Sex With Emily - Penis Captivus & Other Sexual Hangups

Episode Date: March 11, 2015

Are your sexual hangups stopping you from having the sex and relationships you’ve always wanted? In this podcast, Emily and Menace answer your emails and give advice to help you overcome your sexual obstacles. Today’s topics include sexual stamina, unexpected bisexual fantasies, fake orgasms, a lack of orgasms and a relationship lacking in sexual chemistry. Plus, a sex in the news story that has everything: Cheating, witchcraft, public fornication, an angry mob, and the medical term for a penis getting stuck inside a vagina (no, not marriage!)To have a happy and lasting relationship, you need to have great sex - That means open communication, open minds and plenty of orgasms to go around! No matter what sexual roadblocks you might be up against, this podcast has the advice you need to break on through. Check it out! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Today's show, we are talking about you and your emails and your questions that you sent to feedback at Sex with Emily.com. Here's some topics. How to last longer in bed. Sex and anti-depressants. Struggling with your boyfriend's bisexual fantasies, smoking for sex, orgasms, relationships, chemistry, no chemistry, we're covering it all in this show. So thank you for listening to Sex with Family and supporting us. Oh, and also, want some amazing sex toys?

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That's offer code Emily at ademanieve.com Look into his eyes They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bit-rules eyes, they call them a bygone name. Hey, Aveline, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

The girls got a hair stand. Oh my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It's drinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh my god, what a flair, so proud. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can listen to all of our podcasts, read our blogs, check out our videos, sign up for our mailing list, the second you get there because you will love our emails. And also, I really just think it'd be really easy for you to subscribe to the podcast because then you'll never miss a show again week to

two shows a week. And podcasts to some people, they're still confused by them. They're like, I want to listen, I don't get it. Let me tell you how easy it is. You download an app like the podcast one app, stitch your app, it's for any smartphone, and then you just listen to podcasts, you just stream it and you can listen to it. You can also, if you've iTunes on your phone, you download the podcast iTunes app, this is all free. And you just listen to it or listen to it on your computer, so easy, you subscribe and then you get a minute and then you get a notification and then there's a sex family show. How easy is that, Menace?

Super easy. Super easy. I mean, we know this 10 years we've been doing a podcasting, some people are like, oh yeah, I totally want to do that. Yeah, podcasting so hot right now, can you believe it? I know, we're hot too. You know what, I know why. Yeah, why?

Well, Menace, all this hard work that we've been doing for the last 10 years, just because we want to help people have better sex, has earned us an award, a nomination for an award. We are nominated for the podcast awards. So I'm so grateful. Thank you, podcast awards. We are nominated in the mature category for best podcast. And all my listeners, I love you. And I would appreciate beyond if you would vote for us to actually win. It's at podcastawards.com. You can vote every single day, starting March 3rd for like a few weeks, I think.

So I would just save it in your browser, save it on your toolbar. That was called toolbar. Book bar? Yeah, book bar. And vote every day. It takes you two seconds. I know you're already on Twitter, Facebook,

anyway, just gotta bounce over. Vote for us, we're in the mature category. And we'd like to win. I would feel good. I don't ever want anything like. Come on. What? Yeah, podcastawards.com, click on mature.

Sex and Emily, it's that simple. Right. So be as fast as me saying it. Exactly. That's already done. Like they've got to do it at 10 times. Or me trying to put a sentence together. And here's another thing people. And this is just my own thing.

And I'm cool. I've got confidence. It's fine. I want, you know, me the best team win. But I am also hosting the podcast words with Dennis Miller. And I will be on stage giving out the award, hopefully, to myself. Yeah, that would be awesome.

I want to give it to someone else. I'm not that competitive. And I will celebrate anyone who wins. But really, you guys, come on, save me from that. What do you win, will you thank me? Dude, I want you to be there. Oh, yeah, I got to remember to thank you. Hey, let's write that down.

Now, I would definitely think menace, menace, menace, okay, yes. So also, we would love you to be our internet sex with Emily. I've had a really vibrant intern program for the last 10 years, and we need some interns in Los Angeles, or you could also work remotely. We're not encouraging that,

but if you are, you know, fit the job, fit the bill, that might work, we're looking for a social media slash marketing intern, and also a production intern who can help with video and editing and all that stuff. So email us feedback at sexwithm.com if you're interested, include your resume, cover letter writing samples, a thoughtful letter, and editing and all that stuff. So email us feedback at sexwithmwe.com if you're interested, include your resume, cover letter writing samples, a thoughtful letter, like why you want it, and all that stuff.

The second thing we're looking for are some seasoned sex and relationship writers. If you'd like to write for us and be posted on our blog, we would promote you, get a lot of, we have a lot of readers, we have a lot of listeners, and we'd love you to join us. So email us feedback at sexwithmwe.com. That'd be huge. Huge, we already have a bunch of readers, we have a lot of listeners, and we'd love you to join us. So email us feedback at sexwithamely.com. That'd be huge.

Huge, we already have a bunch of blogs you can check out our site, but I just think there's a lot of people out there who are talking about interesting things who have their own blogs, and they might want to share. We would love that. And oh, and one more thing. You know what's coming up?

Very, very soon. A very important holiday. Your favorite holiday. Very important holiday. Very important holiday. Okay. Valentine's Day has gone, done and gone. We spent a lot of time on it, but we did not spend a lot of time on the other holiday,

which is steak and BJ day. It's a legal holiday, by the way. Yeah, it's legal. They have cards now at Hallmark at Target. No, but really, it's a month after Valentine's Day, it's actually March 14th is the actual date, but at the Hussar Hollywood store, March 13th, I am having the first of its kind, steak and B.J. party.

And if you've never been to the Hussar Hollywood store, it's awesome if you live in the, I was just saying Bay Area. If you live in Los Angeles, area or anywhere, fly in, check it out. It starts at eight o'clock. I'm gonna give a little blow to the class, but really we're gonna have like steaks.

We're actually having like filet mignon. We're having like drinks and steaks to be fun. And it's a frigging cool class, but really we're gonna have like stakes. We're actually having like filet mignon. We're having like drinks and stakes to be fun. And it's a frigging cool store, and there's parking in back, and it's so easy. And it's also, I always say it's to couples. They're like, how do I give a partner to do this, and she doesn't like this, or he doesn't like that? I always say go to your local sex toy store

for a night and walk around. That's a great, I mean, you can't not but help a comment on toys, lingerie, DVDs, whatever you see there. And then you guys can say, well, that turns me on. That doesn't great way. I mean, you can't not but help a comment on toys, lingerie, DVDs, whatever you see there. And then you guys can say, well, that turns me on. That doesn't. There's books. So it's a great day and night. And you might get a blowjob. Yeah. You know, right? A little blowjob. Hopefully you won't. I never blowjob ever heard anyone. I mean, at least you get staked. Yeah. Exactly. If you don't blowjob, you get staked. You get to win, win. Yeah. OK.

I've got a little bit sex in the news. Man, it's unless you've got your own sex in the news. I got a couple things in my own sex in the news. Talk to me. Number one, have you heard about the, so the hot thing in tech right now is wearables. So do you know what the term wearable is? So it's kind of, have you heard of a fit bit?

I have a fit bit. Jobbo. Have that too. Wow, look at you. is so it's kind of have you heard of a Fitbit or a job bone have that too wow look at you I did I lost the job yeah so I love it so there's job on there's Fitbit there's everything like that's what the whole like Apple Watch is about it's like you know tracking fitness and stuff like that but porn hub is started a thing where they're trying to finance their own wearable now this wearable is actually a pretty good idea where you would wear it on your wrist and as you're masturbating for a male or female, it actually charges. So it has a little weight inside and then when the weight goes back and forth, it's making

energy and it charges the band and you're able to charge your cell phone if needed. So you plug it in. When you're only when you're masturbating a charge because you're going up and down. So you're going up and down and that's actually charging. And so you have you ever seen like one of those radios and you have to wind up. Kind of like that idea, but you're masturbating

with the wearable. And then so it's like having an extra battery on your wrist and then you're able to plug it into. But why not just charging your cell phone? Like, what else is it tracking? Well, no, no, okay, let's say your cell phone dies, right? There's a company out there that I love. So you got to go masturbate in the bathroom?

I'm so confused. Hold on. So why would you care around a battery? Well, there's a company that I love, it's called Moefe, and they make a lot of different batteries for cell phones. It's the same. It's the same type of concept, but it's like a fit bit

that you wear as a replacement. But is it measuring anything or just charging your phone? It's just giving you an extra battery. Through masturbation. Through masturbation. Because they figure, we know you guys are masturbating all the time anyway, why not charge your phone? Charge your battery.

Okay, do you want one? It'd be kind of cool to check out to see what it was all about. Yeah, I have to see. But yeah, they say females and males can use it. And they're looking for, they're calling beta testers. Get it?

Oh, beta, beta, beta, just beta. Yeah, which I didn't understand what that song meant when it came out. But right, that's good, I guess. Yeah. I thought it like measured your sexual fitness or something. No. No, it just turned into your battery. No, it just turned your battery.

Yeah, it turned your battery. I'm just thinking get a mofie. But okay, cool. Yeah, you know what? I want one of those Apple watches though. You do? Do they come out yet? Well, is it like a Fitbit, but better?

It's coming out. I believe March 19th is like the announcement. I still want the iPhone 6. Yeah, I have the iPhone 6, I love it. But I got not interested in the watch. No. Not. But it made it just like a Fitbit kind of.

Yeah, I just want Apple to make an actual television. That's all I care about. Oh, not just get Apple TV. Yeah, not Apple TV. Yeah, Apple TV, the little box is amazing. But I want them to make an actual television. Because look how awesome their displays are. I know.

It's amazing. I don't know why they don't. I guess people do use that. Yeah. Well, it's been a rumor for years. Right. Anyways, I know that's not very check-through. I mean, you're job side, but you know.

But maybe it was on his list when he died. You know, you die with a do list. I would say that. You know, the days when you freak out, eating everything done, I do everything. Yeah. I'm like, you're going to freaking die with stuff on your list. Is that like you're going to like that you die or everything? So, everything's going to be checked off. I know. That's why I want to travel more. I'm like, you're gonna friggin die with stuff in your list. Is that like you're gonna like, that you diard everything's gonna be checked off? I know that's why I wanna travel more

and you get some more travel. I know, I am traveling too a lot. So I'm gonna New York this week. Nice. Yeah, awesome. And then I go to Mexico next month. Okay, so we've got some sex in the news. Beyond your beat it.

A South Africa man's penis gets stuck inside a married lover after suffering penis captivists. This is a real thing. This is the craziest story of the week that I read. It comes from South Africa. It involves cheating, witchcraft, public fornication, and the medical term for getting a penis stuck inside of a vagina forever, which I always thought was called a marriage,

a 34-year-old toy boy, which translates to boy toy in English, was called on by his lover to come on over for some sneaky hat sex. So the toy boy quickly turned to, well boy, Afilatario's pleasure stick got stuck inside her married vagina. Wow. It gets worse. All right. Police had to be called into restore, It's a pleasure stick got stuck inside her married vagina. Wow. It gets worse. All right.

Police had to be called into restore, called into restore order after a crowd gathered to see a cheating wife and her lover locked together during sex after the rumors spread that her husband has asked a witch doctor to put a curse on her private parts. And although medical experts say the embarrassing experience is more likely a case of penis captives, in which the women of a vagina had contracted too much and trapped the man's penis, they were unable to stop the rumor and the mob had quickly assembled.

How did the, seriously, how did the crowd know? Was there like a memo that went out? Was there like a meetup or something? Well, South Africa, they might be. They leave the window open, like how did they know? The spell known as a mofie is designed to make sure that if someone other than the husband tries to have sexually assaulted the woman in question, you will remain stuck until the husband returns to extract his revenge. The shocked couple were calling for help, which soon turned

into screams, as they became more desperate for him to withdraw according to local media, to add insanity to hilarityy the crowd that's so large and so out of control the police had to use force and a police spokesman said we had to use pepper spray to disperse the crowd as a refuse to leave and we're causing huge problems medical experts say the scenario the way air is very possible that is insane do you think it was the witchcraft and the pepper spray witchcraft penis locking? Penis captivist.

It sounds like a game or something that you could play. That's a crazy story. Penis captivist sounds like a game kids would play outside. Yes. Penis captivist, whoever captives your penis first. OK, so I don't even know how you avoid that. Maybe she was doing a lot of kegla exercises or something, and she's clamped down.

Speaking of kegla exercises, my new kegla camp, my app, I've had it out for four years now, we just relaunch it. It's so much better. It's fermenting for women. Helps you have stronger orgasms, last longer and bad, check it out. Okay, it would not be a day if I didn't talk about 50 shades of gray. It would not be a day in March. Okay, 50 shades of gray has had a drastic effect on the world's porn hub searches, speaking of porn hub. The release of Fifty Shades of Grey has turned the world into kinky devils, according to latest porn hub search stats. The site is one of the world's most popular porn pedals, peddlers, and new data shows a distinct trend in how our sexual

tastes are affected by outside stimuli. Since the release of the 50 Shades movie, Pornhar received a huge jump in the number of people searching for BDSM content in the USA as well as worldwide. That's bondage, discipline, say, don't mess with them. The data also shows the effect the movie has had on women, with the increase being much larger. This is presumably because women are 50 shades target demographic.

The free porn giant said in the statement, cinema has come to affect our lives and views in real and meaningful ways. For instance, after the release of the film's sideways, Merlot became more difficult to move off the shelves while Pinot noir enjoyed a 16% spike in sales. Remember that movie, Sideways and the Wine Country? Deer hunting, decreased by nearly half for few years after Bambi.

In the same vein, the recent release of the film, this is really a stretcher, but I love it. Adaptation of 50 to, I mean, it's like comparisons, but it's true. 50 to 80's, Gray has been shaking things up over at Pornhub. Specifically, people are getting freakier in their pornographic preferences, and we've got the data to prove it.

They also released a more detailed breakdown of the exact terms people are searching for. So ready? Okay. Okay. Well, first of all, searching for the word chains was up 20% dominant, up 40% and 55% when people were looking for submission. So here's the thing. Submission is up 55%. BDSM, 42%, dominant, 40% up,

vlogging up 30%, change up 30%, dominatrix, 19%, spankings up 16%, bondage is up 14%. Really, I mean, people are like, what the hell, like they saw the movie, either they freaked them out, turned them out, it didn't turn them out as something, but they want to know about it, they want to get it. And I think a lot of guys are curious because so many women were turned on by the book. But it doesn't necessarily mean that she needs you to wreck whipper with chains or a flogger. It just meant means she wants to be more submissive. Will you take a more active role in the bedroom? And maybe just pin her arms back, band her head and throw it out the bed lightly. Well, aggressively, but lightly.

I know you don't have the attention span, but do you? I have a tendency span of a nap. Yeah. Have you gone and seen the movie yet? I was there with the premiere. I mean, I actually watched it. Yeah. You watched it.

I talked a lot through it, but I watched it. I'm sure you did. I watched it. Um, so funny. My co-worker said that she got a text message from her mom saying that her mom's friend went with her son to go watch it. That's crazy. That's crazy.

And they're like in their 40s or whatever, but I don't think that any age is appropriate to go watch that with your mom. No, I know. I would not watch it. I would watch it with my mom, because she read all three books, right? Yeah, I think like women watching it together are cool,

but like a guy in a... No, no, no, no. I told you, my dad took me to see Fast Times at Ridgeman High. No, the below job scene. I was like, what the hell is going on with the carrot? Like, it was that good. It was weird because my dad and I were really into

80s comedies. I love 80s comedies too. They were the best. The best, so funny. And we were really into watchings comedies. I love 80s comedies. I love 80s comedies too, they were the best. The best, so funny. And we were really into watching Revenge of the Nerds, but there was scenes in there where it's just naked women. Right, you were psyched, huh? Yeah, super psyched.

So yeah, if she is a gray, it's not going away anytime soon. And again, I've talked about it on the show. I think that rather than fight it, if your partner's into it, kind of embrace it and see how you can adapt whatever it is in the movie that turned her on to work with your own sex life. Yeah. So don't be intimidated by Christian Grey,

you don't need to be billionaire, although it helps. Yeah. Or not encouraging it. We're not saying you need that. Okay, everyone, thank you for emailing me feedback at saxwithamily.com. I love hearing from you, but don't forget to include your name and where you're listening from and how you listen in your email. That just helps us and we just want to know where you're from.

Okay, dear Emily, my girlfriend and I have been dating since we were both 16 and are doing a long distance relationship now that we're in school. The last six months I've noticed that I'm having a hard time lasting longer than about two minutes in bed when I used to be able to go for 20. She acts like it's fine, but I can tell that I'm just kind of leaving her hanging and she won't give me a minute before I can go again. Whenever I try to talk about sex,

she says that I'm being on romantic and ruining the mystery of it. Any suggestions on how to last longer or how to get her open up a conversation about sex love the show Alex 20. Okay, so it looks like they've been together for a while. If they've been together since 16, they're both in college and now your long distance. Here's the deal, Alex.

First of all, I always say it's important to get checked out by a doctor, make sure everything's running smoothly and all that stuff, but it probably has to do with the distance. You're not seeing her that often. You're really excited when you do see her. You go for long periods of time without having sex. And so you're a little too excited, a little too amped up. So maybe you need to do a little pre-gaming. Yeah, totally.

Before she comes, make sure you're still masturbating before she comes or doesn't come. We gotta work on her coming too. We'll get to that in a minute. But, you know, I would work on your own ejaculatory control when you're not with her. Because it sounds like it's happened a few times

and what happens a lot with men, I mean, it's hard to say if it's just psychological when this happens with the guys or if there is a physical element to it. But a lot of times it happens once, then you get anxious, it's gonna happen again and then guess what, it happens. So when you're not with it, I would practice,

there's certain things you can do. There is the stop start method, where you're masturbating, up until the point where you're about to ejaculate and then you stop, and then you start again. And what you realize here is when you can start to recognize that point when you're about to go over and you train your body to recognize that so you know during sex.

It's also kegilexercises are great. Like I said, your body to recognize that so you know during sex. It's also keglexercises are great. Like I said, I have an app that reminds you to do them every day. They can help you strengthen it. I know a guy when he was 16, he said he premature ejaculated once. He started doing keglexercises like a crazy person for like a year or something about any never premature ejaculated again. So there's different things you can do. You can also, here's the thing, slow things down

in the bedroom. Don't rush through sex. You said that you're leaving or hanging. That is your fault. Why don't you crank up the foreplay? Make sure that she has her orgasms before the actual sex starts, maybe you'll be less stressed than. And you can make sure that she has her pleasure

and then you have sex and then you have your orgasm. All good. You could also speed up her orgasm, use a sex toy during intercourse, you can stick one on her clitoris, you can perform oral sex. You can also try pro-messant, which is the only treatment, FDA-proof treatment for premature ejaculation. It's a delay spray. You put it on your penis, it doesn't transfer to your partner, and if you last, it doubles the time you last in bed. But also talk about it. It sounds like she won't talk about it, which she's younger, maybe she hasn't been in a lot of sexual relationships.

The thing about talking about sex with your partner is it can be really overwhelming for people who've never talked about it. They don't have the skills, right? Like you don't, hey babe, what do you think? You want to go get your like, oh, I don't want to talk about it. It's scary, right? It's like, I don't know where? You're like, oh, I want to talk about it. It's scary, right? It's like, I don't know where to start.

But let her know what you want to talk about it because you want to make this sex better for her and for both of you. And so tell her you care about her pleasure and don't talk about it in the bedroom because she said it's unsexy. Talk about it at breakfast. Talk about it when you're on a road trip.

You know, like, you got to talk about it because this is going to get, this is just going to snowball into something not good So she's saying it's all fine that you come quickly. It's probably not if she's not having an organ I mean it's probably okay a few times, but these were all I just gave you good advice What do you think if you've read that problem? Well again? It's always the pre-gaming, you know You have to do it just jack off before she gets that that works for some guys because then you go round two Yeah, here's another thing if you jack some guys, because then you go round two. And here's another thing.

If you jack at the first time, you can go round two. I mean, I'm sure she, a lot of guys. You're not immediately going to have sex. It's going to be a while in between. And do you know how to perform royal sex there, Alex? Because I would work on that. I have a lot of shows about it. OK, Emily, I'm a new listener to your podcast.

Long story short, my girlfriend is on Annie Depressons, and now I can't make her come. And I missed how the sex was before she started them. I just don't feel the same connection in the bedroom. We used to attack each other all the time, and now the connection is almost not existent. What should I do? How do I get her libido back?

Should I ride it out and hope she gets off them eventually? Sign Mike. Mike, this is a tricky situation because antidepressants are, you know, you're on, you're sad, you're depressed, you can't get out of bed and then they're like, here's a magic pill and you're taking an antidepressant and everything's bright and shiny but your libido can drop from many of them. And you don't want to sex and it's hard to have orgasms, which is a huge bum of her many people. And so I would say first that you can't bring

her libido back per se. She should first talk to her doctor. She should check her meds because a lot of times they can maybe she's on a too high of a dose. They can add in another med that can help her have orgasms and bring back her libido, but they should be fine and they won't demolish her libido. But yeah, she has to talk to her doctor about that. Yeah, absolutely. And then also communicate with her

and think about things that can get her in the mood. So here's another thing. And in a presence, yes, they do diminish your libido for many people, not for everyone, but you might have to work harder and so might she, I'm thinking about the things that get her in the mood.

So take the focus off the intercourse and talk about like enhancing the intimacy. So like enhance the four-ply, like give her a massage. Like what turns her on, like essential touch, like train your body, she should be training your body to get into the mindset. Like things start thinking about things that turns her on, she could read a radical masturbate.

Prada, you know what? Prada, by her Prada bag. You guys watch porn together, use vibrators that helps a lot of women who can't quite get thrown. This is not a lost cause. And it also might not your fault. Like it's not your responsibility.

You guys work on it together. It's true. What else, men? Before I get to the next email? No, I'm trying to think of all the stuff that's sexy news. So you believe the Bruce Jenner stuff, like the Bruce Jenner thing is going down. Yeah, I do, don't you?

You think he's lying? I don't know. I don't wanna say 100% yet, because I haven't had him himself say something, you know, when he does the... But isn't it been filmed for Kiddakart-Ashens? Yeah, but you don't know for sure, because, okay, Bruce Jenner, I could be totally wrong.

I probably am totally wrong. But I just, I don't want to assume things until actually hear the person say it out of their own mouth that this is happening. But he's always hated the press. He never talks to the press. And he could be punking the press, just to mess with them. You know? I don't think so.

No, I think I've heard stories that this has always been kind of a thing. I know, they've, yeah, they've been saying this to 70s. You're right, it could be else being in the press. You know? I mean, he's asked, like, I bet you, he always was like, he's with this alpha woman, Cristiana for a long time, and now he wants to.

And he wants to be named Belinda. That's the room. Is that our room, really? That's the room, or yeah. Is that a big, big, big name? So it's gonna be really interesting to see this all goes down. Do you think he might have been like,

you say it's been like this this whole life? But what about, you know, he might have been a product of his own environment and being around like, six, seven women. That's what I thought. I'd be like, there's seven women. Like, I want all these shoes and clothes. It looks really fun.

I want to get my hair done and make it up. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I was joking about that. But no, I think it's the kind of thing that you know for a long time. And it's never as really hard to like make that switch. And I was like, maybe like my kids are older

and my marriage fell apart. Yeah, who cares now? I have a hundred million in the bank, whatever. Whatever, I'll become a woman, you know? And does, wait, I forgot, does he still want to date women? Yes. So he wants to date women. He wants to become a woman in date women,

which is typically what happens. Okay. Yeah. Crazy. Let's see what happens with it. So, yeah, it seems to be a trend. I was just saying like more and more, we're like hearing about it in like a trend,

but like, come on out of people are. Yeah, no, it is, it's out of my gay buddy, he told me that it's like, it's stealing the spotlight away from the gay communities. The gay communities. Yeah, exactly. The transgender. The transgender is all over the place now. It's like, we have a lot of transgender listeners.

The orange is the new black, all that kind of stuff. They're like, yeah, it's so hot right now. I know. Squirting, transenders, like, there's so many things happening with sex. Well, speaking of sex, fantasies, here's bisexual, there's a bisexual question. Dear Emily, I consider myself sexually progressive and very open, but my boyfriend recently told me

fantasize about sucking another man's penis and gets off by watching gay porn. He really likes watching two men sucking each other off and touching penises. When he was younger, he's 39 now, he gave, he had a man give him a blowjob and he enjoyed it. He's gone to gay bars but hasn't been able to get through with it. He says his ultimate fantasy is with the transexual.

I'm being as supportive as I know this was hard for him to share and we all have fantasies but I'm still struggling with it. Does this mean he's by, even if he doesn't want to relate to it with a man? How normal is this fancy? I appreciate your advice, Sue. Mm. Yeah, I mean, it's not as unusual or uncommon as you think.

The Gmail, which might be an offensive, but commonly searched for in-term for transgender woman, is a commonly reported fancy for many men. And according to porn hop, she male is one of the top gaining searches of 2014. We searchers expected to increase to 191% in 2015. So I understand, Sue, that you are feeling unsure about your boyfriend's confession.

It's like, I don't know how I feel if my guy was like, I might run a sex penis and I watch, I escape porn, like I would think. It's so different for women because if women say that, it's watch, you know, escape porn. Like I would think it's so different for women because if women say that, it's thick, you know, all sexual identity is so, like if you look at the, like the Kinsey scale, like it's much more fluid and men are more like your gay,

you're straight and women are like, oh, I can practice, I can watch, you know, lesbian. Get down with whatever. But for men, it's just harder to wrap your head around and it doesn't necessarily mean you want to take it a step further. And there is a difference between sexual preference, sexual appetite. However, it tells me that he is an ongoing desire for. And so I would just talk to him about it and be open and honest and supportive

and let him know that you want him to do what he wants him to do and to be compassionate. Let me see how they married or it's her boyfriend. That's her boyfriend. I mean, if it's still coming up at 39, you might need to just either you're gonna be okay with him wanting to try this stuff, which, and if he's still a great lover to you,

or maybe he needs to be set free and go experience on his own. But you guys have to have a real talk where you are not judgment. It sounds like you're open and you're not judgmental about it. And you just let him speak his mind and see what he really wants. And if he wants to try it, you've decided that if you're going to be okay with it, he might still want to be with you, but wants to have this experience with the transactional. Yeah. They do.

You know, it's weird. It's a little, it's off. That's okay. Go off. But The lipstick lesbians that I know they've They've gone back to Ben It's crazy. It's when I don't know like this past year. Yeah, now they're like well one of them just got married to a man And she was like dating women for like 15 years. Wow. She missed the penis. I guess, I don't know why. And then, so then, the cellular lipstick lesbian

chick that I know just ran into recently. And she was dating men that I know for the past six years. I mean, dating women. And then she's like, yeah, you know, oh, what about if I want to get married to some guy? And they want kids to get older, right? Oh, what is going on here? So that's why women can go, we can weave in and out,

whatever makes them happy, makes them happy. There's the spectrum, like the Kinsey scale, I was talking about, do you know what the Kinsey scale is like a scale 1 to 10 about sexuality? And it shows that women are much more fluid, like 10 being gay and one being straight, that women fall somewhere in the middle or they can easily sway back and forth

but with men it's much more. If I'm an usually like a two or three. So I couldn't drive. Yeah, but you know, so with women, it is more fluid, they might grow, they may older, my kids, you know, who knows? That's interesting. I know women who have done that,

but usually they go back to women. Yeah. Or maybe they're gonna have like, you know what I guess is gonna happen? Because I also, my friends, their mother is a lesbian. And I think what will happen is they'll get back with the guys, they'll have kids, and then later on in the marriage, they'll get a divorce and go back to me.

Oh, they'll have a lot of threesomes or maybe... Who knows what's gonna happen. That is interesting. Didn't know that. Let's see if it's trend. Okay, so first I gotta give a shout out to our sponsors and Menace, you're actually holding one of our sponsors in your hands. Yes.

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Huh? I thought you were taking a picture of him. Oh, okay. I was gonna talk about him more. Oh yeah, what else do I have to do? I can give you for your people. Yes. Okay. This one is about smoking and sex, and I'm not talking about cigarettes. All right. Emily, here's my issue. I don't really enjoy smoking pot regularly, but I do have this sort of sexual and erotic connection with getting

high with a sexual partner. My boyfriend enjoys smoking pot regularly, and we've gotten high together in the past years and years and years ago before we even had feelings for another, but I haven't touched a stuff in years. The mentality that I've grown up with is that drugs are bad and you shouldn't ever do them, but of course I had to experiment in high school. I'm 23 now and I want to get high with my boyfriend and have sex. I should mention that I don't enjoy being too drunk or being in an uncontrollable state. Just being lifted and happy and being extra sensitive

and all my origin zone is what I'm aiming for here. Sort of how artists feel inspired when they're high, I suppose. I guess my question is, is this normal feeling to want to experiment with drugs and sex? And can this be done safely since I don't enjoy being out of control? Thanks, Allie.

Yeah, I get a lot of questions about pot and sex and it's kind of, yeah, people do say that when you smoke pot and you have sex that you are less in your head like a lot of times we're really thinking in our heads and we're worried about it to do this. And if you smoke pot, your body, you might feel more of an all over high and you feel more stimulating to certain areas and your mind is more relaxed and things feel more intense, slow down. But it's not that this is normal.

It's more about your own preference. What are you laughing at? Just keep it real, it's amazing. Yeah, it's not bad. I mean, I wouldn't make a habit out of it, but I would try like one little hit. I mean, you don't want to lose control, you said. So don't do like a big, boring hit,

but try a hit, drink lots of water, see what happens, what? I mean, it's gonna be legal soon across the country. Just FY, it's not that bad. I mean, but I like your consciousness around drugs. And I don't even say that it's like, it's a drug to be honest, to be real. It's way safer than drinking alcohol. True.

It is. You don't lose control as much. There's also for ya. Have you heard about this? The weed-lued, my friend made this. Oh wait. It's coconut oil. And he adds THC to it.

And then you put it in your vagina and you wait 30 minutes and Your vagina gets high and you have amazing orgasms and you can sex on it. Wow. That's crazy. Yeah, I know he Yeah, so it's so it's gonna be good for you I'm not saying that we smoke hot every single day. No, not not not not saying that it's happened It's happened. I'm telling you Ali. I'm not gonna, you know, I'm not uptight here I'm just gonna say that I like your consciousness around drugs. And I like that you don't wanna lose control. I'm saying, I've actually never really blacked out

or gotten sick from being drunk ever. I think I'm all made for like- I can't speak about that. No, menace does it every weekend, but I- No, I'm not even drinking. You don't- No. Since when?

Since the long time. You don't, you don't drink. I mean, I don't get like wasted long time. You don't drink. I mean, I don't get like wasted. I'll have like a drink. Wow, good for you. Yeah, I just, it's been good. It's been good. Maybe that's why you're happier.

Maybe that's why. No, it's been like that for a while. Okay. Well, you know alcohol is a depressant and I honestly think that that pot is a little safer and you can still get addicted to it, but. Yeah, you just feel like crap the next day. I know I always joke around like,

oh, give her some daquila and this, but you know, I'm maybe because I'm in my 30s and I'm not 20 in my- You can't, like, right, bounce back like we used to. You can't, you just feel awful, you know? I hate that feeling and I hate the sack. I hate being hungover on the day. I do. Okay, another question.

Emily, I started listening to your podcast and iTunes last fall and completely dicted. I listened to it almost every day and can't begin to tell you how much I've learned and how much I adore you, menace, and Anderson and all of your guests and expertise. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom. I'm 20 years old, I've never had an orgasm.

It's not for lack of trying, although I wasn't sexually active until I turned 20. At that time, it didn't seem very important to me that I learned how an orgasm. It's not for lack of trying, although I wasn't sexually active until I turned 20. At that time, it didn't seem very important to me that I learned how to orgasm. Now, however, I'd really like to know what the fuss over the big O is all about. I get turned on pretty easily, and in an amazing time during sex, of course, but I've never orgasmed during it. And when I try to do with a vibrator, I get so overwhelmed I can't continue. It feels good, I think, but I can never keep it long enough to climax. I get to a point where it feels like it's

too much. What can I do to fix this? I have a boyfriend. He's absolutely incredible but we're long distance, cross-global. He's Australian. He doesn't know that I've never orgasmed. I'm just saying I'm ashamed to say that I faked it. And I'm not sure how to go about involving him in this process or if I should. Any advice you can offer will be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much for your time and for all the love you put into your show. Lena from Minneapolis.

Oh, Lena. Lena, you're so sweet. It is love. Okay, Lena, here's the deal. Let's stop with the faking of orgasms. Let's not do that anymore. That's very misleading towards men. Because like, you talk to any guy they're like, every girl I faking of orgasms. Let's not do that anymore. That's very misleading towards men. Because you talk to any guy, they're like,

every girl I've been with is orgasm. Like, yeah, every girl you've been, this probably fate. No, you're setting them the wrong message. They think they're doing the right. They're going to learn how to make your, they're never going to really learn anything if you fake it. But that's cool.

Don't worry about that. That's not your big problem. That's not your big concern here. You don't have any problems. Toys can really be intense for some women. I'm not sure what toy you're using right now, but maybe you have it on too high of a speed. And I would say it's kind of awesome

that you are long distance because now you can make this like your second job, and it's going to be a really fun job. I'm going to give you some homework. I think that you should spend every single night, 20 minutes masturbating. In your bedroom, door is closed, cell phone off, lock the door, play the music, or take a bubble bath, get yourself in the mood, because a lot about sex for women is being in the mood.

And when you say you get turned on, I'm wondering, do you have a read a rata-ca, do you watch porn, like other certain images or thoughts that turn you on, and just spend some time getting to know your body? I would put the vibrator aside and just start rubbing your hands all over your body, playing with your clitoris, playing, putting your fingers inside, experiment with varying pressures to see what feels best. With your fingers, you can use a circular motion, you can go up and down, fast or slower, until you find out what you like.

Also, if you use a vibrator and it's too powerful, you can try it over your underwear. That can feel really good, too. And you've all heard me tell this story before about my friend who took 30 days in college. She had never masturbated. She was year-age. She was 20. And after 30 days and third week, she finally had an orgasm and she had no vibrator. She just had her fingers and she let her fingers do the walking and she figured it out.

So if you make a commitment, Lena, to find your orgasm, you will be able to know how to give it to yourself. And once you know that, you can teach your boyfriend what to do. So he might not, you know, you can just say, hey, this is some things I've been experimenting with. And then you'll know how to move during sex. And again, it's not going to happen right away. But you have to commit to this process.

And I honestly think it is the most important work that women can do is learning their own bodies. Because a lot of women expect that their partner's just going to figure it out. Well, once I rise penis, it's all going to come together. And for some women, it does, but for many women, it doesn't. But you have the power in your hands to give yourself killer orgasms and figure out your own body.

Yeah, because then you can guide the man, like saying, because... They don't know, right? I'm really stupid. I'm really stupid. They just... They just... Honestly, a lot of them don't even care, you know?

They just want to get to it and then have their orgasm and then if you get there then you know yeah yeah then all right and if you fake did he just assumed all as well there in party town yeah and so I wouldn't worry about it honey and also you're like you started late and I didn't have an orgasm so I was like 21 maybe I mean I really didn't either until my friends are talking about it and I had to work at it and so there's so many things at your exposure right now at your disposal that you can look at books, whatever, find what turns you on and spend these nights when you're not with them, turn a game turn on. Good times. Okay, relationship with no chemistry.

Okay. Dear Emily, my brother Brandon highly recommends you for advice and I wanted to ask you a question or two if you wouldn't mind and it's not too much trouble. What do you do in a situation when you're in a relationship with someone you love very much and there are no problems except the bedroom? There's no spark. The chemistry of the bedroom was lacking and he's a 41 year old man who acts like he knows a woman like a 19 year old boy knows a woman. I'm all about coaching and teaching and I've told him what I wanted but it doesn't work.

I'm losing my sexual attraction towards him, although I have mentioned going to sex therapists and he was on board. Oh, one more thing. I also cheated on him when I was away at work event last week. I didn't plan on it but the sexual chemistry I felt with other men was amazing. It was almost as if it was something I needed. The sad thing about it, Emily, is that I don't even feel bad about it. I know, I love my boyfriend, but I just had sex with someone else.

Today was the first day I felt guilty and it's been a week since it happened, which kind of makes me feel like a sociopath. I'd love to get your expertise on this. Many women would tell me I'm with the wrong man, but I'm hoping that there's a way to bust through that barrier. Is it possible that I could still love and respect him even though I cheated on him? Because I feel like I do. Thanks in advance for your vice, Nikki.

All right, Nikki. Wow, I can totally relate to all of this. Yeah, you can. You'll be the expert. I am the expert here. Okay, so you're in a situation that is very, very common. You lose the spark, the chemistry goes away after a while in a relationship completely. Like, I want want, I hate when it's talking about sex being on terms of normal, not normal, but it's very typical that this happens. And you said that you, he wants to go to a sex therapist with you. I would recommend that. I would recommend going to a therapist and figuring out what turned you both on because you're losing that chemistry because you probably have been, you know, maybe

of kids or you're both are working or you've just been together a long time and this is what happens when couples do not maintain that spark and prioritize their sex life. And so, you know, like the chemistry's gonna go and you're gonna have to work on it. Like you've heard me say, you can watch porn together, you can try sex toys. I'm assuming you've probably tried this stuff

and it seems like maybe you guys are just too, like far gone now that you need to go see someone. Yeah and somebody is gonna tell you to come clean about it. Don't come clean. Don't tell them and listen. I've cheated before and I felt guilty. I'm a foreforum cheater. I think I felt guilty that I didn't feel guilty. So I probably felt like a sociopath. Yeah. And it was the same thing in a relationship when we didn't have a spark. And I really tried to go back and make it work. And I honestly don't think that this one off cheating thing had anything to do with it.

It just made me realize, wow, this is getting to the point where I need to work on it. And so I went back to my relationship with my boyfriend. I didn't, again, I didn't tell him. And I don't think that you need to tell him, no matter what people say, it was a one off thing thing. I hope you don't do it again because really, you should break up with someone before you want to have sex with someone else. But you got to turn the focus back towards like, how was it at the beginning? You're sure it was amazing. I'm sure you

would sex all the time. How can you channel that energy? Like, what were you doing at the beginning? You know, trying things new, like letting them know what turned you on. I don't think that you should leave him. I think that you should try to work on it. No spark is a huge problem. And sex, you know, you say at the beginning, like a lot of people, everything is great, but the sex. Well, when the sex is a problem in a relationship, it takes up 90% of the problem. When it's not a problem, sex is like a 10%, 5% thing, like everything is great. But it's huge. That's how you stay close and connected, because then you're just roommates.

So if he's open to therapy, try it. And the cheating thing, again, let it go. If you did it one, don't feel bad, but don't do it again. There's something you're missing from your current relationship, and if I need isn't fulfilled, there is a possibility of a habit again. So run, do not walk towards finding a therapist for you guys to go see right now. Yeah, it happens. Chemistry fades. But if you do cheat again, then just break up with them. Yeah, but don't cheat again because

that's a quick fix. That's like a drug. That's like, oh, this person chemistry blah, blah, you can channel that and get it back to your boyfriend. It's going to take work. But sexual homework is fun work people. I'm not like telling you to go like do some long math equations. I'm like, oh, go see if you get a multiple orgasms by using this toy or watch porn. Have a good time. Good luck to you.

Thank you for writing me. Lena, let me know how it goes. Okay, that's all we have time for. Already, wow. I know what you said. I love seeing you. I'm just saying that we're gonna have to depart now. I know I know I love it Well, menace

Thank you and thank you for being part of our our podcast sexually that was voted for an award The best award. I know so go to podcast awards at convolt for us every single day just once a day and What else anything else? Follow menace me, M-E-N-A-C-E, and Instagram, Twitter. Twitter and Instagram, I love hearing from people, so if you tweet me or say what's up on Instagram, I like that. Just, you know, I know people are listening, but it's cool to see them.

I know, I love hearing from a two, like Fala, yeah, Instagram, Twitter, and like my Facebook page, Facebook.com slash, that's what I mean. Yeah, you can just say hi, it's not a big deal. Yeah, and I always want to hear, like what, you know it's funny, Menace. Remember when and I always want to hear like what, you know, it's funny, Mattis. I remember when we used to show us about like the hand job debate and people would like

talk about specific things like ongoing in the show that we talked about, but I feel like right now people aren't commenting as much as they are like asking questions. So if there's certain things about the show that you liked or didn't like or topics like let me know and take the survey on my website because we're always improving the show. All right. Even though we're nominated for the best podcast. I'll work on a strong debate for us to debate about it. Forkin' hands out a debate when I'm for five years, we had a good one.

Okay, everyone. Thank you for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithemle.com. Okay, everyone. Thank you for listening to the show. And thank you for trying to have better sex because that will make the world a better

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