Sex With Emily - Porn, Orgasms & A Kink On the Rise

Episode Date: January 17, 2023

Consuming your own ejaculate: a kink on the rise. Whether it comes from porn or curiosity, a ton of you have asked me about it in the last few years. But that’s not the only trending sex topic: from porn to mental health, these are some of the most frequently asked questions we get at Sex With Emily. First, is porn healthy or harmful? It’s all about your relationship to it. Next, anxiety and low self-worth can make it more difficult to get turned on with a partner. I offer strategies to one listener for restoring their self-love practice. Finally, eating your own semen: yay or nay? I explain why this is not only a totally normal question – but a totally acceptable practice.Show Notes:When It’s Time to Unplug, Plug In a Magic WandJe Joue Ami 3 Step Kegel Training Set (code SEXWITHEMILY for 20% off)Article: The Ins And Outs of Ethical PornPodcast: Find Your Sexual Voice w/ Lake BellXConfessions.comTryQuinnThis episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/sexwithemily and get 10% off your first month. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

10 years ago, nobody was like, what's with deep throating? How do I deep throat? And what's wrong with my gav reflex? Because again, I'm not like cancelling your sex life in porn. This is where all this stuff about porn teaching us behaviors that don't really serve us. This stuff isn't really how we should actually be having sex. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and

liberate the conversation around sex. Consuming your own ejaculate, well, it's a kink on the rise, whether it comes from porn or curiosity, a ton of you have asked the about it in the last few years. But that's not the only trending sex topic. From porn to mental health, these are some of the most frequently asked questions we get at sex with Emily. First, is porn healthy or harmful?

Well, it's all about your relationship to it. Next, anxiety and low self-worth can make it more difficult to get turned out with a partner. I offer strategies to one listener for restoring their self-love practice. Finally, eating your own semen. Yay, Arne! I explain why this is not only a totally normal question, but also a totally acceptable practice. Intentions with Emily, for each episode I want to start off by setting an intention for the show, and I encourage you all to do the same. My intention is to normalize the sex topics that maybe you feel embarrassed to ask.

Trust me, if you're struggling with it or thinking about it, someone else is too. And by the end of this episode, I guarantee you'll feel more confident. Please rate or review Sex with Emily wherever you listen to the show. My new article, when it's time to unplug, plug in a magic wand is up at sexwithemily.com slash magic wand that's sexwithemily.com slash magic wand. that's sexwithemily.com-magic wand. Check out my YouTube channel, social media, and TikTok. It's all at sexwithemily for more sex tips and advice. If you want to ask me questions, leave me your questions or message me at sexwithemily.com-ask-emily.

Or call my hotline 559-talk-sex or5.9.8255739. Always include your name, your age, where you live and how you listen to the show, and it's totally cool to change your name or choose to remain anonymous. Before we get into this episode, I want to talk to you all about Jeju. Now, you probably heard me talk about them over the years, and you all know I love Jeju. There are luxury sex toy companies that's been operating for nearly two decades. Their toys are just known for their unique low frequency rumbles. They're really discrete.

They're quiet and they deliver intense orgasms. And you also know that I'm always talking about straight in your pelvic floor. And not only to prevent pain during sex and the old sneeze and pee, but they can also deepen your orgasms. Well, J.J.U. has the amy, and it's a three-step keggell training kit that essentially acts as your vaginas personal trainer. It comes with three progressive weights,

and it's made with incredibly soft, velvety, 100% body-safe silicone for maximum comfort. And this month, you can get 20% off the amy,-step keglet training set and all other J.J. products you're going to love their products by using the code SexWithEmily at J.J. dot com. That's code SexWithEmily for 20 All right, everyone, enjoy this episode. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ sex with Emily.com. And we've got so many great posts every day that, you know, if you want to read some times, you're like, oh, after the podcast, I want to hear more about this, you might find that

information on our blog. There's this one post that has been popular week after week, month after month, like, anyway. How do you own semen is trending? It is popular. I believe that a lot of guys saw it and porn and they want to know. Can I eat my own semen? So I thought hey if it's trending and it's popular we got to cover it.

So is this something you thought about? Have you tried it? I thought why we just leave it in the words in the blog. Let's bring it to the podcast. On this episode I also answered an email from Alice in Australia about insecurities in a relationship. Because here's the deal. Relationships are intimate. Relationships can make us insecure. We're going to all feel vulnerable at some point.

In fact, some of our greatest learning happens when we're in a relationship, in relation to somebody else. Because otherwise, we're often not working through stuff. We're not figuring out who we are. We're not figuring out who we are. What we want in a relationship, we learn, even when relationships end, right? It can be so hard going through a breakup.

It's like, we just look back. We're like, okay, what did I learn from that relationship? What did I learn about myself? How do I want to be in my next relationship? What don't I want in my next relationship? So we talk a lot about this in this episode because it's like, I do believe that shame and vulnerability, you know, thanks to Brunei Brown in the last few years,

she sort of made it a buzzword. I think that these words trauma and insecurities and vulnerabilities and shame are in the zeitgeist right now. But that's because our parents, okay, I won't speak for your parents. I'll speak for my parents. No, what he was saying, well Emily, tell me how you're feeling today.

Oh, that looks like you are upset about something. Do you feel shame that the kids teased you about your shoes at school? Let's talk about that. No, no, no, what our parents didn't know, they didn't learn to unpack things. Maybe we had a family who when we cried or we were upset, they acted like nothing was happening, right? They act like it wasn't real. Or they discounted your feelings or your thoughts or your emotions and said, oh, just get over it. Buck up. Don't feel

these things. So wouldn't it make sense then? We get into a relationship with somebody and we're afraid to be vulnerable. We're afraid to say to them that I feel Buck up, don't feel these things. So wouldn't it make sense then? We get into a relationship with somebody and we're afraid to be vulnerable. We're afraid to say, sometimes I feel not loved by you or sometimes I feel like you're gonna cheat on me or you're gonna leave me because we don't want to be vulnerable. But then the opposite thing happens.

We have this big wall of protection up and then nobody really gets to know us. We don't get to have a healthy, deeper connection with somebody. So, if you've ever been in a relationship with someone, like, oh, I date people are emotionally unavailable, I think I look at it, people who don't really have a lot of self-awareness around their own behaviors. There's a lot of different ways to slice this, but people who don't ever look at, oh, this was my partner, Or sometimes I feel this thing makes me sad, or I had a rough day at work.

I mean, I remember dating someone for a while, and this was a long, you know, my 20s, and I couldn't quite put my finger on it, why I never felt that connected to them. But what I loved was his confidence. He was successful at work. He had a lot of friends. He knew who he was in the world,

and I found that so sexy. But what I also realized is there was never a day when he felt things didn't go his way or he had a bad call with his family who was living out of town or it was always like, other people were doing stuff or he got really, he got really into what his friends problems were and he never ever looked at himself.

There wasn't self-awareness, self-reflection depth. Now, maybe you're that person, you're like, yeah, I don't want that. Well, then that's fine too. But I believe that in relationships with somebody, whether it's a lover or a friend, when we get comfortable and close with someone, it's when we actually show them who we really are.

And that ironically is how we sort of learn to deal with our shame and our vulnerability is by shining a light on it. You know, bringing our darkness and the things that we think are our scariest secrets that, oh God, if I show this to anybody, I'm not lovable, which is actually our greatest fear is that we're not going to be loved. So it's a practice like everything. But once you learn to show these sides of yourself, you can even practice with a friend, you realize that A, they're not gonna kill you.

They're not as bad as you think, and typically somebody else is having that same experience. And the people you most care about will be able to support you and show you love, and they'll be able to hold space for you and be able to help you move through things that are tough for you and their challenges. I think that's what relationships are about.

So, we talk a lot about that in this episode. I also take calls and answer questions from our Instagram, which is sex with Emily, about porn and dating. So, I've talked a lot about porn over the years. And the thing I want to say about porn is I'm in no way anti-porn. I'm not like, we should ban porn and why is porn available. I do believe that porn has some super healthy uses, right? For one, I like that porn can actually help couples figure out what they like. So for example, you might have this fantasy.

You might be into something, kinky, something different. You're like, oh, well, here's a great scene in porn. I'm going to watch it with my partner, or maybe it inspires you in some ways. Can also, you know, discover, we can learn to like discover, turn on's, and we can use it to turn ourselves on turn a partner's on. That's what I got the benefits for.

But there's also some things with porn that have become problematic, just like anything. Anything that we tend to really enjoy gives us that dopamine rush and all those feel good hormones and we tend to rely on, just like food, just like drugs. With porn, we tend to increase our use. We tend to watch more explicit content

and sometimes that can have an impact on us. But there's some new data that's come out of study that talks about, and this is something that's been tossed around for a while. But now there's some some some conclusive data that shows that consuming porn can cause some erectile dysfunction with penis owners. I mean this isn't really a surprise to me, but it does. The study dish show that the amount of porn of man watches is linked to worse rectile dysfunction.

But the other kicker here watching porn is also associated with greater disfaction with normal sex. And the other thing, only 65% of respondents are reading sex with a partner to be more stimulating than porn. Now, I understand these are the people that took a study on porn, right? So I'm going to argue that they're the porn enthusiasts who are like, yes, I'll take a study on porn. And so maybe that would make sense why a lot of them are saying, well, yeah, what I'm watching, I just, you know, I do find it more interesting

than my partner. Okay, well here's just the study. I'm gonna break this down. It says that men who watched quite a lot of porn, there's a big range of responses in this study that a lot of men average 70 minutes a week, normally five to 15 minutes per time, with some watching little and some watching much, much more. But here's the interesting thing. They found that 23% of men under 35

who responded to the survey had some levels of aeroctal function while having sex with the partner. And it's higher than they expected. The other thing is, these guys said, and this is nothing new, that the more extreme porn that they watch, they have to keep escalating the level of content that they're watching because they need to keep thrilling themselves. They need to keep getting more extreme and more intense because there's not a rouse anymore. They just kind of become not immune to it, but you have to keep raising your level of exposure to it.

It's like your tolerance. Just like the drinking. If I have been a drink for a few weeks, I have one drink on buzz. You have two drinks, then after a few weeks, you're like, oh, two drinks. I'm fine. Same thing with porn.

So the interesting thing here is about erectile dysfunction because what I used to hear was that erectile dysfunction, meaning inability to stay erect. Inability to stay aroused with a partner, you have your erection, then you lose your erection, you have your erection, you lose your erection. I used to only hear about that for men pretty much over the age of 40 because testosterone starts to drop. And many of their 50s and 60s, but then all of a sudden, now I'm hearing from men in their 20s.

Men in their 30s. And I never want to be like, it's cause porn, but that's a big factor. It's also because we don't have great sex education. It's also because if we're on an animated press in or some other medications, that can also have an impact on your ability to stay aroused. But also if you grew up in a place that was severely repressed, right? Like let's say you grew up in a household that was completely like anti sex, anti porn. And then you go out and you try to have sex with the first time, that could also cause a direct-to-all dysfunction.

So I'm not just saying it's all porn. I believe that the reason why this says that 65% of men say that their porn watching is more exciting than their partner because they don't listen to sex with them, or they don't listen to sex with Emily, they don't listen to this show, because my thought is that you only get to that point. The majority of men are only gonna get to the point of having to escalate their porn watching with more intense graphic images are the ones that aren't as comfortable

communicating with their partner about their needs, and their need just might be, which by the way, this is what I want every couple, all genders, to have this conversation with their partner is, let's talk about our sex life. We haven't talked about it. I feel like we're doing a lot of the same stuff,

and well, I love AB and CD about our sex life. These are all the great things. Let's communicate about our sex life more. Communication is lubrication. Let's talk about some things that could be interesting. You could even say, I saw this really hot scene and this porn, do you want to watch it together? I mean, just that alone could make a difference. But I think what happens is we're like, well, I'm getting kind of bored. I want something else. I certainly can't talk to my partner about it,

so I'm just going gonna keep turning up the knob and watching Mark's dream level is a porn. And then we put this on our Instagram, which is sex with Emily. So these are some of your comments. It's good in moderation, especially when it's understood that porn is a fantasy, depends.

I'm a guy that watches it, but I hate the fake moaning. Now listen, a lot of porn is fake. Porn is not an accurate depiction of how you should be having sex. It's like learning to drive by watching fast and the furious. You're like, oh no, I get behind the wheel. You know, no, you know that that is a movie. The problem is with porn, we don't,

we don't often tell me about what's real and what's not. And we don't want to believe it. But I am telling you that so many porn actors they're not having orgasms. They're cheating towards camera. They're not hitting all the hot spots at all. Like it's just, it's fake. It's a story that is created to keep you aroused.

And most of it is from the male gaze by men, for men. I love this one. This guy said, good, even better when the wife picks the porn. Hotter knowing she likes it too. See? So I'm all down with you all watching with your partner. And even by yourself, but just a moderation, but also saying like, what are you into? Someone else said, seems fake.

Do people really get that crazy? It is fake. It's just fake. And I think that people are always surprised by that because also not only is it not an accurate depiction of sex, but it allows us to easily not have expectations of a partner who are like, oh, well, I'm not going to talk to my partner about what I want. I'm just going to keep watching porn so we don't express it with our partners. And then it also can teach us habits like performative sex, right?

Like we were talking about performative sex, meaning like loud like our respondent just said, like what's with all the fink moaning? I believe that porn is directly responsible for a lot of the performative sex that we hear and like the moans, like I know that a lot of people who grew up on porn, that if you never saw real sex, because actually where would you see real sex,

you would think, well, cue the fake moaning right now. And to me, that whole like, oh, I gotta take his whole penis in my mouth, I'm like, let's choke on it and make these noises, is because we saw that in porn, and I can tell you that I did not hear that years ago. 10 years ago, nobody was like, what's with deep throating?

How do I deep throat? And what's wrong with my gav reflex? Because again, I'm not like canceling your sex life in porn. It's just this is where all this stuff about porn, teaching us behaviors that don't really serve us. This stuff isn't really how we should actually be having sex. Like someone else here said, it can be great, as long as it doesn't replace couple fun.

When I keep thinking about, well, where do you find real sex? I was talking to a friend's son a few months ago and he's like 17 and he's super bright kid and he was like, because a lot of my, I become the friend that all my friends kids talk to now about their sex life, which I love. And I told him and he would, oh, okay, so he was actually having some erectile dysfunction,

which again, 18 years old, actually, is 18. And I was explaining to him, like, you know, you, there's more to learn about sex. Like, you just don't know what all he's like, but I assumed that, like, if there was more for me to know about sex, I would know. Like, why didn't we learn it in school? Why did my parents tell me?

And he said, if you're saying this isn't real sex, then where can I go for real sex? And I was like, this is like one of my bucket lists is like creating some kind of educational, but still hot platform where you can see like real sex, real people having sex or like some kind of instructional, but not cheesy. Like, this is the right way. And this is like actually like like known cares about your orgasm face and the moaning and not that moaning isn't important. Like I think moaning, you know, I think it's great to make noise during sex, but you want it to be like your authentic moan, your authentic voice.

And the other thing important we don't see is the warm up. Like the, here's the part where there was warm up or the point that she was touching herself or there was the lube like the, uh, talk about, there was warm up or the point that she was touching herself or there was the lube like the, talk about there was no anal prep. This is the other thing, but like anal sex. You don't see the lube and the warm up and the teasing and the playing outside of the anus

before you go right in. They just go right in. So yeah, I think that faking orgasms has been around for a long time. But with porn, it doesn't help. It doesn't do as any good because you're just like, oh, well, everyone's coming. They're coming at the same time. They're coming in all these weird positions that are not actually accurate of how we're

actually going to come. So those are all the things that impact it. There are some ethical porn. Like a lot of you ask me, you've got a lot of great information on our website at sexwithemlee.com. But there's like Erica Lust. She makes some great like ethical porn. And by ethical porn, I mean porn that is made in like safe conditions with like all different body types,

all different genders, all different, you know, all people, all different, you know, body gender ethnicities like there's just, you see yourself reflected more than in porn. We're porn often also perpetuates this whole, you know, that we're not normal. We kind of tend to body shame ourselves because we're like, I don't look like the girls in porn.

And then so that sets off something. So I don't know. I like some ethical porn. There is a site called Tri-Quin, Q-U-I-N-N. And what I love about Try Quinn is that it's essentially audio erotica. And so for a lot of us, we just, you know, it's not just visual, so it's just like listening and it's really hot to like hear people talk about sex

and there's like dirty talk. In fact, I think it's actually a really cool platform for people who want to like spice up on their dirty talk or know what to say, but it's just hot to listen to. And you can just listen without having to like, oh no, where does someone walks in and I'm watching porn. But to me, that's even a little bit more like, I don't know, I kind of like the idea of like audio or rotica. I think, I think it's really cool. I think I think it's a nice alternative, because some people just go to the big tube sites. Yeah, someone said, I like it. Sometimes I'll use porn more for the sounds

than the actual audio. Totally agree. And then we have an email, this is from Instagram, her boyfriend watches porn. It's been three years. My boyfriend doesn't really have sex with me, but watch his porn, Do I break up? I love that.

I'm never going to say just blanket break up. Yes, I don't have enough information here, but you should definitely talk about your sex life. But how you would have that conversation is, you wouldn't say, I've noticed that you watch a lot of porn and we don't have sex. Because to tell someone they have to stop watching porn, just leading with that doesn't work.

And in fact, I hear from you guys all the time that you're like, my partner watches too much porn and I need them to stop. And then I also hear from the person who's like, my partner told me to stop watching porn, so I'm hiding in the garage. I think we all know and we're all adults. We know that if someone tells us not to do something, it's just not going to work, especially when it's porn, especially when something that gives us pleasure, it's just like saying, don't eat those cookies.

If you're trying to watch your sugar and take, all you can think about is sugar, like how I would have a conversation if you are concerned about your partner's porn watching is I would just say, you know, again, you guys, this is how I want to hear all the conversations. I love our sex life, babe, and I feel like we haven't been having a lot of sex lately,

and I miss it. I miss this. Tell them the things you miss about it. Top three things you miss. And then you could say, what do you think it's about? Curious. You know, and then you start a conversation. And I got this email from Alice, 20 more in Australia.

I've been dating my partner for six months. It's my first real relationship. We were best friends for a year. And then we started a casual relationship. We're both anxious people. I haven't been able to finish since earlier this year when I thought I had vaginismus, which is pain during penetration. I haven't masturbated either since that time. I haven't been able to finish from intercourse. I've gotten close, but I haven't been able to. It started to stress me out. It makes me wonder, is there anything wrong with me?

But now when I've sex, I'm constantly thinking about finishing and how I'm not able to finish. We love each other. However, I'm not attracted to myself. So I'm not attracted to him either. I've also had other health issues. It just made me feel less attractive and sexual. Please help.

I don't know what to do and I feel hopeless. I want to give Alice a hug. But having we all sort of felt that way that there's something about our bodies we don't love or we're so in our heads thinking about the orgasm that isn't happening. And as a result of that, we don't know orgasm. I mean, she told me four times in this email that she hasn't been able to. Four times. Just now a result of that, we don't know where guys are. I mean, she told me four times in this email that she hasn't been able to. Four times, just now. I was like, she has a name. How does Tom Meevee have been able to orgasm?

No, four times. No orgasm. And that's because you guys, it's like, think of it this way. If you're spending, well, first there's so much to unpack here. First off, if we, I'll say we,

if we don't love or even like, or I'm even going to say accept our bodies, accept it. Like, not hate it. How can we expect anybody else to love our bodies, to love us? I mean, of course they do. I'm not saying your partner doesn't love you,

but it's a lot harder for them to show up and be present if we're walking around hating ourselves and a result of not hating ourselves is self-sabotage, even if it's just negative thoughts. So Alice is walking all day going, I'm not happy with myself. I don't like the way I look. I don't like all these things.

And then she gets in bed and says, I'm not gonna orgasm. This isn't gonna happen. And then she has never orgasm. So it's like constantly setting herself up, throughout the week, throughout the day, for not being sexually successful. And if you think about it, it's like,

think about it like a sport, like you're training for sports. It's like saying, oh, Emily, I went out to run a marathon, and I couldn't finish. And the last week, I haven't gone for a run in a month. I hurt my leg. I hate running. You know what I mean? But I haven't gone for running a month. I hurt my leg. I hate running. You know what I mean?

But I couldn't run the marathon. It's like, if we don't do all the steps for success, we're not going to succeed it. So the first thing is what she's saying is it's like this body acceptance, right? I mean, one of the first steps is recognizing it, which I love that you're 21 years old Alice and you're like, you know, you nailed it all here. You feel all this and you've other health issues and you don't love your, you're not attracted to yourself. I mean, that is a beautiful way of putting it. You know, there's things I've talked about, like body exposure exercises when you actually go in front of like a mirror and you, you start to get, you know, used to how you look and

actually celebrating it or even just like kind of looking and saying, oh, this is pretty amazing the way my body moves. And I would recommend for you, Alice, to take a mirror. And you haven't masturbated, right? So I'm going to give you a project because also you got, it's like not training for the marathon. You've got to masturbate. We got to get our own pilot like late at the end of the running. So like take a mirror and take a look.

I you've maybe even done this at 21. I didn't do it until I was 31, but take a mirror and take a look. I maybe even done this at 21. I didn't do it until I was 31, but take a mirror and kind of look and look at your vulva, which is the outside of your vagina. Look at your labia. Look at your clitoris how when you start to touch it, it starts to kind of swell. And when we get a rouse, it starts to change. You can just look and get curious. Like, okay, I'm just going to look. And I think what you'll find is that, oh, it's pretty freaking awesome. Like, look at my body.

I feel like for so many women, like if I had a bunch of vaginas on the wall, the wall was up in the wall, like, could you pick yours out of a lineup? I mean, I want you to be able to be like, that is mine, that's my wall, I want that. Like, that is me, I own it. It's part of us, right?

So it's like this this doing these little exercises. And I do think just saying, like, I'm going to masturbate more. I'm going to get to know myself again because I think we forget. We have like this amnesia about our sex life that it feels good and that it's good for us. And so the first step is making yourself healthy, Alison, repairing the relationship with your body and your orgasm is the first step towards repairing the relationship with your body and your orgasm is the first step towards repairing the relationship with your partner.

Now, I'm not saying this is exclusive, mutual exclusive. You of course could say, like, let's do some mutual masturbation or you could even share with your partner that you, I don't know what kind of partner you have, but you could say, I feel like I've really been in my head. And for many people, like, focusing on connected sex, staring into each other's eyes, doing some dirty talk or tying each other up, you know, when we bring in elements

that are a little kinkier, bondage or discipline or dirty talk even, those are elements that think of it this way, when you use something else to focus on, I'm like, oh, we're doing a role play. Oh, we're tying each other up. You're not in your head. And you can get just turned on by that alone. And I think that's why a lot of us

really love alternative kinds of sex play because we're outside of our heads, right? I mean, if you are in your head during sex, just think of it this way. The more we're thinking, the blood is leaving your genitals, which is we need blood flow to be aroused and have orgasms and be, or sexually aroused the first part, the orgasm, awesome.

But if we're constantly thinking and believe me, I've been there, I've had the thoughts, I've had the negative thoughts, I've had that not gonna orgasm. I was sitting like, yeah, I used to just be having sex with a partner and I'd be looking at the clock, going like, this is certainly taking me too long. I should already orgasm by now.

What is wrong with me? Could I orgasm? Oh, how did that girl fake it and born? I'll fake my orgasm. And it's like, I didn't know that it takes a while. I didn't know anything about communicating to my partner. I didn't know what pleases myself. So that's what I'm part to you.

If you could just maybe not put yourself up and decide that I'm going to make it, you know, I'm going to add to myself love and self-carotene, like body positive affirmations, things that you love about yourself. Mastervation is the greatest form of self-love. Before we take a quick break, I want to tell you about one of our partners that has been a go-to in my mastervation routine, the magic wand, specifically the magic wand original. It's the original one-style massager that plugs directly into the wall, so you don't have to worry about any bluetooth hookups or batteries that need to be charged, and it's incredibly powerful. Especially if you haven't been able to orgasm in a while, the magic wand makes it that much easier to get there because even if you're stressed around a million thoughts going through your head,

the magic wand will deliver every time. The magic wand is also great for couples play, so you can use it with your partner to bring you closer to orgasm during partner sex, which is a game changer. And like I mentioned at the beginning of the episode, we have a brand new article with magic wand that you can check out in our show notes. All right, well you've been waiting for a stick around. We're going to talk about eating your own semen. It's all happening. We'll be right back. That's it.

I've had tens of thousands of questions, but there's one interesting question really filling up our inbox all the time. And in fact, my team pulled out like seven of them in front of me to talk to you about. And I thought it's so interesting because I don't remember being asked this topic. I don't think I even know and ask me it probably up until the last like year or so. So I figured why not share it with you and see what you think? So the question is whether or not men can eat their own semen. Now I did answer Q&A in our website at sexwithemily.com answering it.

And so now when I searched it to see, well, where does it rank on Google? Like how many people are asking this? And it was like, it was funny, because it was like porn hub, porn hub, porn hub, sex with Emily, like ask Emily, and there was like porn out, you know, porn. So I'm thinking that it's because of the rise in porn consumption that people are like, guys are like,

oh, huh, maybe I'll try it. This is from Sean at 19 in Ohio. Hey Dr. Emily I've been masterbiting since I was 15 but for the last two years I've thought about eating my own come but I don't have the strength or confidence to do it. I tried all kinds of acts to eating it the first time I tried was in the middle of the night when I was in my bedroom. I took all my clothes off including my shirt shirt, shorts, and my underwear. Crawled into my bed naked and was already feeling turned on. I used a little bit of lube, started planking myself, and I put my legs in the air over

my head. I closed my eyes, but did not have the confidence to open my mouth, and as I came, I had calm on my own face. I tried again the same way, but the second time I was again pictures of naked come on my own face. I tried again the same way but the second time I was again pictures of naked women on my phone for inspiration but that didn't work either. I don't know the confidence to open my mouth. So please if you give me some advice and how to get confident with this I'd be most thankful thanks. Here's was the most descriptive. He's really you can tell that he's so driven, John, and he just

can't quite pull the trigger. And this is a common theme from a lot of you. How do I do it? Should I do it? Is it okay? And I'm going to read you another one. This is from Eddie 37 in Canada. Love your show when it's really helped me explore, be comfortable with myself sexually and really help me talk things through with my wife and we're currently having our best sex ever, even after kids. Besides other fantasies, I have a com eating kink. I don't usually call it com, but for this sake, I'm going to redo this verbatim. I say a jaculat, so we all are on the same page.

But or seen it. I don't talk about it that much. I've shared with my wife. She's a little grossed out as she hates the taste herself. I've eaten my own after masturbating, even straight into my mouth after watching videos. I really want to clean out my wife after sex, but she won't let me as she says, once she's gone and done, I can't touch her down there. How can I get her comfortable with me licking it out of her and having multiple o's? Also, I'm sorry to have bicarious thoughts about

tasting it from another source, but that can wait till another show. Thanks, Eddie. Then we have Stephen 51 on Instagram. Is it unhealthy to eat my semen? Joe, I'll just show it to 42 in Columbia. I read a lot about the health benefits. They seem legit. Could you verify this? Then we've got Chris 35 in Missouri. I'm 35. I've had a fantasy about going down to my wife and tasting it. It goes on and on and on. So let's talk about it, right? We've never talked about it on the show. So the first thing is people want to know, is this crazy?

Am I normal? What do you think? Is this something that like, oh, am I just, am I, is it gonna kill me? What's gonna happen? So first off, you have to know that the most normal thing about sex is that you all wanna know if you're normal. So really, statistically speaking, I can say like,

okay, so this is a normal question, statistically speaking, because I get asked it a lot. It's also completely acceptable. And in fact, not every guy wants it, but if you do, nothing wrong with you. Also, if you want to know, is it safe? Absolutely. It is safe to eat it.

If it's safe for your partner to eat it, you can eat it too. Now, the other thing is the only reason why it's not safe is you have to, as always, watch out for STIs. So, if there's an STI, if you just had sex with your partner and you know, if you're with whoever you're with, then it could transfer to you. So, that's when we have to be careful because if you ingest it, if you ingest the semen, then you could become infected. But let's say you're not infected. Like let's say you're not.

So to answer it, I can go by this. What are the other questions people ask me? Can you change the taste of it? I mean, here's a thing about this. You are what you eat. And so I know this, if you are smoke and cigarettes and you are eating really unhealthy diet, a lot of greasy fatty foods and all the things that you know, you're taking a lot of medication, it is going to have an impact on your semen. Just like if you eat asparagus and you can smell that right and you're in, it's the same kind of thing. Now it's not that if you just eat a pineapple tonight tomorrow it's going to be better.

This is an ongoing, you know, you want to, you know, just change to a healthier diet, include like vegetables and lots of greens and fruits and stuff. So that's also important. What you eat. And a lot of you call in, like, okay, I have a list here, celery, parsley, wheatgrass, cinnamon, pineapple, papaya oranges. But that's not just again, it's not like a one time fix or one time thing, but I think overall having a healthy diet

is super important, especially for our sexual functioning. And so we can just answer Sean's question about, like, well, how do I do it? I mean, I'm not a guy, but I can tell you this, that you could just ejaculate in your hand. You could put it in something and then lick it from there. I'm just thinking like, just taste it. I mean, just it's there, it comes out in your hand.

lick it off your hand. See what it goes, see how it tastes. I think it's very sweet that he's trying to get his positioning right, where his legs are tossed over his head, and he's trying to taste it. And I think also all of our jack-let-sex gets such a bad rap.

It's like everything is gross or messy, if a woman squirts or a guy comes and all they're told about their seamen, probably is like, oh, it tastes bad. Or I have to do, you know, there's a lot of shame around it. And I think that if they've never tasted it, they assume that it's like this terrible tasting thing. Or maybe they have a partner that told them that.

I think it's part of it. And also, clearly, we don't hear about it that much because I'm telling you, I didn't get this question. We searched all of our email. I did not get this question. So I would know, is this important? You can even just tell me I'm curious because I haven't, that's not the point that I'm watching. But I have to think that so many things, like even the rise in anal sex, which was not a question 12 years ago, is because of porn. So I'm thinking that this is the new porn darling is men wanting to taste themselves.

And the truth is you guys, it's not, I don't know, I've just been someone who's, you're with a sexist messy, it doesn't maybe always, it doesn't go the way you want it or maybe it's not everything that you, you know, that you want to taste or you want to, but that's just part of sex. And I don't think it's, I never had a problem with Seaman, to be honest, it was never my enemy.

This was actually one of my first shows I remember. Maybe it was like show four or five. My friend came on and he was, my friend Ed, I'll never forget this. This was the early on and he was like, do you spit or swallow? And I said, swallow. I was like, I didn't even know there was an option. Like I think I just thought to give a good blow to you will swallow. And he's like, that's so you like, you know, A's dude and whatever. And he's like, but he's like, I feel that it's, it's so intimate that if someone

did that, and it was just like the first time I was with them or something that it feels very personal. And I don't know if I would want that with every blow job. That was interesting. So I did it. And I thought, you know, you just swallow. I mean, I, I never was a, what were you going to go spit, get up with a bathroom. It never bothered me. I never got sick for a minute. You can be allergic to it, but it's very rare. You know, Amber, thank you, Amber. I need to have 44 in Ohio.

Tell me about comment and men eating their own ejaculate. Tell me everything, you know. Hey, Dr. Emily. So my husband has always eaten his own when he's masturbating and he told me very early on, I have no problem with it. He says it's easier to clean up, you know. That is true. That is one of the benefits. You don't have to, you just kind of lick it up, fall asleep, you don't have to get up and walk, right? Yeah. Did you ever see him do it you do it has ever have you ever been there

when he does it or you just like give you the dialet mutual masturbation um... and he's done it then i have no issue with it i think a lot of men feel ashamed of it that they think that maybe people think they're gay because they want to be come or something like that but to me it's no problem and i think a lot of other women may feel the same.

I agree with you, Amber. I think that we do. And I think that, yeah, I think you're right. Why would we be upset, although we said that here that his wife didn't want him to. Eddie. Right. She's not comfortable.

And sometimes I think it's because maybe women think that we don't taste good after that. Like if they go down on us and they come inside of us, then if he goes down on me afterwards or, you know, her is wife that she's like, no, or maybe she's got shame in the head. Like, oh, that makes you gay. We have all these things.

You guys a sex act does not make you gay. It's about who you're having sex with. But anyway, thank you, Amber. Yeah. I wanted to thank you because you've opened up a lot of conversations. I'm so glad, Amber. That makes me happy. Thank you. We started up a lot of conversations. I'm so glad Amber. That makes me happy. Thank you.

We started using a lot more toys. We got some prostate, uh, like plugs and we've started using those and a cock ring because we were having some trouble with premature ejaculation. Okay. We're working on that and the cockering is helping and just different toys to take as mind also coming to you quickly. That's great. And that's thank you. Of course, it makes me so happy.

It's so good to talk to you. Keep trying new things, right? We can still stuck in our ways, sexually, but spice it up. Right? How long have you guys been together? I'm 17 years. Okay, right. Good.

Amber, that's awesome. Congratulations. I love hearing about couples who have been together and they're like, I'm 17 years. Okay, right. Good. Amber, that's awesome. Congratulations. I love hearing about couples who been together and they're like, I'm going to step it up or try something different. Keep it interesting. Exactly. Yeah. You're all come could be something totally different, right? Hey. Uh, thank you, Amber. So awesome here for you.

No problem. Okay, be safe, Amber. We'll talk to you soon. Thank you. Of course. Thank you. Of course, thank you. I think we got to get back to Eddie. He wants to know how he gets his wife comfortable with me licking it out of her after having, you know, mutt wargasms.

And again, I think it's just like all the, all the things I tell you about. How do you get your partner comfortable with anything is actually having a neutral conversation outside the bedroom, not saying like, why won't you let me do that? I just, you know, I want to taste it. But just saying, what is it about them? Curious, I know that we've talked about it,

and I've been wanting to do that. But what is it about it that makes you not comfortable? And then you start to get your answers. Or she's like, oh, well, I feel like it's bad for you. Or it's not sanitary. You know, then you can say, well, I heard Dr. Emily say, it's actually not, if we don't have STDs. Or maybe she feels, she feels like she doesn't feel sanitary down there and tell her, fine,

and she's fine. You remember that the vagina is a self-cleaning of it. That's where it cleans itself. So there's all these, you know, we have a natural acidic levels, we keep, we're good. So we have to worry about that. Oh, the other thing is the health benefits. So here's a thing. There are some health benefits.

Studies have shown that there are like mood enhancing qualities to it. It can help with your skin. It can help with depression. It can help with. But let me tell you this. You're gonna have to, you're gonna have to adjust a lot of semen.

You're gonna have to be like collecting it for it actually to have that kind of impact. I don't know how you'd collect that much, but you could, but this is all inconclusive studies. But however, what if it does? What if you try it? That's a benefit, great, but I don't think that's why we're doing it. I think it's more of a something that we just thought, why not? I'm having my partner taste it, why not taste it? Maybe turn yourself on. It's all fine here at Sex with Emily. Let's talk to Mike 63 in Wyoming. Hi, Mike. Thanks for calling. What's going on? You're welcome. I was trying to interfere. My introduction to it was with my wife of 42 years after she gave me a blowjob one time that she come up and just kissed me with it still in her mouth and that's how I was introduced to it and up into that

time I just thought it was taboo too for a man you know right I come to find out it doesn't taste bad at all it's really a little bit salty exactly Exactly! Get the bad rap. It really does get a bad rap, Mike. Yeah, I know that. I would have sworn given it one. But up until that time, and this happened about 25 years ago. So, it, and this happened several times since then. Okay, and you were fine with it. Yeah, a little bit, a little bit hot, right? Something a little different.

Yes, yes, it was. You know, I guess you call it a pleasant surprise. Exactly. You don't know what's going to happen next. 42 years, you know? Who knows? I know. I love it, Mike. You're right. Which is a good thing. Keep your under the toes.

Thank you, Mike. Thanks for your call. Appreciate you. Keep your under-toes. Thank you, Mike. Thanks for your call. Appreciate you. That's it for today's episode. See you on Friday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner. You can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at Sex with Emily. Oh, I've been told I give really good email. So sign up at sexwithemily.com. And while you're there, check out my free guides and articles

for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating, or relationships, call my hotline 559 Talk Sex. That's 559 8825-5739. A go to sexwithemily.com slash Ask Emily. Special thanks to ACAST for powering the Sex with Emily podcast. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com.

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