Sex With Emily - Play Together, Stay Together

Episode Date: July 11, 2018

On today’s show, Emily along with comedian Ben Morrison are talking about top sexual fantasies, from threesomes to bondage – and how to talk to your partner about what you want to try. They get into the psychology behind the mile high club, what traits lead to divorce – and it’s not what you think, why keeping score in the bedroom is a lose-lose situation, and how to jumpstart that spark in your relationship. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: We-Vibe, Magic Wand RC, Womanizer, Apex Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm here with comedian Ben Morrison to talk about everything from top sexual fantasies to the surprising trait that may lead to divorce to what's so appealing about joining the Mile High Club. All this and more, thanks for listening. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized they call them in a fight on me. Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken,

he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. It's a lie. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, what do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh my god, I want to feel mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom go to sexwithemily.com. Check out our websites. You can easily subscribe to the podcast. You can also comment and subscribe on iTunes. We love when you leave us a comment, when you subscribe, it helps keep the show free so we can continue to show the week. We love that. And also following social media, I love that so much. It's at sex with Emily across the board.

And it's always a good time. So I'm here with comedian Ben Morrison. It's already been so many laughs, before I'm like, can you be any now? Oh, the gold that we didn't record, we're never gonna get that back. But we can't get it back, because we're more together, I feel like,

sometimes we just have comedic magic. We spin gold. We do. Was that the rumble still skin? Rapunzel. No, no, Rapunzel's the hair. Oh, because you said spin, okay. No. Rumpel Still Skin.

Yeah, Rumpel Still Skin. What? Yes. I remember Rumpel Still Skin. I said, but the spin, the goal, he could spin things into gold. I think so. Yeah, but the hair was Rapunzel, so you got me all confused. Rumpel 4 Skin would be a good name for something.

You. I'm Rumpel 4 Skin would be a good name for something. You. I'm Rumpel 4 Skin. I don't know me. I've had some good nicknames for you. Okay, so anyway, not by your 4 Skin. Like what else? Well, there was something about your penis. What?

Sorry, I don't know. Ben is my sexual playmate. She's my fucking sexual playmate. Ben's my boyfriend. She got me on rentboy.com. She gets me by the hour. Thanks for showing up for this hour. It's going to be special. I picked out some really special sex-the-news items that I thought would be interesting for

us to discuss because I think not only are you a funny man, a kind man, a mostly intelligent man, but you're smart and I think that you have good, some good insights and you're pretty emotionally evolved. Oh. Oh. Yeah. I know. It's a pretty.

Thanks, baby. Okay, you want to hear something? Yeah, let's do it. The most common sexual fantasies. This is a new study, a groundbreaking study, if you will, says the author, but I actually believe it is because it's got a little spin on the way we think about sexual fantasies. So I often talk about what the top fantasies are for men and women, but this laid it out

in a way that I thought some had some interesting points. So this was in the Sunday Time Style magazine. Okay, here's what they noticed about these common fantasies, interesting results, that feeling abnormal or weird is one of the biggest things that holds people back and creates anxiety that is very disruptive to our sex lives. I want to make it easier for people to have these conversations. This is what the author of the study, Dr. Lay Miller. Lay Miller.

Funny, his name is Lay Miller and he's a sexologist. Lay, but it's LEH. Okay, so, like, Lay Miller, so it could be Lay Miller. This is Dr. Bang's a lot. Here's the point. What he says is, well, we always say on the show is that why people are listening to the show now, why are you listening to this?

You want me to let you know, and it is true that you're fine. Don't worry, the things you're stressing about that make you abnormal and you think you're not lovable and your partner's not gonna want to be with you. That creates anxiety, so it's much better to talk about what you want, it's actually to get these fantasies fulfilled. So anyway, but here's what the top fantasies are. And I would like to discuss them with you. And one of you could guess the

first one. I'm wondering if you want to help me fulfill the first one. I know. That's why I thought you'd like the threesome. That's a huge fan of threisms. It comes up all the time. Well, that's like saying, like, a guy's like a huge, like, I'm a huge fan of drinking water. Like, yeah. I think that's pretty universal for most men now,

and I'm not surprised that there's a total of the word. No, no, 89% of people, men and women, admit that they fantasize about having a threesome. 89%, what I wanna know is who are the 11% that are like, nah. They were sick that day, they were not there. It's true. So as for who's participating in this threesome, those of partners that ideally the threesome

would involve their spouse, I thought this was also interesting because I think this is sort of showing threesome's in a different light. That for people thinking that, oh, my partner just wants to be with someone else and not me or our sex life has become stale and boring. Maybe we should spice it up with someone else. No, this is saying that it's, they don't want to ditch their partner. I thought that we're not satisfied with our partners. It's that we just kind of think

it would be hot to see him with someone else and to see him have sex with someone else. Straight males were more likely to fantasize about sex with two women, had her sexual women's lineup, didn't show the same strength of gender preference. Meaning that they would, they're like two, two, a male and a woman, two guys, a woman, two women, three, three chicks, I don't know. They were less flexible, men wanted, straight men wanted to.

One more thing that I wanna say, at the top of it, when I was saying that the biggest challenge are people have around fantasies that they don't wanna talk about it, turns out in this study, it says that 96% of the people, which is why this is so remarkable, the majority of us choose not to reveal our fantasies to our partners. And I just want to say that point that if people aren't talking about it, that if it's something you want to try, have these conversations, you know, you don't have to lead with it like, hey, babe, I want to have a threesome, but you should talk about, if you've never talked about fantasies, but you guys have that

conversation like tonight when you get home about your sex life, about the state of affairs. How are things? Like, I love the sex we're having. Like, it's like, Ben, I wanted to have a threesome tonight. I'd be like, babe, it's like, we've never talked about it. I gotta keep, what a hot week I've been had. I loved having sex with you when you woke up Saturday morning. I think it's fancy sometimes.

I want to share with you, because I think it'd be so hot to have one of these fancy with you. I think to be in a threesome. Would you ever think about that? Like the throughout is having sex with someone else, would you? I have a fantasy.

This is an actual conversation that you have with me. That's like, is Emily having this conversation with me on that list? Because so, but, okay, so as far as bringing that up, I mean, I don't think, I mean, as far as bringing it up goes, I mean, do you think it's the male or female's role to-

Whoever wants it, no matter who's in, anyway, I think it's any person in the relationship, well, let's keep going with the other, maybe we could practice someone that isn't so close to home. Sure. Like the next one? The next one is BDSM. So the majority of people have fantasized about engaging at least one of these acts,

bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism. In females, he noted they had slightly more than frequent fantasies about sadism, which involved anything from spaking to biting to dripping hot wax. The general message seems to people would prefer to be on the receiving end rather than dish it out, which in turn suggests that not being control is more attractive than the alternative. I don't know who we talk to, but I think that there's a lot of men who like, and women who like being dominant. But this is saying that women would like to be spanked. So let's have this conversation.

I can have this going with you, baby. So I really love this actor. Mm-hmm. Yep. And I have these underbed restraints that live under my bed. We never use this. I know.

We could mention it. Okay, because they're there and like you should see them. And I've like mentioned, I've pulled them out, but maybe I haven't like specifically enough said to you that I think would be really hot if you use the mommy in their velcro and they're easy and they're always there. Except for when I got to do better recently

than the guys putting it out of the bed. We're like, what's this? Do you want your ropes and they scream a gospel? And then they were having conversations about that. I am the guy from Taskrabid has a question. Oh man. Yeah, well let's try him out. I am the guy from Taskrabbit has a question. Oh man.

Yeah, well, let's try him out. I mean, I think we, I feel like we kind of have to commit to some shit on air, like to actually use this stuff. Okay, it also in my house, you know that I have all these things and they're all over the place. I know organizing right now. As an example, let's make our roadmap for what we're gonna do with this, okay? So, restrain you, with the Velcro ropes.

Got fantastic rapid can watch. Then drip the- You're going to be like your fantasies. That would be my fantasies. We do have a ton of time. Last night I had the Honest reason with a task rapid. I was going to get a lot of free advertising for it. Anyway, task rapid is also actually. You should get a task rapid, I'm not gonna get a lot of free advertising for it. Anyway, so-

Test grab is awesome actually. You should get a test grab. I'm going to- I'm going to- I'm going to get a test grab. I'm going to get a test grab. I am. We talked about this.

Anyway, back to, back time. And to tie me up, yeah, apparently. So we're straining you with the thing, so you're on the bed, you know, split out. Yeah. You can't move. Even bond is shit, yeah, that's good too, okay? Mm-hmm. Yeah, and then blindfold.

And then- And then- Do you want to be blindfolded? Yes. Do you like that? See, this is my, do you believe we've never talked about this? Because we're having great sex. We're still early on in the relationship. Here's a point. It's not even that we're early on and I don't need to. I haven't thought about it because our sex is amazing every time we're together. Still early on and my sexual playmate. We have another month left till the honeymoon phases. We're about to go to Greece together.

I know, we've talked about that as well. Yes, we will. Okay, so listen, I do think that the blindfolds, and I have the spankers and the ticklers, there's stuff I wanna do, and it's not because I think you won't, baby. I know you'll do anything. I just think you know that I'm not a huge planner,

and I have all the stuff in my house, and it's there. And I'd like you to say, babe, maybe tonight we could do that, like, I need your help in the shape. But you bet, how would you feel doing that? Does that make you feel uncomfortable? Have you ever, have you ever practiced? Have you ever done any like bondage or spaking or anything with any other one?

Spanking definitely, yeah. I think most people get into some spanking. I mean, that just kind of comes with the territory if you're having sex as a me just whack them on the ass. But if I- I don't think you're that in spank. I mean, that just kind of comes with the territory. If you're having sex, I mean just whack them on the ass. But I don't think you're that in spanking. What? I mean, not spanking as like this is my like the spank chunk, but I mean during sex, I will I will spank you, you know, not really, but it's not like a formal like lay you over my lap. No daddy has to right, right? Daddy asked a fuckin

But no as far as As far as the bondage goes I've never really died that deeply Okay, okay, so let's so I think I don't like the idea for me being restrained Done I will never restrain you But I love the only way I do want to be strained restraining just straightening. So that, to the thought of that turned to one. Uh-huh, yeah. Really? Uh-huh. Yeah, I like that idea.

I don't know that. Just you were like kind of helpless. Yeah, I love it. I have nothing to do. You can take my phone. You can take everything. I will do to you what I please. Yes, exactly.

Okay, good. So we'd be on board with this. Headplaced to resist. And that will talk to you like this, don't you? I love when you do your accents. That's what I love about Ben is that he can do a lot of different accents at any moment. I could be like, be French. What was that French?

What was that one? Disca. I don't know. No, it's easy as a French guy. To Nat, baby, going to go out to your bed and tie you up with a restaurant. That's more like a French kind of, it's like your bondage in Montreal. I'm on the tie-up with a restaurant. Oh, the British, your British accent.

Amazing. Oh, this guy, right. Tonight, I'm going to restrain you. Dripp hot wax on your body. Open your mouth. Something's going in. What is it? You're not going to know. Blindfold.

Is it my dick? Is it a cucumber? Okay, that's fun. Bring that, free, you'll get it. Bring that, free, you'll get it. Bring that enthusiasm. Dude, do you want me to actually do that while we're having sex? Yeah.

Like, you could be, you could have like, you could fuck 10 different dudes in your sex. I know. If I'm blindfolded, I wouldn't even know. You just changed up the size of the cucumbers, but I'd be so totally cool with that. Right.

You'd be like, right, baby? I'll be like an Australian. Yeah. Open your mouth. Gonna stick something in it. I'm like, what else would other guys accent so I like? Who else would I like? Who else if I? I think Australians good. What about German?

That's the least sexy. What about you? You should go back from Israel. You can't be a dick. Open your mouth! I will tell you up and open your mouth. I'm going to stick something in it. And if you resist, there will be consequences. That's not sexy enough. Don't do that.

Don't do that. Okay. So we have reason, we have BDSM. Oh, and then shaking it up, which is, it means whether it was a location position or partner, Dr. Lem Miller, lay Miller found out that many people were turned on to changes in their normal bedroom routine. Setting was one of the big ones for women, though both men and women admitted they fantasize about sex in public locations such as in an office or in a park. The thrill of getting caught seems to be with the motivation.

So shaking it, and I say this, if you just get outside the goddamn bedroom, people like, or sex lives got in stale, yeah, that's going to happen if you have sex in the same place, the same way, the same time in the same bedroom, with the same light switch, the same, even dimmer, it's going to be on the same, the same, the same, the things, the curtains are open, the same, everything's goddamn same, that is not hot but if you like take it into the living room or to the backyard or to a park or you shake it up you have to shake it up it can't just be like a one-off thing like you got to constantly be yeah you have to that's why I feel like I have to try increasingly risky practices and you know you know

you've gone too far when you get arrested. Right. Exactly. We were just talking about getting arrested during sex today. Where? Well, you were right. No, not you. We were not. We were not. I was writing out what was the context of that.

What was it about having sex in the beach, which is tis the season. Well, yeah, I was five. You got to worry that it's illegal. You got to worry that it's illegal. When you get to the beach, when you get to the end of your ass. Right. But then, you know, you hear about these couples that get caught having sex in the beach. But you can increase, can't you have sex with a baby?

I don't know. We should look that up. Google that shit. So we have three-some BDSM, the fucking different room. Yeah. It's partner sharing. This is where you might find this interesting. Less than 1% of participants fantasize about cheating, which I think is huge, but that doesn't

mean they didn't fantasize about having sex with someone else. Instead, people in relationships do crave having non-monogamous sex, but only if this was approved by their partner. He found that 79% of men had fantasized about an open relationship. At 62%, this was slightly less attractive as a fantasy for women. 58% of people, so they get the thrill out of watching the partner of sex with other people, but it was more men to whom this appealed to. Why I think the study is interesting because it also sheds light on the thrill out of watching a partner of sex with other people, but it was more men to whom this appeal to. Why I think the study is interesting

because it also sheds light on the fact that there's a lot of couples that just want something a little different. You're with the same person all the time, and they're craving it. They wanna have Nama got nagging sex, but they actually don't wanna cheat. They want it to be approved by their partner

with rules around it and boundaries, but I think most people are like secretly fantasizing about it. And I'm not saying everyone should gotten to be in an open relationship. What I'm saying is though, there are ways that you can do it in a healthy sense and a way that's executed with like rules and boundaries. It's not random until like your partner's cheating on you.

But people have this fantasy, but they don't think they can act on it because they don't even get past that first thought of, oh, my partner was someone else. But I think that people can learn to kind of take a deep breath, talk to the part of what that might look like and kind of get beyond the part is going to leave me there. I know this isn't for everybody, but I think that this is interesting that people want it so badly. I know that there's a lot of people that this works. People have opened and kind of things and it works for

them. Partener sharing is a different way of saying open relationship. Exactly. Meaningful sex number five. The majority of both men and women, 70% really crave emotionless sex. Aw, wait, emotionless. Emotionless.

Like nothing. They don't. They don't want emotionless sex. People don't. People think that they do. Like I just want to go bang random people, but no, we crave a moment. We want attached sex. Oh yeah, I can't. I can want to go bang around and people, but no, we crave a moment. We want attached socks.

Oh yeah, I can't. We want to find. We want to. I know, which is funny. You create kind more than I do. Like, Jesus, do you really? So people feel instead of emotionless, sex. Have you ever cried after sex during?

But I've cried during. During? Maybe. I don't remember. Maybe it wasn't you. Have you even cried after sex during? But I've cried. Daring? No, it's maybe. I don't remember. I don't remember. Maybe it wasn't you. Listen, so be honest, getting desired. We want to feel desired, appreciate, and love.

Both many women also said feeling sexually competent and irresistible was a turn on. We all want to feel like desired, appreciated, and loved, and we are the best lover ever in our partner can help. But they just want us so badly and we're the most beautiful thing on earth we want meaningful sex so emotionally fulfilling sex nine of ten people said they fantasize about the current partner and regularly do you still fantasize about me?

all the time did three times before coming here did you know how many times you've asked for it today for real? whoa we're not gonna make this about me yeah yeah but three come on really? yeah two three hmm How much you asked for it today for real? Whoa, we're not gonna make this about me. Yeah, yeah. But three. Come on, really?

Two, three? Three. What, you woke up at like noon. It's busy a couple hours. And you were late. Well, I had one more just kind of happened. Same sex fantasies. Many people say they identified as heterosexual, so they still have fantasies

of same sex encounters. 59% of straight women say they fantasize about sex with other women, which is very common. I think I know you guys have every fantasy of to share with a partner and that's so you want to engage in it, but some do. So what's the, 26% of Ben are fantasizing about other same sex partners, 59% of women. So, fourth of men... Okay, one in four men crave sex with a cross-dresser and one in three men saying they fantasize about sex with a transsexual. Have you fantasized about sex with a transsexual?

A man dressed up as a woman or... Well, I think I've definitely like... Oh, good. It's so interesting. I think I've definitely like like when I'm oh Good no, not that I know of like I was at a I was at borrowers with my buddy Commuting there, and it was like late and I was a little drug and then some ladies came in and I was like kind of flirting with one and then It was like he was like he goes he was like yo That's a dude

I was like nah man. She's fine. She's into me Yeah, that's that's a dude and And then he was like we should go Have another drink there don't have another drink band Whoa, we get to win drinks maybe yeah, so anyway, I did not I did not there was no interaction there. Got it, but you know. But as far as the fantasy of it,

there's something intriguing about that, you know, because ultimately it kind of straddles both worlds, right? Like there's the homosexual aspect of it in the actual anatomy, if it's still there, I guess. And then there's also the feminine element that comes along with it. You're having sex with a transgender female would that involve anal prenatal or just? Hand and mouth stuff anything can involve anal I mean yeah Anyway, I just wrap that up

Why I like the study we've talked about three sims. We've talked about BDSM We've talked about being another partner. This is not new But what is new is that everyone feels is walking around having unsatisfying sex, not the best sex they could have because they're afraid they're part of not going to judge them or they create a lot of anxiety and 96% of you, you're having a conversation about anything you want in bed. So, if this is inspiring you right now, I hope it does tonight, go have that conversation. How many more days you're going to stay with your partner?

Like really the same ceiling, the same bed, the same pile laundry in the same room. Yeah, different. Just you and your partner just resolved to have sex in a room you've never had sex in a room. Exactly. Speaking of doing something different, mile high club exposed the unexpected psychology

behind plain sex. I thought you'd like this. Have you, you haven't? I'm not a member of the mile high club. It does not appeal to me. That's like one club I would not want to be a member of. What does it appeal to you? It's dirty. Feacle matter. In fact, I'll keep reading. Feacle matter.

Any. You remember? You remember? Yeah. And once I got all that feacle matter out of my fucking, yeah. Feacle matter. Well, that's the whole thing. I'm not a feacle matter.

I'm not a feacle matter. I'm not a feacle matter. I'm not a feacle matter. I'm not a feacle matter. I'm not a feacle matter. I'm not a fe, and once I got all that fecal matter out of my fucking, yeah. Well, that's the whole thing. The Myomic Club doesn't exactly keep accurate membership records. In a recent survey of 11,000 people, 5% said they'd had sex at a plane, and in addition to 78% said they'd like to, the desire to have sex in public or semi-public is relatively common. According to the Journal of Sex Medicine, 82% of men and women fantasize about having

sex in an unusual place like at work or in a public restroom. Put the mildly high club kind of takes it to the next level. So what they say is for most people, it's a risk getting caught and not actually being seen. And it's not just about doing something naughty and taboo. There's a physiological component to it too. You get the arousal response. It's associated with danger. Like, oh my god, we're really doing this. That could heighten the whole sexual experience.

But the thing about the flight is, it is inappropriate, obviously, in the legal. I just find it gross because, here we go. Not to get too graphic here, Ben, but your hands can be touching toilet seats, stalls, walls, handles, and more and then entering one another's mouths and tenels are coming into contact with the condom that's about to be inside of your partner. The result, trace amount of fecal matter and urine on surface areas can result in E. coli

and salmonella poisoning of a urine or tract infection. And you're going to get an STD for your partner or for a toilet seat. The whole thing is bad. So was it that great? Was it that fecal matter? I'm a little bit amiss. Well, I thought so at the time, but now that I've learned that I got E. coli and fecal matter from the experience, it's making it progressively less sexy.

Yeah, just be careful, you guys. So I just think it's the hyperlip viral high club, but really was it that amazing? You probably remember it being amazing or something. No, I mean, the sex wasn't amazing at all. Literally. You just say you did it. Yeah, kinda.

Yeah, she was like, come here. I was just kind of wet in the bathroom. And it was very quick. It was only really like, it was only in long enough to say that we had had sex. Right. But it was definitely not a sexual experience, so to speak. Right.

Each relationship was different, but researchers have found there could be one unlikely signed, capable of predicting divorce and it affects the couples that are overly affectionate in the first few years of marriage. What's? So I was reading this because Ben and I are very affectionate. And I thought, is that bad? Are we, you know, we're not married, but can we get a worse? But no, here's what happens.

Evidence shows that couples who are overly affectionate from the beginning, meaning they display more than understandable levels of affection toward each other are more likely to divorce. As newlyweds, a couple who divorced after seven or more years were almost giddy affectionate, displaying about one third more affection than did spouses who were later happily married the authors wrote. But too much affection, always a bad thing, we have stating and relationship experts are thoughts.

It's not to worry. You look sad. It makes sense. So some people get cut up in the infatuation of a relationship, hence the term love is blind. So once it disappears, when they're like, oh, we're no longer so in love, this is what happens to the honeymoon phase. Like, what is going on? We no longer have that chemistry.

And the relationship falls apart. What they see down here is if it's over the top, over the top emotions and physical expression are hard to sustain. So it's short live in three to nine months. And they say here, life and life's challenges can get very real very quickly. That's when you see a partner's true personality emerge.

The person you thought you married, and vanish, and discontent, and continues. There's a difference in being so much into each other that the surroundings and social contexts are ignored versus a couple genuinely being touchy-fuely towards each other. Like, the former is likely to be unhealthy, the latter is fine. So we were inappropriately, like, we're always affection towards each other.

I think we like, we're gonna be both like touch. But, you know, the verdict is not. But, if you're like giving like giving like a hand job at a funeral, you're probably going to get the floor. Exactly. And couple of things. Right. Inappropriate.

Exactly, Ben. Also, couples get into routine being together, it becomes a habit rather than ongoing adventure of discovery. It's easy to become complacent. And this is where we quit adding value to the relationship. The other thing was couples who fought from the beginning and did not display affection

also indicated an increase likely out of divorce. Shock. So like what do you have? This remind me of one of your acquaintances last night. He came to me and he was like, I need some advice. I'm like what? It's like, he's a chicken and she's never had sex. She's never had 30. She's never had 30s, she's never in orgasm,

she's never given a blow job. She's kind of weird about sex, she doesn't masturbate. I'm like, wow, you must really be a tractor, though, he's like, nah, kinda. And I'm like, well, I'm like, well, she was hilarious, he had a great time, and he's like, well, I don't know her that well. I'm like, well, why are you asking me?

Why are you wasting the doctor's time here, precious time? But he really wanted to say, but what does that me? Why are you wasting the doctor's time here, precious time? But he really wanted to say, but what does that mean? Like, he's never given a blowjob, never had sex. I'm like, he sucks. I'm like, he's like 30, so I'm like, do you, go find someone else? So, I just want to say that maybe realize it,

like, he's a good-looking smart guy. We sometimes, we just try to make things work. He goes, like my mom always says, the issues you have in the third day, you have forever. If someone sucks, they're always gonna suck. Go find someone who doesn't suck. Yeah, and don't suck yourself. Well, that's a problem.

Most people who suck don't know they suck. Well, eventually they will. Or eventually, everyone do work on yourself. And kind of, this is what I wanna say. This is my advice for you. Is that, if you like like things are working for me, I keep meeting people like I that I just aren't driving with, I've been dating, dating, dating, that's when I say stop, stop dating, take a few months off, take a month off, and

then stop and process it and think, well, what was my part in these last few things that didn't work out? Because I think what we do is we blame the person like, what was up with the racks? Oh, he was crazy. She was, you crazy. She was a bitch or he was insane. And we blame, blame, blame. And when I hear that, I keep waiting for something to be and I blank, fell in the blank. Because there are two of you creating every relationship.

So I think if you find yourself in this place of a repeated pattern, just take time off. Don't force your, you're not gonna blow and you're not gonna, things are, you have enough time. You certainly have enough time to figure out what you want and what fits for you in a relationship and what makes you feel good. And you have to ask yourself,

all the girls I date are crazy, if you say that, or if you think they're friends. Yeah, guess what, the common denominator is you. Yeah, I mean, what's crazier, the most recent check or the fact that you keep going after crazy chicks, like there's something to that right I'm done with that then give up is crazy. I'm done with that no more crazy no more crazy I mean you're you're crazy in a different way right. I'm a crazy like in a

Healthy way. Yeah, they were crazy. You're like hey, I have International sex pod Time me up. Oh, I would. I love that I, and there's other things. Okay, so, yeah, thank you. Good summer. Okay, we're going to give a shout out to our sponsors, everyone.

Thank you for supporting our sponsors for having better sex by using a lot of these products and services, make your life better. They work. I love you all. We'll be right back. I love answering your questions. It's why I exist here on the planet. If you want a question to answer on the show, you can text Ask Emily all one word to 79, 7979.

Fill out the short form that you'll get and or you can go to my website, sexfamilia.com, click the Ask Emily tab and include your name, your age where you live and how you listen to the show. Could you, right now, it's 7979.7979. I know, we do. I know, we do. The obvious question is, was that not available? I think it was not available.

We wanted 690. I've wanted 690 so bad for so many things. You're not really into 690 though, like doing it. Because 69 position is just. What is it? Either one of the giving or receiving, giving or receiving. I can't do both. But that's the first part. Do your five, those are nice.

We do 69, but then I like duck that. Yeah, but I duck. I'm like, they're always like, nah. I'm like, peace out. But because then I don't talk with your mouthful. No, I put, then I would use my hand. I can't receive oral sex and give oral sex. What?

Because I'm so, you'd think with ADD, multitasking, that I'd be good. It's hard to like get into pleasure state and receiving state. Okay, so I'm gonna sex with Emily you. I feel like the Yin Yang circle of oral giving and receiving is an incredible energy transfer Because I feel like the you know like the more I the more love I put into it the more you

Do into me and then it just comes goes around and around That's true Is it that you don't like that your ass is in the air? No, I don't want me some girls have a hunt the hang like, you know, their butt being in the, you know, their booty hole being. I think I'm usually on my back though. No, or we're on spooning. We've only done that much. Yeah, we really don't know.

The point is no, I've no insecurities around my butt in there. It's more like literally that I, it's just, I like to give you pleasure. I like when you give me pleasure, but it's in the moment, I just wanna fucking oral, nah, I will do it sometimes. But typically it's not my go-to thing, and I think for men, many times,

or you, it's like a two-fer, like I'm getting my, I don't know, I just go down and you, and I just get. I'll make you a deal. And I just want to chill or give what? Chill into my oral pleasure. We, it's the name of your solo album. We will try the restraints.

I'm in the bed. Okay. If we can have a good 69 session. Same night. No. Okay, not the same night, but the same week. Or I could do that while you're tied up. You could do whatever you want when I'm tied up

because you're in charge. Oh, that's good. If you forced it up because you're in charge. That's good. If you, if you forced it, sorry, forced it. Emily's a hitter. She is out. You did it again. That hurts.

Sorry. I'm sorry. I ate my hair. You're hitterball. All right. This is good. In a loving way. She's like my stiff dad.

Anyway, I don't know, stepdad. The point is, yes. When you're tied up, I'll do it. I will do whatever the fuck I want. But, that's not. You're tiny little body. Okay. And your body is tiny.

Oh man, any fantasies your listeners have? Trust me. You have no idea. Thanks Ben. People might assume I never even have sex. People assume you never sex. Oh no, people don't know sometimes people can't do teach. The doctor Ruth?

Fuck a lot. I don't know, dude. You can call her. She's a Katie. I'm yes. She's buried. Who knows? Okay. Sorry. That really hurt? Well, you hit that one bone like the underneath bone.

I feel so bad now. Sorry. That's the big ring. I'm sorry. Okay, this is from Navin 56 India. We've listeners all over the world. Hey, how you doing? Hamilie, I'm a 56 year old man and married.

I have a strange sexual problem, I guess. And the problem is, I have a beautiful wife who's very sexually active. But unfortunately, I do not get sexually aroused with her. I feel, somewhere in the brain, the cells just don't switch on. I rather prefer masturbating, which I do once every two days or so on average. I wish I could arouse myself to have sex with my wife rather than masturbating. How do I change my behavior and preference? Thank you for your answer in advance.

Navine. Navine is a married...for a while, I'm sure. And he's having a common complaint concern. And he's not getting his turn down by his wife. And he's saying something's wrong with his brain. So I would also say that this is common, this happens. And you're not going to change. Not like you're just going to change your behavior

and your preference. But I think what we can help you do is think about the way, I'm sure you're still in love with your wife and you actually are saying that you would like to be attracted to your wife once again. So this could be because perhaps, a lot of things change when you're with someone for a while. You are having sex in the same place over again.

You're having kids, you have a life that's gone on and maybe you've forgotten what it's like to connect with her. I would say take a break from the masturbation for a while. If you think it's a masturbation, you could try just not masturbating. I know it's like to connect with our. I would say take a break from the masturbation for all. If you think it's a masturbation, you could try just not masturbating. I know it's hard. I'm not like a man who has the same kind of compulsion. But if I told you not to masturbate today,

would it have been hard? You did it three times. Could you have been able to just do not do it at all? So also, if you're watching a lot of porn, you can think about that. If you're watching a lot of porn, that can also be desensitizing. Never in a much. You're watching, but if you're watching a lot of porn, you can think about that. If you're watching a lot of porn, that can also be desensitizing, never enough. I'm not sure what you're watching, but if you're packing that brain with a lot of other

images that you find sexy and then there's your wife that you've been for a long time, it's going to be harder to keep that pilot light on with so many other things going on. And I would think that what happens is, again, you're probably looking at your wife in the same way you always have. So maybe to take sex off the table and look at the intimacy of your relationship, are you guys holding hands? Are you doing things like you did at the beginning? Have you taken a vacation together?

Have you really like walked on the beach? Have you just mixed up your life to the point where you're not, again, take a... Oh, I mean, like that's... Like, massage, like bring back things without the intercourse, make out. Kissings like the first thing that people stop doing. What the hell do you do, though, if like, just, you look at your partner and you're like,

nothing was nowhere as well there. Like if they are just in, are not physically attractive to you at all anymore, what, what, what, what, what, what of no return. He didn't say how long they've been together, but he's 56, I'm gonna assume that it's a long-term partner. And what happens is there is just sometimes where too much time has passed, that you was angered with resentments and you could have at that point maybe just said,

God, I feel like I still love you, I want this, but it's a lot's gotten in our way. Let's go to therapy. Let's try to rebuild that spark Let's talk about our fantasies and our turn-ons and all these things But when things turn things go it can be really it can be challenging But if you want it here's a thing if you want to do this you get a different face If you if you want to bat enough

If you want to bat it up, I think it both people, here's a problem with the vein, what could happen in this, not in a vein, I still, I'm gonna give hope and love to the vein. But if you're bold, what if he's pushing this bold up, maybe she's not that into it either. You know what I'm saying? Or he says she is really sexually turned on. But if he's been absent for a while,

it's just hard for couples to get on the same page of this. But what I wanna tell you is that you, even if it feels impossible, you still know when there's still that spark. Because I hear from people all the time, like, I still want to, but I don't feel as attracted to them. But I still know it's there. That's where you want to be.

You still want to know that it's there. I want to know. Not to cut you off, but just a little piece of advice. If a man likes a good, a good wank, right? Maybe he rolls his wife into that experience. The porn experience? Not necessarily introducing the idea of watching porn together, but if he does like jerk it off,

and that's his pleasure center essentially, maybe bring her into that practice, have her help him with that. With masturbation? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love mutual masturbation. Yeah, like is she getting pleasure as well? Like kind of relearn her body again.

You can find this woman, even beautiful wife who's very sexually active, he says. So I think that you got to talk to her about it, bring her into it. And this is not a problem that any couple can solve on their own. It's like, it's like women, we're sexy laundry and come home and bake them a pie and get on your knees and you have a low job.

Whatever the old like stereotypes or the guys should just kind of change. No, it took two couples working together in that energy. And I think what a lot of couples will find is that all this whole show sort of has a theme so far. There's a lot of things around sex that we're scared about, we're being judged and we don't talk to our partner about. And I think that it's that initial time you do it or the first few times you talk about

that can be really uncomfortable. And to change any behavior, anything we want you guys, to be better at your job, or to succeed in athletics, or anything, there's a period of uncomfortable, like you push yourself. And that happens in these conversations. And what I want to say is with Ben, for example, I think that we talk about a lot of things in our relationship now that we've talked about. I've touched on the air, but in general, we started talking about a lot of different things

sexually that we want or how we want to configure the relationship, that actually it's awkward at first, but it can get, it becomes like a new thing that you have to talk about with your partner that when you're both on the same page of it, it can be guys closer together. It's important too, but people are just going, no, I can never do that. People, a lot of people listening to this show are stuck in the minds that that sounds great and really, yes, I want to threesome or yes, we're not turned on by each other anymore, but I could never have that conversation. And that's what I'm talking about.

And I'm like, no, it could be awkward and uncomfortable and weird and you're afraid of part is going to leave you. But most of us have that anxiety that someone's going to leave us if we say something. So we end up sitting in silence and suffering through bad sex and better relationships. I'm saying follow up with the person. There's great stuff on the other side of that. What fear? Here's the follow up question to that.

What's your advice if someone does open up to their partner about their fantasies and they do get some good old fashioned judgment? Well, I think that there's the way you do it. You just drop it down and say, okay, tonight we're having a three-sum, but I think that if you're, we're having, here's some whips with me, but I think that you might get some judgment, but I think you try to come from the place of, you keep holding your ground because the, your partner's who's

judging you about that. There, if you have a judgmental partner, if someone is judgmental of you, they're probably judgmental of everyone. They probably judge their friends, their parents, their boss,. There's people who are judgmental in their lives. Their first reaction, and that's a fear-based reaction, judgment, is like, I'm going to judge you because what you're saying is making me so uncomfortable now. That's why we judge others. You probably already know this about your partner.

I think that going into it, you have to be like, this is about us. Let's talk about what we both want want because I think that we should both write that's why you love the bucket list thing. Like let's each write down a fantasy. Let's explore fantasies together. Even if you already know that you've got these top five fantasies down, you have to roll into this conversation with your partner.

But just so you're just having it together. You're not just declaring what everything is going to be. What's the best, what do you think the best is? That answer question what I'm saying is, and they might judge you, but come from a place of love. Also, if they're like, that's really sick, you're really gross. You're like, well, that's the,

well, what would you think, huh? I just want to try new things with you, because that, you know, couples that play together, stay together, trying a new activity, getting outside the bedroom, would be so great for our relationship. I don't want to keep having sex missionary for the next 50 years, do you?

What would you like, sweeties, since you find my BDSM idea gross? Like just give it back to him, because if they're in it with you, they're probably acting out of fear. What do you think a good set in setting is to have that conversation? Outside the bedroom.

Always have this conversation about sex, outside the bedroom, brunch, driving in the car. A good BDSM brunch, bottomless, my mind says, I even tried having sex. I tried having a sex conversation with you once in bed. It wasn't anything serious. We were like, aren't we just do this outside the bedroom? I'm like, good, you called me on it.

Long time listen, it's my first time caller. I think we should go to the other room and talk about this. We did. We did. I know. Oh, he's learning. Okay, we answered Navine. Let's move on.

Good luck Navine. Let's do Jacob 30, North Carolina. Hamley, my girlfriend can only orgasm from oral sex. That usually takes at least 10 minutes. I orgasm from either. Oh, sorry, bro. You got to put in a full 10. Going down down.

I don't like this guy. I orgasm either from much faster oral sex or from intercourse It's like speedy Gonzalez here Thanks for saying how fast you are the problem is that my girlfriend keeps account What of how many times I finish and compares it at the end of the night? What she got like a scorecard if we had great passionate long sex that leaves me physically spent If we had great passionate, long sex that leaves me physically spent, she will guilt in her rasping to eat her out.

Even though she knows I don't want to be because she said it's unfair that I came and she didn't. Whoa. As a result, I've gotten less interest in sex and she's feeling ignored and frustrated. I'm wondering how to get past this in the relationship. And also, this is a consent issue. Well, since many times issues of male consent are ignored in the bedroom. Jacob. Jacob. Jacob. Take a few deep breaths or Jacob slow down. Jacob, 10 minutes is not long for eating the pus. That's kind of short for a good sash. Am I right, doctor? I'll guide you up.

Jacob's girlfriend. And Jacob's girlfriend. Fucking put the timer down. Stop comparing. You're only gonna make him more nervous and you're gonna turn him off from giving you what you really want. No.

You can't do that. I mean, that's not healthy place to be that. No, both of these people, they're like swapping judgment. They are judgy and they have contempt. It sounds like too, which is not a good indicator of a lasting relationship. Well, especially if he's viewing a 10 minute oral sex session is like way long.

Right. There's something there. I mean, you don't have a stopwatch in the middle of ecstasy. You know what I'm saying? So I think there's a larger communication issue and I think it's probably getting boiled into their sex life.

Yeah, I think there is, I think there are like everything else, he's like, you know, we're leaving for a movie in eight minutes, like he's probably sitting there with his watch and they're probably competitive. Maybe I'm pro-five. Yeah. Yeah, there's a lot of, there are other things going on here. Keeping score is a bad idea.

Anyone who uses sex even as like, Yes. Like in their relationship too, and're like you know with holding sex until something happens. Yeah. If you're weaponizing sex then something is broken in the relationship itself. Yeah you guys got to work around this. This counting thing. I don't even know how to I mean like I feel like keeping scored isn't help. It is a two-way street with you guys. You may have had passionate love making in your eyes but if she is uns, what are we gonna do? We gotta go

down on her first. She comes first. It's a great tool. Make sure she orgasms every single time because you know you're going to. So you know you're going to. You could go down on her for a few minutes, 10 minutes to start, buddy. Let me be honest. And then you can have sex for a little bit. And then you go down on her again. Or use a toy or do something else. Make sure that she has orgasms, more clear-roll stimulation and stop with this nonsense fighting around the sex. Like, I don't, I think that they are a couple of us have to have to take sex off the table right now

for a little bit and maybe go back into falling in love again, kissing and getting to know each other and all that shit, because this whole oral, like. Or just break up. You ever give it that advice? Sometimes. Sometimes? No, don't break up. Do you ever give it that advice? Sometimes. Sometimes.

No, don't break up. I don't. I don't often because I'm not there. If they call into the show, I could be like, you got to end it. It's easier when you go, you guys should definitely email me. And when you email me at feedback at sexandme.com, you can check the call into the show box.

And you could call in and we could talk for five minutes and get way further on this stuff. Because here I'm just like, this is Jake's perspective and I was girlfriend on the phone. All I'm saying is that you guys are fighting about the wrong things. This is your dynamic, your super competitive couple. And I think you should get, if you guys love each other, you both want to have more orgasms and great sex.

So can you get back to that point? Take all this stuff off the table of the fighting and the comparing. All right, one more. Oh, this sort of Stuart 38 Vermont. My wife and I are pretty playful and experimental with each other. Recently, I found out about your rethrall sounding for men and the ability to directly hit the pea spot. This sounds totally crazy to me, but I'm intrigued. I value your opinion and knowledge. Could you please tell me your thoughts? So let me tell you about, it doesn't come up in a while. Let me tell you about your rethral sounding bend.

Wait on me. Sticking a small rod. No. I'm going to really throw a first sexual fesher. Is it something that you like to talk about? In your penis. In your penis. Yeah.

New. New. Exactly. And oh. Right. I've never looked at a catheter and been like, ah, can't wait to fuck that. No.

You can use people you do this and they use completely sterile items and they're very carefully to pee afterwards, flush out any lubricant thing, it may sting, it picks you up really high risk. You do not show me a photo. It puts you really high risk for infections and I'm off for prostate play, dude.

Please don't do it, Stuart. I'm glad you asked. I get it. Like, it's just there's so one thing to go wrong sticking up a little sounding stick in your, no, in your penis. No, I say no. Lord, are people? Well, I like that he's thinking outside the, the box, if you will, but nothing of, don't do the sounding. Prostate play, I'm down with playing with your prostate. Yeah, I get it. We've never done that if you're, but not think of, don't do the sounding. Prossey play, I'm down with play with your prostitutes. We've never done that if you're into that.

We've never done that. You mean to that? We've talked about it. I mean, to trying things with you. Okay. I trust you. I would know what I'm doing. You do know, you're like the expert.

True. You know? This is like hanging out with Einstein and not discussing gravity. We talk about stuff. Thanks, baby. Okay, out with Einstein and not discussing gravity. We talk about stuff, right? Thanks, baby. Okay, that's all we got time for. This was good times, Sarah. Ben.

I'm going to go stick a rod in my dick. Please don't. Okay, Ben, the Morrison. Thanks for being here. Thanks to all my listeners. Thank you so much. I want to hear from you. What shows are you liking, loving?

What else do I want to hear more of? It's summer. I hope you're all having an amazing summer and sending you lots of love. Thanks to Ken, volunteer Sarah, producer Jamie and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me. FeedbackItSex with Emily.com. you