Sex With Emily - Redefining HER Orgasm with Nicole Daedone

Episode Date: March 28, 2015

Ready for another Sex With Emily classic? This week, we’re changing everything you know about the female orgasm. Emily is joined by Nicole Daedone, author of Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm and CEO of One Taste. This lovely lady has made your pleasure HER business, and in this show, she is ready to share her orgasmic knowledge! From the secret to the perfect stroke to the magical art of OM (orgasmic meditation), this podcast will teach women how to unlock new realms of pleasure and teach their partners how to be the guy who brings home the orgasms. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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You know, kind of like a vagina or a butt, whatever you're into, it's cool. If you've porn stars that you like, they probably, she probably has her vagina molded. So go to fleshlight.com, use code Emily, and they have an award winning flesh loop and they will throw that in because you like to use a little loop believe me.

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For more information about sex with Emily, go to sexwithemlee.com. You can listen to our podcasts. Send out of our mailing list, take the latest poll, listen to a blog, and get the best sex advice around, really. So thanks everyone for becoming friends with benefits and members. We so appreciate it. And it's like 15 cents a day and you get podcasts every day and you get sex tips and you get all your questions answered.

If you're friends with benefits member, you know, we answer your emails. They go right to the top of the list. And today we've got some great emails and I'm really, really excited for today's show. Menace is out of town, but we've got an amazing guest here at Nicole Daydone. She wrote a book called Slow Sex, the art and craft of the female orgasm. And I'm so excited because she's based in San Francisco. She also runs an organization called One Taste, which we've gotten a lot of people are curious about it and want to know

what goes on with one taste. We talked about this a few weeks ago, also we went to her orgasm pop-up store, which was just like the scent orgasm central in San Francisco for a few weeks. And so we're going to get into all that later. We're going to teach you all about the female orgasm and what you can do to enhance your sex life because I know that you're probably listening to the show because your sex life is I might not be so great right now. You might be having some issues you know, or maybe it's great and you want it to be just take it to the next level.

That's what we're going to do today. We're going to take it to the next level with Nicole. So I'm so glad to hear and first, okay, we got to talk about what we're going to do today. We're going to take it to the next level with Nicole. So I'm so glad she's here. And first, okay, we got to talk about, we're going to do some sex in the news and we're going to do some emails. And that's what we're going to do. Okay, so let me get into that, some sex in the news first. So sex in the news, Dali Parna palatizes to lesbian couple kicked out of Daliwood.

Apparently there's a place called Daliwood, which I didn't even know until today in Tennessee, which I remember reminds me of like Elvis Wood or whatever. Apparently there's a place called Dollywood, which I didn't even know until today in Tennessee, which I reminds me of like Elvis Wood or whatever Elvis's place is called. And they kicked out a lesbian couple. They were denied access to Dollywood. So they were excused. They were wearing a t-shirt. One of them was

wearing a t-shirt that said marriage is so gay. And they got kicked out. And we also had lesbians kicked out of the Gertrude Stein exhibit at the Jewish Museum. So what is the deal with kicking lesbians out? I don't know. But Doali, Dali Parton says, I'm truly sorry for any hurt or embarrassment regarding the gay and lesbian t-shirt incident. Everyone knows my personal support of the gay and

lesbian community. Dali Wood is a family park. And all families are welcome. I can't imagine that Dali Wood is a family park. But I think of Dali Parton. I think of her boobs. I think of like her boobs and like her plastic surgery and whatever. Like I don't know what kind of family values there, but that's whatever Dally would. So that's what's happening there if you didn't know. Insurers will soon be required to cover birth control. We not talked about this a few weeks ago, but now Obama administration, this is amazing. He announced on Monday that health insurance plans must cover birth control with no copays

among other reproductive health care services. So this is amazing. They're going to be giving free birth control. I mean, it's not free. Everything is nothing. Everything comes to the price, but this is a great step forward for women. So it's very exciting. It's expensive birth control.

And there's a lot of people who just use that as an excuse for not using birth control. So now, Kenyla Nolongu is an excuse. Thank you, Doobama. And it starts on August 1, 2012. That's really 2012. That's really soon. It's very exciting. OK, Ok, act of mom. Nadia Suuman talks

sex. People need sex, but I don't. I have zero sexual interest. Oh, my yes, 36 year old mother 14 stripped down to black bikini on the cover of step in our magazine. She says she hasn't had sex in

12 years. I think that people who don't have sex, the longer you don't have sex, you talk yourself out of sex and you think you don't need it. Oh, yeah, and you get more and more right to about it. And you get grumpy and grumpy or from not having sex. Exactly. That much further. It's like your boat just begins to drift further and further

and further from the harbor, right? Exactly. That's what sets was happening. Or she said, I've only had one boy from my whole life and I never loved him. Optimum's going to like going on. I mean, she's got a lot going on. But probably she did like a sex practice like one of Nicole they don't own practices were going to get into maybe that

would help her. Did you read this article the Erica John article in the New York Times where she said that the buzz word that she's the feminist right right. Where is going to say that the buzz word of her time used to right? Right, where are you as a girl? And she said that the buzz word of her time used to be freedom and now it's control. And again and again and again, that's what I find with women.

It's like we're so proud of ourselves that we can control our appetite. We don't eat very much, we don't sex very much, we don't want very much. Look, we're great women and we're really tight and we're really grown up. We wound up. Right.

That is so interesting that it's controlled that we have to be the perfect person, we have to do it all with what the feminist woman has brought that to us. That we actually have a lot more on our plate. Yeah, that is so interesting that it's control that we have to be the perfect person. We have to do it all right with what the feminist women has brought that to us. We actually have a lot

more on our plate. Yeah. That's a good point. Yeah. We can run on fumes. We're proud of the fact that we need so much help. You help so many women at all. And soon. Yeah. She's getting into the blanket. Get

saturated. War. Oh my god. I love it. Okay. So infidelity is linked to sexual personality. A recent survey asked a thousand people to report their involvement in a monogamous sexual relationship lasting from three months to 43 years. 23% of men and 90% of women reported to participating in infidelity, but the cause is for infidelity differed drastically. Men who were easily aroused and men who suffered

from performance anxiety were more likely to be unfaithful. That's interesting. That's interesting. What do you think about that? Men who were easily aroused and suffered from performance anxiety. So obviously men who had easy aroused, maybe they have higher testosterone, but I would think the ones who performed with anxiety, they probably are blaming their partner that they're having before.

So they're like, oh, I'm going to go sleep with as many women as I can and prove myself that I don't have this performance exact maybe. Yeah, well, it's, you know, it's also interesting. You remember this study that was done at Stanford with the kids with the marshmallows. No. And they would, so they had marshmallows in front of the kids and then they would say, okay, I'm going to go, but if you don't eat the marshmallow, you get a second marshmallow. Oh, and then they showed that people who, the kids who didn't eat the marshmallow,

and it was so cute, they were so, they're like licking the marshmallow and everything. And they were showing like the kids who could hold it, you know, who could hold their desire, got the second marshmallow and throughout the rest of their lives they had higher IQs and they were happier. And so there is something about being able to hold an impulse.

Right, I think our culture. Yeah, well we're such an empty calorie culture, right? It's like, oh my god, I'm hungry, I need a burger, So there is something about being able to hold an impulse. Right. I think our control. Yeah, well, we're such an empty calorie culture, right? It's like, oh my god, I'm hungry. I need a burger. I need it now. I need to get this hunger. But then you never actually fill up.

And I think the same thing shows in our sex lives. All right. I think you're right. I think you're absolutely right. So how does that translate though into your sex life? We're supposed to hold it. But I think you're not controlled. That's kind of a start out controlling yourself.

Well, I think these guys don't learn how to actually nourish themselves with the women that they're with necessarily. And so what they learn is volume rather than quality. And I think that we aren't taught how to do that. We aren't taught how to actually get nutrients from our sex. Right. And that's what you teach, right? It's what I teach.

I love it. OK. So we're all in the shot now. Cool. OK. Cool. We're all in the shot now. Cool. Okay. We're all the shot now. Okay. So women. So the women who cheated happiness with their long term sexual

partner was paramount. Women who felt sexually unsatisfied were more likely to cheat. How compatible they felt with their partner and shared sexual values was also a predictor for cheating. So

for women, it's the women who are sexually unsatisfied. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Unsatisfied. Yeah. So for women, it's the women who are sexually unsatisfied. Yeah. Women out there. Yeah. Satellite fire. Yeah. So it's men who are easily rather. So interesting. People always want to know why people

cheat. So that's that's what we got for you. That's our sex in the news. Okay. We can get into some emails now. And I picked out special emails from Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. They don't my guest. Okay. Emails. Hey,

Emily, love your show. I listened to it every day. And I take a lot of your advice when it comes to my own sex life. I've been with a guy for almost four years and we have amazing and we've had amazing sex. The only problem is he doesn't really like to give me oral. He says he's had a bad experiences with past girls being gross down there.

That doesn't really bother me because like I said, we have great sex, but is there anything I can do to cure his fear of going down? I personally love giving him oral sex so I can't really understand where he's coming from. He says he is willing, he's willing, so I just need some help. Thank you so much.

This is from Angela, she's a premium friend with benefits member, so we're answering your email right now. Okay, Nicole, what do you think about that? Men who don't, I mean, she's the orgasm queen here, but men who don't like, I think there's a lot of men. I always say there's men who love the vagina, and men who don't love the vagina. And I think with your workers trying to get more men to on the other side to love the vagina. But I think

there's men who just don't, they don't get it, they don't like it, they had a bad experience and they're, they want it, like they want to have sex with your vagina, but that's all they don't want. They don't want to like get into it, they don't want to know it, they don't notice if you got to give you got to wax or they don't want to like get in and look at the lips, like there's some men who are like, let me. They want to flash like they want to get in there. And those guys are like, I just don't really want to go down there. So how do you convince a man?

I always say it's like if the food you don't like, if you don't like tomatoes and like there's like people who don't like tomatoes, if you don't like tomatoes, you're never going to like all of a sudden I think learn to like it tomato. Although you talk about tomatoes in your book. I do. I always use tomato allergies too around sex. I'm like, some people just don't like it, but how do you get men to get to like it?

You know, I think it's interesting. It's like there's a great David Whitebook and he talks about the fact that Herman Melville was afraid of water, but his greatest success came from writing about Mobee Dick in the water. And I think the same thing happens for a lot of men. The men I find that the men who have the most fear around the pussy. Right. Yes. Say that if you want to.

I can say it. Okay. So the men who have the most fear tend to be the ones who are actually the most interested in intrigue, but have it locked behind that fear. So I think it's a matter of unlocking it. And so what I would say is make every single element part of the sex act. Have him bathe you., having looked down there, make that into the whole experience so that he takes ownership of it because my guess is that he has a lot of desire. And something happened where he had a, I, I, I, but it wasn't a negative experience.

It was that he had a lot of desire and somehow that desire got shut down. And it can just be like one time. It's like a high school. One woman was like had something like a grossed out or like she said, he had a bad experience, she was grossed out, she said. Or where he was turned on and she thought of shame, right? Usually it's something like that. And then he picks up on that shame and then he's like,

oh, that's bad. I can't have it. I can't want it. So she has to unlock this. So maybe bathing together is what you're saying. Yeah. Bathing is huge. If there is, you know, and everyone women are concerned about

how they smell and how they taste. And so yeah, taking a bath and like, sudsing each other up and doing that thing, okay? And then just kind of how would she get him to initiate getting over that just have her, maybe she shows in the mutual masturbation, she shows them what feels good to her. Yeah, oh my god.

I think there's infinite ways to go about it. I think the biggest way though is to begin to take all of that negative charge that he's feeling and make it positive. So this isn't necessarily the best metaphor, but you know they say that you know like heroin addicts actually come to love the feeling of the needle. So this thing that they thought was negative because what followed was amazing. So you can begin to make your pussy into something that's really positive for right by ensuring that what happens after immediately following him putting any attention on your pussy any positive attention at all you make sure what happens is amazing and you incrementally increase the amount of

attention he puts there and how amazing what happens and then oh my god I you know I still we're gonna get into it. I think this foot like guys are simple. Yeah. You know it's like you you have a group of human beings who are approval deprived. Like they're just they're dying for approval. Right. We as women think that all of those barbs don't get in there. All of those subtle criticisms don't get in there. I think you simply say like oh that feels so good. And you let him feel how good just his attention is. Right. And then you watch him glow.

Right. And then you stop there. And then you do it again the next day, only you increase the amount of time that you do it. And you let him feel that just his attention. Just his attention to it is good. And then you're positive reinforcing it. Right. And you're raising all the negative imagery that he has. has. That's good. I like it. Thank you.

Okay. I love that you're here. I love that I didn't have to answer that. So we're chicken. Great. Emily, here's topic that's on my mind and likely the minds of other men. It has to do with the mysterious female orgasm. I've been married for 20 years. My wife and I have sex three to four times a week regularly. On occasion, my wife will let me know that she doesn't care if she climaxes. She just wants me to enjoy myself. What, that makes no sense to me as a guy.

You see, for men, an orgasm is perhaps the most powerful, most pleasurable function our body generates. Nothing comes close. It is inconceivable to engage in intercourse without filing through to climax. However, in your podcast, I gather that it's not an uncommon female response. Thus, it seems that women treat an orgasm as a nice to have, well,

men tend to treat it as a must have. It always feels strange to me that my wife would be okay, letting me climb after that experiencing the same thing herself. Can you please explain this to me further? Is a female orgasm not a satisfying is a male orgasm thanks E from the OC? Well, I have to say that I think the female orgasm is satisfying as a male orgasm, but she might not be able to reach her. She might be feeling pressure

from you or from the situation that she's not able to orgasm. So she's created, if told herself in her mind, and it's not that important. But really it is important. But it doesn't have to be everything.

I think sometimes sex can be so many things. So I don't think she's lying to you by saying it's not important to her. But I think there are ways that we can be so many things, so I don't think she's lying to you by saying it's not important to her, but I think there are ways that we can learn to give her more orgasms and to increase her pleasure, right?

Because he's concerned about that. It does bomb guys out. It does. I mean, when men out, they're like, why can't she? I did it. I know orgasms, she doesn't. But don't you think there is some truth that women, we still enjoy sex if we don't have orgasms?

Or is that something that you don't believe? I think it's multi-fold. Right? Okay, go. What's your answer? You know, I think, well, it's two-fold. So the first part is I think so many of us women have been trained, like I said, to not have an appetite.

And that the thought of asking a man to shift position even is so overwhelming for so many women. And you know, I just was working with a woman last night and she said, suddenly, I'm in bed with him and I don't know why, but I can't speak. I have no way to tell him what I want. Because I don't know how to tell what I want. I even start right. So then she said, I just kind of lie there and take it. And I actually can't wait for him to climax to get it over with And I think that is such an unbelievably prevalent viewpoint.

That's so prevalent, right? So prevalent. So that's the first part But the second part and this would be the higher version of it is that there is a kind of orgasm So good and so deep and so rich that a climax actually feels like a disappointment by comparison. And this is the work that you do. This is the exact work that I do. And climax can be part of it. But it's like you are out there and you are coasting.

The place where you wouldn't want to move an inch because it's so good. Wow. And then the thought of climax would be like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, the Oc, he should download your video. What's the video where we find it? The URL is one. The one taste. .us, one taste.us and the video is called How to Own. And really, what can happen after a period of time is the minute a finger goes down on her clitoris, all of the signs of orgasm show, all of the contractions, the ejection,

at the instant of contact. Oh my God, that's amazing. I can't wait to get there. We're going to get there soon in this show. We personally and on the show. Okay, um, okay, Emily, I've been seeing this guy. I grew up with from his eight months and he's wonderful, but I feel like now we want different things. Well, Clay and I got together. I was very clear about what I wanted. Just fun. I made it very clear that I didn't want marriage, kids or anything remotely serious, but here I am with this wonderful man who won't stop talking about marriage and kids.

Any other women would love to have my man at her fee, but because of this constant marriage and children talks I'm thinking of breaking this off is a man wanting to marry you a deal breaker? Rhonda from Atlanta, Georgia. That's a brilliant question. I know it is. I love you.

It might be a deal breaker, just because everyone else in the world, maybe it's prematurely he's asking you for marriage. I don't know you've been seeing it for eight months. Eight months is a very long for him to be like talk about marriage and kids like almost feel like when a man is or a woman

in such an agenda like that like after eight months, it's like marriage and kids almost like it's not he's on a track, but he's not paying attention to what track you're on. It's like he's totally blind. It's clearly you're not there yet.

And he keeps talking about it. So where you guys not communicating? Hmm. Yeah, I mean, I, yeah, definitely I feel like that's one possibility. I feel like there's this other possibility where he's actually asking for something. He and he doesn't have the words to ask for what he wants. And I think I really just want to blow job. That's getting likely. Right. No, I, You know, my guess is there's some kind of deeper connection that he wants. And in his mind, the only way he can have it is through marriage and kids. Right.

I think there's a way that we have this law. Right. And we assume, okay, soon as we are walking down the aisle, that intimacy will descend on us. And we will suddenly know that, you know, like, do you think they like, you know, as soon as you have a baby, you're going to know how to be a mother. We've discovered that just as not the case. As soon as you get married, you are not necessarily soon as you have a baby, you're going to know how to be a mother. We've discovered that just as not the case.

As soon as you get married, you are not necessarily going to be intimate. Exactly. But I guess, as he wants a deeper kind of intimacy, and that's how he knows how to ask. That's a great point. So maybe it's not what he wants, but he's wanting something more from her,

from you, Ronda, like that is. Because I think there's nothing wrong with not wanting marriage right now after eight months together. You might never want marriage, but yeah, maybe you need to have a talk with him about what he really is, the he thinks that when you go to the wedding, is because I think there's nothing wrong with not wanting marriage right now after eight months together. You might never want marriage, but yeah, maybe you need to have a talk. Tim talk with them about what he really is.

He thinks that when you guys got married, what is it that he thinks that's going to elicit and then maybe you guys can try to create that right now in your relationship without the marriage.

And I think there's a other thing where you know, as soon as we start talking about marriage and kids, everything gets so serious and great. And we forget to play. And you know, I mean, what you can do is grave. And we forget to play.

And you know, I mean, what you can do is you can just play house for a night. You can actually begin, you can turn that into a fantasy. You can make that into a whole experience for him where he gets to taste it. Right. Like what marriage would be like and all that stuff. Yeah, because the underlying thing he wants with you is love and relationship.

That's right. Really what he wants. So then you can make all these things into adventures. Right. I love it. But do you think that some men are some men say it because because they think that that's what she wants to hear that that that's what she wants. Are he saying it to? I don't know. It's interesting that you said I have a lot of men. This is really interesting. Yeah. I want a great question. Come to me. And all of a sudden they have this realization that oh my god, they are talking about marriage because they think that's the only way

They're gonna have sex. Yes. They have been trained by their mothers To fall in love with the woman every time and when they discover like oh wait a minute actually it can be with my friends Right right. Yeah. Yeah. I think you're totally right I think that's so much of what this is is unwaring these messages that we get from from childhood from early ages from society Yeah, I'm you're totally right. I think that so much of what this is is unwaring these messages that we get from childhood, from early ages from society. Yeah, on a lot of it. I'm taking it off. Take it all off.

Just strip it all down. Okay. Okay, let's see. We've got, okay. This is good to this one, because this comes up a lot, and I want to see what you have to say about this. Nicole, Emily, I'm a 24 year old woman, and I was recently prescribed a low dosage of

so loft for depression and anxiety and I didn't think there were any side effects until recently. I started seeing a really great guy but whenever we have sex I just don't find my body responding very much. I'm totally attracted to him and the sex is a potential to be great but I feel like it's me who is keeping it that from happening. I keep a bottle of blue by the bed which helps a little but after about an after a while I feel like I'm just going through the motions for his sake. I've never been able to orgasm with a guy, so that's nothing new, but this is beyond frustrating.

Before I was on Lexapro, a different antipresent and had slight side effects, but nothing like this. I cannot take my medication, I cannot not take my medication, but can you think of anything that can give you to counter the side effects? Thank you so much, Anna. So she never had orgasms with a guy before, and she said, I mean, that's really common that people have the side effects from SSRIs. And so I think a lot of people are on SSRIs that are prescribed that don't need to be, but it sounds like you need

to be taking them. I think that there are medications you can take that counteractors like Well butrin, which is another, which is one that has less side effects. It's still for depression, but it's, it can counteract the side effects. But I would touch your doctor, you could also go down, you might be taking too high

of a dose. And also, what were you gonna say? What? I burped. Oh yeah. I was being lady. I was being lady like I covered my mouth. I thought you were bad, I thought you were saying. So I think that there are things you could do. I would just talk to your doctor. I'm not a doctor, but you can I know that there are ways you can go down in the medication a lot of times when our two high of dose are right before you if you know you're having sex like the weekend you less, less of a dose, but you could also. There are other medications

they can add in. If you feel like you need to take the medication, does this and and she's not had an orgasm with Amanda for either anyway. So yeah, so I just come up a lot to the medication. I think it would probably be my second

most common question. Okay, so good. So what did mine too? Yeah, it's very common. And I just did a great video with Dr. Sarah Gottfried and if you can find her, call her. She is in. I got to have her on the common. I just did a great video with Dr. Sarah Gottfried. And if you can find her, call her. She is in. I've got to have her on the show.

We've connected before of it. She's so fabulous and so real. And so we were talking about this very topic. And we were talking about the fact that often, these are the exact symptoms, you know, often what we call depression are the symptoms of a woman who doesn't have orgasm in her body. She's lacking oxytocin. She has high cortisol. All of these different symptoms begin to develop. And the at

the root cause is a lack of orgasm. And then you take this pill that decreases your your highs and lows and makes orgasm that much more elusive. Right. So we were talking about how to work with this. And one of my suggestion always, the doctor agreed, is just add oam. Just add an orgasmic practice as often as, and I would even say for you,

daily practice. Today can overcome the side effects with an oam practice, which is orgasmic meditation, which we're going to get into like in a second. Because the nature of practices you don't have to be turned on to start. Like when I go to yoga almost every day, it's not like I

I before go to yoga, I'm like, I'm just dying to get to yoga. It's like, yeah, you know, I, you know, pack my little bag. I get my little booty in there and I go and then I'm in there and then like, Oh, thank God, I did this.

That's what that's really how practice works, right? So if you take on an orgasmic practice on a daily basis, just add, um, just add an orgasmic practice in such a way that you begin to shift internally your hormones and you, you may just find that a lot of the symptoms fall away. Okay.

And that either one of two things can happen in both your positive. Either your desire for the actual antidepressant can fall away. Okay. Or you may desire to stay on the antidepressant, but you can find a doorway into your orgasm even with the, even with the amazing, that is amazing. It's like a cure all. Yeah. Yeah. Let's get into that now. I think you should get into it now. Okay, so if you're just joining us, Nicole, they don't, is a, the author of Slow Sex,

the art and craft of the female orgasm. She also started this revolutionary place in San Francisco, it's a company called One Taste. And One Taste was founded in the summer of 2004, so you've been around for a while. And it's a place where sexuality, relationship and intimacy can be discussed openly and honestly, and she teaches courses.

And they keep, everyone knows, like, have you heard of One Taste? I'm thinking of taking a class I've taken a class so it keeps coming up everywhere and we we met Nicole we've had a few times yeah and I've I've spoke at one-tays and I went to your when her book launch she had an orgasm we talked about this in the show an orgasm pop up so which was so creative and clever and it just had orgasm is it had these big sheets of paper and everyone can come in and describe what an orgasm is to them which I thought was just brilliant because what is so many things is so many people

right so congratulations on that that was a revolutionary and so cool so we're talking about oaming which is orgasmic meditation and many people might not have heard of it yet but you will so can you talk about well first let's just back up and tell me about your background great you are okay okay so how you you. So I think that's probably the best place to start. That's where the first seed got laid. I was teaching San Francisco State. I was teaching in the graduate teaching associate. Okay. And

I hand it in. Okay. Okay. So I'm going to do that. I just want to do that. I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that. I'm going to

do that. I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that. I'm going to do laid. I was teaching at San Francisco State. I was teaching in a graduate teaching associate. Okay. And I handed out this questionnaire. I was teaching human sexuality and communications. I handed out this questionnaire.

And in the questionnaire, I said, what do you want to know about sex? To these, it was to women at the time. And I was a young budding feminist. And I was so proud that we had our sexual liberation. And every single one came back with some version of what's wrong with me. And I was devastated.

And I was like, where did our sexual liberation go? What do you mean, which probably give me example? There was a... I can't climb out. What's wrong with me? All of these places where I could feel deep-seated shame in this area that was supposed to be free. You're a sex... You know, our power, man. And so that stuck with me. I could feel deep-seated shame in this area that was supposed to be free. Right.

You know, our power, man. And so that stuck with me. And then what stuck with me is I also had a sitting meditation practice at the time. And I knew that there was a way that you could have a practice that was outside of the realm of theory that gave you relief. Right. But I didn't have any relief to offer to these women. I just had more books for them to read and more recipes for them. But I didn't have any relief to offer to these women. I just had more books for them to

read and more recipes for them to follow that didn't address the fact that they didn't know how to feel. Right. Right. And then, you know, several years later, I was getting ready to move into the Zen Center.

Ta-da-da-da. Wow. I was to Zen too. But then for past in the meditation, like 10 days silent retreats and all that stuff. And I was really going down that so I totally got it. Yeah. Okay, so you were going to move into the

sense right which is funny, you know, it seems diametrically opposed, but when you get down and yeah, it's almost like it's having a practice. Yeah. And when I met a guy and he said I want to introduce you to a sexual sexuality practice at a party. I said a party. This is so embarrassing. Right. And he said, you'll take your pants off. I'll have all of my clothes on. It will be for 15 minutes. You won't have to do anything in return.

We'll talk about it before, during, and after, and the lights will be on. And I. I. You're like, how about what my name is and what neighborhood I live in? You know, people ask. What's so funny though is like every single one of my objections, so I would have made rights, right?

He answered all of them in the request. And so the next thing I knew I was, you know, I was right. I was lying on my back, right? Right? Right, with my legs butterfly, open the lights on. You know, and I said, I mean, I was there and I said, this is so strange. And then he started the practice and, um, the only practice. He started stroking me. And, you know, I was where I always was. I was in my head, right? And I was thinking like, ah, like, do I like this guy? Am I fat? Or we could get married, all of that stuff. And then what happened was that chronic chatter.

All of a sudden just stopped from in it. And I felt something. Wow. And there had been like this underlying sense, you know, it's this underlying thing that made me reach out and seek into Zen Buddhism. It made me shop. It made me drink too much wine, maybe too many cupcakes, all of these things. And it was like for the first time in my life, like that place got touched. And it hit me like, oh my god, this is what it's supposed to be like. Wow.

This is sexy. Because how was your sex before that? Your sex life before that? I would say that my sex life would have been a nine or a ten on anyone's scale. On the scale that I mean, it was like, I had climax every time. Right. I had, you know, hot sexy makeouts. It was like all of the stuff that we're told it's supposed to be. And this wasn't even, it wasn't like it went from like, you know, you know, a nine to a 10, it was like it went from a nine to a whole other, right?

Like, it's still, I don't even recognize that last set Nicole from the past. Yeah, it was an ex, that's amazing. That's amazing. Who I was on the other side was a completely different human being. Okay, and did you, did you get together with the sky or? I, well, I, I, I, whatever. Whatever. who I was on the other side was a completely different human being. Okay, and did you get together with the sky or? I, well, I didn't. Okay. Whatever. You had to get together with the sky. So now, okay, so what then, let's talk about it then.

So he owned you. Right. Okay, so what is it? We owned. We owned. Okay. We owned. We owned. Right.

So it's really simple and I'm so glad that you know of the past next. I can use the basic terminology. The past is a kind of meditation. Yeah, okay. Right, so I'll describe it. And it'll be in this scenario to be a man and a woman. Okay. The woman will be being stroked. And so she would lie down.

She would butterfly her legs open. And there would be pillows underneath both of her legs. He would put one leg underneath her knees, one over her belly. He would rest his thumb at her knees, one over her belly. He would rest his thumb at the base of her entroidis. So the entroidis is the area where you to enter in intercourse. Okay. Right. So he would just rest his thumb there and then put his hand underneath her behind to secure her. He would then take lubrication. Okay. And he would stroke the upper left hand quadrant of her clitoris.

Right. So if my clitoris were a clock, and then 12 o'clock position were my belly button, it would be the one o'clock position where the throat goes. Got it. Okay. Which is amazing that men can,

I've always amazed, men can even find the clitoris. Now we're like, but now you got to break it into quadrants. Right. But this is what you teach, right? But like, you know how you'll say like, a little, a little left. Yeah, a little to the right.

Exactly. This is where we're trying to direct him. So now we actually have a map. We're talking the whole thing, and you're like, that's so wrong. Yeah. And he's like rubbing. Now you can actually give him precise instructions on the location. OK.

So then he would just stroke up, down, up, down, up, down, up, down, up down, up down, on the left quadrant, first, on the left quadrant. Okay. No more firmly than you would stroke the eyebrow. Okay. And both people, most people, both people would keep their attention on that point of connection for all 15 minutes. So you just have to breathe and focus on that part only. Exactly. And then what happens? Yeah, there you go. So now it doesn't sound... It sounds nice. But doesn't it sound deceptively simple?

Yes, like silly. Like silly? Great. Well, I can pet my cat too. That's great. Now I think it's simple in the same way that breathing meditation is simple. Like okay, you're just sitting there, focusing on your breath and all of a sudden you're rocketed to the outer stratus for fears of the universe. And if you haven't had that experience, there

is no way you can describe the places you can get to just focusing on your breath. Right. My experience is it's the exact same with Oming. It's like I have almost 10,000 hours of practice. If you do, if it were just like, you know, right? There would be no way I could continue. No, it's amazing. So you do it every single day. Well, I haven't I know I stroke that's. Oh, no, I use people. Okay. So now you're the stoker. Stoker. Stoker. So you know, here's on my back. Right. Exactly. Oh my God. Lucky, lucky woman. So now you teach the classes to men and women to do it.

So what would you say then are the benefits? Like what are the immediate benefits that someone will feel after they do it? Great. So I think we actually have this malady. And the malady is very similar to that when we had scurvy, which isn't a very beautiful way of putting it, but you know, there was scurvy, it's this disease. They couldn't figure out why, but all of a sudden,

all of these people who were on ships and happened to eat limes didn't get it. And then all of a sudden they located, oh my god, it's the vitamin C inside, and then you get rid of this ailment. Well, I think we have an ailment in our culture, and it's, it's basically it's called tumestines and it is the build up of sexual energy inside of a woman's body.

Okay. And so all of these different things that that underlying hunger, right? Right. What I call the Western woman's mantra, I eat too much, I drink too much, I diet too much, I self-help too much, I give too much and still I can't feed that hunger. Right. Right. That feeling actually gets nourished. And when that happens, all of these other things, all these compensatory behaviors begin to fall away, right? Sort of like, our idea of a woman begins to drastically change because we see women often as like, manic or dramatic or we see her as controlling and tight. And all of that falls I mean, I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that.

I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that.

I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that.

I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I'm not sure it. That's what we're gonna. Yeah. Okay. So the, um, okay. Yeah. Sorry. Go ahead. So, um, so you know that way, it's all of a sudden it's like you've had this great make-out and it's like you have these different kind of 3D glasses where you're a little bit in

love with everything. So, you know, like after you have this make-out, he's eating and, you know, a little bit of food dribbles on his chin. That's so cute and you lick it off. You know, where it's like before the make- out, if that would happen, you'd be like, that is so disgusting. Right. You know, so as women, we have like these really critical kind of tight minds.

You know how it shifts after our make out. Now imagine if you had that kind of sensation in your body all the time. Right. That's what I'm proud of. So that's what you talk about. You talk about the practice of like you're always in a constant state, like orgasmic mess, right? Right. So I remember how

do you do that? It's so hard to explain, right. You just have to do it. Okay. So here's what I have to tell you. Okay. Okay. So I go to your orgasm pop up store, which we had the best time. We like were the I turn to like a new confess the desire. And there was like, or everyone wrote on the wall. We have a video on our website, which you can check out. Or all the orgasm means to them. and it was so cool. But while it was there, I was approached by a few gentlemen. And it's just amazing. Yeah, so it is. And I was approached by people like, what are you doing here? Are you

part of one taste? One taste is the organization is the company that you run. Right. Nicole started this really successful company that teaches sex and sexuality. And what do you say it teaches sexuality, relationships and intimacy? A redefinition of orgasms. Okay. You redefinite orgasm. She's like, are you part of one taste? I'm like, well, I've been there. I'm not.

I'm here. Love, Nicole, love, or work. I don't really know. I'm like, well, I'm looking for an omen partner. So I three guys emailed me and called me since then. And at first, I was like, I'm so curious about it. I've talked to you. I've read your book.

I've had some of your one-taste people on my show like five years ago. So it's always been in my back of my mind. And I should home. Why don't I own? I got to own. I should all my family. So anyway, if you call me and I didn't get back to home.

So then one of you said, OK, I know I should probably take this as a rejection, because you haven't gone back to me twice. But I just want to find out. And I was like, you know what? This is probably take this as a rejection because you haven't gone back to me twice But I just want to find out. I was like, you know what? This is a sign. I got it It's time meeting with him today But we're having coffee And he's one of you're like, you know, one of you's taking your class and he needs a partner And I think I might do it

So I think I'm so I'm nervous and whatever he's like, well, should we just start doing it? No, no, no, let's be for coffee first. So we're gonna meet and I'm gonna and I thought I am so I'm nervous and whatever he's like we just start doing it. No, no, let's be for coffee for so we're going to meet and I'm going to and I thought I mean they were all really they just all great vibes like I don't just give out my number but they all seem cool so now I got a bad pick. But he was when the fall of three times. We have a lot of problems. I'm actually how many women I have who come to me and say what if

you don't have a partner you don't think you could ever get What if you don't have a partner and you don't think you could ever get what I'm not ready. Oh my God. So I'm done. I'm going to go there. I should do this. I just feel like it'll be a good thing. So I met him at your story. I'll let you know how it goes. But what else? What other the other than that? I want to just offer you. You know, if this one doesn't work out,

you can I'm happy. I would love for you to have a session. Feed me fully trained to the depth of training that you want. I would love for you. Yeah, that, of course. I would love that. We gotta go. See ya. I wanna do it now.

Really Nicole, that would be amazing. Of course. Because then we get like, yeah. Oh my god, that's what we're doing. I know, I know. And you're already turned on. So you're actually somebody who can get the nuance of it. What did you say, you were?

You could get the nuance of it, right? Yeah. And lately, it's funny because a bunch of my friends have been like, have you heard about it? Like, I feel like it's like it's in, well, as your book came out, and it's just like in the atmosphere right now. So what are the other things to only, so what is the difference between a woman orgasming and climaxing?

Right. How you check out the difference between those two? Because it's not about, like, we think orgasms were like, I remember you described me this or your people who work with you about going over. Right. Going over. We do. Or actually, I'll just say climax at this point. I've distinguished between the two. And so, you know, really what climax is for most people, right? Is, um, well, it's two things. So the first is you're feeling kind of stressed out. You want to get rid of that feeling of stress in your body. And so you have a climax and, whoo, you get back to normal.

Or you're with a partner and you're feeling all this build up of turn on. And then it's like, oh, you can't take it anymore. I love you. And then you climax and then, you lie together and take a nap. Right. And how that happens is you progressively increase pressure.

Okay, right? And then you pull everything up. And then you hear the bell ringing. And then chew, you would spell it, right? And you'll notice like it's kind of violent in your body. Right, it is a little violent. Yeah, okay. And it's kind of exhausting, right?

Yes. But the exhaustion feels good because usually we're so tense. We have so much tension that the exhaustion by comparison feels good. So that's what a climax is to me. What I'm talking about, or guys, what I'm talking about is almost the exact opposite. I'm talking about cultivating sensation.

I'm talking about progressively, instead of like seeing the goal and racing for it, you know, like going to a symphony and only listening to the last note, you know, like going to a symphony and only listening to the last note, you know, like going just for the symbol, bone, and slowing down and feeling every single stroke. And when you do that, what happens is, instead of just having the surface level climax,

it goes all the way down, it sinks all the way down into your bones, into the the same view of your bones. There's only woman who's like, sorry I tried it didn't work. This really works on every woman. It works on every woman. I mean, it's like, well, I mean, it works like, I mean, you have to practice it though.

It's the same way that yoga works on every woman. Right. Yeah, that's what we're built for. We're built for that kind of deep saturation sensation. As women, I have every woman, it feels like, not every woman, but it feels like, who comes to me says, I just, my sex life is great

or my sex life sucks, one of the two. Right. And I just feel like there should be something more. And I think we have an ascension or bodies of what it's supposed to be like. Like it's great to be like. Like it's not it like it's great is that right is afterward. Do you kind of feel like yeah will anyway. Yeah, exactly totally.

Sometimes I definitely feel that way. Yeah. And I'm and okay. So I'm wondering about the orgasm part then. So for women, what are women who are pre orgasm? I hate to say the an orgasm. But women who haven't had orgasms yet. Is this a climate?

Climate. Climate. Who don't climax? I mean,amac. But women who haven't had orgasms yet. Does this have... Climax. Climax. Who don't climax? Who don't climax? I mean, that's... I'd say another one of my top questions I get asked is like my... Women who can't have orgasms. Right. So this would...

I think it would be a great gay way. It's amazing. It's amazing. I think... Well, it's interesting because women who see themselves as not climactic often end up being the practitioners who have the deepest practice. Wow. Because they haven't attuned themselves to racing for that goal. And so their capacity to just keep sinking in and sinking in and sinking in. And then that's why it's so that's why we had the orgasm is stored. That's why it was

so important. Because the definitions that we have for what sex is supposed to be do not actually suit a woman's body. So you can have this woman who has this unbelievable I mean like, unbelievably deep orgasm, right? Like, we're massive contractions are happening and Ejacula is pouring from her and she's and she'll say, oh, there's something wrong with me. I'm Ann or got I'm frigid. And that has just happened to her and she still thinks that. Right. Because because she acted to it because it because it it isn't the big

kind of explosive. Right. Climax. It is actually suited for man's body. Right. And we as women can do it. It can be part of our repertoire, but it isn't the whole of what we're capable of. And she'll actually just be, you know, like on the bottom notes of her piano keys, she'll be in a different part.

Right. And it'll be so beautiful. So a lot of our work is just going back and saying, oh wait, no, that's beautiful, that's orgasm. No, that. And then she'll say like, oh, but it's not working, it's wrong. And I'll say, well, did it feel good? Well, yeah, it felt good, but you know, it just isn't right. Oh, because they're so used to the, to the,

exactly right, exactly. It's like retrain your mind again and retrain your body about what it is. Yeah. Okay. Well, I love when you say that what you do is you, you, you, you, you spent your career redefining orgasm from a woman's point of view.

Right. So this really is all about women. It's orgasm. Women, but I want to talk about the male role. So if a guy is listening to this and he's like, okay, great. So I get her out. Where was it for me? All right. So I just want to say it for man. I want to say it's funny because man's never asked me that question. A man's never said what's in the window? No. Okay, go ahead. And get it. I mean, I can tell you any what's in it for the guy is on multiple levels.

So on the first level, it's the fact that he actually gets instructions that he can understand on how to be with a woman's pussy. You know, here's this poor guy, right? His entire identity depends on how well he can do this. Right. And he's supposed to know how to do it in the dark under the covers without talking. Right. And then a new woman, and even though his last girlfriend did it this way, this new woman, he's got to figure it out in the new body each time.

And even though all these men have been so horribly trained by our faking orgasm, you know, we're actually reinforcing faking it. Exactly. Right. So, so just like his confidence level, period of actually feeling like, okay, wait a minute, I've been asked to do something and I have the instructions as to how to do it, and I can do it well. Right. I think though there's this other element that we as women just do not get. We just don't get it because we're not conditioned this way.

See, a man is conditioned to be productive, right? To bring home the bake exactly. To give her pleasure. And so that gives him a kind of gratification that we could never. It's women, we know, right? We're just minks as we know. We can just roll over that thing. It'll feel good. That's great. But we don't have a lot attached to how well we do it. Right. We are. We're good. Right. Right. But, but for man, they're so tied up in it. Like I've been with guys where I remember I didn't orgasm.

And he was like so upset. Yeah. Like I did something wrong. And this was like just like a few months ago, the sky was dead. He was like, I'm really upset. You didn't organize them and he was so upset. I did something wrong. And this was just a few months ago, this guy was dating, he was like, I'm really upset you didn't have an orgasm on that. I had before with him, he's like, I don't know why he's wrong, and you can just see with me, it was so, because they want to achieve certain goals of my own. So I failed with family last night. I was like, now it's fine, it's cool, it's whatever. So this practice really empowers men to get it, fine.

Because so many men just don't get it, they don't know it. So this would be this. So this practice really empowers man to get it finally because so many men just don't. Yeah, they don't get it. I don't know it. So you teach them. You break it down like the totally break. I mean, I break it down. You break it down. To what? I mean,

I'm just like, I'm the side of it. They know the clitoris exist, which many men don't. And then it's like quadrant. So then do they. So going back to the only practice then, it's a 15 minute practice every day.

Or you start with every day. And then the man. So you starts with the left quadrant. Right. And then you move to the other quadrants. And you will have to start 15 primary spots in the clitoris. Wow. And this is actually thousands of nerve-racking. So it makes sense that there's be quadrants. Right. So when we were talking about what the guy gets out of it, I can tell you that the next thing he gets out of it is the level of mastery. You know, one of the things Carlos Santana said, I think it was Carlos Santana said, after

a period of time of playing the guitar, the guitar begins to play you. Right. And really he gets to see, have you read this book flow, the psychology of optimal experience? Really? No, no, but I've heard of that. So you know the basic concept is that the time when a human being is the happiest is in a deep state of absorption. Okay. And he can take on a practice to the extent that he can get so deeply absorbed in the practice and he can play her clitoris like an instrument and get it such a deep level

of mastery that then he gets to sink in to that state that you get in yoga or meditation. She gets to sink into that state that you get in yoga or meditation. She gets to sink in to that state that you get in yoga or meditation and they actually get to be there together. Wow. It's the only way that I know that two human beings get to be in that state together. That's amazing. And it just happens instantly because you're in this, like if you have a meditation practice right with you. So they get into this together.

But it takes time. I would think that it would take, doesn't happen the first time or it does happen the first time. So it doesn't. I mean, that's the thing. We were joking about it. And so it doesn't, you said? Yeah, it doesn't happen the first time or it does happen the first time. So it doesn't. I mean, that's the thing. We were joking about it. So it doesn't, you said? Yeah, it doesn't. It's just hard to market it, right? It's not that happens for the first yoga class or not, whatever.

And you know, we're in a marathon in a day. Right. Exactly. Totally. Okay. So what else can we learn about this? So what about Oming for men? You talk a little bit Oming for men.

Great. So one of the things things Charlie Glickman said that's great thing about how many men ejaculate but not every man is orgasmic right and this is when he said that I was like oh thank god. So one of the things is really key to me is that first we get our women orgasmic. So you know some of the statistics show that 76 in their last sex act 76% of all men climaxed and only 26% of women did. Okay. So if you imagine that you're going out to lunch and he's eating 70% 76% of his meal for years and she's eating only 26% you can feel that she has a hunger. So the first thing we do is we feed her.

Well, then the shocking thing, low and behold, what you discover is that when she's full, all of a sudden, you step outside of the context of obligatory sex. Right. And all of a sudden, she's full and she's pouring her desire over on to him. Okay.

So this releases, so you're the only releases all this, the desire and all of that. Right. It Sounds so amazing. Like everyone should be doing this. I totally agree. So how do you get people? I mean, what about the skeptics? We're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like how do you, you can learn by downloading it on your website. Right. You could buy your book. Would you recommend the first thing is to take a class of Thurne San Francisco? Do classes in other cities too? We do. We have, in fact, we're going to do a class in Boulder. I believe. And then we're doing a class in Los Angeles.

And so we do classes throughout. But we also do Skype. We do a lot of Skype. I know, it's all at onetaste.us. Exactly. So you can find it. It's a great website. You can see all the stuff that you can download.

So if someone's listening to this and they're like, OK, so the Oming practice is really, and then what about the intercourse? Like, do you find that people are matched in the classes and then do they have intercourse? Or is it really you just focus on the orgasm, but does it lead to sex usually to intercourse? That's a great question. So you can use it however you want. In my mind, it's like all of a sudden we are filling your bank account, however you want to spend it as a excuse.

There are people who, you know, I have artists who come and they use it for their painting. And then I have people who take it and they use it to have their career feel more like, you know, being creative rather than efforting. Then there are people who use it and their deep meditation and awakening practices. It's however you want to use it. It's agnostic in that way. So tell me about some of the success. Tell me about some of the before and afters. I'd love to hear like is there someone's six out of your mind like a student who was like super skeptical who came in or like a student who was like super skeptical came in or a woman who's like I've never had orgasm. I don't like sex. I mean, is there any person

that comes to mind over all these years you've been doing it or just explain it? Yeah. Well, I mean, so what I said is skeptics is I would have been one too. Right. Right. The only right. I get it. Like that ever would have convinced me was trying it. So just try it. We're seeing you have blues is 15 minutes. Exactly. Right. So, you know, I had this fun couple that had they were married for 28 years and they hadn't touched in 18. And that was like they hadn't even taught like it was like even like yeah, nothing. It was like

they would brush each other and it would feel awkward and uncomfortable. And just the experience of watching them progress. It was like watching something melt between them and really watching her face melt. Amazing. It had sort of frozen into this. I'm never going to get what I want. Expression. And then just it was so sweet like watching. It's like almost like there are movies where you watch someone smile for the first time, you know, and should be like so awkward in her display of love with him and coming back into relationship and then seeing the glit like it was like I could watch the glimmers of who they were when they first got together and how much they had loved each other.

We're always trying to get back to, right? Which is like another top question we get asked is we used to have at SACC. We've been together for a year, 10 years, 20 years, how do we get back to it? So it sounds like Oming would be a great way for couples at no matter what stage, even if you're not a couple, but for couples, if you're a no at what stage, your relationship, it would be a great practice to invest in

to just kind of bring that spark back to your sex life. That's exactly it. So that your sex life can get exponentially better for the rest of the woman I know who's been Oming for 30 years, right? Like, it's like, her practice only gets deeper and better on a daily basis. Now, can women teach this to men

or is the man have to be trained in it? Like, let's say, okay, so let's say I meet with this dude today. Oh, not doing anything today. Army, you know, and then like, is it the kind of thing that I could teach a partner and really the guys have to go in for their specific training? You know, you know, and then like is it the kind of thing that I could teach a partner and really the guys have to go in for their specific training? You know you can and I'd rather not and then when I live thinking about it. I want him to know I want to lay back. See that's the and that's the thing that we offer men

That's the thing that we'll say we'll show you how to handle her pussy better than she knows how to handle her own pussy I love it and and I think that's as women what we want right? We just want to not be able to have to give constant instruction. We want to let go. And so we expect them though to be mind readers. And so what we do is we give him the mind reading lessons so that when he enters, he knows exactly what to do. And so that, you know, for example, my stoker, I'll think, I wish he'd turned to the left

and right as I'm thinking it, his finger moves. Because he can read your body. He can read my body. And that's what you're doing. So that's we should get into that for a second, because we have a few more minutes here. But how do we get into the talk about that that could experience how you can, you learn to read each other's energy because so much about sex, I'm always talking about like, well, men are like, I don't know if she likes it.

I'm like, well, what did her body do? Did she breathe? Did her breath quickened? Did she pull back? So this practice teaches you how to really read a woman, right? Because you're in you're in there and you're and you got to subtly like watch. So he knew that you wanted that because of the way the energy that you were giving off. Well, he has a very subtle and nuanced capacity to sense. But I think, you know, the first thing, I do the very hard work of, oh, this is so hard, I train men how to not listen to women. Because we as women are trained to perform.

And so we will scream louder, move our hips harder, we do all of these things to show him and convince him that we're getting off in such a way that we actually distract him from whether or not we are. Right. Totally true. So, he'll be listening to her mones and I'll say, ah, don't listen, do not believe that mone. I want you to only, first thing I have to do is look at the actual physical involuntary

signifiers of swelling of contractions in a gel in the jacket. Right. Because that's something she can't fake. Right. So that actually gives a man power. It's women were kind of mad that our performance doesn't work for a while.

But then we are so grateful that he actually, he has his own measuring stick as to what's happening in your body. And this is something that a man can take with any woman that he's with. I mean, it might be different. Her practice, but just the starting out own measuring stick as to what's happening in your body. And this is something that a man can take with any woman that he's with. I mean, it might be different. Her practice, but, but, but just the starting out and the way you do it is a practice that he's becomes fine to, to fine tune

to give him the tools for himself that he brings with him wherever he goes. So what happens in the classic? What's your most popular class for men? For men? Well, we have a non-line class. It's amazing called gold finger. And it actually, yeah, awesome. Because our listeners are all

over the world. Yeah. And then it, I mean, the the testimonials we get are, you know, like, oh my God, I know what I'm doing. Wow, man. You can figure out what you're doing. Please do this. We give him the cartography of the clip. We

give him all of the points of sensation. We show him how to do, for example, there's a stroke that makes her feel like she's in love. There's a stroke that makes her feel like she's reverent. It's a high light stroke on the tip of the clip. There's a deep abiding, sex stroke that you can get when you go back behind the hood. It's all of the locations on her body.

Oh my God. And what you're feeling on the G spot? She's getting, Aaron's getting, my entrance getting turned on. Who had getting turned on. I think it is an amazing example of the back of the clip. The G spot. Okay. Do you do any work around that? No. No. No. You're like you got to focus. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Clippers also they say that G spot orgasms if that is your thing and you're into it that you

have to be turned on first through your clip. Clippers more like exactly. Yeah. Okay. God. I love it. Any other final words people that we need to say that you want to impart any word, wisdom, I'm like hot and excited. And I want to call it really. So many women, women, women, women, women, women. Women. Well, it depends.

You know, it's up to them. Right. Totally. It's up to work, not stick in terms of what people do. OK. God, I love it. It's so cool. It's really, this is so

revolutionary. So slow sex is the book, the art and craft of the female orgasm. Increase pleasure and deepen intimacy through the practice of orgasmic meditation. And I feel like everyone needs a little deepening of their intimacy because we're all like we're all on cruise control. We've all had sex the same ways for all these years. You do the same thing over and over and over again. And how and it ever wants to have better sex. So, this is really like a tool if you, if it doesn't work for you, it doesn't work for you, but it seems like it works for most everyone.

Like, you have nothing to lose by learning. And I've been, please, please, like, go learn about the clitoris. Like, I think every man, like, it should be required. It should be, that's what Tim Ferriss said. We'll require education to every man. It should be, it should be like, like, like, done. Like, every single guy I I would I always want to go back and do overs like I

wish they knew this. So okay, in your website, one tastes that you ask that you ask, okay, the polls they don't. Thank you so much for being on the show. This was great being here.

Okay, and we're going to own we're going to have so much fun together. Okay, everyone. Thanks so much for listening to sex with Emily. And this is free show Friday. So enjoy it. Was it good for you? Email me

feedback at sex with Emily dot com. Okay, so I need to tell you a little for listening to Sex with Emily and this is free show Friday so enjoy it. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithemlee.com. Okay, so I need to tell you a little bit about my favorite sex toys on the planet, which is the J.J. You remember when I first got the Mimi? Yeah. Like, for years ago. J.J. How you say? How you say?

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