Sex With Emily - Oral Sex Secrets

Episode Date: November 8, 2022

Got hangups around oral sex? You’re not alone. While oral sex can provide abundant intimacy and pleasure, lots of us struggle with giving – and sometimes, receiving – it. Today, we’re getting out of our heads and communicating with our partners: two essential steps for mind-blowing oral sex. Love giving oral, but it’s not being reciprocated? Concerned about hygiene issues – either your own, or your partner’s? What if your partner takes a while to orgasm during oral, but your jaw gets tired along the way? From hangups to hygiene - I answer your questions so you can amp up your oral and enhance your pleasure.Show Notes:VUSH Destination: Play (code ‘SEXWITHEMILY’ for 40% off)Article: Ask Emily: Oral Sex for BeginnersArticle: How to Give a Better BlowjobArticle: Ask Emily: How Do I Better Enjoy Oral Sex?Article: Ask Emily: I Hate Giving My Partner Oral Sex Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Start the conversation. Start the sexual conversation no matter how you do it, whether you're talking about, do you define monogamy the same? Do you both want the same things at your sex life? Because once you start talking about it, you're not going to be able to stop. In a really good way, it's going to be fun. It's going to be something that you build upon together to improve your sex life. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. So, you got hang ups around oral sex?

Well you're not alone. Well yeah, oral sex can provide abundant intimacy and pleasure, lots of a struggle with giving and sometimes receiving. So today we're getting out of our heads and communicating with our partners, which are two essential tips for mind-blowing sex. Some topics we cover, you love giving oral, but it's not being reciprocated.

Maybe you're concerned about hygiene issues, either your own or your partners. Well, I'm gonna talk to you about how to address it. And what if your partner takes a while to orgasm during oral, but your job, it just gets tired along the way? What to do? Well, from a hang-ups to hygiene, I answer your questions so you can amp up your oral

and enhance your pleasure. Intentions with Emily, join me in setting an intention for this show. My intention is to help you gain a deeper understanding of oral sex, both how to give with confidence and comfort and how to receive an, pleasure-filled way. Check out my YouTube channel, social media, and TikTok. It's all at, sex with Emily for more sex tips and advice.

If you want to ask me questions, leave me your questions or message me at sexwithemily.com slash ask Emily. Or call my hotline, 559 talk Talk Sex or 559 825 5739. Just include your name, your age, where you live and how you listen to the show. And it's totally cool to change your name or choose to remain anonymous. Alright everyone, enjoy this episode. Before we get started, I just want to remind you all that this is the best of episode that may include outdated language like references to gender. I started using the term penis owner and vulva owner in around 2020 in order to be more

inclusive of all gender identities and expressions. We're always learning and growing her at sex with Emily and can only continue to do so with your continued feedback. So thank you. Okay, we have Lenny, 36 in New York, and she wants to know how she can get back into oral sex with her partner. Hi Lenny, thanks for calling. Thank you for taking my call. So I've been with my husband. We've been together since 2007. We just had our first baby a year ago, so the year. And in between our relationship, we were often on first few years. So I've been with other men.

But I guess the long and short of it is that when we first got that, when we first got together in 2007, Oral sex wasn't a problem. I would always go down on him and I always avoided it after I did the first, after the newness of things because he has some kind of smell to his area that I can't get past. Okay. I don't know what it is and I I enjoy it. I enjoy oral sex. I just can't bring myself to do it. And I, with other men in between all relationships, I have no problems. And I really want to be able to perform it. I just can't even...

Is he circumcised? He is circumcised. Okay. He's tried washes, powders, I mean, he's tried everything and I don't know it's like a musky foul smell that I just cannot get past it. I don't know what to do because they really want it. And he's tried, so you've told him this, like you've actually, he knows it, he's working on it as well. Has he gotten checked out by his doctor? Like he could have something like a infection okay but they just kind of talked it up to this is your DNA this is your hormones like that this is who you are

and it's kind of defeating I don't know I don't know. I don't know. And you're sure like how many times did he go he's only seen one i think it's you know i i feel like maybe he feels i don't know and maybe he just feels like it emesculating to have to do that or about a thing i don't know yeah but i think i mean that's not how it's just i don't know i get that's he could have an infection and he could have a u.t.i.e. could have a used infection he could have something else going on i mean i i don't know and it's really like you can't get rid of it It's not just hygiene if you guys had sex in the shower at least could you give him a blowjob in the shower to tell you figures it out

No, it's just bad, huh? I mean yeah, I can't bring myself to do it I guess we're like right when you put like his whole his whole area like his groin his balls I would say it's more around the balls that it's just like a sweaty smell but like right on the shower. And does he use good thinking scrubs you're saying he scrubs and he uses the ever exfoliating like scrub is that area. Even when we shower like when we shower together I watch him and he doesn't have a sense to him anywhere else.

Yeah that is just really I would get another penny. I actually do I've literally I do not know What that could be if it's not something like an infection because I If he was on circumcise, I was like, oh, it could be smegma. He might not be cleaning I think the foreskin, but what about like you could use a flavored loob could try doing something like that? That we do see you know, we really use a lot of toys and could try doing something like that. I do have one that we use. We really use a lot of toys and loops and we're into like rings and a lot of things, but there's just nothing that can get past this. Okay.

What if you sprayed something on it, like you could like rub in some kind of like scented coconut or like, yeah, they could use like the Wumor play massage. This is this amazing coconut oil loop that we're obsessed with that you could like massage in. It's like vanilla. It's it's oil. It's like it feels really good and you can massage it. Coconut oil is healing also. Like he should go to a health store. Like maybe he could take some kind of like there could be just something wrong with the house's diet. Okay. Does he smoke and drink? Does he take medicine? Does he add drugs?

You know, it's all that stuff, honey. That's coming out of his. Yeah. You know, like a lot of wings, beer, pizza, burgers. Yeah, that's it. Does he drink and probably doesn't drink any water? Okay. Well, that's what it is.

Okay. He's not a healthy person. And so until I bet you, if he changes his diet in a month, you'll be giving him glow jobs all day. I can't think of a better incentive for someone to get in shape and to get their life, you know, to start starting healthy. Lenny, especially this is the guy you want to be with, you know what I'm saying? You want to be with someone to take care of himself. So tell me I said that. Tell him it's the food he's eating because I believe you tell me how that, yeah, I should have been my first question. Actually, it was wonderful. We took supplements, but no. Yeah.

There you go, Lani. Go do it. Okay, yeah. Get them healthy. Okay. Thanks, Lani. Okay, this next one comes to us from a fellow Emily, 25 in Washington. Dear Emily, I'm very self-conscious of my odor and taste. I've had several partners give me oral, but have been too nervous about my smell and taste to enjoy it I know that it's an issue because recently a partner went down on me for a short time Quickly moved on to something else and when we finish he left the room when he came back He clearly had used mouthwash. I shower nearly every day and have been tested There aren't any medical issues. I'm not sure what else I can do at this point other than warn partners

And let them know that they don't have to go down on me. What can I do? How can I discuss this with partners? All right. Okay. Emily, I'm not sure. I don't want to see in here why you think you have some kind of odor or taste that isn't working. I got to be honest with you.

You're 25. I'm just going to put this out there. Many people in their 20s do not get the oral that they require or deserve that would feel good to them. Your partners might just be doing the whole like one minute down their dip thinking that's all they have to do and then come back up for sex. There's no indication that there's anything wrong with your order or your taste. This is just like one experience.

Maybe he does that with everyone he's with. He goes down for a minute, you know, that's one of my huge pet peeves. I'm like, guys, it goes down for one minute. You could have left the room, got me glass of water, come back in, and that would have been way more effective than one minute downtown. I think it's important to always have, you know, shower after sex, go to the bathroom after sex. I feel like though, there's, you know, if that would just give you some more confidence, but I just don't think they should stop you from wanting to have oral

sex. Yes, some women do have odors and they're not aware of it because it could be they have some kind of STD or something going on. They might have bacterial vaginosis. I don't see any evidence here that there's been a problem. So I think you're fine, Emily. I think you're fine. I just think they're not spending enough time and of course as women,

we think, what's wrong with me? What did I do wrong? Whereas if a man had a woman go down in our him for a minute, he might be like, what's her problem? This is my US if for you want and saying I love a man who goes downtown to me for a while stays there all night long Mm-hmm, something like that half the night. Okay, let's talk to James 39 in West Virginia. Hi James. Thanks for calling. What's going on? Hi? I've been married me and my wife have been married for almost 17 years, and I

were all going down on her, but it seems like the only way that I can get her off that way is if I like blow on her foot. All right. My lip. Cool. Well, I mean, after a while, my lips get numb, and it's like, it's, you know, sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn't. Like, do you like the motor it's like, sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn't.

Like, do only the motorboat, like, like that, got it. So that's the only way. Okay, so have you ever tried anything else? Have you ever tried a vibrator? Have you tried your fingers? We used toys and then stuff, but I was trying to find another way or a way to do it, because I mean,

I enjoy it as much as she does. Right, but it takes a while for the... For the first little like bullet, like a bottom one that's like I don't know probably three inches long. Okay. It's re-targetable, waterproof, all that stuff. Yeah, yeah, that's cool. So does that work too? I mean I'm trying to think what else you can... Yeah, I mean could you use your fingers with the vibrator, could you use your mouth and then use a toy and then go back with your mouth?

Are you looking for totally other ways you mean like different like? I mean, honestly, it's fingers, mouth, hands, toys using lube. She could like rub up against you like on your leg. She could have done anything of what else. I mean, that's pretty much what you do. Have you ever gone down on her like over her underwear? Like over it, like sometimes there's a really cool sensation where you breathe on it, like you could breathe,

like warm air and like the sun, it really stimulates all her nerve endings. Yeah, I mean years ago. Well, try it again. Doesn't mean it expired. I know. It's like a different sensation, like the different kinds of underwear, like Lacey underwear,

or cotton underwear, it all feels really different. So it sounds like she just really likes like, like, clear simulation. So I think playing in all the toys are different, like the womanizer is a different than any other toy or the melt by Wevibe 2 is a great one for couples play. Okay. Okay. So check those out. Yeah.

You're so welcome, James. I feel like for oral, I'm trying to think, like what am I not thinking? There's so many things, but it's really like your toys, your hand, your mouth. Clearly, he says that 17 years, he knows she's not gonna orgasm through penetration. You'll get it.

Play with something, they should go to a sex toys store together and go shopping. This is the other thing if you're listening. It might be fun to go to a sex toys store where you'd get where you live and go shopping. And here's a hot tip. If you go listening, it might be fun to go to a sex toy store where you get where you live and go shopping. And like, kind of, here's a hot tip. If you go testing vibrators, if you test them on the tip of your nose, you can tell

how it's going to feel on your clitoris. Oh, speaking of toys, I have to tell you all about Vush. I'm sitting here with their new products and they're awesome. So their new products are about play. In fact, it's called Destination Play and it's a range of couple toys which I love. But these are fun toys that encourage exploration. And Wush knows, listen, like I do, sex is not perfect, it can be messy, clunky, but these toys are so much fun and they're actually incredible

with this conversation we're having because they're great for oral. So they have a vibrating stoker, which is a, you know, for a penis. And this one's called the soul. And if you have not used a toy on your penis, like get in the game, the soul is ribbed internally for extra stimulation.

It has flexible wings that accommodate any penis size. It has an open-ended design. You can use water-based loops. So you could use this while you're giving oral, and you could wrap this around your shaft and still use your mouth on the head. You could put your hands on the balls and use this on the shaft.

I just love incorporating toys into oral. Or you could try their orb. So this is a pleasure ring. So you could wear it around the shaft, I just love incorporating toys into oral. Or you could try their orb. So this is a pleasure ring. So you could wear it around the penis, but if you're going down in Volvo, you could put your fingers around the circle and then use these little rabbit ears, you know, like a rabbit style vibe.

Well, this ring has little rabbit ears that are targeted for literal stimulation. So it's going to feel amazing actually all over the mall bus. So either one of these toys would be great to amp your game and amp up your oral game. And again, destination play range and vush. If you take out these products, you can give 40% off right now, which is so good.

Go to vushstimulation.com, that's vushstimulation.com use code sexwithemily and get 40% off. Any of these really fun toys. We're going to take a quick break and then I'll be answering more of your questions all about oral so don't go anywhere. We have talked to Denise, 40 in British Columbia because she's been holding it as an awesome question. Hi Denise, thanks for calling. Okay, so here's the thing. I'm just going to pull it over the truck

We were wine touring and Perfect on our trip Okay, right right. I love wine tasting. It's the best. Yeah Come to British Columbia. Yes, I do. It's on my list. I've never been go ahead tell me everything So during our little trip, the girls are together and we're discussing blow jobs. If you put your mouth on the penis, sorry, just a little shy here, and then have sex, is it still considered a blow job or do you have to do it to completion? I can't see. If you put your mouth on a penis, is it considered a blowjob? Yeah.

I mean, a mouth on a penis would be a blowjob? Yes. So even if it's a different finish. Yeah. I don't think it's contingent on orgasms. Listen, if sex is contingent on orgasms, most women would be virgins right now because they're not having orgasms during sex. So I would say that yet blowjob is a blowjob is a blowjob came up because we all had different opinions

i see the flavor of the semen the semen yep is that going to be affected by what they eat it you know it it is affected by what you eat you know they say you are what you eat and i think that if you you have a diet filled with soda and burgers and fries and meat and fatty foods and all the things all the time,

it's going to leak out of your pores. And then you definitely will taste it in the semen. As you move it, unhealthy diet, smoke cigarettes and unhealthy lifestyle, it won't be the best tasting seam in you ever had. I'll tell you that. Okay, how about pineapple? You know, there's the whole pineapple thing.

You have to eat a lot of pineapple to make sure to have your seam in taste like pineapple, but it can have an impact. Sure, I mean, I'm not gonna say that, like, you start doubting pineapple if you've been eating a crap all week and then you're like, but I just had a few bites of pineapple.

It doesn't work like that. It takes a while to get into your system, but sure, if you eat more healthy fruits and vegetables, your seed is gonna taste better than if you're just having steak and fries. I feel like my husband's been eating pineapple since I left. Oh, well, you tell me then, Denise,

when you go back and call me. I mean, really, yeah, I'm telling you, I think it does have an impact But I don't think it's like an immediate thing, but I don't know how long you've been gone and if that's not is that easy on a pineapple diet? only I mean For only pineapple No, no, no, no, okay Swine apple a pineapple stuff with pork

wrapped in bacon No, that would not taste good. That would cancel everything out. Perfect. This is from Jake, 40 in Arizona. Hey, Emily, I've been in a frustrating situation with my wife. My way for fuses to finish me orally,

I have no problem at all orally finishing her even multiple times. It's really starting to bother me how she's never finished me all the way using her mouth. I just don't think it's fair. How can I please her this way and she won't even do it once? Ideas? Help? Okay, Jake, a few questions. We need to know what are the reasons why she won't finish you orally? Because I know for a lot of women, they really just don't like the taste of semen. They're like, I cannot taste semen. Maybe her mouth starts to get tired.

A lot of women, their jaw gets tired and it's just really hard for them to keep going. So I need to understand those things first. If she doesn't like the semen or the taste of it, there's a lot of great, you know, flavored loom she could use. If she's getting tired, hands do as I think that a lot of people giving blow jobs forget that your hands are like your best friend. It doesn't have to be your mouth tiring out. In fact, the tip is the most sensitive part of the penis that a lot of, for a lot of people,

if you're using your hands or even two hands and your mouth, that is a sufficient, can be a sufficient killer blow job. So I think you have to ask your Jake in a blaming, non-shaming way, like, why it's important to you. And what you could do to make her more comfortable gets more information from her. You know, say like, it feels so intimate and so hot. And when you actually like, you know, to feel my penis in your mouth and to like,

have you finished just like a fantasy of mine. So like, I understand you're not comfortable. But every time she tells you why, if she says, I just don't. You know, you might be like, well, do you remember like I understand you're not comfortable. Every time she tells you why, if she says, I just don't, you know, you might be like, well, do you remember the first time you didn't? Was it ever something you liked? Like, just find out there might have been for all I know, this is a guess. Maybe in the past, she was with a partner who forced her head down and made her get blow or, you know, wanted her to get blowed up as she didn't. Or maybe she choked and gagged once and women have experiences that will hold in men, that will hold on for a lifetime.

So I think we need more information here. So I think once you get that information, and let her know how much it means to you, I think if she loves you and you're together, she's your wife, she's gonna wanna come around to it. I also wanna know, how's the rest of your sex life? It sounds like she's cool with you going down in her, and she having orgasms from penetration is she having pleasure

So I think it's a great time next time you're in this up to say baby I know we've got this oral sex thing going on you going down to me But I've actually been really curious, you know, this is one of my challenges with us What about yours? Start the conversation start the sexual conversation no matter how you do it whether you're talking about you define monogamy the same Do you both want the same things at your sex life because once you start talking about it You're not gonna be able to stop in a really good way. It's gonna be fun It's gonna be something that you build upon together to improve your sex life

This last one comes to us from Cindy who's 53 in Colorado Dear Emily when I first met my boyfriend He said he loves ConnoGus, but I've been with him for two years, and he's only done it for me five times, and I've had to ask. I've asked him if he doesn't like my vulva, he uses the excuse that he just enjoys penetration more. Not sure if this matters, but he was married for 20 years and she cheated on him multiple times.

Oh, well, I don't know if that's relevant about the cheating part, but we could get back to that in a minute. Cindy, I think two years and he's going on down in you five times, I would think that there's either there's a few things going down in here. He might actually just doesn't, if he was married for 20 years, it doesn't mean that he's like a great kind of linguist that he loved going down his wife and not you. I would say that he probably got with her in his 20s and he never really got into it. She didn't demand it of him.

She didn't ask for it. And then therefore he maybe, he's not holding his skills, right? There's some women that don't like it. And so for whatever reasons, they just don't. So maybe he is actually maybe a little bit more insecure about his skills to go down. And in his mind, if he hasn't been doing it a lot, he just truly believes he prefers penetration more. He's been so many years since he's done it. So I would let him know then outside the bedroom, tell him that it's not just an option for

you that you actually require oral sex and you love receiving it and you think it would be so hot. And you'd say, I know you like penetration a lot and I like it too, but this is a requirement for me. Is this something that we could talk about? Would you be on board for this more? So I'd be happy to show you what I like and what feels good to me, but it's really, I think it's an important part of a healthy sex life for me.

And then see what he says. And if he's like, nope, not my jam, or yeah, actually I'd love to know what you like, you know? See where it goes from there. Because this happened to me once and he said, you know what, oral sex isn't my thing. And I said, well then, you know, you're not my thing. And I left the relationship.

There were other problems in the relationship, and now that I know more, maybe I would have been like, what do you mean by that? It's not, you're the cause I really love the guy. There were other problems. But, but I think that sometimes it's just because guys don't know,

maybe some guys don't like it, but they just also need some more information or they need to know how to do it better. They need some tips. Because I think if a guy is really master, when you really master or giving a blow job, you feel good about it when you're confident and enthusiastic and confident in your skills and connected to your partner. So maybe he hasn't had those secure performing oral sex experiences where he got endorsed

for it. And there was some endorsed. It was like, that was amazing. I loved it, babe. Maybe he's always felt like it was an awkward thing. Just like everything, if you never learned it. Your oral experience was endorsed by somebody. Yeah, he got a great Yelp review. He maybe you never got a five star oral

yet Yelp review, and I feel bad for him. So do some teaching there. See if he's down to pleasing you. You're in your 50s. I'm going to see me about your age. And at this point, he should be willing to please you or not. That's it for today's episode, see you on Friday.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner. You can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at Sex with Emily. Oh, I've been told I give really good email. So sign up at sexwithemily.com and while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating or relationships, call my hotline 559 Talk Sex. That's 559 825 5739.

Go to sexwithemily.com slash askemily. Special thanks to ACAST for powering the Sex with Emily podcast. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithemily.com Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithmleek.com