Sex With Emily - Relearning the Vagina: The Science, the Myths and the Power

Episode Date: July 15, 2025

Join the SmartSX Membership : https://sexwithemily.com/smartsx Access exclusive sex coaching, live expert sessions, community building, and tools to enhance your pleasure and relationships with Dr. Emily Morse. List & Other Sex With Emily Guides: https://sexwithemily.com/guides/ Explore pleasure, deepen connections, and enhance intimacy using these Sex With Emily downloadable guides. SHOP WITH EMILY!: https://bit.ly/3rNSNcZ (free shipping on orders over $99) Want more? Visit the Sex With Emily Website: https://sexwithemily.com/ In this essential episode of Sex with Emily, Dr. Emily dedicates an entire show to demystifying the vagina, expanding knowledge about vulvas, vaginal health, and orgasm types. This conversation is all about understanding anatomy, pleasure pathways, and destigmatizing sexual issues that too many people face in silence. We explore the internal clitoral network and why it wasn't included in medical texts until the late 1990s, debunk myths around different types of orgasms (spoiler: they're all connected through internal clitoral structure), and address why penetration alone doesn't cause orgasms for most vulva owners. Emily answers listener questions covering everything from clitoral piercings and vaginismus to rebuilding sexual identity after cancer and chronic yeast infections. This episode includes practical product recommendations like vibrators for sensitive bodies, CBD-infused lubes, and guidance on hormone replacement therapy for vaginal health. Whether you're dealing with pain, dryness, struggling to reach climax, or just want to understand your body better, this episode offers science-backed insights and compassionate guidance for reclaiming your pleasure and sexual confidence. Timestamps: 0:00 - Introduction: Understanding Your Vagina for Better Pleasure 1:44 - Caller Question: Clitoral Piercing Pain and Partner Acceptance 4:20 - Vaginismus: When Your Vagina Won't Relax for Penetration 8:44 - Endometriosis and Sexual Recovery After Cancer 16:22 - Clitoral vs G-Spot Orgasms: What's the Difference? 18:12 - Post-Menopause Orgasms and Vibrator "Addiction" Myths 23:10 - Chronic Yeast Infections: Causes and Solutions 28:21 - When Your Partner Stops Wanting Oral Sex After Baby 32:13 - Wrap-Up: Key Takeaways for Vaginal Health and Pleasure

I thought I was broken. I thought the thrusting that the penis was doing inside of me, thrusting, thrusting, thrusting, should have produced an orgasm and I thought, well, what the fuck is wrong with me because that's what's supposed to happen. That's not what happens. We didn't study it. We didn't know. Gosh, there's so much to learn." You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. The vagina's a beautiful place, but from orgasms to vaginismus, do you really know your way around one? Whether you want to maximize a vulva owner's pleasure or improve your own vaginal health,

this episode is for you. My intention is to help you more deeply understand the vagina so that you can experience more pleasure and connection, whether you've got one yourself or care about someone who does. Alright, everybody, enjoy this episode. Thrusting does not cause orgasm. Thrusting can cause pain. Thrusting can cause frustration. It doesn't cause orgasm. So I want wanna remind you that sexual pleasure is in your hands. Like really, you gotta literally and figuratively, you gotta figure that out yourself. Go exploring.

No one told you this because people didn't know when you were little. They didn't know. So if you have a vulva, figure this out. Spend some time, spend some time. Masturbating, playing with yourself, I mean, it is not your fault that you don't know about pleasure, and I'm sure you didn't grow up in a home

where they were excited about your pleasure. Cause your parents were having, they weren't having a satisfying sex either. So what the hell are they gonna tell you? They're gonna tell you not to get pregnant, and they're gonna tell you not to get an STD, but they're not going to tell you about the magic of your clitoris.

Kenzie, 27 in Alabama. Hi Kenzie, thanks for calling. Hi. Hi. Thank you. Yes, what's up girl? So this is a little weird, but like I have this thing with Pearson.

So I got my nipples done and I was wanting to get like, you know, downstairs, but I don't know how that like pain was and if guys like that, like. You know, Kenzie, it's such a good question. I know women who pierced their clitoris. Were you thinking you're clitoris? And I, I think there's risk for sure.

A little, a little. But I don't really care of guys like it. Like if you want to do it, do it do it so I I don't know what to tell You I I could put that out to my listeners if you're a guy Yeah, I want to help you out Kenzie because I think that every what everyone likes is different So but what I think is if you like it Listen Kenzie if you like it, listen, Kenzie, if you like it though, and it feels good to you,

then the guy who's not into it is not your guy. True, you got a good point, thank you. Yeah, and remember that with everything, okay? Kenzie, as you move about life, oh, he wants me to do this thing, or he wants me to wear this certain thing, and he wants, no, if he doesn't like you, he's criticizing you, he's me to do this thing or he wants me to wear this certain thing and he want no if he doesn't like you He's criticizing. He's making you feel worse than you felt before you met him. He's not your guy

True true. Thank you so much. You're so welcome. Let me know how it goes Kenzie. Thanks for calling Yeah, it's an important lesson to remember because we all just we can walk around with things that we Someone told us they criticize us. They judge us. You can lose a few pounds, your vulva's weird. I don't know, we just think they're true. And we allow that to hold us back from being fully present during sex and in our lives, actually. So if they're making you feel bad, they don't like your clitoris piercing,

your nipple piercing, whatever you do, not your person. Saves us a lot of time actually. Not every guy, woman that you go out with has to be your person. And how wonderful when there's things like that where you can just weed them out. Oh, you made me feel bad, this isn't my person. I'm out.

But we so often abandon ourselves. I remember in therapy years ago, I had this therapist and she was like, and I was probably, I was Amber's age, I think I was 27. I was like, well, these people said this and that. And it was something about someone had criticized, I think I was talking about a boyfriend.

I was like, and he said, I do all this stuff and he's probably right. And she's like, why do you abandon yourself? Why do you join their team? Tammy, 39 in Canada. How do I get my vagina to relax in order to have my boyfriend penetrate me for vaginal sex? I'm a virgin.

I need a committed relationship. My boyfriend is amazing and listens to me while we're in bed. We have a good bedroom relationship. I'm open to trying anything with him. We took a trip out of town and I honestly thought I would finally get to have vaginal sex. He mostly takes a leak when it comes to initiating sexy time and I'm okay with it. I like it.

I think in part I may be a submissive. We ended up having anal sex on this trip and while it did catch me by surprise that he wanted what he wanted in, he stopped to ask if it was okay with what he was about to do. I was more than okay. That experience was surreal and hella enjoyable. But I still feel that empty as I while I wanted to be able to have his cock in me. I'm considering going to my doctor but help. I'm asking you first. Alright Tammy, I'm hearing from you that your vagina is not relaxed. You might have something that we call in the

vagina business vaginismus. And that is something or a variation of that, that women, it's really painful, vulvodynia is the other name for it, that it's very painful to have penetration. And I'm going to guess that it probably hurts maybe to put a tampon inside your finger inside of you. And while the causes for this is different from woman to woman, it can have to do with a trauma. There's a few things. It could have to do with a trauma earlier in life where sex

became really scary. Maybe there was a sexual assault and your body just shut down from it. Maybe you even grew up in a stressful household where you were constantly clenching, right? The action of clenching impacts your pelvic floor and as a result of constantly clenching those muscles your vagina just literally feels closed up and you can't have any penetration. And a lot of women suffer through this for a lifetime and one of my best recommendations for you is to go see a pelvic floor physical therapist. So just like you'd go to a physical therapist for your back or your

knees, you can go to one for your vagina. And what they do in this physical therapy is they sort of diagnose what is happening in your pelvic floor. And for many women, the great news here is for women who have suffered from this condition, they give you something called dilators. They might do it with you and they might send you home with some and these dilators kind of look like a dildo and they come in all different shapes. So meaning it's like a long, you know, phallic object. It's a practice of you just sort of put it inside and then you take it home with you and you do exercises where you might only be able to get in for an inch or

you know, half an inch. And then over time you can put in further and further and further and they teach you how to breathe and they teach you how to open up your vagina and they teach you certain exercises so you can actually have penetrative sex and a healthier sex life and so I recommend it. It's not well known as well known as it should be but I do hear a lot of more practitioners going into pelvic floor physical therapy. But your insurance company might have someone. You might be able to call up and see if they have that. You might find one in your area.

Doctors up until maybe 20 years ago, they just were like, Oh, it's trauma or we don't really know or it's inexplicable or it's emotional. And it might be all of those things. If you had an emotional trauma, I mean just because your vagina might be open through doing this dilator practice where you're constantly upping the size of the dilator over a few week period because it only takes a few weeks which is awesome. The thing is that your vagina might have you might have been experiencing vaginismus or vulvodynia. Vulvodynia means it's more

around the vulva and when you can't even take penetration in the vulva which is the exterior part of the vagina and vaginismus is when the internal parts. Through a series of exercises you could learn to open it pretty easily. Well, it's not easy but pretty quickly which is great news. And then if you have had trauma, you should also definitely see a therapist. If you have any kind of sexual trauma, any kind of assault, anything in your life, unfortunately, when you experience something as devastating as a sexual assault or trauma, it doesn't dissipate over time. It actually can exacerbate and get worse over time.

So I recommend that women do it. This is from Jennifer, 37 in Pennsylvania. Hey Dr. Emily, I've been a longtime listener of your show and I need your advice, background in a nutshell. Diagnosed with endometriosis at 25 years old, was able to finally get a grip on it by 35 with strict eating habits, exercise as sex therapist, and a wonderful public forest specialist. However, my mental identity of how I viewed myself sexually because of endo was very traumatized and placed a big strain on my sexual relationship with

my husband. It just made it hard to get in the mood. 36, I was then diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer, had a lumptomy, chemo, and radiation. Oddly enough, this near-death experience hit a mental restart button and I'm looking to rebuild my sexual identity for me and my husband. My biggest challenge now is to try to explain and communicate to my husband that sex starts in the mind and his role in sexual framing. How do I get him to understand what it is, most of all, how to do it and how he can participate in sexual framing techniques that will go much further than, we should do it tonight,

which always makes it feel like a chore and not like a fun fiery desire. Also, if you can recommend any lubes that are user friendly to post chemo patients, as chemo has made it unusually dry down there, your forever listener, Jennifer. Jennifer, thank you so much for your email. You've been through so much. You've been quite a sexual journey,

and I'm so thrilled to hear you've taken the necessary steps to working with your endometriosis. And for those of you who don't know real quick what endometriosis is, it's a condition where tissue that's similar to the lining of your uterus grows in other parts of your body. So when this tissue grows in the wrong places,

it can cause you to experience really uncomfortable symptoms that will impact your daily life. And some people also with endo have some issues getting pregnant. Some of this could be hereditary. The cause of endo, it could be hormones. There's a lot of different factors and we're still learning so much about women's sexual health. So let's remember that it's not easy to kind of heal ourselves in these ways. So again, seeing a pelvic floor physical therapist, a sex therapist and all the things you're doing

were great steps to handle it. And I know it can be really difficult to feel sexual, especially when you've associated sex with pain. So let's start with you and you reclaiming your sexuality. I highly recommend you start with like a solo sex practice where you're really taking the time to reconnect with your body, feeling more body connected. You know I love a mindful masturbation practice

where you are masturbating, but without the goal of orgasm, the goal is really reconnecting to your body how it is right now. And I highly recommend mindful masturbation to everybody, by the way. Our bodies are always changing throughout our lifetimes. There's different things that we need and want and our sometimes we don't even really know our bodies. So being

mindful, taking time to breathe and connect and understanding your body. And you know that mindful masturbation use some toys with it. So now that you've reconnected with yourself, let's bring your partner into the mix because your husband, I know there's a lot of people who are like, hey let's go you're ready for sex let's do it. And that is just not sexy. So I love that you mix because your husband, I know there's a lot of people are like, hey let's go, you ready for sex? Let's do it. And that is just not sexy. So I love that you're having your husband join along with you. Here's the thing about sexual framing or really framing anything, it's really about the context or how something is portrayed or presented in a sexual situation. So what you're saying here is the context of him bringing it up isn't working for you.

Saying, hey, let's do it. We need to kind of reframe and understand what's going to get you both in the mood for sex, okay? Maybe specifically you. What we really need to understand here is your desire. How do you get turned on? It sounds like your husband says, all right, I'm ready to go. He's more spontaneously has a desire.

But for many people, specifically Volvo owners, we are more responsive. We respond to certain things in our environment and we get turned on. We need a series of events to happen before we get to the point of why we have sex. Your husband snaps his fingers. He's ready to go. You are not. So this is understanding that things need to happen. What turned you on the most? Do you know what needs to happen, Jennifer? Is it that... and it could be like, you know, foreplay all day. He sends you sexy texts that get you turned on. It could be compliments. It could be the house is clean when you get home. It could mean you have a deep conversation

with him about your day and you feel much more turned on. It could just be like, sexual reframing is the context, right? So maybe in your home, like for me, I know that if my home is a mess and it's really cold in the house and I haven't changed my sheets and I haven't showered yet, I'm not gonna be moved for sex. So those are some of the things that we could think about that will get us toward being more turned on.

Because again, we have a partner that's just ready to go to the drop of hat and we are not, we get up feeling inadequate, like something's wrong with us. So just to really explain to your partner in very real terms, I'm gonna be the most turned on when I've had time to clean the house. I feel more connected to you by conversation. I have oral sex from you for 20 minutes. You feel comfortable using these toys on me. The lube is on the nightstand and ready to go.

Speaking of lube, you also mentioned lube, I gotta tell you about Morgasm lube because it made me think like this is also perfect for you. It's actually made just for you. It's a CBD infused lube, 100% hypoallergenic, oil free so it's safe, and what I love about Morgasm is it's a two in one, which I haven't heard of anything like this. It's a lubricant and an arousal gel,

and it has CBD in it, but it has all natural ingredients in it. It has like L-Arginine that increases blood flow and will reduce inflammation and stimulates the body to increase arousal. You can have longer more intense orgasms. It also works on penis owners, okay? I love a lube that's focusing on penis so it increases orgasm intensity. It can help you for sure with dryness and pain, discomfort for valve owners,

it increases the arousal for penis owners. And what I love is it's edible. It has a very slight vanilla flavor, but it's almost neutral. It makes it great for oral sex. So here's another deal for you. Get 15% off Morgasm Lube if you use the code EMILY at morgasm.com slash sex with emily that's

m-o-r-g-a-s-m dot com slash sex with emily and just use code emily to get 15 percent off. All right Jennifer that is a lot of tips for you there a lot of products a lot of tips a lot of conversations and let me say one more thing it's not a one-time conversation with your husband and for anybody it is an ongoing conversation about sex. A lot of couples listen to my show together and they have told me that over the years like we binge 10 episodes because the way I talk about sex, it's normalizing sex. It's taking a lot of the shame and it's explaining a lot of concepts that can be harder in one conversation for you just to explain to your partner. So whether you're

listening to the show together, you're having conversations with them on a weekly basis about not only what you want Jennifer, but what your partner. So whether you're listening to the show together, you're having conversations with them on a weekly basis about not only what you want, Jennifer, but what your partner always wants. And when you start bringing in some toys and some lubes, and you can get rid of all the shame around it, and hopefully there isn't any, but it becomes a new activity

that you and your partner share together. Like, what'd you think of this toy? What'd you think of that lube? How about this position? How did sending you sexy texts in the middle of day work? Because you get to kind of hack your sex life together. It's not only up to you Jennifer to solve it, but the two of you are in this together. It's a lifetime journey and our bodies change over time. So the more efficiently you

talk about sex, the more frequently you talk about sex, the better sex you're gonna have and the more connected you're going to feel. Alright Jennifer, thank you so much. Keep taking care of yourself and doing the work. Thank you so much for your question. Stick around because after the break, I'm discussing clitoral versus G-spot orgasm. What to do when your wife no longer wants oral sex after having a baby. Ever picked a vacation spot based on where you don't have to worry about the language? Same.

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OK, here's one. Is clitoral, G-spot, or cervical orgasm same or which is stronger? There's a lot of, see, I can kind of sum this up. There's a lot of questions in here about, did I have an orgasm, do I not? Like for vulva owners, for women, they're like, oh, was this a clitoral one, was it a G-spot? I know we label them, right?

But a clitoral orgasm was what the majority of women experience through masturbation or penetration and that's the external part of your vagina. The clitoris is there, it's that little magic spot that has 8,000 nerve endings. And it also extends internally. So sometimes the G-spot, which I like to call the G area, but I don't even really want to call it an area or G anything because it was named by this guy, Grafenberg, and he did not have not have a G spot. It's named after him, which is just bizarre.

But anyway, I wonder if I could start a petition. But it's like an area and I believe that area is like internal clitoral nerves. So and for every woman is different, so I can't tell you which one's stronger because the problem is G spot got a lot of recognition like 20, 30 years ago. And so what happened was everyone was like, oh that's the better orgasm. The clitoral orgasm is just, that's just, everyone can have that or whatever. But they're all linked into each other. So just focus on the orgasms you're having and continue to explore your body.

Once you have a clitoral orgasm, it can be easier to have a more internal orgasm so then you could use your fingers or a toy or a penis or whatever you want to eat. Not whatever, but it's an approved item to go inside of you to explore and experiment because once you have an external orgasm, the blood starts to flow and circulate inside and it can be helpful that way to experiment. This is from Susan 60 in Florida. Hey, Dr. Emily, I'm a postmenopausal woman who can no longer have orgasms through oral sex as I once used to quite easily. I've never been able to climb max through penetration.

I can't have her still experience clitoral orgasms with my favorite clit sucker vibrator, but no others. Have I become addicted to just this one apparatus? And if so, can I untrain my clit to react to other types of orgasm inducing stimulations? Or because I'm postmenopausal does my clit now simply require an intense and consistent stimulation to get the blood flowing in order to orgasm? By part I do incorporate my toy into our lovemaking but I am finding it harder and harder to orgasm at all. Even though I am on HRT, hormone replacement therapy, I sometimes wonder sadly if my orgasm lifespan has ended

even though vaginal intercourse is still pleasurable. Seeking your advice, thanks Dr. Emily. All right, Susan, thanks so much for your question. It is a great one because first let me say this, I wanna just normalize the fact that the way we orgasm changes over time. It's gonna be different in your 30s than it is your 20s, in your 50s, it's different from your 30s,

in your 60s, it's different than your 40s. It can sometimes change month to month. Our ability to orgasm changes because our pelvic floor is shifting, our hormones are changing, and there's a lot of different factors that go on. So let me first address this. Does a vibrator numb you?

Are you addicted to your vibrator? That's not a thing. That doesn't exist. If you damage nerves, that's a really serious condition and that really does not happen at most these times. It simply means that these nerve writings are getting used to and your body's getting used to orgasming in a very specific way

with a very specific vibrator. There is nothing wrong with orgasming every time the same way with a vibrator. Now if you don't love it's a clip sucking vibrator, you can try another vibrator. That's totally fine too. But I just want to say there is nothing wrong with it. How incredible that you're still able to orgasm. Here's the thing with vibrators, we get so used to them making us feel good and then we start to think is this bad? Is this bad that I had an orgasm this way? But listen,

the goal is orgasm, am I right? Let's say your goal is getting to the office every day and you could get there by riding a bike, you could take the bus or you could drive, but you know you wanna get there the most efficient way, well I would say you could take the bus or you could ride your bike, but driving sometimes is the fastest way to get there and you still got to work and you still got your work done.

So in this case, you're still gonna get your orgasm. So I really don't want us to judge the way we orgasm that it's wrong to use a vibrator. The majority of level owners I talk to are mostly using vibrators. You know, so I just again I want to normalize this because does it feel good to make you feel better having an orgasm? That is great. But let's get into the HRT also because there's a lot more information there about women on hormone replacement therapy. Just like a lot of medications, over time when we use our hormone treatments, it starts to change.

Like maybe right now you're only doing estrogen, but you might need to add in some progesterone and testosterone. And it's like a dance, okay? You got to tweak the combination of estrogen, testosterone and progesterone because while you might have needed more at one point, you might need less at another point. So hopefully you have a great doctor that can work with you on this, because a lot of times it's great to start with estrogen.

So if you're not at estrogen, I highly recommend it, but there's different ways you can take estrogen, because that's the culprit. I would say that that's the most severe hormone that takes a nose drop when we're perimenopausal or postmenopausal, because that sort of affects our ability to orgasm, because we're're having the vaginal lining is becoming thinner, it's impacting blood flow and all these things.

So Susan, anyway, let me just say this is that I understand this whole like, is there a problem here? But I think that normalizing with your partner and also using your vibrator, but then also like bringing in your hands or the mouth, and then bringing the vibrator in, it's all a dance. And I think the less we get caught up on is this wrong, is this right, is it the right way,

and the more we can practice being mindful and connected to our partner and talking about these things too. Remember, I always say talk about this stuff outside the bedroom as well, because I'm not sure, Susan, because we're not talking right now. I don't know if your partner's saying, why is still having pleasure, intercourse still feels good, but, and, this is how I'm gonna get to the finish,

most partners are gonna be down with it. Sex is still pleasurable without orgasms, I just wanna say that, but I know that you want one, because who doesn't want one? But again, finding different paths of pleasure is part of the path of being sexual beings. So, I'm telling you, once you're done with it, you're gonna be down with it. And I know that you want one, because who doesn't want one? But again, finding different paths to pleasure

is part of the path of being sexual beings. And constantly being figuring out how we can troubleshoot along the way, because things are gonna change. If you're on medications, you just gave birth. If you are having resentments with your partner and you haven't been feeling very connected lately, all these things are gonna affect our ability

to be aroused and turned on. So there's a lot of information there but let's keep talking. Let's keep listening and everyone I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you for sending me all your questions. Alright Susan, thank you so much for your question. I appreciate you and I hope this helps. Let's talk to Megan 23 in California. Hi Megan, what's going on? Thanks for calling. So I have a issue with chronic yeast infections and I just recently had bacterial vaginosis which was a horrific experience. Yeah. And the doctor hasn't really, you know, I've been like what can I do to kind of alleviate this issue and they haven't

really given me a straight answer and it's to the point where like I'm getting these yeast infections and I'm like you know out of commission for at least two weeks of the month I get them so often I usually get them because of sex it seems like and it almost it's getting to a point where it's like making me dread having sex because I'm terrified that I'm going to get get a yeast from it. So I was just seeing if you had any advice on how I can help combat that. Well I have a few yes and they haven't helped you out with this. This is what's so frustrating about doctors sometimes. So tell me are you with one, I have a few questions for you to help me, so I can help. Are you with one partner right now

or what's your sexual activity like these days? Yes, just one male partner. Okay, and so you're not using condoms, right? No. So is he coming inside of you and then you get a yeast infection? He is not. He doesn't want to. I don't want him to. So that's not an issue. I was thinking for a second that it was maybe my Mirena. And I actually made an appointment to get it removed to see if that helps. I had asked about probiotics and this pharmacy student told me that I should

probably have better hygiene which made me laugh because he obviously has no clue how yeast infections work but... Well they do, he is saying that you have to, you're supposed to you know, pee after sex every time, pee before and after. That's probably what he meant. And yes, it can be. So, yeast infections are caused by many things. You probably, I'm sure you've researched this ad nauseam, but like if we leave our yoga workout pants on for too long or we sweat a lot more, tight pants and all those things, but it doesn't seem like that's what it is. I'm glad you're going to get another opinion.

I mean, it could be your birth control. I wonder it could be something hormonal. I mean, gosh, our hormones are responsible for so many things. Now there was a study that came out that said that, but here's a few theories that it can actually be your partner. Well, you know, they always like women, it's your fault, but it's true that boyfriend can be a part of chronic yeast infections. Does he ever have any itchiness on his penis? Not that he tells me about. Okay I mean there was something about that kind of stuff.

Okay but sometimes it can have to do with them and it's not about us. It can be part of his his bacteria that could be just swapping back and forth. Now some things say that there it could be your DNA. There's like some genetic mutations that make some women more susceptible to yeast infections. And so there was a study that was done on that. There was like a genetic link. I don't know how common that is.

I'm just giving you all of the things because it can be your boyfriend. It can be, are you using any lubricants or anything during sex? We do have a lube that we use every once in a while but not every time. I actually got the BV after using the lube that we had purchased. It's not bad lube. I don't know what the issue was with that. Talk to your doctor. Are you going back to your gynecologist right now?

Yeah. Okay. You know, I think that there's been a lot of new studies that have shown that it's other things than we believe. So the fact that he said to you, oh, just your hygiene, there is more than that. So if it's chronic, are you taking probiotics at all? Because that does help. I am not taking probiotics. That was what I had asked the pharmacist if that would help. And he told me that there was no study that proved that probiotics did anything. You know I think they do in fact I take a

probiotic every day of all the supplements they say that a probiotic they say magnesium is helpful vitamin D like fish oil and did you ever have any antibiotics for a while were you taking antibiotics like do you think your immune system could be compromised? I have only taken antibiotics a handful of times in my life and I've never actually had an issue with getting a yeast infection from taking the antibiotics. This is what I think. If you've had your marina in for six years, it could be high estrogen levels because sometimes when you have a lot of estrogen in your body that could also put you at risk for yeast infection. So

you might have excess estrogen. I think that could be it. Yeast really can love that if you have too much estrogen. That could be a part of it and also having sex and a weakened immune system. But I think it's great that you're going to get your test. You could also get a hormone test. You could get tested and see what's going on. But I think that your instincts are correct. You're doing all the things. I think a probiotic is always helpful to on. But I think that your instincts are correct. You're doing all the things. I think a probiotic is always helpful to take. I would try that.

I would see what your doctor says. I mean, it's sounding to me like six years. I think that what we're finding out now about hormonal birth control isn't the best for women. I have heard it can cause these infections. So let's do that and see what happens. I mean, I think you already know wearing underwear that's not too tight and all the things. Okay keep me posted Megan

thanks for calling. I appreciate you. Let's talk to Angel 30 in New Jersey. Hi Angel. Hi, thank you for taking my call. Of course. I just had a question. So my fiance, when we first got together there was no real problem when it came down to me going down on our having-or-not-with-effects. But what ended up happening is in the last few years, she's just been very self-conscious, whether she just worries. I don't know if it had something to do with maybe after she had my son, maybe she's just a little bit more uncomfortable now.

But it's hard to bring that conversation up and be able to talk about it in a way where we can try to figure it out because she does want to, but she just feels uncomfortable doing it. Mmm, okay. So Angel, you're saying, and it's hard to hear, I don't know if your window's down or you're on speaker, but it's a little bit, um, hard to hear a little bit. Your connection's not great, but Angel, if I can understand what you're saying is that she had a ba- you've been together for a while. When you were together, she- early on, she liked oral sex a lot. And then she had a baby. And ever since she had the baby, what you believe it's about is that she doesn't really want oral because she's self-conscious. Did I get that?

Yes, that was correct. Okay, so Angel, I'm curious. Have you ever talked to her about it? Have you ever said, hey, I noticed that this feels like it's really uncomfortable for you? Is there anything, you know, tell me more about that. Have you ever brought it up? I do try to bring it up. It's just one of those things that I just feel she is going to have the conversation with me. It's just, I guess it's embarrassing for her, which I understand, and I don't try to bring it up too often just because of the worry

I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable But I do know that it's something that I kind of do Did enjoy doing when we were together and something that she did enjoy that seems like it's just not there anymore Okay, when did she have the baby? It's been five years. Okay got it. So Angel Here's what I would recommend for you. The first thing is talking to her about it outside the bedroom.

So when you guys are on date night, hopefully you're still making time for each other with a five-year-old. And you just say, you know, I realize that we've never really talked about our sex life outside the bedroom. When we're not right, we always think like, oh, well, I'm in the bedroom. I should talk about it.

But it's, you know, no one really, we don't realize this, but we don't want to hear about it when we're in the roused or we're turned on or the neck. The last time she said to you, get away, I don't want you to go down on me. But you say, you know, I really, I want to know things that turn you on. I love going down on you. I love the way you taste. I love, you know, and I miss it. And I'm just wondering if there's anything that I could do that could help you feel better. Ask her what she is into, what she is craving. Because I think now you're making, maybe making assumptions unless she told you she has shame

around how her body's changed since having a baby or is that just sort of your guess? It's more my guess. We've never actually had that conversation. She's actually never actually brought it up, but I'm assuming that's what it is. It is one of those things that I do realize that the conversation, the times that I did bring it up, but I'm assuming that's what it is. It is one of those things that I do realize that the conversations at times that I did bring it up, now you say it. I did talk about it either after the fact, but maybe if I do bring it up in others, in other times, it probably might go a little bit easier. Yeah. Angel, most of us don't know this. That's why I'm telling you. It's like,

we just think, well, I tried to go down on her again. She said no. So I'm going to be like, baby, I really want to, but when we're outside go down on her again. She said no, so I'm going to be like, baby, I really want to. But when we're outside the bedroom, we're removed from sex altogether, it's not even on our mind. And we're hanging out. We're just in a really good place. She's like, you know, babe, I realize,

God, our sex life, we've never talked about it. I want to know what you think about, what could turn you on. And then you just remember, it doesn't have to be a one-time conversation. It's something you can continue to talk about and because it could be something else Maybe she's had some pain or maybe she we don't know we actually don't know but I think that that the first step would be Having a conversation with her where you just listen to what she has to say and then take it from there All right, let me know how it goes angel. Thank you. Thanks angel

All right, let me know how it goes, Angel. Thank you. Thanks, Angel. ["Sex with Emily"] ["Sex with Emily"] That's it for today's episode. Thank you so much for listening to Sex with Emily. And if you love this show, please like, subscribe, and leave a review wherever you get your podcasts.

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