Sex With Emily - More Oral Sex, Less Stalking the Ex

Episode Date: September 27, 2017

They say that money can’t buy happiness, but what can? On today’s show Emily is joined by Menace to show you that all you really need to be happy is a little relaxation and a whole lot of pleasure! You’re trying to up your sex game, but is your partner even worth the trouble? How do you know when someone’s a certified douche canoe? When your love is locked up, is it okay to want to stray? Emily and Menace help listeners get through these sex and dating issues, plus go over why adequate sex and sleep make you the happiest version of you. Tune in! Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Thrive Market, Adam & Eve, Womanizer Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, menace is here and we're helping you navigate your sex, relationship, and everything in between questions. Topics include, why sleep and sex will make you happier than money ever can? How does spotted jerk know and show them? Know and afold them. Why are we stalking our exes on social media and my top tips for oral sex? All this and more, thanks for listening. You got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand.

Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common all the way? What do you mean like laundry? It shrinks? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here.

I'm so drunk. Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithendly.com. We have a wonderful website that you're going to love because our blog has been killing it lately.

So many interesting topics and subjects that you guys are just going to change your sex life and make you happier. That's what we do here, right, menace? And we are with menace. It's a little reunion. Why is it a reunion? I know, I haven't. It's a reunion it a reunion? I know, I haven't. It's a reunion like six months.

I know, I haven't been around for quite a while. I've been working on the Woody show, Morning Show for like non-stop, we're on in four cities now. Congratulations. Thank you. That's amazing. We'll talk about that later, but very, very important to me is something that I've been requesting for quite a while

is food in the studio. And you have a bunch of snacks in front of me, which I'm very excited about. I have cookies chips bars, I love it all. It's healthy. It's healthy too. Okay Incredible. Well, okay, so this is what happened. I know you always complain I want snacks. You know hangry I get when I don't eat and It's complete. I want snacks. You know how angry I get when I don't eat. And a sponsor who I'm obsessed with, they contacted me, Thrive Market, and it's a delivery service that has all the brands that I buy anyway, but I used to buy them a lot more expensive at like whole foods, but it's like you save like 50% on some of these things and it's

amazing snacks. They deliver them. So everyone's happy. I love it. I love that you're happy. I rate eatin' like eight cookies already. I did too. I love that you're happy. I really eat. See? Eight cookies already. I did too. They're like healthy girl's cookies. They're amazing. So I left the market and their new sponsors. So hello. Therai, we love you.

I'll tell you more about them later. But I need to talk to you about so many things. Yeah. What has been going on in your life? I mean, there's a lot. I'm going to Maui tomorrow for a retreat. Oh really? A retreat.

What? Like a spiritual retreat. Kind of, yeah. Oh, really? A retreat. What, like a spiritual retreat? Kind of, yeah. Are you serious? I really am. Are you gonna realign your chakras and? Yes! No! Day two!

Realign your chakras, I am! Are you gonna start wearing like copper bands and all kinds of, hocus-pocus type of stuff? Crystals, I did just go to Santa Fe and I bought a bunch of crystals. Do you think that's wrong? Yes.

Yes, that's a full moon. You put them out and you do attention for the month. Are you serious? Yeah, I'm totally serious. I mean, it's cool to go to Hawaii and hang out with people and have fun, but I mean, it's really cool. Really guests on the show because you know. So we start talking about your ions and all of that kind of crap.

No, no, no. It's more about, no, it's part of its Kundalini yoga. Because if you bring it down in science, it's absolute bullshit. Well, that's the thing about spirituality. It's that you can't prove it through science. And so I think a lot. That's the best part for the people

that you give money to, that they can't prove it. Well, right, but who needs it to what? So what, what if it makes you feel better? No, like I said, it's cool to go hang out with people and go to Hawaii and all that kind of stuff. I'm down with that. No, it's cool. I'll tell you more about it to Hawaii and all that kind of stuff. I'm down with that. Yeah, it's cool. I'll tell you more about it when I get back.

I'm sort of on this retreat mission. I've gone on a few and it's one of the guys was on my show, John Wyland, and he was on a few, I guess like a month ago, and he was just amazing the way he spoke about masculine and feminine energy, the way I explained to you, you're going to really rise, but it was just very enlightening and kind of this track I'm going on, and then I'm also doing some Kundalini yoga, five days, Hawaii, I love it. So I'm leaving tomorrow, that's why I seem I'm actually very calm right now, perhaps for me.

That's super cool. I'm gonna, I know people are gonna bash me and say, oh, he's not open minded, blah, blah, blah. No, it's not, I'm not open minded, but I'm just saying, like, I don't want people just to fall into things and just automatically believe every single thing that they hear, like they should really research everything out before they put their whole lives into something. You know, that's all.

Well, you know me, you've known me for a long time. Yeah, yeah, no, and you, you try all different types of things. I do. I'm on the journey. I'm always, and I think that I am a seeker. Yeah, I'm a seeker, I'm a seeker, and I always, I'm always wanted to be challenging myself and learning new things for myself. And then I get to'm supposed to work. Yeah, I'm supposed to be, I'm supposed to be, I'm supposed to be, I'm always, I'm always wanting to be challenged myself and learning new things for myself. And then I get to share the listeners,

I get the answer, and then it changes, and then you get to learn for another answer. No, it just, it just, it just, it grow, and you learn. So that'll be fun. And find out of what happens. Yeah, I'll keep you posted. And then, yeah, you know, things have just been, I don't know, I had a great summer.

I really did. I was sort of more introspective a lot of the time and then I kind of have been opening up now. Like a whole things are becoming more clear in my life. Really, opening up. Yeah, clarity. I don't know how to explain that. I'll explain more after Hawaii.

Okay. With the crystals, how have you been? I've been great. So the morning show that I'm on is now on an avocurkey and the people of avocurkey are super cool. We're on 104.1 the edge every single morning. And then we're on in Portland, which is awesome. That's funny.

People in Portland are, it's crazy because they get, like, you know, people in Portland, and all that kind of stuff. No, super cool. Yeah, we're on 102. It's hard to keep track of all of them. We put it on our website, like during the show notes. We just list that where we were at, and they can find you.

And then you're at minus and also social media. Yeah, and all that kind of stuff. Because you've been around for a while. I don't know. So people the show notes, who just lists that, where we're at, and they can find you. And then you're at minus and also should meet you. Yeah, and all that. Because you've been around for a while, so people might be like, who? But what I want to get into, yeah, all this thing's happening, and then travel, all that's kind of stuff. But as I'm traveling and going to all these different events for all this stuff, I meet sex with Emily Lissner. Yeah, you said this, and it keeps happening.

Crazy. And I think, I was trying to think where it was. You mean more than I do, because I guess I need to go out to the world. Well, I'm out and about, you know. You're out of mind about. I'm out of town. Yeah. And I'm trying to think.

What did I say about this anything specific? No, but what was crazy is I believe I was either in Las Vegas, obviously, since I always talk about Vegas, or I was at the LA County Fair. It's hard to keep track, but I ran into this girl and she's like, oh, you know, I listened to your morning show, but I also listened to the Sex of Emily show with my mom. Oh, that's good.

And I was like, what? With your mom, she's like, yeah, my mom's super into it. I'm into it. I love this. Let's get her a shout out. I'm like, I'm on the Sex of Emily show once in a while and I would never listen to it with my mom. Most people would not, but that's so cool.

I know, but that's so cool that they have that kind of relationship. I love it. I mean, obviously, yeah, not everybody does with their moms, but what I love is that when people listen with their partners as well, which is something you've been hearing more and more, because they're like, oh, I got my boyfriend on board, or my boyfriend told me

that when I've met some listeners recently, and they're like, oh, yeah, my boyfriend told me to listen and vice versa. And I think that for couples because we as we know that talking about sex can be super challenging if they just kind of like pop it a sexually podcast, the next road trip. Yeah, we have an amazing sex. Really, really cool.

Next place they land. That is cool. So how do the people? Yeah. So all the people that are listening, thank you so much. And I'd never be too shy because sometimes I'll get a tweet. But like, oh, I saw you, you know, here and there, I was too shy to say,

hello, never be shy. I hate that too. I want people to say, I've been this tweets. But it's so random in like all like the places that I run into. Because you stand at like, I'm some shorter small, like I feel like I can hide more, you're more like, have a face that keeps it all black and white.

I mean, well, the thing is, I wear the same thing every day. Alphani black shirts, which I have like 900 dollars. Right. I've had the same look for like 10 years. Yeah, that's true. It's pretty easy to spot me. Right, and the glasses. And the glasses.

You haven't changed up the glasses in a while though, have you? No. So I just, I kind of just stick with the same look. So it's, yeah, it's way easier. Yeah, I'm a check. I gotta switch it up. Yeah. But, okay, but still say hi if you see us out there.

So what's going on in your personal life? What is other than all this official stuff where white robes and get dipped in water? You know it's funny, I was thinking about this. You remember on Misadvised, we did this reality show many years ago. Five years ago now? And my whole thing, do you remember when it opened?

It was like everyone had, there was about three single dating experts to practice what we preached. And when you're watching it, they had an opening line for each woman and mine was Emily says yes to everything except binagamy. That was my thing. And so the part that's been interesting is my big thing on the show was like just say yes to everything.

Say yes to whatever comes your way. And I've often given that advice on the show to listeners who were like, I never meet anybody, I can't meet anyone, say yes. And so what I realize is I've been going through just a really interesting summer. I think I've sort of been going through kind of like a transition. I don't even know how else to explain it more where I've been spending more time alone, kind of thinking a lot and figuring stuff out like whiteboarding at my house and like figuring out my next steps in life, if you will.

Yeah. And then I realized, kind of, I'm not really doing, so I had, it's gonna get back to your personal thing. I've met a few people, but nothing that I was like crazy about. And I thought, well, I'm not meeting anybody. I kind of like to. And I sure enough, once again, took my own advice. I'm telling you guys, it works.

I would get some random, like invites from people that I liked enough, but I was like, oh, tonight it's gonna say home, I'm tired, and then I was like, you know what, I'm just gonna go, and I'm gonna say yes, and I went out to parties or to events, and things I wouldn't know, and I'm like, I'll just go for half hour,

and sure enough, every time I've gone, it's been like epic, I've met incredible people, I've met some nice gentlemen. Yeah, nice suitors. Nice suitors, and I realize it, and this kinda goes to, it holds true for everybody out there that it's like, we've said this for years that people always think they live in the worst town of date

and there's no single people. I guarantee you that's not true. And I guarantee that once you just put yourself out there into the world and you're off your phone and you're not staring down looking up, you're actually like smiling and engaging with people, even if it's just like, you know, hi or how's your, whatever it is, you will meet people.

And I think that we just don't make ourselves available with our body language, their energy with our minds. So in my personal life, yeah, you know, I feel like other just, I'm just men just coming down the chimney, flying around. It's great, but nothing specific to hone in on right now for you. Yeah, nothing.

I'm like, do you, sorry. What? I know she has spit on my face. It's okay. I'm just trying to keep on going. You were looking for like, seriously. No, just saying, hey, there's like some guy. No, there on my face. It's okay. I'm refreshed. I'm like, you were looking for like, seriously. No, I'm just saying, hey, there's like some guy.

No, there's not one. There's several. There's a micro penis. Oh, micro penis. I've got a good story, but you two go. Dude, there's this, okay, so there's this new thing. We're just joking about it this morning. With the new iPhone, they have this measurement tool

where it's like virtual, where you can set a dot and then let's say you want to measure a doorway Right, so you you pin a dot on one side and then you measure it to the other side Okay, and then we're like dude every guy on the planet is gonna pin a dot at the bottom of their penis to the top of the penis And then it's gonna tell you automatically how large your penis is Okay, so that's gonna be the new tool that I really like It's like a digital dot. Yeah, it's gonna tell you automatically how large your penis is. Okay. So that's gonna be the new tool that we're doing. How do you plan out the dot? It's like a digital dot? Yeah, it's a digital dot.

So like with the screen, you touch it with your finger and it'll put the dot. Every guy. Every guy on the plan is gonna do that. Well, it's funny that you say that because the average penis is size is the iPhone 6. Yeah, well last time, I don't know the iPhone 7. Well, I'm just saying that's interesting

because there's always something about the iPhone and the penis. Yeah, so that's gonna be the new thing. When does that, should I get that one? Where does it come out? Well, the iOS just came out, well, it's out now. And then the eights, I'm waiting for the 10. I'm just gonna wait for the 10.

But I need it. Because I'm gonna buy the eight and then go. I gotta measure your penis. I know, I'm just gonna buy the eight and I'm like, yeah, I should've got the 10. But I know it's a thousand bucks, so you don't have to pay all that once you just add it to your bill If you want to do yeah, yeah, it's take it off the bill. I watch and You know what I got a new I watch because I I lost mine in the desert. I was at a child's campaign

To show which is a Donald Glover is the actor, but he's also a rapper and So I lost it, but I just recently got a new one, and I absolutely love it because the activity app, you set your goals every day, so like the past 20 days I've actually been back in the gym finally. Oh my gosh, really? And I feel like I have so much more energy. That's so good.

That's actually, that's, I'm really happy for you. Yeah, I feel a lot better. Do you? Yeah. Just the last few days you went to the gym. Yep. So I highly recommending, I mean actually, that's, I'm really happy for you. Yeah, it feels a lot better. Do you? Just the last few days you went to the gym. Yep, so I highly recommending, I mean, at least getting an eye watch or getting something like that motivates you. Good, it's been a while since you've been on the gym track. And how much it changes everything, right?

It changes everything. Yeah, I know, that's great, honey. I think that's really important. In fact, we were talking about that earlier that for a lot of people who email us and are having problems with, you know, whatever. Health sex. You got to move it around. You got to move it right.

You got to do it. Get the blood flow. Get the blood flow. Okay, well, you seem fabulous. Thank you. It's great to see you. And we've got some sex in the news. All right.

Good. Tell me what's going on. Okay. It's interesting. Sleep and sex will make you happier than money ever could. What? You disagree? I believe that. I do too. Because I've had money, lost money,

and it's true though, and I was thinking, when I looked at this, I thought, and I do a lot of reading about beings. You know, I read about business leaders, they're daily routines, what makes them successful, and health, you know, periodicals, whatever it is, I read the studies, and what it all comes down to, whether you're in a spiritual realm,

or you're looking at the science behind health, there's three things, and it's always your diet, exercise, and sleep. And sleep is huge. And I think right now there's been so much said about the importance of sleep and getting like six, seven hours or whatever's right for you. A new study has found the top indicators of happiness and money doesn't even hit the top five.

So they found out, in order of biggest influence, the top five factors that determined who was actually living well is your sleep quality, your sex life, job security, health of relatives, and chatting to neighbors. So community, what do you think about that? Sleep quality is important. Sleep quality.

You don't, yeah. I absolutely agree with that. Did you feel a better like eight, right? Yeah, I go to bed at eight every night because I have to. I wish I could stay with that. Did you feel better like eight, right? Yeah, I go to bed at eight every night because I have to. I wish I could stay up later. And then I wish I could get up at 10 a.m. every day. And by don't, you know, I get up at 2 a.m.

It's overrated. No, it's amazing. I just recently, I don't get up at 2 a.m. I know you do that. I don't, I'm just at an alarm clock. I don't want to. But I was just recently at a music festival called Caboo in Dalmar, so right, San Diego. And I was there for work, but I didn't really have too many responsibilities.

I just had to go and take photos and stuff like that. So I was in this hotel and I could get up. This has been a weekend where I haven't had a weekend or maybe a year where I could just get up anytime that I wanted. And I got to sleep into like 10 or 11. It was the best thing in the world. That's epic. And then later, and then I got to stay up later, all that kind of stuff, like not having the responsibilities.

Like, okay, so we go over the list again. It says sleep quality, I agree, sex life, I agree. Job security, yes. But here's the thing, Menace, is that I think it's interesting. Number two, when people are having a quality sex life, that when people are at, they always say, if you're in a relationship and sex isn't a problem, you're pretty happy.

But the second sex becomes a problem in their relationship, it takes up like 90% of your issues. I know that we're all really busy and we think we don't have time for any of these things, but when you make the time for sex, I can't tell you how many people, I was at another retreat, which I can't speak about yet last weekend

with a bunch of women who are amazing. I'm getting mad at Treadon, if you will. It's sweet. Sorry to say that I allowed people to say that. Retreaton, I am though, but a lot of them were saying, I understand that it's important, but I'm exhausted, I have no time, I'm tired.

And then I said, well, you know what, though, but when you actually, it's important to you, right? It's like, yeah, I'm like, and when you do it, do you ever regret it? No, you know, so it's like trying to get changed that mindset that yes, you have no time. We know one is time, we're all busy,

but when you prioritize sex and you just say, you know what, I'm gonna do it, I'm not gonna regret it. Like I say, it's like going to gym, get the shoes on, you get that door, you feel better. It's like you feel better going to gym, having sex. Yes. It's important. Now, the question is, what do you think the number one thing is that people, they feel

that they've gone to the well too many times, is that why they, they just get bored of having sex with each other? Oh my God, really? I think that's what your fear is. No. From knowing you from ever. Like, I don't want to be with the one person forever because I'm just going to be bored. I probably did.

It's so funny, menace. We pulled up. This is going to get back to that. The other day, we were looking for clips and I pulled up the first show I ever did from 12 years ago. It was pretty interesting how different. We could pull up some of those free FM when we did out of the radio. I probably was like, that's probably how I started it.

I could never have sex with one person, but I honestly think that the biggest problem isn't that. For some people, it is sure. But for but for others is that they're just not. You know, if you don't prioritize your sex life, it's gonna weigh in. And it's always great at the beginning and people don't know how to talk about it because they didn't have to when it was great.

And then over time, you know, you get busy with your life and it seems like more of an effort than not and so they don't even try to have sex or approve their sex life or think about what even turns them on. So I think sometimes people are like, oh, if I just have sex, I don't even want them to touch me because I don't know what I want. And so that's why we spend so much time on the show. Like, encouraging people to explore their bodies and what makes them feel good, so they can really like explain it to a partner, do it with a partner.

So we get that more emails than not people are asking me, how do I spy some of my relationship? It's malaise. Life takes over. You say, help is so important. I think everybody should prioritize exercising and sleeping, but also sex. Like if you don't have that in your own relationship, your relationship will die. And if you're telling yourself right now

that, oh, I thought that important, we didn't have great socks, we're done. No, it will not survive. That's how you're feeling right now. And- It's funny, like being in Vegas all the time and overhearing bros that are there for you know The bachelor parties like dude I roll I roll my eyes so hard every because it's like typical you hear it all the time

Dude you could have one vagina for the rest of your life bro like game over blah blah and I'm like if you have that attitude Of course is eventually never gonna work out like you're gonna be bored out of your mind You know that happens and then for some people they're like you know what they might not Of course, it's eventually never going to work out. You're going to be bored out of your mind. That happens. And then for some people, they're like, you know what? They might not. I mean, I think that's the only model we see is monogamy. And that for many people, I think now, especially, they're just more open to, you know, having

alternative relationships that maybe just because the only model we see in the world is to be monogamous with one person, which I think a lot of us really struggle with that. And that there are not great models People to see oh actually having an alternative relationship, but we're still together We love each other and with other people can actually work always here about these alternative relationships I would love to hear like next time I'm here I know I would take some research, but I love to hear what is the actual percentage out there that are in these relationships that actually work Oh my god, it's more than I'm telling you guys.

I know in like, I know in my circle, and all that stuff. But I'm gonna tell you, it's changing. I don't have the percent, I'm telling you. You know how to be offended? I'm just asking. I'm just asking, I would love to hear an overall mass survey on how.

I know people who are really healthy, I couldn't take the percentage. I absolutely believe that. People are open to it. I know people, I just know. And couldn't take the percentage. I absolutely believe that. I know people. But I just know I will. And it's not like they're all like, they're people that you know too,

that you would never, I believe trust me. I know, I know that's why I know people. That you would never think that they're actually up in relationships. And I'm telling you these people that I know, listen, relationships are hard. If you're in a monogamous relationship, you're an open relationship,

you're going to have struggles. Friendships are hard, you know, you're hardamous relationship, you're an open relationship. You're going to have struggles Friendships are hard, you know, you're hard. You and I could have challenges in our life But the thing that people who are in these open relationships is that they actually are talking about things in a really different way They're really honest. I like you know what? I love you and I want to be a friend with a partner But I I think it'd be cool to sleep with somebody else and like to try that what do you think and they talk about and I think they Could never talk about it and when they do, many times, they find, oh my god, my partner was open to it and they're receptive and they're honest.

They're like, well, I'd be cool with if we just invited another woman in, you know, okay, well, let's do that. Or if we both see whichever people what we don't talk about, I mean, you get to make up your own rules. Whereas monogamy, you don't get to make up anything. And most people are stuck with this way of being that does not work for them. So to answer your question, who's happy? Who's not?

They're struggles, but I believe that people who have made it work in alternative relationships and practice are kind of a rigorous honesty that other people couldn't handle it. They think that they would never be able to be that truthful with their partner. When the truth is, I think that people realize, wow, I never thought I could say that

and we got so much closer. Even if it's not opening it up up, but it's like honey, I've been wanting to, it could be try a sex toy. And like, I would want to talk to my others for 10 years. They thought it'd be upset. And they realized, oh my God, our sex. It could just be little things that you talk about with your partner that makes your life better. But I think money, people like to say that money is not a factor, right? I was just talking to one of my coworkers and she was saying, like, I hate when people say that money doesn't bring happiness

because she goes literally, money could probably fix 90% of my problems. Well, okay. If you look at it, you know. No, you could pay someone. Anybody that says that, it's complete bullshit. But all that stuff, I would say. Well, they're saying, they're not saying

that money will make you happy. They're saying this is what ranks higher in people's list. On their personal list, I think actually number one should be health. Because if you don't have health, everything. But health isn't even on it, because health is such an umbrella term. So they're saying sleep quality, sex life.

How's your sex life? Sex life's great. Okay, love that. Job security. You grade job security. Health of close relatives, my relatives are in the chatting. But here's a thing, chatting to neighbors, and this is the other thing that was missing for my life, is that community.

So it's really about, since I moved from San Francisco, I hadn't really invested enough time like making new friends. Because you know, I have like a Zillion friends there that I love and they were like my chosen family, if you will. And so doing that here, and I think all these things really make you happy, is if you're stressing it. And I'm going to say that if all these things are in your life and they're solid and making you happy,

you probably will make more money. Just because you're able to, you're happier. When you're happier, I think you can generate. I don't talk to anyone. Like anyone. Well, it's not even neighbor, I think what they mean there is community. Yeah, I mean, like, all my coworkers,

everywhere, my coworkers. The other thing I wanna say, tell me. Okay, absolutely, your friends and family health is great, but my friend Woody, he says the same thing, he goes, and then he says that his mom taught him this, that all that stuff that we just listed does not matter unless you have health.

Health should be your number one focus. It doesn't matter how much money you have or how much sex you're getting or how much sex you're getting, or how much sleep you're getting. If you don't have health, it doesn't mean shit. Meaning, like, you're training your body terribly. No, it's true, though. You're dying.

Like, you can have all the money in the world. Look, it's Steve Jobs, you know? No, it's true. Money didn't save him. It's true, but they're saying, this is what determine their happiness. I mean, of course, help my mom always do that too. She said, your mental health, your physical health, if you don't have that, you don't have anything. That's true, but they're saying this is what determine their happiness. I mean, of course help my mom always had two She said your mental health your physical health if you don't have that you don't have anything. It's true

That's true, but this is what people reported made them happy. So everyone just they aren't dude. Okay. It's all a cool On surveys. What do you think people every are super honest on surveys? Why would they lie about what's making them happy? Eight thousand people filled this out and they're in great Britain. They're very serious there. Okay. I mean, if it's for Britain, then I believe it. Okay. Okay.

You know what? You know what we're going to talk to our sponsors because I love them. Oh. Okay. We're doing it right now. Emails. All right. Because you love emails.

Okay. If you have a question you want me to answer on the show, that's amazing. Text me, ask Emily one word to 7979 and when you text ask Emily to that number, you'll get a link and then in that link you open it up. You send an email, it's great. You can also go to your website, sexatm.com via the Ask Emily tab and as always include your gender or age where you live and how you listen to the website, sexatme.com, via the Ask Emily tab, and as always, include your gender or age, where you live, and how you listen to the show.

Hi Emily, I'm seeking some advice and would love your perspective. My boyfriend and I have an amazing relationship. We bought a house together and have great plans for the future. We work really well as a team and enjoy adventuring life together. He is sexually more experienced than I am, and is way more comfortable, sexually. He's expressed a desire to take our sex game up a few notches. This is how I find your podcasts. I like to do my homework.

I've been putting in tons of effort. I've been masturbating and we even went to a sex club together and had a great time. With all the effort I've been putting into expanding my sexual knowledge and confidence, he recently said that our sex life doesn't excite him. He still sees sex as a chore. Oh no. This breaks me down because I've been trying so hard. He told me he's made the decision to work through the boring sex to create a future with me. On one hand, I'm reassured, but I also think this could be setting us up for disaster as the years go on.

What are your thoughts? How can I continue to up my sex game and any tips for dirty talk? Perhaps that will help a bit. Thanks so much, Allison, 31, Oregon. Okay, Allison, this upset me. This, when you say a disaster, this is already a disaster if you stay with him. I, you are doing nothing wrong. I love that you're going above and beyond for the relationship. I'm wiping some chocolate off your face.

This is the problem with the e2 mile cookies. Okay, so he's being emotionally abusive. He's like, thanks, babe, for trying all this stuff. That's cool. You're trying stuff, but I guess I'll just marry you anyway and endure the boring sex. Now, I'm really, when I heard this, I thought, is this guy just playing mind games? Yeah, something he's like, I mean, he's like, the game that he's like, yeah, to get her to try more,

to get more crazy with him in bed. Like a power trip type thing. It might be, he's got some kind of, you know, he's not kind. He's not being honest on, like, maybe the sex is really good, but this is like a power move that he's learned. You know what?

I don't want to spend any time, any more time analyzing him. His psychological problem, because Allison, I'm gonna be harsh here, and I'm not often super harsh, is that all of this just, it just made me cringe. In my office, we all write it too, because we put the show together and like, whoa, this guy, I mean, seriously, This makes me so sad because you just sound,

you're so honest, you really love him, I get it, and you're trying, and you're not excited Kim, and guess what, sweetie? This is not about you, this is about him. And I don't care, you know, and you ask me for like, you know, dirty top, which breaks my heart, you're like, what else could I do? Like a sex game, dirty top?

No, no, sweetie, this is about your partner, and he's not happy with himself. He's not happy with his life. This actually a mirror, I think, onto him, his own self and he's thinking, well, I can blame Allison to make me happier because I'm not happy. Because even if you, let's just say he's, let's say the sex still is not up to his standards. The way he is talking to you is just disrespectful and emotionally abusive. And you know what, Allison, you're awesome. And I want you to know that it could be some kind of mind games he's playing.

But what I want, Allison, is I don't want his words to stick with you as you carry it into your next relationship because a lot of times partners can be this abusive and we're just like, oh, I'm not worthy, I'm not good enough, I'm not good and bad. And I'm guarantee you that none of this is true and it's about your guy. And I just feel very comfortable saying that.

And. Yeah, I believe there's something's going on with him, definitely. Maybe you could let him know that or turn it back on him because I know I say these things. I'm not thinking you're gonna break up with him tomorrow but if you still love him and you wanna work with it, I suggest some therapy

or I suggest you getting really honest with him about what's going on because if you peel back the layers, I'm sure he's got some struggles of his own and this is not about you. Yeah. Because any guy would be stuck there and be trying confidence. Yeah, and maybe his job's not going well

because typically when men are more depressed or feeling unstable, it's typically when things just aren't going as well with that for them, financially or work wise, or I don't know what's going on. But I don't think this is about you because the fact that you're even making the effort else and to try, you should be rewarded for that and not constantly being down.

Dear Emily, currently my love is incarcerated for the next six to nine months. Sweet. She made a major mistake and is serving her time. We've been together for about a year now and I've been faithful. However, this is the longest I've gone without sex in my adult life and I'm starting to look elsewhere in my head

Is it cheating if I look for some release outside the relationship? Thank you CJ 34 West Virginia. I Mean CJ come on All she he I don't know CJ could be either. Yeah, your partner is locked up for only six or nine months That is Not an insane amount of time. I can understand if it was like six and nine years. I don't know though, dude. I mean, let's come on I mean if this somebody that you're loving this, you know, this is some of your width like you can wait it out six or nine months before you start looking for somebody else to hook up with. That's absolutely

six or nine months before you start looking for somebody else to hook up with. That's absolutely ridiculous. Okay, but they've been together only like for a year total, how long has she been? Like a year? Okay, they've been together for a year and she's now incarcerated. Okay. But here's a tough thing. They can't have connection, they can't have phone sex, they can't do FaceTime, the whole thing.

And you made a commenter that you were going to stay with her, you know, before she left for prison. And, but I also think like you'd be to stay with her, you know, before she left for prison. But I also think like you'd be allowed to change your mind and talk to her. What? If, listen, that he's 34, they've been together a year. Who knows if it's like a year when she left her. Now it's a year and she's been gone for a few months.

But I feel like if you really love her and you're like, that would be against it. I think that it's, yes, it is normal and healthy that you would be thinking about having sex with someone else. That's what probably any person would do a man or a woman. I get that and you obviously don't have to act on it. You could say this will pass. And I don't suggest that you do act on it without perhaps like letting her know

when you think that's wrong. Sure, she'll love it. No, she won't love it, but I'm saying that's like, four year later together at 34, she's gone. I don't know. I feel, see if 34, she's gone. I don't know. Like I feel, see if it continues too. Like I don't know if she just left last week and you miss her or you know, if you can just keep busy

doing other things, but I think if you made the comment not to cheat, you will feel bad if you do, but if things start to change and you feel like you need to, what? If I'm with a girl that's in prison for six and nine months, there's no way in hell that I'm gonna go out and cheat on her or hook up with somebody else. Because that person is gonna get out of jail.

Right? Okay, I'm just saying that you gotta feel that if you gotta deal with, they're gonna hear about it. This gonna be so unnecessary drama. Yes, you can be completely honest with them. And tell them. You could be honest or you could just say, you know what, it's normal. Because you're asking me. You can be honest with them and You could be honest or you could just say, you know what, it's normal. Because you're asking me.

You can be honest with them and see how that goes, but definitely do not do it behind their back. Either way, I think you should wait it out. I mean, that's my personal opinion. I mean, they're self-pleasure. You can go and say something like that. Yeah, you can buy a flashlight. You can buy some prostate toys.

Well, we don't know if it's a woman or if it's a woman or a guy, CJ could be, Oh, you're right. I see what you're saying. Okay. But I'm just saying, so yeah, you can go sex Emily.com and find something to take care of yourself for the next couple of years than my months.

Yeah, you could do that too. You're right. I guess I feel like I don't know how strong the agreement was if the partner's really gonna get out in the next six, nine months, you know, we don't know. But yes, it is cheating. If you look for release outside the relationship without because they answer your question, the question is, is it cheating?

Yeah. It is cheating. Oh, and then when your partner gets out, please have them email a good spread recipe for me. That'd be great. You know what spread is? It's like a, it's a prison cuisine. No, it is. And there's so many different kinds of combinations. Oh, yeah. Good. Yeah. Being touched with men is your, is your, yeah, good. Yeah, be in touch with the minutes. Manage your, it's your, yeah. Yes, Google spread. OK. Prison spread. All right. Ready?

Another your mouth. Dear Emily, I'm a faithful listener for almost two years. I love you and the crew, including men as an Anderson. My boyfriend, I've been together for three and a half years. We have a good relationship, healthy sex life, and our communication has gotten so much better over the years thanks to your show. I was sitting next to him the other day,

and he went to search something on Instagram. In the recent search history I saw an ex-flang as well as another girl he went to high school with. This sucked to me and it may sound stupid, but my feelings were hurt. Should I care or be concerned here? I tried not to freak, but I did say something. I trust him, but I just want your opinion here.

Should I let this go? You need some advice from the pro. Love you, thanks in advance. Shannon, 27, California. Shannon. Yeah, dude, okay. I have an opinion as well. You?

Of course you do. I think that this is what I think. Everyone's searching for stuff, like looking up their exes on Instagram, on Facebook. That's what I was gonna say. Every guy on the planet does the exact same thing. And what do they do? They say they don't, they are lying to you.

But at the same time, who cares? If they're not having communication with them or going off to a hotel and hooking up with them, who cares? I'm sure they're curious. And I'm sure you've looked up an ex online. You're 27 years old. Yeah.

I swear to God, there's no way in hell that you have never went online and looked up an X. Right. It's just so awesome. We do it, and you know it, exactly. We all do it. And you started out by saying, he's a great boyfriend. You guys do well.

You've never not trusted him up until now. And your relationship's gotten better because of the show. So if he had a history of cheating on you, if there's been other things, and this was like the last straw, then yes, but you're like, everyone does it. We start, do you look at your access still? Oh, yeah.

Recently, I'm not like going out and searching for them or something, but maybe they'll all pop up as mutual friends or something like that. And then I'll like look to see what the hell they're doing these days. Most of them have kids. Yeah, exactly, but it's not like, for exactly. So, I like to go.

They way moved on. Right, it's not even that you want to be with them. It's almost like this reflexive reactive, like, oh, I'm just going to look at who this, they're checking out my stuff. And it doesn't mean I necessarily want to see with them or be with them. But if you're with someone and they're an ex,

you had a connection, whatever it was. And you just kind of, like, just like I'm looking at, the New York Fashion Week or New Sex Toys coming out, I'll be like, how's my ex doing? I don't want to bang them, it doesn't matter. I know. Okay. I mean, again, you even like bringing that stuff up

and having a communication, that's kind of like just bringing up unnecessary drama for no reason. Yeah, I agree. But- It's just causing problems in relationship for what? Well, I think that it's good that you communicated it because it was really bothering her.

Don't use this as a grounds to now distrust everything that he does because it just takes one thing and jealousy can be so intense. I already know the answer need to be very expressive, but would you be bothered by this at all? If you're no. I was probably stocking this ex as well. Whoever I was.

Would I be bothered by it? No. I know you're 27 years old. I would be bothered. You know. Yeah. bothered by it, no. I know you're 27 years old. I would be bothered. You know. Yeah. No, it's fine. We lived longer lives than you have.

It's true. I'm probably maybe 27. Maybe, even at 27, I probably wouldn't even care. I don't think you had an ex-bud then. No, I did. 27? I don't know. I think I was dating somebody.

I've known you for so long. I know. You were like 23 when I met you. Yeah, it had to be 23. Yep. I never thought that you were that, that's a baby. What's that? 23.

No, 23, 24. 12 years, yeah, it's crazy. Okay, anyway, great. Thanks Shannon. It'll be okay, Shannon. It'll be okay, we got you back. Hi Emily, I've been in Stirlassima. I've been hook up bodies with this guy for a few weeks

and we've had sex several times. Recently, he sent me a text saying, we can keep having sex if you get better at giving me head. WTF! I don't think I'm great at giving a guy a blowjob, but to say something like that is so rude, especially overtaxed. I responded back with maybe next time you can show me how you like it, winky face. He said he's not into that and he doesn't want to hook up

anymore. So much for mature conversation. I feel incredibly disrespected. However, I do want to be better at oral sex giving low job. Any simple tips you can share. Thank you, Megan. 25 Miami, Florida.

OK, first of all, why are there two incredibly like douchey guys in both these emails? Because I am telling you, Megan, I'm going to say the same thing that I said earlier to Allison. Okay, I'm sure that your blow job skills are fine. And even if they're challenged anyway, this guy is a jerk. He did do a favor by bailing out.

Who sends a friggin' text? Girls are already worried about that, what? No, I'm just thinking, I'm just like, okay, this, these are already worried about that. What? No, I'm just thinking, I'm just like, okay, this, these are obviously messages, I mean, the message like this is from somebody that you're casually hooking up with, right? Now, I'm not shaming you, but I mean, like, people have douche meters, right?

Like, they can tell when a guy or a girl is douchey, probably like within the first 10 minutes of meeting. Perhaps, if it's, if it's, and then you're just, I'm just tuned to fine tune douche meter, maybe. Yeah, you're just looking past that because you wanna hook up with this person and then don't be surprised when you get

a root ass message like this about. So your things you should have seen it coming. Yeah, because like, somebody that you talk with and you get to know, you're gonna know if they're gonna send a message like this or not. I'm sorry if you say that you don't, but there's absolutely some strong indicators when getting to know somebody that.

But sometimes we're attracted to the guys, so we're kind of excited. So you're looking past all that kind of stuff. So you shouldn't be shocked when you get a message like that. Right, yeah, I see what you're saying, but a lot of times we just let lust take over and we don't see it, but you're right. That is true that maybe Megan, you've dated guys like this before that you're like, oh,

yeah, there tends to be a pattern here. You know, we often say like women or men, your pickers broken, you tend to keep picking the same kind of guys over and over again that don't work for you. So if you've dated another guy with similar behavior patterns or maybe he's the, it don't could only take one. Well, then the next time you've dated, guy with similar behavior patterns or maybe he's the, it only could only take one. Well, then the next time you've dated, just make sure that, you know, he doesn't have any of those indicators

and he might be a jerk because what? Yeah, I was saying over the years, I mean, even with you, I mean, like I can automatically tell something that you're dating as a douche, but then you're like, oh, no, he's super cool and then like, I don't know, six, seven months later,

and you're like, oh, that guy was a douche. I'm like, can you see that? I mean, this is like, I mean, you know, he's super cool, and then like, I don't know, six, seven months later, and I'm like, oh, that guy was a douche, so I'm like, can you see that? I mean, this is like, I don't know, years and years ago, but I'm like, can you see that within the first 10 minutes of meeting them that they're a douche, you know? I think you were kind of blinded. Well, Dosh is such a, I mean, how do you,

you think I was? I never dated assholes. You think I did, I just think I didn't like, no, no, no. I don't think anyone's like, I'm dating this great douche bag. I can't wait for you to meet him. Let's get drinks together. No, but I, you just don't, I don I did, I'd say I didn't like, no, no. I don't think anyone's like, I'm dating this great douchebag, I can't wait for you to meet him. Let's get drinks together. No, but I don't know, there's like, I always feel like there's,

there's always strong indicators if somebody's a crappy person or not. Like, I don't know, they just give off a vibe. I mean, maybe my like douche meter is really strong or something, I don't know. But for some women, they might be attracted to a guy who seems to come off as really confident and confident, but then when the second he flips it and turns it on you,

together into bed and together to give him a blowjob, he maybe he didn't have all of his douchiness out. He was hiding some of his douchies. He was hiding guys who are like this, they know how to play the douch car and when they know it's one to show and when to fold them. True, but I mean, it's like, I'm like, no way.

No way. I can't see like, when somebody is being a fake person, I don't know. I can tell, I'm not saying that this emailer is naive, but I guess, yeah, there's a lot of people out there that are saying naive. Like, there's just strong indicators. Now that you know, pick up, I mean, Miami,

I'm sure there's a bunch of douches there, but learn from this situation and see like, the next person that you date has the same type of vibe. And you're like, okay, you know what, I'm outta here. This is not gonna work too. Okay, so we'll do that to Megan, you got that, right? That you did nothing wrong here. And here's your other question.

How do you get better at oral sex giving a blowjob? First, let me say this, I'm sure this guy said, you not great at it. I mean, we all, you know, can take a little work a little work, but you don't come out of the womb. You don't know how to give a great blowjob. I get it, take some experience. Just because he said this, I don't want you to feel him to deflate any confidence that you had, thinking that you could give blowjob.

I don't want this to be a deterrent to you because then it just takes one comment from a guy or a girl telling you that you're not great in bed for some reason and you can't get passing. I don't want you to hold on to this Megan and I can give you tips about I mean I have, God knows I've given a lot of oral sex tips over time. And I'm going to give you some. Right, I have a thousand episodes just on the website. We have a blog, several blogs on the site you can check out,

which is the one that came out, which is a lesson in oral sex history. There's a stake in blow-dup tips for all. It's also on our website. And I'm trying to think if I could tell you that my number one tips off the top of my head would be enthusiasm. Like number one, I'll talk to menace here too.

I like you love it. Act like you love it. You never know. And I think that you will, but I think for like once you even get into it, like guys want to be like, oh, why should you do this? You guys don't really want to be there.

So I think being into it, being enthusiastic, making sure that you're like licking it, like it's the most delicious ice cream cone you've ever had and you're wet and you can use some lube if you need to. We love joe lube. Their flavored lube is great. You want to make sure you're playing enough pressure.

That's not too soft to hard, you know? I think those are two main factors. Those are good. Enthusiasm and pressure. And making sure it's wet. And also just take out our website for more tips But really Megan I just want to focus on you girl. You got this You're gonna be okay to kill the blowjob game. Okay, and that was an blank and statement on Miami by the way all the guys in Miami

I'm sure there's some great ones there. I'm actually gonna go to Miami at the end of the year So I'm excited check it out. Yeah, Miami's awesome. I used to go because, you know, Florida, I mean Michigan, Florida. Yeah. We do that thing when I live there. That's your Hawaii. That's exactly the day. Back in the day. And then you're actually going to Hawaii. I don't know why. I can't wait because why. I love Hawaii. It's so much fun. I know. It's amazing. I'm really excited. Yeah. Thank you, menace. Thank you, you're being here. You're awesome. And thank you to my amazing team, Ken, Jamie, intern Shannon, producer, Locke, and Michael, they are unsound, helping us out.

And I'd love you all. Thanks to all my amazing listeners, and thanks for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithamily.com.