Sex With Emily - Oral Expectations

Episode Date: April 11, 2019

On today’s show, Emily is talking about the things you might want to avoid saying in your relationship – and she’s taking your calls. She shares those seemingly insignificant phrases that you shouldn't say to your partner - and what you can say instead, your partner wants to swing – but you’re not really into it, (like at all), and you like trans men, but aren’t so experienced on giving oral pleasure. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: We-Vibe, ThirdLove, Good Vibrations, SiriusXM Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily For even more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm talking about the things you might want to avoid saying in your relationship. And I'm taking your calls. Topics include the seemingly small phrases that you shouldn't say to your partner and what you should say instead. And I promise you, you say some of these because I did too. Your partner wants to swing, but you're not really into it. Like, at all. What did you want that? Okay, so you like Trans Men but aren't so experienced on giving oral pleasure. And your partner likes your size but you'd like them to experience something a little bit fuller. All this and more, thanks for

listening. Eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized they call them in a fight on day. Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got every stand. Oh my.

The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, but only? What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm so dumb. Being bad feels pretty good.

You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything, everything. In between, for more information check out sexwithendly.com, we have some killer blogs going up for your reading pleasure and your sexual pleasure. And you can also find me, so exciting, series XM radio, 5 days a week, on stars channel 109 Monday through Friday, 5 to 7 Pacific. It's amazing, get a free 3 month trial, sexwithmly dot com slash S X M, or just call us, AAA 947 8277.

Find us on all social media at's at sex with family across the board It's a good time You'll be learning, you'll be loving, you'll be getting some toys And I love hearing from all of you there Okay guys, enjoy the show There are some common phrases that you are probably saying that could be damaging your relationship Mm-hmm

And I'm a guilty, I've said these. I've said these family of friends. I've said these to people. But they don't work, you guys. Words can kill when they come to relationships. Little tiny small words phrases. You know, a lot of you call in and you're like, oh, we keep having the same fights or I swear, I talked or about it. I told her or I told him what I needed, but it's not happening. It's not happening. So I think it would be really great for us to go through these because just because you said you wanted more sex, if you were saying, for example, let's see, which one would be good, you never initiate sex.

If you said you never initiate sex, number one that makes me want to never initiate it. Because I go blamed. No, I never will. And also when you say something like, you never, you always, first of all, it's not true. Like I'm sure your partner maybe has once initiated. But besides that, it just, it triggers us because we feel criticized. We feel, you know, unappreciated and it just elevates it. Like whenever someone says, you know, you never make time for me

or you always put yourself first. You never compliment me. That's not an incentive for people to actually do it. And that also can like, you know, gets people in the defensive right away, language like that. Yeah, what are some things that people will have said to you that just make you the drivey crazy? Okay, so here we can go through some more of these

You never's one of them Let me see what else oh Okay Hold on I wrote to these oh whatever. Oh God. That's not even think it so it goes whatever whatever That is super triggering it comes across as you don't care and you're not engaging in the conversation. What you could say is like, I need some time to think. Let me think about this. If you feel that coming on,

but whatever is automatically kind of douchey. The other thing, and just kind of rude. Yeah, and I always try not to say it, because when I do say it, that's, I'm like, I am done, that's what it means. And when I'm done with this conversation, but you kind of- That's when you gotta de-escalate and just say I can't talk about this anymore. That's what it means. And what I'm done with this conversation. But you can't. That's when you got to de-escalate

and just say I can't talk about this anymore. The other thing is here is, okay, so why? Okay, you should. The should one is really tricky because it means like, oh, you should go to the gym. You know, you should pick up your socks. You should come home earlier. Like, first of all, if they're not asking for advice

and you're giving them advice, that is gonna make them feel like you're not appreciating them, that you're criticizing them right away. Just think about how strong that is, you should, you should. You should go to the gym, you should. That's like the quote on quote nagging. It kind of is a nagging thing. So instead, you can be like, I,

what would be a good thing here? So instead of saying, I think it would be fun if we started, do being more active together. Let's say more active together, right? Well, I'd be like, oh, I'm worried. I think we should take class together together. We should take a class at the gym together.

We should, we should, instead of make putting it upon your partner. Like people say to me, all the things they say, oh God, people say, okay, call us with any of your things that you shouldn't say anymore. We'll tell you how not to say it. Triple eight, nine, four, seven, eight, two, seven, seven. This is just impersonalize.

You should really be doing video, Emily. I know, we're doing video. That's not even a relationship but in life. Or you should, oh, here's a thing, because I'm sometimes on our guys, you know what you should do, Emily? You should make a list. Why don't you make a list and write everything down?

And then we can talk, and I'm like, you think I'd have never, my lists have lists. That doesn't work for me. A lot of the times when people say you should, it's usually things that most of us know already. I know I should do this. However, I'm not doing it.

Leave me alone, I didn't ask you. You're so right that the should, whatever is following you should is something that we already know. I'm sure we've heard it a thousand times. And we're probably mad at ourselves for not doing it already or whatever it is. And it's not helpful.

And it sounds like, yeah, it's menacing and critical, but you're so right, that's a good point. We saying you should, you probably already thought about it. And we're not, we don't, we don't, and I could see this being in a relationship where often men want to fix their partners when they hear things, they're like, well, let's problem solve.

And that's a lot of what I could hear like Like, you should really go and tell your boss, you need that raise or whatever. If someone comes home, you know, like, I'm just the things that sometimes the fixer, I'm a fixer too, though. I do that to, in relationships. Like, I'll have friends who come over because it goes in all relationships to be honest. I'm telling you, I see this in personal life,

professional life everywhere. But I find that I'm such a caretaker of my friends that I had when call me other day was telling them like, and I went into problem-solving mode. I'm like, oh, you need me to listen. Like, you're not asking for advice sometimes. You have to know the difference. So just to give out you shoulds, while willing, nearly. If you are fixer and you're trying to not be this you shoulder person,

how's a way that you can like respond to someone's coming to you? I think you could say, I think it's really if someone's coming to you, because right, sometimes we do want advice, you could say if you know that maybe they haven't thought about it, you'd be like, well, no, this is just bad. Have you ever thought about, have you ever thought about making a list? That would still piss me off. Because I would know that they're saying it that way. I think how you would do it is, if you're a fixer, keep asking questions. And here's the other thing.

If the best way to solve it, if you're a fixer, is to say, how do you need me to support you right now? Oh, I like that. I've got some ideas. Do you just want me to listen? I have some ideas. You've probably thought of them. Let me know what you've tried out.

So what do you think would work? See, here a thing when people are upset complaining going through something, if you ask that we all have the answers you guys, I got to trust, I got to be honest with you, we pretty much have a lot of the answers we need. And I think if you help your partner get to the, you know, ask them, well, what do you think you would do or what, keep asking them, keep asking questions until they say, no, what do you think? If they say, what do you think? I don't think you should still say you should go to the gym or you should whatever, but you know, I think it's more like, well, I hear what you're saying, and this is why I'm thinking this would be helpful for you. So, yeah, what the you should, because I feel like we've had callers call in and about

their partners kind of letting themselves go. Like if there's a habit that your partner is doing or so have it, you'd like them to pick up instead of you should like what are what are some ways that you can kind of get them to do those things. I mean, I think it's much like listen, people are only going to do things if they no one's going to change unless they want to change. and people are only going to do things if they, no one's going to change unless they want to change. So if you ever are a fixer in your inner relationship, you think, well, once we get married or once we move in together, once we have sex, everything is going to be different. That is not true. People do not change their own behaviors unless they, it comes to them on their own in a way

that makes sense to them. So, yes, they might have thought of going to the gym a million times. But if you say things like, you know, yeah, like I think what if you try, what do you, they could say they're complaining about their weight or something. What have you tried in the past? Are you given things? What have you tried in the past that's worked for you? Or if people say they don't, you give them other options. I'm trying to think of what you're, before the gym, like you'd say like, we're talking about the way thing. This is a tough one. I think it's more like a wee, we take class together.

We are team, we're team here. Don't send them annoying articles about people going to the gym and my mom, like people do things like that. Like go to the gym and here's how it works. Or use the steps, you know, like eat better. Let's eat better as one. Okay, we should probably eat better. Let's cook.

Let's, we can make some meals together. You know, offer things that have worked for you, true. I think that could be a little like, I always go to the gym. But I think that in all these conversation things, these things, I guess the point is they get you into attack mode. The other one is why did you?

Oh. If you say why did you, it's kind of like a why question is criticism in disguise. You're saying like, they're never positive. Why did you forget my birthday? Why did you show up late? Why did you leave your socks on the floor? Like you're not, if this is part of your regular language,

you're probably are fighting with your partner and you're probably not making any leave. You're probably not moving this is part of your regular language, you're probably not fighting with your partner and you're probably not making any leave, you're probably not moving past whatever issues you have. And then when you ask why, they're gonna give you an excuse and then you're gonna get mad at the excuse most of the time. Right, because you already have your point, you already have a thing that you wanna say

and they're not gonna be like, why'd you leave your, the dishes out again? Why'd you leave the dishes out? That's my, oh my God, it's my pet peeve's dishes. They're not gonna go, what if they said, what could you say that would get you out of that? But first of all, you'd be annoyed and then you'd say, oh, I was really in a rush.

Well, that's not gonna go, oh, okay, no problem. Like, even if I was like, I couldn't do this just because I was in a rush or I fell asleep, I'm gonna do him in the morning. Would that do you, if the person who said, why did you, you don't, what would you say, Jamie or roommates, you I was like, I couldn't do this just because I was in a rush, or I fell asleep, I'm gonna do him in the morning. Would that do you, if the person who said, why did you, you don't, what would you say, Jamie, your roommates, you'd be like, there's nothing they could say that would not make you,

your pissed. Why do, when you get to the point where you're saying, why'd you do this? I already know why, they're lazy. Yeah, because you're lazy, there's nothing they could say. Right, I get lazy too, we all get lazy. We all get lazy. I don't know, I mean, okay, because my other thing

that I've run into with certain things as far as pet peeves for things like that, like a wise people don't do stuff, it's because it's something for me that triggers me. So me, I like to have the dishes put away and clean. But that's not how everyone feels. So then I get when these weird modes where I feel like I have now taken on the dishes. Oh, because it resentfully so though.

Cause you don't think it's gonna happen. You take it on and you just do them for everybody? Yeah, I just do, whoop, they're there, I'll do them. I mean, they've been getting better. Don't get me wrong, they've actually been getting better over time, but. When's the thing you're trying to backpatter with the roommates?

Yeah, they're not listening, but if they were, I mean, it's true though, they are getting better. But like, when people have these things like, like I said like how would she want them to get into like how could you get your part of to start getting taking the trash out more when you're always doing it. Well here's the best way okay so when they do take the trash out you're like oh can I just tell

you that felt so good that you just took it out I love like you could be like that it helped that is it helps me much. I love that you did that. Thank you. You appreciate them. You know, because I think some people do things and they, they just like, oh, finally, and they don't want to appreciate because they think that if you compliment someone, people who think compliments are weaknesses that it's sort of like, they're like, I'm still going to make a fight.

I'm still mad. Finally, they check it out. But to like kind of recognize it, how much it helped them and to say thank you and to have gratitude around something that efforts that people are making. When you focus on the positive and not the negative, that's how you help. Triple eight, nine, four, seven, eight, two, seven, seven.

Okay, some other things. Calm down. If you say calm down, listen, if you get to the point of saying calm down, that is not going to de-escalate the situation at all. It directly invalidates whatever you need to calm down about. They think you need to calm down about it. If you're at that point where someone is like, ah, so calm down, that you're never going to go, okay, you're right. It's true, but what do you say to someone when

they're like, freaking out and you're like, I just do need you to relax for a second. Like how do you just look like not same thing? Or do you do? I think you could try too. That's a really good point. Instead of calm, well you don't want to yell calm down. You just kind of like, you just kind of look at him. You're like, I hear you.

Take some deep breaths. Deep breaths is a really good thing. You just are like, I'm here. You're saying yeah, it looks really upsetting. I know, I know. But calm down is not going to do it. So it's more like tuning in. I'm like, maybe you just yeah, it looks really upsetting. I know, I know. But calm down is not gonna do it. So it's more like tuning in, I'm like, and maybe you just let them freak out for a second.

I mean, obviously if they're throwing shit across the room, you gotta like hold them, be like, don't, you know, but if you're, if there's yelling, like, saying calm down, automatically makes us feel bad because we think, oh God, I'm making, I'm throwing a tantrum. And it's completely disregarding everything that we're trying to do. If I'm freaking out and I'm throwing a tantrum and it's completely disregarding everything that we're trying to do. If I'm freaking out and I'm having a tantrum, I am not going to calm down.

If I get to that point, it's not going to happen. So that's invalidating what's happening. If I could calm down, I would, but I'm actually freaking out because I'm trying to make a goddamn point. You calm, you shut up. I don't get that. I'm getting mad like someone just said calm down to me. That's how mad it makes me. All these things. This is the one thing, because I hate hearing it.

But sometimes in the moment, it's just like a reflex to say it. No, I know. But if it depends how you say to it, calm down. Maybe you could, I don't even think I've like, calm down. No, it's not. It doesn't matter because I've tried to tell. Calm down. You're clear to me, I think you said that. I did once then, I was like, just calm down. It's okay, and you were like, no, it's not okay.

I was like, okay, go do the video in the corner then. Did you say calm down? I freaked out and calm down. I don't remember this, but I'm sure it was just a reflexes. I was like, breathe. That's funny, I did. I was like, don't tell me. But it sure it was just a reflexes. I was like That's funny. I did I was like don't tell me but it's okay like obviously, you know, do be like Jay Tracy And I can fight right just call me crazy. No, why? Tracy because in front of me it says Tracy done blazer is a name and I was about to read this quote That's an awesome name by the way

Jamie, I don't know Tracy is No, I'm I'm now I am Tracy is now I can't believe that I you yeah, you probably would tell me Maybe we should just break up maybe we should break up The right name to maybe just break up Jay No, we never will break up threatening divorce or a breakup is poison unless you mean it. But we had a funny discussion about this because, first of all, if you want to break, you should only say we should break up

if you really want to break up. But I realize that we all have different attachment styles. And so when we are practicing here, before they're like, wow. So if someone said to me, maybe we should break up. I'd be like, yeah, you're probably right. Like in my older, in my last mature days, I would think because I'm anxious attachment

or void, I'd be like, oh yeah, yeah, you're right, I don't wanna get hurt or abandoned. I'd be like, yeah, you're right, let's go. Like, you're right, we should break up, perhaps. And then Michelle said, her boyfriend used to say, like, maybe we should just break up. Yeah, he would be, he would threaten me with that and throw that in my face all the time

and I would drop to the floor and be like, no, no, don't leave me and I would do anything for him. In order for him to not break up with me, but it was so unhealthy. Very unhealthy. And then, Jane, if someone said to you, we should just break up. In the past, when that's happens, like said to you, we should just break up. In the past, when that's happened, we should just break up and I'm just like, that doesn't

make any sense. I mean, I'll be sad and it depends on the situation. I would be sad and crying and be like, that makes no sense. It's not happening. We're not breaking up. I would just say no. I would reject it. You'd reject it, fly down.

I reject the break up. Three women. Three very different responses. Two breaking up. I'm just thinking that we're all so different in this world But I think that never works and then sorry, but you guys remember anything after butt is bullshit If you say but if you're like oh my god, this was so fun, but I wish that you would have been on time or butt or Like saying like sorry, but it's just damaging because it's essentially saying like yeah Like I hurt you. I hurt you. I hurt you

But I was totally justified in everything I'm doing so everything like I hurt you but you deserve it That's all we're hearing so don't even say I'm sorry don't waste your eyes. Sorry. I'm with the butts canceling it out Yeah, if you're not actually sorry what's something you can just can be like, I hear you, but I don't know how to say without but. I know. See, just say I'm sorry when you mean it. Don't just throw sorry out there, but I think it's a very mixed message. Like, sorry, but sorry, but sorry, but sorry, everything. It's like, um, Well, because it's obviously you're not actually sorry, but if you're really sorry, sorry, sorry is a beautiful thing to say and then just stop talking. I'm really sorry. I heard your feelings. I can tell is a beautiful thing to say. And then just stop talking. I'm really sorry.

I heard your feelings. I can tell that I did, and I never want to make you feel bad. And story. Do you think it's worth it, even if you really don't think you did something wrong to sometimes just to give in and just do it for the better? Well, how do you say did something wrong? Like, or just kind of, because sometimes it's like

that notion of not always needing to be right. Well, that do you say did something like, or just kind of, because sometimes it's like, it's like, that notion of not always needing to be right. Well, that is important. I think you choose your battles in a relationship. And if you did something that it's at your partner's feelings, even if it wasn't intentional, but their feelings were hurt, so I'm sorry. Like, I wouldn't want to hurt your feelings. Even if it makes no sense to you sometimes,

but they are hurt. Why is it so hard to say I'm sorry? Like, you didn't mean it was intentional, but you did. You heard of their feelings. Just say it, or don't say it if you don't mean it. It's true. Yeah, it was so funny earlier, because we were reading these, and we were just saying everything.

We all thought of things, like, was just so triggered. I know. Sorry, but whatever. Don't ever text me. Don't ever text me. Oh, oh, key dokey. Oh, key dokey. I did that once. Okay, let't ever text me. Oh, oh, key dokey.

Oh, key dokey. I did that once. Okay, let me start the story time. I didn't know, because to me, because me and my mom say, okay, dokey to each other. Because we're always like, okay, dokey, artichoke, that was just like how we were when I was running out. Right, but it artichoke, I wouldn't care.

Well, yeah, but I don't know. I'm not gonna throw in the artichokes all the time with my boss. So, but I texted her know. I'm not gonna throw in the art of chokes all the time with my boss. So, but I texted her, Oki-doki and she called me, she's like, are you okay? Like literally, you called me and you're like, are you okay?

Because you texted me, Oki-doki and like that means that you're not okay. I'm like, no, I'm fine. I thought that that was okay. I just like feel like you're always getting, like I needed to jazz up my texture applies to you because I didn't want to always be like, sounds good.

Okay, like I thought that I needed to be more creative, like in my mind, my stupid mind had to be more creative. So I came up with Oki-Doki and you thought it was like the worst. The trigger, it's like, because I hear like Oki-Doki are like, Oki, like it's, it's to me. Oki-doki reads as, I'm super annoyed with you, but I'm gonna do it anyway.

Oki-doki. If you say so boss. Oki-doki. And I gotta tell you that a lot of times that people, I believe that oki-doki is a little negative. People say it, not you and your mom and the artichoke. But, but like, oki-doki and we know who someone else is. I have a question. How did you spell it? Is it was it the spelling that triggered you? No, just the Okie. Okay. IE

How else do you spell it? Okay. Okay. Okay. Why? Okie dokie either way. I don't know sometimes I think the IE is cuter Michelle's like, oh, I'm worse. I think I said that. I think I said that. You have more. Michelle, you're not Michelle. Michelle is the only person that I would certainly know that if she's a oaky Dokey's she met up with love flowers rainbows in your corns. Yes, sorry I don't know Michelle like I think but now she knows never That's just rando but we never know Now you know, and I don't think I've never said it since I think I may have said it once But then I you like corrected out like that's not what I meant like yes I know it's you gotta learn people I got it you do you gotta learn people all right guys

We're gonna take a quick break and we come back on to your calls Okay, let's talk to Sarah. She's 32 in Louisiana and she is in a female-female relationship and they got approached to swing. Her partner is interested, but she's not really healing it. Okay, hey Sarah. Time to what's going on. Hello. Hi. Oh, I'm actually, as I was waiting, I found out that my girlfriend has been sending selfies

to people. So I'm a little caught off guard here. Oh, whatever. I'm calling because, yes, my girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for about 13 years. And anytime we do introduce ourselves to other people, generally heterosexual couples, they feel free to ask us if we would be interested in swinging. However, we've noticed that they don't ever ask any other heterosexuals that.

I thought it was just a problem of how we should address other people about it. However, just now that I've stumbled across these selfies that she's been actually engaging, I guess I have a different problem now. What do you mean she's been engaging in exchanging selfies or new, like, like, uh? Yeah, I just saw, I just saw where she has actually been a part of some type of group that, and so they've been exchanging pictures. So, well, did she tell you about it or you just found it on her phone or something? No, I was holding, and she was actually coming through the house, not in here right now, so we've got a different problem.

I was thinking we needed to address the problem of how people feel free to come up and ask us if we would like to swing. Right. However, I'm kind of thinking maybe she is interested in the swinging part, especially since she's joined this group. Well, okay, so that's not something you're not interested in swinging. Now here's a thing, because you're not, are you with men, too? Sometimes are you bisexual?

No, no. I, well, I was with men at one time okay and during the time that i was with men i never had anybody ever any other couple never right as to me and my right yeah but as soon as there's two women involved uh... however might go for it is generally what is what everybody called the bridge when some price she's actually engaging with conversation with other gentlemen well I don't know what that's about but you want to get around the phone I mean as long as

we're here she went to the other room I mean that's you just found out we're gonna have to okay fine don't do it alive but but that's good well it sounds like you guys have some things you've been to get a 13 years it sounds like maybe she's craving some change right now with your sex life it let's be honest, it happens in every relationship. So I think maybe she's acting out in some way and that really you guys can need to focus on what you guys can do together to enhance your sex life right now, trying new things. We like doing things in public, be going to you know book stores and things like that and getting toys and there's no shame in that.

Right. We were very open about it however the sweet thing was a little bit different because she tends to be jealous. We're gonna go talk to this listen. You got to hang up with me and just say let's talk about this. What have her walked through the scenario. Cause maybe she wants to watch you with another woman and she found some guy's wife who wants to be with you and she thinks that'll be hot. Like, you don't can't assume anything right now.

I think you know her pretty well. And if it doesn't seem like her normal behavior, it sounds like you gotta hang up with me cause you just got this and have a really honest with, try to take a few deep breaths cause it sounds like you might be angry right now. But it might not be what you think and find out what it is that she's seeking, why she would like it.

Like ask her and listen without judgment like tell me more, tell me more. Yeah, she's always told me that she hated penis. So I would go for this now. Well, this is what I'd be surprised if she woke up in like penis one day too. So that's why you got to go find out. And I can't wait to hear what happens, but try to do without like already like assuming and jumping out of it to listen.

Calm. Because that's how you're gonna get it through. I mean, I don't know what to tell you to find out more information about, yeah. No, I know. So I've never called before. So it's so interesting, but thank you. Well, there's a sign.

There's a reason why call back after we'll be here. We're here tomorrow. I'm invested now. Bring me into it. Let me help you guys if there's a problem. Thanks for calling, Sarah. OK, let's talk to Dave in Tennessee. He says he has a small penis and wants

an advice on extenders he could use. Hey, Dave. how you doing? Hey Emily, thanks for having me on the show. I love the show. Thanks. So this is the deal. I was born with a birth defect and after multiple surgeries to correct, I was left with a wind fully erect, a 3-inch penis.

Okay. Now, fortunately, I'm married and for, have been married to 20 years with two kids, and we have a very good sex life. But one, you know, as growing up, and as you would expect, I personally have always long to have something larger than what I have. Yeah, yeah. My wife, who had been with men before, we got married, she has consistently said that she actually prefers me over the larger men that she had been with in the past.

And we have a very good sex life. I always have the, I guess the fantasy or the urge to actually want to see her with a larger penis during lovemaking. So she does let me use a dildo on her, like a six-inch dildo, which is a really big turn on for me, but I've always wanted to do it myself. I've probably probably a half a dozen silicone type extenders, but she basically, in each of them, they just, they don't do anything for. They don't have, they're either too flimsy or too squishy or something to that effect. So I'm always wondering if there's something that you know of that I could put on that has a little bit more stability or reacts better to that would be more of a natural

feel I guess for her. Right. Well, yeah, okay, so the thing is there are, I don't know which ones you've tried. Have you tried the Optimal PPA Extender Have not it says it's got really good reviews. It's soft stretchy extended Accender designed to add girth and length when worn over penis enhanced with a textured interior Provide additional stimulation to the wearer. So it's textured on the inside which feels good for you

So it's gotten good reviews it's by dot Johnson. We love we love them. They make great products Yeah, you what we could put that in the show notes for you, but honestly, I it's funny. I don't know of any other ones That I haven't heard a lot about them to be honest a lot of people have used them with you know Great success, but I'm wondering if you could also... Yeah, I guess you want to be wearing. I'm trying to think if you could ever use a strap on. Have you ever used a strap on with a dildo? I have not. I've also wondered if there was one of those that you could insert in just to have it in the right position. Well, yeah, you know, that's not a bad show. You could fit this in. Oh, this is such a good idea.

I think perhaps you could get a harness strap on harness that you know goes around your waist and then maybe put the extender, like put your penis in that and the extender, right? Then it'll probably keep it in place and you'll be able to be more directed with it. That's a good idea. Yeah. Go to my go to my site, sexelme.com, click on the store, and then you'll see the opt email.

We can also put it in the show notes, and then check out the hardises. I think that's your next plan. Excellent. I'll do that. Let me know how it goes. Good to give, but in just to give a little shout out from what my wife says is, it's not what you got but how you use it.

Exactly. Well, I'm so glad to hear you. Let me just say that. I didn't even comment on that. I think I love that you guys are amazing. Like I say, it's not the size of the ship. It's the motion of the ocean. It is true.

How you use it. It sounds like I opened up the show. I'm not sure if you heard it. I was like, yeah, you guys, we're not craving penises all the time, you know? That's about a lot of other things. That's true. Penises aren't important. And we do a lot of other things to keep it a lot more.

Well, it sounds like you do, and I love that. So let me know how this works. I'm glad you called with this. All right. Thank you. Okay, thank you so much for calling. I appreciate it. All right, we could take a call.

We could help the people. Let's help the people. All right. Let's talk to Chad. Thank you. I appreciate it. All right, we could take a call. We could help the people. Let's help the people. All right. Let's talk to Chad. He's 39 in New York, and he wants to know how to tell someone that they smell down there. All right. Hey, Chad.

Trick you on. Tell me what's going on. Gosh, hello, Emily. I really love your show. Thank you. Thank you for taking my call. Of course. Gosh, so I was strictly dickly for a long time.

And then I dated a trans man recently. And the taste of him, of course, was different than a man, but it was a little funky down there. Okay. One, it was a committed relationship. Unfortunately, we have broken up since then, but I do wish to be in relationships with other men and trans men in the future. And I have the scenario where I think there was some fecal matter possibly mixed in with more than just mosque. It was right in... I mean, you got to just, me maybe it's just like, you take a shower beforehand.

You're like, let's take a shower, let's clean up. Let's take a shower together, that'd be really hot. You know, I think that that's what you do if it wasn't as clean with this particular person. But also, there are like natural, the thing is, okay, so you haven't been with that many Volvo having people, the thing is, okay, so you haven't been with that many vulva having people. It sounds like vagina having members of society. So, they are a little bit different.

Like, they're not, you know, I think, whatever people think. There's a certain notion to, I think vagina is a bad route, but they're really bad odors. And the truth is, the vagina is self-cleaning. You don't need to do. It's pretty fun. If you clean yourself up, I know that before I've sex with someone, I'm always wiped down and make sure that I'm clean and hygienic and all that stuff. Some people don't.

It might be a case of letting them know that, like, hey, let's take a shower or just could be clean up. But the other thing is, because I thought when I just saw your call, I didn't know, but there are some women who could get something like called like bacterial vaginosis, which has a odor, and they might not know it, because we're not always smelling ourselves. And so there's times where most vaginal, either I can't tell, chatty,

that you just gotta get used to it. I mean, to what it is, if you're just gonna delve into this whole world, or sometimes there are like extreme odors, where you just have to say, you know what, I'm into you, but I gotta tell you, there's something down there that doesn't quite seem right.

And I want to make sure you don't have an infection. Okay, no, no. I feel that this individual was fairly normal. The rest of the sex was fine. And it was really that one time. And he did ask me how he tasted down there and I lied to him. Hmm. Okay. I know. time and he did ask me how he tasted down there and I why do him? Okay.

I know. So I mean, I don't know. I just what you should do. I got an idea. Keep baby. I keep baby wipes by my bed. And if I'm with someone, I just like wipe them down. I wipe myself down. You could have some warm towels and just do it as like, you know, like they bring

you in the in the, like hand wipes. Why shouldn't we all wipe off during sex? We should all wipe out before sex. We should wash our hands. We forget to do that, but we are carrying bacteria. If we get bacteria in our body parts in different orphuses, that's how we get infections. So if you just say I'm really into cleanliness, like, and you have some nice towels and you wipe them down, problem solved.

You are amazing. Chad, you're amazing. You are amazing. Chad, you're amazing. There you go. Go out and get them. Get some baby wipes and have a good time. Thanks for calling. And they also have wipes, DODC.

And there's some really beautiful body wipes that you can keep by the bed. And mega-bap, mega, mega babe wipes are cool. Like you can buy some, probably on our site as well, in our store. Get some sex wipes. I always have sex wipes on my bed. Mastervation for myself.

You just, you always need wipe. When you're eating a bed, I often do that. I get really hungry, so now it's a good bed and then I'm hungry and then. Constantly. I got this thing for my bed where it's like the table. it's like a mini table almost and so it comes out so I can kind of like you know like if someone loved me enough to bring me breakfast in bed it'd be like that but with little table. Oh yeah I'm by myself in my bed like that.

It's so cute. Are you six comforters? Yeah except on top of them. On top of it's a comforter. That's what I meant. Sorry she only goes under two two of them We still don't understand it. It's my weird thing. Let me have my weird thing That's what makes the world go around we all have weird things which makes us not weird Here's the weirdest thing if you called me and you said I had nothing weird I'm gonna be like I'll believe you That's yeah, we all got out of things Embrace them love Love them. Love all your parts.

All right, guys. I hope you enjoyed the show. Let me know. Did you? I'd love to hear from you. I love when you review the show. That's awesome. Or if you just subscribe wherever you listen to the podcast, that makes everyone's lives so much easier. But really, I just want to say thank you. And I'm grateful for all of you for listening to this podcast and supporting it and sharing your thoughts and telling your friends about it. It just means a lot. We love hearing from you. So thanks to you guys and thanks to Ken, my great team Ken, Michelle, producer, Jamie,

and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithamlee.com. Emily.com.