Sex With Emily - Orgasm Facts & Threesome Hacks

Episode Date: November 21, 2018

On today’s show, Emily taking your calls and giving you some facts and tips that may just surprise you. She reveals a few facts about orgasms that – if you didn’t know before – you’ll be glad you know now, the benefits of talking about sex with your friends – believe me, how to find a third that will be down for a MMF Threesome, and ways to break a very meticulous sex routine. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Magic Wand, DeoDoc, Uberlube & Apex Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily For even more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit: sexwithemily.com Check out even more Sex With Emily on SiriusXMStars 109 Mon-Fri 5-7pm PST! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm taking your calls and give you some facts and tips that may just surprise you. Topics include facts about orgasms that if you didn't know before, you'll be glad you know now. The benefits of talking about sex with your friends, believe me, it works and it helps your sex life. How to find a third that will be down for an MFF, three-some or male, male, female and ways to break a very meticulous sex routine. All this and more, thanks for listening. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions Betrubized they call them in a fight on day Hey, Avaline, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute Hey, girls got everything? Oh my!

The women know about shrinkage Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean like laundry? It's drinks? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here, I'm so drunk Being bad feels pretty good You know, Avaline's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, check out sexwithemily.com. You can check us out everywhere you listen to podcasts. We love when you comment, subscribe, on iTunes, and follow us on all social media at Sex with Emily Cross the board.

Also, very exciting you guys. I'm on serious XM radio. Channel is stars 109. And I am there, Monday to Friday, 5 PM to 7 PM, Pacific 8 to 10 Eastern. And it's been so fun you guys. It's a dream come true. And I get to reach so many more of you helping you with your sex and relationship questions and challenges.

So go check it out if you don't have serious sex and you should probably get it. Alright guys so we're going to get into sex in the news, I'm going to be answering your calls today which I love that but first I just wanted to share something that happened to me this weekend. Let me know if you can relate. So Ben, my boyfriend, has been mentioning a few times. He's like, can you just dress up babe? Like if you've launched your essay, they'd be so hot and sexy. And I gotta be honest, I have not made the effort lately at all.

I mean, I'm human. I'm just like you. I want to dress up and do something sexy. But if you just come over or watch a movie, you know, so much easier to wear sweats at the end of the day. But I knew that we were going out that night and I thought to myself, like, this is the night I'm going to put on these lingerie and the garters, that whole thing, because that's what I have and that's what he likes, and I'm going to do it. I was so lucky because my stylist's friend was over. My friend is about, and she was over and she, I my guess what, I'm gonna dress up like I said,

but I gotta put these garters on, because we're going to a movie, I wanna put it under my clothes, and she's like, well, I'm like, but I can never clip those goddamn little garters into the pantyhose, and she's like, oh, I used to style playboy models. Let me help you, which, how far to it is that?

So we go in my room, and she's like, you guys, this is them. You should have a friend come with you next time, you're trying to put this stuff on, because she was like, wear them up. She was like, give me little tips of like, how to wear the bottoms, how to like, judge my boobs up. And then she was like, here's how we clipped the pantyhose in into the garters which they'd never looked so straight and so perfect. And then I was like, okay, we're going to go to a movie. I'm going to throw

on some, you know, jeans and some boots. And, you know, I some boots and I felt sexy, I felt really good, I hadn't worn this stuff in a while and the doorbell rings and he was running late and he's like, you know what, babe? I think you should just, why don't you slip in something, slip on some sweats and let's go watch TV in my house because we didn't have as much time.

So then I like, show up, I go in my room and I'm like, under this, he's like, let's go, we want to go back to his house and get you started reading. I'm like, oh my god, what do I do? Like, I've got these garters, you guys know, it's the panio, so I've got like feet stick, I put the panio sticking out from the bottom of my jeans and if I'm thinking I could put on sweats, but then that's weird, like sweats and tennis shoes and panioes, like that's not sexy, but I just did it because I like to be comfortable.

I threw my sweats, I threw my pantyhose, I strut over to his house with them and we get there and we sit on his couch and we start talking and we get into this whole relationship talk and it was intense and it was long and I start to sweat because I am wearing sweat pants with pantyhose underneath it. But I'm also sweating because I'm wearing my tennis shoes and I don't sweat because I am wearing sweat pants with pantyhose underneath it. But I'm also sweating because I'm wearing my tennis shoes and I don't wanna take them off and have just my black feet sticking out with the pantyhose on them, that's not hot, that's anti-hot,

that's like why are you wearing pantyhose? Like this is very strange, like do you work in politics? When I worked in politics, they made your pantyhose like what the hell, not sexy. So then we're talking and he's like, you work in politics? When I worked in politics, they made your panels like, what the hell, not sexy? So then we're talking and he's like, you should take your shoes off. So I take my shoes off, but I like, I tuck my feet underneath my stomach, sitting on them.

And then we end up, you guys, here's the worst part, we don't, we don't even end up having sex. But when we start to get in bed, I start taking my clothes and he's like, that's what you were wearing. He's like, you been wearing that all night and you didn't tell me. I'm like, yeah, babe, sorry, I guess we shouldn't try to have the tuck. So I don't know, he was cool. I made the effort in the morning we had sex. It's all good.

But I'm glad that I did it even though everything was working against me because I'd finally made the effort. I'd taken the time to do it, and I'm wearing goddamn sweatpants and I'm stuck on the couch. So the good news is that he was like cool, I was saying he wanted and he thanked me. He was like, I'm like, he's like, I'm really thank you for making it again the morning. So not even in that moment, he was like,

I know that's been the thing, and thank you for making the effort. So I guess it is the thought that counts. But the other thing I wanna to tell you as a reminder is that you guys we really should just put in the effort with your partner. I know it's so comfortable. It's so easy just to be comfortable

and put on your old t-shirt and your sweats. But what I realize is that that also doesn't make us feel sexy. It doesn't make me feel sexy. You always do wearing the same goddamn thing. So I think that, you know, taking a moment and thinking like, what's like one thing I could do differently tonight or this week? And it doesn't have to be dressing up.

It could be just initiating sex. It could just be like wearing something that makes you feel cool. I mean, the garter things I don't recommend, because that's a pain. But like, it could be dinner and oral on the side for dessert. Just anything, anything, anything to make it, a little extra spicy and not lazy. So this is for men and for women.

I'm here to say it works. Okay, guys, so that's what happened to me this weekend. But let's talk about what's happening in the world of sex in the news. So here's some interesting orgasm facts that may surprise you. I think we all, you know, understand orgasms in the sense of like, we know when we have one and we like orgasms, I never mind who I was like, I hate having orgasms. But here's some things I just wanna remind you of,

you might not know some of these, and then there's a few in here that I think you're gonna be like, oh my god, Emily, thank you. So first thing, let me remind you, for women you guys, external clitorial stimulation is almost always needed to have an orgasm and in the years I've been doing this many times I tell a woman this or guys like really what about the internal orgasm? I'm like no we require Clidolestimulation always to get turned on even to have our orgasms during and of course it helps so much to be

to get us turned on and to have us in the mood. But here's what I thought was an interesting fact as well. Studies have shown that the location of the clitoris has an impact and whether or not you'll have an orgasm during intercourse. So if the clitoris is less than 2.5 centimeters from the vaginal opening, you may be able to have an orgasm during intercourse.

So if you want to know what this means, it's like the length of a thumb, 2.5 centimeters. And for most women, nearly all, this is just not how it's laid out. So it's actually, I usually think of just some lucky women that were like, oh yeah, I had an orgasm right away, but it's actually the way our anatomy is laid out. It doesn't mean you're not going to have an orgasm. It just means that it might not be as easy and you're definitely going to need to use some fingers and move around in different ways because a lot of women who think they're having internal orgasms, it's usually they could just be rubbing their clitoris on their partner's

penis. Like when you're having sex and you're on top, a lot of times it's just that you're getting that friction or whether you're, you know, you could be rubbing on your partner's pubic bone during intercourse. And that just means your clitoris is simply closer to where you're thrusting. So that's just some little clitorial facts there that pay attention to external stimulation. The other thing is orgasms happen in a lot of different ways, and this is going to change for a lot of women.

So some happen in small short waves, Like not everyone has a volcanic eruption, and we all orgasm differently. And some have waves of orgasms, or smaller, shorter orgasms, and those all count as orgasms. Okay, let's talk about G-spot orgasms. They are real, it's a thing, and not everyone's gonna have them.

So in scientific terms, when you're stimulating that area The G-spire actually stimulating the internal apex of the clip So some of them may just want internal stimulation alone, but most need a combo of internal and external Also you guys you must know this that orgasm is highly controlled by the brain The brain is our largest sex organ and so it plays a really big role in sex. So it's not just the clitoris, it's not just where your G spot is, it's what's going on in your head.

So the more that we're thinking about sex, or we keep sex top of mind, or we use fantasy to get us turned on, which is totally cool. It's actually a great way to kind of stay in the mood. It's gonna have an impact, and when you're not having orgasms and you're having anxiety during sex, that's also your brain.

So brain functioning and you're during sex. And when you think about it about arousal, like it all plays a part in it. So we're all just different. The best thing we can do is to learn to kind of stay in the moment during sex and focus on our pleasure and not all the things stressing us out. I think we put a lot of pressure on orgasm. I'd love you guys to think about sex, not in the linear fashion.

Orgasm should not be seen as the goal of intercourse, but rather like, great, if it happens. But if not, remember that it's still pleasurable to have sex with our partner, to connect intimately. So even if you don't have an orgasm, it doesn't mean that the sex doesn't count. And there's also other ways to get off. So if you're like, Emily, that's a ball of rouse. And just because I didn't have my orgasm during intercourse, I want to have it.

Well, I think you should. If it doesn't happen during intercourse, which by the way, doesn't happen for most women, why not get at your vibrator after? Why not have your partner finish you off or you finish yourself off? But the point is I just want you to think about the pressure, like that it has to happen if it doesn't happen sex failed. You get to define what good sex means to you. And it's not necessarily all about the orgasm. And then finally, just to reiterate this, you guys, every orgasm actually is literal. It's still based on your clitoris. All your rod new sounds are connected to the clitoris and the brain. If you have a nipple orgasm, it's connected to the same centers of the clitoris that are responsible for orgasm.

So it all sends brain signals to the clit. Think that the clitoris is like the epicenter of everything. And the orgasm is kind of like the earthquake surrounding your epicenter that is your clitoris. So now you know your clitoris better. Go pay attention to it. All those nerve-riding want your love. I promise you. Okay guys the next one I like this because the surprising benefits of talking about sex with friends. So I was always that friend who was talking to my friends about sex. Once I realized I was having bad sex I actually turned to my friends in college and said to them, what is the deal with sex? You guys I'm not enjoying it My boyfriend is kind of pounding away like I like making out with him

I'm not so much in an intercourse and it was my best girlfriends who are still my friends to this day who are like Wait, Emily, wait, you've never had an orgasm, you've never masturbated and I hadn't. So that's really how I started to learn a lot about sex and I've never stopped talking about it since. But what I realized is that there's a lot of women and guys who just don't feel comfortable talking about sex with your friends. So the new study in the Journal of Health shows that it's actually really helpful and it tends to boost their sexual self-esteem.

They're more confident about how they express themselves and perform in bed when they talk to their partner about sex. They feel more confident, they protect their sexual health. So these are big benefits, you guys. So really, it's just like, the reason you're not talking about it is because most of us don't talk about it. In fact, this might be the first time you've ever heard someone actually talking about sex in this way. But when you open that up with a friend and you say, you know what, how is your sex life going? Or let's talk about this thing that happened to me last night, you might be the one that breaks the ice, but I promise you most your friends or your good friends, they're going to get the friends that are interested are

going to jump on board. And that can really be a helpful way for not only for you to bond with your friends, because I feel like my girlfriend's not when we just go there, it definitely kind of peels back a lot of the layers that it might have been making things more uncomfortable and we just, you know, we become even closer. So I think you practice with your girlfriends and then you can also bring it into your own relationship. So talking to our friends, you know, it's really just going to help us kind of get information, feel more confident, and compare and know it's because think about it. We, I think a lot of us doubt like what we're having is, isn't normal, am I okay? And I think talking

your friends, you're gonna get some validation, and you're gonna know that what's going on with you, you know, your friends might have had some of very similar experiences. So that's another benefit. It's also huge because once you get comfortable with this, it's going to be a whole lot easier to talk to your partner about sex as well. I can't hear enough about all your sex lives. Like I want to hear from everybody, but I think just think about it next time you're out for Girls Night. Be the one that brings it up.

I promise you you're going to have our guys night. You're going to have an interesting conversation. You're going to learn a lot. It's going to benefit you and your relationship. We're going to take a quick break when I come back. We're going to get into your calls. Thanks for supporting our sponsors. Okay, we are back. And now we're going to get into your calls. God, I love these shows. I love

answering your questions. It's why I do what I do. So if you have a question you want answered on the show, just text Ask Emily all one word to 7979 or go to my website, sexualtheme.com, click the Ask Emily tab and always include your name, your age, where you live and how you listen to the show. Okay, we have David, he's 40 from Philadelphia and his wife seems to have lost sexual traction to him. Hey David, tell me what's going on. Thanks for calling in. Hey Emily, thanks for taking my call.

Of course. Yeah, so we've been married for 14 years now and for the last probably seven years, since we had kids, things have been kind of going sideways a little bit, you know, definitely had sex fairly regularly, but we had communication issues and things kind of, you know, went downhill over the years. I think a lot of it had to do with jobs and kids and all the other stuff around that. And then, so we started seeing a therapist earlier this summer and feeling like we're really moving forward with stuff

But during our therapy, I've found out that my wife had been Unfaithful a couple of times over that exact same period and so it was that was really tough to get through and Feel like we're we're kind of moving forward now And I think she's very remorseful about that. And I've accepted it. You know, we have some trust issues, but we're trying to move forward.

And we're a lot closer and communicating better, but she does not have the feelings for me to want to go back to being intimate. And I'm struggling with it. So yeah. OK, so let me make, OK, so thank you for that. want to go back to being in a bit and i'm struggling with it so yeah okay so let me let me get a good thank you for that so i'm trying to understand so when you said that the affair happened

you said during the therapy or during the last seven years since you've had kids and things haven't been as great no during the therapy so i think she had started you know kind of basically started chatting with guys before we went into therapy and we went into therapy and i think she never really stopped and to hear her explain it she kind of felt like she could keep those two things separate until she figured out

kind of what was going on with us and then i figured it out and now i think she's committed to trying to make it work but for for her, there's a big block. Okay, well wait, first of all, how long do this happen, the therapy, and the funny out? Like a month, six months? The therapy started four months ago, and I found out two months ago.

Okay, okay. So just know, first of all, that when you probably know from listening to this show, that when someone cheats, rebuilding trust takes a lot of time. So I'm so glad that you guys are in therapy. I feel like I want you to give yourself some compassion here and some, like to understand that it probably has been hard and that that would hurt to think that you guys are going

to therapy and that this happened. Because your question is asking about her and how she's reacting to you. And I just want to make sure, first of all, that you've actually, you know, have felt this. Like I've known that it doesn't feel great. The news is still very soon that it just happened and that I think that the therapy needs to go to kind of talking about rebuilding it and like what actually really have. I'm just wondering if you've all the information because it's true that couples who typically can get past us

and through this, they kind of have to, for many couples, it's helpful to reveal everything that happened. So I'm wondering if she did that in therapy. Like, if you have all the details. Yeah, I don't know. I think she's been honest. And I don't think it was like a real affair.

I think she hooked up with a guy two times. OK, got it. I think it was, I don't think she's been honest and I don't think it was like a real affair. I think she hooked up with a guy two times. Okay. I think it was, I don't think she's trying to start a relationship with this guy. He's married. No, I know. I'm just saying the fact that she did it is going to set you back as well. Because I'm hearing about her attraction and I'm just checking in with you. So that's just, you know, it sounds like she wants to make it work and you're both there in the same door.

But I'm just saying that's very fresh. It's very fresh that you found this out, you know, after being there for 14 years. Yeah, definitely. So and then when she's saying that she really wants to work on it, so what happens when you try to get intimate? Do you think that she might be feeling, you know, I doubt that it's sexual attraction. Like I don't think that she's not into and she doesn't love you and she's going to therapy, but there could be like do think she feels guilt about the cheating do think that she's You know she might need some more time. Do you think anything's going on with her?

I don't know like is she taking any medications as she's been depressed before like, you know She might just not be in the mood which happens a lot for women like what is she telling you what is she saying to you i'm just not in the mood and the story or like what's the word she putting around it yeah i think she um i think she got to the place where she wanted to have the affair because she felt like she wasn't getting what she needed out of our relationship. And I think she saw that we started working on it and I made a lot of changes when we started

going to therapy. I think she had already gone down the path. And now I think she's in the place where she said a few times, I just need to be true to myself. And I need to trust that things really are different, and they're going to stay different before I can kind of get back those feelings that I don't have right now.

Right. How was your sex life before, like when you guys first met? Oh, it was great when we first met and for the first four or five years, it was awesome. Okay. And you got to come. And then things, you know, kids work, family, and things change.

And really when we had kids is when everything just kind of, not sideways, but it wasn't the way it was. And I think sex became, we both kind of enjoyed it, but it was, I think, both, we never communicated much about it and kind of you know i don't think we were asking for what we wanted and neither of us so neither of us felt like we were fulfilled and rather than kind of waking up and doing about something about it together i think um it took this crisis to kind of say now we do need to really communicate about this

okay so have you. Okay, so here's what I'm thinking. I feel like I understand the whole picture. Now I feel like you two need to take your regular sex off the table, like your intercourse or however you guys do it, their routine you've been doing. And I like, you kind of got to stoke that early chemistry that you had when you met. So maybe it's just some more like fun dates or like making out and just kind of massage or doing things that are kind of new to you guys, but still intimate and reconnecting.

Even it's for a week and you're like, let's just start small, like give her a massage, she gives you a massage. Like, I don't, you know, or maybe like, I don't know, like what? Yeah, you know, it's funny. Yeah. We're not, um, we are really close. Like, this has happened. We spend a lot of time together.

We've always gone on a lot of dates. It's not like we're living separate lives. Right, okay. And we, you know, we give each other a lot of some massages. We're, you know, we kiss and hug when we're saying goodbye. Okay, so you're into it still in that way. Yeah, yeah, but there's like this block with her about I don't I can't have sex with you until I feel like I'm 100% there.

Well, what does that mean? I think you have to ask her how she's going to know when she's there because I'm wondering to me, I don't know what that means. Like when she's there emotionally and she feels what? Because the truth is you don't just and it could happen when she wakes up. She's like, I'm ready today, but I feel like there needs to be maybe more talking about what you both want, section, like it's kind of time just to have a clean slate.

And maybe it's time to talk about fantasies or masturbation or things that really turn you guys on to help get there. Because I don't know, if she said to you, like, this is what this means, I need another month of therapy or I need some more time feeling good in my body, or I, you know,

because I don't know what that means. Yeah, no, it's a good question. I'm not sure she knows or I know at this point. I think she's going through, so she's going to turn 40 in June. And so I think she's going through kind of like a midlife crisis where she doesn't know, you know, I think she's questioning a lot of stuff in her life. Right. She doesn't know, I think she's questioning a lot of stuff in her life. I think that's part of it. I made a big change when we started going to therapy, not that I was ever a bad person,

but I wasn't listening to what she needed. I think I started doing that. I think she still today is like, I don't know if this is real, I don't know if these changes are going to last. OK, so this sounds really good to you. So I get it now. I get the 14 years you've been together, and now you've actually doing the changes,

which is always amazing when you were someone and you see them change. So I think that's, I mean, first of all, kudos to you because it's so not easy to change our patterns, especially in long-term relationship. So I think that's great. So now it sounds like she's like, oh wow, this is really happening.

So maybe you just need a little bit more time right now. And I think that maybe if you guys are still going to therapy, have you talked about your sex life in therapy yet? Oh yeah. Yeah, this part of it. Okay. Well, it sounds like you're doing all the right things. You're in therapy, you're talking about your sex life.

You've made changes, she's got a process, it, is it real? And I think you can never talk about this too much unless it becomes super annoying to both of you. I think like your sex life part of it and what feels attractive to her, like I sounds like she wants to come around and she will. But I doesn't, nothing you're saying sounds like it's about not having a sexual attraction to you. I don't think that's what it is. Unless there's, you know, I think that maybe there's some more questions to ask. Like is she masturbating?

Is she connected to her body? Like I get like turning 40 and all that stuff can be challenging, but I mean, it takes two of you to work on it together. So I think that if she's on her own saying, I'll let you know when I feel it, like that's not fair to you either. So I think some kind of plan where you guys

decide to come together and talk about it in a really healthy way. Yeah, yeah. And try something new. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, but I think you're going to get there. Like keep up with what you're doing and just keep talking. Keep saying the things that you think you can't say because you know that's intimacy. Like you know you guys are probably having conversations right now that are blowing your mind.

Like wow, and then it brings you closer together. So I think you need to do that same thing with your sex life. I think you need to ask her more. Like what does that mean and how can I help with that? You know, like there's no pressure or take your time but I need to know what that means so you know her plan. Yep, yeah okay. Okay. Stick with the therapy though. It's amazing. All right. I will. Okay, David. Thank you. Good luck to you guys. Stick with it and I think you're doing great work. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you, Mark. Thanks David. Thanks for calling in. You guys, it's true. When you're with someone for a while and then all of a sudden, like they actually make those changes that you wanted, but you've been so set in your anger, you're like, I kind of liked that my partner wasn't delivering. Like, you know, I actually should have helped you listen to this

because the truth is, help David list this because the truth is, hope to able to listen, because the truth is, it's like 14 years together and then in the last four months, your partner's asking how your day was and bringing you presents and giving you messages or whatever it was that you wanted

and then you're like, oh my God, is this real? It takes some time to get to know your partner again, but I think it's great. And I think this is a great lesson for people to know that you actually can change. Your partner can change and a lot of it does start with really good couples therapy. Find a good therapist.

If you've been together for a long time, I'm just going to say you need some therapy. It helps everyone. Alright, we have Alexandra. She's 30 from Florida and she wants to know about sex swings. Hey, Alexandra. Hey Emily, how's it going? I'm so good. Thanks for calling in. So you want to know about sex swings?

Yes. So I've been interested in them previously. The only thing is that I'm 5'11 athletic. And when I look at putting them on the doors, I'm kind of like, ooh, that seems kind of flingy. Also, my boyfriend is 6-2 in athletics, so that could kind of, you know, cause the problem. And then also having kind of something suspended from my feeling, I'm not really sure how I'm feeling about. And I had a girlfriend and she's like, yeah, I kind of would take them

or leave them. So I was wondering, kind of your input on it. Well, okay, these are really good. These are really good. Actually, Jamie, my producer, he just talked to, she just used the door, this weekend. She's like, I just used a sex swing. I'm like, okay, let's talk about it. She used the sport sheets door jam sex sling

that actually goes over your door, but I'm hearing what you're saying now about your both being tall, but I think it could work on a sturdy door, right, James? Talk about your experience. Yeah, so if you don't mind, so I just use this that one and it's funny because before you definitely want to set it up before you're going to get intimate, just so that you don't have to do it in the moment because it kind of takes some time.

So it does secure in the door and you can pull on it. Like if you want to test it too, like when you pull on it, like I like put all my weight on it and I pulled on it really hard to make sure that it secure nothing ripped, everything was fine. And I didn't feel like I was gonna fall out of it. I wasn't scared. Also you, I mean, you're taller than I am by a few inches.

You can adjust it though. So what you want to do first before you, it seems kind of technical, but you want to adjust it and you can adjust it for your proper height to get into it. And then you want to just kind of like kind of practice hump in a sense so that you know that you're at like the right level for penetration. So I wouldn't with this one, especially when you put your feet into these, I guess they're not ropes, but these things that come down. And you're able to completely like legs fully out, and then you have handles for your hands.

So when you're sitting in it like that, you actually feel very, very secure. It's, to me, it wasn't flimsy. You just want to make sure that you're in a door that's not like a loose door, if that makes sense. Do you have a door in your house where even when it's closed all the way, you can't jiggle it really? My house was built in the 50s, so not really. Maybe the front door, yeah. Yeah, so you can do it on the front door. Something like that. Yeah, so you can do it on the front door. Yeah, so you can do it on the front door. You don't have to worry about neighbors seeing it from the other side.

It's just going to be these small little weights at the front that aren't going to be like right at the crease of the door. So you're not going to have to worry about that. So the front door might be good. The only reason why I say that is just because it's a little sturdier door. It's sturdier and it's just a little loud if the door is jiggly. But if that's not something that you care about and if you live in a house and not in apartments, see if I live in an apartment, so that's why I was just thinking about it.

With roommates, and they heard you're jiggly door. So I'm just thinking the whole time, I'm like they're hearing all of this happening. And so it was hard for me to focus, but it actually felt really good. And it was fun to use it. So if you have a house or you don't have roommates and you don't have to worry about that, and you can put it on your front door, I think that would be something to try.

And it's not very expensive. Yeah, so that's the one from Sportsheets. But when you're talking right now, it's called the Sportsheets Door Jam. And it's like 30, 40 bucks. For extra, I was googling this because I know you're both tall. Like for extra support, I found one. It's called My Secret Luxury Sex Swing

and that's 120 bucks. But it says if you wanna make sure you're not gonna break something while trying this out, a sturdy swing built for support is way to go. And I think it looks like it maybe hangs from the ceiling and it can hold up to 400 pounds. So. So I think that's the ceiling one because I did some research on it and I was looking at

Adam and Eve and there's a couple other sex doors around and I was like well all of the reviews were kind of misleading so I think Emily would just be able to handle this one for me. I feel like the sport cheats one really is the best now one. It goes over the door so it's a lot easier so you're not like living with something drilling to your ceiling like when your parents come over for dinner like what's that sex way? I know I have a coughs already and I really like them. You have oh the c- oh from sports sheets perfect The cost of sports sheets. Yeah, yes. I love them too. I have Monday my bed. They're great So the underbed restraint. So yeah, try this. I think you're gonna like it

So yeah, that's what I recommend great. I want to hear all about it. And now I'm inspired and I want to go do it. I never go. I'm going to grab one from the office. Yeah, okay, I love this. Have fun with it. Let us know what happens. Just be safe. All right, thanks so much.

Appreciate it. I think you have a great night. Thanks, Alexander. Bye. See, every day you guys, I get inspired. I'm inspired by Jamie using a sex wing because Alexander called in about it and I think I have one that I've never used. So now I think adventure. I don't know if I do though.

Now you do. We used, we made a video a while ago called what every brings on a date at your house. Oh, and the sex swings at my house. Yes. I just, okay, it's probably in the garage. And that's someone took it. I'm very excited. Okay. So anyway, thanks for inspiration, you guys. And I still every day. I'm like, oh yeah. You and Ben are going to be like, Ben is going to love this ex-swing.

Yeah, I love this idea. Okay, so thank you for that, you guys. And I'm telling you, these little tiny things you do, whether you're bringing a loop for the first time or a sex swing, they all will help you guys connect. And it'll be something that you remember, that you keep talking about no matter what happens, it might never be the best sex of your life. I promise you, it's a new adventure. And something to keep reminiscing about.

Because a lot of sex is like that, you guys. We like to go back to the hot things that we did and we want to keep inspiring each other. So thank you for all that inspiration. All right, we have Eric. He's 52 from Arizona and he wants to break out of his sexual routine with his wife. Hey, Eric. I am really how you are.

I'm good. So tell me what's going on. Thanks for calling. Absolutely. So I kind of had a different problem, probably than most folks. We've been married for roughly 30 years. And about, I would say about three years ago,

we went to actually like a sex therapy couples retreat. Right. And we really got a lot of good information about communication and I learned a lot about kind of what makes my wife tick in the bedroom, what she specifically needs. And so we worked a lot on kind of coming up with a conformial, that's either kind of what works for her. She loves massages.

She has a rechargeable one. That's kind of her favorite toy. So we go through that. We introduced the foria. Oh, good. The Arctic to shoot. Yeah. Oh, we love that.

Oh, foria is amazing. We love that. Yeah. Good. That's a pre-lobe that you put on me for sex. She puts it over. Great. I, good. That's a prelude that you like put on me for sex. Yeah, she puts it up great. I love it. Okay. And so and and kind of her formula is that, you know, after that, after the massage and the wand and the for you, she prefers like that I would rub my dick on her labia and she would kind of get, she would keep using the one. And in many cases, she can work as in that way.

Okay. And at some point in time, she will, she will take my dick to insert into her and we'll continue that way. She enjoys that. Sometimes she can double, so she can have multiples. If we, you know, kind of we're doing the formula right.

Right. My problem kind of gets to be the point of, I'm so focused on kind of what works in the formula that if nothing is kind of working for me. I have delayed, maybe delayed ejaculation, so it sometimes it takes me 45 minutes or an hour to finish. Okay. And that becomes a problematic because, you know, by that time she's kind of finished. She's, and she becomes maybe irritated or she becomes, it becomes uncomfortable. So I'm willing to kind of figure is there a way that I can, can kind of play on the same communications to help her and maybe if there's something that we could do a little different or spice things up a little differently, that could help me kind of finish. Yeah, absolutely.

A little nutty with her. Yeah, no, okay, this is a great, and you're right, we don't offer this a really good question because I think, you know, a lot of couples do they get into a routine and, first of all, I love that you went to a retreat and you figured out what works. Like, right, because I was soon like 30 years, like you might not have known this before, but now we know her. And so what about Eric? And absolutely, you can figure out what makes you,

what will feel good to you. And so I bet your wife would love that, right? I mean, I would think she'd be down with your finding out your routine. Yeah, and listening to your podcast, I kind of mentioned like, well, if there's something that I wanted, I kind of wanted to like maybe mention, hey, here's something that I thought about trying what, you know, what would you like to try?

It's kind of doing a trade-off. Kind of the problem we run into just because some family of origin issues that she has, she doesn't like to try a lot of like different things. So she's not specifically, she's not willing to like give oral. That's not kind of her thing. She does it, but it's much more of, she's not very enthusiastic than does it. She's used to love receiving it. But lately, that's not kind of her thing. She has to be in a really specific mood, maybe for that to be the situation. So we tried maybe a little porn.

I mentioned to her maybe we could try something anal, I love it, certainly anal sex, because that might be problematic for her, but maybe you're rimming or maybe your prostate play. Yeah, I was gonna say, like try like one of the eneros prostate toys are great. I mean, yeah, I think that there's so many different ways and you could use that, you could simulate yourself with that. That's a great one to use or even how doctor bestow makes this toy the pulse for men, pulse three. It's like a masturbation sleeve,

but it's like a vibrator, but it actually, it feels amazing, like target your frenulum. So these might be really cool, and there's also the duo that you could wear during sex, so it kind of has an outward motion, the pulse duo. So there are some toys that would be cool for you. For sure, if you've never tried prostate play, I think you might really like that, and that could be a fun thing for you. Like before, a few years ago, before this retreat, are there things that you were doing then that you kind of missed and you'd like to bring back?

Like is there time to incorporate those things into your sex life again? Well, I mean, she was always... She wanted to think she actually was receptive to, was like toys. And so, like I said, we have the one. She used to have like a variety of deal does and she would, we would use those kind of as a, you know, it was, it was kind of fun for me and it was fun for her. It was one other thing we could play with. That kind of, maybe a few years ago, that kind of wasn't, she just didn't, she didn't respond to them. Maybe like she used to.

Right. It wasn't like a big thing for her. I still love playing with them per. But it wasn't like she was getting as much out of them. Right. So I'm wondering if, and I know that, you know, women's bodies change as men. Yeah. So I'm wondering if like the octopus, is that something that I could wear while I'm doing kind of the rubbing on the outside of her maybe? Yes, that's why it's so perfect for you.

It's called the pulse duo and it's just, you gotta just look it up, big griter website, look at it. It's so cool because it's, yeah, it's like a sleeve and you could, that's the thing, it's rubbing and it sounds like this is exactly which, so there's an outside vibrator and then there's an inside that's going to be on your frend your underside of your penis, which feels amazing. Like I keep saying I get to my boyfriend and he literally is like, oh my god, I cannot believe this toy. It's amazing. So I feel like that could help you with a calculation, but she could also rub on it. Like it's just not for penetration, but

she could rub her clitoris on it and it sounds like it'd be doing the same thing that the wand's doing. And then you'd also be getting stimulated and then it might, you might come to you, you'd ejaculate a little sooner. Okay. So that could be something fun. It sounds like you like toys. Like I would get some aneros, I'd get some lube, I'd get some uber lube because uber lube is great for any anal play.

It comes in a pump, it's a really cool jar, glass jar, and I would just try to like, yeah, order some things like that. And then also really just think about it. If there's something that you would want you to try that you don't to bring in, but it sounds like toys could be a great place to start. Because I can understand a routine

just being routine. Everything becomes routine, you know, especially with sex. So I like that idea of you trying some new things. And it seems like you've put a lot of love and attention on your wife and now it's time for you. OK, well, thank you very much for your help.

I love you too. Welcome. Thank you. Thank you so much for calling. I appreciate it. I appreciate you letting me know. Thank you so much for calling. I appreciate it. I appreciate you. Let me know. Thank you so much. Have a great night. Bye, Eric. Thanks. You guys, do you hear this 30 years of marriage and they're still working on it.

They're still just finding three years ago another routine that works. I hope you guys are using this as inspiration, whether you've been with someone for three months, 50 years, you always make sex a priority and be figuring out ways to keep it interesting, keep it spicy and keep talking about it. And that's the only way it's going to happen. So I found this really inspiring and sometimes it could just be a new, new, new, new toy. You know, some dirty talk,

like little tiny things make huge differences in your sex life. We've Sanders and Elizabeth, 26 from Salt Lake City and the looking for advice finding a male third for male penetration involving a female male male threesome. I am so excited I could talk to both of you and we'll start with Elizabeth. Hey Elizabeth. Hi Emily. How are you? I'm so good. I'm excited to hear what's going on with you guys and how I can help. Yes, so I know that you guys talked about the app field on your podcast.

Yep, we've actually signed up for that and so far so good. Okay, good. So you're still looking to find other people then. Have you tried FET life? We have not gotten on FET life yet, but since we've been on field, we're kind of actually wondering if you could give us some tips on safety, like how to just be safe in the kind of encounters. Yeah, that's a really great question. I mean, the most safe way to do, the safest thing you could do is to obviously use condoms for everything.

Like every time you switch, like if you're having sex with a guy and then he penetrates your partner, like you need just to have a bring a bucket load of condoms, okay? So that's the most important thing. Now if you want to, I mean every time you switch locations like with the penis, like more condoms, you could also use a dental dam too, if you wanted for going down on you, if you wanted to avoid any like mouth germs or anything that could happen or mouth infections, you know, from one mouth to your vulva, that vagina that could happen. And I think just talking honestly and openly, I mean, there are people who have their results

on the ready. Like they might just say, yeah, here they are, I can show you. So, but I think asking if people are safe, is a great, is a good way to start and letting them know that you take it seriously, like you guys be the ones to say, like, we won't do this without condoms.

And is that what you mean about sexual safety or just safety in general? But I think for sexual safety, it's, yeah, it's condoms. And I also say that it's just good to kind of meet this person beforehand, maybe for coffee, or like not guaranteeing anything yet, because chemistry is an interesting thing, right? Like you just gotta know if you're both on board,

and this is a whole new venture for you guys. So I would say just meet out with them somewhere neutral, have a drink, see how it goes, and then maybe plan your night. Yeah, right on. Yeah, I love this though, and then maybe plan your night. Yeah, right on. Yeah, I love this though. And you're down with it. You're down with your partner with your guy at your boyfriend,

being penetrated by a man. Yeah, yeah. I mean, he early on in our relationship, he expressed to me that it was something that he had always fantasized about, you know, you talk about fantasies and being open about your fantasies with your partner. And I was like, well, let's make this work. But I didn't really have to make it work. Right.

Well, you're such a good, you know, with really, like, I love this. I love that you're like, you were cool with it, right? Like, you mean, yeah, yeah, you're like, I want, I want it to be happy. I want it to be pleased. So, so did you get to ask for what you wanted? Um, yeah, I mean, I am open. I don't, like, I don't really identify myself as bisexual, but I'm not, like, I mean, I am open. I don't really identify myself as bisexual, but I guess what they call hetero flexible, you know. I don't just pick one. I'm just open to all sorts of experience.

So the fact that he opened it up to me being interested in male penetration, I was like, well, that's great because I don't think that sex should just be limited to male female partners. Yeah. I hear you. I think that's really great forward thinking and I love that you guys are communicating about this. So I think that's how you be safe and then I keep checking the apps, FetLife field, meet ups, you know, you're in Salt Lake City and that's sure, like, you know, look for a different, there's like a sex toy store, like a really cool one. They might have some information for you, but I think you're going to find someone. And just pay attention, you guys should go, you know, confirm, make sure you feel good about them,

and then you have to let me know what happens. Excellent. Yeah, definitely. Okay, cool. Did Sanders have any questions? Or he's just standing by? Excellent. Yes, definitely. Okay. Cool. Did Sanders have any questions? Or he's just standing by? He was standing by. You talked to him, you know? Well, I feel like you guys got this.

Has he ever, first of all, my other question, though, has he practiced with anything going inside of his anus? Has he used toys or has he used fingers or have you guys done anything yet? That he's felt it before. Yeah, um, he upon your recommendation, he actually got one of the divers and that has been wonderful. Awesome. Keep on getting him an interest product because Christmas is coming up here soon. He's been plugging those new ones. Yes, the trident collection. Yeah, they're amazing. I want to love that he loved the diver. Okay, this is good.

I love this. Okay. He uses the diver on his own often, and then we've done it together, just like the two of us, you know, and that's kind of where he's like, I wish there was someone here, a physical person here, you know,

because like I can use the diver, but it's hard for me to find where it's supposed to go. I know. It really is. The prostate can be trickier. That's why it's good for guys to kind of figure it out on their own. Like maybe with some help if you're there, but you know, it's worth it, but it might

take a little, you know, a little more patience and time, so with our own body. So that's really cool. Okay. I love it. Good. Sounds like you guys are doing all the right things. Well, you helped us so much. It wasn't your podcast is, I don't know, amazing. It's not the right word for it. Oh, thank you. That makes me feel really good. I'm so glad it's working for you guys. Well, keep listening and keep sharing. I

actually want to hear what happens here. I love the story and I love that you're so open and honest with each other. Sounds really healthy. Yeah, so. Well definitely keep out did because we're always listening to wait for someone who's kind of like experienced what we're looking for and. Right, okay, I'm going to put it out there. I would love someone to call and to show her emails if you've had this experience. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, let us know. There you go. I will let you know. Okay. Thank you so much for listening and I'm so glad it's all working for you. Thanks. Elizabeth, have a great night. Thanks a lot. Bye. Okay, guys, I like this call. We can help out if anyone's been in this situation where two men and a woman, that would be cool. And I like that she was open to pleasing her partner. And I think that I that not saying everyone, but for a lot of you, you might be surprised

at what a long-term loving partner or partner that you trust and you've been with might be a little more receptive to your fantasies than you think, especially if they've been listening to sex with Emily. I feel like you all have been listening to the show, and this just warms my heart so much to hear how much you guys have learned, and that you guys are realizing

that being honest and open and taking some risks in the bedroom is totally worth it. And you're going to get your fantasies met. So I love that. And also, I love these try not to prostate toy up. So I think that there's been some inspiration here for men to kind of check out their prostate and to see how good that piece about orgasm feels. I would recommend a Nero's toys. I'd also recommend the Black Pearl by Vibratex

is another quote of vibrating prostate toy. So great call. Thank you so much guys. Okay guys, that was fun. So remember you guys check me out on serious XM radio. The channel's called Stars 109, five days a week, Monday through Friday, five to seven PM for more sex talk.

It's still called Sex with Family. So if you're on a commute, you live on these coasts, it's 8-10. Call in. I'm really excited to tell your friends that they've serious. So love that and thank you everyone for listening. Thanks to my amazing team, Ken, Sarah, producer, Jamie, and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com.

back at sexwithemily.com.