Sex With Emily - Selfish Lovers & Unreturned "I Love You"s

Episode Date: June 8, 2016

On this show, Emily is joined by award-winning author, TV personality and podcaster Anna David. With the help of Menace, they address a slew of tricky topics, from bad sex to bad breakups and everything in between.   But first, the ladies recap their weekend get-a-way to Palm Springs and, in celebration of Anna’s newest podcast, open up about their most irritating issues and biggest pet peeves. Then they jump right into answering your emails! Anna, Emily and Menace share expert insight on what to do when you drop an unrequited ‘I love you,’ advise a listener about ejaculation etiquette, and give some step-by-step guidance on how to handle your hardest heartbreaks.   From selfish lovers to post breakup boundaries to finding the most polite place to “finish”, this podcast gives you real answers to the questions you have always been too afraid to ask! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Today's show I'm joining by my friend and recurring guest Anna David, getting into the topics of what to do when I love you goes on return. Tips for getting over break up, a calculation etiquette, and how to confront a selfish lover. Thanks for listening. I get a lot of emails looking for advice on just about everything, but I'm always excited to get questions that I can offer a definitive solution to.

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The girls got a hair stand. Oh, my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It's drinks? And we not talk about sex so much. Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God. I want to feel so drunk. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Abelene's not the kind of girl you just fling with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships. Everything in between for more information go to sexwithemily.com

We can do so many things are now have you been to our new site? It's amazing. You can so easily easily Easily subscribe to our podcast on iTunes We do twice a week and we love when you review the show right menist. We love it. That's my favorite part That's how I guilt trip people. I know. If you listen to the show for free, for free. Just do us a favor. Anywhere you're listening, write a review and give us five stars because that's what you like the most. I prefer five stars. And if it is one star, I'd say, no, no, listen. And you've promised on the thousandth person that writes a review that you're gonna make out with them, right? Totally. Yeah. Done and done. Okay, and also, thanks for telling your friends about the show so they can enjoy it as well.

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It's like a little present you get every week with lots of great tips. I'm here with Menace. So what is going on with you? So many things. I heard you were in Palm Springs. Yes. Both of you guys together?

I was with my date and a David. You can't talk now? Yes. We're in and are both very busy. We run companies. You know, it's hard. And I bet always a great planner. There's a lot of things that I'm good at, but planning, not one of them. So I was like, you know, it's hard, and I bet always a great planner. There's a lot of things that I'm good at,

but planning not one of them. So I was like, you know, we're busy, and we're like going back and forth, we're gonna get Airbnb. And I was like, we're like texting back and forth the links we liked, and then finally, I was like, you know, I'll just book it. I got it.

Wait, here. Here. So you let Emily book the place. Okay, here's how it went down. It was established that I was gonna book it. I found like four places, four links, texted them to Emily, tried to book it. She said, great, go for it.

Tried to book it and then my old credit card was in Airbnb. And so I couldn't do it and I was late. And so I texted Emily and five minutes later, she texted me back. I booked it and I was so impressed because I know how busy she is and I know that this doesn't happen easily.

And I was so proud. I was like, confirmation number. I was like, I was really proud that I took charge. And then, and then we drove to Palm Springs and we got there and we actually drove separately. There's no one's really gonna understand this part of how much I love this. Yeah, I'm very excited.

Most people go to get, but we both like our cars. And we took separate cars because we both like driving alone, that we did talk to each other the whole time. All the whole way back. But so I had to pee so badly, and I run up, and you know, neither of us are good with directions, and I couldn't remember, like there was the flag. I didn't remember any of it, and I just go up and I'm trying the door. You can't do it.

And then I run in and pee, and it's only when I'm finished that I look up and I realize this is the most disgusting place I've ever seen. Did you read any reviews on the place? They were at the mystery. This is what happened. She probably didn't. No, no, no. The reviews are good.

So we think they conned those people. Emily's like, check the dates. I'm like, check the dates. Do you think they're her friends? How would they've gotten such good reviews? But we looked at it. And we've looked at a lot of places, like for us, we looked at a lot of places, and this was not a place we would've, we wouldn't have chose a place with one

bedroom. We wouldn't have chose a place with so many knick knacks, I'm just going to put it that way. We wouldn't have chose a place that had a lot of plastic furniture. But can I just say that Emily, when she booked it texted, I wanted to play, I'm going to put this one because it's two blocks from downtown and there's a jacuzzi. Obviously we never went in the jacuzzi.

Being near downtown in Palm Springs is not a great thing. No, no, no. So we kept, the joke was always just like, Emily's like, two blocks from downtown. Right, so what happens is, it turns out we went back through our text because I'm like, was I wrong? Was she wrong?

And so where the mistake was, we were going back and forth and she's like, The mistake is that she let you book it. I have to I must claim responsibility that I found that link and sent it to Emily but it was an errand link. It was an errand. She meant to send another one. So I yes my thing is like I can't believe I booked it and I didn't like scroll through the photos a double check. I'm just like multitasking. I was on on the phone, doing dishes, and then there was a confirmation number, and then I kept sending you updates,

and it was a wrong place. But you know what? You make lemonade at a lemons. And it was amazing, actually. But first of all, I'd like to say my favorite part of that story is that you said, I'm just doing dishes. Like you've ever used a dish in your apartment,

which is great. But it did become really hilarious. For some, after we looked frantically for another hotel, like, spoil princesses for another hotel like Spoiled Princesses, another hotel or Airbnb where we could move to and we realized, it's memorial date tomorrow. It's not gonna happen. It's not gonna happen.

So, you know, but I, that we never noticed again. No, we didn't. It was amazing. We ended up having a really good girl bonding time. Yeah. What you guys ended up doing? We went on a hike.

We went on a hike. Like a thousand. It was that. Yeah. Exactly. We went on a hike. We were like a thousand. It was 190. Exactly. We went to a waterfall to a waterfall, but it was too gross to go in. It was kind of dirty to go in. Yeah. We all those spots, friendship bracelets, because you could buy them at the hiking place, but then we only had enough cash to go up the mountain. Yeah, we couldn't buy it. We were trying to, yeah, they wouldn't last. And then we they wouldn't let us buy the bracelets What else do we do we got?

We got massages. We made friends. We got a couple we get a couple of What accidental except I thought it was accidental and then you tell me afterwards that they asked you really Kissed it's a couple's massage. I go back to my theory that you wanted I love her like can I be honest about you? I'm like, I love, we travel together well. We have so many things to come in. Very similar. Very similar, upbringing, very similar comment, but I don't want to have sex.

I don't want to have sex either. I mean, I did like your logic. I mean, do you guys drink? No, I don't drink. And that's why. OK, then. Yeah. So if I were not sober, we would be at LaWise to have the whole day. I just love her. I've never done, much. I don't drink that much. That's why. Okay, then. Yeah. So if I were not sober, we would be,

we would have hooked up the whole day. Maybe I just love her. I've never done, I've never done, oh, I have made out with a woman before I got sober. Yeah. But like, I don't still think so. No, it's just a love thing. It really is fun.

We did really fight, we like, bitty little fight, but we had them in a hundred second fight. Yeah. Because it's about parking thing. Yeah. And a drive-y thing. Am I driving scared her? Yeah. Which I hadn't warned her. She only drove for like two seconds, and I was like, it's about parking thing. Yeah. And a driving thing. Am I driving scared her?

Yeah. Which I hadn't warned her. She only drove for like two seconds and I was like, it's enough. Yeah. Anyway, it was just like, exactly. I love it. And you're driving scary too. But it was fun.

It was fun. And then we didn't really meet anyone. Although there was a day, we were leaving. There was a lot of drunk. We were at this hotel drunk. Like, memorial. The whole day we get in. And these guys were like, hey, baby, what's up.

I'm like, oh, we're getting hit on my face guys and they're drunk I think it's like slim pickings though totally String for dudes right yeah, okay Okay, okay, if anybody knows that anybody that's listening Palm Springs, California is like a mecca for old gay guys In with young gay guys with some twins. Yeah, and this guy was like hey Sugar babies, we're were going, yeah. Exactly.

God, I should've had a sugar daddy. I know, I know. But he said, I'll be came up to him. He's like, hey, this bad buddy you got to meet him. He thinks you're cute. He hates penis and large jump pills. And I was like, oh, no way. I'm in the penis business.

And then I heard myself say that. And it looks like I'm even engaging. And why would I even say that I love? But it was really. I was totally joking. I was trying to connect. I know the way you used penis bill. But I was penis bill. Maybe he did, and I was trying to connect I know the way But I was being a small maybe he did now was trying to connect until I actually know a lot about them They don't work and I was mean while trying to so hard to get away from them

And I was pretending that they weren't even talking to us and Emily's like I'm in the business business I know I know it's too nice. Yeah, it makes me because she's not that she's not nice, but she's much more I'm not friendly to men like that No, I mean it would be annoying. Yeah. Emily's like, she'll just talk to anybody. So it's kind of true. That's what I mean by nice. Yeah.

Hey, I'm nice. Yeah. It's a midwestern thing. It is a midwestern thing. You're both from California and Northern California. Yeah. So, how are you doing, Menace? I'm great.

I just got back from Las Vegas. Took the family to go see JLo. I went to Oh, we got. You see family, you mean your- My girlfriend's family, yeah. So you said, yeah. And then I also went to Wayne Noont House. You did?

Yeah, you can now go to his house in Vegas. And just like do what? Like, just take a tour. And it was really cool to see his car collection, his private jet, and- Oh my God. All his crazy things. That's a fun one.

If you want to see that? It's up on my Instagram at menaceme.com. I'm Emily. Who's Wade Newton? Let's, this is a pop quiz. Yeah. Wade Newton is a singer. I don't know.

He sings a lot of songs in an after. There's one famous one. You'll know it. Do you know it? No, of course not. That's why we don't know anything. Yeah. Wade Newton saying.

Doc Ache. Oh, don't get it. Okay. It's fine. I mean, I know anything. Yeah. We're new and saying, Doc is Shay. Oh, don't get you. Okay, it's fine. I mean, I know who he is. Do you like kitschy things? No, he likes every cup culture. Kitschy.

Okay, I need the definitions. Kitschy. Like, like, oh god. Can you spam it? Like, kind of not, not a corral stuff. Like, it's more like old-timeyy, like it's kind of, like a pes-spenser. Yes, it's catchy.

Thank you for saving me. That I like throwback type of stuff? Yeah, a little bit, yeah. He's just really into pop culture too. I mean, Pizzle work, I have to be up on all types of pop culture. And I just thought that'd be cool thing to do. Go check out his house. I mean, the guys work with like 100 million bucks.

No, right. See how he still lives. Yeah. Meanwhile, J.Lo, that part sounds really fun. J.Lo is amazing. Got a Cedar live show. She earns every dollar. Really? Mariah Carey. It's cool. I mean, I would definitely, if you're going to Vegas shows, you definitely have to see J.Lo. Like, it's a really, really good show. Is she playing like an awesome thing there? Huh? Yeah, yeah, at the playing Hollywood hotel.

I saw Celine Dion there. I had to do for work. I was covering it. Yeah. It wasn't my choice. Yeah. Well, Celine Dion, not my thing. I mean, Maya, I'd be all over that.

Yeah. Mariah Carey. Oh, good. Yeah. If you're gonna see Mariah Carey, just make sure you sit close because of the sound. If you sit way in the back, you won't be okay. Good. Now I want to go do this Vegas next Vegas. Not for the July trip. I know. And then I thought maybe I'll just

have a party on fourth of July just because the traveling. It was the drive back in back traffic. I was like, yeah, the drive back is bad because it's like eight hours and of two, but the calibers are an outfit. So, I always say it, the outlets. I had a heart attack at Rag and Bone, like I literally lost my mind. Anna's never seen me so, I was like, I was high. I was like, this is your first time as those outlets?

Yes, they're amazing. We went on the way down, but Emily was not as impressed with the stores that we went to on the way down, Barney's whatever. And then we were driving back and talking on the phone about how much we missed each other and how embisional the traffic was. And I had been trying to coax her into playing Bingo.

The whole thing, because I'm a send-up bingo. And then I got her to go into the Marongo Casino, where we ran in part in tribal elders parking spaces which we should not have done. But we had to pee, we were running in, and then the Bingo games, they we should not have done. No, no. But we had to pee. We were running in and then the bingo games, they were already six games in. Oh.

And so Emily got popcorn and then we went to the outlets. Free popcorn was so fun. Yeah, sweet. Okay, so let's talk about, we're gonna get into things here that are very interesting. Okay. I wanted, if you don't know Anna David, she's a New York Times best selling author of six books.

Nice. She was a relationship expert on a tack of the show. I was on the G4. Now, yes. Correct. And she created After Party Magazine to Recovery Magazine. And she's now launching, she's now

to meet here, a new podcast called You've Got Issues with Anna David. And very proud of her. Guess who named that podcast, Metis. Who? You get one guess. It wasn't you and the person's in the room. Emily did?

No way. It sweared on. It wasn't a concept, but I named it because you had an idea for it. I had the idea that I wanted to talk to people about their pettiest issues and try to get to what's underneath them. Like, I have an issue. Oh, I shared it with you in Palm Springs

when you're trying to jaywalk across the street. And you have it perfectly timed so the car's going pass and you're gonna go afterwards and the car stops and just just free to go bothers me to no end. I tried to explain assembly. She's like I don't know. I'm gonna stop let you go like this petty issue I don't understand. What's underneath it is that I heat when I I feel like someone's exerting their power over me and I feel like I had it wired and it goes back to dad stuff exerting their power over me. And I feel like I had it wired and it goes back to dad stuff, like somebody having power over me. Yes, I swear to God, that's what the podcast is about.

So is user is the website is user with Anna, but what's gonna happen like on the first episode? Well, I'm glad you asked, because I'm releasing the first three episodes, I released them yesterday. Okay, that's a good effect, right? And my guests, my first three guests are Eddie Peppaton, the comedian, Ben Mandelker, who's got a podcast

called Watch What Crapins about Bravo TV shows, and Dr. Emily Morse. Oh, what? Yes, yes, yes. What was my issue? How would you skin cap to like, was she the only person? Did you bust out of scroll and just read them off?

Actually, I was like, yeah. It was hard to come up with a petty issue for Emily because I don't have a lot of But we first talked about it. You were like telling me all these things I don't know yeah, petty like like when people like parking lots in LA like when you can't you can't take it to get You can't find a spot and then you get stuck in the lots forever, but that was no So what we did was people who if Emily if if someone texts Emily and she doesn't text back Immediately them sending a follow-up text are you okay? I'm like a more weekly or day later not immediately, but even people are like are you okay? I'm worried about you I'm like I just didn't text you back. No, I'm dead actually. Thanks for asking. It just bothered me because I think

But what it's interesting that she has in our podcast is a lot of our petty issues can go into deeper issues And I actually haven't heard yet to know why you're how she analyzed me I think, but what it's interesting that she has in our podcast is a lot of our petty issues can go into deeper issues. And I actually haven't heard yet to know why you're how she analyzed me. Well, for the first few episodes, I actually went to other experts. I went to a meditation teacher and a therapist and even a psychic, my psychic who's in a Ohio. And I got them to comment on the issues. And then I realized that that was the first 10 I recorded.

I did that and then I said, no, no, no, no, no. I'm just going to, I'm just going to do it with the guest. And then I asked the guest to sort of follow up with me about if the conversation impacted the next time they dealt with that issue. Hey, hey, did our conversation impact the next time you dealt with that issue? Has it happened since?

It has happened. And I, but I also realize that, okay, so my problem is, one of my issues is that I, very easily, I don't get mad at people often. I have a hard time almost with anger because I very easily can see other people's partner. If I'm mad at someone, I'm like, but it might have been a misunderstanding.

I can understand their part, for example, if somebody didn't, if I didn't text them back, I'm like, oh, but I'm a bad, maybe it's bad. I should know, most people text people right back. I tend to sit on them, forget, don't check my phone. And so I think it's my, I always blame myself. Yeah. So, I'm trying to ask them back.

Just trying to get stuck with those relationships you don't want to be in for a really long time. Exactly. I'm trying so hard not to do that. I'm trying so hard not just to get into them right now. But it's fascinating to me. I'm fascinated by like I'm minored in psychology. That was a lie. I was going to minor in psychology. I'm minored in performing arts. Hello. But I've always been fascinated and I've been therapist to like a degree that you can't even count. And I now am a coach. I like it. I'm like, I have clients whose lives I coach.

Nice. Wanna hire me, Nannis? I think I'm good. Yeah, I have zero issues. You have zero issues. No, no, my current, my petty issue, my current one is, and I already figured it out. But so they open to John Medusa, my area, right?

I love it already. I love it. I'm addicted to it, and it's rude not to tip, right? But when I put money in the tip jar, the yell out, tip, tip, hooray. And I absolutely effing hate it. That makes me out one tip. So it makes me not want to tip,

but I'm not the person that's not going to tip, right? So the past couple of times, I put the money in, I was like, here, I go, hey, I'm putting the money but please don't don't yell out. They don't understand what I'm saying So they still say it and they do the tip tip array Which they all yeah, how are they all paying attention? Your friends are right where you're paying right so I put the money in and I say hey don't say anything But they don't understand that I what I'm trying to tell them. How could they not understand?

Yeah, I don't know. But then they go tip-tip and then the rest go hooray. Oh, so only one person has to be clapped. I hate it because then everybody's... Is that a screen store? Yeah. No, this happens a lot of places where they ring the bell and crap like that.

See, they do it to incentivize tipping, but interestingly, you're never gonna be able to... You, me, as the opposite of that. I hate it, right? Because it's embarrassing. Yeah, because then everybody's looking at you and stuff like that. I don't care to take the money and shut up, you know?

But then I figure out a way around it. Oh, what? John McEuse has an app where you can pre-order yourself. You really do. So now I download the app because the line, I mean, the way is not in that long anyways, but now I don't have to have that interaction. Oh my god.

Man is it a great way. Yeah. Or do you not tip on the app even just a piece of it doesn't have the option. Oh. It's good man. Yeah. I mean feel bad for not tipping but they

force they force. They did it. Yeah. You should let them know we shouldn't have listen to this. Okay. I think that's a great little issue. Yeah.

You probably have a lot of issues. Menace gets annoyed people a lot, I would think. But okay. I know, just in this room. Just me, and you just met an old person. Okay, we're gonna give a big shout out to our sponsors and we will be right back. I know you've heard me talk about getting stressed out when it comes to packing.

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body safe. It has three vibration settings and three power levels which are unbelievably strong. Trust me. To learn more about the Mystic One from Vibratex, visit Vibratex.com or click on the Mystic One banner on the sexwithemle.com website today. Okay, now we are going to read your emails because I love, I love when you email me, feedback at sexwithmwe.com and now it's so easy you go to our website, sexwithmwe.com and there's like an ask Emily button and you can right there ask your question and boom,

go right into the inbox. So easy. And also, please include your name, you can use a fake name, where you're listening from and how old old you are, and how you listen. Some people aren't putting how old they are, and I'm like, this person must be 22. But if they're 45, it's different. So like, we just need to know your age. Otherwise that, you guys are perfect day, love you. You know what place you are in your life.

We need to understand it, right? Okay. Yep, pure in Lidoy is a lot different, I've pronounced that wrong, than like Santa felt California. Exactly, okay. Ready, Anna, you want, because these are people with issues.

Yeah. You can help us. Okay. Dear Emily, I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend going on six months now. I feel I have stronger feelings for him than he does for me. I know this. About a month ago, I told him I loved him.

Never have I been first. And he could not say the same. We talked about it. And he says he wants to make sure before he says it, and this is all new to him a relationship. He's never been in a serious relationship or been in love. Here I am feeling vulnerable and heartbroken. Since then we've gone on with our relationship and it's doing well. I adore this man.

But I'm holding onto something, but am I holding onto something that I shouldn't be? Am I stupid for staying around? I'm not sure he'll ever love me. If he doesn't have strong feelings now, will he ever? Am I wasting my time and should I move on? I get mixed messages from my friends, and of course I want to stay with them, but I don't want to waste my time on another failed relationship. I know six months isn't the longest time,

so please tell me, am I being crazy or over analyzing? Any advice would be amazing. Love your podcast, Signed Olivia, PS Listening in California on Spotify. But we don't get a rage. I even had Madison E. Marra last night. I was like, what's her age? Because it kind of is in her 20s.

That's what I said. Yeah, that's the big one. Okay, so I totally get the vulnerable feeling and like putting it out there that she loves him, but it's never easy when your sentiments are not returned with the I love you. What do you think about this, you guys? I think that again, yeah, she's totally overthinking it six months in. Right.

Like he's supposed to be like, I love you too, but he's never been in a relationship. Yeah. I think it's tough when a woman says it first because we still live in a sexist society no matter what anybody's going to say, but it absolutely love can develop over years and years and years. I was just talking to my therapist about this today, where she said the first two years of her relationship were the most difficult years of her life. And he's a perfect partner for her.

You know, it's, but I do think if somebody's waiting around for the guy to say, I love you, then that's putting pressure even if it's you know a dude can feel that pressure right menace. Uh yeah our I mean some guys are just so oblivious to yeah they have no idea what's going on like what your feelings like we can't read anything at all. We don't even know that you like us at all right yeah yeah except you guys can feel even I think when a woman is pretending to not be obsessing I feel like subconsciously a man a man subconscious is a lot smarter than his conscious mind

Yeah, and then also A man doesn't like to engage at all so they're not gonna ask they're just gonna Right until they it explodes in their face and then right women more likely to leave relationships and to get upset and relationships But here's the thing you know He doesn't have a lot of experience in relationships. Olivia, you know this and he's probably never been in love and he really probably doesn't know exactly what it feels like.

In six months, she's pressuring him and not sure and she's overanalyzing, I get it, it hurts for that not to be returned but she's not complaining about him in any other way. So. Are you having a good time together? Yeah, I haven't found. Other than this, is a good time together? Yeah, are you having fun? Other than this, is there any of this?

Is he going down any enough? How's the sex? But it's the fact that he just can't say, I love you yet. I wouldn't say it's time to bail. No way. No. Wait it out.

Have fun. All right. And just stop thinking about it. What's the time period? She's going to happen. A year at least. I'd say give it a year. And if you don't, I even like three-month increments, to be honest,

because, well, this is from experience and from a lot of people I know that I tend to use to be in relationships where I would spend half of them trying to get out of them because I would just stay too long. And I think that the time passes so quickly, sometimes in relationships, you're like, wow, it's been six months, and I still feel this way. So I think Olivia, maybe you should just in your journal or wherever you write personal thoughts on your phone, maybe you should just, and you're in your journal, or wherever you write personal thoughts, and your phone, whatever, write something, and say, three months from now, whatever the date is. I'd like to be feeling blank.

Like, I'd like to see this in our relationship. I'd like to see this living together. I'd like to have him say, I love you. And see how you feel, like put in your calendar, so it pops up, and you have a check system, so you know. Like, this is what I want, or six months from now, whatever it is,

because two years ago by, and he still didn't say, I love you, like this is what I want or six months from now, whatever it is because two years we go by and he still didn't say I love you, but six months I'm not concerned. I think that's good advice. I like that. Sort of in manifesting, like we're talking about. Manifest, okay, ready? We'll go into what we can ask.

New ask questions, men. They just need to take this advice and listen. And listen, that's the only, people don't listen for anything at all. I know they want advice, well here's the other thing. And then, but also like asking her friends. I hate that.

When you talk to your friends, don't talk to your friends, especially your single friends and get advice from them. Yeah, because, let's talk about that though. I agree. Don't never give good advice. I agree, but medicine, you were going to say that too. Why do you think friends, your friends, that girlfriends are not necessarily the best people to talk to?

I think that single people, single women, will idealize what a relationship is supposed to be like. And they'll say things like, like my last relationship, I had someone say to me, well, you know, when the girl meets the one, everything is just easy. That's what everyone says. That is not true.

Yeah. And so I think it's the over idealizing and like the romance and the thinking that it has to be a certain way When like look to the source Nobody else is in the relationship with you. So they don't really know what's happening and everyone has their own experience So your girlfriend's giving you advice from what she wants exactly I think that's a lot of like people's biggest downfall too is their friends chiming in

Yeah, I was in a relationship where you know, I of course I was working 2024-7 and the relationship was great, but her friends were just off on a Tuesday night party and doing whatever because they didn't have like You know a career job, you know, and then she saw that she's like oh my friends are having all this fun But one you know we're stuck at home because you got to get up at 3 a.m Stuff like that and finally it just got to her where she wanted to go Party and she did that and like within four months got to you Why it said I you know, I messed up. Why did I think of these people that I wanted to go party with like that was so dumb

I should have been working on you know Like her where she had an awesome job at the time. Right, it's true. But we were just like, I don't know. Sometimes you just gotta listen to yourself. Sure, you got to trust your gut too a lot. But I don't think this one has too much in there that she has no enough yet. Too many people chiming in.

Okay, let's get into another one. Yeah, again, just don't make it every time you go out with your friends. This is what you're talking about. Yeah, you know what I'm saying, but she didn't say anything about her friends. She did. She said, in my friends, like, you know, I get mixed responses from my friends. Of course you do, you know, of course you do. So just don't get that friend where that's your constant topic, because your friends will get sick of it. Is it funny women do get together? We're like, what's bad? But we try to I try to say like what's really good to because I think we forget women do bond over like You know, sometimes things that are negative. Just like when we're having struggles women are connectors and we bond over emotional things this Use but I will say also Emily what you're really good at is playing a little bit of the devil's advocate

You know like I recently had this experience with this guy where he said I'm an introvert which is to me, I'd rather someone say, like, I kill people. Like, that is such a turn off to me. And I told him, I'm like, I'm over it. And she goes, well, are you sure you didn't find evidence after he said that that you didn't like him as opposed to you didn't like him. And then that was confirmation. Right. Because he was like, I'm an introvert. And she's like, I'm out. But I was like, well, he seemed like an introvert, you know, but to me, it felt like an explanation for what the problem had been. Yeah, some introverts hide, too.

Like, on social media, they look like this outgoing person. Right, that's right. That's why they have it. I wanted those to, like, if it's my free time, I don't have to actually do something for work, then please, I want to be at the house. Right. Would you say that you but you're an introvert? I would I would love to be but it's impossible. Yeah. Like I'm not home for the next couple of months. You know.

Well how do you define introvert? Right. Introvert like my free time like I don't care about going hanging out with anybody. I just want to be at home. Yeah but that's how I am. But I'm definitely right. I mean I don't need to be thinking of me. It's all about me.

I'm computer, I'm the entire time. But then you're on the air and your public figure, all these other things. See, that's the misconception. I think his definition is correct, though. I don't think it has anything to do with the public. I think it's, do you get energy from being around people or do they exhaust you a little bit, right?

Not that they exhaust me, but I don't go out of my way to go like hang out with a group of people. Or any people. But you have a girlfriend, so you can hang out with her. Yeah, I have a girlfriend too. I hang out with her, but yeah, just, I don't know. And it's okay. I think I'm gonna cause it introvert, which I can't be.

But you work also so much. I get it. I mean, I- I mean, you're not the same. What? I'm not. You're not gonna convince But you work also so much. I'm gonna say, I get it. I mean, I- I mean, you're not the same. What, I'm not aware. You're not gonna convince anyone you're an introvert. Are you gonna buy that, Venice? Dad, she's an introvert.

No, there's no way. I like my alone time. When do you have a alone time though? All the time. I spent 12 to 4 a.m. I'm really alone until 4 a.m. With the choice. Okay, next email.

Hello Emily, I broke up with my girlfriend about a year ago. Since then, I've had sex with other women, but no one important. I was okay without seeing her, but now she's hanging around with my friends. The first time it happened we had sex. The second time we saw each other a couple months later, she was too touchy with my friends, and I got mad. I realized I can't handle being a rounder if we're not together. What did you say?

I said, that's totally you being super touchy when you're with somebody. When you're in a group setting, that would be so annoying. I'm touchy? Yeah, I mean, you're super nice and outgoing. You don't know that you're coming off as flirty. Right, this has been an issue in the past. The boyfriend's got jealous because I was touchy flirty. But I, okay, this is not, what the question's about though.

It seems like it. It's about his ex. It actually is me. It's a friend. My problem is that I've been really horny about her. But she's already said she doesn't want to go out with me just my friends. I don't know how to react to the fact that she's around

but we're not having sex. I'm feeling myself pull away from my friends. I've been going out less and I feel lonely, not even the mood took up with any new girls. I feel like she's stealing my friends. Is it's a bad feeling? Any advice? Guy, 32, Mexican, listening on iPad podcast.

Nice. That was very descriptive. Mexican. Yeah, I'm eating. You sure he's not from Mexico? No, he's Mexican. He's Mexican, okay. Okay, here's the thing.

I don't think it's cool that his girlfriend, ex-girlfriend is hanging out with his friends, you know, and they're like cool with it. Like I just think that there's a certain guy code. I mean, there's definitely a guy code, but I mean, if it was a group of friends already and then somebody was dating within the group of friends, then that's cool.

But if it sounds like it's his friend. If you brought her into the fold and now they're all hanging out, that's not cool. He's probably gonna talk to his guy friends. Right? Because you don't talk to her. Absolutely. Women would absolutely do that. Yeah. Well, a lot of women would just know from Girl Code that, you know, you ice the guy, the guy broke your heart or you ice the guy. He's out. He's out. We won't hang out with him. So they have to, you know, he has to explain the need to his friends and just say like, it's,

when you hang out with her, it makes it it I know it's so hard for guys. He said, it's my feeling is right. Yeah. The guys do. The guys just feel like, oh, I mean, I'm like, if you actually have the conversation, guy to guy, I don't give a shit, but they really, they really, you're getting out with her. We have hands on your pants.

I just got sad for him that he's like she's stealing his friends and she's paying, it's she's not like a good chick, like she's touchy feeling with them. It does sound like she also has feelings for him still in that he's trying to trigger him and trying to make him jealous. And you know, there are a lot of guys she can go hang out with, but she's choosing his friends. This is always a thing, and I feel like,

and I broke up with guys where we shared friends, mostly their friends, and I had to take a little break, you know, because it was their friends until we became best friends, and then we started going to Mexico together with our new we shared, mostly their friends, and I had to take a little break, because it was their friends until we became best friends, then we started going to Mexico together with our new boyfriend's men's love story. But Charlotte, my best friend, I met her through an ex, and it was weird at first, but then now we're waiting.

Yeah, you have to let some time pass. Yeah, let time pass. Okay, another email. So, it grows before how it's dude, and your bro's better than all this. Yeah, also just move on, forget about this chick, go to another house. Yeah, hard when she's like triggering him. Triggering him. I don't like that.

Yeah, but that's not wanting to go out. What do you have to do? You have to get over to get. You gotta get under to get over. Yeah, it's kind of always true. It's not always true. It's controversial, but it depends when you're at. Like, sometimes you get out of a relationship and you're already pretty much over it before it ends, like me.

I was always like, right on to the next. So I liked having sex right after someone, typically, but it wasn't to get over the person. It was like, I haven't been happy in that relationship, but it's true. Sometimes you just, it can distract you for a while, but it's not always the best advice because I think when you break up with someone, it's really good to like, you know, take some time, get to, you know, look at the relationship, what you learn from it. How you can grow and look at that woman. Like, is that really a quality you like? Somebody who's, you know, overly flirtatious with your friend. Yeah. I'm sure it was cool at first because it was happening to you.

Right. You know, like, oh, this is great. She's really into me now because again, I've said earlier, guys can't read signs. They don't know if they're into you or not. But if you, if they are touchy feeling, you're like, oh wow, I really like this. This is cool. But yeah, when you break up, I'm sure that's absolutely not cool.

And it's with your friends, that sucks. But it also sucks when you're actually in a relationship with somebody, and they're still that flirtatious, you know, is kind of annoying. I used to be like that with my boyfriend's friends. It was not cool. It's so annoying.

But you wanted, I always wanted the friends to love me, and that's how it got mixed up and complicated. Okay, you wanted that affirmation from the friends. But only to support, it was just an insecure thing, to support the guys, yelling for me, so those friends would be like, she was great, yeah, yeah, yeah. But then you'd be touchier.

So I got accused of being a little too touchy feeling But I wasn't putting my hands on their pants, but I'm in a very affectionate person like I I love touch Which is why I need like six dogs and like three cats, right? My boyfriend may be one day Okay, another email. Hi, Emily. My name is Carlos. I'm 26 year old 26 years old from New York and I've been an avid listener for the past couple of months on iTunes and podcast one. My question is regarding male ejaculation. To put a blit blit in the where do I let it go? My fiance and I have been having unprotected sex for a while now and when it comes to coming

ejaculating, I'm usually on top pull out, let it go onto the towel We place under her in between her legs. We did it once with her on top and I had the time it perfectly to lift her up but it basically came back right down into my stomach and thighs. He's way over thinking this. I don't want to, I don't want to jack the internet like some kind of porn star money shot and she refuses oral like swallowing it. So are there any other suggestions you can make? Thanks, love your show, Carlos.

Wow, I, I know, right? He's like, wait, you'll read. He's like, first I built a tent and then a fortress and then I tried the ejaculate to go down the drain. Listen, buddy, you're way over thinking this. But let me just say this first. Pull out method. Not a guaranteed form of breath control. So you write everybody Carlos because according to research, it's only 96% effective when it's uneffective. when it's unright, and it's never done right, because you know what it means by doing it right? It means you have to pull it out like,

before you ejaculate, no pre-com at all, which most men cannot measure when they ejaculate, and there's a lot of other reasons why it never works. So just be careful of that. Yeah, and 96% like not effective, and anecdotally about 50% effective, when you talk to the women who've gotten pregnant, I shouldn't even leave the 96% because that's just like,

oh, I meant to say it as a point, but 50% effective mostly a lot of people get pregnant that way. But that's not what you're asking me about. Let's get to his ejaculation etiquette, if you will. So, okay. I don't understand any of this. He's saying that she's against him ejaculating on her stomach, her back, her pee,

she doesn't want to mouth. He thinks that she is. He just said, he doesn't want to do the money shot. Like a point star. Like, but I think I'm just gonna say it. Like a jacket, sorry, come on the body. Great. I think most women women come up that.

You take away being taken off after. Yeah, he didn't say that she was against it. Well, right, he's making assumptions. See. See, a lot of people, he's like, I don't think she wants the money shop. She'll feel like a porn star and she won't inject it in the mouth.

And I'm just like, what are you so like a commoners stomach and then take little things by a wipe, he's by your bed or put a towel, like always have a towel by the bed. I'm just so confused, like, seeming like it's not gonna stain, you wipe it off. I'm not confused, I mean I think he's a very considerate man. Yeah. But I think he's just overthinking it. He's overthinking it, and I think a lot of women like it.

Not in the face, I don't know women that love it in the face. Just do it and see what happens. Yeah, do it in the face, Be like, oops, sorry baby. Like, I'm kidding. I would use condoms and then just ejaculate that. That was the same thing. Yeah, I don't think he's that bad. But I think you're over the goodness.

And I think you should, maybe you know, you should do. Say, you know, babe, I've been trying a lot here with all these crazy like semen contraptions and trying to fair ways to catch the semen. Maybe he's trying to make into some kind of like, what is it of like, what is it, what's it called, electricity off the roof like you would.

Solar. Solar, thank you. Like solar seam in, it sounds like he's gonna come up with these different contraptions, but I feel like just talked about it. So I'm like, babe, I don't care, but I had a beach towel, like, whatever. I think you're fine.

Another email? Yes. Hi, Emily. So I recently got dumped by a girl I really thought I'd spend the rest of my life with. Oh, no. I don't know. So it's got never happens. I have a ton going on in my life, finishing a master's program and some family drama,

but it's as if she stopped caring and literally walked away. We had planned to move in together, discussed our future together, but it all fell through really quickly. The pressure to move forward in our relationship definitely came from her family more than anything. Anyways, my question is, is it weird that I'm pretty much begging her for answers besides that she just does that one to be with me anymore? Like, I need to know her thought process. How do you go from so hot to so cold, so fast?

I'm starting to feel ridiculous and desperate, but her ability to shut it off is shocking and scary. I look forward to hearing from you. Your podcast is the best distraction I have now. Thanks, Tommy. All right. Yeah, I mean, Tommy, I'm so sorry you're hearing. I mean, it is pretty intense when someone is like,

so into it and they just vanish, right? They abandon the disappearing boyfriend. There's all this stuff, right? And I get that he wants answers, but my take on this is like, there is something like called closure or all that, but he's got to move on. I really feel that you're not gonna get answers from her now

and that the most important thing you can do is to kind of extricate your self from every situation you have with her. So like block her, move on. I know that's easier said than done. What do you guys think? I have more to say, but I would sense I have so many smart people here.

I mean, yeah, definitely. I mean, that's the easiest. I know you said earlier it wasn't, you have to hook up with a new person. Oh, get under to get over. Yeah, but I think that's, I don't know that always helps you move on, but you definitely don't want to rush into somebody that you're really not into.

Yeah. But, I mean, what, we've actually talked about this before, the, the boring show that I want. What is the correct period of time of mourning? Like what in your, with somebody? Let's say you're, you're with them for a year. Like how, how much time are you allowed to be upset? Half the time out of time.

They say half the day, they say it say half the time you're with them. One, six months, that's the first. Six months? Yeah, well women are, you know, we work ourselves through it. They do, yeah. But men, I mean, yeah, we do. Men, what is it? Six hours?

Yeah. Six hours. Exactly. It depends on how into, in you were, how into it you are. How into it you are. Exactly. No, I think it's typically that I'm happy.

But it can be anything. I mean, it's all I. No, it can be, there's so many, you know, but to that guy, what I would say is there's going to be no answer that's going to satisfy you. What you want to hear is I made a mistake, or not even that or like this happened for this specific reason. People do all sorts of things that they can't

explain or they don't want to explain. And so begging her for an answer is just counterproductive and probably, you know, making it that much harder for you to ever get an answer. One day you may, one day you may not. So the most important thing to do, I think, is just to, like I said, remove yourself from the situation, don't try to find the answers, and eventually you're going to see very soon, probably you'll have some clarity,

and you probably will figure out the answers on your own, and the most important thing to do at the end of every relationship is to kind of look at your partner. There probably were some signs, and you know, you think it was just one day she upped and left, there probably some other things going on that you didn't see. And there might have been things in the relationship that you did as well. Not them saying prompted to leave, but that you might want to change. So I just think

when you break up with someone, it's a great time for reflection. It's a great time to learn and step back and think, well what did I learn from this? What did I like about it? Would I want my next relationship? So you know, it could be your family, we don't know. But I don't think it matters. And I think it's just time to block our deleter and move on because you want the answers. And we often, this closure thing often, like you said, you kind of said this, Anna, I think we want, yeah, we want, we want really to see them again. We want to say connected. We're like, I need closure. But what, and really oftentimes there is no explanation. And you just have to be okay with that. Yeah, right

Be okay with it. That sucks though It does suck because you're like what do you because it's almost like or you know what else I hear a lot And I do hear this from friends like I just are guys say to but like I hear girlfriends because we talk about things add nauseam I just want him to know like does he know how much he hurt me? Like I want him to just recognize what he did. And it's like he's never gonna, have you read it, friend? Like this is like, really? And I just want him to know that like he,

you know, like he's never gonna be like, God, you're right, or you know, or the girl was like, I'm gonna look really hot, so he sees me again. I see that more and more like, I don't want him to know how much he hurt me. Oh, that's another annoying thing.

Like when you can totally tell when somebody broke up, where instantly they're on social media talking about how they're going out and doing all these things. But how about the Facebook? It's what a bar. I know two people who have like, you know, I knew that they're friends who I knew their relationships broke up

because they posted something better on Facebook. And both of them got back together with the guy and I'm like all of it posted on social media when you're breaking up. Uh, then it's just to get people to chime in and all that kind of stuff. Ah, do they post like I'm done with the douchebag? Yeah, yeah, yeah, and then but they do like a lot of times to get back together because people are so in the moment they want this right something invent and they do and I've like seen So many sob stories where it's just paragraphs a paragraph sound like how this person is like the worst person ever and then two weeks later

They're back to get to the risk and I know all the time. It's terrible. It is terrible. It's annoying Okay, you guys we got another email One more dear Emily. I've been dating my boyfriend for two and a half years. I'm 44, he's 42. I'm going to say with three pretty cool kids, a stressful ER nursing career, and for the most part, pretty good self-esteem and confidence. He has never been married.

No kids has major mommy issues. Is very aware of most of his issues. Very aware of most of his issues and has over the years seen a therapist. My problem is he's a selfish lover. He used to, he is used to everything being about him. He told me early on that the only thing that turns him on is anything to do with the head of his penis.

It's all about getting it in me or manually or orally making me, like, it's all about her touching it manually or orally making me, like it's all about her touching it manually or orally or whatever. And I get very little, if any, touch or stimulation. Honestly, he has a hard time even finding my clip. And once blamed it on me saying mine was weird, when weirdly enough, no other man had any problems finding it and stimulating me in the past.

I've talked to him several times about our intimacy issues, after which he makes an effort once, maybe twice, and some little clip action, and then back to the norm. I'm an attractive sexy woman. I even get looks and stairs, even at my age. I'm a cheeser. I love having sex, getting my man turned on,

and I'm open about sex. He's not so open, has difficulties talking about it. What should I do? Desperately seeking orgasms, Tony. PS, I downloaded your Kegel Camp app today. Woo! Yay, go Kegels. Emily would be so out on this relationship.

I would be like, you can't find my clip. Like, you can't. Yeah, I wouldn't even, it'd be out. Because I have a hard time with guys who don't. Go down to me. Who don't please me? You don't have a clitoris. But what do you think, Anna?

I have a lot. What do you think? I mean, I think that it's definitely indicative of a bigger problem, you know, selfishness or intimacy issues or something like that. And if you've talked to him, I know you've had the conversation. And it's not getting better. It's either surrender to this is the situation or move on. I'm not sure that you okay. So okay, when I read

this, I was like, I'm gonna be honest with you. I was like, he does sound chuff as an selfish, emotionally immatural. Like, I can't handle this guy. You know, no matter how confusing female pleasures do, like, don't blame the woman that is her clitoris. Like, that's just so juvenile. He does seem very young and selfish. But I also wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. I thought, well, I hear couples all the time saying, I talked to him about it, nothing happened. And if you're dating someone for two and a half years

and you brought it up three times, that is not talking about it. Saying I need you to touch my clitoris more, give me more oral sex, that's not talking about it. Saying like, I need you to touch my clitoris more, give me more oral sex, that's not talking about it. That's a demand. He truly might have gotten by in life on his good looks and charm, and he might have never really figured out the vagina,

the Rubik's Cube of Life, the best thing men, this is ever said, that's his line. That's good one. So, you know, he might get defensive because he doesn't really know what you're asking for. Like, maybe he really doesn't. So I'm saying, tries to be a true masturbation. You know, you can even say babe, I've asked you this,

but I think like my pleasure is important. Like, let's take sex off the table for a week or a month. Let's not hit a month a week. Let's start with that. No intercourse, just touch each other. A mutual masturbation, you know, take it slow, like tell them specifically, they like, you touch each other, mutual masturbation. You know, take it slow, like tell them specifically, be like, you know, babe, this is really important

and like show him, because just by saying it, like a dinner, like touch my Clint Moore, pass assault, my nuts and again. So I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, but if, again, put this under calendar, if you really try this and you're like, okay, I'm gonna try something different, because it sounds like you love

a video of two and a half years. If it doesn't change three months from today, and you've talked to them in a real way differently, like you showed him, you said it was important, you verbalized it and then it doesn't change. I'm gonna say it. I'm surprised you didn't add some toys into you. I know, I was waiting for that to.

Yeah. Oh God, you know, because you waiting for that to yeah, oh god, you know because You're right. I mean seriously babe get a we vibe touch or something or get like a little clip toy You need your clip stimulated. I just bring it toward me where I go That's another solution, but I think like Anna good point might be underlying issues Like I'm wondering if he's just selfish in the bedroom or other places, but yeah, baby, if he doesn't get along, if everything else is perfect with this guy, I don't like horror, baby. I like it.

If everything else is perfect with this guy, but you don't get enough clear of simulation, I could tell you about 52 other things that would give you like probably even better womanizer. Right. The Clint Whisperer. I mean, there's a go to my website, sexwithelmey.com. Oh, we even do store. That just launched. Every toy I talk about, you could buy on my website, but I'm just saying. Oh, we have a new store that just launched every toy I talk about you could buy on my website. But I'm just saying, yeah, that's plan B. Yeah, I think it's

good. I mean, I think you're right. Have a different kind of conversation about it. If it's about the actual literal stimulation, yes, a toy is great. If it's about the relationship with the guy in his selfishness, the vibe may not do anything. Right. Exactly. I won't do anything. Yeah. Okay. I think that's what we have time for. Anything else, menace? You can just kind of just Anna. Did I not? What did I tell you about menace the other day?

What I did. I was bragging about how he went. Great he is. Yeah, but I was like, oh my god, he had this event. And like seven out of people came just to see menace. Yes, I know. It was crazy. It was so proud of you.

Thank you. Yeah, it's true. It had another event on Beach, yeah, and like over a thousand plus showed up. It was crazy. But it's, forget about all the people coming to see me. It was all to raise money for the FOMO research, which was awesome.

Right, right, right, that's important. And then the event before that, it was for Hope for pause to great You're doing it for good cause because you're good man, but menis is like people are coming out on a Saturday They can do other things. Yeah, they could play Xbox. Yeah, they could be doing a go to the beach whatever It's all about the morning show that I've been doing called the Woody show. He's done. He's put it's a raging morning show Yeah, it's been raging. What's what's channels? It's on alt 98.7, but it's also a podcast you can download it every day. I'm just really proud of him. He's all grown up. Thank you

But yeah, Lays really embraced the show. We used to do it in terms of going now. We're here. Yeah, it's great So it's great. So good for that. Five minutes at menace cross for Anna. What does it wait? What else at menace? You like 18 Instagrams Yeah, yeah, we'll just keep it right there. Okay. What about you Anna? All your new Pucky graduations. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. She's with Anna David. It's on iTunes and SoundCloud and Stitcher and you can go to the issues with Anna Website you can sign up for the newsletter issues with Anna newsletter dot com and You can contact me about coaching or anything else Anna at issues with Anna dot com She's a great coach too.

Tell you, she helps me. Thank you Anna for being on the show, I appreciate it. Thank you to Menace, thank you Madison, Lori, Jamie, my amazing team, and thanks everyone for listening. Oh, I already said what to follow me. Okay, thanks for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithamlake.com.

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