Sex With Emily - Sex Advice: Asking For a Friend

Episode Date: August 21, 2018

On today’s show, Emily is joined by producer Jamie to talk about different ways to expand your bedroom repertoire – from sex toys to positions to dating. They discuss ways to have sex without a penis, reasons why men say they’re still single, and why women are still hiding their sex toys. Plus, they give advice to someone actually asking for a friend on relationship problems, and how you can support a partner that just came out as bisexual. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Blue Chew, Apex, Hidden Truth Podcast, Magic Wand Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Evely on Today's show I'm joined by producer Jamie and more talking about ways to have sex without a penis because hey, it's not all about penetration. Reasons why men say they're still single, what advice to give a friend who constantly complains about their relationship and where to draw the line when dating people younger than you? All this and more, thanks for listening. You hear, you just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got to understand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common all the way? What do you mean like laundry? It's shrink?

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here. So, so, so, so. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything you between.

For more information, go to sexwithammy.com. Check out everything going on there. And Jamie is with me, producer Jamie. She knows all about the website. Because she's in charge. It is a fun time there. And you know, of course, we love answering your questions on the show. Emily loves answering questions on the show.

However, if you do have a question that needs some like, you're like, I really want to know like right now where my G-Spot is or really want to know how to navigate some prostate play, you can type it into our good old search bar and there will be blogs and podcasts with information for you. Right. That is a good shortcut to getting what you want. We are an instant gratification society right now, so that makes sense. Good Jamie, thank you. Also, you guys follow us on all social media at at-sexwith-emily, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram,

and also we are doing a very special survey this month. It's the alternative August survey. And we might keep it up for a little bit longer. Because okay, to admit it, we got up like a few days late. But the point is, we are loving your responses. We love getting your feedback because it's gonna help us understand you, the listener better, so we can create a show that is for you

and that helps you. Even more, we wanna know what you're into, you buy your sex life, we'll not share any of the information. You don't need to put in your name. Yeah. There isn't even a spot for you. No, we don't need one of your name.

We just want to know about you, how often you masturbate, what you're into. Exactly. And then we'll use it for science. For science. For own studies and our own science. So thank you guys for doing that. You can find it.

Where can they find it, James? It's at sexathemlee.com slash August or if they go to the website they can click on the alternative August survey banner. There you go. You can't miss that when you're on the website. Okay, so Jamie and I've got a talk full show here. We're gonna do some sex and news, answer emails. It's good time. Yeah, We always have a good time. We really do. Love our life. Okay, here we go.

About half of women admit it to hiding their sex toys from their partners. Yeah, I know. I was like, we must discuss state of emergency. So apparently there's still a lot of women who are embarrassed about their secret stash of accessories. New researchers found that over half of women still feel too ashamed to tell their partners that they use toys in private. So, this is the deal that this made me scream when I was reading it.

Oh my God, still, really, I forget that people still believe these things. They haven't listened to the sexual enemy show yet, apparently. First point is, the reason why women are not sharing the vibrators is too many women are suppressing their sexual desires. Over fear, they will no longer live up to the exceptions of being a nice girl. Like their partners are going to judge them and they won't be seen as a nice girl if they have a toy. Like that's that makes you somehow not a nice girl. Like in my mind, I feel like we've come so far that I happen to know from data and firsthand and all the amazing women I surround myself with

that your partners appreciate a woman who knows what she wants in bed and knows how to ask for it. Exactly. This whole like nice girl, Trump, like, oh, like, she has a vibrator, who want a bitch. Like, no, like, no, I don't, I feel like, oh, like, she has a vibrator. Oh, what a bitch. Like, no, like, no, I don't, I feel like, yes, there are people out there that do still believe in the negative stigma of women's masturbation

and vibrators, however, especially in the last, I wanna say like three years, well, since I've been working here, every person that I have even mentioned to, that I have, you know, a multitude of vibrators or that I masturbate, they're like really into it and I actually think it's really hot. Yeah, exactly.

Oh, the partners you were with, the partners of it. Exactly. Or people, people, like, you know, I talk about sex at the bar and stuff and people are actually fascinating, but they're like, oh, you know, I've been thinking about getting one.

It's like, if you're thinking about it, do it. You know, even those girls who were talking to recently, I was like, guess at the show, they were like, oh no, I can't, you know, I feel bad if I ask them or talk to them about sex, like he's gonna judge me or I'm not, you know, as good, but I'm telling you, I'm not a nice girl. Also, the other point in here that I was like,

oh my God, was that women are more likely to keep their solo activities secret because they don't wanna make their partners feel inadequate or threatened by the toy now That's been around since the beginning of time. Yes, so that your partner is gonna be like it looks too much like a penis You're spending too much time with your with the male partner or it's gonna replace you You know what I've said this so many times are like You're not gonna replace by a toy. Mm-hmm. You got to be like You probably did a lot more things wrong than ever. I'd like to hear from a guy who got replace by a toy. You gotta be like, you probably did a lot more things

wrong than ever got replaced. I'd like to hear from a guy who got replaced with a toy. No, seriously. You see me on me, feedbackgetsexandelmy.com. If you actually, I'd like to meet the person who got replaced by a toy, because I'm not sure that's ever happened. Seriously, and unless like, I mean,

they can't cuddle. You can't cuddle, you can't, I mean, you can't, okay. Well, Robo, you guys have saying that, you've been saying that forever, but how many people have a sex robot? Nobody yet. They're $10,000. Exactly.

If I have $10,000 just laying around, I'm not gonna buy a sex doll. I mean, if that's your prerogative, I'm not judging you. I'm just saying that if I had an extra 10 grand to splurge on something, like, I'm going on a trip. I'm not going to buy a toy. Right, it's, I get, I'm not going to buy a toy. Right. It's a, I get it.

You're not going to buy the, the, the sex robots. I'm not going to buy harmony. Sorry. Well, here's the other thing I want to say about, oh harmony, the sex doll. She's been getting around lately, not in that way, but maybe. She could also get around and see a lot of people, but she's been all over the news. Yeah, she really has. I believe that the only men who are actually really threatened still have actually not had

a good experience yet with the woman that they love and they trust their interrelationship with and they see like, oh my God, that toy gives her so much pleasure and I get to witness this and it's really hot and let's be honest, sometimes can make things a lot easier. You know that she's been ever pleasure. But I just, I feel like that it's men who like hear these things or oh no, no, they're not for me. And I understand that they're gonna make you an adequate. It's true.

You are there to give pleasure. Men love bringing pleasure to their partners. Whether the men are women, we all want to give pleasure to our partners. So to think that something's going to, you serve that or replace you, you're like, I understand that fear. Because they actually, it's for coming

from a loving place, also from a fearful place that you could be replaced. But I think that if God in this day and age, if you haven't tried it yet, and you're with someone who knows she's indoor toy, he's indoor toy, and they show you that, and you see it, you're gonna be like, yes, bring up more toys. Yeah, I don't think anyone just experience it

in a healthy way, actually, is still against it. Yeah, I agree with you. I definitely agree with you there. And I think that men that think that a toy, women using a toy, or anyone, maybe it's another woman that you're with, and she's like, no, like my fingers are magic, and my tongue is magic, which maybe it is. But I feel like it's usually a guy that's, you know, not down with the toys. My thing is, but if she's only using it for masturbation,

are you saying that her masturbation is also replacing you? Because what if she was just using her hands, it's literally the same thing. It's someone else bringing her pleasure. Because if you think about it, it's like men are masturbating without their partners there. All the time. And I know that some women do feel like,

hey, maybe that makes them feel inadequate, but most of the time, no, I don't think so. So, I think it's a deeper question there. And it's also about if your partner is willing to learn different techniques and things to do to give you that same amount of pleasure, or just, you know, like, incorporate, I think you're right when you said,

they haven't had a good experience incorporating it. It's what I think, yeah. Because I, yeah, because I, I've brought many partner over where they're like, no, no, no, that's weird. And then like, oh, yeah, can you bring a toy? You're bringing your toys. Like, they're into it because they see it's pleasurable for me. And for them, it's fun for the whole family.

Okay. So that's how we feel about that. And if you are curious, but how do I do it? How do I bring a toy into relationship? We talk about this a lot in the show. I'm sure for you. We do the good old search engine on our website. And if you are curious, but how do I do it? How do I bring a toy into a relationship? We talk about this a lot in the show. I'm sure for you today, the good old search engine on our website, I believe we even have some posts about the best way to bring up a toy.

It's like sex Google. It is like sex Google. We should have, Google. You don't even need a Google Friday thing now, because Google is a Google of everything. Remember, like, back in the day, there was like search engines for different things, but now you don't need that.

Remember ask cheves? Yes, I do. Yeah. Anyway, so but really you just want to do it like you just got to tell him hey I got this great toy. It'd be fun to use it together. Now I'm going to the answer and I asked him to Google it. Because I don't say you know what it is. I think so much about people listening like what if they're in their car and they want to know now.

I feel like I'm teasing them. Like I should actually tell them if they're wanting to know how to talk to their partner tonight about using Antoy. But I'm just going to leave it hanging there. Go to the website. Right? We've got it on site. We do.

I'm guessing. No, I mean, definitely. I feel like we've talked about it. Okay, so let's move on to the next news story here. It is kind of funny. It is kind of funny. Well, wait, see, now this sounds like we're some kind of like, no, okay, and our guest here is something. We sound very anti-piness right now if I read this

story, like we are anti-disclamer. I live for the penis. I wish there was one here right now. Just for fun. Seriously. Yeah, we do. We love penis, but on the flip side. You put these in order, James. Do you not like, do you, would you like to talk about the penis? What is it done for you lately? No, we're having I mean this morning. No shade great morning sex She's down. Okay. Is that cool? Yeah, that's a little more. Okay, so ways to have sex that penis because you don't really need one before you get upset We're not saying penises are obsolete It's gonna be my favorite show. She's in trouble. She's in trouble. Okay.

Here's the point. You know Jamie, you guys. Okay, well most people think about sex. Their minds let's reach up to P. So penis and vagina. This is what sex educator, when I was studying sex, they were like PV sex. That's what we call it PV sex. That's what we think about it. We're like, we think that it's only about penetration, okay?

So make sense, our sex ed didn't tell us much differently if you had any sex ed at all. So the thing is that men have, a lot of men have this picture in their brains that involves a penis and a vagina. But I'm gonna tell you this, taking a night off from just having PB sex, couldn't inspire creativity in straight couples sex lives. And that helps to stave off boredom in the bedroom. Or draw about that, because if you haven't heard newsflash,

it's gonna happen in your relationship. Every single relationship will happen moment when there's boredom. You get bored sitting home in the couch, you get bored at parties and you leave, you get bored, you get bored at party, you can leave, relationship, you can't just leave. So listen, I mean, you can, if it's awful,

but the point is don't fight the boredom, it's okay. It's actually telling you great, you know what? Now's the time when we spice it up. Maybe we don't have PV sex tonight. Maybe we do something interesting. So something different. So we're gonna give you some tips to how to have sex that's not just your straight

ol' PV sex. And I like these tips because it has to do with oral sex. Put your tongue to work. The orgasm gap you guys is real and there's also an oral sex gap which is even real or close to my heart. No, I'm having a lot of oral sex now but I want everybody able to have a lot of oral sex especially because there was a definitive study that came out. I think it was last year.

I love studies that prove everything that we always talk about, and that is that the, you know how women more likely to orgasm like the majority of women, they all, like, oral is through oral sex. Yeah. Yeah. And then tongues and fingers and then it wasn't through penis. It wasn't. Now they don't, and they can't, but there's a shortage of oral sex going around.

So. Oral sex shortage. Oral sex shortage. Or more than twice is lucky to go down and sexual partner, oh, here's the other thing. Well, this is a good sound. I shouldn't read this part. No, but it is true.

Women are givers, in many cases, where more than twice is lucky to go down on a sexual partner than men. So I'm just saying, give, you got to give, what you want to get. So there's 8,000 nerve endings in the clitoris as we know a little bit of oral is great I really it's let's talk about it. So yeah, use your tongues. Just remember to use your tongue you guys You don't need penetration for that and the more tongue you give

Give more love give more to also if you can't find your partner's clip which It's a thing sometimes it's it's hiding. Ask. Just be like, hey, can you point it out? Right. I want to make sure I'm in the right spot. I want to make sure I really want to please you. I don't think there's ever will be a woman that enjoys oral sex who's like, no, you need to find it on your own. She'll be like, hell yeah. Everyone's hanging out with a good girl in her closet with her vibrator who's not showing anyone. She's also the woman that won't show you her clenaris. Exactly. She's afraid of her huddling with her vibrator. So, and if you're a woman, and I'm telling you, I've said this before, I was that girl who guys were like,

if I was having sex, somebody's like, does that feel good? I'd be like, uh-huh. Yeah. Because I didn't know, I knew if I said no, or I'm not, not that it was horrible, but I knew I didn't know how to tell them what I did want. I just knew that it was, I would just say yes. I was like, yeah, you were definitely never to that. No, I did that one. I didn't do that. No, I did that. You came out of the womb as an adult.

No, I did that in high school. Yeah, but we just go, oh yeah, because we have been our pleasers and I didn't know, but now I know. And so, yeah, ask them. Yeah, it's like the willingness to sacrifice our pleasure to make things not awkward is ridiculous. I think that women do that a lot. I mean, with other things. With everything.

Everything. I'm a culprit of it. Yeah, exactly. We're pleased. So anyway, ask them what they like, mutual masturbation is a great way to find the clip together. Okay, so also get your fingers in there. Don't forget about your fingers, fingering just isn't for foreplay, when done properly, plenty of lubrication, make sure things are warmed up,

it can be just as satisfying as other forms of penetration. So you can blend the orgasms, they're amazing. Ooh, this is interesting too. It says, if you're, you can also finger your partner if they have a penis, it's called muffin. I know. I've never heard of this, but I think that this is great. Two spots tucked behind the scrotum and testicles called inguinal canals about the diameter. It's inguness. It's my new favorite term. I'm going to put it on a t-shirt.

So I'm going to do this. I'm going to find, I'm going to do this to my dude. I'm going to figure his scrotum. See if it goes good. Yeah, do it. It's your homework assignment. Yeah, so I think that's, you guys, I'm just reminding you of things here.

You already have these with you, too. You have to go on by anything. You've got to tell me you got fingers. Exactly. Cake at old school. You guys, I'm just reminding you of things here. You already have these with you too. You have to go and buy anything. You got to tell me you got fingers. Exactly. Cake it all at school. So back to, okay, dry-humping, dry-humping is real. The reason why I all like dry-humping is because, yes,

there was build-up, there was the unknown. You had sex with anyone yet. And we're talking about being fully clothed and rubbing it against your partner. Did you do that in high school? Dry-humping, was that your thing? I think I saw that. I thought that, you don't, I don't think you call it dry hump, but you know what's the term

that I hated the most? Heavy-pedding. Oh, my mom would say that. I hated that term so much. Yeah. Like, what is that? It just sounds like I'm like, we heavy-pedding in the car.

It sounds like I'm like petting a dog, but just doing it really too rough. Inattropally, right. I don't like heavy. Did your mom say heavy-pedding? Dude, it's bad. I know. It's the friction that you're getting.

You're getting the friction. No, it does feel good. It does feel really good. It feels good. Yeah, and I think it rubs against clothes. The clip. The reason why is, because yeah, and also it's the buildup thing that that was also exciting

about it again, it was that buildup, the newness of a relationship, but bring that stuff back. And it helps to slow down, even if you are gonna have regular P and V sex after, it's like that buildup, you get really aroused. Like I still like doing it. are gonna have regular P and V sex after. It's like that build up, you get really aroused. I still like doing it.

Me too. I've loved the build up. Bring back the build up. Share your fantasies. You guys, you know I'm a huge fan of sharing fantasies. And if you're just saying, what's your fantasy? I have this fantasy. These are actually the fantasies that you typically

want to share that you might want to try it some time, would be great to share, because you can actually make those fantasies happen. And if you're not clear in your fantasies, or your partners are not clear, I'm a huge fan of reading a rottica, watching porn that you both find pleasurable, and getting some incentive. You can even just watch it, you don't have to watch, if you're not into watching porn to like masturb rate, you just want some ideas. Oh yeah, no, definitely. You can just kind of browse your porn collection. No, it's a collection anymore, but you know.

You'll be more than you like. Yeah, I actually with my ex, I used to, when I wasn't really feeling in the mood for actually having sex, like I would read Arotica to him while he masturbated. Oh, I'm like a sexy voice and you really enjoyed that. So I think that's a great thing to do. I used to have a boyfriend that did that reminded me

in his bathtub we would read Arotica. Yeah, we'd like at night and then I would get her down my two. I love reading, when someone reads to me, that's sexy. Okay, also you can experiment with texture and touch. I love this, I love using things around the house with different textures like a wooden spoon, like a pearl necklace, like a real pearl necklace, not like the, not like the Mardi Gras beads. No, no, it could be, no, I meant not the pearl necklace ejaculation, I mean, chest, of course. But then I meant,

it actually could be Mardi Gras beads and don't use the pearl necklace because that's nice. I meant, so confusing. Yes, the martygar beads. I met those weird martygar beads because you thought it was gonna remind you martygar but now they're sitting on collecting dust. Those you could actually use. So different textures, velvet,

you know, material you've laying around the sluk shirt. Yeah, no, that's not what I was like, I just became like 12 years old for a second and it's like a pearl necklace. Wait, that's what I know, but it's true. But I met, I actually thought that too, not that kind of pearl necklace, but it is like, okay, you guys understand what we're saying?

You something, take a comb and rub it against their back or piece of cloth between the cleavage area. You guys don't understand, we have so many goddamn nerve endings all over our body that feel so good to be touched, that we really don't appreciate them, or touch them. We focus on the genitalia, mostly. Yeah, things are on your home.

Make those, use those on the body too. It feels good. These are all things you can do tonight instead of PB sex. Yeah, and you don't have to spend money. It would actually be fun. Do you with scavenger hunt with your partner and be like, what do you think would feel good? Yeah, make sure. Don't, however, do not insert these items.

No, make sure they're clean. Clean them and, yeah, don't. Don't do what you call these items that you leave or that you can use around the house for sex. Pervertible? Pervertibles. That's another one I think it worked to. You taught me that.

I did. I just like to do it pervertible. OK, and finally, we've got the reasons why men said they are still single according to a Reddit thread. So this was a whole thing. This was like a huge news story because it was a huge news story. It shouldn't have been a huge news story. Apparently, this guy in Greece in Cyprus, he's a professor.

He did a Reddit thread and said, why are you still single? Essentially. He says guys and he said, why are you single? What's the deal? And he got thousands of answers, right? And then he did a post after that and said, the top 43 reasons why men remain single. So anyway, there's controversy like, was a sky legit

that he posted all these things and they shouldn't use it for science. But here's my point. The top things that he came up with, I actually think in my own, I'm like a sexual anthropologist if you will, I've been doing this for a while and I hear everyone's stories and we hear from men every single day. And I thought I was interested in thinking about why men think they're still single and then we could discuss it here.

He came up with categories and I want to see what you guys think and I feel like this encapsulates a lot of the reasons why men are single. I think it would say women would be similar in this situation. I think so too, that was the other thing. So the number one thing, the most category, these are the popular categories. There's a lot that goes underneath them, is poor looks.

So guys think I'm not attractive. I'm too short. I'm not strong enough. I'm too strong. Who knows what guys think? Yeah, I mean, and I get that. I'm too strong. Who knows what guys think? Yeah, I mean and I get that I get that too But it's all I think that again these are all things that are in our head. I think that there's many I think one in the next category, which is low self-esteem and confidence goes along with the first one

Poor looks because if you have a lot of self esteem and a lot of confidence, it doesn't, it really doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. No. For women, it's different. I think that for women, I can see that it's hard. It might be more challenging,

but I think that we all need the confidence to get out there. In a sense of, I feel like the world is a little more lenient of men who might not be traditionally good looking but have a lot of experience. That's what I'm saying. But these are actually all of them have to do with confidence. So at the end of the day, the most important work you can do is cultivate yourself confidence. And that is a, not only is that a full-time job, that is a lifelong job.

Well, because if you're walking around feeling low about yourself that you're not, you're like, oh, why would anyone want to date me? I don't think I look good. I don't have anything to offer. If you feel that about yourself, why would someone else just be like, I'll feel like you do have something to offer. Like you need to put yourself out there.

Like, no, I am confident. So people would be like, hey, that guy, he really looks like he loves his life and he's really awesome. So I'm gonna talk to him, you know what I mean? Right, no one's gonna, like the truth is, like you can't expect, yeah, it's really, you can't expect it. I'm going to talk to him. You know what I mean? Right. No one's going to get the truth is like you can't expect. Yeah. It's really you can't expect it. I'm also love you. Unless you love yourself, they're probably when they might. But even people loving you and

pouring all this love in you telling you're awesome, that doesn't even do it. So you could look at the people that look like they're the most revered in the world. And if they if they don't love themselves, doesn't matter how you will tell them that. So it is a inside job meaning you have to clear up the blocks and things that hold you back. And I'm, go to therapy, go to therapy, stop drinking if you're numbing yourself.

Like, something out of people that make you feel worse. Like work on yourself with your skills. And this is, again, a lifelong thing. Because the other thing on this list is poor luck sets confidence. You believe you have poor luck. The second one is, you got low self-esteem and confidence. Number three, low effort.

They're just not making effort. They don't feel like they're lazy, they don't want to. They're just like, I don't know how, approach, confidence. Yeah. And the other one was not interested in relationships. They're just not interested. And I think that's legit. The professor here was like, oh no, I don't think that's real.

I think that men, everyone really wants a relationship. But I fully believe that there are people who just, they're still single because they're just not interested in a relationship right now. And I think you guys, everyone really wants a relationship. But I fully believe that there are people who just, they're still single, because they're just not interested in a relationship right now. And I think you guys, that's okay too. There is a way that our society is set up that like we should always be in this perpetual lookout

for a relationship and therefore you're not complete until you're not. And I'm here to tell you that that is just bullshit. I feel like if you truly are like, because it's hard to do everything, it's hard to be like 100% if you're like going to school or working really hard, you're working in your dreams and who knows,

your health and you got a lot going on, it's okay to not be like, I need a relationship to complete me. I mean, I usually prefer being single as like the first time I've been in a relationship-esque situation in a while. And you like it. I like it. I used to say, that's a thing. It's like, if you like yourself, you'll like yourself single and in a while. And you like it.

I like it. I use it. That's a thing. It's like you got to like, if you like yourself, you'll like yourself single and in a relationship. Right. Exactly. Wherever you go, there you are. And yeah, so those are the things and my thing is, why do you think you're still single? I just had this might inspire people to think about it.

And a lot of times, we're still single because it's our own selves. So maybe holding ourselves back. Because I believe that when you're in a good place, you're feeling better about yourself. And then candy guys, when I say you're feeling good, there's this notion that we all walk around super happy all the time. And you can feel great about yourself

when you get up in your breakfast in the morning and then the way the work's going bad happens and you get to work and it doesn't have to ruin your day as a point. No one's day is 100% perfect and happy all day long. It's like you're more happy than not. The end of the day, things were great. They weren't. So, happiness can be this elusive. Like, we all talk about happiness, but I don't think it's like a 100% thing, but do you want to work

on getting those numbers up? So your days are more happy than not. I agree. All right. Should we give a shout out to our sponsors that we love? We've got a lot of cool news sponsors this month. We make this so happy. I know, because I just like trying out new things and seeing what people are creating, all in the name of pleasure. Exactly. Okay, so thank you for supporting our sponsors and we're going to answer your emails when we're right back. We are back and we are going to answer your questions.

We love doing that. We love getting all your emails. We love answering them on the show. You can text Ask Emily all one word to 7979. 7979 felt the short form. Put a yes if you'd like to be called for the color shows. I'm doing a lot more color shows these days. I love doing them.

I love talking to you. Put that. Yes, you can change your name. It's cool. You can go to our website, sexfamily.com, click Ask Emily, include your name, your age, where you live and how you listen to the show. Okay, Jamie, you want to read the first one? Sure.

So this is from Charlotte, 22 in London, dear Emily and Jamie. I was going to be here. She did not. I should. I should. I should. I've been listening to your podcast for a few months now and I love all your tips and advice. I've been dating my boyfriend for about six months, he's 24, and our relationship is amazing. Our sex life is great and we're experimenting with different positions, toys and roleplay, and we speak openly about our fantasies and insecurities.

I have experienced so many amazing orgasms with this guy and I'm so so happy. Shout out to you and your guy, that's amazing. However, my specific question is about being on top while stimulated orally. My boyfriend finds it very sexy when I sit on his face or when I'm on top in 69. I find the idea of this hot as well and the experience of I've had with it are enjoyable enough, but I can't seem to orgasm in this position. Maybe it has something to do with me having to engage my core or thigh muscles or something else completely. I don't know. All advice on ways to change this up would

be amazing. Thank you so much. Okay. Charlotte, thank you for your question. Okay. This is, I like this is very specific, very detailed. So here's a thing about face sitting. Why face sitting sounds so aggressive, doesn't it? But it actually is a great position. It is. Because you can control the depth, the motion, the speed, what you want.

It's being called cleaning now. I like that better. So here's the thing, you might not be able to organize it when you, yet, you could try sitting, still sitting on this face, but near a wall, so you can lean back against it or hold yourself up with your hands. You could put pillows underneath your knees too

and lift yourself up more. It is a vision that you got to get comfortable and I think that since it already can be an awkward or a new-ish position to someone, they're like, I'm here, is it right? But you might have to move around and play with it and find a good position, but if that doesn't work, also have them help you can hold you up,

so you're not putting too much strain on yourself. Like just because you're sitting, it doesn't mean that you can't like bolster you up. And what else, Jane, you could um, I think, you know, if you, like it's similar to face sitting, but it's not the same thing as if you're actually standing up and he's kind of kneeling below him. Yes.

Because it's, it's, it it's gonna be the same angle for him as if you were sitting on a space, but then you're standing, so you don't have to have that strain. And then it's also just like this really empowering thing. You know? It is empowering to be standing. Yeah.

Standing and just having your dude like just kneeling, anything. And also sitting on the edge of bed. Like I feel like you can't complain about their neck. Like if you're sitting on the edge of bed, like he could pull up a stool, like he could pull up a chair even. You know what I mean?

Like people are gonna get creative with this. Like it's not like there's one way to sit or have a world sex performance. And you like there's the couch, like if you have a rug out, you know, like make it comfortable for everybody. My best advice for anyone who's about to perform all sex at a woman is lay back, enjoy yourself. I'm not going anywhere. We've got all night. So make yourself comfortable, settle in, find a good position. So you got this Charlotte. Okay.

This from Kevin 31 in New York, Hey, Emily, while having intercourse, my girlfriend will play with her clip to come. If she comes before me, she's completely done, pushes me off. When I ask her about it, she says, I'm just done. I don't want you and me. If I come too fast, she'll stop playing with herself. I'm in a timing game. I've never had a partner like this.

Is this normal and how can I get around it? Kevin 31. Okay, Kevin. Now normally we always say she comes first. I think it's great advice to say, hey, let her come first because typically for women takes a little bit longer. And the good news is once a woman's warmed up, she can get a multiples. And she just might also be really sensitive after she orgasms, which is also, you know,

it's common. There's actually women who are super sensitive, who actually it's hard for them to even receive oral for those women, typically they're multi orgasmic. So it is common that some women are more sensitive. Yes. She says here that if he comes too fast, she just stops playing with herself. But like, does that mean so what if you just kept trying

to stimulate her, like even though you finish, you can use your mouth, you can use your hands. Exactly. Like if she stops, that doesn't mean that like, you have to stop. Like it really shouldn't be this timing thing. Right. And then maybe like she can,

you guys can both figure out ways that she can try to orgasm maybe internally. Yeah. Because if she hasn't done that yet, I think yeah, exactly. Women started to stop themselves, but she might be able to have a G's butt orgasm maybe internally? Yeah. Because if she hasn't done that yet, I think, yeah, exactly. Women start to those top themselves, but she might be able to have a G-spot orgasm and keep going. And that could be fun for you guys to try and have that happen.

Right, right, exactly. And then mutual masturbation is awesome. I love it because then you guys can both finish at your own pace. So I want to say here that she probably just might not have a lot of experience. And I think we often just get stuck in our sexual ways. Like the first time we orgasm is how we always orgasm are the same oral sex position. I'm saying they got a little dance here and they got to just figure out the best way to make sure that they both finish. And I'm communicated about how you really want to pleasure and you want to have pleasure and what can you guys do?

Yeah, make it fun. Make it fun. You guys text us fun, remember that. Okay, Jamie, you want to read the next one? Yes, this is from Antoinette. I love that name, by the way. Yeah, was that even real? Yeah, I wanted it.

Okay, yeah. Antoinette 28 in California. Hi, Emily, I've only been listening to this show for a couple months now, but I'm absolutely in love. Great work. My question is actually regarding my best friend. Luckily, I'm in the healthiest relationship I've ever been in, and we're getting married in August.

Kudos to you. Her and her boyfriend have been together around six years, and she's constantly complaining about it. She's uptight and a perfectionist while he is very laid back and go with the flow, and she's constantly saying that he's not doing enough in the relationship and she just needs more. She's also complaining that their sex life is not existent, they have sex maybe once every six months, and she's never had satisfying sex with any partner, even with him. At this point, I've tried to give her as much advice as I can since I've been in similar situations with past significant others.

What else can I do? I've thought about talking with her boyfriend since I'm close friends with him also to get his take. But at this point, do I just stop giving advice or do I continue to try and help her anyway? I can, thank you so much. Okay, Antoinette, we enjoyed this question. Although I think you're a really good friend for emailing about a friend.

Like really asking for friends. She really asks for a friend, but this is came to a, well, we were reading this. I used to be a friend who is very interested always in her friend's relationships and kind of obsessed, but her relationship needed work as well. So I'm just wondering, I'm just checking. I know you're in a great relationship. I'm just wanting to maybe look, take another look. There might be something going on.

That's my hit. But internet, I'm going gonna help you here. So don't talk to the boyfriend No, you never want to do not talk to the boyfriend because your friend is confiding in you You just know don't do that that will never go well and the thing that's like our free to though is that She's never had satisfying sex ever and never orgasmed her life with him or any previous partner No wonder she's not into the sex. No wonder why they're not having sex. And I would have to say that if she is very of tight and a perfectionist in every area of her life, I'm certain that she's probably got some blocks on her body.

And I think also the reason a lot of us do not have orgasm especially women, if we come from a place that we grew up in a stressful environment, we have anxiety. Our first thing that goes, we'll shut down our bodies. And so she might not know how to breathe properly. She might have anxiety and she sounds like she's got to release a lot of things to figure out how to get there to orgasm and how to make time to masturbate. So that's really, I think that's a problem with their sexual relationship. And you got to accept it. She's in this relationship.

You could also tell her that you, you know, you lover, but it's really hard if she's not doing anything to change it. That you really support her and you lover, but it's hard to hear your friend continue to talk about the thing without any progress. And I have friends. These are not my best friends. Because my best friends, I would say that I'm Liz and Bay. You go, you got to fix this now. Like, what is the plan? But I've also had friends who I see every once in a while or a month and every time I see them, they're compliant one recently. A woman that I'm very fond of. And I've also had friends who I see every once in a while or a month and every time I see them they're complained one recently Woman I'm very fond of and I probably have seen her three times in the last three months and I'm like how's it going?

What the guy she's like? Not same exact thing she said three months ago, and I was like, okay, listen Just so you know here's feedback you've been saying the same thing for three months and there's been no progress in this and And finally said there aren't changes like I don't even think it's worth talking it because clearly you don't want to change it. I said something like that. Like there's nothing else to say about this. Now I'm getting frustrated. So I think it's okay to reflect back to her that there hasn't been a lot of change, but then that you can't keep hearing it if it's really not going to change. No, I mean, I completely agree. Because I do have actually close friends that are in a situation

right now. And one thing that you do have to realize is, yes, she, maybe she just wants to vent and she may not necessarily be looking for an answer. So if that's the case, you can just tell her, be like, hey, look, like exactly that. Emily said, I love you, but this is kind of killing me to hear you talk like this. So if you aren't going to make any changes,

please do not share. If that's you, you just have to tell her, be like, look, like you've been telling me the same things now over the course of the last couple years. And I'm sure you've told her this, but she just need to tell you, like you need to talk to your boyfriend in a very, you know, talk to him in a nod, judge mental way, don't because it seems like your friend and I don't want to make assumptions here, but it does seem like your friend if she does talk to her boyfriend, it's not in a healthy way.

It doesn't, if she's really a tie-in, he's got the flange, she doesn't do, and it can't be in like a... That's a cycle. Yeah, you know what I mean? So, because it's not gonna magically get better on its own, but also just, you know, just say, because it's hard for people to break these cycles.

It's been six years. And I, like I said, I have a friend in a very, very, very similar situation. And I've gotten to a point where I was like, look, this is what I'm going to tell you. This is what I would do. I'm going to support you either way. I'm just letting you know this sounds very unhealthy and I would break up. The best thing I think that you can do maybe too if you feel like you keep giving her advice and she's not taking it, start sharing really awesome, positive stories from your relationship

past and present. So maybe she'll eventually be like, that's how I want to be treated or that's the kind of relationship that I want to have. Because then it'll start to click maybe. That's exactly it. We learn from other people's stories often. So I think that just telling her, so when I want her orgasming,

I'm telling you this, Antoinette. And first of all, congratulations on your marriage, and your engagement. So you probably are in a really healthy good place right now. I didn't mean to. I was like, is she really an Antoinette? But congratulations on that. And I think it's great to be a mere to friends.

Not bragging, like we're getting married and damn people, she might not be able to play, to hear that. But to share stories, rather than like, you know, you're really need to orgasm, it's not healthy, you're probably shut down, but tell her like after you masturbate, how good you feel, or after you sex, and you have an orgasm, what a release it is.

Because I think we often, we need an incentive. Like if someone's like, I just took the bed, like it let's say I don't work out, my friend keeps talking about her spin class and show how hard it was and she worked out and it feels so good. I have no relation to that. But if she's like, oh, I go there and then I feel like

I sleep well and I eat less. I crave healthier foods and now I feel like so much more confident, like we want to relate to the benefits. So maybe she needs to know the benefits of having out these sex life, like actually hear it from you who's in a really good place. Exactly. Hopefully you can help out your friend. Yeah, I think you can. And you seem like a really good place. Exactly. Hopefully you can help out your friend.

Yeah, I think you can. And you seem like a really good friend. And orgasms for all, you all need it. But I get when I had never, it was work. When you have never had it, you've got to take a time, you've got to master rate, but it's important. And two, it just seems like she's got so much resentment towards her boyfriend that it's like,

that's another blocker on top of that. Well, resentment, when you guys are resentful, that is one of the signs of a negative or really unhealthy relationship when there's contempt and resentment. When you're like, my partner never does this and I can't believe it really. Now you take out the trash or whatever it is.

And you resent them, like working late again, those kind of language you use that's super negative and feels toxic and heavy, it's probably because it is, like, and you resent them, like you work and lay it again, like those kind of language you use that's super negative and feels toxic and heavy, it's probably because it is. And that stuff is really hard to clear out on your own. It's like, if you really want to, even if you're in a relationship that seems like, well, we're not getting married, it's only been a year, like every relationship can benefit from therapy. And this is the thing I might not have said that for many people, if you're working through trauma, or you're in a marriage, it could, you might need to step up and be therapy for six months to a year.

But if you're in a relationship, they're like, we just got to get through this rough patch. It's okay to go a few times. Therapists can give you tools that you then can take and practice at home. It's just this little communication hacks that could have helped you break through. And that's what I want for everybody.

Okay, the next one is from Andy 42 in Texas. Hey Emily, I'm dating a woman who's come out to me as by how can I be a bit more supportive boyfriend? Thanks. I love this question from a wanting to be a supportive boyfriend. I think let her know that you want a supporter and glad she was able to come out to you and let her know what she needs from you. So I think oftentimes we jump and we're like, oh my god, I want to be supportive and I want to be there. But we just, the most simple question is how can I best support you right now? What do you need from you right now? But the other thing is, how do you view your relationship commitment?

Why is like, are you okay if she's with other women? Like, how are you? Right? Like, how do you feel about it, Andy? So, will it be three sums? Are you going to watch? do you feel about it Andy? So will it be three sums and you're gonna watch or you guys gonna swing, you know, I think that you have to come up with rules whether or not you want to emboundaries to see what kind of relationship, you know, you'd become from moving into and I might feel a little trial and error too. Yeah, because I mean, you can definitely support her with them at the same time, even if she, if you, if you want her to explore her feelings for other women,

that's great. And that's awesome. But also, like if you, you're like, I'm glad that you came out to me and that I see that, but like I still would feel like you hugging up with a woman is cheating. Because that's, that's why that's like an interesting line there. Because it's like, well, because then too, it's like, okay, well, I'm a heterosexual, but then what if I wanted to hook up with another woman because you're doing it? And not like to be spiteful, but just kind of like, well, it's a new person,

it's a new thing. So it's great that you want to be supportive of her, and it's just going to be a conversation between the two of you about what you want to do about it. Good old fashioned communication. It works every time. Yeah, and I love that he's like, they're in their 40s, and I love that. I just had to. What you love people in their 40s, and I love that. I just like, what do you love? People in their 40s and have your relationships? Yeah, I mean, I'm sorry. I just, I know that there are people.

Obviously, there's plenty of people out there in happy, healthy relationships that are older. I just feel like there's so many people that still kind of like, oh, like, people that have been married forever, like, the spark is gone, but it's like, no, you can keep it there. Oh, there it is.

It does not have to be gone. It doesn't. I'm telling you, like I said earlier in the show, like it constantly, like it's gonna get boring, it's gonna get challenging, just like everything else in your life. Mm-hmm. Okay, and it's totally healthy.

That's why we do the show. Okay, last one. Last one, okay. Yeah, last one, this one. Okay, Jenny. Okay. 39 and Louisiana. Okay, you wanna read this?

Sure. Hi, Emily. to read this? Sure. Hi, Emily. I love listening to your show on long road trips and makes the time fly. I've been thinking about what question to ask and it's hard to verbalize. It's more of a concern than a question. I'm 39, never married, no kids. I've had a few long relationships for most. I've been a very short term for about eight years now.

I've dated younger men. I didn't set out to do this, but it keeps happening. I don't personally have a problem with it, and I know that if I took someone younger home for the holidays that my family wouldn't have a problem with it either, but I worry about HIS family. Would he ever be comfortable taking me home? I'm not sure if I can get past anxiety over what his parents would think that he's wasting his time, and then I'm taking away all the things he could have in live relationship marriage kids with someone closer to his age. My other concern is, where should I draw the line? I'm taking away all the things he could have in live relationship marriage kids was someone closer to his age.

My other concern is where should I draw the line? I'm 39 and not getting any younger, but they seem to be staying the same age. By the way, I have nothing against dating men closer to my age. It just never seems to happen. Maybe all the 39-year-old men are also dating young 20s. Thanks for taking the time to listen. Okay. So Jenny, I think I love this that you're future tripping, as we call it, into this

mythical relationship that you're with the guy and what happened to this. If you go some to see his parents and the parents, so on, to meet you and all this stuff. And I just think that there's really nothing to worry about because you're not even, this isn't even your situation that you're in right now. So I feel like there's a lot of worry in your head around someone you're dating and what's going to happen, right? Because she's not. Yeah, I would say, I mean, if he's worried about it, he's worried, but it's not really your concern. Exactly. So yeah, you cross that bridge when you come to it. And I have to say that, okay, so you're... I want to know if I read this this to is what do you want? Because I got this sense that there's this concern

that it's like, you know, if you're just looking to have sex, right, I'm not going to tell you a draw line, like I have sex with anyone over the age of 21, like you can do that forever, right? There'll always be guys who are 21 and they're 20s. But if you're actually looking for a relationship with somebody that's, you know, pretty like that you can have conversations with a share life with, it's up. I think that probably a little better to go like early 30s, like 20s. I take 10 years, I was a study that came out that said the gap, like the most healthy gap was 10, I think is that 10 years and younger, 11 years and younger.

It was like a scientific study that showed anything over that. Like the most healthy gap was 10, I think is that 10 years and younger, 11 years and younger. It was like a scientific study that showed anything over that. And I believe it was maybe 12. I'm gonna say maybe it was between 10 and 12 years and younger is the healthy gap. Because over that, and I know that a million examples of relationships that are 20 or dozens that works. But I'd say too, like if you're looking for someone

that you want to, I don't know if you're looking at kids right now, or maybe you're not, but you gotta be thinking about those things, but if you really want a life where you just have a good partner, you guys can live together, travel together, work, and play, those are the kind of things you want to put out there. So just think about what you really want for yourself,

but not so much, I'm not at all concerned what they think about their families, even what your friends think. Because if you're committed to the kind of person that you want to be with, I have no concern with that. So they get to make their own decisions. If they're like, I wouldn't want to bring home to the family, you'll deal with that.

Yeah, and also I do want to make a comment here that I just love the fact she's like, I'm 39 and I'm not getting any younger, but they seem to be staying the same age. Because one, you know, you go girl, you do your thing. But two, it just brought me back to one of my favorite movies, Days to Confuse, when Matthew McConaughey was just like, these high school girls,

I keep getting older and they stay the same age. So true, just maybe you think about that. I'm exactly the first time I heard that yet. Except he's being a predator and you are not because you were dating people of consenting age. Exactly. Right. If you can say that.

And you're saying that, just reminds me of that. Never. And he was like a true celebrity crush. I had. I don't really have one who's your celebrity crush, but I forgot. I love Matthew McConey. Just so you know people. and if he's listening,

if he's listening, he's like, you're happy and sure, and we're like in Hawaii. And you're saying maybe about 39 or a matter of also dating your 20s, I'm not concerned with that either. Yeah, it doesn't matter what everyone else is doing. I want to know what truly feels good in your heart. Yeah, exactly. And it's like, if this lets them say say if a guy is bringing or any partner ever is bringing you home to meet the family He wants you to be there. He wants you there He wants you there exactly and just like if someone's having sex with you It's just another point of the leave it. They want to please you. They might be acting like it They might have been doing things that are weird

But pretty much the end of the day if someone's not pleasing you it's probably because a they don't know what what they're doing They don't know how to. They think they are and they're not, or they're so nervous, they rush through it, and that's why everything ends quickly. But I have to say, and those are, are there, but if they don't, if I'm wrong,

and you're like, no, but try it all that, they really don't care, they roll over and order postmates, then they're just an asshole. They're an asshole and you shouldn't ever wait with them. Don't wait that person. So that's what we got for you. This was fun, Jamie. Thank you so much.

Yes, I love, love, love. Love you. Let me come on. It's great. I love when you come on. Okay, everyone. I hope you're having an awesome spicy hot summer. Thanks, everyone, for listening.

Please check out our survey. It'll take you like five minutes. It's funny because we just put it out and people are like, thank you. I enjoyed the survey because I think it'll get you to think too. Like, no, I've been wanting to try handcuffs. I think it'll give you a reminder of maybe some things that you've been open to in your relationship.

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