Sex With Emily - Sex Obsessed: The Biggest Myth We’re Not Buying

Episode Date: September 7, 2016

Does having a high sex drive equal sex obsessed? In today’s show, Emily and Anderson are busting through one of the biggest sex myths of our time—in addition to addressing your sexual confidence conundrums, of course!   Are you worried that your high libido may scare off your new beau? What do you do when you’re cohabitating AND uncoupling at the same time? Is your inexperience giving you a false start in the bedroom? Emily and Anderson answer these bedroom insecurities and more—plus, tell you the best way to deal with the age old question, “What’s your sex number?” Whether you think you’re slightly sexually obsessed, you have a lower libido than average, or you’re quite content with your sexual appetite, this podcast may give you a new sense of self! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Well, we're keeping back to sexual confidence month going strong by helping you conquer some of your sex and relationship insecurities. Does wanting sex more than your partner mean you're a sex addict? Try to get you through a breakup without breaking a lease. Tips for rebuilding your body confidence, post-baby overcoming performance anxiety. There's a lot in the show. Enjoy.

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visit therabbitcompany.com or click the rabbit company banner on my website. Hey, why not? Lay it on today. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubize they call them and apply God. Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend?

Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean like laundry? It's shrink?

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here. So, so, so, so. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Evelyn is not the kind of girl you just play with. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithendle.com. Hang out there. You're going to find a lot of the answers to your questions there. Just learn a lot more about sex and relationships on the site. We've got videos, we've got things, you've got to subscribe

to our newsletter, and you've got to follow us on Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, it's all at sexwithmly. Facebook.com.sex with Emily. And plus, we've got a really cool store on the site, so you can shop with Emily. Plus, you can download the show on Google Play, SoundCloud, and Spotify, not just iTunes anymore. And we've added some good shows lately.

How to pick a better partner. It's called Sexual Selection. How to pick a better partner. And I'm here with Anderson. And Anderson, on this show, I'm sorry you weren't here for it, but we talked about what it means to have a broken picker a picker Broke that's I drew says that true. Yeah, I stole it from Drew, but I will attribute to him But it's interesting like when you keep dating the same people over and over again kind of like the wrong person

I have that problem. Yeah, you still have it. No, no, no, no, I'm kidding That's that why I had that problem for so long until I really just realized like this type of person is not working for me I think it drew you to say look for butterflies not lightning bolts Yeah, that's good. Thank God you're I used to say I used to say it was like going on a dating diet I try and date like people without calories or like boring people that you might find boring Right, it's like I'm duty dating in a way like you're like you know what this guy seems great I'm paper but I'm not tracked to him that sure you might be surprised or a girl a like I'm duty dating in a way. Like you're like, you know what? This guy seems great. I'm paper, but I'm not a track to him.

Not sure you might be surprised or a girl, a woman. And I've been in a lot of relationships where like I knew that they were attracted me for the wrong reasons. And once they started to get feelings, which is inevitable here with me. Right. Although once they got feelings, they'd run for the hills. They'd be like, oh, this is too much out.

And how do you know they were dating? What were they dating you? What were the wrong reasons? Well, I like to drink. I'm center of attention at times. I'm exciting. Some might say. And I like to go out and do reckless things. And they'd be attracted to that side of me. And then once it was time to sit down and watch Conan, Conan the late night talk show, not the movie. Right. You know, I'd night and like they'd be snuggling or whatever. They'd don't like this it's too close and they be out. Wow. Okay got it So you're and you don't date those those women

Happily married now to a woman who does not get me beer out of the fridge. I got it I used to yeah wanted to go out and get beer right I don't know what I see state guys just weren't they're all very similar School know I need to date that guy that was you know drink too much life of the party guy Yeah, didn't really go that far, but you're tracking some of those things and you realize this Step back here. The sounds familiar to me how to go last time You know we have all the information we need sounds we just need to slow down take a look at our parents So that was a good show also I'm going to be in New York for the sexual health Expo And I can't wait to see you all there.

September 24th and 25th in Brooklyn, and I'm doing a live podcast on Saturday, September 24th at 1 p.m. Can't wait to see you all there in New York. You can click on the banner website, and I wish you were come with me. Last time you were supposed to do a podcast and she, here in LA, but you're busy drinking with friends.

Nothing's changed. Life of the party. You were busy. I thought a lot of change. I can't go to New York because my wife is very pregnant I'm about to get birth. I gotta be on standby. It's not I Okay, it's about excuse and parting with your college friend I don't have college friends. Anyways, yeah, it's good sexual sexual health expo New York, yeah, Brooklyn Hips just need to have sex too. They do everyone needs a lot of hipsters in that Brooklyn That is I know people are becoming him from everywhere, but the hipsters too. Yeah love them hipsters Love everyone way too much

So yeah, so back to self confidence. That's what we're doing sexual confidence just to paint a picture for the listener again Who can't see and said you know most people I've been working in radio or spoken word and I can't say. Instead of, most people, I've been working in radio or spoken word and podcasting and terrestrial for a long time. Been working with microphones people to talk into them. People usually use water to wet their beak. Well, I'm obsessed. Keep their mouth like moist.

Sorry, I have a moist. I know it's a bad word. I'm so sorry. It's essential if you're going to just be speaking, especially if you're doing it for a living, to have a mouth that's right. You can't have a dry mouth. A lubricated mouth.

Yeah, that's why stoners don't get into a lot of distressed or radio, except for Kevin Smith. But so you got to be lubricated. And Emily, instead of drinking water, she's. I'm spraying Doc Johnson good head. It's called wet, it's good wet head, dry mouth spray, juicy apple flavor. And I have it here during every show in the Sex Filming Studios because I love it.

I, it tastes like strawberry. And the point is, it's so, it's so much better than if I was like, they heard that. Yeah, wait, that's not too bad. And if I had the cotton mouth and I just, I don't know, it tastes good, but it's also great for blow jobs, which is the purpose of it, because it's not. Good for diet too.

I'm not even hungry, I said chocolate. I know, you just eat that old. I like it, it's kind of fun. And it does make it. It's called wet head. I'm on the all wet. You can get on my website. It's like seven eight ten dollars. And it's the best investment because one of the top tips I have for giving a killer blow job is you want you got to have enough saliva. You got enough lubricant. You got enough wetness. If you're not blowing guys, you're talking of the microphone. So you always have to have a wet mouth.

Right. I need a wet mouth 24 or 7. Can you imagine my plate? Yes, I can imagine. I've got bottles of these everywhere. Back in my car. Everywhere you go. Yeah, but junky.

Some people are addicted to, chapstick you're addicted to. I am. I love it. I'm like, where's the way ahead? I was like, oh, here it is. So it's very comforting for me. I had to give you an update, Anderson. I've been saving this nugget for you.

But do you remember this has been kind of an ongoing thing? Was it that I have a housekeeper who's worked for me for about three, you know, three, four years? And I have a very, I live in a very small, little cute little house, little bungalow, if you will. And, you know, I can't help but have sex toys lying around. I mean, not like the used ones, but sometimes they're charging or you've seen that poster, you know, not, you know, like are the magazines, the sex books that we're, and I've always wondered what does

she think? And we don't speak the same language, so there could, there's a barrier. And I've just picked French, right? We, I just a powerful sense. Oh, if she spoke French, I want to be a prop. Probably. We should probably really will. Will I speak French? Yeah. Yeah, I'll say. Oh, people.

Yeah, you're supposed to learn the language of love. I like it. Really? It's stuck. Stuck. Why don't you speak to your French maid? Oh, she's not French. She's not French.

So that's always been a thing. I'm so was wondering because sometimes I just don't have, you know, okay. So there is the story. Let's just remind the list Oh, yeah, what was the story that was in the back room banging that boyfriend right while the the not French housekeepers out You know cleaning up her bungalow and whatnot and she goes, oh, I hope she can't hear me Oh, do you think she that my housekeeper can hear me having sex and then it strikes Emily's She goes oh, oh wait not only might she hear me having sex right now,

but I left my sex toys on the kitchen counter to dry out on the rack for dishes. It's true. So I don't have a dishwasher. I have. Sexual deviant. I know there's a phone call. I need in the back room while the robotic sex toys

are drying up the rack. There was like a new guy I was dating and we wanted that morning sex thing. And yeah, that was bad too. So yes, there's been a few things that have happened where I've just pondered it and so then she came here her daughter actually came to be off sex with them. I'm the office to clean the office. Go go school or.

And I said to her she came and I said just so you see I have an office it's based on you know sex I'm just curious though you guys have been cleaning my house. What what do you think and she said well we just we just kind of we've talked about it a lot so I wasn't wrong and we just thought maybe you were just a little kinky, a little kinky. I said, you're kinky for 11 because then they also go into the garage. And I've got like my sports sheets under bed restraints and box the Sybian, you know, stuff like that. So I just wanted to let you know that they did, they did, they didn't do that. Judgment around it.

But I'm or a thought around it. And it's a good. I'm like, kinky. She sends her daughter now. She's entered daughter here to do the analysis of she hadn't been to the office. Not a little kid though. I thought around it and it's a good thing. I'm looking at my kinky. And she sends her daughter now. She sends her daughter here to do the analysis that she hadn't been to the office yet. Not a little kid though.

She's like mid-told. Oh, she's like 22. Okay. That be odd. She sent a 12 year old daughter to come. And I was like, well, when you come in and see my rabbit toys, right? No, that didn't happen.

But anyway, sexual confidence month, we're gonna cover that some of the emails today. You're a little kinky. I'm a little kinky. I'm a little kinky. I thought that was funny as she said that. I was like, yeah. I mean, I guess I, I don't know why. You have to be kinky for your little.

I am kinky. I guess. I'm sorry. Hey, you got kagel balls flying out of your vagina at corporate meetings, all right? You're kinky. Let's move on. It wasn't, I don't do it for sexual status.

Well, I guess I do it for a later. Yes, ultimately, yes. Ultimately, I know that was weird. I don't know why that sexual status. Well, I guess I do it for that's ultimately. Yes, ultimately I know that was weird I don't know why that day. I'm like this is a good time when I'm wearing these wide-legged pants You don't know or time it's the last week's episode right? Yeah, I did have a kegible incident But it doesn't never happen But my I've kegles of steel Hey, do they bounce when they when you drop a kegible? It bounced you should do trick

It bounced right back in my hand. You should learn how you can like bounce it right back into your hand And you could wear a skirt and you could do a little tricks on stage. Like the twilight of your career. Like in Vegas. Exactly. Or in like in Thailand. Because I'm never going to Thailand, Bangkok,

and you could see a lot of the women there like smoking cigarettes and so on. I've heard things. That's true. They do with the pink gong balls. I don't really want it. It's on a goal. It blows.

That's not my goal for my later years in life. But it's good to know I have options. Okay, let's move to some sex in the news. Okay, what to do when she asks you how many women have you slept with? Could your sexual history make or break your relationship? That's what a new study conducted says that in a survey more than 2,000 Europeans and Americans 30% said they'd be at least somewhat likely to end a relationship If they found out their partner had too many previous sexual partners What the heck is too many well on average the women's survey so they consider anyone who would stop with 15 or more partners 15 one five right that is an issue and men set their limit at 14 part

I want to know how old these people are That they're surveying, but also, that seniors in high school, must be or college, but here's a thing. The best way to deal with this question is to not have the conversation at all. Not answer it, it's never going to, I'm telling you, it's never going to serve your relationship.

There's no reason your partner needs to know, unless you have an SCD and you just say, an SCD, you don't have to say, well, it was guy number 16, no. And you don't even know probably where you got to find. Well, maybe it's 15 STDs is too many. I would agree with them there. No, a guy number 15 gave me the STD. So you had 15 separate STDs. I would, I would agree that that's too many. Right. And you should end a

relationship. But to borrow a phrase from Drew once again here, we go. Oh, Jesus. Yeah. But more mystery less history. That's what you want. All the time. Because I think we're asking in some ways, because we've been securities. I history. That's a good one. I say all the time. Because I think we're asking in some ways because we've been securities. I think that it's a little different. Like men might be worrying that they're not as experienced. So I think it's the same as insecurity.

They don't have as much experience as the woman with or that maybe there's a judgment she's too slutty. I can tell you just from personal experience that the idea of foreign peens, weans being inside that vagina, especially if I really care about it, that's stuff. It's tough to- To think there was a ween that came before in June.

Yes, and I've been in relationships where I've obsessed about that, and I've obsessed about each and every single one of their previous partners to the point where it's very unhealthy, and I knew their names, and I would daydream about it while sitting in a traffic and making myself nauseous, and I wouldn't- When about it while sitting in a traffic and getting I make myself nauseous and I wonder when you were younger right? I think this is like a 20s and 20s. I don't think the guys asked me like in my 30s and 30s. You might not be too but a lot of the time also I realized that those were bad relationships those were relationships that I

on some some conscious level was trying to sabotage. To sabotage and get out of anyways because they weren't the right relationships. Right. So I think it's is not the way to findage. Sabetage and get out of anyways because they weren't the right relationships for me. I think it's not the way to find out. I don't think this is useful information. How do you avoid it though? If you got somebody in your face saying, how many? How many? This is what you gotta say.

I say, you know what? Right now, I really am enjoying the sex that we're having. And I really don't. Lost counts, not a good answer. Yeah, I lost count like last week. I don't think how, I don't see how this information is really relevant to our relationship right now because really I'm just focused on our sex life.

If you're dating someone, really dumb, you can do this and go, look at this, keys. And then they'll forget about that and they'll start looking at your keys. Just some of the ADD maybe, which I would do. I'd be like, what are the keys? And then I'd forget. Yeah, I can totally do that to you.

Yeah, totally, you can do it all day long. I would be like, well, keys. When you're coming back, you're like, they don't get in the car. So how many keys? What are you doing that before? Why do you do that totally do it all you get it all they long I really keep coming back to it like day like so how many keys What you do that before why do you do that? I was like car interesting. I know this is bibb. What kind of car do you have yeah? I'm really been working Emily and I've been working it for two maybe three years and it occurred to her one day She's like I have no idea what kind of car you drive even though I meet you in the parking lot half the night Half the nights of the week when we're going together

Literally, I was like oh what if he's coming and I thought there was a if you're showing up or if I was already there if I was in the park. Yeah I couldn't tell you where there is. There's like five cars in this parking lot but in fairness to you it was always nighttime. Well not a lot of light in that parking lot of carol. I don't pay attention to I don't care cars they don't register to me you know it's not a yeah she's not a car girl. a car girl She's you're not a girl who cares about the materials. I'm not at all about the emotion I do and that ocean and you're always very emotionally available to me not emotionally

I'm just saying that you care it when you're yeah, I'm not like what kind of car does he have let me check out your keys got it got I'm driving Lexus to be clear now that I know but I still remember color It's a black old Lexus and it's backfiring right now. You know, it's bad. Bad times if you're Japanese cars, backfiring, and your wife is very pregnant. Bad times, Count House, or no, I'm fine. I'm good.

You're good. Well, you're going to direct a movie. Everyone's going to support it. Everything is going to the right direction. That's good. I love it. OK, so yeah, you guys don't answer that question. I'm telling you, at the time, you're part't answer that question. I'm telling you at the time

You're part of it. Why won't you tell me why you said too many to too many is to be like, you know what? Relevant sex. I said it wasn't relevant. Just don't talk about it. We'll be with this just all count right That'll scare them maybe away from asking the question Just don't talk about it. Just let's talk about say I have a better conversation. Let's talk about what kind of sex right now tonight Turn to that. Yeah, let's talk about how hard you want me to blow you tonight. How hard? How many times? Yeah, not how you I'm saying something sexier than that that was not so I say I Lines Brian not good either. Yeah, the only one I can remember 20 fun You could do that or just not have the conversation.

Just if you don't ask, then they won't ask. And vice versa, hopefully. Right. Don't break the seal. Don't break the seal. It doesn't help. Okay. Thank you for that.

I'm glad we're on the same page here. But let's give a little shout out to our sponsors who we love and adore and support. You know, I only work with people that I actually like their products, what they do, how they can help you. So thank you for supporting them. And then we're going to answer some e-bails. We're back. only work with people that I actually like their products, what they do, how they can help you. So thank you for supporting them. And then we're going to answer some e-bals. We're back.

Okay, guys, turn your volume down for the next minute. I need to tell the lady something. Go ahead, trust me. It's for your own good. All right, ladies, it's just us now. I have news for you. Your guy loves to masturbate. Hey, it's natural, healthy, it's just us now. I have news for you. Your guy loves to masturbate. Hey, it's natural, healthy, and necessary.

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flashlight banner right now. Okay, let's move on to some emails. Thank you everybody for emailing me. Feedback at sexwithanley.com. I love hearing from you and I love when you include your name or age where you're listening and how you listen. I know it's a lot to ask for, but it's really not name age. Relicim, but what I also can tell you is that you can leave me a voice-on message now and we're gonna play it on the show. How cool is that? Eight-win-eight, ask SWE1 that's eight-win-eight, ask SWE1 or eight-win-eight, 275, seven-nine, three-one all on the website. Check that out. Okay, also on the website is also my shopping a kingo shop. I have a store Nice. You don't have to shop by yourself. You can crack a bottle of wine sit down

on the top of your own home and shop with them and she'll walk you through everything true That's what we do. Okay, dear Emily I just started listening to your podcast and I've instantly become obsessed I started to become interested in sex and masturbation at a very young age and to become more and more sexually driven as I've gotten older. My sex life has become a very important part of me because I have a very high sexual energy, but I have a hard time finding people who share the same intensity about it as I do. I always become the one who is obsessed with sex or needs it all the time.

I have been dating a guy for several months and the sex has been great so far. At the beginning of the relationship we would just jump each other every chance we got. However, recently the sex has become less and less frequent. I'm scared to tell him that I want it more because I really enjoy spending time with him and enjoy him as a person. I don't want to seem like a sex addict as I've been called in the past. Am I really too obsessed with having sex? How do I approach a situation without scaring my boyfriend away? Thanks so much for reading, sincerely, carry age 22. I mean, what I gotta say to this, then most people email me must be sex addicts.

If you're labeling your desire for more sex in your part of this way, because guess what? A lot of couples have mismatched libidos and they don't always want sex, the same frequency. So just drop this label, you are not a sex addict, you desire, I don't think you're a sex addict. I didn't talk about that. But I don't think you are, you're a desire, sex,

just healthy. I mean, I just think that people are so surprised that the sex they were having at the beginning of the relationship doesn't remain the same throughout, which I talk about all the time in the show. It's the honeymoon phase, which's the whole thing, right? But also there's this. I don't hear many people talking about it.

Some people's honeymoon phases might be longer than others. Right. So I think the standard is probably right around three months, but some people maybe it's six months. Six months. And maybe some people it's shorter. But the fact that she's a lady and he's a guy, is it wrong for me to think that maybe there is an issue here? Yeah, it is wrong for me to stink them? Maybe there is an issue here.

Yeah, it is wrong for you to think. Probably a 20. No, because that's a myth. This is a myth that we are raised with that men want sex all the time. And women don't. It's not true though. There's been plenty, I'm telling you,

I believe that when I started my show because I had heard that my whole life. And then I realized, soon, few months in, that I got more calls and more emails actually from women saying that they want a more sex to their partner. And I thought, soon, a few months in, that I got more calls and more emails actually from women saying that they want a more sex to the partner. And I thought, is this really just what I'm, the people emailing me and the more and more I move through

my life, everybody talked to women and I hear it all the time both ways. So it is not true that young woman wanting more sex and a partner means anything other than she wants more sex and the guy she's currently dating. I'm not gonna get hung up on it, but but I please don't get hung up on it. Well, I mean, I could point to your assistant Madison. What?

She like throws a flashlight at her boyfriend every now and again, I don't think he's ever throwing like a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a Vice versa. That means that's just, it's a common dynamic. It's a common dynamic. Yeah, it is a common dynamic in relation. I just think that men do tend to want to spread the seed a little bit more than women want to try and get impregnated, which is on the very base level. Yeah, very base level.

But I'm telling you, that is not true, actually. OK. So yeah, the spreading the seed thing, whatever, but it's very different than the freak with the desire for sex. Right. So, I think the fact that she's been shamed, what'd you say? Is it as a form of connection? Yeah, as a form of connection.

Yeah, like they want to connect, you know, it seems like, you know, that you want maybe it's more of the intimacy and maybe he's not giving it to you, but, you know, I think that also, Carrie, you've been shamed in the past, so it makes sense that you're carrying this anxiety around, but there's nothing wrong with you. I mean, there's really not. So, how you can talk about it is, you sense that you're carrying this anxiety around, but there's nothing wrong with you. I mean, there's really not. So how you can talk about it is, you know, you can just say something like,

since we've been together, I've noticed that, you know, I feel like I wanna have sex more often than you do. Have you noticed this too? You know, what do you think? Like, I know at the beginning, we're having more, which is very typical, so let's talk about it. Like, what is the right thing? Sometimes couples have to negotiate,

maybe he's like, well, I only want sex in the morning. And you leave for work really early. So then you're like, okay, well, once a week we'll have sex in the morning and then we'll have sex these other times because couples need to have the language. They have to be comfortable and confident and need that language to talk about sex with each other

because it's gonna be great practice for you. Like what a great way for you to open up and start talking about sex. So I'm glad that you're starting to really talk about these things. And you'll find out, he would be like, well, I don't want it. And if he labels you as like a sex out of it or something, then you know, you gotta get out. He's not right for you.

He's not your dude. But also, let me tell you this, I think most every guy has an on switch or something that chances are, and I'm not trying to be a massage minister when I say if you were to drop your knees or or or go down on him or just spontaneously Find that maybe it's there's something on his neck or maybe there's like an earlobe or so There's he's definitely got an on switch that you could you don't have to ask for it I would think that you'd be able to just go to that spot and get him going whether he without even talking about it Just like if you're on the couch you have that afternoon instead of watching the

whether he without even talking about it, just like if you're on the couch, you have that afternoon, instead of watching the people's court, you find his on switch, and then next to you know, you're gonna be banging. Most guys they have an on switch, and I think they're on switch. It's probably bigger and easier to find the most girls. Do you think that I got something there?

You're talking about like a random active blowjob. Or even just a kid on the neck. Like a rogginous area on his body. I think she should be able to find that. Right, yeah, maybe don't even talk about it, because I don't even know if she's been on his body. She, I think she should be able to find that. Right. Yeah. Maybe don't even talk about it, because I don't even know if she's been sure.

Let's see. Did she say that he shut her down or she just thinks she wants it? She feels like she wants it more than just. Yeah. You're worried because in the past your guy judged you, but she's scared to tell him. Um, and it kind of becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy where like if you're pressuring, pressuring, pressuring, and then once your

partner thinks of it as a chore or something that he or she needs to do, it's not going to, it's game over almost. Unless I think you do it without even saying it. No, that's actually a good point. You don't even know Carrie that he, maybe he just sometimes I think it's a lot of work for guys because there is that thing that guys got to initiate. And maybe he's not initiating. If you, if you like, like, is your lobe, perhaps if that's his

arid just done that works for him that made it. Find his on. Find his on switch. And also just be going back to level and again, anyone who says that there's a sexual person, I don't know. It always makes my eyebrows kind of raise a little bit like where you're such a person. I was never.

I was never. And she was very young. So I'm thinking most women have maybe there is a little bit of self-southening going on there and possibly just take a look. Take a look if you're running from anything or replacing sex to fill a hole that might be an issue. We all might do that different times. Okay.

Look at that too. But find his on switch. I would do that. Rather than say let's say. She's very scared that the judgment's going to come. So maybe if you just start making the move, maybe he is always initiating. So maybe she's afraid to initiate. And so I would, yeah, that's not bad. Think about it. Yeah, guys have to think about the initiation a lot.

Because guys are pretty easy to turn on. I want you to turn them on. They're not going to turn off until they're done. Yeah. So true that. Okay. That's all good stuff. Care. Let me know how it goes. And take this label. This is a label that you're carrying out. It's time for it to be buried and dead. We carry these things forever. And that's someone tells you to kill them. It's dead. Kill that label. Alright, hey Emily, my girlfriend and I have come to the realization that for two and

a half years our relationship is failing and we decided that in order to save our friendship we would end it before our gets worse. We have two months left in our lease for our apartment and neither of us wants to break the lease so I was wondering what you advice would be for living with the next so we can co-exist for the last two months. Jose H21 lost Angela. Jose. Jose. Trying to finish up these last two months with like dignity respect and don't bring other checks in the apartment. Like she's she'll become your family. You love her. Oh, she goes for her too. But he's he's the one emailing. Neither one of you

should you know leave on a bad note. It's like when you leave a job. You know, you don't wanna steal all the office supplies and tell your boss to fuck off. You just don't even do that. That sounds like they wanna be amicable and remain friends. So you got that motivation right there to be respectful of one another. And you should probably verbalize it to one another.

Have it sit down, have a talk. Has to boundaries. Let's come up with some boundaries and some rules for these 60 days that we have left by the time you hear this probably less than that. Right. You'll be fine. You'll move through it and just try to make it, you know, make it as peaceful as you can. Maybe it's a good time to take a class or do the things you have been wanting to do outside the house, but you don't have to sit on the couch all

time watch TV. You don't let you do that. But. And there's a good chance that, you know, too much, you guys are young, right? They're young. The chances are you're going to see her getting gusty and up and ready to go out with another guy. Maybe you're not ready for that. And that could be really, really brutal. So hopefully she won't do that to you. Hopefully you don't do that to her. I mean, it's one thing bringing somebody home, but also just getting ready to go out. I've been in that situation where like, you know, I was like, you were living with an ex not living, but I was still around an ex because I think it's a mistake to say let's be friends, especially a friend's right away. You need at least

six months to a year until I'm never. And I'd be around and I'd see them getting ready and I'd know that they were going on a date without even asking. I just know and I'd feel sick and I'd be, aw, I'm just wondering what is it? Right, still. Yeah, still, you know when you end it,

you're like, but I end of it, do I want this person back? And I can see a tit for TAC going on here where she does it and then he does it and he's just going to the gym but he's getting me and making it look like he's going on on a doubt, just be careful. This is tough. This is tough. Yeah, try to lay it lay on this and just be a good person. Just be kind. Be respectful.

You'll get through it. Okay, hi Emily. My name is Kim. I'm 20 years old. I have a beautiful 14-week-old baby and an amazing boyfriend. After I had the baby, I struggled with my sexual confidence. I used to be up for sex 98% of the time. But since having a baby, I can't even have sex with a light on or during the day. And although my boyfriend is really supportive, I know he'd prefer to have it the way it was before. What can I do to get my body confidence up? Thanks Kim H20, the UK.

Crossfit. She can't go to the crossfit. She can't do, she can't get shit. We're looking at a baby. It was 14 weeks ago. It's gonna take no. The gym, honey. Take the cross. She can't do. She said, I was 14 weeks ago. She's got to take the gym, honey. Three, take the pressure off yourself first of all. Three and a half months is so early in the new mom

slash baby game. The doctors say, like, yeah, maybe like at six weeks or whatever, they say, like, you're Regina might be more healed or 12 weeks, but for a lot of women. The rest of your body has been through so much. I want you. My wife goes for pregnancy right now.

She's almost at the nine month mark. And you know, I've seen her just go through how creating the human being with your body is a lot. Oh my God. What she's got on her side though is a very caring, understanding boyfriend. It sounds like and father to her, her child. So as long as he's going to be there and wait,

he will wait for her. It's a matter of her getting back on. Exactly. On top. Right. I mean, she will wait for her. It's a matter of her getting back on. Exactly. On top. Right. I mean, maybe literally, exactly. I mean, there's a lot going to have the hormones that are raging.

She's dealing, yeah, you're dealing with changes in your body, lack of sleep, stress levels. Changing. All going to do it. Changing day, if you're not going to feel like you want sex, you're probably exhausted. So what you might want to do is look for intimacy in your relationship rather than intercourse right now Now this could mean like you guys are just like, you know sitting on the couch together

And you don't have to have penetrative sex you could like, you know do a little oral action Intimacy is important. No, I'm not kidding like oral could be good or get my hand job You know who knows but the simple act of just touching each other can enhance your mood and bond you again Because I think a lot of couples associate like, well, if we start touching, then I he's going to want sex and so maybe you're withholding in that way, but maybe just to starting back like, you know what I'm not ready for, but let's just start some like cuddling and touching and kissing because that really does add to it. Like it's it's true that it can enhance your mood and masturbation.

Also important, I know it's probably the last thing that you feel like doing right now. And I know you're not feeling comfortable in your body, but it'll help. Even if you just start like maybe reading some erotic or watching something that turns you on, you might start to feel in the mood again. Cag-gal exercises are so important for new moms. I can't emphasize this enough that I believe well, she's in the UK. I don't know if this is the the the laws there, but are the that I believe well she's in the UK. I don't know if this is the laws there, but the Kegels are really awesome. No, they're legal everywhere, but in France, when you leave part of the post-natal care,

so they like do your head up, they hook you up. They're like, if you kegaballs, they'll do whatever that don't fall your vagina, they might, but you gotta do them because that not only will it tighten your vagina back again, but it also, it helps you build these muscles that have become an atrophy. I know you're gonna, every time I say that, you're gonna think about my kegab it also helps you build these muscles that have become a hatter for you.

I know you're gonna, every time I say that, you're gonna think about my kegabal. No, I'm thinking about something else. But it's like, it just helps you, because you're squeezing your pelvic floor where all your sexual energy is, and I can't tell you just by doing them for like a few weeks, you'll start to feel that blood flowing there,

because someone like that part of your body's like, out of business right now. And then by breathing into it and doing these kegels, I promise you it will help you. How long does it usually take? I'm sure there's an average out there for lovely ladies after they give birth. I'd say for most people,

I think it's about six months. I think three to six months, right? Three to six months for sure. And then even then, like I've a friend who had a baby and she was saying, you know what, they'd sex for the first time or second time after six months, maybe the first time was too painful. And she said said it was like really she said we were both really nervous

Yeah, they've been together like 15 years, like but I was nervous because you have it So there is some build up and for anyone to you know, I know a lot of new moms put pressure on themselves I just it's natural too is biology telling you not to get pregnant again It's biology saying you we're not ready to create another human being right now. So we're going to shut down the old sex for a bit here. Right. So you don't have kids one on top of the other. So you're overcoming actual primitive biological instincts as well.

Right. That's true. You're all fine. I think these messages that we see, like, you know, the celebrities, the trainers who are like back out there in three months. And their bodies are crazy. It's upsetting. And it does weigh more on than good. It weighs more than we don't want. Stop showing off, their settings, it does weigh more harm than good. It weigh more than that.

Stop showing off. We get it. You don't have to work and you got to fucking nanny the ticscare of the kids. You can go with your attractive crossfit trainer who's going to like you know walk you through everything eight hours a day. Right. So you could post and brag. Stop it.

Hey, they got mouthcagles. What? A kegles for the mouth. Why? I just picture like a guy like having a girlfriend who talks a lot And then he talked during to do a mouthcagles so she'd Never mouth and yeah You should event that

For guys with talking talkies ladies, but yeah I don't even say that because I know that I talk way too much and I had to try to have not talking about you Yeah, you got it. Not that I talk way too much. I loved it. I talked. I did have a boyfriend who wasn't okay with it. He tried to implement rules and he was like, let's not talk past eight o'clock a night before eight o'clock. You need an event of mouthcage. Oh, you should have done that the mouth Kaggle. Yeah, here you go. A mouthguard. You put it like a ball. You put your mouth and clamp down on it for 20 minutes. There you go. And muzzle with the thing. No. I'm gonna watch my sports 20 minutes. Oh, Jesus. That's the worst idea ever. No, I'm gonna watch my sports 20 minutes. Oh Jesus. That's the worst idea ever

Really all right, it's beautiful. Next you hi Emily and the whole SW team I'm a huge fan. I've been listening to your podcast for over a year now I recently read Lori's article the Virgin Diaries since I'm a 31 year old virgin It was only this past week that I actually did stuff with a girl for the first time making out for a play oral And I did a pretty good job for not having any previous experience since I made her come twice. Wow. Good job. Good.

Do you think that you're thinking of her change, though? You think you might have been. No, because Lori wrote a really good article and she probably said, do not dig for change. Don't for dig for change something. This sentence wasn't necessary, but I wanted to let you know since I picked up these tips from your podcast. He picked up how not dig for change. She came twice. I was really enjoying myself since I picked up these tips from your podcast. He picked up how not to dig for change. She came twice.

I was really enjoying myself since I've never had any previous experience, but when it came time to actually have sex, I found that I couldn't get hurt. Is this common? Is there a way that I can fix this? I'm pretty sure it has to do with my anxiety about not having a head sex before. We ended up not having sex at night. She was really cool in understanding. She even said we could try again some other time. I'm just worried

that the next time comes I won't be able to perform. I'm taking steps to remedy this, not masturbating or watching porn. I'm using your kegel camp app. I'm exercising more, but I don't want it to support her the next time and the thought of not being able to perform again has been running through my head. What should I do? I'm looking for help. Signed the dormant time and the thought of not being pulled up before again has been running through my head what should I do? I'm looking for help signed the dormant virgin and the ps here again Thank you Emily menace Anderson Madison Laurie Jamie Churro Stanley and the rest of the game for all the hard work you do He mentions your dog menaces dog That's sweet. He pays attention. Dormant Virgin.

Eddie, Eddie, Eddie. He doesn't know Eddie yet, but you would have thanked Eddie because Eddie's awesome. Eddie's here too. So first off, I gotta say, Kudos to Dormant Virgin, DV, got her off twice. Yeah, he's the awakening version. No, he's a winner in my book.

Yeah, he's no longer Dormant, sounds like. He's getting a little stung. And we got that bank check where she's like down to give it another shot. Yeah, I would too. If a guy got off twice. I really I'm care that you whatever. I was still one care I believe he probably She had a baby wife maybe half a time. Yeah Don't fuck him up. No, you probably got it off twice. Okay, so here's a thing I think a lot of this well all of it probably is in your head and it makes a sense

This is happening. It's totally normal a lot of guys experience anx, all of it probably is in your head. And it makes a sense that this is happening. It's totally normal. A lot of guys experience anxieties the first time, the 10th time, the 20th time. They either come too early. They have trouble maintaining erection. They can't orgasm at all. And I love that you do everything right. I mean, you focused on your partner.

And so now we just need to focus on you. And maybe you could have used for-play yourself because maybe you were so focused on getting her off that I'm sure your erection probably probably maybe you weren't even that turned on Maybe you got a little turned on. I don't know what happened, but next time I mean we can't I wasn't there But your heart's pounding so fast and you're so excited Especially if you got 30 years, you know history of this not happened. It's finally gonna happen and Blood is at a premium and you need a lot of blood down there in that zone to make it happen.

And it makes sense that your blood is going all sorts of places. Exactly. So you gotta overcome this. Got overcome it. You gotta drink it up and be prepared and loose. Right, and don't, I mean, I think I said, You said right, I said drink.

No, I didn't even say that, sorry. Cause I was focused on something else. Yes. Whoa, whoa, whoa, you focused on it. Don't drink, well, I was gonna say, if you were drinking or taking drugs, that probably wouldn't help. No, probably, probably, might not help. Maybe a glass of wine. I love that say if you were drinking or taking drugs I probably wouldn't help. No, probably it probably might not help

Maybe a glass of wine. I love that he's doing kegels and I love these repairing himself But I would say I don't think that you need to like stop masturbating Yeah, you don't want to hurt this girl if you do actually pull it off Like there's that thing hard to see in the first time Scary movie where like the version has sex and she's on top and he blows an aphorist to like the ceiling Yeah, he could actually hurt this woman if he doesn't come at all. Kagelene and no, when he does, when he's finally finished, he's cuddling and shoots across the room. It's gonna be like a fire hydrant.

Sure. You gotta be careful. You gotta be careful, buddy. I think you're fine and um and he's obsessing. Do you hear his obsessing? I'm sure. Yeah. Well, I just felt some filling prophecy earlier. Right. This is definitely right for that. First time, it's fine. You know, second time, it's fine. You're fine. Okay. He should be using a condom, obviously, right?

Yes. Okay. So that's a more or hope he is. D.V. This is very good advice. Advice that I wish that I got when I was a young and I don't know how to young, but you're, you're still kind of an experience, obviously. And mastermate with that condom, practice with the condom, put the condom on and

use it by yourself and come for your own home. So you're, it's like, you know, learning to like condom practice with the condom put the condom on and use it by yourself and comfort to your own home So you're it's like you're learning to like football players sleep with the football They go to sleep with the football you're comfortable with your equipment what you're using and you got to do that without her In the room with you so that you're very comfortable and you know how it all works Also if you can instead of stop masturbating Why don't you just master it with a condom which we're recovered and only masturbate to the idea of her. Only think about her. That's a good idea.

So that's like, that vision that athletes also do, whether they envisioned shooting free throws. Yeah. And then when it happens, you should be like, oh, this is like my fantasy. I've already kind of been down this road. I got the muscle memory with the condom. And hopefully that'll, that's some good advice there. That's some strong advice. I would not not master it because also you can definitely become dormant If like you shut it off

It's like a hard drive on your computer if you let it like sit and you don't warm it up. It crashes If you stop masturbating altogether, you might go back to dormant. So exactly. That's a really good point I appreciate that because you have a penis. Good luck. You know the penis is an always-to-have. It's tough, but the more I think that's such a good point, I always have to redirect your thoughts. So if you find yourself obsessing, you know what you do, you get the second, I want you

to train yourself. If you sit obsessing that you're going to come and start thinking about her and her face and how it felt to go. Because it's a good chance he's going to get in the same situation and then he's going to start thinking about, oh God, it's not going to work. And once you start thinking, oh God, it's not going to work. It's like the same situation and then he's gonna start thinking about oh god It's not gonna work and once you start thinking oh god, it's not gonna work It's like the same thing where like you know you start thinking about your grandma or something like that You get especially for your OCD or if you've done any medication. That's another thing if you're on medication

This might be a whole whole issue if you're on OBO eats or something. Yeah, well, I hope we yeah Hopefully he's not I think you would have told he probably listen He knows your dog's name. He listens maybe you should add add that maybe should add that you give me your age your sex No, or if you take any pills or anything. Yeah, that's a good one. We could add that love like 16 questions answered before they send me the email Good luck dormant good luck, D.V. You're doing fine Okay, another email. Yeah, we forgot about that. Hi Emily. I love the show listening has improved myself confidence sexually with my partners But also in talking with friends and being able to express myself without feeling shy or embarrassed I was recently dating a 29 year old that I really liked a lot. I don't have much dating experience

In fact, I was a virgin before I met him our relationship was special to me because it was my first year relationship Although it only lasted three months our feelings developed quickly for each other, but they were also quick to fade away toward the end. We recently ended things because I found out he was still in the dating app we met on, and even though he told me he had deleted it a while ago, I was really hurt over it when I found out, but my feelings for him had been fading,

so it wasn't terribly difficult to get over him. I'm finding myself really wanting to have sex with him again since we broke up over text and never got a chance to break up sex. For some reason, it really turns me on to think about having sex with him with no strings attached, take a control of the situation in a way, I don't see myself getting feelings involved since he did me dirty and I want to date him again,

that no, no. Brooke, age 22, Irvine, no, brook age 22 or vine calendar. Honey, you got out easy. Yeah, really check here. Yeah. You, hey, there's no such thing as break up. It's called makeup sex. That's when you get back together. Yes. Which you're not going to do with this guy because he doesn't deserve it. You're making up kinds of sex and you shouldn't do it. You're 22 years old. This is your first sexual encounter and your first relationship with sex and you got out without it. You're 22 years old. This is your first sexual encounter and your first relationship with sex

and you got out without any kind of hurt feelings. You're not lucky, you are. You know, head of the curve, you are. Don't fuck it up by going back. Exactly. You do not even, I'm sorry he hurt you. I'm sorry he's still in the dating app, but like the further away you can get,

you know, from this guy I understand. And I know that you're upset and you think you're over, you're saying you're over, but it sounds like she wants a little revenge. It sounds like she broke up with him on tag. First of all, I understand. And I know that you're upset and you think you're over, you're saying you're over, but it sounds like she wants a little revenge next. It sounds like she broke up with him on tag. First of all, I don't understand who anyone, he break up on texts. I mean, she's right, there isn't any closure there.

It's like enclosure, but you don't need, you don't need closure. I'm gonna close it for you. He cheated on you. Oh, he was trying to cheat on you. Whatever, he's not being faithful to the community. You know, you probably weren't the only one all long. I hate to say it, Brooke, but don't look back.

This guy's only gonna fuck it. Don't look back. You're not going that way. You can give him some closure. Blosure. That's bad too. Don't do any of that stuff. No, you need to cut all ties and you need to completely move on from the situation. What you're probably hot because your name's Brooke. That's a hot name.

Do you, Dr. Drew tell you that too? Drew told me very situation. Unless you're probably hot, because your name's Brooke. That's a hot name. Dr. Drew, tell you that too. Drew told me very few things. Every now and again, I'll do a dance. I'll go with that. I'll go with that. I'll go with that. I'll go with that.

I'll go with that. I'll go with that. I'll go with that. I'll go with that. I'll go with that. I'll go with that. I'll go with that. I'll go with that.

I'll go with that. I'll go with that. I'll go with that. I'll go with that. I'll go with that. I'll go and you're gonna have sex, it's gonna mess you up again. Because I've done this. I've thought, oh, I can have sex, and it's gonna be a job. She's 22, she doesn't know much. Probably.

She doesn't know about this. She needs to know this, bro, you need to know this. You got out easy, most first experiences are horrific, and they always remember them. That's why I went out of my way, not to beat people's first, that sounds awful, but it's true. Like I would find out that I'd grow up as dating

when it's a virgin and I would like run for the hills because I didn't want to be the first because they're almost always bad. They're almost always bad memories regrets. I didn't want to be anyone's regret or bad memory and sounds like you got out. Sounds like you got out without hurt feelings. Brooke, feel good by yourself.

Know that you came out ahead and move on. Yeah, time to move on. There'll be plenty of good guys out there. I promise you came out ahead and move on time move on They'll be plenty good guys out there and promise you plenty of things will turn you on just as much as banging this guy Exactly, there's other guys to go. Yeah, he doesn't deserve you. No, right? He doesn't know no, no He did not under the commitment or whatever it is that you guys had so that's all we got time for Is it yeah, how are you? Did anything else you want to add? Can you tell us about your movie and people can find you, your podcasts and all the accessories that I've been using in this world?

Yeah, I'm launching my campaign real soon. We're going to have some fun perks and rewards and all that stuff. There's so much worth that goes into it. I've been working my ass off every day just leading up to the campaign. But I'll be trying to raise a pretty decent chunk of change to make my first feature. And if you'd like to be in the know, I'm just looking for emails to help organize so I can send people. Anderson's a good film,

I've got a bunch of awards. I was up for Best Director just recently. I'm actually one of my shortest plan in Catalina. Oh my God. I think this week. I can't even. I had a really bad weekend there with the guy once, but fun.

Yeah, no, Catalina's fun though. I actually submitted to it because it's a really good festival. I was like, oh, this will be a great excuse to go back to Catalina because those of us who live in LA, like we never go to Catalina. I know. know it's right there. I want to go in and I was all cool I'm in but the wife's super pregnant. There's no way I'm going to Catalina To be like American if he was born over there. I can't do that. I can't do it There's no hospitals probably anyways the website is a groupers the movie.com groupers the movie.com

And then of course I have my film podcast cinematics and the film vault and the afters asterisk. You could just spend your whole life. You should come on the afters asterisk. I don't know you'd guess. I would love it. We do it at the improv, not on stage as often as not. I would love to. We do it in the green room or on the roof of the improv. Come on. I've talked about it many times that we should have you on the on the afters asterisk. Do I want to. I would love that. We come up with ideas. You know that should have you on the on the the aftersaster come on down. I would come up with all we come up with ideas you know that. Yeah, you've never been on the aftersaster. No, absurd.

It's upsetting. You know, you'd guess of the aftersaster. Now I'm insults. Whatever I want to roll by. Now I'm insults. We had Joseph Gordon Levin on the aftersaster kind of like he wanted to come into the room and I waved goodbye instead of waved him in and he kind of just stood there defeated.

And he said, all right, bye. So he was technically on the show do but I waved them off because I'm an ass But I asked well wave me in yeah It's you recorded them. It's right in my house. I know we do it on the roof of the I love it I've never been allowed on the route. Let's do it. Let's do it. Yeah, okay I'm excited okay, so everyone check out Anderson Anderson and thank you everyone for listening and supporting this dragon out He's sexy and thank you everybody on my team. Thank you Madison and Lori and Jamie and Eddie and All the amazing people here sure oh, it's Stanley Groupers the movie calm. Yeah, so what else I guess it's all see you all in New York. Yeah, thank you so much for listening Was it good for you email me me feedback at sexwithamely.com. corner. And this time it's taking place in one of my favorite spots on our New York. I'm so honored to once again be hosting this one-of-a-kind event. Like

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