Sex With Emily - Rules for Playing the Dating Game with Patti Stanger

Episode Date: August 19, 2015

On the latest podcast, Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger joins Emily to talk dating, relating and waiting for the right one. Not one to hold anything back, Patti  shares saucy stories, gives top notch dating tips and offers some million dollar advice for meeting your match.   Can a Beta man and an Alpha female make a good marriage? How do you get your “on again, off again” relationship to stay on for good? Does sex with an ex ever end well? Patti and Emily tackle a couple listener emails on love and communication, and teach you how to get what you want from your current romantic situation. Finding “the one” in today’s hookup culture is no easy task, but this Sex With Emily podcast breaks down the biggest roadblocks for singles today and teaches you how to avoid them. Whether you want to fall in love, stay in love or learn how to love, this podcast is not one to miss! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Everyone thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Tonight's show we have the one and only millionaire matchmaker Patty Stanger in the studio to help give us her best tips about dating, relating, and mating, and how you can finally find your perfect match. Thanks for listening. Okay, let me ask you a question.

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This is why I love them. And they're off-record Emily, that's Emily at Adamineve.com. I said my car sacred institutions Betrubized they call them in a bike on day Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute The girls gotta understand, oh my The women know about shrinkage Isn't it common knowledge?

What do you mean like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here so, so, so, so Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between.

For more information, go to sexwithendly.com. You can check it out. You know what you need to do there. Have you not done this yet? Do you know that we update the website every single day with blogs, videos, instructional posts so you can have better sex and relationships? Because that is what I'm all about. Plus, we do two podcasts a week and it's so easy to subscribe right there on the site and you'll never miss another show again and they're so easy to listen to.

You know what a podcast says? It's so easy. You're listening now. You can download the podcast app, podcast one app. It's all a good time And I'm here with Anderson. What up, kid? It's good to see you, honey. It's good to see you.

It feels like forever. I'm so excited because it's anal sex month. I saw you get really excited about it. So pumped about it. Dude, I know. Okay, let me just tell you something, people. I know that you're hearing anal sex, and I've talked about it a lot in the show.

And I'm not even saying, when I say anal sex, I'm not saying you gotta go have anal sex. I'm just saying, expand your repertoire. sex. I'm just saying expand your repertoire. There's so many nerve endings in the anal. It's just have some fun playing around. Topsy area, you've never touched it, have a good time. And it even makes me like, we're sending out our anal sex newsletter and I'm like,

how many times do we have to say anal sex in the newsletter? You know, so. I feel like that should be. I do think it is the month, try something new. One of the main things in a check box when you're like, oh on one of those dating sites and you're trying to get matched up with Somebody who likes the same I think that annual should be like towards the top of the list Well, if that's pretty thing about that Long walks on the beach you know, so it's people with with with that but um

So that's about speaking of which though. Okay. I am teaching workshop about it. Shocking about the butt play I'm being super anal about it too because I'm totally happy It's at Husthor Hollywood. It's August 25th from 8 to 10 p.m And if you've attended my workshops, you know there demonstrations lots of them. Yeah live demos. Yeah, you can come Well, is that a double and ton of room? Kind of right there. It's like the top of the hour double and ton of okay Here's the thing so three in key ingredients to amazing amazing anal play, useful anatomy tips, so maximize your pleasure, massage techniques to build a rousal.

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If you're interested in learning more, come to the workshop rsup2hhrsup at lfp.com. Come. I hate that noise. I know. Okay, one more thing, I will be in New York City at the Sexual Health Expo. You're always saying, why aren't you coming to Zack?

Why aren't you coming to New York? I'm gonna be there. Come, it'll be so much fun. It's some top sex educators. I'll be giving the keynote. All the latest and greatest products. And if you want to know more about email me, feedback at sexealme.com.

And check it out on my website. It is September 18th and 20th. New York City. Yeah, that's what's going on. What is September sexual month? What would you like it to be? I don't know. Deep row month?

No. No, no, blowjob month. No, every month is blowjob month. Patty Stanger. Patty Stanger. Patty Stanger. Hi Patty. Hi. The millionaire Maxcher.

It's good to see you. Good, thanks. Since you got a plus, I know. Well, you should get that on my podcast. Patty's got an awesome podcast at the Side Show Network, which I was just honored to be on, called the Loven's at Patty Stanger's Loven Sex Report. You go to iTunes, you can check it out.

And you can hear Emily and all her glory. Talk about her personal life as well as giving you lots of personal tips. It was fun. Yeah. At a good time. Patty, I'm so glad you're here. You've got a lot going on. Patty, saying if you don't know, you can find more at pattynose.com, millionairesclub123.com, and then across the board, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Patty Stank and so Patty, Patty, Patty, Patty. We met initially like a few years ago. I've been writing on your website. You want to say who you met at the time?

I was dating a guy. His name is David Wai-Gam. He's a big dating coach. He does a dating coach, which, yeah. And you can check him out. He's actually my co-host on Love and Sex Report. Unfortunately, why was it? Okay, I wonder why it was.

They went after a really long time. So they were this month. They mean that is a long time. They were this couple that when you went to dinner, they could not take their hands off each other and you would go home depressed with your boyfriend and go, what's wrong with us? And then they broke up. Like, what the fuck?

I said, what's wrong with us? And I get a boyfriend. No, when you go out with a couple that doesn't stop touching each other and, you know, they're in the throes of the three month or the four month or you're going, oh my god, I'm going to get with your boyfriend for a year and you're like, okay, why aren't we having sex like that? Why aren't we touching each other and what's wrong with us? You know, and then you broke up. So it's like you bursted my fucking amazing bubble like that.

Maybe this is this look can last forever. And of course David says my boyfriend at the time says they're going to break up. You'll see. And he was right. He was right. You know, it was three months. You can't judge on three months. You'll stay. And he was right. He was right. You know, it was three months. You can't judge on three months of a relationship. And when I was like six months, six months, right?

And then you didn't take him home for your weekend to Michigan with your family and it was his birthday. It was just like 50. And it was, who cares? He's a cancerous sensitive. You understand, my family, I never see them. They're Michigan. My brother was getting divorced this year.

I'm bullshit. You're six months in a take your boyfriend home. I'm bullshit. No, you were ashamed. You're ashamed. Or you were ashamed either. You're ashamed of your brother was getting divorced. Bullshit. Bullshit. You six months. You need to take your boyfriend on. Bullshit. No, you are ashamed. You're ashamed. Or you are ashamed. Either you're ashamed of your life or you're ashamed of him. But neither way, it's shame, shame, shame. I'm like, I've got a reputation up hold. That reputation is single. No, no, no, my family. No, she's going to, if you turn, can you imagine

the next 10, 20 years, she turns 50 and she's still single in the nursing home going, hello, Mr. Orderly, we give me a butt plug, right? I me a butt plug right now. I need a butt plug. Keep swallowing out. It's not, you know, Patty, it was a good time. I just moved to LA and I wasn't ashamed. He's a wonderful guy.

You know where we're at? Yeah. But this is where I went, though, because I told a lot of people, you know, I was really excited to have you on it. Like, but how do you become a matchmaker? I just got to get this out of the way. Because people like sex and sex. That's not something that you inherit the throne from your grandmother and your mother uh... my

grandmother mother were known matchmakers in new jersey and in south orange west orange livingston short-held we went to temple in the amberham it started in new work and ended up in living instant and you know it was nineteen sixty two three my mother's married to an alcoholic who's the hottest guy in town. He looked like, how could I describe him? He was sawmpepper tall, sexy, stud of a man from Brooklyn who like, land in in Jersey got a better life, one of those guys. He actually was Donald Trump's insurance guy, Irwin, and he looked like Richard Gear.

And so my mother dropped it to college, wanted to get married. And my mother said, look, you cannot stay around the neighborhood and just get a job at the local doctor's office. You need to get married, Missy. She found Richard Geer, fixes them up. They have me, which I was adopted. So she couldn't get pregnant for six years, and it was a struggle on the marriage. She had Injumetriosis, and it was not something you could cure at the time.

And then about 1963, he decides to hit the local bar on a regular basis on Wednesday night and gets caught cheating. And she kicks his ass out. You know, after she probably had, my mother was great. She had a detective. She fell in the woman. She set a mop. It was like a scene at a reality show. Like the housewife in New Jersey got nothing on us. And then finally, my grandmother fixed her up with her second husband. So, you know, 63 was you didn't get divorced in New Jersey. 70s, you did. It was Bill Carroll, Ted and Alice, for those who are from my generation, which means more people that have won and gotten a bed in a famous movie. And my mother was like, if I can do this so can everybody else. And my

grandmother's like, round up the troops, who's getting divorced. Let's fix the women up. And, you know, my grandmother hated when men could find younger women and the women of the ripe age could not find the men. So she was always an advocate. Then I had my aunt in New York who did like the New York scene and it was like a family of matchmakers. That's the only way I can describe it. And you had a sense of humor. So I was seventh grade dance loved all the goyam Christian boys never dated the Jews. There was a dance at one of the local churches. I said, let's bust it open. It must have been like, Bermitt's the season,

and I didn't want to go to the Bermitt's Spa. And me and my girlfriend, Sherry Berman, bust into the scene. We see all the Hatteputati's tall, blonde, Aryan-looking guys. And I noticed the boys run one side of the room, and the girls run the other side of the room, and I said, why aren't we talking?

And I brought everybody together. She ended up getting a boyfriend from it. And the preset to me, you have a job, honey, you're going to be a matchmaker. I said, no way, I would never do this. Didn't even know that it existed for a living because you didn't see money. You got chickens, a pot of soup, you know, you got candles for Shabbat. You didn't get like big, chachki things. And so years later, my parents owned a restaurant. My mother was married for the second time, and I worked in the restaurant. I broke my arm, and I hated working in the restaurant,

even though I love cooking. And my mother saw an ad for great expectations. The oldest and largest dating service in the country and said, okay, now you need to go out and try out for it. And it was like a thousand girls. A seafood, a sea of cores, blonde women, from Fort Lauderdale's with their tits, and I'm the brunette.

So I was literally the share amongst the Christie Brinkley's begging this Jewish guy Mitchell for the job and he said, okay, tonight's the night. Fort Lauderdale, be at the Sreshton. If you get the most leads you win. It reigned. Only one girl showed up. She cried. There's no women. There's no men here. I walked at A1A with an umbrella. Sports bar to sports bar took like 50, 60 leads through it in this face, okay, let's go buddy. And that's when it started. And then I created a system for GE,

which is, you know, it would probably be considered match.com right now. We were pre the internet. Right. And I said basically you need to have certain amount of leads per office, there were 50 offices nationwide. And I basically taught them how to do this. And got boyfriends along the way and I worked nights.

I was like a hook turn. Did you date people? Did you wear your shot at your business? But did you ever meet people they come to see you? Yes, you're good. So I always went for the really hot guy. I never checked his wallet, big mistakes. This guy floats into town, a lot of Canadians in Florida.

French, Jewish, from Montreal. And he dressed to the nines and he had a brightling watch. And he had a really amazing Versace suit on and Hugo Busch shoes and everything that you want in a man and he was smoking. And I said something's wrong with him and he was financially pure, you know, poor. But he could fuck me like nothing. Three years of cat nip sex. It's in my book Become Your own matchmaker in amazon and the guy

man with his magic tongue magic fingers we were doing circle of cell a on the ceiling and he wanted me to pay for dates Emily after about three months so i kind of a kind of loose but i was addicted to the sex oxytocin i talk about it and i went three years under the spell until one day i said no more so how do you tell people because you all often say you can't marry the person you

have sex with. I don't believe it. That's bullshit. It was dirty 30s, 30, 33, 34, 35s somewhere around there. He's a little bit older than me. And I was like, god damn that. Did I know what I had? Like girls, if you're in your early 30s and you are not using it, you know, to your advantage. Right, the pretty is the right. Yeah, because it't waste the pretty. Because man, it's an engine, like a Maserati, and one day you end up becoming a Prius.

So that's that. But in your 20s though, don't you think that people should just kind of date Nakamear to the tourist? I'm a big believer of a 30. That's it. I'm astrology driven, and Saturn return happens to 2930, and you're not settled yet. At 30, you kind of wake up with the light bulb moment and go, okay, this is what I want. I want the house. I want this. I want that. Some people don't want to get married. They don't want to have

kids, but they know it 30 and trying to go against, you know, the river, the currents, you know, salmon swim upstream. You want to go against it. Basically doesn't work. So you have to be true to who you are and everybody needs to know there's not one size fits all. Marriage is not to be in to be all as my mother would say. She was married three times. She is not to be in to be all, as my mother would say. She was married three times. She'd say, my mother would be like, sweetie, children are overrated. Take lovers and travel the world.

I love you. Trust me on this. That's exactly. My mom never shows. Same thing. Three times marriage. You've got to never rely on a man to take care of you. She said you've got to take care of yourself.

The thing is she said that. Right. And then my sister marries the billion, million, billionaire and like has all the money and lives in Long Island and I was crying all my life to get that and it was like why am I different I became famous I made a business like I never understood why couldn't go the traditional route but when I was growing up in short hills I had every caught Jewish guy living in the neighborhood who had money and I was like and I snubbed my nose at them and got me see But I was not a poor

Rump star, but see you have money and you've got it going on Yeah, but you don't want to take care of financially, but you do not want to take you That's a big problem and that the sex goes out the window on that because they start becoming And it's not that they don't want to bang it was like you don't want to bang them right? There's a difference They're not being a man. I mean, I don't get wet for somebody who I have to pay for. No, God no. Well, let's talk about that. Let's talk about some of your dating rules. Okay. Because I did find your, you have like your commandments that you wrote.

Not really. I've not. You do have commandments. Okay. And I found it interesting, you know, that was their few of them that I highlighted here. You got that was shall return calls in a timely Yes. Because there's all these rules. No, now three days to take that. Too much competition. Women are outnumbered in the sense that there's too many women. And there's none of men.

And we have the internet and we have Tinder. And with these kinds of devices right now, they can just up you again in 20 seconds. You show that you are professional. Like you would never not call your boss back for three days, right? So if you do the right thing at the right time and he, you know, this is you, he's not your guy. But the guys that really want a serious relationship are going to respect you. You know what? It was so nice that you returned my phone call or you texted me back or you emailed me when I emailed. I really respect that about you. And I hear playing games.

Yeah, I mean, I've recently broke up and my exboyfriend and I was still friends and he went on match.com and he said, what, he went on to two dates, two different girls, hot girls. So I was wrong, he said, they don't have their shit together like you. You came right back after the first date, I wrote on the internet, listen, I suck at typing. And if you want to get a hold of me and ask me out,

here's my number. And I don't go back and forth 55 times with the texting or here's 55 more pictures. You don't get it in the first five minutes, see it don't want to be. See, that's good that you put that because I don't go back and forth 55 times with the texting or here's 55 more pictures. You don't get it in the first five minutes. See, I don't want to be. See, that's good that you put that because I don't like the emailing back and forth. I don't like the texting for weeks. Let's just make a plan.

Call me. We're done, right? Right. So Jeff Betterman who didn't make a plan, you didn't file through. I did. He texted. He fixed Emily up with this guy. I thought it was a great fit.

She liked him. He liked her. And then he was in New York and she got busy and it was a great fit. She liked him. He liked her. And then he was in New York and she got busy and they had a couple of texts. But then he didn't call her. So here's a tip, guys. Women only fall in love between their ears. Not their eyes. You fall in love between your eyes.

Do not put that on us. So we don't like texting. We have to hear your voice. Lock on. Get off the phone. We take our little magic wand out. We visualize. How many times have you gone asleep at night and you're just imagining?

If that or DTV porn is one of the two, whatever works for you, it's true. But yeah, you're right. I mean, I feel like it's almost worse with a texting. I forget I get busy. But here's my thought on that. I know. If you don't like texting, calling, emailing, whatever it is, you don't like your form of communication.

The one you do, you need to let the guy know, calling, emailing, whatever it is you don't like, you're form of communication. And the one you do like, you need to let the guy know, most men are stupid, right? Right? Yeah, we're pretty dumb. Yeah, and they don't know what you want. They're not my readers, they're not psychic. But do you think that anybody knows what they want?

Because I feel like one of the things that you want is that you want by now, you're in trouble. Okay, well I'm not saying me. I'm saying a lot of people, we always hear they can't find love. It's either because they're not prioritizing it or they're like, I just don't know. So I'm going to date a bunch of people. Well, there are those that you give people to help figure out what it is that they want. Well, there are those who don't get choices.

You know, those who are sitting on the sidelines and they don't get a lot of choices. And when the number comes up, and it doesn't money, it doesn't have a job, I'll take them. And that's the problem. They don't get choices. There are those that get too many choices and don't appreciate their choices. And basically, disc this one and dis that because you're too busy. So you want to find the middle of the road, the balance, if you will.

You want to be in the ring, okay? And you want to be able to vet various people, but also qualify your buyer and spend time getting to know someone. Don't give it away for a song. Don't give your monogamy away. Because your monogamy is your virtue and that is what the man is buying. They don't know this. It's biological since caveman era. They don't want to know

that you slept with them on the first date like you slept with 50 other men. Right. So don't see it together. You always do a very strict role. I think you get to know that, look, the kissing, the touching, the fondling just don't go in or in or in I don't rush it Don't rush it and so when you realize we like each other which you know the last time I dated was David We waited six dates about six weeks because I had traveled in between and so we were the six weeks He's like he can't take it anymore. He's at the point where he's gonna go back He was a plan bad for it. It's gonna go on it. We had dinner plans. Came over a little bit earlier and he had the talk with me. He didn't wanna see anyone else.

He's an old school kind of lagoon a guy and I said, fine, and we hit it and then we were late for dinner with our friends. And the key was is that we built up a crescendo and that night was fabulous because of that. You know, and so I think it's important to know who you're sleeping with and get to know. You spend more time buying a car in a mortgage fabulous because of that. You know, and so I think it's important to know who you're sleeping with and get to know you spend more time buying a car on a mortgage than you do that.

It's so true because it often times with women, especially we get a tattoo, we have sex too quickly, and then we're just attached to the sex, the oxytocin, and then we're like we've not, we don't know, you can't see, we can't fall in love with the loser. I would say you can't see the red flags waving in the distance when you've got this oxytocin that's attached to you to someone, it's not healthy. So can you talk about also, so, okay, there's a thing I want to know. People always talk about, well, we have a lot in common.

That's how we get along. Yeah. We have a, I mean, do you have a point that we need to say music? Opposites don't work out for the long run. They're great at attracting. I just came out of an opposite relationship. We were very opposite. You know, he, as I say, he was mourning.

I was night. It's attractive in the beginning, but at about six months in, you start to pick on each other for their opposite problems. And so I don't recommend it. I think it's better to have a familiarity. We came from the same hood, the same neighborhood. We went to the same school. We have the same background, same religion.

Things that you can, you know, glue a thigh, the situation, and bring you together. And if it's not that, it's hobbies and interests. By the way, they have statistical studies that say, if you like two or more things together, okay, then you actually have a larger chance of lasting and long-dating ice cream or something. So, yeah, it could be anything. I don't care what it is, but the key is, like, if you like skiing and he doesn't, but you teach him to ski, it can become your commonality.

You can find something to do. And then the other thing is a sense of humor, can they make each other laugh? Which by the way, you can't buy. You can not buy that. That either is gift given. If you don't like his jokes and she doesn't like yours, you're in trouble.

And he's already driving you crazy. And he's not going to, yeah, that's bad. Can I have you one of the things? Yeah, what? One of the things in common, is sense of humor. That you both make each other laugh. Yeah.

My parents, my mother's third marriage, it was all about laughter. He didn't make a lot of money. She had a lot of rich boyfriend's pride about that. She said, I went with Mel because he was the laughter and the light of my life. He just made her crack up till the day she died. And that helped. And that helped. It was so strong.

She had a sense of humor that she just found. And by the way, it makes you feel sexy when you laugh. I told you me Kimmel once. I was on his show and I said, it was the day Sarah Silverman broke up with him. They were all afraid to put me on because I thought I was going to bash him. It was the height of my early career and fame on network television. I said, listen, I'm not like that. I flirted with him and I just said, you know, in the break, you're sexy funny.

You can't find guys like you. If I found guys like you, I would've married you. You know, and he's like, you're out of your mind. I'm like, no, Adam Krola. You know, and some people think Jerry Seinfeld's like that. You know, I did a slurry. One of my favorite sexiest, hottest comedians, I would've fucked, you know, him silly. I loved him to death.

You want funny, right? You know that's not going to go anywhere. They might lose their hair, but they're always going to make you laugh. And it's going to be, if that's important to you. But sometimes they get sexier with funny. They're smart. They're edgier. I was just watching. I never loved Jerry Seinfeld. I never thought he was cute or anything. My sister knew him from the neighborhood in New York and she saw him once in a while at the Korean Salabar. And I said, I watched comedians cars recently and I thought, wow, he's really

intelligent. He's really smart. I never saw that side of him on Seinfeld. So, you know, you always see different sides of the street chris rocked me is really i know i love the funny i love the funny and smart we always say we want to all funny and smart and say it's all about the tallets true you know you're still single baby call me he's right to fix them up and so what do you think that are the rig the biggest roadblocks today that's the big question but that singles are facing find someone what we do in the

i think they're uh... there think there are passing ships in the night, being in the right place at the right time, picking one and getting off the market. Some people have too many choices and just keep going ADDDD and like judgmental. Judgemental, the judgey aspect is so fucking hard. I haven't dated since my breakup because I just don't want to be judged.

And everyone thinks I'm the show. You know, they watch matchmaker. They watch my matchmaker. They watch my matchmaker. Oh yeah, she screams she yells, I'm like, I'm really a bitch. No, I'm really not. How do you so much?

See, how do you deal with that? Because people know you're famous from television. They've seen it like, oh, is she like, but you're not like, like, I've hung out with you. I'd say that. Like, she's not, like, she's cool. You're not like that. I'd say mostly, surfer sports guys.

And David was a baseball player and his family was like, you know, from the Oakland A's. And he played for Florentin. And David was a baseball player and his family was like, you know, from the Oakland A's and he played for Florentin. And it was like one of those things where he didn't watch Bravo. So he didn't know who I was until his daughter told him like about the court dead in. Oh my God, I love him.

And people came up to us in the restaurant. He was like, why are people asking me for anything? And like, okay, well, I'm on this show. And so it was one of those. So I date athletes. I love athletes. I just love or coaches or people who like sports But I'm obsessed with surfers like I just love surfers and skiers surf. No

I watch them I'm obsessed with them Okay, but this is so interesting that you guys just broke up and he did amazing first of all David does amazing headshots of Anyhow ladies have a cross photography dot, if you want to get your headshots done. Best I've ever had. And really, he has. He's the best ever. I have read. I have read.

I have read. I have read. I have read. He's the best headshots ever. I have read. I have read. I have read. I have read.

I have read. I have read. I have read. I have read. I have read. I have read. I have read. I have read. I have read. I have read. He wasn't happy about the breakup. It was kind of my choice. And the truth of the matter is, I need to be in a different place at a different time. He had his family.

He was married. He had two dogs in the yard. And he's in a different place. I would like those things. I'd love to be a stepmother. My fantasies to find a man with kids. But he was kids. But it was different.

It was different. They were grown up. And he was in a different direction than I was going. He hated my job. He hated what he did. He hated the entertainment industry. He needed someone who supports that. He didn't like what I did for a living. Well, that would be to me a deal. He didn't like people in our house. I work at a home. He didn't like any of that stuff. So it was like a nightmare. That would make me crazy. Yeah. And he likes to quiet. You got to go to bed at nine o'clock every night. You can't stay up late.

I mean, he has rules. He gets up at five and he goes to the gym. He's very steady Friday. He doesn't like to go to the movies. It doesn't like to go out, you know? So you didn't have a lot in common? No, it was like, we were romantic in the beginning. You get me if you give me romance.

I'm kind of a sucker for romance. But, you know, I like a guy in the business. I like a guy who's like, you know, at the top of his business and knows where he's going and, you know, it's confidence. You know, that's where you're at now too. So you wouldn't want somebody. I want to build, like an empire with somebody.

I want to be like the cookie to the, I don't know what's the other character's name. A cookie to Lucius, or whatever, for a empire. I want to build an empire with somebody and make it like you know ours together I want to partner. Yeah, and crime. I really do. Okay, and how you go how are you dating right now? I haven't dated one person Yeah, I haven't done that. We've been people people have sent me people that were not right for me And this is how you know you're gonna be like I'm a matchmaker. Don't even start because I know that's not a true I don't see I don't fix myself. No, I'm saying you don't, but you're like, I already know this isn't a good match.

Very few people are of me when it comes to matchmaking. But what I say is that, you know, I get people, they send me people, and in the old days, I would have taken any day, gone in anyone, and just given it a chance. Now I qualify them. And I know if I'm not going into the house, it's not a good fit. It's not being judgey. It's just, you know, my time is precious. It's not going to be a good matchmaking. No no if I don't go out of the house for the date

It's because my time is precious and this person was or somebody said to me I've got the perfect off you six with three he's dropped it gorgeous from Manhattan Beach He makes no money and he's uncircumstised. I'm like see you don't want to be you Well, I was like why would I know money right? So we start here. How many surfers are gonna be rolling in the dough? How was that kind of circumcised? He sounds like he was Support he was not circumcised my friend went out with him for years. He wasn't a surfer He was a sports guy And by the way surfer we're talking about surfer weekend surfers We're not talking about like you know layer Hamilton here, although if you were singing

All of that would be bad. That's my type but anyway Yeah, and I just said no. Thank you. And so then somebody else called me and asked me out and I said no. Thank you And it's like you know when it's a good fit. You can just tap without even having to move. If you were really in tune with who you are, I spent more time this last year in meditation, you know, hypnosis, subliminals. I was listening to, I have a new website called

detractingasolmate.com where you can get these things that I was working. And it slowed me down. It made me take a beat. I used to be in heat and look, look, look, look, all the time when I was single. And I'm like, no, when it's right, it's right, it's right, it's right, it's right, it's right,

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Well, we come back when we talk about more dating roles, a little bit of sex here and fading in the online world. But I've got a prick. A prick. Let me have a prick. Actually speaking of pricks. I'm going to tell you about intensity. Okay.

This is the deal. Pat, are you going to talk about chaglapsur sizes, right? Yeah, okay. So they're really important, okay? And I talk about products all the time that will improve your sex life. And now I've told you about a product that has changed and improved my sex life. But not just actually. It also has extreme health benefits.

Have you ever been at the gym on the treadmill and thought, you know, it'd be great. If I could be eating pizza and exercising at the same time, or even God, I wish these push-ups would at least give me an orgasm. Unfortunately, we rarely get to experience pleasure while maintaining our health and wellbeing until now. You hear me talk about the benefits of kaggle exercises, but how many of us really do them? And even if we do them once in a while,

like I'd stop light or waiting in line at the store, you're not doing them correctly, probably you're not seeing the benefits. But what if I told you there was a product that does your kegel exercises for you, and it gives you mind-blowing orgasms at the same time, right? That's it. Side effect, cause-orange, causes orgasms. That's probably an exercise routine you might keep up with. I think so. Intensity is a revolutionary, intimate health and stimulation device that takes

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So you're just like lying down in your bed. It's doing your exercises for you. And if those orgasms weren't enough, it actually improves your overall satisfaction. It tightens and tones your pelvic floor muscles, which is so important for having sex, long term. This is a good question. It's a good question. It's a good question. It's a good question. It's a good question. It's a good question. It's a good question. It's a good question. It's a good question.

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I've been like, satisfying. If you've got a bowling ball and stuff. You got to piss you off and you're like, come on, let's do it. And then you just snapped it right on. I'm not a ninger personally that I would have one heard. But maybe, maybe they could snap it off. You always hear about some, not always. But we've heard like, I love lime people calling.

They're like, my penis broke. Yeah, I've heard like, women capturing men's penises and like, they get stuck. Wow, I wouldn't have wanted to do that. Does this give you? Okay, Patty this is my question of you. What? I was listening to your podcast with Pat Allen actually who I love to and You were talking to about lots of it. I think the roadblocks people are facing and you said, you know We're talking like the best places to meet people the opposite sex and you said well sometimes it just and I think you said you learned from her

You said if the fish ain't jump in, you have to move ponds. Right. If it's a new city, it's different. Do you think that's pull a geographic if you can't find people in town? Yes. How do you know? Well, in New York, there's five women and one guy. So you better move your ass to the suburbs or you're not going to meet anyone.

I mean, statistics are not in your favor. Don't stay there. And you know, if you're, if you want a marriage, a family, and you are more driven for that than your job, like your money is second, then you need to go where the men are. And where are the men? I mean, you have your single girl's handbook. Can we talk about that? Don't you talk about mapping and redefining people?

Singlegirlshandbook.com is something that the audience kept emailing me for. Do you have a coaching program? I had my book, some people don't like to read, and right now everybody's very, you know, transient. They want things yesterday. So I basically created an audio coaching program, which you can go to singlegirlshandbook.com. You can download it, you can put it on a USB,

you can listen to your car. That was the whole point. There is a matchmaking map. So one of the statistics we found is that, in Brecker Ridge, Colorado, for instance, it's 11 men to one woman and very wealthy men, oil billionaires. So where do you go?

You go skiing. Just don't look skiing, damn it. I feel like. You don't have to ski. You can sit at the bar and have a hot party. You're on a party, right? I'm going shopping. But the point of the story is you gotta go.

If you're a man, you go to the yoga class. It's 90% female with hot bodies. You don't have to go to the sweaty one, but you can find a nice one. So you coach women and you help them find a guy with this program. Single Girls Handbook is based on statistics, information, the studies.

We do a lot of studies every year at Harvard. I mean, Dr. Helen Fisher talks about it all the time. Why him, why her? Great book, by the way. And we really analyze the census. And we look at where the women are and where the men are. And right now, women are making more money than men, but not equal pay for equal dollar,

which is so fucked up by the way. Right, exactly. And so there's more women in college. So you're a guy, you're gonna go to school, you're gonna more likely find a woman fast and marry her, or you're gonna wait 10, 20 years. Right. And wait and lose probably the good one that got away.

I don't feel like you were the good one that got away and like do you regret thing? I feel like I don't. I don't have any regrets. I don't have any regrets. I don't have any regrets either. I don't have any regrets either. I don't have any regrets either. I don't have any regrets either.

I don't have any regrets either. I don't have any regrets either. I don't have any regrets either. I don't have any regrets either. I don't have any regrets either. I don't have any regrets either. I don't have any regrets either. I don't have any regrets either.

I don't have any regrets either. I don't have any regrets either. I don't have any regrets either. I don't have any regrets either. I don't have any do you think they don't know what they have when they got it? Because their dick is pulsating at warp speed thinking that they need to put that bigger, better deal. They have to put the sperm in everyone. Okay. And it starts to change and met me because men don't really, a lot of them, especially in LA, right? To later to 35. Well, we don't, we don't, we're not a marriage driven society here in LA. People live together, they have children on a wedlock. It's socially acceptable. I remember, you know, I'm old, but I remember Murphy Brown, a character on television, when Dan Quell was vice-president,

and he was putting her down for having a child at a wedlock. I remember that. It was the biggest scandal. You thought the cardanians, you know, come to town. It was like a joke because now you think back and go, was he insane? He believed in the married principle

of the moral majority in the South. It was like the whole nuclear family dance. The nuclear family blended extended families, different colors, the moral majority in the South. It's a good old nuclear family. I know, like the nuclear family. It's blended extended families, different colors, different religions, different remos. I mean, it's just the way it is today. Who knew that gay marriage would pass, right? Now, thanks God.

You know, and now maybe we have, you know, equal pay for equal dollar for female human rights, right? So right now, I think what people have to do is prioritize. I'd say get on three different websites. The first ones. Well I believe in match because it's the largest one. Match.com. Yeah.

And then you can take a niche market one. You could go on like if you're religious, go on JD. If you want a farmer, go on a farmer's only. If you're over 50, go on ourtime.com. So you have to say it again. Ourtime.com. Then the third one should be a hobby site or an app. So you can either split the difference.

You can do the tinders, the hinges, the, which is brand new which is for celebrities and people in the entertainment Really like you have to be well Let's just put it this way someone I know is date when I is going on a date this weekend with a very famous celebrity from Rawha I won't out, okay, but you know who you are and but like how do you go? How do you know? Well, what does it you're a celebrity this person had a celebrity picture and is that person. Okay. Got it. But like, anyone's in shame to bad.

And it's very cool. It's kind of like a cultish, so-ho house for dating. You know, I don't know this. There's Ivy date, which is like Ivy Lakers. There's all different kinds. So you want to find the niche one you're hobby. Maybe your golfers are us or your vegan or you love dogs. You find the one that's the commonality

because you're more likely to meet a person there. However, the statistics and the type of people you love dogs, you find the one that's the commonality because you're more likely to meet a person there. However, the statistics and the type of people that are less than match, but you're qualifying your buyer earlier. It's like we're saying you've got to find the hobbies because back in the day, I'd say, well, go out and people like, I can't find anyone. I'd say, well, you know, take a class, do something you like. And this way, you can just find a website that hangs in on it.

There's a great website that I'm a big fan of called meetup.com meetup is strictly events all across the nation and Trips for people that want to meet single people and based on you know wine enthusiasts, you know ski enthusiasts It's like whatever it is. I think people are just like they don't I mean they say they want to do that They're not doing anything and there's even a camp for singles cook club getaway in the Berkshares I love camp and it's in you know Ken Connecticut sorry for my favorite time of life and so you know these people go away for the week And they should do the whole you know cat school thing back in the day with our parents and we've meet up Your parents would go to one side of the hotel and we go to the other side of the hotel the single kids

But now there's a camp camp getaway so you really need to research I'm also an advocate of rugged hot men, go on these white water rafting trips in the back of men's house. So you should be doing it. Yeah, well there you go. I don't have time right now, but yes I am. Yeah, I know it's making the time.

It's not the time it's like I'm switching networks right now. We're going to a different network. I know, people are missing on Bravo, but you know I'm sure you're moving to big groups. Oh, we're going to be in bigger, better water. You're going to be really excited about your project. I had to watch you when I was on Bravo because they were like, oh my god, you got to watch because I didn't watch You're gonna be really excited I had to watch you when I was on Broadway because they were like oh my god

You got to watch it and and you know I chose to leave the network. They wanted to be back Thank you very much, but I wanted to go I wanted to go in a different direction creatively Which I really want to bring a new show to the audience, but you're gonna love it You're gonna love it. I own the trademark a millionaire matchmaker for you know dating and television and we're gonna Bring you a fabulous new show that you're just gonna be over the moon. So we don't have to wait too long, man. No, in about a couple weeks,

you'll hear what network is. Okay, good. Well, I'm very excited. Now, okay, question for you is how do you think that social media has changed the online dating? Because you've been doing this for 15 years. Well, I mean, I believe that when Zuckerberg made Facebook, he really, I don't understand what he did,

because here's the thing. You know, the twins say to him, okay, we're making a dating site for Harvard. Okay, so why didn't he make the site? He made a friend site and yet he was ripping the girls a new one. Why didn't he make dating for college students? It doesn't exist. So it's kind of sad that that didn't happen. But I do believe when one of his friends came to him and said, do you know so and so single? And he goes, I don't know. He's like, well, why don't we put that up on Facebook? I read it just a minute. And then's like, well, why don't we put that up on Facebook? I agree with you. And then now, it's the only place you know

whether the person single or not that's not dating related. So for instance, Bethany Franco is supposedly dating Eric Stone Street. So everybody calls me on the phone. And it's a great stone street. She's the star of a modern film. OK.

So she's the star of Housewas New York City. So everybody called me up and said, how do you know if they're really dating? I said go to their Facebook and see if their status is changed and they were like what? I didn't think of that and that's the truth. When your status is changed I just changed mine to being single. You did. You know a whole thing. Your personal thing. No, I mean I was already there. I'm pretty mature person you know. But when you change your status on FB your your life changes. Because then everybody knows whether or not, you know, how to respond to you. And then you, you know, you're single, they're gonna contact you.

You got pictures up the wazoo, you know? But what about all the like Instagram and all this people saying what you can't do? Instagram liking you, the thing you're hurting. Yeah, but Instagram irritates me. I'm on Instagram. I love it to death, but there's these Instagram couples with their perfect lives and their perfect children. I just want to shoot the abacrombie people. You know, it's like, we're's these Instagram couples with their perfect lives and their perfect children I just want to shoot the abacrombie people You know, it's like we're at the picnic today with our perfect strawberries and our perfect little child and we're wearing our perfect Affits and I'm like vomit

It's curated and it's one filter Olivia Palermo, but nonetheless You know, it's like it's like nobody can live like that Don't don't start thinking that these people have fabulous lives in your life sucks. Because people that depressed, they see people that say more time on Facebook and looking at us, they actually get depressed. Twitter, you're not gonna find it.

I think Twitter's mostly female in gay. Twitter's not really a straight man's society. I believe Instagram is getting more straighter other than, you know, man Monday. Man bun Monday. You ever see man bun Monday? They'll have buns. Man bun Monday.

Man bun Monday. To me, if I see a bun, I'm like, oh, I thought they're hot. They man bun Monday. They'll have Bonds bun Monday. I don't want to see him to me if I see a bun I'm like oh, I They're hot them they're hot though. They're really hot. Yeah, but like I never Naria man's bun will make me want to go out of that point of the story is that I don't really see too many men wanting to talk They like to take pictures of their cars and their friends and their trips and they don't really want to save very much So that's why it's a good place for men. Men love to take photographs. They love Instagram. But they love sitting looking like the key,

like Mike during love, like, literally. They used to love Facebook, but I think they're gotten away from Facebook. I think they're growing up. It's become really Instagram. Right, it has. So I have a question for this. What I can't look at this Madison.

You can't walk up to me in the little show. Okay, so when you are matching people, What I can't look at this Madison you can't walk off to me in the show Okay, so when you are matching people so this is this is the thing What do you think are some of the the problem like the problems? What do you think you are looking for like when women come to you and they're like we want to find some what are the mistakes that they're making like Across the border like it's like three mistakes that we're all making I think the wish list to the floor is the mistake. Like, he has to be this way, this way. Like 75 items.

And it's not like five deal breakers. And that's enough. Five deal breakers, two physical quirks, and you're done. Like, you start getting really ripped to the floor. But I will tell you something, a cute little story. So, Marning Nixon, who I just became friends with, who wrote the girls' guide to divorce, was telling me story about Lisa Edelston, the star, who I absolutely love.

I love Lisa. That's such a good show. Reminds me a little bit of you. You guys kind of look alike. I like her. So Lisa was going through a dating drought and she was sick of dating all these losers and she probably said, I'm going to make a list, but I'm going to make the list so crazy that a practical magic list, which so out left feel that it can never possibly happen.

And one of the things was he lives in Los Filos. Well, she goes to an art gallery and there's the guy. And it was everything on her list and she ends up marrying him. So maybe in her mind, the list works for her, I believe everybody's different. I believe the secret ingredient is to meditate and go internal. I took, I took Translantino meditation this year.

It's not cheap, it's like over a thousand dollars. I think. Four days of intensive work. I do it twice a day if I can get that second one in. And the truth is it changed my life. I read Howard Stern and Ellen DeGeneres and Jerry Seinfeld all did it. And a good friend of mine, my showrunner Spike Van Breason

and I we did it together. And it kind of calmed me down. You know, it made me more centered and more focused. And what I think it does is it gives you clarity to know what you want. So that when the loser shows up, you don't get angry. You don't get mad. You don't have a sex in the city moment

where you're just so pissed off at the world like Charlotte. Like, I've been dating for 100 years. And where is he? You don't have that. You're like, no, thank you. I'm going to wait for the next one. It is true. Everyone needs those moments.

Because buses are coming by every five minutes as my mother says, you just got to pick the right one and get on the right journey. But a lot. Yeah. And I just think of going back to being a lot of people don't spend time thinking about what they truly, truly want. And the only thing. Well, Pat Allen says, you should know what you don't want as a woman. I don't always agree with that. I agree with a little bit of both. But gratitude is key. Be grateful for your past relationships. This last relationship taught

me how to live with a man. I had never lived with a man. I am so grateful for David for teaching me to be a, I was a great stuff mother while it happened. I lived with him. I learned how to keep a home and clean and cook and take care of my man and my dogs and I fucking loved it. The next guy is gonna reap me. I am Susie fucking homemaker with Madonna in the bedroom and Martha Stewart in the nurse. But you did, yeah, you learned to cook and all that. So like I gave him a lot of gratitude for that

and you have to give gratitude for all those past relationships, even the ones that broke up, even the ones that ended poorly and badly. What did you learn from that? Right, exactly, you have to always do the inventory because a lot of time men and women they jump jump from one to the next, because they're hurting and they're okay. I think a great analogy would be to take the 12-step program from me and use that as a

dating 12-step. I always had this group back in Florida called Dating Anonymous, which I people would come visit me in my house and we would have a small little once a week therapy group and talk about our dating life. And it was okay to be single. And if we didn't find someone, it was okay. and at the end of the day we did the steps and one of the steps was you know take an inventory and moral inventory of all the people and call the guys up the exes that meant the most to you say look I want to thank you for this

but can you tell me why you broke up with me. Wow really? You do this? Yes and you take a moral inventory and the ones that really hurt you and broke your heart even if they're married now with five babies, you find the one thing you were looking for because the question mark that spins in your brain, that you don't know why,

you just keep repeating that pattern over and over again, breaks the pattern. The other thing is to take a child inner child exercise, which is what I've been in the childhood. I did that this last year, and so I couldn't explain that for people when you're with your homework. So when you're growing up there's usually a trauma of something that happened in your

childhood. Even if you think your life is perfect, you had a trauma believe me. And this trauma dictated the road for you in your relationships. For instance, if you never got the cheerleader in high school and you were always searching for the cheerleader, you made a lot of money to get the cheerleader when you're the goal digger when you're later in life. And so in my case, my dad told me at 11, I made him lose all his money, he was drunk, he was a big alcoholic. I told you that. And he pointed his finger at me,

and I must have downloaded it and didn't think of my computer, remember, I'm 11 years old. And from that moment on, I took every wounded bird in the road home with me. Well, this last year, it shook me to the core that I remembered that through hypnosis, through meditation, through attracting a soulmate, and I went holy shit, I don't have to do that anymore. And I will never take a man who's not qualified enough to date me, who's not at my level. Water seeks its own level. I will look for my water level.

Right. And he's not going to be a multi-millionaire, he's going to be a guy who's successful, good with his money, and shares in his generous. And he doesn't need you to fix anything. No, I don't want to fix anything. I can't fix anyone and I'm not here to rescue you. If I have to rescue you, we're not a match. Sorry.

I just had guys typically who wanted to change me in ways. Oh, everybody wants to change me. Like, I love all this crazy about you, but like, maybe you could just stay home and turn around and throw another thing. Stay out of your person. Yeah, mine was like, if you, I love all the fact that you're interesting and you're funny and when we go to an event,

you're just fastening, but can you shut up? And I was like, shut up. I'm like, you picked a chatty person. And then if I go quiet, you ever do the days, like she's a Gemini, I like me Emily. So if you go quiet for three days and your boyfriend looks at what's wrong, what's wrong? I'm like, no, I'm just being quiet for the next three days.

I really don't feel like talking. I'm in a Zen mode. What happened?'s wrong? I'm like, no, I'm just being quiet for the next three days. I really don't feel like talking. I'm in a Zen mode. What, what, what, what happened? What, I'm like, oh my God! You're telling me to shut up. I finally fucking shut up. And now you're telling me to keep talking. What the fuck do you want?

That would be shocking though, because this one quiet for three days. I've done that. I've done that. I've just like, you know, like, you know, we talk but we didn't have conversations. And I was just like, I feel I'm tired. I've been working.

I'm tired. I totally got it. Could I ask a question please Anderson ask away for the listener like who might be listening in our car or cubicle who she she might consider herself overweight homely she's very nervous about dating but she's lonely like what would you say well the first thing I do is get to the gym not to lose weight to let the endorphins rush basically which makes you happy. Happy people find, happy people find, happy other people. So happy is contagious. Depression is contagious.

And the endorphins are rushing, yes, you'll lose weight as a side by product, but you really should be doing it to keep yourself sane. And it leaves it, it alleviates depression, you sleep better at night, which by the way, sleep is one of the gods giving gifts for dating. For dating, people don't realize sleep is everything. And the thing is, most people are really unhappy. So if you start off unhappy, you're gonna meet an unhappy person. Yeah, so you can meet a happy person, you wanna interact.

You wanna get your best possible place. I gained about 10 pounds in the last three weeks. I was really unhappy with myself today, and I was like, you know what, I just gotta get back to the gym. So I opened my app up on with myself today. And I was like, you know what? I just got to get back to the gym. So I opened my app up on Equinox. I booked a class for tomorrow. And I'm just gonna, you don't think about it.

You just do it. You don't worry what anyone else is thinking about you. That's another thing. I was always a loan rider. I was called, like my mother would say, she goes to the beat of her own drum. And this is my problem with her. She just isn't doing well in groups.

And I was like, cause I was like further ahead of the pack. I was like, I don't have time for you. And I wasn't, the girl that had 55 friends, you know, I had a few friends in each city without a travel to her work there or lived. And I was focused on my business. I was focused on growing my business, whether I was in school, what I was learning.

I put my effort and energy into my interests. When you get into your interests, you become super manetically attractive to the opposite sex, because you're not focused on, get into your- You're not in heat, right? You're not in heat, exactly.

And they're attracted to strong women in some ways, although I want you to help me answer some emails for the listeners here, okay? Thank you everybody for emailing me. Feedback at secrethelame.com, and I love you, because I love that you've been listening lately that I want to know your age and your name, we can change your name, and how you listen,

and where you live. That's all, it's not too much ask. Emily, I'm a beta male married to an afl female. I can be bossy at time, but we butt hides often. My wife is very confrontational and enjoys a debate as long as she wins. This makes the relationship uncomfortable at times for both of us. I feel we do not have clear roles that we developed together. Could you please enlighten me in how to make a beta male with an alpha female successful, Brian. Well, I think the first thing you have to do is go

take the five languages of love to us. I was going to talk to you about that. It's Dr. Gary Chapman's book. You can take it online for couples as well, singles. And I think you need to find her love language. When you find her love language and you give it to her and you tell her your love language, you will have lines of communication out open and you will both go love. You think that could bring the alphabet, even if she's not respecting him because he's morbid. The love tanks are not filled up. That's the disrespect. That's the one where you're just disregarding each other's feelings. Love tanks are filled. Okay, I love we talked about this briefly on our last show, but I do love

and I've talked about it here and there, but I think it is a great book to find out how we experience love. There's five ways, right? And it's and you know that your partner has to experience them in the same way. No, no, he has to love you. If you're touched, like I'm'm touching this so if someone touches me like when I'm crying or I'm happy or it greets me with a hug or kisses my neck I feel filled up for the day now a lot of the men I've dated are words of affirmation So I basically have to say oh honey look awesome today. Oh, how was your day at work? How do you feel like stupid stuff that you wouldn't think matter. And Pat Elements say you would never ask a man how you feel, but a words of affirmation guy,

you ask how you feel. How you feel. Now you ask a man how he feels. He wants to know that you care. So cancer sensitive men, scorpions are sensitive. Water people are very sensitive. They want to know that you care. So if you're doing great things,

you can just go on the website and take it. That's a good one. I would love to know the restology also, what their planets are for. You need to figure out the website and take it. That's a good one. I would love to know the restology also what their planets are free You need to figure out the pickups there too. Okay. I Think that I mean, I think that's a good one. I think that I'm also though there is something about the Alpha female that I mean I friend to her always tricks a baby beta But there are alpha to magnet alpha and that's what you and I want

I'm attracted to magnet alpha, and that's what you and I want. I'm attracted to magnet alpha men But I'm beta at home. I switch. I'm only off at work me too See I'm so I'm at home and I don't want it and I've been told like what happened to the alpha when you get home And I'm like once that door shut sunny. I am total beta. What would the alpha to home even look like like I don't even know I can never take care of my dinner I just like I like guys who cook and take care of me. But the magnet alpha is usually an adroginous person. He can switch it to both sides.

And he can actually diminish his alpha to a level that you can understand. Because when he's two alpha, beta woman, as well as alpha's like us, back off. We're like, OK, there's no point in arguing. We may disagree here But I'm gonna let you have it like we just know when to you know, can see so to speak. Okay. It's good Thank you, Patty, okay, I heard that email though is she wants to win and like I always wanted to win arguments when I was in relationships until I

He said she wants to know that's what he said So maybe I take that with the green so I mean, there is something to be said for that. Because once I got married, I realized, I don't want to win. I just want to figure it out. Do you want to be yes or do you want to have a happy life? Right. I want us to both see what the problem is and fix it, rather than win and argument.

But that's his perception is winning. Exactly. That's his one side. That's his one side. We would have to hear her side of the story. There's always two sides in there. Exactly. Exactly.

OK. Sacks with the X. Hello, Emily. This is kind of embarrassing, but I've been having sex with my ex-boyfriend for two years. We dated, it didn't go well. After rereading, hanging out, we ended up enjoying each other's company. We have no other commitments, and we see each other regularly. And sex was good, though I feel like I feel like I felt like I was wondering, how could I get them to fully commit to me. Should I just hold off and sex with them? It's one of those complicated relationships, Caroline. Well, you're with somebody two and a half years if not before you were having the sex.

So you've known them a really long time. So the first thing you have to do is have a conversation, sub or light a day, coffee, no cocktails, coffee tea, whatever, sub or a bill. In a nice, well-lit place in the middle of the day. Quite time, making appointment and say to him, listen, there's something I need to talk to you about. I really like you, I really care about you, but I'm in a place right now where I want

to get serious with someone, I want to be monogamous, I want to get married, whatever it is. And I kind of let myself go by having sex because I'm so magnetically attracted to you, but this doesn't feel right for me to keep it in this position that it's in. How about we go to the next level and if you're not interested, that's okay. I don't want to hold you up because I need to go find the right guy. And you have to be this, you have to say this with a smile on your

face is though, you're not attached to the outcome of the situation. So there's no pressure. No heavy situation. No, no, no, it's huge. You did that. No, I did that. None of that shit. And when you say that, and you go, and then he's like, he's going to stutter because he's not expecting this to happen.

This is like totally for sure. Because he's getting what he wants right now. Right. You're shooting off a gun. You're going to have to say, what's your plan? When you ask a man what's their plan, they have to think you have to let that awkward pause stretch. He's going to need a big moment to process you. He might say even have to get back to you. That's okay. As long as you tell me when. But till you get back to me,

we're not having sex. Okay. Because I'm in a place right now where I want to get serious. And if you don't want to get serious, that's cool. Just don't hold me up and I won't hold you up. And that's how you do it. That's what my wife said to me. Yeah. What do she say? She said, like five years ago, she's like, what's your plan? What are you doing here until you figure it out? I don't even want to talk to you.

Right, exactly. And then how long did you take it? I fucking freaked out. What'd you do? You go home. It was like a couple of weeks and I was like, all right, this is on. You could take up to eight weeks in the situation.

You could do it. Eight weeks is what? Yes, eight weeks is where it takes about three, four weeks for it to process where the man can have slower. at the six week mark, he's lost his mind at the eight week mark. He's probably going to Tiffany's and getting you a ring. Now if he doesn't do this, he was never your guy. He was probably switch hitting with somebody else. He was probably, you know, perusing the internet. He had some backup girl worse than you. He might have three backup girls.

You don't know a story, but if you don't know where he is in a Saturday fucking night, he's got another girl. It's true, it's true. You're not priority night, a Saturday night. So by her, she's sleeping with them, she needs to ask them to define it. What do you mean by pressure? But here's the thing, men are gonna look at this,

like you're taking the cookie away. No, it's not we're taking the cookie away, it's that wear it risk to oxytocin bond even stronger than we already have. So we have estrogen surging through our body up to about 40, 45. And then we have no control over this. We fall in love with the loser, the garbage attendant.

We just can't help ourselves. So we are at risk. You are not. You have no oxytocin. You can sleep with us and let us go tomorrow. We need to protect ourselves. And unfortunately, that might mean not giving it up anymore.

Right, and Carolyn, I sound like she has to do this because it's been four years now on and off. I think that women do think they think that we always, they want to change the guy. So I think this is great. Have the talk and that worked for you. Would you have thought, though, Anderson, the day before she gave the talk to you,

that had the talk with you when you were there? Life live a Riley I was doing whatever I wanted she live in San Francisco I know that I loved her but like you know I was just I was still a single guy with a person I really cared about and then when she just said you know what this isn't working for me I kind of freaked out and two weeks later I said all right I'll get a place and let's move in and she said no she's like fuck you but then she came around yeah I, I mean, you have to regret. So yeah, it was a real shit. It was like you don't open it.

Almost like I don't open it. It's kind of like the shit I get off the bat thing. I was like, you never want to make a convince a man to get this idea to continue to do whatever he wants. And I was like, there's no reason that men are dogs. Okay, dogs don't know when to stop eating. Think about that. You put food in front of a dog.

Till it's every five minutes, it's gonna eat everything you put. You put a cat in the same position. It will eat five minutes, it's going to eat everything you put. You put a cat in the same position, it will eat what it wants. He's finicking and walks away. Women are cats, men are dogs. Women know what they want, okay, and men don't. So until you show a man what he wants, he doesn't fucking know. Well, a man wants everything too, and they'll take everything if you give it to him.

Right, that's what I'm saying. So you're giving them food constantly. You take away the food He's now gonna go running after you and hump your leg and sleep in your bed till you give him more food Understand he's not leaving you to go find more food. He's coming towards you. You were the food giver Also go the other way and be like well He could also say other way and be like, well, she wasn't really the right, because he could also say, you know what, I think, well, okay, fear it,

even if she's been over, this guy is been sleeping for over two years as an ex. What were they like even before that? So let's say there's four years here, which just uses an estimate, two and two, okay. That's a long ass time for him to lose his cookie, his nookie, okay. He's now, you're taking the magic wand away from him.

God forbid. He's not going to sleep good at night. You understand? He's not going to, and most men are lazy lions. Their creatures of habit. They're not going to go a wand, I go out in the prowl, and look for more goodies because they've got their laundry done. She's cooking, she's cleaning, and she's fucking. Now, that's a lot. That's a tall order. But girl, you better know your worth. That's the key. That's the key she's doing. Do you know how much your worth? Okay, if you don't know your worth

on the open market, you're screwed. Love it. Okay, Patty, thank you so much. Patty, okay, so here's the thing. People can find you in a few weeks at the, the great love debate. Oh yeah, great love debate. Laguna Beach. Do I have my information here? Sorry. Okay, so great love debate. Oh yeah, great love debate. Laguna Beach. Do I have my information here?

Sorry. OK, so great love debate. We're going to be there on, there's no date. Oh, here. We've got a great love debate. We're going to be there. It's September 2nd at the Laguna Playhouse in Laguna. It's $40 for regular registration and 75 for VIP.

Please go buy at greatlovedebate.com. We are going to be talking to you, taking your questions in person. There'll be a little VIP area. You can get a selfie with me. You can buy some of my products. You can ask me a personal question by the side. We're going to spend a lot of time. Laguna is a great place and a lot of millionaires will be showing up.

A lot of millionaires will be showing up. Oh my God, I'm coming. I'm coming, Patty. You're coming. You know, we'll see how that goes. Fix me with millionaires. OK, and then also your wine. I used to be serving your wine at the top.

I have a new wine ad. I'll be hitting all the grocery stores starting in September. But right now, you can get it nationwide at wine.com and several grocery chains, small grocery chains, and a little bit of a, you know, some of the wine boutiques, but wine.com is the best place. I have a sweet red sparkling from Italy and I have a crisp green apple shardonnay from Napa.

You got to chill both. It's amazing these wines. I have been using other people's wines for years and my mixers and in my events. And it's like finally, I got my own product. You need your own gut. Yeah, I own. I own Tapa Harda Taikusaki.

I got Malikari Industry because of that. And I fell in love with it. That was a little bit of a male-driven product. This product is UniSex. It has Aphrodisiac properties in it. It makes you juicy koozy and woody shuddy and it's a really great thing to have in your house if not to give a hostess gift the summer and both of them need to be chilled and you're just gonna fall in love with it. Yeah it's PS match and you

can go to psmatch.com and find out about the information and the ingredients and the alcohol content. Awesome. Well I've also got a website as well. Thank you Patty Stanger for making million metric, million hour matchmaker bands. Show, thank you Anderson. Thank you everyone, thank you Madison. Thanks for having me. Okay everyone, thanks for listening.

Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithamlee.com. Okay people, I have to tell you about the number one sex toy for men. It is the flesh light. And you know what, it's the only one you really want. number one sex toy for men. It is the flashlight. And you know what? It's the only one you really want. Let's be honest.

Okay. Wouldn't it be amazing if you could feel the pleasure of having sex any time that you wanted, even when you don't have a partner? And I'm not saying it's going to replace your partner. I'm just saying, and I don't have a penis, but every guy I know is tried this flashlight is like, hold the shit. It feels different than my hand. It feels different than having sex with someone.

It's just mixing it up. I've got a thousand vibrators, okay? You can have one flashlight and have a different kind of orgasm and then you let me know what you think, okay? Not one person who is born a flashlight, I was like, Emily, why did you make it by that flashlight? My penis really hurt, no. They're like, wow, where's a flashlight

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