Sex With Emily - More Dating, Less Soulmating

Episode Date: November 17, 2018

On today’s show, Emily’s is joined by life/career coach Darah Wagner to talk about dating, masturbation, and love – and how to master them all (or at least come close).   They discuss soulmates and what you should be doing instead of searching for one, navigating the dating world and why you need to do your work before being in a healthy relationship, and self-mastering masturbation. Plus, what to do when you can’t get past your partner’s sexual history. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Foria, We-Vibe, Good Vibrations Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily Follow Darah on instagram: @darah_wagner For even more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit: sexwithemily.com Check out even more Sex With Emily on SiriusXMStars 109 Mon-Fri 5-7pm PST! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I have my friend and life and career coach, Darrow Wadner, dropping by and we're talking sex, dating and relationships. Answering questions that I'm sure a lot of you have, topics include soulmates, what you should be doing instead of searching for one, navigating the dating world and why you need to do your work before being in a healthy relationship. What to do when you can't get past your partners past and what it's like to self-master masturbation all this and more thanks for listening Look into his eyes They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions Betrubized they call them in a fight on me. Hey, Emily. You got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh my god, I'm off here. I'm so drunk. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, check out sexwithemely.com. You can also follow us on iTunes and wherever you listen to podcasts.

We love when you review us. That's amazing. And also check me out on serious sex and radio stars. Channel 109. I am there Monday through Friday from 5 to XM radio stars channel 109. I am there Monday through Friday from 5 to 7 Pacific 8 to 10 Eastern, and I'm so excited to be reaching so many more of you helping you with your sex and relationship questions every night you guys.

So, come here, check it out, we have a free trail on our website. You can also find me on all social media and it's at Sex With Emily across the board. And I really hope you enjoy this interview. I think you're going to get a lot out of it. We'll also be answering your emails. So enjoy the show. Darrell, before we get into the interview, last time I saw you was quite a night. Such a night. It was election eve and the event Monday night to four election. And we were at this part,

we were at this telephone for America that Ben, my guy, helped it was executive writer on, and there was a lot of celebrities there that were just really getting people to pledge to vote. So we're in the VIP area, and all of a sudden, Dara was like, oh my God, there's Jane Fonda. I was like, oh wow, yeah, Jane Fonda. And then, and then, and then it's so cute, and like bashful and shy.

She's like, no, no, no, I can't go up. I'm like, what are you talking about? Weful and shy. And she's like, no, no, no, I can't go up. I'm like, what are you talking about? We have to go talk to Jane Fonda right now. Just like, when you see a guy, you need to go out to learn. Okay, right. I've never gone up to like a celebrity though. So that was the first. Well, first of all, you don't wanna make them feel

like a pedestal, but you know, Jane Fonda is a legend. So, you know, you and I were talking about it, like Grace and Frankie, like she sells geriatric vibrators. Like, it was a perfect thing. And, you know, there she is, she's drinking a corona, she looks better than I do. I, like, whoever knows who her doctor is,

please DM me about that. And, you know, I went up to her and I tapped her on the shoulder. And I'm like, dying. I'm like, please, just busy. And it was like so cute. She's like, oh my God, no, I can't. No, Derek, what are you doing? I'm like, listen, girl, I am an agent inside.

I'm a connector. Let me do this. I'm like, hi Jane. And she goes, hi, hi. I'm like, how are you? I'm Derek. This is also my friend Emily. And she's, oh, Emily's like, oh, hi Jane.

Hi, I'm a sex doctor. I do a podcast sex with Emily. So, oh, do you do a show? Do you? Well, the people calling about drive a giant. I know. I'm like, they do, yes they do. She's like, okay, because I was like, you should come on.

She's like, I will. And then she's like, are you like Dr. Ruth? And I was like, she is. And she's also interviewed Dr. Ruth. Right, I just felt like your public is, but I was just being a cheerleader. It was amazing, I just want to carry you with me. Oh, it was so much fun.

It was a fun night. So much fun. I'm glad we were there. I know, we got a great picture. I'm just being her cheerleader. It was amazing. I just want to carry you with me. Oh, it was so much fun. It was a fun night. So much fun. I'm glad we were there. I know. We got a great picture. I'm going to post on Instagram. Yeah. I won't can see it.

You looked great. So did she. Me selling out so much, but it was worth it. It was fun. I have Dara Wagner here, and I'm so excited because we met a few months ago, and we've become fast friends. And she's got a lot to say about a lot of things. And we always have these conversations.

And I said, you just got to get your ass in here. She's done a lot of things. She's a community builder, writer, storyteller. She worked in TV for 10 years and now she's a life and career coach, Darryl Wendner. Hello. Hi Emily. Hi Darryl. This is so fun. This is so much. I already know before it's even started because seeing you always makes me happy. Yeah, and I know we're official fast friends because everyone else on Friends with it has a podcast has never had me on.

So look at that. Oh my God, this is my first. This is my first. I'm your first. I lost over the day. This is your podcast. Wow. So wait, now you've been a listener to the podcast, right?

Before we met. I have, yeah. And do you remember like, what, I don't know, what brought you there? Or what you learned? You know, I remember just, I needed a break from all the crazy news and the podcast that really just made me really heavy all day and someone said, you know sex with Emily, right? And I said, I don't, they're like, well, you better.

And I turned you on and no pun intended. And it was good. Like you are right now. Yeah. And it was good, okay. Because also today, I want you to know that if you have any questions, I'm here to help you. Oh, I feel like I've asked you tons, but I can keep going.

Yeah, totally. Yeah, well, first of all, how will do you? Keep on me saying. 32, 32. Okay, you're 32. And what has dating been like for you here in Los Angeles? That's a great question. How much time we got? We got all the time you want.

You know I've been really lucky. I've fallen in love a couple of times. I've been in and out of I've had fun. I've had casual. I was back and forth to Tel Aviv the last nine months. So that was lovely. I'll tell you that. That's a whole different podcast. But dating here has been, I'm a big believer that it just doesn't serve you if you blame your city. And I never want to blame Los Angeles

for lack of a connection. I feel that there is someone out there for you everywhere. You just have to find that person. So I'm grateful to live in LA. I think that there are wonderful opportunities here. There are wonderful men. There's some terrible men. There's also some terrible women.

But it's been a little bit harder. I think sometimes when there are more choices and there are more distractions, I can prove a little bit harder to weed through who you actually connect with because that's really at the end of the day what I look for is who do I connect with on a spiritual level, our values, who am I attracted to and I think all over the planet, that's less and lesser until we've. Right, let's hear what I'm saying.

We can get that. So in Los Angeles, how do you find guys? You know, my favorite form of dating is IRL in real life. The most significant relationships and men that have been in my life the last 10 years, specifically the last five, have all been like the universe put us together on, you know, we ran into each other in the street, three years later, after we had met, I had, you know, met someone at a birthday party or someone and, you know, was I was set up with someone or we saw each other from across the room at a birthday party. Or most recently, I hit on someone at a bar when I had no makeup on, it was during the heatwave, I was in flip flops, post-veg day, and it was just new, I was attracted to him,

and I felt so compelled to go over and say hi to him. And it proved to be a really beautiful connection that sadly was the wrong timing for both of us, but that's my favorite form. But then, if you can't win them, join them, and that's where online dating comes in. Oh yeah, so what I love about you though, is that you're always, if you can't win them, join them, and that's where all the dating comes in. Oh, yeah. Okay, so what I love about you though is that you're always, from the second I met you, you're just, you're so confident in your side.

I know that we all have our insecurities, but you're just like, you go after it. You see someone and you talk to them like you're very real and you're very like, yeah, you know what you want. Thanks, Sam. Yeah, I mean, I try. I've recently coined the term, I'm unapologetically myself. And someone, one of my best friends said that to me on her wedding day,

she wrote me a note and she just said, I love how you are just unapologetically Dara. And ever since that, I wrote, read that. I was like, you know what, fuck yeah. I am, that's me. So I'm not here to be anybody else. I'm just who I am when I'm on a date. And obviously I know my audience, but yeah, I mean,

I feel energy and vibrancy with someone immediately. And if I see a man from across the room or we glance at each other, like why would I let that opportunity go away? So I love it. So you'll just go right up to him. Because there's still a lot of women who I think feel like it's their job.

Yeah, you know, guys' jobs, that's not forever, whoever else that we still feel like we want to be chased or, you know. And I will say that is Los Angeles and that is the West Coast. I think that that is a very West Coast thing. I've been approached way more when I'm in New York, Israel, the South Texas, New Orleans.

I mean, I've been much more, I've been, you know, there have been more, quote unquote, chivalrous attempts. But I think men here are a little shy to be the upper hand. And I think that's bullshit. So yeah, I think it's right. Go for it, go for it. Go for what you like. I think that's important. I think that that is inspiring too, because I think it's like, go for it. Go for it, you like, I think that's important. I think that that is inspiring too.

Because I think there's a lot of people go home and like, oh God, I wonder why didn't I give that person my number? I should have showed a should have. Like why would we don't, because you don't feel that that often. I very rarely see someone think, oh, that person's a truck, you know, so or I feel that connection.

So when you do, like jump on it. So what about the apps? Have you dabbled? Oh yeah, every single person I feel has, except I have one friend who will rename nameless, but I will send this to her once it's done. She's never been on an app, and that girl's always being set up.

So if I could drink what she's drinking, I'm happy to do so. Like people say, hey, I want to fix you up. Always. I mean, I get asked to be set up too, but I'll tell you, Emily, and I promise I'm not dodging the app question. Is if you tell someone, hey, I know someone I get asked to be set up too, but I'll tell you Emily, and I promise I'm not dodging the app question, is if you tell someone,

hey, I know someone I wanna set you up with, don't not follow through. Yeah, you're right. You know, of course, you might go back to that person, say, hey, I have this great friend, Darryl Wagner, you guys should meet, and then he's like, you know what, I'm kind of in a blond, who are 5'10." Right, and then of course it's not a match, that's fine.

But if you know that the two parties are interested, you should obviously fall asleep. Circle back so they drop the ball on that guy. Yeah, totally. And so I'm constantly thinking of people who I can set up, who if I go on a date with a guy and he's not right for me, but I know he might get along with a friend, my friends and I have been so generous to do that.

Yeah, you're a connector. Yeah, absolutely. What kind of relationship do you think you have right now? You know, I got the ultimate goal and then I got the short goal. You know, I got the sprint and the marathon. So I feel like I'm always going to be in the marathon and along the way, I enjoy the sprints. That's a sprints of just like seeing who you like and you know.

Yeah, you know, I've, I've been more open than I ever, ever have. My ultimate goals at the end of the day are to still, you know, how'd you wish family, be that Jewish mom, but I'm open to dating men who, you know, maybe weren't born exactly in the household that I was, as long as they're okay with that being the household once that is there and there. But I would be very naive to completely rule out a whole population of people that I have a very huge chance of connecting with. And at the end of the day, I connect with people that are cultural and vibrant.

See, I think that's good. So you are open then. I am open. So here's my thing. Have you ever been out of date with someone? And there was something that happened and you're like, nope, not my person. Like something they said or did. Yeah.

Like your deal breaker? Yeah, there's been a few actually. Well, obviously, who they voted for in the 2016 election. But that's a wide spread one I am of I mean now that I'm a coach and you know personal development has always been a huge thing for me You know, I've been writing in a journal since I was 11 You know, I used to analyze movies and you know write down song quotes and why did Sarah McLaughlin make me feel this certain way or why does Janet Jackson make me want to get up and boogie?

So when a man says that he's never thought about seeing a therapist or has never wanted, like that's just, that to me is, that's off. And that's fine if they've never had to, but someone who's not, if they think my definition of Personal development is like woo woo stupid like black magic, right? That to me is a huge turn off Yeah, and it's okay if like if you've never seen a therapist that's fine But if you are willing to grow and learn and and be open to new ways of thinking and and you know

How can we make this world and ourselves and our lives a better place. That's a huge, huge deal breaker for me. Right. No, I got you. I used to say, I can't be with guys who haven't done their work. Yeah. And if I would have gotten paid for the personal work I've done in the last five years

specifically, I would literally be sitting on a gold throne now. Right. I know. What kind of work have you done? I would say the biggest one is self-worth and self-discovery. So tell me how you've done that. Yeah. You know, I think that when you come blazing out of college,

you go straight into a career and you think that's going to define you. And I was in television for 10 years TV and film and I loved it. And I still feel like I'm a part of it. Just not full time and you know that defined me. I was all I wanted. I wanted the corner office. I wanted the validation that I had a big title and then one day I had all that and it didn't well I had some of it and then it didn't it didn't fill me up. And so I had to completely restart you especially with that part, who's Dara without the title?

Who's Dara without the story that she has to do this and has to do that to be good enough? And that went along with marriage and that went along with, I have to have kids by 35, I have to be married by 30, I have to own a home by 29 or whatever it is. Those all went away because one day I woke up and I went, oh,

what I thought I wanted is not what I have and maybe I never actually wanted it. Maybe that's why it's here. That's really, that's a really mature attitude to realize that because I think a lot of people always think once I get the house, the home, the job, the car, the whatever, the next that watch, then I'm going to be happy, then I'm going to be happy home, the job, the car, the whatever, the next that watch, then I'm gonna be happy, then I'm gonna be happy, next, next, next. And what it's saying is that it really comes from within.

Absolutely. That's what's self-worth. So what is it, self-love, self-worth, self-development? Like how did you, holding my heart right now? Yeah, no, I know. How is the self-worth, you know? Like what, was it like, was it like, did you do different kinds of,

well I think you got an empty, a jar with like, stale stuff before you can put anything fresh inside. And so I had to like, really get dirty and down and like, put my bootstrap on to say like, what defines me, right? And so I did a lot of like, going back to my childhood and, you know know my aunt calls me every day and leaves me messages how she is so happy I was brought into the world because I've made her life a better place. And I remember being like how in the world

is that true? How did I make this woman's life a better place? My parents are supportive, my sister and I are close, my nieces are my world. And I realized that it's just because I'm me. And so I had to go back to like, who was the essential Dara before all the other filters and disbeliefs came in and all these insecurities and where did the, like the story start where those things weren't like the headliners. So I kind of channeled like this like 10 year old Dara,

this like 11 year old Dara, and realized she was always there, she's always been there. And you know, it took a lot of like peeling back some of the old stuff. And- In our child work. In our child work, yeah.

Yeah, no, I know what you mean. I think that we all get, we all go through life and we have so many things that happen in our childhoods and that there is this pureness to us, this purity of being a kid. And a lot of times, you know, things happen and we just kind of get to run over with whatever we think the outside world wants or our parents want or society. So it's like, you've gotten back to your pure spirit. Yeah.

I've done, you know, listen, I have great parents, but they got divorced and then, you know, they're- Where did you grow up again? The Bay Area. All right. Of course. Crops to Alameda, California. And they've never been there. It's a beautiful little island.

It is. So they got divorced. They have a disco girl. Yeah, exactly in my heart. Yeah. They're Francisco. Let's talk about, what about sex? So I gave you a womanizer.

You did. I did. You did. And we're having some confusion around it. Because that's common. And so I think it's good that we're talking. I wanted to talk to you about it. Yeah, and I like went home that night and felt like it was Hanukkah morning and I was like this is a little disappointing because I'm not doing it right. Right. And I wanted to like Google like how do you use a womanizer? I almost texted you and then I was like no, I don't think we're there yet,

but maybe we are. Oh, we are our friendship. Yeah. Oh, we are there. No, no, I don't think we're there yet, but maybe we are. Oh, and our friendship? Yeah. Oh, we are there. No, I totally know we were, but like, it was like, lay and I was like, you and Ben were probably having a lovely moment. So I was just like, I'm going to do the old trick. And get a circle back on this one. Got it. Well, it's the kind of thing where it goes,

because some people have said this to me, and then I tell them, I'm like, oh, right. So I think it's more about you going to turn it up to that, you know, turn it up to the higher speed. I gave you that one. And then you, it's like you use lube and you just like put it over your cholesterol as you tease yourself and you, yeah.

I know we're used to like more of a, um, vibration. Yeah, yeah. Since I discovered that and, you know, how to take control of, you know, I'll never, I'll never forget when I really mastered, you know, we call in, in coaching like self-mastery, how do you sell? And I remember when I self-mastered like masterbating. And I called two of my best friends from growing up who, you know, are very sexually independent and they're

wonderful women and they're both with partners, but they've, they know what they're doing. They've been doing it for a long time. And I, and my, one of my ex-boyfriends had just broken up with me out of the very blue. And if you're listening to this, thank you. Right, usually you guys are. Wait, let me just stop there for a minute

because there's probably a lot of people listening who have that same, maybe they're going through a breakup right now. Maybe something's happened to them. They're about to break up with someone. And a lot of people stay in relationships too long because they think they're gonna hurt their partner, and it did hurt you, but I think what you're saying is key,

is that as cliche's, this might sound, all these things that seem so horrible, and that they're ruining our life, and you can't believe it, you learn a lot from these lessons, from the break-ups, and in a way you're like, did me a favor, because it probably wasn't right. No, and if someone's gonna like, absolutely not communicate with me,

and just do in the way they did, I think them. They did me a favor. And yeah, you don't see that at the time, but, you know, cause rejection hurts, no matter how you get it. If you're like rejected on the kickball team, cause I was wearing tights in a skirt at growing up,

or if you're like rejected by a dude. You know, I've got updates with guys who I don't find attractive and I've kindly told them, and I've had guys tell me that like, I'm awesome, but like, we rejected by a dude. You know, I've got to date with guys who I don't find attractive and I've kindly told them and I've had guys tell me that like I'm awesome, but like we're not a match and that's fine. Do you tell guys that? Do you say I don't find you attractive? No, I can't do that.

So what do you say? What do you say? Tell me what your thing is when you guys like I'd love to see you again and you don't want to. You know, I've recently talked about this with a lot of my amazing single girlfriends because we celebrate, commiserate, discuss, or daily lives a lot. And there's a lot of my friends are partnered up and I'm happy for so many of them, but

the more time goes on, they don't get what it's like now. So it's really important that you have a community when you're single. People talk to you. People talk to you. It's really good. Yeah. So, I was just talking about this with someone. I went on a date recently with a guy, lovely guy, with a setup, lovely guy, so sweet, so nice.

And I just, I knew that he would be a friend. And there wasn't an attraction, there wasn't a chance for an attraction. I just know that I'm a god. I'm like a very instinctual human. And if they say I had a really nice time with you, I'd like to see you again. I say I acknowledge their presence and I say I had a really nice time with you too. Thank you for the company. I'm really looking forward to continuing on as friends. Or if I have to I say I you know I don't see a romantic match here, but I you know you're awesome.

Thank you for the time. You have to see someone. If you're going on a date, at the grocery store or you're in line, or someone is picking up your trash in your office, whatever, you have to see that person. And the same dignity needs to exist in dating, and there are so many men who have not done the same to me.

And so I make it a point to make sure that whoever I'm with is seen. Right. No, that's really true. Yeah. That's great, because I feel like the ghosting. Yeah, man. I mean, it's awful. I've been victim of it.

Like, my rule is, if you send someone a text message and it doesn't prompt a response after the date first date, you should actually still respond. And then if no one reaches out for a second date, then it's fine. But if someone reaches out, like I have recently and said, hey, I had a nice time with you tonight, thank you for the company.

And I got no response. I don't feel seen. I don't feel acknowledged that even those two hours that I spent with this human are no longer like in his memory Right, and he could have said meet or you're welcome me to and then if I never heard from him I wouldn't be I wouldn't be upset right it's just disrespectful It's just a respect that we don't want to face it. We're like oh, it's too hard to do it So I'm just gonna ignore it. There's like a billion people on this on this planet You're gonna connect with,

if you're lucky, two or three in your life. You know, no one thinks that's a love connection if it's not. Right, it's a really good perspective. Like it's not like this huge, we're not like, you know, marking new legislation or something and like, raise your hand on fire here.

Like just be honest and just give back to someone. And if I could tell anyone who's listening, just remember that who you're sitting in front of is a human, who has feelings, and you don't wanna be the reason for their misery the next day or the week after. Just be honest and be kind and gracious. That's all you need to do,

that you don't need to marry them. You just need to say, hey, thank you for the time. I'm not interested. I wish you well, you're a good person. Just that. That is good. What about the first dates? Any rules around that?

Do you care if they plan something? Do you plan it? Where do you go? What's your typical first date? It's usually drinks. I have to say now that I'm 32, I don't think day dates are good first dates. I've noticed when I was in a really, really, really crazy time commitment of a job, I

didn't have time to meet people at night. I would ask them to meet me for lunch. And so I had a lot of first dates at lunch and they were just like, I was, you got to text, you got to text, you got to text, you got to text, you got to text, you got to text, you got to text, you got to text, you got to text, you got to text, you got to text, you got to text, you got to text, you got to text, you got to text, you got to text, you got to text, you got to text, you got to text, you got to text, you got to text, you got to text, you got to text, you got to text, you got to text, you got to text, you got to text, you got to text, you got to text, you got to text, you got to text, you got to text, you got to text, you got to text, you got to text, you got to text, you got to text, you got to text, you got to text, you got to text, you got to text, you got to text, you got to cross call you the whole thing. I was trying to relax during the day. I don't even like lunch, even with friends, I don't do lunches. I just don't, I get to work and then I'm gonna make you later.

And you know, there's that like old saying, like, you know, if you go to lunch with someone, you don't want to go to bed with them. Oh, I've never heard that, but that makes sense. Uh huh, you see that? Uh huh. So I really do believe you got to give romance a chance and you got to do it when the lights are out. You got to be in the dark, you got to do it when the lights are out. You got to be in the dark. You got to do something like you could even go to walk at night, whatever.

But it's mostly drinks for lack of innovation, which is fine. If a guy asked me to drink, then I'm like a local concert that wasn't a big deal like a show at a music venue. That would be lovely. But listen, it's my time and their time. It's true. No I think that's good. I know we said it but I mean sometimes I guess you have a connection with someone lunch could work but I agree with you like be more relaxed be in a different schedule. Yeah. I like it. What's your thoughts on soulmates?

Oh my god. I can't believe you're just asking that. I have so many thoughts on soulmates. Okay go tell me. Oh my god. That's really okay. So here's a funny story. So I actually wrote into my favorite podcast, which is now over. No, dear sugar was Sheryl straight and see. Yeah, I wrote into it because I wanted them to talk about soulmates because there are so many different definitions of soulmates and actually my favorite person's definition is Elizabeth Gilbert. And I just, and I believe this before she even said so. And I have a friend who's also a past life regressionist. I don't know if you would say like, intuitive past life regression or what the title is,

but we went into my past lives and we talked about soulmate. So what do I think about soulmates? I'll tell you. So the traditional societal, what this culture says soulmate. So what do I think about soulmates? I'll tell you. So the traditional societal, what this culture says soulmate is is that there is one person out there for you. And when you meet that person, it is destined. It was in the stars. You were meant to be and this person is your forever partner. Okay. If you believe that and you're with that person, hallelujah, amen, mausole, tov, baruchashem,

that is fantastic. And I'm very happy for you. My definition of soulmates is we have many people that come into our lives that were meant to meet. And sometimes they show us too much and it's painful and we have to leave and we have to separate. Okay, but wait, you just said you don't really believe in it. If you think there's one person, no, I think that we have many soulmates.

I have some girlfriend. I'm many soulmates. Yes, I feel that way too. I feel like people help you know there's a connection. I don't like to put, I don't really put a name around it in the sense, but there are people that I'm like, I know were meant to meet or they say like that saying like, he will come into your life. What is it for like a day, a moment or a season?

Something like that. What's it saying like for people come into your life, what is it for like a day, a moment, or a season? Something like that. What's that saying? Like for people come into your life, a moment, or a season, or a full reason, or for a season, though, like people could just be there for a day, whatever that does a quote, he's gonna look it up. But it's like, yeah, and I think it's true that you can feel that, whatever it is that connection. So there was actually a study that came out that is why you should stop trying to find your soulmate and here's what to do instead. So it says if you believe in soulmates, like one person kind of your definition, you're less likely to work through problems because this person was

supposed to be perfect and everything was supposed to be easy. So when they're searching for this soulmate, it's like this never-ending quest to have that connection. Like, is it you the one? Are you the one? Are you the one? But it says that you don't have to look for the one. They say that's really destructive in a way because you're not, how are you ever going to find that? There's some ways they say to kind of find the people that you're looking for. It's not a soul mate, but how to look for, instead of looking for the one search for a relationship that's just really open, not a sound healthy. 100%.

And I think that, again, we have some people who are soulmates and they bring something out of us that needed to be brought out. So it's a justance here instead of looking for that one is make a list. So jack down the qualities you don't want to these lists, what you're looking for. In someone can help you hone in on the right partner so be really specific. So be very, very specific about what you want. Which personality traits matter, you know what you want, like which personality traits matter, you know, objective traits, like personality or religion, or just like what they like

to do and like get specific. Right. Yep. And you know our friend Evan Mark Cats made me do that. And he made me write down what do I need? Oh. What do you need that? That was a game and change of.

Wow. That's really great. On a bus in Israel on our last day, that boy, that man put me in tears, but I do love him. I love him too. So why did you, because you never thought of what you need? Well, I have, but, you know, someone gave me advice once. They said this woman who got married at 38 and she's fantastic.

And she was this woman, this Swedish woman who met this Danish man at 38 at this conference called Mipcom that I went to for years in France, TV conference international, and she said, write down everything you want in man. Write down what do you want in the look like? Wow, what do you want in the smell like? What does he do for a living?

What does he eat in the morning for breakfast? What are his parents like? You know, what can a dog doggos he want? And then take that piece of paper and throw it out the window. Wow. Okay. And I'll never forget that, because again,

it was the penis on the pedestal thing. So Evan made me write down, I'm not gonna give away his formula, but in some of it, he said, I want you to write down everything you need that you weren't getting in a loss relationship. And that one's tough. Because it was hard to pinpoint.

Or it was hard to pinpoint. No, it's really hard to identify. But how are you supposed to identify if a guy's gonna meet your needs when you're having a drink trying to pronounce his last name? Exactly, right. No, right. How do you know?

But I guess in general, it's more like, well, when I'm with someone that I love When I'm with that person they're gonna be I'm gonna need them to be Support of me and my career. I'm gonna need them to prioritize my family as much as their family I'm gonna need them to show up, you know when I'm sick or when I'm sad I'm gonna need them to somebody will say I need them to pay my way or I need them to Find out my life or buy me gifts. So I think it is important that that can be hard for us.

I think that's great. See, I would have told you to throw the list away because I think those lists are important as long as they're not as rigid because it's like, I think knowing what your deal breakers are, like if someone smokes, like that's a no, or if somebody hates their family, or hates the animal, I don't know,

whatever your things are. So I think that is a, so know, there's a lot of different theories around this. Totally. So writing it down is another thing. I like this. So if you think you believe in some words, but maybe here's another outlet to find what you want. Observe the relationships around you. See, I've done this for years and I, part of my show has always been, because I love observing relationships. I've always wanted to know like, okay, why are you guys

together? What's a secret to your success? Like, what makes it tick? What makes it work? So look at those closest to you to find realistic and honest relationship goals, because we have such unrealistic, we don't even know what takes work. So seeing that couples are really, you know, that they go through things and that things are hard. So, you know, if you're close with someone, ask them what makes it work.

And if they're divorced, what made it didn't work. I find this so interesting. It's kind of like sex, but we don't, you know, people listen to this show. I know you guys are prioritizing it. And you're taking it seriously, but like, we just don't often even think about relationships. Like, we don't really actually do this analysis. I think it's so smart. Especially, you know, 20s, 30s, 40s, whenever you're ready to find someone, or even if you're

just dating and just sleeping with people, be an expert in relationships. And you're alone. Like, what's normal? Because I think we all have these on, maybe we just think when we're younger, oh, it's just how my parents did it, or how my parents didn't do it.

But we don't really know, like, what is real life healthy relationships look like, and what are they doing that makes them more? Yeah, absolutely. And the other thing you're already doing here is prioritizing yourself. I can't emphasize that enough because a lot of times we're searching for someone which you were saying you did, I used to this as well, is that we think finding someone's going to fill us up, right? Like, like, I'm going to find half a person because I'm half

a person and then we're going to be whole, but really it helps to be a whole person. Not that we're not always doing work, you know, you know, we are, but to kind of think like work on yourself. Yeah. Do that work. Yeah. You work, you know? We are, but to kind of think like work on yourself. Do that work. Yeah. You know? So I think all those things are important to fill that void already. So when you're ready to find someone, you know, you're in a better place.

Yeah. And people think that like once you're like you're full and you're whole and like you love yourself, someone's going to be ready to love you, you know, I think that's an annoying statement. Like, love yourself, do your best. And that's what I don't think we say enough to eat to ourselves and to even the people around us. Like, do your best, give yourself the benefit of the doubt.

If you didn't do your best, forgive yourself, move on, learn from it. And like, just know that you're worth it. If you're a good person, you're most likely worth it. If you're a crappy person, this is the whole conversation. Right, exactly. You might know that you're crappy,. If you're a good person, you're most likely worth it. If you're a crappy person, the whole conversation. Right, exactly. You might know that you're crappy, but if you're not sure, that you look at that. No, I think it's true. That's one of my things I work on is that I am really hard on myself. Not anyone else, but like, I'm really hard on myself. Yeah, we all are. It doesn't serve you, you know? I would never treat anyone sometimes the things that go through

my head, you know, that anyone else that way. So why do we do it to ourselves? Right. And then that's a really good counter to it, saying, I've done the best I can. I'm dead. I'm going to try today. Yeah, I mean, it was a good day. Yeah, today was a good day. There's the good things that happen.

Yeah. Right in your journal. Right. And when you come back from, you know, there can be days where you come back and the guy was just rude or it was just like off, you're like, ugh, you could either say, ugh, that was such a waste of time. Or you could say, you know what, I worked, I went for working on dating and doing my best

and that maybe those last two hours weren't my favorite two hours of the week, but I did what I could to find something that's out there. Right. You know, I went on a date last night with this very nice guy. Turned down dinner in Ostriemozza with someone who was offering a pick of the tab and a screening where Bradley Cooper

was going to be in attendance. And you know what? I still came home and was like, it's okay. I met a new human and everything. Good for you. It's not been like that. I've been having a film. Yeah, I mean knew human and everything. Good for you. It works out the way it says so. It works out the way it says so. Yeah, I mean, I'm having FOMO for,

no, but I get a little bit today with the Barada conversation I have with the fan. But like, they're Barada. Oh my God, that's so good. We should all go there to my staff. Motes us, so good. It's right down the street, I love it. It's so good.

But I think that is such an important lesson too. To remember that we learned from everything, we learned from everything, even a bad meal or a bad date or a bad evening out, whatever it is, a bad, you give a bad speech, you know, that's happened to me. Or like, it's not as good as you want to be. You can learn in every moment. It's an opportunity.

Yeah, and give yourself a little bit of credit, you know? And just, if you didn't like something, okay, I know that for next time. It's all right. I'll figure it out. Good, Tara. I like all of this. Okay, guys, we're going to take a quick break

to talk about some of our sponsors. So thanks for supporting them, and we'll be right back. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Dara, you said that you had self-mastery in masturbation, and I can't let you leave without telling us what that means. Right. Yeah, we were talking about the womanizer,

which I'm still going to need your help on. I'm stuck to this. I want to explain, because we were listening. It's not that it's hard. It takes a little learning curve, because it's not really a vibrator. In a sense, I mean, it's a vibrator, but it has a different kind of pleasure

or technology that's indirectly stimulating your clitoris. And it's more of like a you press the button, you go, mm-hmm. Well, I think that's a good way to put it is it's not a vibrator it's a sex tool to stimulate orgasm yeah right yeah not that that's happening at the air but it will but we got some other toys here you can play with it we'll show you we'll give you some tips okay so tell me about your mastery yeah so all right so this guy broke up with me last year and we had great sex and tons of chemistry it was like again of like a

universe made us meet type situation You know, we didn't even meet in LA. He was a long story, but it was great and then when he broke up with me Of course I was sad and You know when I'm with someone you don't really masturbate as much. And, you know, I wasn't, I was kind of shy about it before, but like, you know, I would go in and out and I called my two best friends that I grew up with and I was like, guys, I'm so sad.

And they're like, what's going on? I'm like, I really miss having sex. And I associate pleasure with, with ex-boyfriend's name. And they were like, girl. Mm-hmm. Can you just for a second separate the two? with ex-boyfriend's name. And they were like, girl. Can you just for a second separate the two? Because the power of female self pleasure has nothing to do with a man giving you pleasure.

True. And as soon as she said that, I was like, I had permission. And it was so liberating. And I like, went up to West Hollywood. I remember it was, there was like some gay, not gay parade, but there was like some really cute, like all these gay men running in Speedo. It was like some marathon and they were just like,

it was so much fun and I walked into the sex store. It was like right after Bonnie, I went to body by Simone and then went to the sex store on a Sunday morning. Okay. Great time to go to the sex store. No one is there. Um, and I was like, I, all I want to do is orgasm, just tell me how to do it. And he's like, great. And so he gave me the little, the,

the, the, the, the little bullet, bullet thing. And like, I just, I remember the first time I masturbated and the first time I had an orgasm since my ex boyfriend, I just straight up cried. It was like this release of a release that I could do it for myself. And also, I know I broke that tie where I was associating pleasure with a man. Yeah, exactly, honey, that's so powerful.

I love to grow up and they were like, oh yeah, and they were like, Dara, come on, you were the first person to masturbate as kids. And I'm like, I won. Right. And they're like, oh, come on. Your favorite, my favorite movie growing up. And it's still my favorite.

I can recite every single line. Is girls just want to have fun with Sarah Diska Parker, which I often get mistaken for sometimes. And there's this thing where she goes on a motorcycle with her boyfriend. And you know, I was like, what, nine when I first saw this movie, like eight. And there's, she goes on the motorcycle and she goes, is it safe? And he goes, it's the safest thing I'll ever have between your legs.

And I didn't know what that joke meant, right? And I used to ride down my banister as a little kid pretending I was on the motorcycle. But really, I was actually pleasuring myself. You, you guys, you're going down the banister as a little kid pretending I was on the motorcycle, but really I was actually pleasureing myself. You guys are going down the banister? I don't think I had an orgasm, but it felt very good. Right. And I remember, don't try this at home guys though. Don't try it at home.

Right. I was also super young. I was like maybe 11. And I remember I showed my girlfriends, like my big thing is I always make my friends laugh. And I, I, I, I was like, guys, you want to see my girls just want to have fun, rendezvous, and I showed them, and I slid all the way down the banister, straddling it, and they were like, oh my God. I think that image just played in their head. When I called my two best friends, they were like, you were writing down the banister before

we even knew what Regina looked like. You bought it back to yourself then. Exactly. And so now you are still self-cladering. I hope we're gonna give you some more. We're gonna show you offline. We're all gonna give you a little. We'll try to spread it to other women

who haven't had that quote unquote self-permission. Yeah, no, I think you're right. And it's funny you say, because a lot of what we do on the show here is give people permission. People so much want to know, is it okay that I want these things in bed or that I even masturbated.

People, we feel like we have guilt, we have shame, we have all these things, but you have permission that you're in charge of your own pleasure. Absolutely. I love it every day, that's a great reminder. And so now, yeah, you realize it,

and when you're in relationship, auto relationship, it's important to continue to self-love. Yeah, and I think, I've had to give myself permission lately when, with all this crazy stuff in the news, that's like really brought me down. The last thing I want to do is curl up in bed and go in my drawer, that doesn't feel right, but it's also a release of just,

everything's gonna be okay. Your body is a magnificent thing, and the fact that you can do this for yourself, it's like, you know, meditation and masturbation, it's like, please, like any day of the week, give me that, a lacroy, a glass of wine, you know, this is us or insecure episode and like, I'm good to go.

Yeah, no, it's so funny, I have this new motto, I say I wake up, I meditate, I masturbate, and I manifest. Yeah. In the morning, right? I know. I should get a t-shirt. Oh my god, absolutely. I know.

So it's true, like waking up, starting your day that way. And it's true, it's funny. I ran to this one other day, a friend of mine, mother. She's a widow. Her husband, a 40 years died. And she said to me, she pulled me aside, and she said, you know, I have a question for you, because she said, oh, I'm a leaves a sex doctor. And she said, you she pulled me aside and she said you know I have a question for you Because she said oh, I'm a sex doctor and she said you know my husband passed like six months ago

And I I still have feelings sexual feelings and I don't feel right about it Yeah, that is because I have such grief, but yeah, I still have desire like is that okay? And is that normal? And I said yeah, well of course it is you know, they're so closely linked to right like pain and pleasure Yeah, which is like kind of like book BDSM and all that's like, why do we love pain and love so much pleasure, but it's connected, you know, our brains, you know, are firing in these ways that you could, you know, it's like, since you cry after sex.

So I think, yeah, masturbation is sort of this curing, healthy, healthy solve, I think, that for so many of us, we don't think of it that way. And even, you guys, as my job here, to masturbate, to talk about not just to masturbate, but to I sometimes forget too, I get stressed out or whatever I'm like, and I don't feel like it, but I know it's good for me.

It's like the gym. Like I almost look at my masturbation like that, like I'm going to do it, and I've never once regretted it. I remember like, why did you masturbate? You could have been on Instagram. Why did you masturbate? You could have left, no, it's just so healthy and healing. And it's like, it's life force.

Like you're literally giving yourself self love and the life force that is just circulating through your body and releasing orgasms and all the feel good chemicals. Yeah, and it's powerful that like you couldn't do that. I know, that could do anything. I mean, maybe if you toys, if you like, but you don't mean anything, you're right, honey.

You don't have to like scroll and swipe for the dude. You just can do it yourself. You can do it yourself. And the more you do it, the anything, you're right, honey. You don't have to like scroll and swipe for the dude. You just can do it yourself. You can do it yourself. And the more you do it, the more, first of all, you're gonna realize the benefits. Because if you, you know, you have like one off every few months, like you might not realize it, you'll still feel good. But when you make a part of your regular practice in life,

like I'm just, I'm gonna master it. You just, you can't help but see the changes in your life. And the confidence that's gonna build, body confidence, self-esteem, all those things. Yeah, and learning your body won't make you feel good for when you are with someone. Right, and think about this way. A man masturbates almost instantaneously

because they're in the shower or they just like, it's just easy. It's like this tool they already got. Women should have just as much permission and leeway to do the same. And I don't even like saying should. I just think that no pressure. Yeah, like there's just like women,

I hope women feel that they do have that permission. Like take a post it, write down, I give myself permission to masturbate and like put it on your nightstand because girl, you have permission, this world is ready for you, just give it to yourself. I love that, Dara Wagner. Thanks so much.

So good. Okay, I have to ask you five questions. Ask. Okay, what's your biggest turn on? Confidence. Confidence in a beard. Okay. Ooh, that's great, because everyone has a beard right now. I know.

I'm your biggest turn off. Errogance and not being kind. Yeah. What's the sexiest body part to you? I love a good chest and a back and a butt. Can I give you three? Yes, you can. Oh, and arms.

I love good arms. So basically everything. Everything, everything, everything. What's something that you wear that you feel the sexiest in? Hmm. I love showing my mid-dress because it highlights my big butt. Oakland booty in the house. LA face with an Oakland booty.

Yeah, I feel sexy when I feel good. I can be wearing, like right now, look at this dress. It's long sleeve, but I feel good. You look adorable. Beautiful. Thank you. You always do. Yeah, I would say showing my midriff and my butt

and like heels. I love, I hate, I don't feel sexy in flats. I know, on the same way. I've just started wearing like Jim's tennis shoes in the last few years and it's just, I mean, I'm like, it's fine. It's comfortable, but I don't feel sexy. I feel, my mom and my bot mitzvah says we're not short, we're petite, so I get you girl. Gotta wear the heels. True. It's true. So what's more important to you, comfort or passion in a relationship. I think a little bit of both is necessary.

I don't, I think if you're too comfortable, it's not gonna be good. I think if you're too passionate, it's gonna dismiss and it's gonna fade. So I think that, you know, everything is good in moderation. I think at the end of the day, you're gonna wanna be comfortable. Yeah, okay, good. Dara, yeah. I love it. Thank you so much for being here. So we're back when we find you you're gonna wanna be comfortable. Okay, good. Dara, I love it.

Thank you so much for being here, so we're back when we find you. If we wanna find you. Ooh, I'm Dara. We do wanna find you, I mean. Yeah, I'm Sarah with the D, so it's spelled D-A-R-A-H, underscore Wagner on Instagram.

That's yeah. Okay, find me there. Thank you for being here, honey. This was great. It's for having me. It left you amazing advice, and I'm so proud of you, you're doing such a good work. You're the best. I'm so grateful to them that we've met. I mean, too, honey. Okay. Thanks for being here. Thank you.

And now we're going to get into some of your emails. I love answering your questions whether you call or your email It's really what I do what I do. So if you want a question that's answered on the show via email You can go to my website sexruthmily.com, click the Ask Emily tab, fill out the short form, and we will give you a call. You can also just send an email to feedback at sexwithemily.com. All you gotta do is include your name, your age,

where you live, and how you listen to the show. And I've got my producer Jamie here, and she's gonna read the questions. I'm gonna answer, hey Jamie. Hello, hello. All right, so this first question is from Thai 27 in Ohio. He says, I've been dating someone who does porn for about a month now. And we were very good friends before that.

The problem I'm facing is that my mom and them had become friends on Facebook after meeting when we were still friends due to their porn Instagram being attached to their Facebook. My mom discovered that they do porn. She does not know that we're dating now, but was relieved at the time that we were only friends. If this relationship becomes serious, I'm very concerned about how to talk to my mom about it.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Okay, Ty, this is a great question, because I get it. Maybe hard to get your mom to understand that, you know, dating porn star, you know, is just like dating anyone else. She has a job, you guys are, and I've hopefully in a good healthy relationship, and it's not necessarily where her mom mind is going to take her, because it's really easy to judge people, especially in this industry. I mean, I can relate. I was dating a guy for years ago, and his dad Googled Emily Morris,

then it goes to sex with Emily, and it's like, analogueogue is, he's like, so my dad just found out it's analogue is from your website and I was going home to meet him. So I understand all of that, right? So parents are looking and they're making judgments and all that, I'm not a porn star, but I do talk about sex for a living. So there are some pre-judgments,

but once they got to know me, you realize that I'm good to their son, we were in a good relationship, it was fine. And it sounds to me like, you like, your mom hated off with her. And they became friends on Facebook. And so I would think if you do get more serious with her, hopefully your parents will be able to transcend any preconceived notions or judgments

and accept your relationship with her because they're happy for you. They're happy that you're with someone that makes you feel good. So you can reassure your mom, your partner is like a normal person and that she does her work carefully and safely and that you feel good about the relationship and hope that she can also learn to feel good

about it as well. And that you'd appreciate if she didn't have judgments around him. I think you just gotta speak to her like this, like honestly and openly. And again, I know you're tripping on this but sounds like you guys just started dating so I want you to just wait and cross that bridge when you get there, okay? Thanks Ty. All right, this next one is from

Caitlin who's 20 and I don't know where she's from but she's got a problem. Okay Hey Emily, I'm gonna get straight to the point I started masturbating when I was about 12 years old and it always felt very natural and I loved it However, as I got older I realized that the way that I masturbate is not normal. I'm a little confused. I cross my legs and put something like a book on top of my pubic area, and I squeeze my muscles almost like I'm doing kegels while I'm pushing down on the book, so there's pressure on my pubic bone and on my clit.

I've tried masturbating on my own other ways, but nothing seems to work. I want to know if this is normal. Also, I want to know how I can orgasm with my boyfriend since this weird way is the only way I get off. Any answer would be amazing. Okay, so here's some good news here, Caitlin. This is not weird. This is not abnormal.

You're not a strange person at all. In fact, I get this question a lot. This is actually really common for women to first off, when they start masturbating to kind of tight squeeze their legs together and you know, you figured out a way to do it. And so of course, assume that this is the only way it can happen. So I'm gonna tell you, here, good news, it's really not the only way it can happen,

but also there's nothing wrong with this at all. So it does make sense, you know, a lot of, you know, for women, for us to have orgasm, we do require many of us, most of us, literal stimulation while masturbating. But I get it that you have an experience in other ways. So you're assuming this is it. I'm set. How can a penis enter me if my legs are crossed? So what this means for you, Caitlin, is I just want you to do some exploring on your own. So you said you've tried it different ways and I'm wondering if you could maybe try getting a toy would be great. There's some great beginner toys. If it didn't really work with your

hand, you could try getting like I love the Wevibe. It touches a great toy. So that also can help some first-time masturbation or some exploring, but also just mindfully masturbating. So try to start masturbating without the goal of orgasm, okay? So the goal is just to explore. Like what else could feel good to me? Because I know in your mind you're going, I know I just got to clench my legs and cross them and that's what's going to happen. But by discovering that there are ways you can orgasm where you're still pressing down

in your pubic mound, that's how a lot of women do it. And you still might be clenching, but also by using your fingers or toy and lots of lube, please use lube, lube is your friend when you're masturbating and really for all kinds of sex. So by continuing to stimulate yourself and to apply pressure in the same places, you're gonna realize that by exploring your body, maybe playing with your nipples

and seeing the thing is your whole area, not just your cubic mound, but your labia. You're clitoris, it extends, there's clitoral legs that extend beneath the labia internally. So that's what you're stimulating by this practice. So I think exploring on your own and not giving up. So you said you've tried it a few times on your own

and you couldn't do it, just keep going. Because had the same concerns a lot of women do, but really just through this mindful practice on your own and then taking that in with your boyfriend and showing them how you masturbate, it could be some mutual masturbation. And then when you're actually having sex with him, you're going to realize that a lot of it isn't so much that your legs are crossed, but it's more of like a, you could still do your keg exercise as well. He's inside of you and you can still be whether you of like a, you could still do your chaggot exercise as well, he's inside of you, and you can still be, whether you're on top, you could be rubbing against him,

like with your, your clitoris, your pubic mound, like there's still same ways to get the same sensations while you're having sex, but it helps to practice on your own, and then also practice when you're with him. So this is just a whole rewiring the way you've known and you've been doing it for how many years, for eight years, and just realizing that it's just kind of like a rewiring of everything that you're doing, but you can still have the same result.

And that is incredible orgasms. So don't keep up. This is fun work. It really is. And I'm telling you, I have to get us this question. I actually had the same, this is the same way I masturbated. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, exactly.

See, James, we're never done. We're never done learning. We're never done learning. It's actually common for women, so I think, um, yeah, you just got to break out of the norm, the pattern, what you think is normal, and discover new paths to pleasure. All right. Next email? Yes.

All right. This is Becca, 25 in Houston. This is interesting. Hi, Emily, new to the show, but love it already. My question is about a guy that started out as a Friends of Benefits and now we're dating. Started that way because he had just gotten out of a long relationship. Before being official, I found videos and pictures that he still had of his ex on his phone. And I thought I couldn't get mad because we weren't official yet, but I did end up telling

him it bothered me and he has since deleted everything. However, now I can't get them out of my head. One of the pictures you could tell she was tied up, now he wants to tie me up, and I'm really turned off by it now, even though normally I wouldn't be. I'm not sure if this is just a personal issue that I need to get over, but advice would be greatly appreciated. Oh, Becca, okay, so you search for the phone. I mean, when we search, you guys,

we're always gonna find something. We're gonna find something in the phone. So I would just say try to hold off and checking the phones, but I think we've all done that. So let's just get that out of the way. Also, I understand this, you know, that you're thinking, ew, I don't want you to tie me up. You did that with your ex, so don't even try to do with me.

I want to create our own memories and have our own, you know, sex blurrations. So I get that. But if you think about it this way, think about sex kind of like working out. So what if your boyfriend said to you, hey, let's go to the gym, right? I want to go to the gym and you know,

you've saw pictures that he used to go to the gym with his ex. So sex is a lot like that, right? It's a lot like working out. I mean, we're not, it's not really going to change from partner to partner. He just might be into tying you up and dominating you and that's just his style. Just like he's always going to go live weights and he loves to have a partner with him. So think about it that way, rather than it's this one off thing that you can only have sex, you know, each person you're with, the sex has to be different.

Sex, it doesn't work like that. So if you can try to get them out of your mind, I know easier said than done, but maybe whenever you're going there, you go back to, you replace those thoughts with like, hmm, I wonder if this could really be hot if he ties me up. So my question for you is, would you be into it if he had not done this with the ex? Like does that kind of turn you on the thought of being dominated and being tied up? If your answer is yes, then my advice to you is then to think about it like wow, wonder what night he's going to time you up and like talk to him about it because a lot of times I think

you know he just said it to you like I would be interested in doing it but it might be great for you to kind of ask some questions about it. So how would this go down or should we go to a sex toy store together and buy some some bondage gear? I love you, here's some tips. I love a bondage tape. I've talked about bondage tape in a while. Bondage tape is so cool. It looks like electrical tape, but it sticks to itself. And you just kind of rip it off. You can rip it off with your teeth, your hands, and you can just use it to tie someone up. If I talked to you about bondage tape, you have not, but I did see some on good vibrations. Yes, they do. Yeah.

Everything we talk about, you can find it our website, sexathomely.com. But yeah, it's really cool. So all I'm saying is if you are into it, then I think you gotta get passive act that you'll be compared to his ex or he's gonna be, because he's not gonna be thinking,

well, when I tied up my ex, she really responded this way. No, he just wants to expand a sexual repertoire with you and he find this hot and hopefully you do too. Now, if you're not into it, then let's think about some things that you are into. You could say, you know, babe, I don't really want to be tied up, but I would love if you spanked me or gave me a central massage.

So I think it's a great time that you guys start talking about what you both want. But as much as you can kind of kind of put this aside with the X and kind of spend that energy focusing on how you're gonna make your sex life amazing with your boyfriend Becca, I think you'll be on the right track. I know you'll be on the right track. Yeah, it's hard to unsee stuff.

It's hard to unsee. Right, that's why it's all about reprogramming, rewiring whatever that thought is and replacing it with like, yeah, and then moving forward. Okay guys, that was fun. Remember, check me out on serious sex and radio. The channel's called Star's 109

and it's starting November 12th, five days a week, Monday through Friday, five to seven PM for more sex talk. It's gonna be fun. We're gonna have some new segments. It's still called Sex with Family. So if you're on a commute, you live on these coasts, it's 8 to 10. I'm calling. I'm really excited to tell your friends that they have serious. So love that and thank you everyone for listening.

Thanks to my amazing team. Can Sarah, producer, Jamie and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com. at mle.com.