Sex With Emily - Make Sex Great Again

Episode Date: August 28, 2018

On today’s show, Emily along with Producer Jamie are talking about why sex is important beyond just bringing you pleasure. They discuss why one out of five women say they’re unsatisfied with their sex life, ways to go about inviting a friend to join a threesome, and why no orgasm is inferior to another – just as long as you get there. Plus, the importance of speaking up about likes and dislikes in the bedroom – from sex acts to frequency. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Aneros, DeoDoc, Womanizer, JO Follow Emily on social: Twitter, Instagram, Facebook Follow Jamie: Twitter For full show notes, visit: sexwithemily.com/podcasts Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily, and today's show I'm joined by a producer, Jamie, and we're talking about all things, sex, and relationships, including. Why sex is important in a relationship beyond just bringing you pleasure? Ways to go about inviting a friend to join a threesome and why no orgasm is inferior to another. I'm just happy y'all get there. All this and more, thanks for listening. You've got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got to understand it. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, not only? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here. So, I'm gone. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything

in between. For more information, go to sexwithme.com, check out our awesome website, our blog posts, our videos, all the cool things on our site, and also this month, take our sex survey. It's alternative August after all, and we want to know about your sex lives. You can be anonymous, it's all in the new of of science It'll just take you a few minutes Just go to sexwithendly.com slash august or just click on the alternative august banner I promise when when we read this and when you do this you're gonna feel better about your sex life Because it's gonna inspire you. I believe that's we've heard so far It's also gonna help us make sure we make a show that will continue to help you have better sex and relationships

It's just gonna to be interesting for a fine sake. For a fine sake, that's true. And then everyone follows on all social media. Why should they follow us? I know he said that you're like, I already follow people. Give a good time on social media. We can add a message. It's at sex with Emily.

It's fast and stuff. It's a very, you know, as far as Instagram tells about the shows. It gives you interesting sex facts. It gives you funny things, you know, on Twitter, there's like interesting sex articles and things that are happening in the world of sex and pleasure and relationships. And, you know, it's just, if you're just scrolling through,

it's nice. Like, hey, I'm gonna click on that. I'm a learner. Yeah, I'm gonna learn something today. And also, if you I know what the shrewies put up show notes are the guests that are on the show. And also, I'm going to click on that. I'm a little little something. Yeah, I want to learn something. They and also view I know what the shrews put up show notes are the the guests that are on the show. And also I like your comments on there too. Like if you actually listen to an episode I'd love to

read what you think about it. Exactly. And you can also do that iTunes. Not the comments that are about a specific episode, but we love when you also review us in comment about the show on iTunes. Subscribe to the show. Yes. That's important. Okay, let's get into some sex in the news. One in five women unsatisfied with their sex lives. That's a true. Oh god, you guys. Let's talk about this. So it turns out more than 10% of women with partners have not been intimate in over year and over 30% cheat. Okay, one in five claim their sex lives are boring.

This is a pretty long extensive study here. You know, 32% describe their lives as, okay, but could be better. 18% cause their is boring and unsatisfying. And let me tell you about this boring thing. My run's satisfied. I started this podcast 13 years ago because I was like you, I was the one in five women. I wasn't having satisfying sex.

I didn't know how to have satisfying sex really, and I was kind of bored. And I thought the reason why I got bored in a relationship had to do with my partner, because I was a good time. Comes to find out that I need to learn a lot more about communication and my body, it felt good, and then I made my entire life.

So I'm telling you, I don't get bored anymore in relationships. It's possible that actually that's not so bad to get bored but you want to do something about it. Because it's okay to be bored. So I'm not saying these women should break up with their partner, all these boring women who are bored. You can't get over the hump.

So they just need a little bit more education. So for example, they also report having low libidos that they're not in the mood for sex. And we hear that all the time two from our listeners and And it's because they're not really that into like they're not enjoying sex when we're having great sex We typically want to have more sex. Yeah. Why would you want to do something that's not fun? Right? It's not fun. Right. They're not like oh, I can't wait to have media or sex again. Let's get back at that Let's have some mediocre romping tonight.

I mean, I won't have an orgasm again. We're gonna have the most okayest sex ever. Hey babe, why don't you meet up for some mediocrity? No, okay, so what I'm saying is that here's why you guys, here's what you need to understand about sexual desire and libido. Women, I want you guys to understand this. I want men to understand this.

That women sexual desire is responsive. It is not spontaneous for men, how they work. This is when I always say that women are slow-cookers and men are frying pan. Men, they are spontaneous. They get turned on a lot quicker. They're like, I'm in the mood. I'm in the mood.

And for women, we need to respond to something, maybe a sexy thought. Maybe it's been building up for a while. We keep that pilot lit. And so I just think there's a big misunderstanding. And I think low libido doesn't mean it's a stuck libido. Okay. So more than 10% have insects in over a year.

And I did want to say here that too. So it says, okay. So 32% said, okay, but could be better with 18 saying boring and unsatisfying. To me, okay, but could be better is also not good. And so that's half. If you add those two numbers together, the third of you plus 18 is 50% of women are having sex lives. God.

That's a lot. That's half the women. That is half the women. Right. Well, right. That's half the women. That is half the women. Right, well, right. That's half our women. That's like, there's four of us in the room. Three of us.

We said three of us. I would say, hopefully. I was like, who else? I think glasses, yeah. Yeah, we are not well, but people in this room are not a part of that study. I would like to say that I like my sex life. I think it's hot. Is sex hot every single time I have it? No. Is it hot most of the time? Yes. How about

you Emily? Yeah, same. I mean, I'm telling you ever since I can not, you guys. I'm here to, I've not had amazing sex in the 13 years, definitely, but I don't stick with it. I know I'd improve it. So no, my sex is amazing. And it gets better all the time because I continue to talk about it and work out. We have, I have my sex where I'm not in the mood because I'm like you, I'm not walking around like the queen of sex, I have my sex where I'm not in the mood where it's okay, not amazing, but that's like a one off, it's not my life,

it's not my sexual experience, and I know what to do about it. And I know how to turn that frown of bad sex upside down. 30% only at sex twice a month, 40% gets hot and heavy two to three times a week. So what else? So I mean, I think it's kind of like, because we do get a lot of emails in about,

on both sides, men and women, not having the amount of sex that they would like to have. And some of them have talked to their partners and so they can be excluded from this part. But other people are like, we don't have sex enough. But it's like if you've never talked to your partner about it, how are they knowing that it's not enough for you, you know, or what you're you could be coming up with a compromise, you know? Right. It's not up to you on your own to fix it. So I think that I think we often think like

that we got to kind of just get all the answers on our own or figure out how to spice it up on our own, but it's like dancing. It's like you guys are together, your dance partner. You're on the same team, so you should both kind of work on it together. We should have to go off and like try to figure it out on your own. They talk about it, communicate about your sex life, say that you want to have better sex, more fun sex with them more frequent sex And then when you talk about it you guys it does become it's it gets easier the more you talk about your sex life The easier it becomes talk about it

So not always easy at the beginning But after wow when you talk about with a partner It will get better because you communicated about it and it won't be as hard to communicate and the sex will get better Sex will get better communication gets easier easier, just like everything in life, it takes practice. The other thing is 30% cheat due to the internet opening a world of possibilities. Now, I think that number's always been high that men and women cheat pretty much at the same rate.

And I would disagree that people are cheating more because of the internet. I think that people are getting caught more because the internet and their phones. Yeah, I don't think that all of a sudden they're cheating because the internet's giving them more people. Yeah, there was, if you were a cheater, if you wanted a cheat, there was always someone to cheat with.

You will find a way if you are a cheater. And I do believe with the internet and phones, it's just that you're leaving traces around everywhere. And I'm, okay, I'm not that I'm trying to add, because I'm not an advocate for cheating. And I'm not trying to help you, teachers out here. However, if you are cheating,

you gotta be smart about this. One, don't be on Tinder or one of the apps, mostly unless you have some other kind of, like, you know that none of your significant other's friends are on it. And two, if you're cheating, make the name in your phone a different number. Don't take pictures, delete, like just delete your traces. I'm sorry, I the name in your phone a different number. Don't take pictures.

Delete, like just delete your traces. I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't be helping you out here. I'm just saying that if you're getting caught, it's because you're doing it dumbly. Yeah, well, right. And but here's the thing, I think that even when you think you're deleting the trace of it, things show up, your partner gets your, you guys share the messaging,

like just break up. Just break up if you're cheating Literally, but if you're about to cheat and someone think I really want to this Maybe I could try to one more time go back to my partner and see if I could sort things out and not cheat agree Okay, here's some reasons why sex and relationship is important why it actually matters Doesn't need to be part of every relationship actually matters. It doesn't need to be part of every relationship. However, it is important to remember if you're with someone, your sex life does matter in their relationship. Because we hear from a lot of people who are like, you know what? We've had enough sex. I had a friend who's with her husband for so long and she said to me like 10 years ago, she's like, you know what,

Emily? I don't know. I'm not talking about sex. We've had enough sex. I don't want anymore sex. They have two kids and turn off their divorce now. And she's gone onto another partner and she's having a lot of sex. So I'm saying is if you're in that point where like it doesn't matter, why should we do it? Here's some reasons why sex actually matters and is an important bond in your relationship or even if you're on your own masturbation, it's all important. So it gives you an emotional high. That is real, you guys. The after glow that you feel like after a workout,

you can experience all those feel good hormones that release after masturbation. It increases your ambition, your sense of happiness, testosterone, it perhaps you have with work and doorphins Reduces your stress level. This is all true in fact I talked about this a few months ago. I like realized I had an orgasm for like a week and a half I was traveling and stressed and did it on packing and then I said this I was like sorry late But I literally was home masturbating and I feel so much better like it literally is a release and I notice it because

I'm so in tune with my levels and my hair and orgasm. So if you guys get your hair, it's true. And it's kind of funny because it's kind of like the secret that you have for yourself. Some people who like, no, you really well can be like, you got laid or you did something. Because a lot of times it's like, when I have like a really good sex session the next day, like I'll come into work, I'll see my friends. I'll be like, oh, like, you know, like, you look really good today, or like, you know, you look, you seem really happy today. And I'm like, that's because I am.

Yeah, and tell people that you know, it's funny to say that I met someone I was in New York recently, oh, for the day when I had the layover. And I was walk around and I met this guy. I was a band, we walked in this guy's art studio, he was super cool. And I was like, we have only talking for 10 minutes, he's like, well, I said, why, he said I'm having a great day. I'm like, really? Why? Why? He goes, I actually had sex this morning.

He didn't even know what I did for a living. I'm like, that's awesome. And I thought, if more people talked about having sex, the much more encouraged you be to have sex, right? So as they did a great meal, you're like,, oh yeah, maybe I'll go eat at that place. So they'd a great workout. So I think we should all talk about our amazing sex more often.

Right? Yes. What did you do today? I fucked. I had really good, yeah, I fucked. However you want to say it, sex also helps relieve stress. I'm sure you tried a lot of things, maybe like a rohotharpy, hot bath, massages.

But add sex into the mix. It really does. It releases oxytocin, all those good things, and makes sure a lot less stressed out. And it can also boost your confidence. It really does because I believe that the less often we have sex and the less comfortable we are with our bodies and touching ourselves, we build up all these insecurities in our head. But the more we actually continue to have sex, even if it's not great sex, we continue to have it and work on it. That does boost your confidence overall. It helps with body and tissues, it helps with all kinds of confidence.

And you get a better night's sleep. That is so true too. Sometimes I just think I have to master eight or I have to have sex to, you know, it decreases cortisol, increases oxytocin. And when you decrease cortisol, it helps your sleep because you release a hormone called prolactin. So much about hormones, you guys, that we don't even understand what I'm telling you. They're always there operating fighting the good fight for you.

And they're telling you to orgasm and have sex. There's actually, yeah, this movie on Netflix called Set It Up. Oh, I thought you were going to talk about Big Mouth. Oh, I thought hormones. But no, what's, what is it called? Oh, it's set it up just because about relieving stress. It's about like two different people that have like these crazy, terrible, high-strung bosses, and they get them together.

And when the bosses start dating and having sex, people just calm down and chill out. That's so funny. They're so less stressful, they're nicer. Yeah, I think that's all of that's true. Also, you guys, when you guys probably know this, but I'm gonna remind you that your intimacy extends beyond the bedroom, the more intimacy you have

in the bedroom and the more intimacy you'll have outside the bedroom and research backs us up that sex predicts affection and affection in turn predicts sexual activity. So it's just a really healthy, beneficial feedback loop. If you physical touch, if that's your love and good, if you continue to touch and express love, you're gonna continue to receive more love.

So just keep that love going. If you start in the bedroom, it'll go everywhere. And post sex cuddles. Why are post sex cuddles important? It's nice. They just feel good, you guys. After care, it's important. Get all snugly with your partner.

Blanket. I'm very happy. I know, that makes me. I'm like being in a lane. Blanket. I know. Blanket. I love like being in a little blanket. I know. I love it. That is the best thing.

Okay, guys. So in the case you need a little more incentive to have sex. Yes, because there are people, I just want to say, because I do read the emails that come in. There are people that email and say that their one partner doesn't want to have sex anymore, and that sometimes when the other partner that does want to have sex brings it up, the non-sex having partner is just like, you're just using me for sex. It's not important and it's like the thing is, is that it is important.

If it's not important to either of you, then it's not important. But if it's important to one of you, it needs to be important to both of you. I'm not saying don't do things you don't want to do, but find a way to make a compromise. It's so true, James, because think about it. I love that you said that because if you're in a healthy relationship right now, but everything's wrong, but the sex. And let me tell you another interesting step.

They say when sex isn't a problem in the relationship, it takes up like 10% of your time, your thoughts, but when it's a problem, it can become like 90% of the problem. So when it's a problem, it's a big problem. So if you're in a relationship though, in Texas, become a thing, you're like, ah, we gotta talk about everything else is great. That's actually really good news. That means if you're in a healthy relationship,

that means that you actually know how to communicate about things. And honestly, you guys, I've been thinking a lot about this lately, how to talk to you guys about, how well can I tell you to communicate? If you know how to communicate about anything, maybe you and your partner figured out how to, you can both work at home together

or where to go on your vacation or how you can parent better. And you guys know how to communicate. And it's literally nothing different. Talking about sex, it really isn't that different to same skills, it's the same listening skills. It has more taboo around it, and there's a lot more shame and trauma

and things we bring up, but really it's about listening. It's about compromising, it's about paying attention, it's about trying things and seeing what works and what doesn't, just do it. Do it. Okay, so that's the little section of the news. And now we can answer emails, give a shout out to our sponsors. Thanks everyone for supporting our sponsors. We so appreciate it.

We love our sponsors. We've got a lot of fun new sponsors this month that we so enjoy And I hope you do too and we'll be right back answering your emails All right, everyone we are here to answer your questions Twig's is on the planet. We all want you a better sex right Jamie? You can do care so much We do we love getting your emails and your questions. So, YGGS is on the planet. We all want you to better sex, right, Jamie? You can do. You can do. We care so much. We do.

We love getting your emails and your questions. You can text Ask Emily. If you've been texting more, Jamie, I feel like they just like the emails. But it's fine. Yeah, they like the emails essentially. It's pretty similar. And it depends on how much you want to be texting on your phone or where you're at when you want to ask a question.

Some people actually have been asking questions via Instagram. Yeah, you guys can do that at Sex with Homeland Instagram. Yes, you can do that. I don't love it. Yes, so sometimes we can answer there. Sometimes we will take those and then add them to our email queue. Just because it's kind of hard to type out some of these answers in Instagram. Right. Okay. So, yeah, that's how you do it. You text.

You can go through our website via the Ask Emily tab. Ask your question. As always, no matter how you do it, include your name, your age, where you live, and how you listen to the show, and you can always change your name. You guys, we do not care. Yes. We don't even know. You can even change where you live.

We just want to help you. But age is important. Yes. This is from Stephanie 28. She didn't include her location, but it's cool. Well, you guys will. Dear Emily, I'm kind of embarrassed to ask, but I hope there are others out there like me.

I'm not able to organize them from oral, intercourse, or even playing with myself. However, I'm capable by a different way. I have to be crossing my legs in order to masturbate. It has caused some hardships and past relationships Because my partners would want to please me, but weren't capable of doing so If anything I'd get way over stimulated to where it would just hurt I'm wondering how many are out there like me and is it a respectable way of achieving orgasm? Thank you

Okay, Stephanie. Here's the thing I want to say is that there's no like right way to orgasm It's not like you're orgasming wrong, but it isn't orgasm. There's no perfect way. It's not inferior. Nothing wrong. Many, many paths to orgasm. So you're true though. A lot of women do, have you heard of the same women do kind of press their legs together

to orgasm? It's more of like a, I have that kegopress or they're like pressing their rubbing their legs together. They're rubbing against their pillow and their kid. Is it like a pressure thing? It is a pressure thing because women can do it against their pillows and stuff. But it's also, I think it's a muscle, like crossing your legs is also way to squeeze and rubbing and squeezing. Oh, okay, it got squeezing.

Like your, because for me, a big part of my orgasm, or when I first had them a lot, like, and I used to have them on that thigh, I'm doctor machine in the gym, which is kind of similar what your legs are going out. There's certain muscles, like your kegge muscles, which are responsible orgasm, and you pump those.

So that's what it could be. It's probably a little rubbing and a little closing. So there's two things going on here, though, because you're saying that you have a sense of clitoris. So it sounds like you're very adaptive. You've actually figured out a way to please yourself without even touching yourself. It's because you have a sense of clitoris for many women who are really sensitive, like

they literally cannot have their clitoris as touched. And that's typically here by this through oral. They're like, I just can't take oral. It's too sensitive. They could be multi orgasmic. I used to fight Dr. Drew on this and we were in love line. I was like, that's the weirdest stat I've ever heard. I thought he was like, but it actually is true.

I found him in recent years, in years, not recent years, but over the years, I've heard from a lot of women and it's just kind of a thing, not for every woman, but they can have a lot of orgasms, but it just, they can't be touched. So I feel like trying new positions, I can kind of incorporate the leg crossing. Maybe you could, if you're with a partner, you could sit on the bed and wrap your legs around them. And like, what if you like squeezed your legs tight? It's kind of the same motion or just kind of everything. I'm just wondering if it hurts as I think inserted in you.

To me it seems like she can have intercourse it's just not doing much for her but I do agree. I think trying positions where you can cross your legs is a really good idea. One of my favorite positions is it's a play on missionary I guess because I'm on my back but you put a pill under your butt, and you cross your legs, and he, like, kind of, like, can hold your legs and he, but he, if you're with a man, he's leaning forward. He, like, inserts into you, but your legs are crossed in together. Yes, yes. That's a good one.

Yeah, so I think that that could be something that she can try. So she's, like, leaning onto you, Jay, and your legs are, like, on your, going towards your chest. Yes, but they're crossed. But they're crossed. Yes, I get it. That's a great one. Kind of like leaning onto you, Jamie, and your legs are like on your, going towards your chest. Yes, but they're, but they're, but they're, I got it. That's a great one. Kind of like a yoga pose too. It's a great stretcher.

Yes. It is a good stretcher. You're getting your quad stretched and orgasm. So I would just try to adapt, and this is a great tip for a lot of women who are like, I can only orgasm in a certain position. Bring that into your next relationship,

your next partner that you're with. And I think that two times I go, I go with a new partner and we got to adjust. It's just like, this is how I've just sit and move and this is what worked for me. And it's okay to bring your toys in or use your hands to get acclimated with a new partner. But I think that Stephanie, I'm not worried about you finding partners. It says you've ruined or you've you've had hardships and past relationships. Well, no more going forward. You're going to be honest and be like, I'm figuring out new ways to orgasm. Let's play.

Like, make it fun. Not like we need to talk. I've got this problem where I can only orgasm. No, Stephanie. It's more like, this is how I do it. Let's figure out how we can best find a position that works for me. Or do it in your own. You know, figure it out on your own. But I don't think this is anything to worry about. Yeah, and we've heard, and the thing is, is you are not alone.

Yeah, not at all. You're not alone with this. There are other people out there like you that orgasm in the same way. Right. And also, for me sometimes too, I'm telling you for this and others, I can have multiples. So it's easier for me to sometimes without anything inside me to start, like I'll have one first, and then I can do other positions and then have another one or sometimes, I'm just saying to get turned on and get yourself a rouse of it 70 if you need to stick in that position and have one orgasm

and then I've been a course like you'll figure it out. Exactly. That's it. Jane, you already the next one here? Yes. So this is from Chris, no age or location added but that's fine. Breaking the rules. Breaking the rules and breaking hearts, maybe not hopefully.

Okay. Hi Emily, I just want to say I love your podcasts. I have a question. I'm currently seeing this girl that I'm absolutely crazy about and planned to soon be dating and together. Except there's one minor issue that is seriously holding me back from this progressing into a relationship. Oh, okay.

She's have a very strong odor down below. Even after she showers and comes over and repressives to hook up, it still smells and it's pretty strong it's a very very big turn-off I really don't want it to hold me back from dating her but I can't take it much longer it's a very unattractive coming from a very attractive girl please let me know what your thoughts are hope to hear back okay so this is a great question I don't know if we've gotten this one lately we definitely get a lot over the years there's a few thing that could be going on. Like first just know that you know, I'm not sure how many women you've been with Chris, but it's sometimes the

women's, it can have interesting odors, it can smell muskier, it can you know, just it's not always flowers and rose petals. However, when you do bring it up, you do want to be delicate and there could be, if it's really a strong odor, and she's not, you know, has an aesthetic thing or she might not be aware of it, she could have a very common vaginal infection, like bacterial vaginosis. And that basically just means that the delicate pH balance of the vagina could be off.

And it could be because she's sensitive to new detergent or being with a new partner, it's just common. And so she would just have to take an antibiotic. So what you could say to her is, I just, because if she's showering and she's doing all these things, I would just like to say that you could say, you know, I, I still love being with you, track you, and there's just, I wanna mention there's an odor,

you've been interesting odor, and maybe you should get it checked out. Yeah, he's gotta be very delicate. Very delicate. I understand you guys, this isn't easy, but I mean, I have some other tips here, okay? But when it's a strong, strong odor, it's really strong. It's really, when it's that strong, not just like, that's how it smells.

He's saying strong odor. I do believe that some women have this and you think how could she not know? It's like you can't smell your own house sometimes. You can't smell your own body odor. It's wither. And I'm telling you guys, the thing about BV is that you could have it for months and months and months and not know. Like, the movements are disconnected from the redinos.

They don't masturbate, you're in the shower, you're not sniffing down there, you just don't know. It won't go away. And then you take it antibiotic for a few days, it's gone. And other things they could do are deodoc. I love deodoc. Obsessed. No, okay.

So deodoc, they have a couple things. They. No, it's a diodoc. They have a couple things. They have a daily wash and they also have wipes. It's pH balanced because it's a thing. There's a lot of women don't know. You can't use your regular soaps on your vagina. You can't in your vulva area. You're not supposed to.

It's a delicate ecosystem now, man. And there's a pH balance. So that's why I love this product. First of all, it smells really great. I use it every day. The intimate wash, it's in the shower, and it matches your natural pH balance so it doesn't mess it up or anything. So she can use that if she's using other stuff.

That's true. She might have an infection of me using other soaps that weren't great for her. It could be other soaps. It literally could just be from using like, I mean, hopefully no one's using dial on their vagina, but like, maybe she's using dial. Right. Also, too, they have wipes, so like, maybe she comes over and she uses a wipe right before. And if that takes care of it, then maybe she's just using the wrong soap.

Who knows? I also want to say, it seems like, because some men are kind of pussy's no pun intended when it comes to vaginal odors. That's true too. There might not it might just be a run-on-mill vaginal of how vagina smell. Yeah, so I want to me. It sounds like he's usually down for it, but it seems particularly strong with this woman. However, if this is something that you always notice, Chris, you might need to just get over it. True.

If every woman you've been with has this strong odor, it might be here. But I want to say you're a good guy, though, and that's not what's happening here. Okay. That's good. You are a good guy. I think that he asks, and he really likes her. So, let us know how it goes. It's typically one or the other,

and we can work on this. Get to the bottom of it. Mm-hmm. Okay, this is from Hannah, 26th in Pennsylvania. Jim Lee, I love sex, and I'm one of the few women who can orgasm from penetration. Mm-hmm, I want the clap. Right.

Yay, Hannah. I love a lot of aspects about sex except one, when a guy ejects on my face. This has obviously been portrayed in porn and men mimic that. How can I tell my man that it's not something I enjoy and what is sex your alternative? How do we tell guys to do something different? No. No, just say no.

I mean, I'm kind of like surprised that he just does it without asking. Like typical guys would be like, and I, okay, here's the thing, you I mean, I'm kind of like surprised that he just does it without asking like typical guys would be like and I okay Here's a thing you're 26. I'm assuming that your partner is about the same age you guys grew up on porn You like porn for breakfast like it was there for the time you came out of the womb watching porn or at least for the time you cared about sex Think might not have known that that you should ask about that like it is it's a thing. Yeah, ask you don't just do it So I think just like you could say It is, it's a thing. Yeah, ask, you don't just do it. So I think just like, you could say,

finish up my back, you could tell him that that doesn't turn me on. Like you could let him know straight forward. I don't love when you do that. And the next time you guys are in sex, say, you could say to him, it'd be so hot if you bird you want him to come. Come on my stomach, come on my back, come my chest.

Like wherever you become, it'll just offer an alternative. It'd be so hot if you blink Yeah, and I mean I'm just but I'm sorry like I know you got it Jamie's like how did he not ask right like I just can't believe that someone would do that without asking because that's like your face That's your like it gets in your eye up your nose. What if it gets in your hair? I don't know I've got it in my eye and it stings Yeah, he should definitely be asking and not just doing it in your hair, I don't know. I've had it in my eye and I was like, it stinks. Yeah.

He should definitely be asking and not just doing it. And then I just kind of, like, and this is just me, and I'm very, I don't know, I'm just very confident in myself and asking for what I want to bid. However, if a guy was to just try to like pull his dick out onto my face, I would be dodging it so quickly, I'd be like dodging it and then being like, what was that?

What are you doing? What are you doing? Like most of the time, Emily's like, outside the bedroom, talk about this. No, but no, this is in the moment, in the moment. It does calm that's about the shooting your face and you don't want it, that's something in the moment. You direct, you direct, you bob and we,

no, you just say no, no. Yeah, I just feel like, no. I would put my hand up, I would move out of the moment. You direct, you direct, you bob and we, no, you just say no, no. Yeah, I just feel like no. I would put my hand up, I would move out of the way. So I, it is a respect thing. Yes, he just might not know. Let's give him the benefit of the doubt. He doesn't, maybe he doesn't know, but I will say I'm so happy and proud that you can orgasm from penetration alone. Yeah, that's great. That's amazing. What is that like 20, 5,000, 25%? Yeah, very rare. So That's amazing. What is it like 20? It's like 20 and 25% Yeah, very rare. So good for you. You got to get a feature head. Yeah, and then just let this from

uses as a stepping stone if there is other things about sex that you would like to just talk about. Exactly. That's a great entree. You'd be like, don't come my face and please go down to me more or please. I love that. Yeah, don't come in my face, but also go down. If I or please. I love that. Yeah. Don't come back to oral. But also go down. If I made a t-shirt that had said random acts of oral on it and like six, sex with Emily on it, little logo, would you guys buy it?

I'm scared. I want it. You want it? Yeah, I love that. We'll make a bumper sticker. People are getting more. We're going to do a Twitter poll when this show comes out. I'm going to do that.

We're going to do a Twitter poll. I'm going to be like, would you wear a shirt that says, sex with Emily and then it says, random acts for a world? Okay, we've set, okay, but let me tell you something. I have my sex with Emily T-shirts. We still have some left. It says, I had sex with Emily and all I got with this T-shirt. It says it on the back and I guess I made them

like a long time ago, six years ago, maybe five. But you all said you wanted them and we didn't that many, but I probably forget to talk about it, because that's what happens. Yeah, we should probably do that as well. We haven't for men, we haven't for women. They're gray, for men, the gray teacher, so we have a little cute little tanks for women. They're actually good.

They're the most comfortable. They're like American apparel, I think. They're good. I get interesting looks at the gym. Do you? Yeah. They're cute though. Check them out. They're still on the website Maybe maybe they're not on the website anymore

Can it can you're in trouble? Call Ken. Anyway, I want to make the other two. I'm already on to the next feature, but these are cute. Check them out All right, let's move on. We've got Here you an alias alias god. Okay, that's fine though. This is from an alias. Alias. God. Okay. That's fine though. This is from an alias who's 45 in California. Hamley, one name my wife, her girlfriend and I went out together. When we got back to her place later that night, they started making out. She was hesitant to touch her as they were making out on her sofa.

Until I took her hand and put it on my wife's breast, they continued kissing and touching each other intimately. The night, unfortunately, unfortunately and shortly after that, without anyone taking off those clothes, my wife and I still talk and fantasize about that night. We're just unsure on how to go about inviting her to a threesome or girl girl. Should my wife and bite her?

Should I? Should we approach her for a girl girl night? My wife and I have gone as far as setting boundaries and setting up a safe word. We know that we're ready. We're just unsure of how to invite her as last time. It kind of just happened. We've never approached you women for something like this before and would like some insight.

Please help. First of all, Jay, I'm another happy couple in their 40s. I know. Spice and things up. I love it. I know. So you guys, never too late. Just bicep at any which way.

So I think it's not you reaching out. They had a moment. If this is really her friend, I mean, how close are they? Like they made out, they did a thing. I think they should grab lunch, get lunch if they haven't and then see what comes up. Yeah. I don't know how you like extend, like you said, an e-bike. Like please invite us for a girl girl. You know, I think they just feel it out. How did you feel about that? Right? He's like, because he's very specific about how to go about it. Don't send an e-vi, but send us what that e-vi would look like.

Exactly. I would love to see what it would look like. Right, exactly. But no, I agree with you. I think that's really smart. I'm willing to just do her and the girl. Yeah. I think he, I think him, because that's the thing,

especially because it did not escalate beyond what had happened. You don't need to be in the mix for the asking, engaging whether or not she's interested in this, because that also might make her feel awkward. And then there's two people staring at her like, we want to fuck you. Exactly. Right. She'll feel like meat or something. Some kind of bad meat.

Yeah, meat. But I think the wife goes and gets lunch, talks about it, and then you can gauge whether or not it was just that one night thing, or if she's into it. And then also, you have to, you kind of, this might be unfortunate. She may be down for your wife, but she doesn't want you to be there.

Right, well, I was going to say they talked about about that and I was going to say kudos to you for setting these boundaries at a time and having a say for it. So are you cool with it they have a long lunch then it turns into something else. How do you guys talk about? Twice the evening. Exactly. So but it sounds like you guys are communicating about it and let us know what happens. And I mean that when I say that, we won't follow up.

We don't follow through. When the reason goes down, I want to hear all about it. Okay, Jamie, want to read the next one? Yes. Cool. Okay, this is from Megan, who's 24 and I to Ho. Hi, Emily. I've been married for a year, but Ben with my husband for four years prior.

We have an incredible life together and half the time, an amazing sex life. Lately, I have been super horny, but all at the wrong times leaving me masturbating in my lunch breaks or anytime that I'm alone. Although this is fine, I'm to the point that when I'm alone with porn, I orgasm under five minutes, and when I'm trying to enjoy being intimate with my partner, I can't seem to orgasm. I feel like something's wrong with me that I can't relax enough to enjoy the real feel like something's wrong with me that I can't relax enough to enjoy the real thing with my man. Should I quit masturbating altogether or maybe just quit using toys? Thank you. Okay, great question. None of the above. There is nothing wrong with you. Just need a little bit of good old-fashioned communication and it sounds like you're really

in your head with your husband and you're probably Maybe oblocking yourself orgasm blocking that is a real struggle. So And I would say you're at the wrong times. What are you just like getting? Hornie when you're hungry at lunch that sounds like you're at work or Hornie? Hornie is a thing instead of hangry hungry Yeah, and you're always under five minutes. I think that you've gotten your head about this. I think that you got to, it's about getting out of your head

and into your body and thinking what was happening in the moment. Yes, definitely bring toys, bring porn, and I'm sure it's gonna turn your partner on as well. That's what works for you. That's gonna work for both of you, it's your husband. So this is the time to talk about it. Yeah, no, definitely.

Like those things don't have to be separate. You just, and Emily said this before, recreate your masturbation sessions with your husband. You know, incorporate that. And also, if you toys aren't going to ruin you and either is porn, but switch it up, don't use them every time that you're masturbating. Yeah, just try, yeah, if you're worried about it, exactly, just kind of switch it up, just like everything, just because that's going to get boring too, right? That's going to get to be the same old, same old. So I think it's a communication thing.

Once you take the pressure off yourself, you're going to realize that the orgasms will come. Yes, the orgasms will come there. I'm joking, sorry. Something like that. Exactly. And then do you want to do this last one? Sure. This is from Dave, 40 in Maine, family.

My sex life with my wife is, OK, but I wish we had more. It's mostly due to our conflicting work schedules and our two kids. Anyway, we're going out of vacation. We'll be staying in hotel room with our two kids, six and three years old. How do we go about vacation sex? My wife is leery about it with kids in the room. I just think we can try and keep each other quiet while the kids are asleep.

She doesn't want to do it in the shower or bathroom with the door locked. Okay, so I think this is a great question and I'm going to say that I used to feel differently about this, but I don't think that you should have sex with the kids in the room, that close to the room. I'm going to say no. And that's because I recently heard that and I've heard this before, but it's from a friend who said that she parents never thought that she could hear them and from as little as age of five in the house. She could hear them having sex and it was really disruptive to her and she can still in the grand of this one on for her entire life she always heard her parents having sex but I think kids can it just takes once or twice

for them hearing you and not understanding it that if you do it in the room is there a way I know that you're going with your kids and I want you to vacation sex I feel better about you guys doing it in the shower, but then you got a three year old. Look at the six year old watch the three year old. I don't want you to I know parents are weird about leaving the kids. So I just think that if the kids could be in front of a movie maybe maybe you guys could like have the kids watch the iPad or

watch a movie and I'm cool with you going into the bathroom and they can't hear you running the water. If you're comfortable, no, the parents are all, I don't keep parents who leave their kids and whatever age and go down the street and some who like have it and their kids are 10. So I'm just saying this vacation might not be all about vacation sex.

So I would say if there's any way to, God, you can get a babysitter when you're gone for a few hours, I just want you guys to about vacation sex. So I would say if there's any way to, God, you can get a babysitter when you're gone for a few hours, I just want you guys to have your sex. Yeah, I mean, eventually, you're gonna need to take a trip without your kids there. Like, I know it's difficult,

even if it's just for a few hours, like to go and rent a motel room. Yes. You just not even a vacation, but you just, you get a babysitter, you leave the kids with like a grandparent or someone, so you can go and have this crazy amazing vacation sex.

You need it. It doesn't make you bad parent. No, and I do think, and this, I want to ask you a question on this Emily. And do you think that, as long as they're not like, sitting where the parent, like the kids can all of a sudden jump on their lap, like maybe they're going on a walk or they're in a movie

to, or not in movies, you're not supposed to use your phone, but you're somewhere where you can maybe discreetly use like the Wevibe Drive and the pivot with the Weconnect app so you can kind of be like getting that stimulation. Little Mitchell master. Right. Exactly. So you guys, we've made these toys that you could control with an app for some kind of like, discrete fun.

discrete, really discrete fun. So I guess they could, yeah, they could use a dinner, they could use it when they're both in the room, but the kids don't just come jump on the bed. As long as the kids really don't know, I've just come to fight out and come to learn, and even being a child myself, we know more than you think. Kids get into it things. Six is still young, three is young.

Yeah. But that's a good, that's some good, discrete fun and maybe you guys can hire local babies that don't have a night. I'm, yeah. Or maybe there's like an event where like a bunch of kids are there. Music, yeah. They're dancing the kids are in the front

because there's some band for kids and you guys can be in the back playing with the toys and using them we connect up Like that. Yeah, you gotta be a little sneaky snake. You gotta be creative, but I understand about the hotel room thing so And you guys can only trust if you can leave your kids in the room with the door locked We're on the bathroom. They figured out and if you have kids right now that are like over the age of two And you've never left home yet and you've never been without them even for a night, make that trip. You can figure it out, your kids are going to be fine.

They're actually going to appreciate the see mommy and daddy go off doing things on their own. And you guys will be happier and more solidified as a couple because of that time that you spent. Make it happen. I just hear from couples all the time like we can't leave them alone. We can't do it. Yeah, it's like that separation anxiety.

Right, your kids are fine. Your parents, your parents leave you? I mean, they, I mean, they, yeah, they would, I grew up with babysitters, not like all the time, but like I had like, you know, a couple good babysitters. And I liked my babysitters, they were really cool. They were fun. They played games with me.

Babiesitters are cool. Kids do like other, you know, other adults adults or like, you know, maybe not adults because when I was a baby sitter, I was only like 13, 14, but I appeared to be an adult in comparison to the younger parents. You're still a pair to be an adult. Oh cool, I'm glad. I'm sure when you were 13 you did too. New slash Jamie is an adult. Jamie is an adult, yeah.

No, yeah, it's true. It's good to give your kids a little bit independence. My parents left me all the time, look at me. No, not all the time, not the end. I know, I know. That's an example. But, okay, thank you Jamie so much. This is so fun.

Thank you. I love you, sister, so much. This is so fun. Thank you. I love you, sister, and I love all of our listeners. You guys, thank you so much for keeping up the show, supporting our show in this 13th year. We'll be heading into the 14th year soon. I love doing the podcast. It's my favorite thing in the world. So thank you everyone for supporting it and for being there and for sharing your stories.

And thanks to my amazing team, Ken, Sarah, producer, Jamie, and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithamlee.com.