Sex With Emily - Sex in the Summer Sun

Episode Date: June 18, 2024

Summer is heating up and I’m here to make sure that your sex life follows suit. In this throwback episode, I’m sharing my steamiest ideas on how to experiment with hot (and cold) sensation play, the perks of hotel sex, and my personal sex toy picks for travel. Can’t get away this year? No worries, I’ve got sex tips for bringing the vacation into your bedroom. If you’re ready for a Hot Girl Summer, this ep’s for you. In this episode you’ll learn:  How to set boundaries for your bachelor/bachelorette parties Where to (safely) have sex in public How to navigate a friends with benefits situation Show Notes: Join me for a Sexual Wellness Weekend in Canyon Ranch! Take the SWE Listener Survey Here! SHOP WITH EMILY! (free shipping on orders over $99) The only sex book you’ll ever need: Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure For their buy 1 get 1 50% off deal, head to 3DayBlinds.com/SWE Want more? Sex With Emily: Home Let’s get social: Instagram | X | Facebook | TikTok  Let’s text: Sign Up Here Want me to slide into your inbox? Sign Up Here for sex tips on the regular. See the full show notes at sexwithemily.com.

Here's a little bit of inspiration from our Instagram audience. I said, what's one of your hottest summer hookups you've ever had? Watching my girl get hit on at a pool in Vegas and end up watching them have sex back in his room. Someone else said, well, hiking in underground tunnels, it's super hot because it was so spontaneous. Someone else, we snuck on the golf course I live on. The fear of getting caught was hot. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. Okay summer's heating up and I'm here to make sure

your sex life follows suit. So in this episode, I'm sharing ideas on how to experiment with hot and cold sensation play, the perks of hotel sex, and my personal sex toy picks for travel. And if you can't get away this year, do not worry, because I've got sex tips for bringing the vacation into your bedroom. I also answer your questions like how to set boundaries for your bachelor-bachelorette parties, where do you safely have sex in public, you know

you want to try out some adventure, how to navigate a friends with benefits relationship, and what to do with penis anxiety if your partner plays with a toy that's a little bit bigger than you. Please rate and review Sex with Emily and what to do with penis anxiety if your partner plays with a toy that's a little bit bigger than you. Please rate and review Sex with Emily wherever you listen to the show. It's so easy to rate the podcast. You can do it right now.

It takes two seconds and it helps get the show out to more people. We appreciate when you do that and we read all your reviews. You can also find me on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Twitter, Facebook, all the places. It's all at Sex with Emily. And check out my new articles,

how to have or give a nipplegasm and five ways to pleasure a penis. Those are up on sexwithemily.com. Okay, one more quick thing before we get into the episode. I'm so excited to announce that I'm doing something for the very first time and I hope you're gonna join me. So I'm hosting an intimate women's retreat at Cannon Ranch Wellness Resort and Spa in Tucson, Arizona.

It's coming up, it's June 27th to June 30th, 2024. So we're going to spend four days and three nights together where I'm going to answer all of your questions in person. I'm so excited to meet you and have intimate discussions throughout the weekend about pleasure and sexuality, sexual intelligence. We'll have a special retail pop-up experience. We'll have cocktails. I'll also have all my favorite product recommendations. And I just hope you're gonna join me. You can also experience all of Canyon Ranch's incredible offerings. They have over 200 wellness classes, courses,

fitness journeys, all the things you wanna do are at Canyon Ranch. So please join me. I'm gonna put a link in the show notes and you can also find more information at sexwithemily.com slash live. information at SexWithEmily.com slash live. That's SexWithEmily.com slash live and I just can't wait to see you there. Alright everyone, enjoy this episode.

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That's JustThriveHealth.com. Use code SEX WITH EMILY to save 20% on a 90-day bottle. So take charge of your gut health. Do it now. It's gonna change your sex life and really uplevel your wellness. How do you enjoy a summer of hot sex? Well I've got some ideas for you. Whether you're in a relationship or you're dating or it's a one-night stand, let's all enjoy some hot summer sex. The sun is out, we're ready to have fun,

but what are we gonna do about our sex life? How do we get more adventurous? I say do you this summer. Find what you are looking for. So don't let the hype make you feel like you have to give in. Like, oh, I guess I should just date a bunch of people this summer if that's not what you're looking for. So I just ask everyone to take care of yourself and as always only you have the

answers for what really feels good to you and what you're looking for. If you're looking for a partner, what's important to you? What are their values? Are you looking for a long-term relationship? Are you looking for someone to have children with? You know, do you want to live with someone? I just think it's important to get really clear because sometimes we get out there and we date and we're like, oh I didn't want any of these things that this person wants, but they're really hot. I'm really attracted to them. So one of the first things which I always think about when I think of summer sex is sensation play. And we wrote something about this

on our Instagram and a lot of you were like, what do you mean by temperature play, sensation play? So temperature play essentially uses hot and cold sensations to stimulate the skin's neuroreceptors or all those nerve endings. And so when you stimulate through heat or through cold, it gives your body that rush of sensations and endorphins. And if you're doing it during foreplay, you know what happens then.

It gets translated into your arousal. So this is just kind of a fun thing you can do with your partner and to play with. And it's really fun for the receiver when hot and cold are combined together in unpredictable patterns. Meaning you can drop some warm massage oil wax and then you can do some more heat and then you can put a little ice cube on and then you could maybe use some warming loops. So just play around. There is no script here.

I'm just gonna give you the ingredients. So what do you need to do sensation play, temperature play? Ice cubes. Ice cubes in a bowl. You can just have them by your bed. There's a lot of different ways to play with ice cubes. Then there's massage candles.

You know I'm obsessed with massage candles. Remember, don't use a regular candle. A regular candle has wax. Massage candles are usually made out of ingredients that are like warming coconut oil. They're ingredients that you are meant to pour on a partner and to use as massage oil. So look for the label on the candle. There's warming lube, which is amazing. Use it on different body parts and things warm up. They feel good.

You could also use an ice pack if you don't wanna use ice cubes because ice packs tend to be less messy and maybe you just can grab an ice pack. You could also, if you want toys, now glass and metal toys are really fun for temperature play. Essentially looking for objects

that retain their temperature. So those made of metal and glass will do so. So you can chill them, put them in the freezer, you can boil them. Those are really fun to play with. If you want to know how to do it though, like how do you do temperature play, you can use a blindfold on your partner and tell them you have a surprise for them and then you could light a candle and you could use the warm oil in the candle or some warming loop. Can you imagine? They have no idea that something that you rub on them is going to start to heat up in a few seconds. And then you can sort of use an ice cube. You can put an ice pack in your hand.

With one hand you could be, you know, playing with your partner and then once your hand's really cold from the ice pack, you could use that hand and give your partner a hand job or play with them so your hand is actually ice cold. Or take the ice cubes in your mouth and you can drip them down your partner's body. You could have ice in your mouth and then, you know, go down on your partner and have them feel that sensation when they least expect it. So it's just temperature plays just a fun thing to do. We're going to be hot this summer. And I love recommending that.

So what about just adventurous sex? How do you do something that, what does that mean to you? If I'm like, ah, I just want to get out of my house? Well, do something fun and new and interesting. I mean adventure to you might be something different than it is to me, which is totally fine, but adventurous is just outside your comfort zone, outside of what you normally do. So if you want to start, there's some fun sex games. There's like sex dice, there's games that actually ask questions to your partner, so they're like

leading questions so you can figure out more about each other. That just might be something fun if you've never played a site. If you're already a game couple, you might as well play a fun sex game. We have a bunch on our site, and that could be your first step.

Oh also, there's a great article on our website called Five BDSM Games to Spice Up Your Sex Life Tonight. I promise if you read that you will be very inspired. You also know that I'm obsessed with our Yes No Maybe list. If you haven't downloaded that, that's gonna give you a lot of suggestions about what you could do that is adventurous and fun. Skinny dipping. This is the time right? It's time to skinny dip so I think that's always hot whether you're jumping in the ocean, you're jumping in a pool.

I'm a huge fan of hotel sex. It might be one of my favorite, two of my favorite words. Here's the thing about hotel sex. It's a variety. You're in a new location that is not the same bedroom. You can relax. You know, we don't care as much about the sheets right? You can have sex in every room in the hotel. You can have sex on the balcony. You order room service. You don't have any distractions. No kids around. It's a great ambiance. And you can make as much noise as you want. That's what I love about hotel rooms. So let me give you some tips on what to pack for hotel or vacation sex if you want to get a little bit more adventurous this year. So I always charge my toys before I go on vacation. Like

does any of you do a packing list like things that you always bring when you travel? Well mine has sex toys on it and depending where I'm going I have to make that a smaller bag of toys. If I'm driving somewhere I might bring a big bag of toys depending how ambitious I'm feeling. But I always bring my Vesper, because I'm wearing it all the time anyway, so I always have a vibrator on me. And I love my Vesper necklace, it's a great gift. Vesper necklace, it looks like a pen around your neck.

And yes, it vibrates and it's really pretty, and I wear it every single day. I often bring my Lalo travel toys. And the first one I love is the Lalo Dot Travel. And obviously the Sono 2 Travel, love both of of those but the Dot Travel has this pinpoint shape that lets you stimulate any erogenous zone no matter what your gender you can really get in there and find things you didn't even know would feel good and you can also lock it during transport which is big because you don't want to be that

one at TSA where they're like what's in your bag I also love the Jeju Meme Soft that's just a go-to. It's great with a partner during penetration or use it on yourself. And lastly, there is a Bee Vibe Kit and they make all anal toys. They are all anal. So if you ever wanted to experiment,

that'd be really fun if you want to experience more anal this summer, why not? Maybe it's a summer for anal play. Who knows? Back to what I pack. I always pack little packs of lube. I have little bottles that I bring. I always bring samples, like the flavored lube

by System Joe, and I also usually bring a silicone lube, just because I like to have them all with me. So usually if I'm going away with a partner, I'll bring something like a penis ring, I'll bring a toy that can be used in a bunch of different body parts, and definitely pack lube. So how do you continue to keep it interesting? Well, again, I'm gonna remind you

that you don't have to do all these things at once. Typically we're just bored because we're doing the same things over and over again. So it can just be a matter of trying one new thing. You don't have to change it up every time. It also helps, you know, to kind of get on the same page as your partner. Like, what do you wanna do the next time you have sex?

What do you fantasize about? What are you guys both excited? Ask them about their most memorable times they've had sex with you. You can watch porn together. That's a great way to get ideas for mixing up your sex life. And I love Bellessa because they make porn that's for all genders.

You know, a lot of it is made for women. It's Bellessa, B-E-L-L-E-S-A. Super hot porn. And it's way more of a turn on for all genders, like I said. And I just asked you all, here's a little bit of inspiration from our Instagram audience. I said, what's one of your hottest summer hookups

you've ever had? Here's some things you said. Watching my girl get hit on at a pool in Vegas and end up watching them have sex back in his room. The sound of the headboard hitting the wall is the heartbeat of summer. Someone else said while hiking in underground tunnels it's super hot because it was so spontaneous. In South Africa, I ended up with fun on the cliff while whales jumped offshore. That sounds romantic and sexy. Constantly

sneaking off at parties, making out, figuring oral, never quite penetrative sex. Someone else said with a professional kayaker in the woods, back of his equipment van, hot and spontaneous. Someone else said he snuck on the golf course I live on, the fear of getting caught was hot. In the hotel lobby bathroom. Some random guy at the beach, first time a guy sucked on my clit. My wife having me explore

bisexuality. I found that I love giving oral sex to a penis. She loves it and joins. Pulled off a country road behind a tree with my husband in his Jeep. Spontaneous and sexy. And then someone else on the beachfront balcony in the middle of the night. All right, thank you for that inspiration. And do you realize that a lot of those, this always holds true, that a lot of your most memorable, hottest sexual experiences seem to be when it's spontaneous. You didn't know it was gonna happen, it was unexpected,

it was off the side of the road, it was someone you didn't know. So those are some things to think about when you're thinking about your hottest, sexiest summer yet. After the break, I'll be answering some summer quickie questions that my team wanted to ask me. So I'll be right back, don't go away. So when I was renting my former home, I loved it,

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3dayblinds.com slash SWE. That's the number 3, dayblinds.com slash SWE. Hey there, if you've been listening to the podcast for a while, you know that I am not afraid to get a little personal, but this time I am flipping the script. I want to get to know you better. That's right, you've been listening to me talk about the ins and outs of intimacy, and now it's your turn to spill the tea. In a survey form of course. I'm conducting a survey that's all about you and your thoughts on sex with Emily. Why? Because your opinions are the secret sauce to our success and I'm all about growth,

both in and out of the bedroom. And I'm always looking to expand the SWE brand and your insights are the VIP pass to making that journey even more thrilling. Head over to gum.fm slash swe and let me know how I can continue to be your go-to source for all things sexy. It's quick, it's easy, and so appreciated. Remember, this survey is all about you, so don't be shy, get involved, and let's make some magic together. And your responses can remain anonymous. That's gum.fm slash S-W-E. Or just click the link in our show notes. So keep it hot, keep it honest,

and as always keep it sexy. I cannot wait to hear from you. Before we get into your questions, my team had some summer sex quickie questions for me. What's my best summer hookup story? Oh, I have so many. I would say my summer hookup in Iceland was pretty hot and I've talked about it on the show, but it was unexpected. I didn't really know him. It was really safe and consensual. We had great sex.

And then he left and I got to go to sleep and get up for work in the morning. What's the worst summer hookup I've had? Oh God, I wish I wrote down all of my sex capades. I actually had a disappointing one in Italy because this guy was totally, he was Italian. All my friends were like, he's amazing. He owns these hotels and he's super sexy

and he has his own yacht and he's gonna come pick you up. And then he did, we went out, he was a little bit of a misogynist and wasn't really interested in anything about me and assumed that the sex was just gonna happen, but it didn't. I jumped off the boat, went back to my friends. What's the best way to have vacation sex

without leaving your house? That's a great question. Listen, if we know that spontaneity and variety are so important to having great sex, surprise your partner, set up a tent in the backyard, have a picnic outside, have sex in a tent in your yard. But I think that the key to vacation sex at home is changing up the rooms or maybe redecorating a room, moving a couch around, having sex somewhere that you don't normally have sex in your house, and then bringing in a new

element, whether it's a new toy. Maybe you bring your iPad outside under the stars and you set up a big blow-up mattress and you make it a really comfy bed outside, and then you have your iPad and you watch porn that you've never done before. That would be really hot. What country do I want to have sex in that I haven't yet? I want to have sex in Buenos Aires. That's where I want to have sex, in Argentina.

Okay, so now that we're so reliant and used to dating online, how can we start meeting and approaching people in real life? A lot of us are out of practice. We might have some social anxiety. We might not totally be ready to start meeting people. But my first tip is to start saying yes to everything. Say yes to invitations that are coming in that you might not normally say yes to.

Perhaps you had, you know, there's someone that you're just acquaintance with and you're thinking, oh, do I really wanna go to their party? But remember, we meet people through other people. So my first thing is just start getting out there and meeting people and talking to them. Practice striking up conversations. The other thing you can do is let everybody know

you're single. I have to say that in every episode I will, but I'm telling you whenever I say that to someone, I'm like, oh yeah, I'm dating right now. I'm looking to be fixed up. Eventually someone fixes you up, or maybe they have a friend of a friend, or maybe they go out and meet someone that night.

These are all the ways we did it before we would date online and also I think that we have to get a little bit more resilient. I think we're all really bad at handling rejection. That might be another reason why we like the apps because we're like I don't have to get rejected in real life but we have to just get more comfortable with the discomfort of rejection because once you go through it enough, you can just think, I'm practicing. I'm asking this person out.

I'm putting my heart on the line. I'm being vulnerable. I'm saying what I want. And if this person doesn't meet me or they don't want the same things, I'm getting stronger as a person who is going after what I want. I'm practicing because remember, it's a skillset.

It takes courage to ask someone out, it takes courage to approach someone, but reduction is part of it. And I just have to promise you all that it definitely gets easier over time. Like everything, the more you take risks with dating and with love, the easier it gets and the faster you're gonna be able to find someone that you want to be with. Alright, we should get some emails. This is from Maddox. Hey Dr. Emily, so my fiance and I have discussed and wanted to get your opinion on this idea. We're both perfectly okay with partying during our bachelor parties and we've given each

other the green light to have sex or do whatever we feel like at our respective parties. Is that weird or unhealthy of us? Well, Maddox, only you get to decide? Is that weird or unhealthy of us? Well, Maddox, only you get to decide if it's weird or unhealthy. I would definitely put boundaries around it. Do you both agree to tell the stories of what happened? Do you want to know every detail? Does she want to know every detail? Have you both ever had an experience with jealousy in your relationship? Is this a behavior that you've practiced before like sleeping with other people and talking about it? I hope that it is

because I think the first time to practice talking about sleeping with another person, you're about to get married, could be kind of dicey. So I don't think that it's weird or unhealthy only if you don't set boundaries around it and really have a conversation about what you're gonna do with this information and make sure that you don't want to use it against each other in the future as like a weapon or something to make yourself feel bad. This is from Lauren 28 in Indiana. Hey Dr. Abili, I've always been turned on by the idea of having sex in public. The problem

is I get way too anxious and paranoid about it and think that even if I do it discreetly I'm gonna get in trouble or get arrested. My boyfriend and I want to spice up our sex life by doing this but again I don't want to end up in jail for getting my sex on. Do you have any ideas on places that feel like having sex in public but won't necessarily get you in trouble? Thanks so much I love the show. Alright here's the thing it is illegal that is true. So like I said, sex in your backyard, but making it seem like it's somewhere new and exciting. Perhaps sex in a park under a blanket. I mean again, these are all illegal, but I'm just telling you stuff

that I've done. I've had sex like a picnic in a park and a blanket over us and we've kind of done that but again it's um you got to be careful. You could go check into a hotel and you could have sex on the balcony. You could do it in your car like when you get home you could you know have your partner pull you out of the car and like do it in your garage before you get in the house. I mean yes it is illegal you just have to make sure there's no one else around you know people have sex when they're hiking or on a trail.

I've had a lot of sex outdoors. I've not been arrested. I think even talking about it with your partner could be really hot. So just know you could always get in trouble, but why don't you just keep on the lookout? You know it might be hot when you're out with your partner, you could be like, oh, I just drove past this place

that looks like a great place we could have sex, you know? Maybe you guys start to scout locations in your area and see if you can sort of come up with a place that feels safe enough, but is still giving you that element of adventure. You know, a lot of people do it in the public bathroom, at a club or a restaurant, definitely don't do it near a school.

Actually, this is reminding me, I once had a boyfriend in town visiting me in my 20s, and we went back to Michigan, and I took him to see my 20s, and we went back to Michigan, and I took him to see my high school, and we parked in the parking lot, and we started fooling around, and the next thing I know, I should have known this, the cops come up, flash their lights,

and they're like, what are you doing here? Like, you do not want to have sex or fool around near a school. They monitor that stuff, okay? So I did it all so you don't have to. All right, and another question. I want to have a threesome, but I never have before. I think it'd be fun to do with a married couple since there wouldn't be any commitment and the nature of the relationship would be clear. My question is, how do I find a married couple to have sex with? As far as to where to find

a third, there's a lot of apps right now. Some of the ones we recommend is Field, F-E-E-L-D, and they actually, Field specializes in connecting people who are interested in group sex and kink, and they released figures showing that during the pandemic, their membership increased by 50%. And in 2020, members were more interested than ever in a threesome experience, with almost 40% adding it to their desires list. So I would check out Field, I would check out FetLife, hashtag open is another one. That's what I recommend for you. And I think there's a lot of couples right now looking for a third.

Okay, this is from Caroline 28. Hey Dr. Emily, I love your show and I've learned so much from listening. I recently moved to a new city and used dating apps to meet people. Went on a few dates, but really enjoyed spending time with one of them in particular. We started sleeping together, but after about seven hangouts, he told me he just wants to be friends with benefits. He was definitely not my soulmate by any means but I do enjoy his company and the sex is great but my ego is a little bruised and I'm kind of hurt by him saying that. Any advice at entering into a FWB situation with someone I was initially seeing romantically or am I setting myself up to be hurt? Okay, Caroline, here's the thing about friends with benefits.

They work until they don't. And the best case scenario for friends with benefits relationship is when you're actually friends and it's never romantic. You've already, after seven dates, had the vision of this guy being a partner and maybe thinking about how nice it would be to be with him. And now he's told you that that's, he just wants friends with benefits. So I believe that in this particular situation, you're going to have a hard time with it, making it just friends with benefits while you still continue to date. I love that he was really honest with you as far as your ego being bruised. And this goes out for you and everybody.

Please don't take someone's defining the relationship as a rejection on you or your character or something that you've done wrong. We spend so much time trying to figure out why we're rejected and what did I do? And then all of our worst fears about ourselves, you know, we bring to light and say, oh, it must be because I'm, I don't have a great job

or I am too short or I'm too tall or whatever the things we think about. And typically, but first off, you'll never know. You'll never know what it is, but you can just bet that it's about them and what they're looking for and not about you. So in this case I would just think about Caroline what are you what are you looking for right now? It sounds to me like you're looking for a relationship and the other thing about friends with benefits that you actually have feelings for is tricky because I think when you're really into someone, it's hard to get out there and start dating

other people when your heart's in one place. And so you might find yourself getting a little bit comfortable in this situation with this guy. So I would say if you can, I would end this relationship. It was seven dates, probably learned some stuff, and to keep moving on. And believe his words. Like I think often we go into relationships thinking that they're going to change, but figuring out what you actually want, like do you want a long-term relationship? If you do, and maybe it's hard to admit to yourself, or maybe you think that you'll be

able to change someone or find someone, but if someone tells you they're not looking for anything serious, you have to believe them. But also, I don't want us to make ourselves excuses like, oh, maybe this will return into, I'm just gonna stick with it long enough and get this person to change their mind. Oh, I'm just gonna, you know, they probably don't really mean it. No, believe me, they mean it.

They mean everything. And that's why I want you to go back to what do you actually want, Caroline? This is from Pial 33 in Ireland. Hey Dr. Emily, I've been married for eight years. To spice up our sex life, I bought a cock ring and also a dildo. But I'm also slightly feeling low as the dildo is bigger than my dick size. Will my wife still feel like having sex with me as before? Please let me know. Yes, I can let you know that she will. It's just a different experience, a different kind of stimulation. It's something that's going

to allow her to experience different sensations that she can't experience with the penis, but not because of your size. Listen, men are way more obsessed with their penis size than their partners. In all these years, I've never heard anyone tell me that they left their husband or they left a partner for a vibrator or a dildo, but your concerns are totally valid. I understand why you're thinking this. If I were you with your wife, I would talk to her about it. I'm sure she's gonna reassure you and tell you it was great, but it's not you, baby. So we all want intimacy and connection and touch. You're not gonna get replaced

by a vibrator. And I love this question because you are not the only one thinking it, but I don't know. I just I don't think that's the way Volvo owners think. We're not like, oh well I've got this bigger thing or I'm gonna choose this partner because of their penis. I mean we're just not oriented that way. There's so many other things that go into great sex and great relationships and having a penis of a certain size is not one of them. You're going to be fine. This is from Andy, 36 in Colorado. Hey, Dr. Emily. My husband loves to come to my face and does his best to aim but it occasionally gets in my eye which stings for a long time. As a result, we don't do this very often and he is nervous when I tell him we can do this because he

doesn't want to hurt me. He produces a much larger than average volume of semen based on what Google tells me is typical. I have no problem with him coming in my face as long as it doesn't get in my eye and love to please him as he is an incredible lover. I often cover my eyes with my hands right before he comes but I'd love a sexy alternative to this idea. Any suggestions? And any suggestions on how to ease the eye pain when it does get in there? This is a great question Andy. I don't know if I've gotten this question because it does happen and it does sting. You could get some sexy

glasses or goggles or a blindfold or some kind of eye production. A lot of people are buying these like blue light blocking glasses and they make so many of them in really cool shapes. You could just wear one. You could wear them to bed. You could have it by the nightstand. You can also just turn your head away. But another thing you can do is you can position yourself so he comes more across from your face. So kind of like his penis is positioned to one side of your face, so it might just hit your mouth or your lips or your cheeks without risking your eyes. So if you're on your back, he can be kneeling next to

you instead of front to you or above you. And if it does get in your eyes, just flush it out, use some eye drops, like use some Visine eye drops and the pain will go away. You probably know that. But I think this will be some fun from different positions to play with and maybe you get some sexy glasses.

It's all fun and games till someone gets shot with semen in the eye. Okay, this is from Desiree. Hey, Dr. Amelie, my name is Desiree and I've been listening to your podcast for a few months now. I love it. I even signed up for your awesome newsletter. God, I love our newsletters.

Have you signed up for our newsletter yet? You totally should. It's on our website. All right, here's my situation. I have a pretty good sex life with my partner, but it could be better. For my birthday in October, we went to a sex shop and it was great.

He picked out a few toys and this sexy school girl outfit for me, but I can't bring myself to put on the outfit for him. I've bought it to his house multiple times and even brought it on a weekend getaway and still didn't wear it. I've had multiple partners in the past and haven't had any problem trying new things like anal or a video, but when it comes to my current boyfriend, I have like this mental block from being sexy and I don't know why. I want to wear it and spice up our love life. Can you please help? Also I've been making all kinds of ridiculous excuses like I don't know if I have the right shoes or he lives with his parents. How am I

gonna put it on for him without them seeing it? I'm so lost. Thanks in advance. Alright Desiree, I've been in the same situation and I think I understand why it's happening. I literally did the same thing. I had a boyfriend who bought me something once. He's like, why haven't you worn that? When are you gonna wear it? You haven't worn it yet.

And then I would try to wear it, but it didn't go, like we were going out at night, let's say we'd be going out. And then I like put it on, but it didn't ever worked underneath my outfits. And then I knew that I was probably in my 20s so I ended up sleeping at his house but I did have like an overnight bag at the time or a car so I was like and then when he was at my house I didn't want to be like wait a minute I'll be right back and then come

out in the laundry it just all seemed really silly and stage and cheesy I never did it but what's helped me is to actually try on the outfit at home by yourself and get comfortable in it Look in the mirror. How are you gonna position yourself? What do you know bring the shoes? Try it on make it your own It doesn't have to be just a schoolgirl outfit, right? You could maybe you could even wear half the schoolgirl outfit and jeans and then when you get to his house You could put on the skirt So you're already halfway dressed but get used to you being the sexy schoolgirl,

not in his eyes, not through his gaze, but through your gaze. So then you'll feel less uncomfortable when it really comes time to being the naughty schoolgirl with your partner. So again, like everything, this is just a skillset. It's trying something new, which I love. But I also know that feeling of like,

when I'm just gonna do it, I just gotta do it. So practice will help get you there. I promise Desiree, and thanks for your question. That's it for today's episode. See you on Friday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily, and be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast,

and share this with a friend or a partner. You can find me on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Twitter, or X and Facebook all at Sex With Emily. Oh, and I've been told I give really good emails, so sign up at SexWithEmily.com. And while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. And if you want to ask me about your sex life, dating, or relationships, call my hotline, 559-TALK-SEX. That's 559-825-5739. Or go to SexWithEmily.com slash Ask Emily. Was it good for you?

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