Sex With Emily - Penises, Pleasure & Pillow Talk

Episode Date: November 28, 2018

On today’s show, Emily is taking your calls and helping you through some sex and relationship issues. Emily and Jamie discuss the age old debate – to circumcise or not to circumcise, and how to keep from crossing over from flirty to affair in the workplace. Plus, Emily answers your questions about spicing things up when all you have is a college dorm room and how to make foreplay a shared interest in your relationship. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Apex, Third Love, Care Of, Sirius & Fleshlight Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily For even more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit: sexwithemily.com Check out even more Sex With Emily on SiriusXMStars 109 Mon-Fri 5-7pm PST!   Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm taking your calls and helping you through some sex and relationship issues topics include to circumsize or not to circumsize. That's the question and an age-old debate. Workplace affairs, how to keep from crossing boundaries, ways to spice things up when all you have is a college dorm, and how to make foreplay a shared interest in your relationship. All this and more, thanks for listening. They're gonna be ruined. They call them in a bike on me. Hey, Emily. You got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my.

The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common with only? What do you mean like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god. I'm so, so, so, so.

Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. Hello, everyone. You can find out where we're at the podcast at sexwithemily.com, and you can listen to our podcast wherever you are listening to podcasts, we are there. You can find us on all social media.

It's at Sex with Emily across the board. And if you haven't heard, this has been pretty amazing this month. You guys, you can check me out on Siri Sex and Radio channel stars 109 Monday through Friday, five to seven PM Pacific standard. And oh my God, it is a dream come true. Having such a good time, I get to reach out to so many more of you, talk into you, calling in with your questions, helping out with your sex and relationships. So you guys have to check it out. If you don't have serious XM, go to sexathomely.com slash SXM

and we've got to try a lot for you. How about that, you guys? Try it out for the three days. I think you're going to love it. Okay, I'm here with my deputy Jamie. Hello there. Hi, James Dog. What's up? Nothing much. How was your week?

It was good. I have to say, it was interesting because I've been going to a lot more comedy shows lately. You know, my boyfriend happens to be a comedian, my guy, and I actually went to one without him. But what's been funny is I realize that I'm loving comedy. I always thought like, who doesn't love a comedy show, but when you start dating one, we were going all the time this year,

and I've just learned to love it. It's seriously like therapy. When you laugh that hard, it's kind of like having an orgasm in public, but like with your friends and it's totally PC, because you literally like your stomach hurts, it's incontrollable, you know, you're laughing, you know, it feels so good and it's not so easy to laugh that hard.

So I had a really good time. Here's the thing with comics, I've noticed this shift. I've noticed this shift and it was really, you know, a great show, a lot of talented comedians who have been around for a while, but it was interesting to watch the audience, Jamie, because you know they have their standard jokes. So now how you know it works with comedians, they don't really know exactly what sets they're going to do when they get out there. Like, maybe they got jokes from 10 years ago and then they have new ones and they kind of

see where it flows. The problem is a few times has happened that there was one comedian who made a joke about something about women or like, look for the fat chicks at the bar. A few times it just happened that there was one comedian who made a joke about something about women or like look for the fat chicks at the bar. Like no, no. He said look for the drunk chicks at the end of the night and that's how you know who you can go home with. And it was really, you realize in this age of me too, that it was really inappropriate.

Like there was like eye rolling, like just from the women. Men were still laughing. The women, our eyes were like darting like, oh my god, no, no, we can't talk like that anymore. It was just interesting to realize it like, it's just not cool now. Like you really, it's not okay and then it maybe realize that this whole me two thing,

it's not just a flash in the pan, that it's truly a movement, it's uncomfortable and I really think that we're going to start seeing a change. It was great to see that in that room realizing I might have laughed at some of these jokes a year and a half ago, but not anymore. Yeah, it's kind of like, I guess jokes don't age well, just like some of those 80s movies didn't really age well. Right.

80s movies with everyone has a date rape scene or something that we sort of laugh at, like 16 candles and porkeys and animal house. And yeah, we were just sort of growing out. You realize that that was part of our culture. If it's in the movies and it's everywhere, that's, it was accepted until now. So yeah, they would not fly. Just kind of shame, because I love those movies.

But it's good, it just makes people, you know, we're just in a different time. It's dated, that movie's dated for many reasons. All those movies are dated for many reasons now. And then I went to another comedy show, randomly. So many comedy shows. So many comedy shows, well, one was for like, if it was a fun-raising comedy show,

there's a totally separate one. I was like two nights later, and then the same thing happened. It was another joke about something about fat chicks. That's what it was, and I was the same thing, but people booed him. He got booed, the community got booed. I kind of liked that he got booed.

He got booed. And he was like, what? What, you guys don't like me? It's like, no, we just don't like you being misogynistic. That's all we don't like. The misogyny, not so great. Your comedy, your grades, really hard to set up and stand up and be a comedian, but, you know,

I don't know, it was another example of the changing times right now. That's really interesting. I don't, I hope was another example of the changing times right now. That's really interesting. I hope we continue to see that shift, though. I think we will. I don't think there's ever going back. It was funny. I was talking to someone else other day and they were saying, now that we're on a movie

sets and everything. I think it was an actress. I heard her being interviewed. She was saying that now when you go on set, if you've ever been on a set, you get the call list of the producers name, wardrobe a set, you get the call list of here's the producer's name, wardrobe, everyone you can call, the call sheet, and it said human resources at the bottom. So now that never used to be included.

So if you're feeling uncomfortable, something's happened on the set, here's our direct line to human resources. So it feels like everyone's sort of stepping up and realizing that they have to put policies and procedures in place so they can't happen again. So I'm uplifted about this. Good.

Yeah. Okay, so let's get into sex in the news. I say it's time to talk about penises. Great. Great subject. I think so too. Who doesn't love some penis talk? So how does circumcision really affect your sex life?

So here's some facts. There's a lot of guys. This movie's been going on for a while and they're speaking out against what they see as a cruel and barbaric practice. And the question is, how does it really affect your sex life? Okay. So circumcision has been around for, you know, a long time. So here's some facts on circumcision. So 75% of men in the United States are circumcised, but 75% of men everywhere else in the world are not.

So in America, that's become what we do, and pretty much it's because of religious reasons. We think it's more sanitary. It's kind of what everyone else is doing. We're afraid that our kids gonna, you know, look like a freak in the locker room or worse yet, won't look like daddy. I think that people are starting to challenge it though and they're starting to think about like, is this really a necessary practice?

People are now starting to say, wait a minute, you have a choice. If you give birth to a baby boy, you're in the hospital, you can choose. It doesn't have to happen. You don't have to be so reactive about it. Are there even like any really health benefits to it at all? Yeah, like they're less likely to say, you're less likely to get STIs or UTIs or PINAL cancer, PINAL, that's a good word, PINAL. I'm cancer, you know, infections, but there's a credibly low percentage.

They also say that your partners are gonna prefer it. So I believe that a lot of these reasons why we are saying it's beneficial aren't necessarily true. So just preference, really? It's really preference. And a lot of these myths, like it's not that it's more sanitary. The reason I feel really against it is

because they're saying it's not really needed. And it's painful. You can have complications, you know? And then they're saying like, actually you'll have more pleasurable and enjoyable sex if you don't chop off the foreskin But there's really no way to know. Yeah, how would you know? You can't have two men a circumcised uncircumstance who has the best orgasm raise your hand or like how do we measure it one to ten?

So what I'm saying is you know basically this may be realizing if you are a circumcised like no need to mourn your foreskin And if you're uncircumcised, no need to mourn your foreskin. And if you're on circumcised, you're totally fine. You're obviously not a freak at all and don't think you need to go get circumcised. You might be, you're glad you have some extra skin here. And really, all penises are cool in my book and they should be in your book as well. But I just thought that maybe it's really for parents

or giving birth, think about it. Think about it if you have a boy. You don't need to chop it off right yet. Let them decide is what a lot of them say is if they want to get it circumcised when they're older, they can do that. So. Oh, like, that would be an interesting,

like an older person's bris. Yeah. Come on, I'm chopping off the foreskin. We'll have wine, cheese, maybe some locks and bagels. Um, yeah. Okay, so that's what I'm thinking about penis today. And here's my thoughts on workplace affairs, because apparently they are on the rise according to the news.

They're reporting here that they've been on the rise since the 90s, that women have reported 40% more workplace affairs, which makes sense. There's more women in the workplace. We spend so much more time at the office than it would make sense that, you know, maybe we're crossing the line. We really are crossing the line because I think, I don't know, we spend more time with our co-workers than we do at home. I certainly see you more than my guy. That is very true. And I love it. Well, I mean, we're in like a mad affair of love and respect, Jamie, but I could see you're

in a bigger office. You have to be there every day that, you know, the lines can get blurred. Yeah, we're in a unique situation where there's only three of us here and it would be... Right. Unless someone runs off with a UPS guy like, we're cool, delivering sex toys. I wonder if they know that they're delivering, I'm like, guess what's in the box today. So I think the thing here is that people could just kind of take a look.

If you're going, hmm, I do love my work husband or my work wife as they call it, I always think that sounds kind of silly, but it makes sense. Because you've got your partner, you've got your person at work. But I think just check in, if this is resonating with you, you might be crossing the line. So if you're spending more quality time with your coworker or that work husband or wife, then your spouse and you're feeling more gratification and

more satisfied than the time, you know, with them than you're spending with your partner, something to look at. And if you also feel like here's another thing, Jamie, if you feel like, God, I'm really feeling something for this person that worked. I'm not going to tell my partner about it. My, my committed partner at home and you're hiding it. You might be overcompensating because there are some emotions. If you're spending more time away from work with coworkers, and the interesting thing to look at is whether you're having an affair in the workplace or an affair anywhere else or you're thinking about

having an affair, I always say stop for a moment. It makes sense. I mean, affairs, it's so seductive to meet a person that seems to check all the boxes that your partner have left blank. So, for example, your pissed because your partner seems lazy. They've gained 20 pounds, not going to the gym. They don't make you laugh anymore. You're not inspired. And here's this jovial guy at work who runs six miles before work. He makes you laugh. He's always got interesting ideas, makes your brain fire and all these ways that you're part and rizz it. And we're thinking that all those things because we feel like we've been lacking them, we're going to get attracted to someone else.

And I say if you realize that's happening, that that's the time when you stop. And that's you're really done with your relationship and you're ready to leave them, an affair will cause you a lot more trouble in that quick fix of hook-and-up with someone at work, that you turn that energy back towards your relationship and say, how can I get these needs met in my relationship? So that's important. Take a look at it before you jump, before you cheat. I'm a reformed cheater.

I can tell you, I didn't have these skills. In my 20s, I was cheating. So I think that it was often because I didn't have the skills that we now have, that I'm teaching everyone here on the show, is that I didn't know why things were wrong or why I was in comfortable, that, oh yeah, guess what? After six months in most relationships You're gonna have problems, but I would just think it's not fun anymore and there's a shiny new thing

And it just I probably could have gone back and worked on a lot of relationships rather than just Gone out that instant Kicks yeah, so what do you do though because usually I would assume this flirtation is like a mutual flirtation. So what do you do if you're trying to pull back? I think if you're trying to go back just be honest. You can just let them know what God I really love spending time with you but I feel like I got to focus more on work and more on my partner. You can spend, you could choose not to say yes to the company drinks after work or to do an extra lunch with them. You know and then just

think about this. How would you feel if your spouse was doing the same thing? Like, what if they were at their office having this emotional affair and this intimacy with someone else? So I just think you just reinvest your energy in your relationship and into your marriage. And if you put that energy towards fixing the challenge in your relationship

and away from that coworker, it'll just diminish that energy between the coworker and you know you're doing the right thing by taking care of your relationship. Because here's the thing, I'm not saying all relationships are long for this world. You get to decide if it doesn't work, but my take on this is, before you end a relationship, before you go shattering people's lives by having an affair, why not know that you've done everything? You have done to save it. Did you go shattering people's lives by having an affair, why not know that you've done everything? You have done to save it.

Did you go to therapy? Did you talk honestly and openly about what's really bothering you? Because you got nothing to lose. So if you know God, we've been trying and trying to hammer this down and nothing's happened, nothing's changed. Well, then it might be time to break up with your partner.

But if you haven't done any of those things and you're just using this new shiny object, this new person that's making you feel pitter-patter that you haven't felt in years, and that's the decision you're going to know that that's a quick, that's fleeting. It's not a sustainable feeling in any relationship and then just to, you know, be weary of that, be aware and put it all back towards your relationship and try to work on it. Those are sex venues news you guys. Your penis is fine and pay attention to what you're doing at work. Be a good partner, be a good citizen, and be honest, most of all.

Okay, let's move in to callers. I love it. I love a call show. I love a good call show. Thanks for supporting our sponsors and we'll be right back. We are back and now I'm going to talk to you. God I love when we have these calls. I get to really get intimate and hear what's going on in your life.

I love answering your questions. If you want a question answer on the show, go to my website, sexwithfamily.com, click the Ask Family tab, fill out the short form, and put yes, if you'd like to be called, or just email feedback at sexwithfamily.com. Always include your name, your age, where you live, and how you listen to the show. Thanks, guys. All right, we've got Preston 21 from Ohio,

and he wants to know about spicing things up and his relationship. Hey, Preston. Hey, Emily, how you doing? I'm so good. Tell me what's going on with you. OK, so my girlfriend and I have been together for a little over a year now.

We are madly in love, and I'm so attracted to her. Our sex life is great when she's home for the summer. But our issue is she goes to college, and I like to see her about every other weekend, and being in a dorm room, space is kind of an issue. So it's better smaller. Yeah, I remember that. Okay, so you want to know about what to do on those weekends when we're at a fair

more space. Right, so like do some physicians or something else we can try because we're very open-minded and try all kinds of new things. Like I've recently gotten myself a cock ring, and we've gotten one of the ineros products that you talk about as well. Oh, how was that? Did you try it?

Not yet. I've kind of been a little nervous about it, and I didn't know how to go about it, because we tried to play around with like, there's some stuff, and I didn't go so great. Oh, you tried playing around with what kind of stuff? Just like her fingers and things like that. Right. Right.

Yeah. You got to go slow. I mean, I love that you got the nearest. It can be a little bit more, you know, time. You can't just take it out of the box and start, but I think just kind of going slow, using lots of loop, breathing, and like really just moving it in slowly. I think I can see why it's something you know you might want to be a little intimidated at first but I think you guys could you know do it together

and you will like it. So just go slow and that's cool. So that's cool you guys about cock rings and prostate toys and you want to know about positions and things to do that are different in college because you would dorms. God, I remember this. So, I mean, different positions I would think would be, have you guys tried, I don't know, what have you mostly, it's probably like missionary or doggie style. Yeah, a lot of missionary, a little bit of doggie style. She's on the bottom bumps. There's also a height issue. Oh, it really very cool. It's occasionally let us use like their bed if we change the sheets and wash them

everything, but that's a lot of hassle if we try not to do that so often. Oh my God, it's going to be cold there soon, so you can't even like really do it outside. Wow, I think, how about like, if when you use, are people not really in the room, usually when you're having sex though? Like, no, there's no one in there. They're very supportive, so they leave and give us our time alone because they know when you use are people not really in the room usually when you're having sex though like now that there's there's no one in the very support that we've been given for time long they know we don't see each other too often what if you guys like set up

like a little like on the floor like it out of the bunk bed and I know their dorms in their small but could you put down some blankets and pillows it kind of have some floor sex so you kind of have more space to work with that could probably work. We might be able to take our little massive off her bed and probably do that. Yeah, take the mattress off the bed. You could, yeah, like use pillows. They're great for props.

Like if you have an experience, experiment with this yet. Like if she's on the bottom, like putting a pillow underneath her pelvic area, her pelvis area, her back actually would lift her up and makes her pelvic more, her pelvic area more tilted towards you. Sometimes I can feel better for women. I like the idea of you can also use the edge of the bed like in doggy style, like if she's leaning over the bed and then you're leaning on top of her. I think that you can try different fun things that go into the bar and role-playing. Like if you guys ever do like the, they're going somewhere on campus

where you like kind of like the sexy stranger or getting dressed up and trying different things that you both find sexy, recreating each other's fantasies. If you guys come up with things that you each want to try, then every time you meet, it could be like a different sexy date night scenario. Like keep reading things.

I have a book that actually I wrote years ago called Hot Sex. It's on Amazon and it's a great book because it's called over 200 things you can try tonight. And I love it because you can just open to any page and it's pretty much it's an illustrated book but it will give you like cool different things that you could try that you might not have thought about. So.

Yeah, we actually did order that book. It hasn't come in yet but. Oh, you did? Awesome! We heard that we just looked up Sex Podcast one day, I drive to work basically. And we see Ryzen in a summertime, we listen to you a lot. Oh, good! Definitely got the products out there. So we looked up and found that book and ordered it. Oh! We'll be trying to... They're pretty soon, hopefully.

Yeah, hopefully. Yeah, they might have been backordered, but that's cool. Well, thank you. I'm so glad you guys listened together, and it sounds like you're doing all the right things here I mean there might be people where you could even like house it or dog sit in the area like I know like on Craigslist You could say like looking for college they may have like college student to come watch our house or to come and you could kind of Probably try to figure out a way to stay other people's places But I think if you put that you kind of use the door room as like a different, like have sex different places in the door room or use the bed differently,

that could kind of help spice things up. Oh yeah, that would be nice to stay in other people's house. It's kind of like a cheaper version of vacation. Exactly, right? And people are always like, you people are like, walk or dog, they're staying in our place. Or can you just like feed our cats, you know?

So there it is, it's like vacation sex. And even, yeah, mixing up your locations is so great for you guys, but even just playing around in the dorm room. Good work, too. Yeah. Yeah, what else could you guys do? They could do, we were just talking about the sex swing earlier.

There's a sex swing, you can put it outside of her door. It's, sport cheats makes it. It's called the door jam sex swing. Then you could like use it on the door. I'm just trying to think of what else you could be looking at my sex closet here. What else could they do if you guys done like handcuffs or blindfolds or... Yeah, I didn't do that. That's a lot of fun. You've done that? Yeah, with the handcuffs and the blindfolds. And I've actually made some home names of strengths. And I tied rope to the feet of my bed. And so we can do a lot, you know, when she's home for the summer, but you know, that's

only for three months out of the year. Right, right, right. No, it sounds like you guys are awesome. I love your sex life. I love what you guys are doing. I think you're having so much fun. So I think just getting creative with the space and just bringing your pillows. If she visits you, like a Euclopist or bring all your pillows from your bed, right?

Bring all your blankets and pillows. Just make it this cozy, like, love-den. Oh yeah, that sounds like a good idea. Cool. Whenever we do two out of ideas from your show, and a lot of times after we listen to show after work and no one's home, I get lucky because it kind of turns us both on.

Well, I love this. See, I always tell couples, and like so many couples, like email me, like we listen to 10 hours in the car driving cross country or whatever. Like I think it is cool, right? You're like, it turns you on. Let's try this, thank you. We do that.

It's the very first better on to you, so we listen to all the old ones too even. Wow, how are those? I was gonna go do back, go back and do that one day too. Yeah, right? Lots of sex tips there, that's cool. Thank you. I hope you tell your friends about it too.

Everyone needs a little sex hop, right? But you guys are on a good track. I like what you guys are doing and I like how you're thinking. Oh, yeah. We've both been opened up a lot by your show and just, you know, hey, let's try this. Okay. You know, she's definitely opened me up to new things. And it's a lot of fun. I'm really glad she did. Oh, I'm so glad. This is the time to do it. I love that you're 21 years old. She the same age She's 18 19 19 got it. Okay. No, this is great. Sounds like you guys are really good communication You're having fun. So keep doing that keep on this path. This is great. I'm so glad Preston I'm so glad you found the show and it's really working that makes me feel so good I'm like this is why I exist on the planet. So thank you for sharing your story

Absolutely. Thank you for all your help. You're doing great work. Of course. Thank you. Thank you so much. So thank you for sharing your story. Absolutely. Thank you for all your help. You've done great work. Of course, thank you. Thank you so much. So are you. Thank you. Keep doing it. Okay. Bye for us. And have a great night.

Thank you. Okay. You guys, I love this guy. They're in college and they're like, how do we make it more interesting? He has tried. Cochrane's firebaders dill those light bondage, butt stuff. He bought it in a narrow store. Like, he wants to know what else. So when he's 21, you guys.

So I think this call is an inspiration. For a lot of people, if you haven't tried out all this stuff yet, there's always more things to do. And switching up locations, sometimes, just if you always have sex in your bedroom and you have sex in your living room, I promise it might sound silly, but just like that 10 feet could make a huge difference

and add that little variety that you need in your sex life. All right, we have Melissa 28 from Oregon and she wants to know how does she get her boyfriend interested in for play. I love this question. Hi, Melissa. How do we do this? Hi. So tell me what's going on.

Thanks for calling. So thank you. So, my boyfriend and I went a little bit slower starting to get into sex when we first started dating. And in that time, we were pretty much only doing for play or oral sex. And then after we started to have sex, we pretty much stopped with the foreplay. Okay. Okay. My, yeah.

So my boyfriend comes from a pretty religious background where you're not supposed to have sex in general or talk about it. And so when we did start to have sex, it became out. Why do we need foreplay or all sex? Now we can just have sex. So he just doesn't get it. I understand. He doesn't understand that foreplay

is not just a light suggestion. It's actually a requirement that women require foreplay to be turned on for penetration. So it's really just a matter of understanding the science of sex and actually how it all works, how a rousell works. And so, and I understand this really is background and all that, and have you tried to talk to them about it? Yes, we've had multiple conversations about it.

And it seems to be like when he gets in the moment, it's like we forget and I have to kind of stop everything and kind of almost leave that spark a little bit and remind him in order to go from there. There have been a few times when I didn't remind him and I was just kind of like, okay, let's just do this and I was too dry and that actually got him to stop and think about it a little bit more Right, and they will the conversation a bit good. Okay, so these all sounds like like he's getting there, right?

So it's just a little bit more talking yeah talking outside the bedroom like if you guys have a date this weekend like going out at night and being like Let's talk about it, you know, baby. I I want you to understand like if he understands more than it's not just like about it, you know, baby, I want you to understand. Like if he understands more than it's not just like, you're failing me, you're not doing for-play, you're doing this, I'm just like, you could explain to him again, because sometimes when we learn something new, like anytime we learn a new, anything, or new practice, like it, you got to talk about it several times. So maybe there's a way you could appeal to him, just, you know, that he would understand it more. And maybe it's even explaining what were placed specifically you require. Cause sometimes just saying like, for play, he might not get what that means exactly or like, how much kissing or how often, how off, how long do you want me to touch

your breasts or go down and you know, you might need to know, you could even say to him, you know, and again, you want to keep this conversation light and fun and ask him questions too. What he would like. But like, I think about you coming home and like we come in and we make out for a while. We have dinner or whatever your fantasy is or whatever the perfect evening is. And like you slowly undress me and we make out for a while. And then, you know, you go down to me and we're like kissing and then I'm getting really wet and really turned on.

And then this happens. Maybe he needs you to walk him through it rather than just stating it. You don't want to mean like a little more story and text around it and that why is because that allows you to really be more connected to him and have more pleasure and orgasms that makes you want to even please him more. But when you don't have that, like men and women get turned on very differently, right? So that's the other thing he understands. Like men assume until they learn otherwise that they're turned on that women are too.

And I use to think that too. I was like, what? I think something is wrong with me because I wasn't turned on every time I partner had a direction. So I didn't get it. We're not taught this stuff. So this might be the first time he's actually hearing it. Until letting him know that like women are so cookers, men are frying pans, like you need to warm up. You know, so. Right, yep. And I was just like thinking about trying to think of other ways to kind of make for-play fun

because he's not really into like sex toys or whipped cream or you know anything that traditionally people will talk about. So trying to find other ways I've kind of made a joke of like we have boob time and then we have other time but trying to think of other ways. Well, is he not into it because of his religious background? Did he ever try and do that? No, I think he just isn't like it wasn't a part of what he thought people did. So even for him, he doesn't even enjoy oral effects that much. To him, he's like, well, let's just get on with the good stuff.

Right. Well, it isn't realized that there's good stuff. So it sounds like he is some learning or unlearning to do from his upbringing. So it sounds like it's very rigid. And maybe he hasn't had a lot of partners before. You? No. Okay, so it sounds like you're like opening up

a whole big childhood and like, what are you going to church every day and learning like sex is only masturbation. You know, you could go blind or whatever. Like you should only have sex, you know, for procreation. I mean, I'm telling you, if you go up, these are really hard messages to unwind, to reprogram from our brains. And so I don't know if on your own, you're going to be able to

do that. And so if this is something you, unless he's, is he very still very religious man still? Is he still going to church every week? Is this something that he still upholds in his life? that he still upholds in his life? No, these are just familial values for things that he has just heard his whole life. Right. So nothing, nothing he practices currently. So I think it's just a matter of like teaching him more. I mean, I could tell you that some other four-play things

could be, you know, taking turns, like using blindfolds, like just slowing down, trying to do everything but penetration. I love essential massage. You guys could take like essential massage course. There's a lot of other different things that you could do that don't involve toys and whipped cream, although I do think that he might like it more. I think for many men who think they don't like it, they actually do. And they've just never tried it.

So you should never just go on by toy without him, I think, and show up with it that might upset him. But maybe together, you could start just information gathering. You could listen to the podcast together. You could go to a local sex store. You could watch Readarotica, watch some porn, like bring things that bring something that turned you on. And so he kind of just, it sounds like it's a reeducation or a new education for him.

And so, I'm right. And hopefully he'll open up more. The more he realizes that you're gonna have more pleasure and then he'll have more pleasure because of that. So, and just because he says, no to things, I think that you shouldn't take that as like a definite no meaning.

It's because he hasn't experienced yet. So maybe like giving him more information about it, reading articles, however he learns. So I think that he just, yeah, it's not a lot of experience and the wrong and for a room formation, that's not no longer serving him, that probably isn't correct for where he's at. Right. Yeah. It used a lot of loop too. I hope you're using loop. Like just always have loop by your bed because you could even really turn on and not wet just so you know that. So I think it's great to just always use lube with handjabs, with oral, with masturbation, everything. Right. Okay. And I, we have started to introduce that. Like I've gotten that part at least through.

So it used to start very like, we don't need anything and it's least more progressing. Good. But that's about as far as I've gotten it. Great. Lou was a good gateway. No, but that's good. See, it's going to take some time, but he's coming around. So I think that's great.

Just keep going with him. You know, he wants to be with you and you guys want to, you know, make sweet love, have a great relationship. So just keep talking to him. Yeah. Being honest. Okay. About you need okay, thanks Melissa. Good luck to you. Have a great night. Thanks for calling.

Bye. Yeah, you guys you have to realize that we all come into relationships and into being sexual beings with some pre some with some learning or some preconceived notions about what sex should be or what we think it should be or what our parents are religion and a lot of times are some like relearning or just learning for the first time. I mean, I think a lot of us didn't have great sex education. So I think that just understanding and coming into any new relationship with an open mind and if you have these thoughts, like this isn't right or moral that I'm going to tell you that most things are pretty much

okay if you're using protection and you're with someone that you feel comfortable with and you're being honest and open. Like most of the things that you're fantasizing about are probably gonna be okay and experiencing with your partner and all these things. So I think that if you have these voices or tell you you're wrong, you're immoral, you're gonna go to hell. I think that it's time to kind of take a look at those,

see if those thoughts still serve you or those messages still serve you and it's okay to kind of create your own sexual roadmap that works for you. Okay, we have Nikita. She's 22 Massachusetts and wants to date organically, no hookups. How does she meet these people and make deeper connections? Hey Nikita. Hey Emily, how are you?

I'm so good. Happy to be talking to you. So tell me what's going on. Hey Emily, how are you? I'm so good. Happy to be talking to you. Tell me what's going on. So my problem is I'm out of school. And I just don't know how to meet people now. Like everybody says like the bar or maybe the club. But I feel like everybody there is just interested in hooking up.

Right. Okay. Yeah. So I don't know how I feel to meet people. Like where do I go to meet people? Right. Well that's such a good question, like in real life, like how does it happen these days? And I get it like drinking, going to the bars,

the parties is not for everybody. But here's the good news is that you actually, once you get this in your mindset that like you can people anywhere, like I don't know what your morning routine is, like it could be at the gym or when you're walking to Starbucks or in your, you know outside outside you're building where you live. Like there are single people everywhere, right? And it's just a matter of truly like talking to people, like saying hello, where you

want like practice talking to guys, like just practice, I mean, you date men, right? You did say this, men. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So practice just talking to guys that you're not even, even if you're attracted to or not and just realize it, like a lot of it is about connection. So just getting comfortable talking to people, you're not even if you're attracted to or not and just realize that like a lot of it is about connection. So just getting comfortable talking to people, striking up conversation.

So that's one thing, like just knowing that they're actually everywhere and like in Massachusetts and you're in college, like there's so many single people there, right? So there's a ton. So I think it was a two year relationship and might take you a little longer than a few months, but I would start trying to go and... So that's just... So I would say, be go easy on yourself. There's no pressure right now because I think it's actually good that you just want to

meet interesting people. So the other tip from that is just like, look at the whole world as like an open place for you to meet people. But also, it helps to do things that you like outside of school. If you take some classes, are you like working out or go to a gym, or if there's some volunteer organization you wanna work for on campus, like that's where you're gonna meet people,

and when you're actually in your element is when you're doing something that you love or you're learning something new. So I think the more you can get out of your comfort zone, like I don't know if you have like your same, few friends you always hang out with that you're same routine every day, but the more we like add one thing in you'll start to

realize that you'll meet more plate people like your world will open up like even if it's not a lover right away but I always think that expanding your horizon so she and college and that would really help and then also finally letting all your friends people you work with like letting them know that you're single like hey do you have anyone because I'm single so that's also great way to meet people. So you don't need to do the dating apps if you don't want to, but I think just having in your mindset that you're more open to meeting people that way will help you. What do you think? So I think that's really smart, but my issue is I feel like people, like, I go to the gym, and I feel like people just are keeping to themselves, and it's so hard to just walk up to somebody and start talking to them because everybody's just doing their own thing.

Right. Yeah, I agree. And what about like, no, I understand that about like the specific, but maybe if you're waiting in line and they sell like smoothies or you take a class. So it doesn't it be as literal, you know, but if you're walking out like, yeah, I wouldn't want someone to come out to me on the treadmill and be like, excuse me, can you take out your earbuds? And I want to ask you out like that actually come out to me on the treadmill and be like, excuse me, can you take out your earbuds and I wanna ask you out? That actually has happened to me and it's really annoying. So I'm just saying about, if there's someone you see every day, maybe you smile, and you just start talking.

I think that we don't talk enough anymore that we're on our phones. I mean, I'm older than you. I've seen this happen in the world. It used to be like, we weren't looking down all the time. We were actually waiting in line for something and you would just strike up a conversation. So here's where I think is going on.

In your mind, you feel like it's only gonna happen online and that's kind of what people are doing and that everyone else is assholes and just looking hook up. But I don't think that that's true. Like, I understand that a lot of people are, especially at your age where you're at, there are a lot of people who just want to hook up

But there are the ones who just want to meet co-people and have a relationship too So I think just switching your mindset that not everyone's an asshole or douchebag is you know what I'm saying? There are all those possibilities there So if you know if it's not the gym It's like is there anything else you've been wanting to do to kind of take up your things that you're interested in classes or people or you know on Facebook people invite you to events maybe you're going to parties and you're interested in, classes or people or you know on Facebook, people invite you to events, maybe you're going to party and you're like, oh, I don't know if I want to go, like make yourself go once a week, even to a party that you're like, oh, that's so cool, she's not great, but maybe some of our friends are, you know what

I mean? Like, we typically meet people through other friends. So I think just being open. Just getting me, just being more outgoing. Yes. Being outgoing and trying to stop the thing in your head that's shutting it down. Like this isn't the right time or place or this person probably doesn't want it. So just being open more than being like closed in your mind and in your energy.

I feel like the natural reaction when you see somebody attractive, you look away instantly. Like you get kind of, I don't know, I don't know, I get really fast. Yeah. I look away immediately and I smile. It's like, oh my God, that's only good of an moment. Well, see, this is so good that you know this about yourself. So this is going to take a practice, but I think a great practice for you is practicing just looking at someone and smiling.

Whether they're attractive or not, no one does that anymore. I mean, when someone does smile, I mean, when they pass me, they say, hello, I'm like, hi, it feels so good. So I think you can get through that if it becomes part of your practice of just smiling. And yes, we all get nervous when someone's looking, but you can move pet. That's just a cycle you're in now. You've been doing that for a few years, but that doesn't have to mean you're like that for the rest of your life. You know, you can learn to keep that gaze and not make it awkward. So practice that.

Yeah, just practice. Practice people that you don't find interactive. Just do it. Smile. This is how it happens. It becomes a new habit. So just get yourself out there, say yes to things you wouldn't normally do, and that's when people are going to turn up. Great. Thank you so much for doing this. You're so welcome. Thank you so much for your microphone. Welcome. So welcome Nikita. Enjoy.

Get out there. Have a good day. Have a good day. Bye. God, it's interesting you guys have dating. We all think like the apps are the way to go if we've been on them. We're like, well, why would we even go anywhere else? And it's like people are everywhere.

There are more single people in America than there are. Like, then there have been any other time. And remember that dating and flirting is a practice. And if it's a muscle and if we don't use it, it's out of free, you can bring it back and you just start using it. It starts smiling, saying, hi, having conversations.

And you're gonna realize it when your world becomes bigger and you start bringing in and surrounding yourself with people, places, things to make you feel good, that you're gonna realize that you're gonna be a lot more people that are on the same page as you. It makes it a lot easier. It's possible for all of us. Our next call, we have Disa.

She's 26 from Pennsylvania, and her partner won't go down on her, even though she does it for him and doesn't even enjoy it. Disa, hello, I'm so glad you called. Hi. Hi. So tell me what's going on.

I have been with my, well, we're now married. Okay. I've been with my husband for seven years. Wow. Okay. Come November first. And I've been crying to tell him to go down on me. Mm-hmm.

He won't go away. He refused it. He says that he says that I smell. But he goes down on me even if I take a shower. Okay. Okay. I've been throwing down on him. Okay. Right. And I've been asking him to do the same for me, but he's not wanting to.

Right. Because he says I smell down there, even if I take a shower. Okay. So that's what he said. So for the last seven years, he said that to you. He's been saying that? Yes. Okay, so there's a few things.

Well, first of all, I mean, okay, so you either, so when you shower, sometimes that can do it for women, right? Usually we're clean and our vagina like cleans itself, typically in your fine. We all smell differently. Now the truth is, if, and you, do you go to the gynecologist and get checked out once a year? I do.

Okay, because sometimes there is, like this is just ruling this out sometimes, but there is like an odor that can happen if we have like, for women we can get like bacterial vaginosis, which we don't even know sometimes, but it just, and it can have an odor. So sometimes that can happen, and you go to your gynecologist,

they give you a pill and it goes away. So I'm just making ruling all of that out, okay? So, okay. So what it's so, because I'm gonna assume that's with the case, so that's not enough. Like here's the thing to say that you don't smell good is I feel like he just doesn't want to them.

Like it's just not his jam, he doesn't get it, he doesn't know how important it is to you. And so I think that there has to be a level of just conversation with them about how great, how good it makes you feel, like how it's important to you because, you know, your sex life is important and you enjoy sex more, you're more satisfied, women are more like the organism when they receive oral sex. And so I think there has to be another reason here.

And I'm not sure how's your communication in other areas. Um, like we, we have our communication has grown over the last year and year and a half. Okay. We, we, we, basically, he comes home from work and he tells me about his day and I'll tell him about what I did during my day and it's great. I mean, okay, good. It's the only problem I'm having is the bedroom. Right, no, and that's a big problem though. So has it changed at all in the seven years? Like have you guys ever tried anything different or is it pretty much feels like it's been the same kind of thing. And like your main thing is oral. So I think maybe you just lead with let's seven years, seven years in, they call it the

seven year each, like let's work on it, like let's kind of make our sex life something fun we can explore together. And if you guys, you know, we don't know where to begin to make our support even any more interesting them what it is. Right. No, I get it. So this is the work you guys can do. Like, do you guys can start to do?

Is it really, does he ever listen to this podcast? Do you guys ever listen together? Yes, I love your podcast by the way. Thank you. Thank you very much. I appreciate that. And I love a couples sometimes listen together and they can really help them with the sex life.

So I think to it. He says that it's funny. He says your podcast, or he says that when I told him I'll listen to your podcast, he says that's the chick podcast. I don't want to listen to that. Well, you can tell him that over 50% of our listeners are men. OK. It's about 52% men, I think.

So what I'm saying is that's not true. I actually hear from just about more men, a little bit more men than women. It's a lot of couples love listening together. So I think that you guys sometimes couples just need something on the outside. You could listen together. You could buy some sex books together.

Some educational books that could help you as a couple kind of work through things. I wish I could think of some of the titles. There's some great therapy books couples can talk about. You could go to a sex toy store together. You could order some things online from the website. And just get the conversation started about some things you might like to try. Great way to start is with like blindfolds, right? So you could blindfold him, he could blindfold you, you could give each other massages, you know, you could talk dirty. I already get from massage because we bought toys. Oh, good. He has it. I've told Abastan to use them with me, but he just...

Yeah, I think he got a bringout. He hasn't been in the mood. Like, I mean... You just gotta listen, toys, you know, we all around here, we're like, yeah, of course you should use toys, but that's not so easy for everybody. So I think you have to like charge it, put it by the bed, and say, we are using this tonight, I'm so excited. And I think also masturbation for you is

really important if you're not to kind of figure out exactly what you want. So you can kind of guide him and let him know how you want to be touched. I think it's just a matter of having a conversation saying, are you in babe? Like let's start working on this. And so I just think that's an important thing that you guys need to make that a plan to work at your sex life, even just by talking about it And one more thing I want to say about the odor park is there might be a thing where he's just like I don't know Doesn't like vaginas something happened in the past there are flavored loops He can use we like system Joe makes loops that like everything you could use

It's great for all sex tastes like gelato if he's into that you could use a dental dam Which means he could put that over your vulva. It's kind of like a condom. It's like a latex material and you could put it over you. And also like, DODAC is a great, they're one of our clients. And DODAC is one of our sponsors. They make this great wash for women

that I just like because it makes me, like it's for women. It's made for your vulva and it smells good. It feels good. So there's just a few things about the, if that keeps coming up, those might't be some good things for you. But I think you just have to make sure he's on board with taking your sex life seriously.

Seven years in, it is time for you guys to start the conversation. Even if you don't know where it's going, but it's not gonna be a, he said, she said, he's not doing that, you're not doing that. You guys are on the same team. You're married, seven years, and so I need you both to take priority on this and figure

it out. It works for you both. Because you guys can do it. You say communication is getting better, and this is just another thing to work on. So okay. Okay. Like, and you bring out the toy and not wait for it. Let them know.

Practice when you're masturbating. See how you like the toy and then use it together. So let me know how that goes, okay? Okay. Okay. Fast and lucky. Thanks for calling. Bye. see how you like the toy and then use it together. So let me know how that goes, okay? Okay, fast of luck to you. Thanks for calling. Bye. Okay guys, communication is a lubrication.

I haven't said that yet today. So I'm telling you all that the more that we all get more comfortable talking about sex, it's going to get better. And I think as a couple, it's like you got to figure out what, you know, if you don't know where to start, like I said, listening to the podcast is great. Going to my website, go shopping at our store, look at some things that you know, if you don't know where to start, like I said, listening to podcasts is great. Going to my website, go shopping on our store,

look at some things that you want, go to a store together with your partner, any little things, it could be watching a porn together, it could be reading a radica. Just one thing you need, and I'm telling you, once you guys get one, it could be like enhancing your kissing, right, but if you guys work on it together, you're gonna realize that after that,

it's gonna become your thing that you guys work on together, and it enhances intimacy, and ultimately will improve your sex life. Alright guys, that was fun, you know, you know, you know. If you enjoy these call shows, I'm available to you five nights a week. On Series XM Radio, Channel Star is 109, I'm there wanting to Friday, 5-7pm and I'm having so much fun, I get to reach out to more of you, I get to really talk to you about what's going on in your life and helping with your sex and Relationship challenges. So go check it out. I get to answer your calls live Five days a week, which is a dream

So thanks everyone and thanks to amazing team Ken Sarah producer Jamie and Michael was good for you email me feedback at sexwithemily.com at sexwithemily.com.