Sex With Emily - Setting Up For Sexual Success with Shannon Shores

Episode Date: October 16, 2019

On today’s show, Emily is joined by CEO of Wellex Inc. Shannon Shores & they’re talking about Same Day STD Testing, sexual health, and why it’s so important to get on top of it. Plus, Emily answers your questions. The two of them discuss ways to get all the information you need about STDs, how to get faster results & why the stigma around STIs needs to change. Also, ways that baby making can be sexy & different sex positions that don’t involve penetration.  Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemilyFor even more sex talk, tips, & tricks visit sexwithemily.comFor more information on Same Day STD Testing, click HERE.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What are the common misconceptions of our STDs? Like, people think, oh my god, I got this, my life's gonna be over. Oh, herpes is a big one. Yeah, I have to talk people off the legs about it. How do you do it? Because I have to do it too. So I want to hear from another expert.

Oh my gosh. So I talk to people about having healthy, happy, active sex life. And using your words exactly about communications, lubrication, which I love. Who could use it? It is about communication. And it's knowing your status.

And, you know, herpes, it's a viral cycle. So sometimes you're going to make out breaks. Sometimes you're not. There's medications out there like valve tracks. Having an honest conversation with your doctor about, do I want it or do I not? A lot of people I talk to later on say, I decided I didn't want to be controlled by a medication.

I just want to pay attention to my body. And when I have an outbreak, you know, refrain from sex have protected sex. But it comes back to the big thing that you stress a lot. It's communication. And if you can't have open communication with someone, it's probably not a very strong foundation for relationship. Well, exactly. Like.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and on today's show, I'm doing by CEO of Wellix Inc. Shannon Shores to talk about same-day STD test, your sexual health, and why it's so important to get ahead of it. Plus, I'm answering your questions, topics include, how to get all the info you need about STDs and sexual health, and fast results when you actually get tested. Why we need to change the stigma around STIs because because hey, your diagnosis is not a death sentence. Babymaking made sexy. How do you do it?

And ways to get into sex that doesn't involve penetration. Let's get creative here. All the more things for listening. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized, they call them in a fight on day. Hey, Avaline, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair standard.

Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, not only? What do you mean like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm so dumb. Being bad feels pretty good.

But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com. Have you not been there yet? You love our website. Has even more information to help you have the sex life and the relationships that you deserve. Find me on SiriusXM, you guys. If you haven't been there yet, it's a good time. I'm Monday through Friday, 5-7pm Pacific, 8-10 East, on SiriusXM stars. It's channel 109. And if you don't have series, you can get a free 30 day trial at sexwithemily.com slash

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All right, guys, hope you enjoy the show. Very excited to welcome my guest to this show, Shannon Shores. She's the CEO. All right, guys, hope you enjoy the show. Very excited to welcome my guest to this show, Shannon Shores. She's the CEO of Wellix, which powers same-day SDD testing, SharePoints out of St. Louis. And she's referred to as the queen of SDD testing. And essentially, this brand provides a great confidential SD testing with the highest level of customer service.

When we first talked on the phone, we just hit it off. I was like, this is a really good, I mean, your mission, how you got involved. So, okay, you are called the Queen of Estonia testing. So I'm honored to be in your presence. Wow. How did you get underpass to being a STD royalty? Please tell me the story. Well, yes. You know, let me straight my crown real quick. Right? I mean, no, it's something. Yeah. You know, I actually, I have a background in social work. And I remember when I told my grandmother that I was getting my degree in social work, she said, two things. One, you're going to get fat. I just for sure, there's a misconception about

khaki pants, you know, pleated fronts, really bad image. And the second thing she said was, hopefully you marry someone rich because you'll never make money doing social services, right? And so I just said here, Gremel, hold my beer, here we go. And so I started my walk into helping others and mental health and really looking at needs. I've worked with people who've had eating disorders, autism, my first job was a suicide crisis hotline. So really I have this background

of just understanding people and really finding a solution. And personally, I had a situation. I had gone to school, I had a degree, I really established myself. I think I moved past like this khaki pleated pants that grandma told me I was gonna have. I think I moved past like this khaki pleated pants that grandma told me I was gonna have I thought it was doing pretty well and I found out from My OBGYN and doing a real customer that I had an STD which was

Horrifying okay, because you were married at the time. I was I was I was married and for a lot of married women We don't think about getting STD tested, right? Because you're thinking, huh, I'm married, right, right, right. And so that came through kind of a pap smear and it's always important for women to know when they go to their OBGYN, they get a pass or like, what am I getting? I hear all the time that people go, oh, I got an STD test because I had my well-women negative. That is not how it works. Right. No.

Because if there's no reason to do it, the doctor's not going to. But there was some research coming out about HPV that women should be just periodically tested for HPV. And I'm kind of like a big, go big or go home kind of person. So not only did I get, you know, HPV, who has hundreds of strands,

I got one of the ones that caused cervical cancer. Okay, so how did you, so you were married at the time and you found out the stevet that your husband, right? Which kind of led to the, and kind of feeling this out of like where did this come from. And, you know, unfortunately, you know, having a partner who stepped outside that marriage. Just embarrassing.

Yeah, that's how you're girlfriend set up. Yes, we want to like chit chat and talk about, you know, we don't tell our girlfriend set, but I didn't really want to talk to my doctor about that. Because, you know, she had just delivered my son, You know, I was postpartum and oh great now. I have an STD, okay? I'm embarrassing. So what did you do next? So then you were like okay, what is me? I could get surface called cancer. I had this strain. Yeah, and so For women who've ever gone through this you know what I mean that they you get this like patch never from hell that follows it because they kind of do a biopsy. And they use this video camera that's like above your head, this screen, and you're

thinking, this thing has to be like up in my brain by now. Like, can you please stop? I think you go what you need. And then you wait. You wait to see, okay, where are you? Yeah. And then it came back and it came back in stages like one, two, or three. And again, because I'm so competitive, I guess my body was like, bring it on. So I got the stage three. So I had to have part of my cervix removed. And I know this is the radio lance, you can't see me, but basically she holds.

Yeah, she holds a perfist and she's like, so what's going to happen is imagine this is the radio lance. You can't see me, but basically she holds. Yeah, she holds up her fist and she's like, so what's gonna happen is imagine this is your cervix and a cheese slicer and we're just gonna go in and we're just going to slice away those cancerous cells. You're like, that's first of all, that's not a way to describe it. Talk about bad bets I manner. I'm so angry and I'm never having good again.

Right, and you just, in the end of this thinking, I just wanna kill my, you know, unfaithful, of course. Of course, right? Right, but from great, but from great distress can come great innovation, right? Because I realized one, the waiting game was horrible. Yeah, horrible, like a week and they get a call,

but don't leave a message and don't call me when I'm with my parents or whatever. Exactly. Right, Erie, you know, you look down, you're like, oh my gosh, they're calling, yes. And your kids are in the car and the Bluetooth might come on. And then, yeah, the whole thing. So, yeah, it was the waiting game,

which was important, you know, when I developed a company to do the STD testing. Yeah, let's talk about that. That's what I'm so proud to say. You develop same day STD testing. And so it's talk about that. So you develop same day STD testing. And so it comes out of that idea of people need to have the power to take charge of their sexual health. So in my situation, I kind of find out things through my body saying, hey, there's something

wrong. Is that what happened to you? You were having actually no, I mean, but through going up pap smears that they said, oh, here's these cells. Yep, you know But it is good that I had those tests but if I Wouldn't have had any signs how long would I have gone right you know? So good for my doctor for doing that, but I wanted just someone to take We have the ability to have to go get tested not the embarrassed

take, we have the ability to go get tested, not be embarrassed. So we put together a website. So same day, STDTesting.com. So anywhere in the US, you can find this website. And, you know, people come to us because they look at, what are the symptoms? Maybe they're looking for symptoms, you know, there's itching, burning, whatever. Because, you know, you can go to WebMD and think you have like three days to live. Hang nail, you're dying. Right? And so we get people's minds out of panic. You know, oh my gosh, this is happening.

So we put it together. So people come to that website and give us a call. And then they even call you too. And sure. And I have this itching burning bump. That's what I want them to do is, you know, that's the only way to connect us. We have the information there. But then they call one of our sexual health advocates who's going to ask them all those

really kind of embarrassing questions like how many partners have you had, you know? When's the last time you got tested? What are your symptoms? Is it, you know, female on female, female on male? Right. Is it oral sex? Is it anal sex? symptoms, is it female on female, female on male, is it oral sex, is it male sex? Like all those things that you don't want to become, you know, oh hey, I'm like, guess what I did.

But when someone asks you with non-judgment, you're like, okay, it's cool. I'll tell you because that's the only way to get the best test, right? So they do that, so they call in, so how does it work? So I'm like, okay, lastly, I had unprotected sex or I'm having

this weird sensation. I would call and then they would, they would interview me on the phone and they'd say, here's your closest, the closest clinic to you. Sure. Okay. So you would call, so you would call this in that situation. And you know, I would say to you, you know, handling, this is Shannon. Let's talk about what's going on. Let's figure some things out. I wish you would answer. I want to talk about Shannon about anything. I'm afraid to Shannon. Like we already had a love fest on the phone the first time we talked. I'm like, yes, Shannon, that's all you everything.

And that was so important that you understood our brand before I got in bed with Dr. Emily, right? I was like, I got to know that this chick's cool and she understands what we do. Totally. Because it is so important. So you call in and be like, hey Emily, you know what, we're gonna walk through this,

you know, you had unprotected sex last night. We're gonna figure out what you need. And I'd ask you all those, you know, questions, and then I just make a recommendation, you know, based on what you're saying. Maybe you have a metestine a while. You didn't know that person. Hey, we all been there. Let's get a full screening. What would happen because we work with a doctor's network and we like quest diagnostics. We're not quest, but we like them as a lab. I like them too.

And the reason why is when you're in there, next to someone, you don't know what you're in there for. Exactly. We blood sugar for goodness sake. Yeah, we don't know. But I could be working for the next time. Not all the time. It's several times I've been there at this year.

I love them. You don't know. So you go in, that doctor's order is already entered in their system. So when you get there, doctor's order is already entered in their system. So when you get there, you just give them your first and last name, or we have some tech that we send to your phone. It produces a barcode that can scan and take you back. Easy.

You know, 2019, we have each. Exactly. I still like paper copies. I know. But anyway, so you go back, they'll do blood and urine. Typically, for a full screening, you leave the lab, and then typically within one to three, business day, which is amazing.

It's a lot quicker. Yeah, one to three because someone said, hey, guess what, Emily, I know you had that in kind of a couple of days ago, hey, I got you girl, but two weeks, I'll call you. We're like, no. And that's typically what it is, right? If you go to other doctors, it can't be.

Yeah, it can be weeks. It can be weeks. So we can do that one to three business days, right? If you go to other doctors, it can't be. It can be weeks. It can be weeks. So we can do that one to three business days and we have a patient portal because we understand people are techy, right? And they want to log in all the time. So that we have that option too. But we also have a results team that can talk

about those results and we give the results positive or negative. I know sometimes doctors offices will say, well, they call you if it's positive. And then I worry, I'm like, did you just forget about it? Yeah. How do I know? Like, you're busy. I saw all those patients waiting in the waiting room. Are you sure you'd miss my file? Like, tell me one word.

Sure. Not that my anxiety had that was way too bad. Exactly. Same. So they call you either way. And then what are you guys part of the part of the treatment plan as well? Sure. Definitely. It can be especially with an STI like chlamydia or gonorrhea, very treatable. Our results team would take some information, put together a treatment plan, submit it to our doctor for the doctor to review it, make sure there's no drug allergies and things like that as well. And then they're calling the prescription into that person's local

pharmacy. So they run them to ride aid, pop in the pills, and back onto their business. Yeah, exactly. So what are the common misconceptions around STDs? Like, people think, oh my god, I got this, my life's going to be over. Oh, her knees is a big one. Yeah. I have to talk people off the ledge. Right.

How do you do it? Because I have to do it too. So I want to hear from another expert. Oh my gosh. So I talk to people about having healthy, happy, active sex life. And using your words exactly about communication's lubrication, which I love. Look at you.

It is about communication and it's knowing your status and you know, herpes, it's a viral cycle. So sometimes you're going to be out break, sometimes you're not, you know, that it's knowing your body just like anything else, right? There's medications out there like valve tracks, having an honest conversation with your doctor about do I want it or do I not? A lot of people I talk to later on say, I just decided I didn't want to be controlled by a medication. I just want to pay attention to my body. And when I have an outbreak, you know, 9 to 11 days, the typical kind of cycle of it.

But you have to either refrain from sex, have protected sex. But it comes back to the big thing that you stress a lot. It's communication. If you can't have open communication with someone, it's probably not a very strong foundation for relationships. Well, exactly. It's really like you have to because, you know, and you have to realize too that people don't care as much as you think like your life is over. I hear so many stories, I'm like, that's fine, just let me know when you're having an outbreak.

We'll be cool. Yeah, and if someone doesn't react that way, that that's not your person. Right, and what is the percentage of people who have herpes now? Oh my gosh, I mean, what do you think it is? Is it like two out of five or one absolute? Yeah, I mean, I do you think it is? Is it like two out of five or one? Oh, absolutely. Yeah, I mean, I was going to say that to your point.

It's like that when you go, you know, I have it. I like that they're going to go to my. Me too. Yeah. That happens a lot. I've heard stories like that. And there's so many people because, and people have had it for years, a lot of times, and they haven't had an outbreak, but they know they have it. I had that interesting fella last year.

He was nearing his 80s. He was in Florida. And I had to give him back his results. He came back positive for Herpes 2, General Herpes. And I did my spiel, like, you know, this means protected sex. You know, there's asymptomatic shedding, communication, those sort of things. And he was very kind when I got down. He did say Shannon, you know, you're kind, you're polite, but I'm going to tell you, when you become my age,

you're not going to be going to the wall greens, beginning condoms or having my kids teach me how to Amazon prime those. But he was also very proud himself that he'd gotten this 80 years without getting hurt. I know. But if you hear that though, I mean, I've heard a lot about people in the retirement homes that are getting their, they're catching more STD, STDs. We're living longer. Yeah.

Well, it's just a lot. Well, women, you know, we outnumber men. Yeah. You know, so when you go into these senior communities, they're living their best lives, right? They're in retirement. Kids are gone. You know, they're in sunny places. And women outnumber the men.

The men really can. And he's busy. They're getting busy. And they're not using protection because think about it. If they were married 40, 50, 60 years of marriage, it didn't use protection. Do you think now? No. And because also too erectile dysfunction,

a condom's not gonna be helping them. Right, with- Exactly. So what are they do so you don't even tell them to eat at that point? They're just like, I have to get my thing of like, hey, you need to wear protection. But when he said, I'm not, you know,

hey, Shannon, thanks but no thanks. I was like, hey, I told you to like give him a round of blood. The 80 years old. You get it, right? He's still got, I mean, I love that people are having sex a lot later, but it's important to educate yourself on these things. So anything else, I was going to say this sounds really hot in STDs right now, but what's trending?

More chlamydia I've heard. Gone are ya. What about this? How can people avoid this? And what are you hearing about it? You just take a pill though. Right. They take a pill, but here's the thing that people,

they say about it, right, is that people go, you know what, I'm having these issues in my mouth. I, you know, I have these white bumps in my throat and then my mouth. I don't think it's strap I've had strap before, but I had protected sex and I said, okay, did you did this is oral sex? Well, you had to have oral sex. Was it protected? No. Well, then sweet pea. Just anywhere that that's going to be there, you're going to put it right in

those areas. Right. So we started offering swabs for those situations where they didn't have sex, but they had oral sex. And this is typically from being with a man or being going down on a man or going down on a woman. You don't want? You're not seeing a rise in either case. No. You can just pass it that way.

What does that feel like in your, it's in your throat and your tongue and your mouth? Yeah, in the back of your throat. So it could look like Streppet first. But then when you get down to it, it's like, okay, people try to self-medicate and then it kind of your throat. So it could look like strap it first. But then when you get down to it, it's like, okay, people try to self-medicate and then it kind of comes back. But it won't go away. It won't go away. And then they start to put two and two together like, oh, well, there was that situation at the party or whatever. And like for us, our mantra is your sex life, your business. Yeah. We don't care. I love your show. Yeah. Yeah, your sex life, thank you for bringing Am I beer

cozy? Yes. Drink cozy. I love these. Your sex life, your piss. Because that's really it. Like, when people, when they call, they don't want to say, like, yeah, there was this party and I had too much and maybe I gave

a guy a blow job. Okay, cool. Let's get you back healthy because we don't want you to have the consequences of that running around your mouth. Right. Who wants that? Exactly. Well, think of it with Committee or Growna Rear. You can take a pill. It takes about a week for the symptoms to go away. Yeah. Oh, guys, why do you think none of us really want to deal with our sexual health? I mean, aren't you realizing now that how you will

don't know anything about it when they're calling in? It's my role, but I'm sure people are just like kind of, they don't want to deal until there's a problem. Well, the one thing you said, kind of some misconceptions when you said earlier was people think, well, I don't have symptoms. So I don't need to get tested and let me tell you the majority of STDs and STIs are asymptomatic. They don't have any symptoms. And when you rather take care of the snout before the symptoms do show up,

because they'll show up some time, but you still could have that infection or that virus be asymptomatic and spread that to other partners who unprotected sex. Let's talk about asymptomatic. I was gonna say, you can't really talk about asymptomatic symptoms because the point is they're not symptomatic. But for what kind of, I know like, with herpes, well, with a lot of them, you can be asymptomatic.

So your philosophy is is everyone should get tested every three months, six months after a new partner. Yeah. We have a lot of people. We have a, we have people who, you know, they've been married for years. Maybe they got divorced and now they're back into the dating world.

And they don't want to, they don't want to go into the condom sex, right? So they might say, hey, you get tested, I get tested, like what a cute little date, right? Let's go to ques, hold hands, get tested together. But then they can share each other's results, especially in our portal. Hey, let's log in together together. Oh, you're clean. I'm clean.

Well, let's get it on. Let's get on. Let's get it on. So we have that group, which is so great and so responsible. And then we have other people who are just more reactive that they have symptoms. They have symptoms. A lot of times, so people will call because they received a text from someone that says, Hey, I just got tested.

I have come back positive for X. You should get tested too. And then they're so confused because they're saying, yeah, there's he or she is saying this, but I don't have any symptoms. And so we had to do the education, I'm saying, okay. If you've been exposed, and especially as someone says it, get tested.

Yes, to your point, if you're changing partners and you're having several partners, fine. But just stay on top of it. Right. So, but if you're asymptomatic, how could they still, they could still by testing urine blood, they will still be able to out with everybody. That is such a good point.

So, I feel like if you haven't gone in a while, they just go to same day stdtesting.com and literally the same day they find a clinic near them, they talk to someone on the phone, it's so easy. I think we make it so hard. We do, and the thing is, it's to someone on the phone, it's so easy. I think we make it so hard. We do. And the thing is, it's not all testing is the same. So I understand that there are different testing options and there's cheaper testing options

because we are at a pocket to keep that privacy in the discretion and keeps it off your permanent health record, unlike an insurance would do. Not to say that's not an option, but that's not an option for everyone. But there's some other cheaper options, but you might be getting a test that takes longer for that virus to show up. So you might get an HIV test that you have to be exposed to the HIV for like 90 days, post-exposure. I couldn't wait 90 days.

If I had a situation that happened two weeks ago, and I went to HIV test and someone said, we'll test you, but really if you want to know about that thing that happened two weeks ago, you're at the weight in three months. No, no, no. So we have more advanced tests. That's amazing. You know, and it's what people want. I know that's what I would want.

I would want accuracy. I would want, you know, quick results and just that privacy that no one's thinking, ah, because I know it, I'm an adult, but it's still that mean girl syndrome still haunts us all of us, someone judging us. Exactly. And we don't have to do that with us. Right. So tell me, so how does it work like, is it a one-time thing or you could have a membership?

Sure. We actually have special pricing. So we just started that this year and we send if people want it's one of those tricky things where people you know They want to be our fast friends in the moment and then they're like get away from me Who wants to have a friend of STD testing? But some people are because they're thinking reminder to if you got away And you like and so we do have a program where people might say you know what? I'm cool with you know getting the email from same day STD testing as a reminder, quarterly that says, hey, if this, this, this,

this, or this has happened to you in the past quarter in the past few months, might when get tested and they get discounted pricing because we want, we want to encourage people to continue to test. I mean, what, maybe go to the dentist to get our teeth cleaned twice a year. Why are we taking care of our teeth better than our sexual health? So is there certain, because I know what I've gotten tested at my doctor, they're like, they don't test for everything and they don't. Exactly.

And that's so annoying. I'm like, why did you test me for this or that? So what do you tell people, what kind of tests do you have? Do you just do everything this time? We do everything for everyone. Okay. And you know, outside of HPB, HPB for women, you need to make sure you're asking for it during your pap smear. Because if you're not asking for it, it's not regulated, it's not mandated on a yearly basis for a well-women's check.

So ask for it. Men, there's no FDA approved test right now for HPV. It's really just tricky. It's like, well, it's a virus, it can rid itself. It's just one of those things. But everything else, everything from your hepatitis, HIV, chlamydia, gonorrhea, trichomoniasis, syphilis, all of the STDs and STI's, MG, which is micro genitalium plasma. Yeah, don't hold me on that. It's a big word, but I call it MG Yeah, which is another STI which we're seeing on the rise because it looks like

chlamydia gonorrhea and trachaminiasis And so we can we test for that as well So we test for all of that and that's what to your point when people go Yeah, you know what my doctor tested me. Yeah, I'll say you test everything. What did it? Do you know what they tested for? Well, didn't they test for everything? Probably not. Right. If you don't ask, and that's my other big recommendation people, know what you're getting

tested for so you don't have this false sense of peace about your sexual health. Exactly. I've gotten everything, so that's a really good point because they're not going to do it. Maybe your insurance charges more and takes them more time. Well, if the insurance is a more time I think it's medical-necessary. They're like, you don't need that herpes test, which if you've never had a herpes test,

because it's asymptomatic a lot of times, how do we know that you don't have it? But sometimes it's not show up even on tests. A blood test, it should be that the virus should be present as long as you're testing long enough after that exposure. So if you're giving it a few months after exposure, and if you're periodically testing, you're going to get that accurate test, but it can be found in the blood quite easily. This is such good information for people in your website. Same day,

STD testing has so much information on there, and easy way for people is to find it that day, right now. I think people are going to be inspired right now to go do it. If you haven't done it lately, you would hate people like, oh, I don't need to get tested. I, like people say that they're with somebody new, it's like, oh, I know him. Oh, I know him. He's got friends, it's common.

He would never, she would never. I'm like, no, you can't tell that way. But you get the group of girls together. Oh, yes, and you get the groups together and they're like, oh, he is such a dog or he's this or it's like, oh, here are all the secrets that come out, right? But yeah, people make just assumptions about people. Oh, he's a good person.

Right. I just didn't say in that he's not. It's probably great. It doesn't go in test. It doesn't know, might be a carrier. I have a question about, if you've taken the vaccine for HPV, should you still be getting tested for it regularly? You know, I would think that, because you know, it's a certain group of people, I was

too, that vaccine came out I was too old for it. I aged out of it You know there's a certain age group that you can take that to be vaccine Yeah, so for a lot of us we was never an option number two old kids And I swear I'm not 105 right, so I'm in my 40s and yeah, I'm women too. Yeah, we missed it So that's why it's important. But for younger women, that's a good question for their OB because they do change research a lot and recommendations a lot. So if you've had the vaccine, ask your doctor to say,

you know, I've had, you know, axiomony partners over the past year. You know, and I care about my sexual health enough to know, is in my at risk, and they'll let them know. It's so good. Anything else that people like misconceptions or that we think about STDs or STIs, anything else that we don't know,

that people don't get. This is just such a wealth of information. It's wanna make sure. I feel like I've covered a lot. Yeah. I think the other big thing, people are scared of the results. They're scared to get them, even though they want them.

HIV is a huge one. You know, people think HIV, it's a death sentence, and let me tell you, HIV is not what it was in the Philippines. No, it's not, it's so different. I mean, we saw Magic Johnson, he came out, and it was like, oh, like they put a face to HIV, and you know, people stay in HIV status for a long time without going to AIDS, like they did, you know, in the 80s.

We see Charlie Sheen now who his viral level is good to point where he can test and it doesn't show up. Right. You know, so we've come such a long way. And so the key for that is if you have it, you want to know because being treated early leads to living a long, happy, active sex life and just healthy life, right? By knowing because there's so many good resources out there now for HIV, don't be scared of the unknown because that's when you get in trouble. Exactly. Right. Yeah. That's really good. It is really different now, which is amazing.

So people should just know that like the typical age of your desert average age of people call in because it's everybody We're talking about the 80 year old in the home and then we can help anyone but I tell you what I mean it's really Mostly men, you know, because I think men just want to get get it done They really want to talk about it. They don't talk about their feelings a whole lot You know, I'm not trying to put a minute in the box, but I've been doing this long enough to you know That's mostly males, but females, we're trying to reach out to females more. That's why I'm, you know, doing radio shows

and just talking about, to, hey, you know, women, we get it. Let's get tested and let's not be embarrassed about this. But mostly it's over the age of 35. It's people who, you know, who just really value that private testing. They're in new relationships. They've probably been with the same partner for years.

And this is new for them. Because dating in their 20s, you actually had to talk with people. Remember, he had to go to the bar and someone like encouraged you to talk to that guy. And now everything's on an app. That was bad. I like the in-person connections. Yeah, that's tough. But no matter how you meet, what do you know everything's on an app swipe that was bad I like the in-person kind of stuff But no matter how you mean what do you feel about condoms? Do you feel like moat people are not using them? No

No people like pleasure and that's fine The condoms can be pleasurable. They can't be just I think it's more comfortable to put them on and to think about it's Topping it's like stopping that passion in that moment to put them on and I encourage condom use you know because that's the best way Right, you know that is the best way But if they're not going to do it I really applaud the couples who call it and go before we take the condom off We're just gonna check in with each other. I'm doing a condom list. Yeah Perfect. That's a win the first time. I think so too

And I think the stigma around condoms I think people maybe they haven't found the right kind of condoms. I mean, I'm not saying there was great as without a condom, but. Oh, they've come such a far away. They've come so far. Exactly. They've given the heads like, no, no, no, I can't use a condom, but yes, yes, yes, yes, unless you want to, you know, that helps too. Exactly.

If you want some burning itching, you don't want that either. It's so true. Oh, Shannon Shores, thank you so much for being here. I appreciate it. I love what you're doing We talk about all the time we are fans. We can find you where can people find you They can find us at same day STD testing We do have a Facebook page We are on Instagram, but I tell you what I'm like the 90-year-old woman comes to tax So what I tell you is go to the bottom of our website and all the places

you can find us and see what we're up to, where we're traveling, who we're talking to is down there. We do this on the show notes as well. Okay, Shannon, thank you for being here. Oh, thank you for having me. Of course. All right, guys, we're going to take a quick break and we come back. We're going to get into your questions. Alright guys, I'm here with producer Jamie and I love answering your questions, it's why I do what I do. So if you want a question, answer it on the show, go to my website, sexwithfamily.com, click the Ask Emily tab, fill out the short form, or just email me, feedback at sexwithamlee.com.

But please include your name, your age, where you live, and how you listen to this show. All right, thanks. Okay, Jamie, you want to read the question first question? I do. Okay, so this first one comes to us from Mrs. M, who's 45 in Michigan. She writes, Mrs. M. was 45 in Michigan. Shriight Steer, Dr. Emily. Thank you so much for all you in your group do every single night. I've been listening to your podcast and on Series XM since began last November, and

Boyle Boy have I learned a lot. I've been married to my husband for 12 years, and in the last 3 and a half, my husband has not touched me. I know. I do not intend to leave him, and we're taking steps to hopefully improve and reconnect. We've been in therapy the last 2 months. When we dated, we had sex about three times a week, which dwindled to maybe two to three times a year until nothing. When asked why, he has no answer. He says he doesn't have the drive, but I know he's taking care of himself and watching porn, I've caught him twice. I've purchased three different vibrators over the last year, and none of them seem to be targeting my area, per se, specifically enough.

I was wondering if you'd give me a suggestion between either the Zumio or the woman, either. Thank you so very much for your time, and again, love you, your team, your heart, and your show. Thank you so much for emailing, and I'm so glad that this show has been helpful for you, and now, let me help you specifically with your question. So let me go through this here. So, sounds like you guys have been together 12 years,

and the sex is just not what it once was, and if you're listening to this show, you know a lot of couples struggle with this same thing. I wish I knew the three different vibrators that haven't targeted your area specifically enough. I'm not sure which ones you bought, but when you said pinpoint the pleasure, I have to say that I think the Zoomio,

the Zoomio will be best because it's actually designed to do just that. The zoomio has, it kind of looks like an electretooth brush, kind of a call back to how many, the first toy that many women use, which I do not recommend a toothbrush, but what I do recommend is the zoomio because it actually, it does pinpoint your pleasure, it has a tip on it that it really, you know, the clitoris is 8,000 nerve-rink. So if there's, and there's a lot of different areas

that we don't even know that we can't reach, well, the zoomio does just that. Depending on how much pressure you apply and the different angles you turn it around, it will change how it actually feels on your body. And for a lot of women, it also stimulates collagen, which means that it can help the blood flow start to move through your vulva, your vagina, because things, you know, as we get older, the blood doesn't flow as much as we'd like to. So it kind of wakens up all those areas. And I really think the zoomier would be the right choice for you to get creative, take a mirror, check out what's going on down there. And I guarantee that you'll be able to find what you're looking for

I'm really glad to see that you are taking these steps with your husband You know so you can get into a happier more sexual place The other thing I want to say about toys is I'm not sure that the three toys you bought aren't right for you I just think you got to give them another shot Sometimes you'll buy toys and they're expecting it's gonna be the end all be all and then we just give up after one try And I'm just telling you this because I used to do that as well I said that doesn't work. I can't charge it. It's not what she said But if you just get creative with it a lot of toys don't have just one use and listen our bodies are

full of nerve-ending so you can use it all over your vulva your labia internally externally play with your nipples In the name of your net. We've got so many nerve endings to play with. So if you open your mind and expand, you know, your definition of whatever spot you're looking for, I think you're gonna find a lot more areas of pleasure. The other thing is about your husband, I wanna go back to this. When you said you caught him twice, well I'm just gonna go there and say,

you know what, I wouldn't, caught him like, I think it's great he's taking care of himself. You have to remember that masturbation and sexual desire are very different. I think it's great he's taking care of himself. You have to remember that masturbation and sexual desire are very different. I think it's great that he's still masturbating and taking care of himself. So I don't think that's a bad thing. I feel like you've looked at it as something to kind of like,

well, he doesn't want to have sex with me, but he's masturbating, but you know, a lot of us were in relationships in farc sex life isn't as satisfying. We still take times to pleasure ourselves. So it doesn't mean that it's taking away from you. It just means that he's relieving stress. It's a habitual, you know, a lot of us, you know,

masturbate no matter what's going on in our personal lives. So let me know how it goes. We're here for you and thanks for your email. This next one comes to us from Henry, who's 27 in North Carolina. Hey, Dr. Emily, I want to start by saying how much I enjoy your podcast. I've learned so much from you. I wanted to get your advice on how to spice it up in the

bedroom if we're not having sex. My girlfriend and I have been dating a little over a year and still haven't had sex yet. Neither of us is waiting for marriage specifically, but we value who we are intimate with and really want our next partner to be our last. We're still active in bed, i.e. hand stuff, oral, etc. We've gotten into a bit of routine and I think can spice things up and explore new things without necessarily having sex. How can we change things up and explore our current sex life? Thanks. Thanks for your email, Henry. Okay, I think if you guys are not going to rush right into the sex and let me be honest with you, that's not even what sex is all about

is the penetration. So for many women, I'm telling you a lot of the magic comes without penetration. So this is a great learning opportunity for you both, you know, to really start to explore each other's bodies. And I think this is great for all couples, PS, if you're in a relationship and you feel like it's just been the old in and out and it's not working for you, that's okay. Some of these tips I'm going to give you right now are great for everybody. It's because it isn't just about penetration. There's lots of path to pleasure. So what I would say is, first, maybe you just start to explore each other.

I like to call these exploratory sessions where maybe you guys learn to do some kind of erotic massage. We've got some great blogs on our site about beginner massage and ways to please each other because what can happen a lot is We're so concerned about what our partners feeling and we're not really thinking about ourselves So perhaps one night could be you're pleasing her and you're just you know She's maybe she even has a blindfold on you know

Sometimes we put a blindfold on we take away one sense and all of our other sense senses become more heightened So she's really letting go and then you can just slowly you can use some massage oil like the Wumor play. We love it. It's coconut massage oil slash lube and that could be a way to really slow it down and explore different parts of her body. Through massage you can really start to kind of warm her up. She can start to relax because a lot of times you know anxiety is the biggest killer of our sex drive and it doesn't allow us to actually be in our bodies and explore pleasure. And so I think that by misaging her and figuring out what you know what feels good maybe

it's a nap of her neck, maybe it's her breasts, maybe it's a side of her breasts. Sometimes we really ignore that as well. And just slow down, explore with different textures and pressures on different body parts. You could also try playing with some more sensation play or role playing. If you've been listening to this show, we talk a lot about couples getting out of their comfort zone and playing with different roles. Maybe you're dressing up.

Maybe you're just using word play. Maybe you're doing some orgasm denial. You're dominating her and you're responsible for her orgasm and then you switch it. You could also do some things with bondage. We have a lot of great information on our site about this as well. I think definitely toys. And you know, what the toys will allow you to do as well, whether they're toys for you,

we have toys for men, we have toys for women, we have toys for everybody, that you could really start to explore other ways for you to orgasm. Maybe you want to stuff with your prostate. Maybe you want to play with different toys on your shaft. Maybe when she's you know performing all on you, you can play with some flavored looms, you can play with some ice cubes, you can. We've got a lot of great info on our site. Okay, so this is what I'm going to ask you to do. I think you should Henry, go to our website and just Google Roe Play. We have beginner role play. We have blogs about BDSM and each blog post breaks down the different elements of bondage

discipline, say, domesticism. And before you're thinking, oh, Emily, I don't want pain and I don't want to tie up. It's really not about that. What it's about is power play. You know, there's a masculine and a feminine role, whether you're in a same sex relationship or, you know, man and a woman, there's different power roles that you can play with, and that can also really, you know, spice it up. It can enhance your connection, it can enhance your intimacy when you're bringing in other

things into the mix and not just, you know, relying on the two of you in your hands and your mouths and your fingers, but when you're playing with other products like handcuffs or blindfolds or even like, like, little paddles or feathers and just playing with different ways of exploring your bodies and how you're reacting to certain sensations and words and activities in the bedroom. So I think all those things can work for you, Henry, let me know how it goes. I'll be here for you. And if you're just curious about sex stuff in general, if you type getting sexually literate

into our search bar on our site, there's all these different blogs for each letter of the alphabet about a bunch of different stuff. I love those. Like literally if you just Google that, you're gonna be like, you'll be on there for days and you will never want out of things to do until you guys, are they getting married in a year? They say they may not get married. Oh, but they're just waiting. I like how, like, because it seems like they're not virgins, but that they are Just deciding now that they're like not gonna have sex with other people until it's like they know it's their last partner All right, okay, what you guys got to do. I think it's important

I think it's important to explore and you know like I said a lot of couples is getting to the sexual right and they never do this work So this is for all of you Okay, this last one comes to us from Shan, who's 29 in Florida. Hi, Dr. Emily. I just want to start off by saying that I love your show. You've really helped me get out of my head when I'm intimate with my husband, and you also recommended an amazing product, the womanizer, which allows me to have multiple orgasms. Here's my problem. My husband recently had a vasectomy reversal, and we're trying to have a baby. I'm having the hardest time staying in the moment with him because all I can think about

is if I'm going to get pregnant. I even get frustrated when he's only focusing on giving me orgasms because I want him to hurry up and come inside of me so I can get pregnant. This is literally ruining my enjoyment and having sex with him which I normally love to do. I just worry so much that the reversal may not work and it's taking all my attention and not allowing me to be present. Please help me figure out how I can get back to enjoying being intimate in my partner

and not focus so much on just the pregnancy. Thanks. Okay. Thank you for your question, Shan. And I want you to know that this is a really common question we get asked. And a lot of women struggle with this because I get it. You know, you have a short window every month where you want to get pregnant, where it can work, and you're very focused on that.

But the problem is when we're in our head during sex, it's really hard to be in our body, and it's really hard to have the kind of sex that we wanna have, the connected sex. The sex that actually feels good, the sex that's going to actually funny enough with more you at tend to relax and the more you can say more connect to them,

you might even be more likely to get pregnant. So first, I want to make sure that you have your husband go to the doctor and check his sperm levels to see if the vasectomy, if the reversal came with any complications. So then you can kind of just let that go. On the days, here's what I would also say. If you are just focusing on the days you're ovulating, that's the other problem. If you're like, well, I just want to focus on these three days, I would really try the best, I would really try to work with your husband on a plan for your sex life, like not just make it about the upcoming about those days, but

think about things that you and your partner can do that can turn each other on. I think that this would be a fun time for you guys to like, do our yes, no, maybe less, which is on our site. We have a site that a lot of couples love taking this quiz. It's like, it's really simple to do. And it has things on there like, do we want to try bondage, dirty talk, role play, toys, spanking. I mean, it kind of lists things that you might never have thought of. And if you guys kind of are on the same page, maybe there's some yeses.

Maybe there's some maybe is maybe there's things that you both have been wanting to try. And the more, listen, we get bored in our sex life. This happens to, I would say pretty much every relationship if you don't put in the work to figure out what turns you both on. So what I would say, this is such a great time for you guys to really think about, well, what are we into? Maybe you do a sexual bucket list or you try to write down three things a month that you've been wanting to try.

We have so many great resources on our site. I know you've been wanting to try. We have so many great resources on our site. I know you've been listening to this show. So if you guys, like, let's say you decide that Saturday night, you guys are going to do some sensation play, for example. What you could do is you could get a blindfold. We have beginner bondage kit on the site, or you could just use a neck tie laying around the house and use that as a blindfold. But when you guys know that you're looking forward to something, that becomes the main

event. So you're like, you can start forward to something, that becomes the main event. So you're like, you can start texting each other, texting dirty, talking dirty, building it up towards the event. Because then when it comes, it's like an activity that you're both involved in. I think so many times we just think, oh, God, we just got to have sex and whether we're trying to get pregnant or not. But when you make it more of an event, more of an activity, how can we expand our love making to be something that we're both involved in?

It's kind of like you guys both signed up for a class or looking forward to a vacation. I promise you that your sex life can have that same kind of thrill and excitement if you both put the effort in. And I think involving your husband in this, so you both can kind of look forward to it and try new things will make it so much easier for you to stay focused in the moment.

And in fact, people who are more interested in doing things like dirty talk or role playing or domination submission, they've shown that those people actually are more connected and more intimate and more in the moment because you guys are sharing an experience, not just like he's pounding away and you're lying and thinking if you're going to get pregnant. Because that is not fun for anybody. So I would recommend sprinkling in some of these things along the way to make it hot. Now, I'm also gonna give you my best advice

for staying in the moment during sex. And that is focusing on your senses. Now, this is really a mindfulness tool, which, you know, mindfulness is a huge buzz word right now, you know, with meditation and yoga and all those things, but it really helps in the bedroom. Because listen, when we're in our head during sex, think of it this way, all the blood is rushing to your head.

It's rushing away from your genitals. So the more that you can focus on being present and not in your head, tripping on whatever you're worried about, the more likely you're gonna have better, more satisfying, more connected sex. So think of it this way, your sense is right? We've got five of them. So if you focus on it, I'm gonna light this candle,

and this candle, I'm gonna smell the vanilla candle. That's what I'm gonna smell. I'm gonna listen to, maybe you're playing your favorite sexy playlist, so you're hearing the music, or maybe you're just listening to your breath. What are you touching? Well, you're feeling your hands on your partner's body. You don't think of, what are my hands feeling right now?

What am I smelling? What am I tasting? Maybe it's your partner's lips, or it's your vanilla lip balm. I'm always tasting that vanilla lip balm We got you have these sex with Emily kiss kits and I'm like obsessed with this lip balm Here's what happens. I do this when I'm driving in the car So I'm stressed out. I'm having a day and all of a sudden I'm like your mind's tripping and all of a sudden I go, okay my hands are on the steering wheel. I'm listening to the radio. I'm tasting my cinnamon gum I'm feeling my my my butt on the chair of my car.

And the second you do that, it's almost like magic. I realize that I planted, I'm grounded in the moment, I'm driving my car, and there is nothing else that matters. And it's a reset. I don't go back to those same thoughts that were troubling me. I'm reset, I take a few deep breaths, and I get to refocus on what's happening in the moment.

My final thing here is breath. Breath is so important. It is such an anchor during sex, I'm reset, I take a few deep breaths, and I get to refocus on what's happening in the moment. My final thing here is breath. Breath is so important. It is such an anchor during sex, and sometimes when we're really worried and we're really stressed out, we forget to breathe. And the more we breathe deep, and you can even do this with your husband, you take really a few deep breaths together, even before you start having sex, it could be really grounding and it can really connect both of you in the moment.

And then finally, I'm gonna recommend Denise Weisner, just came out with a great book called Conceiving with Love. She was also a guest on the show and she's just got a lot of great ideas. I've given this book to a lot of my friends who are trying to get pregnant and I think you really appreciate all the things

that Denise has to offer. All right, thank you so much for your emails. Thank you to our guest Shannon Shores. Thank you Jamie for being awesome. And thank you so much for your emails. Thank you to our guest, Shannon Shores. Thank you, Jamie, for being awesome. And thank you all for being amazing listeners. I love when you approve the show, give us five stars wherever you're listening, when you share this with a friend, if your friends are,

you know, I'm sure there's something in here. You're like, my friend really needs to know this. Share with them. Thank you everyone for supporting the show. We're heading into our 15th year. Okay, thanks to my amazing team, Ken, Kristen, Michelle, Alisa, producer, Jamie, and Michael. Was it good for you?

Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com.