Sex With Emily - Married & Sexless

Episode Date: March 4, 2015

It’s one of the top searched relationship problems on Google and it could be happening to you.. Today’s podcast is all about sexless relationships! Emily breaks down some of those pesky problems that may be hindering your sex life and provides guidance to help you through them. From mismatched libidos to opposite sex schedules, Emily covers some of the most common sexless relationship questions that she gets asked, and shares tips on how to break through those sexual barriers. She and Menace also discuss the different ways to open up the conversation and suggest new ways to mix things up in the bedroom.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Did you know that sexless marriage and sexist relationship are some of the top relationship related subjects searched on Google? It makes sense because it's one of the top questions I get asked. What do we do about our sexist relationship? So in today's show I'm giving you tips and how to get the sex back in your relationship. If it's already there we're gonna give you tips and how to spice it up. So thanks everyone for listening. And thank you so much for supporting our sponsors, especially when that's very close to my heart,

and probably your balls or your sweaty breasts so you're back. That is down under comfort by Emily and Tony. Yes. Manus, you love it. I take care of my sweaty breasts with it all the time and my balls. Right.

It's amazing, right? It's amazing. No, it is really cool. And I just ask you for some more all the time and my balls. Right. It's amazing, right? No, it is really cool. Can you just ask me for some more, when we get away? I walked in. I'm telling you, every guy, I'm not just saying this because you're my friend and this is a product that you're behind, but every guy has smelly balls and women don't want to smell that.

Exactly, it smells like a gym locker. Yeah. I'm sorry, even if you showered in the morning by three, four o'clock. Yeah, and a gym locker. So if you do this, what, how much is it? It's like $18. It's like $18, right?

You spend that much at talkable if you're me, right? So, in a day. In a day. And so you spend $18, and do you think you put this on and women don't mind going down there. Don't you want that in your life? Exactly. You're always right, exactly.

Yeah. So, if you're going to spend $18 and have a woman go down there all the time, I think that's a good investment, don't you? I think it's a great investment. Yeah, it's exactly. And a lot of people use Tell Compower. It is, it's carcinogenic.

It's messy. It looks like you're doing something with weird drugs on your floor. This is a cream to a powder formula. It stays localized so you don't sweat women, your breast lower back, anywhere that you sweat. And if you chafed the gym, it's also a dry shampoo. And men's health voted it the number one product

you didn't know you needed. So, oh, it's 18 bucks. However, if you use code Emily at Emily and Tony.com, you get 20% off. So, you know what? Your balls will be happy. Your girlfriend will be happy and everyone will be happy. When you get down at her comfort at Emily and Tony.com, use code Emily. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our secret institutions. Betrubized, they call them in a bag on day. Hey, Aveline, you got a boyfriend?

Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. It's a lie. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean like laundry? It's drinks. Can we not talk about sex so. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean like laundry? It's shrink?

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here so... Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. Hello, thank you for listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can check out all of our podcasts, sign up for our mailing list, subscribe to the podcast so you don't ever, I don't

know if you guys know this works, but we do two shows a week, you don't have to go search them for it. You can get it right in your inbox. You can listen to an app on your smartphone, you can use Stitcher, you can use the podcast one app, you can use the podcast app for my tunes. It is so easy and you can drive along, like, don't listen to the radio, listen to your phone, and check out the text that Emily never missed it and sign up for mailing lists because my newsletter rocks, I have to say. You got it.

It's a good news. Totally. I give good newsletter. And also, follow me on Twitter and Instagram and Facebook, sex with Emily. Totally appreciate it. Love it. And menace, I need to tell you about

a very important event that you're invited to. Okay. And the reason why I was so excited about this was because of you. That I agreed to host this event because of you. Wow. Which means you. I have to come. Okay, when is it? It's steak and BJ day. Okay, and it's March 13th at Hustler Hollywood. And steak and BJ day if you don't know is it is a holiday?

I'm certain was not invented by Hallmark, but man a month, it's actually March 14th is the actual date. Yeah. But we're having the party at March 13th in the evening. We're actually having steaks. I'm thinking a little wheebies in a bun or something. Okay. It's, it's a, how's the Hollywood? And it is, stay competitive. Guys create it because I think they thought,

ah, we get a bad rap. We get a bite of flowers. We get a lean over and do all the stuff for you. It's not cheap to those flowers. Not cheap. Not cheap. Coming from a son of a flour. To the flour son of Valentine's Day.

I didn't. Oh, I'm sorry, I should've saying something. I course on Valentine's day. I didn't oh I'm sorry. I should have saying so I apologize. I was gonna say I didn't get anything But that's not true. I actually went on a date. Okay cool. Oh, what do you do tell me everything? He took me to like I'm one of your girlfriends What like I'm one of your girlfriends? Oh my god, like so he's like do you wanna go out and you like ask me like five days I was really really good But did it bring flowers when he brought you on the date.

What the hell, man? No, I don't care about that. That's a rookie move. Dude, just the fact that we had a date. I know you don't care. I mean, the date's amazing. It's cool. And you know, that's awesome.

But dude, go to like the 7-11. They sell rose for like $1. I would recognize 7-11 flowers, and I'd rather have them not do that. Just get me a red bull or something. All right. But no, it was really funny. Plan the date picked me up.

We went somewhere for drinks, and then we had like a nice romantic dinner, and they had like rose petals on the table, really good restaurant. And then I should I tell, yeah, I'll tell this part. Okay, so I've got a lot of, have I mentioned this to you all that I have a lot of sex toys? Okay, yeah. And so there's a lot of them that I don't really have time

to like try or play with, because you know, I'm busy, which is ironic because it's my job. So I kind of packed, I knew I was staying at his house and I packed up like a kind of pro, I kind of went through and like procured my favorite toys and things I wanted to try. And I literally had a suitcase with everything like in little containers of all my things. Wow, like you're Batman or something.

I was like Batman. He was like, oh my god, I like whips. I had like, I had like, can't go upside vibrating toys. I was like Batman. He was like, oh my god. I like whips I have like I had like cancobs. I had vibrating toys and penis rings. It was fun. We didn't get to it all But it was a good time and yeah, what'd you do on Valentine's Day? Valentine's Day I went to an amazing steakhouse in Los Angeles. I think they have some other locations Maybe across the country. I don't know, but there's multiple ones in LA called Boa. Boa. Yeah, Boa.

So good. There's one in LA Vegas. Yeah, I went to the one in Santa Monica. It was amazing. Boa is delicious. So yeah, what's a Boa? That's a nice date. Yeah.

Just doing your girl. Yeah, just doing my girl. And then, yeah, I did get her flowers. Even though I always think flowers are a way some money But I mean women do love it my mom's a forest so I've been around four of the flowers my entire life, but they're so Expensive and they die, you know, so it's like kind of throwing money down the toilet But it's important to the person that someone yeah some women I mean Emily's not the norm I'm not the's not the norm.

I'm not the norm. Not the norm. But they do appreciate it and they want to take a picture of it and share it on Instagram and show it on Instagram. Do you guys have like a woman sex at night and stuff? Yeah, we did. But I was trying to think if we did anything in between. I don't know.

You drove through Taco Bell? No. Because we had dinner a little bit earlier and then... It's hard to get reservations. Yeah. We didn't need till 10, which was fine And then it's hard to get reservations. Yeah. Yeah, we didn't need till 10, which was fine, but it's hard to get in. Yeah.

But it was a really good time. Oh, I think we went to like IKEA. And then I like a, like five. That's so romantic. Our couples have broken up at IKEA but then anywhere on the floor. Really? No way.

Oh yeah, we do fight every time we go to IKEA. Everyone does. It's a worse place ever. I mean, it's the best place ever and the worst place ever. It's so stressed. I mean, I love it myself, but yeah, when we go there, Everyone does. It's a worse place ever. I mean, it's the best place ever and the worst place ever. It's so stressed. I mean, I love it myself, but yeah, when we go there, because you can never agree.

That's the least romantic place on earth. You can never have something. You have me a boa, you lost me. Yeah, we went to boa and I think we went to IKEA. We decided to buy a table. And then of course, I had to put this effing table there. I'm feeling nice today.

I hope you had sex on top of a walker. Yeah, yeah, not on top of it, because I saw the body all day. I thought that's sturdy. Nice stuff. No, I bought a solid one. I bought a good one. I don't knock IKEA. The only thing that you should not buy from IKEA is a bed.

A bed, I agree. Everything else is fine. Right. It's perfectly fine. Maybe the desk being you should buy. But everything other than that is cool. Right. That's a really romantic night.

If you're trying to have sex and Ikea bed, I know a lot of people are listening now. They probably have an Ikea bed because beds are expensive. They're so expensive. Getting good mattress. It's like getting a car like a car loan. It's a ton of money.

But eventually you'll work your way up to getting that. Right, I got a really good one at Costco for like 500 bucks. That's one of those on the memory phone. It was awesome, but then I got one from Casper. Casper mattresses. They're amazing. We had like a day average day average that's for like a day or two and they sent me this amazing mattress. Wow. I know. And then I was reading a magazine recently how Casper mattresses are like the best mattresses. And I actually have to say that when this guy's

up over recently because I haven't seen him for a while but he'd never really had been to my house which is kind of weird, but it was. And he's like, your bed is so comfortable. Which I love. So yeah, Casper, I wonder if they serve the code. Do we have a code with them? You can use code Emily, even if it works, get some percentage off.

It's a really cool thing. Yeah, I have a Simmons Beauty Rest Pilotop mattress. And so we have a queen. We want to move up to a king, because I just like- What, nobody touched you? Well, no, I like flip flop all night. Yeah, I like I like cuddling for like a little bit

and then it just gets too hot. I'm like, I get away. Go somewhere else. I love cuddling. I can't stand after a long time. Because I can't. I'm a side sleeper too. So what did she cuddle you from behind?

How would you feel about that? Oh, she does all the time. That's cute. But it's so weird because like I'm a side sleeper, right? So, like, the way that I sleep, I'm, like, facing away from her, like, wouldn't make sense if I was on the other side of bed, and then I can, like, face her back if she's, like, on her side sleep. But we just can't switch her out. For some reason, I can't sleep on that side of the bed. It important to do know that when you switch up the sides of the mattress It's supposed to be stimulating for your creativity

Really, yeah, like if you're supposed if you brush your hand if you always brush your hand with your right hand And you brush it with your left hand like little things like that like sleeping on the difference out of bed Or taking a different route from work when you wherever you mix up your routine You're supposed to stimulate your creativity which you're already uber creative. You don't need this But you might want to try the other side. That'd be great, I'll do it. Okay, try that out.

Also, I have a big announcement for everybody. I'm beyond excited. You know my iPhone F, Kegel Camp. Yes. I've had this app, I had launched it four years ago, and it is a friggin' amazing app because your doctors will always tell men and women, do your Kegel exercises. If you want to know what they are, they are your

peace-stopping muscles. Stop and start the flow of urine and it helps men control their ejaculations, have stronger orgasms, it helps women with urinary continents, have stronger orgasms, same thing. The whole thing, it's like your pelvic floor muscles, you have to tighten them, like any other muscle, but nobody remembers to do them. Like your doctor will be like, do your cartels. So my app reminds you, you can set a reminder on it and it pops up like every day at 1130

time for a keglo camp and you do it for five minutes. I have 20 levels that you go through and it's my voice walking you through it. It's like tense, relax, and it gets harder and harder. So the new version, we just relaunched it. Nice. Because it was, we just had some bugs in it and we wanted to make it better. We wanted to make it even better. And so now it is in the iTunes store and I promise you that if you try this out and you do

your Kegel exercise straight for about two weeks, you are going to be having better sex. And if not, I would like to say I give you your money back, but I can't because it's iTunes. But I will talk to you. This is not even that much of money. What is it? No. not, I would like to say I give you your money back, but I can't because I tuned, but I will talk you. This is not even that much money. What is it? No, I just know that if you follow,

we're actually gonna do a Kegel camp contest in the office and see you can get to level 20. Wow, nice. I'm just telling them that. No, I think it'd be fun. So yeah, we have a good app. So check that out and you'll love it. Yeah, can I talk about like,

please talk about you. What's up? No, not about me, but I was gonna talk about like, please talk about you, what's up? No, not about me, but I was gonna talk about like, my penis, yeah, which, remember, long time ago, new listeners, I had penis surgery. That's right. A horrific penis surgery, where I was in. I was in, I was injured for a long time.

That's terrible. I had a, like, it took me over a half a year to recover from penis surgery is how to involve like kidney stones and my Apparently if people are prone to kidney stones I Didn't know this and maybe I'm educating a few people do not drink iced tea Oh god, and so I was like, you know what? I'm gonna be healthy. I'm gonna cut out soda I'm gonna just drink iced tea

and that's all I drink all day, every day. And that is the absolute worst thing they can do. I didn't know that. And it caused some issues where. Your penis is full of recoverable, could you not have sex for those six months? No, no, not at all, yeah. Could you ejaculate?

Well, you had to like hold it in. It was like the most perfect time for a while. Oh my God, that's horrible. But now is it back and better than ever? Yeah, it's perfectly fine now. But it was just like, everything running through your brain because they're like, yeah, we got to perform surgery on you. This is like, I go on the hospital like, yeah,

we got to perform surgery. You were there for the week, right? Well, no, no. I was there for two days, but I was in bed for the week, right? Well, no, no, I was there for like two days, but I was like, yeah, in bed for a week, and then six months of recovery, totally. But everything's running through your mind, so fast, I'm like, you hear all these horror stories,

like, oh, I'm gonna wake up, my penis is gonna be amputated, and all this crazy stuff, you know, but thank God, got it through the room. Did they tell you do you carry exercises after? Um, no. I thought that was a demand. But they should, yeah, but no, no, no. But what I really wanted to go back to though,

on our last podcast of UNI together, we've bashed technology a lot. Okay, well we have to, because people aren't connecting anymore and they're just testing and not having a relationship. Communication, yeah. Okay, that is technology is totally messing up actual communication between people.

But I think technology is enhancing sex like crazy. Don't you think? How so? How so? Well, all the different types of like, you know, vibrators are coming out. They're a moccane. I was like on freaking a tech blog.

And you know, the necklace that you like. The're in open glass. I was like on freaking a tech blog. And you know the necklace that you like. The Cray Vesper, the vibrator necklace. Yeah. They were doing a whole story on that. Which blog? It was called The Verge. It was like, the Verge is a blog that I love going to. They talk about all tech stuff.

And right there, it was right there. They do the whole story on it. I love it. It's crazy, right? It's crazy what's happening in the vibrate. Yeah, they're not like those big ugly like that you used to see in like sex toy stores. It's amazing.

It's amazing. So yeah, and if the Vesper is a great, is a great, it's a necklace that can't tell it's a vibrator. I gave it to everybody for Valentine's Day. And then also there's all these remote control ones now that you can use by Bluetooth. This is a Finder-Longed Disins relationship. And you're like having Skype sex, you can.

Bluetooth it. Bluetooth it. I want to actually see how this works. I'll get you one. I'll get you one. My friend, there's one called the Dua by J.Ju. It's J-E-J-O-U-E.com and you use code Emily that 10% off. And there's some other ones too.

There's one that you control by your watch. Yeah. You can get a special watch that goes with it. How fun is that? Or you could even be at work and you're often to be in her work and you can be like, are she gonna be wearing it? You're gonna start viving her at lunchtime. Yeah, it's crazy, right?

And the thing is, okay, so I'm gonna make one of my- Sniger's thing technology isn't bad for sex, but it might be bad for starting a really fun-er. It's starting with the shift action relationship. For me, it's changing your relationship. Oh, we text every day. We're in a relationship. No, you're not. So I've talked about...

We're in a relationship with Verizon. Yeah. I've talked about this on a couple of shows, but I want to put down a prediction now, so I can be the first one to say it. OK, go. That self-driving cars, there will be a new story involving somebody having sex on the road while the self-driving car is driving.

I want to be the one who's doing that. There will be a new story. Let's think about the year. What would it be? When are these cars coming out? They're coming out within a year. So I'm thinking, but... That's like the first thing someone would do, I think.

They're like, we don't need a limo driver. Yeah. I'm thinking, but that's like the first thing someone would do, I think. I think we don't need a limo driver. Yeah, I'm thinking probably by early 2017, there will be a new story about people getting busted. No, is that illegal? Now is it illegal? If you got a driver, why can't you have sex in the back seat? I know, right? I mean, if you got a robot driver.

But in decent, I don't know, like a public. And DC exposure right and have a sex with one. If you see someone can see you and you're laying in the back seat or you would, I would be terrified. Every time I want to be the second person. I want to be the second person having sex in a car that drives with a robot because technology. Because it just makes me nervous.

I got to hear more data on it. But that would be awesome. Think about it. You never need to drive again. Cause I hate driving. Like driving and you know that I'm not my strong suit. Driving or parking. Cause I got three parking tickets yesterday.

I almost tweeted. I've gotten two today, three is a charm. And what do I get third? And I do. You got three tickets. And they're all the most ridiculous tickets. Wow. No, it was yesterday.

It's because my stupid friggin, it's not anyone to get into it. Stupid. My past wasn't my window. No, it was yesterday. It's because my stupid friggin', it's not anyone to get into it, stupid, my past wasn't my window, it was on the dashboard. And then another one was some stupid parking thing was one block over and then another meter. Just write them in, because that's what my girlfriend does

every single time, you know? She writes them in. Well, she will like, fight them and she gets off every single day. I didn't think you could fight them. How did she write some on email? Y'all should like take a photo or something like that of like the two places.

The differences go, they never let you off. No, well, that's where she gets them all the time when she visits. Oh, see, here. And she fights them all the time. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, she fought one here too and she won. Yeah, because they don't want to deal with all that paperwork.

They get, they give out thousands of tickets, you know? I hate them. I'm very angry. I know I'm like, that much money. I get about the nicest pair of shoes. I'm so upset. Okay. No. Does that make you horny? Does women, all women find a nice pair of shoes?

Shoes porn. I haven't. Shoes porn. Doesn't make me horny. No, makes me just really free and excited. Yeah. If there was a guy sitting there that was super hot that I Wanted to sex with and then like a brand new pair of shoes that I've been dying for got delivered at the same time in the

EPS ma'm was ringing the doorbell. Yeah, I Probably would stop and open the package first. Oh, and then I go back to sex. What it doesn't make me horny? We'll pair what size for all the dragon bone boots size seven Nice. Yeah, I like that. I like that. I like it. Yeah, yeah, that's also and the jeans. I like dragon bone seven. Nice. Yeah. I like that brand. That's a great brand. Yeah, that's also and the jeans. I like rag and bone jeans. I'm right now.

Yeah, you can get me those two. I should do a wish list like the porn stars do. I know, I do. So many people buy things out those wish lists. That's crazy. Yeah, get me some jeans. No, that's cool. Put a button on sex.

I'm just showing you that. I know, I've talked about that. We used to have a little tip jar. We had like some sort of sense of people. People want to buy gifts though because then you can share that online. If you buy me a gift, I will talk about you a lot and send you vibrators. So thank you. So we'll talk about that.

But I just want to say that we don't have technology. We just knocked it when you're using it as a replacement for actual interaction in a relationship. And it worries me because kids, younger people today, don't actually ever pick up the phone and talk and make some fun. They get out with each other and they don't hang out. They, like, honestly, and it makes me crazy and this has happened with the guy I was dating

that we were texting back and forth one night for like three hours literally, like, you know, like, takes longer? I can't do that. I can't do that. And then finally, I was like, why don't you come over? And I'm like, well, you know what? If you wanted me to come over,

I probably would have come over two hours ago. But we've been texting, I'm in bed. I'm exhausted. This is a waste of it. It just seems like it sucks your life away. Yeah. Like everything that we just discussed in that two hours, we could have done in 20 minutes

and then I could have beat your house. I'm giving you a blowjob, by the way. That would have been much better than- I know. I send you the worst text messages. You'll say, oh, I miss you, blah, blah. I'll see you on Wednesday Can you be there and all I go is yes? Yeah, the worst

No, I know you're really excited. You're like I know you love me. What did I say to you? I'm like I know that you love me Yeah, I said yes. I do yes. You love me Why am I gonna go to a long term relationship? You should just tell me like us emoji or something. Yeah, okay. There's new emojis. I think they're out. What's taken so long? I don't know. I think emojis are such a disappointment.

Why? Because there's not enough to say what I want to say in an emoji. Well, that's why, okay, so there's this other. Even though I'm bashing technology and I just want to say it, but if I can't, there's no emojis. There's this app for people that listen to us

and around the world called Line, which I really like using. It's not popular in America yet. Line. But just to give you some perspective, Instagram just had an announcement where they had 300 million users. Line has 500 million.

Oh my God. And it's new emojis. And they, oh, every emoji you can think of are Yeah. And it's new emojis. And every emoji you can think of are the same. Are they moving emojis? Like action, like, like, get that whatever. Yeah, I have that. Everything you can think of, you can call through it.

It's like kind of like WhatsApp, where Facebook bought WhatsApp like about a year ago for $3 billion. This is like the overseas version. And it's just starting to get into America and stuff like that We have we kind of set you up a page. It's like a sex with Emily page online. I'm using line Yeah, okay, like an official Systeme page. I think that would be great. You can reach so many people that line. It's a moji page online It's the app is called line, L, I, and E.

Like walk a straight line. Yeah, okay. Line. And then you can have, let's say you have a Facebook fan page, right? Which I do. Slash, slacks, thenly. Sex, thenly. But see, well, Facebook kind of screws you because let's say how many likes you have.

Let's say you have like, not enough, go like it. Yeah, let's say you have like 60,000 likes, right? Well, Facebook, like, dials are back. Where do you only reach probably about 5% of your audience unless you pay them money. I know, they're doing it right for you. You can maybe get like, I don't know, 20% of your audience. So you pay, you pay like a thousand dollars,

you can maybe reach that, right? Well, with the line app, your page, when you message somebody, it hits every single person. Like, Paul McCartney's using it right now. He reaches 10 million people just by sending out a message. It's crazy. It's crazy. We're doing it tomorrow.

We're gonna add it to our list of, like, for the year after, for the Google Plus. What the hell is that? That's all right. It's good for S.E.I. Nerd Talk. Nerd Talk. Another talk.

Okay, so we gotta get Nerd Tapping, because this is actually really important. So much to do, so it's a little talk. So much to do, so it's a little talk. Another talk. Yeah. Okay, so we got to get to our topic, because this is actually really important. Okay, what do you got? Sexless marriages, sexless relationships. I mean, I used to joke, you know, I'm going to read a book called, you know, how do I get my wife to have sex with me, and actually someone had already written a book by that title. Yeah.

Because I used to hear people all the time, and it wasn't just men, it was women. Like, why aren't we having sex anymore? From like, we've been in a relationship for a year and a half and we just moved in together and the last six months we stopped having sex too, we've been together 15 years married, have kids when I have sex too, 50 or, there's a range.

And this is the natural cycle of relationships that unless you communicate about your sex life unless you pay attention to right when it starts to change You know and you start talking about it. It's just gonna keep getting worse and worse And I even say recognize at the beginning of the relationship recognize like going into it like you know this can happen It's almost like when you get on an airplane and they're like, you know This is how you use the the mask yeah Like the oxygen mask like this could happen, it might not happen.

Like the chance of getting into playing crash actually are a lot less likely. But I'm actually telling you something that's gonna happen if you don't work on it. You are gonna have a relationship without sex unless you do some of the things that we talk about. But first I'm gonna tell you just some of the background in this because people always say, but is it that important? Emily, we're best friends. Things are great. Why do we have to have sex? It is necessary. Sex is the glue of every relationship. If you don't have sex and not even tell you how many times a week, I'm saying if you're not

connecting on an intimate level, then you are roommates. That's what differentiates you between your roommates and your friends. And you need it. It's the closeness, it's intimacy, and we're all busy. We have lives, you have children, you have things going on, and you're just not turned on, you're not thinking about it, and then like weeks go by, months go by, and then it's like hard to get back

when you stop going to the gym, and you're like, oh, I got a bit of mons, I'm just gonna go tomorrow, I'm gonna go tomorrow. Same thing with sex. So just know that eventually your relationship will probably get to this point because it's ebbs and flow. It's not like you're having sex like you did the first six months forever, which is the

bummer because we all look back to that heyday and we all kind of want to get back. We're like, what happened? We were building times a day. Yeah, we're doing crazy stuff. Yeah, I don't know. You don't do it anymore because it also has to do with biology and the hormones and the dopamine and the cortisol. There's all these things going on in your brain

when you're falling in lust with someone. It is not love, it is lust. And then that dwindles up, you get stable and committed. Because the thing is when you risk someone new, the thing that makes that new sex so exciting, is like, you wanna impress them, you know. It's spontaneous, it's new, you don't know them, it's mystery, it's, but then you lock it down,

it's stable, and then you're eating pizza every day. And then you're eating pizza. And then I, don't get me wrong, I love pizza, you know, half combination, half pepperoni from Roundtable Pizza, my favorite. You eat it every single day, you know, and it's not like you don't love it anymore, but it's just, you know, the excitement

of having it the first time. It kinda goes away. That's what happens to that. And then that's why you just kinda, you know, add a little toppings here and there. Add some toppings, I'm not saying you gotta start ordering Kentucky Fried Chicken. We're just saying you can mix it around, say,

well, you can still love that pizza, throw some pineapple on it. Get some, ooh, yeah. Or peppers or something. Some peppers, yeah. There's some anchovies, whatever. And then have killer sex. That's what we're talking about.

Because there is a disconnect, I believe, between the sex life that couples are having, currently, you typically, and the sex life they want to have. And they don't know how to bridge that gap and get what they want. And they also don't really know how to talk about it to each other. So it's like, becomes this thing where, you know that just it's hard having any kind of conversation in relationships sometimes like it's so imposes you off like I have a hard time with confrontation. I think like even with like you know relationship with friends

or co-workers it's like really hard to be like hey I'm having a so that's hard but then sex can be is so loaded because it's like you know you you don't want to insult them and you want to make them feel bad and you don't even know what you want, maybe, but you know, there's a problem, and then people just shut down. It's the elephant in the room, and no one talks about it. So instead, everyone's like turning to Google, because that is the top search term.

What do we do? And there was actually a, we have a little graph here. What's it called? A infograph? Infograph, thank you. OK, so lack of sex be complained by those relationships, especially 100 husbands and wives, the top five complain-related searches

around marriage are sexless marriage, 21,000 searches a month on Google. On happy marriage, 6,000, sex starved marriage, 1,600. OK, then we have, under desire, boyfriends seem to avoid sex more than girlfriends. Average number of monthly searches worldwide for the exact phrasing, here I go. My boyfriend won't have sex with me, 805.

Or my girlfriend won't have sex with me, 413. Wait, then that's different. If they're avoiding sex, oh, because they're complaining about it, women. Okay, so my boyfriend won't talk to me. 218 searches, my girlfriend won't talk to me 209. You think guys would be like, they won't talk to me about what?

They won't talk to me about sex, or just won't talk to me in general. Probably in general too. And do we? They really short conversations. That means they're like not into it, you know. Just me and stuff talking about it. Okay, so here's another one is that among Mary couple sex avoidance it's closer to a draw. So my husband won't have sex with me, 972 searches, my wife won't have sex with me, that was an 42 searches.

So this is very common in the top complaint, you know, from people, there are 16 times more complaints about a spouse not wanting sex than about a married partner not being willing to talk. Couples not yet married complaint somewhat frequently about lack of sex. So sex relationship is second only to abusive relationship. Wow. I know. So there's more complaints that a boyfriend would have sex than a girlfriend. So experts, so this is how they define it. Experts like myself.

Define a sex relationship and a relationship. We're in the couple has sex no more than 10 times in any given year or less than once per month. Wow, 10 times a year. Are you in a sexist relationship? No, not at all, but I am on a different sex schedule

than my girlfriend, because again, my schedule, I get up at 3 a.m. every day. I'm not out of the office, probably tell 1 p.m. And then I'm kind of like resting for a couple hours and then I am working from 5 p.m. to 8 p.m. Again, and I and right at 8 p.m. I go straight to bed. Wow Wow, so when do you when do you sex? It has to be on the weekends So twice a week. Yeah, okay. That's about

Yeah, that's fine. So never during the week Rarely during the week. Okay, and she's fine with that Exhaust. She knows if she's fine with it. Well, dude you should find out. What if she's pissed off and she's fine with that. So you guys, so she's not- Who knows if she's fine with it, but- Well, dude, you should find out. What if she's pissed off and she's Googling why are my boyfriend wondering she's one of these numbers? Yeah, no, I think-

You guys have never talked about it? No, we haven't. So she's no- I mean, I'll be 100% honest with you. You know, this is the most honest you've ever been. Oh, whatever. So I think this would be good to talk about, because sometimes she might not only want it on the weekends.

I'm sure, yeah, but what am I supposed to do? Well, can't you just climb that with you at 7.45 and you can have sex until you fall that falsified eight? Yeah, but it's such. You think like sex isn't effortless. It's not, you know? And then it takes a lot of effort. And when you are, believe me,

when I wasn't on the schedule, sex all the time, no matter what day we were. But you've always been on the schedule. I guess you used to have not time shows. Yeah, I had a period of time where, probably a five year period where I wasn't on the schedule. And that is just like, sex all the time. But this, like, people don't, you can't even fathom

getting up at 3 a.m. every day. It is. I go to bed at 3 a.m. I just call you because I usually go to bed at 3. Yeah. I'll call you later. Yeah. Yeah, but no, it's such a drain on your life.

You don't eat healthy or exhausted all the time. You mess up all the time. healthy or exhausted all the time. You mess up all the time. You mess up all the time. Every time I come here, I feel so bad because I'm absolutely exhausted. I love it. And I want to be in bed. I'm not that I want to see you.

I'm breaking into your nap time right now. You are breaking in my nap time. And your sex time, gosh, you know I feel bad. We've been friends for a very long time. I know. And been doing this show for a very long time. So I'm not going to. Thank you. I appreciate you giving up your nap time. very long time. I know. And been doing this show for a very long time. So I'm not going to. Thank you. I appreciate you giving up your snack your nap time.

I'm going to say good snack time, but it's not. OK, so first, we have a quick word for responses. When I come back, I'm going to tell you what to do about the common scenarios that you're having, why you're not having snacks, and how to fix it. All right. OK, so I need to tell you a little bit

about my favorite sex toys on the planet, which is the J.J. you. You remember when I first got the Mimi? Yeah. Like, for years ago. J.J. you, how you say? How you say it? How you say it?

J.J. you, it means today and today. And it always has stuck in my brain because it has a funny name. Yeah. J.J. you, I'm J.E. J.O. You. They make high quality premium sex toys. They're rechargeable, waterproof, powerful,

and they have the best designs. They have the one that I was talking about, the duo that's remote control that just came out yesterday, and they have the Mimi, they have the most amazing penis ring in the world, called the Mio, and you can play with these toys together on your own,

the Mimi is great for literal stimulation during sex, the Fifi, one of my interns wrote a great blog about it, like having her first-geespot orgasm with a Fifi. And the thing about these toys, which makes them so different, is not just the design, but they actually, they're motor. It's a vibrator, but it has this rumble. But it's not like a loud rumble. It's just, I didn't know what it was until Alicia from the company was on the show.

I was like, oh, this is why it's so great because I have so many vibrators. So I love them, the Mia, the Fifi, the Nua, all of them, go to jazoo.com. These are next-level sensations. Oh, and they're beautifully packaged and discreet. I actually keep the boxes to store things in because they're so cool.

And you get a little tie with them. A lot of them, you get a a blindfold and they're awesome. So go to j-e-j-o-u-e.com, use code Emily for 10% off your purchase and get a killer sex toy to rock your world. Where are they based out of again? London actually. But they have offices here. Yeah. Sweet. Yeah. Did you want one? Classy. Dude, the penis ring. Madison and I did a show a few weeks ago about it. We both had these experiences because it's a vibrator for your penis, so men wear as it she gets off on it. But then you can take, it's a full one,

like you could use it as a vibrator in other places too. It's just, it's just, yeah. Yeah. Okay, so back to sexless places in marriage. I have a, I don't believe I'm without it. Okay, so, back to sexless relationships in marriage. You would join it. I have a family problem without it. Okay. So, the deal is, is that.

So when things extinguish, the flame goes out in your relationship, the sexual chemistry, what do you do? I know children is a big factor in it, and let me just say about that, when you have kids, especially when you born, it might take a year to get back to where you were. Yeah. You know, the doctor tells you start having sex after six weeks, three months. Typically, that is not true. It typically takes people a little bit longer, so be patient there.

But some of the things that kind of stop the chemistry is there's the lack of mystery that you had at the beginning. You're not as spontaneous, you're not separate because you're peeing with the bathroom door open. Yeah. You feel underappreciated, you might have low self esteem, they might feel bad about themselves, they communicate, you know, that message, but they don't change their, like maybe I'm like, oh baby, it feels so fat. It feels so fat.

Can you pass me a double-decker taco? I feel so fat. You know what I'm saying? Or whatever it is. And then you're like partners like, oh, that's not sexy. Not saying that you shouldn't complain to your body. We should also do something about it. So when you feel like you're not really changing, oh, that's not sexy. Not saying that you shouldn't complain to your body, we should also do something about it. So when you feel like you're not really

changing your behavior, couples also have routine sex. They know exactly what to do to get each other off, and then they're done. They have the round table pizza every single night. And nothing, it's just, I don't know, you have to change it, right? How, but do you have any other ideas like would be the easiest way to change the,

like get into the conversation at all? To get into the conversation? Yeah, I do. You know, just like don't have it in the bedroom. And I'd say that the best way to the conversation is just to be like, maybe after you had sex and I before like that was hot last night.

That was really good. That was so fun. I loved how you suck my balls or whatever. And then you can be like, is there anything that you've been wanting to try? It's actually anything cool that you think we haven't done yet because I love you and we're together. What do you feel about what do you think about? Do you want to bring in another chick?

Yeah. It's not my idea, but I'm just saying, I was just wondering. I was thinking that you're best friend. Yeah, we be. We have so much fun together, we go to the concerts, why don't we just have a sleepover? Yeah, be great. Now put a great way to bring it up,

but just be like, yeah, how we do and what do you think? I just want to know, because I know sex is important. Let's say you're talking to your girlfriend, you'd be like, I know, we have sex in the weekends, and you're so hot, and I love sex to do,'d be like, I know we have sex with the weekends and I you're so hot and I love I was sexy but I realized that I know we don't during the week because I'm so busy like are you cool with that? Is there anything else that you might want to try sexually? Because a lot of women have a really hard, I bet you menace, you're going to be calling me next week when you have this conversation you're

going to be like, I need a cock ring or a little pirate. But you just never know. You made some heavy, old tillery. And you want to like, because one of the thing that goes is the surprise buttonity. So I would say it's great too. I mean, luckily you guys travel a lot. So it's a sex and hotel, like really good. Yeah, it's way better. I mean, it's really fun to do, my alarm's on.

It's really fun to do something different. So another thing you could do is like, you know, to share your fantasies, you can relive like, past, twist your head together. So when I say say the couples, you could do is like, you know, share your fantasies. You can relive like past twists you had together. Sometimes I say to couples, you could say to her, what was the most memorable time we had sex? See what she says. And then you know, well, she remembered having sex

on the couch that time when you videotaped her. I don't know. Set dates about sex. Like that you know, you're gonna be having sex that night. And if you're drawing a blank, like break up some materials, listen to my podcast, buy my book, Hot Sex Over. Do podcast by my book hot sex over do you my book yeah I do you know I want to your book release you did you know television

too far yeah yeah yeah yeah but you had other book releases and you came to both of them that's right I wanted good vibrations and one at um that crazy bar in San Francisco yeah oh that was Harlett in San Francisco that was my first kind of filming misadvised I was like, oh, my gang. Okay, so the top questions I get asked though, but I hope that was helpful. We'll bring it into more is mismatched libidos. And that's when one person wants sex more than the other.

For example, how can I get my part of sex with me more often? It's very common because at the beginning, there's no mismatched libidos. You're white of sex at that time. And it doesn't mean they don't like sex as much as you do. They just might not need it as often, or they might not think about it enough.

So they need you to initiate it. So for example, there's a lot of women, for example, who might want their partner to be initiating it more. Or guys want them to initiate it. Like she never initiates. It's so hard on the guy. Like if you want to have sex, why don't you come on? I think that happens a lot.

When you love if she climbed on tap, and you inserted like, give a yum gojjah. Yeah, and I think a lot of guys are also afraid, she doesn't want to do it right now. Right. Why not try? This is again, this is what we talk about, is that we stress ourselves out the most.

Most 99% of the issues that we have in our life, I mean, obviously there are serious medical issues, but most of our day to day strife and stress and anxiety comes from our mind. Comes from things that are imagined, comes from things that have not come to fruition yet and comes to the worst case scenario. So really, just like talk about it,

if you feel like you want your guy to make more of an effort and he doesn't, you know, you just gotta say, like, God, it would be so great if you came home one day and like, you let me know that, you know, you just grabbed me. Because that's another thing is that women, we need to be a little more warmed up. Like, you get the idea of sex in your head and you got a boner and you're ready to go and we're not even like on the same planet as you. We're not even there.

We're not thinking about it. I'm trying on my new shoes, you know. And so you have to warm them up. So you have to compromise in these areas. What, you've mentioned, I haven't heard you mention this in a long time, with the guys that kind of just lost their sex drive. And it might be a medical thing. How does that work? It is a medical thing.

I think that, well, first of all, if it is a medical thing and you feel like you just have no sex drive, first of all, you it is a medical thing and you feel like you just have no sex drive, first of all, you have to always look at medications you're taking, because there's a lot of hidden side effects, blood pressure, blood pressure medication, antidepressants, there's like birth control pills.

There's a lot of things smoking, drinking, unhealthy appetite, all these things could impact your libido. So it can definitely be medical. And so if you think that's what it is, and there's like nothing you can do, and you're doing everything you did before, and you're still masturbating, and you don't get turned on, then definitely get checked out by your doctor. Yeah, and it's funny, you were telling me about the antidepressants, because I had a friend

that was on him, and he was telling me, like, he had like two different ones. One, he couldn't like get erect at all. And then the second one. He couldn't stop being a wrecked But he never orgasmed. He said I'll just go forever Yeah, that is that is that is the biggest bummer about any depressions or just drugs in general like why do you watch all these commercials about Anything like oh get this special drug. Like, so you don't get pregnant, but your ears might bleed.

Right. What the hell, man? Like, why does there always have to be some crazy side of it? I know, because that's drugs for you. And the worst thing is about an oppressant, it's like, you're really depressed, you're really sad. I know that you don't wanna leave the house. You might like be having thoughts of suicide, whatever.

But we're gonna give you a pill that'll make you really happy. And then you're going to want everything again. Oh, but you're not going to want sex. Yeah. Not going to have any stuff. So what is going on? Happiness, but we're not going to let you bone. And we're not going to let you have an orgasm. And that is cruel. It is a cool universe. What is up with that science work on it? I know, but then they try to have other things that'll up your libido or like help you of orgasms. But yeah, your friends issue is a common one. But if you are having the mismatch of beatoes, you can compromise. Like you and your girlfriend, I'm just using this example, you can find common ground like this fuss like how often would you like

to be having sex? Maybe she wants it three times a week and you'd be happy with once a week and you can start to compromise. So make sure both of your needs are being attended. And you can jump start the libido if you feel like you guys are turned on, you can discuss the things that you want in your life. And you want to have more often that you're excited about the sex you're having and that you want to do more of. You can do a sexual bucket list. That's really fun. Okay. Like do a bucket list, things that you've even done yet that you want to try a Session bucket list um I mean every guy in the world will tell you like three some but other than that I don't you know, no Maybe she's okay. Yeah, maybe because it's about sex as it should be a jet or something

I don't know you know on a jet or in a car that drove my robot. Yes, right? That sounds like it's your fan's favorite, but she might have some. You guys never talk about sex? Yeah, we talk about sex, but not like, go into like fantasy stuff, because you know, is borderline cheesy for me, and you know how I feel about cheese? Not, I don't really, I'm not a big fan of cheese. But you gotta get over that kind of stuff.

And there's a lot of cheesy stuff in sex, which is, that becomes a turn-off for me. And you know, you can get past that though. Yeah, that's something that I need to work on. The women, like, so the brain, I always say, is our largest sex organ. Women need to be in our mind thinking about it in the build-up. And that's why for women, I always say,

if you're experiencing a low libido, but you know that you're seeing your partner that night, you can start to, like, you know, think about it during the day, get ready, we're like sexy laundry, do something that makes you think about the sex you had last time, read 50 Shades of Grey, what's something that's turned you on? Send sexy text all day, that's like four play all day. So you're constantly getting to the rouse

and you do less of the work when you're there. Because you guys are already thinking about it, we need to think about it. That's why fantasy plays a big part in relationships. So get over the cheese factor. Yes. Oh, side note. Have you and the ladies in the office talked about,

I'm not going to give the definition on here. People are going to have to Google it. Have you guys talked about the song, Truffle Butter yet? No, we have not. We have not. Drake, Nicki Minale Butter yet. No, we have not. We have not. Drake, Dickey Minaj, and then Little Wayne. No.

So when you guys, Google Truffle Butter Urban Dictionary. It's a very, very popular song on the radio right now. And people are gonna have to read the definition. That's a little treat for you in a vlog. It's like a boom, like a teaser, like you're not gonna do it. So a little homework for you. Truffle butter, it doesn't sound very good. I don't like truffles, what does it do with?

You don't like truffles, like, what I'm talking about is totally different from the actual truffles. Kimber, did you look it up? What do you want to tell her it is? Kimber's this my stuff. Oh, if she wants to say what it is, it's cool. Go for it, the urban dictionary,

it is, it's pretty graphically, I'm just letting you know. It is. So wait, wait, real quick, just again,. The urban dictionary. It is, it's pretty graph again, we're just letting you know. It is. So wait, wait, real quick, just again, just the prefaces. There's an entire song on the radio right now across the country and parts of the world. It is extremely popular and this is the definition. Here we go. Trophil Butter is when you pull your dick out of the asshole and continue fucking her pussy

and the tan buttery substance around her pussy is truffle butter. Definitely. Wow, you're... You're assistant, it's very filthy. I do not approve of the animal. I don't know why you're googling that stuff, Kimber. Okay, that is so upsetting.

Let me just tell you that. Never pull your dick out of her butt and put it in her pussy Okay, that is so upsetting. Let me just tell you that. Never pull your dick out of her butt and put it in her pussy because that is not sanitary. Can we talk about, can we say the giant arm? You should be kind of in the same pussy. Well, they said pussy.

Kimber said pussy. Okay. You guys are filthy. You have no idea. Do not have sex that way. You should be using a condom anytime you switch from one orifice to the next you got to switch on condoms. So I forgot the ring and I'm not.

Anybody know what it means? Are they squinted? Truffle butter. Oh, oh, oh. Well, see the artist claim that's not what it's about. They claim that it's about being high class because you know, Truffle is high class. It's like 18 bucks more if you want to sprinkle truffles at the restaurant. Yeah, yeah. But everyone knows it's the Urban Dictionary version. And those rappers know.

They know. But I just lost my appetite and I'm so hungry right now. I could like eat my iPhone. But anyways, I'm sorry to throw that in the middle of the thing because I forgot to mention it earlier in our last podcast. And you know, if you're driving along and you're listening to that song, that's what it's about.

And your five year old's going, Chuffle Butter, change the station. You know, kids sing the words in there. Oh, yeah, they have no idea. OK, so if you're too stressed for sex, which is a huge one, stress, biggest killers of sex drive, too much to do, not enough time to do it, you've got work kids bills all the

stuff stress shuts us down sexually especially a lot of men when men are worried about money jobs work they just like their libido their penis yeah right exactly that's what you guys have talk tonight do I mean to come over immediate no I would do that just for you charges a friend I'm sure you would bring you some sex toys I still friend. I'm sure you would. I'm bringing some sex toys. I mean, I just don't think like bringing... I just think you should do it and see what happens.

I think you'll be surprised, Menace. No, I think that bringing other women that you're friends with around your birthday and you're not coming over to... Can you guys a water bitch and let's talk about your sex life? No, I just don't think you can never have like a good outcome like why even do that? Why what because you guys would probably just have Conversation about something that oh, I have a woman friend come over and talk. I was kidding

Yeah, but no, I'm just saying in general. I just don't think it's a good idea to what have your friends come over and talk about sex Or to talk about sex with your friends? I just like have, like, if you have female friends, if you're a guy, and you have, you know, something that you're dating, bring around your female friends constantly, I just think it's a bad idea. But she knows that we are friends, and we...

I know, but I just think, I don't know that you guys will just have like, so... You've got to get over that, and you've got to get over fantasies. Because I love my guy friends. I have so many guy friends that I... I know, yeah, but you're, again, like a special case. I don't think like the average guy would be like, oh yeah, great.

Let's hang out with you and your ex-boyfriend. Let's go to Mexico. Go to Mexico and stuff like that. Oh, I am going to Mexico. I think that you're in a different dating pool that's cool with all that. I think they're cool because we're adults. It's because that's what you convince the person that you're dating with dating.

Say, hey look, we're adults, it's all good. But I think the average male said, no, I don't want to hang out with you. But I have to tell you that my ex boyfriend, who the one you always joke about from 10 years ago, his best friend. Why don't you to hang out with your ex-girlfriends. But I tell you that my ex-boyfriend, who the one you always joke about from 10 years ago, his best friend. Why don't you marry that guy already? The wish one, the use car salesman?

No. Okay, I want to cabin, that we sort of the cabin. Oh yeah, marry that guy. No. But his best friend, Charlotte, wish Charlotte. And she's now my best friend, 10 years late, 15 years old, best of friends. And then this new guy I'm dating has an awesome friend

that I love and they're truly friends. She's married and we all hang out and it's awesome. So I think I need to know. Yeah, no, no, okay, okay. Maybe, yeah, I totally said that wrong. You mean single friends. You mean single friends, single, definitely. Like if everyone's in a relationship,

I think that would be cool. I think that would be cool. But Charlie was single when I was dating him and she came around all the time and they knew they were brother and sister and I was never jealous, but that's your right. I don't get jealous and that's weird. Okay, back up and be stressing for some.

Meditate, read a book, take a walk, get a massage, buy a massage candle, do, you know, give each other a massage is, prioritize time for yourself. Because you have to do everything you can to deal with the stress, because stress is also killer. Like not only will it kill your stress drive, it'll kill you. Yeah, stress comes from everywhere. Like, you know, your job, your money situation, paying rent, paying mortgages.

Uh, if you have kids dealing with kids, your car stresses you out. There's something wrong with your car. It stress comes from everywhere everywhere in your life. So together, if you do it, if you don't feel like having sex, you can take it off the table and just kiss and touch each other. Because you release those hormones, like the cuddle hormone, cord is all, that actually makes you feel less stressed. Give each other a sensual massage.

So you know what, we're not gonna have sex, but I'm just gonna massage you. It doesn't be sensual, it's massage you. Take time to weigh together. I'm sure when you guys go way to Disneyland every weekend You probably have sex there more often Because once the stress lifts your libido's will Yeah, that's what I take more vacations if you can vacation. I need to take more vacations

I mean take a lot of time offering up. But it's all work. They have amazing cheap vacations on group on lately I do oh Like all inclusive, awesome stuff. I've always recommended hotel tonight to get a good deal on something. Yeah, like you know, you can afford it. Like you can try to try to make ways to like figure out because when you change a location,

that's another thing that spices up. If you're always having sex in your bed, the same way, same positions, just move locations. And like, look, I understand like not everybody has money to spend on that like, dude, I used to live in my car. If you listen to this podcast a long time, there was a nine month period where I'd leave the my car and I made no money, but I still like figured out

different ways to like make things happen when I wanted to go on a date, you know? You don't have to have a ton of money in the bank. Taco Bell, she was so happy. Oh hell yeah. No but- He was like, don't get the special, no drinks, but- If you take the time to really think about it,

you can be really- Go for a walk, go for a walk. Yeah, you can come up with really good ideas that are not gonna cost you a ton of money. Exactly, I like it. Okay, so this one's for you, opposite sex schedules. This is another reason why a couple don't have sex. Yeah, that's me. They don't for you opposite sex schedules. This is another reason why people don't respect. That's me.

They don't have the ideal matching schedules. If you're not always horny in the same place at the same time, what do you do? And I actually have a question from a listener about this. All right. And I will read it. Okay, Emily, my husband and I have been together for nearly 10 years. No kids yet, I'm 29, he's 35. We're emotionally intimate with each other.

We kiss, hug, touch a lap, or not, having much sex anymore. When we do have sex, it's really great. Like orgasms time, like orgasms every time great, but we're both, we're really both in the mood at the same time. It takes a lot more than it used to get us going. I'm worried that at this rate, we'll stop all together.

My husband likes to do a late at night. I prefer to do it during the day or early evening when I have more energy and as a result, we both end up saying no a lot and having just occasional weekend sex. I think that because we've been together for so long, we're comfortable saying no and accepting no as an answer. When we do talk about our sex life,

we agree that we want to have more sex, but then I guess we wait for another person to make it happen. I feel the longer we go without having sex, the harder it is to initiate sex, which is very typical cycle. Any advice and how we can start having regular sex again is planning a mutually, mutually agreeable time to have sex sexy or should I just have a cup it Jane. Yeah, so one thing is like is marijuana legal in your in your state That I think it does have you I've ever had sex with marijuana I'm just saying yeah, it is pretty amazing the only sex advice my mother ever gave me Uh-huh ever ever yeah when I couldn't have orgasms when

I was in college, she's like, do you try like smoking a joint next time? Thanks mom, no. Because it rules. I don't know. I will say I heard. No, it can help some people, other people are good at doing it. But yeah, that's fine. It can, sure.

Definitely. It does help you get out of your head, into your body. I'm just joking. Now my mom's not even a possible girl. She's so weird, that was the one thing she told me. But I'm just saying that like, yeah, you like not recommend the alcohol anymore and not your recommending pot.

Well, it's true, but I'm not. I'm not one that's way better than you than alcohol. I know, that's the one that would last a while or something to relax. But let's pull all those factors out and then actually talk about communication. Right, communication. I think Jane hears a thing.

I know that scheduling sex sounds so unromantic and I used to think that too. But then I remember hearing people talk about it. I was like, really, we're gonna put sour and night sex eight o'clock. But the thing is is that when you're not having sex and you keep feeling rejected and you keep that when you're not having sex and you keep feeling rejected and keep feeling like you're missing each other, that's worse.

And if you know, well, I'm not even going to try to initiate it now because I know Saturday night at eight o'clock we're having sex. So you can compromise on the time. You can say maybe one week we're doing it on Tuesday morning and then we're going to do it in the evening sets or he wants it. But you can compromise on the time and you can make it happen. And so scheduling sex also have sex to want to have sex. So it seems counterintuitive, but sexual desire is not linear. So with all the stresses and the exhaustion that we have in our day to day life, if you're waiting to feel horny and turned on, just not going to happen. You might be waiting.

Sometimes you just have sex. And once you have it, you're never like, damn, why do I have sex? We had this story years ago, and I believe it would be awesome that this couple, they weren't having sex at all, but then they say, you know what, we're gonna do the 30-day challenge. We're gonna have sex every single day for 30 days

to get, like kick started again Right and it worked out for that totally work. No that they were there's a I did I was actually Dr. Drew's HLN show to talk about that couple days sex every day for a year another couple Oh, wow Yeah, and I have an iPhone app to call the 30-day sex drive which I don't promote as much because I'm still it's great Though you should download it and it gives you a tip every day for 30 days how to have sex so Schedule sex is great and again just like go into the gym, so you're like, I don't wanna go,

I don't wanna go, she's on, you get there, you're happy you went. So schedule it. And then just try mixing things up. Like, plant have sex, stick to it. And you might think of it as like duty sex, I gotta do it, but it doesn't sound sexy, but it isn't a duty if you're enjoying yourself.

So it's not gonna wait till it just like springs up on you, you gotta prepare. And again, when you're thinking about it during the day, like do whatever it is that you need to do to get yourself turned on. Because you cannot compromise the sex in your relationship. You've got to do everything you can to make sure that you're having sex and that you keep being a going.

Yes. And I have some more tips here, but we got a wrap up. Already? I know. I know. I'm very sad about it. But I'm sorry, we went on some tangents here. No, got a wrap up. Already? I know. I know, I'm very sad about it, but I. I'm sorry, we went on some tangents here.

No, it's good. I think it's really helpful, but we also have like some more that we could even continue next time. All right, you can. I do like part two, because it's such great information. So, but really the point is that you are not alone. If you're in a relationship where you just feel like you're not having as much sex as you want to,

we gave you some ideas to talk about it. And if you don't even know the right words, there is no, there are no right words. The right thing is you can never mess up the conversation and just talking about sex. Hey, honey, I think we should talk about our sex life. See where it goes from there because it is probably the most important conversation

you can have. Otherwise, you'll find yourself another divorce, statistic, or cheating, and we want that. So yeah, anything else, men? Just, again, we love hearing from people, at least I know I do, I know you do. And just email the show, don't be afraid. You can ask anything you want, and very important.

Just say where you're from. You don't have to use your real name. We don't care, your name can. And your age is good too. Yeah. We're asking for a lot now. Okay. Name age.

And it's just such a situation. What is this, AL? We'll not share your social security. Never with anybody. No, but again, I listen. And it's just such a situation. What is this, A.L.? We'll not share your social security number with anybody. No, but again, I'd love to hear where you're from. How you listen? Always love hearing from people on Twitter and Instagram because we don't get to see you. I know.

And if you can see more, we'll do some things more, probably. Yeah. Like, stick and blow a job date. The hot source. All right. Sweet. Okay, Madison. Thank you, everyone. Thank you for listening. And thank you, and bridge update. All right. Sweet. Okay, man. Thank you, everyone.

Thank you for listening. And thank you, Madison Kimber, for being awesome. They were very sensitive to you. Yeah. And like for giving the definition of truffle bust. Yeah, that was really beautiful. Geez. They're so filthy.

These are the people you hang out with. Yeah, I know, honey. Well, it's a prerequisite. Maybe they weren't filthy before they got here. I don't know. Yeah, probably. Okay, everyone. Thanks so much for listening to Sex with Emily.

Was it good for you? Email me. Feedbackatsexwithemily.com. Okay, everyone, I know I mentioned that I have a survey on my site, I might have mentioned on this show. I've got a survey, you should all fill it out and tell me if you like this show, you don't like this show, how it can prove.

And another thing about survey is, we all know that men want to last a little longer in bed. There's been surveys that show that men just got a vacate only last longer. And let me tell you this, let me tell you about her messin. One in three men suffers from premature ejaculation or just not lasting long as they want as they want to embed. And now you don't have to suffer. Permessin is a quickly absorbing delay spray. It allows you to have the sex you want. You don't have to think about baseball or all those

other things that you're not in the moment. so you don't ejaculate, you can now focus on your partner's hot body, now that you have the time to make the orgasm, to help the orgasm, and promise and also closes that orgasm gap, the arousal gap. You know, women take a little bit longer than men, so thousands of urologists are recommending promescent, it's the only FDA-approved treatment or ejaculation, go to promesson.com to find more that's promscant.com. Thanks for listening.