Sex With Emily - Orgasmless in the City

Episode Date: February 18, 2017

So you’re ready to take your sex and dating life to the next level, but need a little help taking that first step? On today’s show, Emily is taking your live calls, dropping the sagest sex and love knowledge to get you headed in the right direction… Should you give your ever-present ex a second chance at love? How can you kick up your Skype-sex game? Need tips to take your orgasms from nonexistent to outrageous? Emily helps callers work through these salient love and sex concerns, and even dishes the dirt on her recent screening of the popular 50 Shades sequel. Want to know what was hot and what’s not? Tune in to this podcast to find out! Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep this podcast FREE: Vibratex, Sportsheets, FT Toys, Promescent and System JO Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm taking your calls and answering all your love and sex questions. Should you give your ex a second chance? Do you have to disclose your virgin status with a new partner? Plus how to proceed with an office crush, tips for spicing up Skype sex, orgasm tricks, and more. Thanks for listening. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, not only? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks? Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here. So, so, so. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. From our information, go to sexwithemlee.com and subscribe.

It's so easy. You subscribe there to our newsletter or social media, the podcast. God, I love when you do that. Subscribe and iTunes. It really helps us. It helps us show. And then you can even review it if you are so inclined. And again, follow us on all social media,

just if you wanna have a good time, you know what you're wasting time with life. I know as we all do scrolling. Has anyone ever noticed that whenever you're in line for anywhere, you could be it, walled rings, you could be it, wherever you are, the grocery store, and everyone's on Facebook are scrolling in-sroom.

It's like not the news, just that. So if you're doing that, you might as well check us out. It's at Sex with Emily Snapchat in Seram Facebook. We're doing a lot of Facebook lives, all that stuff. Twitter, Twitter still relevant. So do that. Hi everyone. Happy few days after Valentine's Day. I hope you all survived. It had a great day and loved yourself most of all. So today we'll be taking some calls. I'm excited to get the callers going in a little bit, but I actually did, this was my Valentine's Day.

I want to tell you about it. Which might seem like a cliche move to a lot of you. To me, it was culturally relevant and also relevant to my career. I went to see 50 shades darker, which is the sequel to 50 Shades of Grey. And I went to Girlfriends, which is a great thing to do. It was lots of couples in a theater, heavily couple dominated, it was funny, because we went to the Grove in LA.

And if you can, I don't know if you've ever been there, but lots of women in tight sequined dresses wearing like six-in-chills, trying to walk on the cobblestone streets of the Amal. It's like an outdoor mall, but there's like these like streets and like little train tracks and stuff. And women were like teetering over, trying to get into the theater.

So that was fun. I was wearing sweats and not sweats, tennis shoes. But that's just me. Just everyone looked like they were in love. And I know a lot of the guys are they were in Valentine's, they love and they were kind of like, okay, baby, I'll go see 50 shades if people get late tonight. But it was interesting because I went with two friends

and one of my friends is she works in advertising and she's cool chick, love her and my other friend also super cool. She's like, gives a ratic massage and they were coming from very different perspectives and we had a drink beforehand or two and then we were going to theater and then my one friend was like, Hey, just so you know, this had an 8% approval rating around tomatoes. So it's going to be really bad. But so we might have to leave my other friend whose idea it was, she was really excited

to see it. So I was like, let's just sit and share. I said, I understand both sides because when a movie sucks no matter what it is, I typically want to leave because I don't see a lot of movies. But I thought let's just go in there. I don't have high expectations like this is going to be like going to win an Oscar. But even just checking out the crowd and getting to the movie to me was like a fun way to spend Valentine's Day.

And I think you all probably know about 50 shades of gray. Whether you loved it or hated it or have issues with it. It has been a cultural phenomenon. And what I've often said, but I still believe, is that the reason why 50 shades, when it came out about five years ago now, the reason why it was so impactful, is because it's not the first piece of erotica

that was ever written, but it was the first piece of erotica that took off like wildfire that was like bestsellerless. Every woman was reading it. And it came out of time when technology perfectly met this bestseller, erotica, because women were able to read it on their Kindle on their, you know, on their, what's called, the ripad,

because no one could see what they were reading. So that was another reason why a lot of people think it was popular as well, because, you know, no one knows what you're doing there on your candle. Anyway, as you all know, it's been extremely popular, very controversial, but when overall, and I still hold this message, the good thing about Fifty Shades of Grey is that it got a lot of women, and they say it's like they call it mommy porn or you know, I picture it's a lot of women who maybe hadn't had a lot of sexual desire lately or just wanted

to be reading about something new or exploring something new sexually, they read that and they're like, wow, I'm really turned on by this. That's really hot. This whole like being dominated by a man for many people, women they'd never even read anything like this before.

And it was just like getting a lot of hot and bothered and they thought, God, maybe I could get, you know, tied up by my husband and this would do it. And so then I think it had a lot of couples perhaps spark a new conversation and think about you know what could we do differently in our relationship and it maybe it you know brought that spark back which is you know what we're all about so that was the good things about it right it's right maybe started a conversation it also you know it wasn't particularly well written, you know, there's a, you know, I

was couldn't believe that and I read the first one. I did not read all three. My mom read all three and was very upset. I didn't read all three. But like in the first one, she's never, you know, it's about this young girl, Anna Staza Staza, Anna Staza of Steel. We'll call her Anna as Christian Gray calls her Anna. Christian Gray is the 27 year old billionaire who moves her into this dominant

submissive relationship. And so the thing is like the first time they've sex she's a virgin of course like a beautiful smart bookish virgin and she has sex the first time they've sex she explodes around him like she's like what does she say in a puddle like I was in a puddle around him Like she's an orgasm like the first time his penis enters her vagina. She explodes She used a lot of the same language over and over again in the book typically the cheek explodes in passion and Wetness and that her cheeks turned crimson Like you think that she could have come up with some other language and like moved it around in the book like you know

Google other words for crimson crimson or like you know other words to other ways to describe orgasm but she didn't but that was the one thing like just to think that the women like just the first time and every time after that she also had an orgasm just so you know that is not realistic that is not a realistic portrayal of sex women having sex for the first time for sure I can tell you that and then also there's been a lot said and I agree about the way a portray is like the dominant submissive relationship. It's really not as accurate as you think. So I don't think that anyone but should be going to learn about how to have that kind of relationship. And in fact, a lot of the stuff that happened was very misleading in the book. But it was

interesting just going into the movie with them. And like on the one side of my friend who was like, already gonna hate the movie, she was like, ugh, like every time something happened, where Christian, so in the second, this is the second version of the book. There's a 50 shades darker, the second book in the second film.

You know, there's things in the movie that you're just like, ugh, really, like, you know, he has a plane, he's a billionaire, he is, you know, he shows up at his home and he's got like $10,000 gowns rating for her in a room and you're thinking, you know, God, is the woman just always gonna go for the rich guy, he's gonna like woo-hoo, woo-hoo with clothes and like flew her there on his private plane,

which he actually flies. You know what I mean? Just all this crazy stuff that you're like, oh yeah, that's what this is about, that the woman just wants a rich man. So, and also there were some things in there, there were also a little bit, there was abusive aspects too,

that I thought didn't send a great message to a lot of young men and women. You know, the idea that like this 20 something billionaires can dominate someone else and all you need is money and good looks and toys. And you could be a good master to a woman and have this great sex. Like that's really misleading. And I think a lot of couples went in and they'd buy the book and they went out and bought some toys. Maybe, you know, some handcuffs and a blindfold.

And they didn't really understand the psychological aspects of BDSM, which is not portrayed at all, especially in the movie, and they could have heard each other emotionally. I think that in the second movie, they did try to show that it was more consensual, and Christian Grey, the dominant, he of show a more submissive, vulnerable side. But again, there were parts where like he shows up at her work like it was a tantrum because her boss is flirting with her.

And he does things just like a dominant just wouldn't do and that you know, she would, but then she would stick up to him, be like, this is my job, I care about my career. So there were ways that she's kind of stood up to him, but it would still felt like there were things that were kind of mentally abusive and sort of not physical abuse,

but just kind of mentally twisted. And also you guys, the US Centers for Disease Control Prevention, they defined it as, there was some like emotional abuse, sexual violence was pervasive throughout, nearly every interaction. So just look out for that stuff. I mean, my concern in watching it was like, are many women going to leave there?

And I actually heard that. That was my favorite part, leaving the movie. There were some dudes behind me going, oh, so you just got to be a billionaire and be good looking to get the check. And so again, that's just my concern. But again, this is like the Cinderella story. This is really no different than thinking like the poor girl is going to marry like the rich guy.

That all said Fifty Shades of Grey. I had a good time by friends. I could look at it. I kind of like the soundtrack. The sex was kind of hot. I have to say, but here's some things that I wanted to just tell you that I thought were hot What was hot and what was not from the sex scenes that we could all learn from, okay? I thought that the spanking scenes were kind of hot. I think that spanking is just, I don't know, the way he did it wasn't too abusive. He was asking if everything was okay, he was checking him with her, so I liked that.

Because in the first book, he doesn't check him with her. So whatever, there was more consent here. He has this scene with Ben-Wallballs that are kind of like the keg-o balls that I always talk about that I wear. But the Ben-Wallballs are the ones that he puts them inside of her. And that's how she puts them in her mouth. And then he sticks them inside her.

And then there's supposed to have these little weights inside. But I wear the ones with weights, but not the ones with the weights you could feel them in your vagina. As you're walking around all night. And they're going to this fancy ball. And she wears them and then he pulls them out when they're like in the bathroom. And like, that's kind of hot. I also thought, this is something they're sitting at the table,

they're at a restaurant and he's like take off your underwear and she's like, what? He's like take off your underwear and she does that and she leans under the table and she hands her panties to him across the table. That's a hot move. I'm not saying for like every couple, every day, but like that's hot because then what happens?

She hands into him and then they're in this crowded elevator and they're standing in the back. like every couple, every day, but like, that's hot because then what happens, she hands it to him and then they're in this crowded elevator and they're standing in the back. They must have been on like the 86 floor because they're in the elevator for like, it seemed like 20 minutes. But, you know, he starts like fondling her and fingering and he's like, don't come

because she almost has an orgasm. All of that is hot. Let's see what else was on there. Spreaderbar. Have you guys ever used a spreaderbar? I know sports sheet sells one. Finally, she says, I want to go back into your red room of pain and he uses this spreaderbar where he puts it on around her ankles

and then spreads her legs so they have to stay spread apart. Got him it. That was a really hot scene. They have sex in the rain. Very cliche. Who has sex in the rain? Like in Seattle, it's freezing, but they made it look hot.

Okay? The parts I didn't think were so hot when he was like, there was one time, he was like, come for me, come for me. And I just think that's so distracting if a guy's like, come for me now. Like, when does that happen? Like, the second you're going to tell me to come, I'm like, definitely not going to come. And if I was already about to come, that could be a coming buzz kill.

And then there was another part where he's like, don't come, don't come when they were in the elevator. And he was trying to turn around and he's like, don't come. And I'm like, I don't know, just bothered me. I'm like, she's about to come, I want to see her come. So what else did I like? I like the balls. I did like the cagaballs, whether those are hot or not. So yeah, that was my Valentine's Day.

I just wanted you guys to know if you've been concerned about the 50 shades of gray, you've wanted to see it. I'd say go in there with an open mind. Could be a good date night, me, then you can end up laughing or have a great sex at the end. It's up to you, but I hope you all had wonderful Valentine's Day. Whether you're single or in a relationship, remember every day, just about love, and it starts with loving yourself, okay, people.

So that's, that's what I'm going to say about that. But Valentine's Day is gone now, and let's move into some sex in the news. Okay, a man blames Uber for recent divorce. A French businessman is suing Uber for $45 million after he says a glitch in the app caused the failure of his marriage and his eventual divorce.

Here's the glitch. Which is questionable. According to this man, a glitch in his Uber app allowed his wife to keep tabs on his location and figure out that he was cheating on her. He previously used his wife's iPhone to use Uber to hail a cab, logged out of his account, but then she continued receiving notifications for his account on her phone.

And guess what? It led to his you know location probably being in some chicks house that he was sleeping with and she found out that he was cheating. So they were able to recreate the glitch on their phones. It doesn't appear to be totally made up, but still the length men will go to an order to avoid responsibility is truly mind-blowing I mean, if you don't want to get caught cheating, you know, maybe you just shouldn't cheat. Or don't share apps. But let's be honest, you guys.

He's suing Uber. If you didn't get caught on Uber, dude, you get caught because your eye cloud popped up on like your iPad and I heard phone. Like you, she would have found out any other way. She would have grabbed your phone when you were in the shower and seen the text you were sending to this check. I mean, there's so many ways that it caught right now

that blaming Uber is super lame. That's all I gotta say about that. Oh, the other thing I'd say about that is it got me thinking about, there are so many people have been cheating since the beginning of time. I don't think that cheating is anything new. I think that we're hearing so much more about cheating now

because you can get caught so so much easier You wouldn't even know your partner can turn on the location devices on your phone and find out Where you're at anytime, so I would I would turn those off if you've ever noticed it like somebody has that like check your Item or what it's called Google it like you go into iPhone and then there's like location devices or GPS or something Yeah, that's just one say So check that and don't cheat. How's that? Okay, we're going to take your calls. I'm going to give a shout out to our sponsors right now.

Thank you so much for supporting them and supporting the show. We love you and we'll be right back with our calls. Okay, everyone, we're into calls. If you have a question you'd like me to answer on the show, that's amazing. Just go to sexandme.com and click on the Ask Emily tab. The form hit submit, that's it.

You can check that you'd like to be called, which this show is all about today that we want to call you and have your question answered live. Also, you can just email your questions. You can also leave us a voicemail. Eight, when I ask SWE1 and also include your gender, your age, where you live and how you listen to the show. Can't wait to hear from you.

Thanks. Okay, our first call we have Kevin, he's 19 from Canada and he wants to know if there's any way to get around sharing his virgin status with a new partner. Hi Kevin. Hi Emily. Thanks for calling in. How can I help you? Tell me a little bit more about what's going on.

Yeah, so I have, I'm like still a virgin obviously as I mentioned in my letter and I run into this problem with guys a lot where they are sort of like intimidated or they don't feel comfortable having sex with a virgin or there's even a foot side where people I feel are like attracted to virginity in a very unheardful, like, impredatory way. So, yeah. And I, so I have often a problem where it's like getting past that with guys and sort of taking the next step because for me, it's like, I'm not in any rush and I don't feel like any sort of pressure, but I just don't feel like it should be a problem for anyone else, especially because I consider myself to be a little bit smarter

about sex and the average like 19 year old. Yeah, I've sort of come from a digital age where I can get a lot of sex education online and for people like you. Okay. Thank you. Yeah. Okay. Well, it sounds like that if you're not under a lot of pressure right now that you, you're

a good judge of character, it sounds like I think you could tell. Like the fact that you already know that you're like, okay, this guy just wanna like fetishize this, or does he just, you know, want to be with me just to, you know, for whatever reason, that I think that you should just wait until you find someone that you're actually comfortable with. I mean, this might tell all versions, you go on the show, or like, you know,

people who are even more concerned about sex, you wanna feel safe, you wanna feel like you actually know the person, so you grow out with them a few times, and I think that you would be able to tell. You know what I mean? Like, you know what their intentions were. And I say, I would just wait until you have a partner that you feel really comfortable with.

Like, you'll know if that was their intention. Because, you know, I mean, is that your main concern that you think, because I think that's true. Like, I go, honestly, I go through the same thing. Like, I was out of friends, I was like, they're like, hey, my like, aren't guys intimidated? Did you like, do guys just go out with you

because they think you'll be like, amazing in bed and sex with Emily or you'll just be a notch on their bedposts? And I'm like, yeah, maybe. But I feel like I get to know them well enough that I'm like, I can tell what your intentions are because I know the questions it has, like I understand and I can feel a guy who's's just like creepy and I'm having no connection with.

Do you know what I'm saying? And I feel like that would be the same for you. That you could find partners that wouldn't be those guys. Mm-hmm. You know, and that, that I really, I love that advice, and I, you know, do like that as long. and I do like that as long, but I sort of mentioned an example of this guy that I was going to talk about, and he had asked me if I had ever sex with the guy before, and I think, and like, because I listened to your show and know that kind of question never really

leads to anything good. And so it took too long thinking of how to respond to him. And he was like, so I guess that means no. It's like, I didn't want to say, like I wasn't sure if saying no would freak him out. And I also didn't want to say yes, I'm light ahead. So what would you do in that situation? Okay, so what I say on my show is that if someone's asking you

about your past, how many people have you slept with? Like what's your sexual history in that way? I say don't answer some of their business, but I think that talking about the fact that your a virgin is perfectly fine. Like I think, I mean, I would tell a guy, were you interested in him that you could say, yeah, I haven't, I'm a virgin.

I don't think anyone should lie. I mean, I think that you should let a person know that you're sleeping with them that you're a virgin. I mean, that's a big deal. I'm sorry, but people right now might just think sex I just want to get over with, but I still think that the first time you've sex, the partner that you wish, know that you're a virgin.

So, yeah, I think that you do, yeah, you're required about it. So obviously, he knew. But I think if you're like, I'm a virgin and I'm waiting for, yeah, I'm going to be with someone that I feel comfortable with, done. Like, no apologies, nothing, like, that's where you're at in your life. We've all been virgins, you know? And I don't think that you should like skip over it and pretend it's not you because I think that would feel really bad. I don't think that you'd feel good about that if he didn't know

Yeah, yeah That's some great advice. I really love it. Oh, thank you. I'm Lee. I love it. Okay, good me too. Thank you Okay, let me know it goes good luck. Just be honest about it. It's cool that part I'm cool with absolutely Have a great day. Good luck. Bye, Kevin. You love your show. Thanks, Kevin. You're awesome.

Okay. Yeah. You guys, that's funny because he's like, I listened to your show and you say this. So you guys all got that, right? That it's like, I think if you're a virgin man, woman, like you just, it's a big moment in your life. And I just think that you want to be the partner who like knows how to care, you know, care for you and your body and your mind and your soul. And they're like, I understand what it's like to be if you're with someone who has already

had sex. But I also think what he was confusing with was talking about your history. No one needs to know how many people and don't reveal your sex number. It's not interesting. It doesn't help you in any way. But yeah, I can't wait to hear what happened with what happened with Kevin. All right. Our next call is with Kay.

She's 26 from New Jersey. And she's feeling frustrated with her sex life. It is looking for tips to help her orgasm more often. Hey Kay, thanks for calling. Hi, Emily. I'm so excited to talk to you. I'm excited to talk to you too. I want to help you with this orgasm-less sex life.

I want to. Yeah, please. Get it on track. So tell me a little bit more about what's going on. So okay, I don't have any problems orgasming myself. Okay. Me and my boyfriend have been together for seven years and I've had many partners before him and I've just never been able to orgasm-doring sex ever. And it only happened with him one time,

and that was when we probably did about 40 minutes of four plays, those very extensive. So that sounds about right. We'll see that every time. But obviously, we're not able to do that every time. So it's kind of, I guess it's more about me getting out of my head, and I just don't know how to do it and I've been trying so hard. Yeah, it sounds like it. It sounds like it's seven years and yeah, no, this is good. So you can definitely orgasm alone when you're masturbating. No problem.

Yeah, no problem at all. And how do you do that? Do you want to actually, for the most part, I'll either use toys, which I actually have the weebib. No, I'll just use that, which I actually have the Wee Vibes. I'll just use that solo. Which one? The touch? I think it's the Wee Vibes 4. Oh, okay. The 4 plus or the, yeah.

Yeah, something like that. Or I'll just do it in the shower with like the shower head. Right. Okay. That's cool. Okay. So you can do it. So usually it's with the toy though, not your hands. Yeah. Okay, which is totally right. So you do realize, K, that you're like most women on the planet.

Yeah. 70% that can't have orgasms with their partner without, you know, tip on the wrong. Like with like the first second time or after seven years, they need to kind of work on this. So nothing's wrong with you. So I think and your partner's probably, yeah, nothing at all. Like I hope you know that. Like this is just like one of the most common common challenges women have because we're told like I was actually just talking about the 50 shades of gray. I'm like the first time she has sex, she has an orgasm, like multiple orgasms every time, right? Did you read it? I'm like, yeah, this is like 20 seconds. Yeah, in 20 seconds. She explodes around him in a puddle of orgasm.

I'm like, oh, lucky you, bitch. So, um, okay, so you're less like a lot of women, including myself. I was not able to orgasm until I worked on it with the partner. So, I think that with your guy, so he's cool with it, right? He obviously knows that you haven't been able to orgasm during sex, during intercourse. Oh, yeah. Okay, and what have you tried using toys with him? I have, and actually we tried to use the Levi together, but I feel like that toy just doesn't,

I don't know, it doesn't fit properly with the both of us. Like, it doesn't work as like a couple toy for me. So, I feel like it doesn't fit correctly for us. I got it, and that's why they just came out with the sink, but I'm not saying you go buy the new toy right now for this, but the Wevibe sink is actually just like the four, but it's a toy that fits now everybody. Like you could twist it and turn it and make it fit. I know the Ford didn't as well.

But have you ever tried just like a literal vibe? Like I was thinking about the Wevibe touch is a great one. That's when you said you had a toy or what's it the great handheld vibe that we've got right now? The we vibe rabbit lay on the rabbit lay on is a great one. Oh, the vibertex wand, the little wand is great. So anyway, I think that it just means that you need more clitorial stimulation during sex and I understand why the four, the four doesn't have enough power, I think, for you to hold on more clitorial stimulation during sex. And I understand why the four, the four doesn't have enough power, I think, for you to hold on your clitorial during sex.

That's just what you need. It sounds to me that you just, you know, no matter what, you know, he could probably warm you up with oral that time that you had sex for four or four, four or five or 40 minutes. What did that include, that four play? The one time that it happened, you mean? Yeah. So we actually did couple of messages.

And he was doing like a lot of teasing. So I had like a blindfold on so that I wasn't able to see whatever he was about to do. And he actually made his own restraints for his bed. So I thought that was amazing. Oh my god. Yeah. I just had an orgasm. was amazing. And God. Yeah. I said no. I was different thing. Right. No. So teasing. Okay. So you

need that. Okay. This is so good. I'm so glad I asked this question. God. Because it sounds like you need that book. Like many people you need that build up and that tension and that was really hot for you where he like touched you and then he kind of pulled back, right? And then he came towards you and then you didn't know what was happening, and he was in control. Exactly. And so, how can we kind of like, I think that incorporate that into your sex life,

or maybe he just, like, it doesn't have to be a whole elaborate, maybe you didn't need the massage before for 10 minutes, but there's some kind of restraint play. I'm not saying every single time, but like, he could just use, you know, also sports sheets makes these great Velcro cuffs. I have on my website that you can just like literally they're ready to go or the underbed restraints, they live under your bed and they're always there like ready to use.

Okay. So that would be one thing, guys. So it sounds like you know what turned you on so many women because the teasing and the build up is a huge part of a rousal. So it sounds like you need some of that. That makes sense. And then having sex with them again, I would try using just like a little, you can use a bullet vibe, like something like you just might need that extra stimulation on your

clitoris just so you know that it can happen. But I think that what he was doing there with the teasing is going to help you. And then the other thing is you can also orgasm in the shower. Have you ever thought of taking a shower with him and using the shower head. So we have a couple times and I don't know if it's just me being self-conscious but I just cannot like pull the shower head down and just like do it myself. I think it's because maybe I've only orgasmed in front of him one time that I'm just so nervous about getting to that point with him and it makes him feel like he's not doing a good job and then I feel horrible. So I keep

telling him it's not 100% like his responsibility that it's like a it's not it is it is but so he even felt did he feel bad in the shower because you didn't orgasm or he just didn't even want to see that like it's sometimes uncomfortable for guys to see women using like a toy or using the shower head because he's like what am I doing? Is that what you're saying? you know he's actually really comfortable with using toys. He actually bought me my first one. Okay. Yeah, so he's totally open to that. But he he won't say anything like if I don't

you know try to like us do don't, you know, try to, I guess, do things myself, but then I feel bad that, you know, that I didn't speak up because I feel like once we're actually getting in, it's been a very quiet and I don't speak up. Right. It's hard to do. Like afterwards. Right. Okay. I think you just got to have that toy by your bed. Have some, Lou, but we definitely tell him how hot you thought the restraints were maybe get some ease. You said he did some

DIY restraints. I would just like to go to our website. We have a store, such as family and you just look up sports sheets or there's a banner on our site. You can click through to their site and see everything. And they're like reasonably priced. They're like felt croutly literally. It's so easy. So maybe a little more more of that. But then also, I would also say mutual masturbation. Have you guys, because you said you're uncomfortable like masturbating little more of that. But then also, I would also say mutual masturbation. Have you guys, because you said you're uncomfortable

like masturbating in front of him, but what if he's masturbating and you're masturbating and you're checking out what he's doing, he's checking you out, or maybe you're just getting into your own body and then you get more comfortable masturbating around him. That could be a good entree into that. So these are a few things you could apply with.

Okay, yeah, I thought about that too, but I think it's just that self-conscious feeling that like I just can't jump ahead and do it. I just can't get out of my own head to stop being so self-conscious. Right. Okay, so getting out of your head is really just, honestly, it's focusing on your breath. So the second you start having those thoughts like, oh my god, I'm not going to come, I'm not going to come because that is can kind of be our cock-bucking-erself orgas orgasm blocking ourselves, is that you go back to your breath, go back to your breath, go back to breathing your breath like really far down to your pelvic floor, like really like like deep breaths and just feeling it because that's where like a lot of our energy

is stored and like pumping like your kegge muscles, if that makes you feel good and just like getting, like the second you have that thought, it's like training the mind to go back to whatever you're feeling in your body. You're like, okay, I'm having that thought. It might not orgasm. And then you go back to your breath and go back to like the sensations in your body. Like if you can keep going back to that, or if there's like a fantasy that you think about when you're masturbating, that could be a really good one too.

Do you have a go-to fantasy? Okay. There's nothing wrong with that. I have to go to, but I can actually just kind of make up scenarios in my head, but I really want to go to. Okay, so if you're able to think of fantasy is a huge part of a rousal for women as well, that I think that, and even if it's not about your partner, like, you don't need to give him play by play, it's not cheating. Whatever comes to mind, if you could just say, if

you're having one of those thoughts, it's not going to happen or self-defeating, go to think about fantasy, think about your breath. Like, anything, the second that comes in your mind, transfer it back to your body or transfer to a fantasy, and then your mind will be on board with the sex more. It's just a training. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That's a really good idea. Yeah. Try that. Okay. Let me know how it goes. I know I'm saying that I really want people to let me know. I want you to have orgasms, but you will. I think it's like you're at the point, seven years. This will happen for you, okay?

Like, you've talked about it, you've got all the tools, you did it once, like, you're so not far from there. So, okay. Okay. Yeah, we've got this. Thanks for calling. Thank you so much for all your advice. Oh, you're welcome, okay.

Have a great day. Thanks. Bye. Bye. Bye. Okay, our next welcome, Kay. Have a great day. Thanks. Bye. Bye. Bye. OK, our next house from William, he's 30 from New York. And he's again to spice up Skype sex, you know, with his traveling wife, which makes so much sense.

Hi, William. Hey, Dan Emily. Good. How are you doing? I'm doing pretty well. OK. So Tommy, what's going on. Your wife's traveling a lot.

So she's traveling a lot, often for months at a time. We're newly wedged, so we're still in the horny, all the time phase. Right. But we have the, you know, we try to get into the Skype sex occasionally. And it's often a little bit weird to get into it. Right. I totally understand that. Okay.

Yeah, because you're like, okay, go. No, you go. I'm not really touching you. Yeah, exactly. Okay. Well, I'm glad you asked,, go. No, you go. I'm not really touching you. Yeah, exactly. Okay. Well, I'm glad you asked because there's a lot of cool things that you could do right now. First of all, technology is amazing. There's some cool vibes. We vibe makes the sink, the rave, and the no vibe. These are three toys they make. I can smell them off for you and stuff, but you use a Bluetooth app and you can actually control it on your phone,

so you're both, you can be watching her and controlling the vibrations while she's using it. If you guys into toys at all. Oh, sure. Okay. That's it. Okay, so these are awesome. I'd say they're raven the Nova, that's for her.

You could, you know, you could be, and the thing is, I always see like four plays start after the last orgasm, especially for you guys, you guys could do four play all day, like you could be texting throughout the day, sending pictures, I'm sure she has a job and she's busy and so are you. But even just to like,

because I think the hardest part for couples and long distance relationship is like, you don't have the intimacy, like you might be talking or you might, but you missed that just like, that physical touch and the intimacy and staying connected And when you talk to them, you're like, how was your day? Would you for lunch? And it just can be like, I don't even know what to talk about anymore So if you can like keep it fresh of mine like send her things like last night was really hot when we were talking and you send her You know snapshots or just a text that gets her mind going and then like I can't wait till we talk later

I want to tell you what I want to do to you and you start like building it up until you talk again So you're kind of like having four play before the Skype sex like digital four play Yeah, and then if you use these in apps like like again like the Raven the Nova are really cool toys The sink is a good toy for when you guys are in the same place But the Raven the Nova you can use your app to like vibrate. Like, you could control it while you're watching her. That could be really cool. The flashlight also has this thing with KiRu where you could use like a flashlight on your penis and she could be using a KiRu like an insert it and you actually feel like you guys are having sex.

That's just technology. So those are some fun things that you could do. I think also for couples, it can be a great way to talk about things that you bucket list sex. Is there anything, maybe you have a fantasy about dressing up or things that you've wanted to wear or things you've wanted her to say. And that sometimes having that, like, having, it's like it's real, but it's not real. When you're not in person, maybe you could have some bucket list Skype sex things that you want to try. Like, come dress as a schoolgirl or maybe she wants to tell you what to do. I don't know, but it could be a great way

for you guys to build up your sexual repertoire and then tell you see each other again. So if, and some people find it easier because there's like this barrier, like you're not really in the same room when they feel like they can be more honest to what they want. Yeah. Have you guys tried any that?

Not exactly. I made a list of stuff I wanted to see. Oh, you did? That's kind of like that. And that, I don't think I'd ever done in real life. Oh, good. No, see this. This guy only thinks.

Did you give it to her yet? Yeah, I did. And did she. A while ago. And she didn't do it. Yeah. Yeah, no, I got it. I got a couple of things off of that list.

Okay. Not a few. That's good. Back now. Okay, got it. So the rest will be for next time. Well, maybe this could be like, well, now she's here for while. So, have you asked her about this, like, what some of her ideas are?

Yeah, you know, we talked about it for a little while and we both, you know, the getting into it was kind of the harder part. We both agreed. We said, one of our things was, we're gonna come up with a way to get into it, maybe a game or whatever. And so I said, oh, I'll ask Emily. And so I'm sorry. Okay, okay, here's the information on the internet,

weirdly. Well, here's the thing, I do what it should do. I mean, you're into you, aren't you, right? Yeah. Go sex, go to like Bay Blan, or one of those cool sex toy stores there, and like go shopping and together,

there's a lot of really fun, like, sex games for couples, where you guys can literally like play games, or you like pull a card and, you know, strip, you know, whatever, like strip, what everything. You don't even like that, like strip this, or strip that, and you just reach out to this questions,

where you actually could make a game out of it. And you could kind of make it fun. And maybe you buy, speak, maybe you've been wanting to see her, like use nipple clamps or maybe she's been wanting. And you could buy things. So it's like a care package that she takes off with her next time. And then you, you know, have like games you can play. And like there's like a lot of things where you could learn about your partner or even just the sex dice that you roll and they're like, do touch here, do that. There's so many things that you could do together and then you know what to kind of expect if you guys go shopping together and talk about it.

Yeah, yeah, I can definitely do that. Okay. Yeah. All right. Will you do that? Awesome. Yeah. Okay, good.

And then check out these toys when you go in the stores because a lot of them have the Bluetooth apps and it's just really cool because you could like be controlling it. She could be controlling it. It's like you're having sex. But I think it could help you. And I think it's kind of in a way, like I know it's probably hard that she's traveling, but I think that the closer you guys get now, it's actually the beginning of your relationship and the fact that you guys are opening up and this will really enhance intimacy and serve you guys throughout your relationship for the rest of

your lives. So I kind of am seeing the flip side good part about this because couples don't do this until they're like in crisis and you're like not in crisis. You're just like, I want to make it really hot while she's traveling. And so I like it. You know what you're going to find out? Cool. Okay.

Cool. All right. Cool. Okay. Good luck, William. Thank you so much, Emily. Okay, cool. Alright. Okay. Good luck. Thank you so much. Sure. Have a good day. Okay, William. Okay, that was cool, you guys. I think that's, yeah, they're newly wedged. Just look at that passion. But I think really, guys, today with technology, I mean, I really want to, I want to date someone now so I can just experiment with all these apps and just do it when they're like, I don't care if they're a few blocks away. I think it's a good time to be in a long business relationship, if you have to be in a long business relationship.

Because you can really keep that sex alive, even if you're not in the same room. You can be thousands of miles away. It's pretty cool. Okay, we've got Tracy. She's 46 from Texas. And once, no, she should give her access to second chance. She's been divorced for five years and she might, her ex wants to have a do over. Hey, Tracy, how you doing? I'm good, Emily, how are you? Good, so good to talk to you. So do you like wise? So the ex wants to come back, tell me everything. Goodness, a really amicable divorce. So we never were out of touch or out of friendship, but he basically, I think our main reason why we split was, he was a widow.

And lost his wife, and I think he always felt during his marriage that he was still during our marriage, like he was still married to her. And emotionally, that was not a good fit, but sexually as well, I think he kind of carried on with me like he did with her, and it just wasn't cutting it. OK, OK. Now, here's my question. How long were you guys married? How long were you guys married? And we were married for five.

OK, OK, you've been divorced for five. You were married for five. Okay, okay, you were divorced. You've been divorced for five. You were married for five. And then how long, what was the space between the time you got married? She died and you got married. But he became a winner. Probably three years between her death and us meeting.

Okay, and then it was a fast courtship, but then we got married probably about a year and a half after we first met. Okay. And then it was a fast courtship, but then we got married probably about a year and a half after we first met. Okay. And so five years. And now, you know, okay, so you say the issues were that he felt like he might not have been over her. Right. Now he says he's not really connected. Right. And now what has he been doing for the last five years? Has he been in therapy? Has he been, what? The Kauai, why would things be different? I think he's kind of one of those proud men

that I don't really go talk in terms of therapy. Why is it like to sit in front of a counselor? However, I think he's talked to guy friends. He's maybe read a little bit. I think his feelings have just kind of settled. He's, you know, his mom, his kids are all kind of like, dead, you know, Tracy was really good. I don't know why, you know, you want him to try to pursue her again? So we kind of got like this This fan club revving them up and feeling like okay, I'm really ready now Well, you're it sounds like it's your fan club Revy now. I love you Your fan club is revving them up

Because you sound great So I'm just curious the here's a thing a lot of times we get back together and ask because we have this like you fork Recall where we tend to remember all the great things about the relationship and for some reason we don't remember all the really bad stuff and so I mean it doesn't think you remember what the problems were but you know what I'm saying like if nothing I guess you could just start dating them for a little bit right now and and and see how it goes have you gone out with them and all for dinner lunch? We have we actually have and we actually live out of town distance, but we have visited each other. But this thing is when I'm with him, I don't feel any,

I don't feel any kind of sexual desire, I don't want to be with him, because when we were together, it was so robotic when I gave feedback about my knees, it was kind of, well, I don't do that. And it's just kind of how it is. And I'm like, oh, no, that's just not how it is. So I think in terms of, you know, thinking, well, that probably is going to be more of the same. Like, I just don't want to go there and then ruin the friendship. No, you're totally right. I don't know how he's learned the last five years to want it.

This sounds like, you know, what is he in four? Is he in his 40s? He was married. I gotta be honest, I've kind of been going through some of the same stuff. This is funny, but with guys, I'm like, they should know by now. Like guys know in their 30s.

They know how to have sex. If they don't, I don't, yeah. Right? No. I don't think he's gonna have gone from robot to like, you know, romantic lover. I'm just not sure how he would have learned those skills, but I'm sure he misses you in the intentions there.

Some guys just can't, they don't take that feedback. They just can't, you know? And so, yeah, I don't know. First writing. Oh, it's still frustrating. I know, so it's, I writing. It's still frustrating. I know. It's so challenging. I understand.

It's so it is. It's so challenging really. And you're like, really? Do I have to be your teacher? How did you not learn this? Do you think, how was he married? You didn't need, and she didn't tell him this. But we all have different desires, you know?

Now, and you said you tried in those five years you were with him to teach him and to talk to him about how you wanted things and he's like, I'm just not into that. So you could let him know really you got nothing to lose here. If you want to have a lunch with him and just say, I've been thinking about it, I love our friendship. I think you're amazing. But one of the big things for me was was sex. And I felt like there was things that I needed sexually that maybe you weren't into. And do you think any of that has changed? You could just ask them. Right. I mean, you can also try, you know, one to... Yeah, it can't hurt. It can't hurt. It can't hurt. It sounds like it can't hurt, but you probably know the answer. Unless he's doing some like serious like sex training the last five years or like had some kind of spiritual breakthrough,

he's probably in the same place, but he just really misses you. And you miss him. Yeah. But unless he's willing to go to some sex coaching, it's going to be exactly the same. That's our field Tracy. I think you're right. Even though it's hard day and not there, you can find what you want. You can find it out. I know. You can. I know. I know. Okay. Thanks Tracy. Yeah, just try. I'm going to get it out there and lose. Be honest, you know. Thank you so much. You're welcome. So much, Emily. Thank you. People have to go work. I love you guys.

Thank you. Love you too. Thanks for listening. Bye. Okay. Take care. Bye, bye. Bye.

I feel like every caller today is like this is exactly, I totally am on the same page. I've had this with memory like can I teach them? Can I be the teacher? And it's frustrating some time. I was actually talking about this with my girlfriends at the 50 shades, pre-50 shades. Maybe we were just like, can you teach a guy?

You know, and my friend was saying, I tried to show him a bed. I tried to show him when we were together in bed. I'd be like, take your hand and put it on my, you know, my breast. He was like, I don't need directions. I mean, there's just some people who don't want to learn or they don't really feel like anything's wrong and they'll find their right partner and you'll find yours. But I think there's nothing wrong with trying and sometimes sex just doesn't there no matter how hard you try.

It's not the right person for you and that's okay. It's okay to walk away. I've done it. I do it. I still do it. I'm doing it now. Okay. Okay.

We have Tony. He's 25 from Chicago trying to date a coworker. Tony is romantically interested in a coworker who just went through a break up and he's looking for advice to navigate the situation. Hi, Tony. Hi, Emily. How are you? I'm great.

Tony, what's going on? A coworker. Soxy coworker. She came in and after two weeks I was really really interested in her. And I told her one night and this is verbatim, I'm just going to call her A. Perfect, totally fine. So I said, A, I really like you. And while I have some reservations about dating a coworker, that is something I'm interested

in. And she came back with, well, she just got out of the three-year relationship, she still lives with the guy, and she's trying to move out, but it's not going so well right now. Okay. And how long has it been now, like you said, two weeks, she, so how long has it been now that she's been in the office with you? Since I saw her, it's been like two months. Oh, she doesn't work with you anymore, you just don't that she's been in the office with you since since i saw her it's been like two months oh she doesn't work with you anymore you just don't see her that much of the

office oh no sorry since i first saw her okay got it so yeah uh... and she still living with the guy yeah like she uh... he even gets or she even gets dropped off in the morning by her by him okay so it doesn't sound like this is this is the time to strike

a relationship with that. Right, I mean there has been things things have happened to my email. Okay, tell me, tell me. Yeah, you update me. Okay, so what I realized that you just needed to be left alone, like romantically, excuse me. So I just, you know, we just talked about anything, everything, whatever came up. I wasn't, I didn't try to be, I didn't try to be romantic ever. You know, I was just talking with someone like I would a normal friend. But after a month, I told her again that I was interested and then I got a maybe from her. So they all made it. Okay. Okay. Upgrade to maybe. yeah. But then come Valentine's Day, yesterday. I was all ready to get her flowers, but I didn't. I thought it would be too much. So instead, there was one day I was razzin' her about,

she has one bandana she wears, and then I told her that it was gross that she had one bandana that she wore for weeks on end. So I got her a couple bandanas and I put those in an envelope that I drew a little broken heart in that had been tied together with rope. And then on the outside of the envelope, I just wrote it is Valentine's Day. So I didn't want it to be prepped. I wanted no pressure.

So she actually, she really liked it. Like I could tell she was like there was just a flurry of emotion, but like every morning we get there and we talk. And like we had only. Yeah, anyway, sorry, that day we were walking back to our area. And then we usually just split up her her area she works is a little bit for mine so uh...

i was walking away and she was she stopped me so i think hey wait and then she gave me a real big hug so that's that something well yeah i mean sounds like she's into you i'm sure but she's a complicated situation so right and you expect for me to yeah no no it doesn't get respectful God. No, no, it's as if you're being respectful of the boundaries, which I appreciate that. I like that you're not making it too. Yeah, you're not being too aggressive, but okay, so what were you gonna say? Now you go.

I forget what I was going to say. We were going to say she hugged you and then it felt good that she something. But she hugged you felt good. You feel like it's progress, maybe in a way, but I also think why she's still living with a guy now. It's been two months. They broke up. Yeah, I'm not sure. I know she's working crazy amounts of overtime. So she's definitely getting and she's starting to talk about looking for apartments more frequently. Right. Okay. for apartments more frequently. Right. Okay.

But I did get a soft yes out of her for taking her to lunch one day. Oh, okay. Well, it sounds like it does. I would just tread lightly. I mean, listen, all the information is there. Like, you don't know. Could you be the rebound guy?

Could she be using you to make him jealous? Could she really have the secret crush on you and she's trying to work it over time so she could be with you? We don't know any of this. So I think that you just have to, I think lunch is great. See how you have a real conversation with her if you can,

about where things stand, but no pressure, you know, be your friend. And I think it's gonna unfold it. I think that more will be revealed with this situation. Like you don't really know yet. I think you're handling it well. I don't think, again, you're not being too interface. I mean, dating co-worker can be tricky, as you know,

because you get together, that it ends, who knows. But it sounds like you're not really a drama guy. And you're, you know, yeah, you're being like a friend. But just be careful, too, you know, because it could be that if it is complicated, you're like, well, I'm trying to move out, but I'm not. I mean, you don't really know what's happening. So I would just kind of just try to keep it more friendship

as long as you can. You know, I don't want you to get hurt. You don't know where that well. We don't know if she's really still sleeping with them. You know I'm saying like women seek attention sometimes for things I've done that. You know, we all do it. So I just would just kind of see what kind of information you get because you guys haven't sat down together one-on-one, right? In a while. Or ever. Oh, we have. Okay, you lunch. Okay, so once in a while we've like got to lunch, but it's just like we have. Okay, you lunch. Okay, so once in a while, we've got to lunch, but it's just like a quick trip to Mariano's,

get some stuff and then come back. Right, Mariano's. So on the way, I'll get lost, so we have a little bit more time in the car. Right, I love it. And the second we, she shows up in the morning, she's got this huge smile on her face when she sees me. I'm sure she has a thing for you. Yeah it's not, you know, we'd never stop talking whenever we're together.

So, and I, yeah, I think because I have a lot of patience as well. Sounds like it. And this is, this is a good time for me too, because I just moved to the city and got a dog. And like, I have all this new, these new things happening. Right. You got your stuff going on. You got you got like right you're doing well got a dog out of house yet your track of got you mean it's attractive uh... made for her i just think yeah i mean so what do you do their questions like i feel like you're

kind of doing the right thing of course like i said there's reason to to worry that she's not over yet and like you know she maybe she wouldn't want to jump right into a relationship but i feel like you're good at tempering your behavior here and maybe some of your emotions, because you don't really know yet. Yeah, I mean, in the month after I told her I liked her, I only brought it up once.

So, like I definitely, like, and if it's something I just have to remind her once a month that I still like her, then that's what I'm gonna have to do. Yeah, I'm sure she knows. I'm sure she knows you like her. It's you, you're kind of there, and you're her friend at work. But just be careful also, because that's how I'm gonna have to do. Yeah, I'm sure she knows. I'm sure she knows you like her. It's you and you're kind of there and you're her friend at work.

But just be careful also because that's how, has she shown, because there's also the friend zone thing sometimes when a guy reacts like a boyfriend before they're a boyfriend, but that's like a friend, sorry. Would a guy ask you to act like a friend before anything? Like, oh, I'll take care of this for you and then I'll be here emotionally

to hear about your bad relationship sometimes, then you just become a friend. And that's the friend zone. Well, I'm making sure that doesn't happen. Okay, good. You sound like a confident guy and you've got this going on. So, you're tuning you well and you're being respectful of her, so yeah, just go with your eyes open,

sounds like they are, and pay attention to the signs, but I hope it's not holding you back from dating as well. Like other people, because you don't know when she's gonna make them free. So, I don't want to pull out, I don't want you you don't know when she's gonna make them free. So I don't wanna put out, I don't want you to put out your ex on basket right now anyway. So we don't know when she's gonna be available and you sound like a great guy.

So I would also either way to help you to kind of get your mind off or a date other people as well. Cause you're 25 years old. You're in a great city. There's a lot of great people in Chicago, single, you're like living at a perfect time, perfect age.

So just because you may or not may or may not become your girlfriend, again, I wouldn't give up having a full life around that. Maybe you are already dating. I hope you are. You know, dating casually is always something I've had a problem with. Yeah, why?

Yeah, well, I was really religious when i was younger and there's a lot of uh... repressed catholic guilt right and uh... that that that that is what i mean i'm getting better about it uh... i've got it just been something that i deal with no i told you oh my god so most of the world hello with everyone got that but i mean that everyone many will have that guilt and from and so good that you

sound is very well that you can just implement a lot of guys couldn't even say that But you can casually date and not have casual sex too if that's part of it You could just like me girls you're out for dinner or go out for lunch Just to kind of see what else is out there because if all your like Attention's on this one girl and you think she's perfect and you've created it should be your wife like that's also not healthy So I'm just saying it might be good for you just to practice dating maybe without the sex and just meeting other people, building your French, building your friend group.

You know, women, men, you could go out with a little chick, you might not be your, you know, a love match, but you become a friend. So I just don't want this to be like all this laser focus tension on this one girl who's really cute in your office. We don't know what's going to happen. So, first advice for you. Kay Tony, thank you. Yeah. Okay yeah okay yeah thank you for the call okay yeah you're welcome thank you for calling Tony you got this all right okay take care thank you

Tony sounds like a good guy you guys he's like he's like I remember like my friends in Chicago being like in your 20s 30s in Chicago is such a good time there's so many young people you know the in there, they get in your life together. I just think that I worry, and he's talked about it. It's like Catholic guilt, which so many people have. I love that you say it'd be able to say that. If you can relate to that, I think it's really good to go deeper with that guilt that you have.

Look at where it comes from, how it's holding you back. You can do that in therapy. You can do that with friends. I just think it's healthy to explore that You could do that in therapy, you could do that with friends. I just think it's healthy to explore that because let me be honest, that Catholic guilt self does not go whatever religious guilt you're holding onto. It doesn't just dissipate on its own.

It could be there when you're 40, if you don't do it within your 20s. So, the sooner you do it, the better. All right, that is all we've got today. That was awesome. Love talking to you all. Thank you so much for calling into the show and for checking us out and for emailing us and supporting our sponsors. I love you all. You can also download us now on Google Play SoundCloud Spotify. It's amazing. It's so easy, right? So

thank you to Madison and Jamie and Lori and Eddie and Ken and Michael here doing the sound. I love you all. Thanks, Sinksa. I love you all. Thank you so much for listening. It was good for you. Email me.

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