Sex With Emily - Next Level: Masturbation Elevation

Episode Date: May 21, 2019

On today’s show, Emily is talking about ways to switch up your masturbation routine – because even solo sex can get stale – and she’s answering your emails. She shares with you why making changes to your masturbation routine can vastly improve your sex life, ways that prove sex is more than just penetration, and how to move forward in your relationship after learning new things about your partner’s sexuality. Plus, you got lube – but where do you put it? Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: SiriusXM, Woo More Play, Apex, Promescent, We-Vibe. Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily For even more sex talk, tips, & tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm talking about ways to switch up your masturbation routine because even solo sex can get stale. And I'm answering your emails. Topics include, why making changes to your masturbation routine can vastly improve your sex life? Sex is more than just penetration, but what does that really mean? Your boyfriend might be bisexual, but the way you found out didn't go well. What do you do now? And okay, you're finally bought Lou, but where the hell you put it All this and more, thanks for listening Look into his eyes They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex

Eyes that block our secret institutions Betrubized they call them in a fight on me. Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. Hey girls, gotta have a stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common with all of it? What do you mean, like laundry?

It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I want to feel so drunk. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Evelyn is not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships,

and everything in between for more formation. Check out sexwithemlee.com. Chock full of information, chock full. You'll love it. You'll love our website. You'll love all the posts that are there to help you have a better life, better sex, better relationships, find our podcast, wherever you listen to it. We'll love our website. You'll love all the posts that are there to help you have a better life, better sex, better relationships, find our podcast wherever you listen to it.

We love when you comment and subscribe, which is amazing. Leave us a review. And you can also find me in serious XM radio, stars channel 109, Monday through Friday, five to seven Pacific, eight to 10 East. And you guys should not check it out. You can also call them with your questions. I don't care, triple eight, nine, four, seven, eight, two, seven, seven. I'd love to hear from you, or get a free trial at sexathemely.com slash SXM. And always follow us on social media everywhere. I had sex with Emily. All right, enjoy the show. It is a masturbation month. First of all, we're doing a giveaway all month long. All you gotta do, and a lot of you have entered it so far.

Maybe it's podcast people have entered it too. How often we've mentioned it here, but you guys got to get on board. You got to email feedback at sexwithammy.com, subject line masturbation routine, and you tell us how you're going to switch it up, switch up your routine, and how you think it's going to improve your sex life

until May 31st, and then you're gonna get a super, super, super, special sexy prize. And you know it's from me, it's from Moss. You can imagine what it's gonna be. Mm-hmm, yeah. I'm not sending you like a blender. I don't know. No, I liked it.

I was just trying to think, I was like, that was really cool. You came up with that so quick too. I would have like stalled me like, I wouldn't send you a really good one. I was going to say not sending you a toolbox kit, but it kind of would send you a tool kit. It's actually tool kit.

So anyway, Blender came out. AOS thinking about daily harvest. And it would still be kind of down. For Blender. You what? I don't know. It would just be like not what I was expecting, but. Blender.

Free blender. All right. But I do like a good blender. Yes. But that's not what I'm going to send you. But before you can enter the contest, I think you're probably going oh Emily Well, I'm masturbate just fine or isn't every day masturbation month or like I do it fine I had it and quit it. That's the point

Your masturbation gets bland just like your sex life and how about this one? Let me flip this one instead Even if you're not having regular sex or even if you are maybe the problem is you Or maybe you are the one that can fix the problem. Because if you think your sex life is boring, it's probably you's gotten born. You've got, you've got born. So this is how you can self pleasure yourself, self love, look to being jerk off,

play with Peter, petting the kitty, masturbation. I love, I love euphemisms for masturbation. They're just amazing. There's so many I love love. There's so many. I know when I was on FM radio years ago, 10 years ago, they were like, you could not say masturbation more than twice in an hour. So I had to- What? Yeah, and I was doing a masturbation. Goddamn masturbation month. Like 2007. I was like,

what the fuck? So then I had to Google, if you Google masturbation, if you do that, now you're gonna see there's like a hundred different euphemisms for it. So those were some of them. It was pretty funny. Like so, when you're petting the kitty, and all right, so it's fun. So masturbation made you guys, we're gonna take it up a notch.

So, few tips that you could kind of think about as you're going about your routine is get vocal. Now that might seem very strange to you like why would you make sounds when you're alone in the room masturbating. You know like you're already like what you're only doing that maybe with a partner or maybe you've learned to masturbate quietly so no one hears you. But there's a few ways this can work. I hear from some or they can help you. I hear from so many of you are like, I don't know how to talk dirty.

My partner wants me to talk dirty. I feel awkward. Well, what if you do it during your solo time? You like practice talking dirty to yourself. Hear me out, that sounds weird, but I'm telling you it's kind of hot, talk dirty yourself. I just talk dirty out loud.

I mean, our brains are like the largest sex organ. So why not fill it with some cool like, talk dirty, where You wish your partner would say and then you're hearing your dirty voice. So do that, develop a new script, see what works, see what's awkward, and also you guys, your breath, I'm taking your breath saying this, it's, you guys, our breath is such an important part of pleasure and orgasm that the more that we breathe,, like the breather, the breather that we deep, the deeper that we breathe, I already knew those mean backwards, the deeper that we breathe, that can help move the orgasm through our body for some people to help some orgasm quicker, or just it's a different kind of like full body orgasm.

And we're talking about like that deeper breath when you think you can't even go deeper and we have to expand our lungs It's because a lot of us are shallow breathers and so the more you practice this you can even do a few deep breaths Before you start masturbating, but just if even if you just try the breath this month next time You're gonna be amazed and then when you're really turned on and you start talking I've noticed that you get kind of surprised about what falls out of your mouth. Yeah. Oh, yeah You're just you're just like oh shit To me like I was dirty talking to myself

And I said something stupid like yes slap that to me and I Did you slap your own Did you slap your own kids? Yeah, it happens like all at once and I was like, oh fuck, what are you saying? But in the moment you were like super into me. I was like, all right, so I slapped that titty guy. I slapped that titty. That's amazing, that is amazing. That how do you say it, like slap that titty?

Because you find your own sex works. Yeah, yeah, because I was laying on my back so my tits were more to the side. Yeah, I like slap that. I was like grabbing it and pushing it around and then it just got too hot. It was so tapping then to slap. Then I said it. My favorite thing.

That's amazing. She said slap. I didn't even know she did it. I thought you were just amazing. I forget about these things. It helps you find your own sex voice too because people don't know when I think your sex voice is probably a little slower

and a little more like sexy or whatever it is. You can find it. The other thing you could do besides just making some noise is change up the position. If you're always on your back, you can go and you can roll around your stomach. If you're always sitting, you can stand. I love standing masturbation because it's for me.

It's like easy to like flex your pelvic floor muscle. You know, do the keggell muscles and like masturbation because it's for me. It's like easy to like flex your pelvic floor muscle, you know, do the kegge muscles and like push your legs together for me. That's like a stronger orgasm and you can do the shower. Like it's super cool to try different positions, which I didn't know until I started playing with it. So, um, and I know that it's even like it's really a weird thing to do. Maybe you're like, well, I should already know it works, but like, trust me, like, or put a pillow under your butt, like do something lay on your side do, maybe you're like, well, I should already know it works, but trust me, or put a pillow under your butt, do something lay on your side. Instead of your stomach, you can access

different parts of your body. And you can even place something like a toy, which I love, the Wevi Wish is a great toy. A lot of women first learn to masturbate on their stomach, so you could lay on top of it. Like you can kind of like hump it, you know? And your pillow feels really good. Guys too, got toys for you too.

So I think that's fun, you guys. Just it's like, you know, they say when you want to get more creative too, like they say, brush your teeth with your opposite hand or sleep on an opposite side of the bed or like take a different room from work. Those are the ways that you're supposed to like inspire creativity in yourself.

So same thing goes for masturbation. And then I mean, it just translates over to sex too. Absolutely. Because you're not always going to, hopefully, I'm not gonna say, you're not always. But hopefully you're not always in the same position during sex. In this way. This way, do it during, and then you might find, like here's position during sex. Right. In this way.

This way, do it during, and then you might find like, here's the other good thing about it, you guys. If you're someone, like let's say you are, we hear this from women a lot who have, they do not yet orgasm during intercourse, so they would like to learn to figure that out. And as we know, it's not necessarily the sure thing because many women, most women don't. However, if you learn a different way to pleasure yourself, like maybe you can only have an orgasm with your legs closed, you think. But then you learn how to do it with your legs open, then you'll realize you can transfer that, like maybe you're touching your clitoris, you can realize how you need

to touch your clitoris when you're on top of your partner or beneath them having sex. That's how you learn to bring that to your, or show them what to do, or bring it to partner sex. You can also, you know, try to like think about your own fantasies because I think if you are always watching porn, try to think about just some hot experiences that you've experienced,

like go through your own spank bank or experience if you don't have one go through your own spank bank or experience if you don't have one. Like when I always tell couples or individuals who are like, I don't even have a fantasy, or I don't know what to tell my partner, I always say we'll start with something that turned you on. Like if you have to think of the hottest moment of your life,

or the hottest one of your sex life, or just the top two, think about that, and then really think about it in detail. Like what happened then, maybe you embellish it, and then really think about it in detail. Like, what happened then? Maybe you embellish it. What were you wearing? What did it smell like? What did it taste like?

What did it feel like when you were there? And you kind of recreate your own sexual moments that you had. Our brain, our brain, muscle memory, we can kind of remember, we can kind of conjure up things that have happened in the past. And that would be a fun little exercise. We talked about earlier in the show at Master Rating in the Mirror. If you want to know what you look like in the past. And that would be a fun little exercise. We talked about earlier in the show up

Mastering Front in the Mirror. If you wanna know what you look like in the throws of passion, if you wanna discover different body parts and see where your rodgen stones are, I highly recommend Mirror Play. Yeah, because you were talking about that mostly for like to look and see your,

your role of the do-it-a-distance, but I think a lot of people also get embarrassed about their o-face. Yeah. And it's actually like, you learn the likey, you get really, it gets really hot to see yourself. It is hot to look at yourself in the mirror. I think it is.

Making eye contact with yourself is like crazy. I think that's it, right? It is. I think that's a good way to learn self-love. I think that's what I think. Looking at yourself in the mirror. That's going to be the way I switch that's it, right? It is. I think that's a good way to learn self-love. I think that's what I think. Looking at yourself in the mirror. That's going to be the way I was doing that tonight.

Michelle's doing that tonight. I'm going to do it. Well, I definitely noted I've never stood and masturbated so I was already on my list, but this is a new one. Yeah, stand looking in the mirror and stop meditating a little bit. Actually, it's just the thought of it and being like, am I ready for that? Oh, wow. What's a gradual way to do it?

Instead of like, I don't think I could just go straight for looking at myself. I contact as an intense part. I mean, I guess you could just a gradual way, instead of eye contact, just kind of move over towards the mirror, maybe sideways. It's kind of shimmy.

Ooh, I like that. Like that, hey. Or also, you could put like, I don't know what you're, but you have a big room, right? Like, I have a double mirror. I have double mirrors. Yeah, you could kind of lay on the floor, put some pillows down, and maybe it's kind of

scoot over to the mirror, and then scoot back, like kind of just take a look, see from across the room. You don't do right in front of it. And then eventually you can crawl and all fours towards the mirror, and look at yourself in the eye. Yeah, right. Hot Tiger you are.

You know, like crawl like a panther, sexy little panther, pantering across a room, slapping her titt Panthering across the room. Slap in her titties, that's Michelle. I can't wait for tomorrow. Because now she's got a hard to decide. Why do I have to do it? Oh my god. I will say to the slapping titties thing, it actually does, like it feels good in the

moment. Does that put titties? Yes. Never said this. Hashtag slapping titties is going to be the name of the movement. Yeah. hashtag slap you today is gonna be the new movement. Yeah, those slap somebody else's face. It does feel good. No, you're slapping your own unless someone has asked you to slap.

Yeah, unless you've consensual Titi slapping. That's it, you guys. Everything's consensual. It's just so funny. You don't normally say like to see your Titi or a cock like you. I don't. I like to use the correct term. The correct term. So it's just great. say like to see your titty or cock like you I don't I like to use the correct the correct term So it's just great. I want to see how many times I know I really I try not it just part of my my training My doctor

That might be when I've got trained to this to like FCC trade when it matter I do I don't swear I'm if it's necessary, but I was always swearing the whole time and be like, too much. Right. Right. Right. But I don't like think about it as much, but yeah, it's fun sighted to you. Okay. Here's everything you guys, pleasure products.

If you know why we love toys here, like you know that we talk a lot about toys. If you haven't tried it this month, buy us, go out and get something. Go to your local sex toy store. If you're like, you hear, we have one on our site too, you can check out, but like, it's a great date night or take yourself on a date and go check them out and see what they have for men too, you guys. Flesh skin, fleshlight makes great toys. They were like the initial like male masturbation sleeve.

So kind of like, happy give yourself a hand job. It's a little bit different or your partner can. And Narrow's is amazing for prostate toys. I think the CalX that they have this joping pave line that we love. That's a great one. The G5 Mini. They're great for a Volvo vaginal stimulation. Try some, try some lube.

If you haven't tried lube yet, do you think listeners haven't tried lube yet? Lube yet? Can't say it. Since we've talked a little time. I mean, there's so many different combinations. Do you guys, and if you have an insertion toy, like a G spot toy and a glitteral toy, time both at the same time, I kind of like that. Me too. Even though they make rabbit vibes that do both.

I just like to make control of both. Mm-hmm. Right? I like your rabbi, but I want my great, chlitterl toy, I'm a great insertion toy. You can also, you guys, yeah, dress up. Like dress up for yourself. So like when Michelle's panthering across the room, she could wear something sexy. I'm gonna do it.

You can screw strip T's for yourself. And let me just say this, what makes you feel sexy? If you don't know, your partner's always saying, where's something sexy, where's something hot? Dancing in front of yourself, in front of the mirror, and doing strip T's, playing your sexy music, turning yourself on. Don't not get to tell you try it, as all I'm saying. And you've got time to do it.

This is just like your hot. And I think that, and I happen to know that these are ways to boost your sexual self-confidence and your masturbation routine. It's gonna boost it, it's gonna change it up. I mean, I feel like it's the month to do it. It's May. Yeah.

Those some ways. We got also a bunch of tips at our site as well. at texelmy.com, happy masturbation month. All right, we're gonna take a quick break and we come back, we're gonna get into your emails. Okay guys, I love answering your questions. That's why I'm here on the planet. You can tell that, right?

Like this is what I love to do. If you want to question the answer on the show, go to my website, sexdelmi.com, click ask, Emily tab, felt the short form, and just click yes if you want to be called. You can also email feedback at sexwithelmi.com. As always include your name, your age, where you live, and how you listen to the show. All right, I'm going to have Jamie read the emails. Okay, this first one comes to us from Stephen, who's 27 in North Carolina. Hey, Emily.

So me and my boyfriend have been together for almost five years now. We are in a bit of a rare relationship because neither one of us enjoys anal penetration. We get off in many other ways, but I wish there was more positions or variations or ways for us to get off. Any advice for us to try is this type of relationship common. Thanks. Hey, Steven. Okay.

So first, I want to say that you guys have been together for five years. You're 27, so that means probably done your most exploring together, I would think. You know, right now, where you guys are both at, you don't like anal penetration, but I'm wondering if you guys have explored other things like have you thought about what is about is it full on penetration You don't like or would you want something smaller than a penis? Do you want any prostate plate all? There's some great toys like a narrow's black pearl and then be by makes these butt plugs that we love or maybe fingers and loop So just to kind of play with it and see well, maybe I just don't want a penis inside me, but maybe some anal play would be fine.

So if that's totally off the table, makes sense. The anal's not for everybody. Mietro masturbation, huge fan, and it's a great way to celebrate masturbation month. I'm telling you, it might sound obvious or it might also sound weird to you when you're both sitting there next to each other,

touching yourselves and then you're looking at each other. Then you see exactly how, you know, you can, it's hot to watch your partner, plus you're seeing how, how he touches himself. Like, what does he do with his penis? Does his hand grab his balls? Does it go over the tip? You learn a lot from watching, and it's sexy. Also, these are some really fun penis toys.

The hot octopus, Pulse 3, plus the jet, are two really cool toys that your penis will love. Also, for mutual masturbation, you can both use a cup ring. Adding lots of lubes to your hand jobs and blow jobs can also make it up, maybe using some flavored lubes or just lub, lub, lub, lub. Also flush skin for hand jobs, give each other hand jobs. So I think if you guys are all about the penis, there are many paths to pleasure when we're playing with all those nerve endings.

Massage is also a great way for you guys to connect. I think that for all couples, I mean, we have so many nerve endings and we have so many arraggia zones that we just never explore because we focus on the genitalia way too much. And so I think you guys could learn some central massage, discover other arraggia zones on your body, like maybe it's behind your neck and you don't even know it. You can also try out some tantric sex, which is more about mindfulness and breath and presence. So there's a lot of ways to play Steven and I think there's a lot more fun to be at in your relationship. Okay, this next one comes to us from Nat who's 21 in California. Hi Emily.

My husband and I have recently started doing amateur porn. I thought it would boost our sex life and create this fun hobby and so far it's been awesome. He's never had too much experience before so I'm thankful he was open to this idea with me. My problem is I sometimes guilt trip myself over this. Am I wrong for enjoying it so much? How can I stop these negative thoughts? Any advice? Is this healthy for a couple to be doing based off of your opinion? So if you're having a good time, like I tend to think if you guys are enjoying yourself soon, then I think go for it. I'm just curious what you're having a good time, like I tend to think if you guys are enjoying yourself student, then I think go for it. I'm just curious what you're feeling guilt over.

You know, do feel uncomfortable. Do you think that people are judging you like your society, your friends, your family? What part of it? And then sometimes when you write about it, like you write down and you think, well, what is it that feels good to me? Like I think pros and cons like, what do I like about doing the porn? What don't I like about doing the porn? And then kind of figure out what has more weight.

And then you can kind of figure out, no, I really feel it's empowering. And I think it's really good for our relationship. And I think that there should be more quality amateur porn out there than, you know, then you can push those negative thoughts down knowing that you actually believe in what you're doing. I also want to say just make sure that you're safe and you're okay with putting it out there. I know that it's it can be a strengthening experience, but also just know that whatever we put out there, you're 21 years old. I know you're 21, you don't feel as young as you are at 21,

but it's out there. So just know that like people will always be able to see you naked in porn. And so I just think you ought to be okay with that. For the rest of your life, that's what I'm saying. So if you've thought through all these things and you feel good, then we all have to work on stepping in negative thoughts. So I hope some of those things will help you. All right, this next one comes to us from Megan,

27 in California. Dear Emily, I've been with my boyfriend for 11 years and we have two kids. We're comfortable with each other and have no limits when it comes to sex, we share our wants and desires with ease. I have had trusted shoes ever since he cheated on me four years ago when I was pregnant, and he was acting weird last night so I decided to check his texts. I searched for a girl's name, saw a text that said, suck your cock until you come from a steven, so I thought, oh God, he saved under an alias. I clicked on the text

the whole thread had been deleted, kept searching for things, was able to put almost the whole combo together, saying stuff like, you have a monster cock, I love that photo, blah blah, I was furious. I decided to search the number to see who it really was, and the search came up with a man named Steven, looked him up on Facebook and sure enough, it was his gay hairdresser. I'm so confused, he has never, ever done anything like this. I lightly brought it up to him, I said, I don't want to embarrass hairdresser. I'm so confused he has never ever done anything like this. I lightly brought it up to him. I said I don't want to embarrass you and I'm not mad. I'm just confused what is going on and he completely went off. He cussed me out and said it's none of my

other business. Emily helped me gather my thoughts because I am hurt and confused. What do I do? Oh Megan, Megan, Megan, this sounds like quite a conundrum here. So what's going on is, you know, he got defensive. That's always an easy thing when you find stuff. And you know, the whole snooping thing, you could be on either side of the argument. But let's just talk about this for a minute. He's obviously just not in touch right now with what's happening to him with his sexuality. And he was very embarrassed.

And so he got defensive, which is what we all do, I think. Like, you know, that's why I talk about communicating and using feeling words, like how it makes you feel and things happen, but this is a very, this is an intense situation. So I totally understand Megan why he got defensive. He's probably never ever talked to anyone about it. And he probably hasn't really even faced it himself. So you can imagine that if he feels that he's bisexual, if there's other things going on that it's been, you know, something he's been holding on to for a while. So I think that what you got to figure out now is, you know, are you okay with him exploring bisexuality? Do you want to be in a different kind of relationship? You have kids, one kid, she said.

You have kids. And so I think that this is really a great opportunity for you guys to get into therapy. I think this is going to be a challenging one because there's a lot going on. There's his sexuality and there's a trust issue. So even just one of those would be a challenge, but I think getting a therapist into really help you guys go through this minefield because it really is.

And I think once you can get past the fact that you snooped and look at this phone, you can really see that this is something, as long as you keep saying you're supportive, you just want to figure out what to do, you're a family, and without blaming him or shaming him. And also getting help for your own emotions right now that come up, it's okay for you to feel confused and to not actually know what to do

because it's new information for you. Up until recently know you thought that you and your husband were a couple that was doing well with a kid and monogamous and straight and now you got all this new information so just go slow peeling back the layers and definitely get third party help. So let me know how this goes Megan and hang in there. Yeah that would be. That's like going on.

That's a lot. Like that's a lot on every different level and I think she handled it You know, I feel like she handled it well, but I think that he anything after Can you just imagine having this whole thing your whole like trying to keep up this facade and then she finds it? Yeah, I mean, it's not even that He's also probably feeling some sort of guilt around it as well because he is married with kids right guilt guilt around it as well because he is married with kids. Right. Guilt, shame, embarrassment, all the things. So I'm glad that she said that, even though he got embarrassed,

I'm glad that she said that she's not mad. She's just confused. Exactly. Which is awesome. Yes, that's the right thing to do, but it's still hard to hear. Oh, yeah. If you're not ready to hear it. Yes, but it's the right thing.

Keep telling him. Keep telling him you're not mad. He just wants him help. Understanding. This next one comes to us from Stephen 54 in Oklahoma. So Emily, enjoy your show and Instagram posts. My wife just got back from a girl's weekend at Miravall Spa in Tucson and she brought up the idea of using Lube.

I took the hint in order to product based on your recommendation, Pure Aqua Premium. She has a lot of fragrance allergies so that seems like the best product. Never used it before, and she's still at that stage in life where I guess she feels it will make sex, etc. more pleasurable. So my question is, how do I use it? Where do I put it? Need a little help and guidance. All right, Steven, it's a great question,

and Miravall Spell, it's a beautiful place. I went there years ago with my mom. She took me there for my birthday. So I could see her sitting around the girls, and they're like, oh my God, Loub. Loub is amazing. So here's the thing. It's not so much about her.

She's at the stage of, yeah, let me won't move back off for a minute. Yeah, she's probably sitting on her friends in their 50s and they're saying, yeah, Loub is great because Loub does make a world of different, especially, for women of all age, but I think everyone should add a little Loub, you get a little drier, things could be happening.

So what you do is, with any kinds of sex play that you guys do, whether it's like touching, masturbation, mutual masturbation, or, in, of course, you just start off by taking a few drops and you can rub it onto her clitoris, you know, before anything, before you're going down in her or just when you start touching, and anywhere inside of her vagina, you can pour it in, poured it in, poured it inside. You can empty the bottle inside of her and hold you can pour it in, you pour it in, poured it inside. You can dampen the bottle inside of her and hold her upside down by her toes. Just kidding.

Oh, I don't really mean that, but could you imagine? If he didn't know, and he's like, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, and like fill to line. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, You can put it on the head of your penis. You can also have some of your fingers when you're touching her on her nipples. I mean, I'm telling you, I think that nowhere is off limits for lube. Yeah, put it in your hands for your digitally stimulator. So that's really it. Just a few drops and then you would have to reapply as needed.

Remember with water-based lube, you definitely want to reapply more than silicone. But I love that you got the Acqua-Pure Aqua Premium, so let me know what you think of it. Alright. Okay, and last one comes to us from Lindsay, who is 37 in Arizona. Hello, Emily. I am a 37-year-old lesbian, and up until last year I was a virgin, or at least had not been intimate with another human. I had not even started masturbating until I was 33. I'm not religious, and there was nothing really stopping me but myself.

I finally found someone that was worth my time and felt comfortable with sharing my body. She's very sexual and into penetrative sex. And on occasion, we do use a strap-on. She would like to use it on me and after a try and great pain on my behalf, we were unsuccessful. I was never able to use tampons growing up

as I could not get them in because of pain and yes, my hymen is still intact or so she thinks. I have listened to you for a while and learned about vaginism and thinking perhaps this is one of the culprits besides my virginity. Are there shop-ons out there for us penetratively challenged? Are there any toys out there for me until I can figure out my penetrating madness? I would like nothing more than to ride my girlfriend as she rides me. Okay, Lindsay, thanks for your email here. I got to say when I'm reading this,

I definitely think it could be vaginismus or other things associated with vaginal pain. You know, if you always had a problem with a tampon growing up, then that's probably what it could be. So I say finding a pelvic floor physical therapist would be an amazing place for you to start and just figure out what it is. So it's really, it's common for women to have things like this.

So I wouldn't say it's a penetrating madness, okay? I'm going to change your language here. And I don't think it's about another strap on at all. It's definitely, if you're having pain, your pelvic floor muscles are overactive. That's what it is. So whether it's vaginism or any other vulva vaginal issues, they don't go away on their own, but they can go away eventually when you see someone.

So maybe let that rest for a little bit as you figure that part out about penetration. But using external vibrators like the plus one bullet or the jopian grace is great. That's a really fun finger-bite because you might not want full empenetration, but it could be interesting. Maybe there's a lot of nerve endings

right outside the vaginal opening along the vulva and even just maybe a little bit inside. So maybe it's more about like putting a finger inside with the vibrator but not going too far in. Like a knuckle with the vibrato. So I would just play with nerve endings all around your clitoris, your anus, see what feels good with all these other toys, and then you know, then you can go to a physical

therapist. And I think it'll be amazed that you, when you figure out once you learn to kind of relax your pelvic floor muscles and work through whatever it is, then then you'll be able to experiment with a whole other host of things. So I think figure at least penetrative challenges that you're having is going to be huge for your sex drive overall. But in the meantime, have fun exploring with toys, your partner's fingers, and mouth, and then see where it takes you.

But don't try not to beat yourself up and to rush the process. All right. Thanks for your email. Lindsay, thanks everyone for your emails and sharing your stories and being vulnerable and opening up because you know when you share your story, it's helping everybody else. And that's what we're all about here. So thanks everyone for listening. and opening up because you know when you share your story, it's helping everybody else. And that's what we're all about here. So thanks everyone for listening.

Thanks to my great team, Ken, Kristen, Michelle, producer Jamie, Loveya, and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sectionamlade.com. you