Sex With Emily - Sex Life Energy with Christian Cristiano

Episode Date: July 24, 2019

On today’s show, Emily is joined by acupuncturist and Master of Chinese Medicine, Christian Cristiano, to talk about energy, acupuncture & how it all can affect your sex life. Plus, she’s answering your emails.  Emily gives insight on how to take the amazing dynamic you share in the bedroom with your partner and apply it to other parts of the relationship, can the time of day have an effect on different types of orgasms, & what physical vs. romantic attraction means.  Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Promescent, Away Luggage, SiriusXM, Muse, Veritas Farms.  Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily For even more sex talk, tips, & tricks visit sexwithemily.com For more information on Christian Cristiano, click HERE.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Acupuncture moves blocked energy. Think of it that way because the life force energy is tied up with our sexual energy and when we don't come It builds there's life force in the semen and When a guy comes he's losing life force and if you think about it makes sense because there's sperm There's actual the thing that gives life in the semen whereas when a woman comes even if she comes outwardly She's not coming in egg. No woman comes even if she comes outwardly, she's not coming in egg. No. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm joined by Acupuncturists and Master of Chinese Medicine, Christian

Cristiano, to talk about energy, acupuncture, and how it all can affect your sex life. Plus, I'm answering your emails, topics include, do you know every organ stores some kind of energy or emotion? Well it does, and here's how to understand it and use it. So you love the dynamic you have with your partner in the bedroom, but how do you also bring that into other parts of the relationship? So there's a difference between morning orgasms and evening orgasms, and you're attracted to men and women sexually but not romantically, what does that mean?

All this and more. Thanks for listening Book into his eyes They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex Eyes that mark our sacred institutions Betrubized they call them in a fight on me. Hey, Evelyn You got a boyfriend because my man E here. He just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute The girls got a hair standard. my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. Hey, girls, gotta have a stand. Oh my!

The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here. I'm so drunk.

Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between for more information. Check out sexwithendly.com. You're going to love our site. You can also find me on Siri Sex on Monday through Friday, 5-7PM Pacific, which is fun on Star's 109 for some more fun sex talk.

I can also answer your calls. You can call in any night even if you don't have a subscription to triplate 9478277 or get a free 30-day subscription at sexwithfamily.com slash SXM and finance and also social media wherever you're hanging out at sex with Emily. All right guys enjoy the show. I'm very excited to welcome my guest and my dear friend Christian Cristiano. Hello. Hello. Hi. Hi. He's an acupuncture healer. You've mastered science and traditional Chinese medicine. I do indeed And so Christian here's the background. He wasn't always my freemium. We met through my need for healing For help. I was having a lot of back pain. I have like a slip disc. Was like a year and a half ago now?

Yep. A year and a half. And it was like I tried everything and here's what I realized like people like acupuncture. I'm like, God does that work? Does that really work? Which is what literally everyone says? How do you know if it works? Does it work? And I'm here to tell you and it's helped with a lot of other things. You've dealt with some hormonal challenges, anxiety, and I know that it's really work. But first, for our friends, you might be a little bit more skeptical. I'm not even sure what it means. Can you just explain what is acupuncture?

Sure. So acupuncture has its own system. There's a meridian system. There's a bunch of points on the body. And we learn all the different pathways in the channels and where those points exist. So people always ask, is it like the nervous system, is it like the circulatory system, and the answer is no, it is its own system. So like its own system, like energy?

Of course, we do with chi, we do with the flow of energy, which we call chi in Chinese medicine, and acupuncture helps to unblock blockages. So in your case, I'm gonna leave you a back pain when the little needles go into the muscles, they tell the muscles to relax and sedate. So that's a musculoskeletal issue, right? But for something more internal, then we affect the energies inside the body

a little bit more. Like if it's insomnia, right? Or anxiety, that's way different from back pain. So we choose different needles and different points. We've always talked about having you on the show, but we're reading some articles like, is the key to revitalizing your sex life acupuncture? And I just found this to be like, we kind of get Christian in here and talk about this. And the article says, essentially, yes, yes, it is great for it because acupuncture starts with the root of the problem. Can we talk about the difference of that, like dealing with the root, like the mind,

body connection is the root? And not necessarily, like acupuncture goes to the root where if you go to your restaurant, like if I went to my doctor, they might say to me for my back, which they did, take an aspirin to thin your blood every day for a month or have surgery or deal with the symptoms, the pain. Right, right.

But acupuncture doesn't necessarily do that. Well, we do, we deal with the symptoms, the pain. Right. Right. But acupuncture doesn't necessarily do that. Well, we do. We deal with the symptoms, which we call the branch. So picture illness as a tree, right? The branches and the leaves, those are the symptoms. But the roots underneath the tree, that's what we want a treat to get the person better.

So if 10 people go to their Western doctor and let's say they're having an upset stomach digestive problems The Western MD might give all 10 of them medication to help Fix their digestive problems. Whereas with us all 10 of them are gonna have a different pattern Right, because everyone is different. So let's use the example of an old lady's 80 and really thin and frail comes in with an upset stomach as opposed to a young man Who's got a red complexion those are very different problems. She's probably more Deficient a little more weak. So we have to tonify and strengthen her to get her digestive system to work again You with me. Yeah, whereas the other guy might be like a little bit, you know partying too much too much energy

We want a red face guy exactly. we want to calm him down, clear heat, maybe from his body to help with his digestive system. So that's kind of the biggest difference between the Western and the Eastern models. And ideally, they work together. There's a time and a place for both of them. Okay. So what about dealing with, I mean, because I know this is true that, you know, stress we know, huge stress

messes with your hormones, right? Absolutely. It dementia your sex drive, lack of motivation to have sex for people with penises, they say, anxiety is linked to premature ejaculation. There's a lot of sexual challenges that we all have. How can acupuncture help with that? Well, if the sexual challenges are happening because of anxiety, then we treat anxiety. Right?

We get rid of the anxiety, and then the person will have a better sexual function. But there's deeper problems often with sexual issues. So if the issue is a rectile dysfunction, for example, very often that's ridden like a kidney deficiency. So we will treat the kidneys to strengthen the energy of the kidneys,

and that will actually help with their erectile dysfunction. Okay, and you've seen that happen, you've had patients, and you go and you put the needles with... Yeah, but let me just say this, to actually add energy to the body, we usually have to use herbs. So if a guy comes to me who's, you know, 55 or 60 years old and is having a erectile dysfunction and he's had it for like five years or 10 years, I'm have to put him on herbs also because you're also an herbalist because I'm also an herbalist exactly and Acupuncture moves blocked energy think of it that way we can tonify we can add a little bit of energy with the needles But if someone's deficient if the problem lies in deficiency then we got to give him herbs to strengthen their body

So it's not just it's not just like one thing. Can we explain the difference between the feminine energy and the masculine energy, the Yin and the Yang? Absolutely. So everything has Yin and Yang. Right. So think of Yang as the middle of the day. 12 noon, Sun is pounding down on the surface. That's the most Yang time of the day. Right.

The most Yin time would be like in the middle of the night. Two in the morning, the moon is out, the dew is on the grass. So that's the difference between you and your physical body. The yang is the surface of the body, the skin, the muscles, movement, the yin is like the blood, the nourishment. So you're talking about the blockage of the energy. Like I know when you put the needles in me, it's okay. So my experience, I've gone in there first, it was like back stuff, which is totally helped.

I feel when I'm lying there, it's not that it hurts, but you put the needles in and I'm lying down. First of all, it's so, what I love is that it's like an hour to myself, except for we became fast friends when we would talk a lot. But then, you know, I love when you're like, um, breathing and then you're like, breathe out into the table and like let yourself relax in and I feel like that's helped me so much, just to lie there with the needles. But when you first put them in, I can feel,

I'm like, oh, it hurts. What do you like, is it in, what do you say? Is it a dull? Is it pressure pain? Pressure pain, yeah. Right, or it's dark pain. And then I feel like, yeah. And then I feel like if I breathe into it,

it's like I feel the energy moving from that area through my body and then I just breathe into it and it doesn't hurt. And so I know I can feel the energy moving around like the tightness or whatever the problem lies. And so that's how it works. Absolutely.

Because in your case, we're unblocking energy and we're sedating and calming down those muscles, right? So someone who has pain, whether it's back pain, shoulder, knee, the muscles around that area are going to tense up. So in that case, the needle goes into the muscle and tells the muscle, it's okay, relax. So 20, 30 minutes later, the muscles to date, they calm down, and then they stop pulling on the vertebrae is in your case. And so you feel better, right? Whereas with internal medicine, like a sexual dysfunction thing that we talked about, that's a little bit different.

Okay. Okay, so there's, we take the pulse, there's three positions on the pulse, and one of them tells me what's going on with the kidneys. So if a guy comes in who's, let's say a young guy comes in, this actually happened to 25 and 30 years old, I take his pulse, and his kidney pulse is weak. Once I build trust with him, I'll ask him, are you coming, how often are you coming?

Right. And if he's like, oh yeah, twice a day, or two or three times a day, that's very depleting on the kidneys. The kidneys govern the hair, they govern the ears, and they govern the knees. So that's another giveaway. If someone comes in with issues with any of those three things

and their kidney pulse is weak, I'll ask that question. And very often they're like, oh yeah, I'm coming like, you know, five times a week. And if a guy is older, like in his 40s, like my age, 40s or 50s, it's even more damaging. Right? So it's not right.

This is important. Yeah, so there's life force in the semen. And when a guy comes, he's losing life force. And if you think about it, it makes sense. Because there's sperm, there's actual, the thing that gives life in the semen. Whereas when a woman comes, even if she comes outwardly, she's not coming an egg.

No. Right. Right. There's another one. Right. Right. And that's why we learn. We have to learn it.

We have to an egg. Right. Yeah. That's why we learn in school to like learn to control and contain. And that's why Sufie's in mystics and spiritual healers through from the beginning of time limit how much they come. And that's why Sufis and Mystics and spiritual healers, through from the beginning of time, limit how much they come. And that's why spiritual teachers often don't come at all,

which is part of like becoming a part of the clergy, for example, or even like a Buddhist monk. They don't have sex. That's part of why, because the life force energy is tied up with our sexual energy. And when we don't come, it builds. So I'll get a guy who's young and I'll be like, you know, you can come maybe once a day or every other day. Whereas a guy my age in his 40s, 50s and 60s, I'll tell him try to come maybe a couple times a week.

It's. Okay, but not every day. But not every day. And I know that goes against a lot of the prostate. And plus. No, I, here's the thing. I'm so glad you're here, Christian, because I, I don't get into this often in the show, because it is a little bit, you know, I think it can be, it's like kind of the

Taoist practices of wherever it is. It's like, what do you mean I can't come? I'm not gonna tell you, because I do think it's healthy to masturbate than not. But it is true, as you get older, there are many fields of thought, schools of thought, and yours included that like, no, limited a little bit.

It'll help you with focus, concentration, your health to come just three times and not seven times a week. Absolutely. And if a guy is coming two or three times a day, it's damaging. No matter what age. It's damaging to the kidneys,

it's damaging to the life force energy. And very often they'll tell you when they come, they're exhausted afterwards. Right. You know, where women are like, oh, I feel awake now, let's go again, very often the guys like, I'm just gonna pass out right about now. Exactly.

Part of that is they've lost life force energy. Right, and so for women, yeah, it is true though, if they say that women can have like 260 orgasms a day and it's like fine. That's why. Yeah, exactly. That's the one thing we get, we get the word, no, we get a lot.

But we have a lot of other pain and suffering, but we can come as much as we want to. So what about emotions and stuff that we store in our bodies? Like fear, for example, anxiety. How does that work with what you do? So every emotion is attached to an organ. A fear happens to be attached to kidneys. All right, so if someone's experiencing a lot of fear,

a lot of worry, that weakens the kidney chi and the spleen chi, actually. Whereas the lungs are grief. So if somebody is dealing with a lot of grief, very often the lungs take a hit. Yeah, and the heart, the heart is joy or sorrow, right? The spleen is worry and overthinking. And the liver and the gall bladder is anger, frustration.

So if somebody is chronically angry and frustrated all the time and they don't know why, a liver cleanse is probably in order Okay, a liver cleanse meaning that they would do a cleanse and they'd come and see you and they would do some kind of Sure, that's amazing So this is where you would put that I'm thinking I want a little bit of all those have we done all those on me not yet? No no I want to cleanse some I'm not that angry. I think I should be more angry about what I've anger issues I don't know I think I repressed my anger

I didn't see a lot think I repressed my anger. I didn't see a lot of anger demonstrated in my home. And so I feel like I anger something that I think I sometimes I turn inward. Yep, a lot of most of us do. And so that, but I think the grieving thing is interesting. We just had a caller who's going through some grief. And wow, I mean, I think this could really help anybody.

She was saying that she just hasn't felt it yet. So it kind of starts to move and you can't just go once. Yeah. You have to go like every week. Yeah, it's, I always say it's Chinese medicine. It's not Chinese magic. Exactly. Right.

Yeah. It's like everything though. Yeah. And so I found by like going to you, going to Pilates, you know, how strengthening the whole, the whole back thing. But let's talk about, okay, so we'll go back to this for a minute. What about people who are storing, you know, like emotions, right? Like, do you ever find that people, things come up that we just,

like, we store stuff like in our pelvic area for women, our uterus, right? Yes. We store things there. So that would help. Yes. What does happen? What have you seen happen with some of your patients? I've seen it all.

And, and one of the things that's pretty common with new patients is they will cry. They'll get on the table, I'll give them acupuncture and they'll come in feeling fine. Maybe they've got pain somewhere in their body, their shoulder hurts. I'll treat them, get the needles in, they're resting and then they'll feel emotional

and they'll start to cry. And they'll be like, why am I crying? This is weird, I felt fine before I got in here. And I tell them it's normal, it's because we store energy in the body, like you just said Emily, and the acupuncture moves that energy, and then people are able to release those emotions.

So it's something we can't really prove with science that, I mean, we can prove that stress causes problems. That we've definitely proven, right? Absolutely. But we can't prove with science that untreated or unexpressed emotions causes illness or cancer or anything else. But I believe it does.

I believe it does. That it can. I can. I think environmentally is also definitely a big part of it. Do you exercise? Do you eat? Well, it's all a part of it. But emotions is just as important as all those other pieces.

Right. And a lot of us are not taught how to process emotions. We're not taught how to do it. Especially anger. Yeah. In this society, we are supposed to be happy and pretty all the time. No one's really learned how to do anger. Right. It's true, so I'm not alone there.

Because we're afraid of anger. I mean, our parents were so angry that we are afraid of anger. Or they weren't angry, so we don't have to be angry. Exactly. It's just scary, because we're going to be, you know, someone's going to leave us out and then we'll feel like ultimately unlovable. That's right. Yeah, that's amazing to me.

So we talk about the science between acupuncture's effect and sex. So we know that stress can mess through, so this is all hormonal stuff too, messes with your hormones, diminishing your sex drive physiologically, lack of motivation to engage in sex. So it does here. It's an effective solve against these psychological blockcage

with anxiety being the main issue. So if someone comes in, like let's say they, oh, the other thing is if they're coming in anxiety is a huge killer of our sex drive and what is the underlying cause. Well, for many people it's because they don't have that desire anymore. They can't have orgasms or they're also on medications. People on anti-exiting medications or they're on antidepressants, I've also seen King Gumbic acupuncture to help with lessened those side effects. Yes, especially SSRIs.

Okay, so let's talk about that for a minute because how many two out of five people are on SSRIs now? Yes. We're talking about was it serotonin, update, we have taken inhibitors for depression, zoloft, prosac, all those things. So for all these sex things, and these are a lot of the people,

like there's always like five reasons or why people don't have anxiety, side effects of medication, depression, loss, but all of these could help. So specifically to point out SSRIs, how would acupuncture work with that? We're taking a medication and we don't have desire or orgasms. Okay, so first of all, like I said earlier,

there's a time and a place for Western medications, right? So very often SSRIs are needed. In that case,, there's a time in a place for Western medications, right? So very often SSRIs are needed. In that case, if someone's been on SSRIs for many years and their sexual function is depleted or lowered, we would have to get them on herbs. If they would take Chinese herbs and space it out from when they take their medication. They don't take them at the same time. So the Chinese herbs would then come in and they would tonify and strengthen the kidney

Chi, which is the root of the life force and the sexual energy. Okay. Yeah. And it's possible if they've been on SSRIs for not very long, that acupuncture alone can help with the sexual function, but chances are good if they've been on them for a long time, then probably more than three years. Okay. I would say then we would have to also get them on an herbal formula.

And the herbal formula would counter, it's okay to take those along with SSRIs. That's right. It would not affect the SSRIs at all. As long as you space it out, tell your doctor you're going to do it, it would be fine. Okay. That's good to know, because I feel like that is one of the biggest, one of the biggest problems that people have around one of them we hear from our or just any medications You know that that feels like it's a bummer like I'm happier. I'm less stressed

But I can't have an orgasm right and I never want to sex right So what about also the other thing is that I know when I started hearing about anxiety I'm acupuncture before I actually did it It was a lot of friends who were trying to get pregnant How helps the fertility and I feel like that's really become more common for people to yes And it's the kind of the same thing to how does it work to kind of open up women. When we do acupuncture on people, the needles will guide the energy to different places. In the case of a woman trying to get pregnant, we use fertility points.

So there's different points on the body that actually bring the flow of Qi or energy and blood to the uterus and strengthen and warm the uterus. Now, herbs also could be helpful. Sometimes when we'll get pregnant which is acupuncture alone, but sometimes they'll need both. Depending on their age, depending on if they've tried before,

they already lost babies. If women are out there that have lost babies and have miscarried, I strongly encourage you to get acupuncture and herbs. It can help. Yeah, absolutely. And I think now Western medicine is actually coming around. They are.

Like even health plans are like, we will cover acupuncture. That's right. I'm like, thank God. Yeah. I find it fascinating and I'm telling you it has helped me. I'm with Christian Cristiano. I would find him on his Instagram, which is. Cristiano underscore heals.

Okay. We're going to also have that in the show notes at sexwithendly.com. We both posted sexy photos today, not on purpose. But no, yours, as we said, was inspired by coming on the show. Definitely was. Cos he's a good-looking man also. Okay, so I also came in there initially, I came for the back, but then I stayed because I was having some night sweats and I was having some, you know, I always have anxiety.

That's when you put them in my ears, the needles in my ears. And you really did help me. I feel like nothing was helping me with this. I wasn't really, I didn't know what to do. And then you did give me these herbs that I swear by. And I take like three a day and I don't have the sweats anymore. So I feel like why no one know it. I mean, why chat with the Chinese are you playing this? Definitely. Well. I mean, what's with the Chinese herbs? Can you explain this? Definitely. Well, I mean, most drugs also come from different plants and different substances that come from the earth,

even pharmaceuticals. So Chinese herbs are basically just leaves and twigs and branches that are granulated into a fine powder and then mixed up in a drink or put into capsules. And there's all kinds of different categories for herbs. Some of them tonify blood, some of them tonify cheese and some of them tonify blood some of them tonify cheese some of them clear heat Some of them clear cold. There's all kinds of different types of Chinese herbs and it's been studied for 6000 years exactly

That's amazing to me and I feel like um you had to like go to long school for this for a long time Study all the herbs and all the needles a long long, I don't waste it upon my enemies. Now, but it was, I mean, but right now, do you feel like it's changed in the last years, you have one of years? I've been in acupuncturists not for 11 years. Okay. Has it changed?

I mean, I know we're in California, so it's hard to say, but do you feel like there's been a little more acceptance around it or understanding? Definitely. From both the Western medical community and just from the general population, for sure. And there's certain things like you mentioned women's issues, amenorrhea,

dysmenorrhea, any problems with the period, menopause, digestive problems, fertility issues, those are really strong suits. Okay. Those things we can definitely help with. Then there's other things that are a little more challenging, like high blood pressure, really hard to treat. It's treatable, but it's hard to treat. Okay.

There's other things too that are harder to treat. What would you say were the main things that people come to or do you have a, yeah, why do you have the main things? Any kind of pain. Then I want to hear like a great case study story besides me. Okay, so number one is pain.

Any kind of pain in the body, we can help with pain that we have proven with science. You just take needles in the body and doorfins are released, the pain level goes down. Digestive issues, probably number two, women's issues, infertility, amenorrhea, dysmenorrhea, any PMS. I mean, I have women who come to me who've had horrible PMS cramps. They're 35 years old, they've had them their whole life and they're gone within a few months. It's really effective for that kind of stuff. Yeah, okay, that's amazing to me. Yeah. Okay, right, okay, Christian, thank you so much

for this advice here. I really wanted to open up my audience because they're everywhere. They're all over the country. You can buy acupuncture and it's a real thing. And it works. I have to ask you now, I have a quickie questions that we ask all of our guests.

Okay. Are you ready for that? I'm ready. All right, what is your biggest turn on? My biggest turn on. Confidence and someone who can make me laugh. That's how we like it. That was too. Because turn off. You can do it. People who are mean to the weight staff or any service people. Yes. Hate that. Okay. Number one people. Yes. Hate that. Okay. Number one sex tip. Number one sex tip. Gosh, be patient with each other. Good ones. You know, be patient. Something you would tell your younger self about

sex and relationships, sex and or. I would probably tell my younger self to have a little more fun. I was kind of uptight when I was younger. Yeah. You know, same. Yeah. Can relate. Yeah. We're covering type A personality here. Yep. What's your favorite personality trait in another person? Probably kindness. Thank you, Christian. Anything else? Oh, your retreat, which I totally want to go to your retreat. Let's talk about that for a minute. All right. We can acupuncture by Christian is your website. Yep. And the retreat, where is it? February. So it's February 11th through the 16th 2020 It's gonna be meditation acupuncture really healthy food and

breathwork and yoga can't forget yoga. It's gonna be those five things. Okay, I love it I want to be there. Okay. Thank you Christian for being here. All right. We're gonna take a quick break and then we come back We're gonna get into your email questions. Alright guys, it's so fun answering your questions so thank you everybody for emailing them. If you want an answer on this show go to sexdomy.com, click the Ask Emily tab, fill up the short form or just email me. Feedback at sexwithemily.com, but please include your name, your age, where you live and how you listen to the show. All right, guys, thank you. Okay, Jamie, wanna read the emails?

Of course. Okay, this first one comes to us from Aaron, 20 in Montana. Hi, Emily. I absolutely adore your show. I listen to it every day, I recommend it to all my friends. Ever since I was in high school,

I've been attracted to boys and girls. I think about women sexually, not as much as men, and would definitely have sex with a woman without a second thought. But I'm not romantically into women at all, only men. Is this normal? Is it possible to be heteroromantic, but bisexual? Thank you so much. All right. Okay. Thank you, Aaron, for this question. I like how self-aware you are at 20 and realizing that, you know, you're just trying to figure it out, that you're exploring your attraction to both boys

and girls, men and women. Perhaps not yet have you been romantically attracted to women because I think as women, raised in society as we are today, a lot of us are kind of brought up with the whole fairy tale, men are the ones who romanticize us, Cinderella, find the glass slipper, like the men are doing all that stuff. So in your mind, it might be more tricky to think of yourself being romantically attracted

to a woman, because maybe that's never been modelled to you. You've never seen that. And so I would say just keep going towards people that interest you, people you're attracted to, and you don't have to make any decisions right now, I'm all about not labeling yet. So just know that you're on an exploratory mission right now, you don't have to have all the answers, and you might just be surprised what you find, once you realize that romance and sex isn't necessarily what we have pictures of in our mind, but it's more when we let

go of expectations and let yourself experience these relationships in the moment with each person no matter what they're gender. Thanks, Erin, for your question. expectations and let yourself experience these relationships in the moment with each person no matter what their gender. Thanks, Erin, for your question. Okay, this next one comes just from Nicole, who's 22 in Canada. Hi, Emily, I'm a huge fan of the show. I recently listened to your podcast episode on balancing your sexual energies. I am more of a masculine energy in my daily life. I'm a high-achieving student, work three jobs, pay my own way, and a girl who just likes to get things done.

My boyfriend, however, is more laid back, doesn't have much drive, and just to go with a flow of person. In the bedroom, however, our role switch, as his masculine energy is predominant, and my feminine energy is predominant. I love his masculine energy, and would love to see more of that outside of the bedroom, for example, with him planning dates, having more passions, etc. I don't know how to have this discussion with him without making it sound like he's unmotivated or lazy, which is not true. I recommend that he listed this episode of your podcast to start a conversation, but I was wondering if there's any tips on how to have this discussion so I get more of his masculine energy outside of the bedroom. All right, this is such a good question to call.

We've gotten a lot of responses from people who really enjoyed that episode. Jamie, what was it called? Balancing your sexual energy. Okay, balancing your sexual energies. And so what we're talking about is that a lot of men and women, no matter what gender you are, we all have a masculine and a feminine energy. And for many women who are working hard,

doing our own thing, it tends to be more masculine in our day to day lives. Men can be masculine too, obviously. And then we all have a feminine side. And for women, a lot of them, we want to be more feminine in the bedroom, which would mean that we'd want our more masculine energy from our partner, whether it's a man or woman, because if you have two feminine energies in the bedroom or two masculine energies

in the bedroom, it's polarizing. So you need to have the balance. So I understand what you're saying about that is your boyfriend. You love his energy and you want to see it outside the bedroom. So now this is the thing. You guys are both going to assume you're in your early 20s. He probably just doesn't have a lot of experience, planning, dates, having more passions.

And he might be a little bit lazier on motivated right now at this point in his life. The problem is, it's very hard to motivate someone of this, I'm sure his parents are saying, get a job, get off the couch, you'll be more motivated. I'm sure he probably knows that about himself. But for you, I feel like you're modeling a certain type of behavior that he's attracted to.

Now, it could be because it's the opposite of what he is, and he loves that you're such a go getter and get things done, but he's very set in his ways of being kind of chill and unmotivated. But you have to remember that like, it's a very tricky case because if you tell him that, like, I think it'd be really hot if you went out and got a job

or sort of cleaning up around the house, you know, he's not gonna feel so agreed about it. He's not gonna feel like you're nagging at him, maybe like his mother does. So I just wanna say that people do change throughout their lifetime. I know a lot of people who were kind of a little bit lazy or in the early 20s and they kinda get it together,

he might be one of those guys, he might not be one of those guys, but I really not sure what you could say to him that isn't going to go into, yo, if you say to a guy, I need you to be more masculine in our day-to-day lives. He definitely could take that as a fence. So I would say the best example would be to tell him that when you you really like when he takes the lead on planning dates. You wouldn't even need to get into this part with him but say, I love when you tell me Friday night you've got a plan and we're gonna be doing that plan

or I love when you talk about things that excite you. Let them know that I come up every night really excited about my job and what I'm doing but I wanna hear what makes you happy and maybe he'll be vulnerable and say, you know what lately I have been feeling not motivated. In fact, I'm a little depressed because to me, he has no passions, he's sitting around, he's be vulnerable and say, you know what? Lately, I have been feeling not motivated. In fact, I'm a little depressed. Because to me, he has no passions.

He's sitting around. He's not planning your dates. Maybe he's depressed. Maybe there's something else going on. And so maybe by talking to him about how these things would really be inspiring and make you feel good, might get him to kind of wake up wherever he's at and realize, okay, I got to start taking him initiative.

Taking some initiative in my own life. But I think by kind of letting them know how it would make you feel to see those changes, might be the impetus he needs to get off his butt and start moving. It's tricky one though, but the ego's, but it's not tricky if you save them a place of love and caring about them, which it is.

Not like you better get your shit together. Yeah, I can just say from experience that I had this conversation with an ex in a very wrong way and it did not go down well so. Right, how not to do it. So I wish I had that information when I had my situation. Anyways, right. Get it. Alright, this next one comes to us from Carie who did not provide an age and location, but I guess that's fine. Okay. Do you? But not always fine. We love when you provide it. And even the health of the context.

It's the context, you guys. You know, your age. Yes. For sure. You can just say stay. You can just say the city you're from, but it just helps. Yeah, and if you're not really wanting to share your age, you could also be like, you know, 40 something.

Exactly. 40 something works. All right. Okay. Dear Emily, I have recently found a partner that has changed my sex life and rocked my world. We've listened to your podcast together and love it, but I have an found a partner that has changed my sex life and rocked my world. We've listened to your podcast together and love it. But I have an odd question.

Sometimes my stomach gets gaspy and bloated during sex and greatly impacts my ability to enjoy it. Sometimes, I feel like I have to poop while in the active vaginal penetration and this completely destroys my focus and pleasure. Then, I want to go to the bathroom. It's all pure gas. I know this is super embarrassing and awkward, but I'm curious to know if I'm the only woman having this stomach conflict with sexual pleasure or if I need to see a doctor

of sorts. I've not spoken to my partner about it as it's simply too embarrassing for me. I just want to feel amazing to have sex any time and I feel this has hindered me too often for my own pleasure. Thank you for any help you can provide. All right, carry. Okay, so my thing here is we often hear the people if they want to go to the bathroom They want to poop after anal But for vaginal I'm just wondering if there's something else going on here like Because first of all when you're having a penetrative sex it can't push air up into the vagina or the anus That's what Eric becomes trapped. It can cause

Gas related pain and bloating in your upper abdomen and chest. So that could be part of it. You could try different positions that are closer in proximity, so there's not as much in and out motion that could really allow the gas to build, like shallow thrusts, not really deep thrusts. Doing your kegels can help build your pelvic floor more so

so you feel a little bit stronger in there. Like you can tense and relax and help facilitate orgasm. But I also wanna know, how was your digestion overall? Like have you ever been, you know, checked out your is your bowel's normal? Do you feel like, after this is the only time it's happened? Are there certain foods that have been triggering it? Check out a few of these things here. Could be the penetrative sex. Could be some other gastro-testral challenges you're having.

But just note, this is nothing to be embarrassing about. Embarrassed about sex is messy, sex is a lot of noises and things that happened during sex that aren't always the most perfect thing in the world. In fact, in fact, the messiness of sex is what makes it beautiful. So just try not to trip on that and keep yourself in the moment with your partner and that might help you as well. Okay, and this last one comes to us from Beth 26 in the United States. Is it common to quickly and easily have orgasms during morning sex, but struggle to find them during more intense longer lasting sex at other times of the day? I feel that it should be the opposite since in the morning there's no warm-up involved but simply just getting down to it. sex, but struggle to find them during more intense longer lasting sex at other times of the day.

I feel that it should be the opposite, since in the morning there's no warm-up involved but simply just getting down to it. I almost always get off super quick in the morning with different partners and in different positions. Usually it takes a while for me to climax during sex at other times of the day. I've tried clearing my mind and just focusing on my partner or fantasizing, but my mind is always a barrier for me, do you have any tips on that? Thank you for advance.

Well, yeah, he beth. What I thought when I read this is, wow, the reason why it's working for you in the morning is because you're so night in your head, you just woke up. You don't even have time to like, you know, they say that our mind is the most malleable in the morning. Like it's the best time to get up and write and to do things where the most creative because you don't have all those internal critics and blocks that if they're not awake yet. So I feel like you're just way too in your head in the evening, which it sounds like you

are. The fact that there's already like a problem to you're like, Oh, I can only come in the morning. I can't come in at night. You're setting yourself up for an evening sex routine that's not going to work. Then you're like, Okay, I've got to like make sure that I fantasize and get out of my head. And then it's not working.

So you're probably being too focused on the orgasm in the evening. So what I would recommend is after your next morning sex routine that goes well, right? You're not thinking just how you know what's going to happen. Maybe afterwards you could think, well, what was I doing? Because really if you think about it, the same movements, like what was I doing? Like walk not in the moment because in the moment if you start to think what you're doing, that's going to be another distraction. But after, and then maybe that'll give you

some inspiration for next time you're having sex in the evening and be thinking about, like, oh yeah, I know what this, I know what I did. And then maybe just kind of, if you could do your best just to not think about what's happened in the past, and just think about what you're doing

in that moment in the last time you had morning sex, but when we're really focused on orgasms and we're focused on the end outcome is when we keep ourselves from actually having orgasms. My best advice for you is when you're with a partner is to focus on being present with them. You know, maybe you guys are looking to each other's eyes. You're breath is sinking up. You're focusing on all the sensations like what's my body feeling? Keep going back to how you're moving, what you're smelling, what you're tasting, what you're feeling, and when you're focused on your sensations, there's literally no way

you could be in your head when you engage all five senses. So that's another thing that might help you get it on more to your liking in the evening. All right, Beth, thank you so much for the email. And thank you, everybody, for your questions for participating in this show. Thank you to my friend Christian, the amazing healer for being on this podcast. Thank you everyone for sharing this show with your friends,

telling them if you liked an episode, you know, everyone's always asking like, how are we getting to good podcasts? Which podcasts do you like share with them? Let them know you think it'd be useful. A lot of you listen to it with your partners. That's really helpful as well. So we just appreciate you guys being fans of the show

and supporting us as we move into our 15th year. All right guys, thank you to my amazing team, Ken, Kristen, Michelle, producer, Jamie, and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithamily.com. you