Sex With Emily - Oral Sex & Relationship Bed Death

Episode Date: May 28, 2016

On this show, Emily has answers for your every sex and relationship question! From oral sex uncertainty to mismatched libidos, she’s doling out the tips you need to turn your troubles around. But first, Emily and Menace discuss a study suggesting that those engaging in illicit sexual affairs make more noise in bed— so much for keeping it “hush hush.” And speaking of cheating, Emily helps one listener address his urges to step outside of his marriage. She also gives guidance to a couple with desperately disparate sex drives and a woman who wishes her boyfriend would last just a little longer in bed. If you’re struggling with the state of your relationship, your sexual stamina or the realities of monogamy, this show has advice to point you in the right romantic direction and restart your erotic engine. Don’t miss it! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily and today's show we're bringing you a variety of sex and relationship tips. The right way to use your fingers during oral? The kind of sounds you should be making during intercourse, and what to do if you want to sleep with other people, but your partner isn't quite into it. Thanks for listening. Okay ladies, I'm happy to tell you about the tango by Wevibe. You've probably heard me talk about the Tango before. It's possibly the most perfect mini vibe that I've ever tried. I'm always amazed at how many ways you can use this precious and powerful little vibe. It's a lipstick shape with an angled tip and it makes it possible to either pinpoint

a specific spot or apply to a wider area depending on how you hold it. It's only three and a half inches long, and you can use it as a literal vibe during solo play or during intercourse. What's most impressive about the Tango is its power. I mean, wow. I've had my Tango for years now, and I'm still blown away every time I turn it on. It has eight vibration modes,

all controlled by a single button. The rechargeable battery gives you up to two hours of play on a single charge. Like all my favorites, when we vibe, the Tango is waterproof, body safe, and super high quality. To add the Tango to your collection, which you totally should, just go to sexwithemlee.com, click on the Tango banner, and use code Emily for a special discount. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bit revised, they call them in a fight on me.

Hey, Aveline, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The world's got a hair standard. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, Avaline? What do you mean, like laundry?

It's shrinks. Can we not talk all the way? What do you mean like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm so dumb. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can sign up for our mailing list,

subscribe to our podcast, click it, and make it photos. Not really, but just have a good time there. Also, oh, this is what you have to do. You really, we'd love it if you followed us on Twitter and Instagram. It's all at Sex with Emily, Snapchat, Sex with Emily, Facebook.com slash Sex with Emily, subscribe to our newsletter, say hi to Menace. Hey, what's up? Emily, you mentioned naked photos. Why? Just put out the naked photos already. That's what everybody really wants. I know, that's what people, right? They would like more nudity on the site because you see who is to whom sex with Emily

Yeah, yeah No, you keep it classy though. I can't try to keep it classy. Yeah, you know, it's fun I have a moment. It is fun. So what the hell's going on with your life? You've been going to San Francisco Yes, you've been learning New methods on how to help people. Okay, exactly Yeah, how about you? Okay. Well, thank you for asking. I went because you recall Celeste and Danielle Sex and relationship coaches they were on a few months ago on our show And I've known them for years

I'm very well respected and they teach a lot of courses helping couples individuals with relationships and when they were on the show They said they're teaching this course. It's a six month training to become like a somatic Training counts a somatic therapist or just if you want to go learn and self-expansion, I'd like to help my listeners. So I said, you know what? I want to take with your courses and I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, you're gonna do somatic, I'm, and I love their book about it. I was like, okay, I'll do it. So I signed up. I went to my first course, my first training in San Francisco for five days on Treasure Island. And it was fun, it was co-ed, and it was a very interesting,

you probably don't know much about Semanica, a lot of people don't, but what I can tell you is that a lot of it is about teaching couples how to, we always have about communication, it's really great skills to learn, to teach, to learn how to communicate. We understand yourself, understand your boundaries, what you need in desire and relationship and how to communicate that to a partner.

But a lot of this is done through like, people robbing my clitoris, just kidding. I'm sure it is. No, but like we learned a lot about our attachment styles, like how we attach to people. We talk about like if you are, have a secure attachment growing up or avoid an attachment or anxious attachment and why your partner might react in certain ways to you. It's a lot of stuff that's been helpful not only, and this is

freaking one week in my mind with blown. It's so hard to, I'm going to be talking a lot more about it because it's actually a six month training I'm doing every, I'm going to go to San Francisco every month. But it also was interesting to talk about like boundaries, like setting boundaries with people in your life and in relationships, like letting your girlfriend know, like you, I will not talk to you after that a clock and night. I have to go to bed at night or eight for sure, or just like learning how to, you know, knowing yourself better, so you can know yourself better

at a relationship, but also that was weekend one, but then it's gonna be getting into like, you know, how to ask what you want, you know, sexual but actually playing it out in the room like sexual energy with someone, but you keep your clothes on, but it gets pretty hot and steamy. So a lot of it is about communication, which we always talk about, right? Exactly. We always talk. It's just more tools for, you know, me to be able to help people in myself.

Yeah. Are you figuring out ways to say it in a different way? Yeah. Yeah. I'm learning a lot of skills. And I'm growing myself. Yeah, how was it being back in our hometown with the San Francisco? I love, I do love. I'm telling you.

Yeah. We're hooking out with people or what? Well, it's interesting you say that. I did meet some nice people, but there was a hot tub party one night for hot tub party. Yeah. That's why there's always these type of shenanigans every time you go to a show in the sky.

I know, really. I was trying to know. Oh, I'm there to learn. And then next thing you know, like some random dude is rubbing my clitoris. Exactly. No one rubbed my clitoris there. Oh, but it was funny because one of the assistant teachers there has a great house in Oakland. And he went out and he's like, oh, this is, you know, not part of the course, but tonight I'm having a party with, I have a swimming pool in my living room, and yeah, why don't all 60 of you come? What? So bathing suit optional, but no pressure. And so I should have a little lake

because I had dinner with my godson. And like, sorry, godson, gotta go get naked in a pool. So I arrived at the house, and there was actually, yeah, there was probably about 35 people in a bit you walk in and there's a big It's probably a hot tub around Huge inside the house inside the house like a big loft in Oakland Yeah, and people were naked in the pool just as they had advertised so you made everyone did bathing suit optional And they were they took that option

Not you gave a guy I did not touch any penises that evening. No, but I did meet a guy in the class that I liked connected with him. He's someone who I can relate to because he's doing a lot of work around to himself. And I always say what I'm looking for now, in dating, as I'm starting to date more. And in a more like upfront way. more in a more like upfront way now in a more like Conscious way, okay, no, but just that he's someone who's been working on himself I wouldn't mean by that as someone who's like self-seeking someone's like everything's cool

Like I don't believe in there. Everything's whatever. I'll go to get him just stuck this way in life But someone's like no, I'm gonna work work on myself and figure out how can improve and better myself and like actively does that through whatever it is There be working out, you know improve and better myself and like actively does that through whatever it is therapy working out You know, and he's cool smart. So He asked me out like we're gonna have a date and he's gonna come to LA. So he's gonna come all the way from LA night. It'll be fun. He's gonna expect to get laid No, I'm not going from San Francisco. I mean, it's only like New York maybe but San Francisco. No, we've been like Texas, but like

If you live here, he would drive like two hours, you know, so I guess I will we can say to you But we had a nice connection and I said yeah, I just like come down to the zoo It's a great. It's a good time here. Yeah good potential But it was fun but besides it like sluss until you're amazing teachers And I was like really inspired and I remembered like it made me just feel like I'm so excited to like learn and to share this with everybody and to Yeah, well, I'm sure this guy perfect for you because he's not around you all the time I like like you can call him to come down He's really to FaceTime though. He wants to FaceTime. Oh, okay. That's like random FaceTime

Like I don't like a 30 the morning like I'm not even like talking to anybody. Okay. That's a weird Well, it's a cuz it's like more intimate and you can act like not like to never want to FaceTime with anybody I agree and you especially don't want a random FaceTime like it or like, because it's like more intimate and you can actually like not like to never want to face time with anybody I agree and you especially don't want a random face time I can like like like like a unsolicited face time. Yeah, you need to know when face is coming That's like a calendar appointment like send me a Google invite if we're gonna face time and and so that's one thing But wait, I just you know, we'll see nice guy. We'll see what happens So that if you date them you can do you can do my dream What is the dream?

I you know, I've been talking about for 10 years. You can have sex with them over the internet Remember long distance. Yeah, we could do that Yeah, oh, you know, oh using one of our toys that like the key room like that It's right there on my shelf in my new office. Yeah, the key room. What dude? You don't know that? No, can you grab the box for me? So you're saying that in a long distance relationship, I could use half-sex. So that's like the Kero, which is,

I think, a little by flashlight. And the guy has a flashlight. We've talked about this. I can't believe you don't know this. Oh, no, no, we've talked about it, but you never actually showed up. Oh, I'm so excited. You're gonna see now you're in my lair.

All the toys are here. Anything you ask for, I'm like, oh, there's the you're in my layer all the toys are here anything you ask for I'm like Oh, there's the you know flesh jack or whatever things that you what's the one when you masturbate with the oh the the iPad the flesh the launch pad or something like that Yeah, so that's the key room. That's the one where the guy you know He's over his penis and the woman can insert dildo and it mimics it's attached so whatever he's feeling when he's putting it up It's there it's a tell it to tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it dildonic tell it dildo Nick okay hold on hold on so you're telling me We should we should we like snapchat now at sex whatever sex that's not my name, but men is freaking out over this is hilarious No, I'm just saying so oh, it so it does have you speak does USB cables have to be connected to the computer

Or is it like you to no it's tell it? Holy it's a tell it dildo on it see technology now. I'm getting warning No, okay, so it has the wireless one touch See so cannot we do okay, so I'll show this this is yeah, do get it Dude some guys some guys could be like internet players where they have one and then they just have them No, they buy a no-no, but they buy them for like the port the kid webcam girls and they'll buy them one That can are they connect theirs? The woman and they'll be like having sex with the points.

This is what you always thought about. Yeah. So we actually did it. Thank you. Yeah. So I'm going to have sex with that. I wonder how much the other dildos that you can mail, like individually, how much those are.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what you can say as you can find out. You guys, if you're interested, you can go to, uh, you can have like sexpin. Like sexwithatm.ly.com and click on the flashlight banner and buy one. Yeah. Yeah. You can have like sex pin with Emily dot com click on the flesh right banner and buy one yeah yeah you can go you can have like sex pin

pals and stuff like oh yeah no people do that they're like I'm gonna buy all my bitches are gonna get one of the other part of the key rules of sex them or yeah when we girls everyone but or you can use it on your own with like whoever I don't know there's a video this is like the first version just I think it's even better. Just to describe everything. So we're in a brand new office where our studio's actually located because for the past 10 years, yeah, we've been like, I, I, yeah, like gypsies going from studio to studio. And then the thing is now it's just around by sex toys

and microphones before it wasn't like that. It's so cozy, isn't it? Yeah. And so if we, there isn't echo, I think I'm just surrounded by sex toys and microphones before I wasn't like that. It's so cozy, isn't it? Yeah. And so if we, there is an echo, I think I'm going to do the whole room in like fuzzy shag, like so we can take out the mute sound and then it'll just be like a funny, fuzzy set. We should get couches and set chairs.

Yeah, that'd be great. We can have words you sometimes for the show. Yeah. There's Loub in the closet, plenty of Loub. Yeah, it's great. And glad you're here. It's like a slip and slip. Welcome to the sex done.

Okay, cool. Oh, so you're saying I can have long distance sex with this. Yeah. Right. I don't even want to FaceTime yet, so you're talking about, but we'll see what happens. I'm sure you'll be more into this than FaceTime. FaceTime, that's weird that the guy wants to FaceTime with you. But here's the thing about FaceTime. I, I too, never want to FaceTime.

Like, just call me Tim, any more text. Yeah. But where I have found it useful is with my nieces. Yeah. And then I can, yeah, my, and my family. I don't want to be a tattoo. I don't want to be a tattoo. I don't want to be a tattoo. I don't want to be a tattoo. I don't want to be a tattoo. I don't want to be a tattoo. I don't want to be a tattoo. I don't want to be a tattoo. I don't want to be a tattoo.

I don't want to be a tattoo. I don't want to be a tattoo. I don't want to be a tattoo. I don't want to be a tattoo. I don't want to be a tattoo. I don't want to be a tattoo. I don't want to be a tattoo. I don't want to be a tattoo.

I don't want to be a tattoo. I don't want to be a tattoo. I don't want to be a tattoo. I don't want to be a tattoo. I don't want to be a tattoo. I don't want to be a tattoo. I don't want to be a tattoo. I don't want to be a tattoo. I don't want to be a tattoo. I don't want to be a tattoo. I don't want to be a tattoo. I don't want to be a tattoo. Yeah, face time is a little intense, but the guy who only wants to text me like emojis all day long

That tells me nothing while you love writers. That's why Yes, you know what super cute though just real quick and then we start talking about boning and stuff go Chiro my dog she knows the FaceTime sound right? So she is no no when the FaceTime sound stars right? So she gets, no, no. When the FaceTime sound starts because we FaceTime with family back home in San Francisco with the dog and she'll know and she runs to the phone and gets in front of the phone

to like, the model. That's really cute. And then her head like tilts back and forth. That's so cute. What's hilarious is, yes, I still watch the Kardashians and the Kardashians are really. You're the one. I'm the one lonely You're the one.

I'm the one lonely person that's still doing it and it will go off on the TV show and then she'll like sit up like crazy with her ears everywhere, like looking for the phone so she can face that. That's really cute. Super cute. You love your dog. I love my dog. She's awesome.

Follow her. My dog, Cherleon, I still got it. We'll do that. Okay, we got a little sex in the news. Okay, tell me, late on me. All right, now here's an interesting detail about the way cheaters have sex. All right. So if you've ever been cheated on, but there's more to it.

I'll get there. If you've ever been cheated on, you know that infidelly can make you want to scream. It turns out unfaithful partners feel the same way. In a new survey of 1,000 men and women, by elicitingcounters.com, 62% which is a site for dating sight for married folks, 62% of women and 72% of men that they make more noise and bed when they're screwing on the side, clearly they're not worried about getting caught.

However, other notable findings about loud love sessions, 88% of women said they're even noisier than their partners during sex. And 71% of men say they like it when women make a racket in the sack. Men like when women get. Oh, I mean, no brainer. So usually it would be like, oh, a cheating site makes a study, wow.

And I thought that was interesting just that people make more sound when they're cheating. But overall, you know how I feel about how important it is. You know, I think that it can help a lot of people who are more repressed around sex, or they think a lot of women, I mean, women do make more sound, but sometimes it can help you just have more pleasure and have more orgasms if you like, make a lot of noise.

So, they- They will all get super into it, right? Exactly. And guys, like, but here's the thing, I don't feel that, I don't feel like men as you know, I don't think they make enough noise at all. And I'm not sure why. They really just should. Women, it's here that women would like 71%, 88% of women said they're noise in their

partners, but they'd like them to make more sound. They don't make enough. Well, it goes back to that guy that you dated. I mean, we talked about them for the past few years, but you get new listeners all the time. So yeah, I just want to know that you're still into it. Like you're in sex, you're enjoying it. So like, I think I came in, I was there and I'm watching

and we're having sex and I was like, oh, he's anything. I look at him and he's like, and I was like, what are you saying? I was like, and that's how he came. Like if I had sneezed, if I turned away, I had to be looking at him and read his lips and you know that's how he came. Like just make more noise in that. And I think it's because a lot of men grow up, like they have to be looking at him and read his lips and you know that's how he came. They just make more noise in that.

And I think it's because a lot of men grow up, like they have to be quiet when you're masturbating or you're home, people can hear you. I don't know what it is, but like do along the way. A little on your forehead. That's a good... Yeah. And you can check. That'd be awesome. But you don't want like... Yeah, you don't want that. Or do you want that? I do want that. I want anything just to know that you't want that, or you want that. I do want that.

I want anything just to know that you're alive and that you're experiencing it. There was this one sound by Howard Stern Show. You used to play all the time. And it was this one guy, when he orgasm, he would be like, dropping loads. Like that was his catchphrase, dropping loads. Like really, he would say that every time.

Oh, yeah. And like grunt like that. You wouldn't be that you would have been I wouldn't be like no drop in the location thank you for letting me know that you're dropping but it was at the same line every time he's dropping dropping love and baby I don't want that I don't need him to spell it out I would just like him to be in his body yeah I know your coms come in I would just like you to you know just make a noise of pleasure So that's what happens there with cheating and oh the thing the point of this was also that turning up the volume

You know help women say they have higher sexual satisfaction when you make more noise. This is a public service announcement Okay, let's give a little shout out to our sponsors, and then we'll get on to the emails shout out to our sponsors and then we'll get into the emails. If you've listened to the show the last couple months, you've probably heard we talk about a unique product called the womanizer. A while back, the owners of the company asked if they could send me wine to test out, which of course, you know me, I agreed to it. I own and review a lot of toys and I was really confident I've tried every category of product around, but I was wrong.

The womanizer was designed in Germany and unlike anything else on the market, it indirectly stimulates the clitoris using suction. It's kind of like a sexy erythomometer. It has a silicone cylinder on the face that you place over your clitoris, kind of like how a partner might use their mouth. And while it's on, you can vary the suction and move it around to create an amazingly intense experience. In fact, most women in their focus group achieve orgasm in one minute.

That's right, a 60 second orgasm. You can just knock it out if you want. So I tried the womanizer, and they weren't kidding. It's amazing. The suction is adjustable, and you can position it to create so many different sensations. The womanizer is really in the category of its own and I suggest you check it out for yourself. Go to sexwithmley.com and click on the womanizer banner for more information.

Okay everyone, thank you for emailing me feedback at sexwithmley.com. I love hearing from you. You can now ask a question straight from the sex with Emily website. Just go to sexwithmley.com, click on the Ask Emily tab and select Ask Question. So easy. And then also include your name where you're listening from and how you listen, because we so appreciate that.

Right, menace? Love it. Hey Emily, I loved listening to your podcast as I've learned many cool ideas to try in the bedroom as well as good habits for my relationship. I'm 25 years old and I've been with my girlfriend for almost a year. Our sex life is pretty amazing,

but there's still some things I'd like to improve on. I know she likes me to use my fingers when I'm going down in her, but I don't think I'd give her the right finger technique to give her the best pleasure. She never gives me any negative feedback, but I just know I'm not doing a good job. She doesn't guide you grab her and like have her hand show you. Check you, we're gonna get into this mess.

Some women don't do that. I often feel it's if my fingers are just there with no real movement. I don't think I have any good technique when it comes to penetration with fingers, any tips, advice, James. He wants to touch her. Or all sex. So the thing about it with oral sex is that Not every woman likes fingers inserted during all sex, but it sounds like she does and every woman is different

And how she likes it. So I think you know ask her feedback because what I'm concerned here is first He says I she never said anything, but I think I'm really bad at it And I guess maybe she's and then then he says well not really moving my fingers at all So I'm going to give him the bend for the doubt that maybe he's not the best he could be yet. But that's why you got asked for feedback too. So when you are doing it, I know him, I was like, don't talk about things in the bedroom, but when it comes to using your fingers during four play,

it's okay to be like, baby, like, how does that feel? Like, do you want more, like, not like harder, or softer, or faster, longer, like, you know, like a million questions, but like how is that? Like should I go deeper? Have her put her hand on your hand. I mean, that's okay in the moment.

But the general rule is you want to get her warmed up, using your like lips and tongue because also when she's more warmed up like around her clitoris than the G spot when she'd like to, but she'd like you to touch with her fingers. She becomes more roused, it's easier to find. You know, that whole area becomes engorged.

I used to prepare for that word. It's intense wording gorge. Doesn't make you feel like swollen. Okay, so when you talk about being engorged, it's a man, but women do get engorged. We do get engorged, so it's like, a lot of guys don't know. Right, her clitoris, everything.

If you like watch the clitoris, you could probably find them, and porn, they're not slowing down enough. But like if you actually sat and you were going down and when you pulled back and you looked at it, you would see that like her lips open up and it becomes like red and swollen. You don't feel like different,

but they're beautiful. They like blossom, they open. So it's something to pay attention to when you're teasing her So get a warmed up Stimulator clitors do all that massage or thighs struggle with your fingers and then like Why you used to slow down their first second James and I want you to like stroke the outside of her vaginal opening like the lips

the labia and so when you're ready to move in, make sure she's lubricated. And I'm assuming since you're already killer with your mouth, it sounds like you slowly insert the fingers. And you can use like one finger to fingers. I always say two fingers when you're trying to find it. But you know, like when she's got a lot more going out the mouth instead of trying one finger, palm facing up and that come Heather motion towards her vaginal wall to one or two inches inside the G spot, which is probably where she'd like to be stimulated. Yeah. Emily's actually demonstrating right now with her fingers on me.

I know. I'm like, menace, is that making, okay. So, and then, you know, you do pumps of singing up, it's about two inches in, and you just kind of want to apply like a direct pressure. You know, the dim, always looking for the G-spot, apply direct pressure, and you know when you find it, because it's kind of as a texture of like a walnut,

it's like a bumpy area. And again, it's okay to be asking her for feedback here, because you're trying, you're trying something new. And pay attention to her response, because you can tell if she's going, baby, baby. And she's like shoving her like hips closer to your, fingers or your mouth, like you'll know that you're doing it right.

So ask her, is there pressure, how does it feel? And it's a great way to start with your fingers inside and start asking questions, compare them towards the vaginal wall, towards the upper part of the stomach, lower part of the stomach vaginal wall. Are you gonna have any graphics on the site? Yeah, yeah.

Yes, don't we have this on the site? Sexwithemily.com. We have this all over the site. Here's the thing, here's the thing, we talk about the stuff stuff a lot. And I don't want to bore you out, but it is true. If you go to my website and you put in oral sex, fingers during or you will have dozens of things to read

if you'd like more of a visual. Thank you, menace. Yeah. OK. I need visuals. I'm a man. I'm a manace. I need visuals.

I need visuals. It's the only one lucky enough to get the visuals, right? Vid duels. The visuals right now. I know. One day, when we get all this set up, I mean, this is like some of the first shows that we've done at this, we'll have live Facebook streaming. Would you guys watch if we did a live stream of the show

on Facebook? Feedback at Sacrific MLM on Facebook. I'm sure you're gonna get a billion people to love it. We probably have to have it like a set time and get people heads up and stuff like that. But for now, if you're into that, definitely like Emily on Facebook, Facebook.com slash sex with Emily. That's true. And I already said on my Twitter and stuff. All right, hey, Emily, I've been listening for a minute. Okay, great. And he already loves what I do. I love what you do.

Okay, I'm finding it hard to get a straight answer to a question I have no matter how many books I read or lectures I listen to and thought to throw it your way. I'm married, I love my wife, but I find myself constantly wanting to be intimate with other women. I realize this happens to everyone, but for me, the attraction is impossible to ignore. Rather than being the fantasy, it seems to be for the other, rather than being the fantasy, it seems to be for other people. I want to make my fantasy real to have sex with other women but I love my wife who

is amazing in Perenz and don't want to hurt her. I imagine part of the issue is that I was a virgin when we were married and I wanted to what it's like to meet and be with sexual with other people. My wife and I communicated about all this somewhat openly but she's strongly traditional and hermanagmy. Being with someone else would absolutely end my marriage. So do I destroy an otherwise good marriage to let this haunt me forever? Or do I break it off now and allow myself to enjoy other people? Is what I'm feeling normal and legitimate? Or am I just allowing myself to succumb to youthful immaturity? P35 years old, this is loaded. I, yeah, once you set that question up

in the beginning of the show, I'm like, how do you even answer that? Right, I'll be kidding. I'll be kidding. Well, here's how I'm gonna answer it. P, it sounds like you've answered your own question above. So let me play back to you. This is what a therapist would do.

Ready, here we go. You're asking, you said, lay this out. Do you want to destroy and otherwise good marriage and stay together or you break up and explore? So you know already that you can't stay and have these feelings and it sounds like you're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't. And I gotta be honest, I don't see many scenarios

where you're just gonna convince your wife who seemed that she's not very open to this stuff at all. She said she's strongly traditional. So I'm not sure she's gonna be coming over to your side. So this is what happened. You sign in for marriage. It's for better for worse, you know, we say all that, but just for the two of you.

So she didn't sign out for the alternative marriage, but I'm concerned and it sounds like this might be a point where you need to explore it and you're not gonna be able to let it go. So I want to know like I know, right? Because he was a virgin. She's the only person. He could change.

He could flip it over. Maybe he's just what are you saying? I don't know. Like, it's always the grass is always greener situation. Let's say you break off your marriage because you want to go have sex with other people and then you're in a dry spell or it doesn't work out for you. You know, and then you miss your wife. It's like, come on, just stick with the pocket vagina and call it a day. Well, that's easy for you to say because you had a lot of real vaginas before

you're vagina now. And it is hard, I think, when you want, but it's his mind. It's true. I'm sure what you have, P, is wonderful and lovely. And your wife sounds great, but you've got that nagging, you know, that feeling in your mind that either may or may not go away, but marriage and monogamy is a choice. And it's a choice in a comment that you make. And so you decide, is that commitment worth sticking with? That I'm going to find another way to make my relationship interesting with my wife It's going to take some work. Maybe it's not necessarily other people, but it's Talking about other people or role playing. I don't know what it is, but

It doesn't help that you've only had sex with each other and so You know, it's normal to create the novelty the excitement and all that but I think that you're gonna have to Talk to her about it really at a serious level and figure out if you can stay or go. Yeah, I think You stay with your wife and you hit up sex element calm get a fleshlight That might work. I love him talk with their face, right? Yeah, you can get a different type of a giant. There's so many go to sex at me.com And if it's a real person or not, you know, I mean, are you do you have a real connection with your wife? Do you enjoy her company? Do you have what do you love about her take out the sex part? It's as a person that you do you love being around her?

Then yes, then yeah again go, go buy some pocket of a gin. If you don't, again, take it out to sex equation. You don't like being around here, then yeah, then balance and go have sex with other people. Right, I think that's a good point. I think that you need to be great for you to find a therapist and talk this out. And learn if you can somehow take these desires

that you're having and channel them towards your relationship. So you don't have to end it, and talk this out. And learn if you can somehow take these desires that you're having and channel them towards your relationship. So you don't have to end it, but only you know. You've got to get a little work here, like I said, love men who do work. So work on yourself, Pee. Let's do another email. Dear Emily, hi, I'm 25 year old married female

who lives in New York. My wife and I have been together for seven years and have a fantastic relationship. We're educated, have great jobs, live stable and flourishing lives, and have learned to grow and change with each other. I couldn't have imagined a better person to share my life with and I know she feels the same.

The only issue we're constantly facing together is our sex life. Oh no. Can you imagine? I'd like sex more frequently than she's okay with and sex once a month or less usually and she's okay with sex Once a month or less. Wow Usually less. We've tried scheduled sex but doesn't usually work out and I know it's because it's not been made the priority

We will have times when we have sex frequently and then we'll have done Okay, I have two issues. I know I have a hide your sex drive much higher than hers And I'm okay with not having as much sex I'd like to, but I need it a bit more frequently, and I don't know how to address this further. Number two, that makes sense to you. Okay, I don't have privacy to masturbate, and that makes the frustration worse.

I work longer hours, and she, by the time I'm home, she's been home, but there's no opportunity to get some alone time. I also need to watch porn or something. they really to masturbate in the showers impossible help Bell this is guy is a woman to women. Sorry. No, I know it's easy to miss up. It's a mix it up. So the deal is Her partner doesn't want to have sex like once a month. She's fine with it And so it's longer and she wants more sex. And now they live together and she gets home and she's like, now I can't even masturbate.

So it's not uncommon that she's having these issues, lesbian relationship or not. And I'm glad that she's like, oh, me trying like, scheduled sex. But- But don't you hear this a lot with lesbian couples? Yeah, they always say it's like the lesbian beddest of a German and I don't mean to like,

if you're offended by that, that just is truly like, just a term it's like the lesbian beddest of Dramatic and I don't mean to like if you're offended by that That just is truly like just a term that's out there, but it happens to Have our sexual couples have been so Yeah, but Because I'm friends with a lot of lesbian women right and They seem with the joke with them is that they always move in too fast Right, and I would like to know with this situation, how that went, was it really, really exciting in the beginning, like all relationships, gay or straight.

And then you kinda, you know. She's 25 years old and she's married and she's been with her partner for the woman for seven years. So I was assuming they probably moved in pretty quickly, but that happens in a lot of different steps that when you just sometimes it's really good to sew things down and get to know each other. But I do think that, you know, communication, okay, well, you've been with this person seven years. Seven years.

Seven years. I believe that you can talk to this person about what's going on. People like they don't. But it's, again, we always talk about this every single episode is, you got to get over that shyness of talking to somebody of, hey, what's going on? You know, this is what I want and put it out there and then see what happens. We're so afraid of rejection. The nothing's gonna happen. This person's been with you for seven years.

You can talk to them. Exactly. I know it's embarrassing, but you can do it. I know. I think that she's also missing one really important thing and that is the cause, figuring out the cause of a partner's low sex drive. Because like, why is it low?

Like, is, you know, is she taking certain medications that are affecting the libido? Is she depressed? Is there some victim sexual abuse untreated trauma? There's all these things that could be playing in. It's on, it's on, it's on, it's on, it's on, it's on.

It's not gonna get better. It's just gonna get worse because any untreated whatever it is in this trauma will not get better. So no matter what you find out, you guys can still work on the mismatch of beadows or whatever you find out for professionals, whether it is meds or whether it's

that she just doesn't have a high sex drive, you can work on it. And you say you still want her to have more sex. And your second question is out of frustration. Like if she won't have sex with me, then I'm still gonna, you know, go home and masturbate, which I agree, but I don't think finding like this little like masturbation in your house is gonna make you feel better

either. Like I think that's not the answer. So I think once you figure out what the low libido is about that you guys can work on like, mutual masturbation, you know, like touching, being more intimate together that might, once you're spending more time together, and it could just be holding hands if you're not doing that already, that could reconnect you or you just take sex off the table for a month. You're like, I'm not going to pressure you. We are just going

to start building up our intimacy again by like touching and massaging and just bringing that back. But I wouldn't totally give up on this, but I wouldn't just say an excuse that she's not going to have sex for months, so you got to find space to masturbate on the mountain somewhere. Or like outside the house. Yeah. And the long. Okay, that's a deal. Dear Emily, I just find your podcast through the Lady Gang and I have to say I love it. Oh, I love the Lady Gang. Love the Lady Gang. I, oh, it was so embarrassing. I spotted one of the Lady Gang. There's a podcast we did a few month or two ago.

Yeah, I'm sure you can search and find it, right? On the website, sexelomely.com, if you heard of it before. I spotted one of them at Coachella, right? And the girl she was backstage, and she was on one of the golf carts, like partying it up with a bunch of dudes. I think it was the one that had the really tall boyfriend But yeah, yeah, so they're yeah, so they're all like partying and having fun But then later on that day I ran into some girl that recognized me who looked like the lady game

Oh And and I was like, oh, hey, yeah, I totally saw you on a golf car and she was like, yeah, okay. And then after I walked away, I realized I was like, oh, that's the same person. Too many hot chicks that could tell. They're the same. Yeah, they all look the same. I get it.

Yeah, that was a fun show. So I'm glad you found it. And I was on their show. So I think that's where you found me. Mm-hmm. So they're show. So I love how you keep it real and you don't sugarcoat things. Now, onto my situation. Kind of a two-questioner. I've been with my boyfriend for four years and

I love him to bits. He's great. The only thing that kind of gets my nerve is that he doesn't last as long as it used to. Oh no. He says that he's just too turned on and can only last for less than a minute and doesn't help me finish. What can we do to help him last longer and also tell him to help me finish since I was nowhere near finishing and not turnover and pass out. Oh, that's okay. Thanks so much for your insight. Keep up the awesome podcast, Michelle from Canada. Okay, I'm answering the second question first. All right. I'm assuming this guy's young and he doesn't understand, understand the importance of pleasing you first. Because. Cause eventually guys get the hint

that like that one minute that he was inside of you, did not rock your world to the extent of which he feels because he just had orgasm. So I think you just, you know, got to have the conversation with them, let them know that just cause he's so turned on, like, you know, in income in a second, it doesn't mean that your needs aren't being met.

So she has to let them know. Yeah, it's for play. What makes you feel makes you feel good because if you like start doing with for play, let them know that you too can have an orgasm. It will help them sew things down and take the focus off off of him. So again you want to help them last longer we can go to that, which we've also if you want more reading on this, you can go to our website. We've done a ton of stuff about lasting longer in bed. But if he comes too quickly, happens with a lot of guys for play. Like really, that is his best friend.

Like make sure, like she comes first. It's a great book too by Ian Kurner. Make sure that you get yours. So for play, he can try masturbating early in the day, pre-gaming. There are condoms. You can use it. I have like decreased sensitivity. Like that could be something that the condoms make him come quickly. But there's also the step start method where you start masturbating where he would have to practice his own, which is why this is challenging

for a lot of guys. Because I have to stick with this all the time. But you can learn, like you're a jack, that he can learn, has a jack, literary control and learn the point of, like he's master rating and then stopped. He's about to jack, latent, just go over. So that's something guys can do. They can do their keg, lecture sizes. But I would say when you guys are having sex normally,

you can always have them pull back or he should tell them that like he should stop and then start Keep going down and like playing with your breasts and turning you on definitely like if that's the situation Yeah, he has to take care of you first You know guys don't know this you didn't you weren't born knowing this no no and you just like learned it last month I think I'm sure and I was so glad it finally sunk in no, I okay I'll share something with the audience. I actually it was actually reversed for me like I've always been I've always been able to last forever as long as I wanted right and Then for some for some reason I started getting too excited and

Then I wasn't lasting as long as I used to at all like I go in from when I could go from as long as I used to, at all. Like, going from when I could go from, as long as I wanted to, a couple of minutes, it was freaking me out. So I actually talked to Emily about it, and I think just having that conversation, like just, like talking about it, now I've been perfectly fine. I think maybe it was like a mental thing or something.

A lot of it, okay, so. Yeah. Well, you know, I guess I've talked, first of all, what? I'm so happy that I helped you. Yes, I have been. That, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that're like, oh, it's gonna happen again. And you know how it is, like self-affilling, and self-affilling, like, ejaculation, it's gonna happen and then it happens.

So I love that. So I'm just recognizing it. So that could be it. I kind of love this menace. This is like a little message for you. Okay. So yeah, he could do like, so there's a lot of things he could do.

Just check it out on my website, but truly taking it slow and sensual, like for a lot of couples, the secret to longer sessions, like there's some positions that work better. You can also check what you're gonna say. Well, the other thing is like, how do you even have that discussion of like, okay, hey dude, you last like 30 seconds

and I really need to take care of myself. Okay, so they need to start right, okay. Yeah, how do you work it back up? I'm just sitting there and I can't see. Okay, so they need to start right. Okay. How do you, how do you work it back up? I'm gonna say, okay, so he doesn't, he have any insights, correct? Maybe to say like, you just say, hey, I mean, do you leave that out like, that's kind of the first thing she wants to,

I think she's say, you know, four years in a together. You know, last long. I really love, you know, having sex with you and you know, would be really fun. Like, I, it takes me, you know, like a lot of women I can actually, I don't have an orgasm during, in a course, but I can definitely have a like during four plays. So when we're making out and you're touching me, like that's really important to me.

That felt like, I love having sex feels amazing. And I love when you're cockies and sobbing, you come that's so hot, but you know what feels so good to me, like when you just like slowly undress me and start like kissing my breasts And my stomach down to my like pussy and like and do all that stuff and then you just show him what you like And you talk them like that and you're like, hey, that's great, but this would be great too Because I Yeah, what you say you get to go do whatever you want. Yeah, kind of throw it out there like that. Just that's really easy Right Michelle, but I think you might be the one woman woman that has taught him. He doesn't know this yet. He clearly is not aware of it.

So, you just say, you know, I, sex feels great in and out. We do, it's true, because for her, and we're not all about the orgasm. And I think sometimes think, why are we separating for play and sex? Because it's all, it feels really good. And it's all sex, but she doesn't even know. So she just has to show them that like,

hey, let's slow down like let's leave our clothes down Like let me show you something they could do mutual masturbation She could if he doesn't even know why to pleaser to like open up his eyes to the soul world So it's not even really about I mean it is about him lasting longer But it's also about him then both connecting on a more sensual level Yeah, and intimately so and you can also try like we still can't last longer. Permess it Do FDA approved treatment only one for premature ejaculation. But, yeah, and be careful, you know, just be careful,

you're bringing up, you don't want to, you love the guy, you just want to, like, gently, you know, give him some information that will help him and help you have better sex. All right, that's what we got time for. Man, we're, can people find you, you're still, like like doing your world tour? Yeah.

With the hamburger stand. I'm doing hamburger. Yeah. Yeah, this weekend, Saturday, in Long Beach, California, I'm hooking up with the Habit Burger and in front of the Queen Mary and we're doing meals for five bucks

and 100% of the money that we raise goes to the infill in research. So it's really, really cool. If you want more information, you live in the LA area, you want to come out, just go to lunchwithwoody.com. That's lunchwithwoody.com. I'm part of the Woody show, which is a morning show here in LA. And he has to get bodyguards now because last time there was like 8,000 people there. It's crazy. Yeah, they're actually going to bring a second truck this time because they're expecting more people people there. It's crazy. Yeah, they're actually going to bring a second truck this time because they're expecting more people to come.

But also what's really cool is we're given away literally hundreds of prizes to not very far. Do you want to take some kind of sex stuff to give away? I'm sure there'll be sex with many listeners there. I run into them all the time. I'm not listening to those shows now. Well, I love that everyone's coming to you. So they should check that out and I wish I'd come.

And I'm going to be a, oh, you can be a friend. I'm a great friend. Yeah, great. So much fun. I know, a girlfriend, so don't get excited. It will be fun. But good luck with that. Have fun.

Thank you so much. And I love that you're all these vans. And I'm glad you still come and hang out here. Yeah, all the time. And have sex with Emily, which we love. So everybody, yeah, you know how to follow me, you know how to find me, you know how to email me, it's all at sex with Emily. And oh, you know it's great when you subscribe to the show because then you never miss it. We do two week and then when you review us

and tell us that you like us. Yeah. We appreciate that. Emily wants those five stars. They just, they make me feel warm and fuzzy. That's all. I love this help doing anyway. We like it. Okay, everyone. Thanks so much for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithaml.com. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Sex toys are kind of like potato chips. You start with one and you immediately want more. If that sounds familiar, I want you to head over

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