Sex With Emily - Manatoriums, Moaning & First Message Mastery

Episode Date: October 19, 2016

Brace yourselves, listeners, it’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for.  On this show Emily is taking your calls LIVE and answering your top sex and dating questions. What’s the right length of time to wait before having sex? Is there a formula for crafting the perfect online dating message? How do you know if it’s time to take a “manitorium?” And what is a manitorium anyway? Worry not, Emily and Anderson have the answers to these questions, plus so many more on this advice-packed podcast. Whether you’re diving into dating after divorce or you’re just curious about the sexual proclivities of the republican party, this show has morsels of sex and dating knowledge to benefit anyone and everyone! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Okay, today's show I'm very excited because we're taking your calls. That's right, answer your questions live and I'm so excited. So the topics include, when should you take a mandatory, I mean, a break from men? How long should you really wait to have sex?

When is a good time to tell your partner about your sexual needs? So thanks everyone for listening. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ You know how I'm always encouraging you to get a little more adventurous in the bedroom. Well, our friends at Sportcheats, you know, the ones who pioneered easy to use bondage gear, have just released the perfect products for your next adventure, the all-new midnight line.

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To check out this or any of the other fun sportcheats products, click the sportcheats banner on my website or visit sportcheats.com. That's s-p-o-r-t-s-h-e-e-t-s.com. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubize they call them in a fight on me. Hey, Abelie, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

Hey, girls, gotta understand. Oh, my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, not only? What do you mean, like laundry? It's drinks? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God. I'm gonna feel so drunk. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Abelie's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationship, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemilya.com where you can check out everything there. You can easily subscribe to the show.

We so appreciate when you subscribe and iTunes and review us. You can also listen on Spotify and SoundCloud and all those places. It just really helps the show when you subscribe and it makes it easier for you. And it makes it a lot easier for you because it actually keeps your place in the episode. So if you have to run into the house

or you have to stop listening for whatever reason, you push pause and it's there for you Exactly, and if you're doing subscribe, you can't go back to where you're at. Back to the beginning. Also check out you can find me on all social media at sex with Emily across the board. I've really been enjoying Snapchat lately and Instagram stories and all that stuff and Facebook.com slash sex with Emily. Anderson, good to see you. Good to see you, M's looking good as always.

Thank you, honey. You too. Thanks. Um, happy you, M's. Looking good as always. Thank you, honey. You too. Thanks. Happy October. Happy October. And you know, this month is all about freaky stuff, like Halloween. People are into like costumes. So fucking weird, man, because it's all like rotting corpses

and the devil and you know, like ghouls and skeletons, all over the place, right? And then like six weeks from now, it's all like cupids and angels and majors. What would aliens think? I don't know if they can get out on the plant another person. It is really odd that it's like polar opposites. It's six weeks apart. It is odd, you're right.

And I like Halloween, but we get to dress like a slut. Dude, I do it every day. But here at Text Family, we decided that we're gonna go in the other direction of freaky, and we're taking the freak out of freaky sex. Love it. You know why? Because people feel so much shame.

You hear our callers and our listeners. Confusion and embarrassment about what they want behind their bedroom doors, with their clothes. And I don't want you guys to feel bad about what you want. I'm the least that you know. Yeah, you do not say you really don't. I never say a bad word. I do not judge.

I don't, I'm open. And I want you to fully embrace yourself too. And we're looking at ways you embrace yourself. It's like confession almost, and you're gonna make them feel like not guilty. It's like opposite of confession. They're gonna come confess to you and you're gonna go, you're great my child. Yeah, you don't have to do any,

or whatever, rose marries, or what do they do, what do they do in the Catholic church? I'm not, I'm not you. Hell, you don't know, no hell marries for you. Actually go all the way. I'm not a cow. I'm not a doing? I'm not you. Hell, you don't know hell marries for you. Actually go. Rose marries. Rose marries. Not a Catholic person.

Right, exactly. Bloody marries. I've never done confession. I want to do that one day. But we're looking at always, you know, this month, the exposure alley fetishes, fantasies, no matter what you're into, it's all good. And we don't judge. So check out the website for blog, social media, all about things kinky and things interesting

and things sexual we won't judge you. And we're doing a month, I keep saying that because I won't. Come confess to Emily and she'll send you off to have like two bloody mirrors. Well, is that a confession? Here's the thing. Doing a month long giveaway, just all you got to do is email. You can be a confession if you want but what's your hottest fancy like that one go to thing that always turned you on Email me feed back at secrificedelmy.com and you can win three one of three sexy prizes

Of course one is an original magic magic wand. We got a few others. It's gonna be fun. You can do you name? It's original The original baby so is it used? Yeah, it's my OG. It's not a hero. It's not. Yeah, it's, it comes in a plastic bag. Ziplocked steam wrapped. Freeze dried. You know what? I hate to say it, but that one probably would be worth more with your audience. Do you think I could sell it on eBay? Oh, absolutely. Maybe buy a house, eventually. I don't know about how Sam, let's not get ahead of ourselves, but I think you could sell one of your own personal use vibrators. I have so many in the garage.

If you want to know, what are you? What are you doing? Well, I mean, because I didn't have room in the house for all of them. I used to get rid of the ones I don't use anymore, but that's neither here nor there. How are you doing Anderson?

I'm doing good. My baby is probably here. Right. And my other baby. It's this moment which is nice of you to do the show where your wife's Hospital, it's like do it in a minute. She's yeah He could be here right now. I wouldn't even know actually my phone's on vibrate So it might buzz in any minute here and also a group is the movie dot com is a Gliven is going very very well, and I could use your help and you have a perk on there to him

I do come have brunch with Emily and her team and I. Yep, it's going to be fun. We are doing a special brunch. We'll have some bloody Mary's, speak me of which. Emma says. Thank you so much for being a part of this. Of course, Anderson. I'm so, I'm always supportive of you and so happy for you.

So there's very few, very limited number of perks for the lunch with Emily. And it is a little pricey, but it's good because we're going to show you a good time. I'm going to pick a tab and we're going to have mermosas and talk sex and relationships and move this and it is a little pricey, but it's good because we're gonna show you a good time. I'm gonna pick a tab and we're gonna have Mermosa's and talk sex and relationships and move. It's gonna be really good. I'm gonna give you a new vibrator. No use vibrators, all new vibrators. Just a good idea.

I was gonna bring a new one, but. It just tons a little fun, easy perks too. If you just wanna give a couple bucks, every bit counts, groupersthemovie.com. Thank you so much for helping me, everybody. The movie's important too. It's gonna be an important movie. It's all about home, phobia, gay bashing, and hate speech.

And I've even talked about squatters rights. Yeah, Anderson, so political. I'm really proud of you. I really am. We talked a lot about you doing this, and this has been a big part for you. Yeah, you've been a huge part of this, Emily, and you've been such a great supporter throughout all of this.

So every time I'm feeling down, I'll talk to Emily about the process, and she's like, you're doing so good. You're just, you're great. So thank you very much for being my friend and for helping me with all this. And I really, really mean that. You're the most supportive person

other than my wife in my life. You really are. That's so nice. You're number two. You're the second most supportive person. I hope my mom never hears this, but it's true. That's really sweet. I almost like crying if I was a cry.

You're actually art hearing up a little bit. Not a bit. That's really sweet, Anderson. Because I just bleeding out. It's because you haven't appeared. Is that why? I'm PMSing right now. No, I'm actually not, which is weird,

because I usually don't cry. Anderson, because I've always, I love you. You're very supportive as well. You're a great friend. Let's talk sex. Let's talk sex in the news. You got me sex in the news. Sometimes I cry during sex.

I do have sex in the news. Okay, yes. I've got some sex in the news. Sometimes I cry during sex. I do have sex in the news. OK, yes. I got some sex in the news. All right. Which political party hates condoms? Love's One Night stands. And oh, so much more. There's an infographic from skin condoms,

which breaks down sexual habits of both political parties. We are in the political season. It's great now. but which party are you in if you're a condom hating one night stand having three-some-loving sexual tyrannosaurus who can't be placed in normal societal buckets? What? I don't know.

Who are you? So here we go. It's a 2016 Millennial Sex Survey election edition. This is from Skin Condoms. Which are actually my favorite condoms. Right. SKYN. SKYN. You've learned so much on the show.

Okay, 60% of Democrats use condoms versus 46% of Republicans. This is real dude. When it comes to role play, Democrats prefer to play sexy strangers. While Republicans prefer to play out a sexy strip or scenario. Would you thought that? Yes. You would have thought sexy strippers scenario. Would you thought that? Yes. You would have thought sexy strip or?

I would have thought that. Because it's less conservative, don't take this the wrong way. Conservatives who may be listening. But I think if you guys is being a little less creative. Yeah, I hear you're saying maybe that doing the strangers, they're like,

I know you're not really a stranger. Just give me the strip or give me the strip. Give me the steak. Give me the steak. Yeah. You know what, I thought of skin should do they could do they have like color coded condoms and you don't tell your partner if you're a Democrat or a Republican till after sex and you pull out and they see if it's a red condom or a blue condom

And they're like, oh, you're a Democrat. I had no idea right it's a color coded condom. That'd be fun I like I like the eliteration and you don't see it color code icon them, yeah. Okay, so, but thank you for that. I can't believe a Republican was just inside of me. Get out. I know, yeah, exactly. It happens. Independence are most likely to be bisexual and bipartisan.

We get it sometimes just can't choose a side. Right. Think outside the ballot box, being conservative doesn't mean you're not adventurous. More Republicans and Democrats reported having sex in place outside the bedroom. Would you have thought that? Farms. Pool, plain, car, park, car, and church. Church. Did you dirty Republicans banging in church?

Well, you know, sometimes you hear these stories about the ones who are more conservative. I actually got a little actually in a church parking lot once, and I'm not a religious person at all, but I felt awful there. I feel awful now. That this feels wrong. I felt awful there. I feel awful now. Yeah. That this feels wrong. It felt very wrong. Although we used to hook up, but like Burmets wasn't soft in the temple. Oh, no, when I was 13, I didn't.

But like, I've tried to think about anything bad. What was the cemetery? I've never done anything in the same time. No, no, no. It was an interest being at all. No. Death and sex. Yeah, weird.

I'm trying to think if I didn't know. It doesn't matter. Religious stuff. No. That doesn't even, I lose my boner if I could get one. Evidently Republicans are banging in the churches. The banging in the churches. So one eight, only 64% of sexually active millennial Democrats have had a one eight

stand compared to 56% of sexually active millennial Republicans. Wait, what was the percentage there? 64 Democrats. 65 to 6. I don't know the size of your election. 33% Democrats, Republicans and a dependence report having an above average size penis. One-third. Overcompetiting for tiny hands isn't limited to one party. I get it because of Mark Rubio. Trump.

Yeah, Trump and Rubio, we're going back and forth on penis. But the man's right. I guess. It's a good time in America. I'm going to be hung up on this Republicans banging in that church's thing. I guess they spend so much time in churches it is. It's just a matter of time, right? I feel gonna be hung up on this Republicans' banging in church's thing. I'm sorry. I guess they spend so much time in churches it is. It's just a matter of time, right?

They're like, my nose have sex, right now outside the church. But you know what? Speak of sex in the new stories that kind of like stick with me. I know you have one too, the Swedish. Yeah, the Swedish eye contact. Mastervation got off, got free. Because you didn't make eye contact.

Make eye contact as he beat off at a public beach. We had one a few weeks ago about how dirt is, like everyone knows this, but for some reason reading about like the dirtiest places, like the bathrooms on airplanes, so I've been flying a lot lately. And I'm not usually one of these like, you know, like after like everything,

I mean, I washed my hands, but I'm like, I'm literally in there, like my, holding my breath, I paper the whole walls until I don't touch anything. Why do you paper the walls? I like put paper down everywhere and then I leave the bathroom and like the whole walls until I don't touch anything. I like to be paper the walls. I like put paper down everywhere that I leave the bathroom. The whole airplane is so dirty. Crazy prisoner.

It's like, because I didn't get sick. Okay. So I feel like that grossed me out. But um. The idea of people banging in there. Just, no, it wasn't, I don't even know if it was a sex in the history about the dirtiest places that sex and then just talked about all the like, that is the dirtiest.

I did. And then I've been flying so much They're the airplane bathers. It's about dirty by going to the bathroom. Yeah, so don't do that I would think like in the back of a garbage truck We'll be dirty. Yeah, but people don't do that Often okay to wrap up our story here about Republican I mean Republicans have got sex. There's one thing we could all agree on Millennial Democrats Republicans and independence all say their top qualities in a partner are being attractive,

playful, and funny. We all say that, don't we? Well, yeah. Yeah. See, we're all like. Yeah, we're all like. We all like things that are attractive. All right.

And funny. Okay, now we're going to give a little shout out to our sponsors. Thank you everybody for supporting our sponsors and supporting us in the show. We love you. We are you. We are back. My friends at Joe recently asked me which of their products was my favorite.

Obviously, that's really hard to say. They have so many options. I mean, am I supposed to pick the organic? I mean, I like that. The silicone, the flavored. So they're watching me struggle to pick just one. And then they interrupted and said, okay, Emily, if you could make your ideal loop, what would it be? Well, what a question.

But then it got intense. They said they would actually make it. That's right, they would make a loop that I want. This is literally a dream come true for me. So I said yes, but on one condition, they had to consider your input as well. So here's the deal. I need you to help me create my dream loop. To be a part of my dream team, go to sexwithemily.com slash dream loop and take our short survey. With your input, Joe will create the next great loop in their amazing lineup. To sweeten the deal, Joe is giving away price packages to 10 lucky participants.

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Okay, Anderson, I'm excited. This is the first show we back call set up. I know, I miss, I miss call so much. I miss the calls from the level of the end of the month. And actually Drew was on the show a few weeks ago and he's like, this is fun, you gotta take call as you're doing it. You know what this reminds me of? The basically bell that you got for Mike and Drew back on Loveline days of the infamous,

like famous, basically, but I have it. You got it for them. I have it. It says ring bell for sex. And that is going to be up for grabs to a random person who donates to groopersthemovie.com. The actual bell. You can put it in a... Yeah, it's like a conversation piece. It's actual piece of history

It is the piece of that right now if you go to groupers the movie dot com That is and you contribute anything you will be in the drawing I'm gonna. I want to use vibrator with that too no use vibrators, but basically Bell is up four grabs for a love line listeners. We hate it. The basically Vell for every time I hear basically I hear ding I still do okay. That's a good one all right We've our first call. We've got Kelsey, 21 from California, and she wants to know when to take a Manatorium,

which is a coin that I turned to while ago when I was gonna give up men for a while, and take a break. I did. I did turn the coin. Okay, so after getting out of an unsatisfactory relationship, a friend suggested that Kelsey takes a break from guys as a sexual cleanse for the fall semester, and she wants to know if it works and how to get through it.

Hey Kelsey! Hi! Hi! I'm good, how are you? I'm good. Yeah. So tell me about the sexual cleanse. Basically, I was writing in the car with my friend. She was like, I took his after breakfast with my boyfriend We like I did the tender thing for a little bit and that just was a disaster

Right, so how many times see how many times that you have sex though before you realized it was a disaster on Tinder Oh like Hi Okay, okay, all right. Thanks. That's Anderson, by the way. Okay. So you went out with a, you guys in Tinder, you're driving with your friend and you're like, you know what, Tinder kind of sucks and she's like, take a sex off of it. Yeah.

Why don't you just, like, you just got to have a three year relationship. Like, why don't you just take a break and kind of figure out, like, because I was, like, 18 at the time in the, like, 22. And so she's like, that's a big change. Why don't you just take a break and kind of figure out like, because I was like 18 at the time and then I'm 22 and so she's like, that's a big change. Why don't you just take a break and kind of figure out what the new plan is. So since I moved from Southern California to Northern California, she said, why don't you take this first semester at your new school as just a break to just work on just you and like not only great, to just work on just you and not only date anyone, but avidly say no to anyone. So I was like, okay, I can do it. And she's like, okay, so we have a 16 week bet. And now we're on

week seven. And yeah, how's it going? It's hard. It's hard when I go home and visit people. Like here, I don't know anyone, but when I go to 7th California, it's like all the old like flames come back. Right. Okay. Yeah. Well, okay. So, you know, I don't know if you, I didn't, you're originally mad enough you talk about the mandatory and but I actually did this a few years ago, and I said, I'm going to take a break from men because I felt like it was just getting unhealthy and I was going from guy to guy. And so I wanted to make sure that you, so did this sound like the right thing to you? Like, are you, I agree that after three years in a relationship and you're 18 to 21, those are really young, formative years, and it's great to just kind of take a break and take some time to get to know yourself out of a relationship.

So I think that's good advice. But to completely, how does it feel for you to not be dating anybody else at all, to not be dating? Is not dating part of this? Yeah, not dating is part of it, too. Well, right now, I kind of feel like it making me a little bit more lonely than I normally would be in a new place Because I could like go out and date and like get to know people that way and so now it's kind of like I have to focus on like just

friendships and not so much is like having Like that person right I get that see where's the thing. I think it's that person. Right. I get that see what's the thing. I think it's, um, he might vice would be I'm all for like just dating and where I get tender can be like, I mean, first go on tender and it's like all those people and you get frustrated and just not calling it back or you're having sex with them that can be a bit much. But I think that maybe there's a happy medium here where you could go on dates of people and you could still meet people and you just like maybe

not into a relationship and like kind of take sex off the table because I agree if you're in a new city, new town, and your first freshman year college or no, you're 21. So, I junior college, I mean, it's like, so I feel like, which say? Yeah, guys love that. What? When they take sex off the table, they love it. No, but you don't have to say that. I'm just saying that you could just kind of say, you know what, I'm not going to sleep with someone right away. So made for you, that might be just like, you don't tell them on the first date, I'm not sleeping with anybody.

I'm saying in your brain, you can just be like, you know, I'm just going to date a few people right now and not get into a whole like serious relationship again. I think there's kind of a happy medium if you're feeling lonely at school. I mean, what do you think about that? Yeah, that definitely sounds like a better idea.

Yeah. Like, instead of isolating myself from men in general, just kind of taking it easy and slow. Yeah, because it doesn't seem healthy to me. I mean, I get it. Your friend wants to be helpful. Maybe at the time you were like, God damn it. These dinders and these men, but I feel like you know, new town, you want to eat men and women. Like why take men off the table, right? It, God dammit, these dinder and these men, but I feel like you're new town, you wanna eat men and women,

why take men off the table, right? It's like 50% of our culture. You gotta meet some people, make some friends. What are you the g Anderson? Why are you laughing? Because yeah, you can't just take men off because it's half the population. It is half the population.

And like friends, I have a lot of really good guy friends that I've met in college, and I did not sleep with some idea. They still became my friends, but the point is, I feel like you're putting a lot of restrictions on yourself and you're in a new town. Do you think you can actually go out on dates and see guys and not have sex?

Are you going to be too tempted? Is it going to be too tough to keep that going? I think I can. It's hard when I feel like that's all the guy wants. So that's like, I guess it's a good way to weed things out or weed guys out when I'm like no that's not happening And I think if you're at a date like for maybe like you know a couple two three guys at the same time Just keep it completely not platonic, but like not be thinking about sex and not be thinking about the next move and Be clear with them and you'll weed out the bad guys for sure

And I think you might actually be able to focus a little bit more on things that are probably as important as sex that you might not be able to focus on if sex is always at the end of the day, right? Yeah. Yeah. And Kelsey. Yeah, I think Kelsey, that you also don't want to put too much pressure on yourself either. Like if you do see for someone, that's fine. You're not doing anything wrong.

You're not like a sex addict. You haven't heard anybody like, you know what I mean? It's fine. So I think go a little easier on yourself. But I think it's great that this is in your consciousness right now that you know what I mean, it's fine. So I think go at Louisiana yourself, but I think it's great that this is in your consciousness right now that you know that you don't want to jump into anything and just have some fun and go easy on it and yeah, don't jump into anything right now.

You're good. Have you noticed that since you've been doing this just six weeks in, right? Seven. Seven, congratulations. Have you been looking at porn more often or being with yourself more often since you started this moratorium?

Yeah, my friend handed me a vibrator when she was like, we're doing this for six weeks, and I was like, okay, so yeah. That's good. Hey, I'm not going to knock masturbation at all, but I don't know this friend. She's got it. I don't know. I just don't like that she's, she's the one who's putting this down if it doesn't go great to you. That's what girls do. Like they get together and they, no, they get it. There's a sign fall episode all about this. It's great, except it was about masturbation. They didn't even let themselves masturbate.

So Kelsey, just be a little kind of yourself. And I think it's important to just go out and make some friends and just get to know guys, okay? Let us know how helpful it's in a new city. Yeah, we'll enjoy the Bay Area. I love it. So, okay, thanks for calling. Well, thanks for your advice.

Yeah, you're welcome. Thank you. Bye. She wanted to say something, I can tell. Oh, thanks for advice. And yeah, you're welcome. Thank you. Bye. She wanted to say something. I can tell. Oh, did you want to say something, Kelsey? She has something else. Oh, nope.

Just thanks for calling me and giving me this advice, and then, Emily. You're so welcome, Kelsey. Thanks, Kelsey. Hang out in the gay section. It'll be easier for you to not bang. Yeah, make up. Yeah, exactly.

Go easy on yourself. Okay. Bye, Kelsey. Yeah, I'm not down. Yeah, exactly. Go easy on yourself. Okay. Bye, Kelsey. Yeah. Thank you. Bye. Nice.

That your first call on a long time, right? The first call on the... Yeah. So that was a success. That was a success. First call on the new studios. I know. I'm very excited.

This is happening. And so people, we have a new... I think we have a way you can do it on the... Yeah, how do people want to be a part of the program? How do they do that? They go to the Ask Emily tab on the website. And then there's a, when you send in your emails, because you don't get 100s emails a day, you can just tick the button that says, yes,

I'd like to call into the show. I'd like to be a part of the program. I'd like to be a part of the program. And for years, I've been wanting this to happen. It's a great question, too. I like the idea. Maybe it's because I'm a married guy, and I'm not out there playing the field anymore.

And I know it's a selfish, selfish of me, but I like the idea of a young girl not having sex in the city. I know. I like that. I like that. 16 weeks of clean. I like that too, but I didn't like that her friend. It sounded like it was a lot of her friend and the pressure and the friend getting mad at her.

And so I like to have the medium. Yeah, her friend was like, we're doing this. And how quickly does that relationship end when she finds out that her friend is banging left and right? I just think that when you do these kind of things, sometimes it's good to be accountable, held accountable by a friend, but being in New City, it can be long.

The way that she said it to, the way that she set it up was like her friend comes in and says, we're doing this. Here's a vibrator. I like that. I didn't like that. But I did a mandatory, I kind of alluded to that, but I did call it a mandatory.

And it was probably about six years ago. And it was while I was doing like that. But, you know, I did a Manatorium. I kind of alluded to that, but I did call it a Manatorium. And it was probably about six years ago. And it was while I was doing the show. And I was just going from guy to guy to guy. And I just felt like I'm gonna do, I think it was six months. I mean, no man, no dating. And it was actually, it was healthy, but I was a different phase of my life.

Did you miss, did you miss the Wien? No. You did? What? That was pretty quick, Am. I believe that you didn't miss that dick too much. It That was pretty quick, Am. I believe that. You didn't miss that dick too much. It wasn't even that I was like sleeping around so much.

It was that I'd been in like a lot of intense relationships and emotionally drained. Instead of taking your own advice, I really had always been in a relationship since I was like 16. Right. And I thought, take a little break and I did learn. Did that break the cycle for you?

What? When you took that break? Yeah, it did. No, I didn't take it since I was 10. No that break the cycle for you? What? When you took that break? Yeah, it did. No, I haven't dated since I was 10 now. It just made me realize it like, because like she was saying, when you're used to being someone your brain kind of has, you loop to like, you know,

friends, food, eating, work, school, boy. Jenna, girl, no, no, no, no, like sex, boyfriend. And we don't have that, you realize it's so consuming? Yeah, even if you know. And I wasn't working on realize that it's so consuming? Yeah, even if you know, I wasn't working on myself. Like I was saying to her, if you know it's off the table for yourself, you're not, you know, you're gonna be able to focus

on other things. He doesn't even have to know necessarily. You just know that that's not an option for you. And it's gonna help you, I think, focus. I know that I would be so much more clear-headed if I went into like dating, thinking, all right, this is not going to end tonight and sex. It's not going to.

Instead of, because you know, when a guy goes out with you, thinking, all right, this is not going to end tonight in sex. It's not going to. Instead of, because you know when a guy goes out with you, I think that's all he's thinking. About what, once every 20, 30 seconds, he's thinking, all right, is that a good move? Are we getting closer? Especially guys in their 20s. Well, I think always, right?

Okay, we're going to take another call. Call time. All right, our next call is Sydney. She's 21, she lives in New York, and she wants to know how long to wait before having sex. She's looking for advice on new relationships. Should you wait to see if there's a spark before jumping into bed?

And so how long should you wait? Okay, hey, Sydney. Hi, Emily, I love your show. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thanks for calling in. This is our first call show. So I'm excited that you're on, and I'm here with Anderson. Hi, Sydney. Hi, Anderson.

This is exciting. So, okay, so I just gave little synopsis. So did you want to add anything to that? No, I think I pretty much covered what I wanted to talk about. Okay, so you want to know how long to wait before having sex. I feel like, okay, so there's a lot of different schools of thought around this, but I think that there's no harm in waiting to have sex. Right. I understand when you first meet someone, the sparks can be flying, but oftentimes we see people way too quickly, and then we get attached to the sex, and then we can't see the red flags waving in the distance, or whatever, you know, going on, and I feel like when you jump right into sex, it just kind of can take

away some of the getting to know each other and the build up and the excitement and a lot of times waiting to have sex is like the best part, not the best part, but it's like really I think it is the anticipation can be very exciting when you're meeting someone new. So I think, um, yeah, I think it's best to wait as long as it feels right to you. But again, I don't believe also that there's rules like, you know, a lot of people see people on the first date, but that's great too.

I think if you want to know typically, I think it's great to wait till you know someone. A little bit. Okay, I usually get bored around the three month marks. So I was wondering if there was a way to tell Okay, I usually get bored around the three month marks. So I was wondering if there was a way to tell maybe if you can wait it out before you actually creep with them or sleep with them and then see what happened afterwards. Oh, interesting.

Wait, wait, wait, she goes three months without having to. Wow, Cindy, that's great. You wait three months. Yes. Yeah. Are you dating priests? No, I am not. I think that three months, I mean, I think that then, okay, so there are some schools of thought that do say, like, wait, three months or wait until you're committed. I think that three months, and how often have you been seeing these people, like, how many dates would you say?

Maybe once a week, twice a week. Yeah. And is it typically like there is a spark but you're waiting for like this just a reason for more days to go by or is it that you, why are you typically waiting, you think? I think I'm just very, I'm one of the people who's extraordinarily picky. So if I see something that doesn't sit right with me,

I wait to see if something else just like that's gonna happen. So this is a different scenario. She's sitting around waiting for him to screw up. So she's gonna be like, yeah, so now I'm thinking that you are maybe waiting too long to have sex. I'm not sure how you, so. How is that working with the guys?

They're giving you Guff or they're giving you grief for they trying to make moves on you as it causing any issues that way Yes, it is kind of causing some issues with some people with other people. They kind of don't care Yeah, okay, so what's gonna happen Emily is sick when Sydney finally ends up with a guy She's probably gonna find a guy who has a very low sex drive who can deal with this. Yeah. I feel like you, I mean, do you get intimate with them? Do you have like, yeah.

Okay, so you hope to do everything but, sex. Right. Okay, I mean, I think you even by then, though, you could probably tell if you like them, but I'm curious why you're looking for all these, you know, you're assuming that everyone's gonna, you're not gonna screw up. Yeah, I don't know why it looks for it. I I really don't know. I mean, I wish I could answer that one. Have you always been like that Sydney? Yes. Hmm. I feel like there's probably something from her

childhood your parents are your parents still together? No, my parents have been divorced a very long time, right? Did you like catch your dad cheating on your mom or something like that? Yeah, I did yeah, you did yeah, I mean So it's trust issues that she probably has to work out because she doesn't I I feel like if I was Girl I Sydney I would totally wait a very long time before I let a man enter me I so I can and Emily I think that you it's a much different thing for a lady Yeah, it is so it sounds like something that's something you need to work out with a little therapy Yeah, I mean, so if you've been in a serious relationship before yes, okay, like how long of a relationship?

Almost two years did he cheat I didn't do he cheat Did he cheat? I don't believe so okay, she doesn't totally trust that yeah,, I feel like there's so much. Here's the things, you're 21 years old. 29? You're 29. Because you just sound like more of a mature woman, I can just tell. So I think that, yeah, therapy, I'm telling you Cindy, these, we all have patterns and relationships.

We can, our parents, they do the best, they can, or you know, what happens in our early relationships in life, they form who we are. And if you realize this pattern's happening you're dating guys and it's taken long it's not even about how long you're waiting I think it's about the stuff that you're feeling about any new guy like it doesn't matter who it is have you been in therapy before yes okay so you've talked about this stuff and you it's come up oh it's come up plenty of times we're still kind of

fishing through it can I can I just say this? I have friends of mine. Actually, somebody I'm not going to name names, but a very, very close person in my life has given up on relationships entirely because he did not like being hurt the one time that his heart was broken and he decided no more for me. And he's alone now. He's probably going to be alone for the rest of his life. And it's tragic and I'm very sad for him and I wish I could help him. And it sounds like you're kind of on the same path, but you're doing better than my friend is because you're actually out there and dating people,

but you're really, really worried about getting hurt. And that's something that you have to work on. Right. And part of being close to someone is learning to be vulnerable and you're gonna get hurt. But it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and that you are like, you know, if you're dating people, they're not being abusive towards you.

And you're actually the one who's deciding that you don't want to be with them. So I would say that maybe if to open up a little bit and let yourself become not all relationships are going to be perfect and you're going to get hurt. Yeah. Exactly. We're all going to get hurt. So thanks, and keep us posted how it goes. And thanks for calling in.

I appreciate it. But three months is too long for you. Thank you so much. Yeah. Thanks. Thank you. Bye. Thank you. Bye. M you have, uh, you have ever been in a relationship to one three months. Yeah. Four sex. No, I've not waited three months. I was a one six months once. Really? Yeah.

Hello, three. It's just like my best friend and then I realized like, no, damn, I come my God, I'm attracted to her. It's weird. That happens, right? That you just turn around. It's rare, but yeah, it happened to me once. I, oh, no. Well, the first time I had sex was ever lost my virginity, if you will, on the infamous water bed. I waited 11 months, but that was my first time. So that's like that weird, right? I was 17.

You had to wait to like 17 years. But I'd wait 17 years and 11 months. But no, but since then, no. If I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, may, if I may, may, I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, if I may, I may, if I may, if pre adult sex. Yeah, exactly. I had one month to spare.

But then on three months, I think these days, I mean, that's a long time. How old was the guy? He was a year old, he was 18. It's illegal. It's illegal. Oh, dude, you sound like that. It's statutory.

It's fine. OK, so that was fun with the call. Yeah, I love the calls. Like I said, I know we're working on you guys. We're working on the logistics here, but the kinks, but it's our first time. So and then eventually what I'd love to do is Just have a time of day

Every week we announce that our social media or something that will let people know when they can call him Freefrahl. Okay, so let's get to an email. Yeah Hi, Dr. Morse Got a quick question regarding online dating. I know girls get lots of messages So what can we do to make our messages stand out? What are some good conversations to get the ball road rolling? Thanks, Pove.

This is a great question, Anderson, because as you know, I have data online, and if guide just says to me, you get bombarded by a lot of messages. So if a guide says, hey, or you look hot, I'm done, I'm out, like I'm not gonna answer, because I get matches and things. So I think you have to stick out from the crowd.

And you have to say something clever, and you don't have to be like some comedians, that's gonna have to be like, oh, tell the joke, be yourself, read her profile, and make up some kind of like, okay, can I have my phone, somebody I wanna read you a good first message? Do you like blow jokes? It's like be a good texture, okay, can I, can I have my phone? Somebody, I'm gonna read you a good first message. Do you like blow-jump?

It's like, be a good textor. You know what I mean? Like, it's like being- Being gauging and- Being gauging, say something, I can show you a bad one and a good one. I haven't opened my Tinder in a while. This will be fun.

Lead with something that listens to response too, so that the conversation continues. Exactly. Don't just say, glad we matched. Hope you're having a great Saturday. Like, no, that's not going to be there. Should be a question mark somewhere in your response. Right. Ask a question and maybe later speaks like Spotify. Okay,

this is my tender. Um, who did I respond to? So there's a lot I didn't respond to. And let's see who I chatted with here. Like you were like, how's your weekend? Mine was too short. Okay, I mean, maybe that would respond to that kind of bed. God, a lot of them get deleted. Okay, first message. I am kind of picky. Honestly, I don't, I can't find them at this moment.

What I would say is that, let's, you're reading her profile and she says something like, you know, whatever. I just moved to LA and I like horseback riding and I work in public relations. No, you could say something like, you know, I once fell off a horse, so maybe you could, I don't like, if you did fall off a horse, if you were sorry about a horse, about PR, like make a joke, be personal, just show that you're at a propel. It can be one sentence, but don't just say you look hot, glad we matched. happy Sunday. Ask a question. Yeah, you know, ask a question and just be clever.

Don't compliment her looks. That's pretty easy. Like some good conversations to get the ball rolling. I mean, it's kind of like it's tough. You don't want to be like, what do you do for fun? As a lady though, as a female, Emily. It's a other app that I use. Would you be, you use dozens?

Would you be a little creeped out if like, let's say, they asked a lot of very specific questions that made you think that they'd researched you first. Would that creep you out? Or does it depend on what he looks like? I think everybody researches everybody. And in fact, I've had these, like if he was like talking about your hometown

and what you do for a living, all this stuff from a person you don't know with that freak you out of. Well, here's the thing I mentioned that I went to Michigan. And so he's like, hey, go blue. I was always a Spartans fan. And I was like, okay, that's a connection. No, but to me, that was a message that I answered.

Thank you for saying that. And I was like, yeah, okay, go blue. But don't go overboard with it with talking about our elementary school. Exactly. And so this guy, yeah, don't ask how many people she slept with. That's a bad one. No, don't ask who would shut up with. And this And so this guy, yeah. Don't ask how many people she slept with. That's a bad one.

No, don't ask who she slept with. And this guy just said hello there. That's no good. No, that was no good. Obviously, I didn't know that. He thinks his picture's going to take him a long way. What does picture look like? Hello there.

I bet you if you did a study, there'd be a graph. And it shows you the better looking the person is, the more boring their responses are. I bet you. Say this how, if they're going to be. The better looking they are, I bet the lazier they are with. Just like that theory, if I like women and men and men or hot guys and men don't like that, do anyone.

Do you see models walking around like, they just look boring. They don't have to offer anything up, because they're hot. I don't know, I think you still gotta offer things up. Okay, so this guy sets me and I messaged him. He said, according to this ridiculous app, we find each other reasonably attractive. So I thought I'd drop a note to say hi, because I'm a giver like that. You're welcome.

That's a cut and paste job. That guy's, I don't know, I answered it. He's spreading that. I can tell you that's a cut and paste job. Well, it's a good one. Okay. This guy said, how was your weekend? My was too short. It's my only face. I didn't answer him. But again, you're dick. That was terrible. Hey, you're beautiful. Do you live in Chicago? I think I was in Chicago. Like, no, I didn't answer that one. So be clever. He was looking for a little road to.

Yeah, I would think I was in Chicago. It's like, maybe I was looking for a road to. I haven't had for that, right? Like where it's just like your own vacation. You look up. You look up. You look up. Like I used it when I was in somewhere, Mexico.

I didn't use it in Germany. You used it in Mexico. You dirty, dirty, perfect. No, I was showing someone in Mexico how it worked. I didn't actually it in Germany. You used it in Mexico. You dirty, dirty, dirty person. No, I was showing someone in Mexico how it worked. I did actually use it, but I got matched with a bunch of people in Mexico, which is really a good time. You close the app, you turn around, there's this like 10 dudes waiting. Exactly. They somehow find where you are. Exactly. Can we get another email?

Hey, Emily, I listen on Dogcatcher podcast player for Android. What? Did you know that? I've never heard of that. Me neither. For over six years, he's been listening. Dog catcher. Yeah, I love it. I'm glad that you found a way to listen. I don't like actual dog catchers. They're mean to dogs. Yeah, we've got dogs a lot. My wife and I have decided to divorce. I'm semi-athletic for a nine-year-old who will be starting over and want to make and want to make few mistakes. What would you say? He doesn't want to make mistakes anymore.

What would you say are the top things to do or not to do other than no head pushing? What? Oh, like with a oral. Yeah. Don't push. And not rushing anything. Thanks, I like forward to it. You menace and or Anderson have to say.

And or. I mean, you're not going to to say and or Mike Pennsylvania 49 Okay, so starting over go yellow. It's like about sex Yeah, what's he? What no? Yeah, what's the ladies like these days because he's been out of the game for a while? Yeah, I would say well, but he's gonna be dating them and who are like I hope alien is I don't know not hopefully whatever You're gonna be dating but dating is a lot different now.

I mean, it's texting. Teens now, illegal. I don't know how much sex has changed, but if you in your marriage of six years, you know, you always want to go slow. You want to pay attention to what she wants. You don't want to rush sex. Right. So, for a place always really important, I'm sure if you've been listening to this, oh, you've been listening for six years.

Okay, so I think you got my sex tips, Mike. I feel like you maybe want some dating tips about how to get back into it. And we did a great show. People really responded to it called the dating after divorce. I think it was called that, like just like that. And it gave a lot of great tips.

But I think you just want to, do you want to make few mistakes? First of all, that's your first mistake. Saying that you want to make few mistakes. First of all, that's your first mistake saying that you want to make few mistakes because you're going to, whatever you deem a mistake. So he did say he wants to make mistakes. He wants to make few mistakes. Few mistakes.

So you're going to make mistakes. You're going to make mistakes. That's good that he's owning that. And he makes mistakes. No, he wants, he doesn't want it. He doesn't want to make up too many. But he knows he's going to make, he wants to make it as few as possible.

You're going to make mistakes. OK, so I think, I mean, honestly, you want to just, I say, date as many people as you can right now, because I think that what happens a lot of times when you start, you were in a relationship, and what we tend to do is we tend to heal our past relationships and our current relationship. So let's say you decided to, you know,

you guys are getting divorced because your wife was an introvert and didn't like to go out. So you might start dating someone who has all these parties and all these friends and she thinks she's the best and she's the one we overcompensate in our current and our past.

So I would just be careful for that because you've been craving, you know, you've been mindful of that because you've been craving some things that are missing. So I would say that that you should take Thank you. I think that you should take your time getting to know people and I do think that I Think that tides are turning a little bit. It's changing that people are looking to be a little more open and not commit right away And to date several people once is okay

And it's okay to let people know that it takes you well to get to know someone and you're not looking to settle down right away and to date several people once is okay and it's okay to let people know that it takes you well to get to know someone and you're not looking to settle down right away and I think that people women really appreciate the honesty because I think this whole notion that you should date someone three times and lock them down is sort of like old fashion really old fashion because what we're saying essentially is a lot of times it is you know I'm used to your type of here but women a lot of times they will we're gonna are, I want to make sure that we are committed. It's almost like saying, I don't really know you well enough, we might have had sex

are going on a few times, but I want to lock you down. So you don't see with anyone else, I don't see with anyone else, and then we can figure out if we like each other. Which to me seems like why not date several people at once, get to know them, and some people can't, I'm not saying just sleep with everybody, but go out several dates and not rush into it and get to really know people and get to know yourself again, Mike, because you've probably changed a lot. So I was going to say you should use this time to work on yourself too, because I'm sure that you were part of the reason why the divorce happened.

I don't think it was all her fault or all your fault, but you probably brought some bad things into that relationship and try and figure out what those were by yourself and improve them for your future relationships. That's a really good point. I think that everybody's going to do work after relationships. And then I also have a business model for you. I mean, I felt like this should be something that exists for years and years and years. And Mike would be a perfect applicant for this. A rebachelored party. People that get divorced, they go to have rebachelored party where they have all their friends And they go out to strip joints and they learn and they learn from people like you about like the new like dating What to do they reactivate some back into the dating population yeah

Rebachelored party like a divorce boot camp. You don't need a bachelor party when you're about to get married I mean you're in love and you got the right to worry about it It's kind of a, that's kind of a way. Bachelor parties are old fashioned. But nowadays, especially with so many people breaking up, we're in bachelor party. We're in bachelor party. All started going up in Vegas or something. Yes.

Okay, thank you for the best battle. It's already invented. If anyone wants it, you know. I hope I never have to use it. Dude, you won't. You're over to baby. Okay, we've got another email. Hi Emily, so I was on a trip abroad solo

having the best time by myself and I meet an awesome guy. We hang out, we have the best time, and then we have sex. All seemed good to me but then afterwards, he was saying he didn't really like the noises I made. Honestly, I wasn't being noisy at all just simply letting what came naturally happen. He said he thought it sounded like I was faking it. I'm a bit confused because most of the guys I've been with really enjoyed hearing me enjoy and actually want more noise, more auditory validation.

So what's the deal on making noises? I don't really carry the way, but I would love to hear your take on this. Thanks so much. Love your perspectives. Kayla age 24. God, I'm glad you wrote Kayla. Kayla, who's got that cake? She's on moaning.

This guy's a douchebag. Keep making your noises. I am so glad that you have it because these are the kind of things Anderson that happened to people in bed and forever on should be like mute. It would be rude if they had been dating for three years and he said that. The fact that it was after the first time they had sex and he has the balls to say that, he's just kind of a dick. At least you know that he doesn't secure. Yeah, he's insecure. And who knows? Maybe she's on a trip abroad. Maybe he's from a country where they don't make a lot of noises. Maybe his mom heard. We don't know what it is.

What? His mom might have heard, maybe it's happening at home. I don't know, but there are some big rights. That's true. You know what? It fairness to him, if that was the case, he has every right to say, hey, can you not be so loud next time? Well, it was with that mom, it was the store.

Or maybe he didn't, he what, here's the thing. We don't judge. We're trying not to judge, but this guy sounds like a dick. No, the only reason why I said douchebag is because I just don't like that he shamed you and made you feel bad for making noises because again These are the kind of things same with guys you one time they get their penis Left at they criticize for something they do and they never do it again. We all get stuck so You're right Kayla that mostly from why here for men is that the more auditory

Validation the better and if it feels good to you, the truth is the more noises we make sometimes women, it's like we, it's because like sex feels good, it can help us enhance orgasm. It's a form of communication too, letting the guy know what they're doing it right. Yeah, the whole thing. Keep doing that. Yeah, keep doing that Kayla. My, yeah, my take on this is like keep on keeping on. Some guys might not like it, but guess what, those aren't the guys for me. If I was the guy who didn't like talking a lot, or loud noises, apparently I'm loud in bed. There's something a little bit off with this guy

that he would have been the nerve to actually call you on that. Maybe he had a lot of experiences. Oh, he thought she was faking it too, so maybe he watched his point out. And secure. This is not about Eukala at all, and I would just pretend this didn't, you know. I do wish all people had a lot of these.

I'd love to be able to turn people up and down as you would turn everyone down I would turn most people down a lot of people would be turned right down yes oh okay I think it's all we got time for what did we say everything we needed to say this was exciting with the calls thank you everyone for hanging out and um for calling in and let us know if you would like to call and. You're saving America. You're saving the world one orgasm at a time. That was my first business card. I know.

Did you know that? Was it the world? Saving the world one orgasm at a time. And then I felt like everything was like saving the world this and that, like one childhood time. Right. Anyway, I'm saving, but still I should be a bit. Because it was intertwined.

Kind of retro. Right. I'm back. Right. Anyway, I'm saving, but still I should be a backer. And her toy. Kind of retro. Brand back. Okay. Thanks Anderson. Good luck with the baby. Good luck with the film. Thank you. Yeah.

ScroopersTheMovie.com. Just a simple follow. Takes about 30 seconds would be huge. And I promise I don't spam you. But be great if we get to unlock that gift box. The filmmakers gift box. Yeah, do that. And kind of brunch with us.

Thanks. Yeah, come up brunch. It's going to be a really good time. And thank you everybody for following us on all social media. We appreciate it. It's all at sex with Emily and Facebook.com. So I'm slash with Emily and subscribing to the show and our newsletter and all on the website.

Sex with Emily. She gives great email. I do, everyone for the size of my email. Okay everyone, thanks so much for listening. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithethylane.com. I just returned from an amazing trip to Europe where I had the honor of helping to launch

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