Sex With Emily - Orgasms: Are You In or Out?

Episode Date: May 8, 2018

On today’s show, Emily is taking calls, answering emails, talking about sex and relationships – she’s doing it all. Emily goes over what really counts as bad sex – survey says: this is what really bums women out in the bedroom. Plus she helps listeners decide if it’s time for couples therapy, whether penis extenders are actually worth it, and has the age old debate of internal vs. external orgasms – because the vagina is still so misunderstood. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Womanizer, Intensity, Fleshlight, Magic Wand Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily on today's show. I'm taking calls, answering your emails, talking about sex and relationships. We're doing it all here folks. Topics include, what really counts as bad sex? Survey says this is what really bums women out in the bedroom. Also, how to know if it's time for sex or couples therapy and the debate around internal versus external orgasms because the Chinese are still so misunderstood. What kind of birth control is right for you and penis extenders are they actually worth it? All this and more, thanks for listening. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions.

Bit-roof eyes, they call them in a fight on day. Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, not only? What do you mean, like laundry? It's drinks?

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here, I's your drink. Being bad feels pretty good. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between for more information. Check out sexwithemily.com. You can also subscribe and comment on iTunes. I love

when you subscribe. I read all your comments. It's amazing. Social media is all at sex with Emily Cross the board and happy masturbation month. I will be announcing a contest this week so be sure to follow me on all those fun places. So I want to talk to you about women and sex. Specifically what are the things that happen in bed that women go, you know what? That just... that wasn't the best sex in my life. In fact, these are the things that are kind of bumming me out in bed. And I love this survey because I was just thinking, you know, one of the impotences for starting my show was, I've always been fascinated by sex

when people were like, I had best great sex last night, or if they were like, I had really bad sex, I always want to know like, what does it mean when you have bad sex or what does it mean when you have great sex? I think we can all learn a lot from this. And when I look at this here, I'm gonna read these to you, it doesn't surprise me that this hasn't changed a lot over the years, what women find lacking in the bedroom.

What I hope comments from this is two things. First of all, if you are someone who's like, oh yeah, lack of foreplay, that bomb is me out too, that this might be a great night to talk to your partner and say, you know what, babe, you know, because you're going to know that you're not alone. A lot of women are bummed out by this. And you think this is a good time for me to approach my partner for more foreplay or just, you know, any of these things. They inspire you. Okay. So the first thing that women constantly is bad sex is lack of foreplay. You guys know that, like how we say, foreplay, not just like a light suggestion, it's actually a requirement.

We can't get a rouse as quickly as men typically do. 57% of women, they say bad sex because the foreplay was too short or not existing. And that's something that I've just heard all the time. So if you need a little reminder, don't skip the four play. Skip appetizers, skip dessert, but just never skip the four play. Moving too fast, you guys listen. This is how you can remember this tip.

Whatever you're doing sexually, go five times slower. Go, go, go three to five times slower. I promise you that slow sex is so hot, it's different, it's enticing, and it's really, it's going to be that kind of sex that I think a lot of people were always looking for variety and changing things up in the bedroom. If you just move a little bit slower, get a huge impact, I promise, because what happens is especially for men who get really turned on, I think that men get very excited and they

want to rush through things, they want to get through sex quickly, and I'm not saying I'm quickie isn't great sometimes, but if you're looking for more, you're looking for more intimacy, more connection, try going a little bit slower. The next thing, not having an orgasm. Now, you know how I feel about this. I don't think that you have to go into sex

with the goal of orgasm. Everybody climaxes, everyone wins. But if you've been having sex for a while and you're like, every single time, I'm not having an orgasm, I can understand. That is not gonna be the most satisfying sex. So, if you're not having an orgasm, go get one. The next thing you guys is dirty sheets.

I mean, I could do a whole show about your hygiene and your bedroom, okay? For my name, for women, you guys, you gotta wash your sheets at least once a week. And I get it, it's part of adulting. Like, there were many times that you might 20, so I was like, I can push it two weeks, but we can tell when your sheets are not clean.

And it's really just the polite thing to do if you have someone coming over. God, I've had so many experiences with it. I think guys, you know, you roll over and there's another woman's ponytail holder in your bed. Like, at least shake out the sheets, right? That's just like a tame one, but dirty sheets doesn't work for a lot of us.

And the next one, the final one, unreciprocated oral sex. Ah, where do I start here? I think that there is this thing that happens with oral sex that a lot of women were pleasers and we think, okay, we're gonna give to our partners and we're not gonna to accept everything in return.

And I can also think that there's some guys who just feel entitled to oral sex. They think, well, I'm going to get oral sex and maybe I'll provide it back to my partner. And I'm not saying that every single guy is like this, but I'm telling you oral sex is the gift that keeps on giving. And if you're really into it, I promise it's going to keep coming back to you. It comes around, goes around. I get the bad sex is subjective, but these things all ring true. I've experienced these things. I've heard them from women, so take note.

Okay, now we are on to your calls and emails. If you have a question, you want me to answer on the show. That's awesome, because that's why I'm on the planet. You can text Ask Emily, all all one word to 7979. He felt easy form, you get your question answered, it's good for everyone. Okay, first we have Chris, he's 36 from Tennessee. Hi Emily, I'm a 36 year old married straight male.

Is it natural to get turned on by seeing another male masturbating or playing with itself as in seeing them on Tumblr? Like I have no desire to have sex or by seeing another male masturbating or playing with itself. As in, seeing them on Tumblr. Like I have no desire to have sex or attraction to another male. I just get aracked as if I was watching a woman do the same. What does this mean for my sexuality? Thanks Chris. Chris here's some good news if you're worried that this means anything, it means nothing.

It just means that you're a straight guy who likes to watch some gay porn. And there's a lot of gay men who like to watch straight porn, which makes sense. And I feel like, you don't have to get tripped up on what this means for your identity. And you might, you know, are you really gay? Or are you bisexual? Because the thing that we have to remember

is that sexual attractions and your sexual behaviors are more than just your identity. So if you think you'll never hook up with a guy, great, you don't have to hook up with a guy, you know, you are straight, you like porn that of a variety. And that's like a lot of people. But like Kinsey said, sexuality is fluid. We're all on a spectrum. And he even said that no one's 100% perfectly gay or straight. So I think you're just fine here, Chris. I'm not judging you don't touch yourself. Sounds like a good time. You know

what turns you on. And that's the most important thing. Okay, this is from Dexter 48 in Florida. Dear Emily, according to recent books, literal orgasms seem to be the holy grail of orgasms. Previously, people were encouraged to explore the G-spot, the U-spot and A-spot orgasms. Now it's being said that there's no such thing as vaginal orgasms and that searching for the G-Spot is a waste of time.

What are your thoughts on this? Dexter. Okay, why do these studies keep coming up, you guys? There's been so many studies, the G-Spot exists, it doesn't exist. Now I happen to know that a lot of women are going to tell you otherwise. I can assure you that all these companies too that make these G-Spot toys that just kind of hit this sweet spot, they're probably not wrong either. But the fact that China's just very, very misunderstood

and that there's really no such thing as a wrong kind of orgasm. Some women have literal orgasms. Someone can only have internal exor orgasms called the G-spot, the A-spot, the U-spot. But I think the most important thing is that women, you know, by the way, I think you prioritize and figure out what works for them

and find out where their pleasure is. Then go in that direction. You know, I think you prioritize and figure out what works for them and find out where their pleasure is. Then go in that direction. You know, I think the clitoris is confusing. It's not just that little button that has 8,000 nerve endings. There's also, you know, those nerve endings extend inside, there's internal nerves. So if you wanna say, oh, well, maybe that's actually

what's happening. The other reason why this is a debate, I think, is because so many women have this expectation that during penetration, they should have an orgasm. And if they don't, something's wrong with them. reason why this is a debate I think is because so many women have this expectation that during penetration they should have an orgasm. And if they don't, something's wrong with them. They're broken. They're missing some kind of like super power.

Well, we all know that only 30% of women actually have orgasms during intercourse. And so what I think this whole conversation should be about is women specifically understanding that the clitoris for a lot of women if they have clitoral stimulation They're more likely to have an internal orgasm during sex or during anything else It can just help to knock out that Clitoral orgasm and then the whole internal area the g spot if you believe in that kind of thing it becomes more Encore and that's easier to have orgasms. So my thoughts to you Dexter is no matter who if you're with a woman just pay

attention to what she needs, what she wants, have talked to her and figure out her hotspots. I'm sure she will guide you or you guys can go exploring together. We have so much potential for pleasure guys, so just keep searching. This is Lance 35 Kansas. Dear Emily, our penis extensions, specifically the perfect fit brand, Fat Boy Thin, worth the time. I feel I'm on the smaller side of average and I've always had the fantasy of having a large penis. She doesn't have any problems with my size, but we lost our bridging to each other in high

school and have been together ever since and never slept with another person. Yes, we are that couple. She generally tries new things that I want to try. And I'm pretty good about not pushing her. We try to strap on, but it was awkward. So I purchased the fat boy extender and I want to surprise her with it. She's open to trying this kind of thing, but I hate trying new things to find out that it's not worth my time. Thoughts? Lance. Okay, Lance. So first of all, I've had this in my God. You know, I've heard about these penis extenders and I looked up the fat boy thin and so it kind of looks like it's like a deal though. It's like a probably use it your body safe silicone. It fits over your penis. It attaches to your

scrotum. So you get this guy so it goes over the penis and you're wondering then would this make you feel girthier, maybe longer for your partner. And I feel like, why not go ahead and try it? It sounds like she's really open to anything that you want and she'll get to feel a different kind of sensation. So I feel that you've already bought it and you own the toy. Why not try it and then report back to me if it actually, if you liked it. And I was reading in here because I'm making sure that you're not having any insecurities. I know you said you're not thrilled with your smaller size,

but you just want to give her another experience and give yourself another experience. I'm cool with that, but what I wouldn't be so cool with if every guy listening is like, oh my God, this is my solution. I don't like my penis size, and now I'm going to wear a penis extender, which is why I don't think I've ever talked about it, because I wouldn't necessarily

recommend it, but because I think that we have to learn to love our sizes and love who we are. And I think that men spend so much time, way more time worrying about their penis size than women do. That is a fact that has been proven over and over again, we're way less concerned. But you're not saying any of that, Lance.

You're like, I'll be with my partner for 18 years, since high school, you're 35, so I'm assuming a long time. And you want to try out this toy that you already bought. So I say yes, try it out, and also like, even if it doesn't work over your penis, like it looks like it's a nice little dildo, could feel good inside her, and you can have some fun with it. So just like I'm all about trying toys, I'm about trying blind folds, I'm about switching up locations outside the bedroom, vacation sex, there's so many different ways to add variety to your sex life,

which often goes in long-term relationship. So I'm not gonna say, not child is a prince, except her. So Lance, you have my permission, you just have to write me and tell me how it goes. Thanks for emailing. Okay, we have Justin. He's 30 from Austin, Texas.

And he wants to know if I have any advice for premature ejaculation challenges. Hey, Justin, thanks for calling in. 30 from Austin, Texas and he wants to know if I have any advice for a premature calculation Challenges. Hey Justin. Thanks for calling in. Hey, of course. Thank you for having me. I'm so happy to have you So tell me what's going on. Sounds like you've been working on this. I want to help you. Well This is going on. Oh gosh. Probably since the very beginning of my sexual experiences. I guess what's been going on is I've always kind of struggled with premature ejaculation.

I mean, it's been pretty quick. It's been, I was like 30 to 45 seconds and you know, I've kind of used these sexual enhancement pills that I've bought previous time. That didn't really help with the premature ejaculation. It just kind of helps me stay right to one side orgasm. You know, I tried for a method like I heard from your show, so I went ahead and bought that. Okay.

That actually, you know, it worked a little bit. I'm still kind of around that 45 second age. And I feel the sense of hesitation. Like I still feel that a bit of numbness or I know the product's working, but the delay isn't really happening that much. Okay, so what happens during masturbation? You know, it's kind of hit a miss. Sometimes it can happen quickly,

other times it can take up to 20 minutes. Okay, so we know that you do have the ability to last longer during masturbation. Yeah. So that's why I think a lot of it, it probably has to do with, I would say your mind and anxiety because it's been happening for so long.

So if you tried doing any of the, you know, stop start methods during masturbation, kind of starting to learn a jackatory control? Yeah, you know, that's something I've been working on. Kind of on and off the years now. I used to do a lot more consistently, but I kind of got discouraged once it wasn't helping. I tried to stop, you know, I try to looking on,

I guess my nail kegals, if that's a good idea. That's great, isn't it? It's a real thing. Yeah, so, you know, I've been kind of working on that. I try, you know, the meditation kind of both before and almost clearing my head during the actual activity. So, you know, I'm not over thinking anything. Right.

And it's almost like, you know, I'm not over thinking anything. And it's almost like, you know, the moment I snap out of it, like I just get all that sensation, all that feeling. Right. Right. And then it's kind of past the point of no return. Right. Right. Are you in a relationship? Yes. Okay. So, and as your partner, willing to work with you on this as well. Have you guys tried any, I don't know, practices together of, you know, mutual masturbation where you're, you know, kind of learning to last longer with her or him with your partner. I'm not sure if you're dating a man or a woman, but partner next to you, kind of supporting you in this process because

that could help as well. Because I really think that a lot of this is a mind thing. Like it's anxiety. I know you're trying like meditation and all these things, but it's just, and you've been checked out by the doctor, right? You've gone to a doctor and talked about this, have you? Yeah. I haven't been to an actual doctor yet,

but I talked about it in my relationship. And I'm kind of take a half step back here. We have talked about it, we've tried mutual masturbation. And the thing is, is even during all sex, I can last quite a bit longer, so I actually just during that penetration, during the vaginal intercourse when it happens,

but I wasn't sure, is there a specialist I should see in terms of a doctor about this, or can I just go to my primary care? I was seeing, I think this is a perfect candidate for a sex therapist. Somebody who specifically can work with you on this, because I have, I have several guy friends who have gone to see sex therapists,

and they've been able to work on their premature ejaculation. They no longer suffer from premature ejaculation. So because it sounds like you're really committed, you're really devoted, you said you have a healthy lifestyle. Like, right, you're not drinking or smoking. I know, in any case, you need a couple of beers a week, but nothing too much, yeah. Okay. I mean, I would think that a sex therapist, someone who specializes in men's health, could

actually help you. And this might, too, sound like very new agey and whatever, but tantric sex is an amazing practice for men where you actually are learning how to breathe with your arousal and kind of if your partner's into this, you could take a tantric breathing class where you are learning to circulate your arousal, your orgasm through your body, like without ejaculation. It's a practice, but it's not as intense as people are like, oh my god, it's like a nine-hour orgasm. No, it's really just a really intense practice that's like, I want to learn to do it. Seriously, as a woman, I want to learn how to get, and that's one of my goals for this year.

So I would say to you, find where you live, like if there is a sex therapist, someone who teaches tantra, those two things I think would be amazing for you. Because you're really dedicated, you're motivated, and I know you're gonna get to the bottom of this. And I hope you keep me posted when it happens, okay? Thank you so much. Of course, Justin, you got this. I love it.

Keep going, and you have to let me know what happens. Because I think once you find someone to work with on this, and get on the track, you're gonna be great. You're gonna get this. Yeah, I looked up a favorite therapist tonight. Great, great. Thank you. Let me know if you need some help with it too, okay? Because we might be able to know someone where you live.

You've got it. Thank you so much. You're so welcome. Bye, Justin. Thanks. See you later. Bye. Of course. You guys, here's the thing. Never give up with any of these things. I know there's things that feel like, God, I've never been able to orgasm during sex

or I've never gotten what I wanted in bed. And we can just get frustrated and throw our hands up and say, no, this is the lot I have to live in life, but I'm telling you, if you are committed and motivated to fixing whatever your sexual challenges are, relationship challenges, you can do it in a lot of times about finding the right help and the right person to work with. So if you don't get the answer from one doctor, from one practice, just keep moving, because life's too short for bad sex. Those were some great questions, and when we come back, I'll be answering more, so thanks

for supporting our sponsors. I'll be right back. Okay, we have Janet. She's 64 from Cerritos, California, and she wants to know, should we try SACs or Coppils therapy? Hey Janet, thanks for calling. Tell me what's going on. Well, I think I described in my email, I've been a long-term relationship.

I'm 64, my partner is 77. We've been together about three or four years, and it's gotten to the point that he will never, ever initiate sex and acts like it's a real big deal, even though I kind of force him like once or twice a week or something to do, to do something. Yeah. I've tried talking about it. It seems like every time the subject even comes up, we end up in an argument.

When you started dating to 3.5 years ago, right? Was it different when you guys started? Oh, yeah. In fact, we were long time friends before we ever became revolved romantically. And I was really surprised when, you know, he kind of expressed an interest in me for more than a friendship. And I would say like normal, maybe the first nine months or a year or something,

where I would say half and half or 15 years or, you know, that joke. Then it just seemed like it got to be more and more, I get it. I don't do anything. It's like, what's going to happen? Well, long, I mean, here's the thing. I would suggest, you know, to be more and more i get it right what's going to happen i would suggest you know i think couple's therapies always a great way to go but

also he's seventy seven so does he been to a doctor house is health houses test a store levels um... do you know any of this health is good health is good he has had a check up on the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list the list of the list of the list of the list of the list the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the going on but uh... it just getting started right picked it picked the first step you know make me feel worse make it the bother you know i totally get it so everything you said a few years ago he got checked is that what you said

i would say about three years ago okay well first of all let me just say that as we get older every year things change and they change a lot faster so there could be some other help things going on, but it sounds to me like if you didn't tell me the age, let's say the age wasn't a matter, right? Let's say his health is perfect, but what you're telling me is you want him

to initiate more, you want him to be into it, you want him to make you feel beautiful, compliment you, and you're like, do it. I'm not going to be the one who's carrying our entire sex burden here, not that sex is a burden, but I don't want to be the only one in charge here. And so you're feeling like he's not prioritizing sex as much as you are.

Well, yeah. And we have discussed that that he basically said, he doesn't really care about it anymore. Well, that could be real, yeah. But it still matters to you. And so that's why it's like, I feel like there is a communication breakdown. Are you seeing this in other parts of your relationship right now?

Or is this really the only challenge? Or is everything else you guys are having a great time? We've had challenges in our relationship. I think the relationship's actually getting better. In the beginning, we're very different personalities. And I'm kind of a very gentle soul. I don't do anger. Right. And he's very quick to anger. He stays angry for days, you know, for no reasons. So that's hard. I think I've learned to kind of maybe recognize the triggers a little better. That's good. Yeah.

of maybe recognize the triggers a little better. That's good. Yeah. Now, I just want to be angry and I just won't get over it. So you're going to let people calm down. Yes. As you're going to let people calm down. But it sounds like, do you guys live together? Do you see yourself together for the long haul here?

We've had no commitment. I mean, I'm kind of looking to officially move in. I'm trying to vent my condo. I just kind of figure out, let's enjoy what we have now in our companionship and travel and enjoy. Right. I would say for the most part, is it very enjoyable?

We enjoy being together. Okay, well, that's important. I mean, it's not easy to find someone that you really like spending time with. So I'm telling you, I've said this before, I will tell you this, Janet, I think couples therapy is an amazing tool for every couple. I think that everybody needs it.

It can help you communicate. It can help you deal with how you deal with his anger. And he can maybe really hear why the sex is important to you and how he can maybe initiate it. So I think even in a few sessions, you might guys learn some really good tools. I could just to help you move to the next level. So you'll want to move in together.

So you'll feel good about taking the next steps into this relationship. Because if you've never had therapy, I don't know if you have, or if he has, it's like, never too late to have therapy. I already have this stuff out. I have many years ago, a couple of therapy hell were talking about when I was about 30 years old or something. I was in a relationship with a guy that I didn't really want to be with him, but he wanted us to go to therapy to see if we could work it out. Okay, well that was a long time.

Right. A long time ago, yeah. I think it's helpful, Janet. I think it's time. I think you I should go. I mean, if you ask some friends if they know know good therapist in the area, I think that- I just hope that you can message me directly if somebody that you knew or could recommend it, you know, log beach, orange cut area.

Okay, you're in Long Beach, Orange County. I could, we could do that. I actually do have some people in that area that I could recommend to, for sure. And then also, if you want to do some more of this work on your own, I mean, I'm just gonna say this one thing about initiating sex is that a lot of times we tell our partners what we need, like initiate sex. And they might not know what that looks like. And I know it seems so obvious, but he might need to know

like when you come home from work or when you are I walk in the door or things that you need specifically, like how it would look to you. We all learn in different ways. So he actually might not be hearing it, what you're saying, or hearing it as an attack. So if you wanted to do something now,

I would just say you could kind of explain it more to him without taking the emotion out of it or take the blaming and just kind of calm and, you know, but it sounds like you've been trying that. So that's why I think therapy, and we will send you some names. Yeah, I think it's even more than the sex, it's the whole business of just a section and which, you know,

actually means more than the sex sometimes. I hear you. I need it. If I don't have affection from someone, like, I feel like I'm, like, I can be saying next to him. If they're not touching me, I'm like, I'm dying right now. So people need it more than others in their relationship. So love languages are really important.

Like, I always talk about the five love languages. Yours might be physical touch. And his might not be at all. And that's when you have to make concessions. Like, he has to be like, okay, I understand that that's how you feel loved. That's why I don't feel loved. If someone's not touching me that I'm in a relationship with them,

I'm like, we have not touched, I don't feel loved. You know, and I need words. He might need, you know, acts of service. He might feel like if you put gas in his car when you see that he needed he's gonna feel loved So I if you guys want to like quickly do the love languages quiz. I recommend that for every couple I Have done that

He he just said something like well this is stupid. Well, I think I would believe answering for him I kind of know what is answer You probably know what his two are. So I think that you could just kind of, even if you know what you know, if you've been with him for three years, you know what they are. I could tell you, like everyone in my life,

pretty much what they are. So I think you could just start playing that game with him and see if that happens too. So those are a few really good tools I think you could work with, especially because you know what you need and you'll probably help him out. The question I have also, would you think we should start with,

just a couple of parents, or go right to somebody speciality is sex and, you know. And marriage and therapy, or like a marriage count, or a couple's therapists, I would think a couple's therapists, because it sounds to me like you guys have other challenges.

I think you can go and bring up the sex, but it sounds like there's some more communication. You said he's more anger. You know, you kind of shy away from anger. I got it. Like expressing anger isn't comfortable for everybody. So it sounds like it's more communication than it is just sex. But that's what after talking to you, I'm going to say a couple's therapist and then see

what and then bring up the sex in the first session. But I think because some people don't, they think it's weird to bring it up right away. And I say put it all on the table. You're paying for that session, you're in the room with them, you got it there, talk about everything. And I'll send you a few options, okay? Oh, that would be great because there's just so many to choose from or anything. Yeah, you said, I don't know. I know.

It's a way not what I thought. Well, that's a whole other thing, but I think it's really, if he wants to be in this relationship with you, it's important that he goes. And that's just the whole thing. There's no one who's ever said why do we go to couples therapy, it ruined everything. If anything happens, you figure out that he's the guy you want to be with or not. It fast tracks everything. So therapy's for everybody.

Therapy for all. Okay? Janet, we'll send you some names. You can let me know how it goes. You got to do it. Just keep pushing this along. So, therapies for everybody, therapy for all. Okay, Janet, we'll send you some names. You can let me know how it goes. You got to do it. Just keep pushing this a lot. You don't want to suffer anymore with this.

You guys can learn to break through or not. And they don't have your answer sooner than later. Yeah, because I really feel my needs aren't met. I know, Ronnie, and that's a terrible feeling. So, let's get your needs met. Or then you walk. Alrighty. Okay, we're on this, Janet.

We're on the case for you. Have a great day. I will help you. All righty. Okay, we're on the stand, we're on the case for you. Have a great day. I'll help you. All righty. Bye. I'll be yet willing to see your suggestions. I will do that. Okay, you're so welcome.

Bye. So yeah, you guys, I feel like I can never say enough. I have no problem telling everyone in the planet that they need therapy. A few times, find the right therapist, it depends what you're dealing with. And I also think that the love languages, the love languages, I could not speak about them and not that you can just Google love language quiz. We've talked about it, we've good blog about it

on the website, the five love languages. And typically there's two of them, and our partner might not share them, but we can know how they experience love by understanding what we need, what they need. And I think it works. It seems so simple and silly, but I've seen it heal a lot of relationships

along with really good therapy. Allie, 26 from Madison, Wisconsin. She has concerns about hormonal birth control. Hi, Allie. Hi. Hi. Thanks for calling. Tell me what's going on. Yeah, so I've been listening to some different podcast about trying to live for more natural, you know, chemical-free life. And I'm really kind of freaked out about pumping myself essentially full of estrogen. And so I was wondering if you have any concerns about that or more information. I'm not really experiencing any problems right now with it.

I've been on the pills since I was 16 and then I switched to a ring a couple of years ago. And I'm not shaming any problems, but I found some research about higher rates of breast cancer and different risks associated with that. And I'm pretty freaked out. I know, I understand. You know, it's all new, I mean, I guess some of this stuff has been around for a while, that, you know, we were still, luckily people are starting to study this stuff

because we're not 100% sure about it, but I know what you're saying that there can be some risks with estrogen and the kind of birth control. How long have you been using the ring? Since 2016. Okay. And then before that, you were on the pill for a while. And why did you switch? I wasn't taking it at the same time every day.

Right. I was having so pretty, pretty serious mood swings and stuff. And then my doctor was like, yeah, well, you need to take it at the same time every day. And I couldn't figure it out. After you noticed that. No, at least you knew that take it at the same time every day. And I couldn't figure it out after. I know. No, at least you knew that. I wish I knew that that's why I was making me crazy when I was in my 20s. So now you move into the ring and you haven't had any side effects in that you feel more

stable the last two years that you had the ring in. Yeah, so this would be more of like a preventative, if I were to switch and do like a non-hormonal birth control, it would be more preventative because my family does have a history of breast cancer. Right, no, I understand. I'm at a higher risk. Okay, no, I get it, you're right. I mean, there are some concerns that are not that, what's the word, people are as aware of it right now,

as you, as you are, I think that I'm also getting more, we are, you know, in my industry, in my business, we are getting more aware of the side effects of all this. So you said that you tried to get measured for a copper IUD, which is supposed to be safer, but you said your uterus is too small, but you said in your email, did you get a second opinion on that? No, I haven't. Because I haven't heard that before.

And I'm just finding with all these Western medicine doctors, it pretty feels like you kind of should get a second, you should get a second opinion on almost everything. Really? Okay. We think that medicines like this science and the doctor says, and we trust with the doctor says, but I'm not sure, I mean, that maybe that's the case, but I know that IUD is supposed to be,

could be a little bit safer for you if you wanna try that out again. And I like that you're not having any side effects right now. I also think that with the birth control pill might be a little bit safer as well because you could get one with lower estrogen. So this is what you could do. I would say go back to a doctor, tell him that you're concerns, and do some research too.

Like find a doctor, you know, it's okay to see one or two, like I believe three opinions. Really, like these days, or whatever I do, like I check out three different experts because you know, if you got to, I know it's a lot of time, but I just feel like there's a lot of different opinions out there. But if you're mostly concerned about your history of breast cancer got to, I know it's a lot of time, but I just feel like there's a lot of different opinions out there, but if you're mostly concerned about your history of breast cancer at estrogen, I would suggest go to another doctor, get measured for the IUD again.

And then also if you felt comfortable going back on the pill because then you can regulate it, you can get a lower estrogen pill, and you could also like, you know, maybe you're older now, set an alarm on your phone, put it by your toothbrush. Yeah. Yeah. They'd say it takes 21 days to build a habit and I'm telling you I've been so bad about these things too, but when I find like I get to this point where I just like I floss now every night,

taking a few years, right? Like I have it by my bed. I'm like I'm going to floss by my bed or I'm going to like take my supplements. It took forever, but I have an alarm. And after a while I don't have to have the alarm. So if you are really committed to this and committed to your health where it sounds like you are, I think those would be your best

options. Okay, that's one good. Thank you. Yeah. Okay, you're so welcome. Have a good day. Bye. You too. Bye. Bye. You guys, it's real. I mean, I think that as women, we get put on the pill when we're young and we don't often ask the questions that we need to and we just assume That's the only option but for a lot of them there's a lot of different pills that you can take

Kinds of birth control pills that might affect you differently your room Maybe be taking one kind and you might take another kind because all of our bodies react differently So ask questions and then understand how they work I mean I've gotten emails from women who think they're pregnant taking the pill They take it regularly at the same time every day, but you realize that you're taking the pill. So, they think they're pregnant because someone came inside them. While the truth is, that's why you're taking the pill.

Someone can come inside you so you don't get pregnant. So, I think it is important for us to become experts at our own sexual health because we can do that. And I think as long as we just take the doctor's word as is, but let's keep doing our own research because our health matters. Thanks everyone for listening. I look forward to having another wonderful masturbation among all of you and thanks to my amazing team Ken, Jamie, Jenny, volunteer, Sarah, producer email me feedback at sexwithemily.com.