Sex With Emily - Pegging, Glory Holes and Public Masturbation With Carol Queen

Episode Date: October 6, 2020

On today’s show, I’m talking with author, sociologist, and sexology royalty Carol Queen. Carol has been leading the charge for open, honest sex talk for over 40 years. We dive into the CDC’s new glory hole guidelines and Carol’s new favorite all-gender vibrators and much more.I also help a couple find the best sex position for their changing bodies, someone wanting to know where they can live out their public masturbation fantasy and a man who wants to make oral exciting again.For more information about Carol Queen, visit: goodvibes.comFor even more sex advice, tips, and tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and on today's show I'm talking with author and sexologist Carol Cleen. We talk about how to live out your exhibition of this fantasy sex party, positions for when you're injured, glory holds and carols favorite new vibrators. All this and more, thanks for listening. And if people are like, I could never have sex with a mask, just pretend you're being kinky. Pretend you're doing it on purpose. Book into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubize they call them in a fight on days. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. Today I'm talking with Carol Queen. She's an author, editor her sociologist, sexologist, who's been speaking publicly about sexuality for 40 years. Carol was one of my very first

podcasts. She's done so much. She's the co-founder for the Center for Sex and Culture in San Francisco. She's the staff, sexologist, at Good Vibration since 1990. She's also an accomplished writer. Her work has been widely published. Carol and I have a great conversation. We also take some calls together, calls about how to date an older woman, how to make oral sex fun again and what the hell to do about

UTIs. All right, intentions with Emily, join me in setting an intention for the show. When I set an intention before doing something, it's much more likely to happen. So think about what do you wanna get out of it. Maybe it's, I wanna learn how to expand my sexual repertoire and knowledge around sex. My intention was to bring you a mentor and friend

who will liberate you to live your sex life to your fullest. All right, enjoy the show. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Let's talk to you just in California. Emily, how are you? Hi, I'm good, how are you? What's going on? Just actually, I talk kind of fast sometimes.

I'm a gay male. OK. And during this COVID, and actually before the COVID, I had this thing where I liked like, suck dick, you know, put it in my leg. Yeah, great. So I have like, on brand. So guys like it.

And so I have like, but I'm getting kind of carried away lately with COVID because I'm like, I have a house for myself. Not many game may have a house in a car in a job. And so I need some help because I can't come over like two or three times and I start to get bored. I got to like spice it up a little bit. I need some input. What can I do? Wow. What are you saying you want to spice up your blow jobs?

Well, yeah. I have these guys. There's like quite two or three to come over all the time, like consistently. We have sex. We look up and it gets bored. I get bored easy. Okay. Well, I've got some fun., I mean you've come to the right place. Let's make them interesting. Let's make sex interesting. I mean here's the thing, we all know how to give a blow job, not all of us, but many must know how to give blow jobs. But you're right, why we keep doing the same things over and over again.

So have you ever done anything with like temperature play? Have you ever like used a blindfold on one and they come in, you blindfold them because when you take away one sense with a blindfold, everything else becomes more heightened. And then you can have like a bowl of ice by the bed. You can have an ice cube in your mouth, and then you could take the ice cube and like, drip it over their body, and you know, when you put just penis in your mouth, you could your mouth will be cold. Then there's some incredible warming loops that we have. There's one by X-Sense. They make some great, it's like temperature, one by x-sens uh... they make some great time for it to be as like temperature play playing with like warming or cooling products you could also do

teasing you could use a toy if you ever use a toy or a cock ring i love cock rings though we love those yes i love cock rings yeah the best the vibrating ones are spectacular. Yes. Is it wrong to ask someone like, say, a guy comes over? And I feel bad that if I try, you know, there's some guys have a little aroma, they I'm not going to lie, you know, go get two.

But if you get here, I mean it for the first time, I'm like, hey, buddy, jump in the shower. Is that, is that rude? Well, okay. Hygiene is such an interesting question because this is something that how do you do it? We all, it's awkward. We all know it is, I think that we all know what it means, right? You're like, hey, buddy, jump in the shower. I'll be like, oh shit.

But I think you would say one shower, you could say, hey, I haven't showered yet, one a shower together. Because then you guarantee that it's, that you're both clean going into it. But it is a little bit awkward, but I think you also have to be honest. I mean, I think that especially now with COVID,

you could use a COVID excuse. I think you need you to shower. But yeah, but I do think that that's just sort of, one of the best ways I found it's like, maybe we should shower first or let shower together. Or I think it's the way you say it. You could even like kind of like, instead of like, take a shower, you know, you could just say like, uh,

I've got my profile, is that okay? I put up my profile. Yeah. Yes, yes, you could say let shower together and have a cocktail. Like let shower together and hang out. Hey. Do a great shower in your in your in your fancy house. I mean, you could say like let shower.

You could even after the shower, what would be fun is if you shower together, you got the candles going and then you could use some like of this war like warming oil and then you could like lie them down, you could give them a massage, put it all over their body. You know, you could make that part of the ritual because it's ex S E N S and they have this oh my god, they have this raspberry flavored lube that is gonna blow your mind. And I never thought I need raspberry lube, but they sent to me, I'm like, oh, raspberry,

it is friggin delicious. They also have eight different, I think it's eight or nine different flavors, because they kept pulling them out of the box. I was like, they have coconut oil, they have avocado flavor, they have peanut colada, but they smell amazing and they warm, so here's a cool thing, they're not really oils, I don't know,

I'm just sort of obsessed with that, so they smell great and then you put them in your hands and so you could also use them as a lube, but they turn into a oily substance, but they don't stain your sheets. You know what I mean? It's an oil but not an oil. All I'm telling you is, massage is so underrated

and then if you get something that could kind of make it fun Like oil up his body and then use a vibrator, right teasing him You don't have a vibrating caulking doesn't just have to be on the the cock if you will You could use it all over their body, right? You could tease them. You could kiss them. It's just play with them Why you're wearing it? Why you're wearing it? Yeah, why you're wearing it? Just holding it in your hand. No, well, yes, you can tease it while you're wearing it as well.

But you can also just use it in your hand and like use it on their back. Use it all over, like literally tease them with it in your hand and just drag it all over their body with the oil, with a blindfold. You could do prostate play. Do you ever do any prostate play? Absolutely. Yeah, there you go. Fingers and hands free. Yeah, I mean do listen

You know all the things I think a lot of this stuff about spice get up or keeping an interesting is atmosphere and just doing One thing different and that could be showering together. It could be a new toy It could be just something smelling amazing when they come into the room the beds made. It could be a new toy. It could be just something smelling amazing when they come into the room. The beds made. It's a different location. I love the vector by either. There's a lot of noise going on. Let me know. Let me know. Go. Do you think it's them? Have fun. Now you're. Yeah. Yeah. You got a girl. Thank you. Okay. Of course. I'm here for you. Amazing. All right. okay. I think we all have to spice it up right now. Am I right? Listen, he's just seeing someone three times a week Jeff seeing someone to get the little doll.

How is the sex in your relationship right now? We'll be right back. Okay, we have a question from Tommy 32 in Michigan. I would like to have sex with older women, but don't know how to go about talking with them. So much easier these days. Just start talking to them. That's how all great relationships start, Tommy. If you find someone that you're interested in, I think you strike up a conversation.

What's your intent for wanting to have sex with an older woman? Is it to get experience or you're looking for a relationship? We are not clear what we actually want from relationships. And I don't think that finding someone to have sex with or to date is any different than if she was your age or she wasn't your age. It's a practice of communicating. I think a lot of us think it's like this whole secret.

Like, what do I do? What do I say? And I think the more planned we are, we try to think about like, what's my pickup line? And what are we gonna say? It's like, be yourself and just strike up a conversation. See where someone's at. And if you've never done this before, and I have this sense that people who kind of grew

up with cell phones and kind of being on their phones and being on laptops, it's less comfortable perhaps to actually approach someone and to initiate a conversation. But it is a practice and the more you practice it, the easier you'll get. And my suggestion for everybody who is looking to date someone right now who's single is to, it is National Singles Day, is to practice just talking to people when you're out, even people you don't want to sleep with, just conversation, having it. I mean, the people who are really good. They simply had a life where they were,

maybe they were in a family where they're always talking or they weren't a job where they always had to communicate and they had practice, right? We don't come out of the womb being excellent communicators. But it sort of takes some of the fear out of it when you just kind of practice talking to people that you don't even find a draft of. You just kind of work there to say,

notice something and a great tip for talking to people, observe something in the room that's commonality, and then ask a question. So if you're standing at the coffee shop, Tommy, and you see a woman that you're interested in, you can just say, oh wow, look, they got the pumpkin spice back. Latte's here, I love them. Have you had the pumpkin spice latte?

I mean, that's just kind of like, observe something on the room, ask a question. You could even observe and say, I love them. I've been kind down the days. What are you going to get? I mean, it's really just that. Like, that's your commonality. You're in line. You're way in a coffee and you ask a question and you engage. It's all practice and it's all like letting go of fears. And you know, you get rid of fears is you just kind of move through it, try the things that you think you can't do

because if we're not growing in life, if we're not like challenging ourselves and growing and trying new things, we're dying. It's true. Can't think of a better way to say it. We got a few questions. You know I love trends and questions and emails. We got a few of these today.

So I'm just to cover it all. Madison says, hey, Dr. Emily, I seem to get a lot of UTIs, urinary tract infections, any tips on how to prevent from getting them. So this is a really common question and a common recurrence for so many women who just get UTIs over and over again, and we just don't know why. There are a few things that you can do to avoid this because really it's essentially when

bacteria finds their way into the urinary tract. That's how you get a UTI. And then once the bacteria gets into the urethra, it travels up the tract and then it can multiply. And then you get this inflammatory response in your body. You can go into your kidneys, the higher that it moves up, the more severe the infection becomes. I can tell you once this happened to me

and I ended up in the hospital. And I was like 20 and I was in intern in DC for the summer and I stupidly, I don't remember what I did that was to I probably didn't I probably didn't like pee after sex or it was like with a new partner and I Got to work. I got to work and then what happens if they're untreated if you don't treat a UTI You can actually get an infection and end up in the hospital This happens to women all the time so

Making sure that you get checked You know that you get checked out by your gynecologist, get a pap smear, twice a year, it was very, very helpful. But if they keep happening, there's this really cool company that I recently heard of that actually would be awesome for you. And that is Yukora. And I was like, why didn't I think of this? So Yukora is, so check this out. You should, oh, another thing, this is another stupid.

Okay, this happened to me twice, I'll admit it. This happened to me with another guy I was dating and he was like, you know, I don't think you should take, because you also, the other thing that happened is you have to go into antibiotics. But would you go into antibiotics? It's like, then you're immune to some down and you got to take antibiotics and you're like, I don't, he was like super healthy.

He was like, I don't know, like a vegan, didn't believe in my Easter medicine. He's like, you should drink a lot of cranberry juice. Emily, drink a ton of cranberry juice. And I was like, okay. And it got worse. You can't just drink cranberry juice to get rid of a UTI. But it helps to regularly drink cranberry juice. So this company you core, check this out, it's UQORA,

and they've products and supplements that you could take daily or as needed to essentially help flesh out your urinary tract. And each of their products, they support you in different ways. So there's one that's like, and it tastes really good. This one tastes like pink lemonade, and you could drink it every day. There's other ones that they have like supplements that are really good for probiotics. There's one that you can promote your vaginal microbiome. So they have you on this like regimen, and they send it to you.

You can just order it online because I know that there's so many of us who kind of worry about our vaginal health, but we're like, oh, God, I want to go to the doctor. I don't want to take time. And so remember this, even if you empty your bladder before sex or after sex, shower before and after, you can still keep getting UTIs. So if you take supplements like Ucora, I mean, check it out. I think it'll help you out. You can find more at ucora.com, UQORA.

Hello, Carol Queen. Thanks for joining me. Emily, we were at your kitchen table all the way back then or your dining room table or whatever table I was. Emily, one table. We were actually going through because we had our 15th anniversary thinking about those early shows and I was thinking about the last time I saw you was at the vibrator museum at the Good Vibes in San Francisco.

You took us on a tour. That was fun. And it's not a wonderful room full of antique vibrators. What could be better? You can't believe the vibrators in there. You're like, it looks like a mixer, like a mixing bowl. I just remember that. The big anyway, that was the last time I saw you care. How are you doing? How have you been doing? I am doing okay. It's of course 2020 now. And instead of running around the world and talking about sex wherever I can, I hop on Zoom relatively frequently to talk about sex in various contexts and mostly stay in my

apartment working from home. And I thought, oh, I'm going to have so much free time. I'll start my memoir. I start, I'm taking some notes that's about all I have found time for what on earth is going on here. I thought I was going to have hours and hours of extra time. I know. Same. Why is it especially now people need more information about sex and communication and relationships. We know that sex toy sales have been on the rise. I can't stop seeing reports about that for all home. Might as well be masturbating.

I can't stop seeing reports about that. We're all home. Might as well be masturbating. Thank goodness for those of us who need the relaxation, who need to keep their jobs, selling people's sex toys, and all of the other people who are gonna benefit from people being a little more relaxed, a little more, please.

Right, because it's self-care. If we don't think in terms of masturbation is self-care already, I bet a bunch of people have had their minds changed or blown or opened up this year because there's stress everywhere, even if people feel pretty safe. It's still stressy. It's still stressful. People who have never experienced anxiety before

are now experiencing it. So it's just like they don't know what they've never had any mental health challenges. So not saying masturbation is a cure for everything, but you can get that little serotonin dopamine, you know, oxytocin rush, which is a good cocktail. It's not a bad idea to find out what are the things in your life that give you pleasure and relaxation and masturbation happens to put both of those things together for most people. Exactly. They really do. You've been talking about this for 45 years, but in some ways I've found that things haven't changed that much. I don't know, Carol, like as far as people still shameful about masturbation and that we still can't talk about it in certain places, But what do you see as

some changes? What's been the most remarkable to you or interesting to you right now? Since you've started, I know that's a long journey, but I'm curious. It's a long journey and let me just clarify for people who may not know much about my history that tell them everything. I started out as a young person trying to figure out about sexuality as one does, unless one waits until they're old to do that, which also happens whenever you do. It's a good time to start, I guess. That's a good time. I started my first year of college, I guess, or second. One of the first gay youth groups in the nation

along with a couple of my young gay male friends. So I started doing LGBT panels and things when I was very young and doing and doing there's kinds of organizing. So the really huge difference is that it is mainstream news now. It is part of what we're talking about all the time and almost all venues, even the venues that are cranky about these things are talking about them. And it came out of the subcultural, self-published feminist reg that you had to get at the feminist cafe situation into the Washington Post and the New York Times and the Atlantic and all of the media names that we've known for a whole life. Right.

That's the biggest, biggest big. So the biggest difference that we're more open a whole lot. Right. That's the biggest, biggest, biggest thing. So the biggest difference that we're more open now, culturally, to all the changes that are happening. And people are more willing to talk about these things. Yeah. And I think I'm also saying we know as a culture now that this is not sort of side material. This is an underground.

I mean, many people still have to live underground. I don't mean that. But the discourse is, oh, this has been going on for decades. This is part of what we have to grapple with as a culture. And that's one of the things that brings these various reckonings together in my mind, right? Because they're not the same thing. Right.

But the fact that we have to have reckonings. That's how we wake up, right? I guess that's how we wake up and how we make change. Now, what about in this sex space? I mean, I...or maybe it's just the shame in the embarrassment that we're not still not teaching sex ed in schools. People aren't as comfortable talking about it. I mean, I think there are more resources now, but the information isn't accurate, and then there's more porn, so that that gets confusing. There's more porn. It's certainly the availability and sort of mainstreaming of porn.

That's made a jump too. Although for a minute in the 70s, it looked like it was going to be that moment, right? And then it wasn't. But now it sort of is. Only there's still plenty of anti-porn people. And I mean, I think the fact that porn has stepped up this way is fascinating, but I always want to remind people that it's not documentary film. We're not watching Richard Attenborough bird movies here.

We're not watching sex ed here. We're watching constructed, designed, directed, scripted, entertainment, even if it doesn't really look like it is. Wait, you just made me think about something because there are, you've done so many things. I was going to name all your books here and things, but I just had to flash and tell me if I'm correct. We talked about educational. No, porn is not where people should be learning how to have sex play by play, but didn't

you create bent over boyfriend? Yes. I want to differentiate between porn and explicit sex education material and there's an over-roder Right, and I call that X-Add for short. I think I invented that. X-Add, and Carol's a Vendor Lottie. Speaking of a word that didn't exist when we made Bendover Boyfriend, which was an educational when we made Bend over boyfriend, which was an educational explicit movie about women giving men anal pleasure with strap-ons. Some of the people there will go that's kind

of binary and the way that you're talking. And yes, we did this in the 90s and the non-binary discourse had not stepped up to the point that it is now. And I'm so glad that so glad we don't only have two to choose from. That's not very many. I'm exactly. But the word that I'm thinking of here is pegging. So it was a movie about pegging, but the term pegging didn't exist yet. In the 90s. Right. That's right.

Because Dan Savage, his team of people who read his column, did this. He did this. Let's make a name for this sex act. You're so sex act. You're just not having a name. You have to describe it in a phrase. Can't have that. Let's make a name.

And pegging was what they came up with. So now we have all the dots at the end. I don't know. I don't know how that was done. And his and his Mary readers who were very creative in terms of the language. So that came directly out of our experience at Good Vibrations in the 90s. Can we still see Ben over boyfriend because I still

still was recommending it up until recently, but I mean that was so advanced that you at the time were like, and this is how you wear a strap on them. And because we people would come into Good Vibrations and say that they were interested in doing this and many of them thought they had invented the idea and others were like my boyfriend is by and he wants to do this not that all the buyboyfriends want to do this some might and some of the heterosexual and you know sexual orientation and the sex act to desire are not. There's not a straight line between them necessarily right. So we would we would describe and talk and so talk all around. And the idea was that watching the sex acts as we talked about them and gave information would be a way for people to really wrap their brain around how to do it themselves. And we could get into all of the, you know, the specific sex ed stuff. You've got to have a loop. You've got to relax. Here's how to clean, here's

how to choose the right size, all of the things, right? Because there are a lot of moving parts to doing any new sex thing, especially something like panging. I know I just said don't watch porn for sex ed, but the point is porn might cut some corners. Porn is performed by professional athletes of sex, who know, or mostly, or often, who know the way to do what they need to depict, to make it hot and exciting, and maybe actually mostly used amateurs in Bendover, Boyfriend,

but they were people who really wanted to learn and enlighten other people. One couple had never done it before, and another one wasn't even a couple, but they were pretty frisky, and they knew that they could make it happen, and so they did. And so it was a way to take a kind of sexuality

that wasn't much discussed, that there wasn't a book about, there wasn't a whole lot of information about it anywhere, so that if somebody wanted to do it, they had a bit of a crime, they had a hunt, that they had to go on to figure out how to find a person who wanted to do it with them, how to talk about it, how to do it, how to do it safely, how to do it pleasurably, all the things that many of your listeners have had their own sexual mountains to climb, even if it wasn't that one. Right, but that is the mountain.

Yeah, change I've seen, Carol, if you've seen this too, that I feel like it used to be that men who identified as straight, like it was a hurdle, we'd have like, maybe try your prostate, try it out, but then they were like, nope, but I have felt a shift in the last five years where I think that straight men are more open to it. Sister under a man are like saying, yes, I want to try it. They're coming to me. It's not like their girlfriend's

coming or whoever. They're actually are, I get it. And I want to try it. So that kind of delights me that they're like, okay, I get it. It's very delightful for a couple of reasons. One, if somebody's got a pleasure part on their body, it makes sense that they would want to figure out whether it's fun. I mean, they don't have to. If it's not, you have to do it again. And someone's sexual orientation doesn't equal

the kind of sex acts that they will want to do. I think our culture has done a little growing as far as understanding that. In the last, say say 10 to 20 years. There's a real sense that I notice of people understanding. And maybe partly it's sort of the challenges of non-binary communities helping people think outside the box. Maybe it's just much greater discourse that more people can hear about sexual orientation issues and you know marriage equality and there's so many different things

that have gotten more high profile and acceptable to talk about and think about. And the old days at Good Vibes when we talked to people about this, sometimes it was men who knew about prostate pleasure who were hoping that they could convince girlfriends to go there with them. Sometimes it was women who were like, they need to know what it's like to be penetrated. And I know who can argue with that. It's interesting to know what it's like to have that kind of experience of someone sliding into your body and No, whether it's always awesome whether it's sometimes Challenging whether no, I don't want anybody coming in here

I mean because that's part of the assumptions that we've had to overcome too, right? Is these gendered ideas about what is normal? What is the way that all men are all women are? overcome too, right? Is these gendered ideas about what is normal, what is the way that all men are, all women are? You can't make those kinds of judgments. And anybody who thinks you can, is not living in the 21st century, right? Exactly.

It's exactly right, Carol. We've got some calls coming in, and I want to answer because I love that you're here because you don't, you don't have one. You have two sexologists here to help you and this next question I would love to get your take on this. Let's talk to Jake 25 in Ohio. Hi Jake, thanks for calling. I just want to call because I have this fetish or fantasy. I'm in the masturbating in public and I'm just wanting to save spot to maybe do it in.

Even though it's illegal, but we can, Carol, what would be a safe spot for him to miss? I don't know why I thought Carol would be good at this. I mean, not that we can say because it is illegal, but like I said, I mean, in your car maybe with the white... Well, that's brainstorm. So there's two real challenges. And one is, where will you not get caught? Because public, showing yourself off off is pretty much illegal,

almost everywhere, and where can you do this, where the people who might get a glimpse of you consent to do that? So my initial thought is, swingers parties, sex clubs, sort of sexualized environments. I don't know if there are still any glory hole type sex shops around where you are and how about glory houses in. Yeah, Jax. They're high. Yeah. But I don't know if they are still open because it's been a minute since I've been to Ohio, but I might have committed a sexual crime in Ohio. Everyone there wanted to see the demonstration. I don't want to give the wrong impression.

I'm not going to make some sexual deviants in your day. How did I add some sexual deviants? I mean, it probably wasn't legal to do it. So we jumped in the rental car and just floored it. Is there like a sex toys shop in your area? It means nothing's open. I would find like a meetup or go on like, what are the sites right now? Like, Fet Life or try to find a local party where you can go with other like-minded people? Because my biggest thing is I like to, you know, have, it might sound weird. I like to have people watch and...

Yeah, I've heard it all as long as the people want to watch. It's a fabulous form of exhibitionism. I wrote a whole book about it. You did tell him what book is that? Exhibitionism for the shy. And it's a real view camera. If you watched, right? It's, so there's the two kinds of exhibitionists,

the kind that everybody thinks like, oh, we got to lock them up are the ones who want to shock and freak other people out, make them scared, make them, what, what, I don't want to look at that thing. I don't want to see anybody's hand moving on it either. That's non-concentral, right? And then there's the people who sort of sit with their chin on their hand, like we used to watch TV, right? And then there's the people who sort of sit with their chin on their hand like we used to watch TV, right? Go, you know, go a little slower, go a little faster. And who like to watch? And they're the viwers. So Jake, what you've got to find is viwers. And again, I think that in the in the swinger sex club world, if you can find any of those

kinds of venues, do you still find Swinger via the lifestyle or I think you do? Maybe lifestyle.org. There's like, Cassidy's another one. There's a FET life. I would try to find some parties on there, Jake, that you could go to meet with Blake-minded people. Hashtag open actually is a free app. Hashtag open is all genders.

All of you just use the hashtag of what you're looking for. So you could go there, Jake, and say hashtag public masturbation. I'm finding the right people because it's really a delightful kind of sexual play. It's especially relevant right now in the era of COVID when we're not supposed to be right on top of each other, breathing each other's air, right? But if you're across the room from each other, that's a little different and could be safer. If you find a safe place to do it outside all the more so, I do wish you the best because it's true that this is not the sort of thing that you want to get busted doing, but if you can find the right way to find

the right people, and you can have a lot of fun. Yeah, find your people, Jake. I think you can find them and he just takes one party where you meet people and you like them and then you'll be invited to other parties. Every town has their people. So you just got to find your people and I think that would be very satisfying to you. You know? Yeah, I just, I've been to jail once already. I just don't want to go again. That's why you got to find your people in the consensual atmosphere, okay?

Okay, Jake, check out those sites that I talked about. Go to my website. We've got a lot of different sites on there that you can find. We can put it in the show notes. I think we have a blog about how to find a third and that has all the websites in it. But you can find people out of way to go to jail either. Thanks Jake. I appreciate you.

Thanks for calling. Carol, you want to hang out for a second. We're going to take a quick break. There'll be more sex with the family. Thanks everyone for supporting our sponsors. You know, we only work with sponsors that we enjoy ourselves. And I hope you do too. Let's talk to John 54 in Virginia. Hi Dr. Emily.

Hello. My wife can't no longer get on top because of issues with her knees and arthritis and that was the position she always was in that she could have an orgasm with. And now she can't do that. And just trying to figure out other positions besides visionary that we could do. Yeah, that's a really good question.

I'm trying to think so. Her knees, she just can't be on her knees at all. No, not at all. I'm trying to think if she was on top, I'm thinking about like a sex swing or something she could do or like she could maybe use sex furniture. Yeah, face to face in a sturdy chair. Maybe I mean, if you're going to do a for any kind of furniture situation, you got to really make sure it's not rickety. You got to make sure you're not going to all, you know, tumble that on her. You're not.

You're not gonna all you know tumble that ball. You're not for bright y'all cheer anything. Yeah but if the reason that she gets off that way is that she's able to move her body because sometimes that's the reason specifically sometimes it's somebody can't concentrate and you know focus with someone's weight on them but sometimes it's because it's easier for her to move her pelvis and I wonder if there are need the tutorial simulation. Yeah I wonder if there are any side to side positions that you two could try. There's a position where you sit on the bed and then she sits on your lap facing you so that you can get inside of her, but she doesn't have to bend her knees. She can just sort of wrap them around those small of your back. That might work. Yep. Okay. And you can move her back and forth too if she can't really move as much in that position. Right. Or grab the leg board of the bed as long as it's sturdy. Again, the furniture has been stirred. I've broken so many beds.

the bad as long as it's dirty again. The furniture has to be stirred. I've broken so many beds. I'll put my life in. And Sam, I remember having this like a Kia bed and it would break. I love the positions where one partner's on the bed and one partner's standing. Those are great positions.

Or the other thing is, we finally don't have kids in the house. So it's kind of nice to be able to be somewhat spontaneous. Okay, great. So let's think of what else. I mean, I said sex swing just because I don't know. I was thinking about elevation, but I wonder if she'd still get the leverage from that. And then even like something like the liberator,

that would still hurt her. I'm thinking about like elevation, sex furniture. So I like the idea of on the bed or using a chair, because then she could also, if you're on like a big comfy chair, or the couch even, the edge of the couch, she could use leverage, she could put her hands on the armrest, and then behind it and kind of move herself back and forth, but her legs could still be out. Like if she's long ways on the couch, modified spooning position, or the modified spoon position, Carol, we were saying the laying, something where she's laying down, but you know,

you're wonder if that wouldn't the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side to thrust together, but she would also have some of her own ability to thrust her pelvis as with you. You might try that too. Sometimes it's a little hard to scan your sides and it's a very pin to fall to the other of you to give it a try. It should be fun. You should give it the old cowards try. Yeah, I would recommend that as well.

And there are some great position books. My friend L. Chase wrote a book called Curvy Girl Sex, and she's got some really interesting sex positions in that book for people who have just different challenges around positions and they're incredible. I've recommended it to so many people, and they really enjoy it. So, check that out, John.

See how those work. I'll let you know, you're my go-to podcast, but I drive, do that drive a lot with work sometimes. I'm so glad. Thank you, John. So good to hear from you and thanks for listening and for calling. So appreciate you.

Carol, look at your face, trying to figure it out, like a mathematician, like her brain's going to all the positions and like, what does she know? She's got lots of knowledge in that brain. Carol, you've done so much written so many books, you've been speaking, you've been really, you've made such a huge difference in the landscape. You paved the way for me to be able to do what I do. Thank you for that. I'm grateful for you, really, truly and truly. So let's talk about, so I said, you've amazingly ubiquitous vibrations for 30 years. You're still, so I don't know what you do, you're a staff sexologist.

You do a few of your own companies. You do a few of your own companies. You do a few of your own companies. You do a few of your own companies. You do a few of your own companies. You do a few of your own companies. You do a few of your own companies. You do a few of your own companies.

You do a few of your own companies. You do a few of your own companies. You do a few of your own companies. You do a few of your own companies. You do a few of your own companies. You do a few of your own companies. You do a few of your own companies. You do a few of your own companies.

You do a few of your own companies. You do a few of your own companies. You do a few of your own companies. You do a few of your own companies. You do a few of your own companies. You do a few of your own companies. You do a few of your own companies. I'm curious about, is there anything new you got, or anything fun with toys right now? You know, we have our subscription box from Good Vibrations. You can find it on our website, sexvendly.com, which has been a really fun thing to kind of curate that box every month

for people to get it four times a year. And you just get like, it's a, sex shows up in a box, like sex ideas. And it's kind of fun to curate that. Is there anything that you're into right now? Is something new that's sort of fun? They're like, oh wow, they think about, never thought they'd think of this.

What do they think of next? I know, that's one of the wonderful things of being in a place like this for 30 years as you see some shifts in technology and so forth. So what I'm excited about right now, these are just new in the last month or so, as a little three item line called cute little fuckers. And new little fuckers are designed by non-binary and queer people, but they're designed for everyone and anyone who wants to get a vibrating gizmo that's cute and put it on their body somewhere and

see how they like it. So that includes most people except the people who don't like vibration, right? There are some. And or maybe they have on the right vibrator yet, I don't know. And no pressure to vibrate, but but cute little fuckers has three different ones. One looks like they're so cute. So a lot of non-binary-ish toys that have been designed so far have been a little austere.

And they're gray or they're taupe colored sometimes. They want to avoid the pink and blue business, the boing girl, and all of that. Well, Cue Little Fuckers just picked some different colors in that, and they made them cute and bright. They're adorable. One of them looks like a little starfish and you can put it on the clear symbol, but you could stroke a penis with it or whatever you've got, whatever you call it, basically.

It doesn't matter if you've bought the parts of the body parts that we have gendered names for or maybe you do. So that's a cute one and then there's one that looks like three little sea monsters stuffed together that I'm pretty sure could be used as a dildo if somebody wanted to do part. Both of you. Cute little sea monsters. Yeah, I love this.

See, okay, see, this is what's so cool that I love toys that are dust. You don't even have to name the body, but just the vibrations feel, can feel great everywhere. And so why do we decide this is for any gender, then you get one toy, you can share it, get a bunch play around with it. I think this is great, that's great innovation. So Carol, essentially, you were there when the talks happened about creating masturbation month.

I wish we had social media then, we could have like documented that moment because that was a big moment. We were trying to make sure that Clinton firing Surgeon General Joyce Ellen Elders for saying one tiny sensible thing about masturbation did not go unchallenged. We were like, this is outrageous.

So that's what made us create it in the first place. That's right. Something to the effect of, yeah, one masturbation should be taught in schools. And then he did not appoint her. It was something to that effect and good for good vibrations for doing that. And you. I want masturbation should be taught in schools and then he did not appoint her. It was something to that effect and good for good vibrations for doing that.

And you. So me and we should teach them to masturbate. She meant we should teach them there is a thing. We call it. We should teach them about, we should give them a sex education that's accurate. So okay, so Carol, let's talk about these CDC guidelines right now for COVID, you know, wear masks,

you know, avoid exchanging, you know, wear masks, void exchanging kissing, and glory holes. At the height of the AIDS epidemic, everybody in the US got a surgeon general's brochure from Sea Everett Coop that said, all kinds of things. So this is actually not all that new. When the CDC and the health departments

have to step up and talk about sex, they will do so as we see this time. Yeah, glory hole. Some people may not even know what glory holes are. It's telens. Glory holes. That is a wall with a hole in it. And you can put your body part through the hole.

Often it will be a penis, but you could put a hand through there and reach for somebody else's genitals, whatever they might be. And you can do all kinds of things through a glory hole. And there's a wall in the way so you're not breathing each other's air. And that's what makes it a safe thing for COVID. Now, of course, people can mask up real well. And if people are like, I could never have sex with a mask, just pretend you're being kinky, pretend you're doing it on purpose.

Plenty of people do wild things when they have sex. This is really unusual. Let's try it. It might be fun. So you don't wanna get face to face and breathe in. You know, the exhale, even though it's such a sexy intimate thing to do, right now it's not safe. So we either put a wall in the way,

or we mask up real good. Of course, making sure we wash up when we're done. It's not an old time interval. It's not an old time interval. I haven't tried so much about sex is variety in trying something new. So why not try that if you wanna have safe sex. Carol, we're coming to the end here.

I gotta ask you our five cookie questions we ask all of our guests. What is your biggest turn on? Brains. I'm one of those sapiosexuals. Biggest turn off. People being really pushing about assuming they know what the right thing to do is and knowing what I want, which they might not know. What makes good sex?

Wanting to be there in communication. Something you would tell your younger self about sex. It gets better. What's the number one thing you wish everyone knew about sex? That there is no such thing as a normal sex life that you have to follow or you're abnormal. There is a variety of differences. I love it. Thank you so much, Dr. Kiergplien, for your abnormal. There is a variety of different things. I love it.

Thank you so much, Dr. Carol Queen for being here. It's at Carol Queen at Instagram. Thank you, Carol Queen on Twitter. You could also find more at GoodeVibes.com. Well, that's it for today's episode. I'll see you on Friday. And thanks for listening to Such with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review.

And tell all your friends, your partners, your lovers about the show. If it's helped you, I promise it'll help them too. We really show on Tuesdays and Fridays, and look out for a bonus episode every now and then. You can also find me on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. It's all Sex with Emily. Oh, and I give really good news

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