Sex With Emily - Nice Guys Finish First & Other Penis Things

Episode Date: September 21, 2018

On today’s show, Emily is joined by married couple and authors Jason Feifer & Jennifer Miller to talk about their new novel, Mr. Nice Guy, and what it’s like to write about sex while having it, too. They discuss how to keep things hot when you’re working and sleeping together, some juicy details about their book, and Emily even gives them a couple tips for spicing things up. Plus, what penis sex toys will give you the most bang for your buck, and why what we want in the bedroom can be the complete opposite from what we want in our regular life. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Aneros, Magic Wand, Adam & Eve Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily Follow Jason & Jen on all social: @heyfeifer Get Mr. Nice Guy here. For more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit: sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm joined by married couple and authors Jason Feiffer and Jennifer Miller to talk about their new novel, Mr. Nice Guy, as well as answering your emails. We talk about working together and sleeping together, how to keep things hot. Writing about sex is one thing, but talking about it is a whole other ballgame. Petus Sex Toys What will give you the most bang for your buck and why what we want in the bedroom can be completely different from what we want in our regular life? All this and more. Thanks for listening

Hey, I'm a link you got a boyfriend because my, they call them in a fight on day. Hey, Avaline, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh my god, I want to feel so drunk. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Avaline's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemely.com, check it out, check out our website, all the awesome blogs and information to help you have better sex. We love when you comment and subscribe on iTunes, gives us star rating,

totally helps, and listen on Spotify, iHeartRadio, Stitcher SoundCloud, anywhere you can listen to podcasts, we are there. And you can follow us on social media, it's all at sex with Emily across the board, we are there. Okay you guys, first here's an interview I did to Skype interview, and I hope you'll enjoy it because I think they are such a great couple. Jason, Fyfer, and Jennifer Miller. He's the editor-in-chief of Entrepreneur Magazine. He hosts podcasts. He used to work as an editor at Men's Health, Maxim Fas Company.

And Jennifer Miller, she's an author and journalist. She's written a few novels and she frequently writes for the New York Times style section which I'm obsessed with. And she writes for the Washington Post magazine Bloomberg Bloomberg, Businessweek, Entrepreneur, lots of places. But they came together and they wrote a book. And I just love this concept. They wrote this novel called Mr. Nice Guy.

And we're going to get into it. So I hope you guys enjoy this interview. So tell me about your inspiration for any book together. Jason and Jan, you adorable couple. Okay. Thank you. Thank you. So so I had I got an email from someone you know named Julia Allison who at the time was named Julia Bauer and she reached out to me just after she had graduated college and she was

getting into sex writing or she was a sex writer or something I can't write right and she was looking for writing advice and at the time I sex writing or she was a sex writer or something, I can't. Right, right. And she was looking for writing advice and at the time I had written for, I was in my 20s and I had written for a bunch of places about sex. I had gotten this advice when I just started being a writer that you should specialize in something and I didn't know what to specialize in.

So I figured the very first thing that I got, like the very first piece that I landed, whatever that subject was, I would just specialize in it. And it happened to be the sex section of salon.com. Oh That's a big one. Especially when the on head of sex section. They debt was the that was the one though That was like the con. Yeah, yeah, oh my god It was it just felt like a life-changing moment and so I was like I am a sex writer and so So I wrote it for salon and Solon and a couple other places. And then Julia reached out to me looking for, she just graduated college, she was a sex

columnist and she was looking for writing advice. And we traded emails for about a year. I actually never even met her. But in the process of trading emails, I had this idea about, I was just thinking about like corresponding with a sex columnist. It was a sexy email. Right, right.. Right. That's very important to know very professional She was like the last night I was banging the senator or whatever. No, no, no And so I just had this idea what would happen if two people each week slept together then critically reviewed each other's

Performance in a magazine it was just like a concept and I was like what would happen and I toyed around with that idea I thought it would be a funny novel and I tried to write it and I failed and I tried to write it again and I failed and then I married a novelist, which is a really great short shortcut. Yeah. Jen the novelist. And after Jen sold her last novel a couple of years ago, she asked what I thought her next project should be. And I said, you should write the book that I've been kicking around because I'm never going to do it. And Jen said, well, why the book that I've been kicking around, because I'm never going to do it. And Jen said, well, why don't we do it together? And so began the project.

I love that. And it became a partnership. When you've told me this, and when I read about your concept of the book, which is coming out, I haven't read it yet. It's coming out in like October 16th. October 16th. October 16th. Mr. Nice Guy.

Okay, Mr. Nice Guy. What I love about the concept is that I'm all all four couples giving feedback like my the basis of my show is communication Communication is a lubrication talk to each other about the sex life you're having and I feel like much like you Turn in a reported work and your boss would give you feedback on how to improve we never do that with sex So what I love about this concept and I'd love to hear about how you execute it as well as like, that's how you improve. We never do that.

We like assume things were good or did you orgasm, did you not, that's the end of the conversation. So what do you get into in the book about the, because isn't it like they have sex and then they write it or they write about it and then would they talk and then improve upon it? Yeah, exactly. So every, basically, they are working for the same magazine. And so they're actually given assignments every week

to explore various sexual acts, various sexual situations. So they're supposed to go out and have sex in a public place. They're supposed to use one of our favorite scenes in the book involves a remote control vibrator. And of course, they don't know before they arrive at the hotel room, the designated hotel room, exactly what their assignment is going to be. Oh my god, I love this idea.

OK. So they have to improvise on the fly. But then it gets complicated because they're each writing a column about last night sex and how it went and What you know was right about it and what was wrong about it? Yeah, like they're like like a movie review Yeah, and he said she said it's literally the he said she said which I always think is interesting and I've thought If you talk to two people who have sex like it's always very different accounts or of the relationship even

or how things are going or even of unreal. Oh totally. So how, yeah. So just to say, like, so the way that this whole thing kind of gets kicked off in the book is that is that our one of our protagonists, he's this young guy, you didn't knew to New York, has never really taken a woman home before

and picks up this woman at a bar and has what he thinks is the most amazing night of his life. And then a few weeks later, he opens the magazine, his own magazine to discover, lo and behold, he has slept with the sex columnist at his magazine and she has torn him apart and thus begins the experiment where he feels like he now has something to prove. Right.

Of course. I mean, any man, like not just even to get verbal feedback is hard for a man, but to get to written feedback at the place of business where you work. So what was the love it? I love this concept. What is the, what was the feedback or what was the first comment the first one that skewed him? Yeah Well, a few points like what was a few Yeah, the way that she sets it up is it the the sex columnist is a very woman about town kind of character

And so she's usually sleeping with these very kind of high-powered dudes Yeah, yeah, the finance bros of the world who at least feel quite highly about themselves exactly and And so she took him home she says because she wanted an experiment and what it was like to date I just sleep with a nice guy and so she calls him nice guy, which is where the title Nice And she just she felt like he was too Gentle at times to you know what she she did a thing. have to say, I don't know that I've told you this, Joe, that she criticizes him for doing something that I thought when I was dating, I was doing

too much. So, to back up the character, his name is Lucas, just got out of a very long relationship with the only woman he's ever slept with and now he's like out on the town. And so he's still functioning a little bit like he like muscle memory. He's still speaking with people like he's in a long relationship. And I and Janet as well in fact both were in very long relationships eight and nine years before we met each other. And so there was a little bit of dating break between that and us meeting. But I definitely went through this thing

where I realized almost sometimes during intimate moments with like new people after I got out of that long relationship that like, I was being too relationshipy in the sex, just like in the way that I was, I don't know, like maybe trying to... To gentle. Yeah, to do tender, like loving, to gazing, to gazing. Yeah. Oh, you said you wrote that into the column.

Yeah, I wrote that into the column. So I basically had her criticize me. All right. I'm just curious because I feel that that, well, two things that you just said. Number one, one of the first tips I always give people is don't assume, I give this to men often, that your current partner wants when your last partner wants. It's a very typical arrow we make, because we're like, first of all, when you're learning, you haven't been with a lot of people, you're like, well, she liked me to touch her clitoris this way,

like that I assume everyone wants, and you don't know when you're young or in your 20s, when you haven't as much experience it, no, no, every woman's different, you gotta relearn. And every man's different, you have to relearn with every experience. So that's a typical thing that happens I could see that I'm just wondering I'm assuming that things that came up were like some people would see that is what's wrong with that but yeah

well and in this case also there's a degree of so you know he's he's fairly young he's 24 she's she's 30 and she's had a lot more experience than he has. He has this idea of what really hot sex is, right? So he's being kind of performative in this way that makes him come across as kind of silly almost. I mean, I think we have her compare him to like a grad student, like a writing grad student who's like writing with all this flowery prose,

like that's kind of, which was a real anxiety that I had. I had that anxiety. I had that anxiety. It's like, yeah, you don't know, I don't know, most of my day I spent, I spent like in business journalism sort of sort of to think about things

in terms of business, but like it's like, you don't know what the market demands. You know, like if you get out of a long relationship, you know what that one person wants. You have no idea what is otherwise sought after or acceptable and it makes everything feel very scary. Right, that is the human experience of dating these days. That's why I almost want to, you know, they have those columns.

I don't remember what maggot, it was a glamour or a Cosmo and they did it like, he goes on a date and she goes on a date, it was like a lunch date, and then they'd reach right about it. It was probably like 10 years ago. But I just always thought that was interesting because we've all had those experiences, I think, where we think it's great, and then the person doesn't call us back. So it's kind of that classic, or even if it's a date, or sex. So what do you guys hope in that people learn from this, or is it, get from this book, or just entertain, is it, the fiction, or there's like points in there

where we're going to have some take I'm already taken away. So I mean, I, okay, so I want to say first and foremost that, you know, we wrote Mr. Nice Guy to be fun, right? Like we want it to be a breezy read. We want you to miss your subway stop, like that kind of thing. But, you know, it really is about honest communication and how you talk to somebody about these intimate details in a way that draws them in instead of pushes them away,

because, you know, the relationship between our characters for a large portion of the book is very fraught, as you can imagine, especially because it's all happening out in public. I mean, these columns are in a national magazine, but it's really kind of when they get to that deeper level of intimacy and start connecting not just on a sexual level, but also on a relationship level and in some ways on a professional level, which that then translates into their sex life. And that actually kind of mirrors in some ways are relationships as a married couple that wrote it so

met up well it's so met up i was just get it turned on you and say how has this impacted your relationship and what if you guys are as a couple who you're both writers uh... journalists you live together you're writing about intimacy sex relationships and you're working together like literally all of it is the same so what if you had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had together, literally all of it is the same. So what have you learned? How was this for your relationship? I mean, I thought it was really good for a relationship.

So one of the things that I really loved about Jen, very early on in a relationship, was how completely open you are about talking about sex and what you want and look for. It was not a conversation that I had a lot with my previous, with like my girlfriend of eight years. We just didn't talk about it a lot. And so I wasn't used to talking about it. And it also, it makes it feel embarrassing when you do want to talk about it.

If you're not in a situation where it feels open to natural to talk about it. You know, it's like you need to establish that, natural to talk about it. It's like you need to establish that... It's what it is. Intimacy, that intimacy, not every couple is ready to be intimate at the same level. But that's what I always say. Like you got to get people think it's just, I could never do it or not supposed to.

Sex is supposed to be amazing without talking about it, which nothing on the planet really is. That's a sustainable way to think about sex. Without work, it doesn't, without talking about it. But I think that's, that's so true, that you really, you probably weren't there because people don't even know that that's on the table. Like, is it possible for us to have a really open intimate relationship and improve our

sex life by just talking, but you know that that's really the key to it. So. Oh, it makes such a difference. And once you, once that is open, like once you once you're able to have those conversations, so many other things can happen, you can start really exploring and experimenting. And wait, do you remember, in my early, when we met, I worked at Men's Health and companies would just send me random sex toys, show up at the office. And some really weird sex toys show up at the office really weird sex like they said they one time sent Jason it almost like a beer cozy but but you

sticking a mask to be you stick your penis in it and I was like Jason you're gonna try this right now I'm gonna sit there and watch you try this because this is amazing right no you didn't just sit there and watch we try you I participated she participated she went to helping hand yeah that's a good This is amazing. No, you didn't just sit there and watch we try it. I'm part of the way. She participated. She lent a helping hand. Yeah, I'm going to say it. That's a good partner for you. Yes, that was that thing was I was not into that thing.

That was a weird one. I wasn't really into that thing either. Right, but it's fun to see that's the novelty that so many I think couples miss out on because they just have sex the same ways. And like even it's a fun story, right? Like you might not have loved it, but you tried something new. So yeah. And I can say, look, with this book,

I mean, the great thing I think about creating a book where characters are regularly talking about sex is that it forces you to- Regularly talking about sex. Exactly, just like this podcast, I always tell them, like, you guys blame me, listen to it with your partner, and if I inspire something in you and you talk about it,

because it's hard. So if it's a good jumping off point- It's a good jumping off point. For the conversation. Yes. I feel like the hardest thing, you know what the hardest thing for me is in talking about sex is like feeling like I'm bringing it up out of nowhere. You know, like dinner is done and then I, and then I'm like, you know what I like. You know what I'm like.

You should just bring it up. It doesn't matter. Yes. I know, but it feels so, it just feels so abrupt. I know. And that's the reason why I think that, like you said, with the podcast or the book or anything, it just creates an opportunity where something can happen

and then the follow-up can be a really useful conversation. Yeah, exactly. But let me just tell you for your own relationship and for my listeners, which they've heard me say that there are, I get that it's abrupt. You can't be like, hey, great dinner, pass assault, and maybe some more blow jobs would really help me. Right. It's just hard, it's awkward, but to kind of know that talking about sex, it's best to do it outside the bedroom.

When you're in a relaxed environment, so maybe you're having brunch or you're going on a hike or you're even in the car. I always think when you're driving in the car, you're not making eye contact, but it's still intimate. And to say, so, babe, God, last night sex was so hot, I've been thinking about it lately. Has anything on your mind even wanted to try? And then you just literally, you start with the positive, what you like about it. And if you've specifically been saying, you know what?

I love your blow job. They feel so good. And lately, I feel like it hasn't been happening as much. And I want to know what you want, so we can both get our needs met. And then you're off and running. So it's kind of like just easing, and even acknowledging like, I know this might be weird,

and you keep it light. It's not like we need to talk. Let's talk about it. Because that just sets the tone for, you know, well my God, where's it's gonna go? But I think when couples remember to keep it a lighter tone, not accusatory, because I think when we talk about sex, it's often like a you people often,

you need to do this to me or I'm not getting this, but it's like you guys are on the same team. You both want great sex. So it's more like, what can we do together, babe? Not that masturbation sleeve, that didn't work, but maybe it'd be cool to blank. So you just, you play with it, and then it gets easier, and then it becomes fun for couples.

It becomes like the thing you talk about. Like, what are we to make for dinner? We have sex this weekend. We could try this. You can also see how it improves, how it enhances your intimacy. I like anything that brings up the dialogue for this. I think it's a... It's great that you guys did this book.

Tell me about working together. It is the first time you've done a project together. You're both successful writers in your own right? Right, you're freelance for a lot of different place books and you've written books. I know Jen, several books. Yeah. So when Jason and I first started dating,

I was actually finishing up a draft of my first novel. And I thought to myself, well, he's a writer, he's an editor. He better like my writing. Otherwise, I don't think this relationship's gonna go anywhere. And so I did the dumbest thing that I possibly could have done, which was to basically hand him my manuscript and say, hey, take a look at this, can you help me edit it? Which, it was a make-or-break. Make-or-break, yeah, that's gonna go well or it's really not. That just shows you how naive I was,

like after being in an eat-your-relationship. Yeah, you're like just read all my deep dark, right? And then how was that for you, Jason? Was it good? Were you like, oh, we got- Actually it was. I'm sure, because she's- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I would have been really hard to fake. She dropped this on me and it was just brutally terrible. I don't know what I would have done.

We wouldn't be sitting here today, probably. But I found it was a really unique challenge where I had to think about how to edit this not as like, I'm not the gatekeeper for this. Usually I'm a magazine editor. Usually I'm the gatekeeper for like the magazines voice or whatever, but like this isn't my project, this is her project. So it really taught me, like I had to figure out

what my approach is and my approach, which I think is really useful for kind of anything in relationships was to instead of say this doesn't work, this doesn't work, I started circling things that I thought, well, frankly, didn't work and say like, what were you going for here? Like, what was your intention? That's such a good way to get feedback.

Yeah. Yeah. And then we could talk through, like, okay, now I get it, like, here's why I think this doesn't achieve that, but I think that if we did this or this, or like you should think about that, then it would achieve what you're going for. Like, as long as, I think that if,

as long as you, when you're working with somebody communicate to them that you are on board with their intentions and all you want to you want to make sure that you are you are bringing them to the place where their intentions are like fully achieved. Right. And they are they're really on board. That's really healthy. Well it sounds like you guys have really good communication then because I think always even a relationship when someone does something it's so easy to react and say, this is wrong, this isn't for me. And just to be like, what kind of feedback

are you looking for now? Like if someone, you know, or, yeah, what was your goal here? And just to kind of use that language, it's so easy to go off, this is bad, this is bad, but to be like, well, let me know what would help you now. What kind of feedback would be, you know? But you already knew that.

So that's good. That's how it works. I think I figured it out. I mean, you know, I don don't I think it's really hard to tell someone to do that and then they can just execute it Right, you almost sort of need to be in this this moment like the stakes were quite high I we were it was an early relationship How long have you guys been together? Well, we will have been We have our seven year

Oh, I'm getting anniversary coming up in October, actually, two weeks after the book comes out. Oh, great. And we've known each other. We met in early 2000. Oh, OK. So that's good. That's the seven year rich.

That would be her eight or nine. We're going out with yours. OK. So Jason, you're the editor in chief and editor for Entrepreneur Magazine, right? Which I'm a fan of being an entrepreneur myself. Yeah, definitely.

So you, so you go, how did you always meet? Because you're both like writers in New York. You just seem like this fun cool couple. We met on OKCupid. OK. Which, and this was pre-tender, like pre-swiping day. Thank God. OK.

We've had no experience with that. And so, you know, we as writers, this was back when, you know, people actually took a lot of care with their profiles because like, yeah, to write in all of this stuff. And so, so Jason actually searched for Jewish journalists and then my name popped up. Yeah. Yeah, I was basically, you know, I had done after

after a nine year relationship, I wanted an experience of just like lots of dating. So I was dating, I was going on okay, but it basically saying yes to anybody, like I just wanted to go out and meet, just experience. Which is actually healthy after a nine-year relationship. To kind of figure out, you know, yeah. And I did the same thing. Right, right. Yeah, I didn't want to, I I didn't want to get into a really, you know, in fact, the very, the first time that I attempted to write

Mr. Nysk, I had opens with a character sitting down and writing a letter to his future self in which he reminds himself not to get into a relationship too fast, which was really me, like I was just doing that myself, very meta. And so, but after a while of that, it just got really boring, you know, going on one, two, three max days and then losing interest and so I decided I should find someone who I,

like I'm ready to at least meet and date someone who I have something I'm in common with and maybe it could go somewhere. I don't know if I was ready for like the relationship that would turn into marriage. That would turn into a book partnership. But- He met me a little too soon, I think.

Yeah, it was only five months. I definitely was not on the timeline. But I did want someone who I had something in common with. So I just typed in Jewish journalists, and I'm not even really in care about Judaism. That's me. But I was like, background, I don't know. It just, I don't know.

It helps. No, I'm Jewish. It just helps sometimes. We do the riff riff. You're like, well, we're Jewish, so we got that. And you. No, I'm Jewish. It just helps sometimes. We do the riff riff. You're like, well, we're Jewish, so we got that. And you're writers, so that works. I totally understand that. OK, so how has it impacted your sex life?

How is your sex life going? Do you have any questions for me? I'm available. Well, OK, so our sex life is OK. I am almost 18 weeks pregnant at the moment. Congratulations. So thank you. So so in all honesty our sex life has been a little bit slower than oh my I told him make sense usual because The first trimester in particular was like pretty bad. Yeah, I'm just feeling it's it's hard to be in the mood when you feel like you're

C624. Yeah, you and most pregnant women on the planet, so it makes sense. Go easy on yourself. Even the people say differently, it takes not every woman is the mood for sex when they're pregnant. Exactly, but so now that I'm getting more into the swing of the second semester, second semester, second try, and feeling a little bit better, now we've started to pick things up a little bit, and we really, I think, have to make the most of it

before we hit the third try, master, when then everything becomes much more difficult. Yeah. Yeah. Logistically. That's exciting, though. So then your book comes out, and then you have plans for that you guys doing a book tour.

I don't know. I mean, my joke is always like unless your name is Malcolm Gladwell, you don't go on book. Yeah, but it's like press and media. Oh, you do. Oh, okay. You guys are got it. You got your hands full. And I know you guys also you guys also work together. Maybe it's you Jason that you help people like figure out your entrepreneur, like figure out press and how to get press and all that. And then Jen, you also write for everyone, right? So I get it for the New York Times. You guys can keep the Washington Post.

Yeah, yeah, you guys are power couple. I love it. That's what you got. No, but you guys are gonna get it out there. Yeah. I want to have. No, we like to think of ourselves as a power couple. Yeah, we're,

but when you're in the power couple, you never feel like you are. And no one's like, we're a power couple. But I'm seeing it. So it's okay. You don't, you don't have to say that. So about the book, do you guys, how do you feel like it reflects kind of today's current

dating and society? What's going on with dating and sex and stuff? Is there any of that in there that you think was like, oh, it's interesting that this has changed. Or was there anything that you kind of learned through it in writing of kind of what our current views on it and how we were dating in life. Well, one thing that was really important to me

when we were writing it was to try and take it. So it's a romantic comedy, but I really wanted to take a different approach. So it's not the single woman in New York who's pining after the guy. It's actually the reverse. She's the one who has all the experience, knows what she wants and goes out and gets it,

and our naive, but very ambitious, young Lucas, is the one who really needs the education. Right. And of course, it turns out that Carmen, our season sex columnist, has plenty to learn, but a lot of it is really about the women in the book teaching the men what's up. What I think is realistic and not just sex, sometimes with emotional regulation and understanding

feelings, I think that that's something that we don't talk about enough, that we all need to help each other. The other thing though is that they're, you know, because so the book is set, it's set in the world of New York City magazines. And, you know, this was a world that Jason and I have lived in for a long time, but for me, especially like, being a woman in magazines. And in a lot of ways, like seeing how women's work is sideline and kind of packaged in a way for what women quote unquote want to read. So our sex calmness in some ways has greater ambitions and wants to be using her mind as much as her body.

And has really, through the book, has to learn how to learn how to assert herself in that kind of power dynamic of this magazine where she has been sidelined to a certain extent. Right. So that's kind of like how she's growing. And how did you grow? So that sounds like that's been your own journey as well. So how has been your journey with that? It's really about advocating for yourself. Yeah.

And learning to speak up. And that's something that I think, I think in a lot of ways just takes time. You know, I'm 38 now. I, you know, moved to New York when I was in a lot of ways just takes time. You know, I'm 38 now. I moved to New York when I was in my early 20s. There's just, I think there's a confidence that just comes with every time you face a setback, you just try to take another step forward. I recently was working on a piece and the magazine for a variety of reasons was thinking about killing it.

And I had to get on the phone with the editor in chief and argue, I had to argue my way back into them keeping the piece. And I was successful. And I couldn't believe that I had that that was something that I did. That I did it and I was successful and that was shocking to me, but also really. But at some point, at some point in the past, you may not have even thought that was an option. Exactly, exactly. No, good for you. And I think that's inspiring for a lot of people

because we just think, oh, and especially in magazines, I know that her world, I haven't lived in it, but I have a lot of friends in New York and it's cutthroat. I mean, it really is. And it is a lot of men in short, I think things are changing, but it is a lot of men, I don't enchefe. Not Jason's lovely, I'm sure,

with all the women he works with, but I understand that. I am indeed. Yeah. Hey, Emma, can I take a hard left here? You would ask, do we have any questions for you? And I was, as Jen was talking, I was thinking. So here, I'm gonna post, I'm gonna post something to you.

Jen's like, what? Uh-oh. He's gonna come out of this, but I will be very interested in what she has to say. So one of the great things I think in communication about sex is asking, like, is there something you want to do that where you're not doing or some, you know, something or other. And Jen asks me that from time to time. And like, you know, is there something you want or something that we could

do better? And I have to say, I really struggle with like an answer. No, that's so common. It makes me feel like, and not the question. Like I love the question, the question is great. That I don't have an answer makes me feel like I'm too, like I'm missing something, like I'm too basic. Like I'm too, as they would do, right. I love that you're saying this because,

okay, that's a good question because I can tell you guys kind of how to figure it out. Cause I get that, like I get like, you're happy with your sex, you're saying this because, okay, that's a good question because I can tell you guys how to figure it out because I get that. I get like, you're happy with your sex, you're satisfied, you're satisfied. I'm not saying you're thinking about having an orgy next Saturday, if that's what you mean, or having a some people are three sums, right? I'm not thinking that you need to dress up and be a stripper pole in the living room. Or whatever people fantasize about, which is totally normal. You're satisfied, you're happy.

Do you ever as Jen, do you ever have stuff that you would want to try is my next part of it? Is there stuff that you've shared? I, I mean, I do though, I'll be honest. I usually do after you ask me. Like you're definitely, you're definitely a better at initiating that question. But then I ask, and I actually don't know, do you have an answer? Do you have answers? Sometimes you've said, it's a good thing.

So that's one reason, so this is a really good lesson. So you're probably asking, because you would, there probably are a thing on Jen's mind that she'd like to try. And it's probably not even saying that you're a bad lover. She's probably just like, oh, it would be nice to, this is exactly, I don't know you guys, but she might be like, remember when we used to make out,

just like for taking sex off the table and used to like, go down to me or maybe we have do more massagees and more making out, because couples stop making out after the first year or maybe she wants more vacation sex or foot massage or wants to be tied up, who knows, right? There could be things like that.

So I think it's interesting that for couples to kind of be open and to kind of have a go both ways, like if you're not sure what to try, Jen might have some ideas. And then she could share with you and then rather than just dropping and saying, like, okay, like I would love you to what would be good thing. To I'd like to be blindfolded during sex. Maybe that's what she's been thinking about. And you might be like, great.

And then you're thinking, now what? Do I get a blindfold? Do I use necktie? Do I, how do you do that? So I think sometimes we just say these things and we walk away. So the important thing is for you guys to together to kind of hear these ideas, maybe even whiteboard it, do a document, what could be cool, what could be interesting, and then you talk about how it would go down.

What does that actually look like? To kind of how Jen was some of her ideas. So you're not like, what does that mean? But as far as you, Jason, I think for couples to learn that there are some cool things. Like I think there's some books that you could read together, erotica, watching porn. Like Erica Lust makes some really cool female friendly porn, like from the female gaze. If you guys ever do that and it can be inspiration, you can watch and be like, oh my god, that's really hot. I forgot that I loved it when you slowly undressed me or when you put me against the wall and held me up. I mean, just anything,

we took baths together. You could just get inspired. And they maybe you're like, I never thought about that, but that actually would be hot. You need to know what's available. Exactly. And if you're not someone who's in that world or thinking about all the time, it makes sense that you wouldn't know. I hear from people all the time, they're like, Emily, you talk about fantasies, you talk about what an important party it is about our sex life, but I don't actually fantasize that much, which is fine. So I'm thinking, and people list, that's why I think a lot of couples listen to my podcasts. Like I feel like we went out of road trip for eight hours and I get these emails all the

time and we listen. And so it's kind of like a third party that is helping or a book, like a book about sex. I have a book called Hot and not like plug it. I wrote this book five years ago, but couples like it. It's called Hot Sex. Over 200 things you could try tonight, and you'd just like open it up, and any page,

it's like, you know, use whipped cream or like have sex outdoors. So just you might need a little bit more of information, and then maybe you'd be like, well that could be interesting. It even toys you guys, I'm telling you. Even if you're having orgasms and amazing sex, the thing about sex toys is that it's just like that variety.

It's something different than the same sex you're having. And that's the key with toys or anything else is because after time sex is going to become stale. It's gonna become a rote like the same workout every day will no longer challenge your muscles in the same way. So working out, it's like something new in the bedroom. You get vibrations feel great because your bodies

don't vibrate so it's different or dildos or tie and act tie around your eyes. So it's like that's why these things are cool because it's just something new. And when we have these conversations, it's not that anything's wrong. When Jen asks you that question, it's more like, let's just keep making it interesting and have variety.

So we still want to keep doing it. Not that you know what I'm saying. It's right, right, Jen? We can enact some of the scenes for Mr. Nights Guy. We're going to bust out. You know, we have, you know, like I said, we collected all that stuff when I worked at Men's Health a million years ago, that we have a lot of that stuff.

It's like, where is it? Oh, I know where it is. It's like the cabinet next to the bed. Can our son get into it? Oh, actually, probably. Yeah, we should probably move it. Yeah, no, this is the thing. The one toy could be cool, like a vibrator

or like a massage candle. They're so cool. Like you have a massage candle and then you blow it out. It's like, it's a regular candle and then you pour it on your partner. It's like warm coconut oil and it feels great. So that could just be, you do that five minutes, whatever items you have in your closet would be cool,

but one thing. So there you go, that could be helpful. Right? Not it. Not that there's a problem, I'm just saying. That's fun. Well, I'm really excited to meet you guys and to talk to you about your book because I can't wait to read it. And was there anything? And maybe there was something in Mr.

Nice guy that you subliminated one of you or pre-consciously put in there that could be fun to try. Yeah, what did we, well, we haven't tried a remote control vibrator. It's a big scene. Yeah, I don't know. Would you, uh, that is quite a thing. That's my favorite scene in the book. Oh, hands. Oh my god, there you go. I actually want to send you one. Did we get this yet?

So listen, so we vibe, right, the jive. So we vibe is, I love, if you guys know we vibe toys, they make a, they're one of my favorite products. And so now they're all waterproof and rechargeable and you can use the control them with your phone. So you could be wearing it when you go out or in the kitchen. Doesn't matter and then you have the control Jason on your phone and you can just be like it's gonna go up. It's gonna go down. It's gonna turn off. It's got yeah It's called the drive and they have a new one coming out the moxie, which is not been released yet

But we will send you something Yes, I want everyone to have it. I want to make dreams come true. Yeah. So thank you for your time. I'm excited. Tell me how people can find your book and all of your social stuff, social media,

or what's the best call to action here? Yeah, what is the best call to action? I mean, I guess the best call to action is to go to wherever it is you buy books and find Mr. Nysky. It's called Mr. Nysky. You can see we're real marketers here. And I'm very active on social.

Jen is not so much so I'll just say I'm at Hay Fyfer, which is HEY, FEI, F-E-R, on Instagram and Twitter. And you know, my day job, as you said, entrepreneurs, I do a lot of like motivation stuff and focus and time management and you know all the things that people need, not just if you're running a business, but just if you're like out there making things happen in the world. I'll put all this in the show notes and your your links in the book and you guys are wonderful. Thank you so much. Good luck with the launch. This is really yeah, really fun. Thanks. Okay, Mr. Nice guy. You guys everyone check it out. Bye guys. Thanks. Bye. Okay, Mr. Nice guy, you guys, everyone check it out. Bye guys, thanks. Bye. Bye.

Okay guys, we're gonna take a quick break, give a shout to our sponsors. Hi sponsors, we love you. I hope you love them too. And we come back, I'm gonna answer your emails. Okay guys, onto your emails, I love answering your questions. It's so fun, you guys. Thanks for sending so many great ones If you want a question answered on the show text ask Emily all one word to 7979

7979 or you can go to my website sexwithmme.com click the ask Emily tab and include your name your age where you live and how you listen to the show Okay, this is from Keith 28 in Australia. Dear Emily, I love your podcast. I've been with my girlfriend for five years and our sex life is lacking to say the least. I'm lucky if we have sex once a fortnight. I kind of love saying fortnight. That means like every two weeks guys. Sometimes I go longer than that.

She won't try new things, i.e. Won't do anal, won't get blow jobs or hand jobs and doesn't even touch me intimately When we do have sex it's always me who initiates it and I'm always the one who does all the work There's absolutely no spot in 80 and it comes across to me that sex is a chore to her not pleasure I've tried a few different vibrators for her and I always make sure she's pleasureed She's pressuring me to kids and get married but the lackluster sex life is a massive issue for me. Please help. Okay, Keith, I'm gonna help you here.

So I read through this and, and first of all, good for you for thinking about your sex life and considering the importance of your sex life before you get married. So important to do that, you guys. But I hear this and I think, you know what? A lot of this is about what you're not getting Keith right? You know you're not getting you know anal and she's not doing all these things for you which I totally get but I want to know what does she need from you.

So it sounds to me like you guys really just need to start communicating and talking about stuff with her. You know, have an open honest discussion, have a dialogue, so you guys are on the same page. And I think if it is kind of creating your sexual roadmap together. So I'm not even sure what she wants. She may have never talked about sexy for it. Sounds like you guys are in love and she's thinking about marriage. So obviously she wants to be with you.

So why don't you understand the difference here? She clearly wants to spend the rest of her life with you, but she just might not have enough experience that when you present a vibrator or put all these demands on her, she doesn't know what to do with it because she doesn't have experience taking her sex life to these different levels. You know, once you have the talk with her and let her know in a very like neutral environment, not accusatory, not saying you never do this and you never that, but that you love her and that, you know, sex is important to you and sex is important for a healthy relationship and

you want it to be an important part of your relationship, but you want to get on the same page about sex. So I'm curious, do you know if she masturbates, do you know, in the beginning, usually I get these emails from people and they're like, sex was amazing in the beginning. I'm going to assume that it was great in the beginning, or at least you guys were really connected. So I think just slowing things down, I don't think she's out to get you.

I think again, it comes down to out of the bedroom. What do you want? What's interesting to you? Does she masturbate? Does she have orgasms on her own? Does she think about sex? There's a lot of reasons why maybe she doesn't. It could be the way she was brought up.

There could be some taboos. She might be on medication. She might be really stressed out. I mean, there's reasons why it's not as comfortable for her. She might not be getting as much enjoyment. So once we kind of start asking questions to her and having a real conversation, you might find out about her sexual history,

where she's at now, where she's been, and then this way you kind of together start to figure out like your sexual roadmap. What is both going to be interesting to both of you to have a long, happy, sex life together? So just start having the conversation before we jump to any conclusions about what kind of lover and what kind of partner she could be. Thanks for the email, Keith. This is from Julie 25 in Ohio.

Hey, Emily, I'm in desperate need of some advice. My husband and I have been together for four years and married for two. We met on Tinder during college. He was very experienced sexually compared to me when we first got together. He said three sums with married couples and had an active fet life account when we first started talking. I never had issues with any of his requests or suggestions in the bedroom. I was down for anything and the sex was great. Then I found out he cheated on me the night before we graduated. I ended up forgiving him,

but I've been really insecure, especially in the bedroom ever since. Since we've been married, I've been weird about him watching porn because he was addicted to it and I feel like it might lead him to cheat on me again. Recently I found out that he bought a cheap phone to watch porn on behind my back. I'm not sure what to do. I love him so much. I know he loves me, but I'm afraid that his dishonesty will eventually come between us. Any advice you have would be so appreciated. I love listening to your podcast and my daily commute.

Okay, Julie, thanks for your email here. I think that there, let's unpack this for a second. Okay, first thing, I think the biggest issue here is the cheating, okay? When we've unresolved issues in a relationship, especially cheating, I mean, that's the one that's really challenging for couples to get beyond because building trust, rebuilding trust

takes a lot of time and a lot of work. And so it sounds like maybe you guys haven't done that yet and it can be going to see a therapist. I mean, you just might need someone to help you guys tease out what happened and then build that strength and that solid ground again to rebuild. You know, if you guys have been together now four years, I'm assuming graduation, you were 21, 22.

I mean, four years that you've married are three years, and it's still in your mind, I can imagine that it's coming out in other areas of your relationship. Maybe it has you feeling a little passive aggressive and obviously you've distressed. So maybe you've told him that you don't think his porn watching is okay, which leads me to his addiction of porn. I want to know why, how you know he's addicted.

Tell you who's addicted. Do you think he's addicted to porn? Because addiction is a real thing. But just to explain to you the difference between addiction and just someone who watches porn, when someone's addicted to porn, there's consequences. It means like he lost his job, he can no longer have great sex with you. You know, he's, you know, really, it just takes over your life and there's a serious consequence and that's when you got to get help. But watching porn is actually part of a healthy sex life. And so I understand that can kind of be confusing sometimes.

I've said this, but when I was younger in my early 20s, I was really confused by my partner watching porn because I was like, aren't we having great sex? Why do you need porn? But porn really is a healthy expression. It's separate from you. So when we get down to the issues here, I feel like there just has to be some talking here. He probably feels like he has to hide porn from you because he probably maybe has shame if he did

that addiction and he feels like he's going back on whatever promises he made if he was like in a 12 step program around it. Maybe he shouldn't be watching porn. But if it's really just to hide it from you because maybe you've made side comments or talked about your disdain of porn, he has no choice but to hide it.

And so this is a problem. I actually hear this from a lot of men who feel like comments or talked about your disdain of porn, he has no choice but to hide it. And so this is a problem. I actually hear this from a lot of men who feel like and who are married or dating that they have to hide it from their girlfriends. And it's just, I just want everyone to understand that it really can be healthy and that people are gonna masturbate in a relationship,

out of a relationship, through out of a relationship, and it really has no, you know, when they're single. So it just really doesn't have any inbearing on you and this feelings for you. So I think again, all of this goes back to the trust, because I don't love sweetie that it's making you feel more insecure in the bedroom, which I understand. It's really hard to be, you know,

when we feel really safe with a guy, or with anyone with our partner, when we feel trusting and we feel in good place, we can have better sex, but when there's distrust, you probably feel like you can't bring yourself to the bedroom because you've got all these things in your head and you're like obsessing about the cheating and the dishonesty. And so now, in a way, by having this riff between you, it's really hard for you guys to come together literally and physically in all these other areas. So I think you need to just talk to him about it and say, I still don't have trust in this.

It's nothing that he, you know, he might have been a saint the last four years. We don't know. So I think you guys are married and it would be worthwhile for you guys to go into therapy. I think it might just take a few sessions to kind of get to the bottom of this. So you can really tease it out because the sex and the porn and the cheating is something that I don't believe you're going to be able to get past on your own. And let me just say this, I'm so happy you emailed me now about this because Julie, I do not want you to spend another month, a week, another year with him when you're feeling this way because whenever you, when you're not treating something like this, like the dishonest

state, it's just going to fester and it's just going to get worse and become a bigger problem. So I think talking about it, letting them know how important it is, and how much you want to work on your relationship, and the great thing about couples therapy is that you're going to learn some really good tools that's going to serve you for the rest of your relationship, the rest of your marriage. And so that's what I say about this situation, Julie. So don't be afraid to make that call to talk to about it and get some therapy. this situation, Julie, so don't be afraid to make that call to talk to about it and get some therapy. This is from Kevin, 63 in Washington. Hey Emily, I'm looking for recommendations for reasonably priced penis vibrator. Maybe something like a cup or sleeve that stimulates the funulums spot at the back of the head for a hands-free orgasm. I can't spot a lot of money,

but I don't want something that will cause injury or pain either. Something that's easily clean and maintained. Thanks. Okay, Kevin, first of all, into all my listeners, I will never, ever recommend any toys that will cause you pain or injury. We've tried every single toy that we talk about, every product. We only work with the best brands and the best sponsors. So just know if I talk about it, you're going to be fine with it. There won't be any risks.

Okay, so here's my suggestions. You guys do you guys all know about the Frenulum, by the way? It's kind of like the male clitoris, if you will. It's the most sensitive spot of the penis on the underside right beneath the tip, so where the tip meets the shaft. That's where the Frenulum lives, and it's a happy spot. So think of it as your new best friend, if you weren't quite sure what it was. Okay, this is what I recommend.

The Hot Octopus Pulse III Solo Arduo, it's called a Guy Brader, which is genius, but it actually oscillates, so it's not vibrating, which is a pretty great sensation. I know the founder of the company, and I adore him, and when he, I saw him bring this around to show years ago, and now it's, he created this great toy for man. I've never seen anything else like it. You put it

on the head of your penis, kind of like a sleeve, but it doesn't fully go around your penis and you let it do its thing and there's no movement necessary. And this has been getting rave of use from all the penises that I know and some I don't know. The Weevibe Pivot Penis Ring. You can use it with lube and use it as a stoker. This toy, you guys, I'm obsessed with the pivot because it's a penis ring, it's a great glitter or vibe and you can use it as a stoker. It's a really cool toy and you can use it with an app.

So you could really do it hands free. And then there's the flashlight quick shot, which is different than other flashlights. It's actually a sleeve that's open-ended, has easy cleanup and it's made of their patented super skin material that is to look and feel like the real deal. And also just use any finger vibe and you can use it while you masturbate. There's some really nice even battery operated Scumio makes some really reasonably priced toys that are disposable some of, and I like them,

and they're a lower price point. So those are some options there. Let me know what you like. I'd love to hear Kevin. I'd love to know which one you choose and how it feels to you. So let us know. Thanks for the question, Kevin.

This is from D22 Pennsylvania. Hey Emily, I haven't had that many sexual partners, but I enjoy sex and love to masturbate as most of us do. Often when I'm fantasizing, I imagine someone talking dirt in me in a derogatory term, such as dirty slut or whore. I haven't part out this fantasy to any of my sexual partners because I'm a bearist. If anyone said things like this to me in real life, I'd be so offended, but in bed, I find

it hot. I'm just wondering why this is such a turn on for me, and if this is normal. Thanks, Dee. I love this question because I think we all kind of struggle with these things that we fantasize about or the things we desire in bed and we think, I would never want anyone to like pull my hair

in real life or just comp and spank me, but in bed that's so hot. Well, that's why you guys, it's like I say, the brain is a largest sex organ. And what I mean by that is the thoughts in our mind is really what gets us turned on. So it also, when someone dairy talks to you, it kind of activates those regions in your brain while your body is getting stimulated. So it's all connected.

So like the more, think of it this way, the more input we have, like into our brain or things that we see or feel or touch is going to turn us on even more. So that's why you're really into those words. So basically you're talking about dirty talk, but this is more like humiliation, which is kind of a little bit of SNM and it's a little more like, like there's some people who would really just want

someone to say like, you know, I'm gonna f you so hard, but then when you go into like slut and horror, people might like dirty talk and might not like that range. But again, it's just about humiliation, which means that we just have things that are kind of taboo in real life, but in the bedroom, we can eroticize it and it just really turns us on. And again, it's okay that you'd find it hurtful in real life and it would turn you on

in the bedroom. So it's really just the way our brain processes the information. So that's why. I mean, that's why you feel that way. It's completely so commonplace. I know you haven't talked to your partners about it yet. And I think that the way you would do it is just be like, I think of it when you're making out. I think it'd be really hot if you told me what you want to do to me. And then you could

say like, so my little slut, you could lead him on say, so I'm your little slut. And then they might get the hint be like, yeah, you're my dirty little slut. That's how it can work. A leading, it's kind of like a leading question, but it's like a leading dirty talk phrase. And then you ask the question and it'll give it back to you. So there's nothing wrong with you, D. That's why these things turn us on. You guys are brain. Remember, it's the largest sex organ.

And that's why I'm so concerned. And so focused on all of you getting out of your heads during sex, unless you're thinking dirty thoughts, I'm cool with that. But when you're thinking thoughts that kind of take you out of the moment, so when you're thinking anxious thoughts and you're wondering how you look and bet and you're wondering how you're performing, that's why all the brain, all the energies rushing to those thoughts and away from your genitals. So that's why those thoughts are more destructive, but thinking sexy thoughts and dirty talking all that is a way to keep our brains focused on the matter at hand, which is having an amazing sex.

This is from Pete, 34 in Chicago. Hey Emily, I love your podcast and I will listen for a while now. My therapist recommended it to me. I love that. I'm 34 years old and lost by virginity to my now fiance when I was 32. I'm really new at sex and I'm insecure about sexual performance. My lack of experience is relative to my fiance's colorful past and my penis, which is not circumcised. In the beginning of our relationship, my fiance went from saying how she's never been as horny with anyone until me. However, after months of dating, she made a comment about me being a unicorn

without a horn. Or after coming says, that small, referencing my flaccid penis. She asked me why I was bugged by what she said, and now I'm insecure about not being a power with her past lovers. I've seen your relatives who says I'm over the five in average and I'm fine, but if I want to increase size, I can try a stretching device that'll add an inch after four to six months. I'm seriously considering trying this or something else. I feel like this may even spice up our sex lives again. She loved when I tried CLS. What should I do? By the way, you and Ben are awesome together. Oh, okay, Pete. Pete, Pete, Pete. Let's break this down. I... First of all, there's a lot here. I don't love the way your fiance is talking to you.

I gotta say, even one of these statements are upsetting to me. So she calls her unicorn. She's referring to your uncircumcised penis, which by the way, most of the world has uncircumcised penises and there's nothing wrong with them at all. And the fact that she says, you know, you have a small flaccid penis. I'm high. Who doesn't? I've never seen like a large flaccid penis.

Those words have never been spoken. So I feel like there's some kind of weird manipulation going on or just negativity and I just I don't like it. And finally, I'm going to go back to these. But you're yourologist. I'm sorry. Are you sure he's a certified urologist because I've never, ever, ever heard of anything that can stretch your penis?

An inch. This doesn't exist. It's like the back of one of those magazines is to sell like the 80s. Like I literally have no idea. So this is all misinformation. Okay. So you can't stretch your penis. And your penis is totally fine.

And I'm concerned about all these messages. Now, I don't like that she's making you more insecure and it's making you question yourself. And so it's really hard to dig yourself out of the space. I really would love you to kind of stick up for yourself here and explain to her why it made you feel bad. Like it was insulting to say that, you know, you're any man or woman, you're saying something about their body or they're, you know, they're, especially their genitals is going to hurt. And I also have a question for you. Is she doing this in other areas of your life?

Are there other ways that she's not making you feel great, belittling you and impacting yourself confidence? Because it's, it's interesting to me that she wouldn't find this to be offensive, this language, and that you actually have to explain to her why telling a guy, you know, their, their flasopena is small. Like, you know, if you told a woman she'd spell press, that would not feel great to me. So I feel like I need you to kind of really pay attention to what's going on in this relationship. Because I want you to be in a healthy place. And here's the other thing I want to say about experience,

okay? I hear this a lot from people, and we had an email earlier about experience. Remember that experiences is very different than experience, right? So she might have had a ton of lovers, but it doesn't mean that she necessarily has experience being in a healthy sexual relationship. And a healthy sexual relationship is about communicating about your wants and needs and taking each other

into consideration about your desires and going really deep about what is great sex look to you, trying new things, adding variety and making sure that you're both satisfied and happy. It does not include shooting each other down and saying things that are hurtful. So I just wanna say there that yes, I understand you came in as a virgin but this experienced thing just because she's in a lot of lovers. I feel like you

guys are in an even playing field right now where you know you're not married yet. She's still your fiance. So I would say this should be one of the most important things you focus on and making sure you can get your sex life on track. So it feels good to both of you. Okay. I want you to put, you know, I want you to also consider your needs as well. So we've got the fact that your role just is telling you things that are not true. And your fiance isn't being that great to you when it comes to giving you feedback about sex or even making you building you up. Because we all need that.

I'm telling you, just say it's one comment and it could wreak havoc on your sex life. And it sounds to me like she does need to learn a little bit more of being compassionate and sensitive to your needs. There's also some positions and angles that allow for deeper penetration and a fuller feeling that will feel great to both of you. You can bolster her hips up with a pillow. You can use one or two pillows in missionary or doggie style. I love using pillows in basically any sex position either on or my back or my lover's back. It just changes things up. I mean sometimes you want to pillow sometimes you don't, but it's kind of like another way

to try out positions. So to see what angles work because we're all different, right? All of our bodies are shaped differently. So I would say play with that, play with the way that you do missionary or doggy style. My biggest concern here is not about your penis, I think you're perfectly fine. Your penis is great. And I just want you guys to have some healthy communications around sex so you continue to feel great together and have a happy life.

Happy sex life, happy life. Thank you so much for your email, Pete. All right, everyone. I love you all. Thank you so much for listening to this show. Check me out all on social media. It's at Sex the Family Instagram Facebook Twitter. Thanks to my amazing team, Ken, Sarah, producer, Jamie, and Michael.

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