Sex With Emily - More Sex, Less Anxiety

Episode Date: January 9, 2020

On today’s show, Dr. Emily is talking about the benefits that CBD can have on your sex life, and she’s taking your sex and relationship questions. She talks about how so many of us have sexual anxiety, and how CBD might just be the solution you’ve been looking for, what to do when you’re a bisexual man and aren’t quite sure how to explain that to the women you date without being judged, and ways to make sex with your partner fun again after spending too much time down the porn rabbit hole. Plus, what to do when you need a deep connection to have sex, but online dating seems to be all about hooking up.  Follow Emily on all social @sexwithemilyFor even more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and on today's show, I'm talking about the benefits that CBD can have on your sex life. And I'm taking your sex and relationship questions. Topics include, so many of us have sexual anxiety, and CBD might just be the solution you've been looking for. So you're a bisexual man and aren't sure how to explain that to the woman you date without being judged. You want to start dating online, but what to do when it seems like everyone wants sex and you need a deep connection first. And ways to make sex with your partner fun again after spending too much time down the porn rabbit hole. I'll this and more. Thanks for listening. A man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions.

Betrubized, they call them in a fight on me. Hey, Avaline, you got a boyfriend? Because, uh, my man, he here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got everything. Oh, my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, Avaline? What do you mean, like, laundry? It's drinks?

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh, my god, I'm gonna feel so drunk. Being bad feels pretty good., mom, mom, I'm so, so, so, so. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between.

For more information, check out sexwithemily.com. And you can find us on all social media. It is at Sex with Emily across the board. All right, enjoy the show. There has been a lot lately, you guys, about CBD and sexual anxiety. And since our Instagram question last week, we found on Thursday that a lot of you were asking

that you are just anxious when it comes to sex, which makes sense because I think we're anxious when it comes to a lot of things these days. And there is CBD as such a buzz right now. I mean, no point attended it. I'll give you a buzz. And so, you know, since we all have a lot of anxiety, if you find the right CBD, because again, not all CBD is created equal. And if you're not a big pot smoker already, CBD can truly help you relax into your body, less in your anxiety. But it's also true the flip side of it that for some people are CBD with teeth, because

CBD, let me just explain this, we don't know, that CBD is not psychoactive, meaning like you could smoke, you could ingest CBD all day every day and you will not, it doesn't have those side effects. You will not be hallucinating and all that stuff. The reason why CBD can work is because, so we have endocannabinoid receptors in our brains. Cannabinoid. Cannabinoid. It's a really hard word to say if you see a cannabinoid.

Cannabinoid. Cannabinoid. Cannabinoid. So that means it allows us to make the connections in our brains that allows us to relax and have more pleasure. It also slows our perception time, which means that pleasure can last a lot longer. And so, we also, you know, it makes sense that for some people we had a call last week and he's been experienced a reptile dysfunction.

He's living in Florida. And he said that he wanted to know that he'd been experimenting with CBD And I think it might have been CBD with THC Which THC is the psychoactive ingredient and you can get a low dose THC you get a one-to-one You can get a one-to-one a CBD and a THC So it's kind of equals each other out But that might be more effective, but he was saying he wanted to know he was no longer having a reptile function He was no longer getting getting having a direction and losing over this direction.

And he's like, I want to know if it's because I've been smoking a little bit before I've sex. And that's absolutely why because I believe he said nothing else is change in his life, except for that because it can lessen your anxiety. It kind of helps control a lot of those thoughts you're having and also can relax your body. So it makes sense that it can be great for sex. Have you guys had experience with it? I mean, besides my cotton vagina. I do think that I think there's nothing for me that's more relaxing than actually just

kind of hitting a CBD pen or even if there is THC in it like with my partner that I'm about to have sex with because it really is it kind of just relaxes you you kind of get a little bit just like whatever worry or anything that you were thinking about before that wasn't happening in that moment kind of fades away. And you kind of just relax into it and then I feel like it does slow things down, especially because not every guy, but a lot of guys, they try to rush into stuff. But when they're also kind of in that CBD mode, they kind of realize they're like,

oh, I'm gonna slow down a little bit. Exactly, and just go for it. Yeah, it has a very, it's true. It has a very calming, relaxing effect on the brain. So you'll like, whatever it's true, whatever you're worried about, I like it too. Whatever you're worried about, or whatever you just, I don't know, you just feel your body more. You feel more of a connection with your partner. And this is, this is not just like in the last years since it's become legal and there are, for medical

use to the 33 states, I think, but for years and years and many years, it's the plant. People have said for years, they've used it for sexual purposes and so I feel like if you have any, you know, maybe you could try it. CBD also can help with pain during sex so for a lot of people who experience pain, either it's from sexual dysfunction or the chronic pain, there are proven studies that show that CBD is anti-inflammatory, which means that it can be very effective to treat pain. And that's why we love for ya. It's a CBD. They called it a CBD pre-loom that you kind of use before sex. They have one that has, they've awakened, which doesn't have CBD in it, and then the other one is... Awakened has CBD. Awakened has CBD. And then pleasure.

Pleasure has THC in it. And use it like 20 minutes before four sex and it can really help you you know relax Yeah, I love the one that you like to the papa barkley papa and barkley. Yeah, I have that I have that far use it on my body for muscles pain and stuff Yeah, I love that it's real for me. I like using that for when I have period cramps Yeah, I rub that just like right above my pubic mound. Above your pubic mound. Yeah. And it's interesting. I think pubic mound is a funny word.

I know, I love saying it. pubic mound. pubic mound. And then it helps with cramps. Yeah. And then what I like about Fourier too is they do make vaginal soositories. And I've tried the CBD ones which still work and I've also tried the CBD and THC ones

and I will tell you that having a high vagina is a very interesting feeling. What, how did it feel? It's like, so if you, I've had edibles before or even when you smoke like you feel like the highness starts from your head and goes down, whereas this feeling was, I felt like the highness was in my body and it came from my pelvic area and went up. Oh. So I kind of felt lighter down there. And definitely the pain went away.

Like, for sure. Yeah, the pain does go away. And I was just sitting there and I was like, oh my god, like this is actually really cool. Yeah. I was like, you guys, I was telling all my roommates, who are all dudes, I was like, my friends, so why, right? My vagina. And they were like, did you guys, I was telling all my roommates who are all dudes, I was like, my friends, so why? My friends.

And they were like, get my chases, did you get the my chases in your vagina? Yeah, so I had my head to stick the pop tarts in there. Exactly. And I did not do that. Don't do that. Don't stick sugar in your vagina. Don't do that. But the other cool thing is you guys, it can also help with desire. So a lot of things that we hear about CBD is about anxiety and it's about pain, but it can't help for some people with arousal and desire. And here's why because CBD THC

like an infused lube, for example, can help with it. It can also, because this is, this is why I'll tell you why, it dilates your blood vessels, allowing fresh, oxidative blood to flow easier. So as you can imagine, if you have fresh blood flowing, that's going to increase your arousal and then your stimulation. So if it's topical, you want to apply like 30 minutes before and yeah, it just helps with arousal and it also helps kind of shift your mindset. Which has been your experience with weed and sex, CBD and sex, triple eight, nine, four, seven, eight, two, seven, seven. Being called for that any question.

Didn't you say that that was like some of the first sex advice your mom gave you? Only advice, my sex. The only. My sex mom. My mom gave me. Um, yeah, it's true. I was a late bloomer when it came to that.

I was like 20 something, 22, 21. I was in college and I said to my friends, I never had an orgasm and I wasn't really enjoying sex because I just didn't get the benefit. I was like 20 something, 22, 21. I was in college and I said to my friends, I never had an orgasm. And I wasn't really enjoying sex because I just didn't get the benefit. I was like, what? He's doing the jackhammer. He didn't know Betty better,

but my boyfriend was just literally coming to visit me in college and he was in another college. He was just jackhammer me. And then my friends were like, well, don't you have an orgasm? You've never masturbated and I did that no but either of these things. So then I asked my mom and I was like,

mom, I think my girlfriends who are also close to my mom, they were all over. It's my four best friends from college, still my four best close friends. And we were sitting there and my mom was like, I'm late. Relax, just smoke a joint. And I was like, mom, really?

But at the time, until my mom's even a big pot, she's not even a pot smoker. But it wasn't until several years ago, but not then. I mean, it probably my 30s that I was like, oh, she's right. Because I thought I believed, which I think a lot of people are very apprehensive right now, when my 20s, when I had smoked weed, I got paranoid, I got anxious, and I have the munchies. So I don't think it was until like my late 30s, actually, where my friends were like, I don't know what it was,

but I was with a group of friends who were very, uh, four, 20 friendly. And they were like, I was able to like, smoke with them or eat with them, and I didn't feel any of that. And I don't know if it's if I was in a more comfortable place with myself, but I didn't get anxious or paranoid. I was just totally, I felt more myself like and it also found then that I could handle

weed and it helped with sex. I feel like that has a lot to do with it, like your environment, like who you're doing it with. If you don't feel safe and then you do it, you're going to feel even more unsafe because you do it's like a kind of like, that's when it can put you in your head. But also I think it has to do with figuring out dosage, which is why I love, when you go into shops, they're so nice. Right.

If you ask them, they'll tell you all about it. They'll tell you everything. Just go into a shop exactly, and like that's what like the dosis pen I like, because you could actually, there's a pen, there's one called a rousal I think, and a rous. And you, literally, you suck on the pen, and it stops. It buzzes when you've had your dose.

And if you're doing it with your partner, and you're in a safe place with a partner you trust, and you take a moment, I believe that that you probably wouldn't have as many psychoactive thoughts, or if you're with someone you feel safe with, I think it's like, you know, maybe just try it if you haven't. And you might find that you're able to get out of your head into your body because when we are anxious, it means that our thoughts are racing, we're stressed out about something.

And there's no way that you can be in your body when you're anxious. And the biggest one of the number one deterrence to our sex drive is that we are anxious these days that we're stressed about work and life and home and our phones are going off and it can be really hard to just say okay right now I'm gonna breathe get into my body and have sex so if you use them lube that's infused with CBD or TTC or you eat something or you smoke something just for that purpose alone I think it's been really, I think it can be very beneficial. I like that CBD is now available to like in all 50 states

because it's not psychoactive. Because I feel like they just lumped it all together because people didn't have understanding about what the differences are. Right, exactly. People don't get it. And I understand that. Like it could be kind of scary.

So I mean, I'm not being a pusher here. I'm just saying it's helped a lot for pain. That's helped people a lot with sex. That people a lot with anxiety, you know? And there is a lot of research I was kind of going down the research hall because I feel like, like there was a big thing in the New York Times, I think there's been two in the New York Times,

like what CBD is it? Hyper, you know, hoax or is it real? And I feel like you could always find like, well, the people who are taking marijuana studies are the people who are more likely to already be smoking or how do you know that they're just taking it, you know, they're just like the data's inconclusive. But I feel like it's, try it for yourself.

Does that one quick fix for anything? Unfortunately, if there was, I would tell you what it is. I just find it kind of too coincidental that in our bodies and our brains that we actually have cannabinoid receptors, I don't know, to me, I'm just saying. We have cannabinoid receptors and then endocannabinoids from CBD or what connect to those receptors. Yeah, so I just feel like why do we have those in our brain if it's not like, I mean, it can't be too bad. I think.

Yeah. And like anything, exactly. Like it's moderation. Right. Yes. You know, if you could also smoke too much weed. Yeah. Oh, definitely. You don't want to be like melt like, you have, do you ever remember those commercials like the under the influence commercials? Oh my god. I mean, have the person is like deflated into the couch. Yeah. They're like, Sally doesn't like to go out anymore. I can't even get up off the couch. And I'm like, honestly, like, if you get too high,

that's kind of what it feels like. It's true, that's what happens. That happened to me on the edible before. Yeah. Well, because edible's, I gotta be careful with those. They gave me a rice crispie tree. I love that. And they were like, and so I ate the whole thing.

And they're like, no, you're only supposed to eat part of it. Yeah, eat half, eat half. Oh, yes. I couldn't go to work the next day my eyes were so blood shot I was like I can't yeah, that's it But now the edible together we've I think we've all done it like call like I remember like People like before it became legal like yeah feed half and I know any tough You know it doesn't work yet doesn't work again Then people like call 911. I feel like I'm dying that's happened just so yeah, but I know

But the good news is that the edible you buy at the store now are dosed. Like you take 5 milligrams, you know that it just fire 2 milligrams, that the rice crispy treat thing isn't going to happen. But I think we've all been there. My friend made them obviously. Yeah, when your friends back in two. There's no way to know. But now they are pretty clearly dosed out in the stores. We're going to take a quick break and we come back, we're going to get into your calls. Okay, we have an Instagram question from a 25 year old male. He wants to know is opening up about my bisexuality, going to decrease my chances with open-minded women.

I think that opening up about anything that I get into my bisexuality going to decrease my chances with open-minded women. I think that opening up but anything that I get into is only gonna increase your chance of satisfaction and getting what you actually want. So the people who aren't into you opening up about your desires aren't the people for you. And I think that the sooner that we're all, we actually are able to state our needs

and state what we want, that the faster we're gonna have our needs needs met, we're going to have more pleasure, we're going to have more satisfaction. So, you know, I think a lot of us worry that if we speak the truth or we tell our partners what we really want, where I think we're ultimately afraid of someone abandoning us. We're afraid of rejection and ultimately not being loved. But I also think, and I get that, That's why we keep our desires so close to the chest. That's why I love that PJs girl was like, Hey, yeah, I want to find the benefits. I think the more we stayed it and the more clear we are about our boundaries and our desires, the more likely

we're going to get those needs met. For sure. I mean, I just think that we're also freaking afraid, but I think that we're in an open place now. I feel like more and more so people are realizing that like, yeah, say that you're bisexual. I think that opens up. Your potential partners, listen, you guys, I think that we're all like, oh, I don't want to tell him this because then you won't like me. Well, if it's something that's real and authentic to you and your personality and who you are, then tell them right now. let the person leave you, you know, if they reject you, you know, then that's a good thing. That's information.

They needed to know who you are. Like we all bring our, you have to say, when you start dating someone, it's like you're bringing your representative the first few months, the first few dates. Is that really who you are? But like what's, what a waste of time. Life is short, you guys. Life is short. Sooner or that we speak our truth and our desires, we'll get them back. but what a waste of time. Life is short, you guys. Life is short.

Sooner or that we speak our truth and our desires, we'll get a met. So, and I get that you know if you don't know right now, people, a lot of people are just still figuring it out, but the fact that he knows that. I actually really wanna hook up a guy that's bisexual. Okay. Just because I have a lot of questions.

Hey, there you go, he's your, I don't know. He gives a lot of questions. What are your questions? I don't know, I gives a lot of questions. What are your questions? I don't know. I just want to know, and this is for anyone that's bisexual really, like what, like what are the pros to each gender during sex?

Like I think question. You know, like for me, I feel like being with a woman probably would be really nice and sensual and soft and a lot more communicative, like easier to communicate. Right. Whereas with a woman probably would be really nice and central and soft and a lot more communicate like easier easier to communicate right whereas with a guy I feel like I like that power and that domination and all that that's the energy yeah but I feel like I feel it's weird because if I have not hooked up with a woman in that way I've just made out with women whatever I think they're beautiful but I feel like I would be the dominant one in that scenario with a woman with a woman

but with a guy I want to be dominated and I don't understand Well, that makes sense, but while you were dominant personality in some ways I could see that I guess it would also depend on the woman what her energy's like Okay, we can talk to cat 34 in California. Hey cat. Thanks for calling hi cat So I I haven't dated in a while. And since the last time I dated, I have realized that I am asexual. Okay.

Um, and the idea of online dating kind of concerned me, like, how do you bring it up that, you know, you're probably not going to have sex with that person for a little while. Like, I'm not opposed to sex, but it is a conversation that will need to be had. Yeah. So, Ken, yeah. Can you bring that up? You say that you're asexual, because 1% of the population is asexual, right? Truly, it doesn't turn you on. You don't want to have sex at all, really. No, I'm not opposed to sex sex and I have had sex before.

Okay. But I need there to be like a deep connection, like a deep emotional connection. Right. Before I feel comfortable having sex. Okay, but then once you have that deep emotional connection, then are you into sex? Are you still feel like you're asexual? Yes, no, I'm totally into sex at that point. And like I said, I've only had sex with one person before.

Okay. But we were in a long-term relationship. Got it. And we did have sex two or three times a week. So maybe you're more like a demisexual than asexual. Because people who are asexual, like really just are not into sex, doesn't happen. They don't really get turned on.

Not a lot of masturbation. But for you, it sounds like you want to have a real emotional connection with someone. You want to know them, you want to be with them, and then you'll get into the sex, which is like I said, happened to be in a sex party this weekend, like, I need to know people, I need to have a connection with you. You need to turn me out with your brain before you turn me out with anything else,

turn my brain on. Yeah. Exactly. So yeah, so cat, so let's just get some terms. That's why I feel like where you're saying is a really typical like that makes a lot of sense to me. So is your, because I feel like where you're saying is a really typical like that makes a lot of sense to me. So is your, because I feel like, it sounds like you want to go out people and just get to know them and see if there's a connection.

So I don't even think that's something that you have to share right away because you might, you know, I feel like, I don't know how you would communicate to say like, I asked you could just say, I'm not interested in just having sex. I really want to have a good connection. I'm looking for a long- say like, I guess you could just say, I'm not interested in just having sex. I really wanna have a good connection. And I'm looking for a long-term relationship. I think you can say that. I think that's really common for people to say that on dating apps or wherever.

I think the sooner we say to someone, like ask them on the first date, what are you looking for? They might say, you know what? Like Jamie, I'm not looking for a relationship right now. I'm just looking to kind of date a few people, but you know, you're like, I'm looking for to date one person that I'm really into, but it's gonna, you know, take me a little bit to get to know someone and the more you communicate about that

You're more likely to find people who are on the same page But I wouldn't say it's very sexual. I would say being comfortable and Connected okay, and you have a recommendation of maybe any site because I know Tenders not the right place for me. Okay, why isn't Tinder the right place for you? Well, just because I am maybe I'm judging it unfairly, but the reputation of it's just the site for hooking up. Yeah, it's not. Here's the thing.

So, Kat, this is why I asked you. I didn't ask you like, why do you not like it? Because a lot of you will have that tape because when Tinder came out, it really was known as a total hookup site. And here's my take on it that there's a lot of sites out there that you could try and see if you like them, but you don't have to hook up on these sites. Like, Tinder's a hookup, if you want to hook up any dating app is great for hooking up because then you'll find the people that also want to hook up.

But if you don't want to hook up, no one's going to make you hook up with them. They're not going to be like, I can't believe you went out with me cat. Tinder is about hooking up. That doesn't happen anymore. In fact, I know a lot of people who recently have met people on Tinder and learn happy relationships. So I wouldn't rule. I didn't know if you didn't like because you didn't like swiping, but I feel like and like, so yeah, I mean, Tinder or people really like hinge right now. Hinge is that right? That's the way you guys like. Hinge is one where

it gives you a little, it's not just swiping. You can kind of put in more data about yourself and people can find you in different ways, like what you're interested in and what you like and different things. So I think people have had, that seems to be popular right now. I feel like Hinge and Tinder and Bumble, I haven't heard as much about Bumble lately, but that's the one where the women make the first move, but it's also a swiping app. So I just think being clear and communicative, you could say on the app looking for a relationship

that helps too. Okay. All right. And another piece of advice for you is I love FaceTime and before date. So you don't have to drive cross town and find out you're not into that person. All right, let's talk to Julie, 53 in Oregon,

because she also want has cotton vagina, Jamie. You're not alone. I'm not alone. Hey, Julie, what's going on? vagina Jamie you're not alone. I'm not alone. Hey Julie, what's going on? Jamie you're not alone. But I'm curious. You said, well I just get the lube it's no big deal. Yeah.

I kind of feel like as soon as I get the lube there is going to be no going down on me at all. Oh. And I don't blame and I don't blame. I don't blame. I mean, it's blue. Why would you want to taste blue? Well, if you have good tasting,

blue, Julie, we got some news for you here. We got to do here. That's amazing. We love mues. You can get mues is amazing. Mues, M-U-S-E, and it tastes they've, they have a salted caramel. They have a chocolate mint chocolate that tastes delicious but also there's one called Wu Moore

Play we'll put this in our show notes that is coconut oil tastes like vanilla it's really good so try some loops that taste delicious I always I do not do any sex acts of that loop and I receive oral aplenty. Well, yeah, but I mean, normal, just clear nothing in it, Loub. So that's a new one to me. I didn't think it was something that was... Even Uber Loub doesn't have a taste. One of the vagina.

No, listen, we've got some good ones. Those are great. The ones I told you about are specifically made for women's vagina. The ones you're gonna buy in this KY or in the... with all the chemicals in it, those aren't great, but the ones I'm talking about like a silicone loop has one ingredient, that's silicone, doesn't taste bad. But get some flavored lube, but it's not like there used to be some kind of gross flavored lube we're obsessed with mues. Okay, we just have, we could take another

call real quick, Michael 35 in Minnesota, hey Michael, it's Emily. How you doing? How can I help you? I'm doing well, thank you very much. I was looking to your commentary at the top of the show about just how the internet can sort of stabilize some actual interactions about the sex. And I was thinking about how it is inherently isolating, but it can also be liberating in terms of discovering things. And that sort of brought me to this question about because of the internet, I was sort of, you know,

turned on the different fetishes and different kinks and that sort of thing. And now I feel like I'm sort of not simulated by typical vanilla sex. And I'm wondering if that's problematic or if, you know, what your thought in that is, I feel like the internet in my sort of bruise of the internet has exacerbated those hands,

those interests, but now, you know, vanilla sex is no longer of interest. Well, it's so hard to say, Michael, so my question back to you then is, are you in a relationship and is it impacting your bill? Is that what you're saying? Like it's harder for you to be with someone right now because you're just not turned on?

Well, I'm married. I've been married for six years and my wife is very receptive to all these things, but sometimes it's not feasible to engage and spend the different sorts of activities or things. And it's like, well, it would be ideal to be able to just kind of have standard set and that sort of thing, but that's not always that's a forefront. And I'm wondering if there's a way to sort of reverse that.

Yeah, absolutely. Because this is all mind stuff. Okay, Michael, like it's not like your body can only have really intense fetid, you know, whatever you're into. So I see what you're saying, but you already had a proclivity probably towards these fetishes and you want to, you know, definitely the internet fueled it because there's like, well, do you want this fetish or that fetish and you can

could do a deep dive. But I also think there's ways to reverse this. I would start having conversations with your wife about what really turns her on. Why don't you guys create something new together? Some kind of new adventure you guys can go on with your sex life. I know you might say she doesn't want her, she's not interested, but like I feel like she's down with what you want.

Maybe go on a journey and figure out what she wants too. And then that's something new. That's something different. You know, you're thinking there's vanilla, or there's the extreme fetishes, but I'm telling you the amazing thing about sex is that a lot of times we don't even know what's on the table, we don't know what's on the menu, and there's so much more to learn. So maybe you start watching with her, Michael.

We're ever you listen to this show, it's super helpful, you can do it right now. Just right now look down wherever you're listening and rate us. Five stars is awesome, comments and iTunes, we appreciate that. And thanks to my awesome team, Ken, Kristen, Alisa, producer, Jamie, and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithamlee.com.