Sex With Emily - New Year, Better Sex: A Mash-Up

Episode Date: January 2, 2019

On today’s show, we’re bringing you a mash-up for some sexual resolution inspiration because there’s always room to grow – even in the bedroom! Emily talks with Menace about different resolutions to step up your sex life, with Anderson about dating someone you met online, and Jamie about the best and worst sexual experiences they’ve had – and what you can learn from each one. Happy New Year! Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Foria, Magic Wand, Adam & Eve, SiriusXM, Womanizer Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily For even sex advice, tips & tricks, visit: sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm bringing you a mashup of past shows for some sexual resolution inspiration. I want to make 2019 the best year of sex for all of you. There's always room to growl, even for me. So happy new year and enjoy the show. into his eyes Then the eyes of a man obsessed by sex Eyes that mock our secret institutions Betrubized they call them a lie-gone-day Hey, Emily you got a boyfriend cuz my man E here He just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute The girls got a hair stand. Oh my the women know about shrinkage isn't it common?

What do you mean like laundry? It's r? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm so dumb. Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. Check out our site, sexwithemily.com, for some more inspiration.

And to help you have better sex, and you can also find me on SeriousXM, Monday through Friday from five to seven Pacific eight to ten East on SeriousXM, Stars channel one and nine, for some more sex talk. And I take your calls every single night. So, give me a call there if you'd like,

get your own subscription to Serious, try a free 30-day trial, sexwithemily.com slash SXM. You can also find us on all social media at Sex with Emily across the board. I look forward to seeing you there. It's the new year, come now, just a few days. So happy new year, Mattis.

Happy new year. And I'm very glad to be here with you. So do you have any resolutions? This show, oh, is all about your resolution. So sexual resolutions or relationship resolutions, how is your relationship going right now? Are there things about it that you might want to change? Or maybe if you're single, you're thinking, gosh, you know,

in 2015, I just love to start dating again. So we're going to talk about some ways to get yourself out there and to make some resolutions that will really improve your life. So, at the moment, if you just wanted a little history, you know, people, I don't know if they know this, but like, it was nine years ago. I started, I started this podcast ten years ago in my living room, just as an idea, I'll interview people about sex, because I wanted to learn more. And I got a call from the program manager at Free FM, and they

said, hey, do you want to do a live show? I'd never been in a radio station. I'd never, I'd, I'd, nothing. So, I was like, cool. I go in, menace, was assigned to the board, whether it's a job board operator, and we met, and I didn't know what I was doing being in the radio. I didn't know how to like, I might have swore a few times and done some things like, Menis was pulling his hair out. Yeah, because he wanted to kill me.

You know, this is like right after, you know, the whole of Janet Jackson stuff, where like the FCC was really herring down on any like sexual content, any kind of stuff like that. And here comes Emily who does not read any of the FCC guidelines. No, I had to take a test. Yeah, but I'm sure you didn't really pay attention to the test.

No, kind of. And here I'm the person that handles the button that cuts out all your... The dumb button. All the stuff. And this is how Emily would go. She would want to say, like, blow job on the radio. And I would go, and I would hit the button because you can't say that. And it would cut out her saying blow job.

And what would she do on the air? She would say, what? I can't say blow job. And I would have to hit the button again like, what the F-leaf. You know what's so funny about that though? I remember I did a show on masturbation and they said you can't say masturbation more than once every 15 minutes. So I had to come about these euphemisms for masturbation.

But the funny thing is being on love line, we say like blow job, come on your face. I mean, we say everything that we couldn't say that, we can totally say on love line. Yeah, and I mean, it's a lot more relaxed. You're in a better time slot for doing that. And also, you have the power of Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew is a trusted guy in this field.

And people are not going to go after him if you guys are talking about dropping jizz on this. Yeah, and we say jizz. We say, it's come a long way, baby. I'm sure you're still happy about that. I love it. Well, yeah, that's the background. But, yeah, I'm so happy to be here with you again.

I love us. So my resolution is that, you know, I have been here for two years. I've been working my ass off. I moved here because for my career and it's been amazing. But then I realized, you know, I haven't, I've dated God knows. I'm not, you know, I'm not sitting on celibate. But I just thought, you know, I should really, you know, start putting myself out there more. Just like I tell all of you, practicing what you preach. It's not that I'm holding back, it's just, if I'm working a lot, when I'm out, I'm just starting to talk to people, hey, how's your day?

Not even that I'm a track of doing them, or I don't even know what it is, I'm just, I'm talking to people wherever I go. So, New Year's plans also, you know, sometimes they can seem like a lead. Like, I think New Year's don't trip on it, even if you're single, it doesn't matter, whatever you're at now, but, you know, resolutions for the New Year, for whatever. So, New Year's don't trip on it, even if you're single. It doesn't matter whatever you're at now.

But you know, resolutions for the New Year, for whatever. So New Year's go out and have fun, but don't make a big deal. It's gotta be this huge thing. I think when you're just hanging with good friends, or if you've got a partner, just do something that you both like doing together. I think it's great to have a party at your house and have friends over other than paying three times the amount for a dinner somewhere. I hate when you're gonna be off into years.

So I hope everyone has a great new year, but moving into the new year, what are some sexual resolutions? So you can promise to hit the gym or like flush your teeth and all that, which one year I do flush your teeth every day? Every day now. It's hard to, right?

One year I made it my resolution, and I actually now, years ago, I do it every day. That's all important, the gym. But you should also commit to something that will bring you pleasure all year long. So I'm going to talk about some sexy resolutions that you might inspire you. I hope will inspire you to have better sex this year. So anything that you can think of, anything that you want to try sexually in your relationship before I get going and you can also pipe in. Anything that I want to

try sexually in my relationship. Currently at the moment, no, I'm sorry that I'm so. Honey, I don't care, I knew I don't even wanna ask. Okay, but I'm not out there on Tinder and having all these crazy stuff. I'm gonna answer the Tinder people back. I wish I was more entertaining. Tinder's more entertaining.

It's like a game, but I don't have time to message them. I mean, there's no one once I look at it, I'm like, yeah, okay. But just so I can get in on the game, I swear I talked about this on the last podcast I was with, that I was on, on with you, was I wanna be like spider man on Tinder or something like that.

And just see what they say. Okay, to me? Huh? No, just like in general, see what women, it's funny, it's a good time. Let's do it. You just sign up, become a check right now. Okay, so one of the first things I think is really important And what women? It's funny. It's a good time. Let's do it. You just sign up.

Become a check right now. One of the first things I think is really important is that you should sleep with people who make you feel good about yourself. All right. So if you're having Sunday morning regrets, you wake up in the morning and you're sleeping with this guy or girl and you're like, God, they don't appreciate me. I feel really bad about myself. Well, think about that.

People don't change that much. So if someone's not making you feel like you're best self right now, life is too short to spend time in a relationship that is going nowhere or sleeping with someone that doesn't make you feel good. So you should move on from stare relationships that are holding you back. I think that's one resolution that you should all make. Also, commit to say for sex. I feel like people aren't using condoms these days. They just aren't. They say they were like I feel like our generation was like, A is scary, whatever. People just don't.

And you know what? If you know that sex is going to happen, you should be prepared for it. You probably plan on using condoms and then you had a few too many drinks or something and you just departed and have any or you didn't have any. And I think if you're a woman, arm yourself with condoms that you actually like and you feel good about Lifestyles condoms set me all these condoms to try and I have to tell you They are amazing condoms number condoms used to be kind of like they were they fell off They were uncomfortable guys in like the where I'm made those an excuse. They have these turbo condoms They've like this excite gel in them. They also have these condoms that have pleasure There's a pleasure pack actually and they've got these little bumps in them. They also have these condoms that have pleasure. There's a pleasure pack, actually. And they've got these little bumps in them for her pleasure. I mean, they're just in their thin,

because they use polyisoprene, which is actually not latex. And so you don't get infections from them. And they feel freaking amazing. So have safe sacks this year, because people are carrying around diseases, y'all. And just because they tell you they don't have something, either they're lying or they don't know, because then you can just be a carrier. So, correct the safe sex, a career of herpes, or whatever else, gonorrhea. Gonorrhea, colabella, all the sexy stuff.

Do you guys ever talk, do you ever guyfriends like, hey dude I got herpes? Not herpes, but I had a friend that said he got a colabella. Yeah, he just take a antibiotic. I mean, it's not the end of the world, but it's, you know, it's bad. It's, you know, just be careful.

Condoms are not, I feel like they've gotten a bad rap because they just were bad. They used to be not as good as they are now. They're like, like, everything. They have technologically advanced. So check out condoms. Check out lifestyles. I love their pleasure back. Okay.

Do your sexer sizes. All right. Kegal exercises. So doctors always recommend that you do them for women. After if you get a child, they help you with your, like, so that I have with women, after childbirth, you tend to pee and you're listening to like, you sneeze or whatever, you're looser down there.

Also, it can help you have stronger orgasms. Keglexercises, they can for men, they help you last longer in bed, they help you just control your orgasms. And so, you know, the thing about it is, is the reason why, like, doctors tell you to do them is because they're miracle muscles. They're like any other muscle. And so how you do them is it's your pee stopping muscles. So when you want to stop and start the flow of urine,

so like you know, if you're, you know what I'm talking about when you stop it because someone's coming in the bathroom, you hold that for five seconds and then you let it go. And you can do it for five minutes a day. And I actually have an iPhone app called Kiggle Camp. And people go crazy about it because it reminds you to do them like five minutes a day.

You can set a reminder, every day on my phone. It says 11 30 time for a keglet camp and there's 20 levels so they get harder and people like email me. They're like, oh my god, my ejaculates shooting across the room like I was 20. Women are having a struggle orgasm. So just try and breathe. Flow with your kegels. They're really good to do. You can do my traffic light. Whatever. Do them. And your app, you always forget the selling point of your app, tell them. Oh, it's my voice.

Okay, so here's the deal, is that my voice walks you through it. And we're actually updating it. We have a new update coming up. Oh really? Like a month or two. Yeah, but do you want it to be your voice? For the ease. Retract.

It's like tense, relax. It's tense, relax. And it's five minutes and it's voice, and I'm cheering you on. And the thing is, when we first launched, we had 10 levels. And people were like, I already got to level 10. So now we have 20, and people love that. No one's asked for more. So I actually got an email about it.

Emily, I've been interested in exercising my PC muscles. And in the objective, I downloaded the app and also bought some cacoballs. I find the app amazing, but was wondering, if you could help me by giving me tips and how I could exercise with my kikoballs, thank you so much, Erica. So now they have these weights, right? These kikoballs for your, for your, you put them inside of you and you wear them

and they have a little string attached to them and they actually work out your muscles when you're not even doing the exercises. So you can put them in for an hour or two in the morning and just walk around with them. And also really they say if you just wear them, I know I wear them sometimes just for a few hours. And because you don't really realize it, but your muscles are tensing and holding them in and you're actually working them out with, I didn't even have any of the exercises. So they truly work for you. Go to good vibes. They have plenty of different brands and you can see that you like and try them out.

And then you can get your you know, kegels of steel. And I think you have a podcast episode somewhere where you actually had balls inside you. Did I? Yeah. With you. You walked in. I don't remember when it was. San Francisco.

San Francisco. Was it at the radio stage? No. Did you get a stitcher? No. Was that a stitcher? Yeah, I think you had balls inside you as a stitcher. I probably did. I have balls inside me. I have balls inside me now. No. Is that a stichre? Yeah, I think you had balls inside you as a stichre.

I probably did. You did. I have balls inside me. I have balls inside me now. No, that's a good point. But they're sitting on my counter, so I remember to point them in. And I'm telling you, I do have stronger orgasms when my PC muscles are stronger. Did you ever have problems taking it out?

Because on one of the episodes of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, Chloe had them in and she couldn't get one out. Those are the Ben Wobbles that were became famous if it was a great, they need to have a string on them so you can pull them out like a tampon. You don't want the ones without the string because you can lose them, you can lose stuff in your vagina. You don't want to do that. Condoms, you know, a cat or something. All that kind of stuff.

So be careful, ask for what you want. Resolutions about being proactive and changing your life. So if you've a desire or fantasy speak up Take responsibility for your own pleasure and for women your organism is your responsibility I used to think too when I was first started having sex I was like he's bad and bad. I didn't have an orgasm. It's his thing. No, you have to know your own body You have to figure out what pleases you first and then you can tell your partner because for men like men Assoe says what your famous state about a statement about the women's vagina. Oh, it's the Rubik's Rubik's cube of life. It's true. They're all different. They all operate differently and he's not or she whoever you're with, they're not going to guess

I'm not going to be like, oh, this is what they like. We're all different. So spend some time figuring out what you like and then learning how to ask for it. So you know, that will improve your sex life as well. It's something in your mind. I mean, I know guys married because you know people pull me aside, like at a party or whoever it is, they don't even know me, but they're like, what do I do? I've always wanted to watch my wife have sex with someone else, you know? I'm like, we've been together 20 years. I'm like, well, just, you've been together 20 years.

There's ways to bring this up and to talk, or maybe you don't lead with I want to have you, you know, whatever your fantasy is, if you're sitting on it, they don't go away. And they will only help you improve your sex life. So, you know, your partner may say no, but what if she or he says, yes, and then it goes to the next level in 2015. Hell yeah, that's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. Okay, so whether you're in a new or a long-term relationship, commit to trying like one new thing this year in bed. I don't care where it is. One thing, little dirty talk, a new position, bondage,

discover a new origin of stone. People go for men, they go for a breast, they go for a vagina. But like did you know, like the back of my knee, the nape of the neck is so sensitive. There are fingertips. Like breast orgasm, second most common orgasm, like try massage, try bringing out these other parts

of your body, never stop learning how to become a better lover. You should constantly be expanding your sexual repertoire. There was a thing where this guy, he was a quadriplegic, and I can't talk right now. I'm sorry. This is when my brain starts to shutting down, I apologize. But he got sexual rousal if a girl would suck on his finger.

Like, it's anywhere, you know, it's crazy. Yeah, no, it's true. I mean, there are, and there's ways that you, you might be like, finger, that's weird. How do you know? What if you can have an orgasm through your finger being stuck on and you don't know? So, people, you know, you're rushed,

you have sex the same way and I'm just saying, try something new, maybe once a month, even once this year, people don't ever mix it up. So, what are you gonna do? I'm not gonna ask you. Okay, and if you're single, commit to taking one step in your dating life towards meeting someone new.

It could be deciding up for a dating site, telling your friends whenever you're out with them, hey, no, but you know what, I'm interested if you know any single people, fix me up. It's like when you're looking for a job, and you're like, tell everyone, you know, tell everyone that you're looking for a job. So tell everyone you wanna find someone.

You're married and you're not married friends, are you're married? Non-single friends are the untapped resource. They really are, they're always meeting single of the single guys, that's how I've gotten fixed up a lot in LA. Or just get up the nerve to start talking to people because there's so much fear that men and women have about approaching and just talking to people.

And the more you do it, the more you just start like saying hello and talking to people in public whether or not you want to sleep with them and just chatting, it will make you more comfortable with that members of the sex and getting turned on and getting dates and getting turned on too. But it's not just put yourself out there and see what happens because like we said, you're not going to die. Nothing bad is going to happen from learning to stop to learn and start talking to people. You'll be fine.

You'll be fine. And then finally, stop faking it and not to sorgasms. Don't fake it in the bedroom. Don't fake it in your relationship. Don't fake it in your dating profile. Don't lie about who you are. The best way to find something real is to put your real self out there. Because no one ever gets what they want by faking it. Because eventually, someone's gonna find out

that you're not really what you say you are. You're not into what you say you want. So, you know, if that means saying goodbye to your almost relationship, because you know that you need more, if that means speaking up, because things aren't working in the bedroom, do it. And of course, don't fake your orgasms.

That is just disservice to all. Guys, you're sending the wrong message. And you're sending the wrong message to men or whoever your partner is because you're saying that Hey, that felt really good, but it doesn't feel good so don't fake it and I hope everyone I'm wishing everyone a happy new year I know I'm not with the resolutions have a great year Emily It's been another great year with you men. I'll keep doing your thing. I'm doing my thing. You keep doing your thing All right, I love you so much. I love you too.

Thanks, Minus. Let's talk sex. Let's talk sex. Sex and the news. Yes. This is great for everybody in the new year. If you're still having weird feelings about, you know, being single or like, about dating apps, let me tell you this.

If you're newly single, here is the best day to start swiping. So they say the anxiety and the stress that's imposed by the holiday season, we've got these social obligations, no easy relatives, no easy relatives, too much to family time, booze, gifts, all this stuff, we break up with something we might realize. You know what, I don't want to be with this person anymore,

or I'm just miserable with my family. You just sit there with a drink in your hand, watching them interact with your family, I don't know what am I doing with this, but I'm from there. Right, you're like, so January, New Year's resolution, I'm just miserable with my family. You just sit there with a drink in your hand, watching them interact with your family. I like to. What am I doing with this? Right. You're like, so January, New Year's resolution, I'm going to start dating at. Dating companies actually look forward to January surge and membership. It reminds you of gyms. They ever belong to gyms and in January. I just freeze my membership every January because you can't even get in. It's a waste.

All the newbies are there. The worst. The worst. Well, it's kind of like that with dating, but this is a good thing because people are so disappointed from the holidays. They're like, their butt is kicked into high gear. So they are dating their starting data line. And what they say is that, okay. So based on trends from previous years, match.com is confident of the highest traffic on Sunday, January 8th, 2017, and precisely 8.49pm Eastern time. They should be more specific.

The company is a 42% spike in new singles looking for love during the dating season, which they say spans from December 26th to February 14th. Everyone wants a date for Valentine's Day. Tinder, they're not a specific, but they say that last year's data shows that they were up at this time of year and there was a bump in matches and all that. This is like the sexual black Friday. It is the sexual black Friday.

Jack Friday. So I'm just saying I did the show. I guess it was late in December but I was talking about my experience dating this year and how I actually took time off and now I'm back on the apps. I talked a lot about swiping and my little tips for how I've learned to like I've been doing Bumble and Tinder. Appreciate that, because know this, all right? You're sitting across from a guy who's never swiped a thing in his life. I've never swiped.

I've never had the opportunity to swip. It's a super like your ATM card. All came along after I was already married, which is fine, I'm happy, I'm happily married, got a kid, I'm excited, and life is good, but believe me, wanna tell you that I'm a little bit jealous that I didn't get to try the swipe.

It's fine, you just swipe, and then you go on a date to have a little bit jealous that I didn't get to try the swipe. It's fine. You just swipe and then you go on a date and have a good time and there's so many options. But I think it's detrimental to monetizing. I can just swipe and it doesn't go anywhere. Just for me. You can use mine. Oh, this is a bunch of dudes though. Here's the thing though.

I want to say this thing about Tinder because Tinder said this so it must be true, but I also think it's true. What they said was, is that, I just read this. It said that Tinder is not necessarily just a hook up app like everybody thinks. Well, of course, they say that because they want more business. No, no, no, but what I'm telling you,

how long will this go? It says, um, They should have like a virgin app. Like they have virgin alcohol, you know, like, I don't know. They do. Like a virgin margarita. I want a virgin swipeable So I could just swipe just to just see what it feels like I can't find it

But what is saying is you're right. They really I think they're they're freaking abs for people on horses farmers Yeah, farmers only farmers only but like I think that like first of all I think tender made of resurgence I think that nobody is gonna make you sleep or something you're like oh well I want to date I gotta have sex with them you get to decide to decide and I know a lot of people finding relationships on all the apps So how are we ladies especially the ones that are a little bit more demeanor maybe or a little bit more innocent I think that they a lot of guys go on Tinder guys that I know that I talked to they think of it as a hookup Back and they think that if a chick is on there that she's down for like a one-night stand Okay, but like he could think that all he wants

But if your woman don't feel pressured into it. Limit your alcohol, no one is expecting anything in effect to probably respect you more if you don't give a blowjob in the car on the first date. A little bit more. No, my friend used to call it a blowjob in Spencer. He's like, every girl just gives you a blowjob, but you don't have to and he's a douchebag anyway.

Whoever said that, my guy said that. So don't worry about it. And just find the ones that work for you. It's like a bar. I couldn't tell you what bar to go to because I don't know what you're into and what more of a girl is music. So play around with them.

Have a good time and everyone's online. Enjoy your freedom. Yeah. Okay, so we can move on to some email. Another reason why it's going off and popping off is because people who are newly single, probably especially the ladies don't want to become mid-February.

Well, this is the thing they say the spike is the Valentine's Day. Yeah, see. And there was a saying. Desperately searching. I know. Like you got girls are like desperately searching to like beat the February 14th deadline, whereas guys are much more short-sighted and they're desperately searching to beat the 2AM deadline.

Exactly. Right. Much more short-sighted. You guys are much more long-time. But there was a section in the news last month that actually said I believe that men are more concerned about being single around the holidays and women obviously more around Valentine's Day. And Valentine's Day to me is like we're gonna do a bunch of fun stuff this year around. Because it's like my year Valentine's Day.

I'm Michigan accent comes out. Because it's your year. Why is it your year? No, I'm just saying always, he's always like what's your business time a year? Like Valentine's Day. I feel like that's like my Santa Claus. Yeah, yeah. I love Valentine's Day because I love, with my listeners, we do such fun things, we do giveaways and contests and we give you tips. But, but whether you're single or not, we give you tips for all that stuff.

Hi Emily, I have a question for you. Da. I said, da. I know I'm probably the exception, but until recently, I've always been a relationship kind of person. All of a sudden, I'm very intrigued by a guy, I'm chatting with on a dating website. Beside the fact that I've been alone a relationship kind of person. All of a sudden, I'm very intrigued by a guy I'm chatting with on a dating website.

Beside the fact that I've been alone for way too long, my question is, how does a girl feel safe letting a guy she barely knows into her home, much less into her bed? The whole risk of being physical with someone new is scary enough, but with someone I know could have been with someone different every day of the week, is something, well, I never considered doing before.

Check this out Anderson. I was raised with Dr. Drew. He scared the living crap out of me for the past 28 years or so. Realistically I know when we have penetrative sex, we'll use condoms, but not for oral. But feeling safe, letting him into my home where everything I love is is scary. Please help. Thanks Lisa 45 from Los Angeles. So when she says that Dr. Drew has scared her the lot. I didn't listen to love line before I was on it. So I'm assuming what she's

talking about. Well, I did. They didn't have it in Michigan growing up. I didn't. My brothers and sisters listened to it. And I thought it was garbage. But my question is, and you were 20 years, like I didn't know what I'm assuming that she's referring to because she's 45 is that back in the day, 10, 15 years ago, when everyone started dating, like on Craigslist, right, that there was a lot of safety issues, that they're still there. Right. But she said he scared the crap out of her. So she talked about STDs, she's about like letting a stranger into your home. Do you know who knows?

I mean Drew scared the hell out of me too. I, you know, working with every night for 17 years, I was scared to even have a kid pass my age because he was always telling me what a douchebag I'd be if I had a kid when I was older. Hey, if you listen to true, he will scare you out of life itself. Actually, I asked, here's a fun fact about true because he's a worry-work. I asked him one day, because I didn't have insurance for a while and he was really shaming me and I said, what would you do, Drew, if you knew that tomorrow you weren't going to have insurance for the entire day? He said he would lock himself in a closet and not move for 24 hours.

So take everything he says with the grain of salt. The man does kind of live. Okay. Well, I know, but I'm just wondering, I'm just wondering what she, I mean, I can assume he was probably like, you know, be careful, check, let your friends know where you're at. What's the end drew is all about online dating. At the beginning, he, in fact, this is when he was with Corolla, he would talk about how it was a dangerous and then Corolla would come in and talk about

only losers would date online. Well, that's the rest of the estate. That is so. Totally. But I don't remember him like warning people, like be very, very, very, okay. I got curious if there's anything I miss. So Lisa, here's a deal. I totally get your concerns and worries because they're still, they're still real. Like, this is a stranger and you don't want to bring them back in your home. But here's something I miss. So Lisa, here's a deal. I totally get your concerns and worries because they're still real. Like this is a stranger and you don't wanna bring them back in your home. But here's something that I've learned lately that was like the best tip I actually got from a date.

Before your first date with somebody, face time with them. Yes. It used to be Skype, but face time with them because people can be great on mine. They can be great texturs, great wordsmiths. I love a guy with a woody text. Woody. Oh, I don't want the woody text.

I want a woody text, but you know, you can find out there's a little chemistry, you can just see if they're like not a serial killer. And then I would also meet them out. How do you do that, I'm like, I don't know. It's your face timing, you make sure there's not like skin on the walls.

You can tell there's no skins and there is like baby skeletons. Now, wielding a knife. Meet them out in public first, multiple times until you feel comfortable. Yes, if you're really worried, let your friends know where you're going. You can have what your friend, you know, now with GPS,

you can have your friend track you. What is the thing on the iPhone? Were there like track where I'm at or whatever? Find friends? Friends, really? Yeah. So I'm saying like, don't invite them

on to your house. Meet them for coffee. Never invite, I still go out with guys a few times. I don't even pick me up your house. Meet him for coffee. Never ever invite him. I still go out with guys a few times. I don't even pick me up. Like I meet them out. So when you're ready to have him, we'll be safe about it.

Let a friend know, have a neighbor in the loop, have an alarm system, tell your friends, and definitely get tested. Like, I mean, for sure you want to get tested and you always, always want to use condoms. I mean, people just, I can't tie on people every day in my life. Do you use condoms? No. Or I use condoms the first time, people just, I can't tie on people every day in my life, do you use condoms? No, or I use condoms the first time,

not the second time. What the hell does that do? That's like saying, it was raining for nine, like 10 days in a row, and the 10th day I didn't want to raincoat, you got wet. The first nine days you didn't. It's weird things, especially for condoms. 10th day you could get pregnant, you could get an STD.

Wear condoms. We've pat ourselves on the back so hard for, like, use the condoms. One time is the condoms. And then once you get comfortable with the girl, you feel like you're comfortable with like her blood type as well, I guess. So nice girl. You just let it roll.

Right. Alright, we are going to take a quick break and we'll come back with more. Oh, happy holidays, everyone. It's almost, I'm hoping I'll have a great holiday. It's almost the new year. I'm here with my deputy, Jamie. My deputy of hip-ness, coolness, sex, goddess, Jamie. I just like being a deputy.

She just wants to be deputy. She's everything. She does a lot here. Jamie's been here for three years, two tears. Feels like sex. Two years in some shade. I love Jamie. Jamie's been here for three years. Two? Two years. She feels like sex. Two years and some change. I love Jamie.

Jamie's been in the show with me a bunch. She's responsible for a lot of the amazing content you see everywhere. That's sexual family. So, Jamie, thank you for all your hard work and efforts. She's blossomed before my eyes. She's been here for two years and she started a little intern. She was so cute. Now she's grown up, taking over things.

So, Jamie, I'm glad you're here with me today because it's coming towards the end of the year and it's been a big year for, I think for everybody. Yeah. And specifically for sex and relationships and I thought we could kind of do an end of year roundup real quick and then answer some emails, help the people here. Oh yeah, I'm totally talking about some resolutions going forward because it's I don't know I mean, I'm not like a A lot of people the holidays are interesting time. I think there's a lot of people who get more you know emotional or sad over the holidays. It can be you know hard being with family and all that stuff

I don't really have that as much as I do the end of year makes me just I really do make an effort to think about I Really do make an effort to kind of look at the last year and take inventory of like what what happened this year because a lot of times We're all going so fast, especially you see me. Oh, yeah, it's fast. There's a lot and I'm moving Constantly I know I even come in the office and move. I'm like, I'll be at this desk. I'm going to go to this desk. But life is fast. And I was like, so I'd like to reflect and think,

like, what would happen this year? What were some good things that happened that I'm really proud of? And that makes me, you know, who did I meet? Who came into my life personally and professionally? What goals have I met? What have I moved through? It's just sometimes you can just think about things

that aren't so great in your life. It's really easy to go into that zone of like, what's wrong, what's wrong. I think we a lot of us do that. But when you have a whole year to look back, you can go, okay, and hopefully you always kind to yourself and say I did the best I could with what was going on in my life.

So I try to do that and I think, okay, but in a year from now or in the next year, what are the things that would be great to see in place, personally, professionally, spiritually, health wise? You know, I kind of do this inventory and I like to write a bunch of stuff on the wall like I like to do, like those big stickies. So anyway, as I was thinking about it,

I think a lot of our listeners are probably thinking about that as well. Like what, you know, I hope you are. And I hope, and I'd like to kind of plant the seed nugget in your brain, if you will. Yes. The sex nugget. I say seed nugget. Seed nugget, sex nugget. I want to plant the, I'd like to plant the sex nugget in your brain. Thinking about, um, when you're thinking about all those things, like maybe you, people like join a gym in January, they want to quit smoking, but I think it's important to think about. Of course, sex always prioritized, but this would be a great time to think, do I want to be having

what kind of sex are the fantasies I haven't filled yet? If you're in a relationship, how could you straighten that bond, the intimacy, if you're dating, how could you better sex, well, well dating, which I know is a challenge. We're going to get into that in a minute. So let's talk about some of these things. We could. Yeah. And I think I think you're right, though, too. There's a lot of people, especially people that get into relationships, but, or even if you're single, they don't really think about ways to improve their sex life. They just treat each new partner, each new thing. Like, if you're single, they treat each new partner as

like a new thing, and they don't really think about like Well, what could I do to make this make sure that this is good sex or better sex and then people in relationships Just fall into routine and they know that they're gonna have sex But then that's why things start to get stale because you you got to change things up You got to really think about it. What made your best sex moments the best? Oh, made your bad sex moments bad Like think about why these things made you feel this way. Exactly. Right. Like, what was the bad and what was the good?

Or what was the most pleasing sex and not pleasing sex? It's funny because I was thinking about the shows we did with the guys, the guys talk sex show, which is so fun. And I remember asking those guys and I was like, what was the best sex you ever had? I love asking people that. In fact, that was one of the first questions I used to ask you about when I started the show because I was always like, what does great sex mean to you? I mean, I really was like, when you say you

are the best sex, tell me what that means. I was always like, break it down, you know? And so asking, though it was interesting that those guys were like, you know, the similar thread to all of it was, it was sort of unknown. It wasn't planned, it was spontaneous. It was fairly new partners, alcohol involved. It's kind of spontaneous sex.

And I thought, it's interesting, because a lot of what we talk about is keeping sex great and our relationship is, you gotta bring that spontaneity back and that newness. And so, I thought that was interesting though, but I also think it changes over time. So the guys, when they're 20s, I wonder if they could have the same answer 10 years from now.

And so when I think about it, like some memorable sex, you know, might not be the kind of sex that I would want to have. Now, for example, what would be great sex to me, so a good question to ask yourself is, what was the best sex I had this year? And what would I want to see happen, you know, in the future? What was the worst sex? So I was thinking about we could highlight perhaps our, I'd like to get into that now. Yeah, no, I mean, I think it's, I agree. I think it's like people tend to think

of the best sex they ever had, but they don't think of this year. Like, think about the year, just the year, because my best sex ever did not happen this year, but from this year, I can pull out the best sex of this time. If you focus on stuff like seven years ago, that was the best sex, you might even try to re-enact that, but it might not even be the best sex of this time. If you focus on stuff like seven years ago, that was the best sex. You might even try to re-enact that,

but it might not even be the best for you anymore because it was seven years ago. But if you think about something in a year, it kind of makes it a little more tangible. Right, it's a little more anecdotal, maybe. When you look back on stories, like, from years ago, you're like, oh, it was really fun. It was crazy.

We were at this rooftop party. We'd sex outside or whatever your great sex was. And as you know, being a sex and relationship expert, I think people assume I always have amazing sex and I'm going to come clean here and tell you that I don't always have amazing sex. I do my best to make it better, but if I think about my high and low this year or talk about this year, I did. I had some sex that was just not great and then I had some amazing sex.

So what was your best sex? Should we start with the best? Let's start with the best and then we'll contrast it. Okay. My best sex this year are really memorable sex. It kind of had all the elements we're talking about. My best sex was that wanderlust. You have to come next year. Wanderlust was that really cool festival I did in Tahoe this summer and I talked for two days about sex and it's like a huge yoga festival. They do it like a bunch of different exotic cities

and it's just a lot of people running around like scantily clad doing yoga and like a lot of healthy happy people obviously. They're doing yoga all day and I actually did the one sex track so I did two days of sex and it was really it was intense like you were not there unfortunately. We had Lark there and we had Ken that came in from Jersey, part of our team, Lark, producer, Lark, and then my friend Heather, who does some work with us was there. We rented a house and I was preparing to speak and it was a lot of work. Because of course, I changed my mind for the last minute. We were rewriting it.

It was amazing. I loved it. In fact, their talks are going to be on the one of the last podcasts and we'll promote it in a few months. So it was a grueling week. It was a lot of togetherness with the team. We all bonded. It was great, but also intense.

And it was five days where I thought, I would have time to do yoga and go hiking and do all the beautiful things you're doing toho, set at the foot of this amazing mountain. But there was a lot of work. So it went until Sunday. We were there like Wednesday till Sunday. I gave my last talk Sunday at about two.

It was over at three. And the one thing, besides yoga, all the classes were done. But the one thing I wanted to do the whole time was to take the tram to the top of the mountain, and there was a pool party that was going on the whole time. Like at the top of the mountain. Right?

Everyone's like, oh my god, if you've been to the pool party, I'm like, oh, I've known 10 party. So I looked at Lark, I was like, you know what, we have an hour left until we have to leave and go to our flight. It's open for another hour. I think the pool party went to four and it was like three. I'm like, let's just go for an hour, check out the top of the mountain, have a drink.

We've been working our ass off. So we get to the top of the mountain, it's beautiful. Going up up up up here, Ben Tyle. Oh, I want to go in the summer. It's so beautiful. The gondola, it's the gondola or tram. It's both, tram, gond somewhere. It's so beautiful. The gondola is the gondola or tram? Both, tram, gondola. It's tram.

It's tram, tram, gondola. So you tell how you go up. It's beautiful. You've been to ski resorts and the. Yeah, I mean, I've been to like, I'm wildly just tickulating at you right now. OK, so we're at the mountain and we get there. And it's like, oh, it's so beautiful.

And the air was perfect. We walk over to the bar and they're like, no, sorry, we're shutting down party's ending. And I was like, but you don't understand. Like we just got to the top of the mountain. And there are still people like scantily clad in the pool and like music. He's like, nope.

And I was like, you know what I was like, come on. Like anything, like I'll pay you. I've got like a, I have like a dildo. I'm like I'll give you a vibrator. He's like, nope, no more beer. I'm like, oh my God. Okay, okay, that's fine. And so I sat down with Lark and we're just looking and we're like, oh, it's fine. And then I was like, well my God, okay, okay, that's fine. And so I sat down with Lark and we're just looking

and we're like, oh, it's fine. And then I was like, well, I should get a picture because we didn't take many pictures. It was a beautiful view. And Lark's like, well, you should just go over there. And she was exhausted. She'd been on her feet all day. She'd just walk over there and like, take a picture

of that cliff. So I walk over to Scliff and of course, I'm wearing like two in shells or three in shells. And I'm like, trying to get over these rocks to take this beautiful, like, outlook picture and as an overview picture of the entire city, and I walk over and this guy comes up to me, and he's like, hi, he's like,

can I help you, where you going? And I said, he had like a beer in his hand, and I said, give me your beer. I didn't say that, but I thought that. And he's like, let me help you. I said, I gotta take a really great shot from here, because I have no shots since I've been here, and he's like, let me help you. And he like, put his hand on me. He guided

me and he took a bunch of pictures. And he was just, I like them. And he was cute. And he was like, what are you doing? I said, I've been working the whole time. And I just need a really good picture from here. And I'm leaving in an hour. And he's like, ah, he's like, don't leave. I'm with my buddy. And we've got like a party to go do. And it's been really fun. And he was really cute. I'm like thinking how am I meeting someone like literally I think I had walked away from Mark and maybe 15 seconds and go buy in the sky comes out to me. I walk back to see Lark and it turns out our flight ends up being canceled. We go and get dinner and drinks with him and he's got a really cool friend and we're all

hanging out and it's just like all fell into place. He was really kind. He was really attentive. He was just like interesting and interested and he's very attractive. And we ended up getting a room. I'll share the room. And he was two of my favorite things. He's a trained massage therapist and do you and the massage therapist do your right? That's my second. You know what? This is what a massage therapist. Dude, you're right. You're right. That's my second. You know what? This is what.

Data massage therapist. But that's not what is his main thing. He did it on the side and he made it. But he was, he meditates and he's a healer. And the matter of the grant. All those things. And he was so great. And everything I told him, I was like, I like when you touch my

shoulder and then you kept touching it. I like when, and I was just very able to be, to communicate with him. And I felt like he understood what my body needed. And I understood what he needed without being able to speak. I instantly felt safe with him and connected in a way that is difficult to explain only when you look at it against the bad sex of the year.

And you're like, oh, I get it. I get it when you're not really connecting. Someone's not listening to you and you're not jiving. So we've had a good energy. We still text. He's not my future, whatever. But it was like're not really connecting, someone's not listening to you and you're not jiving. So we've had a good energy, we still text, not my future, whatever, but it was like this moment of like, and it had those elements, like we talked about with the guys, it was spontaneous, I didn't know it was gonna happen,

didn't know it was kind of a stranger, but felt instantly safe and was like, had amazing hands. And that doesn't happen all the time. No. I mean, everything was comfortable, we showered together, it was a really fun, unexpected evening. So that was my best sex.

I like that. It's a good one. Oh, yeah. I got a wanderlust, hopefully we'll run into the next year. You'll come next year. Okay, so, James, let's, so here's how we can kind of learn maybe best and worse. So I would have to say that was anyone's memorable sex of the year. So if anyone I've slept with this year's listening, you're great too, babe.

I can only name one. But I would say the one that I wasn't a huge fan of was a guy that I had gone out a few times, met him through a friend. In his 40s, been married before, and it was the, we got out several times and it was the classic. We went back to my house after a few dates.

We had made out in the car. It was kind of hot. Walk into my house after a few dates. We had made out in the car. It was kind of hot Walking to my house and he had this expectation That he was just gonna like start my pants. Take him off when we were gonna sex like it was really like no No attention to the breasts not even much time kissing and he wasn't a rush It was like at a go-and-go where it was a Saturday night and in my brain. I'm going how does he not? You know know the four-play of the slow down, the kiss thing. It occurred to me that this isn't the first guy I've been with,

no matter what age, but several in their 30s, 40s that just really don't, they don't get it, they don't get it, they don't get it, they don't get it, they don't understand the four-play, they don't slow down. And so I tried in the moment, I stopped, I said, you know what would make me feel more comfortable

right now just so you know, because I stopped it. And he's like, well, what? I said, well, I just feel like we were connecting and we've had a great date and a great few times spending with each other. We've gone out a few times, it's been really fun and it's funny and I love making out with you.

And now here we are. And I feel like you've skipped a beat here and it would feel really good just to kind of make out and connect more. And it kind of like, like went over his head or something. Yeah, he was like, oh yeah, no, I just, I just found you attractive. And it wasn't just the sex.

It was a few other things at night that made me realize that probably he also had me watch like his host reel from 20 years ago and like, talked about himself the whole time. So there was a few narcissistic traits in there. So there's someone who's actually paying attention and listening. It's not like the other guy was a massive massage guy. He was a masterful lover.

He's not a masseuse for living with the other guy. The guy from Mexico. But you know what I mean? It's really, it's really, it's really a matter of paying attention, listening, and being a kid that you don't as a man or woman that you don't really know everything. And with each partner, it's a new opportunity to learn. Can I comment on that comment? Please comment.

How you said for the guy with the bad sex, he was like, I'm sorry, I get it, but I'm just so attracted to you. It's like, okay, like while I'm happy that you're attracted to me and I always love it when I know that a guy is super into me at the same time when he says something like that. All it means to me is like, so you just were worried though about you getting off. Like you're not worried about whether or not what you're doing is going to get me off because you're just like, oh, I'm just so attracted to you, I just need to get it in right now.

It's like they kind of see it as a compliment, it's not really a compliment. And it's not him being rude, it's just him being kind of like he just doesn't know. Right, that's what's alarming to me and why I'm more passionate than ever about this. You know, I think a lot of us men and women, we did not really learn at all about how to have sex.

You're absolutely right that there's men, they say things to us like, oh, I've got blue balls or, you know, they put your hand on their penis to show you that it's hard and we already know it. We're making out. Your penis is probably hard. You don't need to show me. Those things that guys do that they think is going to be a turn on to us actually isn't. It has nothing to do with us.

And I'm going to say men when we get around differently. So I will say men, the more that men focus on pleasing their partner, and by that, I don't mean like going down and I'm necessarily, I mean, like, what does she need in that moment? How is she reacting? Does she, is she cold? Does she want to kiss? I mean, you can tell or ask, like, if you are attentive,

you're not going to seem like a whoosh, you're going to seem like a man who knows how to like, react to a partner, and then that comes back to you. Like once a woman likes you, feels safe, feels like you have her best intentions. You know, it just kind of works. But I think that guys have that mentality by saying these things that like,

but I'm so turned on so you should just have something right now when you are feeling nothing. I mean, I don't even know, I forgot you were here, dude. No, exactly. And that's why that's just why it's interesting to me. Cause I mean, I've been in situations where I'm like, can we slow down a little bit, or I've even had a guy like, you know, like, you know, we're having sex,

and I'm like trying, I'm on top, and I'm trying to move a certain way, and he keeps trying to move me differently. And I'm like, I had to say, I was like, hey, I was like, can we kind of like slow down for a second, because I realized that this may not be getting you off, but I need more attention to my genital areas. Do you say that? I didn't say it exactly like. I said I was just like, hey, I was like, hold on, let's slow down and I had to like keep guiding

him because I was like, hey man, like in my head, I was like, you're gonna get off in probably a few minutes. So let me do what I need to do and then we can do whatever the fuck you want. Right. Right. You didn't say it. Let's say it. That's why I said, I let me do what I need to do, and then we can do whatever the fuck you want. Right, right, you didn't say it. I didn't say it, that's why I said I thought that part. I was very nice in the actual talking. Of course you were. I am not. Of course you were.

I'm only sarcastic, I'm not very, I'm not mean to people. Right. So yeah, we're gonna be talking more about this in the New Year, men and women, women and men, women and men and men, all of us. We all need a little bit of help. Thanks to my amazing team,

Ken, Sarah, intern Michelle, producer Jamie and Michael, was and men, men and men. All of us, we all need a little bit of help. Thanks to my amazing team, Ken, Sarah, intern Michelle, producer Jamie and Michael, was it good for you? Email me, feedback at sexwithemlee.com.