Sex With Emily - Ring In The New Year With A Bang

Episode Date: December 29, 2020

2020 might not have been our sexiest year, but today’s episode will set you up for 12 months of sex-cess. Let’s say goodbye to the year of breakups and endless “doomsterbating” and hello to courtship, communication, and more orgasms. Hear my sex and love predictions for 2021 and a step-by-step guide to plan a healthier year ahead. I break down how to create intentions that will work all year long. I love answering as many of your questions as possible, so let me know what you think about our new Rapid Fire segment. Let’s ring in this new year with a bang.For even more sex advice, tips, and tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If you're a perfectionist and you always want things lined up in a row, just take a beat and give yourself permission to make mistakes this year. Remember, we don't always get things right away, we're always so hard on ourselves. Look into his eyes, they're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bet through eyes they call them in a fight on day. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex.

2020 is finally coming to a close. I love the new year. You know, we get to reflect on the last 12 months and plan what we want the next year to look like. So as we're all looking ahead to 2021, and obviously we didn't know what 2020 was going to look like, I want to spice up your plans with some sexual resolutions, sexual intentions. I know that 2020 has been hard on a lot of our sex lives.

And if you don't have a partner or your single, it's been harder to find someone. Listen, this is my job. I'm going to get all of you to have more pleasure in 2021. Intentions with Emily, for each episode, let's set an intention for the show. It works. What do you want to get out of listening to this episode? How can it help you? It could be a bring-on 2021, I definitely want to try some new things next year. My intention is to help you fill this new year with all the pleasure you could possibly want.

Alright, we have a new survey. It's our Better Sex Survey sponsored by our friends at Pure Loop. And so I just want to hear what you have going on now. What are your sex goals for next year? It really helps if you fill it out. It just takes a few minutes and we're also going to give out a few big prizes. Go to sexwithemily.com slash survey and do it. It's fun.

A lot of you told me you actually enjoyed the survey because it got you thinking about your own life. And remember, if you have a question you want to ask me, call me directly Monday through Friday, 5 to 7 PM Pacific. Talk to me every weekday. I can help you figure out the next step to your relationship goals. The number, triplet 947 8277. That's triplet 947 88277, that's triple eight. 947-8277.

Alright, enjoy the show! Okay, you guys, what have we seen in 2020? What were the sex trends this year? Well, I can tell you, they're a lot different than what was predicted in 2019. From what I saw, there's a lot more doomster baiting. So I'm also here with my producers Colin and OV. That was just one of my favorite terms, doomster baiting, which essentially means you're sitting around, you put your phone and you are scrolling the news or you're on something and you're

just kind of feeling blah. And then next thing you know, you look down, your hands are in your pants and you're masturbating. So, doomsday or bathing. Oh, such a sad trend. It is. Let's take, what's the opposite of doing? Let's take it, let's make it joyful bathing soon or something. The other thing we saw was online dating in quarantine, the apps just blew up so many more people were dating online and they're using video, they're face timing, which I've always been a fan of. I think we're all saving a lot more time, racing across town, doing your hair and makeup

and getting ready, this is actually talking to women. We take a lot of time to get ready for these things. You get across town, you see someone and you show up the date and you be like, all right, I know this isn't my person. So I believe when you bring in a video component, it's another way to vet somebody. Totally. So did you guys go on any video dates this year? I did one. I was going to and then I canceled and the guy got mad at me.

I posted him. So no. That sounds like not a successful video date. Emily did predict this because when I first started working for her in June of 2018, whenever it was, Emily, I remember that you were talking about how video dates are the new future, not with way before quarantine. That was before quarantine. I was just saying it because I had people on my team

who were going on six dates a weekend. And I was like, why don't you just do six video chats in a night and give everyone 15 minutes and just say, I have to go. I just wanted to get to know you. And then they already know you've been out. You could screen like six people. Like I do and I'm interviewing new team members.

So, you know, and now everyone's doing it, because that was a big thing. Like I remember telling somebody, I was like, just tell the person who's texting you only, can we hop on a video? So then, you know, you can make a plan. So yeah, I did predict it. I did not predict the pandemic though, but.

That's so much better anyway. You don't want a first date to last more than an hour tops. No. No. In fact, I'm glad you brought that up because I remember last year I did a show or maybe it was this year because they all blend. I was talking about how there was some kind of tip that said after 45 minutes, you should set your alarm on a first date and you should know by then if you really check in with yourself, whether or not you want a second date.

And either way, you should just get up and go because first off, leave him wanting more, but more importantly, we know because you go, you stay longer, you might talk to yourself into it, you might start to get drunk, you know, whenever you might do. And I remember I tried it at the time, I think this was last January because I remember the date and I set my alarm. And he's like, what is that? And then I told the guy, I was like, you know what? I'm supposed to, I said, so this has actually been a great date.

And I think I ended up staying longer and being, I actually liked the guy, went out with him for maybe a month until I didn't, but we should know. We should know. Trust your gut. My intention for 2021 is to start dating like Emily. Which part of it? Which?

Which? Yes. I was gonna copy you. Do it, Carl, I got you. I got you all. Something else we saw this year, it was the year of breakups, which is no surprise when the pandemic happened. I was thinking, people are gonna get divorced,

people are gonna break get divorced, people are going to break up. We didn't know, but I assumed if you weren't in a great place in your relationship, it's going to be really hard to dig yourself out when you are stuck at home with your partner. In September 2020, there was a study from dating.com found that 60% of the users admitted they went through break up in the last year, which was a significant increase from the last year of only 34% admitted to having gone through a breakup. That's double, and out of the 67% of the respondents who went through a breakup this year, 49% said they were living with their significant other. 75% of this group claimed they signed up for a dating site to move on in the social distancing

era. Okay, so let's be honest, there's no better way than being forced to stay home with someone than to figure out if it's going to work. So I believe that this probably just jump started the demise of many relationships that likely would have ended, but it might have taken three years or five years. But when you're in a pressure cooker with somebody and you're just stuck, it's sink or swim. You've no choice. So in a way, I think this could be a silver lining of the pandemic that relationships ended

that just were never going to go to the distance. Because I doubt that new, you know, I have a friend who was considering divorce, but put it off because he was like, oh, well, I'm just going to travel a lot this year so I can just kind of avoid dealing with it. So he's like, maybe we'll see when I'm gone, Well, guess what? Wasn't gone and I had to deal. So I think we all have avoidance tactics in our relationships. We are always really busy. We're working a lot. We're at the gym for four hours a day. None of that could happen. We couldn't numb out. We couldn't distract. And so make sense. Your breakups.

I feel like it's kind of like that. I don't know if you guys have noticed this, at least in my neighborhood, I'll go out and just see normal people just walking around and in PJs or onesies or, you know, sweatsuits. Nobody cares what they're wearing anymore because we all know we're just stuck inside all the time. And we've kind of like been able to let down this facade of like, oh yeah, when you go

out, you get all nice and ready. I feel like it's done that same thing with relationships of like, let's forget the facade here. We aren't getting along. Let's just end it. Yes. I look at all my fucking clothes and shoes and that. I just want to wear sweats for the rest of my life.

And all the prediction, the fashion trends for 2021 is like all-ath leisure Like it's not going anywhere, which is kind of a thrill and no bras But you know what I'm realizing we're gonna get into the predictions for 2021 and All these breakups people are gonna want to get into relationships now be a lot of single people my first prediction for 2021 Core chip is the new black. I do think that we are slowing down. Like I said, we're using video dating apps are going to be huge, and we're going to be more comfortable. It's going to become standard that you get to know

somebody first. I also think that there's going to be more long distance relationships because the dating apps during quarantine lifted restrictions on geography. So if you're swiping on an app, you might get someone in another county, another country, another state, because people are just sort of it's all virtual anyway. So I think we will be finding more long distance relationships, which I think is great, because that means that people can use these Bluetooth toys. I wonder about dating too. Is this going to push us into like a new chivalry?

Right. And the gender roles though too. So chivalry we think about men. Men, you know, in a heterosexual relationship, right? The guy pays, the guy does this. But maybe the chivalry won't just be about the masculine or men. Right. Because someone's going to have to take the initiative, right?

I don't know. What do you think? What do you think? Do you want to ask me out? I don't know. Should I ask you out? I mean, that's just not hot or interesting. But maybe women, what I hope to see is more vulva owners are gonna step up and ask people

out. Maybe take the initiative. We're gonna see. I mean, know what you think. I'd love to know what you guys think, too. Let's see. More open relationships. There has been a trend in the last few years of people opening up, choosing alternative

forms of relationships, not just sticking with monogamy. And I think we're seeing more resources for that now and a little bit more acceptance. Now, what I hope we see also is the rise of ethical porn, meaning porn that's made ethically by actors who consented to all the acts. It's more diverse, different genders. You're gonna see everything. More variety and porn content is what I hope.

I also think there'll be more audio orradica. I'm loving all these are audio orradica apps apps like N Jane is a great one and also Quinn try Quinn dot com. They're going to have an app coming out soon, but it's I don't know. I just love to listen to something to listen to some erotic as someone talking. So hopefully we'll see more of that. You know, I bet I can totally see that trend going up Megan my wife and I are getting so So tired of watching stuff. We'll turn something on and we're both like on our phones within like five minutes

Or just in the other room or distracted or whatever like we just we don't have an attention span for it anymore And I I could totally see audio erotica filling in that. Yeah, it's like playing in the background Even yeah with a partner or with a masturbation. Alright, we talk about doing the vicious. Yeah, listen. We like trying to work. We have to get our brain on board with sex. This is the thing.

If you find yourself with low libido or you're not turned on, sometimes we need a little bit of fuel. And if that's audio or rataorotica or staring at the melons in the market, whatever inspire you, like look for inspiration around you because it doesn't just hate you over the head. You're like, oh, now I'm turned on. It tells you for women, we see that.

Don't go anywhere, we've got so much more to talk about after this break. All right, let's get into making resolutions or I like to call them intentions. Resolutions is really intense sometimes because you just feel guilt about it. Like, all right, I'm going to stop eating sugar January 1. You're gonna fail. And then you feel like I broke my resolution, but an intention is very different. I prefer the word intention because it's more like a goal or a plan. It's like a healing process more than let me just quit something or stop something, because that's not how change happens.

Like my intention is to live a healthier life. And as a result of that, I'm gonna exercise more, I'm gonna do all these things. It just gives you a little bit more permission to make a plan that you wanna carry out. And like your goal or your purpose could be your intention. And it's something that you're intending to do, whether you pull it off or not.

If you constantly remembering, this was the year I was gonna be more, you know, less was the year I was going to be more, you know, less rushing around. I'm going to make more times for friends and family. That's more of an intention than saying, like, I must see five friends a week. But when you just walk around with my intention was to be more open to experiences, just more permissive. So the first thing you need is a vision. What does your ideal 2021 look like? I mean, there's no limit when we're dreaming. Think of the big picture.

What kind of relationship you want to be in next year. When you're in that relationship, what kind of experiences do you want to be having? You know, do you want to have more orgasms, more pleasure? Do you want to, by one year from now, have healthier sex with your partner, and then get really detailed. And the more specific you are with your plan, your vision, your intentions, the better. So if your dream is to explore different and rodentist zones on your body and have more pleasure, you might, you know, get very specific and say, I want to explore by myself and then

I'm going to bring a partner in and see what I can learn from them and how I can teach them about my body. Now if you're goal is to have a life where you're just having more sex, either with yourself or a partner, but if you narrow down, how do you make that happen? You know, okay, let's talk about people in relationships to say, I want to have more sex next year, but you don't convey a plan to your partner or you don't talk to them. You just think about, okay, well, then the first thing I have to do, if I want one year from now to look up and say, wow, what an incredible pleasure field year I had. The first step might be talking to your partner about your sex life.

I know a lot of you have never had these conversations before. So if you've got a partner, you could say, I've been thinking about it and I want to make sure that we are connected more intimately next year. I want to have more sex. What do you think about that? And then you've enrolled your partner in this plan because so many of you try to solve your sexual relationship on your own without bringing your partner into it, and you keep getting frustrated. But I think a great way to bring them in is to say, let's talk about it. You can definitely blame me.

People always do. I heard it out of podcasts. Let's do it. And if you're single and you read your intention is to really have a healthy relationship next year, or maybe you just want to have more casual sex next year, it's important to get really clear. Whenever you're dating, what kind of relationship you're looking for, and write it down,

what are all the components of that relationship? What are you doing on the weekends? What kind of experiences do you share together? What kind of sex are you having? How incorporated are they in your life? Are they meeting your friends and your family? Are you learning from each other? How do you feel when you're with them? Now, this isn't an easy exercise. Some people it is. Some people can visualize and they just see it all and feel it all. But when we have a muscle memory, when we feel something, we actually visualize it. It's more likely to happen.

Because then we meet someone and if we don't feel that way with them, we'll be like, oh, this doesn't feel right. This isn't the partnership I was envisioning. I think it's really important to get specific. Because then we just get attracted to someone and start having sex. We're like, oh, but I wanted somebody who was more available and this person's just getting out of a relationship and told me they're not available. What am I doing?

Is it worthwhile to spend three months with someone just having sex when it really wasn't the intention I set at the beginning of the new year? And the great part about writing this down is that you can keep referring back to it and making sure you're on track. Now if you're thinking about focusing more on your own sex life, you know, as a single person, even if you're in a relationship, you can still focus on your own pleasure. You can think like, how is yourself love practice going?

Are you masturbating often? Or are you present with yourself? When you're masturbating, do you just dissociate, do you zone out, do you get distracted? Are you doomsdaybating? Are you just hitting it and quitting it? Or do you really take the time? Do you say like once a month or once a week,

I'm gonna do some mindful masturbation. I'm gonna slow down and actually work towards my goal of discovering new orrogent zones. Are you thinking that porn has become a problem? For some people it is, some people it isn't. But then you can start the practice of masturbating without porn. It's trying it.

You know, you probably used to do that. And then think about your relationship with yourself just besides masturbation. Are you having a loving relationship with yourself? Are you being kind? How's the negative self talk? Are you really making time for yourself? Are you always helping other people? A lot of us are caretakers.

That's how we feel joy. We think. We forget to look at it. I've been giving so much to others that I haven't filled up my own cop Emily I had my first experience with this in a long time last night Tell me we got done with the show and I was just Super exhausted. This has been you know, we're all just working so hard towards the end of the year grueling and I took a bath and

It was so good. I just sat in the tub and just had completely 100% me time for like two hours and I came out and I was just a totally different person. I felt myself, I felt happy and fun and joyful and went to bed just feeling great. That is so true that I'm taking a bath and a reset. It changes your nervous system. You release tension, right? You couldn't do, be doing anything else.

That's great, Colin. I think that we just, it's such a great reminder that a lot of us have bathtubs, use them. I never used one when I had one. And now I have a steam shower that I just started using more during quarantine and I live, it's my time. So what is your time going to be?

Think about it now. When do you feel the most relaxed? Do more of that. Pencil that stuff in. Put that in your calendar. And then you can start thinking about your relationship. You know, when you're having sex, are you getting your needs met?

Are you having orgasms? Does your partner? Are you both satisfied with how your Do you have orgasms? Does your partner, are you both satisfied with how your sex life has been this year? Or is it getting a little bit boring? When was the last time you actually tried something new? And this is also why the pleasure plan are you guys could both do this together?

You could both think about your sex life together in a part, has your communication in the bedroom, are you communicating about your needs, are you comfortable asking for what you want, are you checking in with each other? If you're single or you're looking for a partner, it has been harder for you to meet people, do you keep dating problematic people? Are you in intoxic relationships?

We've got a ton of podcasts on that. You know, maybe it's time to work on yourself so you can be ready to date. I'm a huge fan of taking time out in between relationships to do that self discovery and exploration. You know, ask questions to yourself. You'll have answers. It's really cool when you, you could even write them out and say, what do I want?

A few things to keep in mind, perfectionism. If you're a perfectionist and you always want things lined up in a row, just take a beat and give yourself permission to make mistakes this year. Remember, we don't always get things right away. We're always so hard on ourselves. So making intentions for the new year will really help you live a life you want to live. And I don't want you walking around with another thing to beat yourself up for, which is

why I like intentions because you can keep going back to them and am I on track, and then it's okay if you fall off. Listen, no one changes overnight. I don't know where we get that notion that if you fall off, listen, nothing, no one changes overnight. I don't know where we get that notion that if we are great at something right away, we should stop. You should go back and listen to my podcast 15 years ago,

even 10 years ago. I mean, I'm hard on myself when I go back and listen, but things that you want to do that you care about, whether it's having a really healthy relationship with your partner, a healthy sexual relationship with yourself, or doing great in your job, all these things take work. So if you get criticized or you fall down, it's not how many times you fall down,

it's how quickly you get back up and you keep trying. And I think accountability is really big when setting your intentions. So do this with a partner partner do this with a friend. You can both you'll sit down and fill this out in the new year. Then you've someone rooting for you and someone you can go check in with. It was a really good year. And I just want to think all of my listeners because first off without you trusting myself in the sector, the family team and being open and vulnerable with your stories and being brave

and listening and downloading and reviewing the show and all the things that you do to help us keep this show available to you and make a great show is just wouldn't be possible without you and I'm so grateful that I got to celebrate 15 years of this and I wish you all so much love and a happy 2021 and thank you to Colin and Ovi for all your hard work this year. I got to celebrate 15 years of this. And I wish you all so much love and a happy 2021. And thank you to Colin and Ovi for all your hard work this year. It's been a good one. Hi, Acre. We did it.

We did it. We did it. All right. Don't go anywhere. There's more sex with Emily coming right up. Let's talk to Jennifer 35 in Canada. Hi, Jennifer. Thanks for calling. I just basically wanted to know if you had any tips to get back into the dating games,

I've been single for about three years now. I got out of an 11-year relationship which I believe it was toxic. You know, I was just in it to be in a relationship if you will. And then I decided, you know what, I got to take care of myself. This relationship is at working. So we kind of decided to call it quick, go our separate ways. And I was just trying to figure out how to get back into the data game, especially since recently I've discovered,

if you're being on a couple of Facebook groups, and just discussing with other people that I am a Denise, actually. So I need to have an established connection with somebody in order to be able to hub and dissect with them. Like an emotional connection. Yeah, a romantic connection. I just need to connect with that person on some sort of levels. Even if they're freaking hot, my plumbing is not going to work.

I need to connect with somebody. Yeah. It's like a sapiosexual, too, like the brain. After a couple of years being in that relationship, I'm like, I downloaded Tinder, I downloaded plenty of fish, I downloaded all these stuff, and you know what, it's like, no, it's not doing it for me. First off, I'm really glad that you are looking at the apps, because that's, you know, the way it goes right now, but could you start to have a conversation?

Like, how do you know that you haven't met somebody? Because then just explain to people, there's something called a demisexual, which means that, you know, you really want to have an emotional connection, a real connection with someone before you have sex with them. Another one is sapio-sexual, you want to have an intellectual conversation, you know, the what your partners use of words and language really turns you on. And it's all sort of the same thing like our brain is the most powerful sex organ, so that makes sense Jennifer. I'm exactly the same way. If I don't, if you're hot or whatever, I need to have that, that connection. So I understand that, Jennifer. So how do we go

about? Because a lot of people aren't going to lead with their heart on their sleeve. They're not going to leave with vulnerability and emotion. And so we got to look at is how do you find somebody where you can sort of turn the conversation towards something that would be a turn on to you. And sometimes it's asking challenging questions or asking revealing questions. So have you met anybody in the last three years? When I was going to the breakout, I basically made a friend on Facebook. We sort of connected on the fact that I was going to a breakout. He was going through a breakout. I was just talking about that, just supporting each other in that sense. And once he actually finally broke up, my ex and I, you know, I was looking for a place to live, he had a house, so I'm basically rooming with him. So

I'm living with my best friend that I connected, you know, on Facebook during that time. We did hook up a couple of times, but, asked them, maybe we can just have this sort of electronic friends with benefits type thing, and he's like, you know what, I didn't expect to light you as a friend as much as I did, and to be honest, pussy ruined friendship. So I don't want to go down that road with you. OK, so how do you feel about that?

Maybe that's how it in your living together, to me, that sounds like a good plan. Well, I mean, I love living with this guy. I mean, he's everything. He gets me for me. He doesn't say, well, you know what? Just why are you doing this? That's stupid.

No, he's like, well, you're doing that. All right, fine. You do you. And you know, always like, he just lets me be me and just gives me my own things, I guess. Well, that that's good so do you want to so so you're clear then you're saying you're cool with not dating him. Yeah well I don't want to date him I would like to bang everyone's and all of that makes sense just a exactly it's you know what I mean but like since I already have an established

connection with that guy but I would like to find a relationship, you know what I mean? Yeah, and I have to be people that I'm talking to, we're talking, and the conversation always switches to a sexual conversation, which I have no problem with that. I'm very open to discussing, but it's right away they send the dick back and that's like a whole crew off for me. Wow. You know? Well, what if you started, what if you controlled the conversation and you started asking questions that could elicit some of this more vulnerability because I know people say, oh, the apps are all about sex and everyone wants sex, but not if you don't allow it to go there.

I just think it's about you controlling the conversation. You know? Okay. Letting people know that, and let me tell you another thing right now that's happened to get it for, especially during COVID the last nine months, is that many people are having video date, the video chat, they're setting it up, and they're doing that, and they're not doing anything until they look at them, and they have a real conversation, or they set up a date where they're each having a glass of wine on either end of the screen, and they're having doing anything until they look at them and they have a real conversation or they set up a date with each having a glass of wine on either end of the screen

and they're having real conversations mean you're thirty five years old i would think that you'd be meeting people who are a little bit more serious because i don't think it's all about sex uh... well i hope not i mean it's great that it's all about sex on through early on a relationship but not just start off related to you don't want to be based on that you know you gender relationship, but not to start off or relate to if you don't want it to be based on that. You've got to have that good connection, especially of course, but you also have to have

that emotional connection, you have to have the same values, the same outlook on life in my opinion, anyway. Yes, you're right, you should. So why don't you find out about their values, find out what they're into, what makes them happy, what do they prioritize, what are they looking for? I don't think it's too soon to ask about those things. What are their favorite ways to spend a Saturday?

What's their dream vacation? You could just say, I'm looking for a relationship. I'm looking for a committed relationship with someone right now. What are you looking for? I'm not looking for casual sex. You could even say, Demi sexual need to know who you are before we sleep together. Need to get my heart racing, you know, before we, you know what I'm saying?

And then you get to control the conversation. But I do believe you'll find this person and I think it's okay. I think it's totally okay for you to get what you need. I think that some guys just default. They still think that women want a dick pic, but I haven't heard it that lately. I think most people I know want to more of an intimate connection. I guess that the guys are proud of it and they should

be but like don't show it off the first pic you know. No one's sitting around right now or women that I know saying I wish I got a dick pic tonight that would be awesome. Right unless it's asked for by someone they know and that they try. We want a consenting dick pic but not just a dick pick in the wild. A guy didn't expect this dick pick. Yeah, so I would just say it'll happen, but know that it will. The clearer you get on what the values are

that are important to you, then you can guide that conversation and just vet people. But you will figure out who they are and not telling yourself that everyone's gonna be so make it sexual, because I don't think that's true. Some people will, but not all of them. You'll find someone who's actually interested in you and what you have to say and sharing who they are. Awesome. Thank you very much.

Okay, of course. Thanks, Jennifer. I appreciate it and I love your show. Thank you for calling. I appreciate it. Thanks Jennifer. All right. We have not done rapid fire questions in a while and this is when I answer. So a lot of you send me questions at our Instagram which is sex with Emily, everything sex with Emily. And I can't get to all of them and I want to. So I'm just going to answer these questions.

Rapid fire is many as I can to help you get all the information you need and get your questions answered. So let's do it. Rapid fire with Dr. Emily. Alright, 26 male virgin. I feel self-conscious about a small fetish I've developed. Well, let me tell you this. If you're a virgin and you have a fetish even more importantly to practice excellent communication with anyone you're with, make sure you're part of that you feel safe with and that you feel comfortable with and

Communicate all your desires your needs and remember you don't want to be pressured into sex at all. All right, we have Someone from Instagram. What if sex hurts from a woman if sex hurts? Listen 80% of women experience pain during sex at some point in their life. That is true But just because you have pain doesn't mean you have to live with it. So, it might be pelvic floor problem. There is a great book by Heather Jeffco called Sex Without Pain.

We're gonna bunch of podcasts with her. It's important for you to get it checked out if sex hurts. There could be a lot of reasons for it, but you don't have to live that way. Okay, we've got, what do you use use loop for and how do you use it? All right, loop on every nightstand. Use loop for every single kind of sex that you do, whether it's masturbation, a hand job,

sex with yourself. Loop will help, you know, you're more likely to have orgasms when you use loop. You cannot or wet this level. It's not something that you can predict, so use loop. And if you want to use doing intercourse, a few drops on your hand, put it on yourself, rub it on your partner and get going. And remember it's okay to reapply. That's how you use it. I heard I could use ice in the bedroom, not sure how to use it. Well there's something called sensation play or temperature play. And when you play with ice in the bedroom, you could be performing oral on your partner, put an ice cube in your mouth, and you drag

it down your partner's body. You could put a blindfold on them. They won't know what sensation is coming next. You could just use it in your mouth for a minute, like suck on the ice, and then put it back on a bowl, and have a cold mouth, or just use it to put over a partner. Any genitalia will listen. We've got a lot of nerve endings on our body and ice feels, can feel great.

New techniques for when going down on my girl and the advice of the Kiven Method. That's my quick one, the Kiven Method. Go to my website, sexabendly.com, search Kiven, K-I-V-I-N. This is Rapid Fire, I can't explain it, but what I can tell you is that you cover more surface area doing this method on your partner. So that's it.

It's a great technique. It is a game changer. What's the best vibrator? I can't. It's like asking me my best child. My favorite child. I can't do it. But again, I'm going to send you my website to check out.

But we have a great gift guide too. The best vibrator is the one that you're attracted to and that feels good to you. So, when to have the first sex conversation in a relationship? Well, when you have it timing, turf, and tone, I think as soon as you start having sex with someone is a great time to have a sex conversation, why should you wait? Have it as soon as you start having sex and then get ahead of everything, rather than waiting till there's a huge problem. I like my partner, but, oh, she thinks that she doesn't smell or taste great,

but her boyfriend loves it, how to make it better. Well, I'm telling you, Arvajinas are like self-cleaning ovens. Our pH balance is totally fine, so if you're, you know, I don't think you have to worry about it at all. Most important thing, take a shower, make sure that you clean a little bit before sex, it will make you feel better, but we've done a lot of shows on this, and really a lot of it has to do with knowing that we are fine the way we are is women, and when we love ourselves, other people will follow. And the people who don't love your body parts

are not for you. Is it normal for a guy to only finish when masturbating and not with female intercourse oral? Yes, it is typical. It's typical that some people just are not going to be able to ejaculate with intercourse and oral. And there's a lot of reasons for it, but it could be because your partner is so used

to masturbating and holding his penis in a certain way that it just it's not that you're doing the blow jobs wrong and there's nothing wrong with your vagina it just means that they are used to doing a certain way maybe he's holding it really tight so don't beat yourself up and how to navigate mismatch sex drives or sex drives are different. First, talk about it and make sure that you... Make sure that you discuss it. Mis-batch libidos are common. Figure out, schedule, sex.

Talk about it, and then find a time of day that works for you. Alright, that's what we got time for. That's it for today's episode. See you on Friday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Family. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review, wherever you listen to the podcast, and share this with a friend or partner. Leave me if you got something out of it, they will too. We really show on Tuesdays and Fridays and look out for a bonus episode every now and

then. Find me on Instagram, YouTube, Facebook, and Twitter. It's all at Sex with Emily. And I've been told I give really good newsletter, so sign up at sexwithemlee.com and don't forget to check out our blogs. If you want to talk to me, ask your questions about your sex life, dating or relationships, email me. Feedback at sexwithemlee.com or call into my series sex and show Monday through Friday, 5-7pm Pacific, and call me Triple-894 stars that's Triple-894-78277 get a free 30-day trial at sexwithemily.com slash SXM.

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