Sex With Emily - Out of Your Head and Into Bed w/ Nikki Glaser

Episode Date: November 15, 2024

On this episode, I sit down with the hilarious Nikki Glaser, comedian, and host of The Nikki Glaser Podcast. We discuss how to take oral sex to the next level, why a great orgasm can lead to an intense connection, and the power of tapping into a person’s “energy” on a date. Nikki also shares her go-to sex toys, favorite types of porn, experience with squirting, and personal journey with mental health and body acceptance. We also dive into the hidden pleasure of canceled plans, why feeling horny can be like being drunk, and why your flaws DON’T make you a bad person. In this episode, you’ll learn:  How taking charge of your orgasms can boost your connection with partners and why having a vibrator isn’t “cheating" Explore the journey of accepting yourself fully—flaws, quirks, and all—and learn why self-confidence is the ultimate turn-on. Get real about setting boundaries in relationships, from balancing power dynamics to knowing when to wait before taking things to the next level. Show Notes: More Nikki Glaser: Website | Facebook | Twitter (X) | Instagram | The Nikki Glaser Podcast Join the SmartSX Membership: Access exclusive sex coaching, live expert sessions, community building, and tools to enhance your pleasure and relationships with Dr. Emily Morse. Yes! No! Maybe? List & Other Sex With Emily Guides: Explore pleasure, deepen connections, and enhance intimacy using these Sex With Emily downloadable guides.  SHOP WITH EMILY! (free shipping on orders over $99) The only sex book you’ll ever need: Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure Want more? Visit the Sex With Emily Website  Let’s get social: Instagram | X | Facebook | TikTok | Threads | YouTube Let’s text: Sign up here Want me to slide into your email inbox? Sign Up Here for sex tips on the regular. See the full show notes at sexwithemily.com

And lube, lube, I was just to be so insecure about having a dry pussy, my god. And I would be turned on, I'd be like, I don't know why it's not working. Now it is no indication of like if I was turned on or not. A lot of times guys don't know what they're doing and they, and you can't get there fast enough. But now I'm just like, can I go get lube and make my life a lot easier and worse? And it makes it so fun immediately. You're listening to Sex with Emily.

I'm Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. On this episode, I sit down with the hilarious, fabulous Nikki Glaser, comedian and host of the Nikki Glaser podcast. You should subscribe and check it out. We discuss so many things in this episode. The power of tapping into a person's energy on a date so you know if you should stay or go.

How to take oral sex to the next level, truly take it there. And why a great orgasm can lead how to take oral sex to the next level, truly take it there, and why a great orgasm can lead to an even more intense connection. Nikki gets into it. She talks about her go-to sex toys, favorite types of porn, her experience with squirting, personal journey with mental health, body acceptance.

Oh, we also dive into the hidden pleasure of canceled plans, why feeling horny can be a little bit like being drunk, and why your flaws don't make you a bad person. Please rate and review Sex with Emily wherever you listen to the show. It just helps get the show out to more people and it only takes a few seconds. You can do it right now. You can also find me on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, X, Facebook, all at Sex With Emily. And check out my new articles, Embarrassing Questions, Kink and BDSM Edition, and How to Train Your Penis on SexWithEmily.com.

Before we dive into the episode, if you haven't heard the news, I have to tell you about my brand new membership community, Smart SX. It is officially live and I've had a blast the last few weeks. Because this membership is everything I've ever dreamed of and more. We're talking exclusive content, interactive workshops with top minds in sexual health, there's polls and so much more. All made for the membership community. But honestly, my favorite part is the community.

It's a safe space where like-minded people support each other, they're sharing experiences, they're breaking down all the taboos around sex and intimacy. It's truly empowering. So if you're ready to really bring more pleasure into your sex life and take the steps, Smart SX is for you. So join the pleasure revolution today. Just head over to SexWithEmily.com, click on the membership tab, or head straight to sexwithemily.com slash smart S X. Art, everyone enjoy this episode. If you're a long time listener, you know that one of my all time favorite toys is the Jeju Mimi. We'll get this, this vibe now has arrival.

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Women on the team are using it here and we're just loving it. It's a great way to care for yourself. Try it out. You can save 20% right now when you go to getvhealth.com. Use code EMILY20. That's G-E-T-V-H-E-A-L-T-H.com. Use code EMILY20.

So do yourself and your health a favor and check it out. Niki Glazer is the host of the Niki Glazer podcast, one of the funniest voices in comedy. She's produced and hosted several podcasts, television shows, comedy shows, including her special Bangin, which is available on Netflix. Find her on all her social media, at Nikki Glazer. Congratulations on all your success, all the cool stuff happening.

I've loved watching you do all of your specials and working hard, and you continue to reveal yourself, and you're so real and so you, because the last time I saw you, Nikki, I was teaching you and your mother how to give a blowjob. Yes. And that was like five years ago and you're like a different person. I loved that blowjob class with my mom.

It never aired because my show, we were planning for a season that we never got. So it's all this lost footage. And one of them is a blowjob class with my mom from you. And you were, I learned so much during it. I still remember some of the things like I hear you say commonly on this podcast that I like heard, first heard that class that have served me

and are so such good reminders. Cause sometimes it doesn't sink in. Like I kept doing, like kept being like scared of lube. You shine with all the info you had and also like made fun of, you know, just saying he's a nice little mom. Yeah, I know exactly what you're saying. Well, this is what I'm saying.

I feel like that was like a scripted show and it was probably your first. Yeah, it was a different era of me. Yeah, like it was- Of you, but now you've just don't hold back. You share yourself, you're authentic. You literally feel like you talk about everything and you're so relatable.

And I just feel like I loved your Howard Stern interview. I listened to a few of them. I'm so proud of you. I just feel like fucking love you, Nicky Glazer. I have gotten so into your podcast. Podcasts I get, I learned so much from, and it's always like kind of the last on the list of things I do when I have the free time to do it. I really like sometimes just video, like porn wins over a lot of times masturbating or podcasting and then I'll just want to go right to bed or ASMR videos. So when I do though go listen to a podcast, it's always one of yours that grabs me because I follow you on Instagram and they know that I like you.

So they're giving me everything you got and I love everything you got. And I've learned so much. But I listened to one episode that I sent to all my friends immediately before it was over because it was talking about the stuff that we all talk about, which is female, male and feminine. John Weiland. It was the John Weiland because you tweeted it and I was like, oh my God, that's like, I got to get Nicky on her show.

And then I heard about your podcast. I'm like, oh my God. I like it's a good one. Right. So excited to talk to you because then I got then I was in and I've listened and you got me into audio porn. I tried that out because of you. The thing is, it is sexy, but not because it's like we're talking about sex.

I get horned up and it's not because you are trying to make me horned up, which is what I try to do with my comedy. I hate when people are like, your comedy made me want to jerk off later. I'm always just like, ew, like I don't, that's not what I'm going for, sir. I know you think that's a compliment, but your stuff gets me. Like I always masturbate after I listen to your show. Oh my God, Nikki. And I go in and listen to your show because I'm not masturbating.

Well, right. Well, this is the thing because you, because, because it is. Tell me everything. I want to hear. Let me just spell. Okay. When they come to me, dude, you just one time were like, have an orgasm tonight. You deserve an orgasm tonight. Give yourself one. It was some like bold statement that was like, okay, stop threatening me, Emily.

But I was also like, yeah, I'm going to fucking do that. Because that night for me, my orgasm seemed to be dependent on another person. And it got me in this space of being obsessing over that. And it was like, oh my God, I forgot. I can just like, I miss my porn people. Like I was hanging out with a crew every night for years and now I've abandoned them. I need to stop by kink.com and pay a visit.

So this can be enjoyable. Exactly, you're responsible for your own pleasure and your own orgasm. I was probably saying that. I love it though. It just like got me. I was like, okay, you're right. I am going to. And I think I wrote I needed to hear this because I needed you to know that.

I love those ones that are like, take this as a sign of this. And I like I fall for that. Yeah, I do. All the time. Why would you not fall for signs if that wasn't really a sign? Yeah, if you let it in and you let it guide you and it's only positive, like what's the worst that could happen? Yeah, you have an orgasm or two. Yeah. Can I it's only positive, like what's the worst that could happen? Yeah. You have an orgasm or two.

Yeah. Can I just close my podcast first and we'll get that out of the way? Please. I was just about to. Yeah. I know you were. I'm railroading this. Okay.

So my podcast, it's not a podcast where you'll feel like, oh my God, I haven't listened to all of them. And with my best friend and my platonic roommate, who is also a single guy, he's my best friend, he opens for me on the road, hilarious comedian, Andrew Collin. We started living together during the pandemic because all my friends are like shacked up and my parents were kind of like, you gotta go. It's been 10 months. So I was like, Andrew, will you move to St. Louis? So I moved my friend from New York to St. Louis where I spent the pandemic. I was previously in New York, but lived there since March in St. Louis and got him to move there. And I was like, and also

be my co-host on my podcast. So I do a podcast every morning. That's kind of like a morning radio show. Like I love Stern. I love like creating a continual interaction and eventually just do that instead of standup because it's very rewarding. And it's the same thing. I talk and everyone has to listen. Right. Exactly. It is the same thing. I mean, but it's great. It's so entertaining. It's so listable. I listened to your first few and then I caught up with some this week and you can just dive in and I'm like, I've just been entertained. I just listened for an hour. I don't even have an hour. Thank you for saying that because sometimes I do feel guilty because I don't go in very prepared and I kind of just wing it. And I want to be honest with people. Like I put in a lot of work

into conceiving of a podcast and a thing that I could do the rest of my life. I would like to do an iteration of the show until I'm dying. Because on the radio, you can be any age as long as you're still entertaining. When I listen to Howard Stern, I don't go, this is a man my dad's age. It feels relevant still. It feels smart. You don't think about age and I think so much of this business, especially on the women's side, is about age. Exactly. That's why I got into radio. I started this and there was no video. There was no social media.

It was great because I could just show up and now you got to do the cameras and all things. Yeah. But I liked it. On your podcast, I was listening. It's called the Nikki Glaser podcast. Sorry. The Nikki Glaser podcast.

We're going to link to this in the show notes so they can easily subscribe. Thank you. Thank you so much for that. It's just so fun. It's honest. It's talking about sex and relationships. The episode we did was so, I'm so proud of it because it pretty much breaks down the book I'm getting to, I do, by Dr. Pat Allen, which is what I understand like the Bible of this feminine masculine energy, at least one of them early ones, and the title is humiliating.

But the stuff in that book when you're ready to actually accept it and move from a place of like ready to like let that book in your heart, it really teaches you a lot about yourself. And I like feel like I conveyed that enough to convince girls to read it. What do you think about it? I gotta be honest, I never read it, but it's not like the rules or anything. It's literally about the masculine feminine, what you're as a woman, what you're bringing your energy, what to find in a man, right? It's about having like a self virtue and understanding why your body might lead you astray physiologically because of the oxytocin that's released when you have sex. But it's essentially like a

calling to women to realize that if you want a commitment, don't sleep with a guy until you get a commitment. And that's an easy way to get a guy. It's not the only way. There are plenty of women who sleep with men and then eventually it leads to... She says that. What else does she say? Because I don't agree.

I don't know that I agree with that. I don't know. There's definitely exceptions to that rule. It's not a rule, but let me tell you, the people that do it end up in good things based on what I've seen of my own friends who have picked up the book since I was told about it by Whitney Cummings backstage like four years ago. I hear over and over again, like literally she's one of those people that you always hear like Pat Allen.

I wasn't ready to read it all because I didn't know what the fuck I was. I was like, I'm a boss bitch. I make all the decisions in my life. On stage. I'm like very intimidating. Apparently I didn't know that, but I just exude this like thing of like, she knows herself, she loves herself, she's confident. I was faking that then. I mean, I was trying to be honest, but if that was what was coming across, like you have me wrong and I was not that confident. I didn't know if I was a

masculine energy or feminine energy. I didn't know if I was the woman I was on stage and in the workplace. She says you're either one person is having their feelings cherished and the other person is having their thoughts respected. You have to choose one. And if you don't, your relationship is kind of doomed because you have to have the yin and the yang. So one person has to be receiving, the other one has to be giving, and then you have to keep in that kind of setting. So you have to decide, do you want your feelings cherished by your romantic lover or do you want your thoughts respected? Because you can't have it both ways or you're a narcissist. So you've got to pick one and you have to get the other one met in somehow

other part of your life. And that's a hard one for me to decide because sometimes I like in with sex, I like to be submissive. I would never want to be the dominant. I've never even tried it, but like it doesn't appeal to me. Well, it makes sense because if you're the boss in every part of your life and I'm the same way, I'm a boss in the bedroom, I'm like, I don't want to be in charge. Yeah, it's not abnormal to be a boss bitch out here. That's usually the thing. Yeah. But that's, I also, I don't know about the feelings thing or the thoughts because I do

like, I think I like one it both ways. And I think I had to really get to know myself and realize that I was hurting myself by seeking one of those things in a romantic partner. I'd have to let one of those go and find it elsewhere. And I think this book only works because I actually like myself now. Like I'm okay with I accept it. Like I'm there. And I always heard about this mystical place and it can go away so quick. But I really do feel I am like 95% at this like great place with stuff. That being said, I'm at the weight I like to be at. My hair is feeling thick. My skin isn't too clogged up. Like things are good. If those things took a

turn and that I couldn't control, I might have a slip up of like, oh my God, I'm fat or whatever. But I hope I don't. I feel equipped to handle aging. Okay, good. Because I used to always not like this book because I'm like, it's pretending to be someone you're not. But the reason it is, is because the person the book asks you to be is someone who loves themselves. And I took that as like, I'm not a girl who is going to not have sex until I want to have sex.

I like sex. I want it. The thing is, yeah, we all like sex. Like, that's why I'm a vegan. Some people go, I could never do veganism because I like, I love cheese too much. And I was like, do you think I didn't like cheese? You have to sometimes sacrifice things that you like to do the right thing. It's not about what you like.

So I understand you like sex and you want to have it. But if you do wish to have the best course for yourself in finding a partner, it's something that is going to make you bond to him in a way that his work is done. Your ox oxytocin that releases if you have an orgasm while he's inside you in some way and like really chemically Physically bond to him the the oxytocin I guess really for us to have an orgasm is so much more than it takes for a man Yeah, this is what's in the book. So we get this Crazy high and you you get addicted and then you have two years of that addiction. That takes two years sometimes to wear off. So don't sleep with them until you know, they might not be the person that you're gonna end up with,

but don't sleep with them until they at least agree to try. Okay. I see what you're saying about, do I have to choose it? He honors my thoughts or my emotions. And it's kind of like, he's already there and attracted to you because he honors your thought. Like he honors who you are. He sees you every day using your thoughts and your brain.

But what the masculine, and I just want to clarify to the listeners, it doesn't, it could be two men, two women. You need the polarity of a masculine and feminine in every relationship. Masculine, they want to feel your energy. That's how they thrive off of a feeling. Being vulnerable and feeling.

And that's hard too. Someone who's a talkative. You could just say I feel all the time and they love it. Yeah, and I'm vulnerable. I that's hard too. Someone who's a topic. You could just say, I feel all the time and they love it. Yeah. And I'm vulnerable. I said I'm vulnerable to my guy the other day and his eyes opened up. I'm like, I'm feeling vulnerable.

He was like, boing. When you talk from a place of feel, if a guy's a masculine energy and you're in your feminine energy, they lap it up. They love it. And it's like that always used to scare me because I grew up not having my feelings, my feelings very much invalidated at every turn. I was always too crazy, too emotional. You didn't even know that person.

Why are you crying about them dying? Like that kind of like thing, like you're not allowed to feel sad at all because it just scared my parents. So they like shut it down. So in a relationship, I am so scared to ever voice my feelings because I feel like the person is just going to be like, what's your crazy? I'm gone by. And so I just keep it in. But that's what I want more

than anything. I know exactly, right? It's almost like be the person you want to find is one of the things I find helpful to think about. And also we're already there. Like this book isn't asking you to like not call them back and don't be available on a Wednesday on a Friday. No. If they ask you for Friday. Nothing like that. It's more like dig into this part of your feminine that you've probably blocked for a million reasons. Your family didn't accept it. You had abuse, you had trauma,

but that she's still in there. She's still in there. It let her out. Be right back after this quick word from our sponsors. When we get back, I asked Nikki about her sex life and the key to fully accepting yourself. If you've been listening to the podcast, you already know that I'm a huge fan of sex toys. And you know the story that one of my very first loves was the magic wand. And in fact, when I got my magic wand original, it had a cord attached to it.

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the Micro is the perfect example of just that. It's super discreet, you can bring it on the go, plus it's a convenient toy to whip out during partner play or wherever you want to. Get yours today at shopsexwithemily.com slash magic wand. That's shopsexwithemily.com slash magic wand. If you're looking for a hands-on way to take your sex life to the next level,

you got to come join me at the Smartest Sex Community. I've loved talking to all of you over the past 20 years on my podcast, but this membership takes a conversation from a monologue to a dialogue. Now the membership just launched. We've already created such an engaged community. Each month has a theme and everyone's just engaging and learning so much. I've just loved connecting with all of you and it has it all. It has interactive workshops with some of the brightest minds in the sexual health and wellness spaces, monthly Q&A's with me, exclusive video content that you can only find here, and so much more.

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So how was it going there at the Cayman Islands? Because I was listening to your podcast and said you were sleeping with somebody. I'm not, that's the thing, I'm not sleeping with someone. No, I am always so honest about everything in my sex life and I will continue to be when this thing has worked its way out. But I feel like for the first time,

I'm kind of like honoring my privacy around it in terms of like talking about it. Because first of all, I'm too emotional about it in many ways, but I have to say that the principles set forth in this book have left me in a place where I could have been in the throes of pain and agony and crying and burdening my friends with these drown out like sob fest and just putting on my noise canceling headphones and letting her rip because I don't even comfortable crying. It really is, it could have been immensely painful. And because I did not have sex, even

though I did want to so badly, I held steadfast and I remembered that when I've done that before to get a guy to love me, when I thought that this thing they want so bad and they promise you everything when they want it so bad and it's like, it seems like they would give you everything. Don't trust it unless you actually know it. You know, if you're just like, unless you want to, that's, that's about being embodied. Like, what does my body right now? What I wanted to, Emily, that's the thing I want to. Oh, you do really want to.

I won't want it anything more in my life. And I was anorexic for many years and I I like was around food that I would kill someone. But like the, to be able to shut down sex when you really want it. Listen, you get, when I get, that's why I love sex. I don't drink anymore, but I get like drunk off of horniness. I do things I never thought I would do as a, you know, rationally thinking woman.

Like what? Just like disgusting stuff or like, you know, like licking an asshole. Like I never thought I would do that. But like sometimes when you're horny, you just like kind stuff or like, you know, like licking an asshole. Like I never thought I would do that. But like sometimes when you're horny, you just like kind of are like, well, like it's like since I don't know another high like that. Yeah, I mean, I'm like, I love it, but I don't have it. I haven't had it since June of 2019.

Stop it. No sex since June. No, nothing. Not even like a hand. No one knew since 2013. Like I haven't I haven't had a new deck. Aren't they lining up? Do you have someone like just your DMs just kind of swapping, swapping away all the dick pics?

Like what the fuck? I have opportunities. The men that throw themselves at me are not that desirable to me. It just isn't what I'm into. I kind of I tend to I need to already like someone and know that I want them inside me before I agree to enter it from the friend zone to the romantic stage.

So I don't even, I don't like entertaining the idea of having sex with someone until I'm positive I wanna have sex with them. And that's like a lot of my issues, but I don't really like, unless you're someone I already am familiar with because of being a celebrity, that way is sometimes I'm like, oh, I feel like I already am familiar with because of being a celebrity,

that way sometimes I'm like, oh, I feel like I know him. I heard him talk. I've maybe masturbated to a scene he did before. Did you go out with a celebrity or do you go out with celebrities? Yeah, if I liked them, if I was genuinely like... Yeah, it's not really about what they do, right? It's about what you're attracted to. But I find that most actors are insufferable. I find that I'm just, but in the way that I am,

like I need to be with someone who can like really like sit back and just watch me be loud and like seeking attention and being adorable. And they just go, my ideal guy is just like, there she goes. Like at a dinner party, just like, like actually laughing, but just like kind of tired of it. That's my ideal, but not resentful, not like, oh god.

Not resentful, like he thinks it's adorable, but now it's time to leave the party. So I go home and go down on her for an hour, if you're into that sort of thing. Yes, if that's what I want in that stage of my life. But like, yeah, I do have questions about the orgasm though. Do you believe about this like addictiveness of the orgasm? And also I read this, let me be

honest, I read like four pages of cupids poison arrow about the female and male orgasm and how it like ruins our relationships, and how women get super depressed after them and how you shouldn't be having them all the time. Do you know about any of that? And if you've heard of it, I think women should all I know is I go back to, you know to eons ago when women were actually, if you look at the tantric sex and you look at all these practices around women that women, the orgasm, when we have an orgasm, it gives us life. It's our life force. Women can have

up to like 226 orgasms a day and that's fine. Men would be better off in this paradigm of limiting their ejaculation and orgasm with ejaculation and then learning how to have multiple orgasms through bringing the energy of the orgasm through their body. So that's a whole other practice. Can I ask you, do you have orgasms with men every time? Yeah, if it's done right. During penetration?

You know what? Not if I don't also have a vibrator. If I have a vibrator too, it's guaranteed. And I'm not always guaranteed with a vibrator by myself, though. That's the thing. I need both the man and the vibrator for a guarantee. Now, if I'm by vibrator alone, I'm about 75 percent. I can get there. If I'm with a guy alone, also 75 percent. But guaranteed with both. So when guys are insecure about toys, I'm like, I can't without you either.

I need you. You're part of this for me. Right. Well, that's the thing. It's like bringing them along with the experience. I find that the guys who are insecure are insecure. That thought of it. But once they try it with you and they're like, that's really hot. And they like the feeling of it. Guys like it on their shaft too. So much work. Like I need a lot of pressure and I need a lot of stimulation because I'm just kind of like numb down there. And that's what's so good about listening to you is like you've reminded me like, think about your vagina, like go there. And I just don't feel like my body. I'm like shut off in places and that's one of them. And now I'm just starting to like, just go to what

feels good, both for sex and have no like shame about it. No judgment around it. And also just for myself, like what feels good to me, like I'm a messy person for years. I've been like disgusted with myself for being I'm too messy to have a boyfriend. No one would want to live with me. I have to like pretend to be clean and I'm living a lie. But the thing is, I'm not a bad person because I'm messy. I have, my brain is that of someone who is not organized and there are terrible things about that, but there's also good things about it and just who cares? And the person who's meant to love me will love me for that too. Exactly.

I'm not like a murderer because I sometimes eat out of the same dish and I haven't washed it in between, but I'm eating the same food. Who cares if a little oatmeal from before is still in my own, like disgusting stuff like that that you're like, oh, I'm, I'm a troll. No one will love me. I've let that go. And the sexual things I'm into, I'm very like, I was able to like show a guy the toys I use like all of them and walk him through it and like be very like Not shameful about how I need three toys when I'm by myself to come people don't even think to parib

I love having an internal vibrator than an external vibrator that you bring in though I know you like the womanizer because you you mentioned in your baby. Yeah, so what I do I think by my best approach is like starting with the wand over the sheets as I'm like looking for the porn that I want. I got all these toys from Bolessa, which is also where I watch my porn. I do kink.com and Bolessa. And those are, and I pay for those because I think I just feel good about paying for porn. It makes me feel like it's being ethically sourced. I love it. Those are both great choices.

I am into some weird stuff and it's OK. And I don't want to talk about it. Not weird, but like I watch porn that I never thought I would watch, like fisting, this thing. There are times I watch it where I'm like, I have to like find a way to do this. And then because I'm always like the ways I rom-coms, I'm like picturing I'm Meg Ryan and you've got mail when I watch it, or I'm picturing myself as like, when Harry Metz,

like you just put yourself in it, I put myself in porn, and sometimes I'm like, God, I wanna live this life. So there's part of me that, you know, if you find someone and you, that they're not into that, it's like, oh no, what am I gonna do? But I think that's just a discussion because I don't find it to be the same as like romantic sex. I got to tell you something, Nikki, that what I believe and what I've found in these years is that most people are going to be into what you're into or a version of it. And if they

say no right away, they don't know. And they have no idea. It took me time to get there too. I'll get you there. I can just look at my search history and see how fast we saw them. So what is the thing? It's not even see, but that's the negative connotation. What if it's like, oh my God, babe, I found what I love. I never thought I would be into watching fisting. Never.

And especially like sometimes I'm like, her hand is too small. We need something. Like I want my favorite porn is women doing feats of like that still feel good and don't hurt them. Like I don't like like multiple penises in one hole. That is not cool. Like for me, at least because I picture myself and I'm like, oh, that would like hurt. Although like a hand, I don't know why I can kind of accept that more. Usually because they do it like in a methodical fashion that like isn't going to hurt

the girl, the stuff that I watch, at least. But like multiple dicks, I'm like, I don't like it. But then like DP or like stuff like that, like where a girl- Double penetration. I have on this show and we're wrapping up and I go, what are you doing next? And guys like, I'm gonna go DP in Florida with like a director of photography. I know a lot of girls are DPing in Florida. I hear that's like a booming industry. There are a lot of female D.P.s now in your crew and he's like, really? And I was like, do you not get D.P. jokes all the time? No, he actually was like, I hear this joke all the time. But yeah, I like stuff like, okay, I guess

the weirdest thing, gang bangs. Common fantasy. Very common for women. Yes. And then this is the one where I'm like starting to be like, I like forced orgasms. Like that's my new thing. And because I didn't even know if it was a sub genre, but I found it on Reddit and like stuff on there. I'm like, I just like girls being like forced to come because I struggled to come. So if you tell me to do something, I'll do it. But I like to like, I live my life very much like reward based.

Like you don't get to have that unless you earn it. And so like, I want to earn an orgasm because they feel so good. I want to feel like, why am I getting this present? Like I did something like, I'm getting a sticker and then I can really, I push orgasms away because I'm like, nope, it can be better. I feel a better one coming and then I lose it.

And I'm like, oh. You do, even with all the toys? Oh my God, I push them away constantly. Like it is my instinct to not come. I didn't, the first time I had an orgasm was, I was 21. Okay. And the next time that I was like regularly coming was 24 and then took a real like-

I was 25. You were 25? Yeah, that's why I have this job. Cause I'm like, what the fuck? I was like, I never had orgasm. I never masturbated. I didn't even know it was a thing. When did you get like wild? Like when did you get like very like, I never had orgasm, I never masturbated. I didn't even know it was a thing. When did you get like wild?

Like when did you get like very like, I can talk about anything. Like what was it for you? Probably it was starting this podcast cause I realized I didn't know anything about it. And I thought. But what drew you to wanna talk about it publicly anyway? Like when most people are like,

I don't wanna talk about that. I honestly was like, why do I keep getting into relationships with guys where I'm faking orgasms? I'm not asking for what I want, I'm so into their pleasure over my own, is this what sex is all about? And I literally thought I was the only person, I did. So I thought, I'm gonna interview everyone I know

about their sex life and their relationship, and that's where the podcast started, like in my living room in San Francisco, friends came over, I was like, what? And then I was like, oh, everyone, many people feel the same way. People are so uncomfortable about it though. But they're not, Yeah, they are.

They still are. But not if we talk about it with our partners or anyone. The more we talk about it, the less weird it is. I love talking about sex. And it's it's sometimes like kind of shocks people. Like I was just on this show and it's like we were setting up a shot and I was just waiting and someone was talking about they were reading books. And I was like, what are you reading? And he was like, oh, it's a book about tantric sex.

And I was like, oh, my God, that's so fascinating. Like, what are you reading? And he was like, oh, it's a book about tantric sex. And I was like, oh my God, that's so fascinating. Like, what are you learning? And someone accused him of hitting on me. And I go, I asked him what book he was reading. He didn't lie. And I have an interest in sex. It doesn't mean that we are going to have sex. Like this, we can talk about this without it being like, oh God, this is inappropriate. But some people are triggered by that stuff. So I guess I should be more mindful. Okay. But wait, I want to go back to the toys. What I use is I'll use a wand or a little clitoral toy, and then when I want to have an internal orgasm, I'll bring out an internal vibrator. I love the rave by WeVibe, just that goes inside, and then you can have crazy orgasms. So I think

it's fun, and I think that with partners, when you show them, but that's what I've done. I've been like, I want to see something cool? Cause I actually, have you ever taken a look at your vagina? Have you ever looked at it with a mirror? I mean, yes, I think I have. I don't love to do it because it's not like, it's a little bit of a, like I've just accepted that I am what I am down there.

And I don't like to like stay down there too long. I don't like to look at my body in any way too much. And not because I don't love it, but because I'll find things to not like. And I'd rather just like like it and just kind of be blind to it. Like I don't like looking at pictures of myself right after I take them. I don't want to like, I don't either because later on I'll be able to convince myself that I've changed since that picture if I don't like it. And if I do like it, oh, I still look like that. So I like protect myself. So like

I do look at my vagina when I'm having sex and like getting more into like, seeing a guy go down on me, but that's uncomfortable to me. But that's so intimate, I think I think that eye contact during sex in general is very intimate. So like looking down there, if they look up, you're just like, Oh my god, what's happening? So what did you see down there? Are you turned off? Are you leaving? Did you hate my vagina? Yeah, yes, exactly. I mean, I've talked so much about my vagina acceptance and it's like, I'm still not over it. That's the thing. It's like, I'm like 90% there. Like I said, like I really accept my body like 90% of the time. I'm like a okay. And sometimes I look gross. I'm just like, I just laugh now. I'm like, it's so funny. Like how you look right now

as opposed to like, you look disgusting. Well, I was listening to your podcast too. And you were talking a little bit about how you do that and how you were getting better at it, but you check yourself. You check the messages that we tell ourselves, which does not serve us at all. And that like you keep saying, you're almost there. You're almost there. I've taken, I think body acceptance and loving ourselves and the negative self-talk never goes away ever, but you have better coping mechanisms. So there are less. Yeah, they can flare up. It just goes, but then it goes out the door, goes out the door. I got to a place of this and this is really new for me. It's like it's a year old to feel this way, like liking myself

and being like kind of accepting. And I'm not even it's not even that long. I would say it's like it's been six months of like really feeling like, OK, and feeling good. And it's getting it's just getting honest about like the behaviors in your life that you're doing that are destructive and not having to even fix them, but just getting honest about them. You know, like you said it when you said accepting yourself, you said it earlier.

You said something like I, I, if I'm messy, like I'm the same way I'm messy, I've seen this guy comes over and if no one's been here, like the it's a mess. And I'm like, I know you're judging me because it's like messy and shits everywhere. But my house is my office now and sh's all over and I got a dog yeah all the things I'm not a bad person because of it I'm not unlovable this is what my therapist is to me she's like yes that's true maybe you're messy for example maybe this but it doesn't mean you're a bad person you're not lovable because that's just not a thing your brain is meant is good that's how my brain is well you did you say you had ADD? Because I ADHD.

Yeah, well, I was like wildly depressed over the summer. I was living with my parents where I didn't, wasn't even trying to get my feelings met. And then I was also not able to do standup every night. I was podcasting every day, but I felt just fell into a depression and I wasn't on meds anymore. I had been like, oh, I'm just meditating now.

And it was going well for a while, but then I got walloped in like August and everything was good. I posted Jimmy Kimmel. Amazing. Yes, I said I had a lot of things going on. So, you know, for my parents to hear me crying and saying, like, I don't want to live any way, I just want to sleep because sleep is better than like my dreams are just more entertaining than my life. And I just I like hated my life and was just in such despair, such like a depressed brain.

But I had to do a podcast every fucking day over the summer that I agreed to do. But then I started to lose my mind. I started to go get so depressed that you follow me through like days where like, I was just like asking for help. I could tell people got worried. My listeners got worried because I would just be honest with them because I couldn't be anything. But I was just like, I am crying a lot today.

I don't, I'm very depressed. But some people reached out to me and were like, hey, maybe it's depression. But also maybe you have ADHD because it presents in women differently. And then I looked into it and I was like, oh, these I relate to a lot of this. So that's also how my acceptance of being messy and disorganized and talk too fast and talk too much. It's like, OK, I have ADHD and it's for whatever reason, having a label makes you accept it. Like it's not my fault.

Even though when I was anorexic, it was totally my fault. But like there are certain things that it's not at your fault and other things. It's like, you get no sympathy because you chose this gym. It's like, no one chooses to be like diseased. So it just help like you get medication or like yeah, costly though. I debate like a thousand dollars to go get assessed out of pocket. And then so it's like not affordable to get a diagnosis late in life because they suspect you of wanting to get speed and like, you know, get Adderall or whatever. And it turns out I do have it and then I was able to get treated for it and now

My life is I just like myself so much more ever since then really But it's not that happened because of like getting my like eating disorder finally under control Which is another whole thing because I I needed that like kind of bottom of depression and also like why is my life? Ruled by when I eat? This is hell. How did you get that under control? That's a big one. It is a big one. I realized that it was not something I could continue doing.

I didn't want my life and I would do anything I could to make it stop. And so I gave up essentially and asked for help. And if anyone relates to this struggle with eating disorders, you can reach out to me on Instagram and ask how I did it. And I can tell you what worked for me. It's like you said, it never goes away. It's there to get you at any time. And you sometimes will drop your guard and see it and want to like, I checked into this

hotel and there's a scale. There should never be a scale in a hotel room. You're on vacation. I'm in the Cayman Islands with a scale to There should never be a scale in a hotel room. You're on vacation. I'm in the Cayman Islands with a scale to just torture rich people and make them feel worse about themselves while they're already having to wear swimsuits for the first time in a while. Like get the scales out of hotels.

I want to launch a campaign. Why the close up mirrors too? I don't want it. Are you trying to get me to kill myself? Like literally their notepads should say like final thoughts or like, there's so many things this hotel room that are set to make me amaze of close-up mirrors terrible lighting in the back. I mean not this one this actually has really good lighting so it's in a good hotel. You're in a good hotel.

Cayman Islands. Yes. But get the scale out of my room because I was tempted to weigh myself because I just lost weight because I was on a show but it's like it was a dream. I just had the best time of my entire life and I am so lucky. Like I won a lottery in life with this life that I have. It's all doing well. I tell you, I've seen how that your ascension and all the things you're doing and how you keep evolving and growing and becoming more yourself. I just don't lie anymore. I never lie. I quit lying this year. I can always tell the truth without- People appreciate it.

And not tell, you don't have to tell someone they're fat. It's not like you have to like, if someone asks you that they look fat, you can say there's, I think there's more flattering things. You don't even have to say no. And we all know. Like you just, just be honest. And that has freed me.

So yeah, it's like, but the sex stuff is brutal. Okay, let's go to the sex stuff. I wanna have sex so bad. Okay, I know like watching your special on Netflix, you're banging special. Right. Yeah. But you talk about like you love when someone sucks under clit or you don't. I do like it. And I think I should try to do it.

But the problem is, I said that before I had realized that I have a very microscopic clit. Might be the reason for some of my issues. And guys can't really get as good of a suction as like toys have. And I was under the illusion that they all could. And literally none of them can. So I don't want anyone writing me being like, I can't get that spot, baby. Like, it's just going to take time. I haven't had my mouth.

I haven't been able to work with anyone on that technique. But I think generally women's clits are large enough that a guy sucking on them would feel very good for a woman and lead to a probably an orgasm that she hasn't had before with also finger and Have you had great oral sex? Yes, my first orgasm was oral sex actually So actually one guy has been able to really do that efficiently and I don't mean to say that and that is no slight to my other lovers of my life who have been

Amazing and I didn't even want oral because all the other stuff was so fucking good. I didn't care. But there's it usually I'm like, don't even try it's too complex down there. And I think that first guy just did it. And like, it was the first time it was babble. But Nikki has nothing to do with the size of your clitoris because do you know the clitoris? There's all these nerve endings in your labia. I know what they suck the whole thing. You're right. That would be good. But let me show you this, this is my vulva puppet. So here's your clitoris, right?

Like this little bulb, it doesn't matter. It extends behind here. There's 8,000 nerve endings that go behind the labia. Yeah, it's like a shaft. It's like a dip. Yeah, it's a shaft. So if they do this part, that might give you an orgasm as well. Okay, thank you for that.

Their hands. That's what I'm telling you. Oh, that with their hands? Yes, that was a game changer. I'm like, oh, this can make me cum. Dude, that's good. Because the clitoris, this is- That's what girls do a lot when they masturbate.

I lost the head of my clitoris, but there's a head, this is the internal clitoris. It goes right behind here. Oh, I see what you're saying. You're stroking that part. The little bulb just pokes out, so no matter how big or small your clitoris is, this is behind it, they stroke.

The labia is all fricking. Nerves. Yeah, that is truly helpful to me. So just take that into the bedroom next time, yeah. Yeah, I will. And I like. And lube. And lube, lube, fucking lube.

I was just to be so insecure about having a dry pussy, my God. And I would be turned on, I'd be like, I don't know why it's not working. Now it is no indication of like, if I was turned on at not, sometimes it is, but a lot of times guys don't know what they're doing and you can't get there fast enough.

So I would always spit on my hand, but now I'm just like, can I go get lube and make my life a lot easier or worse? And it makes it so fun immediately. Guys don't give a fuck, guys don't care. They don't give a fuck. They're like, okay, great. And then they try lube, just like when they try a vibrator and they're like, could you bring that lube?

I even had guys that I just slept with a few times break up with. They're like, what was that lube we used for that? I'm like, great spread the lube. But you've had a year to figure it out too. You've been in your body, you've been in sex. Yeah, I've been at my parents' house. And also I didn't get my period for two years. That's the other thing. Like this is all coming together because I was so fucked up from like stress and running myself ragged and having an eating disorder that was completely manageable and undetectable and just like not treating my body well that I wasn't getting my period. And I was like, why can't I be skinny and not get my period? Like I don't get why these models get to get pregnant and stuff, but my body stops working.

So I'm not going to address my eating stuff. I'm fine. I'm the size as models that have babies, but for some reason, my body would not be able to conceive, even though I don't want kids right now, necessarily. You don't want kids? Do you want them eventually? I don't know. If I do, I think adoption is like, I would have no problem doing it. So there's no rush for me. Like, I'll do it when I want to, in the way that I want to, but I would never feel like I was getting less of an experience

by not having my own. But if I can do it, maybe. But like so the pressure is kind of off for me in a way. Good. But I did want my period because it makes you want to talk. It's like I'm hot. I'm working on my body and like I can't get wet for anyone. I don't don't even like have flirtation with anyone. My body is shut down. It thinks I'm metaposil. I changed my diet and I just started eating

like a normal person and actually like treating myself well and not starving myself ever. And then I also just went and got my hormones checked and like got on some supplements that are fucking costly. So this shit isn't for like. It's all costly. It all is so expensive. None of these fixes,

but there are ways also of addressing these issues that are free. And again, if you want to Instagram message me and be like, I relate to you. How could they find you? It's Nikki Glaser. Nikki Glaser. And it might take me a bit to get back to you

because there's a lot of stuff in there and mostly dudes saying, I love your podcast, but yeah. Women have to take care of our own hormones. No one else is telling us what to do. No one is helping women's health. No one's prioritizing it. The thing is about this, like, I want to go back to closing out.

The whole thing about sex and like not having sex, you can have sex. You can have someone who's like a hookup person that you do. You truly don't want a relationship with. And you're like, if you can get that with someone, get it. This is about someone who you want more from. Right. So have all the casual sex you want and know the risks of maybe being attached to someone a little bit more than you would anticipate. But if they're truly someone that you haven't gotten attached to yet, keep sleeping with them, keep them in your life. Like get them to satisfy your needs. Like do that all you want. We're just talking about before you go into a relationship. I always say this, I don't

tell people to go sleep with people right away. I say that you do get attached, you have sex with someone and then you get so attached to the sex that you can't see the red flags waving in the distance and you see it like blocks all that out, the rationale, and then you might get prematurely attached to someone. So I always think it's better to get to know someone like what's the rush? You can make out, you can do other things like why do you gotta rush? But what do you do when you come back? If we are meant to have sex, the world will present itself and it'll be so fucking good

because then I'll be, I won't be worried about what's gonna be on the other side of it. You know, I can never control what's on the other side, but I have more safety proceeding with something that's very, I do hold very sacred and it's my favorite thing to do once I do let the animal out of his cage. Oh my God, that's so fun and I love it. You seem so fun.

That doesn't mean I get to binge on it. Like it has to be a special thing. It's like, I can't, I can't mess with that. How do you meet guys right now? How do you meet them? Do you get fixed up? Are you on apps? I asked my friends to fix me up. I try to put it out there pretty openly that I'm on,

like, you know, I did Conan and I talked about like what I was looking for. It was based around jokes. So people are throwing themselves at me thinking I really want someone with a golfer's asshole. I mean, it was just a joke. I don't even know what that means. I was saying like, oh, I want a guy with swimmers shoulders,

runners legs and like a golfer's asshole. And people are like, I might have a was just a joke. I don't even know what that means. I was saying like, I want a guy with swimmers shoulders, runners legs, and like a golfer's asshole. And people are like, I might have a golfer's asshole. I'm like, no, that was a joke. That was a joke. And then you get my joke. So yeah. I don't like guys like sliding in unless there may be someone that's like someone I'm already familiar with either through friends I've met you before or worked with you or like you're a celebrity that I can like research and like look into, but I usually don't like, I like to be the aggressor. I like to be like, okay, now I like him

and shift into that. So it's usually people I'm just around, like other comedians, people I work with. Have you dated other comedians? Would you do that? Yeah, oh yeah. I love comedians and I'm, because being a comic as a man is very sexy.

It's like when I watch a guy kill and is so funny, not really on stage. I mean, I used to be more enchanted with that before, but now I'm like as good as those guys. Yes, you are. The magic tricks that I'm just like some stuff really impresses me. Like there are guys and gals that I'm like, I could never do that. And I aspire to be that authentic or that witty or that creative. But in terms of like being horned up from a guy,

like girls get tricked all the time because comics are like, they look famous or guy on the stage with a microphone. They're so hot. Exactly. They're so hot. But I just hope that men like want to be better because you're not done yet. No one's done. People that are just like, I don't need to work on myself. What's that? Get out of here. If a guy doesn't believe in therapy or working on himself, I'm out. Like these are the things that I've learned

as I've gotten older and more mature, dated many people. I'm just like, if you haven't done the work, you haven't taken the first step on the journey, I'm out. Like you're not even curious about how you might want to leave. If you think you're done, like you think the way you live your life is great and it's like the way it's meant to be lived. Like you, first of all, you're so delusional because I'm looking at it and

I'm very, there's so many red flags that need to be addressed that I cannot enter into this unless you at least acknowledge them. Maybe you're not ready to change them, but if you can see that I gotta go. Yeah. But I got to ask you the five quickie questions, Nikki, we asked all of you guys, you just asked them quickly. What's your biggest turn on? Someone who's comfortable with themselves.

Biggest turn off? Insecurity. What makes good sex? Love. What's something you tell your younger self about sex and relationships? You never have to do anything to a penis because it presents itself.

Men do this all the time where they pull their penises out before you want them out and you're just kind of like, oh, I guess it's penis time and you start doing stuff and you don't. I've done it so many times just because I don't want to make it more awkward. You're just like, I guess I would anyway, so I'll do it. No stand up for yourself in those moments. Try harness like what you really want. And if you want to suck a dick, do it. Be like, oh great. I'm glad you brought this out. But if you're not feeling it, really try to stay in that and don't let him get away with it.

And it won't ruin your relationship to tell him to put it away. It doesn't need to be that. It can just be like, I'm not ready for that yet. It looks great. Glad to see it. But if he takes it on a way that's aggressive, obviously try to distance yourself as quickly as possible. But just you don't have to do it.

You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. And it doesn't make you weird or like a disappointment. And the thing is you only learn that you're only ready to accept that when you are because I've heard that for years and never let it in and wanted to believe it. But now I do. I like don't care if a guy is like, why I wanted to come or like what you're a tease or like any I just don't care anymore. It's like what I want. Okay, I love it. Last one, what's the number one thing you wish everyone knew about sex? I wish they knew vibrators in the bedroom will make everyone's life so much easier

because she can control that, you do your thing, and it's not because you're not enough, it's because also that vibrator is not enough. It's a team effort and you can bring things to the next level. So don't be scared to do that. And yeah. That's awesome.

Nikki Glaser, thank you for being here. Everyone can find you all the places. Nikki Glaser. Yep, my daily podcast, the Nikki Glaser podcast. Subscribe. At Nikki Glaser on Instagram. It's really great, everyone. You should listen.

Very entertaining. Thank you for being here, Nikki. Appreciate you. That's it for today's episode. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily and be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or a partner. You can find me on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok,

Twitter, or X and Facebook. It's all at Sex with Emily. Oh, and, TikTok, Twitter, or X and Facebook. It's all at Sex With Emily. Oh, and I've been told I give really good email. So sign up on SexWithEmily.com and while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. And if you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating or relationships, call my hotline 559-TALK-SEX. That's 559-825-5739 or just go to sexwithemily.com slash ask Emily. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithemily.com.