Sex With Emily - Reverse Kegels & Painless Sex w/ Lauren Roxburgh

Episode Date: November 14, 2023

One of the most important pillars of sexual intelligence is embodiment. Today’s guest knows a thing or two about connecting with your body for a better life and better sex. Bestselling author and wellness educator Lauren Roxburgh, also known as “the Body Whisperer,” teaches us how to listen to our bodies, simple exercises to reduce pain and heighten orgasms, how to work with changing hormones, and so much more.In today’s episode, you’ll learn:How to do a reverse kegelHow posture and gait can affect our sexual performanceAll about fascia – the “WiFi” of our bodies!See the full show notes at sexwithemily.com.Show Notes:How to Orgasm During MissionaryVIIA Hemp Co’s High Love Libido Gummies (code EMILY for 15% sitewide + Free Gummies Sample)Awaken the Power of Your Pelvic Floor - Join the Waitlist!Aligned Life Studio (code EMILY30 for 30% off your first subscription)More Lauren Roxburgh: Instagram | YouTube | WebsiteSHOP WITH EMILY! (free shipping on orders over $69)The only sex book you’ll ever need: Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your PleasureWant more? Sex With Emily: HomeLet’s get social: Instagram | Twitter | Facebook | TikTok Let’s text: Sign Up HereWant me to slide into your inbox? Sign Up Here for sex tips on the regular. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh my gosh, all the pro athletes I've worked with when we go in and do the pelvic floor, neuromuscular repatterning, and help them tune into that. Because literally when you touch someone, you're turning on that awareness, right? So you're bringing them back into that body, into the body, and that imprint stays with you forever. Like when I worked with athletes, they were able, like they were like, oh my god, one of the benefits is that I can literally like go so much longer in the bedroom. Let alone, they also were also able to jump higher and have quicker reaction time.

So they're more because you literally an upgrade. It's an upgrade in the Wi-Fi of that part of your body. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. One of the most important pillars of sexual intelligence or sex IQ is embodiment. Well, today's guest knows a thing or two about connecting with your body for a better life and better sex. Best-selling author and wellness educator, Lauren Roxboro, also known as the Body Whisperer, teaches us how to listen to our bodies, simple exercises to reduce pain and heighten orgasms, how to work with changing hormones and so much more.

Please rate a view, sex with Emily, wherever you listen to the show, it's super easy to do. You can do it right now wherever you're listening to this podcast on that platform to to rate us. My new article, How to orgasm during missionary, is up on sexwithamily.com. Art of one, enjoy this episode.

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I would love to. So fascia has always been my love language. I didn't realize it until I actually started studying it about 15 years ago when I went to a school about structural integration. And what I discovered is that, you know, we know, we know fascia is like this scaffolding of our body. It's like this kind of spider webbing that envelops the entire part of us. It weaves through every cell of our body and intersects and connects with every system of our body,

which means it's intersects and connects with every system of our body, which means it's intersecting and communicating with our nervous system, our endocrine system, our hormones, our digestive system, to name a few. There's 12, I won't name all of them. But it's an incredibly important system. And what it is, you know, technically it's this kind of the stuff that you would see when you open up a chicken. Okay. You know when you have like a chicken you buy at the store you see that white stuff. So that's what fascia looks like. It's like the glue of the body.

When you see that the fascia of the chicken though, it's um, that's in a dead body obviously. Our fascia looks better than that. It does. One more alive. So what we've now realized is that it's not just the scaffolding that's holding us up and giving us shape and form. It's actually, it's a communication network inside of our bodies, sending and receiving information, sound, light, frequency, energy, and cellular nutrition, cellular hydration, and even emotions.

So it's this incredible webbing that is in all of us. The superficial fascia lays right underneath the skin and above the muscles. It wraps around each individual muscle, kind of like a saran wrapping. It also weaves through our organs, our viscera. So when our fascia gets congested and dried up in brittle, that's what we call aging. What I believe is that fascia is the fountain of youth for many reasons. Now the other big thing that's happening right now is that if you know anything about Chinese medicine, acupuncture. So that deals with our energy. Well, it turns out

that our meridians, where we get the needles put in, lives in the fascia. That's where the energy is moving through us. So if you believe in energy, how could we not? We're all energetic beings, right? And what's so exciting about that is that when you create freedom and flow and bring hydration into your fascia,

you can start living in your body again and start tuning in to the sensations. And so now we know fascia also in the new science. Like we said, that was the dead piece of fascia you see in the chicken. We now have cameras and technology that can see fascia in a living body. And so this is where the medical paradigm

will actually never be the same, because we now know that it's a site of biological activity. It's even being considered now the sixth sense, the sense of feeling. So now we know, you know, all of our five senses, site, sound, taste, and touch. And then now we know that like skin is to touch,

fascia is to feeling. And so it's the sixth sense, and it's where we feel everything. It's where our body feels arousal. It's where our body feels pain. And it's how our body communicates with us. So there's this incredible secret language happening within our bodies.

And it's all happening in the fascia. So how come we don't know about fascia? Like if people, I think people are starting to hear about it a little bit more and you were the first person to introduce me to fascia. Yeah. When we first met, it was you have your rollers that people, like, you have ones into foam rolling or totally. They should be.

But you were the first one to like, gave me one. It was like, we're going to work together on, if anyone's done this, you get to our muscles or the gym they have it, you roll. And that's why I was first feeling like, we're first understood it. That it's actually, we can access it, we can move the energy through our bodies

and deal with pain. So why don't we, yeah, why don't we know about it? Like, what is this? What a great question. I mean, the rolling is great. And I'm a big believer in it. That's called myofascial release, because that's just very superficial.

And so that's working with like the muscular fascia. But now, because we know it's, and this is something that I've been on a mission to learn more about and read all the new scientific studies and, you know, collaborate with other scientists as well in the space to understand it more, to realize that it's touching every cell of us. And so what's really remarkable about that

is that fascia, the reason why we don't know about it is because in, for some reason, something happened in the early 1900s where there was a division of church and state, and that means that church was gonna just be more of the spiritual side of, you know, us humans. And then the state was like, we'll take over the bodies. And so for some reason, I can't really explain it, but they just started disregarding

fascia in dissections in medical school. They thought it was just the packing wrap of our bodies. They just threw it away. They never investigated it. They never investigated it. Does the Styrofoam pop. They just threw it away. They never investigated it. It was a Styrofoam pop. Exactly. Or you're just a random wrapping.

You're plastic wrapping, right? We don't need that. We don't need to study that. We need to get to the bones and the organs and the muscles and da-da-da. So that's where the real change happened. And something happened in that time. But before that, the father of osteoopathy, so if you've ever had an osteo

session, he was alive in the late 1800s, early 1900s. He coined the term that the soul of a man's being resides in the fascia. And so when you think back that someone already knew this back then, and then something divided us and took us in two different directions, and then Western medicine, of course, we need it. But we've been numbing. We've been just giving people pills. We've been filling voids and turning off the sensations. So that way we can't feel our soul.

So we've been numbing ourselves. So bringing it back around to realizing that when we start working with our fascia, we can actually connect again to our consciousness, or some people might call it the soul. So what I've seen as a body worker in my career is that when we get, or if you apply pressure with a roller or any tool, that you actually can get the person's consciousness to come back into these areas to actually live in their body again. And that will awaken your intuition. It will awaken your gut instincts. It will help you connect to your authentic self again. And then that's when you become magnetic. And you attract anything and everything that is meant to be in this lifetime for you. It is profound. And the magnetic energy, you know, we're electromagnetic beings. The electric part is the masculine. The

magnetic part is the feminine. Most of us have been living more in the masculine. And so the the fascia to me is helping rise consciousness on the planet and bring more of the feminine and because the feminine is the feelings. Feelings are the feminine energy, and that's the magnetic energy. So our thoughts are electric. Our feelings are magnetic. Thoughts are masculine.

The magnetic is the feminine, and that's where we create this amazing balance. And we've been living in just the thoughts. We've been living in our head. We've been living in the cerebral mind for too long. We've been living in control and force. Try to make it happen. Do do do. It served us, but we're now fatigued. And now we're ready for the feminine to rise, not to take over, but to create balance. It's not about the feminine or women only. This is the feminine energy in us all. And this is

where fascia is the bridge to connect us back to our feelings. I talk a lot about embodiment and being in our bodies and being, which is what kind of work you do. What I love about this is that we are so heady, like you're saying, we are trying, even meditation, which I think is very important. But when you can add a movement to that, you can add the fascia and getting into your body, well, that's what's gonna help people get out of this disassociation they might have, the numbing that you're talking about. It reminds me of the clitoris in a way.

So the clitoris wasn't in, here's why. The clitoris was also understudied and wasn't even any medical journals until like 1992, or 1998, because they decided it wasn't even any medical journals until like 1992 or 1998. Because they decided it wasn't important. Many women are now this. We could study the penis, we could study the vagina, but we missed it. We totally missed it. So that's why we have to place so much ketchup. And I feel like you're doing that with fascia right now. How is it impacting our ability to have pleasure in our life? Is it stealing our pleasure and then how can we ground

it and get in touch with our fascists so we can get a more? Oh, there's so many good nuggets there. I love it. I mean, I think, yeah, we're coming back home. We're coming back home to our body the way it's really meant to be. We're coming back home to our power.

The power we have within us is so incredibly powerful. Like the same energy that created our life is there available to us at any time and we've just forgotten. And so when we come back to the feelings and we can tune in to become more sensual, and we do this through, I mean, one of my favorite things is to do it with the body elixir because it works with the old factory. So this is the oil I've created a few years ago, and it's called the body elixir. It's a magical potion.

And so we use scent to bring us back to our senses. And this scent is a really powerful piece to come back to the present moment and to have moments of awe. How do we come back? Like, if we wanna have amazing sex, we need to be present and we need to be embodied and not disassociated.

The other thing about fascia is that trauma gets stuck in our tissues as well. And then that creates an actual vibration, a frequency that lowers our vibration, or maybe even attracts certain things. But the thing that we've forgotten is that we have the power to shift that and to move those energies out. Like Gabor Mate's work, I know you're a fan of his work as well. Trauma is not what happened to us.

It's how our body dealt with what happened to us. When we think of it that way and we know it's true, we have power. There is so much power in that to realize we have the power to alchemize these experiences that we go through and actually integrate them and have compassion and they become part of us. Instead of denying them and trying to shove them under the fascia carpet, what I've found in my work and also the new, the people that are on the cutting edge of this new thing that's opening, this whole, like, all the science, all the people in the healing

world are finally coming together with doctors and scientists. Just, and we're all seeing the same thing. Chinese medicine, Ayurveda, all the ancient wisdoms have known this for a long time. We're coming back to this. And what we're realizing is that fascia is the organ of perception. It's like literally experiencing and recording every memory, every experience, everything we go through. It is recording everything and it's protecting us.

It's going, oh, I shouldn't go there or I need to take a deep breath or I need to eat or I need water. It's keeping us alive. And so when we have traumatic times in our lives, whatever our nervous system and our conscious mind can't handle at that moment, then get stored in our subconscious mind. And so now we believe that the fascia is the subconscious mind. You cannot change the past, but you can create a new future. And you do that by realizing, like, I went through something really shitty and I don't want to be

defined by that for the rest of my life. I don't want to carry that around with me like a bag of coals. I don't want it to be vibrating my magnetic energy to keep attracting the same thing. I would even call it the the trauma roundabout. We can get stuck on the trauma roundabout and I'm not being uncompassionate. What I'm showing is that I know there's time that needs to be processed, but the experience that we go through, we cannot change the past, so we need to integrate it.

And somehow be able to accept that it's part of us and to be okay with that being part of us as humans and maybe we, maybe we turn that pain into purpose, maybe we do something amazing with that and maybe that makes us walk our true path. I mean, that's why I'm doing this work because of my story. My mom died of breast cancer. I wanted to learn why do people get cancer? I turned my pain into purpose,

and now I feel like I want to share this with so many more people. Maybe you could explain perhaps how you would work with someone who came to you, because we even got into the pelvic floor yet. It's all connected, of course, but I think that there's such magical work you do at the pelvic floor.

But for example, if you've had a trauma, and you go to therapist, which I think believe that everybody benefits But for example, if you've had a trauma and you go to therapist, which I think believe that everybody benefits from therapy, especially if you've had a trauma of any kind. So now we've recognized it. But what are some of the things that we do or how you work with people to help them? How do we know that we're releasing it?

What do we do? It starts with our fascia? Absolutely. So what we do is turn on the neuromuscular pathways. We rewire our body, our body, from the brain to the body, from the body back to the brain. Because what happens is, if we are not processing that trauma at that moment, it will then be stored. And what happens is, we then disassociate or become numb.

Maybe pain will start residing there, a lot of tension, a lot of thickness, density, inflammation, which leads to congestion, which then can lead to disease. So the energy likes to pull around those areas and then the muscles start to weaken, the nerves start to shut down. So then you lose tone there or you become hypertonic, which means you're overly tight, and you're overly clenched. And then when you're clenched, then you try to go and have sex, and you have pain during sex.

The clenching, can you talk a little bit about the pelvic floor clenching that we don't really know that we're doing it, right? Because there are so many women who have pain during sex or just pain in general, and they are like, I don't know why. But can you talk about the role of the pelvic floor in that house? Yes. So much is happening down there. Subconsciously. So the subconscious, like even it's the whole

connection from the cranium to the sacrum, okay? And that's where the base of the core, sometimes I'll call it the pelvic floor. So it's a hammock of muscles that attaches your sitz bones, your pubic bone and your tailbone. And this area of the body can get really tight because any time we get to a traffic jam or we get that, you run into someone, you're like, oh, I don't like that person's energy, or you get that stressful phone call or email,

we subconsciously clutch ourselves, if we're not aware. And this is something, let me tell ya, it takes one to no one, because I was like, I've mentioned to you before, my teacher, when I first learned this pelvic floor release, it's like popping a cork, literally. When I learned this, my teacher was like,

you have one of the tightest pelvic floors and jaws he had ever seen. It's because I was an athlete growing up and I was like a really competitive swimmer and water polo player. And so I was like all about force and pushing through and making it happen. So this is why I feel like I can talk about this

because I've been there. And not a faster, right? So much lower back pain, hip pain, stiffness. I mean, I could barely do a yoga class. I was so wound up. My jaw was so tight. My face looked different. My symmetry looked different. And so as I started to realize, how do we release this through either touch, through like actual bodywork or through using a tool? So, you know, I use the body sphere and we use the body sphere which is a squishy ball and you sit on it and you can get the neuromuscular connections to come back and rewire. So you can start as we were saying earlier start living in that part of your body again. You're soooool and we're gonna do a video that we're

gonna point you guys to. We'll put it in the show. That'll be super helpful. Really getting into the meridians and the lymph system that helps flush out like and the energy and emotions. So it helps flush out emotions like around for women. We have so much heaviness and density in our hips because it's where our joints, you know, we have a lot of muscles intersecting. It's like a traffic jam. So anytime there's a lot of muscles coming in to attach to like a traffic jam. So anytime there's a lot of muscles coming in to attach to around a joint, that's a real area where it can get congested and emotions can live

in the joints. And so we work with the dome, so spiky ones on that area and the inner thighs and then we sit on the ball and move our hips around the ball. And then that just opens up and expands that hammock of muscles. The deep core.

It's like the base of the core, the pelvic core. I mean, it's everything, though. I mean, I remember when you were first on the show, the power, your book had come out, the power source. It's a little tight-ear pelvic floor that is where the power is. That's where our sexual energy lies, our creativity. But since it is this central part of our bodies, it gets misaligned. The alignment piece is really key,

because then that force of energy can pulse through us more efficiently. I love to say that when you start working with your fascia, you get these incredible physical, biomechanical, physiological benefits. It's like getting an upgrade. You know, I love saying that fascia is like the Wi-Fi of our body, sending and receiving this information. And so, you know, I mean, you know what it's like when is like the Wi-Fi of our body, sending and receiving this information.

And so, you know, I mean, you know what it's like when you have slow Wi-Fi. Yeah, it's terrible. It's terrible, man. We can't even have it for two seconds. If we were supposed to live with slow, we're living with, literally. Literally.

So we're supposed to live with dial-up right now. There you go, dial-up. We have to be with dial-up. That's perfect. I love that. We're living with dial-up Wi-Fi. We're like living in the 90s or whatever. Totally.

Thousands and by rolling, sitting, doing some of the stretching, taking one of your courses, you can learn to kind of get it back online, get it back to high speed internet. Yeah, high speed. And even I would say too, I mean, the way I look at it, you've got the Wi-Fi in the body, which is sending all the information to the brain, which is the computer processing center. So, but we've been doing everything from the computer instead of, you know, getting the

information. So I'm like, we need to do the opposite. I was thinking about the benefits of doing it throughout our life. Like if you took two to three minutes, I think, I feel like that's some of your work is just, you don't have to just like commit, I'm doing it for an hour a day. It could just be, I'm going to do this one move. I'm going to look to the left, I'm gonna look to the right, and my hands up and down, and then you'll feel

your whole body, right? Start to sort of go back online in the way that you wanted to. I love that you said back online, that's it. Cause we're running our energy through our body. And so if we want to show up in the world with like good energy, which who doesn't want that, right? Yeah. Then we have to do something every day to move.

It literally is, it's called piezoelectric energy. It's piezoelectricity. So in our fascia also, like we were saying, you know, the meridians are in the fascia, but that means it's basically electricity. And the reason that is is because, you know, fascia is made out of collagen and elastin, but it's also wrapped with a shell of water.

So the water, it's like if you put your hair dryer in a bathtub, right, you're going to get electrocuted. Right. So the water shell is how sometimes people call it a liquid crystal. That's how the electricity goes through us. So we're talking about circulation because this is why I think this is so crucial when we will understand that most of the challenges, and we're going to get into some questions here and most of the challenges that people are facing in the bedroom. If it's an orgasm, whether you have your penis or

evolve, you are probably having a blood flow challenge or a circulation challenge because you're not going to be able to get a rouse, you're not going to get a ruckian or you've pain because you are like clenching and everything's tight. It's all like circulation blood flow. So it would come from that energy and energy and energy is blocked too. So the feelings and the motions, if you had a trauma, you've been clenching and you are holding stuff in and you haven't been moving your body in these ways that we're talking about, you're going to have some challenges. And I can talk to you about it all day, but the body part is what's missing is the movement.

And I always say, you've got to be exercising, but maybe it's just not the right kind of your only spinning or your only, like it's really, we get tighter. And my own must be like, that could help us in blood flow, but we're talking about this deep internal body work. And the way you get into the subconscious and the embodiment piece is you can't do it when you're in fight or flight. You can't do it when you're in sympathetic with the nervous system.

So if for someone that knows themselves a little bit, maybe they are like stressed, so you take like two minutes and you do like you massage your ears. To tap into your vagus nerve, which brings you into the more calming state of the nervous system, which is about rest, digestion, heal, and coming into your body again. And the vagus nerve also opens up compassion. It also opens up just getting into your body again. So yeah, ear rubbing, you can do the neck rubbing here because the vagus nerve goes from the ears down through the neck, down through the heart, and down to the gut into the pelvic floor. Because if you really do believe, you know, Nikolai Tesla's quote,

if you want to know the secrets of the universe, you've got to start thinking in terms of energy, frequency, and vibration. So if you want real intimacy, which I know not everybody does, but if you want really good sex, aligning yourself with the being in front of you on all these levels brings you into your body, into the moment, and into the deepest connection you could feel. I think most people do want deep or connected sex, and most people probably do want intimacy, they just don't know how to get there. And you could be talking, trying, reading all the books, and trying to to meditate and maybe in therapy with your partner, but this is the stuff that if you are live in a stressed state most of your life, are you in fight or flight?

It's actually impossible to have pleasure and arousal in the same moment that you're living in stress or fight or flight. And so this is the kind of like tools and tips that will help you get there and you don't have to do on your own You could do it with a partner or a friend I feel like you are personifying embodiment here in a way that I just think is so important for people to understand Because I try and maybe I he'll be getting already But I don't know like this is another level another layer that I want people to really thank you for saying that

I appreciate that the embodiment piece has been something that I've been working on. Like I feel like we can know a lot of things in our head, but if we're not living it and breathing it, and that's to me the most important piece, we have to be what we want to attract. And one of the best gifts that I ever got in my lifetime, the advice I had after I went through my divorce, went through my perfect storm, which we can talk about, the best advice. And I know it sounds so cliche and people will roll their eyes, but fall in love with yourself before you do anything else because then everyone else will fall in love with you. And that is not from an ego place, that is not,

it is a humble confidence. Fall in love with the best parts about you same thing that we talked about earlier with trauma Trauma we can't change the past we can't really change certain things about us Especially the more you get to know yourself The more you can fall in love with yourself and honor that and then you can be the best person Reach your highest potential and be the change you want to see in the world Be the change it's true. Really? world. Be the change. It's true. Really?

But the change is the embodiment piece. Yeah. You can say everything. Your energy introduces you before you walk in the door. So I would rather bring good vibes where I go. And so I use affirmations a lot in the morning, like right when we wake up in the morning is a great time. And that's why I like to weave these things in.

They're so easy. They're things that you're already doing. You're going to go to sleep. You're going to wake up in the morning is a great time. And that's why I like to weave these things in. They're so easy. They're things that you're already doing. You're gonna go to sleep, you're gonna wake up. Yeah, how do we leave it in? So the first thing in the morning is this opportunity when you're asleep and there's like a few minutes between when you're back in your conscious mind, your monkey mind.

That's when our subconscious is more available. So take that moment and start reprogramming your subconscious in the morning. Like I'll say, I am love, I embody radiance, I embody joy, I am here to make the world better, whatever you want to bring into your body, into your essence, into your being and start vibrating. This is like not work. It works because that's what you want. I know.

It's really not. This is not the most like brightest, like happy happy like this is how you are so it's like I mean it's taken a while to get here I have the affirmations my phone don't do all the time But when I have the days or weeks or months where it's steady because if you think about also if you're somebody who has a lot of negative self-talk Yes, you're replacing it with more positive affirmations. You are so are rewiring it That's why it's so important to have the affirmations and And that's the consciousness piece. And the consciousness piece is the key in to the embodiment. You got to have the consciousness to get to the feeling, right?

Yes, absolutely. To feel the feelings. So we're just walking around unconscious, many of us. Many. And that's okay because we're getting there. The popcorn is popping. Lots of people are popping awake. What I love for your audience to hear too, is the benefits are like the radiance that you can, like I love the word radiance for like women over 40, especially because it's like, it's not like, oh, you wanna have glowing skin,

that feels so superficial. Like radiance is a magnetic energy of like, you can see someone is juicy. Like they have this radiance is a magnetic energy of like you can see someone is juicy like they have this radiance in their eyes on their skin and it's not about being young it's about being whole. Okay so I'm just trying to get a lot of questions from people who have pain during sex and I always say maybe go to pelvic floor physical therapist that could help release some pain but it's sort of complex not everyone's pain is the same, but many people don't even know what the pelvic floor is, why it matters, how it's impacting our

pain a little bit. So you do all the work on people, a lot of people are getting people to straighten and stabilize their pelvic floor. So what kind of strong stable pelvic floor do for your sex life? Ooh, great question. So there's a few different layers to this. So the pelvic floor duper sex life. Ooh, great question. So there's a few different layers to this. So the pelvic floor gets tight from, it can be from like after having a baby in the way your body has healed.

It can be from that subconscious clushing down there. I like to call it the on-off stress button sometimes. The pelvic floor is like, we don't realize it, but we're just like white knuckle in our way. Like we'll actually be white knuckle in. Some people sleep like that with their fists like that, or their jaw like clenched the whole time, or you're having crazy dreams,

and so you're locking everything. And then that's also locking down in the pelvic floor. So that tightness and tension is gonna create a blockage. And so like we were talking about earlier, the pain is a message. So we don't wanna numb the pain. Remember the pain is a message. So we don't want to numb the pain. Remember, the pain is your beautiful body speaking to you for attention. So pain is just the way your body is saying, I mean, it's actually a portal to transformation.

If you think about it, pain can be a portal to transformation if you allow it to be. So we have to reframe our whole relationship to pain. We really do. So we've got a bad bat. We're trying to numb it. We're taking a pill, we're doing something, we're saying the pain has messages. It has major messages.

And always I will say that pain, wherever the pain is in the body, isn't the only place to address. So it can be meaning in your other places in your body to address, like your jaw or your feet or your inner thighs or your hips. But also, there's always something else there in the life that needs to be addressed. I shouldn't say always, many times, many times there's other things that need to be addressed

when whether it's emotional because the emotions get stuck in there wrapped up. The emotions just, they like to lodge themselves in the areas where we have congestion, just like lymph. The lymph nodes are in the fascia. So it's like, oh, I'm going to go right down to the pelvic, I'm just going to sit lymph. The lymph nodes are in the fascia. I'm gonna go right down to the pelvic floor, I'm just gonna sit there. I'm just gonna sit there, it makes it more predisposed

to issues, we call it issues and the tissues. That's why we say that. Okay, so pain during sex is something that usually is from having too much tightness down there and not being in receive mode. Not able to be in receive mode, which is the feminine. So the feminine is the nurturing and you need to be open, right? So I actually love practicing the reverse cagle.

So people think that you need to do the cagle, but it's actually the reverse cagle is needed as well. So we can do it together right now. Let's do a reverse cagle is needed as well. So we can do it together right now. Let's do a reverse cagle. Okay. We have to uncross our legs. Okay. And it's literally like no one will see us.

You can do this anytime, anywhere. I recommend people to do it like while they're driving at a stop sign. So you just do a little, so what you do, the visual close your eyes so that you can go into your body, into your intoception, into your connection, to what's happening inside of you. And then just do a little squeeze. Everyone knows how to do a kegel pull. They might not.

Oh, we got a weird, like so I always say, it's the pee stopping muscles where you stop and start the flow of urine. Perfect. So if you're like all of a sudden, someone's knocking on the bathroom door, you wanna stop being like, it's that muscle stopping. Cut the pee off, get the stream.

Yeah, right? Like, and that's actually hard to do. So really trying to not use like your core or your butt as much, but just picture that hammock of muscles, right? The pubic bone to the tailbone and then the two sitting bones. So it's like a hammock.

And then you're gonna squeeze that, you're gonna pull it up and in like a rosebud, sucking it up into your core. Okay. You'll notice your jaw feels tight or your shoulders hold onto it. And then slowly let it go. This is the reverse cagle.

Let it go one more layer like a flower blossoming. Visualize that. I love the visual. Yeah, that's so right. Because we all learn so differently that when you eat though in the visual part of it, that really helps the flower. Yes, and I have audio meditations that do this, but we'll do it again one more time.

So pull it up and in, squeeze, and then let it go and expand like a flower. And then before we shift into something else, take a deep breath as you breathe in, your diaphragm presses down into your organs, your organs drop down into your pelvic floor, and your pelvic floor naturally expands like the blossom. And then as you exhale, everything just naturally comes up. This is how our body pumps the cerebral spinal fluid through our body from our cranium to our sacrum. That fluid also feeds

the brain nutrients and helps flush the brain of toxins. So there you go. I felt the tension and then I just felt it all. So when you realize that you're when you take those breaths with awareness, you the breathing, I think a lot of people don't realize that breath is like, the pelvic floor is totally connected to breath. People just talk about the lungs. I'm like, no, no, you got to breathe down into the flower blossoming. And then it'll take longer. And then you start living in that part of your body. And that's the embodiment piece. And we talk about disassociation or disconnection. A lot of us walk around just completely disconnected to that part of our body. So learning to do some of these breathing exercises, even if it's just a few minutes a day,

or when you want to be more turned on or in the mood, it is a game changer. Because if you think about it, that might even the first time for many people just to get that connection, but that's how you directly connect it. It helps to visualize the part that we're talking about because that's that's for you're going to get what you guys want to enforce sexual pleasure more orgasms. That is the first step is connecting to it. Take a deep breath, feel your body and Lord and I will be right back after a quick break. But first, you know what are my favorite ways to get in to with my body?

Well, I love a little THC and CBD and I'm not alone. There have been so many studies that show the people who use weed, they have more frequent sex, they have more orgasms, and they're able to let go and really be in their bodies and not distracted by everything else going on in the world. Cannabis enhances our senses, and it also alleviates some of the symptoms that inhibit our desire like, anxiety, or sleeplessness, or pain. So if you want to heighten your pleasure and incorporate cannabis into your sex life, I highly recommend via Ham Company's High Love THC libido gummies.

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I'm not thinking about anything that's going to happen next. I'm just super present in my body. Every touch feels different. Organisms feel stronger. I just feel more embodied. That's what it's about. And if a little weed helps to do that, great. Figure out what works for you to be embodied

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get your hands on. And by the way, their toys feel so good to the touch. I don't know what they use in their secret sauce and material, but they're so enticing, you'll actually look forward to holding them in your hand. Okay, I'll cut to the chase. J.J.U. was offering up to 50% off for their Black Friday Cyber Monday deal. This might be the first time they've offered such an incredible discount. I had to double check, I'm like, they're really doing 50%. So if you've been looking to treat yourself or someone on your list with a toy that says, I'm elegant and I deserve pleasure, now is the time. Trust me, J.J.

Black Friday Cyber Monday deal is one you just won't want to miss. Visit jazew.com today. That's it, j-e-j-o-u-e.com and let the fun begin. Okay, low will you help me answer some questions here? Yes. For my listeners, I think that these would be right up your alley. This is Roman O'Nour, another Emily, 27 in Orange County. Hey Dr. Emily, I've listened to the podcast for years and I'm a huge fan of the show

and information shared on this platform. So I've been sexually active for about 10 years. This last year I started having bad pain, stabbing, pain, cramping. My current partner is well in doubt about 8 inches. I've been to the gyno several times and had ultrasounds. Worried I had endometriosis, PCOS, fibroids, or something else going on. None of that seemed to be the case. However, I was told that I have a tilted uterus, which could explain the pain during sex on top of having a larger than average partner. I am perplexed by the fact that I've had sex for almost a decade without having this

pain and it's just starting recently. It has made sex difficult as I feel like I'm always worried or stressed about being in pain or something hitting the wrong way. It's also annoying as positions that used to be my favorite or some of the most painful. I'm looking for advice positions that can help those with a tilted uterus above average partner. I'm hearing having a tilted uterus is fairly common. So hoping I can help others struggling

with this similar issue. So I think there's a few things she's had the uterus, but I think also having a larger partner, a larger penis now is going to be hitting her in ways that are just causing more pain than she's ever had before. It's probably always had a tilted uterus, but could you speak to that, the body structure of the uterus, that maybe what's going on here? Absolutely. So, first thing I would say is it's also probably has to do with his angle, right? And where he's sitting. Yeah. Okay. But the till-tututerus thing is

something that, who knows if she's had it from day one, but there are, it's like someone that has scoliosis. You know, you can work through that. People heal themselves from, you know, you can, our organs are so malleable. And after, you know, as you get pregnant, you have a kid, you know, I mean, your organs are like all out of whack. And so you have to do a lot of work to get them back in. So actually doing things like inversions for her, working on getting her pelvis more aligned, like the doctors that saw that, they only were looking at one part of her. If I saw her in front of me, I'd probably look at her feet, look at how her hips are, look at how her pelvis is aligned.

Is it, does she have a pelvic torsion? Is one side of her hips more anterior, the other side more posterior? How do we get some more space between her ribs and her hips to create that length? Because we all kind of end up like getting those love handles because we're so smushed from sitting too much. And that's, you know, muffin tops show up. You can get rid of those. Yeah. So repositioning her organs and her structure getting more length through her structure, like doing maybe some Pilates could be helpful for her, doing some great bodywork could be amazing because she can't change his size, but she could maybe move her organs around a

little bit and get more alignment and more space. So that's all it is. She needs a little more space for her beautiful man. You know? Yeah, that's, so okay. So that's and then also positions probably there's other positions that she could find to that's your expertise. Putting a pillow. There you go. If he's right. Putting a pillow underneath it. If he's not putting a pillow, and elevating yourself, like under your bottom,

doing the pelvic floor releases too would be huge, like on the ball, just to open, and also meditate on having more space in there and expanding that flower. I mean, we have people that gain an inch to an inch and a half and height from, I mean, that's why I call my first book,

Taller Slammer Younger, because people were getting an inch to an inch and a half taller. It, I mean, that's why I call my first book, taller, slimmer, younger, because people were getting an inch to an inch and a half taller. Like, it's not, it's like totally measurable. It's crazy. So that's the body alignment part of it. So could you, would you actually work with her? For example, could she see someone like, like you do?

Yes, a structural integration practitioner would be phenomenal, because they can get into the viscera and move the organs around, and it's the most amazing or almost orgasmic feeling too. I mean, it hurts at first and then but once you get it to open, your digestion changes, like your waist becomes thinner. A pelvic floor therapist could be helpful as well because again, it could be something that's shown up more recently. There could be some more tension in there that could be related to stress or psychosomatic thing or trauma thing that's maybe left over

from the past. Okay. Yeah. And I also think for positions two, don't go right into the same positions you always do. So having a pillow help you elevate your pelvic floor. Spooning position is a great one for this because you could again always still put, I just love pillows. So the most underrated sex accessory to use

to get you in the right position because a lot of us, since we are not that connected to what's happening during sex and we're not really feeling what's going on, we tend to just go into the same position every time, but it's like not working for anymore. So Emily, I could give you a few suggestions like spooning, it would be great

or seeing how it works with him on the bed and you're with you on the bed and he's off the bed, play around with it, and be conscious of them, and say, let's just play around, and like try different angles. But I think you're going to be able to find that, in addition to doing some exercises, just sort of thinking, like, what is a better place for us to be doing these certain positions, you'll be able to find a more comfortable place for you. But I get it. I don't think that we're just often intentional about our sex positions. I think that's great.

I think that's great too. Okay, so this is a big one. I was excited to talk about this premature ejaculation. This is Derek, he's 43 in Ontario. Hey, Dr. Emily, I recently watched your interview with Mel and I loved your advice. I want to ask my own questions. I've been my wife for 20 years, married for 15, we have two children, and for the most part, I'm happy with our sex life.

I suffer from premature ejaculation and have my whole life. I've tried several things over the years to resolve this issue with no success. When I was younger, my recovery time was much better so it didn't bother me as much, still embarrassing, but at least I could go again and last a little longer. Now that I'm older, this is not the case.

I've learned over the years how to pleasure my wife, the oral sex, which is what we do every time we have sex. So she's able to have a couple orgasms when we're intimate. She says it doesn't bother her. She's happy that she can please me so easily, but I hate it. I wish I could just enjoy the feeling of sex for more than just a minute without coming and then check this out. Any advice we appreciate over the years, I read lots of literature and tried breathing after sizes, kegels, squeeze technique, stop-start technique, numbing gels, SSRI inhibitors, pressure points, toxic sex, with strong kegels,

and pressure points, you can divert your orgasm and calm. I thought it was onto something, but I'd lose my erection, so kind of defeated the purpose. I tried viagra to see if I could last longer. I have no luck. Help me. I want to enjoy my partner better orgasms. Well, how cool is this guy by the way? He's done it all. I'm so proud of him that he really wants this. He wants it so badly. Beautiful. 43. I know. I love all the effort and work he's doing. But now this is it. This is bringing

him to start living in this part of his body again. All the things he mentioned I mean, I wouldn't say all but many of them sound very like creating more tension more contraction down there Which kegels remember when we need the reverse kegel. We need the expansion We need the visualization to open that area up. So for him Yes, even for men we need to be able to release that clutch So that you can allow your body to be more connected down there, turn on those neuromuscular connections again. And that's what gives you the ability to connect

and hold it. You know what I mean? So is that what's happening from you think? So that he's premature ejaculate. There's a lot of different reasons why people do it. It's like, it could be habitual because it's been happening since like the first time he had sex and he's just been trying to practice.

What would be his protocol? It's not just in one place. It's like this holistic. Everything's never one thing. You know what I mean? It's this armor. And so this is very typical in the Western world. I had to study this when I was in my school for structural integration. We had to study how people walk in different areas of the world. So like for instance, in Brazil, they have so much more hip movement. They've got like more sensuality in just the way they walk.

And in Africa, same thing. Then you go and watch people walking in the subway in the UK, no offense, to our UK people. Love you guys, the British people, but they look like they have like a stick up their they look like they have a stick up their ass. Literally a stick up their ass. So tight, their hips aren't moving, their organs aren't moving,

there's no flushing happening, there's no juiciness happening down there. So the energy is just like, it's so sensitive, too sensitized. It's not. So we're not even walking right. So we're both, that's the reason. So even just in Canada, I don't know how Canadians are.

He's an Ontario. I think it's very Western as Canada. I don't know how Canadians are. He's an Ontario. I think it's very Western as well. I mean, this is more just stiff all around. A tight we're stiff. Oh my gosh, all the pro athletes I've worked with, when we go in and do the pelvic floor, neuromuscular repatterning and help them tune into that. Because literally when you touch someone,

you're turning on that awareness, right? So you're bringing them back into that body, into the body and that imprint stays with you forever. So doing the work of, like when I worked with athletes, they were able, like they were like, oh my God, one of the benefits is that I can literally like go so much longer in the bedroom. Let alone, they also were also able to jump higher

and have quicker reaction time. So they're more, because you're literally an upgrade. It's an upgrade in the Wi-Fi of that part of your body. So going and finding someone that does the body work, a pelvic floor therapist or a structural integration person that does. And he could do that as well. I always think it's always women, but like that could go.

No, these are male athletes. I'm talking about. So he hasn't done that yet. No, he hasn't done that yet. A pelvic floor, would you say it's a pelvic floor physical therapist or a structural? I would go more in the structural integrative because that is like how you get into embodiment. Derek, so try that out and let us know. I want to be the one that helps Derek because he's been on a journey. Yeah. He's 43. We're going to get him there. Okay, Derek. Thank you. Sonya, she's 57 in Connecticut. Okay. Hello, Dr. Emily. I absolutely love your podcast.

I never miss an episode. I am 57 in postmenopause. I am on Trans-Dermal Estrogen, Estudile, and Oral Pogestron. When sex became too painful, I started using Pramarin, which is vaginal cream, as prescribed by my doctor. I also use some externally, especially in that painful six o'clock area. It's been over six months.

There isn't any improvement. Penetration is also painful, and I actually frequently bleed. No amount of quality loop makes it more tolerable. My husband, I love each other dearly, but we don't even try any more, and we have zero sexual intimacy. He's also challenged with low testosterone, and his strengths were only barely cover injections, that he finds cumbersome and leasing with pain at the injection site for some time. My question is twofold. Is my condition permanent and there is no hope? And is there anything besides injections that can help raise a man's testosterone? Thanks for all you do. Why I think this is such a great question for you is because she's doing all the things.

She's on the hormones, which I am a fan of. I think that so many biscuits can benefit from hormones. When we go through paramanopause, menopause, there's been a lot of misinformation about it, but now we're realizing that this can really be beneficial. But she's still having pain and her husband's also suffering. So what would you think here? I've got a few thoughts. So the first thing I would say is acupuncture and herbs, Chinese herbs. There are some incredible herbs that you can take, you know, till the day you die, that keep

you young and youthful and supple and hydrated. And yeah, so that, because the acupuncture is helping with the Qi as we know, the energy. If you believe it or not, I mean, there's tons of research on it now. Yeah, I love the acupuncture. And then, you know, as we said earlier, the meridians are in the fascia. And so, again, getting that, I think it's about getting that circulation and blood flow coming down into that area, turning on the nerves again, living in that part of your body again, and that might take a little bit of time to get into a practice with that.

But a lot of people will feel their hormones regulate even more and doesn't matter what stage you're in Like I have a lot of clients in that are over 70 that are women and their hat They still have juiciness down there because we worked on that and that's been an intention that they have So maybe she should take one of your courses. Yes, the pelvic floor course would be amazing Awaken the power of the pelvic floor and now it's's coming out, right? That's coming out soon. Yeah, sign up for the wait list. So you're hearing from people say, women in this age that you're working with.

Yes. Through your studio, that they're like, I haven't felt this before because I'm with, it makes sense that the hormones will come back online. The nervous system is the one that is the big boss to all the other system. There's all these other layers to her story and his actually, which is really that how stressed are you and how often are you able to get into that

parasympathetic state of rest I just in heel because when you do that, your nervous system goes, oh, I can secrete more hormones. I don't have to just be in like fight and fear the whole time. That takes so much energy from you. AcuPuncher can help tremendously for men, especially, and there's even specific herbs. There's an herb that stimulates testosterone for the men. They call it deer antler, which is a specific Chinese herb. That's like a game changer.

I mean, nature has so much medicine. So, Chinese herbs is great for a lot of the paramanopausal symptoms. I remember when I first started, night sweats, I went to acupuncture, I took these, they stopped like within a day, like this tea with this herbs. It's pretty, it can be really gnarly though, but it doesn't taste good. It doesn't taste great, but it was like such a relief to know it, yeah, but we just again, we just want to quit fixed, go to our doctors, we get medications, it doesn't often

work. And that's fun to do all of that as well. It's all good. But the rebounder could be helpful as well. Gentle bouncing, just to kind of move that energy down there as well, because when you bounce, you're giving every cell of your body a little massage. And also when you're bouncing, are you able to, does it help the, whatever medications you're taking circulate more to?

Is that part of it? Well, it helps. It helps discharge a lot of the toxic buildup that we all build up, which then allows the real medicine to work better. Oh my God, Lone. Thank you so much. That's very, very helpful. Is that enough for her?

I think it is. Your condition is not permanent. Sonya at all, nothing is permanent. And I think if you've learned anything today There's so much that we can do that we haven't done yet. We haven't even tapped into yet So it is that permanent your first day of the rest of your life could be today if you're taking some of this Knowledge and realizing there's changes you can make so so try some more bodies some movements some more work We'll talk about how they can find you in a second low and take a course

And then is there anything besides injections? There's a lot of stuff about the nutrition. Can it help with testosterone? Can it help with hormones? Just, but again, it's all holistic. So how is his mindset around it? Is he in fight or flight? I mean, if he's getting these shots and he's fear around it,

like that's not gonna help, how connected are you guys, you know, when you're having sex, how's your relationship? He can also take a cream, though, if he doesn't want injections though, and he still wants testosterone, you could take testosterone cream and rub that out instead of an injection if you really want it. There's like supplements and pills and then you go see a naturopath, you could go see a specialist, a urologist.

So I'm just leaning into this show into more of the body wisdom part, which I think is important. I would say another modality that I would recommend in this particular scenario would be cranial sacral, regulating the nervous system, and that will help all the other systems start to do what they're supposed to do more efficiently. Because we are of the massaging our scalper.

Well, it's going to go all through, they start with the feet, but it's basically helping the nervous system Regulate itself better. I love it. Yeah. Thank you, though. Thanks so much for your question Let's know how it goes. Have everyone just feeling inspired right now to like try something a little bit different bring your body online Okay, love before we get into all your things. I have five cookie questions. I ask all of my guests. Okay, super quick first thing comes to mind We just one word biggest turn on I ask all of my guests. Okay, super quick. First thing comes to mind, we just one word.

Biggest turn on. Confidence. Biggest turn off. Control. What makes good sex? Presence. Something you tell your younger self about sex and relationships.

Be yourself. What's the number one thing you wish everyone knew about sex? It's really so personal. It's a personal journey. Yeah, make it your own. Cool. Thank you, though. Tells where people can find you. They can also take one of your courses at AlignedLifeStudio.com. They can just sort of see what we're talking about. Was I want people to feel this? And when I love Raffaima code, use code Emily 30 for 30% off. So the Aligned Life Studio is sort of like

when I worked with people hands on for so long, and I was like, I gotta get this to more people, I can only get my hands on so many people. I was like, I wanna create a platform and a resource for people. So there's over 400 flows and practices in the Align Life Studio to help support a healing journey to be able to step into your power and purpose,

and a big part of my work is helping people awaken the power of their pelvic floor. So I think for your audience, yeah, that course is going to be really resonant for people to be able to move the energy, come and start living in that part of their body again and to become more sensual and enjoy their body and their life. I love that it's so specific too, that it's really just the pelvic floor course. How would a mountain impact your sensuality, your sex life, your orgasms? Absolutely.

So it's the pelvic floor course, okay, coming out February, so they have to get on a weight list. Yep, cool. We have a weight list. I'll do it. I know. I know.

I know. I know. Okay, we also can people find you. On Instagram, if you just type in low rocks, I'll pop up for low rocks, bra, and where else? I'm on YouTube now a little bit, giving some stuff away. And then yeah, the studio is our main place.

So. OK, well, put this on the show notes so you can find low. And thank you, love for being here. Thank you. What an honor. You're amazing. I hope you guys really love today's episode. Lauren is just amazing.

She's so talented. She is one of those people who practices what she's preaches. She's staying with me this weekend one of those people who practices what she's preaching. She's staying with me this weekend and we're gonna be doing all the exercises. And I know I mentioned this in the episode, but I just want to reiterate that if any of you want to take some of Lauren's courses, she is hooking all of you up with a great offer because she's cool like that. And I know you're gonna like this. So you've got to check out AlignLifeStudio.com or you can find this link in our show notes.

And if you use Code Emily 30, you get 30% off your Android subscription to the Aligned Life Studio. Thanks everyone, see you next time! That's it for today's episode, see you on Friday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily, be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review where ever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner. You can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at Sex with Emily.

Oh, I've been told I give really good email. So sign up at sexwithemily.com. And while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating, or relationships, call my hotline 559 Talk Sex. That's 559-825-5739. Go to sexwithemily.com slash askemily.

Special thanks to ACAST for powering the Sex with Emily podcast. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithemleefe.com. I will never forget my first J.J. toy because it was unlike anything I'd ever seen, so it was the Mimi and it was not only beautiful, discrete, and quiet, but also really powerful. J.J. toys have these deep, rumbly vibes that give really intense orgasms. And the Mimi is still one of my go-to vibes, but in the last two decades, they've made some of the best toys out there. Jiju was a London-based luxury sex toy company known for their high-end vibrators,

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