Sex With Emily - Sex Myths & Backdoor Play

Episode Date: December 6, 2018

Every Wednesday, we are going to be bringing you a hump day treat – best of content from the SiriusXM radio show – just to give you a little taste. Emily and Jamie debunk a range of sex myths that people still believe – from different types of orgasms to varying sex drives to what sex actually is. Then, Emily takes calls and gives ways to get into anal play, stroke the prostate, and how to break up with someone around the holidays – and keep it gentle. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Magic Wand Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily For even more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit: sexwithemily.com Check out even more Sex With Emily on SiriusXMStars 109 Mon-Fri 5-7pm PST! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily! Everyone's Day, we're gonna be bringing you a Hump Day treat! It's the best of content from the series Sex and Radio Show, just to give you a little taste. On today's show, we cover, sex myths that still need to be debunked because they just aren't true. We need to get into anal play and stroke that prostate. How to break up with someone over the holidays, but to do it gently. And what to do when your marriage is becoming more like a roommate situation. All this and more, thanks for listening.

[♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Hey, Aveline. You got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. Hey, girls, gotta have a stand. Oh, my. The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh, my God, I'm so, so, so, so. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

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cool thing is I get to reach so many more of you helping you with all those sex and relationship questions, so check it out. You can get a 30 free trial, visit sexwithm.com slash SXM, or get this, even if you don't have serious exam, you can still call me Monday through Friday, five to seven PM Pacific, and I'll answer your question, tripe eight, nine, four, seven, eight, two, seven, seven. So I hope you guys really enjoy these clips from the show.

I wanna hear what you think about it. I think it's, I'm loving it. So I want to hear what you think. You can also follow us on our social media at Sex Family across the board. So enjoy the show. What I thought I'd like to open up with tonight, I want to talk to you about some sex myths.

There's a lot of things I think a lot of us believe because either we had a bismill sex education or zero sex education, or we learned it from our families, our friends, and we believe these things. We believe them to be true because, hey, you know, no one's really talking about sex except for me. And Jamie, Jamie's here.

We're talking about sex tonight. So we always, that's what we do, but really like where else do you like turn on the radio or you watch TV or you read something and it's actually real factual information? You know, I think that a lot of just the basics too. Anatomy, sexual health information is so limited about what we actually know.

So I thought these would be fun to take a gander down sex, myth, lane, and let me lay down the sexual truth. So here's my first one. Sex equals penis and vagina, or PV, as we call it, in sex school. So penis and vagina, in a course, so just the way I go in and out,

might be the first act that you think about when it comes to sex. You're like, we had sex. It means that my penis went into her vagina. It's very heteronormative, I know. But that's what people think. But there's also oral sex, anal sex, fingers, hand jobs, mutual masturbation. There's a lot of things that can be sex, that can be defined as sex.

And I'd love you guys to think about this because I know we've been talking a lot the last few weeks that I've been doing the show that sometimes it's just sex can be challenging, right? Someone's not a rouse or turned on or sex has become a problem. And I think let's think about sex holistically in a larger sense that sex can be just intimacy. It could be Connecting with your partner holding hands it could be you could do just oral sex for one night You can mutually masturbate that is sex. So let's open up how we think about sex doesn't have to just be what you've been taught And it's not like

Winner it doesn't happen in like the same order every time, because then it would be boring. So boring you guys. So this is it when sex goes wrong and you're like, oh god, I'm turned on or I'm not turned on anymore, it's okay to stop having intercourse and then go back to oral or switch it up.

I love switching it up. I love switching it up. That's how it stays interesting. It doesn't have to be, well, I orgasm, you orgasm, you know, no, it could just, there's a lot of different ways to do it. There was this funny, so there's this show called the League. Um, it was on FX. It's like, it's over now. It's a great show. Check it out. Anyways, there was

this episode that I was just watching. And it was like, uh, a couple was having sacks and he was like going for like one breast and then going down this very like thing. And like the wife was like, do you not like my right breast? He's like, no, honey, I love your right breast. She's like, because you only pay attention to the left one. She's like, well, I have, I have my routine, my system. And so it's like, a lot of people do that. They're like, this works.

I'm going to do this every time. But it's like, no, you got to like, They're like, this works. I'm gonna do this every time, but it's like, no, you gotta like, you gotta do something different. You gotta just switch up the order of things. Right, exactly. There's so many of Roger's stones on our body that we never pay attention to kissing the neck, giving your partner a massage,

the, your wrists, your back, all these things. Tickle the back, Roger's stones. Let's pay attention to them, okay? Here's another myth, the longer sex lasts the better. And I hear this a lot from men who are like, oh, I got to last longer, I got to, you know, if I last an hour and a half, I should get a medal. But I don't think anyone wants sex to last that long.

In fact, I think as long as you want sex to last is how long it should last. And when we're talking about sex, it also mean all the stuff that comes before could be like the four play, which I kind of want a new name for that because I feel like that's kind of counter to what we're saying here about sex shouldn't be so linear.

So four play could come after. You could keep going after you have intercourse. But I just, you know, sex can last, you know, as long as you wanted to last. And there was a study that came out that said, actually men and women preferred sex to last about 25 minutes. Yeah, and I think in its entirety,

like you were saying, like all the parts of it, because I feel like 25 minutes, I mean, sometimes. Sometimes 25 minutes, but not every day. No, we get sore too, but not every day. No. We get sore too. It can hurt exactly. Sometimes we're like, and I think that's also why women fake orgasms a lot.

There's many reasons why they do. And I've talked a lot about why they shouldn't. But I think it's sometimes we want it to get over with. We don't want to hurt your feelings. We're done. We know we're not going to have our orgasm, or we already did. So I think this is something to

Bring up with your partner too. Maybe they think you want it to go so long and you don't invite you know man and women Is there like um I guess like a less awkward way to be like this needs to stop now I'm done. You just roll out. How about you pick up your phone and start scrolling Instagram? That's a good thing. Oh my god. Did I lose you here? I'm just done. Yeah, sorry. Just how about just babe. Let's take a break. How about take a break? I love taking a break. That's what I'll do sometimes in my relate. Well, like let's take a break because then we know it's not over It's okay that both of us in orgasm are no one did but we know we're coming back to it and why not think of our sex Why not never end sex with your partner? I mean, I always say four play starts

after the last orgasm. And what I mean by that is that we should always be connecting to our partner, like sending a sexy text, talking about what we wanna do next or how how it sex was the night before. Not only every day all day, we have jobs and lives, but keep that fire, that pilot light. I talk about the pilot light a lot, but that's that internal flame for sex.

Just keep that going, and then you can always just dive in, dive out, be in and be out of sex. Think it is a continued thing that never ends. Okay, so the next myth, vaginal orgasms are superior to literal orgasms. Oh, God. I know. Who says that there's a superior? Who gave out medals here? You win. But that has been the myth. You win, you had a vaginal.

Your pity little orgasms mean none is dead to me. No. Oh, and here's the truth. That would mean that. If that worked to, that would mean that only about 20% of women are having the right kind of orgasms because only 15 to 25% of women can orgasm through vaginal penetration alone. So let me sick that in for a minute, okay? 15 to 25% so that means that, and I think that number is higher than that actually.

I think lower than that. Like I think that, um, oh no, right, so that means that, okay, no, that's right. Math is not, sex I think that um, it might even be that. Oh no, right. So that means that, okay, no, that's right. Math is not, sex is my strong suit, that math. So that means that between 75% to that means like 75% of women are not having vaginal orgasms during intercourse. The good news is it's not your fault, who's ever having sex with them.

It means that we require, we require, we need literal stimulation. We just need it. And that could come before sex. It could come during sex using fingers, using toys. But to get back to the point here, vaginal orgasms are great. No orgasms interfere to any other orgasms. And most orgasms, you know, internal, you know,

are still clitoral and it's all connected down there too. So sometimes it has to do with our anatomy. It has to do with other things like has to do with our, how close we are to our vaginal opening is to our clitoris for women. So there's a lot of different things that can be a factor here. And so just, and I also think that every woman could actually

learn to have more internal orgasms just to mix it up. But again, there's a blended. Sometimes we have the clitoris. Isn't just that love button. It's like the wishbone. It has legs that go inside of you. So there's so many orgasms. Let's try to have them all.

Yeah, it's really cool. If you look it up, if you look up, what a clitoris looks like, you might be surprised. Yeah, exactly, you guys. It's not just a button. It looks like a wishbone. The legs. Like a wishbone, you could hug.

A wishbone that you want to hug and lick and kiss and suck for a long time. And then we've got here, here's another myth. Men want sex and women want love. This is something that you always hear like, men are gonna, women are gonna have sex to get to the love. Mm-hmm. And men are going to,

men are gonna have sex to get the love and women want the love. It's, I think it's, I think it's, I don't know, I think it's like men give love to have sex and then women. Oh. Men's barter love to get sex and women barter sex to get love. We've all heard this, right? That there are, which is totally false. I know most men, I know they want affection and cuddling

and foreplay just as much as women do. And what's interesting is that men often really want the connection of being with a partner and women want better sex in their bodies. So men want that physical thing about it. When men don't have a partner, they're watching porn. They might be going to a strip club or even getting prostitutes because men actually do want, they want to look at a woman's face.

There was a study that came out that showed what men are actually looking at when they ejaculate during porn and they're looking at the women's face to get the reaction. So for men, they want that connection. Women, we can get that physical connection as home, but we want more of a somatic experience. Like, we want better sex in our bodies. So let me explain this difference here, is that it's somatic, which means body,

versus empathic pleasure. So I think that men, it's easier for men to get off. We just know that. I know that there can be challenges, but the truth is men, it's easier for you guys to orgasm. You don't even have to talk about different kinds of like spots on your body, like you're pretty much gonna come. But for women, we want to be with a partner

who can get us off, who understands our body or that we need to know our own bodies so we can explain it to our partner So I think that you know men want to be with the partner they connect with which makes sense and women want to be with a partner who knows that can help them Figure out the best sensations in their bodies. Help us get there. So that's the way of saying that is not true I think we all want love and we all want sex Then we've got porn viewing is slippery slope to addiction. Now porn addiction is a rare, rare condition. It can happen.

And really the thing about porn is you know that there's a problem if there's consequences. Just like any addiction, shopping addiction, drug addiction, if you're a smoker. If there's consequences, meaning your master reading so much that you can't make it to work, you can no longer have sex with your partner, that's when it's a problem. But if it's not consuming your life, you're fine. We had a great show about this with Jamie Waxman. You guys, you should totally check out the Series XM app. Check out the show from last week. We talked a lot about porn. Here's another one, another myth.

You and your partner have to want the same amount of sex. That's like the biggest one. The number one myth here, if you were listening to last night's show, here's what is normal. It's normal to not be at the same level of desire. Like it's typical that one partner is gonna want to have higher desire. One partner is gonna have lower desire, and then that could switch the next week. That could switch the next year. And that assumption follows that women want to have less sex than men.

So the goal here with mismatched libidos is just at first number one, accept the fact that you and your partner are not always going to want sex the same rate as you did in the beginning, because in the beginning you probably wanted it all the time. So your goal with libidos and sex live with your partner is not to match your partner's libido, it's to negotiate and to compromise and to figure out how often, how frequent, what time of day is best for you to sex, scheduling sex, and nurturing that connection and letting go of all the unrealistic expectations that there's something wrong with you or your partner because you don't want to. It's like, I can't think of anything more normal.

Like, it's probably the top question we get asked is, why does my partner want to sex when I do or vice versa? Exactly. So, I think there's a lot of other things. Also, eye contact kissing, touching, holding hands, massage. They're always to stay connected without the expectation of sex. Because the flip side of this is sometimes we have such a high expectation of intercourse, but sometimes our partner might just want to cuddle or have a massage, which BTW could

lead to sex. So sometimes just that intimacy is enough. And then to something that you say all the time Emily is talking about what initiation looks like to each other. Yeah. Because I know that's like one thing. It's like some partners are like, I do want to have sex. I just wait for you to want that sex.

Exactly. So if you're waiting for your partner, maybe you've been said to them, I wish you would initiate more. My follow up question, as Jamie saying, is tell me what that looks like for you, for me to initiate. And then that's your job.

The partner is asking your partner to initiate more to say, well, I guess when I get home from work, if you start giving me a back massage, that'll be a good signal that you want to sex. Or if you throw me down in the bed and start giving me a blow job, or I would say throw me down the bed and start going down to me,

like that's how we know. Or maybe you, whatever, figure out what it means to you, it's a great exercise too, because you might not know. Yeah. Then you could figure out with your partner. I know, I was trying to think, I'm like, how do I initiate, and I guess I just, I don't know. You just roll over and you just grab his penis,

pull down his pants. Usually. Yeah, I guess I just, you know, start making out. I do the net kiss a lot. The net kiss is a great one. Yeah, you start the net kiss, you do the hot breathing on the earlobe. Yeah, a rogina sound.

Hot breathing on earlobe is so amazing, and I don't think it happens enough. It does. It takes small kisses around the neck and the ears are so arrogenous for men and women. Or already chock-full of information here. Okay, so here's our last myth. Once you get aroused, you should stay aroused.

Mm-hmm. No, you guys. Arousal is gonna naturally ebb and flow even in the same moment, in the same sex session. Your blood flow to your body is gonna alternate throughout for play, throughout sex. And we all know that sometimes like a phone call, the kids, a dog, you know, something can interrupt it.

And they were like, oh God, it's gone, it's gone. And we talk a lot about mindfulness here and about how to get back. And how you get back to it is if you don't attach to it. Like, oh man, my mouth is gone. I'm not gonna get my men. You're like, I'm not gonna get my boner back. I'm not, I'm not hard anymore.

And then we trip ourselves out. And we're like, it's not gonna happen. But the truth is, if you're just like, okay, right're like, I'm not gonna get my boner back. I'm not, I'm not hard anymore. And then we trip ourselves out, and we're like, it's not gonna happen. But the truth is, if you're just like, okay, right now, it's not hard, I'm gonna just go back to making out with my partner. Or we're gonna take a quick break, and come back, not a quick break on the show. That's what I'm like.

Let's take a quick break, baby, get some pizza. No, but you're gonna like, maybe you're gonna take a break to your, with your partner and say, like, okay, let's, but it doesn't mean that it's done. So I think we get, it's the attachment we have to what's happening with our arousal, that gets us less aroused. So we can bring it back if you believe that.

It will come back. Yeah, I think like, because there are times it's like something happens, you're like, oh my God, like I just lost it. I don't know what happened, but you get so fixated on the fact that you lost it, you keep yourself in that box. Right.

Because you're thinking about it, and that means that your blood is flowing to your head away from your genitals. So the more you're thinking, the less the rags you are. It's true, the more you're obsessed with it. It is true. If your brain is taking all that blood flow and flood, you know, your genital, you're no longer

have blood rushing there. So where do you want your blood to rush and flush? To the genitals, we're gonna take a break, you can think about that. Alright, we're gonna take a quick break and we come back onto your calls. Michael, 29 in Illinois, and he wants to know, is it normal for men to crave anal activity? Oh, yeah. Hey Michael. Hi, how are you? I'm good. So, anal, you're craving it from your partner. You would like to be the receiver of anal. I think I'd like to receive it. We've been married 10 years and I find myself more and more. She has touched me before and I really enjoyed

it. But I'm worried about where that could lead to. Would it always stay a heterosexual desire or would I want something more? Right. I also wanted to ask you what you thought about toys and using those types of toys. God, I love toys. I love love toys. I really do. So I'm glad you asked this, Michael. First of all, it's a sexual act.

It's not your sexual orientation. So that's all it is. So having anal sex, there's a lot of straight men who really like anal sex, who like being anal-penetrated using a toy, using a, you know, a dildo, using a strap on. And that's because it feels so good. It's this, the prostate in men is like the male, the peace spot, like how women have a g-spot. So for men, exploring that area tons of straight men does not mean you're gay at all. Where it could lead to is explosive, full body orgasms that you said, no idea you could

experience. So I think that maybe starting with her finger, using some lube, maybe using a strap on at some time or a dildo, that might feel great. So I think it's totally fine that you're curious about that. And it makes a lot of sense. So how does a strap on work? I'm not familiar with that.

Okay, so a strap on, use like a belt. It's like a harness that has a dildo on it. So essentially she would wear it around her waist and then you would buy like a dildo that use like a belt, it's like a harness that has a dildo on it. So essentially, she would wear it around her waist and then you would buy like a dildo that looks like a penis and it's sticking out and it and she would use that to penetrate you. And she would use lots of lube and you would go slow and there's a classic film on this. I hope it's a Carol Queen's called Bend Over Boyfriend. You could find it. You could actually go to our site, section of the Mee.com. We have a store there and we have, there's a lot

of harnesses there and you could probably find this. But that, it's called pegging. It's something you don't try right away, but I think you don't want to go home and try it tonight, but I think it's something you could build up to. There's also toys like a narrow, makes amazing toys for men called the Trident. They have a Trident line and it's a toy that you put in your prostate that can just feel amazing. It's made just for that kind of stimulation. This is good news. I love that you're exploring this

and that your wife is into it. Okay, and so like as a Christian, do you have any advice? Is that okay from a Christian perspective to do those types of things? I don't have advice from a Christian perspective, but I have advice from a human perspective, and that we all, pleasure is our birthright.

And I think that in order for all of us to have really incredible sex, it connected sex, and to feel, it's our right to have pleasure, and that to explore all these delicious erogenous zones that we have that we never ever explore. So I think that is your right. I can't speak on your religion, but I can tell you that I want you

to have all the pleasure and experience that you desire. You're young, you're 29 years old. You want to stay with your partner and keep growing it and experiencing things. So that's what I know. You deserve to have. So last question then, say, you don't worry then that this would grow towards wanting

to have to be getting to make any of the male contact. No, no, I do not. I mean, have you tell me though, Michael, have you ever had any fantasies about being with men ever, like when you are a kid, was there ever anything like that in your mind? Yes. Okay. So.

Never have done it. Well, that's okay. So. It's okay. It's okay. It's Well, that's okay. So it's be work, it's still good. Yeah, I mean, I don't think anal sex, having anal sex would not lead you to change your sexual orientation and desires. If you're interested, you might be interested in men

that could, don't blame it on the anal sex. It's something that I think might be important for you to explore. Because I think that's also not a way to live life. If you have desires and urges, I think that's just a way of life. I think that that might be something you need to explore. I don't think it's a slip or a gateway.

I don't think anal is a gateway for you becoming gay. Okay, okay. You've got a great couple of things. Of course, I will be here for you, Michael. Thanks, have a great night. A lot of times, we have fantasies about members of the same sex, and it doesn't mean that we're gay, it doesn't mean anything.

We have fantasies that we don't actually want to act on. So that's really common too. I just want you guys to know, men, fantasies about men, doesn't mean you're gay, women, often women, fantasies about women, doesn't mean you're lesbian. And the other thing is that just about prostate stimulation, if I didn't mention this, actually really good for your health for men. It's a very healthy part of having a good sex life and your sexual health and wellness keeping it in top shape.

That's what I gotta say about anal for now. All right, we have Renee, 32 in Iowa and she wants to know how to break up with someone around the holidays. Oh Renee, Tis the Breaking season. Hey Renee. Hey there. Hey. Hey.

This is the time of year. I know. It's kind of, it's more than just the holidays too, because the other thing is, you don't want to do it during the holidays, because it just kills the spirit. Right. But also, I am currently his right to work. So, okay. You mean everything?

How do I do this without completely leaving him in the cold? Well, okay, so literally they've been in the cold because you're in Iowa. So my question for you is this, so are you guys, how long have you been together and are you certain you want to break up? Did something happen? Are you just ready? I'm just ready. We've been together since July, officially, you know.

Okay. And there were a couple things that I was trepidation about getting into a relationship and I told him, because he's a smoker and I cannot stay on this table. Yeah, that's a deal breaker. Obviously in my clothes. Yeah.

And he told me he tried to quit. And he even bought him gum and everything and that's not happening in carrier almost December. Yeah. Okay, so six, seven months and you're not into it. I think you just, that's fine. The deal smoking is a deal breaker. But that is, I get it. So I think in whatever else, I mean, it's been six months. So I think Renee, you just got to, you know, I think the

tips that you got to meet up with him, I think that's the right thing to do. And just say, I'm not, I love the time we spent together. And I'm just really not feeling this relationship. I mean, you're not married, you don't have kids. I mean, I know, I think it's the right thing to do. And he'll find another, how was he getting to work before he met you? He had a car and it died on him during our relationship and he just hasn't had the money saved up yet to get his another car. Yeah, well, he'll figure it out. So, you know, because you're also doing him a favor by letting him go when you know it's over. Like, I think a lot of us think we want to stay

in the relationship because we feel so bad that they're never going to be able to get on without us, but we're actually doing them a favor by letting them go. So I think, you know, yeah, the holidays, but you sound pretty certain that you're done. Yeah, I feel like I give and I never receive. Yeah, I feel like anyway. And have you tried to work on it? Like, have you told them the things that are important to you to receive.

I guess I've probably done the girl thing and done a bunch ahead. Yeah, that's a lot of work. Our partners aren't mine readers, especially men. And women don't read men's minds. We don't. I mean, this might be a practice for you in another relationship, or if you want to give it one more try, it really helps to be direct and say, you know what? Every time I see you, I bring you coffee and a donut in the morning when I pick you up for work

And I would just love if you it sounds like you want him to you know if you surprised me with something or you plan the date or whatever Your things are you gotta let him know You know we their hints don't work. We think they do and then we get all mad and have a whole we break up in our head, right? But they don't know He can get like okay Well, I have been direct on a couple of things. Like, for example, for Christmas, he just out of the blue told me that he wants

the specific jersey. That's $100. I go, oh, OK, well here's my wish list. He goes, oh, that's nice. I've got one of those, too. Oh, so he sounds like cheap. Right, like you're supposed to buy for him, and he's not going to buy.

Yeah, he sounds maybe he's a little cheap and insensitive i think he's selfish more than anything that is selfish i've noticed how how spoiled he had like he moved during our relationship in his and mom showed up and cleaned his new apartment oh god he's a mom is by how old is he? he's 40 oh he's 40 i'm telling you it doesn't mean anything about it it doesn't really tell you anything But he sounds like he's kind of a mom's boy

Maybe spoiled. Yeah, it sounds like you you kind of know and it feels you know, but if you know I'm getting more and more hands as we go That says a lot is 40 is mom clean the place He doesn't have a car and you're picking him up and you're a giver. You're a pleaser like it feels good to you to give someone Yeah, I can tell you want to film up You don't mind driving him. You don't mind that's who you are And that's really easy to also end up with people who might take advantage of it and who are selfish So Renee, let's learn from this. I think we learn we kind of we choose to each

Relationship that we're in and then we get out of it. There's a lesson. There's so many lessons to learn a lot of us Blame the person and we don't think about it But to go okay, well, why was I attracted to him? And then, you know, you could even just take some time without dating and be like, what was it? And what could I not do next time? So that could be really helpful for you. But I think you just got to be honest on you and not stay with him just because it's the holidays. His mom can drive him to work, okay? Okay. Okay. Okay. Perfect. You got this, Renee. Just be honest, be yourself. Okay, thanks for calling sex family. I appreciate it Renee. We are here. We are taking your calls.

We are here for Brian. Alright Brian. It's Brian 7 in Colorado. And it's wife of 25 years has no interest in that. Okay Brian. Hi Brian. Hey Emily. Hey. How are you? Good. So I have the wife that enjoys the sex but has like no interest and no talking about it. No texting, no talking. It's just when it happens, it happens 17-year-old daughter at home. Yeah. And it's kind of boring. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hear you. So you, how was it at the beginning? It was good. It was good at the beginning. No doubt. And if you guys ever, I know it's 25. I'm just trying to think, like, when did it,

was it after you had kids or it just been like the last? Yes, definitely after we had kids. So it's been a long time now. And you guys have never really talked about sex? Well, you talked and she'll talk, but then it, no action. Nothing follows. Right. No sexy texting no action. Nothing follows. No sexy texting, nothing.

No that. It's like, you shy and embarrassed about it. Yeah, well, that's a thing, because no one else is doing it. We didn't learn. We weren't raised that way. You know, she thinks it's wrong and, you know, sinful. So it sounds like you might have to try a different approach here, because you love your wife and you want to stay with her.

So I think it's more of a talk about the state of our sex life together. Like, when you guys are a dinner, you do something outside the bedroom and just say, I really are intimacy and our sexual health of our relationship is so important to me. And so I want to talk about it because it is important for us to connect and be intimate. And so let's talk about some things that might get you more in the mood or what we can do to like, it's make it more about her, you know, more about finding what actually gets her in the mood and turns her on.

And, you know, if she might be, if she's, she your age as well, 47? Yes. You know, again, they're, I, they're, I'm going to have some hormone experts on the show because there could be something going on with hormones, but you said it's been going on a long time. So it's, I'm not just going to blame hormones, but you've said it's been going on a long time. So I'm not just gonna blame hormones. I'm gonna blame the fact that women get turned on differently and aroused different than men and that we get stressed out.

We, you know, we get disconnected from our bodies, we don't masturbate as often as we should and we just don't, we don't, we're just disconnect from it and we just feel like it's a separate part of us and then we'd so much time goes by so it's only like she needs to get to know herself again. So, and we need to find out what she is into and what, you know, there's a good blog in our site

called Mind Body libido. It's at sexwithadley.com. That might be very helpful for you guys to read together and just get some more information about it. In a loving place, not blaming her, not shaming her for not wanting for so long, but like from a state of like, I love us, and I wanna help make this great for you again.

And just be patient. That sounds good. Okay, good, thanks Brian. Thanks for calling sex with Emily. Yeah, you're so welcome you guys. Here's the thing, we, I think that we often think well we had a conversation once, are we tried it? We've said it three times, I want more sex

and nothing's happened or 10 times. But then you think well, it doesn't mean that your partner doesn't actually want to. It just means that we got to change our tactic. We got to change the way we're talking about it. Try something different. So I just think you don't give up. Keep calm, you will give you suggestions. All right, everyone.

Thanks for listening to this serious XM hump day treat. Let me know what you think about it and thanks to my amazing, amazing team, Ken, Sarah, producer, Jamie, and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwitheml.com. you