Sex With Emily - Relax, It’s Just Anal with Dr. Hernando Chaves

Episode Date: August 7, 2020

Alternative August continues with everything you need to know to get into anal play. There’s so much more to anal than just penetration (although that can be fun too). I talk with Dr. Charlie Glickman about how to start exploring around back in easy, clean, painless ways.People ask me all the time about how to bring up anal with their partner. Later in the show, I talk a caller through each step of the conversation. Like I always say, communication is lubrication. Listen for my best advice on how to bring it up and talk it through. Then, I go over the dos and don’ts of anal with my friend Dr. Hernando Chaves. We go over beginner toys and bust popular myths. This episode is the ultimate beginner's guide to your backdoor. Enjoy!For more information about Dr. Hernando Chaves, visit:TwitterFor even more sex advice, tips, and tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and on today's show we're covering all things anal. With two guests, Dr. Charlie Glitpin and Dr. Hernando Chavez. We talk about all the backdoor fun you can have before getting to anal penetration. Analicking anyone? We also talk beginner toys and how to bring up butt stuff with your partner. So a couple things you can do with prostate play with pegging one is get a curve dildo. I would like to kind of push it a little bit farther towards the self-adult play. A lot of women will you know play with your balls and they'll kind of like

go a little bit south and then there's just like this accidental grace on the anus and then you're like you could do that again if you want. Right. Look into his eyes. Then the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubize they call them in a fight on days. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation

around sex. Today, I want to get you ready to enjoy your butt. People always ask me about anal sex. This is what I get asked. How do I bring it up with my partner? How do I get my partner to do anal? Or I tried it once, it was painful and I'm out. And that's it. And you never give a chance again. And I get it. A lot of us

don't, you know, we didn't do it right. Our partner didn't know what they were doing and we just tense up and shut down. I'm not like an anal pusher or anything. I'm not saying everyone has to do anal, but there's so much more that you can do, you know, back there than penetration. So many nerve endings. So first I talked to Dr. Charlie Glickman about how to warm yourself up and actually figure out what feels best for you. Of course, you can always go exploring by yourself or with your partner. Try it out.

What do you got to lose? What if it feels amazing and then you never tried it? Later in the show, I walk a caller through how to actually have the conversation with their partner. What to say and what not to say so you both feel comfortable and safe. So tell me, are you nervous about anal? I totally get it. I mean you're probably thinking, what if it smells? What if it's messy? What do I do? Well, my friend, Dr. Hernando Chavez, and I bust all the myths.

And we set the record straight and want to expect your first time playing around back there. Remember, whatever you do, just don't go from pleasure to be here. It is so glad you're here. Thank you. It's been like you've been on the show in the past. Probably three years ago.

In San Francisco, and we're both in San Francisco. I've known you for a while. It's true. And your anal career is just taken off. You know, 90% of great anal sex is in your hands. And that doesn't mean that that's 90% of the time you spend having anal sex. But if you can get your partner warmed up with your hands,

then everything else is golden. So that's the most important part. And one of the things that I hear from men, from women, people who have tried anal sex and have said that it just didn't work, they say, oh, my partner went too fast. It was painful. Or I didn't know what I was doing.

And my partner started saying that it hurt. You got to warm your partner up. It's just like stretching before you work out at the gym. I know. And I feel like there's so many who were like, oh, I had a bad experience once. I was drunk. Someone stuck it in.

We had no lube, it hurt. And then they sent, you know, forever, they write off anal sex. Oh, that's terrible. Right. If you know what you're doing, you can make anal play that's terrible. Right. If you know what you're doing, you can make anal play feel awesome. But if you don't know what you're doing,

it can be painful, it can be uncomfortable. I've talked to couples that nearly broke up because of the pain that they were having around it. Well, one of the problems is people copy what they see in porn. And in porn, they do all of their warm up before they turn the cameras on. They use lube, they just put it in

before they get on set. So learning to have sex from watching porn is like learning to drive from watching a car chase movie. Someone's gonna get hurt. That is great, that's a great way to put it. Do you think anal sex is for everyone? Is that it? No, there's nothing that works for everybody.

Not when it comes to sex, not when it comes to food, but a lot more people would enjoy if they knew what they were doing. Okay. And you know, it's funny. I've talked with a lot of my coaching clients who have said, oh, I don't like it. I try to want it wasn't any good.

And then they learned how to do it right. And all of a sudden, they're a fan. Yeah. But what are the misconceptions? And what do you kind of do about it? I always start off with the anatomy because if you don't know the landscape, you're not going to know how to get there. And there's some useful things to know. A lot of people don't realize that the anus, it tightens up when you get stressed out.

Like think about when a cat or a dog gets scared and they tuck their tail under to protect themselves. This is why people who are stressed out all the time, we call them tightasses. It's literally true. But it doesn't matter where the stress is coming from. If you've had a bad day at work, you've been stuck in traffic, you are worried about it hurting, you're going to tighten up, and that's going to make it uncomfortable, and then it tightens up more, and then it becomes painful. So I always start off talking about the anatomy so that people can understand how to do the relaxation. The second thing is when I talk about anal play, I'm not talking about anal intercourse.

That's fun stuff, but there's all kinds of things you can do with your hands, you can do with toys. So if you are giving your partner a blow job and you're tickling around the outside with your finger, in my book, that is still anal sex, because it's sex that includes the anus. Right, okay. So one of the things that will make it easier

is take anal intercourse off the table for the first couple times, no pressure. The more pressure you have on a goal, the harder it is to get there. It's true. So prostate massage for men. I mean, there is such a stigma, a lot of men think, it'll make them gay, it'll make them whatever.

They have no idea about these sensations they can feel. And now I'm wondering, I know that, again, it's not the same for everybody. Would you say that most men, though, that you have had pleasure from this, or is there any men who are like, no, you did it again, it's not the same for everybody. Would you say that most men, though, that you have had pleasure from this? Are there any men who are like, nope, you did it Charlie because you're the guy. If I wanted a guy, if I was a guy and I wanted to, I'd go to you. But I'm sure, I mean, are there any men who are like, nope, it doesn't feel like I didn't

work? You know, there are definitely guys who it doesn't work for. But the thing that I always want to tell men is that where your nerve endings are, that's what kind of sex feels good to you. Who you want to have sex with, that's your sexual orientation, and those two things are not the same thing. Exactly. Just like who you like to eat dinner with is different from what foods you like.

It's always about sex and food for you. Right. It has no totally make sense, so I get it. And the thing is too is that when we wrote the book, the ultimate guide to prostate pleasure, we surveyed over 200 people, men and partners, asking them about their experiences. And we found that the fear of, does this mean something about my sexual orientation? Was one of the big worries that kept guys from trying it?

And the interesting thing is that men who experience anal massage, who receive it, become better givers, because you know what it feels like. I mean, why would you, if you went to a spa? Can you become better givers, actually? Yeah. Well, because, you know, men who have never received penetration sex happens outside your body. And it's only when you receive penetration that you realize oh I can be super turned on really into my partner and still need lots of foreplay. And so you become a much more patient giver and so the partners of

men especially women say that wow now that we've done this he's much more aware of my needs before we have intercourse, and it's just made his sex life much better. So. And so it's explained to me the pros, I mean, the pros, I was with men,

like, is it the kind of thing where it's just, just be people who look, let's say people just heard about it, they don't even get it, like, is the kind of thing where, if you're starting out, you would just recommend that the two parts are together,

or they kind of work it into their love making or it's a standalone act or, you know, they're using toys. I mean, how would you suggest people start? Well, let me start off by saying how I don't want anyone to start. Perfect. I don't want anyone to surprise their partner with any kind of treasure.

Never. Like, both ways. Man, women across the board. Never. We don't want anyone to be surprised, right? Because that's just no fun. I think prostate massager is easier when it's partnered because it's kind of hard to reach on yourself.

If you're going to do it solo, use a toy. Use like which toy, like the narrow? The narrow is a really good one. It's a hands-free prostate massager. I'm a big fan. You can also use a dildo. As long as it's more than about four or five inches long, it'll reach the prostate.

Okay. So you're saying recommend it with the partner though. Yeah, it's a little bit easier with the partner. Yeah. Okay. And you know, there's all the external stuff. I talk about it in the book and in my workshops and all of that. But once you have a finger inside, the prostate, it's actually a lot like the G spot for women. So that's what you always say. It's a male G spot. Yeah. You insert a finger, curl it towards the belly button, and you're looking for something about an inch across.

It feels like a ripe plum. So soft and firm at the same time. The tricky thing about finding the prostate is that it gets bigger when you get turned on, because it's still in the G-spot. Exactly. It fills up with fluid, and that's actually where semen comes from, part of semen, the fluid.

So if your partner isn't turned on enough yet, It fills up with fluid and that's actually where Seaman comes from, part of Seaman, the fluid. So if your partner isn't turned on enough yet, you might be in exactly the right spot, but you might not feel it because it hasn't gotten bigger. That's less true for older men because prostates just get bigger as men get older. 50% of men by age 50 have an enlarged prostate. So if you're with a guy who's 25, you might need to get him super turned on. Like him, a blowjob. Exactly.

Would you even suggest having an awkward, having sex first? Sure. Okay, have sex and maybe like that. Blowjob, watch up dirty movies. So have a mom. Have a mid-actually, just get him turned on. Get him turned on.

Okay, and then, flip him over. And then on his back or face down, whatever feels easier. I like, on his back, because you can do face to face. Oh, on his back in the mirror. Because then you can see each other. Okay. And, but if you're with a guy who's in his 50s, his baseline size is probably bigger,

so you might not need to get him as turned on. Okay. So let's talk about younger men though. So you're even more job, he's turned on, and then he stays on his back. Right. And so, you've got your glove on, keep things nice and clean. Always wear gloves. You've got your lube on your fingers. Right. And so, you've got your glove on. Keep things nice and clean. Always wear gloves. You've got your lube on your fingers.

All that stuff about finding the prostate. So when you get your finger inside, it's about three foot. Is it matter which finger? I like the index finger because it's more flexible. Because you're going to be there for a little while. So if you insert your finger and just aim up towards the belly button, and you'll know you're on the right spot if you can feel it on your fingertip,

but if you're not sure, sometimes for guys, it feels utterly amazing as soon as you touch it. It's like, oh, wow, that's perfect. Sometimes the sensation he'll get is like he needs to go to the bathroom. It sounds just like. Just like the G-Spa. If you get that sensation, that means you're on the right spot

back the pressure off about 20%. Okay. Also like the G-Spot. If you get that sensation, that means you're on the right spot, back the pressure off about 20%. Also, like the G-Spot. And then once you've found the prostate, three really good moves, you can do the cum hither move, which is like the G-Spot. You can do circles. And circles, you can do big circles across the entire gland or little circles just on one spot. And then the third stroke that you can also try is like in an out motion, but maintaining contact. So like, so you stay in. Like a maintaining upward pressure

while you slide in and out. You can't see this on the broadcast, but we're doing hand gestures as well. Right, exactly. We should take picture now. Okay, and then how long would it usually, and then you just get the same thing, relax, breathing, and then they could have explosive, the organ, is a different kind of, how would

you explain it? I know it's so hard, I can explain our organ. So one thing I do want to say is that his penis might not be fully heart. Sometimes with anal penetration, he may lose his erection, and that's probably because the muscles that trap blood inside the penis relax when you also relax the anus. So even if he's soft, if he's having a good time, don't worry about it. Okay, you could tell if he's having a time. Yeah, if he's like time for Netflix, you're like, okay. Yeah, but if his eyes are rolling back in his head and he's saying, oh wow, that's amazing. Don't worry if he's not hard. Okay, and you'd recommend starting with fingers and gloves.

Nah, toys. Okay. All right, don't go anywhere. I'll be right back to talk about your back door with Dr. Charlie Glichman. And I take a call about how to bring up anal with your partner. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪

Do you think that a lot of couples can benefit from exploring anal plague and if so, how? I think people can. I think people can. I think one of the big reasons is that we're used to thinking only of this one part of our bodies as our sex organ. I think it's great when you can explore the sexual sensations of your entire body, your skin, your breasts, your pecs, your nipples, whatever. And the ass, the anus in particular, is this section where people have so much stigma, so much fear around it. And if you're not present in your ass, you're not fully present in your body by definition, because here's a part of your body that you're just not tuned into.

So even if you don't find it sexually fun or erotically fun, just being able to be aware of what's going on in that part of my body increases your ability to feel pleasure. Right. It's like another place that you can feel pleasure on your body. Absolutely. And the guy who says sex is expansive. Why should you live it yourself just to having a literal orgasm or a g-spot or like, what if you could have all

this other pleasure? Lots of options. So many options. So yeah, I'm a big fan. I mean, obviously, but I do think that even if it's not your main focus, just being able to be aware of the sexual sensations that you might have there can be really intimate and can be really exciting.

And what about tips for women for experiencing anal sex and what would you say, relaxing, but also not orgasms? I've had a few women with their porn stars on the show and they're like, I always have, I know other women do too. Do too. Have orgasms and during anal sex. So here's the thing, some people can orgasm just from anal play some

people need g spotter literal play at the same time that doesn't mean that one person is better than the other eight um but you know I actually I have a no hierarchy like you're better because you can have an anal whatever works for you but also you know I've I've talked to a couple of women who say that they get better g spot stimulation through anal play yeah especially anal intercourse they get better g-spot stimulation through anal play. Yeah. Especially anal intercourse, they get better G-spot play. So, you know, if somebody says, oh, I easily orgasm from anal sex,

it might just be that, you know, she found the right angle to hit her G-spot. Right. So you can also play with that. And that can also be affected by the shape and size and curvature. It's an adem, as we say, the way we're built it, or the penis that you're with, or your body, right?

Maybe the way your G spot is. I met a guy once whose penis had a really strong upward curve, and his girlfriend loved it because it was perfect for her G spot. Right. She was a keeper. But then if they were in doggie style, it would miss her G spot, right? So you really get to play with these kinds of things. Right, and people should be keep playing with these things.

Yeah. Like the couples who come to you would do the same thing. I mean, that's just what amazed me. That's why you and I exist is to help people kinds of things. And people should be keep playing with these things. You know, like the couples who come to you but doing the same thing. I mean, that's just what amazed me. That's why you and I exist is to help people experience different things. And like I said, some people can orgasm from anal play on its own, but if you need a vibrator on your clip

at the same time, go for it. I know, this is what I was the same thing. I was talking to him yesterday. He was like, I have male orgasm with a partner. I'm like, okay, you along with 70% of women, and if the 30% of who can, it's not every time, but what's wrong with, you know, God, we have us, what's wrong with using your vibrator

and your cl- and be like, nothing at all. God, people shouldn't forgot about it. And, you know, and I've talked to women who have real specific sexual patterns. Like it has to be exactly this kind of touch in this position or it just doesn't work for me.

And other folks who, you know, they have a lot more options. And that just seems to be how different bodies are wired. Or do you think it's because they just believe they have certain, like if you work with people and you're like, let's expand this. Let's see if you can have it this way and they go back to where they are. Yeah, and it doesn't mean they don't enjoy it.

Nothing wrong with it. It doesn't mean they don't enjoy the other stuff. But it may just be the way their bodies are wired. Right, okay, so couples who are just starting out, let's say they're like, okay, we wanna try it. What would you recommend, like, toy? What would you say they start with some butt plugs and loob before our fingers first,

or let's say we did the fingers. So we did, so we got fingers first. That fingers first. Yeah, I think butt plugs are lots of fun, especially so many now. There's lots of them, they're hands-free, so you can combine them with other kinds of sex super easy. I mean, you can wear them while you're sitting in the car.

Although I will just give folks a warning, if you do wanna wear a butt plug when you go out in public, like maybe you're going out for romantic Valentine's Day dinner or whatever, bring a plastic baggy so that you have somewhere to put your plug if you need to duck into a bathroom and take it out. I understand that.

Okay, but let's go back to the couple. Your purse is not the place for that. No, no, no, no. You want to throw it where your purse would be thrown in there. But let's just start about like using a buck plug. Different kinds of like fire breeding, there's silicone, there's big, there's small. Like what would you? So start off small.

The difficulty with plugs, two things about buck plugs that folks don't know. One is that the neck of the plug, that has to rest in the anal canal, which is about an inch and a half long. So the bulb has to be, the neck has to be at least an inch long so that the bulb goes all the way inside, otherwise it's going to fall out. And if the bulb is not big enough, it's also going to fall out. So if you want something small, check out one of the stainless steel plugs by enjoy because they can make the stainless steel really skinny.

Right. Okay. The silicone plugs, if they make them that skinny, they tear. Okay. And you guys can all get a good, go to my website, sexelement.com, click on the good vibes banner, use code Emily. I think you get 20% off of any plug. So enjoy, those are good ones.

Those are good ones. And would you say couple share their butt plugs? If you want to share plugs, you can do that. You've got a couple of options. One is put a condom on it so that you've got a nice clean surface. Or the stainless steel or silicone ones, you can wash with soap and water,

and then put in a top rack of a dishwasher. If you don't have a dishwasher, wash your toy, and then put it in boiling water for five minutes. Because you do want to be careful about. Absolutely. I mean, I have like toy cleaner and stuff, but even sometimes I'm like, I don't know. Yeah, I put it into this washer. Although, if you put it into the...

Wait, which toys? The silicone or steel? I did not know that you could put this... Yeah, so we could. But plugs, but not like... Still do. As long as there's no vibrator. Okay, got it.

But one thing is, if you put your toy in the dishwasher, make sure you're the one to empty the dishwasher. I had this problem with my housekeeper. I told this on the show a few weeks ago, she came over and I was, they weren't in the dishwasher, but they were in the drawing rack. And it was a little embarrassing that I forgot to take them off. She didn't touch them, though, she was pretty minimal.

Okay, I got some questions from my listeners. Would you mind helping me answer? Thank you. Because you're the man to do so. Okay, thank you everybody for emailing me, feedback at sexwithmme.com. And you guys have been so freaking awesome lately because all I ask is that you tell me how old you are and where you live and also if you want to tell me how you listen to the show. So thank

you everyone for doing that. Anyway, Emily recently tried pegging but if not yet tried prostate massage, both my female partner and I really enjoyed the pegging. However, we are not sure how to do the peace spot massage or how it should feel if it's done correctly. I assume gloves should be worn for safety. Are there any toys that could help us similar to G-spot toys? Thanks, Rick. So first we should talk about pegging because a lot of people don't know what pegging is. So let's just explain, or I guess this is the next question. But yeah, let's talk about pegging real quick. So pegging is when women wear a strap on doldo with a man on the receiving side.

The word was coined by Dan Savage about 12, 13 years ago, maybe. He knew what he coined it. He actually did a survey. He asked people, he came up with three words and asked people to vote and Peggy was what, won the vote. It's a good one. Thank you, Dan. Thank you, Dan.

Because we needed that word. Totally. And so, all right, so if you're already doing Peggy, you've got the warm-up down. If you enjoy it, you've got that stuff sorted out. So a couple of things you can do with prostate play with pegging, one is get a curved dildo, or a dildo with a really prominent bulb or head. And then angle the curve so that it is angled up

towards your belly button. So if it's curved up, that's good for face to face. OK. If it's curved down, that's good for doggy style. OK. curved up, that's good for face to face. If it's curved down, that's good for doggy style. Okay. And your partner, have her as she's thrusting, kind of aim her thrusts up towards your belly button. So rather than going directly in and out,

get a little bit of an angle with a toy. Okay. Right. So you may need to play around with different positions. Which toys again would you recommend for the same ones? Well, any dildo with a curve. Okay. Any that you like?

I like the charm, which is made by Pleasure Works, sold through good vibrations. Okay. There's, because it's got a nice curve to it and it is smooth. You want a toy that's nice and smooth for you, I'll play. But really, any G-Spot toy will work, because it's got that curve. We're out with the vibrations though, just a dildo. A men like vibrations too. Absolutely.

Yeah, right. You have a little vibrations. Absolutely, vibrations fun. And then the one other thing I'd recommend for pegging with prostate play is she can also put her hand on like your lower belly right above the pubic bone and kind of press down towards the bed. And that'll kind of squeeze the prostate down towards the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, it off correctly, and I'm not talking about the strap on either.

We of course star inspirations from porn and the loads of kinky stuff on the internet, but when push comes to shove, literally, I feel like I need a flip chart to figure out the various insertion positions for each position we get ourselves into. Why is my body knackle effortlessly into the sexy thrusting positions I see various vixen performing on their men and movies. I feel like a floppy fish or will, trying to figure out how to move my body to get the strap on in his hole.

Is there a good resource for a girl like me to figure out body positions and how to center myself for the best possible pleasure for my man? This is not something I can talk to anyone else about. So any tips or advice is appreciated. Oh, much love, strapless in Seattle. Oh wait, she said just kidding location wise, I'm actually in the Bay Area because I was gonna love, strapless in Seattle. Oh, wait, she said just kidding location wise. I'm actually in the Bay Area because I was going to say you're now in Seattle. Yeah,

I just moved from Oakland to Seattle. She's 28 years old, but Charlie does see clients too. So if you're interested, we're going to talk about this after, but you can see clients everywhere, right? Because you do Skype. Anyway, she's funny, but she's on sale. Okay. Anyway, female 28. Okay. So here's a couple of things. One is you're going to have to play with different positions because your body shape, your partner's body shape, the dild is you're going to have to play with different positions because your body's shape, your partner's body's shape, the dildo you're using. So I can't be super specific, but first thing, put a pillow under his hips to lift him up a little bit.

Okay. That'll give you more flexibility, more options. Another really good position is for him to be on his elbows and knees, or he can stand on the bed and bend forward over the bed and you can stand on the floor. OK. But you said something really important, which is that the thrusting in and out motion,

that's not the natural motion for most women who are feeling sexy. And most women do more of a hip swivel, figure eight kind of motion. And the thrusting in and out, that's a different kind of core strength. So, if you have trouble doing that for a while, to be honest, the best thing you can do is some Pilates. Oh, okay. Because it actually takes a lot of core strength. In fact, I said earlier about

how men who receive anal become better givers. A lot of women I've talked to who try pegging, discover things like, oh, now I see why my boyfriend collapses on top of an after sex, because this is work. I mean, it's awesome, and it's fun, but it's a lot of effort. So you're going to need to build up some core strength to be able to do that. That's great. And, you know, yoga too is good. Yoga is good, but it's definitely a lot of core strength.

And for the positioning, I should have mentioned this before, I'm a big fan of the Liberator pillows. Oh, I love Liberator. Yeah. Because they're firm and they hold everything, you know, they hold your partner in a good position. The wedge, or do you recommend it? There's so many different. Yeah, I like the wedge actually.

The ramp is also fun. It's a little big. I have the ramp. They sent me the ramp. My place is so small. Like, what are booted? It's like, it was falling off. It's like hidden behind my clothes rack, but then someone come over and it'll fall over. I'm like, oh, I like it. I like it. It's got the cups on it.

Anyway, okay, that's great advice. I love sex furniture. Yeah, try the wedge. Okay. We got one more question. Is there anything else with that? No. Okay, because we got to get all of our, you're the man here.

I'm so glad. Hello, I'm 21. I've been with my girlfriend for four years. I wanted to know how I could bring up Pagging to her. She will occasionally finger my back door, but she feels a little weird about it, and I don't know if she will be into it. Thanks, no name, but let's call him Mike.

Okay, hi, let's call him Mike. Okay, why not? So, this is actually a really common question. How do I ask my partner about filling the blank? All right. So, one thing a mistake I see a lot of people make is they bring it up during sex. And the reason why that's a mistake

is because you're killing, if your partner has any kind of negative reaction, it kills the mood and causes a big, big fight. You're better off asking the question when you're not in the middle of sex. Always. Breakfast, road trip. And actually, I like that you said road trip,

because when you're sitting side by side and not face to face, it can be easier to have those conversations. It's less threatening. So while you're walking the dog together, is a good time to do it. That's a great point. Yeah. So a couple of good ways to do it.

One is to say something like, oh, you know, I was listening to this podcast about Hegging and I'm really curious about it. Or I went to this website, you go to my books website, prostitplesergide.net, and then you can say to your partner, oh, yeah, I found this really interesting website. Have you ever thought about this? What do you think about trying this thing? But do you think most women, if they hadn't heard of it, they might be like, you know,

because most people haven't heard of it, they might be like, you know, because most people haven't heard of, I mean, we come from this world, but... Well, and I might say something like, you know, I was reading this website about anal play for men and I'm kind of curious about it. Right. And then... And this podcast said it would rock my world and I had the most amazing feelings. And that can be a really good way to do it. If she feels weird about it, then the question that,

as a coach, I would ask, is, what about this feels weird to you? Is it that there's anal sex phobia and you're worried about germs? Is it that you think that receiving penetration means that your gay, which is not true? We talked about that earlier. Is it that you feel nervous about doing something that you don't know anything about and maybe you just need to read a book?

So the question is, what is it about this that makes you uncomfortable and is there a way we can overcome that? There might not be. Right, exactly. And that you can't convince everyone, but that's a great way to go about it. Yeah, that's my way. Great. Great. So yeah, we're everywhere.

We're everywhere. We're everywhere. We're everywhere. We're yeah, we're everywhere. We're everywhere. So glad you're here on the planet. Thank you so much for being here with me. We can talk to Marcus. Marcus called Marcus 34 in Wisconsin. Hi, Marcus. Thanks for calling. What's going on?

Hi. Yeah, so my question is, every time down on my wife she enjoys it and I enjoy giving that to her. I would like to kind of push it a little bit farther towards some anal play. Okay. Whether it is with, you know, my finger, or what not. I just don't know how to bring that up to her. Okay. All right. And I'm going to tear out for, you know,

kind of be off-putting right away. Right. Okay. Great, Marcus. Well, I've got a few ideas for you. So the best way to do this, to enter into an anal agreement, when you haven't before, is to talk about it when you are not in the bedroom so you don't want to like surprise someone with a finger.

But next time you guys are hanging out, if you're having dinner, and you could just say, you know, I, you know, well Marcus, tell me this, do you guys ever talk about your sex life and what satisfies you and what you're into, what she likes. It's usually kind of in the heat of moments, like I'll ask her what she likes, and she always kind of just says, you know, anything you do, which I'm happy to hear, but at the same time, I kind of want to, you know, try this. Of course. you know try this course at the same time there's been there's been talks before where it's like no okay it's for so just like straight penetration that

he's sent no to but not I really haven't asked her the idea of you know just yeah okay I got it marked. I totally got it. So here's my suggestion for you. So, you know, because this is, I hear this a lot. So most, if you haven't talked about sexy for, I think this is a great opportunity for you to say to, or you know, I realize how long have you been together, Marcus? Eight years.

Eight years, okay, perfect. So it's funny though, Marcus, you're not alone in that most couples that I talk to here on the show. Haven't talked about their haven't talked about their stuff since life because, you know, we don't have a great model of it. Our parents and talk to us about it. We're afraid that we're going to get judged. And so we just decided to say anything, which is why your wife, much like how I was, when I was in my 30s, if someone asked me, if a guy asked me, are you into this, I'd be like, yeah! And they'd say, what else do you want me to do?

I'd say, everything's great, because I didn't know what else there was to say, because I wasn't comfortable, and I hadn't done a lot of exploring, I hadn't done a lot of the masturbation that all the hours I've been logging, and all the sex I've been logging since. So the conversation goes something like this.

I realize we've been together for eight, for so long and I really love the sex we're having and you can even give some examples. You turn me on, I love the way you taste when I go down and you all the things and say but I realize that like we've been together a long time and I think I would just really love to do some playing with you and figure out what might you be into?

And I know we haven't talked about it, but is there a fantasy you have? And if she doesn't answer there, because she might, again, most people haven't talked about it until this moment, but I've advised thousands of couples to have conversations like this, Marcus. And so she might brittle out and say, why are you talking about this?

Oh, is our sex life not great? You know, that's kind of where our minds go. But you might want to say to her, I just want to make sure we're great lovers to each other. Maybe you could start with, what are the three most memorable times you've had sex with the moments? Are there three moments that stick out for you?

Because then by her telling you that, that starts the conversation. And then you could tell her what you liked, and then you could just see where it goes from there. Now you have to remember that it's not a one-time conversation. It's ongoing. And hopefully she'll take to this conversation. You can always start it and call me back

because I am here every night. But you could just, and then if you get to this point, you could say, I've just been fantasizing like I know we've talked about anal sex, but I think anal play, which by the way, coming soon, August is anal August, we're gonna be here for it. You could say, I just wanna like,

you know, I've been listening to this show with people blaming me all the time, Marcus, this show's sex with Emily. She talks about those all these nerve endings, you can feel great for women. I'd love to just kind of use my finger or my mouth, we could take a shower together. I'm getting in front of all the things

she's gonna worry about, like how's your hygiene? And you could say, I just want to like taste it, like see how it feels. I can go really slow because you could say, I've said on the show, which is true. We have so much feel around it because we had a bad experience once. We've heard it's painful. It's not sanitaries, taboo, all the things. But once we let all of that go, and we're like, okay, you know what?

I'm going to open my mind and see and go slow. It actually can feel really good because there's so many nerve endings, there's so many ways to play. And so you could just say, I would love to continue to keep expanding and trying new things because not because you're bored, not because you may be your bored, to be honest, we do the same things over and over again in the bedroom. But because for intimacy to grow in a relationship, we have to keep trying new things. We have to keep trying new foods. We try new exercises, but we don't, you know, so sex is the same way.

So how do you feel about having just a conversation with their overall and then seeing how it feels to kind of get or comfort with it and then kind of move into that? It's one of those things where I just don't know how it's going to go because like you said, you know, we've never had that conversation before. So it's going to be interesting because I feel like he's going to start questioning things with that. But, you know, doing something and I'll ask, you know, that's the only way to do it. with that but Okay, we do every time usually You know doing something and I'll ask you know, that feel good. Do you want me to continue that she doesn't know?

I Be somewhere else with that you know, she has no idea Directly give them all that like that which I It's good more than a creative of that just because I just want to make sure she's getting the best experience possible. Right, which I love. And that's another thing to say, Marcus, is I just want to make sure you could even say that, you know what?

Babe, this is really hard for me to say. It's very uncomfortable. I've never talked about this before, but I love you, you're my wife, and I want you to know that this is nothing. I know that a lot can come up for you right now. This isn't about you and this isn't about like anything wrong you're doing. I just know how important it is for Cove.

I've seen it in so many couples. I hear it on the show. I listen to it if you feel comfortable with that. That so many couples, eventually their sex life just becomes non-existent, not existent because they don't talk about it. And they keep doing the same things. And apparently there's a lot of things

we could learn together. Sex can feel amazing in all these ways, and you can have orgasms, women can learn to, most women can have multiple orgasms. And you might have to just in that first conversation, Marcus, be patient and be okay with her, say, and I just wanna tell you what I wanna say, and then you go into, I would love to explore.

I'd love to start having a dialogue with you. And then see what she says. That first one again might be about her, then you could say, what are your response to that? It might be about her getting comfortable with it. And then you have another one. But I understand two markets that maybe she grew up in a religious household.

Maybe she was told that it was wrong to talk about. Maybe she has no idea what feels good. So what I love is it's only been eight years and you're 34 years old. So you can start things that are worth having in life, take some effort. And I believe that for everyone who's in a relationship and not in a relationship,

we all deserve to have really healthy, expansive intimate lives. And it starts with these kind of conversations that are awkward at first, and she might be taken aback by it. But again, if she cares about the intimacy and prioritizing pleasure, which is a, you know, a lot of couples, again, they listen to my show together.

They listen to my podcast the last 15 years together, and it helps them, or you research, find an article, or something that she could start to get her head around, that it's not just you, but it's actually science that that this is that there's a lot of pleasure to be had for her. And most people do not get healthy sex education and information unless they seek it out. Because it's not a billboards. It's not on TV, right? So you happen to see this driving along and listening, but so so be patient with her that she has it doesn't she I'm assuming she's never really thought about her talked about it. At least not to not

in the way that we need her to. Okay. Yeah, I completely yes. In that aspect of kind of being reserved in that and you know, we've never had that dialogue and it's kind of one of those saying that it's slightly bit awkward if we have talked about you know just a quick thing when nothing is going on between us. Well you could say that this is really uncomfortable. I know we've never talked about it unless we're having in the bedroom but I'm asking this because I want this to become a really important part of our relationship and how we can be better lovers to each other, how we can have more intimacy. And I don't know, maybe you're not just talking about sex.

Maybe you want more hand holding, maybe you want more cuddling, maybe there's, you know, it's all about intimacy and connection. So just say, I think it's important. I'd love for us to figure out a way to have conversations about this, to get past the awkwardness, because it's uncomfortable for me too. But I think it's important for us to do this, and then just listen. So, just go back to, I think it's important.

We can keep talking about it. And you can't be back. A lot of people have the first conversation, and then you can't be back next week and let me know it goes or tomorrow. And I can help you, kind of figure out the next steps because it's brave and I know it's not easy, but you it's so important. And then you'll be able to get into the anal and all the other things, but you can't go

from zero to anal. Okay. Thanks Marcus. Thanks for your call. Keep you posted, okay? I'll be here. All right, we're going to take a quick break, but don't miss Dr. Hernando Chavez, and I'm myth-busting all the things people get wrong about but play. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUT Hi, I'm Travis. Hello. Emily, hello. So, so let's move into little anal sex because last

year around this time we were holding up in my apartment, I was prepping for an anal sex workshop and her name is a lot of workshops and I was like, I'm just so much better working with you with someone in 101 and we put together, you know, we talked a lot about anal and you're an anal connoisseur. I'd have to say that's my favorite coffee shop to go to. Yeah. My favorite latte. Yeah, exactly. So yeah, I thought we could just do a little rundown here. If these are common questions, people are really obsessed.

A lot of people are kind of obsessed with anal sex, too. And like, want to know, what do you think the appeal is? Or what are you going to be obsessed with it? Well, I think part of the appeal about anal sex is also because it's in that area of the butt. And I think there's a lot of, there's boob men, there's butt men, there's, you know, people who have different parts of the body,

but when you're really into the ass, anal just makes sense. And so for a lot of people, especially Latin guys like myself or black guys or people of color, you know, different cultures, it just seems to be like this desire to want to engage with like the curvature and the hourglass sort of nature They don't area of he's like gripping an ass right now. He's talking. I'm very sexy He's like the ass the ass the ass I'm like wow. I'm making like melons in my hand

But and so I think that it for people that physical Rousal does transfer into a lot of their their desires And then also anal has this wonderful taboo sort of context to it that really does, I think, get under people's skin, and psychologically just get them excited and aroused. Because of the taboo. Yeah, that's true. And people always want to know,

like, how do I do it better? Are they afraid of it? We're going to be answering some emails about it. But let's just break down some of the myths, let's say, or taboo's fears. The butt is exit only only not for pleasure. You know, we hear that, like why do anal, you know, and you can like have so many of the vagina or it's not even in a Roger's zone?

Not true. Not true. Not true. For some people, they might be painful, they might be not in a Roger's zone, but for many, many it is. And I'm a lot of pleasure from it. I think a lot of people never give it a chance. And they have it in their mindset already that,

hey, this is not a place where I should go to, that the exit only sort of philosophy is what I live and stand by. And they don't even experiment and explore. And imagine if we just denied ourselves from trying out something that could be so enjoyable or pleasurable, I always use the sushi metaphor. Like, how many of us did not want to try sushi that first time? Yeah, I didn't. Like, raw fish, are you kidding me? Like, no of us did not want to try sushi that first time?

Yeah, I didn't. Like raw fish, are you kidding me? Like no, I'm not eating that. Like cook it, please. And then all of a sudden, how many times do you go sushi? If I could, I would eat breakfast, listen dinner.

Yeah. I love sushi. What's your favorite? Favorite kind of sushi. Spicy tuna, tuna, or eel and avocado roll, yellowtail, hamachi. Oh my god, I'm getting so hungry. What, melts in your mouth?

Tucket, it's so good. That's what analiskey melts in your mouth. It's true. But getting so hungry. What, it melts in your mouth? It's so good. That's what analis can melt in your mouth. It's true, but people say another to speaking of melting in your mouth, it's too dirty, it's messy, it's painful. To be sexy, people think. But you know, no, it can be, you know, there's poop in there, they think,

oh, we can't be sexy, but we're gonna tell them how it can be. Anal sex is only for game at. And if you like it, that means that you're gay. People say that too. Not true, you're a straight man. I am. You identify straight. I identify straight. And um, and you like to play in your, in your anal, I like it. Oh, with my partners and with myself. So for me, it's a, it's a, it's an area that has so many nerve endings and it could be so like we said, taboo and arousing and pleasurable that we might as well explore

to see if we have compatibility with our partners in that area. And this whole idea that it's dirty or unhygenic, I mean, look, when we take a shower, when we cleanse ourselves, and we do a little bit of prep work, I mean, that's how our bodies work, and we can, you know, freshen them up to a, in my opinion, to a place where we can feel really good about the sexual experiences and the sense and the tastes and the touches that we have. Right, but how did you get into it? How did you like the first time you tried it? Were you with a partner or did you with your own anus? Oh, because a lot of men. For myself, or for someone who's a partner. Well, it doesn't, however you first, because a lot of

men that I think that's the biggest thing I hear is guys are like, well now I feel like men are starting to say I'm kind of curious, but I'm not really sure what to do. You know, like in all the things that doesn't make me gay, but I, you know, they don't know how to even stimulate themselves. So, I mean, I know you're a sex educator and a doctor and all that. You know, for myself, it was about a partner who just was mosing on around that area and just like started grazing in that region with their finger.

And I thought, you know, there was like a conflict I was experiencing. It was like, wow, that feels really good, but whoa, that's not like what I'm supposed to be feeling or it should be like in that. So I'm going back and forth kind of in my head and you're kind of like, yes, more, no, please stop. And yes, no, more, please stop. You know?

And I just found that, you know, once you get comfortable with somebody and you want them to do it. Was it a finger the first time? No, it wasn't even inside, it was just on the outside. Oh, right, the outside, because there are so many nerve endings that can feel really good.

Yeah. And a lot of people, a lot of women will play with your balls and they'll kind of like go a little bit south and then start playing with your pernium. And then also you're like, wow, that does feel kind of good. And then there's just like this accidental grace

on the anus, and then you're like, you could do that again if you want. Right. But you don't know how to say it, because you're like, right, because you'll learn a communicate. So what did you say? You're like, do that again.

Not the first time, no. I didn't say anything. I just like put in a memory box. Right, you're like, oh, check. Yeah. Good. And then as we got more educated and more experienced, like all of a sudden we realized, oh, there can be

like a communication about this. Where we can incorporate some loop, where we can actually like involve this and enjoy it. So it's a process. I know a lot of people listening, that first step is the hardest one and just being able to acknowledge it within yourself that this is a place where I can venture to explore. Exactly, men and women, it's true.

Because a lot of women think that, you know, they don't like, you know, they think, they don't like anal sex, they would never like it or be bad, maybe they had a bad experience or it was really, really painful. Yeah, there's a lot of bad experiences. I know, first time when they write it off forever, because you know, you didn't use Lou,

you weren't warmed up, someone just shoved it in like no that's not good that's why we're today we're gonna say I do it the right way. Do you want to hear about my first experience on me? Oh yeah so I was always fascinated by it with my first college girlfriend and you know she would allow me to try and I didn't know what on her on her okay I had no clue what I was doing I was the I mean literally I was just put a done sat on me I was the most uneducated, like worst anal sex experience ever. I'm sure a lot of women cannot really do what you're saying right now. Right. And I didn't know.

I mean, I cared about her. I loved her. I didn't want to hurt her, but I didn't know I needed a lube. So we would try these things with fans or body parts, penises and no lube was involved. And just I could only imagine the awful experiences she was having. And it was just the two of us not knowing what we're doing. Right. She didn't know to recommend it. I didn't know to recommend it. How would you know then? Right. So once we were taking a shower and she was always a

trooper. She was always like trying and trying and we just never could get, you know, it couldn't emulate like what I'd see in porn. And all of a sudden we're in the shower and she was such a passive submissive sweet sweet girl and wished she got this like rage inside of her as we were in the shower and she was such a passive, submissive, sweet, sweet girl. And just she got this like rage inside of her as we were taking a shower together. She took her finger and she just janded up inside of me. And I was literally plastered up against the tile and I was just like my hands were spread

and I was like, what the hell are you doing? I was like under her total control, I couldn't move. I was like, and she says now you know how it feels. Oh my God. And I was like, whoa, that's awful. So we didn't do it again after that. Wow, no, she did that just to show you wow. She didn't know.

Yeah, she did a lot. That's the way to show you. And in her, right, anyone goes right in like that way. Oh, I heard like, oh. Dude, that's a good story. And then is that what turned you into sex doctor? You're like, I don't want to get this right. I don't want to finger up my hand.

When I don't know. Okay, so let's talk about how to prep. What do you say? Did you fake out with that? That's kind of killer. That's just like, this is like a drunken thing. She was like in the shower, premeditated, I'm gonna sp this finger in your butt, wow.

Yeah, so. Cause I would you know, yeah, guys don't think about that. And women, we don't know, we don't know. We don't know, but that's what we're here to tell everyone. But it taught me a lot. Like she wasn't able to communicate that it was painful and I wasn't able to ask those questions. Right, we've all been there. That was like our non-use of words to say this hurts and let's like

take a break. Let's stop. Right. Because you kept trying. Yeah. Yeah. Like I didn't know it was painful. I said funny that we, I mean, I've been there too, things have hurt and like it I was like, you know, we're in pain, but that's why you should always speak up if you're in pain and we're not in pain. You should speak up about everything about sex, which is what we talk a lot about in the show. Let's talk about the preparation, getting ready for anal sex. So people are like, is it dirty? How do I wash that area? Do I need to do an animal, clear the runway?

What do you recommend? I say you could do an animal if you wanted to. You could. You could. It's almost like some people say, well, I have to have a partner who takes a shower before we have sex. And some people are like, I don't really care. I like the way you smell.

And you know, it's a little bit of the day has gone by, like I'm okay with it. So everybody's got their own sort of hygienic needs. It's chill. But it should be talked about. We should get to know our partner's hygiene needs. And if playing in the A&S or playing in the rectum is part of like your desires, you want to bring that up and just find out where how far should we go? Because we can make it squeaky, squeaky clean or we can just ride the wave of in the moment

and just acknowledge that it might get a little dirty, might get a little messy, but that could be okay. Right. Sex is messy. Sex can be messy. It's okay. But if you just want to do the basic, you can just shower, clean your dynos beforehand. Use nine irritating soap, stick a little finger inside, rinse, you know, just do that. So I don't think that you, yeah, exactly. Case by case basis, decide how you feel about it, and stick out for that. Safety first, condoms, and very important. Clean and trim, hernality, let me know that you trimmed your fingernails.

Keith, I think you thought we were having, you know, I didn't know if this would be experiential. Right. Maybe. Yeah. We just started. So we'll see. So clean and trim fingernails, very important because we always think you start with a finger. Yeah. And one mistake I made today is I didn't file my nails. I know. Do not. Sorry. I was going to do it, but you didn't file. Damn you. Our most important starring role is Loub. Besides your finger, penis, or toys. Loub, it makes any sexual experience more pleasurable. I just, you know how I feel about Loub,

but why are the better? And the anal canal, that self-loopercating, like the vagina can self-wale self-loopercate, the analis will not. Like non-negotiable, you need lube during sex, but which lube is the best? You know, I found out how dry it was back in college, and I never forgot that.

I never forgot it. And we've got, I think, you and I have had a great discussion earlier about, what can we do to help line that rectum? Yes, let's talk about it. We want to talk about that. Yeah, you show me some, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you,

you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, I've been stamped out, but like he came in here with a huge box of sex toys, butt plugs. And he was like, what did you say? You're like, what if I get hit, walk in the grocery and butt plugs went like flying cross-anemonic boulevard. And that would be hilarious. I would have laughed.

I mean, I would have saved you. I would have come save you, but then I would have just had to take pictures of the butt plugs. But you brought some cool stuff. Should we talk about some of the stuff happening with Loop? Sure, sure. You know, so as you were saying, you know, the

rectum doesn't self-lubricate like the vagina does. So we've got to take in a consideration that the inside of the of of during anal sex of the rectum is totally dry and that's where a lot of pain comes from people. So what are we going to do about that? You know, sometimes I something I call the squeegee effect is what a lot of people will do. It's one way to try to lubricate the rectum, but it actually sometimes works against us or it doesn't work very well. What I mean by that is imagine the person putting all this lubrication on the penis or on a dildo or the toy and they're going to have anal and they just like sort of insert it

and the anus itself because it's closed and tight, actually, like squeegees, a lot of that lube off. So you're kind of inserting inside with very little lube, but you think you put a lot of lube off. Right, because you did, but it's only outside or most of it. Right, so now we have what? We have the lube shooter. Lube shooter, yeah. Do you recommend the lube shooter?

I love them. I think they're really valuable, but it's not very sexy, especially if it's like a hookup or something you're just sort of getting, you know, it's a bit with it. It literally looks like a water gun, but you shoot the early go of shot. Like a syringe, like a syringe, right? You fill it up with a loob and you should go to insert it. You're about, right?

Shoot inside. Okay. But they have these new products. They have these new, like a gel, sort of silicone capsules that you insert inside of the rectum, and they actually dissolve. It takes about 15 to 30 minutes and it dissolves. It keeps dissolving in the, that's really brilliant. It's like a lube suppository.

I think it's brilliant. You could use it for vaginal, but I think it's really beneficial for. You could use it for vaginal as well. Obviously, yeah, that makes sense too, because it's true. The lube, you gotta always, you gotta reapply. Don't be ashamed to reapply. Lube on every nightstand. Emily, what do you think about water-based versus silicone?

For anal or for anything. In life, I like them both. It depends what I'm doing. I like hybrids too. Um, but I like, I like silicone, and for using like skin condoms, which are polyester cream, you don't have to worry about it as much. Silicone last longer, it's lipyr, it's lipyr, it's lipyr, it's lipyr, it's lipyr, is it a slippy? It's a slippy. Um, and last longer, and you know, it could be a little harder to clean up, but I like it for anal. But yeah, what about you? I like silicone for anal for sure because definitely because the water based absorbs more

in the rectum because it is a water absorption canal. So it will run out over time. So if you were a person who'd last longer or if it's kind of like, you know, it could dry up a little bit inside there whereas the silicone would last a bit more. Personally, I've always liked a combination of different ones, but I'm kind of on this wicked ultra kick. That's my favorite loop right now for anal and then for if a partner is comfortable

with vaginal silicone use, I like Uberloob these days. Yeah, I like Uberloob. I like Joe Loob. I like Joe, they make a bunch Uberlube these days. Yeah, I like Uberlube. I like Joe Lube. I like Joe. They make a bunch of different kinds of. Yeah, it's great to. Yeah, like hybrids. Oh my god, they sent us so much Lube.

I'm gonna send you home with some Lube. Appreciate it. How about that? And about plug. Oh, we did. We gave you the black pearl. Yes. The black pearl.

Yeah, so you're gonna try that tonight. You can be recall. Thank you, Dr. Chavez. This was amazing having you here. This was so fun. Did you have fun, Ty you're gonna try that tonight. You can call. Thank you, Dr. Shavez. This was amazing having you here. This was so fun. Did you have fun time? Always. Okay, good.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. You can find Dr. Hernandez Shavez on Twitter at Hernando underscore shavez. You can find me online at sexwithemley.com and on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at sexwithemley.com and on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook at sexwithemily. Find me money through Friday, 5 to 7-Pam Pacific on serious XM stars for even more sex talk, calls and interviews. Was it good for you?

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