Sex With Emily - Nina Hartley: Porn Star, Activist, and Hand Job Expert

Episode Date: September 20, 2013

The iconic Porn Star Nina Hartley talks about making porn, feminism, non-monogamy, and how to give a woman the perfect hand job (there is some light pulling and pinching involved). Nina Hartley also talks boldly about the butt. Nina says, “Butts are like cats. They have to be coaxed and seduced every time. They are moody and you can’t fool a butt into liking you, or feeling relaxed. Butts know when the thing touching them is paying attention, or being a jerk.” In other words, if you want to get down and dirty with anal sex, you must have open communication with your partner and feel genuinely comfortable with your butt (and what’s going on inside of it). While drunken anal sex might seem like the greatest thing in the world, it’s better to be fully aware of what is happening and be cognizant of hygiene rules. Before you even get to anal sex or intercourse for that matter, you need to find out what kind of relationships you’re looking for. Are you monogamous and looking for one mate, or are you non-monogamous and ready to land in more than one place? Nina talks about her sexual identity and how she embraced a non-monogamous lifestyle. When we're younger, we often make the same mistakes over and over again. Sleeping with people who don’t care about us, and getting in relationships with people who don’t want the same things as we do, and feeling guilty for having a love life that falls short of a romantic comedy. You have to figure out what works for you, and not anyone else. Some people enjoy random sex, other people don’t. Nina enjoys doing porn because she likes having sex with people without having to date them. Other people find that having sex with strangers makes them feel empty. Find out what kind of relationships makes you happy, and don’t look back. Finally, Nina Hartley gives descriptive directions on how to pleasure a woman with your hands. You’ll learn how to lightly pinch and pull her clitoris and make it move. Nina gives great foreplay tips, because unless she says, “do me right now you sexy beast,” you’re going to have to get her warmed up for sex. Special Offer for listeners of Sex with Emily: Freak In The Sheets If you want to change your love life check out: Emily and Tony, Promescent,Crazy Girl, Max4Men, Masque, and Good Vibrations. Emily and Tony is a premium, intimate personal-care brand that believes intimacy should be fun, flirty, sensual and natural. Our products: Aromatherapy Massage Candle, Personal Naturally Hydrating Lubricant, and DownUnder Comfort for you sweaty nether regions. Use coupon code Emily25 at checkout for 25% off your purchase at Crazy Girl and Max4Men. Use coupon code GVEmily20 at checkout for 20% off purchases of $100 or more at Good Vibrations. Or use coupon code Emily for 15% off anything at Good Vibrations. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Have you guys heard my news? I have a new sex gig. I'm not a porn star, it's better. I just launched my new premium skincare brand called Emily and Tony. These products are tried and true to help spice up your sex life, which is what I'm all about. I'm talking about massage oil candles that are one part candle, one part body oil, and check out these flavors.

They come in delicious scents like creme de vanilla, cocoa and fujer. And they're hydrating, and they leave your skin feeling super luxurious. We even have a product for the guys called Down Under Comfort that helps keep their balls smelling fresh and clean and dry all day, which is exactly what you want, right? So guys, if you take care of your balls, your partner will take care of you. So help us keep this podcast free. Use code Emily to get 20% off your first purchase at Emily and Tony.com. Trust me, you'll love them in a bygone way.

Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair standard, oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, though? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh my god, I want to feel so drunk. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Evelyn is not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between for more information go to sexwithemily.com where you can listen to all of our podcasts. You can also go to iTunes. Just download them off.

I've got hundreds of podcasts on iTunes. My website at Sex with Emily I've got hundreds of podcasts on iTunes. My website is Sex, Denly. I've got lots of information, informative blog posts and videos and so much that you can learn there. And I just want to thank everyone for listening. And I'm really excited for tonight's show because I have an amazing woman sitting here in the studio with me. Nina Hartley. Hello. Hello.

You do. Yeah, I love the clapping. That's amazing. She, Nina is, if you don't know, which I can't imagine because everyone knows who Nina is, I feel. American pornographic actress, director, sex educator, feminist author, you've been in how many films? In fact, 900. 900 films. And you're still doing films. Absolutely. And everything, you're activists, you've done so many things, and I'm so in awe of your career, and all the amazing things you've done, and we're gonna talk about sex tonight.

I mean, sex with Emily. But if anyone, I feel like I should, I know, how about that? Even at awesome. I know. And we're gonna get into the stuff, all the things that you've ever wanted, asking, and I feel like so many of my listeners,

they need tips, they need advice, for keeping their relationships interesting, and how to have a spicy sex life. And I love oral sex tips. I always ask my guests and I feel like you would have really good oral sex tips for women and for men. So we're gonna get into that, you know, sexy voice. And Anderson, are you paying attention

or you Anderson are you there? So I'm here with Anderson as well. And he's making everything run smoothly. I make things sound good. You make things sound pretty. You make things sound pretty You're and you're not just a producer self make you sound pretty That does Nina and I just make sure the levels are good. No, you're doing good But I also wanted to talk to you Anderson So I I have to tell you about Ting

Right, okay, who doesn't love ting? I'm okay. I'm obsessed with ting because I felt like I was waste. I didn't realize that I, I just don't pay my cell phone bill. I signed up for my, my, my server and my carrier and I just started, you know, paying so much money every month and I just figured that's how it had to be. I had to just keep paying for my cell phone plan. Even though I didn't use all the minutes and all the data

and everything and then I discovered ting and basically there's, they'll charge you for anything they have the savings calculator right on their website. And you go there and you put in your phone bill and I'm like this is what I'm paying now. They up, they go to my account and they say rise and let's say and they look at it and they're like oh my god you could save $80 with us. So it cuts my phone bill in half.

Unlimited devices on plan. You get credits for unused service. They have no add on charges. There's no weird things on your bill, and it cuts your prices. So it's amazing. So everyone, if you want to save money, because believe me, if you look at your bill, you are paying for things that you do not use and you do not need. So go to Emily.ting.com to receive $25 off your first device purchase or $25 in service

credit if you bring in your own device. And I'm just, because I'm saving like so much a couple hundred dollars, like in just over the next few months. So I'm going to buy myself some pretty thing. The easiest thing to do, I think, I even, I've had friends of mine that, to do it, I've asked them to do it. And they've done it and they've come back with glowing endorsements. But you just fill out the worksheet.

Actually, they do the worksheet, just print it, plug in your stuff and then you'll figure out exactly how much you save. Yeah, it's their savings calculator. Times that by 12, bang. It's so much more like, I'm like, I already have been on Amazon. I have like my shopping list that I'm gonna, all the money that I'm gonna save.

So it's pay as you go phone service, check it out. It is Emily dot ting dot com. To receive $25 off your first device purchase or $25 in service, credit if you bring in your own device. It's a great deal. So that's what I have to tell the one about right now. Okay. So Nina, I don't even know. I was like, Nina, I think there's so many things I need to talk about. And so I feel like tell me what you're up to now.

So for, well, yeah, tell me what's going on in your life now that you're excited about. What do you work on? Nina.com, which is amazing. You have that URL. Right. Nina.com is my pay site and it's triple X. I do need to, I've been doing this 32 years since I started dancing in 30 years in porn. And I am now old enough to have children in their 30s.

But as I tell the young people with whom I work, you know, I'm old enough to have children in their 30s. But as I tell the young people with whom I work, you know, I'm old enough to be your mother, but I'm no one's mother, so it's not creepy. That's right, exactly. So I have been working pretty more energy into branching out just in terms of talking and teaching because I've been a feminist my whole life. And so I remember the early days of the conversation about pornography and sex and sexuality and sexual expression from the 70s and now I have 40 years

perspective on how is that working for you? Right exactly. So I'm the age of a lot of young people's parents and so but I'm but but I'm not a parent so they as I'm not icky. Right. So I wanted I wanted to give back to the community. I want to talk to young adults about what I wish I'd known about sex when I was their age. What is, so when you say young, you're talking about people in their 20s.

I'm talking, for me 18 to 30. I could eat, I'm 54, I could easily have a 30 year old child without it being weird. And if I had a child, I'd go out to high school, that person would be 30. I do my favorite playmates were born the year I graduated high school and they're 35. It blows my mind, but I see them as peers because they're doing. When are you in your playmates, people that you play with have sex with?

Right. I am not a monogamous person and I'm also queer, so I have a large circle of poly, poly, bi, queer, non-monogamous, polymorphously perversed, I guess. But I live, I live a sexually open lifestyle, and what people get confused about who are not, why are these ways, they can choose open with an archic, with like no rules at all. And what it really is, it's a kind of sexual orientation that works best when you keep it within people of your like orientation. So people with whom I play, and for me play

is almost always some kind of sexual intention. It's not actual genital contact. Are people who share my sexual values, my sexual outlook, most of my overlaps with sexual philosophy enough that we can cohabit the same space and share some kind of mutual good time. And I don't try to do that with people who sexual values and boundaries don't mesh with mine. And the biggest thing I could tell anybody as a young adult

is figure out what, and this is what you can do alone while reading, you don't even have to do it with anybody. It's just something inside yourself. What do I seem to be? I'm strongly pulled toward monogamy. I'm strongly pulled toward nomenogamy, but I feel guilty about it because of what I've been told. So am I really monogamous in wanting a fantastical dream?

Or am I actually a nomenogamous person burdened with guilt? Hmm, so we have to investigate. Exactly. And so my playmates and they're 35, and they're born in the year I graduated in high school. Like, get the S out of Dodge. Exactly. But I feel more alive than ever.

I wouldn't go back and be 35 again if you paid me because at 35, I was entering the most unhappy period of my first marriage. Okay. But I was craziest the most unhappy period of my first marriage. Okay. Where I was craziest and most absolutely, I've been unhappily married and happily married now. And I have insight that I can impart to people, you know, and also the whole thing about personal responsibility. Stop feeling like I said to victim.

I'm sure you talk about that with people all the time. Yes. Feeling like a victim in their own life. You mean in their own... It's basically sex, poor me, poor me, and you know, pull up your big big big big person panties. Right. Exactly. And uh, and we're not talking about actually having been victimized, obviously, when I talk about violence. We're talking about where, you know, where you're doing your crazy, you keep thinking about partners, you have this pattern

that you act out again and again, you realize, and after the third time, it is you. Exactly. What's the common denominator here? Oh, okay, it's me. I know, I fully blame myself for all of my mistakes now. Like, I think it's so funny in my relationship. I'm like, oh, yeah, this is my pattern. And people don't stop, they don't stop looking themselves.

But I think it's interesting. So you've been, have you always known that you were nonmonodimists or when you were in your mayor? Okay. Well, if I'd had the words in high school, I would have recognized that I was as to quote read mojolko a polybicelot. I love read.

We love reading. We love reading. We love you read about sex. And I never had a monodmas fantasy in my life. I always fantasized about them. I never fantasized about him. And I always felt strange about that. So when fantasized about him. And I always felt strange about that. So when it comes to sex, I feel like Spock. I just never, and if you have friends

who are very, very strongly gay, they'll tell you, oh, I knew from first grade, oh, I knew since I was five years old. Oh, absolutely. And, and you know people like that. Yeah, absolutely. I am not. So my sexuality is as strong and in bread and born in me as their gayness, but because I didn't have language for it, I didn't know that had to do with, um, relational orientation. Right. Or because poly is an monogamous, a separate from gay or kinky or bisexual. It's just, how do you want to run your romantic life? And I'm very happy. I need a wide variety of people with whom I can be sexual. And I have a husband and people will say, Nina,

if you're, why be married, if you're not going to be monogamous? Right. And I say, well, my husband's my through partner. So all the sex I have is intentional. Right. We negotiate it. We are doing it deliberately. It's not because I've been got drunk.

So each time I'm with someone, that's a beautiful bead. Maybe this is a carved ivory bead. This is a marano glass bead or this is a Hopi Indian bead. And I string all those beads on the through relationship I have with my husband. And they, for me, that balances out. Right. And is he also, is he, does he see other people as well? Nothing seriously. I'm, I'm Pauli Amriss, he's non-monogamous. Okay. But the orientations work well enough that, that we can, we can make it work. My, my primary, when I got out of my first marriage, I knew that I would be single until I was dead

and have cats and lovers before I would ever consent again to be with a possessive partner. I've been struggling with my guilt over wanting a non-possessive partner for so long. I'm struggling over my guilt about desiring multiple people because person A would get so hurt. Right. So I express an interesting person B because person A felt that my interest in person B therefore it meant less for him or her. Right. Or you like B because you don't like me.

You like B because I'm deficient. It's like, no, I like A and B. There's enough for everyone. As a polyperson, A is A. Nothing else can be A and nothing else can be, and you can't, they don't compete. Exactly. So if there's a, for example, another slender attractive accomplice, intelligent young brunette woman over here, who can rock the the the plaid pants, which I no longer bother trying

to wear. And if there's someone who on the surface of it looked a lot like you, I would not be confused because you're you. And she would be her. And so that so you vibrate the string in that harmonic resonance way and she and she can't pluck your string. Right. Exactly. You were young. They're possessive and so I totally understand. Do you think that there's a lot of people do you find that would be not my monogamous or polyamorous if they could, but they don't even think that's an option because they have to do an eye was. Really, like a lot of people are, you know, it's just human, I think, I feel like they're suffering through an agame.

I think monogamy is an honest orientation. I think a solid 20% of people are truly monogamous. One partner is all they want and they're devoted their whole lives and it's not a burden and it really, it's what they are. So they're on, they chose it, right? They are it.

Right. This is it. I felt, I met your mother when we were 15 I fell in love and never looked at none woman sense I've met enough couples like that to note that for some people is true and then there is 20% of the people like me who are fully acclimated to a Functioning healthy non monogamous relational style and have a good partner and are okay with that and the other 60% Are struggling with some balance of it.

So as not that I think more people would be non-monog, I think more people could be more open and fluid than are now if it were considered and a healthy option. Right now, you know, monogamy is the only thing that's healthy and normal normal immature and respectful. I would never put it with my partner. You let him do what?

You let her do what? It's like not letting. So clearly, I can't be with someone like you. And I tried that. I tried very hard. I fail at monogamy. I completely, I ended up being a cheater. I ended up being a liar.

I ended up with holding it was, I ended up being a liar, I ended up with holding it was a, yeah, it was crazy. So, but if what, what I really was why I want to strangle them, a people and say, well, you know, I want other parts, but I don't want my partner to have anybody else. It's like then you are too immature for this. You don't get to have the cookie. Because this is a two-way street. Now, because in our culture, people get stunted emotionally at very young ages around sexuality and pleasure and what do I get to have in the world and then they grow up to be big people and they interact with another adult person and then a trigger

gets pushed all of a sudden they're again a very young child and they don't want to have to deal with their stuff. You have to do it first because I'm not going to it. I thought I was dating a grownup. Exactly. No, I understand. And I think a lot of people struggle with it. I myself same thing. I monogamy has, it's never worked for me, really.

And never. And I love hearing you say this because I still think I try to get into relationships where I am. Not that I haven't been in it, but I used to be a cheater. I'm a form cheater because I don't really commit now. And if I do, I'm like, OK, this is more open. But it's something that I never wanted from a young age. I'm a form cheater because I don't really commit now. And if I do, I'm like, okay, this is more open But it's something that I never wanted from a young age. I've never never never never never Never been ever thinking that What's wrong with you for not wanting it? I'm like one day. I'll want to get married

Well one day I'll want a kid, you know, it'll all happen and it's so good But though I at this point it's just not gonna happen. I mean, I'm I'm I'm Relationships and it doesn't right. I kept waiting for the to want kids that never the joke now is that the factory they forgot to wind my biological father that's what I always say I don't have one I love kids love them love them but let's go back to your child so you grew up in Berkeley in California which I just moved to LA from San Francisco so my heart is still in San Francisco so what is it going to go night is growing up in Berkeley. What were your parents like? Well, my parents are totally alt. My father was a blacklisted radio personality.

So I grew up after he'd been black people when I was a people McCarthy got. And my mother, they had had a pretty modern marriage, and my mother was going back to school to get her masters, and she had a pretty modern marriage and my mother was going back to school to get her masters and she had a job too. And so I grew up in a very avant-garde, female breadwinner, male home keeper household 20 years before that was popular. So that was very difficult for everybody involved.

I'm sure it must have been more. I was a youngest and so I had a lot of time to myself to pursue my own interest. My parents were all of the 60s deeply into therapy. All kind, girl, I tell you. Everything, right. You got, and in 1969, they found Zen Buddhism and started studying that seriously in 1973. They quit my mother quit her job

and became full-time students. And my mother is a senior priest at the Zen Center in San Francisco. Oh, is still is. Yeah. Oh well. And so they found they I'm so grateful because being 1969 it could have been asked. It could have been hard. I was gonna ask if it was asked. It could have been signed on. Thank God. That's what it was then. No, that's what I was gonna say to you. Thank God. So then your parents are that and then you. Excuse me. I'm sorry. What is asked? Oh, Earn Earnhard seminar training. If I don't know, I'll have to be cool. If I don't know, I'll have to be cool.

No, I'm glad you're asking. It was this, like, hippie. With the first cult of personality, I'm okay. You're an asshole. Is that why? You heard about things. Well, they keep you in the room all day to know when you're hungry and tired. You need to go to the bathroom to break your ego.

Yeah, I mean, it was like a spiritual, remember like landmark forum. Yeah, I think people do that now. Well, I think landmark forum is a descendant of asked. It's kind of like what about the thing where people screamed? The primal scream therapy. My parents tried that. I thought he'd done everything. It's Berkeley in the 16th.

Berkeley in the 16th. Seriously, like what else is just that? Seriously, apparently that tears for fear songs. Shout, shout, let it all out. It's all about that. Oh, was it? Didn't know? Are you just saying that?

No, no, I'm really true. I really did. It does work. So I was so, the doesn't, the watch aren't so important., no, I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, themselves 65 miles an hour into the brick wall. And so they showed me that you can, a person can cast about and find the best way to make an honorable and meaningful life for yourself according to your own needs.

And for a protoqueer kid who didn't know that word yet, it was very, very liberating because part of what they also looked at was sexuality. And then there was a feminist movement where I got all the some of the source material because of these brand new ideas. And so there was before the anti-prinography feminist took over the whole branch of the whole wing of feminism, there was actually quite open discussion about sex workers rights and women's bodies.

It was beautiful. It was this really great, very, so it was very empowering that the thinking about, but I was younger enough that I wasn't fully an adult. I didn't I hadn't become an adult in that environment. So I was reading people's projections on the utopian way of being around sexuality. Young enough that I grew into it. And you lived it. And if I had a little more FUFing F, I would have not put up with some of what I put up with. I was a bit, I was a bit, I was quite codependent for a number of years.

And so in my secret mind, I wanted to be braver like Betty Dodson in my real life. I just couldn't quite break that pattern until I finally did it 40. It's like, oh, I'm holding myself back. Right. It's always us holding ourselves up. The only one holding ourselves back, I'm holding myself back. Right. It's always us holding ourselves back. We're the only ones holding ourselves back. I know, absolutely. That's true.

So I want to go back to how you, so you went to school. You graduated from Berkeley. And then you became a nurse, so you went to university. Oh, I graduated from Berkeley High School. Which all my friends went to Berkeley High School are like, they're the most interesting people. They're just, they're like some of my favorite people, and they're a parent.

I mean, the way they eat, the way they talk, they're really amazing. They're pretty cool people. I said I'm I'm friends with all the people I was in the theater department which was fabulous for me and I saw my first I discovered pornography when I was 14 and was reading the books by the bedside of this cool 70s swinging couple That I babysat for regularly and they had a water bed Oh for it's not into F 73 72 3 and 4 so the height of it that I babysat for regularly and they had a water bed. It was like it's funding to have 73, 72, 3 and 4.

So the height of it I was so I found the joy of sex and the happy hooker, maybe want to be a prostitute that very day. And I still, you know, it's like, oh my gosh, wouldn't that be great? But it been across to, I think that too. Well, if it were legal business, you know, and you're educated. So I know some of the anti pornography screen is what they don't like about it porn is that it portrays women as horse by nature setting aside for the moment that the reason you watch porn is

to watch people in sexual action as opposed to any other kind of movie. Right. Um, I don't agree that, um, I agree with them that not all women, air quotes are horse by nature, but, are hordes by nature. But she says raising her hand somewhere. Right, exactly. You know, some of us are suited for this job. So some of us are suited to be law enforcement.

Some of us are suited to be lawyer. Some of us are suited to be accountants. And I'm suited to be a sexual intermediary. So when was your first sexual experience? Was it young? Did you start sleeping with people like men and women? I knew at 14 that I was bisexual. I had to label bisexual. I knew I was exhibitionistic and a voyeur at 14 because I was seriously I was

speaking out information about sex. I could think the joy of sex came out very soon after that. And then I went to Mitchell Brothers as well in Switzerland. So that was before. Okay. So that was that was absolutely. So I I've discovered pornography at 14. I did right away. And I looked like the first playboys I saw and anything depicting sex or bodies in motion. And as a bisexual, I love looking at the naked lady. That was just the most awesomest thing in the world.

So when the screen came down about objectification being wrong, I realized that that line of thinking is just bullshit and based on nothing. I'm sorry I shouldn't be talking like that. No, you could do whatever. I should say what I'm talking about. Yeah, so I walked so Berkeley high school between my home and the high school was an adult theater. The Mitchell brothers had a theater in Berkeley.

Okay, so Mitchell brothers is an iconic theater and San Francisco. A kind of adult theater and San Francisco. They had what was the Mitchell brothers theater in San Francisco had everything. of adult theater and separate theater. And they had, the Mitchell Brothers theater in terms of go had everything. This is just a movie theater. No peak shows, no live girls, just a theater. And so I boldly, when I was 17, walked into the theater to see a movie because I read the book. I wanted to see the movie.

And I had an epiphanyxperience there. I was just struck with that's what I wanted to do. Well, it was a porn film. It was a porn film. Yeah, but on a back it was a flea. It was a hardcore porn movie. And you said, I want to do this. I want to do it at 17. I was wearing overalls and a final shirt and Birkenstocks and granny glasses.

I mean, it's full on seven. It's 1976. Right. So full on hippie get up and nothing sexual. I wasn't. Now in my mind, I had been thinking about sex with people for years, but I didn't actually have sex with anybody so I was 18. And those experiences were as awkward as they ever are. But 18 my first girl, girl, my first boy,

girl experience. And it took me years to like to really learn how to like sex. And it took me more. You just need to be be any good at it. And then there's some people who are just... Why did you like it though? Why did you like sex if you were so? You didn't know how to take it in. I didn't like sex. I liked it mentally, but aha. So yeah, my relationship to pleasure, my relationship to my embodied feelings

were as shall we say, nassient and very immature. So you did you feel like guilt around it or did you get into it and deserve it? I just wasn't connected. I didn't know how to, to deserve it? I didn't connect it. I didn't know how to. You have connected to my body. My parents were very intellectual. So they had conversations about feelings and theories about feelings. But feelings? Right. About feelings.

And so no free discussion. There was no yelling, no screaming. It was just very German. Right. And so I didn't. And more importantly. Did you have orgasms? Like did you experience pleasure in that way? Well, I wasn't some, I wasn't very for me, even to this day, my

interest in sex and my desire for sex is from the brain down. I, some people are very genetically motivated as in their, their crutches go, feed me now, get off this chair, get a shower, go to a bar, find me something to eat because I'm really hungry. Thank you, please go. And I never had, for me, I could totally stay in my head about sex all, I looked reading about it, theories about it, you know, I just loved science of it and the literature of it just fascinating to me.

But then it was new to the world. But then it was new to the world. Totally in my head, completely in my head. So when you were a performer, then when you started doing films, you started doing you started doing films You started doing films you started stripping when I was 23 and I was going to I was going to nursing school I went into a friend from high school. I'm still sorry. I didn't sleep with Ruby And she told me that this job she had and it's like that sounds like she was a Strip red this wasn't a middle brother, but another club in San Francisco

She told me about Amateur Knight. I went to my then boyfriend who ended up being my first husband. It was a shared fantasy of ours. I was that kind of girl who wanted to be a porn girl or be a sex worker. I didn't realize he was going to turn into a lunatic later. He seemed very... Never do, unfortunately. Can there be some kind of thing that you can like talk to their exes or there's some kind

of personality test you give people before you get into a relationship, then to figure out if you're at least. So it's just that. You have to have a relationship with yourself. So I did not know how to say things like, like, wow, did you mean to say that? Right. I don't agree. Go back.

What did you say? Oh no, I think you're wrong. That's a deal breaker. I didn't know you could talk to people like that And so you know like you to learn skills and at the code dependent the person makes a big enough fuss over You're just kind of nod there and and you can think whatever you want. You're not gonna you're not gonna say What and and he and my first boyfriend He said many things that in my mind is like what and I didn't know that you could that you just was to say that

It's like, what? And I didn't know that you could, that you're supposed to say that. Right. Exactly. Exactly. And yours was to say, like, right, in the beginning, he was very supportive. And it was hot for him that I wanted to be a,

a peep show girl. So I did the amateur night with the whole other story. Am I one, a job? And it was awesome. So you were amazing. Did you get naked on stage? What did you do? Oh my god, naked on stage.

And it was, it was a photo night. So amateur photo night. So by being on stage, the guy's an audience had cameras. And I look at the, I have photo nights amateur photo night. So by being on stage the guys in the audience had cameras And I look at this I had seen pictures from that night and it's just for me Horrifyingly embarrassing that I had a perm and I dyed my hair dark Still And then I end up getting a job at the Mitchell Brothers Theater And doing the lap I love the lap dancing. I had a live show with a dildo.

Full nudity, sex performance. And what I loved about it, and people say, my God, it's so dangerous. If you're an exhibitionist, a woman, that's the safest place to be, because that's where you go to get naked. Everybody understands the rules. Everybody knows their sponsors. The guys don't think that you're being a cocktail,

because they understand that you're not going to go home with them so they're not looking at you with hostility hostility and look of she's not don't forget this nineteen eight nineteen eighty three i'm dancing and the distabial sit on the edge of the stage and show my vulva to men who would stand sit there and wrapped wrapped in raptured and just transfixed and transformed and look I realize no woman had ever said hey try this I like this try this move here's what here's what here's where these parts are they still don't they still

know that's what the sex of them like because I swear to God or whether they watch your films and you do educational films on your site. I think that I just I just want to learn they want to learn they don't know that they've been John they give know there's clueless and every time other with is different than they don't understand and and and they're stuck watching you know mainstream porn for information which is

really sad because it doesn't teach you anything mainstream I see this all the time mainstream porn it literally looks at that doesn't feel good to her then you're nowhere near her clitoris you really think she's having an orgasm right now. It's not happening. You know what I mean? It's like, it's a moving. I know. It's a moving.

That's how kids, well, that's what I want to ask you. We're going to go back to it. But what do you think? Because this just comes up all the time. How do you think that porn today is impacting like young people who are learning about sex? Well, I think that that's the only place for seeing sex. It's certainly impacting them in a way that is going to make good sex That's much harder to get to if we could counter porn with actual age appropriate comprehensive sex education that is

That is safety and pleasure-based. So before you're watching porn you should be you know I know you know watch all the porn you want We can see all the porn you want. Consumers. Not judging you for a personal good. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers.

Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers.

Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. had, I've had the media messages, into me that I've had, eventually when we're alone together in a room, it's just you and me, and how am I going to be? Am I going to be a dipshit ignorant lame ass cunt?

Or am I going to be a human who says, wow, you know what, I'm really uncomfortable now because this is new for me, or wow, you're really beautiful or golly, I'm really scared, or you know what, I really like this idea back at the bar, but now that we hear, I really want to keep my clothes on. Or, you know what, can we have some, you know, whenever it is, whatever it is, whatever it is. Because women think they get into a situation, or I owe it to them, or you bought me dinner,

or I'm too drunk, and people just, those don't even get that. So, the, if you as a person think that a human partner, it's going to like what a movie is doing, then you are not ready to have a partner in your bed with you. You have to back up and get acquainted with your own body and not talking guys. Here's what I tell women, don't bother getting another person in bed with you until you on your own can reliably give yourself orgasm, perfectly a couple of ways. But it's only one way reliably know that I can do this.

And here's what orgasm feels like to me and here's the things that I like and here's the kinds of, so I know me. So I'm gonna drive the Ferrari first. And I'm gonna take the hairpin terms, I'm gonna take it over to the, do the, do the, you know, the, so many women don't do that.

And they call up and they're like, my boyfriend didn't give me an orgasm. I'm like, well, you know, it's not his So many women don't do that. And they call up and they're like, my boyfriend didn't give me an orgasm. I'm like, well, you know, it's not his job. You don't have an orgasm, have you spent time alone with yourself figuring out your own body? It's not, no, it's not your job to give me pleasure.

It's my job to know what pleasure feels like to me and communicate with you, helpful hints. Exactly. To give you, go down, you know, the left fork, it's a little better, just so you know. And that surprised me. And so ladies, don't have a partner in bed until you are comfortable alone in your room

with a locked door and a closed window naked in front. Make it nice lighting. I'm not saying, no one's gonna know, Rachel, we're gonna love themselves with harsh overhead lighting, but with nice bedroom lighting, do the therapy, the journaling, the masturbation, the naked dancing, until you are okay.

So you love your body, you love yourself, and you know how to get yourself there. It's so true. It gives you. And then just get up, okay, what kind of sexy clothes do, what kind of things do I have to wear to feel sexy? So if you need to wear a baby doll to cover your middle or a stockings, whatever, you find your own sexy space and own it and claim it and go, okay, fine, yay. So now you're at the starting line instead of being behind

the starting line now guys my advice to you is don't bother trying to get someone into be with you until you can stay hard and happy for at least 20 minutes not not not not not baseball stats not granny panties not no happy be your bad Sensual voluptuous, you know as Chris Fox says get a good jerk on right and we learn how to stay in stay pleasurably Happy for at least 20 minutes bonus points if you do that drick and offer the condom because hey It's gonna feel different way with the condom triple bonus points for both gender if you learn to make friends with the back porch which is strictly external anal play back porch we'll hang out in the back porch how do you handle the anal sex huge right now i mean i feel like in the last ten years i don't even feel like you

will talk about like when i was in high school ever didn't come up to know it no guy ever like you mentioned there but now and i do believe it's because of porn that they think oh that that's what I'm it's expected I mean men and women right I mean well, I certainly and again there is what there's what we feel porn is quote unquote telling us and then what I'm telling what I'm telling you is you know, again, you know, I know it's not the porn back up. You don't learn to drive a car by watching Vin Diesel. We don't learn about spy craft by watching 007 and we don't learn about actual sex as a human person by watching porn.

We may get a couple of cool ideas with a wrist flip or something, but in the end, ladies and gents, good sex is sex that pleases both people and makes them go, you know what, that was really great. I'd like to see you again. I feel good after it, not bad, not guilty, not shame face, not a apologetic, not sorry for it. What about tips for people who have never had anal sex, but they'd like to and they like a lot of guys, the email they go, I want my partner to, and I'm like, have you ever tried to

like, what about let's first talk about men and women. They've never had anal sex. How would you- First, the only people who should attempt anal pleasure are those who are sincerely interested in it for their own sake. Buts are like cats. They must be coaxed and seduced every time. Right.

Start slow. Lots of loom. You're weeks away. You're just jump forward a month. We're talking about our mental state. So butts must be coaxing to do every time. And they're moody like cats. And they cannot lie. You cannot make your butt relax. You cannot make it want it what it doesn't want. And butts also know that the butts know when what is touching them is paying attention or being a jerk, including ourselves. So if one wants to become more more, one

wants to investigate anal sex. First one needs to invest in a high water, high natural fiber diet to make to make things all regular. Okay, if you have bowel issues or or poop issues, diets. That's not going to be the thing for you. Yeah. No, yet. Yeah. Thank you for saying yet. Thank you for saying yet. So first, so if we're interested in anal play, first I have to be interested in it for myself. I want it not to please. You can't do it to please anybody. It has to be because it's pleasing to you. It's like, Oh, hey, wait a minute. Cool. So there's that. Then you read up about it, you read about it. So you have some actual information.

If you're a female, just in teramino's book is excellent. And if you're a male, Jack Morin's book, anal pressure and health, is excellent. And just get acquainted with it and understand. Then you have to go through reacquainting so much of the resistance to anal pleasure is cultural that just getting to the point in your life where you can take a after a shower everything's clean and clean thinking to get to the point where you can touch the outside of your anus in a pleasurable way while touching the front of you and

Putting those two sensations together. That's 80% of the battle. And we're not even talking about anything to penetrate the picture. No, just touching, like, right. We're just working on, because as we approach pleasure from our anuses, all the roadblocks as we put up in front of us from our culture and our experiences,

it's only for fags, but it does, dirty, exit only. I'm always trying to get men out of my life. I'm always trying to just try it. If you never, if you want to. If you want to and planning it, you're missing many of many gay men do not do anal intercourse and many women, she says raising her hand are fiends for it. If you know how to put, if not, I make my butt happy.

You can so. But how do you tell? Okay, so did you learn all this? Let's go to your porn career. So when did that Mr. Brothers you're stripping? Right. I started my maybe my first movie in 84, but in terms of going about to anal sex. Oh, okay. Yeah. Let's go to your porn career. So when did that Mr. Brothers you're stripping right? I started my maybe my first movie in 84 but in terms of going back to anal sex. Oh, I didn't I So I did really get really Adapt at it and really learned to like it until I got with my now husband and we followed Tristan Tiraminos book

Ultimate Guide to anal sex for women and the anal training program and the anal training program that And the secret. And the anal training program. Sign me up. We want to sign up for that. Right. The secret to learning how to be quote unquote good at anal sex or enjoy anal sex. Anal pleasure is besides my personal reorientation of my relationship to my butt. That's my best journaling and therapy and whatever else. So I get to get neutral.

Okay. Cool. I'm okay with this now. We can move forward with a partner My job is to get okay with all of my parts. Right. Your job is to get okay with your parts And we bring two people who are okay, maybe an experienced but okay with their parts able to communicate and listen to messages from your body and we have the dialogue. So when my was learning how to do this What we do even now every time we love, we do something with my butt. We always play with it with gloves fingers,

I clean it out, and we do always do some kind of anal attention and a nice comfy plug. Every fourth or fifth time, my butt goes, more please, and my husband goes, well, all right, you that, and we progress to anal. And of course, and but we never, we never it's never people think oh my gosh So go I'm gonna we have to get his penis in my ass tonight It's like whoa whoa whoa whoa honey pumpkin that's when you get people going well, you know

Well, we get drunk and see what happens. No, no, don't go back Right, you know, there's that I had drunk I didn't have it once I was really drunken. I only like umbrella. I did have a one so I was really drunk. I was like, I only like it when I'm drunk. You could only, nurse Nina says, you could only have drunk anal sex with an ongoing anal sex partner and you plan to be, it's something you plan to do. I'm not saying that quote unquote drunk anal sex can't be fun, but unless you set the playground up in a safe way, you're going to end up with a nasty infection, an injury to your body. So many things could go wrong.

So our butts are always there. And so we can circle around the issue of our pleasure from it for as long as we need to. Eventually, with the right partner. And circle around your anus. Yes. And yes, emphasizing this fincter. And don't even go near. And people think, well, I'm just going to, have you ever

had this happen for the guy? You know, he's petting your butt. And then he's just, he's starting to go, like, and you really think I'm not going to notice. You really think I can't tell that you're a half an inch from my ass and you're trying to just, until you go into the assort, I would like to explore anal pleasure with you, darling. What do you say? It's not on the table.

You can't talk, you don't talk somebody into their butt. Hey, dude, can I talk you into your butt? No, of course not. So to think, and so one thing I don't like about movies is that they never show any of the, because it's a fantasy. They don't show the preparation. So it appears to go from vaginal intercourse to,

ooh, fuck my ass. Boom. They don't know the 24 hours preparation she did. They don't know that the warm-up she did and the makeup chair. They don't know what she did off camera because we don't know if all been edited out for your viewing pleasure because it's a fantasy. So in real life, your mile is may vary. And some days my butt really would like, my butt wants it and my mind wants it. My butt goes, no, actually you don't. But I do. It doesn't your butt.

It doesn't your entire body. It's so true. Oh my gosh. Right? The whole body. The whole thing, you have to listen to you to be in touch. And you are very in touch. So you've done all these films.

So I did on Twitter. But I worked at it. I worked at it. Oh my God, took me year. The nine meets these young women who are 18 years old, 19. And they've been digging in a course for three or four years. About 20% of the women in porn, they liked in a course.

The first time they did it. It was a slide-dibiotic. They really did, they really liked it. They really liked it. They said, yeah, this is the first time that it was fun. Men have been transported. They may have gone to, but it was like, this is fun. And for me, it took years for me to go this is fun right years

Years even after you were doing movies I'm doing movies in my private in my movies movies movies sex movies sex is always fun for me because it's a performance and Yeah, this is awesome in my personal life first. I had it I was not happily mayor So there was that was a roadblock to having good sex and private was my primary relationship was in a healthy one So there's that problem right that is a lot of the cheating thing right the cheating thing. Yeah, well. Yeah Yeah, I've done that too. So wait, so when you were doing porn. So did you? What did you learn then doing porn? What was your what did you learn about your body when you were having like you actually enjoying yourself?

Oh, no, no, I know I I the secret and I this is, I, my one rule, my two rules was do not cut school to make, not cut school to make porn. Because I, I, I started in 83, didn't graduate till 85. And if I don't do it at home for fun, I will not do it on camera for money. And that's a number two, three, the number three on the list of things I recommend to young women. If you don't do it at home for fun, don't bother doing that on the list of things I recommend to young women. If you don't do it at home for fun, don't bother doing that on camera for money because they don't pay you enough to not have a good time too.

So whatever you see me do on camera, I do anyway. And more, and there are plenty of things I do at home I don't do on camera because, A, that's personal. And B, they're never gonna pay me enough to make it worth my while to do that on camera. Do you have a phone love with anyone? Or do you have a couple? I had a couple mad set crushes

that I did pursue sex with them off camera. One, I think over the 12 years he was in the business, we got together off camera maybe three times and always super amazing hot. And one guy really wanted really badly and his wife. No, no, it was clearly mutual love fast. It could have been my porn or husband forever, but his real life wife was not okay with the emotional. She, you know, she was barely okay with the sexual contact, but when it started

getting emotional because she was not emotionally non monogamous. She, you know, for her, for her, for her, the fact that he and I had all crushed and going, that was too scary for her. I'm sure he wasn't going to leave her. Right. I didn't want him to leave her. But she didn't, but people get so jealous of her. How was it dating men when they found out you did and how you were dating? Well, this is not really weird because I thought, I thought, I'm sure you get asked at times 20.

I've never been single. So, I went from my, my first relationship was a three-way relationship with my husband and his girlfriend. My first, my then husband and his girlfriend. And that was 20 years, and that's why I started porn. So we were swingers together, I did porn, I lived in a three-way relationship. Then I had that affair thingy, and eventually left that marriage. I've always been very open about being in porn, so I've never, and I was single for all of

my five months before I got serious with the person to whom I'm now married with whom I had an affair You know, yeah, yeah, yeah, duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh There will there is no dating. There is my circle of playmates and some you know like read read read hit the very special sweet spot in me And I think he gets out a lot of people and I love that he is generous with that part of him And I wouldn't want I wouldn't with someone like read how can I'm not meant to be monogamous And I think if I'm ever quote unquote single as in I don't have to answer to anybody else, but me I don't But then I'm I a fucking heartily. I mean, you know, and so, and I also, I've also now gotten enough of a skin that I just will not tolerate jealous behavior into my direction. And you can't handle it. I don't care if you think of a bitch, you can go now.

Just go. I think that's so good. And if I, and I knew that in my head at 18, because that's what the literature said, just be yourself and I didn't know how to put that in the mirror. You weren't like everyone else, so it's hard to be yourself.

Yeah, yeah. Oh my gosh. I get it. I told you to get it. I'm not like everyone else. How do I explain it? I'm going to be like a person. But you look so normal, Am I?

I know. That's the thing. I look so normal. I mean,'s a thing. I look so normal. I mean, I think I'm normal. You normal for you. You look conventional. I look conventional, but I'm not. But thank you.

Yes. But I think I'm, you know, people always expect I've done all these things. Okay, maybe I've done some of those things, but not as much as you think with probably more than the average person, but not. But is it the fact that you're open to the idea that that makes you that much different than most people? It's not about But it is the fact that you're open to the idea that that makes you that much different than most people. It's not about behavior, it's about your attitude. Yeah, I've always been so open,

but also I grew up in Michigan. It was much more conservative. Yeah, go over to Michigan. University of Michigan. Okay, so my question for you, I put some Twitter videos on. You're better all the time, oh my gosh. I think I'd say Spartan, nothing I'd say Spartan.

I know Spartan. Yeah, go play. Yeah, love it. Go over beans. It's so true. Michigan's a good place to go up, but it's very provincial. Yes, yes. I put on Twitter today, so I said,

so I'm saxophone, Emily, and Twitter, and your Twitter is at Neeneland. At Neeneland. Neeneland. Like it sounds like a fun place. So, some listeners, they had some questions for you. Oh, okay, okay. And so, but for, okay, well, here's the first one.

Why is she still, I said said if you have a question for Nina What what do you want to ask her? Andrews G says why she still has porn and what's one of your top favorite scenes or experiences? Why do I do porn because I like having sex as people without having to date them and I like having a platform to Keep promoting my own sexual message and vision about sex. A sex artist porn is awesome. And most memorable scene. Man, I've had so. Almost catch it on camera because some of my great best,

some of my most memorable things have been in Europe. Lives heterosexual sex performance in Europe and there's no camera in this country. lives heterosexual sex performance in Europe and there's no camera. In this country, my, oh, my scene was, uh, jizz Lee for, um, crash pad series episode 100 was very memorable because. Jizz is, jizz Lee is, jizz is a hot, uh, gender queer performer who is a female body person, but prefers the pronoun they, and that day they consented to be submissive to me. Wow.

Hot. What happened? Give me one. Oh, good. One snippet. Oh, fisting her front hole. Fisting their front hole. Sorry, just, oh my god, fisting their front hole.

Oh, very good. Using the right pronouns. Okay, so, so, so, it's okay. So, that's a good one. That was a good one. But, yeah, strap on. Intercourse is awesome. That sounds great.

OK, so next one is from Tom Morris, 79. Does compare how fun porn was in the 80s and 90s versus the past decade? I mean, 80s was very fun and innocent. They're very small communities. They worked with the same people over and over again. It was, had not yet started trying to mainstream itself. So it's still very insular,

it's a very little close community, like a little country club. You know, you work with the same talent all the time, you work with the same directors all the time. And the 90s was the big ginormous expansion. The bubble started in the 90s when we started getting mainstreaming and getting into mom and pop video stores

and it was pre-digital. So these are the cassette tapes and so they were brick and mortar stores everywhere and so that was a certificate. Do you recognize you wherever you went all the time? Oh, they did. Especially when I was younger and I dressed in a more body conscious fashion. Right. On my 30s I got recognized a lot.

By the end of the 90s, the bubble, and the beginning of the digital bubble, and the, remember the ROM, R-E-O-N, R-E-O-M, just things. So that was the beginning of the push into digital adult and the first people into their, of course, made a huge killing and retired like smart people. And then, ever honestly, since 2002, 2003, it's definitely been a downward spiral with the competition from digital and the piracy.

And all the vast overproduction of subpar material all to the 90s and the late 80s to the early 2000s, it's just 10,000 titles a year release, most of which were garbage. And after a while, I think the viewing public said, you know, F you too. And porn also has become less special back in the day when I started. You had to go out and find it. It was special. You couldn't, you could keep your kid away from it. You could keep yourself away from it. And now it's just so ubiquitous.

I think it's losing some of its, I think some of the more extreme images are there trying to shock you because back in the day, just seeing intercourse was shocking enough. Exactly. That was as it was. It was as well. And now it's like, wow, oh, God, that I've seen that. Exactly. Everyone's seen everything now. Okay. So I have some questions for you too that I want you to, I talk on this on my show, and I just, okay, so you, what advice advice would you give to you're with men and women your bisexual so what would you give to straight girls who want to experience with other women and they haven't yet but they

kind of want to like what kind of what advice would you give for them well first for lasting giggles you go to YouTube a go to Garfunkelin Oats the college try okay and just after you're dilaphing First make sure that you are sincerely interested in women as a sexual partner and not just doing it again If they say for male attention or to be cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, don't do that if you're sincerely interested in sex with women then you can seek out Well, my actually my movie, for men or women, my educational tape, you know, hardly is guide for the bicarious woman. Oh, awesome. That's really great. Because the educational scene with the amazing Justine Jolie teach a lot about hand

techniques. And the biggest thing, there's girl girl sex on porno. I want some new techniques. I know. And then there is lesbian sex. girl girl sex is Is usually pretty silly and lame and so justine she looks like a quote unquote girl girl player I've taught her actual lesbian hand techniques and so she's amazing to watch you like girl For us all okay, well here's a good one. This is we want some nuts and bolts And you mean are that you're here like okay? If you well the tip the tip is to realize that a phalus is a phalus is a phalus and a women's phalus is maybe in half an

inch long and a guy's phalus is anywhere from five to seven inches long. It's the same thing. It's the same thing. Right. So, and also the visible phalus, the visible clit is only the phalus part of our sex organ.

The woman's engorgement tissue, of course, is internal. And so women have as much internal clitoris as men have external, the corpuscaverinosum. So there's that internal so it gets very puffy. So understanding that it looks like a little button was actually a three-dimensional phalic object. Women experience top, edges side. We have a phrenum, we have a gland, we have the corona,

we have a shaft, I mean we have everything that a penis has. And then we're just lucky if you can find it. But then we're like, oh my god, we've got left quadrant, right quadrant. Thank you, yeah, so when men realize that a clip is just a teensy, tindsy little short penis. And I'd so, so. Eight thousand nerve endings, right?

So what I would do um hand techniques is you are behind her or get to get on her back. Our legs are open. You're going to run your hands up her thigh until they meet with her vulva in the middle and you're going to press all the flesh together and if you wiggle it up and down, so toward the ceiling, toward the bed, in a horizontal, you'll feel, you'll look in between your fingers, you'll see,

you'll see her clit glands back and forth between your hands. So that is a lovely warm feeling. You can reach forward. Don't go right for the clit, you're safe. Don't go right for it. I think I found it. I'm gonna go right there. I'm like, we don't even know what's at, we're not on top of that excited. No, calm down. You're saying, you know, why did they go right for it? Like, I think I found it. I'm going to go right there.

I'm like, we don't even know what's at we. We're not going to go on. Oh, man. It's going to, it's not going anywhere. Guess what? It'll always be in the very same place. Take men are so excited that they're actually in sex or they could that they just go right for it.

And they, we're not even registered. Yeah. So guys, before, before, before, before, before, yes, before you understand, before you hope what was going to be a hot date and you're under 35, just jerk off at home before you go out to calm down, calm down. You're going to get off before the end of the evening. Let's just have some of it. So there's the squishing of the vulva between your between your hands. And what that does, of course, it places your fingertips on her or

on your pubic bone and your thumbs near what it's called the Introitis or the Foreshet or near the Taint. So the bottom of her vulva toward her butt. So you press down with your fingers onto herpipic bone, you take your thumb, you deeply rub up the muscle until your fingers meet, you pinch and you pull the flesh off of herpipic bone and you let it go. And you dig your thumb just a little, you opening all the way up the book bone you pinch and you pull off and you let it go. Do that all anywhere from four to 10 times and she'll start to make fun noises. And if you look when you're pinching and you're pulling

her flesh towards you, you'll see her clip move in there so you can go, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, I love this. So specific. And I've just sort of filmed it right now. The long you can stay away from entering the introverted, AKA the whole, the better, more brownie points.

So you take your thumb and you rub your thumb all around the muscle and you'll feel it in gorge. And in the beginning, her, unless she's been aroused for quite a while, could've been flirting all night and you're been dancing and she's already halfway there. I mean, if you go into the room and she's pulling off your clothes and saying, fuck me now, you beast. Dude, dude, grab the condom and go. But if you're just, if you've been grinding in the cow all the way home, you know, if she's telling you please do this, you don't listen to me.

But if you're getting her in the mood, spend time learning vulva massage. You're going to talk about in the guided bicarious women, but pressing against the opening into the muscle around her top of her thighs, pulling on her lips, putting your thumb in the cleft of her vulva and pulling it up toward her belly button until it's a little bit tight and then tell her to do her kegles, she'll jerk herself off her clip her clip. So you apply tension to the top of her clip and she supplies kegles squeezing from the bottom and her clip will jump and that's like, oh, and she should do her kegles while she's doing that. Yeah, she should do right exactly. And we mean we and every way she'd be doing kegels everywhere. I've an iPhone app called Kegel Camp. Good for you. No, that you have to download my

Android. No, not yet. It's okay. Awesome. Great. I do. Every day it pops up. You can say I want to do my kegels. It's every day at 11.30 a.m. So every day on my phone, it's my voice walking you through it. 10th relax. Great. Oh my god. You're so clever. Why do I think of that awesome, awesome, awesome? And there's 20 levels and people, men and women can do them. And then men get to 20, more men do them. Then women that email me, they're like, I'm at level 20. I'm like, oh my God. Good for you.

That means the wet washcloth. Yeah. And the wet level 20 is the wet hand towel. Yeah. Hey. Is it? Yeah. Well, you're the key goes first to get the tissue.

And then you get the dry washcloth and you get the damp washcloth. I think it's the wet washcloth. and then you get the dry washcloth and you get the damp washcloth and then you get the wet washcloth and then you get the dry dish towel, the damp dish towel, the wet dish towel, then if you're Evan Stone, the bed spread. I love it. Yeah, there's so important. There's so many. What about oral sex tips? Oral sex tips is for women.

For men performing sex on a woman. Oh, here's what. Or women performing percent. is for women for men performing sex on a woman. Oh, here's what here's what I'm for. Actually, for people who want to perform oral sex for a woman who wishes to have oral sex performed on her and wishes to teach her partner a good technique. If you are not yet in a private place, send them to the bathroom, having washes hands really well when he gets back, make sure his hands are damp and smell of soap. Get at your hand sanitizer. Do his hand again. Then you're going to

ladies you're going to suck the web of his hand the way you like your vulva sucked. Oh so show him this is the best tip I've ever heard my life. Okay. Suck the web of his hand the way you like your vulva sucked while looking him in the eye. Dive if you want to brag about how good you are in the oral sex department and you're still in a place where you cannot not we cannot be naked have her go Watch your hands and come back and you Do this if you you know does the same thing Ladies if you are in bed and you are having your vulva sucked or attempted to suck in a very nice voice tone matters tone does matter matters tone matters. Tone matters, tone matters, tone matters, tone matters and say, ooh, hey, give me your hand

and start and then you take his hand and you say, okay, I'm gonna suck on that. You do just what I'm doing to you. You'll have 100% better oral sex in five seconds. Right, because it's different for everyone. You guys can't even learn. You can't do this to that as well. You can't really speak. If you suck on your evolve that. You can't. No, no, no.

You can't really speak. If you suck on her evolve the way you like or not yet, hard cock sucked way, way, way she pulls, gets a glance, smushed between her turd and pulls on it when it's getting hard. It's okay to let women suck on your cock before it's hard guys. Yeah.

The important to land all that's all that. A lot of guys like you when it gets hard in your mouth. It's awesome. You'll never see a, you'll never see in straight porn any soft dick and all that's all that's like when it gets hard in your mouth. It's awesome And you'll never see a you'll never see in straight porn any Soft dick sucking because that's not the fantasy. So but it does exist in the world So if you're getting your vulva eaten and you want to improve your partner's technique suck on their hand and say you caught what I'm doing to you And he'll be better right away. A really great way to get excellent.

Okay, so ladies, get on your right or left hip, whichever feels better to you and halfway on your hip. Loop up the sole of your foot with a nice silicone loop and get it so he can rub his crotch against your foot. So the three things you have that, and while he's mouth on your vulva, that will leave that hand able to crotch against your foot. So the first thing you have that, and while his mouth is on your vulva, that will leave that hand able to reach up to your mouth. And so you say to him, sweetheart,

suck me the way I'm sucking you, that will automatically start him pumping his cock against your foot. It's a lovely, non-coital, no babies way to share lovely energy loop that can... And this is a good loop, so he's performing on you and he's still doing anything. But he's not humping the sheet,

which can be rough. And also don't forget all those, all those, all those acupressure points in your foot. So the foot is a very sexual item for a lot of people. And this feels really good. Sometimes people just don't know that. They never really eat. They don't think they don't sexually.

And so I'm someone who always tries to have a decent petty care. If I'm going to go to a place where I might be getting laid by strangers Could at home at the home I wear I wear high heels So it's not at home sex is for me not barefoot thing but in other situations I want the options. I always make sure I have a nice petty, you know as many as petty is often as you can afford them at least every three weeks If not just learn how to do it at home because every three weeks if not, I'm just learning how to do it at home because that's important. You got to get a good attention. When I see guys getting a

pedicure, I love that psychuse. You know what ladies like. Right. A nice well-keared for foot. It's really awesome. That's true. Do it. That's a nice loop. And sometimes, and you know, until I, I want to let a guy know if I is dating, it's like, you are going to get off tonight. I'm not saying we're going to fuck, but you won't go home without an orgasm. Right. Exactly. And so, so lady, if you want to start feeling less victimized, more in control before you're drunk, just say, you know what, I think you're, I think you're hot and cute. I would love to get to know you sexually, just so you know, until further notice. And of course, isn't on the table. But other ways of

having orgasms are totally on the table. And, and let's go have dinner. Right. And his and his and so, his and so, his and so,, I said, so the son's have been wondering, oh my god, little she won't, she are, we aren't we dinner? It can then be huh? Okay, non coil ways to be share naked time. There's side by side masturbation, which is 100% safe. There is oral sex with the full group. Mesh masturbation. Because then you get to see what they do, what you do, it's like the best thing in the world. Yeah,

first. Yeah. And also, and you know, why would you want? So people find it easier to just go ahead and fuck because I can lay on my back and I can leave my body and the person can fall on top of me and our bodies will do it and we don't have to be here with each other, but mutual masturbation, or side by side masturbation or facing masturbation, I have to be here.

That's, so, we build a safe sex, a safe first sex. If it can be safe physically, it's then it's scary emotionally because if I'm exposing myself to you and we probably have to go now. Right, no, we're good. We're going to go in a minute, but I have to ask you quick question. Yes, sex toys. What's your favorite sex toy? Sex toy, the plug-in magic wand with the extension cord, at least a six footer, and I'm a better...

How are the new magic wand? Do you have the new one? I got a new one, it's fine. Every woman needs to find the vibrator that works best for her. Some lucky women don't need them at all. I know about, again, about 15 percent of women have such low or get the threshold that vibrators are irrelevant to them. Make it tan.

I love you and an envy of you. And then the enjoyed toys, pure wand. Oh, I love the pure wand. Oh, my God. Oh, it's only, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh I have feelings I have to see him and then say hi and then when he's not looking go into his drawer Chris I love it like I can auto-claven you can sterilize I never talk about the end-door and the show and I shut God leaking you guys can get all this a good vibes calm How much do we love good vibrations? They are the best if I wasn't so exhibitionistic enough as to be a performer Or I wasn't pretty enough to be considered for porn. I would still be working a good vibrations. I love good vibes

So it's good vibes calm use coupon code Emily and you get 15% off. Get out. It's worth a lot. Anything you want, good vibes.com. And if you're in San Francisco. Good vibes. Emily.com. No, just good vibes.com and it's cute.

You can go there now. Wow. And you get 15% off anything. Go there now. It's so good. It's the best place ever. I love it. And there's an Emily's picks page.

Go to my website, sexlamy.com. I have all my favorite toys there. Oh, yeah, check it out Um, and I don't think the end maybe the enjoy is but anyway, I should talk about it more But it is amazing and then I also want to say What else I could say I guess we are at a time you Want to come back? You're gonna come back on the show. I never coming back. Oh my god. I'm so fun There's just so many other things to talk about but I want to thank everyone for listening to sex with Emily Was it good for you?

email me feedback at sexwithemlee.com. Hey guys, can I ask you a question? How are your balls feeling right now? Are they super clean and dry? Does your partner complain or is not always willing to go downtown? If so, I've got something for you. I've just launched a new product called Down Under Comfort from my brand Emeline Tony.

It's really unique. It's a cream to tap yoga powder formula that is designed to keep men fresh and clean down under or wherever they need. And girls can use it too, under their brush, the lower back, anywhere they want to stay fresh. So how keep this podcast free and your balls dry? Use code Emily to

get 20% off your first purchase. Check them out today at Emily and Tony.com. Trust me and you're welcome. you