of that alternative lifestyle? You know, sort of like in that King Kong BDSM community. So those are all the questions I'm asking, which is why on the show you see me with my Mary Poppins bag of toys. Well, you have such a wonderful approach and you really do put people at ease

and they feel comfortable talking to you, which is so important. It's such a delicate matter, talking to people about sex because our professions are very closely aligned here because I'm trying to get people to just talk about their sex. Like just, can you talk about it? Can you talk about what you're into and your fantasies and your desires? Once people get to you, they've already said they want a sex room, so they're kind of more primed, but you do a wonderful job with it. Thank you.

And I'm hoping that through this show, that people watching it, they can actually promote that conversation between partners of like, it's okay to talk about sex. It's not taboo, shouldn't be stigmatized. It is okay to sit with your partner and say, you know what, would you like to try something like that? And be a little bit more open.

It's true, we just have to normalize it. That's what I love about the approach to your show is I really do think that it normalizes it by watching it. It breaks down the stigma of sex rooms, but then it also just sees couples saying like, yeah, I might be into some spanking and I might be into some, you know, a little bit more romance. And that's what I actually loved as well

is that you see that it's for some couples, which I think is so relatable. They just want a space that's just for them because they've got kids and they've got other things going on and they're like, we just want this to be even for romance or for, you know, just kind of a signal that this is where the sex is gonna happen

because it's so, you know, hard for many of us to prioritize our sex lives. And so by having a designated space for it, right? Yeah, absolutely. There was certainly like, you know, a couple of the clients I was working with on the show, they had children and they, you know, the thing is you need to prioritize

and put time aside for your intimacies. That's the key. That's the point here. That's the key point. Exactly. People have been together for so long and they never once talk about sex. They just assume it's always going to be the same and it's not. We have to set aside a space or a sex dream if we can. What have you learned by doing this about people's sex lives? Has there been anything that's like a common pattern or things that kind of surprise you? Yeah, they just don't talk about sex.

I think that's the most common thread here. I think it's, you know, why not? You should be open with your partner. And, you know, also, you know, sex and our sex lives and our intimacy level changes as we get older and changes throughout our relationship. You know, when you're first sort of like, you know, that honeymoon period of dating, it's making sure you look very nice for your partner and stuff like that.

You know, when you get to later on in life, it's like, you know, this is who I am. This is my body. And I'm just going to enjoy that. But I think it really is that common thread of being able to talk about sex openly and talking about what your desires are and what you want to happen between the sheets. Exactly. Get intentional with it. It was interesting on the show because you even had couples there who they've gotten to that they're on a show, like they know they're going to build a sex stream, but even they were uncomfortable too saying, well, what do I actually want?

They're like, well, I haven't really thought about that. Cause a lot of us just don't, we know I want more sex, but I don't know what kind. And you did have a lot of couples on there, like the polyamorous couple who were like, we're into golden showers, I'm into being a voyeur, I wanna be tied up, they just sit there. But is there anything that you found like across the board

that there's anything that all couples are sort of into or any common fantasies that come up? Interesting. Sometimes people don't want to talk about their fantasies because they think that their partner is going to perhaps judge them. The way I've dealt with that just purely through design is to, if they're uncomfortable, even if I'm, you know, sitting in the middle of them and sort of like being acting as a communicator or the, not the arbitrator, but the therapist of sorts, is I will have them go away with a pen and a piece of paper and actually write down what they would like

their other halves to do. And then I will read those and then I can read them out. That way they're not feeling that they're being judged because I'm conducting that conversation for them. We talk about the Mary Poppins bag of tricks. Can you maybe walk me through it? It could even just be a made up example, because I know there's like NDAs, but like let's say a couple comes in and they're like, okay, well I want to be more dominator. I'm a little bit into BDSM.

How do you know what to get? Like what to buy for that? I mean, there's so much, cause I know there's so much out there. I think the choice is overwhelming for starters, for sure. Like per se, the family, they have been in BDS starters for sure. Like per se the family, they have been in BDSM for decades. They know what they want. They had endless toys. One of the toys they hadn't got was a Sibian. They didn't have a bondage chair and things like that and also the bondage table where I had the cage underneath. So that was a great thrill for them. There are a lot of choices out there. And I think again, it goes back to that

conversation. What would you like to try? How far do we push this? But I think what a lot of people don't understand is that even if you've been in bed with your partner and they grab your hair or they just tap you on the butt, that's under that umbrella of BDSM. But a lot of people don't think that. And it's like, yeah, and BDSM don't knock it and don't, you know, we all have some point in our lives during our sex experience BDSM, we just haven't talked about it. Because it's such a misnomer. It's like, well, I don't want to go there. Because they think of pain, torture and things like that. And yes, there is a side of that that is for the more adventurous, but there is also a side where it's about communication and, you know, choosing the

right toys and experimenting, exploring each other's bodies. There's so much shame around it. There's so much confusion even around kink or BDSM. But I guess what we're saying is it's just in all sexual relationship, there's going to be someone who's dominant and someone submissive, even if someone's initiating the sex. So it really doesn't mean you need like this whips and paddles and restraints, right? It could just be like a light spanking or a flogging or not even, you don't even need a flogger,

it could be your hands. So I love that you make all of this accessible. It's just, it's so beautiful. So I've been doing this for almost this show, working in this industry for almost two decades. I have quite a collection of toys. I made it to the point where I've had to have people come in to help me organize, but I don't have a separate room yet.

But I am moving soon. That's always been my goal. I would make a joke out of it. But I actually do need a creative space for my civian. It's actually was in my boyfriend's trunk this weekend because we had to use it together. This is why it's so funny. We hadn't used it because it's been in my garage and neither one of us have a space. So then it was in his trunk.

What could everyday people like myself, although eventually you will do my sex room, what could we like, we can't build a sex room. We can't all hire Melanie Rose. But what should we have? Because I always say to people, listen, don't have a TV in your bedroom. I think the bedroom should be for sleeping and should be for sex. So what are the things that we're doing wrong? And what could we do right? Like, is there just too much of the lightings off or the bad sheets? Or like, what are some things that we could bring into our bedrooms to make it a little bit sexier

and a little more intentional? I think the first step with any bedroom is, you know, look at buying some really nice linens. They don't have to be satin. They can be beautiful Egyptian cotton that they're soft. And also try sleeping naked. There's a thought. It's a different feeling, a caress of the sheets against your body. And it's also terribly arousing. So you can start with that. And if you want to take things just that little step forward, maybe use some under bed restraints, put them under the mattress, and they're there. They're not necessarily visible to the naked eye, but you know that they're there. That in your own mind is also arousing. You can have a box of toys. You could have a trunk of toys. You could have a trunk at the end of your bed that you know,

or an ottoman. You know that there are toys in there for you to play with, but nobody else does. That's that mentality of, oh God, I know there's sex toys in this room. Layer your bed with some great throw pillows and some beautiful throws. Get some candles out there. I don't tend to use real candles, but because there's so much variety out there with candles that are remote controlled. So change out your lighting as well. That's a great idea.

I never thought to do that in the bedroom. Lighting is a huge factor. So people probably have like the overhead lights in the room. Like that's not sexy at all. I always like candles, but those are kind of a pain, right? So then if you have the electric lights, okay, this is a good idea. I'm gonna do this.

Yeah, I always say that if you've got overhead lighting, you know, try and put it on a dimmer or make sure you've got, you know, some dimmers. That always, you know, bringing, just pulling that down bright light into that soft mellow sort of like yellow color is romantic in itself. And yes, layer with lots of different candles, lots of heights, change out the heights of them. And then I always like to bring on the outdoors, the outside into the rooms as well. Some people aren't green fingered, you know, don't have green thumbs, I do. But

then there's a variety of wonderful faux plants that you could bring into your bedroom as well. And then change the view of that. It doesn't have to be a sterile bedroom. Make it comfortable, make it sensual for those intimate moments. Like texture too, all the different texture pillows and everything. Any colors that you lean towards for these sex rooms or is it really just a personal? I think it's really a personal choice. I mean, if you think about, you know, a lot of people think red is, you know, red can be very sexy, but I always think that, you know,

I like more neutralized colors, unless a client directs me to what colors they actually like. But, you know, I like neutral colors and just with that pop of red, more neutralized colors, unless a client directs me to what colors they actually like. But I like neutral colors. And just with that pop of red, that makes it sensual as well. God, they were all sexy. I went through them and I'm like,

I wish I would I like, I'm leaning towards all of them. It was so wonderful too, to watch the couples through this intentionality of saying, okay, we want a sex room, but then knowing that it's a collaboration, right? When couples come together and they're deciding what they want and then building a room,

I feel like, cause my mission is to always get people to continue to have sex and talk about it as it changes over time. I love that, you know? And when I know personally, like I said, when my room's a mess or not feeling sexy, it's hard to like wanna, you know, do anything. So we gotta clear out the laundry and all the things.

So I have a question going back to this. Where do you store the chargers? How do you store chargers elegantly? This is a personal question. That's interesting. How many chargers do you want to store? Oh gosh. Now, do you want to store them now? Hang on a second here. For instance, okay, you've got, yes. Let me just go back to you a second with the amount of toys that you have. All right, too many. Go back to what I did with the family room. They had lots of toys to play with. So I used their closet and put slap wall in there. And then from using the slap wall,

I then had everything compartmentalized and through clear plastic. So you could have an area there with a shelf and you can have an electrical in there where you could have all your charges in one place on one shelf. Ready to go whenever you want that. Cause that's, that is so good.

Okay. That's right. That's right. I did see that because it's like, you want them all in the ready and it's hard to, and I've spent so many hours. This is why it's so funny. Like I've spent way too much. I could geek out on this. I have all my, like,

where do all the butt plugs go in one place? And then you want the like G-spot toys and then the clitoral toys, right? So how do plugs go in one place? And then you want the like G-spot toys and then the clitoral toys, right? So how do you have them all accessible? And then you want everything clean. Yeah, absolutely. With every room that I did, I made sure that everybody had specialized toy cleaners

and that they were educated in that as well. And they were also educated in consent. But yeah, for the family, I love doing that. I'm such a, I love organizing. And just to be able to organize sex toys, I was in my element. I was like, just leave me alone for at least two hours while I take care of this.

So I had that all put in there and it was really, really easy to add to more of their toys that they wanted to, but it was all really well organized, which means that it's all kept very clean. Right, exactly. And I think that's also a deterrent for many people. They're like, well, I have the toy, but it's not charged and the lube is in the other room, but just to be intentional, it's all kept very clean. Right, exactly. And I think that's also a deterrent for many people. They're like, well, I have the toy, but it's not charged and the lube's in another room, but just to be intentional.

It's like anything. It's like before you go for a workout, right? People say like, well, I never can get to the gym and there's that tip to lay out your clothes the night before. So it's a lot easier to get to the gym. It's kind of like you do that. That's what I feel like this show does

and what your work does. It takes away all the excuses people have for not connecting because they don't even realize maybe that their environment is sort of a deterrent, right? Like it's laundry, it doesn't feel comfortable, the sheets aren't clean, but this is like when you have the environment and you make it easier, you know, you're going to want to get it on. It's one of those things. Make your bed in the morning, you know, how long does it take? It doesn't take that long, but make it so that it looks when you go in there, you're like, oh my god, this is sexy, this is sensual. It's interesting. As I was brought up, I was always taught to air my bed before I actually made it. So you're

airing it for smells and also for freshness, have your windows and doors open. And I was also brought up to have your clothes prepared the following evening, what you would wear the next day. That's how I was brought up. That makes a lot of sense. And that's why you're maybe, maybe you're also very, you're so organized, right? Have you always been that way?

I always feel like people are born organized or they're not. Yeah, I'm born organized. Absolutely. You know, I'm blessed with having my own craft room because I'm an artist as well. And everything has to be in a correct thing, which is why when the family were like, oh, we have all these toys and Lester's like, normally I have them organized with butt plunks

and this and this and so forth. And I was like, slap all here we come. Yeah. Why not? I love the slap. That was it. I'd never seen that before with the hooks. Right? Yeah. So everything slots in and then you can have all the various baskets in there or you can have them, you know, clear plastic in there so you can see what's in there. So then you have all your lubricants and then you have all your toy cleaners and everything's ready. Have all the electrical you need. Like I said, you can have yourself, have your electrical chargers up there.

Everything there is ready to go when you need it. After a word from our sponsors, Melanie shares some success stories from her work building sex rates. Has there ever been anything that people want, like anything really adventurous? Like what's the most adventurous apparatus that you've ever installed? They're like, huh, this is going to take three men to do or three people to help me put this up or anything that you were like huh challenged yeah i mean bondage beds are really interesting because they're made of solid steel and they're

made to withstand that always takes quite a few people to actually put into a room if it's required and then if you've got the cage underneath and things like that. So once you've got that all put together, then it's a matter of dressing it. But yeah, these items are quite heavy as well. So let's get into like the don'ts. Like is there any, we talked about we should have lighting

and texture, but is there anything that is just a no-no, like don't have this in your bedroom or you would just clear that out, it just doesn't work. Anything that you saw? I think you should leave yourself to every opportunity and open to every opportunity. If you're wanting to turn your bedroom into some sort of intimacy moment, then do make sure you have your sex toys to hand. Make sure you have your lubricant there, whatever you choose.

Choose your lubricant according to your, also know, also to your toys, because not all lubricants work with different, well, with toys, adult toys. And just have fun with it. But, you know, make it like a sanctuary. This should be your sort of like sexual sanctuary, you know? It really should be. Like if no other place in your life is like a sanctuary, you know, I think your bedroom, absolutely.

We spend so much time in there. It's just, It's so important. And what I love too is that the show really demonstrated through all the couples that there's so many different sizes and shapes of kink and play and sex. And that was just such a beautiful variety and inspiration from watching this. Like, oh, I think people could see themselves.

They could find someone that they relate to, a couple they relate to in the show. I thought was just what was really wonderful. I didn't work south until I was doing some pickups. When I went to meet Hannah and Wesley again, Wesley had lost 30 pounds because of the room that I designed for them, because it brought them so much closer together.

And he was like, okay, I need to get into some shape here. And he looked fabulous. To me, that was really beautiful. And I'm used to getting people saying, thank you for changing my life and so forth. But I just thought, Wesley, bless him. He'd lost 30 pounds because the room did that for him. Well, that's beautiful.

I mean, I was gonna ask you that too. Like you must see amazing, first of all, just the physical transformations are unbelievable. Like, everyone's gotta check out the show. Like you see like basements in your legs, these back rooms with like wires and things. You're like, that's gonna be, I don't want to even walk in there.

I'm gonna wanna have sex in there. And then you do these beautiful transformations that are so ornate. Like I froze a screen. I was like, oh my God, called my boyfriend. I'm like, which one should we do? And so I think that's amazing. I was gonna ask you, do you have any,

and that's an incredible story about him losing weight, but you must have stories from couples too, who just said that it really took their sex life to another place. To the next level, yes. And you know, and as Shanika and Matt, you know, she was like, you are my angel. You have saved our marriage.

And for me, that is just like, oh, that's huge. I've changed their marriage. But that's what I want to do is I want couples to reconnect and we deepen their relationship that they already have. So that somehow, you know, it was there and they still think it's there, but it needs to go deeper than that.

And by doing these rooms, I just love watching their reactions and their faces. And I love all of that. That is the best part. You must hear about people. Yeah, I'm sure you have a lot of those success stories and you must have so many people lining up right now to get sex rooms.

It's such a, like everyone called me when this show came, have you seen this show? Like literally 20 people. I was like, of me when this show came out, like, have you seen this show? Like literally 20 people. I was like, of course, this is like a dream. And I think that we don't put any intentionality around even just having sex or talking about it. So this is like the another layer of it that people can start thinking, oh, I can actually have a space for it.

People think like they got to go on vacation to get that. I think there was one of the clients were saying they wanted to kind of mimic the vacation element. And maybe it was a couple who said they wanted like a spa-like feel. So just so people know, listening to this, it's really not that crazy red room dungeon that you think like it could just be, we want a beautiful space that looks like a spa or looks like a romantic getaway. Yeah.

I think you're absolutely right. Again, it was Raj and Ryan. You know, they only seem to have sex when they were going on vacation. So my natural instinct was, okay, why don't I take them back to where they got married and that when they had that great spark and they had time for each other and make that room into a honeymoon suite. So immensely, they're like, okay, this is the honeymoon suite. This is where we go make love and so forth. And, you. And dividing that area into zones was helpful because I was able to meet Raj's logical requirements

of not being a man cave, but being an area where it's a little bit more masculine for him. He had his sofa, he had his cushions that had leather on them. And he had the big screen television. So it's sort of like, melding all those things together for them.

And then again, Megan and Dave did not want, Megan was adamant about, don't want this to have, paddles, whips and chains hanging. No, that's fine. I'll make it into a spa retreat. And then we took that spa retreat outside with a hot tub. That's kind of what I'm going towards.

Little spa retreat, but then the toys are still all in there, somewhere easy to access. I love that you make it so accessible for everybody. There's also a quote you said, you love butt plugs too. So do you love them shocking people with them? Or you actually like, like, what's the hit? There's so many different kinds right now, right? Oh, yeah, there are some, you know, I'm a great advocate

and I love glass butt plugs. And I also love glass dildos for the same reason of each other is that you can have, you know, can play with them at temperature, you can warm them up, or you can have them chilling cold. And that again is a different sensation for the nerves in those erogenous zones. So and also, I think they're just a piece of beautiful art. I mean, they're incredibly, I mean, they are excuse the expression, hand blown. So they are beautiful in their own right.

Yeah, you showed some of them on the show, the ones with the stones in the middle, they are beautiful. So tell me more about your bag of tricks that you bring around, because I like, what is the, I love that you'd sit with a couple, you're like, well, how does this feel to you? Or what do you think about that? So what does a bag of tricks have in it?

What does your Melanie's bag of tricks have? Well, really it depends on the clients I'm going to be meeting. I think a flogger is always one out there or even a riding crop. You'll see with Taylor and AJ, I bought out a flogger, which has got that really sort of like a heaviness and that feel to it and the leather tails.

And yet when I went to Hannah and Wesley's, I actually had a writing crop, but then that had a little bit of sparkle on it. You know, that was with Roger and Ryan, sorry. And that had a little bit of rhinestones in it, just because that's who the type of people I think they were. And when you see that, it's a little bit,

oh, there's a little bit of bling in there as well. Okay, I quite like that. It's not your standard, ka-chung, you know, heavy piece of BDSM leather and stuff like that. So it caters to all different types. But plugs I love because they're either going to be a really hard no. Or I think it was Paul Wesley who said, isn't this something I handed them an Enjoy stainless steel one, which is really heavy. And, you know, it it is the large side.

And he was like, this is what they use for downing kangaroos. Bless him. It's like, no, it's not that kind of toy. I love the Enjoy one. I've seen that too. Someone asked me, what's my story? I'm like, no, that's what you like. Someone breaks into the house.

You hit him over the head with the Enjoy. So how do you source around here? You're in LA or you travel around? Like, is there a place that you go, or I mean, I work with a lot of different brands, but just for so long, is there places that you go to find the leathers or are they already made or do you design them from scratch?

Are you picking out the different colors? How does it work? That's an interesting question. We're working on that kind of like that side of other stuff at this moment in time. For the show, I actually sourced most of my materials from the stockroom in Los Angeles. I love the stockroom.

Whereabouts are you based? I'm in West Hollywood. Oh my God, okay. So the stockroom is just fabulous based on me. I love the stockroom. And the reason why I go there is because if I'm dealing with people that are experienced in BDSM or pink, I want their product to last.

Also that they have their own leather selection as well, which they craft. So I love going there. They have that variety and they're really knowledgeable. So even if you were a person that has never been into a sex store before, if you went into somewhere like the stockroom, then you would know that they would be able to help you. The people behind the counter know what they're selling and know what they will be able to select for you. And then I also in, because we shot the show in Denver, Colorado. And so I used boutique stores over there like Vanilla Kink, again, because they know what they're doing and they're very personable.

You don't, you know, they're there to help you, not to just like help you up and down and go, oh, yes, look who's just walked through the door or do they know anything? And then also I used another store called Awakenings. It's a little bit from Adam and Eve, but there are, as you know, there are different toys, different varieties and so many different toys out there to choose from.

Exactly, you showed the suction toys that was originally like the Womanizer. Yeah, you showed all, it was fun. It was like watching something with a bunch of friends in it, but it was my toys. I'm like, oh, there showed the suction toys that was originally like the womanizer. Yeah, you showed all, it was fun. It was like watching something with a bunch of friends in it, but it was my toys. I'm like, oh, there's the womanizer and there's that butt plug by these brands. And you know, all these companies have come up together

sort of, because I think a lot of people still assume the last time they saw a sex toy, maybe 20 years ago, that they were like these, they all look like these big dildos and they're like boxes with, you know, plastic or that has phallates and toys are so beautiful now and they're so well made and there's a lot of women-owned companies are made by women for women so it just it really has evolved and you show the elegance of that. I think what's really strange you know

people think I think they're still on the understanding that okay this is you know the dildo has just it's been out for the last 20 you know couple of few decades or whatever new dildos have been been out for the last 20, you know, a couple of few decades or whatever. No, dildos have been happening since the Roman times. You know, it goes that far back. So this is not a new invention of sex toys. Even a clitoral stimulator or a vibrator was used back in the day when, you know,

doctors used to help women who were quite hysterical and get out of that anxiety level by having an orgasm. Exactly. That's where it came from, right? Right? God, we still need them, but it's not because we have a medical diagnosis. We just need to prioritize our orgasms. Oh, absolutely. Exactly. So, Melody, what about your profession? Like when you tell people what you do, like you're at a dinner party or you're out, like it's still people probably, I feel like have strong reactions. I think they probably do, but you know what do I care? No.

I mean, I normally, I swear quite a lot. Obviously, you know I'm not swearing on this one, this podcast, but you know what? At the end of the day, I don't really care. I'll just talk about it. Okay, so the more they shy away from it, the more I'll advance it in the conversation and keep pushing the matter because I'm like, it's only sex.

You do just a beautiful job of moralizing. It's fine. It is. It's really just sex. Probably something that people are thinking about they want anyway at that moment, but there's just so much like shame, Taboo. I just think you do such a wonderful job of making it less so. Less, you know, just, yeah, you've got to talk about like we're talking about the weather, right? And it's an important part of our lives. It's, you know, we have sex to

have children, but we have sex for, you know, so many other different reasons. And sex doesn't always have to be penetration. Sex can also mean cuddling, those types of, that type of intimacy. And it's just a shame that we have been given these beautiful bodies and lots of erogenous zones. And why shouldn't we experience those, you know, that sensuality and intimacy that, you know, on a heightened level? That's the work, right? There's just so much shame and there's not a lot of conversation around it, which is why I'm so, you know, excited that we're seeing more shows like this that just normalizes it because there's no one else talking about it, right? Very rarely is anyone asking you about your sex life. Are you thinking about how to enhance it

or how to make it more special and more uniquely tailored towards you? I remember once someone said to me, she was a buyer of sex toys, and I said, well, it is so overwhelming right now. How do you, and this is much of what you do, I said, how do you know what to tell people to buy? And they said, well, if you look at a toy,

see which ones speak to you, what colors, what textures. And I had never thought about it that way, that it's just a personal thing that you're using on your body. You have to want to feel, it's like buying a new clothes or a new sweater, like what jacket, what feels good on you. And so I think it's something to think about when you're buying something like that, intimate. And that's what you, I mean, that's what you're helping the couples do.

But you know, I never really thought about the intentionality around it. And adult toy companies have done a really great thing. I mean, that's what you're helping the couples do, but I never really thought about the intentionality around it. Adult toy companies have done a really great thing. As you said, there are different colors and different choices out there. And people do speak to colors, and they also speak to textures. But it's important that I think that going to an adult toy store and feel comfortable, but touch the stuff.

You've got to feel it. I'm a very tactile person. I love to touch and feel everything. That's just who I am. But it's the same with sex toys. You know, you've got to feel them and see what's comfortable for you. Also, it's a consensual thing.

And you know, you've got a partner, an interesting conversation. Somebody said to me the other day, yeah, but you know, if I want, as a woman, if I want to use a vibrator, wouldn't that, you know, put my partner off? Wouldn't they, they think that they're not needed in the bedroom? Bullshit. No, get him involved. That's why there's toys out there for couples play. I know. It still amazes me that people still have that, like they're afraid it's going to replace them. Like the vibrators get actually replaced them. But once they use it, yeah, right? Like,

once they use it, you're like, no, it's collaborative. By the way, I was like, the vibrators feel wonderful on a penis too. It's not just for a vulva. Exactly. I think it's getting over that hump, but it still exists. There's such a stigma. I was like, listen, this is not going to... This toy doesn't replace you. It can't go to the farmer's market. It doesn't cuddle. It's additive. Yeah. I think people don't think outside the box. I think they've got a vibrator, it's got a clitoral stimulator on it, such as something like the rabbit, then you know, the woman just gets off. But no, the guy can actually use under bed restraints

and actually use it on the woman. So there's so many different ways you can do that and explore. And it's a journey of exploration you do together. Exactly. It's all about exploring it. It's play, like sex is play. It's one of those things. Don't take it too serious. Have fun with it.

It's going back to Megan and Dave, we're talking about role playing. And Dave was like, well, I've got to build my character, but he needs a back history. No, for God's sakes, you don't need to go that far back. You're not writing a fucking novel. You know, you just make it light and easy, make it fun. And if it doesn't work, laugh about it. It's okay. I love that you said that.

I remember that line. He's like, well, people are so scared to role play. And role play is, could just be like it for a moment, like ma'am, did you order pizza? And maybe you laugh, but you don't, but then you're immediately transformed into somebody else. And so I love when you illustrated the woman who had the wig. She has the alopecia and she had the wig. Alopecia, yeah, yeah, yeah. Megan.

And Megan, and I just thought, yeah, if you just use a wig, like something like that, that's all you have to do really. Like you don't need to get so technical because you're seeing your partner in another light and another way, it's play. So I thought that was wonderful because she is very, very comfortable knowing that she has alopecia. And I did not know that when we were shooting that scene. So I came out left side for me, left field. But you know what, she took to it like a duck out of water, you know, we changed her wig and she came out, okay, the Avengers need some help here. And it was like, whoa. And that's what it's about.

It's fun. There is a sense of fun about that. Don't take it too seriously. You don't need to be a trained actor to role play. I always say like, who would you want to be? Or use your middle name or what's your alter ego? Like, is there someone that you always wanted to be or an instrument you wanted to play

or a job you wanted to have? Like come in as that person. It's like we make it so difficult, but once you start to, you know, create the right environment and talk about it, like it's all possible. So I have two more questions for you about technical things. So what about soundproofing?

Interesting you brought that up. Soundproofing, you know, sometimes can be a little bit difficult. If you walk into a room which has no artwork on the wall, you'll hear that instant echo. So artwork does help in helping soundproofing. What I did, especially with the family, because we're dealing with a polyamorous family, what I did was I put in some panels that were velvet and I also included those velvet panels in the paneling around the room, not just around the cuddle puddle, which also helped with noise control because they're

particularly noisy. I'll bet they are. I love that bed, that cuddle puddle. That was amazing. The sex, what was that? It was a big... Oh it was huge, it was all custom-made. Yeah, it was nine feet by seven foot six. We could have got 10 people in there and still have plenty of room. I mean, plenty of storage underneath. Yeah, it came in and we had two custom mattresses made. Oh my God, it was beautiful.

It was like, it was breathtaking. Some of the stuff is just breathtaking and hot and inspiring. It does all the things for you. What about like a sex sheet? Like something that I always think about people like, it can be messy. People are always worried about that.

I'm like, well, throw a towel down. I know a few brands make some, but what are some great materials that we should lean towards and for this? It's interesting. I have watched some comments of like, oh, well, you wouldn't have this in a sex room. Yeah, okay.

That's, you know, we're having a far throw there because we want to experience that sensuality. There are sheets out there that can help with bodily fluids. A lot of people, some women are squatters, so you have to be careful about that. But you don't want to put a, nothing's romantic as having a piece of plastic on the bed. I mean, it's not fun, but there are certainly bedsheets out there you can that will help with that. And there are also some throws out there that can actually be water absorbent, and you can actually clean them and put them in the washing machine.

So you do need to think about that. It was one of the reasons, Surya, who lost Bukharki in golden showers, which is why I had to put a drain and a tile floor in that. So you do need to think about that. But I think most of the time, you know, if there is, you know, somebody who squirts a lot, then just think a little bit of extra sheeting down there that can lend itself to a little bit more sensuality rather than a piece of plastic. Yeah, it's important. And whether you squirt or not, like sex, like we just, just a habit,

no one wants to have to wash their duvet every day or their down com. No, exactly. My advice with any type of, you know, fabric or something that is, just say that it's waterproof and can absorb things like that. After a period of time in the washing machine,

you are going to strip that just nature, it's just nature, you are gonna strip that away a little bit. So I'd always keep, alternate if you can, last longer. Okay, this is good. Melanie, thank you so much. This is so helpful. I think it's this beautiful work you're doing and it's important work because I think it's just really

going to help people. I mean, I think people might come to the show because like, oh, fun, people have a sex room, but to really have them be, think about their own sex life. So how they could start to prioritize sex and their own relationships. I just think it's a really unique take. So it's a wonderful show and you're doing beautiful work.

So thank you. Thank you very much indeed. And I do hope that just watching the show, it creates a few ideas for people, but more importantly, it tells people it's okay to talk about sex. Yes, exactly. Okay, Melanie, I wanna ask you the five quickie questions

we ask all of our guests. You can just answer whatever comes to your mind. Ready? Okay. Melanie, what is your biggest turn on? My personal biggest turn on? Yeah. Oh, can I do a pause? I don't know. I can't think of a biggest turn on. Totally. It could be just anything like someone, the way someone smells. A smell is a good one for me. Smell.

Biggest turn off. Nasty smell. Something that's unclean, that doesn't look tidy. It's unclean. Okay, what makes good sex? Being in the mood. Something you would tell your younger self about sex and relationships. Don't be frightened.

Enjoy the journey and explore further. What's the number one thing you wish everyone knew about sex? Oh God, that it's beautiful. It can be a beautiful thing and you know, multiple orgasms are beautiful things and just caressing each other's bodies are beautiful things. So true. Thank you, Melanie. So everyone has to check out how to build a sex room on Netflix and where else can people find you? I actually have, I'm on Instagram and it's really easy. It's just Melanie Ruth Rose. I'm also on Pinterest under Melanie Rose and I have how to build a sex room photos and things like that. And then also my website, which is www.melanieruthrose.com where I'm just beginning each week,

I'm breaking down the episodes of how I designed the rooms from my perspective. That's it for today's episode. Thanks for listening to Sacks with Emily and be sure to like, subscribe and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner. You can find me on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Twitter or X and Facebook. It's all at Sex with Emily. Oh, and I've been told I give really good email.

So sign up on sexwithemily.com and while you're there there check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. And if you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating or relationships, call my hotline 559-TALK-SEX. That's 559-825-5739 or just go to SexWithEmily.com slash Ask Emily. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at SexWithEmily.com.