Sex With Emily - Network & Chill with Jordan Harbinger

Episode Date: February 16, 2019

On today’s show, Emily is joined by host of The Jordan Harbinger Show Podcast  – you guessed it – Jordan Harbinger. They talk about ways to maintain your work and romantic relationships in a healthy way from body language to staying your honest and authentic self, and why confidence is always key.  Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Womanizer, Foria, Apex, Gainswave, and SiriusXM. Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily. For even more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit: sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On Today's show, I'm joined by a host of the Jordan Harbinger Show podcast, Jordan Harbinger, and we're talking about ways to maintain all your relationships in the healthiest way possible. Topics include, how to keep up with all the relationships in your life, from business to pleasure. Why being your honest and authentic self when they get co is the only way to show up, whether at work or on a date. Body language. Why what you're not saying actually says so much more about you. And if confidence is key, how do you start bringing it to the table? All this and more, thanks for listening. Guys of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized they call them in a fight on day. Hey, Avaline, you got a boyfriend?

Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, but all of it? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks?

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I want to feel, going, being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information check out sexwithemily.com. We've got a lot there to help you have better sex and relationships.

You can also find me on serious XM weekdays, Monday through Friday, five o'clock Pacific, eight o'clock East on Channel Stars 109. And we take calls, so you should give us a call and listen to the show if you want a free trial. Go to sexwithemily.com slash SXM. And as always, you can find us on all social media. It's at Sex with Emily.

Okay, I hope you guys enjoyed this interview with my dear friend Jordan Harbinger. He is an interview talk show host in communications and social dynamics expert. He hosted a top 50 iTunes podcast for over 12 years and his show, The Jordan Harbinger Show, was awarded Apple's Best of 2018 and is one of the most downloaded shows of the year.

So enjoy the show. I'm very excited for my returning guest and long time friend. Jordan Harbinger. Harbinger, why don't we just fuck it up? You know, it's funny. It doesn't really matter. People get so self-conscious about that. Yeah, but it doesn't.

Harbinger. It is, but I don't even care. Like, it's really doesn't matter. It's really but I don't even care like it's it's really Doesn't matter and it really is it's a tomato is weird Tomatoes weird in harbinger. Do they really they English people do and it's really English It's a little a grinds my gears. I was on a flight and the steward has said we have a cheese and tomato sandwich And I was like and people go what and cheese and tomato said and I was like look if you say tomato This will stop happening right look, if you say tomato, this will stop happening. Right. Just say it. Just say tomato. It's not that hard. Because I can say tomato. You can say

tomato. So Jordan Harbinger, he's called the Larry King of podcasting. Wall Street Lord heard interview talk show up was reading your bio talk show has communications and social dynamics expert. He's actually a dear friend that I've known for. We both started around the same time. You were before me. You're the only person I know who did a podcast before me, who still does it. Exactly, still going, still cranking along here on podcast channels. But I'm really, I'm really proud of Jordan. He has a podcast called the Jordan Harbinger Show.

Harbinger. I know what the fuck it's called, but it's, oh, here's on your social media. So that's easy, right? It's Jordan Harbinger.com, H-R-H-A-R-B-I-N-G-E-R.com. Right. And it's at Jordan Harbinger. Yeah.

I'm going to say it differently every time, Instagram and then Facebook and Twitter and all the places. Right. So congratulations on the success of your podcast. Thank you. Your latest podcast a year. Yeah. Not even a year.

Not even a year. And I'm looking this year. You were on a year ago. You guys can check out that past podcast. But you've been on year and I'm looking this year. You were on a year ago. You guys can check out that past podcast, but you've been on a few times. But you launched this new show. And then I'm looking the other day. It's like top 100 podcasts of the year

and all these amazing guests you've had on, except for me. Yeah, not yet, TBD on that. TBA coming soon. So, but I've realized there's a lot of dudes in your show. There are a lot of dudes. So that's cool. And essentially you talk to a lot of dudes in your show. There are a lot of dudes So that's cool and Essentially you talk to a lot of successful people success. I however you define it Yeah, I mean some of the people are less traditionally successful

I mean there was one guy who I interviewed recently who was imprisoned falsely in Pakistan for three years And he was a stuntman from Hollywood and so they're like in Pakistan when you go to prison They they beat you up to try to get a confession out of you. This is like court order. It's not just like corrupt, whatever. It's just a court order. And since he's a stuntman, he could hold his breath for three minutes, and he can like, he knows martial arts.

So these cops are trying to dunk him in water, and he's like, whatever, I could hold my breath for three minutes. So they're trying to waterboard him for like a minute at a time, and he's like, this is easy. And they're like smacking him around. They're trying to haveboard him for like a minute at a time and he's like this is easy and They're like smacking them around they're trying to have other prisoners beat him up and he's like, you know Drop kicking people and so he's in prison for three years and he ends up making friends with these high jackers who teach him how to play Texas Holden poker now he's a professional poker player so that I wouldn't say he's like a model of

Capitalist success, right, but you actually interview people that you admire, whatever they've succeeded in the world and kind of learn from that, what they do, what they've learned, what they've done. So how do you find your guests? Yeah, you find success. You know the show fans, they come up and they go, you've got to talk to this guy, so interesting.

And, or I'll find somebody and I'll read a book and I'll be like, this is a really good show in the making. And I'll reach out to some neuroscientists and they're like, yeah, I never really do media. And I'm like, look and I'll be like, this is a really good show in the making. And I'll reach out to some neuroscientists and they're like, oh yeah, I never really do media. And I'm like, look, I wanna hear about how the brain tricks our eyes into thinking we see stuff that's not there. And they'll do it. And they're not used to it,

because most scientists and stuff like that are used to doing like a 10 minute piece on some AM radio station and then done. And I'm like, I wanna an hour writing down. That's why I love the podcast. That's why I wanted you here to get into it. I'm here. Without you know, we're still gonna put some of this

on the other show. But okay, so last time you were on the show and you've been on a few times, we talked about establishing relationships like through networking. That's kind of what you talk about is business skills. You'll interview people right in different areas of success, but also how do you maintain relationships,

whether they're romantic or otherwise, how to keep friendships. You talk about that a lot around here too, because when you get really busy with work, it can be hard. For me, even moving to a new city six years ago, 400 years in San Francisco, how do you do that? How do you maintain them, and why is that important? Yeah, so these are questions that I struggled with for such a long time, because when I was younger, I thought like, oh, networking is something that you do in your older, you work your way up to the top of the corporate ladder, and then you get made, I used to be a Wall Street attorney.

So it was like, then you get made partner at this law firm and then like, I don't know, you join a country club. Dot, dot, dot, network. Totally not how this works, right? You, actually the most successful people that I've talked to that I meet, they do this networking stuff beforehand.

And here's something else, like everyone thinks they're really good natural networkers and they're not. They're like better than the people that they know that are not good at it. So they're like, oh, I do a lot of this stuff naturally, but some of the stuff that we teach, that I teach when I teach networking

and relationship development skills, we'll teach it to like high-level entrepreneurs, military, special forces, intelligence agents, and stuff like that. Like people who's lives are on the line for networking and they're like, wow, this is really good. They're furiously taking notes. And then I'll go to like a college and teach it.

And the kids are all like, I naturally do most of this. So I'm like, yeah, right. I'm sure it's like some of the stuff that you were talking about. You're like, oh no, I'm really good at that. And you're like, yeah, you're so nice. Yeah, right. Like follow up, because it's really a system. And I remember this from last time and you're like, yeah, you're so nice. Yeah, right. Like, follow up, because it's really a system.

And I remember this from last time because you did say something about, and this is gonna be a little bit different, but following up, like going on your, through your text, I mean, like, I haven't talked to this person in a month. Like a few months, six months. So when I heard from you like six months ago,

or three months, I was like, he's probably at the bottom of his text. I'm at the bottom, yeah. So they, But I know you love me anyway, it probably just came up, you've been thinking about me. So the system, it is a good system.

So that's one of my favorite techniques, the one you just mentioned. So what it is is like you go into your phone, click on the text message thing, scroll all the way to the bottom. Those are the people that you had lunch with like three years ago, never talk to again. And you're like, oh yeah, I did a crap job following up.

You re-engage like four or five of those people per day. And you just say something like, hey, what's the latest with you? It's Emily, I haven't spoken to you in a long time. We met at San Diego at Cafe Curititude and I did a crap job keeping in touch. I wanna fix that, what's going on with you? I'd love to be of service somehow.

And I'll just send a bunch of those every day and like 70% of the people will respond. And the other ones won't and like whatever who cares that's on them. And some people get busy, it's like not a big deal. But then you re-engage these people, and then sometimes people are like, oh my God, it's so funny.

I was just talking about you as someone the other week, and I couldn't remember where we met. I'm doing a speaking event for this company, I sell laptop screens, and we need someone to come in, do you do speaking? And you'll find these random opportunities. So when I reengage people that I'm actually friends with though, like you that I've kept in touch with,

usually something reminds me of that person. And so instead of going like, oh yeah, I remember I went to that sushi place with Emily Morse once and then not do anything. I'm like, oh, I'll try to develop the habit of whipping up my phone right away. I mean, in the moment, because Jen does all the drive. My wife does all the driving. So I'm like in the passenger seat. And I'll be to develop the habit of whipping out my phone right away. In the moment, because Jen does all the driving. My wife does all the driving, so I'm in the passenger seat.

And I'll be like, oh, and I'll check what time zone I'm in. Because if it's Hawaii and it's like four o'clock in the morning where you are, I'm not going to do it. But I'll be like, hey, what's going on? And I don't say, like, I just passed the sushi restaurant and you're office and didn't call you. I'll just be like, hey, what are you up to? It's been a minute minute and I don't worry about the amount of time that's gone by.

And I think these little habits are really the difference between somebody who can keep 1,000 relationships going or 200 or whatever versus somebody who's just like, gee, where did the time go? Can you sell my, can I come on your new serious show and sell my dog grooming ebook to your audience and you're like, uh, right. Now you want to talk to me. Right. You must get that all the time. I do. Yeah. I do get that. But I'm not. Here's the thing. Like I, I feel like I did

a lot of networking early on. Um, I always had all the business cards and the follow me. That that now thank God business cards are gone because those were kind of stressful. Uh, super. Right. You have a stack of to email everyone. Five hundred thousand. I went to therapy about it. She was like, just burn them. I was moving to LA and like I've so many friggin Because they were stressing me out how do you fall through how do you do all the things? Yeah, I mean you could scan them and I see our Emile the bottom I Had someone scan them I did not burn them But I talked about it all the time because I had all those loose ends

We you know who that someone is now, right like Jamie's really like I hate my life It pre-data James. Okay. No, but I'm just saying that it is an important skill. And even if you're dating, you're meeting new friends, if you're just keeping up with people, and finally, through what my thing, this is what stops me from it, I'm like,

okay, so I'll text those four people. Because I think about this, but I'm like, I always feel like the end thing's gonna be a let's grab lunch, let's grab dinner. People are afraid of that. Yeah. We want to make plans with everybody. Amen. We want to go home. No, I hear you. I grab lunch, let's grab dinner. People are afraid of that. Yeah. We want to make plans with everybody.

Amen. We want to go home. No, I hear you. I can't dinner with everybody. We have dinner plans tonight though. No, you're someone I want to dinner with. Okay, are you sure? No, Jen, I asked you.

That's true. My time is so valuable that I feel like I used to say, yeah, let's get drinks. Even if you do say so yourself, right? Like, my time is so bad. It is, I just don't want to hang out. People, I hear you though. No, you're right.

Here's the fear, this is an unfound, look, I get it. It's an unfounded fear though. You should actually feel good that I'm choosing to have dinner with you. I do, because your time is so valuable. That sounds so scary, but like, I couldn't do a great show if I was out every single night. You can't, no, it's true.

Here's the thing, people go, I don't want to have coffee with all these people. Let me just reassure you. Most I don't want to have coffee with all these people. Let me just reassure you. Most people don't want to do that either. So they'll be like, great. Here's how the texting re-engage drill that we just talked about. I'll send those texts. 70% of the people respond 30% don't.

Of those 70. I'll be like, hey, what are you up to? And they're like, yeah, I moved to Albuquerque with my wife and I got two dogs and I'm training dogs now. I'm like, wow, that's so random. Do you ever get up to San Jose? LA? Like, do you travel? No. with my wife and I got two dogs and I'm training dogs now. I'm like, wow, that's so random. Do you ever get up to San Jose LA? Like, do you travel?

No, I had kids and I just sit at home with the kids and dogs and I'm like, that's really cool. Well, let me know if I can help with anything. They're like, yeah, same to you, man. Are you still doing your podcast? Yeah, I'll have to check it out sometime. The end. Most people are not like, let's get coffee.

And, but well, that's because your time is so valuable and in demand. But if they say that you'll be like, hey, I'm always traveling around and doing, you know, I'm always slam, but I just wanted to read, like, touch base. You don't have to be like, um, no, I'd rather not get coffee. And you also don't have to be like crap,

now I have to say yes. See, this is what I'm saying. So, but that's a good tactic. You know, you don't do it, because you're afraid that they're gonna be like, let's meet up. When people say, let's meet up, I'm often like, if I'm ever in your area and we're doing something, I will give you a buzz.

Right. And what I mean by that is, if I go to Austin, Texas, all these people, I will invite like 14 people to dinner and none of them will want to go and the four people that show up, I'm like, great, and I'll catch up with them. Then those people who are like, hey, let's get coffee, I'm like, hey, I was in your neighborhood like a year ago. That's really smart. Then those people who are like, hey, let's get coffee. I'm like, hey, I was in your neighborhood like a year ago. That's really smart to actually group them and be like, or sometimes I do that here too.

I'll have with my friends, I'll say, yeah, why don't I be effective and then have them all together? Like, here are these five people who are all similar, they're all in my industry and let's all meet up for coffee. So what about in dating? I want to talk to you about this

because when you're on apps, right? Most people, a lot of people are dating on the apps now, or they're meeting new people and relationships. And I do believe that it's a great, if you're looking to meet someone that it's good to date several people at once, I think that's important and effective. I agree with you. Don't just hook up with the first person.

This was great, Saxon, and for a year, it goes by, and you realize that, what, the sound of the right person for me. Yeah. But if you're doing that, what happened to me, I did get a little overwhelmed. I might be jumping back into that. You got overwhelmed? I can't jumping back into that. You got overwhelmed? I can't even imagine what that's like.

Yeah, I think this is what I love about you. You're super efficient, but then that efficiency also makes you be like, why did I do this to myself? Yeah. If there's no one thing about you, it's probably going to be something like that. How did you get here? How did it happen? How do you figure that out? How do you manage it?

Like a new relationship or dating even? How do you like get into that management of the thing for, with me for dating back in the day was, and I know this sounds super obvious. I, that is so could not be further from the truth. How do you have to be ladies, man? Yes. Okay. Those who can't do teach, right?

Isn't that what they say? Well, exactly. So that's what I was doing. That's about my second. Yeah. It's a, yeah, the cat. I'm not even going to go there. So you can do it. Yeah, it's a, yeah, I'm not even gonna go there. So.

You can do it. Oh, you're gonna bring up that terrible guy dated. I'm not gonna do it. That on your show, that would just be mean. Okay. Um, so one thing that I found was really fun for me was just being really honest. And my brother-in-law is really good at this.

Women will be like, women are always trying to lock down my brother-in-law is really good at this. Women will be like, women are always trying to lock down my brother-in-law all the time. And they'll do, they'll like jump through crazy, gymnastic hoops to be like, I'm gonna make him jealous. His name's Glenn. They'll be like, I'm gonna make him jealous. I'm gonna talk about this.

I'm gonna make, and it sort of works, but then we're, me and Jen, my wife, we're always like, she's doing this, to make you jealous. She's doing this so that you do that. She's doing that, so it's really fun to outline this and highlight it, but what's really working well for him that you can't fight is the honesty factor. He'll be like, yeah, I'm dating a lot of women right now

and women who are cool and are willing to like sort of be take it slow at an abnormal pace. They're like, okay, understandable. And the ones that are a little like too demanding, they're like, well, you have to choose me now. And if you don't choose me now after like real talk, like two demanding, they're like, well, you have to choose me now. And if you don't choose me now after like real talk, like two dates, then I'm not gonna move from this other part of the country to where you,

and I'm like, good, let them go. Those are people who are gonna like control your life. Right, I think that's a really good point because I think in dating we do this a lot, we go into it wanting everyone to like us and to convince them all that we're the one. And we're not even sure that we want to be with this person. Exactly.

So it's so important to weed that out. Like if someone's doing something making you feel like making you feel bad or putting all these demands on you, they just don't match up with your bottom line issues or what you're looking for. Yeah, we're all trying to be liked. Yeah, good point. You know, on that, no, we're all trying to be like, I'm sure this happens to you. I remember when I was dating, I would go out with somebody that I didn't like at all and I would be like wait

They don't like me. This is this bullshit. Yeah, I got it and and like I went out with a match This matchmaker hooked me up with a couple of our clients once and she's like look these clients want refunds Can you go out with them because I'm introducing them to these guys and nothing's clicking and I think they'll like you and I would go out on dates With them and they'd be like yeah, they like to you and I'm introducing them to these guys and nothing's clicking and I think they'll like you. And I would go out on dates with them and they'd be like, yeah, they liked you. And I'm like, oh shoot, I don't really want to go out with them again. And they're like, oh, okay. And then one person would be like, yeah, she doesn't want a second date. And I would be like, wait, what?

Why? Meanwhile, I just got done complaining about how crappy this date was for like an hour to my roommate. It's our ego. Like, how do you don't want me when I definitely don't want you? But that does not feel good. Right, like, no, you're supposed to like me and I'm supposed to reject roommate. It's our ego. Like, how do you don't want me when I definitely don't want you, but that does not feel good. Right. Like, no, you're supposed to like me and I'm supposed to reject you and not mutual

rejection, not the other way around. And then you realize how dumb that is. Exactly. It's true. We all do that, but I think it's really important to look at it and be like, okay, yeah, I don't want this person anyway. So lay it out early on what you're looking for in a partner and let him know like your brother-in-law.

Is he single? Where has he lived? He's single. He lives in San Jose, California, Saratoga, to be exact. What I like him, not. I'm not. He is really fun. He's like a good looking guy.

He's smart. He's really good at designing things, and he's got a decent job. Okay, that's awesome. Yeah. Okay, so, but in dating, so, okay, because I know that with finding people, managing them being honest,

or being honest early on, managing them, or whatever, I'm saying managing people, you're dating. But that is something for me that just, I guess it is just a matter of, how long I want to talk about that anymore. Okay, what else do you want to do? So on that thread, now I'm done. I was, I had, I envy the fact that you can, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know,

that you can just stop yourself in the middle of a sentence and be like, you know what, you know what, you know what, they don't get happy when I do it, because then I was like, that was really good and then we can't edit it because you stopped your sentence. No, you can edit it, just like leave it in. I was,'t get happy when I do it because sometimes they're like, that was really good and then we can't edit it because you stopped your sentence. No, you can edit it, just like leave it in. I wish there are so many times on my show

where I'm like, you know what, that was a dumb thought I'm done. And then my producers like, well, I'll cut around it. I'm like, no, just leave it in. Like, I'm allowed to have a half thought, right? Yeah, that's true. I, we leave all this shit in here.

I am so myself after all this frigging time. Yeah. But let's talk for 14 friggin'. Yeah, but let's 14 years 14 friggin years Well, let's talk about that because How do you like being authentic and sharing who you really are and sharing your vulnerabilities and your true? So it's like it's kind of a buzzword self-help people today. I know yeah all the businesses and all the people are like now It's not just what are they called thirst traps on Instagram, but they'll be like what's that? What's a thirst trap? Right okay, it's like it's like a it's like a girl. It's like a it's like a

You know a woman in a super sexy photo and then should be like I used to be really insecure I had a had abuse growing up right trauma like they're still it's still a sexy photo But everyone's talking about their vulnerabilities of being authentic and being introvert. But it's not necessarily the thirst trap. I'm saying in general, that was just a separate thought. Why is it called a thirst trap? Because it's like, for a lot of times,

like there's no other reason for this person or guy, man or woman to post this super sexy photo that makes up to get a lot of likes, which... Oh, okay, yeah, you know what's funny? I just saw something like this the other day and I was talking about it with a bunch of my friends where somebody I know had like a kind of a traumatic breakup. And she announced it in a photo of her like getting out

of a pool and it's like her wearing a swimsuit and it's like her butt is the photo, getting wet butt. And people are posting like, so you're sort of dealing with this breakup by posting your wet ass on Instagram. It's not a bad strategy. And I'm just like, yeah, good point. Like, and she's like, I see strength in the,

and I feel, I totally see her side, but I also see the other side of like, how much of this is like attention, because I feel like if you're sharing something really vulnerable, it's like you laying on the couch looking at the camera directly. Not, I just worked out. You're like, you're like, yeah, exactly.

Like, here's what I'm doing, here's what I'm sharing. There's trap. It's a good one, right? You can use that on your, you can totally use that. So, but what do you, but don't you think that that is a thing right now about, the more like, like being, like, I'm probably things that you talk about on your show

is like, how do people relate to what you're meeting you have to be your most authentic stuff So how do you show up whether you're on a date or no in a meeting? You know be making good first impressions. You're walking in the room like what authenticity about relationship I do I do I like the authenticity topic because it is tricky right because There's people on Instagram who are like I'm just gonna be authentic and then It reminds me of the beginning. If you've seen that movie, Jumanji, have you seen that?

You haven't? I don't do it. I missed out on like 30. It's recent. Oh, you saw the movie. The re-want, not the Robin Williams one. I haven't even seen that one. I'm busy.

There's a girl in the beginning. She's taking a photo. That's precious. And she's like, I know, your time is very valuable. And she's taking it selfie and she like, corrects this, corrects this other thing, corrects this lighting, corrects her hair, and then takes a photo.

And then the caption is like, just rolled out of bed or something like that. It takes like the whole first five minutes of the movie is her trying to stage this photo. So the authenticity thing is weird because people are trying to claim and look as authentic as possible, but they're really not. They're kind of, it's kind of like a, you know when I'm trying to draw and look as authentic as possible, but they're really not. They're kind of, it's kind of like a,

you know when, I'm trying to draw an analogy here, let's see if I screw this up. You know when the bullfight or the Matador has the red cape, and he waves it in front of the bull and the bull charges it, and then he moves out of the way, I feel like that's what the authenticity thing is, where it's like, I'm being so authentic with the red cape over here, and it's like,

look, I'm authentic, I'm authentic, but really it's like, oh, just kidding, I'm not, I'm wearing full makeup, there's lighting. Six people took this photo shoot, it took five hours, we have 30 retouched photos of this authentic moment where I'm supposedly eating like strawberries in cereal,

except for it's a piece of plastic because it wouldn't blast it that long in the milk. Totally. And please buy my whatever I'm selling. Oh, and also, a list of hashtag listarine. Or something. Exactly. Right, add.

How do you put so in all these people you've interviewed then in the last, you invite a lot of, you've interviewed tons of leaders, successful people all over in all different walks of life. So, I mean, that's a lot and you're doing a few podcasts a week, right? Three. Yeah.

Dude, that's so impressive. Well, you're five days a week, which I think is amazing, because my Friday show is me answering listener questions. Yeah, that's a good one. And that's kind of like your bag, right? Yeah, that's what I do. When you come on my show, we're gonna do one of those.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I get these questions that are like, I'm having Emily answer this. Yeah, don't do it, I'll be on it, I'll come on to do it. But I'm saying like, what if so, is there any commonalities that you've noticed through who you're like, God, it seems like everyone is, for example, meditating. Or. I know do you meditate you should because it's let me tell you

It's life-titting. I'm just kidding. I do not do not I don't do it. I tell me to like color coat my folders And I should get a filmmaker and write everything down Yeah, call me down to like maybe you should make a list. Yeah, let's get my recon doe in here We'll get Marie condo in here for you. Who would have obsessed I binge on it last night. Do you really? How much is it ever? You know what, you and her having common. You both have just that touch of crazy you've

had allows her to. I like your brand. Her brand scares me a little. I feel like she's crazy. She's Japanese. How is she crazy? She's just a little like that. Maybe it's that.

Maybe it's just that. I feel like there's just. I want to throw everything away. Yeah. Yeah, is that not weird? I've seen this to throw everything. No, I think she's that. Maybe it's just that. I feel like there's just. Everything away. Yeah. Yeah. Is that not, that's not weird? Do we see this to throw everything?

No. I think she's right. I think that our things, I think that we are such a consumer society that we have to buy by by. We have too much crap. We don't know where it is or what. It says the person with a garage full of dildos. They're going to get more organized after we're kind of on.

They're color coded now. They're color coded though. They're pretty amazing. Yeah. Jordan did combine do a thing, he got on my deal, those fears, got all them, several. But all the people that you're interviewing, is there anything you're like, oh wow, that's actually shaped you?

For, I mean, talking to the people a week, I mean, and editing the whole thing, you've been in it for a year. For, yeah, the new show. Over the years of interviews. 12 years of interviews. 12 years of interviews, but the Jordan Harbor, is you're the guy. Yeah, it's. You're of interviews, but the door at the harbor is you're the guy.

Yeah, it's leading the books. You're doing the prep. That's the thing. I do spend like 10 hours prepping each interview. Each interview. And so I'll read the whole book. I'll remember like when I interviewed Mike Row, who you probably know from San Francisco, I was trying to find friends of his that he went to college with and like ask Mike Row stories that haven't been on shows before. Like I really dig and it like to the up to the line of creepy to try to figure out what makes that person tick. Of course, those people, what their characteristics, their traits, they do rub off.

You have to be careful because a couple of years ago, I went down this road road, let me interview all these influencers and these marketer people. Those people are kind of skeevy. Not kind of ski-vy a lot of them. Not all of them, but a lot of them are kind of gross. And so I found myself getting into a mode where I was like, oh, I'll just exaggerate that and like, it was totally because I was immersed in the world of like internet fake BS.

And now I'm well away from that, and it makes you happier. It's just like if you use Instagram too much, you're like, oh, it's okay to like, just Photoshop this out. Let me do a filter where I look like I don't have a zit or like I'm thinner or whatever. I'm like, it's dishonest, but you,

when you're surrounding yourself with a certain quality or caliber of person, the morals or morals or whatever of that group can really rip off on you. And I think this business guy, Jim Rohn, who's since passed away, said you're the average of the five people you spend the most time with, something like that.

Yeah, exactly. Okay, guys, we're gonna take a quick break and we come back more Jordan. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Back more Jordan. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪

Do you think at this point in life that you pretty much are Jordan Harbinger, and there isn't that much of an impact, or have you learned? I think I'm conscious. Here's what I, you know what's funny, you should ask. A few years ago, I was like, I'm done. I know who I am. None of this stuff is going to affect me. And now I've come to this conscious level where I'm like,

oh yeah, all this stuff affects me. You've got to be really careful. And so one of my personal models, I guess you would say, or slogans is protect your mind. And what I mean by that is you can't hang out with dirty people who smoke and wake up late and play video games all the time and be like, this isn't gonna influence me. It does.

I'm so glad I broke up with my ex. Right? That's what I mean. Yeah. Oh, they're glad too. I'm sure. They're like, oh my gosh, she's turning it in. You know what you're saying?

People who don't have the sit, that was terrible to say, but they're waking up. They're right. If they're not doing the same things, they're not up before 11. Yeah. Right. Yeah, and you can't avoid that. And there's, there are all these studies that show that You probably read this actually. I'm gonna try to remember what this is. There was some study or set of studies that shows

that If you let's say so you and I are friends Let's say that you're and your friends with Jamie and let's say that Jamie has a bunch of like five friends that eat chicken wings every night in pizza And they're like overweight and I've been telling her not to hang out. Yeah, anyway, go ahead. And so there are studies that show that second and third order friends, so like me and you friends with her, we will also gain an average bit of weight by being, even though we don't know those people.

So let's say Jamie has some, let's just be unkind and say like overweight friends, okay? And then you and I will secondary, tertiary, whatever it's called. We will suffer consequences of those people's lifestyle choices. It's called a network effect and there's some other thing associated with it, but this is not just like some who will be us. There's science that shows that this is, and this happens with eating, it happens with it, but this is not just like some who will be us. There's science that shows that this is, and this happens with eating.

It happens with smoking, I think was the other thing they tested and financial stuff as well. Like you're going to make the same amount of money if there it's not earning. I think it's how you spend the money. So like even if you're a well compensated investment banker, if your friend's friend, or your friend's friend, is like some dude who spends all of his money on cocaine and works at a bowling alley, you're going to have financial network effects because of that, which is incredibly disappointing.

That is disappointing. So how do you know before you make a friend, you gotta scout out their friends and be like, I mean, I guess you just sort of get it right. I think what it is is you just have to really hone yourself to be able to go, hey, I don't like the influence that this person is having on me. Even if you previously would have thought

this person doesn't have an influence on me. Like, oh, I'm not being influenced by Jamie. I only see her occasionally. And it's like, well, wait a minute. I'm probably getting this negative influence from somewhere. And I notice that, and the good news is this is true the other way around as well. So if all of your friends are fit and you're like,

hey, let's go out to dinner and they're like, great, I'm Ovo Lacto, Vegan, Paleo, Gluten-free. You're like, gah, right? But then you start eating Southwest chicken salads all day. And then you're like, oh, these are pretty good because since they're all into that, they're not, you're not eating like cardboard. They know where to get the good stuff.

And you're like, oh, this is good. I feel good doing this. Hey, maybe I want order of soda because I would be the only person ordering a soda. And everyone else here is jacked and fit. You'll get rid of those habits and you'll build these habits. And we see positive influence. It's just that when it comes to negative influence,

we often think that we're immune and we are not. We don't even see these negative influences. And they can like kind of wreak havoc on our confidence and who we are. We got to like, and it's really brave to look around and kind of shed those friends at people that aren't serving you anymore. It is.

Weeding process. It is. Cutting people out of your life sucks. It does. And you know, the classic example of this is Oprah. And this is an old-ass example. But do you remember when she lost all that weight in like the 90s, the first time?

She dragged all the fat on stage. Yeah. Well, it, it made me one was it like 50 pounds of fat. Oh, it's like super vomit inducing grossness. Well, she gained a bunch of it back and I remember one of the best. What is it? I don't remember the new. Octetrium or something. Oh, yeah. Maybe you're right. There was something like that, Dexatrim. That was some 80s stuff. That was the diet pills, but she gained a bunch of it back. And one of the reasons that I think she had cited was her friends had all kind of given her endless amounts

of shit. And I'm sure they weren't like, oh crap, we want you to be fat again, but it was like, oh, we're going out to lunch and she's like, scruid, we're all getting a big ass, Chicago style deep dish pizza. I'm not going to be the person that gets us salad. And then they were like, hey, come to our party.

And it's like, great, we have mayonnaise buckets for, you know, or something. So you have to eat this too. And that, she gained it all back. And it's like, well, how did that happen? I was on a diet, I was doing so well. It's network effects, it's influence. It's the support of how did that happen? I was on a diet. I was doing so well. It's network effects. It's influence. It's the point of her peers and stuff. That's stuff that makes a lot sense.

And it happens with dating. It does happen with dating. But also I think that people are so can like, you know, how do you find, how do I find my person? Or how do I, it's like when we say the advice, like go out and do things that you love doing, hang out with people that you actually enjoy. You know, even if it is a networking or business thing or a hobby, at least you know you're starting somewhere or something that you're actually enjoying rather than just going to a sports bar to pick up, go out and just have a drink or go out and hang out

with them all. Like all those silly things, you don't want to meet, you want to be doing the things you actually are good. Agreed. Oh, that's such a good advice. I wish I had known that, right? So when people ask me for this, how do I, if they move to a new town

and then like, how do I build a social circle, what are the main things I always say is, make a list of maybe like five things you've always wanted to learn. And I don't care what it is. Like, I want to learn how to dance salsa and cook Italian food and go skydiving. And then maybe I'll take like golf lessons,

write those things down, find classes in your area or clubs in your area that do that and do those. And it's not just like, join a club. Like that's lame advice because a lot of it, but if you take classes, the worst thing that happens at the end of the class, even if you don't meet any people of the same sex or the opposite sex,

is you just learn to skill. So you start to make yourself better as a person, and so you're not wasting the time. Exactly. So you take an interior design class so you're not wasting the time. Exactly. So you take an interior design class and you're like, oh, I didn't really meet anybody here that I like. Okay, but now you have this new skill.

Yeah, I can decorate your home or whatever. No, you're absolutely right. So I think it's important to say, yeah, it's true. I think about that a lot. And I have been reevaluating a lot of people as I come into my life and thinking about, yeah, you get to certain level, you move through things. Okay, but let's talk about confidence, okay?

Okay. So like a lot of the people that you speak to on your shirt are just in life, like how do you explain, because I know you talk about, we do, we always talk about being confident, or going in the room, or holding yourself high, or body language, like all those things kind of factor into confidence, like when we're dating,

even how do you, how do we, when people are like, like, because I always say it's an inside job, you gotta work on yourself, but how do you actually explain that? Sure, so. What's your best tips for that? One of the things that I do is,

I teach people, I call this the doorway drill. And essentially, well, a lot of people think that their first impression is made when they open their mouth. And I'm sure you get this all the time, like, oh, how do I start a conversation? What do I say? What do I do?

And the truth is none of that matters at all because, and you know this is a woman, your first impression, especially as the guy, is made when you're a blip on their radar. So guys are like, oh, I need to like sit over here, have like four drinks, and then figure out some clever thing to say. Meanwhile, you're sitting there with your friends,

and you're like, these guys are total weirdos. They're sitting over there getting super hammered. Yes, staring at us. They're staring at us. Inevitably, one's gonna send the brave guy over here and he's gonna be like, hey, girls, what's up? And you're gonna be like, ugh. Right, exactly.

And then by the, so he goes up and, He'll go that. So he goes up and does that. And is like, oh man, I guess my cool clever line didn't work because they were not responsive to that. Because the first impression was made 25 minutes ago when they walked in and ordered like six rum and coaks and a yeager bomb for themselves.

So machine. Right, it is, it so is. So the doorway drill is knowing that your first impression is made when you're a blip on, when you become a blip on somebody else's radar, when they first notice you, it's all nonverbal communication. And if you don't believe that your first impression

is made nonverbal, then go walk down the street, go to the mall and just listen to the voice in your head that like judgy thing that keeps you safe, where you're like tall, attractive, skinny, tattoos, fat. Like your brain does that. Even if you're quote unquote not judgmental, your brain is doing that because that's what your brain does all the time if you're quote unquote, non-judgmental, your brain is doing that because that's what your brain does all the time.

It evaluates things really quickly. So now that you've proven to yourself that the first impression is made nonverbally, that means that when you walk in the door, that's your first impression that you're making on pretty much everybody that sees you. So what I do, and what I tell people to do if they come to me for stuff like this is,

every time you walk through a doorway, like straighten up your body language, that sees you. So what I do, and what I tell people to do if they come to me for stuff like this is every time you walk through a doorway, like straighten up your body language, chin up, chest up, smile on your face, shoulders back. You don't have to exaggerate it, you know, like you'll look weird. But just do that every time you walk through a doorway. Of course, now the problem is you're gonna walk

through a doorway right after hearing this and be like, oh, I forgot to do that thing. So take these posted notes, you know the little ones that are useless, they only put like two letters fit on them. Take those, stick them up at, they're in your garage. Next to the purple dildos. So stick those up at eye level in doors

that you go through like in your office, the restroom, your bedroom, your house, whatever, stick it up at eye level. You don't have to write anything on it. Because then when you walk through the doorway, be like, why is there a green post-it note at eye level on the side of the door? Oh, right.

I'm supposed to straighten up and reset my body language. And so you create this habit every time you walk through the door after you see these post-it notes. And so that upright, open, positive, confident body language becomes your default posture and your default nonverbal communication. And so what this does is then, yeah, I know everyone's sitting up straight.

Everyone's sitting up straight. What this does is then next time you walk into a room, you don't have to be like, oh, I better straighten up and stand up straight and do that. Because if you try to control your nonverbal first impression without making it a habit, now we're having a conversation and I'm like, oh wait, was I slouching?

Oh wait, sit up straight. And then I'm like crap, I haven't been listening to, yeah, I haven't been listening to what she said. Oh shoot, I haven't been listeningouching? Oh wait, sit up straight. And then I'm like crap, I haven't been listening to, yeah, I haven't been listening to what she said. Oh shoot, I haven't been listening, shoot. Oh wait, sit up straight again. You can't manually control it in the moment. It just, it doesn't work. So you have to relegate it to the level of habit.

And then what happens is people see you as upright, open, positive, confident in the nonverbal sense. They start to treat you differently because you look more confident, you look more positive and approachable. And then when they treat you different, one of the main ways we know how to behave among other people as social animals

is the way that we're treated. And there are these improv games that are like status-based where you hold, you ever done the one where you hold a number up to your head? Yeah, I've done it in probably. Yeah, so that people treat you a certain way and you start to act as if, because it's just the way that we're programmed is animals.

So if you create that upright, open, positive, confident body language when you walk into rooms, people treat you that way. Your status goes up. Therefore your confidence goes up. Therefore your status goes up again. And then you don't have to worry about like, hey, ladies, what's going on? I've had seven Yeager bombs. You can just be like, hey, I've never been here before.

What is this? Like, do you guys? Exactly. It's like reinforcing it and it becomes who you are. Right. Right. So when you're saying thing about listening, like if you're constantly focusing on your body language and what someone's

think of you, you're not going to be a great listener. And I think one of your great skills is that you and your great interview and a great listener. So how do you, is that something that you've had to cultivate over time? Oh my God, yeah. It's important for everything. I mean, I would stop you on dates and two, like, freaking listen, we all want to be listened to.

So how do you, but how do you learn all? Yeah, you know, there's a quote from some old, this is probably one of those apocryphal things that never happened, but it was like some prime minister of Britain a million years ago, this woman had said, when I went out with him, I thought that he was the most interesting person in all of Britain a million years ago, this woman had said, when I went out with him, I thought that he was the most interesting person in all of Britain. And then when I went out with this other person,

I thought I was the most interesting person in all of Britain. And so what she meant by that was, it's great if you're really interesting, it's great if you're really charismatic, it's great if you're really cool and have a high social value, high social status. It's even better if that person feels good around you

because they feel like, wow, this person's really interested in me. And I think it's a Dale Carnegie thing in order to be interesting, be interested in other people. Yeah, absolutely. No, I think that's true. That is such a great ask-quast people love talking about themselves.

Yeah, so just let them do it. And the Jordan Harbinger Show half of it is, lead them into this area And that's like the Jordan Harbinger Show, half of it is lead them into this area where that's really interesting, and then just like get the hell out of the way and like shut the hell up and let them talk. And most interviewers will not do that, including me five years ago.

And the reason I got over that was because my shows fans are really loyal and really nice, and they're the kind of people that go, Jordan, love the show, you totally need to shut the hell up when people are telling really interesting stories. And if you get enough of those and you put your ego aside and you realize your fans are telling you this because they want you to be better,

then you kinda start doing it. And then you go, you get feedback that's positively reinforcing like, what I like about your show is, you pick these really interesting people, you ask these really good questions, and then you don't freaking interrupt them every five minutes. And a lot of interviewers, all they do is interrupt, and interject, and then make like a dumb joke,

and then step on the story. Yeah. So I had to learn it the hard way. Yeah, I've had to learn that too. In fact, I'm still learning that. I feel like we got to be in recently. So I was like, she's interrupting the guests. I'm like, do I still do that?

I thought I gave that up years ago, for her to do it middle recently, someone's like, she's interropping the gas. I'm like, do I still do that? I thought I gave that up years ago. For her to do it. I mean, while Jamie's like, at the end of the day, but you're right, that is a total scale that is something that we're all working on. And in life, it's important if you feel like

you've talked more than you listen, something to learn. Yeah, that's a, I'm an only child, so no surprise, now it all makes sense, right? So I had to do a lot of talking because nobody, my mom likes to read and my dad watching sports on TV. So as an only child, I'm like, is this thing on? Like is my life on?

Am I important to anyone right now? That's the majority of my life. Jordan. Yeah. Look at me, talk to me, right? Totally. I think part of the reason I like having a microphone in front of me is because I'm like People have to listen now, right?

Like I Finally, so I get attention that I've craved so long But I don't really care about that in other formats, but I really do think that It's so important it was so important to me as a kid to like always be talking to get attention that it was a really tough Lesson for me to learn to like shut up and let other people have some spotlight. It's a very good skill. In your work in talking to all these high achievers or successful people, there is a lot

lately about, and I feel this happens with sex and relationships, I do believe that we are a highly anxious and stressed out society. I don't know if it's more so now because of technology, because of phones and all the distractions. Then we were 15 years ago, I personally think I've been anxious since I can remember. However, there are reasons. Right, exactly.

No, I'm just saying, but I'm saying, but it seems like more and more. There is a lot more. How do we be happy? How do you be stressed free? How do we be successful? So what do you think? I know in a lot of your on your podcast, you interview a lot of people, and just that seems to be a big thing.

Like how would you be successful and happy and less anxious and also with sex and relationships mostly the, a lot of the challenges people have are on sexes that they're too freaking stressed out. Yeah. Get into their bodies. I've heard, I've heard people can't even have orgasms if they're really stressed out are women, I guess. I have jobs because then I have to tell you all, no, man,

I perform with anxiety. Oh, yeah. most of the penis challenges that we hear about and Orgasm challenges for women have to do with things going on in their head the blood is rushing to their head away from their Generals because thinking something am I gonna come as my penis to all the things? I have no guys ever thought as my penis too big Yeah, thanks for throwing that in there, but that's that's that's one that's for you That was an imagination one. That's small Does she think it's that big enough to do what I meant to say but no got to tell you in all these years We get more emails from guys whose penises are too big and it's a problem for real a problem that not even the greatest

Leu in the world of fix really you know, I'm saying like how yeah, not even the greatest what in the world of six? Yeah, it's painful. I bet every guy right now is like, I want that problem. I know, exactly. Trade problems, but they're all problems. But what about stress and anxiety and dealing with that in a way that, where are your top tips for that that you've seen or maybe that you've learned

talking to people? You know, what I, I deal with a lot of doctors and like health biohacky type people as well. One of the things I found is that, all this stuff like you need to work out, all that stuff, that is so valid, but most people will eat tons of crap

and most people don't get enough vitamin D in sun. And even in California, people are inside a lot and we look at a lot of blue lights and all that stuff triggers anxiety like crazy. Blue light is stuff from screens. And so that was like the glasses. Super, I have those, do you have those blue blockers? No, I bought a pair of them on the garage, but I didn't use them. Yeah, that were like the glasses. Super, I have those. Do you have those blue blockers?

No, I bought a pair. They're probably in the garage. But I didn't use them. Next to the orange deal, those. Yeah, every night. When you're every night before you're, when you're just home, or? Yeah, yeah.

And I will tell you, if you wear them from like 7 p.m. 930, you're like, I'm so tired, I'm going to sleep. Because it shuts you down. Even if you are still working then, you're going to have to. Yeah. Yeah. That's good to know. It's good to know. So that's the sad thing.

And then what about like being in relationships? What if you have your, how's your relationship? Well, my relationship's pretty good. You guys have been together a while now. But in together for six years, Mary. You're working together? Totally working together. How do you do that?

How do you do that? You know, everybody said don't work with your girlfriend. It's not now wife. They're like, it's's gonna be a mess. I think that some people can and some people can't. And I think people think that they wanna work together with their girlfriend or their wife because they kind of have to or because it'll be cheaper

or because they wanna spend every waking moment together because they're still in the honeymoon phase. But if the other person is not willing to sort of bend and do it, then you're in trouble for sure. And a lot of these people who create these awesome businesses together, one person is secretly miserable.

You think? Yeah, I think so. Not always. You're not so nut and who's secretly miserable in your relationship? Jen is not secretly miserable, but she's definitely like, she's like, this is your dream, this is not my dream. Well, see, that's really hard to get to buy in from people if they're not really their dream. Well, yeah, agree I mean she's doing it because she's great. She's super supportive and it's better than being like an accountant

But she's not like this is my dream. I want to hold the camera while you interview someone You know, that's not her thing That's true. I got it But I think that if I had if she had a dream it would be like she would be like a farmer She would have like a llama farm. Really? That could still happen. You never know. It will happen. What is the dream for this year for your show, for your life? Like, what's the next thing? Like, you've already top 100 podcasts.

Yeah. And all these people in the show. Mike drop. Yeah. No, I was so proud. I appreciate it. I was like, Jordan, doing it. It's amazing. I, for me, I want to do more video. We're talking about that with you too. I'm gonna do more video. What do you guys think about that?

Yeah, go ahead, YouTube, all the things. YouTube, all the things, maybe do some live stuff. I like that. I also will be doing some live events because we're teaching some like police, military, intelligence stuff, like verbal, nonverbal communication. I want to open that up to civilians. I think that would be really cool.

And I, I realized the last couple of years, I love interviewing, I love doing the show. I'm just gonna lean into that. Take it to the video. I love it. I love it. It's my favorite thing. Oh good, Jordan.

Well, you seem really well and I'm so proud of you and all of your success. Thank you. So if someone can check it out, they can check out where you're gonna be visiting their cities. You can have check out their podcast. His podcast. Yeah, the George.

The Harbinger Show. Yeah, or Harbinger Show, whatever, whatever makes it easier for you to spell, it's that. And this is also gonna be in the show notes and everywhere on the site. Okay, I've got my five quicky questions for you. Let's do it. We ask everyone, ready?

What's your biggest turn on? Oh, somebody who is, oh God, dammit. I'm not really quick right now. Intelligence, but there's gotta be other stuff, right? It can't be like an ugly person with, there's just really smart. It could be. But like mean to waiters, no.

Okay, got it, biggest turn off. Mean to waiters. True, right? It's one of my biggest things, yeah. And not just servers, just mean to like flight it to. Like if they're mean, that is a sign, not to cut off the quickies, but like literally if somebody is me on your first day, my mom always says the issues you have in the third day,

you have forever, people show you who they are, believe them. For sure, and you know. Triggered in your stomach and you feel it, like don't go on the other day. This is one of those things, I know it's quickie, I'll be done inside. No, don't, we're good. There's these things that people do that they think are like,

they're like, oh, this is just something that I do, and it's like as an adult, it's not cool anymore. And one of those things is, oh, I'm just an asshole. It's like, who I am, bro. No, you're immature, you want attention. It's not cool anymore. It was cool in middle school. You were like a rebel guy,

or like the woman whose profile was like, I'm a bitch, deal with it. It's like, no, you're immature and you're a bad person. I'm not dealing with that. You deal with that. So, you grow up and you grow up so much, Jordan. I have, thank God. You've really matured a lot. Thank you. I mean, I hope you grow up so much Jordan, so I don't even know you. Thank God. You've really matured a lot.

Thank you. I mean, I hope I have you. I don't know if you have. Yeah, you were already mature back then. No, no, no, no, no. But I'm just so impressed because I guess we met like 12 years ago. You were doing other things. Oh, at least.

Some of the topics and yeah. And I just, I'm really just, just into a man of integrity. Thank you. And I'm talent. Thank you. Okay, so something random that turned you on. Oh, something random that turns me on. I feel like I just had this the other day.

Ooh. It was, you know what, my wife is really capable. I think capable is a turn on. Yeah, absolutely. And it's good. And your website. She's one of those people who's like, you know, I actually just negotiated this and then I got this other free thing

And then I set this thing up and then now I'm gonna go build something and I'm like that's pretty cool Yeah, no, yeah, if we ever if we ever run into problems She's gonna go work somewhere else. Uh perfect date night. Oh God, this is so sad sitting on my butt with my cat and my wife and like watching something and talking about it or listening to a really good podcast and talking about it. What's your other favorite podcast? Because it's mine. Good good. Besides yours.

Yeah, you know, my wife finds these true crime ones that I normally don't like. Good great. You, Jamie likes this? Yeah. Yeah, we all do. I mean, yeah, they totally suck you in when I have time for them. Have you heard Dirty John? Yes.

Yeah. That's TV show. That's creepy though. This guy. Yeah, yeah. She loves dirty John. I love dirty John. Okay. What's your number one, you can pick this, sex dating relationship tip.

Sex dating relationship tip? Number one. Just be honest about the thing that you think is going to hurt the other person's feelings because one, it's going to come out later. They're going to be super pissed. You're already going to have this investment in them. Two, if you'd mention it early on and you're kind enough about it,

they're probably gonna respect it. Like if someone's late and then they're late again, and you're like, hey, you know, if you're gonna be always late, it's gonna drive me crazy, is that a thing that we can work on? And they're like, you know what, I hate that about myself,

problem kind of starting to become solved. If you wait until you're six months in and you're like, you know what, you're always late, FU, you're terrible person, you don't care about anyone else, but yourself, then they're like, whoa, where did that come from? And then they're defensive about it.

And now you can't solve the problem. Because if they're on time, they're like, I'm not doing it for you, okay? Because now you've got to fight. I've had to learn these kind of things. I am a big people pleaser. I don't have people that like me. I've learned all the stuff you say on the show.

You eventually start to take your own advice. Yeah, people appreciate it. You know, hey, day by day. Thank you so much for being on the show. And everyone check out his podcast. And thanks for being here. All right, everyone. I hope you enjoyed this show.

Thank you so much for listening. And to my amazing team, Ken Samantha Julia, Michelle, producer, Jamie, and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithamlee.com. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪