Sex With Emily - Male Call Mash-Up

Episode Date: September 24, 2019

On today’s show, Emily is focusing on all you penis owners out there & answering a variety of sex related questions from different perspectives all having to do with the male identity. She talks about helping your husband reach his sexual potential, what to expect from sex clubs, how to politely ask your wife to swallow & much more!Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemilyFor even more sex talk, tips, & tricks visit sexwithemily.com  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily Morse and on today's show, I'm focusing on all of you penis odors out there. That's right, I'm answering a variety of sex-related questions from different perspectives all having to do with the male identity. Topics include, okay, so your husband says his orgasms haven't hit their peak. So how can you help him reach his sexual potential? Sex clubs. You finally decided to go to one. What can you expect? So you want a threesome and so does your girlfriend. But she's worried she just might enjoy it too much. Where'd he go from there? So your wife of 10 years just dislikes the taste of semen so she's never really tasted yours. But hey you think it's time she tries it.

So how do you politely ask her to give it a little swig. Try it. Just try once. How do you do that? All right, all this and more. Thanks for listening. ["The Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the

Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Love of the Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. Anything's your kind of cute.

The girls got a hair stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh my god, I'm off here. I'm so proud. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Evelyn is not the kind of girl you just play good. You're listening to Sex with Emma. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, check out SexWithEmily.com. It's got a lot of information for you to help you have your sex life and relationships

going strong. And you can also find us wherever you listen to podcasts, iTunes, Google Play, I heart radio, we love when you review us and find me on serious XM radio. I am there 5 nights a week Monday through Friday on stars channel 109 from 5 to 7 pm Pacific 8 to 10 East or you can still call in even if you don't have serious, AAA 947 8277 or AAA 94 stars. And if you want a free 30 day trial go to sexwithelm.com slash SXM. As always, Femin, all social media across the board, it's at Sex with Emily.

Alright guys, I hope you enjoy the show. Alright, we have John. He's 34 in Indiana. He wants to know how he can ask his wife if he can come in her mouth. Hey, John. Hi. Hi, Thanks for your call. Okay, so tell me where you're out with this. Yeah. So I'll get her out, so I'm going to blow a job and I'll eat her out and push comes. And I want to come in her mouth just as much as she does mine. OK. And what's happening?

How do you go up the power? So, John, so you guys, how many of you guys have been together? 10 years. 10 years. And has she told you that there's she has an aversion to swallowing in the past? No. She just doesn't like the taste. And she's tasted it. Okay. Like, nine years ago, when we first started, when we first got married, and she

does not, she goes back to that memory and doesn't like it. See, okay, so this is what happens a lot of times. We have like one experience where it doesn't taste the right way or we think something's off or maybe she wasn't expecting it. And then that links up the part our brain is like no, no, no, I can never do it again So what I think you do John is when you're not having sex when you guys are hanging out and maybe you're talking about your You know, have you got do you guys talk about your sex life often? Ever yeah, okay cool so next time you know what I understand baby you had that weird experience nine years ago But I think it would be so

hot and I would love it if you would allow me to come in your mouth. And I understand that you've had an experience in the past, but what I'm thinking is we could try some of this great flavored lube, which John, if you get this lube, it's amazing. It's called Muse. And you can buy it in the stores now, I think, right, Jay? It's actually the only loops that I would probably tell you to buy it like wherever it's at target. You get on a website too, but it tastes like,

there's one that's salted caramel, there's mint chocolate, crème brûlée. And so it's, or you could try a system Joe if the muse isn't there, but there's a deal with it. It's just like, it honestly tastes like I'm telling you. It's not like that sticky, bad loop. So that could be something where you could be like, maybe you could try this and then it'll

she'll just have that taste in her mouth. And then I think she'll realize, oh, that's not bad. It's not, you know, I enjoy it. Like I think to me, that would be a great entree to it. You could also just, I mean, you're not gonna be able to force her to do it, but I think maybe buying her some lube. And then another thing would be, for her to, we've heard this works.

I haven't tried it, but putting her tongue at the root of her mouth. In the moment that you're coming, apparently, you swallow it and you can't taste the com. Gotcha. All right. But say in a loving way, this is gonna be a deal breaker. All right, John, let me know. Go, so you gotta call me back. If she swallows your com, and let me go so you gotta call me back if she swallows your commonaw goes well call me

are we up melanie is forty one in i love she said her boyfriends orgasms aren't as great as they used to be hey melanie i love this question how do you know they're not as great tell me well i could secure advice and i told him that i wanted to be his greatest lover and he said that sex is good but that he just doesn't have orgasms

like he used to. He said sometimes it's kind of like really, but that's it. And so I want to know if there's anything I can do to help. Oh, okay. Well, Mel, the first, let me tell you this, nobody has orgasms like they used to. So our orgasms change in our 20s, our 30s, our 40s. So they change for everybody It's not because you're doing anything wrong. I promise you like in their 20s men can like shoot a jack lid across the room

like you know Like when the guy to friend who did my kegel camp app and he was 38 He's like I did it for 30 days and I was shooting across the room like I was 20 because when your kegel muscles are strong That can happen, but you have to work on it So what I'm saying is every orgasm changes malony, so that's fine. But also, that's great. I first of all, I'm so glad you took my advice,

and then you could ask him. I don't think it's about his orgasms being differently, but like, did you ask him what turns him on? Or like, what does he want to try? Did you guys exchange sexual bucket lists? You know, I don't know where to start with, because I don't know him. Yeah.

We started going down that path, but he kind of didn't seem interested in the discussion at the time, so I let it drop. Okay. Well, it's time to bring it up again. Say, I can't stop thinking about you. Said your orgasms weren't like they used to, or I want to be your best lover to you.

Like, you know, what could we, because you brought it up. What were you asking for when you asked? You asked for something for you. Yeah. Well, not, well, I just said, you know, explain to him that, well, we had had sex the day before and was just telling him what I liked about it, and I wanted more of that. Okay. And it was kind of the first time that I had opened up more and giving him direction

and so he was just like letting him go at it. Perfect. Yes, I love it. Yeah, so he said that helps, that was good. And then I wanted him to reciprocate but the only reciprocation I got with him just kind of confessing that his orgasms were not fulfilling. So great, so that's a great first start.

So Melanie, that pheifat, you like, oh my god, I'm doing something wrong, I gotta be sexier, I gotta do whatever. But also, it was the first time, so I'm really proud of you. That's amazing, and he did what you wanted, finally after all these years, you were like, this is what I want. So that's amazing, Melanie, like really. And just know now it's time for the next conversation.

And so if you think about it, it was the first time, and we often go to our negative, right, well, my orgasms are, that all he in the moment he could come up with. But I'll bet he's been thinking about it as well. So I think you got to bring it up again and said, you know, I've been thinking about, first of all, thank you for listening to me talk about what I wanted and for trying it. I love that. And then, you know, you mentioned your orgasms, like let's figure out how to make it stronger because the things that make our orgasm, and I can just tell you what makes it better for

most people, men and women, is the anticipation, the teasing, prolonging orgasm, edging. Maybe you go down on them and then you go, maybe you stop and then you massage his body, play with his nipples, we're finding out some men, you know, we know that some men do some don't, but we don't often try it. So like just teasing. And I think that, you know, if you know anything about as fantasies or what turns on, maybe there's something new we want to try or like dirty talk.

You could also download the yes-no maybe list from our website, which a lot of couples do, and they like, look at all the items on the list. It's a great starting point for people. And you find out the things that you like, what you both like in common. So, okay, Melanie, you there. We can see what quick, how that out, Melanie.

She's, hey, Melanie, you got it? Is that helpful? Yeah, it is helpful. Okay. Is prostate massage something that we should have here? Oh my God, yeah, I mean, honestly, yeah, thanks for asking prostate massage for men, all men. I have a prostate, women do not.

Yes, I think that prostate massage would be super hot. I mean, he might be like, a lot of men are like, oh, it makes me gay or I don't know, but I'm telling you, we've got a great blog on our site called Power of the Peep, Power of the Peep Spot. So check that out, Melanie. And I think keep exploring, keep talking and doing it with love and without putting pressure on. I think you're doing great. All right, we have Frank, 44 in Tennessee who's curious about sex clubs and is not sure what to expect all right hay frank thanks for calling you're good time

how are you i'm yeah i learned that uh... there is actually a sex club in national and the note existed until just recently uh... curiosity has to estimate what what do you expect in places like this uh... what i take my answer the off the air. Okay. Okay cool. Okay cool. Thanks Frank. Thanks for calling Well, they're all different. So here's the thing if you heard about it and it's like an organized club There's different kinds of sex clubs. There could be like a bondage club where you pay to go and it's more like kinky like maybe there's

You know different shows that people put on and it's more like BDSM, bond is disciplined, like there's like people being spanked or tied up and there's different like sex clubs like that. And then there's ones that are more like play parties or like swing your clubs where couples can go and then like typically single women can go. So single guys can't usually go alone. I mean, you know, you have to go in as a couple Or a third with a couple, but do they let guys do that now? Maybe they do you go opportunity

But it used to be like only single women and couples and so typically that's the rules and if you go and what you could expect is Um, honestly like the ones I've been to and sex parties, they're kind of like a lot, sort of like a normal party. If you get there, if you get there at the right, when it's open, it's like people are hanging out, they're drinking, maybe they're a little sexier. Actually, some of the clubs don't even allow alcohol to be honest. So, maybe they're not drinking, but they're hanging out, but it's not like you walk in. Yeah, but it's like you walk in and there's like people begging everywhere.

It's actually typically what I love about the parties I've been to is that typically they're very much into rules and boundaries. And before you go, you have to like sign the waivers and say like I will not go up and approach anybody. And it's like much more consensual and respectful than you would think. I don't know if this is gonna make you happy or sad, if you have it like go day in,

I thought it was a free-frog. Everyone's gonna be having sex. I mean, you have to be protective in these environments. So a lot of times you go in and then maybe there's a couple and they might approach you Frank to be a third or maybe if you're there with your partner, you know, you guys might be interested in just watching. Like there's no pressure to have sex at a sex club.

For many people, they just go to watch. They have their clothes fully on the whole time. So it's really, it's kind of a very respectful environment when the ones I've gone to, where you feel like, I've been to parties that are not sex parties. It seemed way more raunchy and crazy and over the top, perhaps even then, sex parties that I've been to.

But it depends on the party, on the club. Is it a one time only thing, you know, like it's a traveling club? It depends on it. So they probably have a website you can read, you know, like it's a traveling club, it depends on it. So they probably have a website you can read, but I think that you have to practice consent. Typically there's a lot of condoms everywhere and, you know, just watch, use protection and see how you feel. Maybe you just want to go and then you go back again and see what you feel the next time. But I think going in with just an open mind, but not going

and expecting to get laid. Would you go to another one? Yeah, I would. Alright guys, I have to tell you about the Zumeo. I hadn't heard about it until listener brought it to my tension and we all fell in love with it over here. So the Zumeo is a toy that was built to actually not look like a toy. It's actually designed to deliver a really strong and quick orgasm. The clitoris, as you know, has 8,000 nerve endings.

And what I love about the zoomio is that it truly allows you to access all those spots and very specifically explore all those erogenous zones. It's actually a great educational and exploratory tool. So you know, I'm always telling you, grab a mirror, take a look at what's going on down there. Well, this the toy to do that because you can see the way the zoomier works, you can kind of target different parts of your vulva and your vagina and actually anybody parts for men and for women. The zoomio stimulates blood flow. It stimulates all

the parts of the vagina involved to keep it alive and thriving. It only covers a few nerve endings at a time. It moves the a few nerve-ending to the time it moves the blood and the collagen to the surface in very specific areas for excellent orgasms. By using different patterns in various speeds, there's actually eight of them. It helps to wake up your vulva. I mean, you know, there's parts of our vulva of Regina that are just kind of sleeping and it helps women who are menopausal or are of pain during sex as well. And it's great to use with a partner. It slips really nicely in between both of you during sex. It doesn't look like a phallic symbol at all. The zoom view also has two models. There's one that's more intense,

so one that's a little less so. I think if you've been looking to explore your body, you want to go to the next level, find new orgasms or even have your first one, you are going to love the ZUMIO. So go to sexwithemlee.com slash ZUMIO that sexwithemlee.com slash ZUMIO today. All right, we have Dan, who's 63 in Washington. He said him and his girlfriend has been talking about a three-some, but his girlfriend is fraged that he's going to like the girl more than her. Okay, this is one of those common three-some challenges. Hey, Dan. Hi, Emily.

How are you? I'm good. Thanks for calling. Good. So, I've been to work for about seven years. I was married 19 years. I met my current girlfriend. The sex has been phenomenal.

It's been a lot of fun. And so from time to time, when we are making a lover having sex, we'll kind of have that dirty talk, talking about. I threw some in, I kind of get the impression she'd like to. She kind of like to try it, but then she talks about, well, what if I really like her more than you and I kind of go to the opposite field and I don't think that she would. And then the other question is, is she seriously thinking about it or playing with that thought

and how do you just gently deal with it? Okay. So you're saying that she's worried that you're going to like the girl or the other way around that she's going to want to run off with the girl? Right. Right. I don't think you would. Well, yeah, I mean, here's a thing. This is why, I don't know, the opening the show we actually talked about this that like you really have to find someone together that you you have to have really strong boundaries and make sure it's not someone that you you know that that's going to happen with maybe it's even someone that you arrange for a night but I'm wondering has she been

with women before? Oh, when I've talked to you she's had other women that have actually and her younger years that have touched her breasts and her nipples. And I think she was a rhodocized by that. And I think that in her mind, she's always kind of had that fantasy thought. And so it's one of those things where you're kind of like, I think you kind of want to do this, but you're a little afraid to do this.

And we talked about going to Las Vegas, like you mentioned earlier, where it's more of a safe environment with somebody that we don't know, but yet it's safe and clean. But I'm just trying to determine how far do you kind of push that conversation. I can go either way. I mean, I think it'd be sexy and fun to watch her with another woman. Right. Okay. Well, I think you just asked this exactly the conversation. You say her 30, so I've been thinking about it a lot. And I wanted to get really clear on this. Like, I, I, we could go somewhere where we know we won't see this person again. It won't be that possibility. Ask her, you know, get some more, get more curious about it. Like, does she really truly think it's gonna happen?

Is she saying that to, as a way to, does she really not want to? That she used it as an excuse to be like, well, I'm afraid I'd fall in love with someone, so she doesn't have to have the threesome with you. Like, I don't really know. I can't tell you if she's just using that as an excuse or not, but I feel like you guys aren't ready yet,

that there are some more conversations. How long have you guys been talking about it? I've been getting about six years now. Oh, okay. It started about four years ago that we started kind of talking about it at night and after having a good time. And so it's one of those things where, you know, I think she's afraid that she'd like it too much with another woman, that it'd be, you know, Dan, she's afraid that she'd like it too much with another woman that it be

A Dan you've been fun, but I think I like this better. Well, you know, why do these days? Why do you have to choose either right? I mean how old is she? Is she your age she's 63? Yeah, she's 61 on 63. I mean it could also just lead to more threesomes more playing I mean does she think she wants to live with me? I mean, honestly, we could create that's a risk We all got to take if that happens that happens, but I'm gonna think at 63 You know if it happens good. That's what she needs to do But I just don't think that that to me. I feel like there's probably something else going on here Or are you prepared Dan? Because really this is about you

What if she picks up on these with another woman because you had a threesome? Do you want to take that risk? Well, yeah, I love her today. I mean, as far as my confidence, just in the time we've been together, I think that she certainly wouldn't want to leave for another woman. I think that part of the part is so good. Yeah, I don't think so either,

but maybe she's just using that as an excuse. Maybe like, maybe she'd think, get more info from her. Like, maybe she's saying that as like a reverse psychology maybe like, maybe she think, get more info from her. Like maybe she's saying that as like, or a verse like, college, she really wants to say, Dan, are you going to leave me for another woman? Maybe there's some deeper insecurities there. A verse like, college. Kind of like just sift through it.

Yeah, let her figure it out. Let her bring it up. Yeah, say, I'm not going to force you on it at all. You let me know if that's, if that's a concern for you. I'm happy being with you forever for these, you know, another six years. So I would just get keep asking questions, get more information before you jump into it. Sounds like this is the case where you're close,

but not quite ready yet. Okay, Dan. Thanks for calling. It's a good one. I can't tell there. I want now I want her to call in. I want her to call in. I know.

I don't think you're ready. I don't think you're ready. Like why is she think she's like, but what if I leave you? Yeah, is that like a, cause to me, are you planning on leaving me soon? Like I feel like you don't just think that. You're right.

She's using as an excuse to bail. She's saying it because really, she's afraid he's gonna leave, you know, like an ever-versa-go. Yeah, that was a great point. I hadn't even thought of that when you brought that up. You know, women's minds, men's minds,

we can kind of twist things though. Interesting. Women are very smart in the heart of mind. Play. Fucking. Yeah. You know, mind fuck the shit of you. We can all dabble in that area, can't we?

Okay, we have Justin who is 36 in Virginia and wants to know the best kind of condoms to use. Hey Justin. Great question. Hey, how you doing? Doing good. I was just asking you about what condoms to use. I don't know if I got a bunch of them like direct.

Yeah, I love this. Yeah, well, we just talked about this other night. My favorite kind of condoms. We did a whole thing on this other night because we're like, condoms get a bad rap because a lot of them, they're all different. And they all fit differently and you gotta try out which ones work and the ones I love and people,

I love them for years, it's called skin, SKYN. And they're polyisopry, meaning they're non-latex. And they have different kinds, but they're thin, but strong. And so, that's great for people with latex allergies and they're thin and they generate the heat from your body. They're really cool condoms. I like lifestyle's condoms. And then, there's a condom called MyOne Fit, and that MyOne, NY-O-N-E, and then it's basically, it's a custom-sized condom. So you can measure, you go on the website, there's like measurements, you measure your penis,

and then you, yeah, they send you condom. So that's what I recommend. Yeah, tell me. Well, I never, well, I've never, I mean, never used a condom before. Okay. And I just know LoverGuy used to talk about boobs and stuff. Yeah.

You have to put boobs in, I mean, live in the condom. Well, this is what we were talking about. Right. So this was like my hack, like when I'm like, people don't want to use condoms. Here's how you make it better. Yeah, absolutely.

I love the idea of adding a few drops of loob inside the condom, like where the tip is. Because then when you put it on, it can feel really good, right, for the man, because it has a little bit of lubrication, and then on the outside as well. Yeah, I mean, my whole thing, when I talk about Lou, by say like rub a little bit on your vulva inside your,

you know, vagina, put it on the conum, and then have sex, make it all lubed up. Well, yeah, but I like that, but I'm just trying to, but I just want you to know, because I've never had sex before. Okay. And I just just want to ask instead about it. Yeah, I know. I'm glad that you asked. I mean, that's what I would recommend. And like when you're masturbating, you can also try condoms, you know, you could like

try out what feels good practice so yeah okay let me know all right thank you for calling good luck to you all right thanks for calm let's talk to Martha she's 42 in Canada and she wants to know about changes in male sex drive hey Martha. How are you doing? Hi. Yes, thank you. Um, yeah. So, okay. So here's my question.

Um, it is about male sex trying to, but also male, exaculate, over time. It, yeah. There are some changes. Well, tell me why you're asking. What have you observed? Because I can let you know what kind of can happen. So, um, my partner is 47 and he begins together for a long time, you know, early on, 10 years ago, things were great. We had sex all the time, everything

was great, everybody came all the time. Perfect. And then, you know, now we're a family, we've got four kids, we've, you know, all the fun. of them and so right and so okay great so my sixth service there his sixth service is still there I think it's not you know this is full marital thing like it's not every day anymore we don't four kids and so okay great so a couple things happen five years, he was diagnosed with diabetes. So he's taking cells for that. It's type two. So he's taking pills for that.

And he immediately was, of course, looking at side effects, potential side effects of his medication. At the same time, he was put on a low dose cholesterol that he can go through. There we go. He's looking at all of those things. And I think very psychologically very psychologically is like, oh my god, it's something happens that I can't see you that way.

It's going to be over. And I'm like, what are you talking about? So everything is fine for a bit, but I've noticed like maybe the last two years and intermittently, it's not every time. I'm concerned that there's something else happening. So what's the change that I noticed? So again, this is the right place to be descriptive. Yeah, of course.

Anything you want, Martha, like literally anything goes here, as long as it's safe. So the way that I can, so for me, afterwards, you go to the bathroom, something comes out in the toilet. There you go. You know what it is, just a little bit. Whatever. Totally great. Right. So now it's not chunky anymore.

Now it's like, okay, I need to wait myself and there's like lots of semi-stop. Okay. But it's not thick and like something shot out anymore. Right, I mean medication can absolutely affect his jacketaculate for sure. It could change the consistency, it could change the taste of it. So yeah, I mean, maybe you'd want him to come outside of you just in case.

I mean, I haven't heard anything of people getting sick from other, nothing's gonna happen to you, but is it bothering you or you're just curious? My concern is that he's not coming. That's my concern. Oh, oh, oh, so then what's coming out of you, him, you, either. Right, it is, it's not me because I know what that looks like.

Right, right, right, if I were to master it and go, my heart, like, is a little bit of clear something, not this like, hell of something else. Anyway, I, so that's one that's been then two like so I've never experienced it. The other thing that I was reading on it's like something where it's like reverse ejaculation. Oh retro rate ejaculation? Yeah. So that's what I'm wondering if that's possible because the other day you know I gave him oral and then that's that's not what happened. Like there was a little something. Okay. Okay.

And nothing, not so much. Wait, there was a little something you just cut out. There was a little something when you, when you jackulated, but when he ejaculated, I mean, so wait, has he, has he gone to his doctor? It tells like he's in a lot of medication right now. Is he changed his health and his diet along with taking medication? Yes, and no, he's trying to be more active and he's reduced, like he's eating things more in moderation, but has he lost a bunch of weight now?

Cause you know, you know, Dracically, tastes the right. No, right. Cause that's really what has happened. I mean, they're showing now that there's just a lot we can do to fight diabetes and to fight all these health things. So I mean, I think like if he if he ejaculates, if he he could ejaculate, do you think he's having some kind of like discharge? I'm not sure. So you're saying when you when you gave him a blowjob, what was it? It was it

well, it was just a little like he was right. Like that's always been a sure thing. But then again, again the consistency i don't know different i mean yeah i don't think it's a taste different yet i mean it primes the medication can impact his sex drive it can impact erections he might not come he might have an uh... he might yeah i mean retrograde ejaculate essentially when you don't orgasm for a while like it takes a long time to ejaculate or not ejaculate at all

so it probably sounds like it is the medication. And if it's a problem, I don't think there's anything you have to worry about, I just would love them to get healthier, right? Like he's young, still 47, you got a lot of kids, you're busy. So I like that you guys are still making all the efforts and everything, and it sounds like you're still having sex.

So I'm not concerned about the ejaculation, but I think you should definitely, that's a me that is a side effects so he could talk to his doctor sometimes that is a bothering him at all or this is more of your observations it's my observation um i when he first was diagnosed i had gone to him with the doctor and we kind of sat there in silence because the doctor was like so how's your sex life? I'm like, oh, let's have fun.

Right, I know, no. We were just prepared for that conversation. I would love to say, and in the meantime, in case it was something else, because obviously I'm a woman, I'm going to be like, oh, something's changed. He's not attracted to me anymore. I've just fallen into this rut. You know those things. Right.

I was planning like, okay, so I tried to open it up be really cute 30 play 20 questions one of the questions was like what's the best thing that you like a better sex life what could be better what you know anything you want to try like right and it's so safe and he was and he was like no everything's good you know I like you touch me how you whatever yes or I like making love to all of those things so what can improve nothing really like anything you want to try and I'm like you know I said some things and he really was like no everything is pretty good you know right okay well that's good that you guys are talking about and I think it's good that the doctor asked you

but let me just crack myself a retrograde ejaculation is actually I was thinking of the other retarded retrograde ejaculation is actually, I was thinking of the other retarded ejaculation. Oh, a delayed. A delayed, a delayed, it's gonna actually call it, that's the name for it. But retrograde is when it actually, he does ejaculate and it goes back up.

Like retrograde and then it comes out in his urine. And that is happened with diabetes medication. It can cause the retrograde ejaculation. The semen gets in the bladder instead of his penis during ejaculation, and it enters a bladder. So that could be something that's happening. Is he having any pain at all?

Not me. Okay. I feel like it sounds like you, there is some things that you want to talk to about, like, with your sex life, and that maybe, I mean, I don't know how you know, you have four kids, and just making time for it. I mean, I think a lot of couples, yes,

and things happen when you get older and hormones change, but also a lot of couples who find they have low sex should have just really aren't trying different things and aren't, you know, sometimes it can be just one thing different, something novel, something spontaneous, something a little like that you've never done before. In another room, talking to me, I know you have four kids, but if there's a way I'm like thinking,

where could you do it in another room? But, you know, like, finding, getting getting babysitters you could have time away Date night those are all the things that keep couples connected and when couples feel more connected They're more likely you know to talk about things and to try different things So I feel like that's what I'm hearing from you like it doesn't sound like the ejaculation the problem as much as maybe you're You're earning for something else that you haven't been able to say the problem as much as maybe you're you're earning for something else that you haven't been able to say Damn, yeah, that's what I think I'm not worried about the

Joculation, I mean I'm worried if he's taking a lot of medications and he's not getting out there But that's not what you're calling about I think if you've been listening to the show like we do we talk about all the time you have to it's a content just because you said Once, damn which I love the way you said it like do you want to try this or that that to continue to have the conversation and it's not okay for partners to opt out of it And when they do say I don't know I don't care It's typically because they actually don't even know what they want or what to say or they're afraid you're gonna get mad So it's kind of like really building that groundwork of like no I'm asking because I want us both to be incredible lovers Which other to grow with our sex life? What can we do and just continue to talk about it Martha with him? All right, we're gonna take a quick break and we come back on to your calls

All right, so we got Bill who's 32 in Canada and he has a relationship question regarding his boyfriend Okay, hey Bill Hi, how are you today? I'm good. Tell me what's going on. Happy to help he has a relationship question regarding his boyfriend. Okay, hey Bill. Hi, how are you today? I'm good. Tell me what's going on. Happy to help. Oh, you betcha. Well, him and I, we've been dating for about six months now.

And I come home and I'll go and I'll do a nugging a blow job and give my hand job. And then that's where it stops. And I just want to know how approach him because I want him to have sex with me, obviously. Yeah. I just know how, I don't know if he would approach it in a matter of like it sounds needy or it sounds like.

No, it sounds like reciprocity. It's like you're both want to get off You're in a sexual relationship So you've been together six months and so at the beginning like was it what was it like? I mean it hasn't been that long Well, yeah, no, well, we've never actually had sex before we've done like Oral on each other Off and on that kind of stuff, but we never actually had sex yet.

Okay. Well, so you're asking for you, but when you give them a blowjob, you want him to give you one back is what we're saying. Yeah, but I want some else. I like what to start, but start and where, where, where, where, where I want it to go is that it is a one to screw me. Okay. So you, you, um, you're bottom and we know he's atop. Have you guys talked about your sex life at all? Yeah, we have. I told my bottom I thought it agreed to that and then I went to chocolate and he knows I'm a bottom. But I just I think he's somewhat

interested in it, but I don't know how to okay. So this is what you got to do, Bill. When you guys next time you go home, not when there's sex involved, do you guys live together or you're just hanging out? Sounds like? When you guys next time you go home, not when there's sex involved. You guys live together, you're just hanging out. Sounds like. Can I hang out? We have a good time hanging out with you. Next time you guys have a date and you go out and you're just chilling maybe on a Sunday

or Friday night date or something, and just say to them, hey, I want to talk to you about sex. I enjoy the sex we're having. You can tell them a few highlights for you and then just say, I, as you know, I really enjoy penetration and I want to know what you're into because I think that we've been in this for six months now and I really want to learn how I can be a great lover to you and I want to share to you what I need. So let's just start talking about it. And I know this

might be awkward and weird. It was really uncomfortable for me to say, gotta be honest with you, but sex is a really important part of a relationship. So let's just talk about it. Because you're not going to get him. There isn't like a hint, Bill. I'm not going to give you like a secret code. I'm not going to say say these three words and he's going to be giving you, you know, letting you have sex with him. It's more like, hey, like, because there's probably, he might be like, oh, I thought you didn't want to or oh, lately I've been having pain and we don't know.

So it's weird though to bring it up when you're like Disappointed like when you give him a job and then he's like let's order dinner and you're like what happened? So it's more like Relaxed conversation and just curious and say hey, let's let's figure out what we both love because you know that I like When you know I let I'm a bottom and you know that about me and I know that hasn't happened So I'm curious if there any barriers like just ask questions and listen. That's literally it. Yeah, I know.

I've had different things. I've gone about like sexy patches and warm form and all the kinds of stuff. But that doesn't do it. You have to talk about it outside the bedroom without like in his face wearing something that you think it worked. Like I hear from women all the time. Like I were lingerie and he just walked right past me. These little hints, which we think, we actually think hints are like,

we're actually telling our partner something, but that they don't work. Hints never work. They don't. Hints don't work and suggesting it doesn't work. And like, apparently our partners aren't mind readers. Sometimes you wish they were. So I feel like you have to have a straight-forward conversation with them

and not blaming him, not shaming him, not being like, why don't you do this? But more like, hey, enjoying this relationship, let's figure out how we can both be really sexually satisfied. You might find out Bill that he's not really that into sex. He might say, you know what? Now that you say that I thought I could be a bottom, but I'm not. Wouldn't it be great to know that Bill? Don't let them get off the hook and you're doing in a very loving way talk to them, okay? All that yeah, okay, thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Belly. I know what happens. I know we don't want to talk we all we all want to tip to around sex We all want to do everything but actually say it like well

I told her once when in the middle of sex or I I once hinted that I you know like to or I know Straightforward no bullshit full full heart, full of love, no judgment conversation is the only way you're going to figure out if you and your partner on the same page and how you're going to get your needs met in a relationship. That's the end period end of story. That's so true. So true. So true, those hints, it's kind of like you're testing your partner and you're just setting

them up to fail It's true And here's the other thing and you guys can cause with any of your questions am I wrong? Have you ever had a hint work? I mean, I don't know. What do you guys need to solve? I'll help you triple eight nine four seven eight two seven seven is that we are so terrified of this conversation That it's like we hear this all the time like well, we had a conversation three months ago I told my husband that I needed more for play, and he hasn't done it.

It's like, have you ever changed a behavior from someone telling you something once, have you ever learned a new skill? Has anyone ever said, you know what Emily, you should, or like Michelle has ever said, Michelle, you should really join a gym. You're like, great idea. I'm gonna sign up right now,

and I'm gonna be there in the morning. No, we are creatures of habit, we're sat in our ways, someone makes a request to us sexually. And our first thing is like, either fear or I'm not, I've been fucking up in this relationship and I just don't wanna do it. Or maybe we don't know how to do

with our partner requests. So just have a real conversation about it. It's not scary. We don't do this with anything else. If your partner wasn't putting the dishes in the dishwasher, you wouldn't leave like the dish soap on their nightstand, and you wouldn't be like, leave dirty dishes throughout the house. There's a fork with spaghetti on it in the bathroom. What does that mean? No,

you'd be like, God, you know, hey, I've been doing the dishes every night for, I would love your help doing dishes around here, right? But sex were like leaving cute clues and like, so far in a sense, smoke signals and no one knows what the hell we're talking about. That's hilarious. I'm just like picturing like the, you know, the partner's like going to bed and there's like a trail of dishes like leading to the bed. I don't want to get them either, probably. I mean, like who put this here? Exactly. Like why is this existing? Yeah, just saying. It's stuck to Adam. He's 28 Illinois and he says he doesn't like doggie style and it's becoming a problem. Oh, okay. Hey Adam. Hey guys, thanks for taking me.

Of course, we're here for you. So, this doesn't happen all the time, but sometimes when I'm with a girl and I'm doing doggy style, I like lose a boner. And it's my probably least favorite position. And it's already something I get to the point where I lose a boner sometimes because I usually start missionary and then I switch to like doggy and then I get like kind of anxious because it's been happening and I was like, oh, okay. Here is if you had any tips. Yeah, you know Adam, it's so great that'm curious if you had any tips. Yeah. You know, Adam, it's so great that you actually just

laid it all out. What happens a lot, which is good news for a lot of guys, um, a lot of the performance anxiety men have is because it happened just once. And then they're like, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, it's going to happen. And then it happens. So it's really a matter of like, now you've recognized it.

And then, you know, practicing, uh, well, first, before we get into how to deal with it, I want to know why you think it happened. Why you think you lost it? Do you remember why or the first time? I don't know. I mean, I would say most of the porn that I watch is missionary and it's my favorite one personally or tur on top. I think it's because I like looking at the face. Yes, I was going to say that Adam. It feels disconnected. No, absolutely. So I think, first of all, you like missionary when you're on top and she's on the bottom or when you're on the bottom and she's

on top. I'm on top. Right. Yeah. Okay. So here's the thing. First of all, I totally get that that there is a certain disconnect when you're like, okay, why is this? You just wanted it for women. I've heard this a lot. Like, does he just want to do it from behind? Like, it doesn't.

It feels less connected. So is there some pressure that you feel like you have to be doing it doggy style? First of all. I don't know. I don't feel pressure, but I would say that I come to notice that that girls love it because and I have read and I've done a little research that it like does feel a little deeper and I get deeper if I do doggy. Yeah. Well my research is that guys love it more than women and I get deeper if I do doggy. So I know it's like in a matter of fact. Well, my research is that guys love it more than women.

And I don't know if anyone, what do you guys think here? But I feel like, and I feel like a lot of women love it because guys can come quicker in that position. So sometimes it can be like, let's do it from behind. So you'll come get over it because I don't know how to please my, I'm not having an orgasm. And I'm not some, maybe I'll probably get a bunch of calls now. I hope for women who are like, no, it's not true.

But I think that's part of it. And so I think if you know what positions you like, that I think I wouldn't make assumptions that she's just dying for the doggy settlement. But the other thing is she could turn around and like look at you. You could say, I want you to look at me like when I'm going, you know, when I'm behind,

like I want to see your face, you know, and then here's the other thing to remember, Adam, just if you go go into it and my biggest things for it's like kind of a mindful sex practice is that just because you got soft in the moment, it doesn't mean that sex is over. You could not get, but I know like your brain's tripping like, oh my god, if you can speak, okay, I'm getting softer and then you just go back to like, maybe, okay, so I'm trying to think if you flip or over and then maybe you just go back to like, maybe, okay, so I'm trying to think if you flip or over and then maybe you just start going down,

like maybe you turn around and then you just start licking her from behind, right? And her butt's out and then you're performing oral on her from behind, so you don't stick it in yet, right? You're just turning around and then you wait for yourself to get hard again and you get your mind off it and you get I'm pleasing her and I promise you, if you just distract yourself from those thoughts in a real way of like, let me just do something else. Let

me focus on something else. It'll come back. You're 28, you're healthy. I'm sure the erection will come back. It will. So, yeah. And she's not looking at you going, oh, he got soft. If she's already turned around and you're like, this is going to happen, then just ask her to look at you or just go down it or do something else until it comes back. So to please her. Because when you take the attention off yourself and your focus on her pleasure, you have nothing like it. That's what happens. You just it'll come back because it's your brain that's kind of making it go down. How does that? I feel like there's a pretty good plan. Okay. Let me know how it goes. This is not a life. I promise. I think that's a pretty good plan. Okay, let me know how it goes.

This is not a life-or-thing, I promise. I think that's your call, I'm actually telling you. Okay, we have John, who's 38 in Washington township, and he says that his wife's ex-husband was really large and he feels intimidated by matching it. Oh, hey, John, great question. I'm here for you. Thanks for calling.

Hi, Emily. Hi, it's so nice to talk to you. I just recently found your station and I love your conversations. It's really very enlightening to hear a lot of your comments and your help that you give the others. It's so nice. However, as I was saying, recently married, I've been dating my new wife for, we were dating about three years and been married now for two years. Her ex-husband was quite large. He was like canotons, very fat, you know, very fat, whatever you want to call it, a lot of girth. And I just feel so intimidated. And I just feel like she's

lining me when she's, oh, you feel perfect and this is so right and and i wonder is she really getting satisfied or if a woman has something that's big all the time dot and i'm not hitting that that magic spot anymore because that's what she was used to and i'm intimidated i really am intimidated and i am extremely sexual i love pleasing her you know right okay john here's a thing you guys a bit of other no i totally no i i I totally got it And I'm like bum she told you this right because then now you got to be thinking about this big penis

Then you're like mine's not measuring up But my first question is John have you talked to her about your sex life like if you guys Talked about what really turns her on and like does she seem like she's having a good time? Like is there anything that's led you besides your thoughts? Befied your mind telling you otherwise. Have there been any other signs that maybe she's really not having a good time with you in the bedroom? No, never. We are very, very open verbally.

I am very open to anything that she wants to do. I always try to do something new and keep it fresh in the bedroom. She actually, she told me, I tend to believe her because she's, you know, we've been together for a while and I think she's truthful with me. She told me she has never had an orgasm vaginally. Of course, you know, cl, literal stimulation through oral sex, you eat orgasms very easy. She never has had an orgasm through penetration,

except with me, she said, you were the first one that make me ever have an orgasm. And we're guys. No problem here. I wish I could have five of you here at the phone. John, not a problem here. So you as a man in society are obviously like, you just need one mention of big penis

and that's all you can be thinking about for five years. And I get it. It's like that thing you're like, there's a bigger penis. First of all, bigger is not always better. I can tell you I didn't have my great orgasms. I've been with big penises, all the kinds of penises and I'm telling you that it was not like the biggest penis

in the world where I had orgasms and I can telling you that it was not like the biggest penis in the world where I had Orgasms and I can tell you that's true for so many women But what I can tell you is that your wife is giving you such good information right now that she's never had a door And I don't think she's lying about this. We don't lie about that. She's never had an orgasm during intercourse and now she is with you She's telling Well, no one does all the time very. Well, no one does all the time. Very difficult. Guess what? No one does all the time. Okay. Some women do all the time. Most do not. But you guys have just got married. Well, it used to be a few years. You'll keep

learning. But that's not all about orgasms for women. It's also not all about penis size for women at all. It's more about penis size for men than it is for women. Because men are all like, oh my god, my big enough. Yeah. Can I ask you one more question in that thing category there? Do any of these enlargement items, enlargement pills? Do they actually work? Is there any way to really increase your fantasies? No. There's no way to increase your penis size at all. You're peen and you know what John? I wouldn't even let you. John, you're fine.

You have to. Here's what I think. This is your wife for life. At least you know, right? Love this woman. You guys are great. Have a great sex. She's having vaginal orgasms for the first time. You got to talk to her about this because I think it's going to make you feel better and just be like, babe, I got to tell you, I know our sex that are baby. Our sex life is amazing. I would have you prefer. It's so great. I love you, I can't have you that one time you tell me about the guy with the ex with the big penis. Sometimes I think about that. And I just want to make sure that I am doing everything I can to keep increasing pleasure.

And let's do a sexual bucket list there. Let's have a plan in 2019 for amazing sex. And just kind of like nodding like a needy like with his penis bigger, but John, you don't sound like you would do it that way. I just more casual because it feels like, I don't know why you still think this because everything is pointing towards you guys are having some great pleasurable sex, but it's your mind. And I'll bet you probably do this in other areas. It might make you successful at work to think about all the other things happening in the environment that you could improve upon, but in your sex life, right? Like it work. You're like someone got a bigger deal or how am I going to be the best in my job? I don't know.

Is that resonate for you? It makes a lot of sense what you're saying. I just it's me. It's not only I especially she like goes down on me. I'm thinking, oh my God, she's holding me and probably going, okay, looks like a real penis is smaller. You know, money. She made you.

That's the last thing. No, no, no, no, Honey, she married you. That's the last thing. You didn't know. No, no, no. She walked down the aisle with your penis. Like there were no surprises. She saw beforehand. She's wearing your ring. She's not going down and you every time going,

damn, I wish this was bigger. Literally, I'm sitting here with six women and we're all like, oh my God, have you guys ever, with someone that you love, she's committed to you. She's not thinking that you're thinking that, total projection here, John. She was. I just, I just sit and know

if a woman had a big one, does she always need a big one to be satisfied? No, I mean, and those women, I'm trying to think about a woman to be committed to someone and being like, there's other problems in their relationship. I'll tell you that.

If she's just some woman, and they're not gonna get you out, there's other problems in the relationship. I'll tell you that. If she's just some woman who's like, and they're not gonna get you out, there are women who are size queens. That is not your wife, because she wouldn't have married you. For sure there's women who are dating around and they need a huge penis, and they need all that. That's for sure, just like men want really super large breasts. I'm not with those guys.

Those guys are with Jamie. So what I'm saying is that's just how it goes. So you know what I'm saying? John, it's the same thing. So this is all in your head, but doesn't make it easier. But whatever you can do to replace these thoughts, next time she's going down on you, you can just start thinking about how great her lips feel

and how much you love this woman. She's loving you. I am like, I am very romantic and I do everything to please right I do the massage and I know You know amazing love it's very I hear you I don't have to pray hey John you got nothing to prove to me. She's having orgasms. She's happy You just gotta get happy And you gotta ask her if you need me. I know it's your own thing. I'm telling you with your own Stuff and I'm telling you I know because I would be honest with you John

I'd be like well, yeah, it kind of sounds like she might be no There's nothing here, but your own thoughts which is amazing because you get to control those And tell yourself a different story I just wish that I never had asked her I regret that thank you great point. Thank you John We're gonna talk about this for like an hour now I did ask her. I regret it. Don't do that. Thank you. Great point. Thank you, John. We're going to talk about this for like an hour now. All right, guys.

I hope you enjoyed this show. And I want to know what shows are you liking? What else would you like to hear more of? Thank you for sharing it with a friend and just for supporting us. We love you and I appreciate you so much. And thanks to my amazing team, Ken, Kristen, Michelle, producer, Jamie, and Michael. Hey, was it good for you? Email me.

Feedback at sexwithemily.com.