Sex With Emily - Oral Tips and (Not) Faking Orgasms w/ The LadyGang

Episode Date: May 5, 2021

Today I’m joined by the fabulous and entertaining hosts of The LadyGang; Keltie Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jac Vanek. We set intentions together and give recipes for feeling sexy after the pandemic, ways to give a killer bj (without it feeling like well, a job), and the different kinds of desire. Plus, I share the best ways to clean your sex toys, my most common listener questions, and what happens when TSA pulls your bag full of vibrators.I also answer your questions about alleviating pain during sex, how to let your partner know you have been faking your orgasms, and what’s actually happening when you squirt.Show Notes: UVee Home PlayStrokers Magic Wand System Jo Flavored LubeFor more information about LadyGang, visit: theladygang.comFor even more sex advice, tips, and tricks visit sexwithemily.com  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I hear from just as many men who want sex for their partners or women do, so we are the one who is perpetuating all these beliefs that like women are more frigid and men want sex all the time, which is just so not the case. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubize they call them in a fight on day. You're listening to Sex with Emily.

I'm Dr. Amley and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. Today, I'm joined by the fabulous and entertaining house of the Lady Gang, Kelti Knight, Beckettoban and Jack Vanick, and we discuss a lot of things. We cover a lot. How sex has changed during the pandemic, tips for amazing nipple play, ways to give a killer blow job, I always say oral sex on a penis, but hey, they asked for it. We also talk about the different kinds of desire, the best ways to clean your sex toys, my most common listener questions, and what happens when TSA pulls out your bag full of vibrators.

Side note, I just got back from vacation, and I did drop my nipple clamps in the Las Vegas airport. I also answer your questions about how birth control can affect your sex drive. How to let your partner know you've been faking orgasms? Say no to fego. And a listener's experience hurting his penis during doggie style. All right, intentions with Emily for each episode. I start off by setting an intention and I encourage you to do the same. So when you're listening, what do you want to get out of this episode? How could it help you?

Well my intention is for you to hear some other women share their own vulnerabilities so you feel less alone. Alright, Mother's Day is this weekend and I have created the sexiest Mother's Day gift guide you'll ever read because Mother's Master Bate too, they do, I swear. Don't worry, it's not all vibrators, but we've got CBD Bass salts by Foria. If you haven't seen these, smell these, try them. It's amazing.

So many sex toys, and we've got some really great discounts. So whether you're shopping for a mom or you're a mom shopping for herself, which I highly encourage, you can just check out our website sexwithmly.com and check out latest gift guide. All right, let's talk about your questions. I know a lot of you want to ask me questions and you do. You email me or you DM me, but now I have a brand new hotline. It's 559 Talk Sex or 559 825 5739, but 559 Talk Sex is easy.

So here, you'll just leave me a voicemail with your questions. And if you consent, we might answer it on the podcast and play your message. But remember, however you ask me your question, whether it's 559 Talk Sex, or you email me sexwithemily.com slash ask Emily. All I ask is that you me your question, whether it's 559 Talk Sex, or you email me secthethemily.com slash AskEmily.

All I ask is that you include your name, you can totally change your name, your gender identity, location, age, and how you listen to the show. Can't wait to hear from you. Alright everyone, enjoy this episode. Today, my guess I welcome the Lady Gang. They're popular award-winning podcasts and brand for women by women, featuring Kelti Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanneck. Their book, Act Like a Lady, is in New York Times Best Seller.

You can find more about them at LadyGang.com and on all social media, The Lady Gang. Welcome to the show. Hi. Hello. We haven't had good sex in four years. I know we can't, we need to refresh her Emily. Like take us to church. I'm in. Kelty, Jack, Becca. I mean, first, I always said intention for every show.

I say, what is, I'm sitting in tension. I'll say, for example, I want you guys to learn on the show how to communicate better. And then I ask you, well, you know, intention. You said intention and likely it happened. Do you guys have an intention? Like, is there something that you'd like to learn or impart to the listeners? Ooh. You know, so every time we talk to you or listen to your podcast, I think, oh my gosh, I am so normal because so many women have the same questions and concerns regarding sex,

but they don't have a place to talk openly about them. So I guess my intention would be like to help women feel less alone with this conversation and sex in general. I was going to say that's like our whole mantra for the Lady Yang is, you know, making other women feel less alone. And we do it in so many different ways, but talking about sex, we talk about sex but not in an in-depth way. Like we do when you're around. So it's just, it's amazing because it like really aligns with everything that we're talking about. So agree with that. And then also I feel like everybody after this past year like we just like need a little spice. So figuring out what that first little step is for some extra spice.

Okay, I love it. Yeah, and my intention is to learn something to bring to the wardrobe of she wants a nipple tassel. But my accoutrement, no. And every time we talked to her, I listen, I've had nipple flams. I have the least sensitive nipples that have ever been on the face of the planet. Chris is so into a nipple and he's always like

trying. I'm like, if you press harder, it will not work. They are, they're dead to me. It's the one more intention. I want to purchase something at the end of this episode. I want to purchase something. I want to know what the thing is that we got to go out and get. You're all in relationships right now, married in relationships. You're like, very healthy. And Jack, last time I saw you were dating and the abs and all the things.

All the things. No, I've been with my partner for almost three years now. So. Yeah, good. Okay, so you're all in relationships. And so I have a question for you. So there's this study that just came out men say sex is better during the COVID-19 pandemic women beg to differ. So it says that guys are saying that the lockdown enhanced their sex lives and ladies don't feel

that knocking boots with their boo, whatever. So it says during COVID, that's any better. 50% say pandemic sex was great. 71 say that it did nothing for the overall sex life. So I just wanna know how has it been for all of you? I've discovered something about myself because sometimes like you've said it in the past where women have to feel connected to their partners to be turned on and they have to ask how your day is. My husband does that more now with COVID.

I actually like my husband more as a person now from COVID, but my sex life took a little bit of a downturn and I think it's because part of my recipe for sexiness is for me to feel sexy. And I haven't been putting on makeup, I haven't been washing my makeup, I haven't been washing my hair, I haven't been putting on pants that even zip. And so that's what the missing link is. So I've actually been able to really pinpoint. So it's been helpful. I mean,

have I gotten out of my sweat pants as often as I should know, but at least now I know. Right. Baby steps. Well, if we don't feel sexy. How do we expect our partners to want to be with us when we don't we're not being loving to ourselves? Yeah. But I also think the difference in this study, if you were to look into my household, is that the pandemic, you were around each other more. So you might be having more of the quantity of sex. Like, you can't, you can't get away from each other. There's no excuse. Like you're so busy, you're on a work trip, whatever. Like you're going to quantity of sex. Like, you can't get away from each other. There's no excuse. Like you're so busy, you're on a work trip, whatever.

Like, you're gonna have the sex, but if a woman is not feeling sexy to what Becca said, that level of pleasure, like, I probably having more sex. I don't know that I'm having like the best sex of my life. I feel closer to my husband, but I'm not like, oh my God, and it's mostly because I'm wearing a lot of flowy things and sweatpants and eating poorly. But not like, I'm not, I'm not taking care of myself in that way. I'm not going, you know, like exactly. It's like, I think it's a mental thing. We're probably,

they're just happy that they're having lots of sex. We're like, wait a minute, it was supposed to be a romantic trip to Buruda. Exactly. Huh. What about you, Jack? Well, this is the thing with my boyfriend and I. He is a musician and he is in the normal times pre-COVID, gone all the time. So for the most part, I mean, we'd see each other in like little chunks, we'd binge each other and then I wouldn't see him for weeks. So that kind of was what our relationship was before COVID. And we have spent every single second of every single day together for the past year.

And honestly, it's been great. Like Becca said, I like love him and enjoy him more than I ever thought that I would because the few times that we went on vacations, I wanted to kill him. So I'm like, well, if this is what it's going to be when we're locked down together for a year, it's going to be bad. But yeah yeah, very, very surprising and pretty great. I'm so happy for you. That makes me, because I didn't know where that was going. I'm like, okay, that's weird. Just don't, usually that works with your distance, you don't know.

Yeah. Well, our whole lifestyle's were like completely different. Yeah. So, it was like our first, you know, experience of actually having like a normal life that you would see your partner every single day. Yeah. But yeah, I know. It's great.

So your, tell me, it was more frequent maybe for all of you or I think mine was about the same amount, the same amount, but I was less confident in my vagina. I'll tell you that because you don't have any professionals around like you can't go out saying all the things. Like any of that, like I just, it's, you know, everything. I need like, I need a nice nail to feel sexy. I need a nail. Not to look and see the gray hairs at my temples

to feel sexy. So it's like, it's a whole package. It's been tough. What do you guys know? Have you done work to feel like when you feel the sexiest? After a few drinks. To kill. To kill.

Oh, yeah, I would say to kill as a female vagrant. Oh, it's so is. Yeah, after a few margaritas, I would say to kill as a female vagrant. Oh, it's so is. Yeah, after a few margaritas, I don't think that you can feel any sexier than in that moment. Yeah, that's true. This is women, I'm always saying, like, how do we feel sexy? Because usually if we're feeling sexy, someone else is going to find a sexy, right? Yep. I mean, for me, it's like when I'm taking care of myself, when I'm working out, when

I'm doing therapy, and I'm working out, when I'm doing therapy and I'm mentally there, when I physically have my pieces together, like are my brows, like at my tan, like all the things. I have so many things. Yeah. The other other questions you wanted to ask me. I feel a lot of guilt and shame for not giving enough below jobs. How can I make it fun and feel less like a job?

It is, can be a job, but what if you made it fun, like flavored lube? Have you, I have this flavored lube that tastes amazing. It's literally salted caramel. They have one that is mint chocolate chip. Ooh. And it tastes, usually I have it here at my desk. I feel like I'd be more into something. I actually And it tastes, usually I have it here at my desk. I feel like I'd be more into something.

I actually used it the other day. It's a savory, like a chino flavor. They do. They might have one of those. But just like playing with it, because then you're like, oh, I'm not not kidding, this sounds really silly,

because there are a lot of flavor loops that are terrible. But this one system, Joe, that just helped me too. I do not give a blowjob without it, because it tastes good, you're mouth is slippery. So I'm trying to give you some hacks that, speeding, I never have enough saliva anyway. I just have the lube there. So if it's flavored, you're like,

oh, I'm more likely to do it. And remember, you can use a hand in a blowjob. And I think it doesn't have to be as big of a deal. Like, is there a time where you guys are in the shower together or you just like, the shower is a trick you want there a time where you guys are in the shower together or you just like a shower The shower is a true one though because then you might start drowning while you're down there with That's true. I just can't breathe out of your nose I don't know what that's true. That is true and dear the thing

I don't know if he what your sex is like and when it's starting to happen when it's a point where you could just Surprise him with a blow-dum. Like, what? Like, here's your assignment. Maybe there's like one night, like, after that, you could just say, I'm going to do it. And then you feel like you wouldn't feel guilty anymore. And you could do something a little bit. Like I said, even if it's not flavor, I have something nearby that makes it easier. You can use your toy there or any toy. Look at it on a low setting, any vibrator on their shaft, on their balls, could feel amazing. And then it's quick.

Quick. Quick is what we need, ladies. Could be quick and feel good. I'm just trying to stay up for you. Quick and dirty. What are your thoughts about the flashlight in general? I like, you know what, the flashlight is, it's a masturbation C4 penis,

and it's supposed to feel like the real deal, so it's the mimic of a gin on, put it inside, and you just use it for masturbation. And I think people love it. Like I feel like the real deal. So it's the mimic of a gin on. I'm put it inside and you just use it for masturbation. And I think people love it. Like I feel like men are down, but sometimes you're like, oh, is it a bad thing to do? Is it, no, it's like it's a masturbation season.

It's a good time. Add to car. We're gonna take a quick break, but we come back, we're getting into how to clean your sex toys. It matters. What is your favorite way to clean a sex toy? Like what's the best? The best way to do it, and I'm glad you're asking that because it's actually very important

to do it because you can get a bacteria infection. And you know, whenever you want to do it, because you're like, I just had an orgasm, I'm going to sleep. Okay, the easiest way is like a damp cloth with like a little bit of soap, like a like wetted wash cloth and just wipe it down and you're fine. There's also toy cleaner that you just spray on it. That's easy. And then there is something, I don't know if they make this anymore, but or if it's available

so it's called the UV and it stores cleans and sanitizes your toys and it takes like 20 minutes and you can also do your phone and your makeup brushes. It's like UV kit. That's really cool. But I think they were like backordered during the pandemic. Sure. My parents bought them because of COVID. They did. Well not for the sex choice. Oh, okay. I love your parents. But you guys, I just want to show you, I just looked a momentizer. I need to show you all like this is like, there's so many more models right now. Oh, there's one with a little, a little bit more.

Yes. In your mom? In your mom? In your mom? In your mom? In your mom? In your mom? Oh, I never know when the thing has like a mini towel.

This is the duo. This is the riser duo stimulator. That's, you know, aggressive it goes inside. Yes. I mean, if you're not into that kind of thing. No, we're into it. Keltin just says in order to put it. Emily, how many times have you been going around the world to teach and speak and be at conventions and stuff? And you've had to like go through TSA with like a big bag of dildos. So many times has happened to me. I used to go to trade

showing Vegas all the time. And I remember one time I had like 50 magic, why I think a box of magic wanted to boys. Like I wasn't even trying to hide it. And they were just like, I see you. I got you. Yeah. It's fine. Has anybody like done the whole where they open your bag

and they pull it out and then everybody sees them holding a dildo? Is that happy? Yes. Has that happened to you? That's happy to me. I have my vibrant cloth while it's like going because I didn't take the batteries out.

Classic. Someone's like, I was on holidays and it was this way before the pandemic. The guy was like unloading our bags. I had like a soft side and like duffel bag and the guy was unloading the bag and he's like, this bag is vibrating. And although this did happen with my

Thera gun when we were traveling, but it brings me to a thought that I had. I had a peak sexual experience, middle of COVID, when Zach was giving me a leg massage with the Thera gun, and he went really up high into my hamstring, and I was like, that's it. That gave me so much enough vibration in my groin

that I was ready to go. Like the go, that's the Theragon. If any woman out there is scared to buy something. I love the Theragon. Don't put it on your, you know, I've received two strong firms. Exactly, it's kind of like the magic wand. I love the magic wand.

There's not the magic wand too. Yeah, that's the MacTruck of all vibrators. There's no magic one too. Yeah, that's the Mac truck of all vibrators, but that is the the fair gun. It's true. You get the you get high and I was gonna tell you that my I have in both of the houses like I just moved I have a 1990s hot tub and I think that is like key if you're sex life is 90, like it's like it's like it's plastic on the inside, you know, you've had it. You've been in one. You know, it's not like built into the ground and was slate. It's like plastic. It's like fiberglass. You slide around in it. Like I just love being in a hot tub. And then you sit there. It's like what the Thera Gun is to beca's nether regions. The hot

tub is to my libido. Yeah, absolutely. That makes sense too. Warm, yeah, I've a steam shower. That's been a big thing for my, pandemic thing. You just go in, yeah, for my COVID love. How's the sex like education kind of world going?

Like during COVID? Yeah, I mean, it's been insane. I have to say that sex education, when this first happened, of course I was at a sex retreat in Maui and March 12, or March, yeah, I was there like the ninth to the 17th, so I like did not leave for a month. But I remember thinking to myself,

people are just gonna be home masturbating, like what is going to happen to them? Like you kids and their brooms masturbating and so I decided I just want to start doing like Instagram lives every day, just helping people figure out their sex problems. But I really just, and I'm still doing stuff like that. But I feel like people had more time, obviously, at home. And people had a lot more questions. It was great for podcasts. I'm sure the lady gang killed during quarantine.

And then I think people were listening to podcasts and they had a lot of sex questions. So it's been a good year, you know? I think that people realize if they were home, and maybe they were in a relationship where they kept leaving and traveling and they just was sort of avoiding their sex life, but they couldn't run from it anymore. So they had to like get into it. Yeah. So the question that we always like every time or together, like, how do we increase our libido? What's the question you get from men the most? It's a great question. The men for most is usually about their penis. So either they're coming too fast or they're not coming at all. Like it's, they're like a delayed ejaculator

which is when it lasts about 45 minutes to an hour. So that's an interesting thing too. Like what do you, what do you do about it? So it's mostly about that. And then if it's not about their penis, it's about their partner's orgasm. Like how do I get my partner to blink, have an orgasm, try and shake sex, do all this stuff. When I listen to you on the Black Girls Texting podcast, you had mentioned something about like, we assume that men just wanna have sex all the time, like every single day,

and that we're somehow disappointing them or like feeling shameful, that we're like not being that person, if that's not what we're doing. And you said something interesting, like you were talking about like, you know, as they get older, like men sort of slow down,

can slow down too. Can you talk about that a little bit? Please are they gonna slow down? Yeah, they absolutely do. Yeah, they will slow down. Men testosterone does start to drop usually after the age of 40, but I think that once men get into

certain later stages in their life, and they do, like they're just sort of, they want more communication and touch. I mean, everything that we've learned about men are like this and women like this are mostly wrong. And the only thing I can point to is like desire about the women get turned on, usually response to something and men are more like a spontaneous.

That's the one area, but everything else, I hear from just as many men who want sex for other partners or women do. So yeah, but I think that for men, they can't, they can slow down. They feel, you know, safe in their relationship, or it has to do with their physiology. It could be a lot of different things. But that could happen totally. We are the one who's perpetuating all these beliefs that like women are more frigid and men want sex all the time, which is just so not so not the case. Not every man wants sex all the time. Interesting. Yes. Thank you. You guys is so great to have you on the show Lady Gang.

We love you. We love you. I love you guys. We should do this again, not enough four years. And congratulations on all your success that you're, I don't know if you're still going to start doing the live shows and the merch. And I just love watching all the success you've had. It's really impressive. And I think each one of you in your own way is so fabulous. And you come together and make this incredible show. There's so many women that you're just helping them. And they're seeing themselves in you and they're building your own community.

So I think it's awesome. Thank you. I remember coming to your show and being in your studio, which now it sounds like you're in a new studio. And I was like, one day, Lady Gang will be successful enough that we'll have a room with a sign. And like you also have like new studio. And I was like one day, lady gang will be successful enough that we'll have a room with the sign. And like you also, like, I went just like dildos out so we don't have that. But still do. You gotta sign.

You know, it's pretty cool. Like, I think you have paved the way, you know, for women and podcasting and being so authentic and so real. And every time we talk to you, whether you're on our show or we're on your show, I always feel better about myself at the end of it. Like you should be so proud of yourself and what you've accomplished. And I'm like, oh my God, I've listened to you on other shows

and I always feel less mean to myself. I don't know how I describe that. It's amazing. Thank you. It's very true. You guys are the best. Thank you. Thank you for being here. How can people find you? At thelady very true. You guys are the best. Thank you.

Thank you for being here. How can people find you? At theLadyGang.com. Do your things. Yeah, at theLadyGang.com. New episodes every Tuesday and Thursday of the podcast. We also have clothing coming. And so that's all in theLadyGang.com.

And then our book, Act Like a Lady is Available Wherever You Get Your Books. Congratulations on your book. Thank you. You're welcome. Okay. Well, thank you. This was awesome. Thank you. Thank you. Okay. Well, thank you. This was awesome. Thank you. Thank you. So fun. Wow.

Be right back after this quick word from our sponsors. Let's talk to Shavan 40 in California. Hey, Shavan, what's going on? Hi, Emily. Thank you for taking my call. Of course, how can I help you? One of my partner is penetrating me like, vaginally with a penis.

I feel like it's tearing my anus a little bit. Like I always feel like just a slight little pain as if it's like a little paper cut is going on. Oh, okay. Sure, like what? Isn't your anus? So what's your anus. It's not your vulva or your vagina. Yeah. Okay. Have you ever had this before? I have. Yeah. I think it's just like when I have a partner that's kind of like resting powerfully. I guess like just. Oh no. Maybe it's like because my late

because usually if you like it probably happens more so when I'm like in a mystery Or like I'm on a bottom. I think it's more Comments in that makes sense Yeah, no, yeah, because I do like that permission otherwise Okay, well are you using any loop? Now, is this a partner that you've been with for a while? I'm just for a few months. Okay.

What happened before? It's happened before with another partner as well. Is he big? Is he larger in size? Pain is wise? Well, yeah, I get larger. Okay. Well, there's a few reasons for this.

It's just what we're talking about as pain. It feels like it's your aim. It might be around there, but for women, a lot of women have pain during sex. And there's a lot of different factors. It could be physical, it could be psychological. There's just a lot of things going on, but I would recommend using a lot of lube

and I would also recommend figuring out, did you ever have anything happen to you sexually? Like, has this been going on your whole life since you've been sexual or was it just the last few years? Um, you know what? I think it's been the last few years. Okay.

Yeah. And it's like, it goes away pretty fast, like probably within, I don't know, maybe like two days or something. Oh gosh, that's not fast. Two days. You have pain for two days. Well, I would recommend. Yeah, but just like light, it's like, it it's like if I have a paper kit, it's something

like when I pee, if it happens like drip down there, like it sings a little bit. Heavy, okay, what's out like there is some tearing maybe or something. Do you ever check? Do you ever take a mirror and look? Are there any bumps? Are there any rashes, any tears? No, I probably shouldn't try that. Yeah, I would go see your guy and acologist and I would get your hormones checked because for many women, then you said you're 40. So menopause, paramanopause starts in your mid-30s. And so what that means for women with menopause and paramanopause is that we start to lose estrogen

every year. And as a result of our diminishing hormones, we can have more pain. And so what can change is you can go see a gynecologist, you can get tested, you can go see a hormonal placement doctor. Sometimes our modern day gynecologists don't have some of the best solutions, but they could give you like an estrogen pass, it could be loss of estrogen typically. And it's sort of like an aching, a burning, a throbbing, a ripping sensation. Now, women of pain at all ages during sex. If you were in your 20s, I might say that it's something called vaginismus or vulvidinia.

Vaginismus is when there's pain entering the vagina, and then vulvidinia is external more on the outside during penetration. But I believe that that's what it's definitely the outside for sure. Okay. Yeah, that's what I think it is. And it happens during, you know, intercourse. And so what you can do is I would definitely go to your gynecologist and get checked. What was the time you went for a checkup? Because maybe you have an infection. You could have a UTI. You could have some other STI that can lead to patients.

Because it's only just like right after sex, like immediately after and then I could probably take a good day or a good day. That would be it. But that could be it. That could be it that it's still painful after. I don't want you to, you don't have to live for two days, two minutes with pain.

Women don't have to live with pain. We think because we're like, oh well, I have to get birth, I have to get my period. I'm as well as a pain during sex. No. Shavon, you don't have to have pain during sex have to get my period. I'm as well as a pain during sex. No. Shavon, you don't have to have pain during sex. That is not your future.

That is not your lot in life to have pain. I don't have to be illicit because I know. No. I'm just thinking like, well, it's just a part of it. I'm so glad you called. I'm so glad you called. I'm so glad you called. I'm so glad you called.

I'm so glad you called. I'm so glad you called. I'm so glad you called. I'm so glad you called. I'm so glad you called. I'm so glad you called. to use more lube because that's only that'll help with them. You really didn't help. Okay. So because lube is a great thing. Maybe there's tearing, but I would say make appointment with your kind of college is get all the tests, get your hormones tax, get your STD texts, do everything and have her do a have her do an exam. What was it you said it was called again, the one that's a more external one?

That's called vulva diniya. Vulva and then diniya. Yeah, vulva diniya and the other one is vaginismus Yeah, vulva diniya VULVO dy NIA and and I'm telling you there's a lot of different reasons, but if you're not happy with your what she says You know go see someone else or he There's public floor physical therapists that are just about you. You're vulva feeling good, okay? Okay, thank you.

Yeah, all right, of course, Shabban, this is gonna help you and help so many people. All right, keep it posted. I got you. Okay, I love this. Okay, thank you. Thanks for calling. I mean, listen, you guys,

80% of women experience pain during sex at some point in their life, 80%. And those women, guess what they do? They don't seek help. They just sort of, well, yeah, we'll just have pain for two days. She's like, it doesn't last very long, two days. So for two days, Shavan is walking around with pain, and I'm telling you, the majority of vaginal pain we can solve it.

Well if you go to see a pelvic floor physical therapist, which is something that's becoming a lot more common these days, just like you go for your physical therapist, if you hurt your back or you're, you know, I hurt my knee every week to a physical therapist, which is something that's becoming a lot more common these days, just like you go for your physical therapist, if you hurt your back or you're, you know, I hurt my knee every week to a physical therapist, you go to see them about your vagina, and they give you dilators, and they work with you to release the pain. And it happens very quickly.

You're not going for the rest of your life. You could just be going for a few weeks, and they give you exercises, and they help you expand your pleasure potential. Yay! Yay, happy with ginas. Okay, I love this one. I can never have this conversation too much. Mandy is from Mandy. I recently started listening to your podcast on my huge fan. I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year now and sex is okay,

but I fake my orgasm basically every time. He never really does any kind of oral with me, but I have for him because he and I like doing it. I finally told him I need some kind of pre-game before we get started because sometimes I'm not even wet when we start. He told me early on in our relationship while we were sexting that he's not a fan of going down. It turned me off, but I didn't question question at the time. Fast forward a year and some change later, he's never gone down on me once. My type of orgasm is from clitol stimulation. He rarely fingers me or goes down on me. Great guy, we have a great connection. Sex game needs help. How do I bring it up to him without hurting his ego? You know what's, I gotta take Deepa out there

because she's probably 20, 19. And this could have been written 20 years ago, 30 years, this five minutes ago, this is the challenge that so many people don't understand when we don't know anything about sex and we start having sex, these kind of dynamics happen. And I don't want when we don't know anything about sex and we start having sex, these kind of dynamics happen.

And I don't want that to happen to so many more women that he says he's not a fan of going down. To me, that is a deal breaker, but I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt that he probably doesn't know how he probably hasn't before. He might have heard it was, you know, people love to say things about the vagina that are not that healthy or helpful. And so I would just say that, yeah, you've been with them for over a year, girl. You've been faking orgasms for a year. He's never gone down to you and he's getting a lot of blow jobs.

Now, I'd like to chalk it up to the fact that he just doesn't know about female pleasure, although he said he wasn't a fan of going down. So I'm going to say that where he's at in his life is being in matured. I'm not sure that you're going to be able, Mandy, change the course of this relationship or not. But I wouldn't worry about bringing it up to him without bruising his ego. Maybe his ego needs to be checked. And you could tell him how important it is for you to also experience orgasms, even though you to also experience orgasms.

Even though you've been faking it, I don't know, might not be a bad time to come clean and say, I gotta be honest with you, I'm not really having orgasms. Or I make this noise because I think it's gonna leave me to orgasm, but most of the time I don't, and we gotta work on my orgasm right now. You could even say, tell me, I know you told me once that you weren't into oral. Can you tell me more about that? Did you have about experience? Do you know what it's, what to do?

Do you think that maybe I don't want to have oral? Cause I do. And see how I respond. You know, he might not be educated, but I believe that a partner that's going to treat you well is going to hear a request from his girlfriend that this is what I require To be turned on Aroused and orgasm would say oh wow. Thank you for telling me. Oh, I'm so glad that you felt

Brave enough and open enough to share that with me I can't wait to figure out all the ways to bring you pleasure. Instead, what he's saying is not going to go down. I'm just going to take in the low jobs until they run out and he's not investing it yet. And that's how you get your partner on board. I think if you say it in a way to your partner, you have a request for your partner that's not accusatory. It's not blaming.

It's not shaming. How man, he shouldn't do it to say, you never go down on me. You told me that you didn't like it, but can't you tell that I need it? He won't hear anything. But if you say it this way, you know, I need to come clean with you that I've actually been doing some exploring on my own through masturbation and I've learned that this is what I actually need in this sexual relationship that we've been in for a year.

And I thought I should express my needs. What do you say? Any questions? Is there anything I could do to help, you know, maybe I could show you what I like, or even with his fingers, he's not using his fingers either. The other thing is he's doing the old jackhammer. My recommendation is to have this conversation,

not worry about his ego, but do it in a kind, loving, open, curious, accepting, calm way. See where you go from there. I think that's a conversation we should all have tonight with our partners. Or tomorrow, what do you need in the bedroom? What aren't you getting an ask for it? But if you don't know this, it's confusing,

and this was my hunch is that this is still going on in the world. So that's why I think maybe he's a little bit younger. So this, I'm going to say any age, any relationship you're in, your partner will benefit from this kind of feedback, no matter what the gender, if you do it in a loving kind way that is to serve not only yourself, but them and others. Okay, I really wanted to read this email because it brought me joy. Jim 54 in Colorado.

I love your show. Thanks for all the great information. I am 54, my wife is 45 and she is amazing. She can orgasm in many different ways, orally by hand, by penetration, nipple gasms, even when we're petting. It's a great feeling knowing she can go so many different ways.

And she's multi orgasmic. Many times I've lost count after 20 orgasms. It's incredible and so sexy. Now for our question. She's a squirter. We're both faithful about emptying our bladders before sex. So we know her discharge isn't urine. Plus, there is no color or odor. Yet she can soak

three to four towels each session. Where is it all coming from? It's like the flood of Noah down there. Loving our sex lives in Colorado. How about that? This is the question everybody wants to know what is female ejaculation, is it real, is it urine, is it something else? What happens during a rousal? The skin's glands, which is in your pelvic floor. When you get a roused and the blood's flowing, they open up, they expand. And by expanding, they're able to hold more fluids. And the fluid secretion is coming from the pressure,

but it doesn't mean that it's pee. It just means that it's all really closely related. It's mostly prostate enzyme. So if you look at what comes out of the prostate, if you look at the prostate, it's very similar. And so it might have a little bit of urine in it because it exfells through the urethra. So that's like a pump.

It fills up. It's like you're pumping, pumping, you're penetrating, penetrating, penis going in or toy or whatever. This whole area is getting so filled up because she's a roused, right? So this whole area next to the urethra is filling up a dixthiccabloon, expanding without this fluid, and then it squirts out. And it might have traces of urine because it's exiting through your urethra where you pee. I believe that every woman can try a squirt and can have if

you have a strong pelvic floor and you are applying pressure to this particular area and you're open to squirting and you are someone who is not holding back sexually and you can kind of release. Because the thing about is that if there's a release, there's like a, it's almost like what's responsible release, there's like a, so it almost like what's responsible for orgasm when we're too uptight and we're worried, we're not gonna orgasm. So if you feel free and you feel open sexually

and you feel like, I think that it's a practice, but most women can learn to squirt if they are open to trying, but it's not gonna, it might not just take one time, but it's a lot of internal g-spot simulation. Some women have a lot, some people have a little bit, it's different for every single woman. And let me just say what this one one thing is that it doesn't necessarily mean that it's an orgasm.

Women can expel fluid and sound an orgasm. People you should think that if a woman ejaculates, it's like she has urinary incontinence, but it's not that. I say we're not trying it. That's it for today's episode. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review wherever you listen to podcasts and share this with a friend or a partner.

Believe me, if you got something out of this, they will too. We released two to three episodes a week, find me an Instagram, YouTube, Facebook, and Twitter. It's all at Sex with Emily. If you want to ask me a question about sex dating or relationships, you can email me feedback at sexwithemily.com or sexwithemily.com slash Ask Emily. And check out my website. We have so many articles on there helping you better sex.

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