Sex With Emily - My #1 Tool to Spice Up Your Sex Life

Episode Date: April 11, 2023

Have you ever used a “Yes, No, Maybe” List for sex? It’s a menu of sex acts that prioritizes consent and communication among sexual partners. It’s one of my hands-down favorite tools to explore new ideas and spice up sex lives. But how do you actually use the list and turn your choices into realities? On today’s show, I reveal my NEW and IMPROVED "Yes, No, Maybe" List, and show you how to use it individually or with a partner. I share new ideas we added to the list, like orgasm denial, bondage, and electrostimulation, as well as success stories from folks who have filled it out. Plus, we’ll talk about what to do if your answers differ from your partner's, and how a real couple worked through that sticky situation together. Show Notes:The Basics of Safe Sex Want Better Sex? Ask Your Partner These QuestionsSign up for Sexts With Emily SMS & get my brand new Ultimate SEXTING Guide!PRE-ORDER MY NEW BOOK! Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your PleasureSMART SEX PRIZE PACK (submit your pre-order proof of purchase at the bottom of the page, be entered to win the prize pack and everyone that enters receives a copy of my new and improved Yes! No! Maybe? Guide)I Gave My Friend a Magic Wand Mini. Here’s Why.Promescent.com/Emily (use this link to automatically save 15% at checkout)Pleasure Planner, Tips for Communication & Other Guides Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

And you know how I feel about jumping into threesomes. I believe you have to dirty talk it first, you have to really think about it like are we both okay with it. You know, but if you both circled yes, that is a great place to start. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. Have you ever used a yes,no-maybe list for sex?

Well, it's a menu of sex acts that prioritizes consent and communication among sexual partners. It's one of my hands-down favorite tools to explore new ideas and spice up sex lives. But how do you actually use a list and turn your choices into realities? Well, on today's show, I reveal my new and improved Yes, No, Maybe list, which by the way,

over 100,000 people have downloaded over time from my website. So I thought, it's time to amp it up and make it even better. So on the show, I'm going to show you how to use it individually or with a partner. I shared new ideas we added to the list like orgasm denial, bondage, electrosimulation, as well as success stories from folks who have filled it out. Plus, we'll talk about what did you, if your answers differ from your partners and how

a real couple work through that sticky situation together. Intentions with Emily, for each episode, I want to start off by setting an intention for the show and I encourage you all to do the same. Well, my intention is to inspire you with new ideas to add novelty to your sex life. No matter your relationship status, I recommend doing the yes, no, maybe less on a regular basis to increase your sexual, self awareness and intentionality. The benefits are more than worth it. Please rate, review, sex with Emily wherever you listen to the show, my new articles, the basics of safe sex and want better sex ask your partner these questions are up at sexwithentley.com Plus we've a brand new

Sexting guide on our website which was so much fun to create I cannot wait for you to see like one of the hottest and most use right now to sex with you're in a love it Check it out. Go to sexwithentley.com slash text to drop your phone number and get one of my best guides yet Check out my YouTube channel social media and TikTok. It's all at sex with Emily for more sex tips and advice. And by the way, I've officially launched my TikTok. So if you're on TikTok, like I am, like I've been just watching everyone's TikToks. Now I'm on it.

I'm obsessed with it. You're gonna love my TikTok. Like what to do if your partner wants to do something and you're not into it or how to have judgment free sex, it's all their new videos daily, come joy the combo. And also you can ask your questions there because I'll be answering them. So just please follow me. It's at sex with Emily. If you want to ask me questions overall, do it. Leave me your questions or message me at sexathendly.com. Plesh, ask Emily or calm my hotline. 599 Talk Sex or 559-825-5739. Just include your name or age where you live and how you listen to the show. And it's totally cool to change your name or choose to remain anonymous.

It's all good. Okay, before we end the day's show, I have to tell you I'm coming out with a book. I'm so excited. It's called Smart Sex. How to boost your sex IQ and own your pleasure. It will be released on June 13th. And it's all new information for you. It's a new paradigm for thinking about sex. There are five pillars of sexual intelligence. I have never revealed before.

And all I'd love you to do is to pre-order the book. Right now, it's sexfamily.com. Just go to the drop down menu, select new book. It's super easy to do. Check out this. When you pre-order your automatically under-dwyn a smart, sex prize pack for me and HarperCollins. It includes a Rosen-Sitters candle, satin blindfolds, a Christian seriano du vay-seth,

uber-loob, silkum-based-loob, love their loob. Our sex game board game, a g-spot-vier-writer from Omai-Bad, all you gotta do is click the link in our show notes and you can submit your proof of purchase at the bottom of the page. Plus, when you pre-order, you'll automatically get my new and improved Yes, No, Maybe guide, which we'll be talking about in today's episode. And by the way, this is the only way to get this guide. You can also request Smart Sacks at your libraries or pre-order from Indie Bookstores. Alright, everyone, enjoy this episode! So when it comes to discovering what you like sexually, one of my favorite tools is the

Yes-to-Maybe Guide. It's a huge checklist of sexual acts and ideas. Think sexting to sex parties and literally everything in between. So it's designed to give you ideas for what you want, what you might like to try in the bedroom, because let's say it's normal to not know the things you like to try. So that's why I created this catalog of ideas to inspire you.

And why I love it so much is because over the years, I realized there was a necessity for a menu of sex acts because sometimes we know we want something different, but we're just not sure what's on the menu. We don't even know where to go. Now, before I became a sex educator in my mid-30s and I was having a lot of sex, before that, I was frustrated with the sex I was having, and to be honest, I would blame a partner.

Like why does my partner know what to do to keep this interesting and spiced it up? You know why is sex so fun and exciting at the beginning of a relationship, but not so much years or sometimes even a few months into a relationship? And I always had this deep yearning for excitement excitement to mix things up, to try new things. But honestly, I didn't know what else there was besides missionary making out. I just thought, this is sex. Why my board? What else can we do? And honestly, there really wasn't a lot of places to go for this information. Like, where is there a list that tells you what else there is? You know, I just had this

discomfort, this discontent. And so what I love about the yes to maybe is it provides options for days, for years, actually. If you've done everything on the yes to maybe this, you should get some major prize. I should invite you to my house to go through all this extra place I have in my garage. There should be some kind of really, I don't know, let's workshop this idea on another time. If you hate everything on the S-don't be list, I want you to get something, something major. Anyway, not that the goal is not to check everything off the list, but the goal is to kind

of figure out what's hot to you, what else can you try to keep your sex life hot and interesting? Because just I want to normalize here that that's something that we all struggle with. We all want to keep sex hot and one of the reasons I want to remind you why even started this show is because I wanted to figure out what was wrong with me. I started out not being the expert, but just like how does how do you keep sex interesting and hot? How do you sex with one person for the rest of your life if you choose to do that and keep it interesting? So again, this show is gonna help you do that. The classic yes, do, maybe list is on the site

at sexathomely.com, but we just updated the sex with Emily, yes, do, maybe list with a ton of new, current ideas. And by the way, it's bonus content for you just when you pre-order your copy of Smart Sex. All you have to do is provide proof of purchase and it's yours. Again, there's a link in our show notes how to provide proof of purchase, so not to worry.

Plus again, you're entering to win the killer Smart Sex Prize pack. So it's fun goodies all around. So today's episode is about how to use the Yes-No Maybe List and how to turn your curiosities into realities. I'm going to help you prepare to do a yes-no maybe list, including how to prepare with your partner if you're in a relationship.

And then I'm going to give you ideas what to do while you fill it out and then tell you how you might actualize your guesses and turn them into actual plans, right? It's one thing to fill it out, but how do you actually make it happen? Plus, we've got a ton of new additions to list, so I'll be discussing some of those as well. All right, let's start out with why. Why? What you want to do this, yes, no, maybe list. Well, if you're single and dating, feeling out yes, no, maybe list can help you know what kinds of experiences you're looking for, whether it's with a casual sex partner or with someone more serious, and just remember this, being single doesn't mean your sex life is unhold, or you're just

going to wait around until someone comes along. It's the perfect time to work on getting to know your body, enriching your fantasy life, and in fact, the yes-no-maybeless is going to give you inspo for days. That's what it does. That's what it did for me. But it still does for me. I'm still inspired by it all the time. And if you're coupled, the astamine list could give you a ton of new ideas to spice things up. Remember, what we crave in relationships the most? You want to know what they are?

Do you know what they are? Can you think about it? What do we crave the most? Think about it. You're thinking about what you want right now. What is it? Well, I have a hunch it probably falls into one of these three categories. You're craving spontaneity.

You just want something to happen that's new and exciting that you didn't expect, or something novel, something new, something you've never tried before. Or maybe a little bit of variety. Yes, you like missionary, but not every night. You want to mix it up with some spanking. You want to mix it up with some dirtitalk. So that's what we create. We crave spontaneity, novelty, and variety that is scientifically proven studies have shown

that's what people crave the most. And that's what the Estimabee Guide can do for you. So no matter what you're really interested in, I recommend doing the Estimabee list every so often to reflect to be sexually self-aware. Because a simple act of filling it out gives you insights into the sexual person you're becoming and then clarifies types of experiences you want to have. I mean, we can just walk around, or we can just lay around having sex for the rest of our lives, which is great.

I'm happy if you want to continue with sex, but how cool that a roadmap, how cool to know like where you're going and what you want to experience long the way. That's how I like to think about the Yastomabeless as a sexual roadmap. And if you're not sure that the Yastomabialis is for you, here are some testimonials from listeners

who've done the list themselves. This is from Hannah 42 in Indianapolis. Hey, Dr. Emily, just wanna let you know your Yastomabialis really helped me today. I've struggled to enjoy sex for years with my husband to 15 years. I used to orgasm from PMV sex. That's penis and vagina sex, but I can't anymore.

Well, we went through your list together and had a great conversation about our sex life and later some great non-petitrative sex. Thank you so much for your help. I'm then Andrew, 32 in Upstate York said, my wife grew up in an incredibly repressed household and I just wanna thank you so much because we're three years into our marriage

and the Yes to Maybe List really opened things up and has brought us something very incredible. I'm banned at 24 in Japan since moving to Japan a few months ago, my husband and I were in a little bit of a sexual rot. I showed him some episodes of your show and we did the Yes to Maybe List. We found that I am what I like to call a soft dumb. We're not interested in the pain aspects of BDSM, but I do take dominant roles in bed,

and it's amazing. We found so many new things to try to be the list, and I can't wait to get more stuff ordered. I also created a persona for Dom Play, and Maven writes a barotic up, inspired by one of your collars who wrote a book for his wife. This show is amazing, and thank you for all you do. And by the way, a man just reminded me of that. I love it.

We had a caller who said that he wrote a rotica for his wife. So instead of like talking about sex, it wasn't quite working for them. He was a creative and he was a writer. He actually wrote a rotica for his wife of what he would like to do with her in the bedroom. And she took it to heart and then she started to act out all the scenes, and they just had a super hot sex life. So I love when you all come back to you with this stuff, because I don't remember it all

either in the moment, but man, that was really hot and inspiring. So maybe someone else is going to be inspired right now to do that for their partner. So let me know if you do it. So let's get into it. Let's break it into before, during, and after. So before, how do I prepare to fill out the guest to maybe list? That might sound fun to you. Like, oh, do I just find a pencil? And that's how I prepare.

Actually, our new and improved guest to maybe list is interactive, meaning you can check off the boxes directly in the PDF. And just remember, you can get this list as a bonus for pre-ordering my book, Smarts X, which I'm super excited about. This is just a whole new paradigm for thinking about sex. It has five pillars of sexual intelligence, and I wanted you to have the power to answer your own questions, which is what the book is going to do for you.

So if you know you're going to buy it when it comes out, pre-ordering helps to get this book into as many hands possible, which is what we want, right? This is why we listen to the show and why we want it better sex. And my dream is to make it on the New York Times best-seller list, which is major, and that only happens with the pre-orders. Can you imagine, if you're looking at the New York Times list and you've got like atomic habits, how to eat healthier, and then you've got a sex book, which is really going to have moved the needle in the sex education that we all need. So anyway, please period it. There's a link in the show notes. And for the classic list, just head to the guide section of my website. It's sexwithubnet.com.

Slesh guides. You can find it there. You can also print out the list old school, write any answers on a separate sheet of paper. It's all good. All right. So you've got the list. And to prepare, I recommend putting thought into this. If you're coupled, here's what I recommend. First, just bring it up to your partner. Be casual and say, hey, I heard about something really fun and sex with the Emily today. It's a game we can play.

It's called the Yes, No, Maybe List. And say, I would love to do it with you and find out all the ways we can play together. And I want to know what you're curious about, what your fantasies might be. I want to share some of mine and I think this could really take our sex life to a new place and next level. Do you want to do it with me? Let's play. Let's have some fun. And just so I don't remember any time we're bringing up sex to our part or we had to be prepared that they might say,

well, what's wrong with our sex life? Are you not happy with our sex life? And you can just say, no, I love the sex we're having and I wanna make sure that we continue to be great lovers to each other and this yes, no, maybe this seems like a great place to start. This is all about fun, guys. And I don't know about you,

but I'm always looking for more fun ways to play in my relationship sexually and otherwise. Alright, so next, you can set aside a dedicated time to fill it out together like a date. Next time you're a date and you can bring it to a restaurant or maybe when you're, you know, just at home, I haven't dinner or sitting around before you watch your next show, binge your next show together, you can say, let's take some time and have a glass of wine or over dinner and fill out this list. Because it's also a great communication tool.

You're allowed to take the yeses to maybe less multiple times with your partner throughout your relationship. Because our desires change and evolve over time. And to be honest, if I took the yeses to maybe less 20 years ago, it would be very different than it was today. And in fact, I just did the new one with my partner. And we were mostly yeses. I'd say we were basically all yeses with very little nose

and I was reflecting on thinking to myself, I would never have been this even 10 years ago. But now I know that I'm like, let's play with things if I've never did. I haven't done everything on a list. Let me tell you that. I definitely would not have known all these things as I might have been a little more intimidated,

but I'm just telling you, my partner and I, we still go back to what we talk about it, we pull it up, we're like, we haven't tried this yet. So you can try it. Things change over time with the partner, and let's do the other thing about it. If you don't even get through all of it, the conversations that are gonna emerge

from this yes to my list are gonna be just fantastic, and sexy. And there might be some things on the list that seem wild to you. That's all good. You can definitely work up to the edger things if you're interested in them. You know, yes, does it mean tomorrow? And there's a lot of magic in the Mabies too, which I'm going to get into in a minute.

So, you know, if it's not a hell, yes, it might be a Mabie. So it's all good. It's just great fodder for conversation, for inspiration. I can't wait to hear what you guys think of this too. I would love to hear how this works for you. I think that might be a whole other episode. I would love to hear like, what actually happened when you all sat down?

Like, I want a massive mobilization of you all doing the yes or no, be less. And then I want to make a little get on Zoom and talk about it. Like, talk about our experiences. But maybe there's some kind of, I don't know, I'm just excited for us all to do this together. Yes, no, maybe army, if you will, but like a sexy army, like a sexy hot army of us all marching towards pleasure.

All right, during, let's get into the during. How do we fill out the list? So, you've got the paper or the PDF or you're doing it on your laptop, it's in your hand and you're ready to go for it. So, let's talk about what constitutes a yes, a no, or maybe. And I want to give yourself time to really sit with this. You know what I recommend? If you're sitting there to do it, why don't you take about 10 deep breaths to go with your partner? Maybe like make it more of a ceremony and you sit together, you can do some deep breathing. I love just 10 deep breaths. You know what a reset that is when you just breathe deeply? Maybe you breathe in for five counts, you release for six counts. It's actually better to have your inhale and then your exhale would be a few seconds longer than your inhale. So just something so

you can like ground it, maybe let it candle or some incense. Just kind of marked it. This is sort of a almost like a sexual ceremony. This can be a really powerful next leveling in a relationship. So I'd like to just create a sacred space if that speaks to you. Okay, so what is a yes? What does it know and what is it maybe? So a yes is something you're interested in exploring. If it's a yes, it should be like a hell yes, a full body, like you read anal on the list, you're like, hell yes, I wanted to do anal. Or maybe it's a, you know, if it's a no, I know it's something you are not interested in exploring

and that's okay. I do not want you to feel pressure to do anything you're not comfortable with, full stop. Like you read food, play on the list, and you're like, hell no, I don't want any food, I don't want any food ever involved with my sex life. If there's food, I am not turned on, right? Like, we want you to feel very strongly

about these insurgesses or to know. I don't want you to feel any pressure. I don't want you to think, well, my partner really wants this. So it's yes, no, this is about you. This is about you truly tapping in maybe for the first time ever into what you want. The maybe is that, you know, in between area like if it's not a hell yes or hell no, maybe it's a maybe. And what I love about the maybe is that it's actually really healthy to examine your uncertainty.

And consider, what can you learn from it? Is there some shame? You're like, oh God, I would say yes, but getting a foot massage just feels weird, and maybe that means I have a foot fetish, and so I'm just gonna say maybe, but really it's a yes, or really it's a no. You maybe just means you gotta do some more homework. I think there's some magic in the maybes.

You know, see where the conversation takes you, because curiosity around your maybes can lead to more clarity and more exploration. And again, don't feel any pressure. I just want you to eventually explore the babies. We're going to explore all this, but again, I think there's some fun stuff to find out in your babies. All right, we're going to take a quick break. And when we're back, I'm walking through just some of the new items on the list and teach you how to turn these theoretical yeses into realists. Let's talk about a few of the new ideas on our list. It's not all of them, but just a few of them so you're going to understand what's going on on the new list. One is praise cake. So what's praise

cake? It's when someone's aroused by compliments by compliments and praise phrases like good girl or you feel so good. It might really enhance your sex life if you have more of these kind of praises. Another one is audiorotica. That's sexual audio like the name suggests and that can be a narration of fantasy, audio of masturbation, an audiorotica with a partner. This might inspire you to send some sexy voice notes back and forth instead of sexting. In fact, I do this with my partner.

I thought, I talk all the time. And one time I send him this voice note, that was just like a, I've just something that I was thinking about, it wasn't even sexy. And he's like, your voice is so sexy. I'm like, really? I mean, maybe you all think my voice sexiness,

I think I'm more of educating, but maybe they get sexy, but the point is, I knew in that moment that my partner thought, I had a sexy voice, and I just needed to hear that. And now I like said in my sexy thoughts all the time, because I don't know about you, I'm so tired of texting that we just send these little sexy audio clips back and forth.

Or maybe the other one is homemade porn. That's another thing we added. Filming sex, if your partner isn't to it, consent is really important as well as boundaries, but homemade porn might be something that you been wanting to try or maybe a partner. Another one is electrostimulation. It means you're specifically designed machines to apply low voltage electrical stimulation to the genitals and erotic zones for sexual pleasure.

And please do not use anything not specified for this exact purpose. So just Google erotic electrosimulation. We have exhibitionism and voyeurism we've had which means you either like to see or be seen doing sexual activities. We also have erotic massage on there, which I love this. I hope it inspires you all to have some more erotic massage in your life.

Not just massage but erotic massage. I know you don't have to get trained in erotic massage. I told people that I'm really into massage with my partner. We just got a massage table. They go, oh God, do you have to take a class? And it's like, no, you just touch your partner. It's like slow, sensual touches using like warm oil, warm massage candle if you're into the heat.

And these are no clothes. A lot of times it's one way touch. Maybe it's happy ending massage, which is essentially when sex ends in an intense erotic orgasm, could be used as foreplay. What I love about a ride massage is it could be in one evening, one partner is receiving and another partner is giving, which how nice is that? It's to know that there's a night that's just about you receiving and you have to automatically

give back. And you know that like maybe next, you'll do the giving, but it's just really nice to kind of split it up. You can also use the magic wand, which has been a big part of this for us and for many of you. But I love what the magic wand is that it's a great vibrator and it's gonna get the job done.

You're gonna have incredible orgasms, but it's also a massager. In fact, this is the original massager. And it feels amazing on your shoulders, your back, anywhere, and yes, your genitals. And we actually have a brand new article on our site right now called, I gave my friend a magic wand mini, and here's why, which you should definitely check out.

And that's at sexwithelmy.com slash magic wand. That's sexelmy.com slash magic wand. If you wanna know more about that. We've also got rope play in Shibari, and that's the use of rope to restrict or restrain someone during sex. And Shibari specifically originated in Japan, and it's sort of a decorative form of bondage. I recently went to, if you listen to our sex party episode,

I talked about a sex party, is that where I watched the Shibari master in the world was there. And it's a really beautiful erotic way of playing with rope. I don't know, maybe you and your partner or one of you could get trained in Shabari. And you basically learn how to tie really pretty knots in even use in air suspension. Just be careful and be safe and take training in it.

And you don't want to use ropes or on the neck or anywhere that is uncomfortable. Side note. We also have all the old easement goodies from our original yashton maybe list like vulva and penis worship, like lavishing of vulva or penis with praise. Think like generous awe or compliments. Like your vulva taste of bezing or your cock feels so good, for example. Those are some of the worship things. Doesn't that sound good? Don't you want to be worshiped?

Especially if they're generals, and especially if you've someone who's shamed yourself, maybe you don't love your penis or your vulva, and you have consistently just said, oh, I don't like it, it doesn't feel good, I don't think it tastes good, or it doesn't look good, or it doesn't taste good. Can you imagine the impact of your partner being like I love your penis?

And here's why like I love your balls. I love the weight shape I love the way it tastes like all the things it can really be a game changer for how you feel about your own body And we also have edging on there which we also have an edging guide on our site I don't think I talk about edging nearly enough to you so When I love about edging it's a great. I don't think I talk about edging nearly enough to you. So, when I love about edging, it's a great way to maintain sexual tension or increase the intensity of your orgasms. Think about sex on a one and a ten.

One is basically you're sleeping in ten, you're having an orgasm. Edging is the process of being at an eight, like you're really aroused, and you're about to have an orgasm and then you bring it back down again. And for penis owners who struggle with premature adeculation, edging is a great technique

to learn a ejaculatory control. And it's a great exercise to learn how to bring your orgasm back down. And side note, in addition to edging, if you do struggle with BE, you can't go wrong with using promising, promising is the lace spray that helps penis owners last up to 64% longer in bed. You just use it 10 to 15 minutes before play and it lasts for up to an hour, which means

your partner's orgasms will increase by 50% especially if you're with a vulv owner. And you can get 15% off your order if you go to promesson.com slash Emily. That's PROMESCET.com slash Emily for 15% off or click the link in our show notes. We also have Tantric Sex, Cuckolding, and things like Cuddling, Net Kissing, Making Out. I mean, there's literally something for everyone on the list. And let me just say this, you might not be into all these things. Praise King or edging or face sitting or gags or group sex, but I want to remind you again, I love that I checked cuddling

and I was like, babe, we need to cut them more or taking a bath that's on here too. So this is not just this edgy out there list. There's a lot of everyday sex acts that it's a great way to remind your partner and remind yourself that these things are really important part of me being a sexual being and of me being sexually Satisfied aroused and turned on like I need more kissing I need more cardling

So this list is an all-encompassing list that I think includes pretty much everything you need to have the Enduring active fun sex life that you're craving inside note. I'm open if I left anything off this list fun sex life that you're craving. And so I know I'm open. If I left anything off this list, please email me. Let me know. There really is something for everyone. I remember to get it. Just provide proof of purchase of my new book, Smart Sex. So now you've got some inspo. How do you actually fill out the list and compare results? If you're doing it as a couple, what do you do? Well, you can either discuss your answers as you go, which might be really fun. Like maybe you do. Well, you can either discuss your answers as you go, which might be really fun. Like, maybe you do the first 10 and then you're like, okay, how do we do? Or

you feel out separately and compare after. And if you don't know a term, I got you. We've got a glossary on the Sex Without Me website. And you can find in the drop down menu or just Google Sex Without Me, Sex Glossary and it'll come up no problem. So now we are in the after. You've done the list, you did it with your partner and now what do you do? You did the list. How do you turn the yeses into a reality? What do you do with all the information you just gathered?

Okay, once you're finished filling it out, star your top three favorites. What are your favorite things on list? What are the things? Now, these could be things that you've already done, right? And then I want you to select your top three new things to try. These are different things. So your favorites are things like, let me remind you, taking a bath, cuddling, and fingering are really important to me. But that's a reminder, like if these three things happen, I need them to happen more. They're my favorites. You can never go wrong with these. Here's a reminder

to myself and my partner. And then the three new things to try. These are things that are new to you and or your relationship that are at the top of your list of what was new. You're like, I never thought about using handcuffs before. That's actually new to me. And I want to make sure we try it. This is a way to prioritize the work you just did. I want action after this. I want you guys to see some kind of results and something different in your relationship. Now, this is the most important step

and yet the most easily overlooked, it is how to turn your yes into a reality. Like now you've got all these yeses, perhaps. And if you're coupled, you've got a handful of the same yeses that are new ideas just pick a month to try them out say we've got a month. June is going to be our sexual exploration month. We're going to have so much fun this summer and we're going to try five of these things. View at 25 yeses. I don't want you to feel like oh gosh we got to have sex all month long but maybe the ones that you prioritize, June's going to be our month. And I also have a really

helpful guide on our site. Another free guide, it's called the Pleasure Planner. So you can find that on our guide section. And you also don't have to set a specific date. But by choosing a month, you're more intentional about turning this desire into something real. You are making a plan of action. For example, though, let's say you both want a threesome. That's great. You might need some time, in fact, I highly recommend time to do research. So I have it's gonna be with a stranger.

So when you know a sex worker, right? And you know how I feel about jumping into threesome's. I believe you have to dirty talk it first. You have to really think about it. Like are we both okay with it? You know, but if you both circled gas, that is a great place to start. So don't rush into it. Now for other things, you might be able to try it tonight. You might be like, we have never mutually

masturbated, but since we both know we masturbate and we both circled mutual masturbation, no time like the present. All right, so what to do when you've differing answers? Well first take note of it. It's great to have intimate conversations about why you answered what you did like explain it like why is this a no? What was it about it? And remember rather than shaming your partner getting mad this is such a great time to get curious. Ask questions. Be a great listener. You can say tell me more about why this is a no. Or what makes this a maybe and not a yes? This is not though, let me remind you,

this is not an opportunity to try to change your partner's mind and say, like, are you sure that's on a yes? You know, no. This is just another opportunity to learn about each other and learn about what you both want, maybe where you've come from and where you want to go. And this is a great time to share a final success story from a listener in New Orleans who took the estimate of being less with his wife and he said, dear Dr. Emily, I discovered

your podcast for the last year and have shared it with my wife and have learned a great deal and we are both grateful for the work you do and I'd like to take this opportunity to share a success story of sorts. My wife and I have been married for 22 years. We were both raised in conservative households when it came to sex. We were told what parts go where and only in conjunction with reproduction. Shame-based sex education is what I'd call it. Mastervation is wrong, birth control is wrong, etc.

I'm sure you know the drill by now. Shedding that messaging has been a long, often emotionally painful process. While my wife and I always communicated well before, our communication about our sex I'm sure you know the drill by now. Shedding that messaging has been a long, often emotionally painful process. While my wife and I always communicated well before, our communication about our sex life often left one of us frustrated and the other in tears, because we just didn't have the vocabulary to discuss it well.

Thankfully, that has changed radically and in no small part to your work. I'd like to share with you our most recent experience discussing and using your gasto-maybe list and hope it can serve as a positive example for others. I printed each of us a copy we filled out separately in the afternoon. We were confident we knew our nose,

but we're curious about some of the others. We filled them out, put them in envelopes, and came back to it later in the evening once the kids were in bed, and we could really talk. We had fun as we went down the list. Oh, that's a maybe, really? I've always been more sexually curious than her, so it was no surprise that I had more babies, but we were playfully delighted to discuss the differences where they appeared.

It was light, it was fun, and till there was one really big difference we discovered, three sums. She had an X, and I barked mine with a check. Completely spontaneously, she began to cry. I felt terrible questioning whether I should have been honest and lamenting the whole thing. Rather than retreat into copious apologies and sweep it all away, I decided to ask her why she was hurt by my answer. She was hurt that I felt the need to bring another person to the bedroom as if she was not enough. I completely understood that and was able to share with her when I meant when I checked the box. When I think about it, I picture myself and another woman totally focused on her

and pleasing her. I have zero desire to sleep with anyone else and told her that. I was able to share with her my fantasy that focused on watching her receive pleasure for me and other woman. We had a good conversation following that, and while I don't know that we'll ever walk down that particular road, we did incorporate the fantasy into our plane together, which she was completely comfortable with and excited to do. The point is, we were totally honest in our communication, and rather than ignoring feelings or sweeping them away, we lived in them, allowed them to happen and work through them.

The list and our commitment to each other to have honest and respectful dialogue with the catalyst for a deeper intimacy as well as a more exciting sexual experience. That's just one example of how you've helped us and I wanted to thank you. We look forward to more broadcasts. So appreciate that email. So see you as I just thought that would be inspiring to share with you and that really was a heartfelt message and I hope you realize that you can get through anything

with the trusting partner and going into these conversations openly and with curiosity and leaving your judgment at the door. So remember whether you're single or in a relationship, try to do the estimate, maybe less once a year. It's so healthy to take your own sexual inventory, so you can be more intentional and fulfilled. And I'm so excited for all the adventures and conversations

that the Estu Maybe List will inspire for you all. And please, please, please keep me posted. I'm dying to hear how it all goes down for you. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING's episode, see you on Friday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner. You can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at Sex with Emily. Oh, I've been told I give really good email.

So sign up at sexwithemily.com and while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating, or relationships, call my hotline 559 Talk Sex. That's 559-8255739. A go to sexwithemily.com slash Ask Emily. Special thanks to A-Cast for powering the Sex with Emily Podcast. Was it good for you?

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