Sex With Emily - Quick Fix: Orgasms & Threesomes

Episode Date: May 30, 2019

On today’s show, Emily is talking about some uncommon sex news – including virtual reality porn, as well as taking your calls.   She discusses ways you can accomplish an orgasm quicker, what to do when performance anxiety takes over in the bedroom – because hey, you just want to be able to rise to the occasion every time. Plus, how to recover from a threesome situation that did not go well.   Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Veritas Farms, BTL Emsella, Adam & Eve, SiriusXM. Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily For even more sex talk, tips, & tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm talking about some not-so-combin sex news, including virtual reality porn, because sex tech is the future. I'm also taking your calls, topics include, so you know how to orgasm, but you really want to get there quicker. What do you do? Performance anxiety. You want to just be able to rise to the occasion every time. I get it. I can help you. You got talked into a thresome situation that didn't go well and now you flinch at the sound of it. How do you recover? All this and more. Thanks for listening. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions Betrubized they call them in a fight on day Hey, Avaline, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute

The girls got a hair stand Oh my The women know about shrinkage Isn't it common all the way? What do you mean like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I want to feel so grown

Being bad feels pretty good But you know, Avaline's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information check out sexwithemily.com with a robust site. It is very robust. I'm going to help you have even better sex in relationships. Amazing posts up there that will change your life.

You can also find us wherever you listen to podcasts. We love when you comment, when you subscribe, on iTunes or wherever you listen. Also, find me on serious sex and radio. I'm on stars channel 10109, which is so much fun. Monday through Friday, 5-7 Pacific 8-10 East. And you can get a free 30-day trial. Visit sexwithenly.com slash sxm or hey you can still call in triple 8 947 8277 always find us on social media everywhere

across the board it's at sex with Emily. Alright guys hope you enjoy the show. Alright James do you want to share this with me? Yes alright we're getting into some weird stories here. Some of them, I just think are pretty interesting. So first one that I came across, that men and also primates with showy hair tend to have smaller testicles. So now beards are the new beamers. Wait a minute, how do you define showy hair? Like I thought you meant like a big head of hair. Yeah, it's like showy facial hair.

So like showy facial hair. So like beards and like the long locks may also be a sign of small balls. How is that true? What is that real? I mean, okay. Oh, well, your pose primates. I mean, guess that makes sense But it's not okay. So I was thinking it's like they have a great pompadour

So you're saying That there's something but many of smaller testicles have some like biological urge To show it more. It says here, can we? Yeah, it says, okay, so hair is considered like an ornament. True. Which is an outward display of masculinity and testes are considered a weapon. A way to actually sexually compete with other males in the species by reproduction. So it says found that humans, as well as large primates,

physically lack the energy to have both a large ball. And, but she fish on hair at the same time. Amazing. So can men with big balls, are they not able to grow as, can they not, or is it a choice? You know, like, can they not grow showy hair as easily because their balls are bigger? So like, for, like, are those the guys who are like, I don't know, I just can't grow beard. So you know what's so funny? I remember one time when I was in, when I was in, can you

hear me? Is that good? Okay. When I was in middle school, I think my best friend at the time, her mom told me that men with no hair or bald men have higher testosterone levels. I don't know how true that is, but this article just reminded me of that. Well, are they saying what they've where they talking about their test, not if they have smaller, because we're not saying you have small penises.

No, small balls, which to me, I mean, like nowadays, I don't know. I mean, I don't really care about penis size that much, but I also definitely don't care about the size of your balls. But if you've learned your testicles, you have more sperm, which I mean maybe like... Someone emailed us, I think on our ball show, I said there's, there's semen inside of the... Oh, and sperm.

I was like, okay, sperm, sorry, I'm doctor, I do know I'm talking about. But yeah, so that could be it, like a side of masculine, and the outside, so it's like peacocking almost. Yeah, because they need to still, like. Yeah, because they need to still attract people, even if they have less fun. So it's kind of like a weird, this is fascinating, to be fascinated now. Yeah, it's like a little out of the ordinary of as far as what we...

But also, it's like, I mean, it shows that I love all the studies of like evolutionary biology and like our primates and how like the reason why we do certain things in our brains, why we certain desires are going back to our, you know, our monkey ancestors. So I think it's interesting. Yeah, and I love how this article leaves it off

with a quote from LuPold, which was the Stefan LuPold, who's an evolutionary biologist at the University of Zurich. It's hard to have it all. Big testicles come with large weapons, but less ornamentation. So it's like cold, dude. It's just like, it's like, it is hard. You cannot have it all.

Yeah. And what you don't have is the thing that you need to, that's your lesson, why you're here in life. Like you have to always, there's a, you really can't have it all. You just would be, no one at life is not perfect. You have to have some area that you're here in life. Like you have to always, there's a, you really can't have it all, you just would be, no one at life is not perfect, you have to have some area that you're working on,

you're deficit if you will. So when I start going out on dates and having more casual sex, I'm going to, I'm going to keep this in mind now, just curiosity, I'm just gonna look. Yes, Jamie, you have to. I'm gonna look for science. Yeah, for science, be like, oh, okay,

he's got the flavor saver, whatever they have in there, those long sideburns. Oh, flavor saver saver saver saver saver saver saver. I thought they were called, oh no, when they connect to your beard, it's my truck. No, the flavor saver is the little thing. Oh, the meat, the- Like the triangle little thing? No, no, no, there's-

Soul patch? Soul patch, yeah. Yes. No. Flavor saver, I've never heard that. I like that way better. I love that so much more. Love when I can bring things to the table here.

Flavor saver saver saver saver bring things to the table here. It's amazing. Yeah. You like left a little piece of stuff. Yeah, exactly. What's up, the IndiePilot shouldn't have that anyway. Triple 8, 947, 8277. Okay. That was good.

Next story. I prove. Next story. I prove of this message. Yes. So dolphin clitterses look a lot like a humans. So dolphin clitterses are incredibly similar to those of humans. They completed optopsies on 11 dolphins that had died of natural causes, and they found

that the female dolphins clitters are markedly similar to human women's. Wow. In what way? It says just like a human female, the dolphin has a clitoral hood, and two areas of extensive erectile tissue that merged into a single body, so they also have the legs. Wow. This is so interesting.

So, the gorge and swells, just like humans in their mouth. And, Now, when do a dolphin seem so happy? Dolphins have sex for fun. They also continue to say. Yes, yes. Mm-hmm.

This, this is so interesting. It's local. Okay, the dolphin, because she just, now she gives me the article, so this This is so interesting. It's local. Look, okay, the dolphin, because she just, now she gives me the article, so this is our process here. Dolphin clitters is located at the entrance of the vegetable opening rather than externally. They're well-known.

They're known for their sex lives. They're happy creatures. They're famous for playing for both teams. Interesting. And you want to, this one is also very interesting, because it says penis vagina must co-evolve So it says while it may seem intuitive that the penis fits well into the vagina during copulation it can be quite complex and and

They haven't really explored. I mean, how are you really gonna explore whales and dolphins and purposes? Right, but it says they have unusual vaginal folds spirals and recesses that the penis and sperm must Navigate through to successfully fertilize the, spirals, and recesses at the penis and sperm must navigate through to successfully fertilize the egg. Spirals. Yeah, I got to jump through a lot of hoops literally. Uh-huh. Dolphins are definitely going to get there.

And not that this is part of this actual article, but there have been studies done. I actually convinced my friend, I sent them an article to do a speech back in college on dolphin gang rape, because dolphins, they did a study. Like dolphins can get aggressive. And they put like these inflatable sex dolls or whatever randomly in the ocean,

and dolphins will come up and like take them down to these caves and like have sex with them. Inflatable sex dolls? Yeah. It's the clitorisers. It's the clitorisers. It's the clitorisies. They're just like I need something to change the- Well, the male dolphins, but-

Oh, the male dolphins were aggressive. Yeah. I did not know. Really? Yeah. They were gang-raving blow up dolphins? No, blow up humans. They don't blow up humans.

They don't blow up humans. There's plenty of videos of dolphins like trying to like, you have to. We've got an A on the speech, by the way. But didn't you say something you said you knew about the spiral penis? Yeah, the spiral penis it grabs you and pulls you down into the cave.

Scary. So be wary of dolphins, but also at the same time. They're just very similar. Very similar. Very similar. So not about people, but I did think it was, you know, it's cool. We're not the only people that have folds and spirals

and recesses. I mean, we have that too. Our, if women understand vulva owners that it's actually not that easy for us to receive pleasure, that it takes a lot. You gotta do jump through hoops and spirals and folds and things to figure out our pleasure. So women just looked at like, that's's how we were like they made it complicated so we could teach our

Partners that don't just go right for my opening. I know it looks like it's easy to get in there But not so easy for you to penetrate me until you pay a visit to master Mr. Clitoris right here like pay homage Mr. Clitoris right here. Like pay homage, stop along the way. Say hello to my friends, the breasts on the left and the right. Mr. Mrs. One and Two, like it is trickier, but we didn't know that because we didn't get the instruction

man to our bodies. So now they think they just penetrate, but we've got all these spirals and hoops that the penis this should be jumping through. And we get to choose. They're actually there. We just let them, we just let them go right in. I think convinced them to encourage them to stop along the way and check in the scenery, you know, stop and smell the flowers. Also in this article, which

of course, most previous research on genitalia has focused on the penis. So even with dolphins, more focused on the penis than the female sexual organs. Yeah, it's true. Well, most research, that's what we talked about with that, Jolene Brighton. We just released an awesome podcast today with Dr. Jolene Brighton, her book is Beyond the Pill. And we talked about that, that really, the reason why there's all these great information

coming out now about the birth control pill and women in hormones is because a lot of the sexual scientific research in the last 50 years has all had to do with the penis. They're like, well, men and women, they're similar. They're not similar at all in many of these ways, especially when it comes to sex. So that makes sense. And so now a female dolphins are getting their turn,

just like all the other women. Like all the other females on the planet. Dolphins should get their clitoruses. Have a little research as well. Cool. Interesting. Good. Clitoracy, I liked it.

OK, cool. Glad. All right, this next one. And this is just outrageous. Sex for the unmarried is now officially legal in Utah as of Wednesday. So unmarried utons can officially have sex without breaking the law.

Wow. So although it does say here that the law was not really pursued by police or prosecuted, technically breaking the law was punishable to up to six months in jail and a fine of a thousand dollars. So this might have been like an old law. I'm sure it's not. They didn't ever...

But the fact that it's like it just now, they're like, oh, maybe we should make this legal. I didn't even know that. I mean, that's just so interesting. I mean, I've had sex in Utah. Like, who, I've never been married. Everyone, I mean, I know there are some strange bills like this. Other way you can't have sex toys in certain cities,

asadami is still legal in some states, but sex outside of marriage. I mean, that just seems, that's crazy. It's really interesting to me because it modifies criminal fences, so is it still an offense? No, these are just like, uh, fornication used to be class B. Mr. Meiner. Mm-hmm. In the B. Hive state, which I also did. That sounds awful. I mean, just, I love Utah. It's beautiful, but be high. It's weird. It just gets anxious, where if there's a be high, I don't think this is crazy. I thought this was crazy.

That is crazy. I mean, I think there is something where we've talked with this, like, what laws, when people wouldn't believe what is still legal in other states as well right now, like you can't say to do live in, like bringing sex toys in or, you know, anal sex or there's a lot of

things that are still not legal. So I do find this interesting. And I'm glad that Utah is stepping up. I wonder if I should do with religion there, more of religion. I'm sure. Well, that's good to know. And that must be just having sex all over that state this weekend. I mean, hopefully. And then according to recent studies,

hence bringing up religion, religious people, according to a survey, actually have quite expensive taste and porn. Really? Expensive taste and porn, they're paying for? Mm-hmm, interesting. Okay, so wonder the religious people expensive taste. First of all, how do you measure expensive taste

and porn because most you are getting porn for free? Does this mean that they're paying for sites? Or they're just seeing they're watching fancy fancy ladies. I think that they're that they're paying for it. Okay. And it's just here that like we sort of expected to find that the very religious are secretly kinky. Which we did in some of that fantasy book, just a name or a list book, yeah.

And it says that that was not necessarily the case so they are different in how they relate to porn. And it says here, let's see. Yeah, a lot of it says very religious respondents wear 44% more likely to watch pricey virtual reality porn and 40% likelier to tip live cam girls. Oh, so the good manners. I mean, good manners.

Yeah. No, that's awesome. Particularly the end of you bisexual and transgender porn is no nose. I could see that though 10% who identifies heterosexuals and religious, nevertheless, get off a male male. Oh, it's interesting. What do they say? It says too.

It says, it says, very religious porn fans are twice as likely to pony up $1,000 or more for viewings of real-life girls and they're, and they're godless brethren. I wonder, I wonder why that, I'm trying to think of why they would spend more money on it because they perhaps about think it's more secure. I think it's probably because they think it's more secure. Yeah, it stems from like them, it's a sin. Maybe so they wanted to be more

private and secure and like more official. But then it's like tracked in your credit card and then one day your your wife opens up the bill and says what's Cam girls gone Well, you know Cam girls and that's the thing too. It says that they're like doing the virtual reality porn and the Cam girl stuff So it's more involved than just watching like a free clip on porn hub because they're probably for they're probably getting there Well, this is it. They're not getting their needs met in their sex life. They don't see a way to actually turn towards their partner and say, you know what, I know our religion is against this or I know we don't have it, I haven't ever talked about sexy for all, but I think that that might not be serving us anymore. I'd really love to work on our sex life. I

know we've been together 20 years, but hey, maybe we could try some of these things and I won't tell God if you won't, but I don't think that anybody feels that they could actually do it, so they figure it and they're probably craving, craving something other than what their religious beliefs have told them were appropriate. So as a result, if I'm going to go outside and get it, I'm going to go, I'm going to, I got to get it because I haven't been getting any of my needs met because of my religion, perhaps, or my more conservative beliefs around sex.

Mm. What could be it? Yeah, but do you all think? What do you think about? I don't know. I think virtual reality porn, I mean, you have to bring out the contractions that, too. You gotta buy the device and the set and Cam Girl porn.

I've been spending a lot of money on it too. Have you tried virtual reality porn? I have. I have. I Was awesome. I mean, I it was really cool. I was an Amsterdam and I went to visit Kero, which is a company that's working with a bunch of different and they're actually working with we vibe and flashlight and they're one of the first companies and they are Developing it's like teletil donics, teletil donics. I love that word, it's such a good word.

It's true and it's like why these vibrators, you can actually be whole, we actually have a good old key here, like one of the first models of it, but essentially what happened was, so I was in this room with all these men, of course, and they're like put this on and I put on the VR headset and then I had a Like a deal like a vibrator in my hand, right? So that was like one of their vibrates had like a Remote on it. So it's like I put it at me like like it's my penis, right? But I have this so I have this set. I mean, I have my clothes on I have the virtual reality set and you put it on and it looks like I mean, there's a whole scene

It looks like I'm like in some greecean village and there's like all these like nips I mean, it's humans, but they're all just doing white like a white party like a fancy white party Like the playboy mansion party of Greece if I was in Greece They have one's beautiful and walk around and then like they're like look around and I look all around There's like people like beautiful people and people having sex. It's kind of like an orgy sex party, but classy Fisticated, maybe that's what these people It was a classy sex party, but classy. Sophisticated, maybe that's what these people are. It was a classy sex party. And then since I had the tele-dildonix part,

I have this toy, right? So pretend it's my penis, then the porn stars that are as they're filmed, they are connected to my toy and they could be using an insertion toy, like the rave. The rave or something, so're also so they can feel, like they can feel what I'm feeling. If I'm putting inside of me, for example, like they are feeling, I'm going, this is not

going to make sense, but they're awesome movie. It's like you're having sex with the virtual reality people. And it feels like you're actually in a full on like sex party. They're touching you. I mean, I've just done the virtual reality part without the vibrators because that's their whole thing that they're now programming porn that works with toys. So you're having an interactive experience with the person on the camera. I mean, there's just so much going on with it. But just regular virtual reality porn, you're like lying there and you're looking like like if someone's looking at you like these two

porn stars like a threesome, right? I'm having a threesome with them. Let's say a guy and a girl. Like it feels like they're like on top of me and you're having sex with them, it's very reality. I could see. I could see getting caught down that. I mean, that sounds intense. Yeah, it sounds intense, but I'm super down. Oh yeah, we have to try it.

Got it, try it. So just some virtual reality porn people, are I'm sure we could, I think they reach out to us, but kind of thing. But like, and it was hot like if I wasn't in a room with all these people, like I could probably have gotten into it. And they're like, okay, like,

right, that must have been weird. Like all these guys, like, how do you look for technology? I'm like, it was logic. I'm like, it was in a room and I'm so down. Yeah. I don't know. It was fun.

I mean, it was, yeah, so it was like a five minute ten minute thing. But, do you think that like, if someone was in a relationship though, like a monogamous relationship, does that kind of like kind of draw it? Cut it, getting close to the line of cheating. That is such a good question because we've gotten asked those questions is virtual reality

porn cheating? And I know I don't think it's cheating but I do think it's a when I'm my own thing is like it's a lot of energy. It's a lot of like it It's a lot of like, it is that next level masturbation that what we talk about of having to raise the bar, having to raise the stimuli each time you have sex, so you get more and more turn on and people are having impacts of watching a lot of porn on their partner. They're like, oh, I can't get up anymore because there aren't like webcam girls. So that's my concern is that you're having this full on virtual reality experience.

Rather than just looking at a clip on your phone, it could be harder and harder for you to connect with humans. Do I think it's cheating though? I mean, I at my accident, I wasn't like, thinking it was cheating. I thought it was cool. I wanted to hear about it, but that's me, you know, I think that if you're spending a lot of time virtual or out of porn, that all that time in your interrelationship, you could be spending more of the energy enhancing the sex that you're having.

All right, we're going to take a quick break and we come back onto your calls. Let's talk to Joni, 38 in Kentucky. She says it takes her a long time to come and she wants to learn how to finish faster. All right, hey, Joni. Hi, I'm Ali. Thank you so much for taking my call. Of course. And, girl, thank you for doing what you do. We are all so grateful for your knowledge. You're welcome. I love it. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. So I know this is, thank you. So I know this is going to sound like a funny question, but I've always known this about me. Since I didn't sexually active, I just take a long time to come and actually, I'm a queer woman and this is actually my first relationship in 11 years with a cisgendered male. my first relationship in 11 years with a cisgendered male. Okay. And I do enjoy the sex, but he mentioned that I've actually been the most challenging and taking the longest to come, I guess woman he's been with. And I don't know, just make me, that just kind of, he wasn't really complaining,

but it just still made me feel a little, felt conscious. Yeah. Well, first of all, okay, so how were you in the past with the women you're with, would you come easier? It was just different. Different, because there was no penis, right? I mean, what is he, is he going down on you?

Is he, wait, for a backup? How long is it taking you? Um, you know, that's a good question. Um, well, we have, we're working on them going down on the east. Oh, um, oh, well, that's another reason you're not coming. Most women need that. Require that for, for a orgasm. Yeah. Yeah, we're working on that. Okay. And, um, I have, you know, that's a good question. I just know it. I mean, I have come. It just takes me a long time.

Like an hour, like 25 minutes. Yeah, definitely a good 20, 20, 40 minute. I mean, the women take between 20 and 40 minute storegasm. I need a billboard that says that. Just PSA. Yeah. Because we all feel so bad. We're taking too long. Like, who's he say too long? The other woman is with a lot of them might have been faking it as well. You know what I'm saying? Like, what is he measuring

against? And he's not going down on you. So he needs some more education around women. Oh, okay. Yeah, he's going down. He just, uh, he's just not you two having to take a while to be down there. Right. We're working on that. I guess just like other things. It just takes me a long time. I don't know if there's a way I can, I don't know, speed up that process. Well, I guess it helps. I mean, the thing is, well, wait, did you feel this way when you were with women that you had to speed it up? Yeah, yeah, I felt like I took a long time. Okay. So do you do know when you get the most aroused like what turned you on?

Like it's usually it's like a lot of other like kissing and touching and like, yeah, playing with your nipples, you know, your body, like he's using his fingers and his mouth, maybe he's talking dirty, maybe you're using some toys. You're switching it up, you're massaging, you're prolonging the sex, but you're teasing. You know, like, I think that that's what it takes for a lot of women and maybe you could let them know that. You could explain to them that you would love to just kind of slow things down a little bit and I don't know, you, but you know best what turns you on, but typically it's like stimulation gradually over time

teasing lighter touch The oral thing you take. Yeah, so Yeah, like playing with your nipples making out for women. It's like kissing fingers and mouth That's what makes us come like the oral those are the three ways that women are more likely to orgasm and So sure that makes them Yeah, so that's... The poor poor play? Yeah, honestly, it is. And like I always say, if for a play is not a suggestion,

it's a requirement. I have that written in my office hanging on the wall. Because it is. It's because of these quotes here. It's like, people think, oh, the four-play thing again. Really? I guess I could do it. It would be nice.

You know what, it's your birthday. No, we need it. Women are slow-cookers. Men are frying pans. They're ready to go. We need to be warmed up. We just do. It's scientific.

It's how our bodies work. That's what you need. Let them know. All right. Thank you for making me not feel crazy. Okay, good job, God's my job. Here, I'm here to help you make you so crazy. Oh, thank you.

Thank you, Joni. Thanks for calling. All right, let's talk to Steve, his 40 in New York, and wants to ask about his performance anxiety. Hey Steve. Hey, how's it going? Good. How's it going with you? Ah, some days better than others.

I hear you, man. What's going on? Ah, that's the ongoing thing like it's been pretty much as long as I can remember. Okay, and then performance anxiety. Yeah. Coming too quickly, coming before you want to. No, more like not rising to the occasion. Okay okay so you get erected more like you can't you it's harder for it to stay hard and get hard. Yes. Okay. Have you ever gotten like, have you ever gotten checked out for it? Like has it been, first of all, has it been like since your 40s? So since the beginning of your sexual history? No it's more like I can't get out of my own head. Yeah, okay. So have you ever

have you ever practiced any like mindfulness, like any breathing, any meditation? It's really like most of us have this in different ways in our life that we're in our own heads. And so you really it's about you know breathing and being present with your partner and meditation. Download one of the apps. Like, I love the Headspace app or the Insight Timer app. They're great for meditation and learning to control your mind because that's likely what it is. And then being with a partner who's like, understand how to just cool with it and who you can connect

with and breathe together and relax into it. So I think it's like more of a lifestyle practice. And you could go to your doctor, you could get checked out, you're 40, but you say it's been happening for a while. Yeah, now I've been with my partner for 12 years now and it comes and goes. Okay. Well here's the thing. You've been with your partner that's amazing.

That's great about it, but. What if you guys practice together getting into your senses? You did something where you did an erotic, native erotic massage where you lit some massage candles. It smelled amazing. And then you practice touching each other so you could focus on the scent of the candle and like the touch of her on your body you guys could explain to each other like I'm feeling your touch right now and I'm smelling the candle and you're playing your favorite music and maybe you're tasting each

other's lips or tasting a flavored lube and you kind of get all your senses going because when we completely like when we get our senses involved in sex We can't be in our head because then we're completely present that makes sense to you as a concept No, I that makes sense to play yeah, so I think that you got it if she's a great partner And it's been 12 years I think you already trying on your own like I could tell you to be mindful and tell you to met and I know how hard it is I've been meditating for 20 years and it's some days some days it's been 12 years. I think you're already trying on your own, like I could tell you to be mindful and tidy and be, and I know how hard it is. I've been meditating for 20 years and it's some days, it's some days it's a struggle, it's a practice.

So if you wanna bring your wife on board with it, that might also kind of alleviate some of it because you might not even be realizing all the pressure you've been putting in yourself. I don't want it to disappoint her, even though she's cool with it. So if you guys are in it together in trying to figure out how to breathe,

how to connect that might help you. Okay all right Steve bring her in board. You're so welcome Steve. So we got Arlene from Alabama back on the phone. Arlene and Alabama. Hi Arlene. Hey welcome back. I love your show, Emily. Thank you for having me on the lawn. I'm sorry I got cut off earlier. That's okay. I could tell. We need to talk.

Yes, we definitely need to talk. I was in a marriage for several years and had beautiful children and a great life. And a husband that could not stop using chewing tobacco was disgusting and I'm a very touchy-feely kind of emotional, sexual person. And so we had conversations about these and I couldn't get him to improve his hygiene and it finally got to the point where it was such a turn-off and we ended up having years of no messing. And so the conversations earlier about how

do you spark it up in the marriage? And there's some times when there comes a point where they're so sparking that backup, if they can't be a, if they can't be some respect for one another. Yeah, some compromising. It's a bit of a hell of a point. Well, you have to say I've got to cut these ties. So anyway, I got out of that relationship finally,

and I'm thinking, well, there's something terribly wrong with me. I left feeling that way. But I've done the bio-identical hormones, and I've done everything to keep myself in shape. And I thought, well, maybe I'm not attractive. And I apparently was to many other people. and shape and you know and I thought well maybe I'm not attractive and and I apparently was to many other people but just there was something there where my

husband was masturbating constantly watching porn exactly what you were just talking about earlier on the show to the point where there was nothing going on when we got in the bedroom so anyway I'm so thankful that I finally decided it was time to move from that relationship because I was wasting my life. And I got into a wonderful relationship, which is a very free and open and we both very, very extraordinary and very touchy feeling and things have been wonderful. And so he talked me into this three some ideas which I was not keen on because I'm so in love with him. And I didn't want to share. And so he

taught me into a male threesome. Okay. Oh you did already. Okay. Male male male. Yes. Yes. Yes. Several times. Okay. Okay. So that happened and it was okay. It was okay. I didn't mind it. It was actually pretty good a, several times. Oh, okay. So that happened and it was okay. It was okay. I didn't mind it. It was actually pretty good a couple of times, particularly just one part of that felt very thoughtful. Okay. But then, when I was with McCain, where he was having the random me and contact me, and I felt very like, wait a minute, I'm not your prostitute. Oh, like a cuckold, like, was it more like a cuckolding thing?

Like, did he want to watch you with another man? Or he wanted you to have sex with another man and tell him about it? No, no, no, he wasn't a big present. Oh, he was a big turn on to him to watch and to be present. So anyway, the last time that we were with someone, I had a little bit of a help scare following that. And sitting in the gynecologist's office was a wake-up call to me because there was a question mark there about if I had some type of virus.

Oh, STD. Well, it's a little bit of a turn out to be not what we thought it was, but it really did it, shaped me up, and not knowing there for a few days. I thought, oh my goodness, have I gone all these years to only have this happened to me. Right. To finally find this wonderful happiness and to be careless to allow this to happen to me. And so now, every time he brings it up, I was just completely shut down

because I do not want to go back there. It like, right now. And if we do, it's gonna have to be with a very clear, young, flexible, flexible, flexible. Oh, you, I see. So he said some random people, you said. And so you're not wanting the three some anymore

because of the health scare because you thought you had an STD or something, a sexually transmitted disease. You didn't. So are you using protection with these with condoms? No. Okay, so that's you got you know so if you still want to do it you have to find people who people can even show you their results you know there are ways to to show people's test results to make sure they're clean but you should always use a condom with everyone and no one does. I'm

Maryline literally it's sexual. It's STD awareness month. And so we're gonna be talking more about this because people just don't aren't using condoms anymore. So you're no, but if there's, especially if there's more than one person, yeah, you have to. We're not with your husband.

I'm sure it, but yeah, that's the thing. So is the kind of thing though, are you, is this becoming a problem? Is your question like, what do you do because you kind of want to, but you're afraid or your husband's a big... Exactly. Okay.

And he's really frustrating me to do this again. Didn't you like that? Didn't you like that? Well, I want us to do that again. And I said, no, I guess I should have taken you with me to the doctor's office because you have no eye cloud. Yeah, of course you did.

I was so upset. Right. You know, something that can be locked right into need. It will be a virus in my body for the rest of my life. It is. You know, it's nice to have a little fun and a rather nice. No, I do want to talk to you. Honey, you need to take it off.

You got to stop and think. Right. Right. So how long go to this happen this scare? It was about two months ago. OK, two months? Yeah. I mean, can't heat.

So how is your sex otherwise? Because I feel like maybe you just need to take it off the table for a while. It's still really good, but it's not the hard work that it was because I think I'm still reserved and still shaky. Yeah. Well, that makes sense. And I need him to support you emotionally in some way. If he can figure out a way to kind of the more he just kind of learns to support you right now and you guys can figure out what else you guys could do together and how you could feel safe again with him.

And he can kind of bring you out of your, it sounds like you've been living like his fantasies and I'm wondering if opening up now at Arlene, if there's any fantasies that you have right now that could, that he could kind of please you in some ways, that there's things that you want that don't involve another person because maybe he'll find something new. You didn't know you'd be into being with two men. So what, what he not know, he just needs to be entertained in another way with you because unless he's fetishized this three-esome thing, I'm not sure about that.

But I really need you to kind of rephrase. I don't want the pressure. I want you to take as much time as you need. I don't think that you should have another threesome right now. I think you need to turn your attention. Both of you towards making the sex life great between the two of you. Because there's not always going to be a third anyway. So this is important work you have to do.

And every couple of us, I do. Yeah. That's exactly how I feel. I think I just needed you to remember your firm name. Yes, Alene, I'm with you. Please go back and have that conversation and you know, you don't have me every night. I'll let me know. Let me know how that goes. And hopefully you're going to get through.

I'll do. I get any wants that, but you know, create something else beautiful together. All right, guys. Thanks for listening to this show. I hope you enjoyed it and thanks to my amazing team, Ken, Kristen, Michelle, producer, Jamie and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me.

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