Sex With Emily - Mix Up Your Masturbation Routine

Episode Date: May 15, 2020

On today’s show, Dr. Emily is going to help you mix up your masturbation routine! Plus, she’s taking your sex and relationship questions.Among the topics are the history of Masturbation Month, sex toys, masturbation techniques, and new ways to explore yourself. Plus, the benefits of masturbation and why it’s such an important part of sexual health.For even more sex advice, tips, and tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and on today's show, hey, it's masturbation may. So I'll be talking all about your self-love needs plus I'm answering your sex and relationship questions. So things we're talking about, how masturbation month actually became an international celebration. Why self-love is the safest kind of love you can have right now? Wait to switch up your self-love and routine so you don't get bored with yourself. That happens. And toys that may just push you past the pleasure edge you've been looking for. All this and more thanks for listening. Is that mock our sacred institutions? Betrubized, they call them in a fight on day. Hey, Avaline, you got a boyfriend?

Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got everything. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, Avaline? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks.

And we not talk about sex so much. Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I want to feel so drunk. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Avaline's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, check out sexwithemily.com and all social media.

We're having a lot of contests this month, so check those out as well. Intentions with Emily. For each show, join me in setting and intention for the show. I do it, helps, helps you for a record, and it'll also help you. For example, a copy, well, I've always struggled with self-love because I actually don't know where to start, and I'd like some guidance. My intention is to show you all why self-love is really vital to having a healthy sex life and why it's also good for your mental health. I know it's been getting me through these times. Also, we are doing contests every week and just check out our social media. Be sure you're

following us on Instagram and we are giving away toys starting every single Friday this month. So please, please, please check that out. Join us. Win some toys. Who doesn't want any toy? I did not make up masturbation months. Everyone's like, was that your thing? And I have to say I wish that I thought of it. I did not. However, in 1995, Surgeon General Dr. Joyson Elders, she was appointed by President Clinton to be the surgeon general and her first initiative was she said that sexual health needs to be taught in schools. Now, in that she said, I would start with masturbation. I remember this and everybody was up in arms. Like, that is the worst idea. She's insane. All of our kids are going to be ruined

and she never end up getting, I believe she didn't get elected. But then surgeon generals's maybe she, I don't think she did. Did she? Okay, now I don't remember the story. Point is, look that up somebody. But the point, I believe she didn't. I believe that Clinton didn't appoint her because of that. Are people got pissed? Point, or maybe she got fired, but here's the thing. I believe she was 100% correct, and we are still having a problems right now in schools. And if that had gone through in 95, she wasn't saying, I think everyone, like they get to school second grade, they're like, here's your loob. This is your penis start to masturbate. What she said was, we need to talk about sexual health more in schools.

And by that, we're talking about naming your body parts when your kids are young, not saying you're hoo ha or you're wee wee and starting out saying like, that is your vulva, your vagina, your penis. And then teaching kids about what feels good, what doesn't feel good. And then when they get a little bit older, like in third grade, fourth grade,

you talk about feelings they might have. Like if a crush comes, she was fired. Thank you. She was fired by Clinton. Yeah. I feel like he appointed her and she was fired like a month later because that was her first initiative. And I'm still telling you like that is one of my initiatives.

Like when kids are in third, fourth grade, you talk about, even before that you're talking about consent, you're saying like only allow people to touch you that are supposed to touch you. I could go off on sex education for hours, but right now I'm gonna talk about masturbation. There isn't awesome podcasts in the show notes. Some six tips for talking to your kids about sex. It's a blog or a podcast.

And why masturbation should be taught in sex ad. We've got a lot of that on the website, but let's get into why I love masturbation month. So it was started because good vibration. So you know we love good vibes, the great store that they actually work the store on our site. They created masturbation month soon after that,

to raise awareness around the taboo topic, teach others all the wonderful advantages. And so it's funny because I've been doing this for 15 years. This has been my career, my profession, and I every other people think, there's a month about masturbation. Oh my God, that's so exciting. And it is exciting because every year, what's people who think, there's a month about masturbation. Oh my God, that's so exciting. And it is exciting because every year,

what I love is people are like, I'm gonna get on board with your masturbation plan. You know what, I haven't been masturbating as much lately. I haven't been self-pleasuring. I forgot that I should do it. I hear this from women more than I hear from men. I'm just gonna be honest. Like with men, I'm like, dude, you're like Walgreens

like put it away. Don't masturbate right now. And but with women, I'm like, dude, you're like Walgreens, like put it away, like don't masturbate right now. And but with women, when we're like stressed and anxious and worried, we sometimes clench the results of kind of tensing up as we actually forget that it feels good to release, even just by touch. It doesn't have to be full orgasm, right? You don't have to put all the pressure on yourself. The truth is, I think we've all heard this, is that the CDC, that the healthiest sex, safest form of sex right now, is with yourself. What I hear a lot is that your masturbation routine, if you actually are masturbating, maybe it's become a little bit stale right now,

maybe you're doing the same things over and over again, or maybe you don't know what else is out there. And so if you have any questions about how to mix up your masturbation routine this month, I'm here for you. I'm going to be answering your questions, giving you tips, sexwithm.ly.com, or website we've got tons of blogs about it

if you're feeling super inspired right now. And so one of the things is to switch it up because you're doing the same thing now for men who are like, I always masturbate with my right hand. This is an easy way to masturbate, to switch it up as to use your left hand. It's a different sensation. It feels like a different penis, maybe, for a moment.

And it's just a way to kind of awaken yourself because when we repeat something over and over again, we become dead into the process, right? We're not even noticing that we're doing it. And it could even just be a different position. So if you're always masturbating lying down, like you could do it on your stomach for women, that could be really, you can hit different nerve endings. If you're using a toy, you can like lie on your stomach and I just remember not even thinking

that was an option because I always masturbated the same way like on my back and I was like, oh, if I flip over and use my toy this way or move my hands in a different way, it actually feels different because we find that one hot spot that works. Like, this is the way I move my hand, this is the way I move my fingers, and this is the toy I use on this particular spot, and I'm going to have an orgasm. And that's great if you got there because I'm not going to like say you should just stop that. I love that you actually know how to have orgasms and how to please yourself.

However, this is a great month for exploring as well because we have so many rodgents on our body that we don't even tap into. We don't even think to explore. And when you kind of give yourself a beat and say, I don't need to go right to this. I can take a moment. That spot will still be there.

But what does it look like if I use my fingers on my vulva or my clitoris to the right instead of the left or I use lube and I haven't used lube before. I'm going to go a lot slower. I'm going to change the way I'm using my fingers. That could just mix everything. You might be surprised if you're like, oh, I know I do. I could orgasm that way. I mean, that's how I learned so much about what felt good to me was I was just very limited

in my beliefs that it was only going to happen through a penis or through a partner. And I didn't even know that I had the options or that it was possible. So it worked for me, it can work for you and I will help you. The thing I just thought about as well is a toy that I love that is very cool for this month in particular. And I'm going to say it's for vulva owners, but it can also be for, I mean, that's the thing about vibrators. If you still are holding on to the belief that they're just for women, you're wrong.

You are wrong because, hey, you haven't tried it yet, but be vibrations feel good for literally everybody. Most people all over your bodies, your shafts, your penis, your nipples, your neck. I love the zoomio because the zoomio has this pin point to it that it has a little tip. And since women are blessed with 8,000 nerve endings, clitoris is 8,000 nerve endings. If you're using typical toys or your fingers, you're just sort of hitting the whole surface of your clitoris, but it's got this pinpoint on it that I've never seen anything like it.

And what I love is we had a listener call in and tell us about it last year. And they were like, you tried the Zoomio, and I like to fancy myself as the sex toy whisperer that I actually have tried them all. People send them to us, but this one I had not tried. and I fell in love with it because for women who maybe they have some numbing or they haven't really explored, it literally you can move it around all these different spots on your body and an inside, outside. And if you go slow, you're like, oh,

you can just sort of pick up all these different pleasure points and have orgasms that are crazy and realize that we are just an unlimited capacity for pleasure. It's kind of a whirling, misaging motion and not just like a vibration. But you might not know the difference. I'm just giving you the nuances of it. But it's called the Zoomio. It's really cool. It's a fun one to explore and to invest in right now if you're looking to buy a tour.

Have you guys tried that yet? The Zumeo, my team here. Anyone try it? Yeah, I've tried it. I'm a fan. It definitely pinpoints like if you know your spots, like it gets there. It does. And it's I have it.

I have it. Oh, you have it. Thank Alisa. Cool. Right. It's a cool little pleasure. Bullshit. Right there. Just read it or desk. It's cool because it also, right. She's a cool little pleasurable shit right there.

Just read it or desk. It's cool because it also, right, she's like, I have it here. I keep all my sex toys in this drawer. I'm like sitting right by, so I'm like, there you go. That's so cool, can you turn on? Is it charged?

I don't know if it's charged. I just like that it's powerful and like, oh cool, doctors have recommended it as well as because it is stimulating blood flow. So a lot of the pain we're feeling or for some women, not all, is because there's just sort of like a, I want to say I think I need to better work for this, like a dormant or like a dead area. And when you apply a vibration to it, it'll start to kind of wake it up again and then liven it.

So you'll just your whole body, your whole vulva for sure is sort of in vagina, can just open in ways that you hadn't. And this toy does that in a way that I've never seen. I've never seen a toy with just a pinpoint like that small. Right. Exactly. So it's very different. It's smart. It's good for nipples too. I feel like the nipples are ignored a lot. Like we don't really, we don't really pay enough attention, I think. I think growing up, I was like, oh, men love breasts. They always want your breasts.

They want to touch them. They want to play with them. And I just feel like sometimes they just forget or they go right to, you know, I just want to get the action on and they don't stop and go slow and sort of pay attention because it feels that's been my experience. And I've heard that from a lot of you as well. But when we go slower and you can't like worship the breast, be like, I'm into this like, or ask your partner what feels good

because when you slow it all down, having a nipple orgasm or breast gasm is probably one of the second most common orgasms for women. But women don't have them because they don't think to like slow down or like with during their own masturbation or with a partner, it's just could be a very, you know, mind blowing experience. So I actually use the melt on my nipples too. You did? How was that? That's a great idea.

I like, yeah, it's huge shurn on. I love that Lisa do you think Lisa is going to be our That's a great idea. Yeah, it's huge turn on. I'll just do it, apparently. I love that Lisa do the... Lisa's gonna be our like, Vanna White. Do you have the, do you have the melts? But the melt is by the shore. Mine too! Mine's in the shower.

It's always in the shower now. I use that in the morning and I use the, this new bullet thing that I'll show you guys in a minute. And you guys, there's videos on the Serious XM app which you should absolutely check out. So the melt we're talking about uses this pleasure air technology. It's like indirect stimulation so it can kind of nicely suck on your nipples or your clitoris and crazy orgasm. I mean, like literally like I don't even know what happens kind of orgasms.

Like I didn't even know that was possible. It's a good time to experience multiple orgasms. I didn't even know that was possible. It's a good time to experience multiple orgasms if you've never tried that. These are all things that and I'm telling you firsthand, I thought that multiple orgasms were just for like other women that were born luckier and on the plant. Like they just had that gene. And many women and I would say more so than not actually can have multiple orgasms. We just don't we're just limited in the way we think about it. Like I'm

done I had one or I can't ever have one or I can only have one this way. I just had multiple two orgasms for the first time the other day. I never done before. Congratulations. How do I thank you? How do you mind telling me how that went telling us all the other day? Yeah, yeah. I just really focused on my breath, because I noticed sometimes like I'll hold on and not breathe.

And I kind of, I think that really, really blocks me. So I just, I just relaxed my whole body and just have breathing and Yeah, that's amazing that that is my that's so great. Alisa. I love that That is one of the the first tips when I'm telling women to To figure out how it's just we because we stop we're like oh, I'm done I'm out or I can't happen. It's because we're clenching So if you just kind of breathe and this can work if you're with a toy or with a partner and you just breathe deep and you just sort of like kind of let, because an orgasm is

energy. So if you kind of let that energy move through your body for a minute, it circulates rather than holding onto it, you realize that the orgasm again can come up again, that feeling. It's not just women, our refractory period is a lot shorter than for men. So I love that, Lisa. Thank you for sharing that. Okay, we're gonna take quick break, and we come back,

we're gonna get into your emails. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ We have a divine opportunity right now to really mix things up and to get more curious about our own bodies, our own self-love in. How can we feel? How can we figure out ways that we can make ourselves feel better? Because as a result, we are our best lovers.

How you're going to become a better lover to yourself and to your partner if you've been thinking about that? It's not about you learning how to be better at blow jobs or you learning how to look sexier. You learn how to go down in your partner better. That's part of it. That's like a skills, like I could teach you that forever. The best part, the confidence comes from when we actually become our own best lovers and not waiting for others to figure it out or just figure out and proximity to someone

else. So this month is the month where I'm just asking that we all sort of try something different or make a pledge, this is the sex or thenly sex drive. We're all gonna pledge the sex drive. So what are you gonna do? What is one thing you're gonna do to mix up your intimate routine?

So we've also been doing contests just so you know every Friday of this month feature Friday, we asked you what's one thing you're going to do to change up your masturbation routine. And we had some great, great responses from people. Because you might be thinking, the reason I want to read these to you because I feel like you might be thinking, I have no fucking idea Emily, I've been doing it the same way, my entire life. It feels good, I have an orgasm, I hate been doing it the same way my entire life. It feels good. I have an

orgasm. I hate it and quit it. Give me some ideas. So our brilliant audience listeners, all of you, sent in some great submissions for this. So this is from Michelle and she said, the one thing I'm going to change up this month is trying the Kiven method. Hopefully with this new toy Which I freaking love I'd never heard about that method until yesterday. I heard you on the girls got to eat podcast So what I love about this is she just took the Kiven method which I've been talking about for over a year now on the show and it's an incredible oral sex technique for when performing oral sex on a woman on a vulva. And it's this incredible method.

You can go to our website and just search Kevin KIVAN because I don't want to get into that in this moment unless you can call and ask me. But what she's saying is, yeah, I'm going to have a partner right now, but I'm going to use a toy and I'm going to do it to myself. And okay, now I have to tell you, it's just a little bit of, it's actually, a lot of us are assuming that when we touch ourselves, we go up and down with our fingers. For a woman, if you're touching your vulva, your clitoris, it's like a up and down, like a toe to your head motion, like from your going up up, but the Kevin method, why it's brilliant,

is because you go, think about all the nerve endings going from thigh to thigh, meaning from your like your clitoris has so many nerve endings and your, and your, um, your labia as well. So just kind of using this covering that whole surface area is a lot more effective at reaching other hotspots and figuring out ways to have orgasms and pleasure than just up and down. And so using the Kiven method and doing it with the toy on herself, I love that. And there's a blog on our site at sexwithemily.com

who also put it in the show that's called Mind-Bloing Oral in under five minutes, the Kiven method. That was crazy when we talked about that last year. I was like, here's a method, and I don't think in 15 years I had as many of you calling in and saying, I tried this and it worked. And like the stories were like, I've been with my wife for 15 years going down in her. And I can't believe this method or women calling in saying,

I didn't think I could orgasm that way. It was pretty cool. So I love the creativity with Michelle here, saying I'm gonna do it to myself. Okay, this is from Lindsay and she says, I'm going to try to allow myself to spend more time in each session. I'm going to learn how to reach climax in new ways besides through literal simulation, although it is amazing, I want to explore my G-spot and the tantric self-missage of the Yoni. I found OMG-S, which has a lot of accessible and inclusive information to supplement all I'm learning on

sexual memory. I'm single for the first time in years, so finally going to really explore my sexual body as a 30-year-old dancer who has a lot of body awareness, but surprising myself without literally knowing about my own sexual pleasure. Let's see what some of the guys are gonna do here. Or maybe some of the men on my Zoom want to tell me what they're gonna do. You don't have to. Yeah, yeah, anyone?

Ryan, Brian, Ryan, Ryan, hey. You said something earlier, I thought it was interesting when you said masturbating on your stomach. Now I've never done that and I can't see how I would but I'm always open to new things. So, you know, I think for me you're you know when you get it right on the head. No pun intended is that I've been doing things the certain way for For as long as I can remember really and

way for as long as I can remember really and it just works for me. You know, it's almost like a chore sometimes. Like, you know, I really probably should masturbate right now, or sometimes today. Like I really should. I feel like maybe that's probably a good idea. Like it probably be good for my mental health. And so I have to cancel it in. But then other times I'm like, I can't continue what I'm doing unless I go ahead and and rub one out. So, I, but either way it's always the same way whether I'm doing it as a therapeutic

way or like an impulse and like, you know, exciting moment kind of way. It's kind of always, however the porn that I watch the subject material does change. That's really the only thing that changes. Okay, let's change your hand movement. The on your, on the porn that I watch, the subject material does change. That's really the only thing that changes. Does it? Okay, let's change your hand movement. On your stomach, I was mostly saying, yeah, for men on your stomach, using exploring different parts of your penis, or your shaft, or your balls.

I mean, literally starting with your left hand and then you're right, or you're right and then you're left, or two hands. Lub, a vibrator. Do you have a vibrator?. Loub, a vibrator. Do you have a vibrator? Have we given you a vibrator? No, not yet. And I actually know I don't have like a cock ring

or a vibrator. I don't have any toys. I'm one of those guys that just hasn't entered that world yet. It's probably. I don't look money. Well, we need to get you a vibe. We're, we've got to get you. No one can be here without a toy

We just said John one They make it yeah, what's what's the best like if I so like I'm a guy who's never really you know Tried a toy for men or or anything. So what would be maybe like the the first like the 101 like the the first thing a guy should To try or you know as a toy like the 101, like the first thing a guy should try. Or, you know, I think a Cochrane would be really fun. I believe that a vibrating penis ring would be great to feel what that feels like. I'll tell you like the Wevibe pivot is a great one.

I would also say, so just because the vibrations feel great for men, like on your shaft, if you've never felt, let's just say that you've never felt a vibration on you, like a vibration on your any parts. You know, well, you know, funny you mentioned it, there was one time I had a partner who she brought a vibrator into bed. And that was pretty awesome. But it was like the size of a pen, like a pen. Like the vibrator necklace or something.

My kind of like, the best part. The best part. Yeah, yeah, some squall. And not very intimidating. It wasn't like she brought busted out a huge thing that I've never considered. But it was like small. And it was like in brought like busted out a huge thing that I've never considered, you know, but it was like small and it was like in her pocket. She's like, hey, I got this. That's right. And it was it was great, but you know she didn't leave it with me. She didn't leave it with me. So that was my only.

Well, I think you could, the pivot is great because it's great. It goes around your penis. Visually, cock rings a lot of them were used to help help them kind of stay harder longer or just, I mean, it just, it also restricts blood flow. And so that can feel really great too and help you stay harder longer. But the vibration element of it can just, it just new sensations because here's a thing we're all going to get, things are going to get stale and boring in every sexual relationship but even the ones with ourselves. So to say like, okay, I'm going to try a little bit vibration. So I would say that or the, the hot octopus makes a great toy that is a male masturbation sleeve.

It like oscillates. They call it a vibrator. And it goes around your penis. It holds it like a little like a hot dog bun. That's not really, but it oscillates around your frenulum. Do you know your frenulum? You probably do, but you might not know the name of it. It's the underside of your penis where the shaft meets the tip It's like this super Yeah, it's like a small little area and it's Yeah, that toys for that So best part it's best part of the penis. Yeah, it feels really good when that gets played with or vibrated Your best friend, right? Right, Brian, you've used fun. You're a friend, you'll be.

I haven't used the cockering for masturbation. I guess I can try that. What I realize is when masturbating, like, to make it better, I just, like, take my time with it instead of, like, one and done, instead of, like, finishing in three minutes or whatever porn video I'm watching.

Exactly. The prolonged, the thing about, we are prolonging it, like finishing in three minutes or whatever porn video I'm watching. Exactly. The prolong the thing about we are prolonging it actually can feel a lot better, right? Because you the delay and just the build up. Yeah, it's not easy, right? It's not because you want to just like just like get it over with, but if you just like linger it out and edge it a little longer then boom Great, that's a great. Yeah, okay. That's do you do that often do you do come here often do you do that often? At least I said boof No, I don't edge that much. I don't really think that I Don't know I just kind of just get it over with it feels like something I just like it's just like I masturbated today But I don't really give it much thought or like take the time to do all that.

But I should, I feel like I should. Yeah, it's me. What else do you gotta do? That's what I like. So that could be something for you too. Ryan, something a little bit different, edging, prolonging it, exploring like I said other parts of the penis, other rodging zones like I don't know there's just so many nerve endings everywhere and just even just switching hands okay I like all

that. It's a good talk Brian we'll circle back. Yeah one of these days getting a toy involved that would be interesting and being an awakening. And it's great if you I I'm not saying this, but for many men who want to last longer, the practice of edging is great for that because you start to understand a jocletory control and you're like, oh, this is when I start to go over and you just, I don't know, it's a great knowing. It's great for everyone. It's great for women too to understand like what actually gets me there, what kind of touch do I need because this is just really, I don't think I would have known how to have,

I don't think that my sex life would be where it is always now without fail if I hadn't figured this all out of my own. And my learning did not come from being with a partner. I learned from me learning stuff on my own and then saying, hey, let's try this. What do you think? So there's so much to learn edging, all of it and prostate too. I mean, no, Prash, you just got here, but prostate play.

If I was a man, I'd be all over my prostate. I would be like, what? I can have another crazy orgasm just right here. And only men have it. Yes. Sign me up. I's, that's got a whole another. Well, that's that's for tomorrow. That's for me. Yeah, that'll be me. That'll be May 21. That's what we're still going to be home. So, hey, you got time. There is an edging blog coming out tomorrow at sexwithemily.com all about edging. All right, if you want a question answered on the show, just email me feedback at sexwithemily.com

and as always includes your name and your age where you live and how this end to the show. Hey doctor, I'm Lily, long time listener of your show and I love it. Quick question. I want to buy my wife a G-Spot vibrator. I've done some research that have narrowed the options down to the Wevi brave and enjoy pure stainless steel wand. My wife has never used a vibrator before, which would you recommend? Thanks in advance. All right, great question because what you're asking is what is the difference between a vibrator and a dildo? Well, essentially, a dildo is more a

phallic shaped object typically. Doesn't they don't all look like penises. People think they look directly like a penis but they're more internal and they don't vibrate. So that's a difference. That's the easy way of explaining the difference in vibrators vibrate. Now the end-joy stainless steel one is an excellent internal way to find your jeezpot or your internal pleasure zones but I think it's a little bit more advanced if she's never the toy before. It's great because it applies this deep pressure and for many women, they don't necessarily

need all the vibrations and they might just need more of a deeper pressure and that's what the enjoy wand can provide. I love the weave Iibrator because I actually call it the G-Spot GPS. It has this really great ridges on it and curves that really allow you to target internal nerve endings.

A lot of people I know have had their first success using this toy. I think it's one of the best out there. And I just think it's pretty much a no-brainer. I love that it works with the app. I just think it's pretty much a no brainer. I love that it works with the app. I love that it's her first vibrator because you can also use it externally. She can use it on her clitoris. She can sort of use it to explore all different parts of her body. So what I like about the rave is that it's a little bit more versatile. And you can also use it with the We Connect app,

meaning you can control it from anywhere in the world or just sitting next door. So that's what I recommend for start. But if someone's listening and you're more advanced and you already have a G-Spot vibe, the end joy and letter N joy wand is a game changer. And if you have an experiment with Dildos, I recommend that one wholeheartedly. Okay, this is from Bobby and she's 20 in Bulgaria. Dear Dr. Emily, I come from a country

where sex is still a taboo topic. A few months ago, I found you, and I've been reading your stuff and listening to your podcast. You helped me with a lot of insecurities in the bedroom. Recently, I found my boyfriend of three years is watching porn. He was looking at actresses that look or act nothing like me.

I had never had a sexual encounter brief for him and I thought our sex life was pretty good. I confronted him and asked if we could watch it together so I can understand him and try out something he'd seen. He got mad, he made me feel guilty for bringing up in the first place, but I just feel insecure. In the past, I also had eating disorders and body dysmorphia.

I know you've been asked this before but can you please give me some advice? Well, Bobby, thank you for emailing, and I don't think I can answer this question enough, because I was once your age and had the same exact problem with my partner watching porn. It was my first partner, and I thought, this is amazing sex we're having, and we were great lovers, and I thought, why would you need to watch a watch porn, a great sexist or satisfying, and this woman looks nothing like me. She was the complete opposite of me. I am short with brown hair and she was tall, she had large breasts, she was blunt, and I was very, very confused by it.

But what I came to find out is that for men watching porn, they typically, they're going to do it throughout their lives. They're going to be, before they met you during the time they're with you. It's really just more of part of being sexually healthy for men. It's a stress reliever. It's a distractor. It helps them feel. Sometimes they just want to, you know, again, relieve stress, have an orgasm on their own.

I'm sure that you would know if he was not happy in your relationship or not satisfied. It doesn't mean that he wants all those things to happen important. So let me just say that. And I don't, I believe that I had to learn this on my own to get over it. I had to understand I had to start studying sex and sexual behaviors. So that's really a process. But the other thing is let's talk about body image as well. Because that is an inside job. That is something that, you know, you said in the past, you had problems with it, but sometimes we have these deep challenges and we don't just go out, get over them by thinking we're over them. So I would really make sure that you have done that work around eating disorders and not

feeling great about your body because it's really a matter of therapy and understanding why you're having these feelings and then doing different exercises like upping yourself loving game. Are you able to give yourself orgasms? Do you ever look in the to give yourself orgasms? Do you ever look in the mirror at yourself, having pleasure? Have you spent time alone figuring out your body,

holding a mirror up to your vulva and see what that looks like? And once we look at our learn to love our entire body as women, it really helps us learn to love everything. So that can start with your vulva, with your vagina. So many of us have a shame. We were told that we don't taste right or we don't look okay. We don't think that we deserve pleasure and we don't deserve someone wanting to please us. And that is really a barrier to us

actually feeling love and feeling desire. So it's a whole process we're wrapped up in. And so it's really easy to look at our partners and feel like we're not getting that from them or they're doing something that's hurting us. But this whole self-love, self-confidence thing, well, first off, you're never done with it. But just so you know that, it's not like one day you're like, I'm done with my issues. You just sort of continue to work on it and understand it. And I think we get better over time, but make sure that you are putting in self-love work

and self-reflection and therapy. Because that helps us. Thank you, Bobby. Thank you for your email. Okay, guys, thanks for listening to the show. Business with Emily, find me on Series XM Radio. It is Monday through Friday, 5 to 7 p.m. Pacific on Series XM Stars 109.

You can get some awesome sex talk and you can call in at AAA9478277. I will answer your question during that time. So just call me. You can get a free 30 day trial. Sexwithemily.com slash S X M. And if you like the show, check out whatever app you're listening on. Look at your phone. Give us five stars on that platform. Rados for V.S. wherever you listen, I still appreciate it. Thank you to my awesome team, Ken,

Kristen, Elisa, Brian, our interns, and Michael. It was a good for you. Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com. you