Sex With Emily - Oh, All the Places You’ll Go with Multiple O’s!

Episode Date: December 5, 2019

On today’s show, Dr. Emily is giving you all the specific sex hacks you need in order to have amazing multiple orgasms. Plus, she’s answering your sex, dating & relationship questions. She gives her sage advice on what it takes for both men & women to have multiple orgasms – either with a partner or alone, how to move past the constant fear of being “slut-shamed,” and how to leave a “ghoster” in the past and move on. Plus, easing a partner into using a strap-on.Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemilyFor even more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and on today's show I'm giving you all the specific sex hacks you need in order to have amazing multiple orgasms. Plus, I'm answering your sex dating and relationship questions. Topics include what it takes for both men and women to have multiple orgasms either with your partner or alone. How to move past the constant fear of being slut-shamed after one night's stand that actually enjoy the sex that you're having. Ways you can ease your new girlfriend into the idea of wearing and using a strap on for the first time. And what it means when someone goes to you and how to leave it in the past.

All this and more, thanks for listening. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized they call them a lie-gone day. Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean like laundry? It's shrink?

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I want to feel so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so at sexwithemily.com. You can also find us on social media. It's at sex with Emily across the board. All right guys, hope you enjoy the show. We have your sex hack homework and that is multiple orgasms. Yes. Please try it out, even if you aren't sure,

you can do it yet. Yeah. Sorry, I was excited. No, good. Good, you should be, be Jamie. I believe that you had your first multiple orgasm me. Working, not in the office, but here. Working here.

I think, no, you don't. A lot of us here. I mean, right, you think it's impossible. You like, I only have one, I'm done. Would have one and done. No, you can, it's a skill and you can learn how to do it. And we're talking about men too. Not as easy for men.

I will explain that in a minute, but why not? Like, we don't even have a refractory period. Men have a refractory period. Women, we can keep going and going and going. Like, your first orgasm is just your first orgasm. That can open up a whole new world to sexual pleasure that you don't even know exists. So once you're the first one, you're gonna be like,

oh yeah, that's just it. Like, I'm like that now. I don't just have one ever. I'm like, same. I will have five, four. Like how much time I have? You're counting now. This morning I too. Four. I was busy. So, okay, so here's some women. Here's some tips for women. We will get to men, right? And the men will, okay. So if you're going for multiples, don't rush it. Just know that you're in for some time.

So while you're having yourself aroused, you can, so once you're turning on, like once you're turning yourself on, you can kind of wait and tease yourself, keep breathing, like breathe, you know, deep into it. Like because the more we breathe deep into our pelvic floor, when we're like even masturbating, it circulates your sexual energy and will also

help with arousal. Breathing deep, and it's also going to help you once you have your first orgasm, you just breathe, and then it can help you have even longer O's, more tense orgasms. If your clitoris, that's how you have your first one, which that's very common. If it's too sensitive after one orgasm to keep going, that's okay. You can take a moment and maybe start to touch yourself in other areas of your body. You can start to touch your nipples. You can start to tease yourself.

Your inner thighs definitely like you some loop because that feels amazing. You guys loop feels so great on all those nerve endings. You can just go to your labia. I feel like a lot of women just stop with their clitoris. They're either internal or they go to their clitor. I feel like a lot of women just stop with their clitoris, like they're either internal, or they go to their clitoris, but they don't think of how the labia is really sensitive. So, they keep yourself turned on

while your clitoris is just kind of taking a little break. Yeah, I honestly only started exploring my labia as of the last maybe four or five months. Oh, okay. And it feels great. It really does you, because you're just taught, that's the pleasure center, and I'm very much like, I'm going for it.

Right, right. Exactly, I'm not gonna mess around anywhere else. That's where all the magic is. I know, if it feels really good. It's not everything, but that's the literal legs is behind the labia. Yes. So there's legs there,

but they're not creepy legs. They're legs. I'm gonna say like, this is gonna get up and walk around. Like spider legs? Yeah. So play with your lab to go and say like, the clitoris is gonna get up and walk around. Like spider legs? Yeah. So play with your labia, and then also you guys do your kegels. When you do them in the middle of sex and then

with the guy who's walking away. Yeah. Come back here, clitoris. Take a cartoon run running away. Like the French clitoris. It's gonna walk into a guy's hands and he actually knows. Exactly.

Exactly. Here's a map. Here's my clitoris. I'm sorry. No, it's true. You buy people don't know. They don't know where it is. So it helps to work your kegdle muscles. So those are the ones that are responsible for orgasms.

You can start kind of tensing and relaxing those muscles, like kind of pumping them. And those are the ones, again, that are responsible orgasm or when you're stopping your flow of urine. Like when you want to stop peeing, like someone's like, you just, those are the ones, again, that are responsible orgasm, or when you're stopping your flow of urine, like when you want to stop peeing, like someone's like, those are the muscles, tense and relax. And that brings more blood flow that area. And then the deeper sensations will build there. And then you guys keep in open mind. If you think you can't believe

me, you probably can. You've had good success here at this episode of this company in this office. And from our listeners, you've all said, Oh at this, at the episode of this company, in this office, and from our listeners, you've all said, oh my God, it's happened. So just be patient, and I believe that it's possible for most women to have it. And we also have some great blogs in our site to accompany multiple orgasms,

because we're gonna have to go to the men now. Here's the thing, guys, your ejaculation does not equal orgasm. So I know like it doesn't have to, you can orgasm without ejaculation does not equal orgasm. So I know like it doesn't have to, you can orgasm without ejaculation. This is not as easy for men as it is for women. So I'm just being honest with you, this is not for everyone, it takes a lot of practice.

But I know that men do this, I've been with men, you can have multiple orgasms without ejaculation, and it's pretty awesome. So doing your kegels are important for men too, I've been with men who can have multiple orgasms without ejaculation and it's pretty awesome. So doing your kegels are important for men too, because again, you're strengthening your pelvic floor, so it helps you with orgasmic strength and helps you get more ejaculatory control.

I have an iPhone app called kegelcamp and you can download it wherever you, well, it's only a phone, iPhones. Okay, use your prostate, now listen, if you stimulate your prostate, that's also gonna help you have another organism that's not relying on your erection. You're gonna want or two of those,

have an organism from your penis, feel amazing. Edging, now the place that you would start is learning to edge where you're building yourself up to learn more a jocatory control. So when you're about to go over an orgasm, you kind of bring yourself down like right before and you're just edging. And when you start to ed, you could realize that you can start to experience orgasm without actually having the, without ejaculation, but that can take a while. Now, there's also something that's

more of like a Taoist practice. The men that I know do this, it's called essentially ejaculation without orgasm. But it's the ways that you do it are essentially that you will breathe deep into your, it's like a non-ajocative orgasm. It feels different than regular orgasms. But you really just want to breathe in your pleasure. Like you don't, before you're about to jack late, when you're telling you to edge, before you're about to go over, you just breathe it in and eventually you can start to breathe in that orgasm through your body where it's circulating the energy from back to front going back up. That's

kind of the, the day I was practicing, circling it. Now, not that easy for men, but it's a practice. So your homework, if you choose to accept it, is to just play with your orgasms as we can. Yeah. If you can have two, see if you can have three. I think it is possible. Use a toy. That helps. You can have control.

This is also how a lot of men, if you come before you want to, edging is a great practice for you to figure out when you're about to orgasm so you know what is going to happen and then you learn how to tensile muscles, so you don't blow your love before you want to. Exactly. I've only been with one person that's capable of that. And? And it's crazy because you can go forever. Yeah, you literally can.

It's anything as possible as sex you guys. That's why this is so amazing that I get to talk to you guys every night, 10 hours a week. It's like, we've not even scratched the surface most of us. I'm not even experienced what we can when it comes to our sexual pleasure. I just, I didn't even know multiple orgasms was a thing until we did that podcast when I was just a part-time here.

Yeah. It was called Four Women for Orgasms when Laurie and Madison worked with us. Yes. And we each had different orgasms stories that we talked about. Yeah. I think you just used a touch or some toy you had taken home. Maybe you had your multiples. I don't remember.

I remember the story. Yeah, no, I had, I had used the, the rave. Actually, I used it as a clitoral and then used it internally because it's like, just amazing. It's amazing. The rave, it's a good G spot GPS as we call it. So yeah, you guys, because the clitoral is great, but if you go inside, there's also some magic in there, some G-Spot action. There's lots of magic. There's lots of magic to happen with your orgasms, everyone. So, okay, we're going to

get quick break and we come back. We're going to get into your calls. Alrighty, we did get this email in today. Okay. I thought you could touch Pond Emily. Yes. Alright, this came from Katie who's 20 in Florida. Hi Emily.

I've been a very sexual person always. I've been known to have a one-night standard friends with benefit relationships. I like to be unattached from my sex partners and have flings, but my only problem is this feeling of guilt I always have. I don't feel as though I've disrespected my body, but I'm in constant fear of being slut-shamed, and it stopped me from enjoying sex. I know slut-shamed is a big topic right now, and I'm a huge feminist, but I need advice on how to deal with being judged by others. I typically don't care what people think, but this is one area in my life that I can't seem to not feel insecure about. Thank you so much. Your podcast has helped me grow. I'm forever thankful for all the sex positive female warriors out there, normalizing female desire and sex positivity.

Oh, thank you, Katie. Well, your email just jumped to the top this weekend. We read this and we're like, we got to get in there and help Katie. So I'm so glad that this podcast and listening to the show has helped you and I think you're right where you need to be. Okay, so you're 20 years old. Now here's the thing. Here's the thing about guilt and sex. It is pervasive.

There are so many of us who feel guilt and we feel shame and we feel like what we're doing. It's right after we have sex, we feel bad about it. And I think I think we've to remember is that guilt comes from a few different sources. Typically, it's some kind of your cultural upbringing, let's say, a really cultural slash, religious upbringing, and that sex was wrong or shameful,

or you shouldn't have sex out of wedlock. Maybe you went somewhere, were you kept hearing this message over and over again? Maybe it was relative, maybe you read it once But things get locked into our brain, especially when we don't have any message about sex But all we get is don't have sex So you're married or don't don't have sex you're gonna get pregnant and so Some of us are just we're just set up for failure when it comes to having sex

We can't see walk around feeling like guilty and shame and maybe you've also internalized this message into a place you can't see walk around feeling like guilty and shame. And maybe you've also internalized this message in general place where it sounds like you can't even really enjoy the sex you're having. So, and guilt is tricky and it's not even emotion. Like guilt is kind of a tricky bastard. Baster because like when they show you those like faceless, like it's not even on there, like guilt.

It's not even like a happy, sad, angry. Like guilt is just sort of this emotion. You're so right. But it's not real. It's like just kind of, it's one of those, it's like if our self-inner critic had an emotion, it would be guilt on the X word, it would be like guilt, but it's not really,

it doesn't really count. So this is where working on your self-esteem, your confidence and understanding of whatever voices in your head are super important for you right now, Katie, because it's like, I love the, and the one hand you're saying, you can have a one-aid stand and friends with benefits and, and be unattached to your sex partners, which sounds very self-assured and like you, you're feeling like you're getting what you want out of sex.

But then you still feel this guilt and shame. Now, I'm, I'm wondering if you feel like, um, uh, that I don't even know here if you've been slut-shamed yet, just the fear of slut-shamed because it's everywhere. I mean, I guess that is, I think it's less and less around than it used to be. I feel like we, I feel like we used to, I don't know, I was thinking about when I was younger, I feel like when I was in high school and college, there was a certain thing about you should not, you know, keep your numbers down. Shouldn't sleep with as many people as, you know,

don't ever tell you how many of you slept with or just keep the numbers down. Don't look like you know what you want in bed because people, you know, men will judge you. That sex was more about men's pleasure than our own pleasure. And then there's an assumption, right, that if you're promiscuous, that you know, if you know that you're gonna be such shame right away.

So I feel like, I feel like for you, that Katie, she's just like super in her head. That you're in her head about it, yeah. And I just feel like, it also, she's 20. So I don't care people think in your head about yet, and I just feel like And also she's 20 so I don't care. We will think but this is one area where I do care Well, this area extends to other places I'm sure if you look at it you can think you don't want people to be mad at you You don't be able to be talking you know badly about you for something and I feel like it's something to reckon On my main point I want to make is that you guys have to remember

I think the way to do away with slutshaming in general is just for women Not to slutshame other women first of all. I think that it might be a more of a younger woman's game to slut-chame and be like, oh, well, she did this or she did that, but then, you know, men pick up on it too. And I think it's sort of been this common norm, but men don't get chamed. Men are like, oh, he's kind of a player, but they don't get slut-chamed. And so I think that what I would love you to work on Katie is what I have in her to near and what I hope you're, I hope that you are actually enjoying the sex and having what you want when you're with these men and asking for what you need in bed and having

pleasure and having orgasms because to me, if you actually go in as a feminist and a sex positive person, when women start really taking charge of their sex life and really even if it's a casual sex thing saying I'm gonna get on top. I want my orgasm. I'm not giving you a blowjob unless you go down on me like Unless it's really fair and you feel like you are having pleasure and it's not just going in there to have sex because you're just like I don't give a shit. Katie, this is your voice. I don't care. I'm 20. I can do whatever I want I'm just gonna have sex with guys and I don don't care people think, well, not really until they shame me. But I'm just wondering if you slow that down,

is this really quality sex? Is it satisfying sex? Is it just to say I've done it to go against maybe this whole thing around shame? So it's all more connected than you think. Like vineyards in your, in your, maybe an actor or a bell, you might just be out checking off the boxes

of having sex, but not really. Having the great sex, the pleasurable sex, which is the process at 20. You're still learning. We're all still learning, right? And so you can't even tell us what you guys think about this. Have you been such aimed? What do you do about it? Can we turn it around? Can we just not even talk about women in this way?

Like, can we like celebrate women for this, for women for knowing their bodies and knowing what they want and having great sex. Yeah, I had sex last night and it was amazing. I had an orgasm, I had this or that, just kind of cowering and feeling bad. I just think is, Pessay. Triple eight, nine, four, seven, eight, two, seven, seven. Yeah, so same when I was younger, I felt like this, that was just the norm that if I,

I had one boyfriend every year in college and I thought, I remember thinking to myself, one night, I was going to hook up with a guy who's in between boyfriend and I thought, this was my mentality for a while. I thought, this is my early 20s and in college, I thought, well, I never want to have sex with a guy randomly because I don't want him to have the power to say, well, I had sex with Emily and I thought he would be talking about me and I thought it was his win, not mine. I didn't realize it was my win. I could choose DevSex and be awesome and go tell my friends.

That was just more pervasive than I believe, but clearly it still goes on. Just like on the Bachelor. Oh my gosh. You guys watching the Bachelor, you know that I've been into it. Lately for the first time. I'm so glad about that. I know. Chris is like really been pushing it, which I'm glad that she did though. Exactly. So Hannah B is the Bachelor at. She got to this point right now where she was for whatever reason, Siltis Guy Luke P who was kind of forced to manipulate. He was a dude. Yes, he was a dishback. And he was super manipulative and he was like super religious shaming her and just shaming her.

And finally this one scene, she takes him to the fancy sweets, the last dates, right? That was right before a fan. Right before a fan sweets. She could take him in. She could have had sex with them. And he's like, well, I just want you to know that if you had sex with someone else, I'm not okay with that. And she was like, what? Like, I, and she tells them. And he's like, well, I just wanted you to know that if you had sex with someone else, I'm not okay with that. And she was like, what?

Like, she tells them. And he's like, well, she's like, he's like, well, that's not okay. And she's like, you're shaming me, she's like, but Jesus still loves me. Like, I can still have sex. And Jesus is fine with it. So it was a whole thing. And now everyone's shaming her all over Twitter.

Yeah, women and men. Yeah, and no one ever brought up to the guys at all. No one ever said to the guys who were sleeping with women on the bat show, I like you guys, this is a problem. But the women are always, I feel like the women are the ones who are always wrong for being sexual beings.

We're like, you're wrong. Women shouldn't be over to the sexual. Women should be saving it. Women should be more careful. If women are having safe, consensual sex, if they're choosing, and they're like listening to this show and they're understanding what they want. I think there are no problems with that.

And I just think that we have to stop all the shaming and the blaming. I had someone tell me before to explain this because I was like, why is there such a double standard on this? And he was like, well, if you think about it like a lock and a key, he's like a good key. He's gonna open a lot of locks, but a shitty lock is gonna be opened by a lot of keys. And I was like, well, if you think about like a lock and a key, he's like a good key, he's gonna open a lot of locks,

but a shitty lock is gonna be opened by a lot of keys. And I was like, that is the worst thing I've ever heard in my life. Like, women, like, she's opening up. I was like, the worst thing ever heard in my life. Dude, you go, yeah. We have Jeff, who's 31 in New Jersey. He wants to know how he can ease his new girlfriend into the idea of wearing a strap on.

Oh. There you go, welcome. Hey. Oh, there you go. Welcome. Hey, Jeff. Thanks for calling. Okay. How are you? Did you like that word play with a little ease on in?

Yeah, ease it on in, baby. I loved it. I love everything about this. Tell me more. How long have you guys been together? I feel good. Okay. So we've been dating about five months.

She's great. You know, I love her to death. Beautiful, smart, and tell like the whole nine yards, but not very adventurous in bed. And again, five months is, you know, I don't know if it's long or short. It's about time to talk about what you guys want in the bedroom. Yeah, and I kind of hinted at it.

And yeah, and it was almost like, you know, a no-go. Like I tried to like guide the finger there, you know, and it gets pushed away. Yeah. So I don't really, I don't know if this is like, you know, a teal breaker or not. Yeah, well, so. Okay, here's the thing Jeff. So you're 31 years old, a she or age as well? She's 28.

Okay. So here's the thing. You've been together five months. You know, I think you have to have the conversation about sex outside the bedroom. Because if you're telling me she's not that adventurous, it's not that likely that she would be into it. You leading your finger towards your ass because she's and it's he loved it. Jeff, see everyone's yelling at me for laughing, but I just think what stuff is funny in

general. That stuff is funny. People love what I've done. No judgment. I just think what stuff is funny in general. That stuff is funny. No judgment. I just think it's funny. Yeah, it is funny. Thank you. But Jeff, I think it's kind of like outside the bedroom. We could say, you know what, I'm so into you.

I think you're hot. I love the sex that we're having. And I love to be such an amazing lover to you. So I want to know, would you be open to figuring out together what we could do to really turn you on, take our sex life, you know, take your orgasm to the next level. Like, make it about her pleasure, make it about all that, and then we can kind of like ease into, and this is what I would like. But I think the more that you open her up, and she starts to feel safe with you, and the

only reason she's not adventurous is because, A, she probably has some judgments around sex and being adventurous. It could be her religion or something happened to her, her friends or judging, we don't know. But she's not opening up it. Or, you know, that's probably it, or it could just be that, you know, she literally hasn't had enough experience on the planet.

So she doesn't even know what's on the menu to be adventurous. So it's a matter of like, you're gonna have to get it. You're gonna have to get it. Okay, Jeff. I'm sorry. So like, you know, when you guys, I don't know how old you are,

but like when you were younger and stuff like that, was that something, know i've always dated younger women not to say that i'm looking to date somebody ten years older but like you think it is is it an age thing like a juiced at you know the women are she may be still figuring that stuff out of this well i'd love to say yes well definitely younger women in their twenties early you know twenties who just you know i haven't been having sex as long there's definitely a learning curve for sure but i'm telling you i have women who call me every single

light in their 40s, 50s, their 30s, who still have not figured it out. Most women are not invested in their pleasure. They're not invested in their sexual health, their sexual wellness, and their pleasure. They don't even know it. So I would like to say it more skews younger, but we hear from people every single day.

So but in this case, it might be that she's just, she's 28 years old, she hasn't been in a lot of relationships and when she has, she was having a straight-old missionary in and out guy pounding away, or like a jackhammer. We don't know, but I'm assuming that might have been what's been going down with her. But also, I feel like a lot of men are adverse to butt stuff on themselves.

And so, it's like a conditioning that we adapt. Cause like there's guys that I've been with who are open about that and want that. And then other guys are like very adverse to it, even though they may like it if they tried it. Right. There's a judgment around it. For sure.

Cause it's like gay or whatever. Which isn't true. No, no sex, X makes you gay. But she could have been like absorbing that information unconsciously as well. Yeah, exactly. Oh, she 100% did. Yeah.

She's probably because you said she's not adventurous. She, you're 100% right 70. She probably has never like won the answer. I want to figure out. I want to figure out. I want to figure out. I want to figure out. I want to figure out.

I want to figure out. I want to figure out. I want to figure out. I want to figure out. I want to figure out. I want to figure out. I want to figure out. I want to figure out. I want to figure out. I want to figure out. I want that like, yeah, guys got a prostate. They can have killer orgasms.

It does not make you gay. It just makes you smart. Fuck it up. Because you realize, whoa, shit, I can have another kind of orgasm. Like, if I was a dude, I'd be like, sign me up all the time. So if there is a big learning curve for this, Jeff Forsher. All right, we have Tess who's 20 in New York. And she wants to know what it means when a guy ghosts.

Oh, good question. Hey, Tess, thanks for calling. Hi. Hi. Okay, so what happened? Tell me, did you get ghosted? Okay, so I went on to see three dates with this guy and then we had plans to go out then night after we had been talking about going out with friends.

And then the next night, my friend ended up not coming into the city so I didn't go out, but he never texted me to meet up or anything, but I didn't want to say this is I was in going out and then he just haven't talked since. Right, well how long have you known this guy? You went out with him just once or twice? I went out with him three times.

Okay. Technically I guess four times. But I've known him for a month. Okay. Like we met at a bar. Did you guys have sex? No. Okay. So was it... Was there anything with him that he was like, hey, we should hang out again and then he just and clearly he doesn't show up? Well, so we on Friday night, we were

talking about he was like, are you going out tonight and I was like, yeah, and I asked him if he was and he was like, no, I'm really tired. And he was like, oh, if you end up near me, like you should come over and I was like, I'm probably not going to, like, we're not in near me, both of it. And then I was like, well, maybe we could do something tomorrow. And he was like, yeah, like, I'm going to the beach, but tomorrow night could work. Okay. And then I was like, oh, my friend, like, and I might be going out to have any cute friends that you can maybe bring, like, and we could all go up together.

Okay. And he seems so into that idea. I got it. Yeah, definitely. and we could all go up together. Okay. And he seems so into that idea. I got it. Yeah, definitely. I go look for a cute friend who's in the city. And then I'm like, I'm like,

I'm about to have fun tonight. Okay, well here's a thing, Tess, let me tell you why I got enough information now. Guys, it doesn't matter why they ghost. Here's a thing, everyone's ghosting now. And let me tell you, you'll never know. You'll actually, I can never tell you if it's something that you did wrong

I'm not gonna tell you that it's anything about yourself because that's what we do, right? We're like well, maybe if I had gone out with him test right tell me if it sounds familiar like well If I'd gone out with him last night Maybe he wouldn't ghost it or maybe it was that weird emoji. I texted him or maybe because I didn't have sex to me Ghosted me or maybe he thinks I'm ugly. Maybe he noticed that I didn't shave my legs, right? Like we do all these things as women. We think it's us and all these things happen. But number one, you're never going to know. And number two, just know that you're 20 years old. It's probably to be honest, it's summertime, you're in New York, he's probably meeting a bunch

of other people as you should be as well. And I just think that things happen, maybe he got back together with his ex. Maybe something else happened. I don't really think it has anything to do with you, but also the sooner we can move on from these things, you know for a few dates, right? They say it takes half of a relationship, that you're with someone to get over it. So let's just be over him already. Like, let's just say, you know what?

I'll never know why. I'm not going to be able to protect it in the future either, to be honest, because this thing could happen. And women are ghosting just as much as men because we're so afraid of being honest. He could write the right thing to do tests. He could have been like, you know what? It was really fun hanging out with you for days,

but I actually not feeling right now, or I got back from a girlfriend, or right now I'm not looking for a relationship, but he doesn't have the language yet. I'm teaching people twice your age right now to say these things test. So just know I know that what I want for you test is not to beat yourself up. Don't even let this dude get into your brain patterns of who you are and what you have to offer the world.

Because I'm telling you, he's got testosterone raging. It's a summertime. I'm sure he's into you and I'm sure there's lots of other things going on. So I wouldn't worry about why he ghosted. I would just worry about getting you out there again and not spending as much time in the past with this guy, but moving forward and meeting new people. How does that sound test? Bum, perfect. Okay, good, helpful?

All right, test. You're so welcome. Thanks for calling. Oh, I'm so glad. You deserve a girl. He's gone right now, dead to you. I mean, it's true. The easier we just move past these things, I know it's harder when you break up with someone you're with them for a girl, he's gone right now, dead to you. I mean, it's true. The easier we just move past these things, I know it's harder when you break up with

someone you're with them for a while, but I have these conversations, tests with women of all ages and men. Why do you go? Why didn't you call? We're still, I had a friend a few months ago and I was out there. I think she's my, maybe she's 40. And we're in the car, we're driving to a party and we're probably in the car for like a half hour and you know, me and I'm like in, tuning in, it was like a long story.

And finally, it was like, wait, back up. Is this the guy? The same guy? Wait, you went out with him, what? She was, no, we just went out once. And I was like, when? And she was like, it was three months ago. And she says this whole drama about a guy

she went out with once, three months ago, that took 25 minutes of the car ride to explain to me, like, he should already be gone. Like, we don't know what happened. He's gone. Move on. You guys move on from these people. It doesn't matter. They're not the ones when people show you who they are believe them. They disappeared. They didn't treat you well. Believe that that's how they're going to treat you in the future as well. They did you a favor. All right. We have Clarissa 45 in California. and wants to know how to leave her relationship, but you can't stop having sex with them. Hey Clarissa, I get it. What's going on?

That was a great one. Hi Emily. Thank you for taking my call. Of course. So, in the realm of X's too, so I am having an affair with an X, having an affair with an ex, but I am married. I have two toddler children. I'm gearing up to ask for a, so from my current, or from my spouse, but I'm not having sex with the ex, but I can't stop having sex with my wife. With your wife. How do I, yes, I keep having sex with my wife. Okay, so your ex, wait, I don't know, so you're leaving your wife. I want to leave my wife, yes, to go to my, go with my ex.

Got it, and your ex, right. I can't, I can't keep, yeah, and I can't stop having sex with my wife. So then why do you want to leave your spouse? Why are you leaving? Why are you leaving your spouse? Because she's just not my person. Well, how long have you been together? Um, six years.

OK. And you think your ex is the person. I know she is. I knew her before. She wasn't ready and so I said forget it and I left her and hooked up with my spouse. Okay. And so, does your spouse have any idea that you're going to be leaving? No.

Okay. She's going to be totally surprised. Yeah. I'm in therapy. Okay. I Practice I I just don't know what to do. It's like The sex is just good, but that's all we really have other than co-parent in Yeah, you just not my person. I got and you guys have worked on the relate you've worked on the relationship with her You've had therapy and you guys have worked on the relate you've worked on the relationship with her you've had therapy and you worked

I tried to do couple therapy like three years ago after I had my my youngest and We went to a couple sessions because I asked for a divorce then and everybody said no, you know You're having postpartum depression So don't break up your family just just give it some more time. And I did that. But it was to the point where she was saying, she does a knee couple therapy that she doesn't have a problem that it's me. So, a couple therapy did not work very well for us. Got it. Okay.

And you went a few times. So, if you're not having sex with your ex, though, I just want to make sure, are you leaving your spouse for your ex? You just know that you want to leave your spouse even if your ex wasn't involved. I want to leave my spouse even if my ex is not involved. Okay, so then when I think it's you got to do that sooner than later you got to cut it. I know it's not easy. So you asking me for advice. How are you just letting me know because I feel like the longer you drag it out you obviously the harder it's going to be and what are you waiting for?

Well, one of the reasons I needed to wait so that I didn't tell her in front of the kid. Yeah. Okay. That makes sense. So I have the perfect opportunity coming up this week where the kids won't be around. Okay. Yeah, this is going to be hot. You know, this is not going to be easy and you're certain.

That's why I asked about therapy because I do believe in that. It sounds like you went once or twice. It didn't work. I just think that couples need to commit to therapy for a few months going every single week. And then they kind of know a little bit more. But if you're ready to do it, then I think you got to do it and stop having sex and, you know, make it's you're doing her a favor as well. Even though it's going to be hard. I don't like tell her that thing thing I've never broken up with anybody.

Oh, okay. That's your question. Well, honestly, I think that I think you just I don't think that you necessarily have to mention the X right now unless you feel you know your situation better, but I think just that we are that I want to compare with you, but I feel like we're I'm no longer in love with you in that way. And here's why. I mean, I think there's something you really have to work out with your therapist, too. Like, have it all planned out or have it written down. This is the kind of thing I'd want to have it. I have it. I have some things written down.

I would practice. I would, this is the kind of thing you want to get it right. And you want to be truthful. And I think if she asks, is there somebody else, then I think you've got to So, um, but I would just practice it and I think just be strong and make it make sure certain that it sounds like you're really ready and so I think you got to do it. What are you waiting for? Just practice and do it. Okay. Alright. Keep me posted. Thanks for calling. You're so welcome. Thanks to my team, Ken, Kristen, Alisa, Michelle, producer, Jamie, and Michael was a good for you.

Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com.