Sex With Emily - Mental & Sexual Health for Better Sex

Episode Date: June 11, 2014

Emily and Menace reunite to answer your most pressing questions. Today’s topics include epic stories of sex-gone-wrong, a married couple with mismatched libidos, and that age-old dilemma, how to get a girl to warm up to back door sex. But first, Menace and Emily make a drunk show pact! Vegas, anyone? The two share some developments in Emily’s dating life and revisit the question- when will Emily be ready to settle down? Also, how do you break the pattern of dating the abusive guys? And do blow jobs really solve all problems? Thanks for sending all your sex and relationship questions to [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, I'm Emily from Sex with Emily. Good vibrations carries the hottest toys and vibes. I love the Jeju Mimi because it's discreet yet powerful and great for couple sex. Find out how much pleasure your body can really handle. Use coupon code Emily for 15% off at GoodVibes.com. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mark our sacred institutions.

Betrubized they call them in a fight on date. Hey, Avaline, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The world's got a hair standard. Oh my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, Avaline?

What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I want to, so, so, so. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily.

We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between for more information. Go to sexwithendly.com. Sign up for our goddamn mailing list. Because you know what? Not only will you get the biggest mistakes, five biggest mistakes you're making in bed if you're a man or a woman, you can choose, but I send you emails, but I don't bombard you. They're actually informative and interesting

and our website's got lots of cool stuff on it, videos, blogs, all that stuff. Check it, check it. I'm here with menace today. Hello. I was just thinking the five, you're struggling through the five biggest mistakes. Yeah, I don't know why I'm like, sumbling. But you're probably, you know, tired. No, you said you were going out drinking lately. Yeah. You're out on the town and you're not saying to us. I want to date.

Yep, I got drunk a little bit. Yeah, I am going out on the town and Los Angeles. Okay, we got it. Okay, now that we live in LA and we are closer to Vegas and you go to Vegas all the time. Yep. I would like to go with you one time and we finally, we've been promising forever to record the drum show. Right, we're going to get drunk and do a drum show. I think that'd be great.

And we've been talking about this for years. Oh, years, years. And I'm sorry, people, that we have, we just never had a really good space where we could do it. Right. And now that we're close to Las Vegas, we could totally just drive to Vegas and like record it and then hold it.

I know. And I have an event there, I mean every September, I go to the International lingerie show, September and April, so September, I mean, we could go before then too. Yeah.

I would love it. So like before I was away. So I think we should do more live shows. We've got like a two-once-two. Yeah, and think we should do more live shows. You know what she wants to do? Yeah, and you got a billion interns now so they can just drive us. It's like San Francisco again. Now I thought it was great interns here. Right, they could drive us, we'll make the interns drive us and have fun.

Because we always have a good time in Vegas. And people do want us to do more live shows places. Yeah. So, we can do them around the Los Angeles area. It would be fun. But yeah, I could drink two glasses of wine and then I'm out. Because I'm drunk. Like I seriously went out on a date last night actually and I had just two glasses and I haven't been drinking like, you know, I'm not even big.

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm going over. Not anymore. I'm not talking to the guys. I hear off to. He actually grilled me the whole time, believe it or not, about my life. I didn't like, like, oh, I could talk about me. That's great. You just keep it though. It was interesting. But what else could go on?

But what else could go on? But what else could go on? But what else could go on? But what else could go on? But what else could go on? But what else could go on? But what else could go on? But what else could go on?

But what else could go on? But what else could go on? But what else could go on? But what else could go on? But what else could go on? But what else could go on? But what else could go on? But what else could go on? But what else could go on? But what else could go on? But what else could go on? But what else could go on? I have friends in LA from college, high school, summer camp. They live here.

I reconnect with them and every time they meet a single guy, they're like, you'll like Emily. So yeah, we've gone on a few dates here. I might go to a single friend because I guess a lot of people aren't single. But they're fun. You know, he paid for my val- okay, here's a thing in LA. So valet parking ever paid for my valet and the tip. I thought that was very nice. And the dinner. the whole night.

And it was an interesting conversation. I like him. I can't tell, like, we texted today and he's like, let's hang again soon. Isn't that like, what does that mean? Like, let's hang again soon. Does that mean he was trying to see if you, what would respond, yes.

But hang is like, let's go, no, no, no. You know, run some errands. That's no. That's just how guys talk. You're looking too much into it. I mean, it's a chick right now. Yeah, I think it's just, he's just seeing if you say yes, and then he'll probably make more of a stable solid plan.

I mean, I like him. He's divorced. His real job, the whole thing. And then what other dates have I gone on? Nothing. I mean, I've met guys here and there. It's just been busy, but life in LA has been great. It's crazy, you know.

I mean, I've never been here in a half. Yeah, you're doing love line. Doing love line. Everyone should check it, because I'm on every Thursday night, 10 to midnight. But it's also their podcast. You can listen to the love line podcast, if Dr. Drew and Mike Catharwood.

That was the biggest thing with love lines podcast. They had it paid for a long time. And we tried that too. And it just, like, you guys just wanted for free greedy bastards. And we tried that. That was like the dark ages of sex, of them. I tried to pay for that.

I got to make a goddamn living people. You don't know I was like living on my car, basically. So luckily we don't do that anymore. You got a large team and you're able to, you know, get advertisers and stuff like that. But that was the big thing with love line. That their podcast never did well because they started. Right. It was a paid thing. But now it's not paid. And you're on Thursday nights. Yep. So listen to the podcast that's released on Friday. Friday. You're on there. And it's, yeah, it's interesting to hear you on with other,

with other people. What do you think? Do I sound different? I think you totally sound different. And I think that you sound, maybe I sound different? I think you totally sound different. I think that you sound, maybe I make you nervous, but you sound way more confident on the air, on love line than you do with me. Maybe because I, I really use so much. That's why. I sound more confident.

Yeah, I think you, you sound like you know what you're doing. Because here I don't sound like I know what I'm doing. You know what, hear all over. People who listen to the show. I think you're all over the place with me. But see, I'm not allowed to be all over the place there because first of all, it's about the collars you call in, which has been really interesting.

I love having people call in. And also, just so you guys all know, I've never mentioned this on the show. I don't, well, maybe I have. But on Thursday nights, between 8.39.30, Pacific Standard Time, you can always call in because I do record a podcast at the Love Line Studio and the number is 1-800-LOVE-191, I think, I believe.

And so if you have sex questions, you're like, I'm going to write you an email. Oh, I'll just call her. Call me then. Well, you should tweet at that time or time and say, call in. We're going to start doing that more so. So if people, you know, they forget, just follow you on Twitter and set your alarm and call in. I mean that's great. I wish we could do we could do call in. I know we kind of eventually but you could um yeah follow me on Twitter and Facebook and Instagram it's all sex with Emily and ask people ask me

questions there too and today's show is all about the peeps emails. Good. Because we love hearing from you. I'm getting tons of emails again on my Facebook page which is facebook.com slash sex assembly and also on Twitter and just the regular feedback at sex with Emily. So we can get into that right now if you'd like. Do it. The questions and that's for anything burning you have to tell me. Nothing burning. Okay. So I guess for sex in the news though before you had the email we have to talk about the Ila Vista shootings, which were devastating. I was watching television, just watching the father of one of the parents.

Basically, the Quink College community near Santa Barbara was shocked Friday May 24th. 22 year old Elliot Roger, when I killed in spree, step three was roommate to death and went on to shoot three more people in the community before turning the gun on himself and taking his own life and this has just been huge in the news i do not think this is going away his rants and his his youtube video and his his writings and yeah it's just crazy how this is happening more and more all the all the time and i think it's it's how kids are being raised these days. I mean, this guy, this guy definitely had a mental, mental issue. And I think, but the way that kids are getting

raised, raised these days, and this guy having a mental issue might have enhanced it, I think kids these days, they don't know how to deal with being rejected. They don't have as much, you know, interaction with people in real life. I, you know, my my girlfriend's brother. He doesn't see his friends face to face. They talk through, you know, the Xbox. Right. So there's not really a lot of human interaction and practice.

Yeah. And when kids these days, you know, they have soccer games where kids don't have winners. Like, you know, like, so kids don't know, like, oh, sometimes you don't get everything that you want. Right. You know, sometimes you are going to get rejected and you're going to have to learn how to deal with that. Right, because he talked a lot about women

and like how he felt so much rejection from women. As a whole, referring to, and a lot of guys go through that. And you're right, if you're not even getting the practice of talking to women and experiencing that because you're online all the time, you're not gonna excel, men or women learning to talk. I don't understand why everything, I hate relationships that go on over tax.

I just like cut those now. Yeah, and I don't know. Like, I think that Confidence people need to be raised we have to go back to you know, you don't get everything that you want You don't get your way. You don't get baby'd, you know life is tough I'm sorry. It's not he was totally taking care of two good wealthy parents You know he the video he has like a BMW, like full care around that, but it's amazing to be at all this care around the clock, like hands on psychologist psychiatrist and he's still, we have this ramp and a lot of you want to know, like, is he a misogynist?

Does he hate women? It's weird. It's more than that. Yeah, I think it's definitely more than that. It's weird that all my, my gay buddies think that he was actually, that he was gay, and I'm not saying that he went and killed a bunch of people because he was gay, but why did he kill a bunch of guys first? And why, I mean, you'll never know.

But his whole manifesto was about women and being, which I rely on, that. Yeah, and it's like, maybe he had it in her struggle of who he was. Right, exactly. So, I mean, we're never gonna know because the guy killed himself know, killed himself. He took the coward's way of not facing like what he did.

But, yeah, I didn't, I mean, it's so hard to even try to understand. I know, you can't. And then there's this hashtag, yes all women. It's a hashtag on Twitter and probably everywhere, Instagram, inspired by his misogynistic rants, trending on Instagram and Twitter, sincerity people can share examples

of gender-based harassment. The campaign is successful because it drew an out-set outsiders instead of just preaching, you know, to the feminist choir, they were just all responding to it. But I don't know that it was just about, I think he was just a confused kid who kind of hated everyone and didn't feel accepted,

didn't head-to to head low self confidence obviously because it made it mental issues. So who knows, that could all, you know, when you have any kind of mental impair, and impairments like that will put you in those office deem, like he's functioning as a normal human, but still feels like you. Yeah, mental issues, you're getting rejected by, you know,

people all around you and then you're just, you're just gonna go crazy. Right, and then it's just certain like sense of entitlement that he's gonna be having everything you know giving to him because his whole life has been that way and he wasn't getting that attention from either women or men whatever it is. So that was very tragic and watching the parents again my mom my dad died when I was 19 which is a long time ago my mom like not the most nerd my mom's amazing but she's like well at least you didn't lose a kid because that'd be worse that that she a kid, but she said that's how it's supposed to be. You're supposed to lose a parent first. And losing a kid is the most tragic. I can just

imagine. Yeah. And then she's right. I'm sure. Thanks, mom, though, for the comforting none. But I do feel like watching that guy's face with this dot, I mean, just it's his only child. He was 22 years old. You know, his Kelly was just very sad. It's terrible. So okay, but moving on to more news, which is a little lighter per usual. I don't want to get like tweeted about it and stuff like that. We just like brought it up and talked about it. I'm kind of like, I have to recognize it. Yeah, I definitely, I don't even want to try to begin to understand it and have reasons

why it happened. I don't even, yeah, who am I to say? Hopefully, somehow we find different ways to deal with mental illness. Everyone knew this guy had mental health issues. The cops even went to his house. I don't feel bad for the cops that weren't able, because of the law, weren't able to search his house

and find all these guns that were in his house. Right. Um, you know, like, because I've seen crazy people, I've dated crazy people where they, they're in a room with somebody and they act like they're totally normal. But when they're with you, they're like, they're like, the switch goes off and then somebody walks back in the room, they're acting totally normal again. So you can't put it on the police because there's just so, people are,

there's, there's, because people are blaming, they're trying to find answers to it. Really, he was a disturbed child, and we just need to find a better way to somehow deal with mental health. And it's hard because you can't just, it's not right there in front of you.

Right, and it's not linear sometimes. If you have mental health issues, you can be up, you can be down, and it changes, so you have some different meds. It's just okay. So yeah, I don't email me angry stuff either if I said anything to make me angry. But you can see my mama doesn't.

I can't take it anymore. Okay, so here's the thing. Let's talk about boning instead. Okay, so how about earbuds to enhance porn viewing hits the market? Really? A Taiwan based company wins W&DZ. And now to say the release of ear buds designed especially

to enhance porn viewing. Company reps say the headphones called LIDOBI focus more on voices than sounds and reportedly make female voices more pleasing and less sharp while making male voices fuller and rounder. The product website lovepalves.com.plz let the doby experience so close so real so 4d Experience to watching porn the 39 dollars for the earbuds the site says only No, no, that's not bad. Thousand led dobies are available for purchase Includes the fat flagship product love pals as the world's best interactive toys for internet love.

Now, a lot of porn is about sound, right? For guys like, are for men and women, a thing that turns out a lot of sound. Not just the viewing, but like the sound of a woman makes when you're having sex with her and stuff like that, kind of thing really. Yeah, yeah, we're talking about viewing, things, stuff like that.

I don't know. I think a lot of guys, you know, because they're masturbating, they're not able to turn up the sound. They don't know. I think a lot of guys, you know, because where they're masturbating, they're not able to turn up the sound. They don't live in the forest of Montana or something like that. And maybe having earbuds would be better, but you wouldn't be able, if somebody walks in, I'll be afraid.

So many walks in, I can't hear anything. And I'm just like, I know that's another thing. You gotta lock your doors, make sure you've got these earbuds on. Exactly, that is a great point. But yeah, probably if you live alone, the earbuds would probably come handy.

And answer your experience. Why not? It's 40 bucks, try it. Try it, yeah. Okay, a man events a tip-only condom. Oh, I saw this on the... Yeah, so Charlie Powell, from Torrance, California, has invented the Galactic Cap,

a middle-melistic condom that covers only the tip of the penis for potentially more powerful orgasms and reduced visibility. The Galactic Cap is a two-piece affair that combines a U-shaped polyurethane adhesive film and a flexible cap that sticks to the film. So I'm just wondering here,

it says you have more sensitivity during sex, but how does it stay on? Like I don't understand why it doesn't slip off. It has some kind of like death grip to your penis. If it's just a cap. Yeah, I didn't actually click on the article. I just saw the title of it. So he's trying to raise money for clinical trials and there's some YouTube video about it that gives an in-depth description. I'm sure you'll link it on the section. Yeah, we can link it on the section on my site. That sounds like a great idea. But we can get into the emails now. Okay, but I did hear about another story that I have to share. Oh, share, go.

It was a sexual story about role-playing. So they were playing like dragons and fairies or something like that. And the guy handcuffed the girl and put the keys in her vagina and she had a UID, what are those things called? And the key got stuck into that. In her birth control thing. Yeah. And then so that gets seriously.

It's an insertion that women use it for birth control so they don't have their period for like six months. Yeah, and it got the key got stuck in there and they had to get it It's like sex that made it the ER that show that's horrible. Yeah, so look out Be careful and you're taking dirty keys in every giant Listen be careful the way you stick in the vagina even if you use toys and it would you're great? You know, I love toys make sure you clean them in between uses But that's all don't use don't use sugary things,

like even if you want to pour champagne and your girlfriend's vagina and like it, don't do that. Nothing sugary. Oh my God, a reminder. Oh my God, vagina, like you remind you of something else. No, another sex toy. What? Sex toy thing gone bad.

Okay, this one's bad. So I heard about this other story where, because I read a lot of news every day for doing a morning show. And this one, they wanted to enhance their sex life. So they brought in toys into the situation. And the whole thing about anal stimulation for guys. And with, you know, male prostate, I guess,

you know, it's a big thing. And so there was good for a lot of male just now. Yeah. So they're using a vibrator, but it was like a really small one, went up too far into his intestine and he had to go to the doctor and it was still vibrating. Vibrating. In his intestine while he's at the doctor

and he had to get it. It's so painful. Surgery removed. Like it's in his intestines and it's vibrating. That's crazy. That's crazy. That's crazy. Painful crazy awful and crazy embarrassing.

I know. I'm like, oh, hey, I got a very braider inside me. I don't know. It was really weird. I was just you know, chopping vegetables and all of a sudden. It fell. Yeah, but a lot of men, you know, here's what I recommend for you, men. If you're interested in pleasuring for your prostate, your male prostate, your behind, whatever it is.

There's a lot of great sex toys for men that are for that. The little tiny bullets, not a good thing, but there's ones with like handles on like, but it's a butt plug, but you can like pull it out and suck up your butt. It's funny. No, because you're that's crazy though. You always go to the butt plugs and it was funny because the first time I ever, there was like a sex toys shop in the city that I lived in when I was a teenager, Newark, California, how you doing?

How you doing? And I remember me and my buddy, we were like, oh, let's go in, let's go in. And then so we walk in and the first thing that we see was that it was a toy, it was called the anal ripper. Oh my God. I feel like you've, yeah, okay. Oh, how, that's not gonna make a man want to.

Yeah, so I mean, maybe something that, it was for somebody. It was crazy. Or for women, yeah. Or for women, that's true. Yeah, the anal ripper. I think we could do better branding and better naming for that.

Even the sex toy dump truck is better than that. But the thing that I brought up many times on the show that I mean, if you want a funny view of the whole Bill King the prostate thing for a guy, you got to watch the movie Road Trip. And it's like a big part of the movie because they they just like bring it up and they're learning about it. It's a big thing. I mean, it's always been a thing.

Pegging, it's called like when a woman penetrates a man, but I'm not saying it's for every man, most men don't want anything near, a lot of straight men. But there are some who want to experiment, so there are some great toys about that. How you got some girl that was from Australia one time? Oh, Nikki. Dr. Yeah. Yeah, she was Australian, yeah.

Was she blonde? Yeah. And she came to Santa's sister's girl and she was just like, strap on, strap on with a bunch of guys, and I'm like, that's just crazy. That was like her, she was in sex school with me,

and we were getting her doctorate. She was in sex school is insane. It is insane. But anyways. Yeah, okay, she's insane, but someone like, you know, check out everything. Check out, explore your sex life, expand it. Do something different.

I'm not saying you need something stuck on your butt, but do something different. Yeah. That's how we're about. Okay, dear Emily, I'm third years old. I was married for 12.5 years to an abusive man. Then we divorced. I took time off from dating, then ended up dating another abusive man for 2.5 years.

So, I don't always find that. Wow, why am I attracting abusive men? How can I change this trend before I can get involved with another man? So, she's already spent 15 years of her life in abusive relationships. I am now afraid to date or even have sex They were both abusive in different ways. I have a small 10-year-old from the first relationship She witnessed both abuses. I am worried her vision of men is now ruined by me Can you suggest how to date again? Wow sincerely? Fallon? Definitely has I'm sorry heavy. This is a heavy one. What definitely?

It's what change her environment. She's probably finding them in the same way that she found them before. Exactly. And, you know, you definitely have to change the environment and find different type of people. Yeah, but that's so much easier to have than done. Like, people tend to date like the bad boy

or whatever. And I would, I would suggest found. I'm just, I would thinking that maybe you saw some of you so you were growing up perhaps in your home home maybe your parents were abusive to each other and this is like if you were 12.5 years in relation like if you said Emily I was six months I'd say okay well we can work on this but honestly I'm just gonna say you're gonna need some therapy right now and pull yourself out of the dating pool because I think that that abuse for 15 years that you just endured has

deeply, deeply impacted you and your feelings towards men. I don't think you're ready to date yet. You just don't get married yet. You want you dissect it and you figure out why you were attracted to these men and what was going on. You know, you need to learn to like understand yourself, love yourself, and then learn to break that cycle of abuse if you take an extended break from relationships which I think you can do. But as far as your 10-year-old, I feel I think that, you know, she might need to do some talking as well. My parents sent me to therapy when I was 10. Look how healthy I am today. That was for the course. I never told you that. I know. I just sent into pictures.

But yeah, because my parents were, my family's always been like pro therapy. I know. I just sat in their pictures. But yeah, because my parents were, my family's always been like pro therapy. I know. I saw. But yeah, I fell and I want you just to stop. We got to look at that. I mean, I don't know more details about why you're dating these men, but I think that you just

need to find some help. And again, whenever I tell you we get therapy, there's so many of you really, no, I don't want to go. It's expensive. But let me tell you, there's a sliding scale. A lot of therapists will offer it. Ask your own to friends, your health insurance plan might give you 20 things a year 20 sessions a year There are ways to get therapy even if you don't think that you've a lot of money because you're investing in your mental health

Is the most important thing that you can do more than anything else you want to invest in you have to get healthy mentally Before you could live a happy healthy life.. So it's first but in money. You don't need to jump back into relationship right away. Right. Exactly. Okay. So we've got some more emails here. Dear Emily, I really enjoy your podcast.

I have a question. I'm sure you received before, but here it goes. My husband and I have been together for almost six years. He's only the second person I've slept with. My first time being a one night stand. We were first together, my husband was sexual and open. Over time though, our love life has become very bland, despite my attempts to bring a little excitement and passion to our lives. We go to our local adult bookstore, and when we are there, he seems really free and open. We've got toys and movies together, and I fully support and courage sexual growth in a shame-free environment

But when we get home he puts the purchases in the closet and we never use them Even if I bring it up or bring it out of the closet. I love him and I have no problem pleasureing myself But I'd rather share the pleasure with him signed patty Okay, please help as what she says this divorce court thing. I just saw what happened Okay, please help us what she said. This divorce court thing I just saw. What happened? Um, they were in divorce court after five months

because this woman, she was 34, she was a virgin. She just, she had a one-night, it always happens like this. She had some random one-night stand, a little while before she met her husband. And then she got with her husband, and then she just became like a freak, like just constantly just wanting to have sex all the time. And he just couldn't keep up with it.

That just became the issue and the relationship, and that's why they were getting into force. And- This came up on divorce court. Okay. And he's like, yeah, she wants to do all these crazy positions. She wants to handcuff me. She wants to call me, wants me to call her the queen and all this crazy stuff.

But what's even worse is she got an STD from the one-night stand guy. Wow. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Wow. And then that became also an issue. Undifferent. Okay, I guess everything comes up on... Yeah, a divorce court.

A divorce court, yeah. But that is actually not the worst thing, the worst story that I ever heard. What you heard. I just heard something recently that is absolutely awful. It was a phone color that we had and it was just like Because you know, I went to a bachelor party right no Yeah, I went to because I was Recording at a wedding and then so I went to a bachelor party in Las Vegas

So we're talking about all these bachelor parties and bachelor at parties and we We got all these statistics on you know who cheats on a bachelor party and it was women cheat more than guys. Oh really? Yeah, because women go crazy. Men go crazy. They're hiring the proffes. You think that's happening, but it's really not happening. Like I guarantee you, male bachelor parties are way more lame

than a female bachelor party. Like female bachelor parties, they just go insane. And I've been hearing this more and more with Women that I know that are getting married like The one last fling type thing. Oh, yeah, they just called one last thing. It's like yeah Yeah, like one last and they are like going more and more just going through with it. So anyways We're just sharing all these stories like oh, what's the worst one that you heard get this get this We're just sharing all these stories like oh what's the worst one that you heard get this get this Get this call from this girl. She's like oh my god. She's like my

Girlfriends and I went out. We went to Vegas and We met a bunch of guys. I was tired so I went back home and My friend that was getting married and I'm going hooking up with this guy, having unprotected sex, right? And then she eventually, down the line, down the line, she goes and she gets married, everything's cool. She gets pregnant, but she starts feeling really, really sick, like really bad. She goes to the doctor and finds out

that she got HIV from the guy, from the other guy. From the bachelor at party? Yeah, from the bachelor. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Freezy. So, she doesn't tell the husband at all

that eventually he starts getting sick Oh, she's like, oh no, blah blah. He goes to doctor finds out That he got it. This is horrible. You know someone called into their show. Yeah, and Come to find and then the baby also has HIV Oh, man. This is the worst story that I ever I know The worst I ever heard. I think you know, do you use condoms if you're going to cheat? Okay. Don't cheat. Don't cheat. But if you are, if you're meeting like raining people in the club, like, come on. Yeah. But I guess you know what it is. People get so drunk and they make these decisions

and they think, oh, I know, no matter how drunk you get, you know what you're doing. Yeah, I guess so. I'm sorry. But no, but sometimes you don't, sometimes you make rationale, did you make decisions? Yeah, I mean, but you kinda know what you're doing. Yeah, you know?

I know, but that's honestly, so carry a freaking condom in your pocket or your purse. Yeah, but it was like the worst story that ever. That's the, that's the, that's the best thing you can do more about. I'm gonna go home and like, tell you to, you know, go sleep right now.

Whether I'm, whether I'm, whether I'm, whether I'm, yeah, hook up and use condoms, okay? Yeah. So, okay, we gotta answer the question. Not to be a buzzkill, like. Yeah, you just, Patty's got a problem with, okay, so six years, we gotta, well, should we answer then after a word from our sponsors?

Okay, so Patty, we're coming back to you. I've got a little message from the word from our sponsors. Okay, so I wanted to thank everyone for listening to this show and I love being able to have you to help you have the sex life and relationships you deserve and I want to give you the best show possible so I appreciate you supporting our sponsors who help keep this show free because we want Chargy like we did that one time when they all got messed up. So have you ever heard of a massage candle?

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I was driving through, I don't know, some part of Los Angeles. I saw a billboard for a hustler casino. Oh yeah, there's like casinos and... I gotta check that out, you know, I'm all about the casino. You're all about the casino, I know. I should get, I love the casinos too.

I was in Reno for a minute, a couple weeks ago, and I played a soft machine in 160 bucks. You did? That's amazing. I loved it. I don't, I like, you know, whenever I'm in Vegas and there for conferences lately, I just want to go for fun, like when we go to our drunk show.

I don't, I don't see you ever playing soft machines though. But I don't play poker. Poker? Oh, see, I don't even know how to play poker. I can play poker. Yeah, I've done that. That's cool. I know, I'm cool. Okay, so we gotta go back to Patty. We like read him all 10 minutes ago. So basically, these know how to play poker. I can play poker. Yeah, I've done that. That's cool.

I'm cool. Okay, so we got to go back to Patty. We like read her email 10 minutes ago. So basically, there's a thing with Patty. Her husband, they've been together for six years. He's only the second person she's been with. She wants to add more passion. They go to the store together.

They go shopping. They buy toys. They come home. He's like, blah. So I'm wondering, the first thing I think, Patty, is your husband going through any kind of depression? Is he on any medication? Is there anything they could be kind of killing his libido at this point?

Because that happens in relationships. You've mismatched libido. So that's my first question to you. It looks like he's, you know, excited and he goes to the store. So he wants his intentions are there. But when it comes to actually performing and having sex, he's not into it. So I think that you need to talk to him more about it, and maybe just see what's going on sometimes, when they have certain stressors in their life

about jobs or money, or they don't actually want sex as often. And you guys have been together for almost six years, and I'm wondering if there was a certain time at the beginning when it was great, and maybe you could go back to some of those times and I'm wondering if it's if if there was a certain time at the beginning when it was great and maybe you could go you know go back to some of those times and think about what made it really interesting but you know we all changed sexually when we're in a relationship we change in a lot of ways. And so it might be you know there's got to be you got to talk to him but in a very non-threatening way. I'm say don't babe I love our sex life and I love that we're buying the stuff. These toys together and there's different ways

to spice it up. And when we get home, it seems like you're not, you know, you're not that into it. I'm just wondering, like, is there anything else going on? I mean, what do you think men is as a man? Like, how would you want to be approached if you, if you, you know, he goes to the store, he does all the right things. Yeah, I, this is-

And they come home and he hides them in the closet. Yeah, it's really confusing. It is very confusing. So that's why I'm wondering, like, what else is going on with him? Is he masturbating a lot? Is he on a med? So I don't know, Patty, but you've got to have a real talk with him about it in a way that's very supportive and not condescending and don't threaten him and don't tell him that there's anything about it. And ladies, you know, blow jobs fix everything. You think he just needs a blow

job? He just, you know, he's door. Keep on doing that constantly and watch what happens. Swear. His whole libido is gonna change. Not every man loves a blowjob. But see, yeah, the 2% out there. But, and then Emily's gonna be like, oh, what about her? What is she gonna get out of the situation

and all this kind of stuff? But if you're trying to fix his libido, focus on him for like five seconds, okay? And then after he's fixed, then you guys can work on it again. I mean, it is true. Like a blowjob can be a gateway to incredible intimacy. Don't men fantasize about a walk-in in the door

and a woman just has to have a penis in her mouth. Every day of their life, they fantasize about that. Right, exactly. They probably a lot of people are fantasized by that right now it is a good thing to do men love a blood job they do so it's a real crowd pleaser yes very exciting exactly dear Emily I love anal sex but the girl that I'm currently seeing does not is there any advice how I can help relax and try to know with me I orgasm harder with anal than vaginal sex. Actually, three to four times harder.

Plus, my erection is a lot harder. Is this common when doing anal? Thank you, Emily. Signed Frank. Yeah, it is common that men prefer anal sex and they have stronger orgasms. I don't know why. I mean, I do know why, because there's less. It's tighter.

Wait, wait, wait. Yeah, the whole thing, and it's the forbidden. There's a million reasons. But here's about, a lot of women have a bad first time experience with anal sex, and they never want to try it again. Because there's men that have tried to have anal sex with them when they were drunk or just inexperienced, and they put, they had no lube, and they just shoved it in, and it was painful, unhorrible, and wretched, and they never want to do it again. I don't know if this is the case with your girlfriend,

but I wouldn't push it on her, but I would also tell her that, you know, you would be gentle and you would work with her. And also, the more you talk about why I have anal sex, the less likely she's going to want to do it. So I would start with just trying to play around her anal area. Just with your finger lightly rubbing it, you could, you know, around. You could also put a few fingers in to help her get comfortable.

And again, you have to use lots and lots of lube. And so she just, you just got to find out more about why she doesn't like it because then as little finger there, she might like it because she has a little finger there. She might like it and then you might get her warmed up because the whole thing is a woman has got to be relaxed. Normally if a penis is coming towards, we're going to tense up because it makes us nervous and scared and it's a new sensation or she hasn't done it before. So, you really maybe give her a massage with an Emily and Tony massage candle, get her

in the mood, talk to her about it and just start with some fingers. Maybe you just use fingers the first few times and then eventually you can move to a butt plot and they get her comfortable with that. And then you could try anal. Because I, you know, I don't know why she shut it down and says she doesn't like it, but there may be ways to open her up again,

no pun intended. What do you think menace about anal? I mean, I don't know. I don't know really if it's very hard to convert, convert, sorry. Neapolitan. Anal conversion. I mean, I don't know. I don't know really if it's very hard to convert. Convert. Sorry. Neen. Anil conversion.

Yeah. Anil conversion. I mean, a maneuver that you can do. Oh, no. OK. I mean, that does involve putting your hands down there and trying to see if she likes it or not. It's kind of a mental game, do you play? She probably has a friend that's like way into it.

And then if you guys are like, you know, if you guys are really comfortable around each other, you know, just kind of joke about it and have her friend say how much she likes it. How is he gonna find her friend that loves anal sex and then have that dinner with her and have a full brain. Girls. I like the idea. her and have it with our anal. Girls. I like the idea.

Girls talk about everything with each other. We do. All right. And a lot of times you share that information of what your girlfriend is saying and talking about with her friends. You might find out this information, okay. If you get in a situation where you guys are all comfortable in talking about it and she's gonna, her friends saying how much she loves it, I know this is a perfect ideal situation, but it could happen, it's happened to me. And they just, you

know, say, oh yeah, it's great. And then your girlfriend kind of thinks like, oh wait, maybe it's not that bad, you know, if they get some, you know, or he should bring his guy friend that he knows as a good anal sex to this girlfriend. In case he can't get to want to hurt girlfriend. Yeah, and then the girl's like, oh my God, I love it. I mean, not every, and there's a thing about it. They're like, oh, maybe I'll try it.

It's just like three sums. It's just like, there's not every woman is gonna be into what you're into. But I don't. And after she's like, really hardcore about it, not gonna wanna do it,, don't push the subject. It's not gonna happen. Don't push the subject or your penis.

Yeah, and you're just gonna, you know, you're just gonna have to deal with it. I'm sorry. You're gonna have to find other ways. I know, but it's a bummer for men who are really into it and they're with women or not. That could be a deal breaker. And these are the kind of things that you've just find out

when you're in a relationship early on. Yeah. So you don't say with someone, if that's, if the anal sex is your fantasy and you're with someone who's like shut down, it could be a bummer for you. Yeah. You're going to find yourself anal-eating.

It's going to suck. Totally suck. Yeah. So question. Yes. Let's give back to we were talking about how you were going last time we talked, how you were going to leave to San Francisco and you're going to celebrate your birthday.

Now that your birthday has passed, what is any timeline that you have of finding somebody to spend the rest of your life with? Oh, God, that's so heavy. You know, men, that's an interesting question. They made a reality show about this. You want to watch it? No. I think that I am getting more ready to find someone

to spend a lot of time with. Wow. Yeah. Finally broke you down after all these years. Because you said that, what did you say they would help with? Recently, they would help with that. The wash the car. Oh, the wash my car that everyone keeps criticizing about.

The two things. Like, I have a, I've- No, that's not the only with. The wash the car. The wash my car that everyone keeps criticizing about. The two things. Like, I have a, I've got to. No, that's not the only reason. I mean, I think it's nice. I think I've just been so driven to, we all know if you saw Miss Advise, my show in Bravo, which is interesting, because it's a reality show, but it actually made me really clear about some of my issues around,

you know, I've been working so hard to make this show a success. Been doing it for eight years. Men's was the other day one on the radio, and it was just, it's been really hard to make this show a success. Been doing it for eight years. Men's was the day one on the radio, and it's been really hard. It's been a struggle. And I always, my mom raised me that never reliant anyone else to take care of you, especially a man. And I thought, well, if I'm going to be working

and rest of my life, I better find something I'm passionate about and learn to make a living. So that's what I've slowly been doing. And I feel like I'm just getting to a place. And that could be all being discused. People can work and love, I get it, but I've been just so focused on this, my baby. And I feel like, you know, in L.A.,

I've meet lots of more guys here than San Francisco. And yeah, it might be right. Yeah, I mean, I would like you more for you for the companionship, because you know. Because I try to dog it and work. You love talking. So you need somebody to talk to when no one's there. And the other thing is I have a friend. She's, she's totally

about like never getting married. Don't want anybody around. Love, love's being by herself because people annoy her. Right. She doesn't want to compromise on anything. But she was just moving into a new place. And I had to help her find a handyman. Right. Did like take care of things for you. Well, that's what I do. I go and test rabbit and find handyman and he shells. I don't have.

I know, but you could just like totally get that for free. What if I had a guy who wasn't handy though? Then he could call the task driver. That's true. See, I do everything in my life and it would be nice to have help. But besides that, it would be nice to have a companion. You know, the truth is, I've dated a lot and I have never met, I don't even know if it's about me

because all my friends are like, oh Emily, because we've these like girl dinners, they're like, I just think you haven't met the right person yet. And I don't know how I feel about that because I think that it's a timing thing. And maybe I've met people that would have been right at a certain time and I wasn't ready,

but there could be someone that just knocks me off my feet and I'm ready to start it. I do have to do it. I do have to do it. I do have to do it. I do have to do it. I do have to do it. I do have to do it. I do have to do it. I do have to do it. I do have to do it. I do have to do it. I do have to do it.

I do have to do it. I do have to do it. I do have to do it. I do have to do it. I do have to do it. I do have to do it. I do have to do it. I do have to do it.

I do have to do it. I do have to do it. I do have to do it. I do have to do it. I do have to do it. I do have to do it. I do have to do it. I do have you being here. It's got to find Menace at Menace. On Instagram and Twitter, those are my big things. That's his main thing, Menace, Emmy and AC. Yeah.

And, sex family, please follow me on Twitter and Facebook, sex with Emily and Instagram, because I will definitely answer your questions if you email me. And also, Wednesdays from what time is it, Lauren, 1231? 1231, we're doing a Twitter chat where you can actually hashtag Ask Emily and send your questions.

1231, I'll answer all your sex and relationship questions so you can do that. Are there any other announcements? I think that's all. Just that I love you all. And I love hearing from you and thanks everyone for listening. And yeah, so thanks for listening. Was it good for you? Email me.

Feedback at sex with Emily. Hi, I'm Dr. Emily Morse from sexwithm.ly.com. Do you want to last longer in bed? Promessant is the only FDA-approved treatment for premature ejaculation. One of three men suffer from premature ejaculation, but they don't have to. Go to promessant.com to give the desensitizing spray that will allow you to have the sex you deserve. you