Sex With Emily - Secret Pleasure Points

Episode Date: February 21, 2023

Exploration is sexy. You don’t have to know everything about sex to be hot in bed, but if you’re curious? That’ll blow their mind. So let’s look at some less talked-about pleasure acts and how you can incorporate them into your sex life. From nipples to the labia, what unexplored erogenous zones and tools can enhance your orgasms? When your partner’s got a large penis, how do you explore anal without hurting yourself? Plus, how do you find friends and community when you’ve just entered the BDSM lifestyle? And how do you maximize your partner’s pleasure? All this and more on today’s pleasure points show.Show Notes:How to Have Great Sex During Perimenopause, Menopause and BeyondPRE-ORDER MY NEW BOOK! Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure#openFetLifeOdelaHealth.com/SexWithEmily to save $50When it’s Time to Unplug, Plug in a Magic WandJe Joue (code SEXWITHEMILY for 20% off)Playground Lube (code SEXWITHEMILY for 15% off 1st order)Kivin Method: 5 Sexy Positions to Try This Valentine’s Day Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Things that are worth having in life take some effort. And I believe that for everyone who's in a relationship and non-relationship, we all deserve to have really healthy, expansive intimate lives. And it starts with these kind of conversations. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. Exploration is sexy. You don't have to know everything about sex to be hot and bad, but if you're curious, well, that'll blow their mind. So let's get some less talked about

pleasure acts and how you could incorporate them into your sex life. From nipples to the labia, what unexplored or Rogers zones and tools can enhance your orgasms? When your partner's got a large penis, how do you explore anal without hurting yourself? Plus, how do you find friends and community when you've just entered the BDSM lifestyle? And how do you maximize your partner's pleasure? Well, all this and more on today's Pleasure Points show. Intentions with Emily? For each episode, I wanna start off by setting an intention for the show, and I encourage you to do the same.

Well, my intention is to inspire you to try something new in your sex life, whether it's a small tweak or overall evolution your sexuality, your growing, which is the best mindset for a pleasure-filled life. Please rate and review Sex with Emily wherever you listen to the show. My new article had a great sex

during Perry Manipaz Menopause and Beyond is up at sexwithemily.com. Check out my YouTube channel, social media and TikTok. It's all at Sex with Emily for more sex tips and advice. If you wanna ask me questions, do it. Leave me your questions or message me at sexwithemily.com slash askemily or call my hotline 559 Talk Sex or 559 825 5739. Always include your name, your age, where you live and how you listen to the show. Plus you could change your name or choose to remain anonymous.

Before we begin today's show, I have to tell you something that is very, very exciting. If you haven't heard the news yet, I am coming out with a book. I'm so excited. We just released the cover and you can pre-order it. Now, just click the link in the show notes or go to my website. The book is called Smart Sex. Have to boost your sex IQ and own your pleasure. It's actually going to be a release on June 13th. You can

request it in your libraries, but hopefully you'll preorder it and you'll come visit me when I'm on the road. Starting like end of May early June, I might be coming to your town, just email me and let me know if you've a place you'd like me to speak and hopefully I'll be telling you about all the upcoming events, but I just want to say that writing writing book is no joke and it was a huge intense and satisfying at the end of the day, endeavor. And I'm just really excited to share all of it with you. It really took a turn. I'm just really excited about it because I know I've been talking to you all in the show for a long time. But this book has some new information in it that I really know is

going to change the way you think about your sex life, your sex life with your partner. I'm going to get into a whole new way of thinking about sex called sexual intelligence or sex IQ. And I just want to thank you all because really this book would not have happened if it were for you. It wouldn't happen if you haven't been listening and supporting the show for almost 20 years, which is the thing that I love most of all. So I just appreciate all of you. I can't wait to share the book with you and just thank you for supporting me in this endeavor. And if you know you're going to buy it, it helps a lot to pre-order it right now. If you pre-order it now, we're going to be doing a ton of giveaways around that. So you just just show me that you actually pre-order it. And you know, I love to give pleasure. So you're going to be doing some vibrators, some loops, some toys. It's going to be

fun. So just pre-order the book right now, sector.me.com. All you have to do is go to the drop down menu and select new book. And it's easy from there. Oh, and let me just say this thing about pre-order. So there's this whole thing that I'm learning that if you pre-order from indie bookstores, that even helps more people find the book. So if you have an indie bookstore you like, we love Skylight Books. You can go to their website if you have one in your town. They probably have a website and you can pre-order the book from there. But buying from your indie

bookstores, please support them that helps them and it helps my endeavor here. I've got to this book into as many hands as possible. Change Lives. All right everyone, enjoy this episode. All right, here's what's up. I'm thinking a lot about breast lately. And I believe though they're the most underappreciated, erogenous zone. I've talked about this before, but maybe it's been a while, but I feel like my history with it is growing up, you kept thinking like, oh, they're going to remember when you started fooling around people, they would first touch your breasts and then they would go down

your pants, you know, all the bases, right? There was so much focus on the breasts and, you know, people loving the breasts and all these things. But then I realize what happens is at least for me and maybe some of you, I've heard, that you just kind of skip right over them and you go right to sex, right? That's that whole going from in relationships

when you stop kissing and you go right to the sex. I think we stop playing with the breasts as well. We stop realizing that they are these incredible sources of pleasure Now I am talking about women right now, but I think that for many men Your nipples your breasts can feel great too. I don't think that it's every man But it's kind of like Straight men with their prostate that a lot of guys like no way no go makes me gay Dada but now I think that men are realizing that the sex act

Does not make you gay and you've this incredible rod just on on your body You might as well explore it and I think that men are opening up to that more I'm not sure if breast plays the same that maybe men if they let themselves go and didn't think it was just a feminine thing That it would feel great But I have asked a lot of my gay friends too and I think it's more of a case by case basis Just I want to hear if you of any breast questions. I'm actually curious too. Are you happy with your breast play? Do you like how it's going right now? What do you like? Alright, let's uh, go to, uh, John 64 in California. Hey, Dr. Emily, I came across your

site and thank you for opening this forum. My wife and I have just very recently discovered a BDSM lifestyle. Who knew? Borminogamous, straight married couple about 20 years and do not envision that changing. Although we thought we would be identified as switch in our play, I do almost immediately that I was the sub and that was all I cared to be. So when he says switch that someone will be dominant and then someone would be, you know, submissive and then they would switch. I held off telling her as long as I could, three days, LOL, because I thought that she

too expected him wanted to be the sub. She's naturally deeply caring and submissive. Contrary to this, I've been very dominant in every aspect of my personal and professional life forever, large corporate executive, etc. This has opened up our lives, extensive communication, a broader and more fulfilling sex life, and a deeper mutual trust than we've ever experienced before. We weren't bad before, but we both feel like this is brought tremendous balance to our life beyond our sex life.

My question. How do we expand our social circle to find and socialize with other like-minded couples? We aren't interested in changing our monogamous lifestyle or sharing our actual sex play with others, just to safe means to socialize with persons of a like lifestyle and life experiences. Well, John, I love this first of all. I love that you guys have opened up your play

to something a little bit different. Well, King Kier, for 20 years, I hope that there's people listening who've been in relationships and you think, this is it. This is how we're always gonna have sex sex on me on the top. She's going to be on the bottom. We're going to have missionary. We're going to roll over. It's going to be over. It's no. He's 64, 20 years together, and they've realized there's a new lifestyle. And not only did they decided they wanted to be into some BDSM bondage discipline, St. Omasochism, you know, just,

could even mean handcuffs and blindfolds. We're not, doesn't have to be a whole dungeon. But he's saying we did something and we mixed it up. And then he even went further to say, and I wanted to be submissive. You know, it's very common for, as far as this lifestyle goes, that there are men who are dominant everywhere else in their life, right?

From the boardroom and they've got all the things going out, but in the bedroom, they want to be submissive. Even then, that was able to work. That was another layer he went through. So I just want to congratulate you, John. Thank you for your email. And also to answer your question, okay, well, the great news is, right now,

there are some places I can send you. There's one called, this is amazing. It's called hashtag open. You just spell it out, hashtag open. And it's actually a dating app, but it's for single people, it's for couples, it's Lily for people, and every for couples, it's literally for people in every type of relationship looking for any kind of thing,

LGBTQ, non-binary, trans, I mean, there are everything on there. People who want you to be in the lifestyle, swinging, and so if you check out hashtag open, I think that it's free, so you could put a profile up there, and you can sort of say, looking to socialize looking to socialize for people who are like-minded. So that might be a great place to find that also another site that lists a lot of different kind of events like this is FET life. That's FET life.

So those are some places where I think you could just start looking and finding people. But another place might be Reddit. Now, I'm thinking about it. I feel like Reddit has a lot of sub-communities of people. I don't know if they've groups on there, but I just was, there's a lot of sex stuff that goes on there. But if you want something that's a little bit more people

and you're like, my did and not just talking about it, I would say, build yourself a profile and hashtag open, tell me how it goes, I've heard so many great things and then fat life. And finding like many people in the good news about that is I think once you find a good couple that you know some people you like, this is how I always found, once you find someone you really get along with or you like, whether it's socially or professionally, you tend to meet their friends and it tends to grow from there.

We can talk to Marcus. Marcus called Marcus 34 in Wisconsin. Hi Marcus, thanks for calling. What's going on? Hi, um, yeah. So my question is, um, every time down on my wife, she enjoys it and I enjoy giving that to her. I would like to kind of push it a little bit farther towards some anal play. a little bit farther towards some anal play. Okay. Whether it is with, you know, my finger tongue or what not, I, I just don't know how to bring that up to her. All right. That's not going to tear out or, you know, kind of be off putting right away. Right.

Okay. Great. Marcus. Well, I've got a few ideas for you. So the best way to do this, to enter into an anal agreement when you haven't before, is to talk about it when you are not in the bedroom, so you don't want to surprise someone with a finger.

But next time you guys are hanging out, if you have your having dinner, Marcus, tell me this. Do you guys ever talk about your sex life, and what satisfies you, and what you're into, what she likes? It's usually kind of in the heat of moments, like I'll ask her what she likes. And she always kind of just says,

anything you do, which I'm happy to hear, but at the same time, I kind of want to try this. Of course. But at the same time, there's been talks before where it's like no Okay, it's for so just like straight penetration that he's Said no to but not I really haven't asked her the idea of you know, just yeah, okay

I got it mark as I totally got it. So here's my suggestion for you. I hear this a lot. Tell them if you've been together Marcus. Eight years. Eight years, okay, perfect. So it's funny though Marcus, you're not alone in that most couples

that I talk to here on the show. They haven't talked about their sex life because, you know, we don't have a great model of it. Our parents and talk to us about it. We're afraid that we're going to get judged. And so we just decide how to say anything, which is why your wife, much like how I was, when I was in my 30s, if someone asked me, if a guy asked me, are you into this, I'd be like, yeah, and they'd say, what else do you want me to do?

I'd say, everything's great because I didn't know what else there was to say because I wasn't comfortable and I hadn't done a lot of exploring, I hadn't done a lot of the masturbation that I all the hours I've been logging and all the sex I've been logging since. So the conversation goes something like this. I realize we've been together for eight, for so long and I really love the sex we're having and you can even give some examples. You turn me on, I love the way you taste when I go down and you all the things and say, but I realize that like we've been together a long time and I think I would just really love to do some playing with you and figure out what might you be into. And I know we haven't talked about it, but like, is there a fantasy you have? You know,

and if she doesn't answer there because she might, again, most people haven't talked about it until this moment. I've advised thousands of couples to have conversations like this, Marcus. And so she might brittle out and say, I, why are you talking about this? Oh, is our sex life not great? You know, that's kind of where our minds go. But you might want to say to her, I just want to make sure we're great lovers to each other. Maybe you could start with what are the three most memorable times you've had sex, like with the moments? Like are there three moments that stick out for you? Because then by her telling you that, that starts the conversation.

And then you could tell her what you liked. And then you could just see where it goes from there. Now you have to remember that it's not a one time conversation. It's ongoing. And hopefully she'll take to this conversation. You can always start it and call me back. But you could just, and then if you get to this point, you could say, I've just been fantasizing

like I know we've talked about you know sex, but you could say to her then if you get to this point, you could say, I've just been fantasizing like I know we've talked about you know, sex, but you could say to her, I just wanna like, you know, I've been listening to this show with people blaming all the time, Marcus, this show's sex with Emily. She talks about those all these nerve endings, you can feel great for women. I'd love to just kind of use my finger or my mouth.

We could take a shower together. I'm getting in front of all the things she's gonna worry about, like how she's hygiene. And you could say, I just wanna like see how it feels. I can go really slow because you could say, I've said on the show, which is true. We have so much feel around it because we had a bad experience once we've heard it's painful. It's not sanitary. It's taboo. All the things. But once we let all of that go and we're like, okay, you know what? I'm going to open my mind and see

and go slow. It actually can feel really good because there's so many nerve endings. There's so many ways to play. And so you could just say, I would going to open my mind and see and go slow. It actually can feel really good because there's so many nerve endings. There's so many ways to play. And so you could just say, I would love to continue to keep expanding and trying new things because not because you're bored, not because you may be your bored, to be honest. We do the same things over and over again in the bedroom. But because for intimacy to grow in a relationship, we have to keep trying new things. We have to keep trying new foods.

We try new exercises, but we don't, you know, so sex is the same way. So how do you feel about having just a conversation with their overall and then seeing how it feels to kind of get her comfortable with it and then kind of move into that? It's one of those things where I just don't know how it's going to go because like you said,

we've never had that conversation before. So it's going to go because like you said we've never had that conversation before so it's going to be interesting because I feel like she's going to start questioning things with that but okay yeah usually you know doing something and I'll ask you know does that feel good do you want me to continue that she doesn't know like be somewhere else with that you know, does that feel good? Do you want me to continue that? She doesn't know. She doesn't know. I'd be somewhere else with this, you know. She has no idea. She'll correct me if I'm all that, like that, which I- That's good. More than a creative of that, just because I just want to make sure she's getting the best experience possible. Right, which I love, and that's another thing to say, Marcus, this is really hard for me to say.

It's very uncomfortable. I've never talked about this before. I love you, you're my wife. And I know that a lot can come up for you right now. This isn't about you and this isn't about like anything wrong you're doing. I just know how important it is for Cove scene. It and so many couples, I hear it on the show.

I listen to if you feel comfortable with that. That's so many couples. Eventually their sex life just becomes not just because they don't talk about it and they keep doing the same things. And apparently there's a lot of things we can learn together. Sex can feel amazing in all these ways and you can have orgasms. Most women can have multiple orgasms and you might have just in that first conversation, Marcus, be patient and be okay with her. Say, and I just want to tell you what I want to say, and then you go into, I would love to explore, I'd love to start having a dialogue with you, then you could say, what are your response to that? It might be about her getting comfortable with it.

And then you have another one. But I understand two markets that maybe she grew up in a religious household. Maybe she was told that it was wrong to talk about. Maybe she has no idea what feels good. So what I love is it's only been eight years and you're 34 years old. So you can start, you know, things that are worth having in life take some effort. And I believe that for everyone who's in a relationship and not in a relationship, we all deserve to have really healthy, expansive intimate lives. And it starts with these kind of conversations that are awkward at first and she might be taken aback by it. But again, if she cares about the intimacy and prioritizing pleasure, you know,

a lot of couples, again, they listen to my podcasts together and it helps them or you research, find an article or something that she could start to get her head around that it's not just you but it's actually science that this is, that there's a lot of pleasure to be had for her. And most people do not get healthy sex education and information unless they seek it out. Because it's not a billboards, it's not on TV, right?

You happen to see this listening. So be patient with her that I'm assuming she's never really thought about her talked about it. At least not in the way that we need her to, okay? Yeah, I completely, yes. In that aspect of kind of being reserved in that and never had that dialogue. And it's kind of one of those things that it's slightly been awkward if we have talked about, you know, just a quick thing when nothing is going out between us.

Well, you could say that. This is really uncomfortable. I know we've never talked about it unless we're in the bedroom. I'm asking this because I want this to become a really important part of our relationship and how we can be better lovers to each other. How we can have more intimacy.

And I don't know, maybe you're not just talking about sex. Maybe you want more hand holding. Maybe you want more cuddling. Maybe there's, you know, it's all about intimacy and connection. So just say, I think it's important. I'd love for us to figure out a way to have conversations about this, to get past the awkwardness, because it's uncomfortable for me too. But I think it's important for us to do this, and then just listen.

So go back to, like, I think it's important. We can keep talking about it, and you can call me back. And I can help you, kind of figure out the next steps, because it's important. We can keep talking about it and you can't be back. And I can help you. Kind of figure out the next steps because it's brave and I know it's not easy, but it's so important. And then you'll be able to get into the anal and all the other things, but you can't go from zero to anal. Okay.

Thanks Marcus. Thanks for your call. Keep it posted, okay? I'll be here. Okay, we have an email. This is from Stephanie. She's 50 in Washington. Hey, Dr. Emily, I recently discovered your podcast, and I love it.

Thanks so much for all the sex-positive information. So I'm gonna quandary about my libido. I'm gonna 25-year-old monogamous relationship and my sex drive has been all over the place. I had zero drive earlier in the year. The point that I'd honestly assumed I was gonna be celibate for the rest of my life. Then I started taking some supplements this summer,

and now I can't get enough. Legitimally I could have sex several times a day. I can't tell what normal for women in my age given most of the stuff I see online is talking about a decrease in drive as you move into menopause. And I'm not there yet. Sadly my partners are able to keep up with my needs at his age of 56. I do masturbate, go magic one. But after a few consecutive days I find it more irritating than helpful.

Is there a sex sleep way camp I can go to? Haha, I appreciate any advice. You have to help me meet my needs in between penetration sessions. Oh my god, okay, can I just tell you, I'm so inspired by your email Stephanie and I want to build a sex sleep way camp. I really do. I feel like I should get all of my friends together that are like our age in our 40s and 50s and trying to figure this out and I cannot help us all. I can coach us all along and tell us what to do because I've been on the same journey as you Stephanie and there is just not a lot of information out there until very very recently. So let me just say this, you're doing all the right things. You found some supplements, which can work temporarily. I'm not sure what those are,

which is great. You're still masturbating. Love that because remember, if any of you are suffering from lower sex drive or down the mood for sex, it's not going to magically just come back. And masturbating is so helpful because sex begets sex. But then what you're saying is it gets irritating after a few days. I get it. So let me tell you what's really happening right now from a biological, psychological level, what's happening. Paramanopause, menopause is stages of life that all women are gonna go through. And typically, paramanopause can run up to 12 years,

but I would say typically it's about age 45 to 52. And then menopause simply means you did not get your period for a year, which means you are now in menopause essentially for the rest of your life. So it sounds like you're not in menopause yet, you're experiencing a lot of the symptoms. And so what you're experiencing, it sounds like is some, maybe you didn't mention the hot flashes yet, but there are hot flashes and night sweats. But what's happening is that you're having the irritation from the magic ones, You're experiencing a drop in estrogen, which is what starts happening to women. A result of that or a side effect of that is thinning on the vaginal walls, vaginal dryness and some pain during intercourse.

There might be some weight changes, especially to your middle area, because your body is trying to hold on to the remaining estrogen it has that abdominal fat produces. You might also be having some brain fog, other mood changes, maybe sleep changes. So all of these things start to happen up until now, there hasn't been a lot of places for women to go. So what I'm super excited about is the onslaught of information. And in the recent past, a lot of people thought that hormonal placement therapy or HRT wasn't safe for women.

And there was a fabulous article in New York Times that came out a few weeks ago that talks about this. But essentially, up until the early late 90s, early 2000s, HRT, hormone replacement therapy was really, really popular for women. If they did anything at all, they took estrogen because we need to supplement estrogen because it will help with painful sex. It helps to stimulate blood flow in your vaginas. So you will have less painful sex. You might want to take testosterone, progesterone. There's a lot of different things that you can play with to help you get your sex drive to a more normal place with less pain. And one place I'd love to tell you all

about is Odella Health because because Odella is essentially the first virtual health clinic. So without leaving your home, you can get treatments for if you're postpartum or your paramanoposal or menoposal, they treat painful intercourse low libido and vaginal dryness and all these symptoms. So you don't even have to go to the doctor. They can help you treat your sexual health symptoms and they offer estrogen prescriptions that you can have delivered to your door. You get a free consultation with their medical team.

Their doctor there is awesome. Her name's Dr. Ashley Winter. She is a top sexual health doctor and urologist. And I'm telling you for me, personally, estrogen has been really, really helpful. And you can get a free 30 minute virtual consultation with an Odeella nurse practitioner. And if you want to check that out,

I'd say go to Odellahealth.com.sext with Emily, that's O-D-E-L-A Health, you get $50 off. If you go to that URL. Let me go back to your question here is that you're taking supplements, right? Supplements aren't as good as taking some hormone replacement therapy. And yes, I know the risks they give.

Breast cancer runs in your family. You've had breast cancer. Talk to their doctors about it because it's less of a risk than we thought in the past. Okay. I just want to say there's been some bunk studies that a lot of women in the last 20 years thought they couldn't do HRT, but we were finding that they can. And I have found it to give me so much more relief. And so that might help you.

And because I love what I said, you are like a banner patient here. You're masturbating, you're trying to find ways to make it work for you and your partner. And what I also like about hormone replacement therapy is it just starts to stabilize so you don't have to like constantly be guessing what's wrong with me, what do I need. So I would check out out dial health. And I would continue to talk to your partner about it because listen, men can also have hormone replacement therapy. So he should definitely get checked out as well if he'd like to be able to participate in the ways that you need him to. And in the ways that let's be honest, he probably wants to as well. Men are also suffering from loss of testosterone and

this is going to affect their erections and their sex drive. So there's a whole lot going on now. But what a wonderful time to be alive because there's so many solutions and people talking about this stuff that should not be taboo, am I right? I wanna dress your low sex drive and your high sex drive and how it's fluctuating. Let me just say this, if we all really take a look,

I feel like my sex drive personally has been fluctuating throughout my life. And it used to be because of my periods. There were certain times a month where I was a really high sex drive, and then times where I was lower, definitely if I had newuating throughout my life. And it used to be because of my periods. There were certain times a month where I was a really high-sectorive and then times where I was lower, definitely if I had new partners in my life, my sex drive was a lot higher.

And so I think that we just have to accept that and start the more we get in tune with our bodies. If we don't want to have penetration, that's fine. Sometimes we just want intimacy. Like what if you and your partner did a night of intimate touching or mutual masturbation? Maybe you have less frequent penetration, but you decide when you do penetration, it's on nights that you both plan. It's something to look forward to because remember, our brain

is the largest sex organ. So if we're trying to have sex every night and we're not on board with it and then we are on board with it, we're never going to happen. But if we decide like this weekend, it's going to happen. We have a whole week to look forward to it, to talk to our partners about our needs and desires. So just start monitoring it on your own, but I also wanna say if you do choose to go the route of hormonal placement therapy, what I like about estrogen or progesterone or testosterone

or a combination of all three, is that it stabilizes your sex drive. You won't have to be boring as much if it's gonna dip or it's gonna be up in such an extreme way, which sounds like what you're experiencing right now. Alright, thanks so much for your questions, Stephanie. Let me know how it goes. Stick around after short break. I'll be taking more of your questions all about exploring new areas of pleasure. So I'm going to read an email from Crystal 21 in Utah. I'm a 21 year old female.

I've been having sex for a while now. I love listening to your show because it gives me a lot of new information about healthy sex relationships. I'm going to show you talk about masturbation and it's healthy for everyone. I've tried to masturbate, it has in the past, it hasn't worked out, I never retort, gasm. I don't have any equipment. I love that it's equipment.

So I'm wondering if you've tips on how to start masturbating, what kind of toys you recommend for a beginner. And I love this because if you have a beginner in your life, a beginner toy user, someone who's never used it, it's also a great gift. So, Crystal, a great beginner toy would be... I say the J.J. Mimi is a great one. That was one of my first toys and why I love it is because it's great for literal stimulation, it's shaped like a skipping stone. I always say it's like, it fits in the palm of your hand.

It's great. The material is super soft silicone. It's also quiet and discreet. And it covers more surface areas. So you can pinpoint your clitoris or guava or vulva. And I think, I remember I'd only tried the magic wand at this point in my life when I got the Mimi. And then I was like, oh, because I kind of thought

the magic wand was just like, oh, nothing will ever top this Cadillac wall vibrators, the Magic Wand. But I love the Mimi. You definitely want to get a good lube. And that's what I recommend. Let's talk to Mike 53 in California. Hi, Mike. What's going on?

Thanks for calling. My question is more towards your female anatomy with the vagina inside with the labia and how much that plays into building up to and work at them. Great question. Or does it? Yes it does. Well, I don't want to say that for every single Lava owner it's the same, but we often ignore the labia, there's the inner labia and the outer labia and they're all really sensitive in fact the clitoris is just We think the clitoris is just that little bulb right at the top of the vaginal opening

But it actually has these internal clitorial legs that extend Behind like internally that go into the labia So yeah for many women they don't realize it I didn't realize it until later in life that yeah the labia For many women feels incredible to the touch So I think like using fingers going slow, loop teasing. I think it's all it's all works together So I think it's kind of magic for a lot of them So why? Yeah, of course.

Thanks Mike. Is that it? Anything else? That's all I had. He wouldn't take up too much your time. An email from one of our listeners who said, you know, I feel like you're always focusing on women's orgasm, Ryan, and he said, what about improving men?

And everyone struggles with it. So I think, I mean, everyone, I think has the equal opportunity to having intense orgasms. So I think that we all deserve to understand what it takes to have more pleasure and more orgasm. And so figuring out what that is for you. I think another thing is that a lot of us just rush right to orgasm and that slowing down and taking your time, you know, one of my top tips is to go five

times slower than you think. And that prolonging and that teasing and that arousal till the point of orgasm can be so friggin hot. So specifically for men too, and this is for women actually, see I think a lot of my tips for enhancing orgasm and arousal for all genders, caggle exercises can be done for everyone. Everyone can do them. We all have a pelvic floor and we have those

muscles. And I know that a lot of men think that they don't realize they can do them. But those are the muscles that are responsible for orgasms. So the stronger you can make them, they can give you more control over your orgasm. You can have more intense orgasms because you're building the muscles responsible. like those are the muscles that tense you know it's a you think about it it's the peace-stopping muscles so when you're trying to stop and start the flow of urine and you tense and relax and tense those are the muscles and if you do them five minutes a day you actually realize that you just might have stronger orgasms more, more bladder control as well. So we talked about a delayed ejaculation, talked about doing your cagal exercises that you

can also help prolong orgasm, make stronger orgasms, more pleasure. So the other thing for men to enhance their orgasms and their pleasure is, you know, men have a prostate, right? We always talk about the female G-spot, women have the special spot, special areas I like to call it, but for men, that is your prostate. And all men have a prostate.

And for many men, that can feel amazing and playing with that area, either when you're alone or with a partner, can really enhance your orgasms as well. So, you know, just using a finger and going inside, it can be sensitive, you could do it at the same time of a rousal of what you, you know, when a partner, when you're having sex with a partner, or when you're masturbating, playing with that, your prostate, and learning how to stimulate it, could give you intense orgasms.

We'll definitely intensify them. I don't think of other areas like the taint, your perinium. Think about the taint, you could apply pressure on that area, right, in between your penis and your anus, that little area there, that could feel so good. How about Ezra and Spokane Washington, he's 35. My wife and I are in an open relationship.

She's a girlfriend and is constantly learning new things about her body and what she likes. She brings all this back to our bedroom. It sounds like a good time, but her girlfriend is much better at far play than I am. And I really want to advice on how I can give her the intense orgasms, her girlfriend kind. I've been listening to your show for a few days. I listen to every episode I can find on Clint Play in 4Play. She always has fun when we have sex, but she says that I need to get new moves or switch it by routine.

What can I do, please? Help! Ezra! First off, just because there's not Clint Play in the title, I can guarantee you that most episodes there will be something about the Clitoris. Can't put Clint in every title. Also, ask her! I love Ezra that you want to please her, and you're like, I'm going to top her girlfriend. But ask her what the girl does or what she would like. You know, you don't have to just guess what she would like. You can say to her, I love that your girlfriend is doing all these great moves to you.

Why don't you show me some of them? Why don't you tell me what they are? You could try the Kiven method, if you go to our website. The Kiven method is this method for oral sex, where you can go down on her, she's lying down on her back. You're lying perpendicular, so your head is like, you're licking like from thigh to thigh, and not from toes to head.

So side to side, and that way you are covering more surface area, you're actually able to with your tongue, like the labia, all parts of the nerve endings, the labia, the clitoris, and you go back and forth, like left side, the middle, left, and you just kind of can lick in a really efficient way. And the reason why I bring it up is because so many of you, it was one of those things in all these years that it was crazy how many of you emailed me, called me, DMed me, slid into my DMs.

It was like for months and you're like, the Kiven method. Oh my God, I haven't married for 20 years. My wife never came from me going down in her. Now she did. I tried the Kiven method. You all freaked out about it. You loved it. Try that, Ezra.

It's a good starting place. But also ask questions. I mean, unless she's telling you to go out there and find some new moves, but try some tingly, arousal stuff. Please, sensation play. Put some ice cubes in your mouth and then use some warming lube, hot and cold.

Sensation play. One time I had a client who gave me or someone sent me some tingly, clitoral gel and they gave it to me and then I was with Madison who worked for me at the time. I remember and we went to try it right before the show and then we sat there and we were like 10 minutes into the show and I was like, my clitoris is tingling. She said, so am I. I'm like, it feels good. It was like in real time, we were feeling ourselves. The stuff works.

It's really cool. It's like, why not play with all those nerve writings that we have? Think about it. The possibilities are endless for pleasure. Tickling, teasing, using a feather, using hot cold warm. You could lick and then blow. Lick blow. Lick blow.

If you lick and you blow, it's like, lick, warmer air right there. I know, and that one you suck its cooler air. Have we talked about that a while? Blow, it's warmer, suck its cooler, you don't even need ice cubes or warming gel. But I am a fan. I am a fan of it for you.

Here's an email from Christina, 29, in North Carolina. You can also email me feedback at sexwithamely.com. Hey Dr. Emily, I've been my boyfriend for over a year now. He has expressed how much he's enjoyed anal in the past. I've done anal before, but my boyfriend now is larger than anyone I've ever been with, so you can say I'm somewhat scared, but I'm at the stage where I want to open up. How do you suggest I go about getting ready or being prepared for this? Our silicone lobes the best I try. Nominaleu, please help. I do recommend silicone lobes.

Before you even go right into anal, I always recommend that you start slowly with anal play. So Christina, you can just tell your partner that you're interested in exploring it, but first make sure that you know, he just maybe uses his fingers first, where he just starts to touch you outside of your anus. There's so many nerve endings just without even going in, like on the outside, they can feel amazing to a partner, or to you. That's what I'd recommend and just get used to the sensation.

And that's part of the prep. I mean, part of the prep also, let me back up because I know you're all thinking about like, how do I like, what about the mess? What if I, you know, poop, what happens and take a shower, get clean beforehand, don't need a little super large meal. You don't need to like do an enema, but you do need to make sure that you're, you know,

we all know when our bottlesels are clean, cleared, we know we have to go and we don't have to go. So that's what I recommend. That's the kind of prep about making sure that everything's clean, showering, and then if your partner is gonna use a finger, make sure that the nails are trimmed. You really don't wanna go with like dirty nails

or not chipped nails because the skin is so sensitive, it can tear. And so you wanna make sure that you are going slow and that you're using a lot of loop. And like when I say, loop, I mean like a lot of loop, like apply and reapply and you know, just start with a finger. Start with a pinky, then you could like take, you know, use his hand outside and then you could start

seeing like how that feels. And then maybe the next time he can put a finger inside, but it could just be like a pinky finger. And then we could work up to, maybe you could even use a toy. You said he's really large. And I understand that that could be intimidating. I don't know how large he is, but this might mean that you have to start with a butt plug and kind of build towards it. Now, when the other tip for anal is that you really want to be relaxed. So what really helps is to already be turned on already. Maybe you already have an orgasm and maybe he's touching you the whole time and turning you on and playing with your clitoris or has a finger inside

of you and you already aroused because you don't want to just start with anal plane. Now maybe people who are more experienced, you're totally down with that. But like everything, it's a practice and it's a build up. And so that's what I recommend for all of you all. That's why I recommend for Christina that everybody just take anal slow. Don't take it off the table if you haven't done it right before. You know, if you haven't actually tried to breathe and communicate with your partner and use lube

and make sure you're in a comfortable position and go slow. Those are all the steps. Like really if you're like your best tips, it's like, lube, go slow, communicate, breathe. Because if someone comes near us, our anus, our butt, and we're not prepared, guess what we do? We clench, we clench up, we tighten. Like that's our natural response.

But when we do that, you can't experience anything. Definitely not gonna experience pleasure, but when you learn to like breathe into it and kind of feel into your body, you might be surprised that it actually feels good. Now again, there was not one sex act that, and this goes for men too. It's the same exact rules for anal play for men.

Anybody with an ass? It's all about that relaxation and going slow, and then realizing that like, again, it's not for everybody, but if you tried this way, then you could say, oh, you know what, I tried all the things, I went slow, I used loop, and it still didn't feel good, then maybe it's not for you.

So I think when people like, do guys like this or do women like this, I can't tell you this. I can tell you what you could do to experiment, right? You're not a minor reader. I don't know. Maybe you're the guy you're with, those like it. But I think if you're like,

I just want to tease you. I'm gonna play with it slowly. They take my finger and trace it around the tip of your nipples with a little bit lube or a little bit tingle gel on my finger and like lick it suck it. Another thing about we're talking about temperature plate earlier is to kind of like suck on the nipple pull back kind of blow on it so it's like a mixture of like warm and cold air. That's just something fun and flirty like why wouldn't it feel good for men?

I just think that again a lot of men think it's a no-go zone. Don't touch my nipples, don't touch my anus. Why not? What if you're like on your deathbed and something happens and you're, someone brushes against your nipple and you're like, oh my god, that felt amazing. Why am I dying and I didn't know that nipple play felt great? I had it shut down for business. I thought nipple was a no go zone. What if that is your secret spot? What if the nipples are the secret to your pleasure and you did not know?

I just don't want you guys to be on your deathbed and be regretting all these things that you did not try sexually. That's just what I want for you. What the fuck, everybody? And you're never done learning about your body, and this is the final thing I'll leave you with. Do not make assumptions about what feels good to you and what doesn't if you haven't tried it.

A, the second point, B, is just because you tried it once. Doesn't mean that it's necessarily off the table forever. That's it for today's episode. See you on Friday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner. You can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook,

and Twitter at Sex with Emily. Oh, I've been told I give really good email. So sign up at sexwithemily.com. And while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating, or relationships, call my hotline 559 Talk Sex. That's 559-825-5739.

Go to sexwithemily.com slash Ask Emily. Special thanks to ACAST for powering the Sex with Emily podcast. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithemleic.com. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪