Sex With Emily - Pubic Hair, Porn Habits & Relationship Pasts

Episode Date: July 12, 2016

No matter where we’re at in our sex life, we could all use a push to be little better. Lucky for you, this show is packed with tips on how to grow, both as a lover and a dater. Emily and co-host Anderson help listeners navigate their most troubling coital concerns and drop some helpful sex tips along the way. First, the two dissect the best and worst words men and women can include in their dating profiles and discuss how online dating has changed in the past 10 years. Then, they take to your emails, subjects including sexual inhibition after a change in your body, alarm over a partner’s porn habit and how to get back in the dating pool after a long break. Whether you’re dealing with bedroom insecurities or are unsure how to date after a major life change, Emily has the answers you need to reach your sex and relationship potential in this podcast.   Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily and today's show we've got tips to help you grow both as a lover and in the dating world. How to stop your insecurities from slowing you down in the bedroom? What's the etiquette for pubic grooming? How much porn is too much a new relationship, plus tips for dating after a major life change? Thanks so much for listening. You know what I never get tired of? Talking about the Magic Wand? Seriously, it's like telling stories about your best friend.

I actually think I have more stories about Magic Wand than I do my best friend. The Magic Wand was part of my life long before it was part of the show, and now it's time to make it part of your life too. For more than 30 years, the Magic Wand has been the trusted toy that women around the world reach for first. In fact, check this. Time Magazine just named the Magic Wand is one of the top 10 most influential gadgets of all time.

We're talking next to the iPod and the calculator. Time Magazine people, if that doesn't say it all, I don't know what will. The perfectly sized original Magic Wand delivers amazing power and control and is incredibly simple to use. Just plug in the 6th record for uninterrupted pleasure. For more information on the Magic Wand, visit magicwandoriginal.com today or click on the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized, they call them in a fight on day. Hey, Avaline, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken,

he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got everything. Oh my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh my god, I'm off here. So, so, so. Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can boop, subscribe to our podcast. It's so easy to subscribe. Because then you get two shows a week. It's easy.

You don't have to go back to iTunes or wherever you listen. We're also on Google Play and we're also on what's in the sound cloud and Spotify download them there. Where aren't you? I'm everywhere, dude. And- Also number one on health every single week. I know. Every single day.

We never want health and sex. I own health and sex. And number, and we were like number six was our highest in iTunes. And it helps if you listen and you rate us and you love us, you say that you like us. Stop growing us. It's OK.

OK. And Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, it's all snapchat, snapchat. It's all at sex with Emily across the board. Oh, I forgot to mention this. Andrew, since there's so many new changes with Anderson. Yes. Hi. So glad you're back. We're also glad you're back. Thanks for having me back. You were like gone. I took off. You stick a little like high. I was an ugly breakup. We did break up. But we got we got we never fight. We never really fought fought you've yelled at me a few times we've gotten mad at me but it was something that did I deserve it did you deserve it sorry did you deserve it no absolutely not of

course not I never deserve it you do what did you do I treat you like a like a little sister sometimes and sometimes you can I just say that I'm only sucking on what is that what had what had that's a way to I go up pick up on a guy just get a title up next to him given the eye and then whip that out of your purse. I guess what this is Blow dust right. Yeah, you know it. That's not a bad idea. It's a terrible idea. Don't do that come off as a whore Don't do it come off as a whole dude. I already come off as a whore thought he would open my goddamn mouth Hey, can I tell you that orange is the new black is back and it's goddamn Oh tell me I watched all of them in one weekend. No, you didn't know you did that are they in our each?

Yeah, the wife and I were just like, we'll sidele up. If it's really hot, we'll put the curtain up in the living room. And so we're like, and I look, a little nice, crank the AC and just settle in. Really? It's such a good TV show.

It's so good. I saw the first two seasons of the characters. I love the characters. I love the characters. I love them too. It's not cinematic, by any means, but it's a really well-made show. And strong, female characters.

Oh, I love it. I love it too. I've been watching more television that way. You'd be proud of me. It's slowly, but. It's a weird well-made show and strong female characters. I love it. I love it too. I got to see I did I've been watching more television lately You'd be proud of it. It's slowly, but it's a weird world. We live in where like someone's gonna commend you on watching more TV Well, especially me because I feel like again since I moved to LA. I mean now that TV hasn't existed for I don't need to watch TV. You live it. I do live it. I live my life man. My life is more interesting than what you're seeing I'm in line with the stars that you watch on TV and with the marketing. No, it's not that. It's just that it is the conversation here. People aren't talking about politics

or talking about oranges and new blood. No, they're talking politics too. A little bit, but we don't talk about that. But the thing is that that's still, so I am watching more TV and I am doing some life changes, but we also have a store on our website. You can now shop with them.

Nice. Because I'm always talking to you guys about my favorite toys, where to find them. Well, now my favorite picks are on my website. So just look for the shop with Emily tab on the site. Tell us. A little daunting, a little scary. So it's nice that you're there to hold the list. Hold in your hand. Hold them out. Hold in your hand.

And you should also stress that these toys, and I know I've been there in the rooms and the meetings that Emily's had, she does not put things on her website or our vouch for toys just because they offer her anything. She hand picks these things. Because I work for her. That's true. And we get stuff sent to us all the time. Like last week we got something Madison,

producer Madison and Vox were like, really we're gonna put this inside of us, like there were heinous toys. Teeth? No, they were just weird toys. We're like, we wouldn't use these. these so like we do we have discrepancies We we have morals around toys here, right? We have values. We have checklists. We have things we care about Stanley staring at me so Stanley the dogs here. Get Stanley up on your lap then if you need them

Do you think anyone you know that that movie teeth? It's all about you check what men's fear of women having vagina's in their teeth Yeah, I've heard about it. You think there's ever been a party where a woman showed up and that was her costume. She has had like those plastic vampire teeth coming out of her vagina. Like feeding into men. She'd have to be super nude, but that'd be a good costume. That would be a good, well, it's an end of the nude. I think to see it, you should have to be nude unless you had like in her crotch.

Right, right. We can work on this for next year. But recently also, I've heard about that the insecurities, but does that something that you've faced? No, I never understood it until I heard there was a movie. And then Dr. Drew is going on also real fear that many men have. But there's a T in the vagina.

And your penis will be clamped down on a bit. That's true. I've been hearing that. Did you think Drew was in the room for a minute? I did. It was so weird. I was like the weirdest thing ever. Recently, we released Anderson, a best off podcast with you about it.

It was called kinky sex squirting and bedroom insecurities. It was a classic podcast from 2015 and people loved it and we debated the mystery of Squirting and I just want you guys to check out all of our podcast. You guys bring up asparagus. No, cuz that's the way. Don't asparagus before. No, you need to figure out if it's P or or other. You just eat asparagus and then you do it. No, and if it there is there's a way right there's to know there's trees No, there's traces of urine. It's not like a trace of asparagus. You might spell these Sparigus. That's terrible. That's terrible. It's terrible. It's terrible But it is but it is good to see you into this summertime

Good to see you we can like hang out even though it was where you're really far away. I'm not really calling us to get here at 15. I know, I saw you for the first time last week and it's good to be back. And I feel like I'm right back in the swing of things. I'm familiar with your surroundings now, your new studios. I love it. Hey, I am a little offended though. Why?

Because when I was out of town with a wife, I got many emails from you saying that you were building this new lovely studio and you needed my advice. and I gave you some advice and I'm looking around now I didn't take note last week, but you didn't take take my advice on any of the equipment. I'm sorry. I none, but how do you feel about it now that you're here? It seems good. It all works, but none of my suggestions were taking because they were already like I wanted you to approve the suggestions that I gave you is really what I'm running around Alaska looking for service so I could reply respond gave you. I was really wondering. I'm running around Alaska looking for service so I could respond to you. We didn't respond quick enough, but I hope you had a good time in Alaska.

It was great. The vacations are fun. Okay, so we're going to talk about, we're going to give them sex the news. We're going to answer some emails. I love this story because the top 10 words to use under dating profile to meet the one or whatever you're looking for,

and the words that you shouldn't use. So these words, okay, this is the new study. Using certain words in a dating profile has the potential to double the number of messages from potential partners. The study looked at the words used in more than 12,000 profiles to chart changes and what people search for in a partner.

So it's suggested that men are increasingly these days looking for ambitious women, which is good news for ambitious women. Easy men. Well, women are much more likely to seek intelligent men than in previous years, which I think that I can understand that men looking for ambitious women could be new, but I feel like women are always looking for intelligent men. But suddenly finding someone to share a few laughs with is no longer a priority. I guess you just wanted to be smart.

Okay, the top 10 words used by men to get their dating profile notice, number one, physically fit, number two, perceptive. They're spontaneous, outgoing, optimistic, intelligent. I'm just running on the list. Fascinate, affectionate, articulate, ambitious. Those are the 10 words. Here's what women use, ready? Ambitious, sleazy.

Oh, really? I love giving blow jobs. I hate cuddling. I just want to grab your feet and give you pizza. I'm dumb and I forget that we just had sex so we can do it again. Exactly. Okay, ready?

Ambitious. Can't remember where you live. Exactly. I have no friends and I will do everything that. Exactly. OK, ready? And this is the moment. Can't remember where you live. Exactly. I have no friends, and I will do everything that you say. I love cleaning, and I love cooking. It's so weird. I feel like we're back in the 50s. OK, this is what it is, right?

Women, ambitious, perceptive, sweet, hardworking, thoughtful, physically fit, creative, rational, spontaneous, energetic. A lot of crossover there, right? A lot of crossover. So the study found further from that women and men look for potential partners. It's changed in the last two years. So for example, the word sweet would attract the most male attention for women in 2014.

It's now in third place. Ambitious is now the top spot for men. Yeah. So this lazy man, I like ambition too. My wife is super ambitious. Right. And I'm very men. I like ambition too. My wife is super ambitious. And I'm very lucky that I have such an ambitious wife. However, and

if I were to clear the plane field, I don't know if I'm looking for somebody who's going to be so wrapped up in their work and their career that, you know, it's going to take away from the relationship. And last and

last I'm lazy and I'm hoping they're going to make more money than me in a long run. Is that what it is? Then I don't know. I think there are a lot of dudes. But your wife is really ambitious, but do you feel like she's working too hard and not enough to be? I hate the fact that she's got like nine to five and she's always there and she's always dealing with emails afterwards.

I wish that I had a career where she didn't have to work so hard. But she would still want to because she's ambitious. She that's how yeah, I'm the same way I could never not work. And I know that I will, I clearly, this is who I am, but I've been the space since I was like four internships in you know in college like During the semester of taking too many credits like I've always been super driven. Yeah, let's leave me Massage and instinct and I'm surprised by this That men want a vision that went men want women their partners to be ambitious. I'm so no I don't I'm surprised too that that wasn't even a list before,

or as high as a list, because I'm actually. I'm thinking it's lazy millennials. You think they're like, I'm lazy millennials. You think that they're like, I want. I can follow my dreams. I can follow my dreams. I can follow my dreams. Maybe it's more attractive.

You think that they want the woman to take care of them? Maybe. I don't know about that. That's a good theory, but I'm not sure. I think that, because they see their moms work, you know, I don't know. I think that, God, I just like that. Like, the guy's like, I'd rather have a little, whatever. It doesn't matter. Like, we, there's someone for everyone, but here's a deal. Here's the worst five words for me to use. Ready? I love it. Quiet. Quiet.

Spiritual. Respectful. Good listener. Yeah. And caring. Worst words. You women, women you women you guys love good listeners You love respectful but that doesn't fly anymore. These are the worst ones the worst maybe because you guys are sick Quiet quiet We used to be like at the top of listen out it's down 62% don't say you're quiet quiet used to be towards the top So I want to think that women want to quiet They do still not anymore. I don't know why. Here's the five worst words for women to quite as creepy. That's why. Go ahead. No, but so women like quiet sensitive types. I do because then I can talk all the time. Exactly. But I don't want to hear by one. Tell me

that you're quiet. Here's, here's a thing for women. Ready? Five worst. Yeah. Spiritual. Quiet. Same. Dependable. Articulate. Good listener. These are all good on a job application. Right. But bad on a bang application. Exactly. They're bad on a bang. And that's all the spiritual thing I agree with because I was out with the guy recently on a date and he's like, tell me about your spiritual life.

And literally I almost just like check plays because I'm, I'm, I'm, anyone who's to ask you about that? I'm like, what do you need? We want me to like show you my like incense I burn and like my altar that I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm and what we are receptive to not only relates to what we value, but potentially what we believe others value. Often based on gender stereotypes, cultural trends and societal expectations. So for example, a woman are receptive to men using traits like perceptive and intelligent

because we believe that we are perceptive and intelligent. So you were like, yeah, we like wants like. Qualities. So I think it's very interesting. I just thought that was, you know, hey, similar to qualities. Yeah, make sure that you're you know But you guys don't you ladies don't want sensitive

caring Clearly we don't know it's a sense of caring. It says I think you don't if you're if you're the type of guy That's gonna put that on your caring. It just seemed maybe caring is one the guy can't use But I can see that because either he's lying because usually nice people don't call themselves nice that kind of thing. You know what I mean? Or they are so caring that they're like wimpy about it and that it's like one of the few traits that they can think of for themselves.

So you don't want it's going to be either what it is. This day and age, I think so much has changed it. If someone has this talk about being respectful or care, you're like, you, of course, like first or second. Yeah, everything's so PC. So if you just say you're respectful, you probably have a really dark past where you're like you yeah of course everything's so PC so you have to say you're respectful you probably have a really dark past where you like you know you're reformed yeah what if you said I respect all bitches right I respect all you bitches right so I think that's why I think it's kind of like duh of course you are like I don't know that's what I'm thinking okay

so anyone who has to proclaim that they are a certain thing they're funny how are you like I'm really funny? That funny never came up on any of those lists I know but even anyone tells me that they're funny and like you're not funny Yeah, I would let me fight out if you're funny because if you're talking about funny You're not funny so gross when people bring attention to humor. I hate it. I hate it Just be funny. Just be natural funny. They'll talk about trying to be funny or Remind me someone if you ever once were funny or saying hey that was funny right there. No, just I'm like I'm like, well, because I love funny, but I don't talk about my funny or they're funny,

but when I laugh, I laugh freaking hard. Yeah. I appreciate humor. Yes. But he was the best. Just let's not bring too much tension. He looks thin. You're being.

Everyone keeps saying, I should go get him checked out because I'm feeding him a lot. He does look a little thinner. Really? Yes, my dog. This is my step dog. Okay. Let's go back to the show. Want to get some emails? Let's do it. Okay. This is my dog. This is my step dog. Okay. Let's go back to some emails. Let's do it. Okay. Thank you for emailing me. Feedback at sex. I mean, calm. You know, Anderson knew it's interesting. We've been getting a lot of like we always

got great emails, but lately they've been just a lot more like different topics for a while. We were feeling like maybe a lot of them were more similar and people are really like getting into some good stories here and some topics that we, you know, haven't talked about in a while. So I appreciate that. I also appreciate when you say your name, your age, where you're writing from, how you listen, and now you can leave a message. 818, ask SWE1. That's 818, ask SWE1. Six with Emily 1. Or 818, 275, 7931, and the ground rules are there on the website when she was up below. No heavy breathing. No heavy breathing, no mask. Did we get a heavy breathing medicine? I think we did. There was a masturbation thing. I'm not sure. And don't include your last name. Just go to my website for the rules. Okay. Can't wait to hear from you. What? I don't want to like what? You laughing at that?

We don't want heavy breathing. We don't want your last name. One of the very first loved ones I ever ran was with Victoria Silestead. She was a Swedish playboy model and I remember one of the very first calls that I ever had to work engineer on love line that the guy was masturbating while he was talking to her. It was so uncomfortable. Oh god. He was very uncomfortable. You did that but then that will now we call it. Now it would just be funny but back then when I was like fresh to love one I'm like the first call was it I'm I felt dirty. Yeah, I need a place to bless me. Yeah Might get those they what someone told you what they master well, I guess that they do masturbate

Well, they're like you know, I get your new setters and I kind of get turned on and masturbate and I'm like that's cool Like our new setters are not like particularly. There's no like nudity or anything But because what you talk about masturbation a lot, I'm like, well, okay Whatever I should do, I want to listen to a response. Clowns coming on pumpkins. I'm sure someone has masturbated to those images, you know what I mean? Exactly. Don't judge me. Alright, we're gonna give you a little shout out and a love to our sponsors. Since I began telling you about the womanizer, I've received countless messages from listeners telling me how much they love this revolutionary product. I couldn't agree more, I love my womanizer.

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I love your podcast. It's refreshing here. Someone speaks so openly about a topic. Women were on from my age 10 to shy away from. I'm 19 from Connecticut and I'm a boyfriend who's from New York. If that's not long, this is enough. I go to school in California. He goes to school from New York. If that's not long, this is enough. I go to school in California He goes to school in North Carolina. Our schedule is never matched up during the school year But we kept up with each other using FaceTime, Snapchat and texting every day I can't wait to see him but I just finished my freshman year Consequently gained the notorious freshman 15. My body is never just it to wait fluctuation graciously leading To plentiful stretch marks and

have a company that have accompanied the weight gain. I see him next week and even though everyone tells me not to, I'm worried about how he'll react to seeing my body. I've always been very comfortable in the bedroom, but I'm so self conscious about this problem that I'm worried it will negatively affect my performance. Any advice and how to remain confident in this situation should I warn my boyfriend before I see him of my body's new appearance?

How would I even approach the conversation? Any advice would be great. Thanks for all you do sincerely, Kimmy. I get, you know, I know she's feeling and I know you won't believe me, but your guy is not gonna be anywhere nearest concerned as she is about the weight gain. It's just true, but your guy is not going to be anywhere near as concerned as she is about the weight gain.

It's just true. But this is never an easy situation to go through. You know, hasn't seen her for a whole year, but he's not thinking about your stretch marks. So I don't think you like snap cheddar beforehand or sentiment note beforehand. You know, body images issues do come out for women at some point in their lives. They will. They come up for men. But what do you think is a guy interested if you came in and saw your girlfriend? And, well, if I had not been FaceTiming, let's say my wife and I not, you know, seen any

pictures or anything, like we all do nowadays because of social media and because of the advance of technology. If I was going to see her for the first time, just like you saw Stanley for the first time in a while and he looked thin, I wouldn't want to be like, you know, taking it back or I would like a little heads up. I have put on a few pounds, but that's not the issue here. The issue is the minute details that only you ladies worry about. He's not going to even notice the stretch marks. And if he does, they're not going to bother. Right. So stop it. You're in your head. He's not going to be bothered by that. Right.

So he already knows that you're a few pounds over. I'm sure you've mentioned it if you talk about it. And the camera adds even more. So you're probably going to look thinner when you see it. Good point. You are going to look thinner. And you know, it's going to come up. Our bodies are always changing. And it doesn't help that we look at like celebrities and unrealistic body, you know, bodies

in the media and all that. That's all Photoshopped anyways. That's true. It's all Photoshopped. So I just think that you got to spend time giving yourself these positive messages before he comes down, focusing on like what you really love about your body. You know, I think, you know, like even if you look in the mirror like this is a great thing that we do like in my sex school when I got my degree graduate degree, but it was like

you got to sit there and like look in the mirror and like look at something that you like don't like about your body. We get naked in front of the class. We never take ever underwear. But look at something that you don't like and then look at something that you like love about it. Like you hate it. But then what purpose it serves. So for example, what didn't I like? I don't know. She can't think of anything. She did it. Why? I don't think I like my legs, my thighs, something like that. I don't remember what it was. There was something and I was like, oh, but they helped me walk.

They helped me run without that. I wouldn't be able to, you know, I know this might not sound really silly to you. Now, you're just thinking my boyfriend's coming and what am I going to do? But the truth is you, the more that you just spend time, if you have to do that exercise, walk around naked, celebrating your body and also masturbating because remember, you know, you haven't had sex. I'm assuming in a while, if you haven't really seen them, that the more like on top of your sexual game,

you feel like the more you masturbate, the more sex you want, the more like in touch with your body, the more like like just get into that. So spend some time masturbating, looking at your body, touching it, like having little dates with yourself before he gets there. And I'm telling you, he loves you, he wants to be with you, and he's not going to be paying

out to these things. But this is something that's going to happen through your lifetime. Our bodies fluctuate all the time. Five pounds up, five pounds down, 10, 15, it's going to happen. And it never changes what's on the inside. And that is the most important thing is loving yourself. I've gained in loss so much weight in my day. Actually, I have stretch marks on my old belly there, Like, I pray to you, it's kind of embarrassing.

And to the point where, this is not a lie. My doctor, my primary physician, she's a hot Russian. Hot risky. She actually asked if it was, she said, what happened here? She thought it was like a bear attack or something. Really? Yeah. I did a camp at the pool, did ask me if I got clawed by bears.

So yes, mine are pretty pronounced, but I don't think people look at me and just think Stretch marks and evidently there are creams of what not you can put right like vitamin E or something so do a little research just for your own Yeah, for your own Don't do please You can do that but I'm just telling you this is gonna But I think there's just creams that you can put on that like help reduce them Right and the number one thing about sex let's just talk about this is gonna, but I think there's just creams that you can put on that like help reduce them. Right. And the number one thing about sex, let's just talk about this, is confidence. And so if you're still rocking them in the bedroom, like you guys are rocking before,

you said you had great chemistry, great sex, it's still gonna be amazing. And that's what matters, your connection. I'm telling you. So go into that headspace. You're thinking about it, he's not gonna be thinking about it. Uh-huh. Spring, the little job's pretty good. Okay. Hi Emily, my name is Ben, 35 years old from the deep south. Married for nine years, I thought I said married with nine kids. Married for nine years, no kids. I listen on iTunes, I've been listening for a little less than a year.

Five stars for me. Thank you for the five stars in iTunes, we love that. My wife and I have a great relationship all around. We like the same things, we're both easy to please. The sex is good and more often that I expected to please, the sex is good and more often I that I expected uh we had the sex is good and we have it more often than I expected and we got married even after 10 years. But I have a pretty simple male grooming question. How much hair is too much down there? Should I be completely shorn between upper thigh and waist? I've always trim

so I'm not a gorilla but I've never shaved for fear of itching and cuts, especially behind my scrotum and between the cheeks. Are there any products? But cheeks that can do the job without razors that don't burn too much and are caused kinds of other kinds of damage. Thanks for all you do. It's really important. I wish more people would take advantage of your advice and the advice of other sex educators. I think the world would be happier place Ben. Thanks Ben, and world would be happier place if you shaved your balls, just kidding.

Wow. Ben, no, this is really sweet. I love you Ben, this is really sweet. Now, I'm trying to transition. Into pubic, because, or we're talking about that, at some point. No, we actually wanna, no, this is what we're talking about, pubic hair, great.

Oh, this, okay, that was in the, this was the thing. In reference to this one, okay. He wants to know as a guy Yeah, you know what he should do and he's you been with your wife Ben for 10 years And so I'm wondering if she said something to you or you've been watching porn or like why you're all of a sudden thinking That you want to change it, but it's really up to you because every person has their own like preference for what they want So while it's considered to like keep I guess trim and clean

if that she what she wants, but you know, man-scaping I think razors can give you bumps, but you could use like scissors, right? What do you use? Anderson, you talk. You got bushy. Are you don't have bushy? I don't know what you have. No, I'm a normal normal guy without a whole lot of hair, so I don't really do anything. I don't like the idea of drastic changes, especially like deep in a relationship. You don't want her to think, why the fuck is she shaving all of a sudden? What's going on out of here? Yeah, I'm just wondering what's going on here after 10 think I'm wondering why I guess to you. I didn't occur to him and he thought, you know what, I like some advice and you know,

let's see what the extra says. Yeah, okay, well then here's you're right. Yeah, maybe you think that's true. I would keep it status quo unless she's got some complaints or just ask her Say hey, I'm willing to put in the work if if if you'd like anything more I'm sure you'd appreciate if she did the same thing for you, right? Yeah, say hey, do you like? Maybe she did say something and he does but his wife. I don't know. I don't think she did Let me just tell you real quick and then if you guys are listening and you guys listening You're like yeah, what is the deal here's deal you can use sharp scissors

Which will help in preventing the formation of pimples that the blunt scissors are used. You've got to get good scissors, stainless steel. There's also the personal tremors, like electric personal tremors. They work faster than scissors. They could trim the hair desired rather than shave it all off.

I would not recommend an air. The more a person, no, don't do any of the hair in moving stuff. It smells so bad. Does it still smell bad? Do you think they would have made it smell like strawberries by now? When I started getting hair on my chest when I was like a 19, 20 years old, I couldn't handle it because I was becoming a man.

I didn't want it. So I used to use an air a few times and it was just awful. Oh, it smells bad. It's all bumping down. My dad walked in and I was like in my room and I had it all over my chest. What are you doing, son? That's so awkward. Oh, my God.

Yeah, the things we do with our hair, There's so much. I still got friend like my My brother-in-law. He's my age exactly and he still shapes his chest completely. I don't have the time I know I've had guys I know guys do that and you can feel the bumps. I just Don't like it. No, but I don't I want it works for my brother-in-law because he's bald up top too completely so he just looks like a little baby He's all like I don't want to homeless. I don't want to feel like, I don't want to feel stubble on the chest, but that's just me. Here's the thing.

There's so many. Who want exactly? It's personal preference. So if you are, you know, Ben, you're just trying to like figure out different ways to do it. So I'm cool with that. So you can, what else you can do here is

the personal tremor. Don't wax. Razor, I say electric razor is better than regular razors because, or you want a really super high quality razor to get it done to avoid cuts and razor burn, you're gonna need a pre-shape oil. There's great, like, you know, get the essential oils that makes you feel like prepares your skin

and then afterward you wanna use some kind of like calm and cooling like antiseptic. There's like post-saving things. It burns. it does burn. I would say you scissors in trim right really good scissors That's what got for you. Let me know how it goes. I would ask her I would ask her what she wants I don't know. We don't know why he's asking. We don't know but Ben. Thank you for asking and that probably have a lot of people Guys who are sitting there on the precipice and their shower going what do I do? Do I shave? I've got scissors They don't know. We just help millions of people.

Millions. Composillions. We've ended the lives of millions of hairs probably. Millions of hairs? Millions of hairs probably just got trimmed as a result. Well, you know what, hey, see, it goes back. Okay, hi, Emily. Hey, old wives deal.

Does not grow back thicker or darker like they say. Sometimes darker if it's like your hair because it's been exposed like your arm hair because it's been exposed to the sun. So that'll grow back thicker or darker like they say. Sometimes darker if it's like your hair because it's been exposed like your arm hair because it's been exposed to the sun. So that'll come back darker, but it's an old wives tale. Right, right? Yes, it is an old way of tale. You're absolutely right.

Okay, old wives, the bread and rumors. Oh my God. What are you doing here? The dog, I love this is hair. But when he's with me for days, yeah, but the hair's gone because I pet him so much and then he doesn't show as much. Stanley, we're talking about Stanley, the dog.

I'm grooming him. Emily, I'm 26 from Southern California. I've been seeing this guy for a little over six months. We're not official or anything yet, but we really enjoy each other's company and have sex. A few weeks ago, he told me that he watches porn every day. Wow.

He wakes up to porn, jerks off, goes to work, then goes to sleep to porn at night. He pays for the channel on his TV. He really likes rough and kinky sex, bondage, choking, spanking, deep throat, etc. Something I'm fairly new to. He's also very honest, evidently. Very honest. She says, I've never had a guy be this on with me about his private habits. And who wanted to get this rough in the bedroom.

I don't mind it, but I'm afraid that I should be a little alarming that I should be, it should be, it should be a little alarming that he watches as much porn like you might have unrelasted, unrealistic expectations of sex. Please advise XOX Chris female. Age? Uh, 26. I think 26. I love when you guys give me the age.

People begin for why they weren't given the age. I had to talk with people, my listeners here, and you're all kick and ask with the age. Because it matters. It matters. So just so you know Chris, you're feeling exactly what most of them would feel when a guy was like that, even Anderson was like, whoa, that's pretty honest, you know.

When you feel your partner shares their sexual desires, especially if you feel like you don't know what he's into or you're not into what he's into, but twice it, you know, in the morning and at night, like, I'm not really concerned that it's like too much porn or there's a problem here, but I can understand that it's alarming to find out what he watches, how he watches it, when he watches it. And the fact that he's so open with it is kind of asking you, I think, to be even more a part of it. Maybe, I don't know if you said,

hey, and I'd like to watch it with you or hey, you better watch how this bitch is choked because I want you to be like that. Or like, just you better know that I'm this and a sex bitch. Kind of has that vibe. Yeah, a little bit. I mean, absolutely.

So I think that she needs to then, I mean, right, that's why she's freaking out and he's, but maybe, no, can I tell you something interesting? There is that that he's like, you should be better know what I went to, but there's some guys They're just like super like confident and comfortable. Yeah, I know, there's what I do. Like, I don't know, maybe his last girlfriend wanted to hear everything. So we can't, we don't know this. So I can just, yeah. If he's rough with her in the bedroom in their own personal sex life, I would imagine that he used his proclivity to watch this kind of porn

as I got bridge to bring it into the bedroom. This is against, but probably. And also there's a question, I don't want to be too rough on this guy, but if he needs to see these kinds of it's a fetish essentially You wonder like why and how he got to that point and is this where it ends or does it move into even Narlie or shit? You know all really good points because we don't know I mean I he just I don't know if he was like oh, hey big by the way I masturbate you know it sounds like he's bringing her into the conversation Yeah, and saying maybe it's purging because he feels guilty about it.

And he needs to like tell somebody about it. To most men feel guilty after they master it more. Absolutely. Yeah. They do. Like, does that matter to shame? We're like, oh, I hate myself. I, it's not that intense necessarily.

And it kind of depends on what you're, what you're looking at. But yeah, there's, it's not even about what you're looking. So that's a good for the soul. I don't think to do it on a regular basis. And, you know, we all have these struggles and sure'm sure some guys watch it with guilt-free conscience, but it does- A lot of guys have the guilt. Yeah, right after. Not during, but right afterward.

Just like the orgasm. And it's so funny, because this is the first wave of human beings in the history of the world. They all of our history that we can actually have this feeling of shame right after. I mean, sure, guys have been, you know, self-pleasure in self-abusing for years.

And that's that really takes you back, huh? I used to call it self-abuse. No. That was the word for it. I don't. Back in the 50s. But what you're saying, this is the first time because it's born?

Yeah, because we would. Guys always felt, a lot of men felt guilty as well. Guys would use our imagination, what not women too. But this is the first time we're actually looking at real life people. and then it just cuts off and you're done, you're finished, and you close the laptop or you turn it off, you push stop, whatever, where you actually,

you're left with those thoughts of looking at real people. I'm sure back in the day, like you're coveting your neighbor's wife or whatever, and you got the guilt there. I think there's a lot of shame around religion, like you're not supposed to masturbate, but I know what you're saying is a different level these days.

Different levels. There's so much more, you might already have shame in a base level, but now it's like there's so many other factors going into it. And I've come across these, you know, there's tons of tubes and sites devoted entirely to rough trade. And a lot of it is like women, like,

are literally choking on penises and throwing up as a result Crying mascara running and it's just to me personally. You don't find that you're such a turn off. It's so gross I would imagine that because these women and these these are younger girls that are getting on my soapbox over here I'm good, but they're They're paid for these services. They're already degrading themselves to an extent to actually being porn. And if there are those kinds of porn, and I hate to say it, but usually they're not the top echelon of, you know, lookers as far as the girls that are in these, they're usually the middle range. If this guy's watching these women degrade themselves for money on

video and not feeling any shame, that brings me to another conclusion that this guy might not be all right. Okay, but there's a lot of women actually top porn stars. Show me a top porn star right now that isn't super hot. That is not given deep though. Bojave and her eyes are watering. There's like a Sasha Graze and a few others. Yeah, they all do deep throat rough scenes. The most part.

Yeah, but I don't know if you've seen like and there's this one porn star, the max hardcore. Like that was his entire genre was just abusing little pig tailed girls. Right. Well, that's, yeah, that's been right. And I'm sure this guy's a big max hardcore. I don't know what all I'm saying is that you okay. Right? There is a lot of shame with this and it is true that that uh... If he doesn't have any shame with it, you said he's really open and honest and that's kind of with him. He probably doesn't even know yet what he's feeling.

He's just like, this is what I'm in due because I've seen it. And he hears the interesting thing about choking and you can probably test this all the even know yet what he's feeling. He's just like, this is what I'm in due because I've seen it. And here's the interesting thing about choking. And you can probably test this, all the choking. And what did she say? He's the choking. And she said rough. Choking bonded, spaking deep throat. Is that these questions when I said,

you can probably test this 17 years on love line, 11 years of sex with Emily. Never got a question about choking. Never got a question about deep throat. Ever. No, no one ever choking a deep throat. Came up on the loveline. But 10 years ago?

Oh, 10 years ago you talking about it. No, I'm saying it's just the last few years. Five years. Let's ramp up for sure. For sure, it's ramp up. We would get it with like years ago, we get it. And we're like, oh my god, it'll be a memorable call. Yeah.

And then it got to the point where like you would be. Now every girl, yeah, like literally, I hooked up with the guy randomly recently. He was like, do you like to be choked? I was like, what? Like literally, that's like a question. I like not like do you like to be whatever? Like doggy style like Chicken and egg like is it because what came first is it because no pun intended the porn guy the porn came first like this some

Fringe part of like a society or the kinky or people are into this and it's become more mainstream now because people saw it and guys think, oh, that is hot. The choker or at people for sure. And I think there are a lot of women and there's nothing wrong with the women. I don't think that like to. Domination. It's another such a donation. They're their freedoms and feel like they're being completely.

They're submitting to being pinned down ch, and maybe a little bit rough for the normal. I know you hate, you mentioned many times you hate the jackhammer and it's all kind of in the same realm of just overpowering a moment. And a lot of ladies, I think especially the ambitious type and the women that are really in control of their own lives like to give up total control, staying with the guys, right? Like we always hear about like top CEOs are really the ones that like to go in and be dominated by with us. And that's the dominant. So it's true. And so I just think that, I mean, here's a thing, who's here about like top CEOs are really the ones that like to go in and be dominated. But with as a matter of the dominatrix. No, it's true.

And so I just think that, I mean, here's a thing Chris, I just don't want you to like force yourself into doing anything that you're not comfortable with. And so you're asking me what to do. I understand and I totally understand the question here is like, I'm concerned that he's unrealistic expectations of sex. He might. I mean, he might be expecting these things from you unrealistic and you're my or let's just say things that you're not really into. Doesn't matter.

Do I do like this every time? And does she like it? She says he, well, that's sure she likes it. I think that you just need to clarify, you know, ask him like, say like, I appreciate your honesty in telling me like, I think it's great to be open about sex and have communication, but you're unclear what this means that he expects from you. Like, what, what are you both into? Like, what, you know, you enjoy having sex with him.

And I guarantee that once you're honest and open and you talk and you say, Hey, yeah, I was interesting. I've been thinking a lot about how about you porn that school. Like, what, I can't help but feeling like that's what you want every time. And this is what I'm into and like, just start the dialogue. He told you a lot of information. And of course, you like don't know what to do with it because how long have you been together a few months? Six months like yeah, I'd be like wait do you want me to be choked? Are you on a stick your penis on my throat?

So I you know my eyes are watering. I don't know so you need to talk about it I like that he's honest though because he's not hiding it so maybe he's just like this is what I'm into Maybe every once in a while on a spank your ass. I don't know but you need to talk to him But what I don't want you to do Chris Chris, is not have the talk with him. And then start trying to act a certain way of bed and pretending you like things that you don't because you want to please him. The best thing you do is nip this in the butt and find out for reals what he needs. What you need, most importantly, as importantly, and get that conversation going, right?

Right. Right. It's a party. Having sex kind of was happy. Be careful. It's not dangerous, Having the sex kind of what was happy. Be careful. It's not dangerous necessarily, but it could be edging towards that way. And you're like Dr. Drew right now. Like, I swear to God, you're like the day, no, you're really the danger please. But it's true.

You know, I'm thinking of like, you know, past girlfriends and, you know, my, my, my own wife and my, my sisters, people that I care about my life. It's like, I want to want them to be in a position where, you know, they're, they're doing things that they want to want to. Right. And maybe you used to build the slow like, maybe you're like, you know what, I'm not in choking. You can spank me deep throat. Listen, deep throat, you don't have to be into it. You can use your hand to get the same pressure. But you know, whatever. But that's what I'm saying. These websites, it's not about just how deep it goes. It's about

what it does to the woman, I think, and how it really causes damage and harm to the point where she's crying. And she's, it's humiliation porn is what it is. I know. And here's one last stop. But it's also dominant submission and a lot of women do like being dominated because it means they want to be. It's a fine line. But here's one last parting word from, from anyone worse case scenario is he's telling all

this. And this is not, he's only telling you half the story. It's actually what he's into is even worse than what he's telling you. Like he's into the rape ban. It's he's just, you think that he's just laying the groundwork? He could be just like, he's just like, he's your guilt. Maybe he's trying to like, you know,

purge it somewhere at, that's a possibility. Okay, we don't, she didn't set the conversation. Chris, you can talk to him. Don't, don't overthink that. Just be like, hey, you know, I think it, wow, pouring in that stuff you watch. That's cool. I'll show you some of the stuff. Maybe't overthink that. Just be like, hey, you know, I think, wow, poor night, that's all the stuff you watch. That's cool. I'll show you some of the stuff.

Maybe even. Yeah, why do you guys watch it together? Don't snoop. See if there's any. Snooping is you're always going to find some stuff you don't want to find. Don't snoop. I don't know.

Would you be disturbed if you were with a guy for, like, I know God for the next six months. I have that. Yeah. And you come across his stash or whatever he's into. And it's just all runny mascara puking from dicks With that with that beer right flag for you. Yeah, you're saying I know to be honest It depends on the guy depends on how our sex life was if he was like I mentioned this watch this and then my cocks go down

Throat and you're gonna choke on it I really are the guys are expediting in the girls face No, I'm not doing I'm not into into that, but I get that some people. Listen, what we like to look at and what we fantasize about is not necessarily what we want to do. Not in this case, he wants to do it to her like that in the bedroom, right? She said that.

She said what? That he's doing that? No, she said that he wanted to get rough in the bedroom. Yeah, he wants to bring his fantasy, the two-dimensional fantasy. But I know if he was like, watch this deep, though, watch this choking, watch this spanking. Let's, you know.

No, he was like, this is what I watch in the morning and at night, and I like to do it with you in the day. Because check in, don't do, don't do and thing you don't want to do. Watch the part with him, set your boundaries, go for it. Okay. But like, I know this is a really interesting, this comes up all

the time. I'm really glad that we're talking about this. Um, do we do like to do one more? Yeah. Okay, let's do one more email. Dear Emily, I'm a male age 55 from the East Coast who subscribes through iTunes about two and a half years ago my wife died after a long illness. We were married for 23 years and have been together since 1987 a long time. Now I want to think about maybe seeing some people again and looking for a relationship. The problem is how do I talk about why I'm single? I believe it's bad behavior to talk about previous relationships with a person who is dating,

but it is the biggest thing in my life that I was married. And probably the most important thing I did in my life was to take care of my spouse over three and a half years of a horrible illness. Maybe I'm not ready to see people again. I still cry every day or two. How does one know if one is ready? Thank you very kindly for reading my question best regards John C. I just got super Terry. What? I don't know. I just saw this guy. I feel so bad. Like I saw I don't know and I don't know. I'm sorry. I was. No, because he said um you like I wasn't even listening. I was looking at't know and I don't know. I'm sorry. I was no because he said um you like I wasn't even listening. I was looking at Max hardcore.

I looked him up to make sure I had his name right and then I saw much of pictures of him with the girls with the makeup and it was gross. And I was I was going to show you a picture and then I realized that you're doing the next email. I'm sorry. I was a Max hardcore. John. John okay.

Tell me sum it up. I can't he's a widow. I mean, look at that. Oh! I mean, there's not even anything explicit there, but look at her face. Oh. What's makeup?

What's she drew a smiley face? They put like bad makeup all over, and she's crying, and I'll smear it up from taking Max Hardcore to the face. All right, I'll see you listen. Let's, can we just help someone's John? Let's move on to where you teared up. I'm a crime.

We're in such different places right now So male female you're watching porn. I'm not watching porn. I was looking at still images It was for reference to make sure we don't have to do like a check here, but a correction So John yes, he's 55 55 year old man and His wife died two and a half years ago. Oh Christ after a long illness They were married 23 years and they big big bin together since 1987 and he put in parens a long time Which made me want to that's where I started getting to stop

And he wants to see you will again again to relationship and he doesn't know how to talk about why he's single because he's told that Hey, you're not supposed to talk about taking care of some relationship. Well, you know When I tell a lot of people you know who, who date now is like, don't talk about your acts blah, blah, but this is very, very different, John. So I'm so sorry if you're lost and I completely understand your concerns here. And I know that 2 and F year seems like a long time and you should be ready. But you're married for 23 years. You just cared for her for 3 and a half before she died. So it's really not that long.

And I just don't want you to force yourself to date if you're not ready. And I'm just wondering if you have done everything that you can to heal, like hopefully you know, pet therapy or some grief counseling. And you know, you're always good. This is some the kind of thing that you're not like you'll ever fully be, ever fully be healed from this over it. In a way, this is a really hard time in your life. This is your wife of 23 years. It can help start building friendships again though and maybe take the pressure off dating,

having a building community, like male, female friendships, which could naturally lead to dating. But it's true that I do advise people when they go on dates, like don't talk about your past relationships early on, but here's a thing, you're 55, and the topic is gonna come up naturally. Why are you married yet? Why aren't you married or have you married?

So it's okay to say that my wife has passed away. Yeah. I'm a widow, my wife passed away. And you're lucky that you're a guy, because the female sex is way more caring andearning-a-passionate with these kinds of things than men. Exactly. Men are gonna hear if it was vice versa, you know, your husband died.

Maybe they go, that sucks. Yeah. They're not gonna have the same compassion. Right, like I cried. Yeah. That could happen. I'm like, I was looking at Max Hardcore. But that's not because Anderson isn't a caring person. I didn't mean it. So I think it's a, you know, I don't

think you get into the facts, you know, but you can, it's so, anyway, it's totally fine to say that you're a widow and that your wife passed away. I mean, this happens. People would want to know this at your age. This is, you know, that you're not 22 on a first date.

Yeah. But again, I don't want you to push yourself too far into it. I would just say, like, again, start building your community and then when you're ready, you could start to meet me well, but to answer your question, it's okay to mention that you're with him. And John's probably also concerned about any kind of semblance

of him exploiting his wife's death who, you know, when he goes out in the dating world, he must be so, you know, I love that he does this question. Yeah. Feelings like I would want to be honest if I was getting back out there, but at the same time, I wouldn't want to be using a tragedy,

you know, in my benefit, but honestly, when talking about his past away wife, that is going to actually... It's gonna come up. I mean, if he says tells a woman, and she said, he's down, and you're on a date with a woman, and you said, my wife, I'm a widow, she may be...

A lot of women are gonna want to take care of him. No, but she might want to say, well, what happened, or how did it happen? And that's okay to say, you know, she had cancer had cancer and I was there and I was there for her and then that's gonna That's actually going to shine him and a much brighter But he's also probably thinking I don't want to say these things even though they're true And I should be saying them as like I'm exploiting it in any way no You do you do I don't think you think it's

I think he's thinking that it's gonna turn the woman off or you're not supposed to I don't think you do. I don't think you can explore me. I think he's thinking that it's going to turn the woman off or you're not supposed to. I don't think it's going to turn her off, right? But this case is fine. I think John, just be honest with you, rat, and also just be honest with yourself right now if you're ready to date. Sounds like you're getting there, but I just

want to make sure you're taking care of yourself. Want to turn you off. I want to turn you off. That would be the first time. I don't think I cry often on the show. Have you cried on the show before? I want to hear those very first time. I didn't, I teared up.

Yeah. You didn't even share with me because you were serving porn, but I was, I was fact checking. It's okay. Fact checking is important. Okay. John, keep me posted on how this goes. Oh, all the emails. I've all the emails in the world.

I'm so terrible. I'm like, why couldn't it be the squirting email? I think it's probably funny for a lot of your listeners, but not funny for John and I feel awful, John. I'm very sorry. John, I'm here for you. Keep me posted on what happens. And I'm here for you to Anderson. It's okay. I feel like we should go back and redo that whole thing. No, the honey, it was real. It's a real moment. John's not going to take offense that you were trying to do correction. Fact check. So, okay, what's going on? You've got eight million podcasts. I know this is your favorite.

Well, would you think of, if I told you that a doctor many years ago decided to help sexual male, sexual performance by taking goat glands or goat testicles and implanting them in men's scrotums? What do you think that's a real thing? It's a real thing. Yeah. Dr. John Romulus Brinkley.

There's a great documentary that we cover on Cinematics. Cinematics. It's a weekly podcast I do. I really put a lot of hard work into it. I'm really proud of Cinematics. And it covers that guy's life. It's a great documentary called Nuts, which runs out this Friday.

Check that out. It's a great documentary. You're hopefully be hearing about it. It's called Nuts. We also, many weeks ago, talked about tickled. Have you heard about tickled? I have heard about tickled. Yeah, we covered tickled, too. I want to see it. So yeah, we we we talk about movies that are coming out on cinematics and nuts is a great one that's coming out this for everyone. And everyone, everything going in your life,

your movies, Anderson Cowan, Doc Kong. Yeah, send me an email if you'd like to be a hold, you know, in the in the loop for things with my future that's coming up soon here called groupers. Oh, coming up soon here called groupers Oh coming up soon here. It's probably a year from being done Right, but be a part of it. Anderson's got some great stuff going on. Thanks, and I love him and he's back I'm back. Yeah, we never were way that was on high eaters Um, I know I know it was sad, but we're all here. We're all here the families the bands John I'm really sorry. I'm gonna feel bad about it. You are all day John's fine. John. We just helped them a lot

Are you? It was not on purpose at all. I didn't know. I'm trying to do give a good information to the listeners. But I can't believe that I just completely tuned out. I just focused so hard on him. It happens, it happens, don't worry. Oh, was that really?

Just, there's no penises or anything. I wasn't looking at anything filthy. I was just looking at images of the Macs. Oh my god, we gotta go. Like we go, you gotta drive back. Where we go. Okay, everyone, thanks so much for listening. Thank you, producer Madison.

Thank you, great, thank you, Jamie. Check all of our stuff going on our website, sexandme.com, and we love you. Thanks so much for listening. Was it good for you? Email me, and be back at sexandme.com. Sex toys are kind of like potato chips. Start with one and you immediately want more. If that sounds familiar, I want you to head over to your local Hustler Hollywood store.

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