Sex With Emily - Seduction, Self-Love & Strap-Ons

Episode Date: October 31, 2018

On today’s show, Emily is talking about important aspects of sex and why communication is a lubrication. Joined by new team member, Sarah, the two discuss what sexual kinks are getting more popular, the real talks to make sure your open relationship is a good idea, and what the best strap-on options are that don’t look too real. Plus, the correct way to do your Kegels! Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Foria, Uberlube, Apex, Good Vibrations Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily For even more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit: sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm talking about important aspects of sex and why communication is a lubrication. Topics include sexual kinks, what's getting more popular and why? Navigating open relationships, the real talks you must have to do it right, and strap-ons. What are the best options out there? All this and more, thanks for listening. I just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common all the way? What do you mean like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh my god, I'm so dumb. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithme.com. Check out our website because you will love it and you will love and learn. Also subscribe to us, you guys, wherever you're listening. It's awesome. You can find us on Spotify, Google Play, IHR, Radio, SoundCloud. Give us a review

in iTunes. That helps a lot. Five Stars feels really good to us. And as always, fallist and social media, it's at Sex with Emily and Twitter Instagram and Facebook. Okay, I'm here with the latest member of our team, Sarah. Hi, Sarah. Hi, Emily. Hi. Sarah was on the show over a month ago. We did a sex-tory of you show, and she's awesome. So Sarah is a list, she's not just a listener, but now she's an employee of Sex Family. She's part of our team. First of all, Sarah was a fan and listened to the show and emailed us and said, you guys looking for interns.

And we got back to her and we did some interviews and she's been in the last few months and she's amazing. So we just hired her full on. So welcome to the team. Thank you. It's been so busy. She started this summer. I've been gone.

I want to like get to know, like first of all, how old are you? I'm 25. 25 years old. And you're from California. Yes. OK. So tell me what drew you two sex with Emily, the podcast. How you found it.

OK. So I originally heard you on Love Line with Dr. Drew. I was like, okay, I like this lady and finally there's a female on this show. Right? Right? And then my friend Amanda actually reintroduced me to your podcast. I was like post-breakup Sarah. I was feeling a little down. And I feel like I got a little addicted to the podcast because it really did help me heal during that time Like for a lot of the listeners like they connect with you emotionally on and the content of course and

How did it help you heal? Was it listening? Was it as in tips in particular? I think it was definitely listening the entertainment aspect of it and then like taking the stigma out of sex and Knowing that everybody goes through a certain pain like it the of it and then like taking the stigma out of sex and knowing that everybody goes through a certain pain like the listeners emails and then knowing that therapy is good for everybody. Oh, is that why you started therapy then? I started therapy before for like, breathing stuff. And then like, but it was interesting how like certain things with bereavement stuff recirculated back intoand-trelationships,

and definitely breakups. And for whatever reason, like breaks and heartbreak. Like a breath and like a death, you're a death in your family. Oh, okay. Yep, yep. Okay.

So, that's, no happens. It happens. It does, but it's one of the, do you mind if I ask? No, yeah, it's cool. No, who died? It was my older brother. I was 15, he was 21.

Oh, I'm so sorry. No, it's okay. No, but that's like, and have you, yeah, you get that stuff persists. Yeah. With that, the grief. And nobody really talks about too much how like grief can impact your intimacy and emotional intimacy and opening up and things like that. That would report. Yeah. So would you learn about that, bug grief, impacting your ability to attach? Let's see. I think the main time I really started to connect the two was, I was in my sophomore year, maybe even my junior year of college, and I was having a really tough time and my aunt came up to me and she was like, hey, like, sometimes we need help and it's

okay to ask for help for things. So just go to somebody, talk to somebody, and I found a counselor at my college, and I looked up, and I looked up the person I wanted to see because I wanted to make sure I could connect with them because I've been to therapy before because my mom put us into stuff after that death and stuff. So therapy wasn't new to me, but therapy and my trouble and relationships

was something new to me that I didn't know was gonna happen. Right, right, you have 15, but you don't know yet. Yeah. And so that's good. So then you went back and it's so true. And what I want to just point out what you said is that it's so true that to find a good therapist, they're not all gonna work for you.

Like try to see three. Like I know it sounds like, oh my God, I'm just glad I'm gonna get to one, but they're not one size fits all. Like I've had friends years ago, when I was about 25, I knew I didn't sounds like, oh my god, I'm just glad I'm going to get to one, but they're not one size fits all. Like I've had friends years ago when I was about 25, I knew I needed a therapist and there was a girl that I love. She was a new friend. We were really close and like she was studying psychology and she was just a remarkable

woman and she said to me, I've got the best therapist for you. And so I went and I just didn't, I didn't drive. I didn't understand her and at first I was like, what's wrong with me that this woman? But it was like, it's just like anything in life. It's personal. You don't like all your friends friends, you know, where I didn't,, I didn't understand her. And at first I was like, what's wrong with me, that this woman, but it was like, it's just like anything in life. It's personal, you don't like all your friends friends, you know, where I didn't, we're all different. So to me, that was such an interesting,

like she could be great for my friend, but so we all, it's like dating. So you found your person and then you, that's good. So you've been therapy working that through now. Yeah. And now you're in a relationship. And do you feel like, so how long have you been

in your relationship? It started at the same time. I started working here. Oh, it's a denser way. Okay. I don't know. So February into February, beginning of March. Okay, God, yeah, you've been here a while now.

So how has working here, would you say, has it impacted your relationship in your sex life anyway? Definitely, I think being a listener and working here has just been doing just getting rid of the stigma and learning how to communicate when in super intense, hard to have conversations, because I was really bad at that in the beginning. And I think we all are, we all are bad,

but I'd like to say that we don't have experience. Yeah. Like when you're a young adult going through your first fear, you don't know how to communicate. So what about your sex life? Anything with your sex life has it evolved? I think so because in being able to communicate your needs are like going back to, I guess, John Wylande shows, being able to communicate that you don't feel safe in a certain situation or that you don't feel comfortable or if you need to articulate

things that you need to have in order to feel safe to open up and trust and that kind of thing. Definitely, so having those tough conversations has made me feel more safe and more open and more willing to try different things I guess sexually. Yeah. Oh good. Like what? I guess not for myself, but but stuff. Can we ask about this? Yeah. Okay, so we've sent you home with many a care package of prostate toys. Mm-hmm. To try it with your wife. And we love that we have a man here, a man that's friends of the family here, friends of the sexually family who's willing to try them. Yeah.

So I think we said to the black pearl and the, now the narrows. Yeah. How is that going from the female male perspective? It's going well. Oh, I tried the black pearl with him. And that was, that was the good one he for that one he was able to have a prostate orgasm with me So and I think it was something to do with the shape of it and then also

The different patterns that it provides. He was saying that it felt good Did you put it in for him or do you use? Yeah, okay? also putting it in and You put it in for him or do you use a loop? You put it in. Yeah. And, uh, uh, was it 10? Was it 10? Were you like there?

Like, do you mind? I'm actually wanting to know. Sure. So, okay, you're like tonight's the night baby. I got this. So, so, so, Vibratex makes this something called the black, black pearl. And we've had it for a while when it came out with this, you know, just a few years ago. We were so excited about it because it's just, it's just, well, Vibratex, everything they make is so well-made.

And it vibrates and it looks cool. And some toys are less easy to use, but that one seems like one that's a little more prostate friendly. So you get it home, has he ever tried anything else? Yeah, he's tried the FT London, um, G-pop. Okay. He liked that one. Um, he hasn't given it back to me. Like, I let him, I think it was something that I left behind on accident and then he was using it. And then it lost its charge and then after a while I was like, okay, he's forgetting to bring it back.

Right. So I'm going to give him a charge. Okay. So he likes it. So tell me about this. So when you are to get telling me about the night that you first used it like did you Did you guys have sex first? Did you roll them over give a massage? Did he do go down? I mean like how did the sexual I want to know specifically how that act went down of trying it. Okay, so I think

Prior to sex happening he just mentioned briefly like oh tonight would be a good night to use that. And I was like, oh, okay. And then sex happened, peninsured of sex, oral sex, and all that good stuff. And then we went for that. So it was my first time doing booty play on anybody. Okay. So I used my finger just to like, open up the area, I guess, use the area.

And of course, Loub. Loub, guess, the area and of course, loop. Lots of loop. Lots of loop. Yeah. Joe loop was there. Forria slipped into the mix a little bit. Forria, that's good. To relax the anus.

Yeah. Can I talk about Forria, you guys? Amazing. It's CBD pre-loop amazing. I love it for myself. Yeah. It's good for everybody. Yeah.

So he had already ejaculated from sex. And then you're like, okay, relax, let's play with it. Mm-hmm, okay. So a gift with this one is that, and he does his kegels pretty regularly and I don't think he knew that his kegels and I didn't know before like talking to you about it, that kegels can actually strengthen a man's,

what is it called? His pelvic floor, his prostate. With a pelvic floor, but is it called? The public floor, the public floor, but also decreased the time and between. Oh, a doer, a refactor appear. Yeah, the refactor appeared. Yeah. And so he was ready to go.

Yes, he was ready to go. Yeah, he was ready to go. If your partner can't get it up, can't do stuff like convince him to do butt play, because that's going to get anyone out, but he could be sleeping. He could be in the hospital, he put something in there, but.

No, I mean, really, it's amazing, you guys. What I've talked about, I met a pusher but many straight man who's never indulgent gay, sex, or, because a lot of people used to think, like, oh, it's gay, I can't do it, but you realize you got to prostate, it feels amazing. So you put it in. I put it in, and with, I guess, in that instance, and something that we've kind of figured out with that specific toy

He doesn't necessarily like that in an out motion But with like the back pearl I guess because of the way it shaped it feels good. Yeah, it's a soft silicone It's a good shape. It's right. Okay, and It was we on a back or it was he was on his back. Okay. Okay. And so then I was performing oral and then also using the toy. And I wish there wasn't so much of a stigma for men to play with themselves. Like you said before, it's like cancer preventative. And on top of that, like, why would you say no

to something that could give you an orgasm without ejaculation? You know what I mean? Right. And that's an intense orgasm. And it's an intense orgasm. It's not orgasm. So yeah, so you how long did it, you pushed it right away or slowly?

Slowly. Yeah, just testing the waters and then making sure to listen to what felt good for him and what was not okay and things like that. And also leaving the toy in while he penetrates me, it's also fun because you can still feel a little bit of other vibration. Yeah, and it's kind of hot just knowing like something. Yeah, that's amazing. So then, so then he did that turn you on seeing him turn down like that. Yeah, see how it happens, right? You did it. You were there. It's like, it's such an intimate

thing too. You know, we talk about enhancing intimacy and the reason why we all want to try new things and better way, encourage it is because just these things, you know, it could be trying it, trying a toy, you know, talking dirty, any little change to what you're doing kind of huge, you know, I'm sure you got you a lot closer. So then you start having sex again

and then he had a non-legicatory orgasm. Yeah. And how did he describe it? He said, when I've asked him before, he says it's a super intense orgasm that's a little bit different from his regular orgasms. And sometimes they'll have them blended where he'll be able to have a peaceboat orgasm and then also a regular orgasm. I don't know, just it's hot. It's hot to see your lover orgasm and it feels good to like please them and stuff.

We're in LA, did you grew up in this area? I guess like on the border of LA County and Orange County. Okay. And what you're up for, you like brother sisters, parents? I have a lot of siblings. One older, he's the one that passed away, and then the re-boys and a little girl now. Yeah, she's a edish.

Wow, okay, you still live at home, right? Yes. Okay, and so my question is, what about your own like sexual awakening? Do you remember when you first masturbated? Mm. I think I was actually pretty, I wasn't super young compared to like stories

that I've heard since working here, but I wanna say I might've been middle school age or elementary school age and there was a stuffed animal involved with like no shape. And yeah. And your bed. Yeah, that's just so common. So common that a few years ago they came out

with a teddy bear vibrator whose nose did that. Was that one of the sex shows? Yeah. Yeah. So you're not just saying, okay. Other women have humped their toy in bed. So you had Norton, did you feel, and did you remember that? Was it like, I think, you know what? I want to say it was just like a, it might have been like a baby orgasm, but I couldn't figure it out. I was just like, oh, that felt good. But then I was like, oh, I thought maybe that's bad to do. But I just didn't do it again. Shame.

Yeah. And then the next time it happened, I think I was watching the King's speech. I don't know. I don't know what super sexy about that movie. It doesn't matter. Yeah, Colin Firth, Colin Firth, right? I said, yeah, he is.

He is cool. Yeah. You never know what's going to inspire us. Yeah. And that was cool. I feel like, I don't know about it for you guys, but when you have your first orgasm, super intense, you have your first oral experience

being on the receiving end of it. It feels really good and super intense. That was a cool. That's good. Okay, and what about you during two orgasms, easily during sex or not in the beginning with so with this partner, it was my first time having orgasm with another person. Oh, yeah.

That's a big moment when it can happen. I think a lot of us don't realize that like because we're told the first time you have it, we're going to have explosive sex and crazy orgasms. Yeah. That doesn't happen for most, but to make that point out the first time, but eventually. Yeah. it happens. It's intimacy because you have to know them when you trust them, you know, women have more orgasms and more satisfaction

when they're with a trusting partner. Yeah. Wow, that's great, that's good. OK, so what has been, now that you've been here one of the perks is you get a lot of different products. What's been your favorite toys? I think at the moment. I got to have a session with myself yesterday.

I don't want to say it's the rave right now. Yeah, the womanizer is also pretty cool. Yesterday I was using the rave and the womanizer together. Oh, I've done that. Yeah, it inspired me with some of her stories. Yeah, tell me, man. God, try to get that thing out of her hands. You know, I can't do it.

No, but honey, you're right. So the rave is this amazing weave-eye toy that's like, I call it the G-Spot GPS you can't do it. No, but honey, you're right. So the wave is this amazing Wevibe toy that's like I caught the G-spot GPS like it just finds it. It's like they they literally went they found a company that made these really cool dildos and then they were like, Oh, I love that person that shape. It's a heart. It was a heart. They're like, we're gonna they knew when they do so much research for every toy and that one really does target it, doesn't it? Did you use the app by chance with it? Um, I've used the app by chance with it?

I've used the app just to test it out, but not during massuration yet. It's pretty cool because the thing about the rave or a lot of toys is you'd think like, why don't I need an online phone, but we're already on our phones anyway, and it's not like you're staring at your phone checking Instagram, you're actually controlling it.

And sometimes it's hard to tell what levels it's going to in all toys. So yeah, anyway, next time. So use the rave and the womanizer for your clitoris because the rave is a G-spot toy. So the clitoris, whoo. And as for play, use Emily's Kiggle Camp because being aware of that muscle while you're using the rave, like before I was aware of my Kiggles and doing them, trying to do them regularly, I'm still at the beginning levels. but it made, I think it made that much more of a difference in being able to find my G-spots and have that kind of an orgasm because it doesn't, it hasn't happened to me

with a partner yet, but I feel like with the rave, it definitely has. Yes. Oh, good. For the first time. I want to say the first time I used the rave I did feel something that I was like me is that is that the one but this last time It did feel differently and it felt almost like a total body orgasm that I've heard Yeah, I'm the show and through the emails and things like that and so That's big that is feel like that's big.

That is big and that's exactly how I found my two spots. I was like, eff it. No partner was going to do it. It's not going to happen during sex. I'm going to go on my own mission. And then it is true about the kegels too. So you guys, I have this iPhone half kegel camp that I came out with like six years ago.

You probably talk about it. It reminds you of you doing them twice a day. And it really just in a few weeks of doing it, like three to four days a week, five minutes at time. And I'm re-bringing it up. I don't talk about Kegel. I used to talk about it all the time because I was so proud of it.

I still am. But now we're like, I'm realizing that it's really so crucial for men and for women to build those muscles. And I love that it doesn't take long. And for women, you will have stronger work. It's your crucial for my name, for women to build those muscles. I love that it doesn't take long. For women, you will have stronger work. If you're building the muscle, the muscle is stronger now. It has more, it can cause orgasm. We clinch those muscles.

It's a different sensation. I did the rave. I did my caggles, and that's when I had my juice. That's your formula. Same thing. I was using the intensity by a perma time with my keggle camp app. And it would, so every day it would remind me because that's what I needed.

I'm like, I'll do it all day, but if I don't have a reminder, so it would come up, I'd go home, I'd work the intensity, which is used as gentle electostimulation. It does the keggle for you, and then I would use the rave, and then I feel like it was like, my vagina was like, my vulva was super happy, and orgasm. So, okay, that's good. Look, see, expression.

Cause where you were at before yesterday is where, but a lot of women have been at their like, never has happened during oral. So, it's just not, or during intercourse. It's not gonna happen for me. And so, I mean, I was like 10 years older than you. So you're 25, I was like 35 when I found it. So like, I'm telling you guys, it can happen to you,

but no pressure, but just on your masturbation journeys, maybe working a few more tries. Try your kegels. That's what I really cool. Okay, I love it, Sarah. Well, welcome to the team. It's been so lovely having you here and getting to know you and she's really smart.

She's writing blogs on the site, reviewing toys, and just a great addition to the team. Okay, Sarah Let's do some sex in the news and then get into some emails For get 50 shades Tracy Cox reveals the very unusual kinks on the rise Including men who watch their partners in bed with someone else. So sex expert Tracy Cox She's been around for a while and she reveals the very unusual kinks that are on the rise. She says that more and more men are becoming interested in boy orsteric sex, and women are choosing to watch gay porn,

male and female, over straight porn. So what the study fowled was. There's a few things women are watching more, gay porn. According to porn hub, one of the biggest porn websites in the world, gay male porn, is the second most popular category viewed by women using the site.

Now, I've heard this for years, I've had friends when I've been doing this, or people, listeners are like, is it okay? I watch gay porn, I'm not gay. I think for women, they just find two men, you know, detractive, attractive men having sex. Typically, they look different than men in straight porn, detractive, attractive men having sex. Typically they look different than men in straight porn. And they're all about each other. They seem a little

bit more passionate. They're, you know, and there's no other women in the mix. So for women who are like, I don't have blonde hair. I don't look, it can just be a lot less threatening in some ways. And also they, you know, the men just seem more authentic to people watching. Like it seems like they're really into it. We don't know. It's still a porn. It's still entertainment. What do you think about that?

Have you ever watched gay porn? Yeah. Tell me, right? I like it. Gay porn is fun. It's funny because I remember listening to your show, maybe a couple of years ago, and it used to be said that women like to watch women gay porn. Or less.

Less porn. Less porn? Yeah. And seeing this now that most people are watching male porn is also, it's cool and interesting. And it makes me wonder if it's because of the way it's shot, if it's because, I mean, as women were so used to objectifying each other in movies or whatever, we're watching because it's from the male perspective

of the camera lens. So, I mean, like, this is hot. It's hot, right? But happy because it's still from the male perspective, but maybe it's a gay director. Perhaps, yeah. Right. It's interesting too, I wonder.

Yeah, because I think that the problem, my challenge around basic porn hub, straight porn, is that it is from the male gaze. It's mostly, it's a channel for men. Like, they're looking at it. How can we do something that's hot from the male gaze. It's mostly, it's a channel for men. Like, and that they're looking at it, how can we do something that's hot for the male viewer, not the female viewer? So that's why we're like,

we feel left out of this equation. That's not necessarily hot for us, that he's just pounding her away in the ass without losing Loub. Or like, is it painful? Or whatever she's, whatever they're doing. But that's why we love it, Erica. Less and other porn's are like from the female perspective.

So that's a good point that in gay porn, it would probably be a director who he's about like the men showing their passion, it feels good, doesn't feel, maybe it's this in Genuous. Perhaps, yeah, I'm the actors, perhaps, and be more into each other. Yeah, I like gay porn too. I haven't watched it in a while,

but I do, I'm actually literally writing right down right now, because I've been talking to my boyfriend. I'm like, let's watch more porn that I like. We haven't done a lot. Another We Watch porn that he, we haven't watched it all lately. And when we do, I met his house, and he rolls up whatever he's gone.

I'm like, uh-uh. I've got my porn. So that's what case here's the next thing. The next thing that's on the rise is men wanting their wife to have sex with someone else, which is called cuckolding. And this was like a term that's on the rise is men wanting their wife to have sex with someone else, which is called cuckolding. And this was like a term that's been around forever and you're like, oh, cuckolding, it was kind of a jockey term, like, you're going to be cuckolded.

Basically, the fantasy is it's a common fantasy for straight men and the fastest growing fetish in the world. So why would watching your partner have sex with someone else turn you on? So the theory is behind this, there's always been, there's a voyeuristic element and infidelity is forbidden, so it appeals on a primal level. So someone can be watching you and that's really hot and it's not supposed to be happening.

Like your wife shouldn't be having sex, so there's something about the taboo. A lot of these go back to taboo's and you're like, oh my God, that's so, it's so wrong that it's so hot. Another theory is thinking your partner is irresistible because it boosts your ego. So here's another guy who wants to have sex

with your partner and it feels good, like LeCouple desirable she has. So, and the most common form of cuckolding is men watching their wives or long-term partners have sex with other men. So, yeah, I just think it's taboo. What do you think about that? I think it's not for everybody.

Right. But props to the people that can do it and it's hot for them and it turns them on. It's just another tool for, you know? It's another tool for intimacy. Again, this is like a three-sum. Like, you got to talk about it. You got to like, I think this is a great one for role-playing, like watching a porn together where it's happening and having him try to put himself in his that position

of the man watching the woman, like, I think this is something that you don't jump into lightly, but I would agree with Tracy that the author of this, that I've been seeing it on the rise too. Yeah, so. And in media and shows and stuff, it's the cost about, right? Like, you're the worst. Yes, exactly. Having a romantic or sexual relationship with an object

instead of a person so what this is probably like robots or an admin object people develop deep emotional sexual or romantic attachments to inanimate objects sometimes even marrying them one woman Erica let tour I fell believe she's married today full tower another woman says she's married to the statue of liberty so and then there's a rise of real dolls and sex robots has edged this category of sexuality a little closer to mainstream, which saying there's no difference in falling love with a doll made for pleasure

and one, that isn't. That just makes me nervous that we're just gonna have our phones and our robots and we won't ever talk to a human again. So, but then just reporting here what has been found. The other thing is foot fetish parties. This is around Tuesday. Maybe popular in a grandmother's day and foot fetishism is still one of the most common

forms of sexual fetishism with feet the most sought after non-sexual body part. After all the other non-sexual, it's not hands, you know, it's not your elbows, it is your feet. And they say that, you know, without your elbows, it is your feet. And they say that, you know, there's now a foot fetish party events. Men can suck on the toes of foot models. Yeah. So, I, yeah, what do you think about that? Feet have some erogenous zones, correct?

For women, yes, absolutely. Is it just for women or? No, well, I am for men too. Okay. I think, you guys, if you ever say like Chinese women or? No, well, I am for men too. I think God, you guys, people like if you ever say like Chinese medicine or get any, like reflexology in your feet and there's all these pressure points. So I believe yes,

there's a lot of nerve endings like in your toe, it could like, it could be connected to your like nipples or something. Oh my gosh, what? Yeah, it's sort of like pressure points and you feel things like you're liver, you're kidneys, you're vagina. I don't know.

So that could be it too. Yeah. Okay. There's some parts that feel good. That might be next tonight with your boyfriend. Good old statement for it that the people sexualized feet because they look like penises. Of course he did. Everything was about a penis and other say, see, this is what I've always believed that it's

some kind of child imprinting where maybe you were in third grade and your teacher came to recommend you, but she was wearing flip-flops as you saw her toes. There was something about it and you were like, oh my God, that's really hot. And then the moment it just takes one instant and it gets linked in. And then you're like into your head. And then you're like, yeah, from childhood. And I'm working that out in adulthood. Exactly.

Exactly. That's what happens. Right. That's what people have in the thing about a foot fetish is that, and any fetish is that when you have a fetish, it typically means that that object, whatever it is, the robot, the foot, that is required for ejaculation. So it can become a little tricky.

You're like, there's no feet. So what do I do? That's hard when you're in a relationship then. I mean, maybe everybody, hopefully, no, not everybody has feet. Well, wait, but, we'll always see blood feet. You guys see blood? No, I got it.

No, we tried to be very, we tried to be very PC, or right now, yeah. I love it. No, but right, it is hard. Not everybody can't always find a foot when you need it. Or an Eiffel Tower, you can't always find an Eiffel Tower. That would suck. These aren't fun.

It's our all finishes. You said it's like, you don't have sex outside with the Eiffel Tower, like with your partner right next to it all the time. Gotta fly to Paris every week. It's a pain in the ass. So that's what's on the rise. All these are not finishes per se,

but they're like, what's on the rise? But you're right, that be hilarious. Back to the Torey fell. Okay, let's sum, thank you, Sarah. Let's sum anything else with this. I think we got it. We wrapped it up. Okay, guys, we're gonna come back.

We're gonna answer your emails. Give a quick shout out to our sponsors. You guys, we love our sponsors. We wrapped it up. Okay, guys, we're going to come back. We're going to answer your emails. Give a quick shout out to our sponsors. You guys, we love our sponsors. We got some new people this month that I think you're going to like. And we'll be right back with your emails. I love answering your questions. And if you want a question to answer on the show, you can text Ask Emily, all one word to 7979-79, fill out a form, check yes if you want to be on a call show,

which we are doing a lot of those, or you can go to my website, sexwithmly.com, click the Ask Emily tab, include your name, your age, where you live and how you listen to the show. You want to read the first email? Sure. Okay, this is from Rose. This is an Instagram question. Rose is 30. Hi, I'm Leah. Listen to your podcast and OMG. I'm addicted. I need your help. So I've always had a high libido. I enjoy sex. I love giving and receiving pleasure. But as I get older,

I'm 30. I need more affection and more sex and my hubby who is around the same age as me isn't always in the mood. I would say in a good week we have sex three times, but I would like it more frequently. I've spoken to him about it, but his excuse is he worked six days a week, he wakes up at 4 a.m. and he's always tired. I take care of our three kids, our home, and I work full time. At bedtime I try to initiate sex and he rejects me. This has affected myself so much. Our sex is amazing when it happens, but I want it more and more often. I just think it's crazy how I assume men want sex all the time, but my man turns it down. Please

help. This is really causing a lot of arguments and threatening our marriage from my side. Okay, thank you. Okay, rose, rose, rose, rose. Okay, few things here. First of all, I'm reading this. I read this a few times as I do you guys. I'm not just rushing through here. I'm like, what is they, what are you really saying? What's really the setup here?

Okay, so first of all, having sex three times a week, I don't see a huge problem here. You know, that's pretty kind of average. People will have people like, wow, three times a week. But I get it. You would like it to be more frequent so you're not satisfied. And I also want to point out here that I used to believe the same exact things. I was shocked that I always heard from when I first started this that women were like, oh

no, I want sex way more than a partner. I was like, what happened to that belief that I thought was true? I thought it was science that men always wanted sex and women didn't. Did you believe that? Yeah. Right? Yeah, because that's the conception that like men always want always wanted sex and women didn't. Did you believe that? Yeah, right? Yeah, because that's the conception that like men always wanna have sex and the women is just like, oh no, I'm tired.

But it can be the opposite way too. And sometimes some men don't have that high of a sex drive and that's perfectly okay and that's natural for them. Exactly, that's exactly. And so he's really tired, he's working full time. You have three kids. So first of all, I'm amazed that you can have sex three times a week with this enthusiasm that you have

because that would be exhausting. So you're like super woman here and that's impressive. So your husband on the other hand, he doesn't have that same stamina. He's working a lot six days a week and he is exhausted. So the other thing is that you're feeling rejected. So there's a lot of things going on. There's the compromise you guys need to have about how much sex you could have. There's this whole push

and pull that you reach out and he rejects you. And this is also really common, a common conundrum that many couples get into where one person's initiating and then rejection, initiating rejection. And then our self-esteem gets down. We feel unatt a track day, our partner doesn't love us anymore. So you're getting into this loop. But this all seems like it's pretty early stages. Because here's the good news. Your sex is amazing. You want it more often.

And I think that's great. So you still love them. You just got to really work out this sex frequency. So I think this is one of those good old fashioned communication outside the bedroom about how much sex is important to you, how good it makes you feel, how connected, and that when he is in the mood, you could let him be at no, honestly, like I understand your tired baby, I know you're working so hard, but I'm just have to tell you the facts or how I feel.

When you reject me, I feel bad. I don't assume this is how you feel, but have a conversation around what how would you like for him to say no to you. So that's one thing. You let him know how it makes you feel. I'm sure that it's not as intention at all, is to make you feel worse. And then perhaps on those nights that you need to negotiate it on, like to add it extra night or an extra maybe like is to set the alarm earlier one morning or later at night, like have a plan that either you get up earlier one day or like there's that date and then the weekend when you get your extra time.

But also, I like Michoam masturbation because it's a little easier. You both are going to get off, maybe not as much effort expended, but you're both laying next to each other. What do you think about this? Mismatch libidos, which is okay. So Sarah reads your emails. We've gotten hundreds and hundreds in a week. Commonly, people are writing in for this.

They're always a little different. That's why it's so good to hear all the specific details. But I think first off, like Bravo to her for initiating in the first place, like that's awesome. And when you're constantly rejected, that does hurt. And the fact that you're still trying to initiate and doing your thing, like that takes courage and that takes vulnerability. And I think that's awesome that you're still trying to initiate and doing your thing, that takes courage and that takes vulnerability and I think that's awesome that you're doing that.

Again, having that conversation in the car or when you're not facing each other, for me, that works. That works, right? That's what my tips are. Driving in the car, when you're just going somewhere casual, you'd be going to Walgreens, but you're not looking at each other. But yeah, there's an intimacy still there. Right.

And it's easier to have that vulnerable conversation, although you're married and you have kids, so you're probably like, you know, you've done those hard conversations. Right. I don't know though. It can be still hard for people. Try to just take to your feelings and that what you think it all means. And then just have a really honest conversation with that. The wording.

And even like the compliment sandwich that you talk about. Complement sandwich. Yeah, like babe, I love that rowing sex, it feels so great. And when we don't sometimes, though it starts to leave me feel kind of rejected and myself as team taking a nose dive. So I think that we could work together to have some amazing sex and figure out a programming

or a compromise. A compromise. A coupling instead of a sex, if that works for you. A combination. A combination. Okay, good, thank you. All right. Okay, Sarah, diet, all that. Okay, good, thank you. All right.

Okay, Sarah, read the next one, please. All right, this is from Brian 42 Ohio. Hello Emily, my wife and I have been married for 19 years and have had a strictly monogamous relationship. Recently, she has started creating other relationships, nonsexual and spends a lot of time with them. I'm not against her having them, and we have had very intimate conversations about my feelings and her dating for a lack of editor term,

and she has been very open to my issues and willing to make changes to allow me to feel more comfortable and less jealous. However, she has mentioned lately that she might be ready to open up sexually with her relationships. I want her to be happy, but not at the expense of our relationship.

I've considered opening up and creating other relationships myself. I was raised in a very strict religious home where relationships, communication sex, even how to talk to him, was not talked about. As such, this has created a severe amount of insecurity when it comes to women. My wife is the only woman I have hugged, kissed, had sex with, etc. I have held the belief that talking to other women outside of marriage was considered cheating. How should I start with creating relationships or should I? The idea of hanging out with other women let alone having sex with them scares me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks so much. Okay, thank you. All right, Brian, here's the deal. I think that there's two things going on here. There's the opening up of the relationship. And I think this is, and you guys got to really pull back on. You've been together 19 years. It sounds like she's starting to think about it more.

You're not quite on board yet. So this is when nobody acts, nobody sleeps with anyone else and you gotta pull it back and make sure that you actually do want this. Because now I'm gonna say point two is you're upbringing, okay? Even if we have an intellectual understanding of how our upbringing might not have served us, like messages from society or parents are religion,

it's not that easy to escape it. Like it's, you weren't getting a certain message from the time you're born, till the time you moved out of your parents' house and maybe later than that. So, and the fact that you also, you won't have a lot of experience in your mind talking to women and you're like, I don't even know how I'd go out and find an extra person because I'm, it scares you. You're actually, you know, it's scary for you to approach them and to have sex with them

because it doesn't sound like you have experience with this because you've been with your wife for so long. It sounds to me like overall that you're probably not ready yet to open up this relationship. Bottom line, I think that you need to pull back and she's really honest. They're absurd. She knows you. I'm sure she knows your struggles. And I think that if it's not for you right now, that's okay. And if you think it is for you, but you're just not ready for the sex part, maybe you could,

you guys make these agreements, it might be okay to start dating or practicing talking to women so you get that mojo back. Because really, if you open up, you guys need really good trust in communication. You just have to practice that first. So, yeah, right? That's a tricky one. Because I feel like it's, he wants to do it, but his moral code and how he's wiring is just like not ready yet.

Right, he wrote it, yeah. It sounds like he's not quite yet ready for it. Exactly. So I would just say slow down. I'm sure that she's going to understand that and that you guys could together figure out if it's the right thing. It sounds like maybe you peel back for now. It's my advice.

Okay. I'll read the next one. This is from Brad37 in Wisconsin. Emily, I recently started listening to your podcast and I really enjoy the topics you bring up. My wife and I have been married for over 10 years now and together about 13. Our sex life has been great too.

However, I don't think since she's enjoying herself as much as I do, when I bring up the subject of fantasies, her auto response is just seduce me. I'm puzzled by this and have no idea where to go with it. Also, her needs are very different from mine and really want to have sex and get upset when I try to be affectionate. How can I get her to be more affectionate towards me, increase the amount of sex we have? And most of all, what is she implying by her statement of just seduced me? I like forward to your reply. Okay, Brad, I think you're right. Like, here's the thing. She does have to tell you what it means to seduce you. I think that we just say, seen things sometimes, we're like, just make it happen or just maybe feel sexy or just, our partners don't necessarily know what that means.

Like really, like he might have never seduced anyone. I mean, he might, for you, it might look like flowers and candy and for other women, it might look like you might think you want a massage. So I don't know. So I think that you've got to get specific and you can also tell her like this is what you think. Maybe you could even say, well, when I think of seduction,

I think of making you dinner and feeding you food slowly over the fireplace. And so you got to find out. And then, so here's the other thing about affection and sex. This is a very common tangle that couples get into. I think a lot of its crave-affection relationships. But we've created up these patterns where often one partner will be crave-affection relationships, but we've created up these patterns, where often one partner will be get-affectionants

are kissing and then immediately they wanna sex. Where the other partner's like, can't we ever hug, can't we ever just touch? And so what happens is she might be pushing away your advances to be affectionate because she doesn't want every time you touch her to lead to sex. So it sounds like she just might need some more communication

and some foreplay, maybe some kissing and massage and setting the mood without the pressure of sex right now. Yeah, right. Figuring out her love language maybe, and if she doesn't know, maybe have her take a quiz on it. Love it. So that you know, and if you ask her the question, what do you mean by seduce me? And she's like, I don on it. I love it. Yeah, so that you know, and it, because like if you ask her the question, like, what do you mean by seduce me?

And she's like, I don't know. Figurna, that's not fair, by the way. It's not like some super man trait. You should know what your particular woman wants when you say seduce. Okay, so I would say the frequency of sex kind of put that last and then really just work on communication. Get clearer.

Because it sounds like she might not have a lot of experience with this either. Most of us don't. The fact that Sarah's 25 and we was able to have these conversations with her boyfriend is rare. She works here. We talk about this all the time. So take the frequency of sex off the table.

Work on communication and understanding what she really wants, what you really not. And then you can work on the affection and all those things after. Which is awesome part. All these things are important, but you got to untangle it together, Brad. Thanks for your email.

This is from Mandy 42 in Iowa, dear Emily. My question is about kegilexercises. I've tried doing them in the past, and not sure if I do them correctly. So I bought some kegileballs. Okay, so my question is, just by putting them in and not letting them fall out, is that the correct way to use them?

I'm unsure if I'm using them the right way, or if I'm doing the exercises correctly. This is a good question, Mandy, because well, first of all, all the balls are not created equal. And there's not a lot of people who think they're doing them wrong, they might doing them wrong. So first, here's a thing about the balls

and the chaggletri sizes. They're essentially weights. I think of them as like a hack. They're easy to wear. You can wear them. I like to wear them when I'm working out or when I'm just walking around because your body is naturally holding them in. However, that's the only way to do them.

The best way to do them is to also, on top of wearing them, do your categor exercises. So you're like actually working a weight by tensing and relaxing your pelvic floor muscles. Make sure you're using the pee-stopping muscles. Those are the muscles that when you stop and start the flow of urine, like those are the muscles that you're working on, make sure you're not tightening your butt. Since we just focus on our butt too much, the apex and the intensity, which I talked about earlier, those do your cuggles for you, you literally lay back. It uses gentle electrosypulation so you have to worry about whether you're doing it right.

But also, here are some specific tips because I know that it's been hard, even at the beginning for me, I was like, do I go, oh my caggle, do I not? So make sure that you are identifying them. That's the stop and start flow of urine and that you're using the right muscles. And then you can do them in any position.

Some people like lying down, some people like it on their knees, you might like your feet back over your head, I mean, you could figure out what feels good to you. And then you want to work on the technique. So make sure that you are like holding in your pelvic floor muscles and then relaxing. And you can try it four to five times in a row and then eventually you need up to 10 seconds,

which is what we do on the iPhone app, Kagle Camp. Make sure that you're not flexing your admin, your thigh, or your buttocks, that you're really working on that pelvic floor and that you are breathing breath, breath, breath. You've got to breathe, because I think we tend to, like it's a little, like it takes a little bit, might take you a few days to get it down,

but once you get it, you're like, oh, this is it, I got it. And then you are gonna repeat them a few times a day. Have you tried doing your cuddles? Yes. So what I've noticed too, is that I hold my breath when I'm tensing, and I'm like, oh my God, I'm not breathing. How do I breathe?

I'm like, oh, I'm too. I get that. I know. I'm like, what's happened in the breath? Yeah, it's really important to breathe. And yeah, you feel the strength after that. Okay, so just keep practicing. I promised Mandy, it's the kind of thing that clicks, and then you're gonna know when you're in the groove. Okay, you just keep practicing the on the I promised Mandy it's a kind of thing that clicks and then you're going to know when you're in the groove. Okay, you want to read

the last one? Sure. This is from Ruth 24 Washington. Hey Emily, I'm a lesbian and a long-term relationship of four years. Our sex life has always been great and lately we have been talking about bringing more toys into the mix specifically strap strap-ons. Collectively, I've probably spent three hours looking online for something that matches two simple criteria that it doesn't look like a penis and it vibrates. That's it. I have nothing against the penis.

I'm sure they are very beautiful. However, I low-key feel like the point of using strap-on is 98% of cases, including mine, is because you don't want a real penis there. If you think about it, aren't most recipients, lesbians, and straight men? Yeah, all strap-ons and most of those are big, veiny dicks. My actual question is, as you might suppose after that rant, do you know where such an anomaly might be found, or if not a strap on anything in this line in general

that won't break the wallet of a 24-year-old mom. Also, I love what you do with your show, and I am wondering if there is anything else out there like you in the podcast slash video world specifically for the Gaze. I would love to expand my horizons. Thanks for what you do. I have shared my show with my brothers, and according to themselves, it has made sexual gentlemen out of them. Oh, I love that. Thank you so much for sharing, you guys. Thank you, Ruth. You know, that's a really good point though. I love hearing that people are like, God, my brother has to hear this or my mom's single. I have a lot of people are like, my mom, I gave it to her. She's been single, you know, so just thank you guys for passing along because I think

it helps everybody. We all need a little help with sex and relationships. Okay, so just thank you guys for passing along because I think it helps everybody. We all need a little help with sex and relationships. Okay, so Ruth, this is great. I loved your email, I laughed. I get it, right, not everybody wants a penis. They just don't. So this is what we found for you. Sports cheats has some strap-ons that are purple

and not veiny, they don't vibrate, but there is a pocket for a bullet vibe to add the vibrations. So you can get that at sportsheets.com. Go to the strap-on page, you'll see what I mean. Good vibrations, you guys. I love good vibes, and they have some options that are less penis-like, but they also don't vibrate.

So I would go to goodvibes.com and check on theirs as well. We love good vibes, they're a great place to shop and find things. So, sometimes vibrating toys can be do heavy for strap on harnesses. You and your girlfriend can also hold a bullet vibe to your clitoris, we're using a non vibrating strap on. The We vibe touch or the We vibe tango are great for this.

And you can also try an insertable toy like the Wevibe Rave, place it between your legs, lay in your back where you're going to ride you or vice versa. Also, as far as other shows, Sarah Bobi, B-O-E-B-I, has a YouTube channel with a lot of information about lesbian sex and Dan Savage, that's what I got for you.

Yeah, okay, so thank you so much for the question, Ruth. Thank you, Sarah. Thank you, Emily. So fun. Yeah. Welcome to the family. Any last words? On behalf of, since I was a listener before I started listening here on behalf of all listeners that don't get to say thank you to your face. Thank you so much. You've helped a lot of us overcome our own weird problems with our vulnerability and opening up and sexual things and everything of the nature that you do, thank you so much. Oh, so welcome.

Well, thank you for being here. It's a pleasure having you. I love seeing your face every day. Thank you. Your energy and work, I appreciate it. OK, and thank you to my amazing team, Ken Sarah, producer, Jamie, and Michael. Was it good for you?

E-Mommy, feedback at sexwithamlite.com.