Sex With Emily - Porn, Poly-tics & Curvy Girl Sex

Episode Date: January 25, 2017

On today’s show Emily is joined by guest co-host, sex educator, and soon-to-be published author, Elle Chase. Together they navigate the tricky tides of body acceptance, the power of porn and so much more! Elle shares her expertise on how to make sex sensational for women with curves, her experience wading the waters of polyamory and her best tips for amping up your bedroom routine. Then she and Emily tackle your emails! Topics include how to deal with disparate sex drives and the politics of “don’t ask don’t tell” in a poly relationship. This show is just what you need to open your mind and open the door to better, hotter sex. Don’t miss it! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily and today's show we're going to all your sex and dating questions. So what's the best way to tell a partner you're not up for sex? Does Don't Ask Don't Tell Work in an Open Relationship? Plus we're going to tell you about what kind of porn can revolutionize your sex life and I'm joined by the amazing L. Chase to talk about Curvy girl sex. Annie here, you just got his heart broken, anything's your kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common all the way? What do you mean, like laundry?

It shrinks? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here. So, so, so, so. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex With Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com. Have you not been there lately? I think you have been because God, our numbers are amazing. You guys are like, go on to the website and droves because you love our blogs and our videos and you're just freaking awesome. And when you're there, it's so easy to subscribe. We make it easy. You just press a button and say subscribe. You get our newsletter, social media,

and all that cool stuff. And you can shop at our store. It is a good time. And you know that we're at sex with Emily Crossboard on all social media. Okay, I have a sore throat. I'm not trying to talk sexy, but I thought maybe I should just talk dirty the whole show, because I kinda got the sexy thing going, but it's also, yeah, I've been a little sick, but I'm feeling better, like I actually feel great and I'm so excited to be talking to you, so it is me, I swear. I've got, I'm really excited for the day's show,

because my favorite people sitting across from me, but first we gotta start talking about Valentine's Day, you guys, it's right around the corner. I don't want it to sneak up on you. But I've got a giveaway alert. I need to know what is the best Valentine's Day you've ever had? And specifically, what made it so memorable?

Was it like the perfect day? Did you get a great gift? Did you have like that special occasion sex? I was thinking about this because, well, first of all, we want to know from you, tell us your stories, feedback at sexanami.com by February 7th, because you'll have a chance to win a magic wand rechargeable vibrator. Because if you don't have one of those, I don't know what you're waiting for. Okay, so I was thinking about, okay, so when people use to ask me, like, what's your best Valentine's Day?

I'm like, I have Valentine's Day. I've had some good sunbat. But I do remember, actually, I was reminded of Valentine's Day. There's prickly memory roll because I just moved. And so I had the chance to go through every single sex toy and sex product I own, which as you can imagine, has been taking me

about six weeks now. But I remember I was dating guy and I was like, oh my god, we're like sleeping in this house that night. And remember we got a hotel room. And I was like, I'm gonna bring all the sex toys I want to try. And it started with like a little tiny suitcase. And then I had like a big wheelie.

Because I was like, oh, maybe we could try this. Maybe we could try that. Like I literally threw like, probably, I don't know like six different vloggers, like six different G-Spot Vibreiders, 10 different kinds of loobs. I brought like a ball gag. I mean, things I've never tried. I'm like, this will be a great time. Maybe I'll dress up as a ferry princess. And it was a really fun Valentine's Day. We did not get through the entire suitcase, but I did wake up with a ball gag on. So that was a really good time. So what was your what's your most honorable story feedback at sex with Emily dot com?

Right? I'm here with L.C. Hi. Hi. How are you? I'm good. I'm so happy to see you. So Elsa returning gas. She's been here 65 times. No. No like five times. I don't know over the years. I don't know. I just I just it all meshes into one big Emily because I see you often. I know we're very dear friends and our dog Allerman who you might have seen made famous on my snapchat Instagram and is it has zone Instagram. Yes, he's my god dog now. I'm in the will. He is she's in the will I don't even think I'm in the will for like my nieces and stuff, but I'm in the will For all our men the best dog. Yeah, and El is amazing. She's a sex educator

She teaches all over and she has a book coming out. Like she is so exciting. I'm very excited. Curvy girl sex. Curvy girl sex, 101 body positive positions to empower your sex life. And I think it's so great, we're gonna get all into that. Just because a lot of you email,

I would say that I had to break down the most common emails, it's a lot of it has to do with like self-esteem in the bedroom. You know, we're all worried about our size, our shape men and women. You know, how does this look? How do I feel? And then you're taken out of the moment, you can enjoy sex and all that. I'll really conquer that in her book and in all the great work she's been doing. So congratulations and glad you're here. And you're essentially Michael Hose today. I love it. I'm just hanging out. We're going through the sex with Emily stuff and doing what we do.

And I'm happy belated your birthday was really fun. Oh, thank you. Yeah, it was. Thank you for coming. Oh, of course. Oh, my God. We went around and of course I had to make a snapchat out of it. We all gave blowjob tips.

We did. Which seemed very apropos. Because we all love a blowjob. Who doesn't love blowjob tips? Well, I don't know. I want to meet the person that doesn't like a blowjob. I know. It was fun. It was all sex educated. Not that doesn't like a bunch of tips. I know.

It was fun. It was all sex educated. Not that we only hang out with sex educators. Right. It was really fun though. It was Tristan Tiramito and Hanhater. And then we, um, yeah. Yeah.

We just celebrated you. Hang out. It was fun. And then we've been in and me adult manufacturers, expo, you know, like a whole, that's where I lost my voice. I had like 46 meetings last week. Oh my God. I know. I saw you in the beginning of it

and then I didn't see you for like days. I mean, we usually text like every day. I know, but you get that if I don't text back, it doesn't. I totally get it. Like my close friends know that if I don't text you back, it doesn't mean like I'm dead, it doesn't mean I'm in love, these rock mean maybe.

But you know, probably. But it just means that I'm like, I love you, I don't always check on my night, I get busy. No, I know, I hear you, look. I've been in a relationship with somebody that I don't hear from for like two weeks. So yeah. And but we could get into that later. We can. I want to hear about your relationship. I want to hear about your sex life. But first we've got some sex in the news that we're going to get into that I actually, of course,

this reminded me of you because you're sort of the expert on this as well. And this is five ways Tumblr porn can completely revolutionize your sex life. Oh, God, did you do this just because of here? Yeah, it was a news story. It was in the news. But no, but producer Matt Zenskope did. She's like, like oh my god L. Chase does a dog. I'm like yeah, so, um, so I love Tumblr born and I actually was introduced so so L as a student in my, is that what you call it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, so our student name is, I don't know if that's what you're alter ego or, um, it's called Lady Cheeky and it is what is voted like the

number one tumbler voted the number one For number one site for women's porn by Cosmo.com and Huffington Post women. Yeah, that's pretty amazing Yeah, and so if people don't know about so this article like five ways So you know, I'm sure you already like you know these are frontwards about but people don't realize that We're always trying to give tips on the shelf. You're like, oh, I don't want to sit down and watch a tube channel I don't realize that you were always trying to give tips on the shelf. You're like, I don't want to sit down and watch a tube channel. I don't really get it. I think Tumblr is like a very unique brand of porn and like an easy gateway to kind of get yourself into figuring out like into porn, but also not maybe as maybe you've porn

kind of turned you off and things that you see. It can be you can't pick and choose what you like. No, you hit the nail on the head. The male on the head. The male on the head. The male on the head. The male on the head. The male on the head.

The male on the head. The male on the head. The male on the head. The male on the head. The male on the head. The male on the head. The male on the head. The male on the head.

The male on the head. The male on the head. The male on the head. The male on the head. The male on the head. The male on the head. The male on the head. The male on the head. The male on the head. The male on the head. The male on the head. or whatever are bouncing boobs, you can go to Tumblr and find that sort of that area, that nice sweet spot of porn that really appeals to your side of sensuality.

And I find that Tumblr porn because it's curated is more about the arousal and then getting off, as opposed to just getting off, which is a tube site. So that's interesting because it says, okay, so to go through the article, it provides inspiration. That's number one, it's great. So Tumblr is like Pinterest for sex, all sorts of things that you want to try that will most likely look like nothing in the picture, but you will get excited about it and maybe even find a new favorite by trying. So, so when you're saying it's sort of not, it's arousing, but not, you might not. Well, some are, you know, it just depends, yeah, all it just depends on whose tumbler site.

Like for Lady Cheeky, I try to provide, you know, some hardcore porn, but mostly it's stuff that, you know, it's taking off the panties, like a little gif of that or a jiff or whatever you're supposed to call it. But, or a picture of some guy like kissing her neck beautifully, or whatever, I mean, there's stuff

that just makes your mind go wild. And then you'll see a few of those and then you'll see like actual penetration. And you're kind of warmed up by that point to see actual penetration. You know, I know for me, that's the way that I used to share with my lover. When I started it, what I wanted to do with him, and then he would send me stuff and I would post it and I'd say, yes, this and. This is okay, so that's the things that we are all about communication, communication, lubrication, and I know when I realized about two years ago, I've been saying that for 10 years, I was

like, you know what? I can say that it's a little blue in the face and you've all heard it, but how do I communicate? And so I think Tumblr is a great way because it's like, if you're a fan of community, if you want something from a partner, you can just go on Tumblr and literally like a house like for your partner, be with your like, guess what I've been wanting to try and boom, it's a guy kissing a woman's neck who doesn't want that one. That is the perfect point actually, Emily,

because that is a wonderful way to introduce it, especially if you're shy. If you're shy, you know, and you've been married for, I don't know, 20 years even, you're shy and you just go, look what I found. What do you think of this? And you warm it up with little kissing, a little bit of that, and a little bit of touching a boob.

And then soon you're on to watching porn with your lover and you're getting all hot and bothered. And it's the arousal process, I think you'll agree, is the most important part of getting ready for sexual evening. Right, exactly. It's like the other four plays, the umbrella, most important part of getting ready for sexual evening. Right, exactly. It's like the other four plays kind of like the umbrella,

but when like a lot of four plays is the arousal, is the teasing. And visual communication can be a lot easier than saying, baby, why don't you time me up or I wanna be spanked. You can be like, this is how I wanna be spanked. Boom, look at this, look at this gift that I, you know, I'm Lady Chickase.

So I think that's really cool. It makes easier. Also makes for outstanding for play. I always say for play starts after the last orgasm. So, you know, even if you guys are a part for, you live, you know, different cities or for the day, you can say to them like, hey, this is what's going on tonight, babe, you know. Man and women go both ways. I used to say that it takes a full week to seduce a woman because you just, you start after the last work, just like you said, like, I mean, that's such the perfect way to put it. I told you. And and used and going the whole week and, you know,

sending love notes or doing whatever, however you, you, you know, you show your affection for your for your woman. Right. It's it is. It's true because I know you're like, oh, how do I stay top of mind to my partner? Like, how you send them sexy images or what you want to do and it tells a story, maybe? You're like, first you would do this and then we do that. It is kind of like a painter. Because that's the thing, you could collect all the images and like them, right?

Yep. You can even start your own. You could start your own. And it can be private. You, right? Yes. That's great. You know what?

Why don't couples start throwing they probably do they should They probably do that's how I started it was private and then we made a public and then all of a sudden people I know hey, you know it tastes Thanks. You got good taste. Thank you. Um also, it's just one of the things is it's just fun So the biggest complaints I hear from people about relationship sex is it gets dull Yeah, we got a time after while it comes row You're gonna get that me and we're gonna top of you, we're gonna watch Sports Center. But it's kind of a playful way to kind of engage

with your partner and experiment. Yeah. And like literally anything, and even if it's so great, because even if you're not with your partner, you can be like, I saw that image you sent me, I'm not comfortable with spanking, but I got this great vlogger, who knows?

Yeah, it just starts going, you know? Yeah. So yeah, so I think a great way to start is Lady Cheeky, because I love Lady Cheeky, but is there anything else that you think I don't have a ton of sites that we care about? Oh, gosh, there's so many people that we care about. I follow like 5,000 of them, so it's really hard. There's nymphon ninjas, which is amazing, and gosh, I can't, I feel so bad because I follow so many ones. But yours also leads to other ones.

Yes, mine leads to other ones, so if you're like you don't like to Amazon too, right? You might like this you might like exactly. It's like it's the Amazon of porn Yeah, no, I cuz I follow really good sites. I have to say you too right like you've got good taste with that So have you always been into porn? No, I got into porn when I was 40. I'm 48, I just turned 48. I mean, it's just listening to what turns you on. And it might be weird or it might be, you might think it's weird,

but don't judge it because that's what turns you on. Exactly. Another great thing about it too, I think, is you just make me think about this, is that we talk a lot about like, if you don't know what your fantasies are, your tired or fantasies, you need new material, it's a great way just to like, you don't know what your fan is are your tireter fantasies you new material. It's a great way just to like you can kind of go through there and you might just be inspired

by something like that actually is a new fantasy. I'm going to start thinking about that. I'm going to go down that road. It's kind of build on that. That's really cool. And we're going to get into your whole story out at 4. Do you discovered porn and this whole life that you're having, which is exciting. I have to give it say one more thing is happening.

This in LA that I want to give you guys a shout out to go because I'm going, not don't go because I'm going, but I think you should go because let's talk about flirting, okay? Flirting. Would you say you're a natural flirt? I'm not a natural flirt but I learned how to flirt. You did. You did. I did. I taught myself how to flirt by watching other people flirt

and seeing reactions. And also looking at my friends and asking them why they're doing certain things. Like you're an example. Someone once said to me, and it's a visual, and we're on a podcast, but someone once said to me, you know, if you're sitting across from someone and you're flirting, look down and then slowly look up.

I was so flirty. I just got wet. Did you just get wet? I did. Oh God. I thought it was resting. See, I love that you people assume I'm not a flirt. I'm not a tea.

You learn. I'm not an natural one. No. Okay. Well, it's less than Danielle. I talk about them all the time. They did the groundbreaking. I love them so much. They are so revered.

They're amazing. They're, um, sex, thematic coaches. And they, they're in the Bay Area. You guys all know I did my somatic course, somatic course of them last year, changed my life. But now you can work at them as well

because they're teaching a how to flirt, workshop in LA on February 12th. And this isn't just like, here's a pickup line, here's whatever, like they get into it. And it's five hours and You were gonna leave their flirt in your ass off. I would also like feel good. Let's go February 12 So you can learn that whether you're single or dating or even if you're in a relationship

You're like I want to flirt with my partner. It is never too late. It is a Flirting way to your six it's called flirting your way to success of five-hour workshop led by Slesa and Danielle And I know here's the best part. It's it's I guess it's called flirting your weight to success of five hour workshop led by sless and Danielle. I know here's the best part it's it's I guess it's 12 to three is the flirting and then from three to five there's a two-hour intro to sematica. So if you've been interested in all the work I've been doing I'm telling you it's gonna be killer. So oh here's the best part. Hi it's free. Oh are you kidding? Because I was just gonna ask you that after. You're going to say, can you get me in? That's good.

So it's in Manhattan Beach at my friend's studio, actually, which is amazing, February 12, Sunday, 10 to 3, and then 3 to 5 is a somatic part. And go to somaticainstitute.com. And you'll find somatica is what is it? Somaticainstitute.com slash somatica skills, but we'll also be tweeting it and Facebooking it. And I hope to see you there on February 12th.

It'll be awesome. Okay, let's take a quick break. And then when we come back, we are going to get into all your amazing book and answering your emails. And I love you all. And thank you for supporting my sponsors because you know that I only talk about stuff

that I've tried, that I've loved, that I live for. And by supporting our sponsors, you also help keep the show free. Thank you all. I love you. We are back. All right. We are back. Okay.

L, you can find everything about L at the L chase. That's her, your all your social media. And then lchase.com, E-L-L-E, L E chase like I want to chase her down and kiss her. .com is where you can find out about our book and everything that's going on. She is a power of a voice in the sexual how the community and a key influencer. You really have been in the body acceptance movement which truly needs a movement because I think

people, like I said, the most of the emails we get, you know, we all have our own insecurities about things, about sex, but a lot of it goes back to how we are in the bedroom, and it really impacts our ability to have like rich, fulfilling sex lives. And I know your book coming up, Curvy Girl Sucks, it's a 101 body positive positions to empower your sex life. You can pre-order it now on Amazon. It's releasing February 1st and one more thing. Oh my god, there's so many announcements But we will be at the pleasure chest and February 1st in Los Angeles. It's in West Hollywood. It's in West Hollywood Yeah, and we're having a party. It's a party. It's seven me at seven from seven to 10

There's gonna be booze and food and it's free and it's free and there's I'm gonna be teaching a class for an hour at eight o'clock, all about positions, everything from the book. It's gonna be a lot of fun. So I suggest everyone come. We're gonna be there. The whole sex family team will be there too. So, okay, so I know you've been on the show a few times and we've talked about a lot of different things.

But I don't know that everybody's heard about your extraordinary journey at the age of 40, how your life changed and won't let you do this work. Yeah, I was in a sexless marriage, and he showed me sort of what it was like to really accept my body. And I say accept instead of love because I don't believe you have to love your body, but I do think you have to accept it, and I think that that's realistic. For loving your body, I know for me, it's too big a jump. So I can't go from 40 years of hating my body to loving my body.

But I can accept it. And by accepting it, I'm able to let go of all of my judgments about it in the bedroom. OK. So you said that this man helped you, accepted. But it was like, he helped me accept it because he was very, very patient with me. And he only said things to me that were sincere.

So I got the feeling that he wasn't paying me lip service, but he would be, you're so this, you're so that. I like this about you. Things that were so specific that I knew, I just knew he was telling me that in your marriage. I'd never heard that. I'd never had enjoyable sex until this man. Okay, so when you say never under,

did you have your first orgasm? I had orgasms, but by myself, or manually with a partner, but no one had taken the time to really let me savor it or let them savor it. It was all sort of perfunctory. I'm gonna lick lick, la, la, la, la, there, there, there. I'm gonna do the alphabet.

I'm gonna do all that shit, all that shit. And then boom, I'm gonna lick lick, and they're there there, you know, I'm gonna do the alphabet I'm gonna do all that shut and all that shit and then you know boom. I've got I've gotten orgasm and then they're You know apparently for sleep right, okay, so right but this guy so that's that's kind of started you on your journey years ago And so what about the book like how did you get inspired for this for this book? What do you hope it's called? Curve a girl sex with positions, but it's a lot of other positions But but it's called? Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, We've got a lot of different things in there, and there's all different types of positions. There's missionary, and there's the ones in the car. What do you do if you're a big girl and you're in the car or in the shower? There's all sorts of tips like that, but it's also a great book for everybody because they

are positions that anyone can do. I get a lot of questions about positions on the show, and it's hard for me. I always say this, and I'm going to do just a video show podcast of positions. But it's just the nicest hard on a podcast to explain, like, OK, your legs are up in the air. And I try, but with your book, you have illustrations. And you show exactly like, this is how you do it. And these are the tools that you can use.

Like, you talk a lot about pillows. Talk a lot about big fan of pillows. Everyone should be using pillows. I mean, I say should. But everyone would benefit lot about pillows. Talk a lot of them. Big fan of pillows. Everyone should be using pillows. I mean, I say should, but you know, everyone would benefit from using pillows. Talk about that. Well, pillows give you a different sort of angles so that you can,

everyone's inside of everyone's vagina is different. So, doggie style for one person might not be comfortable for the other and sometimes pillows make the difference because of the angle Also, if you're a big girl or even a big guy if you put something like a pillow or a liberator Wedge which is this yeah, it's amazing this industrial foam wedge under your hips, you know gravity does its job and pull some Mesh down industrial Madison. You didn't even think me producer Madison

I gave her a huge friggin wedge. Oh my god. I was cleaning out my garage. I'd never use it. And it was the most massive liberator wedge I left. Because I had a chair. I think I saw a video of that. And it wasn't here. Oh no, okay. Got it.

It wasn't used. But it was amazing. I have like, I have no room for it, my house. Oh, I love it. Yeah. She loves it. I'm excited. Okay, good. No, but it's true. I kind of want to back. it, so I'm so excited. Oh, I'm excited.

Okay, good. Nobody's true. I kind of want to back. No, because I don't have one, but I was like, I'm just moving, I'm like, I need to get rid of everything. You know what I used to for, I used to put my computer on when I'm not using it. They gave me a huge, this is like a size of this desk.

Oh, it's the ramp. Yeah. Oh, the ramp. Should I not give in a way? Well, you can get another one. Just kidding. No, but it's true, like, there's those little tools and tricks for away? Well, we can get another one. Just kidding. No, but it's true. Like, there's those little tools and tricks

for anybody that works. For anybody, yep. And then you also say, like, you know, it's, again, body image. And you're not going to say, like, look in the mirror and say, like, you're a love you and you're beautiful. I mean, people always say the, and I've even told people that I admit it.

But what are, I mean, I know it's a journey. It's not going to just happen by reading a book perhaps. It's not, but it could help you along the way. So what are some of your main tips you think for people who are struggling? I'm ready to start. Well, like, I've always hit in my body. Well, if there were you were eight years ago.

Well, you know, there are parts of my body. I still hate, but I accept them. Zach, you know what I mean? So I know this is the way I look, and there are parts of me that I love, but what I will not do to myself, and I try not to, because sometimes it'll slip in, is to say negative things to myself about my body, or to say negative things about somebody else's look or body. Everyone's got something.

You can be super, super skinny and be shamed about that. You can be, have a huge nose and be shamed about that. You can be, have a huge nose and be shamed about that. And at the same time, there are tons of people who are attracted to that. There are tons of people that are attracted to larger women, larger butts, small feet, big feet. You just never know. And I think it's sort of changing now

that we're not just like everyone's at just all about like the skinny hair when she got old. That's just where I think times are F change. I think people are becoming more accepting and I think the more we We had mornished people for just judging anybody's body Whether they're fat or skinny or average or or or whatever. I think is a huge step in the right direction Yeah, I think so too. What about toys are Are there any specific toys that you think are better? Yes, oh my God.

Well, my favorite subject, I just need a minute. I know, it's my favorite subject too. I can talk forever, so you're gonna have to stop me. But the Vibratex, the Magic Wand rechargeable, is like my favorite thing ever. That and their new Mystic Wand cordless. I love the Mystic Wand. Isn't that amazing?

It has a bend to it. It's a bendy bendy. It has a bend to it. It has a bendy bendy bend. It has a bend to it. And if the magic wand is too intense for you, the mystic wand is just a little bit less intense. And it's small. You can travel with it. But it's waterproof.

It's waterproof. I love it. Vipertex has a lot of great tools for people of size or even pregnant women who want to masturbate and can't reach. Right. You know what I mean? That's a great point because you're right because the flap of the magic wand is flat like that. Yeah, but they also have a rabbit that is bent at like an 180 degree called the joystick and if you're pregnant

and you still want to use a rabbit, that's the one for you. Because you have some tips for pregnant women as well on your book. There's a, so my pregnant friends call me all the time. Yeah, because I mean, what are you supposed to do? No, right? You know, but yeah, my book has icons for things. So if you have a bad back, you'll see the icon. It's good for a bad back or your arms doesn't have a bad back.

I know. I'm just, it's a point. That's so good that you'll be pregnant. Pregnancy. So there'll be like a little pregnant icon. I find this for every pregnant person. They won't call me anymore. I'm like, El knows, just read this.

Oh, just read it. So those are good toys. I was going to go off on the mystic. They won't call me anymore. I'm like, L-nos, just read this. Oh, just read it. So those are good toys. I was going to go off on the Mystic Wannocket House. I think it was when my new favorite, something this year. Yep. That's really, OK. So also, what about masturbation? Do you have any specific tips for women

when they're masturbating to work through how they feel with their body and life? Yeah, I say do it a lot in your body. I say do it a lot. A lot in often. Early in often, and make it a ritual for yourself. do it a lot. I say do it a lot. Early and often. Early and often, and make it a ritual for yourself. Make it a ritual, and maybe warm your toys a little bit. There's something new coming out called the warm.

We could talk about the warm. I love the warm. The warm is great. It warms your toys. It's like a warm, it's like a... It's like a little envelope pad. It's beautiful. I brought it here.

I'll show you. Oh yeah, yeah. No, I've got one. They're pad. It's beautiful. I brought it here. I'll show you. Oh yeah, yeah. No, I've got one. They're amazing. They're amazing. And they heated up just enough. So you turn that on and you can use that on yourself. And just feeling your entire body.

There are things that I touched on my body that I didn't know were ragenous zones until I started touching the inside of my wrists. The inside of my wrist and the inside of my elbow. When you touch it too. When I touch it, I would touch my entire body and close my eyes and see what really sort of titillated me. And I can imagine someone that I'm really into touching me there, I would be, you know, out of my mind.

So. Right. Because when you really learn what turns you on and what feels good, it's like you're going to be looking forward to sex with the partner, you're going to be able to talk about what you want. Absolutely. That's really important. So like, what do you, what do you, when you're talking to women about, you know, what do you do when

you could then do this too, but when you're in your head, like, you're like, I was trying to have sex, but I kept thinking about, you know, that he's gonna notice my, you know, that I gained pounds, I've gained a few pounds or that I don't look great with this angle or like. Well, first of all, if they're in bed with you, they want to be in bed with you and they're attracted to you. They're there. Second of all, if you can't get out of your head breathe and concentrate on your breathing first of all breathing is great Anyway for sex because you're drawing in all of that air which gets the blood moving and everything to all the good parts

but also Pardon me, but also It is it is definitely a way to concentrate on something other than your body. And since the breathing helps bring all the blood to the different places, it's really a nice, it's a nice substitute. That's a great, yeah. I practice that a lot with my life, with meditation,

but also with masturbation, orgasm, it always helps. Oh, always. Like you just like go to your breath because it'll help you focus, I mean, it'll help you like get out of your head, but also in me, yeah, it's circulation. Yeah, always. Like, you just like go to your breath because it'll help you focus, I mean, I'll help you like get out of your head, but also in, yeah, it's circulation. Yeah, you know, Barbara Corellis has a book called Urban Tantra and she talks a lot about breathing and their exercises there.

So that's also okay. Right. I think I've heard about that. Yeah, if you go to her website too, I'm bad at spelling her last name, but it's Barbara Corellis and she has some breathing exercises there for free. That's good. I have a question for free. That's good. I have a question for you.

What do you do for men? I'm going to say men, heterosexual or women dating and other women. People with penises. People with penises or just someone who is a partner. Yeah. It was a curvy girl. Yeah. And because I hear from people all the time, like I tell her, she's beautiful every day and

I love her body, but she still won't. I do everything I can. What do you tell those people? Well, unfortunately, you can tell people, literally, you're blowing the face, but until they're ready to accept it, they're not going to believe it. They have to be, and they just won't.

But, the best thing to do is just to be sincere. Tell them often, and tell them, you know, sincerely what it is about them that you're feeling at that moment, you know? And be specific. And be specific because not like you look hot, not like you look hot, but just like, I love how your stomach curves under, you know, I love touching that.

It's so womanly. It's so it's just so luscious and delicious. And there are really people out there that really love curves on a woman. And not just curves. I mean, I'm curvy, but I also have a big, lower stomach. I've got big thighs. I have a big ass. And sometimes I even go, uh, don't touch my stomach, but that's me, not them.

They want to touch my stomach or they want to touch my thighs. So believe them, believe them. Believe them. Exactly. They're not, yeah, it's like, hey, we just don't believe them because we don't believe it ourselves. But this book, really, I think it's a really powerful. Thank you. It's a fun read too Like we'll get people there like trying to make it a little funny. It is fun. We fun. You're fun You can't do things that funny so everybody come see Zipa just but also I'm February 1st and check out our book

Or do it at L.J. the L chase calm. No just L chase. I'll just lchase.com. Oh, just lchase. See, it's so hard. At the lchase in Tsuzhria. But okay, so recently on Facebook, you posted that you're doing really well at the whole poly thing and I want to check it in your poly relationship right now. Oh gosh. Well, I think it's new issue. Because you're in New Ishtag. It's new for me. I was always monogamous and I met somebody that I really care about and I was dating to

be to find a monogamous partner and I thought I don't want to give him up. And so my best friend Joelle and said you don't have to give him up. And I went, oh right, that's right, there's poly. I think poly is great when you can define it yourself. And so that's what you do. That's what you do. And so we've worked it out. We have rules. And sometimes we get, you know, I get jealous. He doesn't really get jealous. Sometimes I'll get jealous. And you just have to always bring it up. You cannot escape not bringing things up. So every time you get jealous, you bring it up. I'll say, you know what? I'm getting, I'm feeling a little jealous right now.

Come here, come here, change the subject. And, and he, you know, he's really great about it. Like, okay, great. And we have some rules. Like, if he sleeps with anyone, I know I don't want to know about it. I think that's a tell you. Yeah. Well, yeah. But I would hope that he would say, please don't say anything. But you know, sometimes things happen and then feelings come up and you just say, you know, I'm having these feelings about this. And I just want you to know, if you're feeling like I'm distant, it's because I'm having some feelings, but they're my feelings. And I still feel like I'm special to you.

And you don't have a primary partner. I don't know. So what did you call the other day? Polly dating. Oh, solo poly. Solo poly. I think that because just in Termino came up with that. Right, solo poly.

Tristan, yeah. It's if you don't have a, because typically in a poly I'm a relationship. Right. People are like, what's different or open relationship? Right. You're a primary partner. Right.

That's like your main person that you're with, but you both sleep with other people. Yeah. But you could also be solo poly. You could also be solo poly, I think for a long time. Like I don't want to get married again. I don't want to live with somebody. But I want to have really intimate experiences and relationships with people.

I feel like I can do that with different people. And so do you think it's for everybody? Pollyammer, what do you think? Who's the people that should not get into Pollyammer's relationships? Oh gosh. People who should not, people who aren't communicative, who don't want to communicate. People who are secretive. I think the poly the best thing about poly is you have to have sort of

radical kind honesty with yourself and with your partner and not be afraid of being jealous so that you can bring it up. And I would also say that it's not someone if you're like, oh, I'm too jealous I can handle it. But I really want to bang other people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But that been what I'm saying is, just because you're really jealous, I always find the amazing thing about people who practice polyamory or other relationships. You can transcend the jealous.

You can still get jealous. I was talking to you about this the other day. Baby. Can you transcend it? Well, yeah, because I was surprised with him that I wasn't jealous of his primary partner. And I was just really happy for him that he had her in his life.

And that is because he makes me feel special to him. I am not in competition with anybody else. And I think if you can find that, because I am naturally a jealous person, I really am. And I do still get jealous if I hear about something like, oh, I went to this play party or I went and I had sex with this person

I'll be like oh that's nice. Okay, let's move on. Right TMI. Yeah, but but you can learn to like kind of like work with it Yes Because it can be actually really healthy because most time he's repressed. Elziers comes out Yeah, it makes us feel worse about ourselves But when you actually talk through jealousy Like oh my god, I couldn't actually can and he's worth it You know, we love each other. We say I love you. It's all of that But you know, I'm open to meeting other people that I love just as much and in a different way and all of that

So so we'll see good vlog. Okay. This is your year. Thanks. We'll see. I love okay, so Congratulations on curvy girl. Thank you. It's very exciting I'm wearing a curvy go button sticker and then I'm gonna put the tattoo on my ass Oh, bless your heart And I think we're gonna get in some emails. You might answer some emails. Let me, it's your job as an echo host today. Right.

Okay guys, this is what I love about you. I love when you email me your questions. It's been, it's so fun. I get, we get them every day and it makes my life, it makes my world go round. And you can email me so easily now. You go to sexwithalme.com and you can click on the Ask Emily tab and fill out the forum and send it your question but now you can also select the what's it said I'd like to

be called button or call me because we've been taking callers now and we've done about three or four shows now where we actually you send in your question and then we set up a time to call you and and then during a show, we record the calls, and then I answer questions. I love it. It's so fun. It's been a blast. So do that if you want, if you're down with that,

or you can leave a voice mail. That's fun too. 818, ask as W-E-1 or 818. 2757931, and this is all on the website. And as always, how's my voice doing? Hello as always shy to sexy Do as always please include the information that will help me find you help me know about you your gender your age where you live How old you are what you're wearing

Start slow resist. Oh really slow. That's what you should do Okay, here's our first question. Yes. Hi Emily. I seriously think it's easier to talk like that. Yeah, I think you're forcing it. Yeah, just I'm just a spurt. Okay. Hi Emily. I first wanted to say how much I love listening to your podcast. I love listening to them especially during my cardio gym sessions. I have a question about my current boyfriend who I've been with for over a year. Now, for over a year now,

I honestly couldn't ask for a better partner being supportive, caring, and always putting me first inside and outside the bedroom. However, with Jordan at the time, I feel like I can't keep up with his sex drive. He's two years younger than me, and previously was with someone who was up for sex all the

time. In comparison, my ex-boyfriend was not. Sometimes going through stages where we would go for months without sex. We are very open about our relationship and always talk about things. We're also not afraid to try new things in the bedroom, owning a number of different sex toys, frequently visiting sex toy stores. I guess my question is how do I go on about it to him when I don't feel like having sex without being too harsh? I love him to bits and don't want to lose him.

So I'll appreciate any advice you can give. I look forward to hearing more podcasts for Rachel age 24. So she's with a 22 year old guy who wants more sex than she does. Cause 22 year old guys have a stratospheric sex drive that makes it challenging for any woman, a lot of women to give up on, not anyone, but like a lot. Like at 22,

you're going to be calm and you're having any age, mischievous, going to happen. So don't be so hard on yourself, because then I also know that you love to compare yourself. She's comparing herself to like her ex didn't want it, but his ex wanted more sex, and that's just how you just, you don't know where. No, it does not help you at all. You make you feel worse. So all that is like now, Rachel's the here and now and what you're going to do about your current situation.

And it's good that they talk about sex. Yes, it's great. They dialogue going. So what do you think about this? Well, I would obviously talk to him about it and just say and try and find some sort of compromise. I'm of the school that, you know, sometimes you might not be in the mood, like really in the mood, but you do things for your partner.

I know that's not, it's controversial, but when you don't want to have sex, you just don't want to have sex. And it's, I say go on lady jiki for five minutes. That's what I say. That's what I say. Or watch, do something. Yeah. But, but no, I get go on lady jiki for five minutes. That's what I say. That's what I say. But watch for do something. Yeah. But no, I get it.

Sometimes you don't want to. And that's a case with some kind of information. Mutual masturbation is one of my favorite things to do in the world. And for me, it is, it is often the main event. And it's, it's also great for people who have just had kids too. Because, you know, you get a fleshlight or something and use a fleshlight on him. Use a masturbator on him. You know, somehow get him off in that way that's not as labor-intensive that you don't want anything inside you or maybe don't feel like you. But whatever it is,

but you don't literally, you don't use a fleshlight. Or let him masturbate in front of you and you can say, oh yeah, that looks great. Yeah, keep doing it. Visual beings. Visual being or masturbate for him because you know, why not? Everyone loves a nice orgasm. Exactly. Mutual masturbation is a great idea. But I think that you got to talk about it. I think that the reason she does they do talk about a lot of things. But I think that just saying like, I want to make this work, I love you. I'm not going to want to

all the time. But I think that, you know, letting him know that it's not rejection. It's not that I don't love you, because he could also start feeling rejected. But this is just very common. Maybe you're on the pill as well. Young women often don't know that when they go on the pill that it could affect your libido. And also stress. Stress, anxiety, so many things.

Life stuff. Like everything affects your libido. Everything does. Right. So I think that's a great tool. I was gonna ask you about me, Chomester. I was gonna ask you how you liked your womanizer because I gave it.

Oh my God, I just saw them at NME, that trade show. I love it so much. I love it. Thank you, thank you, thank you for giving it to me. I went up to them and I just said, I just have to tell you, I can have an orgasm. It's often takes a while,

and I think the first one, the first iteration of this toy, there was some learning curve, but with this, the deluxe, I gave you the deluxe, there was some learning curve, but with this, the deluxe, I gave you the deluxe. The deluxe thing, yeah, it's amazing. Amazing. I came in like two seconds.

It feels good, it's like, yes, it's the best orgasm, but it's great for me to be able to raise it. Do you want to knock? It's a 60 second orgasm. It's a 60 second orgasm. If you want that. Or I say like 85, 60 second orgasm. Yeah, exactly.

Exactly. Or you could just move it up and down your vulva. That's a thing. Yeah. I move it all around. I love it. I love it. So it gives you little kisses like it is. It's like it's you know what? It's your energy. It's as close to To kind of link us in a toy that I have found. Right. I'm so glad. I've been asked you that. Yeah. That was your gift That was your parting gift. Thank you. That's time to keep you busy. Thank you. Okay. Thank you for that. We give another

email Okay, dear Emily. I'm a new listener to your show and I love it. I'm currently experimenting with a polyamorous relationship and it's getting complicated. I'm hoping you can help. My original primary relationship is long distance and when we first discuss being open, we settled on a don't ask, don't tell, kind of communications style. But here's the problem. My feelings for one of my other partners are growing.

Like big time. I'm feeling a stronger connection to him than I do my primary. Should I tell my primary about this change? I want to respect his wishes that he shouldn't want to know about what I'm doing with other guys, hence Don't Ask Don't Tell. But I'm feeling really confused and kind of guilty about how much my feelings are growing for this other person. I'm not sure what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.

Sarah H 25. Yeah, so there's a few things going on here. I don't think Don't Ask Don't Tell us about work. You were saying that you do that sometimes? Well, I think there's a portion of Don't Ask Don't Tells. That's exactly what I meant to say. Yeah. Because sometimes you'd be like,

this is what I don't want to hear about. If you fall in love with someone else, I'd want to hear more than you. Oh, yeah, that's pretty good. I'd want to hear that. If you fall in love with someone else, I'd want to hear more than you. That's pretty important. I'd want to hear that. But also her long-term, her long, she's in the LDR, her long-term relationship with the primary.

Which is also challenging at any age, but she's 25, you know. So I'm just wondering, my first thing is like, well, maybe this new sparkly love interest, you're seeing all the time. It feels like you love this person more because they're there and they're new

and your partner's not. And it's making you feel like this guy is your choice, but it's new and new isn't always better. It's that romantic love state. Yes, we all go through the romantic love state. I'm just that was my first hit on it, but, but let's just say that's not it. Let's say she's just really falling in love. How would you handle this from up? I would say this is not does not go under the don't ask don't tell. I think don't ask for me don't ask don't tell is I don't want to know the stuff you do. Like that's wonderful. You keep it to yourself. For something like this, that's big. You know you're falling in love with somebody else and they feel more primary to you. I would have that conversation in the kindest, most, you know, giving way possible.

And- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I would tell you, see him again, and again, I don't know how long you often you guys see each other. Yeah. So maybe you've seen him in two months. You know, so next, I remember being in London

and it's really the tips more like, before you could even, I guess I could Skype, but before it was so easy, like FaceTime, it was like, I was kind of there out of set, I might have like, I'd miss him, but then I would, you know, I was kind of there out of set in mind like I missed it. But then I would, you know, I'd gone about my life. It's really hard to maintain. That's why we talk so much about,

well, that was all like the iPhone, with all the apps, like the Wevibe toys that you could do all this FaceTimeing, sex stuff. But that said, you haven't been in this proximity perhaps for a while. So I would wagerly come to town if you got a nugget to run away with this, because it could really hurt you.

When you see him again, you might feel differently. Yes. I think that's a really good point. I mean, my partner is long distance, and we see each other every two to three months, usually every two months. But when you haven't connected in a while, and by connected, I mean, being together and really

being intimate, it is really difficult to really sort of bring that up again by yourself and get back into it. And when you have someone here with you who's giving you that, it can feel a lot like love. Exactly. Exactly. I used to feel, I started saying these relationships where if they weren't connecting with me in the way that I needed, Like then I probably, it was my, I probably couldn't have articulated, but it was like, maybe when we talked, he wasn't like, I really miss you or I was your day or you're so hot. Whatever I needed at the time. Like remembering things I told him

are really making an effort or what, I didn't feel connected. Right, I felt disconnected. Yep, and when I feel disconnected, I would just turn it off. Yep, and I'd be like, you're longed. And it's so easy to talk or something because they're not there.

You can smell them, you can't taste them, you can touched. And it's so easy to talk or something. Because they're not there. You can smell them, you can't taste them, you can touch them. And it's energy too. Energy and the chemistry and all of that. There is something to be said by being in the same room with someone and not just being a FaceTime. So I would also say, Sarah, the other thing is, I would actually up your efforts

to connect within this week, maybe. And just kind of like, see how it feels to like really try to connect with them again, how you were before, like on FaceTime and they just see how that feels. You're not being dishonest, but I just right now would not let them know the first hint of something new. I mean, even in monogamous relationships and you're in town, say, to people who are married, if something's going on in the relationship, that is just transitory or dynamic, and you

are having a real great connection with somebody at work, doesn't mean you're in love with that person. Right. The fulfilling something you that's not being filled otherwise. L, thank you. Thank you. This was amazing. This was so fun.

I always love seeing you and I love coming on. Thank you. To your best. To the bomb. Everyone, go. We have so many things to do together. April 1st. Sorry.

February 1st. We have pleasure just. Everyone can pre-order your copy of Curvy Girl now. Yep, you can go to my website lchase.com to find all the different venues you can buy it on but it's like Amazon and Brown's a noble and Walmart and and you know Target and all those places. Yeah it's great. It's so excited. I love it congratulations. Thank you. And it's um thank you to my amazing team. Yes. Thank you everybody. Thank you to Madison and to Eddie and to Jamie and thank you to Michael for doing the sound

and to Laurie and Ken and yeah, thanks everyone for listening. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithamany.com you