Sex With Emily - No on fake O

Episode Date: November 23, 2011

Sorry guys, she might have faked it. Emily and her assistant Kelsi talk about why women fake it and how to tell if she's not really orgasming. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I Look into his eyes Then the eyes of a man obsessed by sex Eyes that block our sacred institutions Betrubized they call them in a bygone way hey, I mean you got a boyfriend because my man eat here He just got his heart broken he thinks you're kind of cute the girls got a hair stand It's a man the women know about shrinkage. Is it like common knowledge? What do you mean like laundry?

It's shrink? And we not talk about sex so much. Are you kidding me? Oh my god. I'm off here. So, so, so. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com. We can get all your sex information. Thanks everyone for becoming friends with benefits members. Friends with benefits members get four shows a week. And you get your sex questions answered right away.

And you're supporting the show. And you're supporting sex information. And the mission that we have in life is for everyone to have better sex. So thanks everyone for listening. Today's show we are going to be talking about this is Kelsey, my assistant. Hello. What up, Kelsey? This is a very important show. We started it last week on November 3rd show. We talked about how to tell that a woman is faking an orgasm. How to tell? So you can go back and listen to that show, but now we wanna talk about why she shouldn't fake the orgasm.

How to tell if she's faking it, why she faked it, and what you can do about it. And if you have been faking it, how you can talk to your partner about it and let them know. Then you can just do a reset. So that's what we're gonna be talking about today. You can also call us anytime, leave a message at 415-9927-392. We will answer your email, your questions on air,

if you leave us a message with your sex questions or comments, we will play it and we will listen to it. And I just gotta say that we've had some exciting times around the office this week. It's been really fun. In terms, we watch coming up as our sex toy reviews from Jimmy Jane. Jimmy Jane makes amazing sex toys,

Jimmyjane.com. How happy are you with your, what'd you get? I got the Form Three. It's really adorable is the best way to describe it. They're like centerpieces. Yeah, I'm thinking I'm just gonna put on my dresser and everyone's gonna think it's modern art or something. Right.

But I'm gonna be like it's modern art for my vagina. But I'm gonna be like, it's modern art for my vagina. So, exactly. I love it. It's modern art for the vagina. Maybe they want to use it as a tagline now, Jimmy Jane. So anyway, check out JimmyJay.com. You can see my Jimmy Jane pics. Surely is on the website now?

Yeah, and we, I have a picture up on the website with Lauren. Yeah, we're right. So, I mean, the pics, like my pics page. Oh, yeah, Emily's pics page. It's up on the website. It's on the side banners. And if you click on it, Emily tells you about some imperfect, my favorite, my favorite, Jimmy, Jimmy toys, because I'm a huge fan, Jimmy, Jay. So, okay. And then also you can always find me on Facebook and Twitter, sucks with Emily, like my Facebook page. I'd really appreciate it and

found me on Twitter because we've got lots of tweets going out and exciting and fun things. So, okay, the orgasm, and on November 4th was National Don't Fake It Day, okay? It was Don't Fake It Day and it's promoted, it promoted women to stop pretending and actually have the climax that you deserve, or at least, fess up to your guy, why it's been happening so you can work on a solution together. So we became pretty obsessed around the office about talking about orgasm, so on the November 3rd show,

we did do top 10 signs she's faking it. And some of the highlights there are, I'm just gonna give you highlights, go back and listen to it, Brad. If brushing your teeth was the closest thing that you came to for play, she's probably faking it. You know, we would need 15 between 15 minutes and 40 minutes to have an orgasm. If you didn't know for play, if you were not participating in for play, she might have faked it. Yeah, you should just go down on her for like 15 minutes right before sex

and yeah, that can really help. That kind of stuff like if you get the clitoris like warmed up for that stuff, then you're probably gonna have a better chance of making your orgasm. Exactly. So don't be afraid, don't be shy to go downtown because you're gonna need to do it. So why do women fake it?

Okay, so Kelsey, you you faked it before, right? Yeah. Why do you think you faked it? Well, one time I faked it because the guy was literally the worst at oral sex. And, but he like, which made it worse is that he was really into it. He was like, I love this. I love giving oral sex. I was like, that's great. But like, he had no idea what he was doing down there. Right. Right. So I was like, should I have to get out of this like fast right now. So you just faked it. So I just faked it. And I was like, shit, I have to get out of this like fast right now. So you just fake it. So I just faked it. And I was like, I'm good. No more needing to go now.

Right now. Right. That's when a lot of women do it because we feel pressure. Like we feel like, well, he was bad. This guy was bad. I've done that too. Not anymore. I never fake anymore. But also a lot of times we feel pressure. If we're with our partner and our partner's constantly saying, did you do it yet? Have you come yet? Are you going to orgasm? I'm going to make you come, baby. I'm going to make you orgasm. I just feel like, I feel like it's, that's a lot of pressure for us.

I mean, that you should not, you should never say that to your partner, your partner that you're with, a woman. They never say like, are you there? Are you there? Because anytime we get pressure in any situation in life, it's just going to make us anxious and stressed

that we're not going to perform, and then we fake it. So some other reasons why she fakes it, she doesn't know what an orgasm feels like. Believe it or not, many women have never experienced orgasms, so when they feel a little tinkle or tangle, a little tickle or tangle, they think, oh, this must be it. And then they proceed to put on a performance like they see in the movies. So a lot of women might not have had orgasms. So that's another point.

If she's never, if it's not anyone's, it's not your partner's responsibility to might not have had orgasm. So that's another point. If she's never, if it's not your partner's responsibility to give you an orgasm, it's the woman's responsibility to know her body, to masturbate, to spend time alone. So she figures out what feels good and so she should know her own body. So she might fake it because she doesn't really know what it feels like to have one. So for that, I would say that she needs to masturbate.

Another reason is she gets sore really fast. Some women get sore and it could be like maybe she's not using enough lube. I love, love, love, lube. Lube is a great enhancement for sex. She might get sore and she acts like she's reaching her climax so you can reach yours and she just wants to be over with, which is key. A lot of women just want to be over with after a while. Yeah, guys are always like, I'm gonna hold out for you, like, I'm gonna make this last. And you're like, it's been a half hour, dude.

Like, it's okay, you can, you know, do your thing. Like, yeah, and women, we're okay. Sometimes we don't orgasm. I'm not saying that orgasm is like the most important thing. It's like, what is your definition of sex? Sex is not just about orgasm. Sex is about so many other things. It's about, you know,

foreplay and kissing and making out and connecting and looking at each other's eyes and touching and just doing a lot of other things. So I'm not saying that the whole focus should be on the orgasm. However, we do need to cover this topic of faking it. So that's how we're getting into it. So maybe she gets sore. She doesn't want to hurt your ego. I think Kelsey and I have both touched on that. You can deny it all you want, but guys who think they're not pleasing to their women, chances are it would make you question your abilities as a lover. And we don't want you to feel bad. We don't want you to feel insecure

because I know you're trying hard. Sometimes it just doesn't happen for us. It just doesn't. Sometimes we want it to happen and it just doesn't. And that's okay. We're not bummed. We're fine with it, but sometimes that's might be another reason why she fakes it.

We don't want to hurt the guy. I haven't ever done it because you don't want to hurt the guy. Haven't you ever done it because you don't want to hurt the guy? Yeah, definitely. I mean, I've been very, very close, and they'll be like, have you, did you orgasm? And they'll be like, yeah. But I mean, I feel like the thing is, is like, if you do have an orgasm, you know you orgasm.

Right. There's no gray area there. And like, it's hard sometimes for people who can usually make someone orgasm. And if you don't orgasm easily, which is my problem, or just something that I need there to be honest. Yeah, it's difficult because the guy I'm with right now he always makes people orgasm.

And this is new for him, but at the same time. I'll get through it. You know what? About a lot of those women were faking it. Yeah, and the good news is if you don't fake it, then he'll go down to you for like 45 minutes. Exactly. It's another way to get us out.

Yeah, exactly. He's determined to make it happen. But that's the thing about faking it. And we have covered this on the show a little bit, but you're sending your partner the wrong message. If you fake anything, so I'm great in whatever, but why not talk about it? Why not say, this is what I need to make myself feel better. Like, this is what I need to

orgasm. Like, just tell your partner, like, there's no reason why you shouldn't talk about it. I'd be like, I need clitoris stimulation. It's a great way to get to great time to use a vibrator too during sex. So I just put their like hand on your clitoris while you're having sex and they'll be in new it. Yeah. And they'll know what that means. Yeah. Don't forget to the clitoris. Okay. Another reason why she fixed it,

you think it's so important. Some days are better than others and while she might reach multiples one day, the next day might result in none. That's so true. I haven't you ever had an orgasm and then like some days you don't. It doesn't mean that we don't enjoy it.

We still enjoyed having sex. Definitely. I mean, I've orgasmed, wants to like sex in my entire life. And of course I enjoy it other times. I love sex. Love sex, that's why she's my assistant. Okay, what you can do about it,

it's a shame when women fake it because we're leading men down the path of thinking that they're doing everything right. So the first thing to do is just to talk about it. The first thing I need to do, you need to do is discuss your sexual habits. You'd be surprised, like I just said, how when people don't talk about it. So just sit down with your partner and be like, babe, it's not working for me. This is what I need.

And I know that's a really hard conversation happen. You can do, like, these are all the things that I love. Or maybe you start, what you do is you start telling your partner the things I love. Guy when you were kissing the back of my neck that day that was so hot or the way you were like kissing my stomach, my navel that felt amazing and you know what else would feel really good and then you fill in the blank with what makes you orgasm or what you think could help lead you there if you touch my clitoris if you bite my nipple I don't know it's different for everybody.

Also, you can experiment with sex, whether it's new locations or positions when they come a future, try trying different things from time to time. Oh, look at this. I have my book. It's called Hot Sex, over 200 things you can try tonight. You can buy it on Amazon right now. And literally, this is experimenting with sex. There are 200 things in the book and they're not crazy hard, pharmaceutical positions.

They're like little tiny things that you could do differently to spice up your sex life. Because when was the last time you did something different? It's actually, have you tried a new position? Have you tried a new way of talking to your partner? Have you dressed up in a costume lately? We cover all this in the book, so I hope that you will all check it out.

Do you have one in particular? You can share. Yeah, that's a great one. Okay, let's see. Well, this is fantastic, Felatio. When it comes to oral sex, the real secret isn't some cryptic technique, but simple enthusiasm. If you show them so much, you're enjoying it to yourself. You'll be thrilled.

I'm showing if you're watching us right now. You can see the picture of her going down in him. And I think a big key to women performing oral sex and men always say like the number one thing is a woman being enthusiastic. She doesn't, he doesn't want to see your face gagging and being annoyed and being like, oh, no, like she, you got to be into it

and be enthusiastic. Yeah, guys will be like, I love that you love giving oral sex. And I'm like, when did I like, I love that you love giving oral sex. Right. And I'm like, when did I, did I say that? But you showed it. Exactly. So I love it. Okay. Do erotic things together, whether it's watching sensual movies or feeding each other chocolate strawberries, it's important to make an effort to keep

your sexuality alive and all the aspects of your life. So sex, take it outside the bedroom. What is your definition of sex? I know a lot of people think it's just like the in and out, but really your definition of sex could be like, yeah, like making a sexy meal together or watching porn together or going on a sexy hike or whatever. You could do different things.

Spice it up. Get her to explore her own body. Now this is what you can do if she's not having orgasms. Maybe perhaps she hasn't had time alone yet to explore her own body. Maybe that's why she's not having an orgasm. Vibrators really help in this situation. Vibrators are great. If you've never orgasms, you could also spend a lot of time just touching yourself like make a make up bath, turn some music on and just spend some time playing with yourself and touching yourself because there's no No one's gonna make you orgasm like there's this famous saying that a lot of women believe some day my prince will come and so will I

So someday women think my prince is gonna come and he is going to He's going to rock my world and I'm gonna have an orgasm Well, you know what you got to have your orgasm on your own So that is your responsibility and don't believe that some guy, some woman or whatever you, whoever you're with, it's gonna come and make you do it. You've got to spend the time knowing your own body. Yeah, I definitely agree. It smells fun, I ever have sex-wise.

Yeah, totally, right? Okay, invest in an enhancer. So some women don't have any idea what an orgasm feels like and due to the contrast vibration, a sex toy does the trick. By a sex toy and Robert against her clitoris while using your penis or fingers to penetrate her. You can also go to adamaniv.com, adamaniv, we love adamaniv, and you can get 50% off

most items, plus an adult DVD, three free gifts and free shipping, so go to adamaniv and buy a part of your vibr and even buy a partner vibrator by your own vibrator right now. That's covering the whole experience, like the porn and the vibrator. Exactly. Yes. Just enhance your experience

while she's not having orgasm. Okay, so if you have been faking it, how do you tell your partner? How do you, how do you do it? How do you break the ice? What do you do? This could be really sensitive. We don't want to hurt your feelings

if we've been faking it. And, but we got to say we've been having a trouble reaching climax. So initiate the conversation outside the bedroom. This is not a conversation you want to have while you're doing it. Like, honey, I've never had an orgasm while you're thrusting.

Like, have it later, have it overdone or have it in the morning over breakfast. And just say, I want to talk to you about something that's kind of embarrassing and I've had a hard time bringing it up, but just do it. Like it's like ripping the bandaid off, just have the conversation. And then you can steer them in the right direction. You can start giving him or her or whatever you're with hints about what works for you.

So after you've spent the time exploring your own body, it's really important to start steering him in the right direction. You know? So reassure him that, you know, again, when you're talking to your partner and you're admitting they've never done an orgasm, you've got to reassure because the male ego is very, very fragile. So you've got to reassure him that you're enjoying yourself because I know when I don't have an orgasm, I mean, I'm not bummed. I'm like, this is an amazing connection.

We had a good experience, we had a good sex. It's not all about the orgasm. So be sure to assure your partner first that sex has been fine But orgasm might be a little nice nice little cherry on the cake on the top What if you've been going out with someone for like two years? So like during breakfast you're like eating your cereal and you're like by the way like you're like Yes, I've never had an orgasm Yes, you know all those times that I've been like screaming orgasm. Yes, you know, all those times that I've been like

screaming during sex. Yeah, that was, that was just for fun. That's rough. We actually had an email from a listener once who said that he has moved with his wife for 10 years and just found out she had never had an orgasm. That would be a tricky situation, but it's the same thing. You got to be like, if you're with your partner

for two years and you love him and hopefully you'll understand. You just say, you know what, babe? I come close a lot of times and I feel like I'm about to orgasm. And sometimes I might have just kind of like seemed like I orgasm, but I'm not sure that I really have. And then the good news about that, it's gonna be hard conversation. I have them saying it's not gonna be easy.

But now what a great opening for you to start to have rocky the kind of sex that you want. Like clean the slate, say it hasn't happened, but you've been enjoying it and it's been awesome and you love the way it plays with your nipples or whatever. But then say now let's start together working on project orgasm. Project orgasm. I like that. And so it's likely that if she has been faking it that she's doing it for selfless reasons

because you know, it's like like, she's gonna win an Oscar or anything for doing this performance. A lot of times it is selfless. It's like, we wanna please you. We wanna make sure that the guy isn't feeling frustrated and a lot of guys intimidate us about it. So, I would say that she's not doing it for selfless reasons and don't get angry.

I would just say, try to discuss it and explore the adventures together that we just talked about. Guys shouldn't get angry about it. They should be like, okay, it's like any kind of issue you have in a relationship. Like, it's kind of a bummer you might feel bad, like she was lying to me, but believe me, most women pull who have faked it.

It's not because it's not for them, it's like for you. When you say, like, it's like, or to get over with. Because it was taken too long. I think I'm a special case, but just because of my one experience with that, I've been called out on it, though. Like I was like, Oh, yeah. And then the guy was like, you're lying. And I'm like, yeah, yeah. But it's we don't think anymore. Right? You're a nice effort. Like you want to give a medal. Be like, nice try. But you should have gone down

to me for longer than two minutes. But it takes a whole lot of stuff to get there. And it really, really does. I feel like guys don't understand that because of the ways that guys orgasm is like, for some guys it is difficult. Like it takes them a while, but for other guys it's a different story and they can, you know,

once stimulated enough they do orgasm. But like for women it's just like, this like production. It is a production. It is a production like we need to have the fingers here and the hands there and we need to be warmed up. Women can not go from zero to 60 like men. You're like, you're all of a sudden warmed up

and ready to go and we're not ready yet. And we need like, and a lot of times it's different. Like the glitter, like sometimes the left side of our clitoris, then it's like the right side of our clitoris. Like don't you find that's definitely definitely have to mix it up. And I mean like sometimes when I'm even

with like a high powered vibrator, it'll still take me a half hour and sometimes it doesn't happen. It just like, everything has to like line up correctly. Right. I don't know, but I mean, faking it is super lame because it makes you, but you're not in an honest relationship. Right, you're lying.

That's true. No more. No more faking it. We are not never, never, never fake it again. I'm Right, you're lying. No more. No more faking it. We are not never, never fake it again. I'm never gonna fake it again. No one, oh, no one fake, oh, that's what I gotta say. Especially with election day. I think today is election day actually.

Oh yeah. Yeah. So anyway, okay, no one fake, oh, I'm gonna put a proposition on the ballot or something like that. So I think that's what we gotta say about it. But if you wanna hear more of the November 3rd show, we talked about how you can tell if she's faking it. And now we just wanted to talk to you about what to do about that and how to rectify the situation. So I think that's what we got time for today.

Yeah. Yeah. Thanks, Kelsey. Yeah, that's probably. And thanks everyone for listening. You can always find me on Facebook and Twitter. It's sex with Emily, go like my page, follow me on Twitter. And what else do we have to mention here? Anything else that people need to know? I guess how is she actually orgasming? How do you tell if she actually is orgasming? Oh, well, that's the thing that we talked about is that how you can tell if she actually does is the body language. There's the o-face that she makes, and it's not impossible to fake, but what women actually probably in time, it can be like the exorcist. They won't so, they won't not women, not every woman shows all signals in her body,

but look for flushed cheeks, twitching legs, lip biting, arch back during climax and hard nipples. Those are some signs. The most famous sign might be the O face, but a lot of times it's, um, she's not, she's trying to hide it. For old faces too attractive, then she might not be orgasm. She might not.

I kind of look a little terrifying when I orgasm sometimes. Yeah. Okay. It's cute though. It's still cute. Right? You still think that's hot. Guys love it when we orgasm, right?

So, um, that's how they would tell me. Yeah. Okay. I think we're good. Yeah. Thanks everyone for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me.

Feedback at sexwithemlee.com. Okay, I think we're good. Thanks everyone for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithemlee.com.