Sex With Emily - Orgasm More with Your Pelvic Floor

Episode Date: January 31, 2018

On today’s show, Emily’s talking about the most important sexercise you’re not doing yet, and helping you have the healthiest relationships possible. Emily is joined by Amy Bomberg from In Control, the makers behind the Intensity by Pour Moi, to talk about the significant benefits of pelvic floor health. Plus, she gives her top advice on how to move forward when you’re evolving sexually and your partner’s stuck in the past, the best ways to tease and stimulate ALL the male erogenous zones, and how to recognize when you’re in toxic a friends-with-benefits situation and ways to get out of it. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Intensity, Adam & Eve, JO Jellies, Magic Wand Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm talking about the most important sexercise you're not doing yet and the significant benefits of pelvic floor health. Also answering your sex and relationship questions. Topics include how to have the healthiest relationship possible even if your partner has an STI. Ways to move forward when you're evolving sexually and your partner is still focused on old patterns. The best ways to tease and stimulate all the male orrogynous zones and recognizing when you're in a toxic friends-with-benefit situation

and how to get out of it. All this and more, thanks for listening. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized, they call them in a fight on day. Hey, Avaline, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. It's a lie. The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common, but only? What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here. So, I'm gone. Being bad feels pretty good. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between for more information. Go to sexwithemily.com because it's awesome you guys. It's time to remind you that sexwithemily dot com is a great resource for all of your sex and

Releaseship questions creative Valentine's A ideas and you know things you can do that a little different this year You know not to knock your dinner date your planned dinner date, but if you want something little sexier You'll find it on my site and also you can follow me on all social media, which is at sex with Emily It's Facebook Twitter Instagram snap, all that fun stuff. And specifically this week, you guys, I know that you're gonna wanna follow me, because I can't wait to talk to you on February 6th. I'm doing a Facebook and Instagram live,

three o'clock Pacific, six o'clock Eastern. So get your sex and relationship questions, ready, mark calendars, watch us, and you can send your questions during the Facebook and Instagram live. I'll be talking about some good Valentine's Day gifts, something a little different this year, some fun ideas. Mark calendars, watch us and you can send your questions during the Facebook and Instagram live. I'll be talking about some good Valentine's Day gift, something a little different this year, some fun ideas.

You can also ask me your questions about Valentine's Day. I'm pretty much any sex and relationship questions you've got will be talking live. February 6. Can't wait to see you there at 3 o'clock Pacific. It'll be fun. Oh, also you guys, there's a caller show on February 8. So I'll be taking your calls. So make sure when you send or email me or text me a question before February 8th.

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I'm really excited to have Amy Bombberg here today and she's from in control the company behind the intensity which we've been talking about for a few years now because I met Amy and she told me about this amazing device that was a vibrator and oh it works your kegel muscles, strengthens your pelvic floor and we hit it off and now we've been talking about it on the show for a few years and I'm so thank you for joining us for tonight. You're welcome, thanks for having me.

I'm excited because it is the new year and we've been talking a lot about near-resolutions and making sex resolutions, sex solutions, we've had some fun. Felt to play with that. Like that, liberation. And so I think, you know, the last few weeks we've talked about making commitments to

your partner and communication. And there's a lot of different things you could do, which I thought were good tips. You guys check out the most recent podcast. But today we are going to get into some sexer sizes. I think the most important sexer size for men and for women is to strengthen your pelvic floor and do key-collector sizes. And I know the intensity was huge for me because I started using it when we met. You were just, so when I met Amy,

we met at a hotel lobby. Yes. In LA, a swank lobby. And we instantly ended off, and then she pulled out the devices, and we don't care in our business. We just want people to walk by looking like, what are they doing?

Exactly. But what we were doing is you were giving me the intensity, and I went home and it was part of my new resolutions that year and I used this device which is also yeah, workshop pelvic floor, like I said, and svibrator. So I went home and I did it. You know, I still I always I've been I've always used it and it but it was amazing in just a few weeks of doing it every day.

I made it part of my my routine and it was like you get into it because it was like you really see the differences that I could lie back, my kegels are done for me, and then was a vibrancer. So every day I knew I was getting it and I would do my meditation. It was a really, really worked out. So thank you for that.

It's good to see you again. I haven't seen you in a while. And today I would love to talk about two. We're gonna talk about a new device. But I know that you work closely with pelvic floor specialists around the country. So tell me a little bit about what's been going on and what you're working on right now. But I know that you work closely with pelvic floor specialists around the country. Yes. So tell me about what's been going on and what you're working on right now.

Oh my gosh. You know, pelvic floor health is a personal passion of mine. I think that it involves, you know, the man, the woman, everybody that you need strong pelvic floor muscles to have a stronger, longer, better orgasm, but everybody kind of, we're all individuals, so we all have our individual problems or situations that we're going on, where maybe a strong pelvic floor to help you with bladder leakage or something along that line won't help you, but maybe you have a little bit of pelvic floor pain.

Our product using muscle stimulation can help with that. We have studies going on right now at the Cleveland Clinic. A lot of our devices intensity just being one of them derived from medical devices. So we have a lot of studies at one. We have one at Northwestern for postpartum. A lot of women, six weeks after delivery, need to get their pelvic floor back in order,

because they want to have a fulfilling sex life. They don't want to have to worry about the problems that happen with weak pelvic floor muscles. So the one at Cleveland Clinic is for pelvic floor pain. That is going excellent. All these should be done coming up within the next, I'd say two months. So the intensity and the,

and we're going to talk about the apex today as well, which is very exciting that we can now talk about. Yeah, all the devices have the same thing in common. They all use muscle stimulation. So the same thing that's can now. Well, all the devices have the same thing in common. They all use muscle stimulation. So the same thing that's in our medical device, Apex is going to be in the intensity. It's just the intensity has a vibration and who doesn't want a little extra?

Exactly. We call it with a kick. Exactly. Well, I want to get to that and know how it works. And because I've explained on the show, but I'd love to hear, you know, you can talk about it in the way that people can understand a different way of hearing it.

But let's go back to pain because pain is so prevalent for women during sex. So many women have pain and they, like a lot of things, we just kind of accept as women. We're like, well, it's just part of being a woman, but it doesn't have to be. So even using one of these devices can also have with pain. Sure, I have a really close friend of mine who she had rectal pain after having her baby. She's like, what the heck is going on? She went to her doctor, the doctor said, pelvic floor issues. She's like, put its rectal pain after having her baby. She's like, what the heck is going on? She went to her doctor, the doctor said, pelvic floor issues. She's like, put its rectal pain. But hi, I said, rectal. Are you sure you're a doctor? Yeah, but that's a whole figure eight. It's all one muscle,

so she used the device and it helped her. Can I help with a lot of different cut? Yes. Because sometimes they don't know what it, yes. I don't even, okay, that's amazing. Yeah, and that's where we're waiting for the FDA clearance. This is all, again, weak pelvic floor muscles, prolapses part of that, where a lot of times a woman's uterus or bladder will start falling out. That's a real serious issue.

Even if you're healthy, you exercise. Yeah, you can just have it. And in fact, exercise can kind of exasperate, it can make it happen faster because if you think about high impact exercises, you're pounding the pavement, so to speak. And that muscle that works as a hammock is just a destruction.

Let's talk about what happens to the pelvic floor. Let's just break it down for a minute, because what we're going to get into is the reason why I love this and why we're still talking about this after all these years is because I don't have a lot of time. Not everyone has a lot of time. Not everyone has a lot of time. And I'm the kind of thing. If I hear something that can be like literally,

I know there's no magic bullets in life, but it kind of is. It really is. Like it kind of is. That's why I was so blown away because, you know, before I met you, I've did Kago Camp, I've got my app, and I would do it religiously, but this just, it speeds it up.

It is. 10 minutes and you just find it inside, you put it inside, you put it inside, you read it. And it's done. And it's done. I didn't have to think about doing it like you put it inside you read and it's done And it's done I didn't have to think about doing it right because so many women and men do it wrong and it makes such a huge difference huge difference Like I can't mess us up. Right. Just you do this. So you're like, oh, is that what I was supposed to be squeezing the Right, it teaches you how to do them is now I know that I do them correctly because of my experience with the intensity. Yeah, so let's first talk about let's give

Some of your public for expert. Let's just talk about, let's give some to your pelvic floor expert. Let's just talk about your, the hammock and how it supports the entire pelvic floor. The pelvic floor is made up of several muscle groups. The levator, E and I is the main group that it's a hammock-like structure and that weakens over time. I mean, you can say it's due to childbirth,

due to age, due to being pregnant, due to high impact exercises, whatever the reason being. Living on the planet. Yes. Living, breathing, walking. But over time, those muscles get stretched and sort of like rubber band or a balloon. They just don't always go back to how we want them to over time. And so what we do is take those muscles and tighten them just like anybody that works out. As soon as you start working out, you see the tone of your muscles change. You see the muscles

in your arms change or your legs or hopefully your butt or whatever you're focusing on. And this is that same thing. It's going to tighten and tone and strengthen those muscles, giving you so much more control. And again, the pleasure for your partner, the pleasure for you just triples. Right. So it's pleasure and it's health because that's why I want to emphasize, he's for like oftentimes and I, hey, I'll admit it, I didn't think about doing keg, even though my doctor or even in my 20s, I go see me at OBGYN and she's like, well, do your keg, I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll get to that.

Do you want a traffic light? Yeah, I'm not going to go. I know, that's, I imagine all these women out there, other keg, like, oh, right, exactly. Now they're just texting, but forget even doing your pecs. Don't text and drive. Caggles and drive them cool with that. But the importance of it is for women of all ages and men. But I think today we are focusing a little more

on women, but I just feel like, yeah, it also, in your 20s, if you haven't had orgasms, your organs aren't strong enough, you just want to continue. If you're working on your outer muscles and things that you can see, this is just as important. Yes, absolutely. I wish I did them in my 20 20s because it really does over time to start making a part

of your life and what you're thinking about now. It just doesn't hurt. I mean, Kiggles, I just is important for men. And we do want to address that. We have so many new products coming out within like May, Juneish, you know that. Tell me what's for men. It's a device that will help with their pelvic floor. So obviously our devices are all inserted,

typically vaginally. This one is going to be inserted rectally and it's going to help tighten and tone the pelvic floor because again, it's a figure eight, it's a muscle group, it's important. It is so important. I mean, that's why I love this. OK, so pelvic floor is going to weaken over time. It's just going to.. Okay, so the so pelvic floor, it's gonna weaken over time.

It's just going to. Yes. And so let's go back to how it works using gentle electrosimulation. Yes. We actually had pelvic floor physical therapists who I am a huge proponent of. I wish we could all turn 18, go to one,

learn our pelvic floor, top to bottom. There's so many good ones out there. A lot of them will just educate you to help you. I mean, even how you stand is important for your pelvic floor. So we worked with lots of pelvic floor experts. They have probably 30 to 50 years. They're studying going back using muscle stimulation to help strengthen your pelvic floor muscles.

But you always had to go find these physical therapists that's such a specialty and hard to find and does your insurance cover and what's the copay and And going to visit them and it's it's pretty invasive working with them Typically, I mean they're they're down there doing the stimulation for you So we took that technology we packaged it in a way to be able to have the device inflate That's super super important the inflation portion. It always kind of gets tucked under that our device Oh, I love the inflate. That's super, super important. The inflation portion, it always kind of gets tucked under that our device. Oh, I love the inflate. It's so cool.

But just like men, every woman is shaped a little bit different. So you want to have those contexts snug against a pelvic floor wall. And not only that, it gives you active resistance. So instead of nobody lifts weights and just drops them, you lift them up, you bring them down. That's the same thing.

The inflation causes that active resistance. And even Dr. Kagle, Arnold Kagle himself said, act of resistance is critical. How do you do that if you're just doing a normal Kagle? You can't, there's nothing to resist against. Exactly. That's exactly what it is. So when you insert it, you apply the gel. You apply the gel and insert it and inflate it, and then I like that it's controlled, two different controls. So you can do like me personally, I do the stimulation separately from the vibration. That's just the way I like to do it. Well, it's kind of like you get your reward. Exactly. This is the warm up, and then that's the big. I do it for 10 minutes, and it gets so quickly too, because it feels good to just doing the

having the stimulation. So it just felt at first it's a lot different. It's like what because we don't usually feel muscle stimulation in our vaginas, but it's not a bad unpleasant feeling at all. So I and like for me, you can turn the device. I think we talked about that a long time ago. You can turn it like 90 degrees to get the most comfortable muscle contraction. You really can play around with it, which is kind of neat. So I do the muscle stimulation part five, 10 minutes. I try to do it a couple times a week. I'll forget for a while and then all of a sudden something will come up, I'll get a cold and I'll start coughing.

And I'm like, whoa, right? That's what I, that's for maintenance. I do the same because I think because I was like airtight. Or even, yeah, or even fooling around with my, you know, with my partner, right? They're gets to a point where it's like, I think I need to start using that a little bit more. It just doesn't feel quite the same.

Well, that, never thought that. He's not changing. Exactly, right, right. You're getting smaller, how do you tell you? Blame that man. No, but it's true. It is true that I, I'm so glad. So thank you for creating this.

I mean, I know you were doing the research and helping develop, because it was like, I, I feel like I have a way to just, and it only this. I mean, I know you were doing the research and helping to build it because it was like I I Feel like I have a way to just it only takes like a way Yeah, well that's his name is Buzz pedacord and I have to give the shout out to him the he's invented A lot of different medical devices. So this was one that his mother actually said you want to solve a problem Solve the problem of me getting up in the middle of the night 10 times call the bathroom He's like, okay, mom. So once he did that, the sexual health community came to us and said, you know, like 10 to 20% of women orgasm with this medical device for

incontinence can you help us out? So that's really how intensity came to be. Right. As the medical community is saying, we need help for sexual health. We need something that we can feel really good and strong and confident about recommending, because it's 100% medical grade silicone. health. We need something that we can feel really good and strong and confident about recommending because it's 100% medical grade silicone. Everybody's body conscious these days. Every where you go, it's all about organic and watch what you're putting in your body. It's so it's nice to know that our

our device is all about the body conscious. Exactly. I think it's brilliant. I love it. I've used the intensity. I know now the apex. It's just like the intensity, but out the vibrator. Correct. It is FDA-cliored for the treatment of stress bladder leakage, which is the type of bladder leakage when you laugh cough sneeze, do jumping jacks, do your crossfit, jump on the box. That is called stress and condense. Even though we want to say, no, my mother has incontinence, not me. That's ladies, that's is that is called stress and condense even though we want to say no my mother has incontinence not me that's ladies that's what it is if you

if that whole you know that everybody laughs oh I pee when I laugh don't make me laugh that's that's not good that's not a good thing that's not why laughs are I peed should not be a good thing exactly right and that that happens way too frequently that's what starts to happen. And especially women who have just recently got the trial birth, how soon after can they start using it? You know, we recommend six weeks. That six week check up is usually the go time,

just like with sex. Because the thing is, and I have so many friends, you know, who I'm just like, you have to get this. I like, literally it's like they're present. You know, like they're like, I'm not gonna get you. Oh, no, I had a lady that said, I bought six this year for my friends, honestly. No, we're really, it's the best gift because so what happens is, and I have so, so Oh, I had a lady that said, I bought six this year for my friends. Honestly. No, we're really.

It's the best gift because so what happens is that I have so much so funny, I either have my friends calling me or their husband's calling me saying, well the doctor says it's six weeks, and now she's ready. Why doesn't she want to sex it or why isn't she ready yet? And I just think six weeks for some women maybe,

but I feel like it's more and more like maybe three months. It might be four months. And for the men out there, like you gotta be patient. You know, I'm just different for everybody. There's a lot going on. Absolutely. And for women, they're like the last thing I've time for right now is to sit and do my chaggotri sizes

and they might not be doing the right. So much just confidence in how are you feeling and. Right, there's a lot going on, but exactly. But I feel like that, why this is so great is because after six weeks, you might not want to have sex yet, but this could help you get started on the back to even just having paying attention to that part of your body. Because for women, like, I just, I've got the baby.

I'm exhausted. There's stuff going on. And if you spend time, just even, even if you just can dedicate five minutes a day, I know you're busy, you're 10 and you do it. You're like, oh, you start breathing into the pelvic floor and you're like, oh, yeah, I remember there are sensations here. You start breathing. You start to feel it like right away for women.

And it's just the most efficient way to get your pelvic floor back after pelvic as well. So I know you've like, everybody's worried about doing the setups further, you know, physically getting back in shape. This is just as important. Just as important. Because if you stop, if you're not having sex, you're not feeling, you know, alive down there anymore,

this is like a great way to do it. I'm sure you're gonna have to do it. And after having the baby a lot, it just changes. There's no way it cannot change. So getting to that feeling more like a year old self, as quick as possible, I think is. Exactly. And I feel like it is true that in other countries,

I know I've heard of in France, they like send you home with something, right? Like it's a device like this, they're like, no, you can't, like, here's how to get your baby, but for women, here's how you take care of yourself. We just don't. No, it's not common. I mean, there's some great doctors across the United States that, because there's so much out there now for women.

I mean, they're just besides our products, you're in the industry too, so you're just inundated with all this new stuff, and it's so exciting in these doctors. The good ones are embracing the technologies, and they're checking into them, and you can go to them, and they'll help you with anything. Yeah, so what is the latest in that year? There's the O-shot, there's different types of lasers,

like Genevieve, there's. Let's talk about these. There is a lot of them. I can talk only so much about them, but yeah, there's, I mean, just for being in the industry. Like, yeah, Dr. Rennel's, he's the one that invented the O-shot, and he is, he also has a pre-opish shot, the P-shot. That's using your body's own healing power, basically,

by taking your blood, they spend it out, take your platelets and re-inject it either into the penis or into the vagina. I've been to the classes, I've watched women get it, I've personally gotten it. It's amazing. It really does help with blood flow, it helps with sensation immensely. We were kind of joking a little bit ago that, yes, I was walking down the street like, oh god. Right. But yeah, yeah, I want to take it off. Really, so it's awesome.

People were like, well, give you no shot. I mean, I feel like, we want. Right. But yeah, I want to take it off. Really, that's it. People were like, well, give you no shot. I'm like, I mean, I feel like, we wouldn't hear stuff like that. There's also certain people think, oh well, maybe a plastic, they think about it's like that kind of the more time. It's not about that your vagina is not beautiful because it is, I'm not for anybody

changing the look of the vagina cosmetically. This is about like really doing stuff that wasn't available before the house. No, this is how it's- No, this is how it's- This is to help really doing stuff that wasn't available. No, these are health sessions. This is to help with sexual. Because again, everybody, I'm big into everybody being an individual.

And everybody's problems are a little bit different in what they want and what they desire is different. And I'm a huge advocate for individualality. So in my mind, having all these different options, what a laser might not be something somebody wants, but this O-shot sounds interesting because you understand platelets. I mean, they've been using platelets in wound care

for, I don't know, 20, 30 years. That's just something they use your body's platelets are healing. So it makes sense. It's like, take advantage of what's happening. Right. And then question two, see your doctor, like what you've heard on the show, like ask them and say, what is available to you because they might not know, they might not offer it. They're waiting for the

next patient to come in. And so I just, if you'll have to be smarter about this, they will really just. The cool part is, is ask all the questions. It's, even though all that, you have your lasers, you have the oh shot, you have all of them. I guess I get to be involved with them because all of them do pretty much use our product in conjunction. They're using intensity or apex. So they do, so they're like, whether you're doing the lasers, which is a different kind of thing, but as care, take this home and use it. Yeah, because, you know, Congratulations.

Yeah, success of this because I don't know who else is. We're taking care of the muscles. You know, everybody else, there's tissue issues, there's, you know, just blood issues, blood flow issues, and more on conjunctions. So everybody can get you maybe 80 to 90%, but you combine a lot of these things together and it can get you to 100% of where you want to be. Exactly. Strong pelvic floor.

Okay. Well, Amy, that's just so fun. I'm glad you're in town again. Thank you for coming by and tell me how we can find out more about this. They can go to porma.com slash Emily. They can go through your website. And once you're there, there's a wealth of information, but we have a chat option.

And our chat is actually answered by clinicians. So even if you call in to the number and ask for customer service, you're always going to be talking to a female clinician, which I think is really pretty cool. I mean, even our manufacturing plant, it's all made by women, for women. They're assembling it.

There's pictures on our website showing that it's pretty incredible. It's a great company. I just clicked it. I'm like, oh my God, I need your testimonials too. I was just like, people are like, it's life changing. I can't just remove the testimonials. This is not BS.

And it's every day. I mean, I have relatives. I have so many people. It's impacted. I get to read all testimonials. This is not BS and it's every day. I mean, I have relatives. I have so many people It's impacted. I get to read all the time and why I've been so passionate for so long making sure come on Emily Let's talk about those people need to know when I met with you I was like okay, like I'm in your story was like okay I'm doing it. I went home and that was it like I'm like I get it So I'm so glad that you got that because I want people here from from you. So Amy. Thanks for being here. Thank you This is great information. Happy New Year Happy New Year to you too Happy New Year to you too. Happy new year to you too. Happy new year to you too. Happy new year to you too. Happy new year to you too. Happy new year to you. Happy new year to you too. Happy new year to you. Happy new year to you. Happy new year to you. Happy new year to you. Happy new year to you. Happy new year to you too. Happy new year to you. Happy new year to you. Happy new year to you. Happy new year to you. Happy new year to you. Happy new year to you. Happy new year to you. Happy new year to you. Happy new year to you. Happy new year to you. Happy new year to you. Happy new year to you. Happy new year to you. Happy new year to you. Happy new year to you. Happy new year to you. Happy new year to you. Happy new year to you. Happy new year to you. Happy new year to you. Happy new year to you. Happy new year to you. Happy new year to you. Happy new year to you. Happy new year to you. Happy new year to you. Happy new year to you. Happy new year to you. Happy new year to you. Happy new year to you. Happy new year to you. Happy new year to because I want people here from you. So Amy, thanks for being here. Thank you.

This great information, happy new year. Happy new year to you too. Happy new year to you too. All right. And thanks. Thank you. Hope you guys enjoyed my interview with Amy, and now you realize, oh, I probably should do my caggles

and pay attention to my pelvic floor health. Now just if you want better sex, more gasms. And so I hope you enjoyed that. And now let's give a quick shout out to our sponsors. I love them. I love you all. Thanks for listening. We'll be right back answering your emails.

[♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Now we're on to your emails. If you have a question, you want me to answer on the show. I love that. You can easily text Ask Emily all one word, 279-7979.779. And then you'll receive a short form where you can enter your question and your contact details. And if you want me to call you on a feature show, we can do that. And you can

also submit a question from the sexwithemily.com website via the Ask Emily tab. And as always, include information that helps me help you your gender, your age, where you live and how you listen. And I can't wait to hear from you. This is from T. She's 27 in Oakland, California. Hi Emily, the guy I've been seeing for a few months has general herpes. He doesn't carry the symptoms but he let me know up front. I'm getting closer to the stage where I really want to sleep with him. I usually wait as I've only had sex with one other person. We have crazy chemistry. He's sweet and it's just hot with him, but the STD is in the back of my mind.

I know we can take medication, we can use condoms to lower the risk, and my doctor's advice was to definitely use condoms. I want to know your advice. As someone who may understand what an STD really means as far as consequences for me and your thoughts on the situation, I love your podcast and love you, help. Hey T, I love you, sweetie. Thanks for listening to the podcast and I love that

he was so upfront about this because it's so important for people if you have an SDD, it is not a death sentence. There's a lot of people who have herpes of SDDs and they still go on, have very healthy, satisfying sex life. So I like these of you and I'm glad you asked this question. Because yeah, he can take a daily suppressant. It's an antiviral medication and typically if someone takes that, they will not have outbreaks. Now, some people choose just to take it, have the medication on them at all times. So when they have an outbreak, they can pop a pill, but that still means that, you know, sometimes there's like a pre-upbreak and some people are just carriers and they can't really tell when they're having an outbreak.

So I would just like your doctor said, I would recommend using condoms all the time and also having them take the medication. But here's a thing. I mean, there's a lot of people out there having sex right now who are carriers and don't know it. You can also contract the virus through oral sex, through vaginal, through fingering, through your eyes, through your nose. I mean, there's so many different ways to catch it. So I think the more careful you are and the more precautions you take and the better off you're going to be, I can't guarantee that you're not going to get herpes, but I can tell you that condoms reduce your risk by 30% and an antiviral medication certainly helps. And yeah, the risk is higher because he has it, but also like I said,

there's a lot of people who are carrying certain, you know, SADs and they're, then they just, they don't even know it. So I would say proceed with caution. I like that you're into this guy and continue to talk to him about it and see what he's willing to do. Because I think if he's willing to take the medication, that's a great step forward and just keep talking about it,

but I think you should move forward with caution. So thank you for emailing tea. I appreciate it. The next email is Punita. She's 35 from New York. Hi Emily. I suffer from vaginismus. When I met my now husband, I started to overcommit that sex was still painful. He and I would have sex regularly, but now many years later, he's made it clear that I never seemed like I was into sex and he didn't enjoy having sex with me. We rarely have sex now, and while he's made it clear that he loves me, he's no desire to have sex with me. He basically sees me as a nun. Over the past few years, I've been going through a sexual revolution, listening to your

podcast, masturbating, more watching porn, sexual meditation, but I don't feel comfortable at this point to be openly sexual with him. I'm very self-conscious about initiating because I'm so nervous about the sex being disappointing for him. I've actually said this to my husband and he said, if I have that attitude, we're never going to get anywhere. He's right and I don't know what to do. I feel his attitude towards me is very negative when it comes to anything sexual and I feel like we're stuck and it catches 22 situation. Any advice. Okay, thank you so much Puneeta for this email.

I know that is really challenging to be suffering from vaginismus all those years, just having pain every time you have sex and not knowing why. And so congratulations to you for really taking this on and evolving sexually and listening to podcasts and watching porn and sexual meditation. I love everything that you're doing. So my heart grows out too, because I'm sure you're in this great place

and you feel like you wanted to be sexual and your husband is shut down to it. And that does not feel good at all. I want you to understand that it's not just your responsibility. It takes two to tango. You're both in your relationship. It takes two to tango. You're both in your relationship. You're both having sex, and so you guys have responsibility to each other to work on

the sex. The fact that he said to you, you told him, which I would advise you to do, that you're worried about initiating, because maybe you're not really sure what to do, and you're afraid he's going to reject you. The fact that he said, you know, it's your responsibility if you that attitude we're not gonna get anywhere. And so I don't love his attitude and I think it does sound very negative and it sounds like you aren't a catch 22

and so I think that he has to work on this with you to kind of rewire his brain around your sex life because if that was happening for a long time that you were rejecting it and you didn't want sex, I understand why he's, you know, his walls went up, he thought, I don't want to be rejected. Sex has become this painful thing. So I really think that this is a time where you guys need to see a therapist and really get into this because I don't see how after so many years together, and if he's just shut down to any kind of conversation around like your challenges around initiating

and what you've been through and he's just shut down to it and blaming you. I really think that you're going to need some therapy to help you guys work through this kind of repair the past, heal a lot of the messages that were sent to each other through the rejection through your pain and whatever he's feeling and get to a deeper place where you guys can connect sexually and intimately because I'm not sure. It sounds like you're really trying and he's shutting down with the same answers that he's not open. So if he's not open, I think that it's your responsibility to go see therapists. And if you won't see a therapist, which I think often times in couples, there's one that

wants to, one that doesn't want to, you could also get some help and talk about, get some tips about how to communicate with your husband around this. But I feel like you're doing a lot of the right things here. And unless he's open to kind of being your partner in this, you're going to need to get some help otherwise. But keep going on your revolution, keep going on your journey, and don't be discouraged. Thanks for the email. This is from B43 Los Angeles. Hi Emily, my husband and I have been married for 18 years and together for 22 years.

I'm reaching out because I would love to gift my husband with a prostate orgasm. He's off for it and we've tried, but I fear I made it a little bit more guidance. He deserves to feel the equivalent of what he gives me all the time, a G-Spot orgasm. He's the most amazing lover ever. He's always been extremely giving and may add worships the pussy. I also wanted to thank you for enlightening me in helping me with my own sexuality. This has led to me educating my daughter and her girlfriends on the importance of learning how to embrace and please themselves.

For Christmas, I gifted them all some joe-loob and mini-bullet vibrators. I love this. Oh, and by the way, our sex life has shot through the roof since we discovered you. Our New Year's resolution is the Better Lovers to one another by continuously exploring each other's bodies. Thank you again and continue your amazing work. Be, I love this. I'm so glad that the podcast has helped you with your sex life.

You guys are like this banner couple. I love it. Keep going. And you want to give a piece of it. That is a great gift. And I'm going to assume that he's open to it. I know we don't learn a much about how to stimulate the prostate. I feel like people are just more open now too.

And thank God, men are realizing it doesn't make me gay. There to stimulate the prostate. I feel like people are just more open now to thank God. Men are realizing it doesn't make me gay. There's a lot of pleasure I can have back there and it could be awesome to have a orgasm by stimulating the prostate. So really, just like everything, even listening to the show, it's kind of like looking for the G-spot. You want to make sure that he's aroused, that he's relaxed, maybe you can give him a massage first.

It really helps if he's already turned on, so that helps the whole area engorges and so it can become easier to find the prostate. Make sure that you're going slow, that he's breathing and relaxed, and like I said, hopefully turn on. Maybe he's already had an orgasm, maybe he came up low job, or you had sex,

or he's just turned on. So you want to take a lubricated finger and go slow. It's two inches below the rectum towards the scrotum. So you insert a finger, go slow, like I said, and you should feel a chestnut-sized ball moving the fingers at a com-hither motion, so very similar to the G-spot, towards his navel can stimulate the prostate to the point of orgasm. Now that's an advent, that's like going all the way in. So that's like the actual technical of how you would do that. And again, you've never even been in there to find it.

I don't know if he's explored. So you might just get a finger, a pinky finger in, like half of an inch, and that's totally fine too. So this whole area of exploring, like whenever I'm even giving advice for anal sex, you always want to just, you know, make sure that you are exploring that area without even entering. So the outside of the anal has a lot of nerve endings.

And so that can feel really great to him. So you could just take your finger, make sure, again, hands and nails and everything's clean and trimmed, but you just take your finger and you can rub it on the outside and see if he likes it. Like I said, experiment with the finger. You could also play with toys. We vibe as a new toy called the Virge,

which stimulates a perennium, which is that area beneath the scrotum, between the scrotum and the anus. And so that area, actually, if you push on it, you can indirectly stimulate the prostate. So you might want to get a toy and kind of play with that area. I also recommend the Black Pearl by Vibratex.

That's a great toy to play with. There's also some butt plugs and things you can do, but I think just take it as like a journey, this prostate journey that might not happen the first time, but sounds like you guys have a great communication and great intimacy and connection. Sounds like he's open to it, but you guys are in this together of fighting his prostate.

And I think that is the best present. He's for sure gonna receive all year if not for his entire life. Because if you guys are curious and you've never heard about this, that men, gay or straight, can many men experience a lot of pleasure through stimulating their prostate. Men can have incredible orgasms by stimulating the prostate. Okay. This is fact. And I say, why not? Life's too short and I try. So good luck with that.

And thank you for all the kind words I love that the show has helped you. Be a better lover. And have better sex. This is Charles 25 from Massachusetts. Hi Emily, I have a job that requires special training. It's physical, tactical, mental, and extremely intense. The program pairs you up in groups of two and I'm paired with a female, which is extremely rare as the program is mainly men. My partner is putting in a department and a few weeks ago we got drunk and made out.

She's coming out of a long-term relationship and isn't interested in monogamy. I want monogamy. There's clearly chemistry as we've also cuddled, but we recognize that we work together and live together. Obviously we don't align on monogamy point. What's messing with me is she started seeing another guy and their relationship progressed to the point where he's over all the time. I really like her and we have to be friends for another year because it's intense training last that long, but I'm starting to present the way she treats me. We're very open when it comes to talking about sex and relationships, which makes us very close in our friendship, and we've talked about how we would both be sexually compatible.

I feel like she's using me every day to fulfill her emotional gap and getting her sexual fill from this other guy. It's driving me crazy. I really want to hate her and move on, but we have to work together for a year. What can I do to maintain balance in my work, my living situation, and my feelings, Charles? Okay, Charles, this is a sticky one. I mean, my first thing would say, you've got to get out of that place. You guys got to get another roommate, but I'm not sure if your job is going to allow you guys to switch up apartments, but that doesn't seem everyone is paired with men except for your pair to the woman. If you cannot get out of that situation, this is going to be all on you. So I understand that your

feelings are hurt and your feeling rejected. And you guys hooked up and she said one thing, and now she's doing another, and there's a guy coming over and having sex and that that makes me that would make me jealous. Anybody would be like, oh, why, why, why? And you also feel like she's taking advantage of you by dumping all of her emotional stuff on you or however you put it here, but I totally understand that you feel like she's using you every day, but you're also allowing yourself to be used every day. So you can set boundaries here, Charles. And I think that's going to be your key.

If you can't get out of this living situation, it's going to be all about boundaries. And remember, boundaries take practice. We're not taught how to set boundaries. And that would just mean like telling or letting or know that it's challenging for me to be your main support here when you've got these emotional challenges that you're sharing with me every day. And I'm just, I'm not the person talked about this. I care about you or roommates, but let's keep it at that.

We don't have to be best friends. I mean, you can let her know that I had feelings for you or I really enjoyed her hook up. And it's hard for me to hear you with this guy here every day. It's okay to be honest with her and to let her know in a very kind way, in a very straightforward way, though, that you're feeling her emotional gap while she's getting sex elsewhere that hurts your feelings. So maybe she'll hear that and she'll start to reel herself in and understand you and this might take a few conversations. I'm telling you that this could

just keep building and building over the next year and you guys have another two years together. You said, I think this would be great practice for you to Charles because this will be the first time in your life where you're in a situation that you want to get out of or that isn't that you need to manage and that feels like that you're not in control of it and or you're in a situation that you want to get out of or that isn't, that you need to manage and that feels like that you're not in control of it and that you're not reacting to it in the way you want to. So I think practice being really,

you can even tell her like, I'm not, I really, you know, respect to you, I'm glad we're roommates and maybe it sounds like you really do care about her. And you can leave and let her know, like I care about you and obviously want to be here for you. But I'm finding it challenging to hear about your emotional challenges when I also have this feeling of rejection that we didn't hook up

I mean, I just think that you have nothing to lose here and everything to gain by being honest and open and listening and also listening to what she's saying And again, this might not be one conversation This might be a conversation that you're having a few times But I guarantee that your living situation will be a lot better if you just you know if you're vulnerable You're honest you're open and you tell her exactly what you're feeling right now because I guarantee you even living situation will be a lot better if you just, you know, if you're vulnerable, you're honest, you're open, and you tell her exactly what you're feeling right now. Because I guarantee you, even though it feels like she's trying to hurt you and messing with you, she's not.

And I'm sure she wants you to feel good as well and have a pleasant living situation. So you gotta try it out, Charles. It'll feel really good. All right, those are the emails. That was our show. That was fun. So thanks everyone for listening.

Thank you for subscribing and iTunes reviewing the show. It's all really helpful checking out all of our podcasts. Thanks to my amazing team, Ken, Jamie, our volunteers, Shannon and Jenny, producer, log, and Michael. And thanks everyone for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithamlade.com. .com.